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notanotherinfjblog · 3 years

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The types as strangers I wish I had known (version 4)

Previous versions: One, two, three

INTJ: She was the first person to show me kindness in a new place. Moving across the country all alone in the middle of a pandemic is not exactly the ideal start of your first real job. So she took it all on herself to take me by the hand, to organise all the things that I had no clue about. She gave me a little tour around the workplace, recommended me places to eat once the pandemic is over, asked me about how I was settling in, remembered little things I mentioned. She was the only person not working from home when I first arrived and so it was just the two of us. She was quiet and reserved as most people here seem to be, and she was awkward in every way when interacting with me. But she tried so hard and maybe it’s just me projecting, but she said her son was in the very same situation as me right now, and it felt like she tried to help me in the way she couldn’t help her son, like she wanted to take me under her wing, but not make it awkward, and then actually making it slightly awkward in doing so. Her heart just felt warm and so did mine when I said thank you.

ENTJ: Everyone knows the classic character of a self-righteous doctor in a hospital show. You know that one. The one that everyone thinks may be hard-working and clever, but heartless and uncaring and egocentric, but a few episodes down the line you start to see that there is more going on underneath the rude attitude. I’ve always believed this to be a stereotypical depiction that is more of a caricature until I met her. She was a doctor at a hospital I stayed in, and damn, she was just like that. She stormed into the rooms, rolled her eyes at a patient whose German was bad, even though she had a thick accent herself, couldn’t be bothered to commit to polite standards of communication like saying hello or thanks, and she didn’t care to wait for just a second when a nurse was in her way and pushed her aside instead. Especially two young nurses were exasperated with her and complained about her as soon as she stormed out of the room. They really made me feel like I had gotten myself into a hospital show as a patient, it was fantastic. And I have to say, even though this young doctor had all of these flaws, she was the only one that actually talked to the patients and explained what was going on, hell she even talked to that woman’s daughter on the phone for a few minutes because the woman didn’t understand the language. Just like on tv, she may have been rude, but at least she seemed like a good doctor.

INTP: My university department held a conference and I was responsible for making sure that all these professors and PhD students didn’t die from their coffee cravings, so I spent most of my time running around with giant coffee cans. And I have to admit, among all the scientists that were roaming the halls, I couldn’t help but stare at him. He was a PhD student from the Netherlands and there was just something about him that did not fit in. You know how professors are often a bit eccentric or strange by normal standards (which explains why we had to explain to an unspeakable amount of them how a coffee can works), so you’d imagine he’d fit right in. But he didn’t. He was his own universe. While everyone was networking, he was studying the research posters in silence. Not because he was too shy, he seemed very comfortable in his own skin. He just didn’t seem to care all that much about other people. I got to listen to a few talks and as he sat in front of me, I saw him play a video game. At an international conference. With professors and colleagues sitting behind him. And he still managed to ask intelligent questions about the talk afterwards. No idea how. Part of me wished I could have talked to him, not because he was cute though he was, but rather because I really could not tell you what kind of person he was. Was he a good person? A bad one? Probably something in-between. But I don’t think my opinion would have fazed him all that much, since to me, he seemed like the kind of person that valued his own opinion on himself the most, and I think that’s a good thing that he’s got there.

ENTP: I had just moved to a different city in a completely different part of the country, and I had just gotten back from my first walk around town. Sounds exciting, but I got back to this unfamiliar flat that I was supposed to call home now and I was panicking. So I stepped out on the balcony hoping the cold air and the stars above could calm my nerves. But it wasn‘t them that did. I stood there in the dark and saw an elderly couple in the parking lot. The woman was in a very similar mental state as me. She was running around their car and was talking about all the things they still had to take care of and things they‘d need, but had forgotten, and her voice got higher and shakier with every word. And then her husband just went and hugged her. She kissed him goodbye three times and every time she did, he let out a little laugh, calm and gentle. He pat her on the back and said that everything was going to be okay, that they would see each other again tomorrow. She kissed him goodbye one last time before she drove away, and I stood there alone in the dark and thanked the universe that I was there at the right time to hear this old man‘s words. For some reason he always seems to appear every time I‘m feeling low and strikes up a little chat with me. And every time he leaves, I have already forgotten what I was sad about.

INFJ: I think everyone pursuing an academic career has this one hero, this one scientist that lit the spark in their heart to dedicate their life to science just like them. I know I have one. So when I started an internship at his lab with one of his colleagues, I didn‘t really expect to meet him. I had seen him around once in a while, yes, but who was I to approach a stranger to tell him what his work meant to me? But then came the plenary meeting that was meant to get more people of the lab to get to know one another - and he approached me. He sat down next to me, asked me about my academic past and future, asked about my current project with his colleague. And I still can‘t believe it. Only a little girl singing in the church choir who is suddenly approached by Beyoncé can hope to imagine what it felt like. He was an internationally renowned scientist, he would have had every reason to look down on the rest of us. Many of them certainly do. But here he was, talking to a little intern from abroad. He was such a genuinely nice person, was sweet and slightly awkward, he even mirrored my weird head nodding that I always do when all the words have left me. He felt like a kindred spirit. I didn‘t tell him what these few minutes talking to him meant to me though part of me wishes that I did, yet still he invited me to the meetings of his research team even though I was not a part of it. And when I came and sat down, he turned around, smiled at me and turned away again, and I can‘t tell you how insane it feels that all of this actually happened.

ENFJ: I’ve written about him before and I will write about him forever. I remember the day our eyes first met in that crowded school corridor almost half of my life ago. I don’t know why neither of us could look away that day, why neither of us could ever look away again from this day on. Somehow our eyes always found each other. I remember the snowy day at the train station so many years later, how he stood there alone in the cold and how he slowly walked towards me, his eyes glued to his feet that abruptly stopped right next to mine. And yet he stayed silent. As did I. So we stood there for an hour waiting for our train, quickly averting our eyes every time they came close to meeting. I remember him looking back at me over his shoulder once we got off the train. He seemed quite flustered that I was about to find out that he had parked his car right next to mine and so he fled. Both of us kept parking our cars next to each other, even when we didn’t see each other for months. But I could never follow him out. He was my own personal mystery. I spent countless nights staring at the ceiling wondering what it was, this strange thing that was going on between us, this little secret that we shared, and I wondered who he really was inside, not who he pretended to be in front of his friends. He was like an island in their midst, always a bit detached, always tucked away behind a smile. Soon twelve years will have passed and still we’ve never spoken a word, but somehow these dark brown eyes still feel more familiar than my own, these eyes that always seemed to look right into my soul. I could have stared at them my whole life. I honestly have no idea what it is that is tying me to him, what it is that I felt back then and what I’m feeling right now. Maybe I’ll never know. I haven’t seen him in three years, but I know our paths will cross again some day. I can feel it in my bones. This story is not over yet. Maybe then we’ll finally be ready to meet properly. Maybe then we’ll finally be able to speak.

INFP: I happened to stand at the window when I saw the new postman approach our letterbox, and so I watched him throw letters and magazines inside - and stop. He moved his head closer to the box and a frown appeared on his face. He backed off, wanted to leave, came back again and didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to do. So he rang the doorbell. As I opened the door, there he was, shy and with slight panic in his eyes. “I’m so sorry”, he said. “There is a sign on your letterbox that you don’t want advertisements, but I saw that too late and I had already thrown it in. I’m terribly sorry. I can’t get it out of the box and so I thought, I should ask if that’s alright.” And my heart just went awwww, that’s adorable. I smiled at him and told him that it was absolutely fine. He seemed so relieved. So he went away and I closed the door.

ENFP: This is for the man with the kind, but heartbreakingly sad eyes who sometimes sits in front of the train station silently begging for money. This is for the grandparents who spent their train ride trying to teach their little grandchildren the numbers from one to five. This is for the old woman who always kneels down in the middle of the train station with her forehead pressed to the ground, keeping still for hours, enduring the devastation of thousands of people passing by without stopping. This is for the woman who knelt down next to a homeless man, who took his hand and asked how she could help him. This is for the man who made faces at the little boy sitting next to him on the train to make him laugh. This is for the anger I felt when I saw the distraught face of a 10-year-old boy coming out of the movie „1917“ at the cinema with his father. This is for the happy little puppy who lives next to the bakery where I usually grab my lunch. This is for the twenty people who decided to all speak a foreign language during a meeting with each other just because I was there too, a total stranger they had never even seen before who is bad at their native language. This is for the creep that asked me in the middle of the street at night to accompany him. This is for the two teenagers who went to buy sandwiches and coffee for a homeless woman. This is for the families I often see sitting at the train stations, sometimes with a baby in their arms, holding a sign saying „Syrian family. We are hungry, help us please.“ This is for the man who yelled at his girlfriend because she gave them some money. This is for the people who play music during everyone‘s morning commute on the train. This is for all the people who approached me speaking in French and started to laugh when I apologised for not being very good at it. This is for Paris, in all its beauty and all its ugliness. This is for humanity, in all its beauty and ugliness.

ISTJ: He was sitting alone on the train, looking out of the window while listening to something with headphones. He was a tall guy in his mid-20s, one with a full beard, long brown hair in a neat ponytail, and a t-shirt of some rock band that I had never heard of. So, I was sitting there, three meters away, minding my own business, when I suddenly heard a giggle. The entire car of the train had been quiet all this time as it usually is, so I looked up and saw this guy trying to contain his laughter. He pressed the lips together, scratched his nose in order to inconspicuously cover his mouth. I don’t know where this sudden burst of laughter came from. Maybe he was listening to an audio book and reached a funny part. Maybe he was listening to a voice message of a funny friend. Maybe he just had a very amusing thought, I don’t know. But I’ve always had a soft spot for people who randomly start laughing in public and get embarrassed about it cause it’s always, always adorable.

ESTJ: She was a PhD student at my university and she was the one who mainly organised the conference that the above mentioned INTP was attending, too. And even though she didn‘t get tired of complaining about how much work this all was, how typical it was of her boss to volunteer to hold the conference at our university and then not lifting a single finger, she was like a fish in the water, not out of it. She observed everything and everyone, immediately recognised little problems or things that could become a problem, she was constantly running around checking everything, and she kept so many things in mind, it was impressive. One of the attendees sat in a wheelchair and as soon as she noticed, she made us rebuild the entire cafeteria immediately so that everything was reachable for her. And in all the running around, all the obligatory smalltalk, all the stress, she still found the time to stand with us student helpers and joke around.

ISFJ: It was 6pm on a Friday afternoon when all of Paris was trying to get home in the middle of a train strike, so the trains that did run were even more crowded than usual. I did not enjoy sharing 5 square metres with almost 40 other people. But then he entered the train and stood right next to me, leaning against the doors without moving, looking like an intellectual in gangster clothes. We were surrounded by noise of people talking and of rails screaming, by strangers breathing onto our skin, and he just stood there unfazed by it all. He radiated calmness like I‘ve never seen anyone do before. Soon it reached me too, filled me up and left no place for any distress or anxiety. He was like an island in the storm that grew and grew and grew until all of the 40 people around him were safe. I felt safe. I don‘t think he has even the faintest clue about how special he is, but I feel like it has been a privilege to have crossed paths with him.

ESFJ: Did you ever meet someone who, on first glance, looks like the perfect example of a jock, just a short guy with bigger arms than he’s tall? But then you look again, take a closer look at him and you realise that his face has goodness written all over it. He may be horribly bad at grammar for a linguistics student and he may be a bit too sensitive for his own good, but he never made it a secret of how much of a sweetheart he really is. And in situations like these, when he talks about how emotional he got as a tutor when his student told him about a dying grandfather because he felt responsible for the student’s wellbeing, in situations like these, when he approaches my friend after a class to apologise for his harsh criticism of her presentation and to tell her that he didn’t mean it that way, to which she gets all confused because she didn’t take the slightest offence to anything he has ever said in his entire life and he mumbles that he may have to stop beating himself up about stuff like this, I just want to give him a hug and never let go.

ISTP: I saw her on the metro during rush hour in Paris, and I immediately noticed her to be different. Everyone else always only stares at their phones or into space, everyone else always look like a tired zombie. She was not a zombie. She was leaning against the doors, shaking her leg in the rhythm of the music she was listening to. She was short and skinny, and not even her punk boots could hide that, but there was such a confidence shining out of her, a confidence in who she was that made her look like a giant. She looked like she‘s probably had it rather rough in life, but it didn‘t break her. She rose to the adversity, rose in spite of it all. She seemed to be capable of so many things. Intelligent enough to go into science if she ever wanted to, vicious enough to end someone who ever dared to cross her, warm enough to love deeply and with all her heart if she let it.

ESTP: It was a hot day and far hotter than a September afternoon ever should be. I was stuck in a traffic jam in the city, melting in my car as were so many others, waiting for that red light to finally turn green. And then he came, a young guy in an ugly shirt and with a hat on his head. He started to cross the street, but then stopped right there in the middle. And he started to juggle. In the middle of a traffic jam on a Friday afternoon, he juggled. Just before his green light turned to red, he bowed down to the cars a few times, and then jumped to the sidewalk and left. Thanks, mate, you enigmatic juggling traffic hero.

ISFP: I met him at a wedding. He was a bald man in his 70s with thick horn glasses and probably the most intimidating person I’ve ever met. Not because he was mean, but because he was so confident in himself and so observant. His gaze constantly changed direction. He took everything in that happened around him, he didn’t miss a single thing that was going on, and still he was calm and sure of himself that everyone at our table felt like they had to impress him in some way. Just by looking at him you knew he must have lived an extraordinary life and he really did. He liked talking about himself. He talked about living in the American desert, on a mediterranean island, in a Buddhist monastery, and on a cruise ship. He talked about the smell of the desert at night, about the taste of oranges picked from a tree. He talked about the people he met, about professors and musicians, about cooks and monks. He talked about how much his village loved him. But he also liked listening to others talk about their own lives. It was obvious that he treated life as an experience, as a journey that cannot be planned or imagined, only lived. When we said goodbye, he looked me right in the eye and told me that he thinks it’s great what I’m doing with my life and that he’s looking forward to meeting me again some day. It felt a bit like receiving praise from a deity.

ESFP: He was a nurse in the accident and emergency department at the hospital and the first person to talk to me while I was waiting in front of an examination room. He was only passing by with a colleague, but he stopped the conversation when he saw me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Aw, sugarmouse, what happened to you?”, was the first thing he said to me. You know, if an unknown man in his 50s is coming towards you and calls you “sugarmouse”, you’re usually not exactly happy, but he was just an overwhelmingly non-threatening guy that called all of the nurses and doctors by kitschy nicknames and radiated warmth wherever he went. He had noticed that I was nervous, and so he came to me and tried to gently put my mind at ease and I was really grateful for it.

#writing this took 3 years #nothing happens during a pandemic but all the more important this kind of testimony to these people feels to me #esfj has actually become a friend of mine by now #isfp is part of my family now since it was his brother's and my mother's wedding #and the enfj guy is the same as in the first version of this post that i wrote 5 years ago #i don't know where he is now or what he's doing but i really hope that his life is filled with love and happiness #i just think it's strange that after graduating i never saw 98% of the people i went to school with again #but the two people i did meet again dozens of times? were enfj and his little brother #sometimes it felt like a conspiracy of the universe and we were just too stupid #every time i think about how we had eye contact while driving past each other twice i think i‘m going insane #mbti #myers-briggs #types as #strangers i wish i had known #intj #entj #intp #entp #infj #enfj #infp #enfp #istj #estj #isfj #esfj #istp #estp #isfp #esfp

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niksixx · 4 years

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Ice Cream

Requested: Nada :D

Pairing: The Dirt! Tommy Lee x Fem!Reader

Description: Best friend Tommy comforts you after your boyfriend dumps you

A/N: Reblog, comment, add tags if you wish! Thank you for reading my work.

Y/E/N: Your Ex’s Name

*GIF is NOT mine. Found on Google. Credit to the owner.*

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He hadn’t even heard it from you.

While Tommy was disappointed Nikki was the first one to hear the news (it was accidental; you’d let it slip), he wouldn’t hold it against you. Y/E/N had been your first real boyfriend, the one you shared all the firsts with. And he never liked the guy, not even a little bit; Tommy never liked any man that had shown you interest because they simply were never good enough for you in his eyes. Tommy would have rather you stayed single to avoid any heartbreak, but the damage was already done after committing yourself to Y/E/N for four years and then being dumped out of the blue. Tommy wanted to do something to defend your honor; Break his nose, take a bat to his car, egg his house, something that would let Y/E/N know he was furious with him and the way he handled the situation. But Nikki had finally brought Tommy back to his senses, and the only thing that mattered was making sure he got to you as quickly as he could.

You didn’t answer the door when he knocked; He was shocked you’d left it unlocked, almost as if you were expecting him. He knew you weren’t, though. Like most people after suffering a broken heart, you just wanted to be left alone. And normally Tommy was good at listening to your wishes and giving you space when you needed it, and while you may have needed time away from reality right now, he knew you’d appreciate him coming to check on you.

In order to check on you though, he had to find you first. Tommy half expected to find you standing in front of the stove. When you were upset, you ate. Probably not the best coping mechanism, but it helped. So when you weren’t in the kitchen as Tommy predicted, he began to worry.

And to his surprise, your bed was empty. The sheets were crinkled, a sign you had laid there. He touches the linen gently, frowning at the thought of you lying alone in bed, wondering why you weren’t good enough. The pillow case is slightly damp from your tears, and Tommy exhales a breath.

A soft cry makes his head swivel toward the bathroom door that’s slightly left ajar. He knocks, announcing himself, before pushing open the door. A piece of his heart breaks off when he sees you lying in the jacuzzi tub, water and bubbles up to your neck, hair messily thrown on top of your head, mascara leaking down your cheeks.

You blink away the tears tiredly, sitting up slowly against the back of the tub. You weren’t expecting company. “What are you doing here, Tommy?”

He offers you a small smile, kneeling by the edge of the tub. He’s not phased by your nudity, although most of your body is shielded by the bubbles from your lavender bubble bath. Being friends for so long, he’s seen it all. “I came to check on you.”

“I’m fine. You can leave.”

“Ouch,” Tommy chuckles, dipping his hand in the water. He flicks a few droplets onto your cheeks. It doesn’t phase you. “I’ll pretend that didn’t hurt.”

“I just want to be alone right now.” Your voice wavers and Tommy shoots you a look. “But do you? Really?”

Your bottom lip trembles, not thinking twice before throwing your arms around Tommy’s neck, softly whimpering into his shirt. He holds you tight, fingers gliding up and down the wet skin of your back. He doesn’t remember the last time you hugged him so fiercely and with so much passion.

“What did I do wrong, Tommy? After four years, why wasn’t I good enough for him?” He knew you’d blame yourself for the failed relationship. But he hoped you realized later on that you weren’t the problem. “I planned our life together. Everything. From the type of home we’d buy to the kids’ names and even the dogs’ names. And he just left. He walked away like the last four years didn’t mean a damn thing to him. How could he? They meant everything to me. He...meant everything to me.”

Tommy’s never seen you so broken, not even the time he had first left to tour with his band. The cracks in your voice pierce his heart and he’s not sure if anything he can do or say will make a difference. You’re hurt, wounded, and it’ll take time for the tear in your heart to heal.

“I don’t want you for a second thinking it was your fault,” He pulls you back, keeping you at arm's length. Wet mascara is smudged around your eyes and you know you look like a hot mess, but Tommy never cared about any of that stuff. “I’ll be honest Y/N, I didn’t like Y/E/N from the moment you started dating. Thought he was a dick then and he proved it today.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Tommy shrugs. “You were happy. I didn’t want to screw that up for you.”

You couldn’t be mad at Tommy, though it would have been nice to know that your best friend had seen the red flags long ago. Maybe it would have saved you from the immense heartbreak. Or maybe you wouldn’t have believed him, thought he was investing himself in the role of an overprotective best friend, and continued dating Y/E/N anyway. No point in dwelling in the past and on things you couldn’t change.

You scrub a hand over your face, chuckling at all the mascara you cried off. “I’m pathetic, aren’t I?”

“That’s the last thing I’d call you. Hurt, upset, and heartbroken? Definitely. Pathetic? Hardly.” Tommy takes notice of your fingers, now shriveled up like prunes. “But as your best friend, I refuse to let you sit and sulk over a man that never deserved you in the first place. Now get your ass out of the tub because you and I have plans.”

Your brows furrow. “What plans?”

~~~

If there was ever a time where you were most grateful for Tommy’s friendship, it was now. Sitting across from him at a 50s themed diner, a large ice cream sundae was placed between the two of you. He’d let you pick everything from the flavors down to the twenty toppings littered on top.

“You didn’t have to do this you know.” But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t feeling better. What had Tommy said when you pulled up to the diner? Ice cream is the key to mending a broken heart. And while your heart was still raw, processing the range of emotions you’d felt that day, the ice cream was the bandage holding it together from completely falling apart.

“Of course I did,” Tommy responds nonchalantly. “This is what best friends are for, right? I can’t even begin to count all the things you’ve done for me. If I can put a smile on your face simply by taking you out for ice cream then I’m happy, too.”

It was such a wonder how Tommy was still single. His heart was too good for this world. In all the years you’ve been alive, you’d never come across anymore more kind, gentle, and thoughtful as Tommy. There were so many qualities he possessed that made him the ideal best friend. And maybe once back when you were young teenagers did you consider a relationship between you and the lanky, brownhaired rock drummer, but the thought was fleeting. You loved Tommy, nothing in the world could ever change those feelings, but the love was a friendly love, the kind you never wanted to jeopardize. And Tommy was okay with that, because in his mind, nothing would cause him more pain than losing you.

You pluck a gummy worm from the chocolate ice cream, pointing it in Tommy’s direction. “How did you even know we broke up?”

“Nikki. And I was a bit offended I wasn’t the first to know,” Tommy snickers around a mouthful of strawberry ice cream. He digs into the sundae with his fingers, pulling out a blue M&M, and tosses it right at your forehead. “That’s for not telling me.”

“Hey!” You swat him with the gummy worm. Tommy laughs heartily. “I didn’t even mean to tell Nikki. It slipped out! I called him to figure out where you were since I called three times and you didn’t answer.”

Tommy purses his lips when you raise a brow. “Ah. You called when my phone was dead.”

Your laughs are heard around the diner and a few waiters give you a hard look, but it’s the first time you smiled all day and felt something other than heartbreak. “You never fail to make me laugh, Tommy Lee.” Reaching across the table, you lace your fingers with his. “I hope you make me laugh forever and take me on all the ice cream dates when I’m sad.” You shoot a dramatic wink his way, chuckling to yourself when he brings your hand to his lips to lightly kiss your knuckles. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make you happy. I’d buy all the ice cream in the world if it made you smile.”

#tommy lee #tommy lee imagine #tommy lee fanfiction #tommy lee fic #tommy lee fanfic #tommy lee x fem!reader #tommy lee x you #tommy lee x y/n #tommy lee x reader #the dirt #the dirt tommy lee #the dirt imagines #the dirt fic #the dirt fanfic #the dirt fanfiction #tommy lee fluff #tommy lee angst

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philsbrownquiff · 3 years

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the dangers of premarital divorce

guess what I wrote something!!!

words: 1702

summary: A reflection on all the years that Dan's commitment issues have motivated him in various ways, and how realizing he accidentally is planning on spending 20 more years with Phil is maybe a bit scary.

It had started years ago really, back in Manchester. They had always talked about the future, but never too far into it. But, like it is with all young loves, he had the idea of forever in the back of his head. He would sit with Phil watching anime, eating dinner quietly, laughing while playing video games, and he would think, "This could be my life. This could be how it is every day."

And of course he didn't really share these thoughts at first. They were almost too intimate to verbalize. They were intimidating. They were meant for late at night when he was by himself thinking about life at 3 AM. That was the only time he could really entertain them for any amount of time. They were filled with laughter and loving embraces and all of the things he had come to associate with spending the day with Phil. And it was good. He had never met anyone like Phil, and he intended to hold on as long as Phil would let him. And that was how it would inevitably end: Phil wouldn't let him. That's how it always was in his head. He was just holding onto the coattails of life, undeserving, and would therefore eventually be left in the dust as soon as he let up his grip.

The first time he realized that he might not actually need to be clinging on so tightly was when Phil had asked him to move in with him. It was so casual. They were laying together in bed one night with Dan's head perched on Phil's shoulder, his body tucked safely into the crook of his arm.

"Would you want to move in with me next year?" He had said, suddenly in the quiet.

Dan froze. Fucking of course he would want to move in. That was his ideal life, actually. But he was suddenly overcome with emotion that he wasn't able to process, and so he just froze for a few seconds, willing his brain to catch up. After what he is sure was an entire lifetime, he sputtered out a "y-yes, I would actually." He could feel Phil relax, even though he hadn't really been able to tell he was tense in the first place. Dan glanced up and saw the somewhat relieved and very much in love grin on Phil's face. It was a reminder that maybe Phil was clinging on tightly as well.

This was the first real time that Dan had realized maybe Phil wanted forever just as much as him. Which, in turn, would cause another problem for his undeserving and overthinking brain: who gave them the authority to decide. Up until now, it had been Phil that was deciding if they would stay together. It was Phil that would decide if Dan could continue to exist with him, because he so obviously wanted it. So if Phil was deciding that yes, he wanted to be with Dan for at least another year, that meant something else was going to stop them. He just had to figure out what it was.

The thing he decided would stop them was the world at large. Homophobia. Tabloids. Their fans. All of it would eventually combine and become too much. They would fall apart at the seams that Dan had tried so hard to re-enforce. It wouldn't be enough. One day, Phil would get tired of hiding or Dan would get so fed up with all of it that he would lash out in a way they wouldn't be able to recover from. And eventually, he thought it was happening. He had so fully convinced himself that this was inevitable, that he basically welcomed it in. One too many testy comments, one too many shut doors, a walk alone without his phone. Maybe it would be better this way. He could just grit his teeth and it would be over. He'd be on his own, just how the universe had destined him.

But that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted Phil. He wanted the security and comfort of being loved, of holding Phil in the night when he was anxious. He loved it, he loved Phil. He loved the home they had built and the career they shared. So he snapped out of it. He forced himself to fight for it, to fight the world and its odds in order to get to be with him and to keep the things he loved. And he did. He built an empire, tours, books, merch, and, while they were at it, started building a house.

And during all of that, he was aware of the pressures and he was aware of what he wanted. He was accomplishing a lot. Honestly, he didn't think about if he would get to keep it that much. He was otherwise occupied with defending this life he had made. So, when he realized that maybe he could stop fighting about it, he was a bit relieved. He could finally relax.

Idle minds do the work of the devil. Suddenly, he had time to think. They were out, they were building a house. He was writing a book. He wasn't impacted as much by his fans these days. All of his worries about what would break them up had turned out to be untrue (if this was because they were baseless or because he worked so hard to keep them from doing so, he could never be sure). But, that old seedling of thought that had haunted him for the last decade was still lying dormant in his mind: he didn't deserve this.

And that now had time to fester. It grew in his mind, this time without any reason. The future, something he could never be certain about, was suddenly his enemy. Dan had changed so much and in so many ways in his life, why couldn't it happen again? Phil could wake up one day and decide that he actually wanted to leave and there would be nothing he could do about it. Dan could wake up one day and realize he was straight, or that he hated Phil, or one of them could do something unforgiveable and nasty and harmful and they would have a bitter end where he would have a bad aftertaste any time he thought of the entirety of his twenties. He couldn't control the future. Any day, there could be another global pandemic (even though this still had not ended them) that throws them completely off kilter. It hadn't happened yet. But any day, it could.

Which is why when his friends started asking him when they were getting married, he told them to calm down. It's only been ten years of steady companionship and love. It's just a mortgage. Oh god, they had a mortgage. He started to get the same feeling he got when Phil had asked him to move in all those years ago. Phil wanted to spend thirty years with him now? Ten plus a 20 year contract. He started to recall the joint bank account conversations, the first time Phil had asked him if he wanted to be the emergency contact, the fact that they went to the same accountant and financial advisor, all of these things that meant forever. Oh god, why weren't they married at this point. They were already almost there except that one piece of paper. He had already signed himself up for something they didn't deserve and he would eventually change his mind about…right?

"I'm confused, Dan," Phil had chuckled out. "Are you saying you want to get married? Is this your way of proposing?"

"No, I mean, no, I just," he stuttered. What did he want? He wanted to keep things the way they were. He wants this life. He just knows he can't have it. His therapist would yell at him about this and he knew it. Deep breath. "I am just scared that I can't control the future. What if you decide to do something wild or what if I decide to do something wild. Then what? There would already be so much paperwork if we broke up, and then adding in a divorce? It seems ridiculous."

"Ah, so you want a premarital divorce instead…?" Phil trailed off, looking at him with those shining, mischievous eyes that Dan loved so dearly.

"God, fuck off, Phil. No! I'm just saying." He didn't need to elaborate. Phil was just taking the piss, he knew what he meant. He always does when it comes to things like this. That's what happens when you're together for this many years.

They were quiet for a moment while Phil got over his own joke. "Dan, we don't have to get married if you don't want to. If the label is freaking you out, then just forget it." They were quiet again. Phil stared at him. "You know, as far as I have been concerned, we could've eloped years ago. I would've done it. There's no guaranteeing the future, but that gives me more reason to make myself happy today. It could be gone. We could both die in a fiery explosion. And if that's the case, I certainly wouldn't mind being married to you until the very end."

Phil was right. Dan knew that. He was basically spitting his own advice back out at him. If life was meaningless and unpredictable, he may as well do whatever he wanted in the present. And he wanted to be with Phil. But he also knew that it was just a piece of paper. And that if he was going to get married, it would be the best damn party anyone's ever been to, so eloping is off the table. He supposed, maybe, he could just trust himself to make the right decision about forever. He had already made a 10+20 year decision on accident, and that was damn close to the marriage certificate.

But he wasn't about to admit defeat to logic. Not in front of Phil and god and everyone. So he didn't. He just sighed a long sigh with about 50 emotions embedded in it. "That's gay, Lester."

#ive never done a fic be nice pls #dan and phil #fic #commitment issues #this is literally just me venting through them lol im sorry guys #dan #phil #mine

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mcneelamusic · 3 years

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How to Play the Tin Whistle Like Mary Bergin

Legendary tin whistle player Mary Bergin is the most iconic tin whistle player of our time. She single handedly revolutionised Irish tin whistle playing and elevated the status of this humble instrument.

Without her trailblazing influence, Irish tin whistle playing would never have reached the heights it has. She has inspired countless generations of musicians. Mary Bergin is, hands down, the greatest thing to ever happen to this oft-maligned and overlooked instrument.

Mary’s playing style is iconic and her technical skill enviable. Every Irish whistle player wants to play just like her, and rightly so.

Mary Bergin, for me, is what every whistle player should aspire to – pure trad. – Joanie Madden

So I’ve put together this handy guide for any aspiring tin whistle players, to show you how you too can follow in the footsteps of this whistling master.

Contents [hide]Practice Makes Perfect Stamina & DriveBreathing Exercises The Purpose of the Breath Tasteful Ornamentation Choosing the Right InstrumentWild Irish Whistle Setanta Whistles Feel The Music ListenWhat Came Before Tin Whistle Tutorials Tin Whistle LessonsThe Ultimate Tin Whistle Course Why stop there?

Practice Makes Perfect

We all know the old adage. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice!

Well, the same answer applies here. If you want to master the tin whistle and elevate your playing to the same level as Mary Bergin, then you need to practice.

We all love to marvel at the skill of great musicians, often remarking on their ‘natural talent’. The truth is however that talented musicians have worked hard to reach this level of playing. If you put in the work, you too will see the benefits. Establishing a daily practice routine will work wonders for your playing. This might sound daunting, but a daily 20 – 30 minute session is far more beneficial than one long practice session a week.

You’ll build stamina and develop muscle memory. Daily immersion will also help you commit the music to memory. So what are you waiting for? Let’s get to work.

If you need some help, why not check out my blog post on effective practice methods which may offer a little guidance on the matter.

Stamina & Drive

You might think that such a small instrument doesn’t require much stamina to play. This is a common misconception however.

If you listen to any of the great Irish tin whistle players, you’ll notice they all have one thing in common – lung power. Mary Bergin is no exception. See her in action below alongside the revolutionary tin whistle player, Michael McGoldrick:

Strong breath control is absolutely fundamental to good tin whistle playing. As an Irish whistle player, mastering your breathing is one of the most important steps toward mastering your instrument.

The breath affects not just your tone, but also the rhythm and flow of the tune.

So how do you develop lung power to rival your idol? It’s easy. Exercise!

Breathing Exercises

Simple breathing exercises are an excellent tool to help you improve your breath control and increase your lung capacity.

Incorporating tried and tested exercises into your daily practice routine will help you gain full control of your breathing, your instrument and your playing.

Of course, regular physical exercise helps too, but breathing exercises can be practiced from the comfort of your couch. What’s not to love? I’ve put together a few suggestions, to assist any flute or tin whistle players on their musical journey.

You can find them here: Exercises and Technique to Improve Your Flute and Tin Whistle Playing

The Purpose of the Breath

Mary Bergin’s breathing is actually a feature of her playing style. She uses the breath to add a pulsing drive to tunes. In her own words:

In whistle playing, what I love is the combination of the notes and the breath. It’s not just a matter of taking in air, but of using the breath to give the tune a push forward. Where other people like to use continuous flow in their playing, I like to build the phrases up with the breath – give the tune a ‘hup’ every now and again. – Mary Bergin, Irish Times

Have a listen and see if you can identify the role of the breath in her tin whistle playing:

Tasteful Ornamentation

Mary’s playing is representative of the older, more traditional style of Irish tin whistle playing. Where she differs from the older generation of whistle players however is in her masterful use of ornamentation.

Mary Bergin has an amazing command over her instrument. Her technical skill is impressive to say the least.

Tonguing, cuts, rolls, triplets, slides and bounces – her playing is filled with these perfectly executed ornaments. Yet the music never sounds cluttered or excessively decorated. Each flourish and embellishment is carefully considered and added only to enhance the tune.

Mary uses ornamentation only when appropriate, depending on the needs of the music. As a result, her performances can vary from beautifully subtle to highly decorative, depending on the context.

Brightly ornamented but uncluttered, her playing is distinctive with a crisp articulation. – Fintan Vallely

Her performance below with the iconic Joe McKenna, Alec Finn and Bríd Uí Bhraonáin is a masterclass in how and when to ornament and embellish. Her playing blends perfectly with Joe’s yet still contrasts beautifully when it needs to and, most importantly, when the music calls for it:

Choosing the Right Instrument

One of the easiest ways to replicate the sound of your favourite musicians is to try to get your hands on the same make and model of musical instrument.

This can sometimes be easier said than done however. Many professional musicians play instruments that cost thousands.

Well, if you’re looking to pick up the same instrument as Mary Bergin I have good news.

Mary plays an eclectic assortment of Generation whistles, alongside tin whistles by John Sindt, Pat O’Riordan and Michael Copeland. You can see her in action on one of her Generation whistles below:

While the latter – Sindt, O’Riordan and Copeland – produce truly beautiful whistles, their instruments are expensive investments. These tin whistles are also increasingly difficult to get hold of. Generation whistles however, cost less than €10 each. These mass produced tin whistles can be a bit hit or miss though.

Before high quality tin whistles became easily accessible, serious players would take the time to dig through a batch to find any hidden gems lying amongst them.

With the widespread availability of high quality whistles at affordable rates, this is no longer necessary.

Let me recommend two beautiful whistles that would serve you well in recreating the bright clear tone of Mary Bergin…

Wild Irish Whistle

This exciting new tin whistle is the latest addition to the McNeela family. It’s ideal for tin whistle players at any stage of playing – beginner, intermediate or advanced.

The Wild Irish Whistle is designed with ease of playing in mind. It offers amazing playability and great responsiveness. Most importantly, it doesn’t require too much huffing and puffing to produce a great sound, which makes playing and practicing a breeze.

This tin whistle offers excellent tuning between octaves and a bright, sweet tone throughout, even in the higher register. So you won’t get any unwanted shrill high notes when you play. Some whistles require a real workout when trying to achieve a clear tone in the higher octave, but the Wild Irish Whistle does the work for you.

This is a whistle that will encourage anyone to pick it up and play it as often as they can. From its playability to its beautiful tone, it will make learning to play an enjoyable experience right from your very first note. Even more exciting, it’s available as both a soprano whistle and alto whistle, in a range of keys.

See it in action below in the hands of Robert Harvey, a virtuoso whistle player following in the footsteps of Mary Bergin:

Setanta Whistles

John O’Brien crafts the beautiful Setanta Whistles right from our very own workshop here at McNeela Music.We’re honoured to share our workspace with this legend of the Irish music scene, and to learn from his musicianship and craftsmanship. John’s premium tin whistles are a labour of love which is evident any time you pick one up to play it. But what is it that makes these new whistles so special?

John is an experienced pipes and whistle player who has toured with Riverdance. He designed these whistles to cater for his needs, and the needs of others, as a professional musician.

His full range of Setanta whistles includes soprano whistles, alto whistles and a stunning selection of low whistles. Each tin whistle offers beautifully warm clear tone in all octaves, excellent responsiveness and exceptionally accurate tuning.

These beauties are a worthy investment for any whistle player. You’ll be able to hear and feel the difference a premium instrument makes to your playing.

📷

Feel The Music

If your only goal as a tin whistle player is to emulate your favourite player and sound exactly like her, turn back now. Individual style is just as important as matching the abilities of the greats. As is enjoyment.Why you play music is just as important as how you play it.

You could be the most technically skilled performer in the world but if you’re not connecting with the music you’re playing, if it doesn’t stir emotions and bring you joy, then what’s the point?

The other thing I value in music is, I suppose, something to do with soul… If the music is coming from your head – if you’re trying too hard with your head – it only reaches the head, and then kind of cuts off. I need someone to be playing from other space that hits another part of me. And that goes for any kind of music… if someone is using their head to try and impress me with all sorts of techniques and stuff, I actually switch off very quickly – no matter how good they are. – Mary Bergin, Irish Times

How do you develop this connection to the music? The answer is simple. Listen.

Listen

All of the greatest traditional Irish musicians have one thing in common. They each grew up on the music of their predecessors. They were immersed in traditional Irish music, surrounded themselves with it. They listened greedily to the playing of others in order to learn all they could about not just their instruments, but the music itself.

Listening to the music of legends of traditional Irish music is just as important today. Mary Bergin’s phenomenal solo albums are the perfect place to start.

Feadóga Stáin and Feadóga Stáin 2 are two of the greatest Irish tin whistle recordings ever made. They are a treasure trove of tunes and a masterclass in tin whistle playing:

If like me however, you’ve already committed these two brilliant albums to memory, then what should you listen to next?

What Came Before

Who did your musical idols learn from? Who did they listen to growing up? Find recordings of these people and listen to them. Go back to the source. Listen to a variety of traditional Irish instruments… The more the music gets into your head, the better the music will be that comes out through your fingers. – Caitlín Nic Gabhann

Mary’s playing was hugely influenced by the flute playing of Packie Duignan and the whistle playing of Willie Clancy. So why not listen to the music of these two legendary icons and see what it was about their own playing styles that inspired and influenced one of the greatest Irish tin whistle players of our time?

Sometimes when I encourage people to listen to older recordings they can be put off by a few things – the recording quality, and, sometimes, the playing itself. While older playing styles may not be immediately pleasing to unfamiliar ears, I promise, they have a wealth of knowledge to offer.

When I look back on myself as a younger musician I would have sought out a lot of the older players. They mightn’t have been technically brilliant, or had the most amazing ornamentation, but they had something special – and it’s the rhythm. That’s the thing that’s going to get the foot tapping, get the body moving.– Mary Bergin, Irish Times

Even the most technically skilled musicians still have plenty to learn from the veterans of Irish music. So listen to every recording you can get your hands on (a much easier feat in this digital age than it was back in my day) and ask yourself what these musicians are bringing to the music? What is that special something they have that remains unrivalled by technical brilliance? Soul.

Tin Whistle Tutorials

Luckily Mary herself has recognised the demand for whistle players wanting to follow in her footsteps and emulate her playing. So helpfully, she has produced a series of three tin whistle tutors.

This comprehensive tutorial spans three volumes and is the culmination of many years of performing, teaching and honing her craft. Each book caters for a different level of ability from Beginner to Professional level. Learn more here.

In a market riddled with unhelpful tin whistle tutorials, Mary’s books are a godsend. She pours her expertise into every page and track, happily sharing her insider knowledge. She is not only a gifted performer, but a wonderful teacher too.

Tin Whistle Lessons

While Mary’s tutor books offer brilliant guidance to aspiring whistle players of any level, the best way to really accelerate your playing is with tin whistle lessons.

A good tin whistle teacher will guide you on your musical journey while challenging you in fun and exciting ways. They can offer expert guidance and insight into the music and help you to develop your own style.

The Ultimate Tin Whistle Course

I know that sometimes access to high quality teachers can be difficult. That’s why McNeela Instruments now offers a complete tin whistle course with professional whistle player (and our brilliant in-house whistle maker), John O’Brien.

Our Irish tin whistle lessons will equip you with all the skills and tools you need to sound good right from your very first note. Our Beginner Course will teach you everything you need to know about the tin whistle, including basic technique and ornamentation and your first six session tunes. In fact, you’ll be session ready in just ten weeks!

These ten structured video lessons will teach you everything you need to know to be session ready. Learn basic technique, ornamentation and your very first Irish session tunes all in a fun, relaxed environment. Follow John’s expert guidance to establish a good practice routine and in just ten weeks you’ll be a competent, confident player, ready to progress to the next level.

📷

Why stop there?

Once you’ve completed our beginner lessons, why not move on to the intermediate and advanced courses too! Let one of the best teachers in the world guide you on your musical journey.

Whatever your goal, we want to help you be the best tin whistle player you can be. So, whether the destination is your local Irish music session or Carnegie Hall, let us help you get there.

Our Intermediate Course promises to help you unlock your inner musician. Develop your musicianship skills, unlock musical literacy, master advanced ornamentation and of course, learn the best session tunes going. After just ten short weeks, you won’t even recognise your playing!

Finally, for the truly motivated, there’s our Advanced Course. These lessons are suitable for even the most experienced whistle players – we guarantee you’ll learn something new. The final series in our tin whistle course will transform you into a master tin whistle player.

So what are you waiting for? If you want to be the next Mary Bergin then let us help you get started on your musical journey.

[Image: Féile Traidphicnic]

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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A Discovery of Witches Season 2 Episode 8 Review

https://ift.tt/2MQVk1I

This review contains A Discovery of Witches spoilers.

The moment Phoebe asked Marcus “Can you turn into a bat?” was the moment A Discovery of Witches’ newest couple won my heart. Possibly it happened slightly earlier when Phoebe replied to Marcus’ declaration that he was the Grand Master of the Knights of Lazarus with the words “And I’m Princess Leia”, but the bat thing cinched it.

In a series so weighted by ominous portent and fraught faces delivering either bloodthirsty threats or speeches prophesying the end of times, a bit of levity goes a long way. It’s the dollop of salted caramel ice cream on the side of the brownie of doom. Finally, somebody here is having fun!

It’s been a long time since those somebodies were Matthew and Diana, who have really been through the wringer in season two. When was the last time we saw those two smile? On that long-ago jaunt to St Paul’s maybe? Dancing the tango at Sept-Tours? (A scene that, thanks to time-walking, we now know to have been more cleverly complicated than it first appeared. Watch Matthew’s necktie.) Their wedding certainly wasn’t without strain, book-ended as it was by the bride committing murder and the groom’s blood rage turning him temporarily into the Tasmanian Devil.

Marcus and Phoebe are a welcome foil for Matthew and Diana. Both couples comprise a vampire and a hot nerd named after an ancient goddess, but tonally, they’re worlds apart. There’s a modern, youthful, rom-com vibe to the former, which makes them a refreshing breeze next to the latter’s ceaseless hurricane.

A Discovery of Witches Season 2 Episode 4 Review: Blood Rage

By Louisa Mellor

A Discovery of Witches: Explaining the De Clermont Family Tree

By Louisa Mellor

Thematically, this episode was all about youthful idealism versus the status quo. It was an awakening for Marcus, who went from the highly relatable young-person urge of wanting to just sack this whole Lazarus thing off and tell his family to do one, to realising that he had to take his place in creature society, in order to change it. If baby Margaret (what do you mean? It’s a fine name for a… 58-year-old lawn bowls club secretary) was to have a future, then Marcus and the others would have to build it.

The tricky thing about dismantling trenchant power structures in the vampire world is that the men in charge don’t really go in for retirement. Age cannot wither them, and to get them to shift their centuries-held views would take an army. Handily, Marcus has one of those in the form of the much-discussed but never-seen Knights of Lazarus. Please let us meet them before this season is out. Preferably summoned by a red telephone or by Marcus projecting the cover of New Order’s Power, Corruption & Lies LP into the night sky.

A dab of real-world political subtext made its way into the episode with Marcus and Phoebe’s talk of humankind’s technological advancement but social retreat. Their talk of building walls, strengthening borders and fear of the Other referenced both Trump and Brexit. It opened the door to read more into the story of Margaret (look, she’ll probably grow into it), a biracial, binational child caught between two warring magical factions. The centuries-old conflict between witch, vampire and daemon are reflections of the ways our own societies are riven by mistrust of difference. Knox, Gerbert and Baldwin represent the old divisions, while Marcus, Nathaniel, Sophie, Matthew and Diana represent the possibility of a newly accepting future.

Luckily, not too long was given over to mulling the depressing state of the real world. Escapism should, ideally, be escapist and this episode offered that via Baldwin’s sexy baddy fight with Marcus, Emily and Sarah’s foray into high magic, and Diana’s portentous vision. The first threw more light on the de Clermont dynamic and on how thick and gloopy family resentments can become when they’re left to simmer for literally hundreds of years (“I don’t take orders from infants” Woof.). The second was a welcome return for the underused Alex Kingston and Valarie Pettiford, from who we always want more. And the third was… well, what was that?

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Since she took possession of the Book of Life, it’s been coy with Diana, refusing to give up its secrets. Her dream showed her a rowan tree – a portal between worlds – but twisted with death and torment. Fresh from seeing the tortured Edward Kelley rage about the book screaming in his head, it’s hard not to think that Diana’s in danger. Plus ça change, mon coeur.

The post A Discovery of Witches Season 2 Episode 8 Review appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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Never Too Old Chapter 6 (Biadore) - China

AN: I hope you guys would like this chapter. I wasn’t really happy with it but I hope you guys would still tune in to this story. It gets better I swear.

December 9, 2016 4:39 PM

The past few days has been a blast for the four friends. They have been through so many places, and they’re already halfway to Azusa.

Shane and Roy had a small argument since Roy insisted on driving still and Shane thought it was about time that he would take over so him and Danny could finally take a break from all the driving. It was a good thing he took over, Roy and Danny were exhausted. They were sleeping the whole trip to Nebraska and Shane had to wake them up when they arrived at the hotel.

After settling down and eating, Roy decided to meet up with Matthew and Jerick in a small bar around their hotel. His friends were also visiting Lincoln, Nebraska to attend Michael’s well known burlesque shows. Shane, Dan and Danny decided to stay behind in the hotel to relax.

The three friends were sitting in a booth in the dark bar. Jerick and Matthew were pretty bored so they decided to just drink on happy hour.

“So Roy-” Matthew started after taking a quick swig from his beer. “What’s going on with you?” Roy gave him a look and sipped on his beer as well. He swallowed hard and chuckled, as much as he wants to mention Danny, he thought it wasn’t the time to tell anyone else.

“You know, same old. I don’t have to work until next year so I’m making this vacation count.” He replied.

“So who decided to do this whole road trip thing?” Jerick chimed in.

“Oh, it was Danny’s idea.” Roy said. He wanted to mention Danny again but he had to hold back. Being apart from Danny was new for Roy, he wasn’t used to it anymore. He liked this new feeling again, finding someone who also liked him back. He’s aware it’s been only how many months since his last relationship, but it’s Danny, for some reason it was an exception for him.

Matthew and Jerick looked at each other and gave a look. Matthew looked at Roy and gave a smile. “So you know by now that he has a crush on you?”

Roy immediately looked at the two. “What do you mean?” He asked taking another sip from his beer. Matthew gave a soft chuckle and nodded his head sideways.

“Really, Roy? You don’t know?” Jerick said tilting his head. “We knew since the reunion.”

Roy’s eyes widened. “Since the reunion? I thought it was just a joke or something? You know how scripted it is in reality tv sometimes.”

“It didn’t seem like it was scripted.” Matthew added. “I don’t know much but I watched every episode of your season and I could definitely see that he liked you. I sensed more of it during the reunion and on our tours.” Matthew finished and chugged the rest of his beer and gestured the waiter to get him one more bottle. Roy stayed quiet, it wasn’t really a big deal but he had absolutely no idea that Danny liked him since then. He was just thinking it started during the trip. But he knows that he’ll believe it if he asks Danny himself.

“Why so quiet, Roy?” Jerick said in his usual high pitched voice. Both friends were staring at him and Roy just ended up laughing softly.

“I didn’t know.” He chuckled. “It’s funny cause…” He paused a bit and also chugged the rest of his beer. The waiter came back with two more bottles and Matthew handed him one. “Danny and I… we like each other.”

Matthew and Jerick immediately looked at each other in shock and Matthew decided to order shots. The waiter came back with three shot glasses and Matthew took Roy’s beer and handed the shot glass. “Do tell more, Haylock.”

Roy decided to take the shot glass, the other two raised theirs up in the air and drank simultaneously. The burning sensation in his mouth was overwhelming and Roy had to stick his tongue out, it was strong. “What the fuck was that?” He said shaking himself. He was starting to feel his body warm up.

“Don’t mind it, if you like more I would order again and tell you.” Matthew teased, he knew Roy wasn’t a strong alcoholic and mixed drinks and shots weren’t his forte. Roy drank from his beer as a chaser but he realized that it just made things worse for him.

“Wait, how did you start liking Danny? Or how did all of that happen?” Jerick asked. Roy tried to fix his eyesight while looking at the redhead.

“I don’t know. He has always had this effect on me and some things happened during this trip and I told him I liked him so we’re now dating.” Roy said, Matthew quickly got more shots and handed another one to Roy. “You’re gonna kill me, Matt.”

Matthew laughed at his tipsy friend. “Is Danny gonna get mad?” He teased, he watched Roy turned his lips into a big smile. Roy couldn’t help but smile every time he hears Danny’s name, it doesn’t really help since he’s already inebriated.

“Well if I’m wasted before 6 in the evening without letting him know then maybe he’ll be mad.” Roy decided to take his phone from his pocket and sent a quick message to Danny.

Roy: [5:03 PM] Hey, Matthew and Jerick are making me drink. Might not end up well, sorry in advance.

He didn’t wait for long, he got a reply from Danny.

Danny: [5:04 PM] Geez, alright just make sure they bring you back to the hotel. I am NOT picking you up.

“Okay maybe he isn’t really that amused I’m drinking.” Roy said looking at the message. Jerick and Matthew kept giggling at the older man.

“What about Jason?” Matthew immediately said. Roy face flushed and he looked down at his hands. “I mean, I hate to burst your bubble with Danny, I’m happy you found something in him. But you and Jason broke up months ago, are you sure you’re over him”

“I’m sure.” Roy’s voice cracked, he swallowed hard and finished his beer. “I talked about it with Danny, I really want us to happen.” Roy understood why Matthew voiced this out, he wasn’t offended by how frank he was; it’s one reason why they’re friends in the first place. But Roy had to think about it all over again, even if his mind is mixed with Danny, Jason and alcohol.

Roy started thinking about Jason again, the tall blonde with the most gorgeous set of teeth. Roy has been liking Jason for the longest time and it almost seemed too real when Jason returned the feelings. Roy invested so much emotions for that man, he knows that he’s not used to that. But when work started to pile on him, Jason just suddenly faded away. Roy knows he wasn’t in love with Jason anymore, but he did miss him a lot.

“Maybe me thinking about Jason is just shallow.” Roy added, taking himself away from his thoughts. “Am I just feeling the need to have him again because he’s gone? Or the what if’s I had in my head when he left.” The two fell silent, Jerick took his hand gently and he tried to give a comforting vibe for Roy.

“Do you really like Danny?” Jerick asked. Roy looked at him and gave a nod.

“But do you think it’s worth it?” Matthew added. That question hit Roy hard, like an arrow going through his chest. He didn’t deny his feelings for Danny but the usual doubts he had in his head were coming back. He was trying to weigh the odds in the situation, he could make Danny happy and he might actually be happy as well but he couldn’t help but think that he would hurt Danny. That fact was fixated in him, he wasn’t sure he was an ideal person for Danny. He knows that Danny has been with a lot of men and maybe being with Roy would make him feel tied down and not feel fun anymore.

The fact that Roy has commitment is haunting him, he knows Danny deserves so much more than that. At that point he wasn’t so sure how to face Danny.

———————————————————————————————————-

December 9, 2016 11:46 PM

Matthew, Jerick and Michael had to carry Roy back to the hotel room. The intense conversation went on longer than they expected because Roy suddenly ordered a whole tray of shots and shoved everything down his throat. Michael caught up in the middle of it and Matthew had to fill him in on what they were talking about before he arrived.

Michael and Matthew were carrying the drunk man while Jerick was the one who knocked on the door of their hotel room. He gave a soft knock and they heard Danny’s steps towards the door and he opened it.

“How’s Roy?” Danny immediately said opening the door wider to see the situation. Roy’s face was bright red, leaning on Michaels shoulder passed out. The three friends felt a little guilty for what happened.

“Really sorry this happened.” Jerick said, giving way for Michael and Matthew to drag Roy to the bed. They tried tucking him in but got interrupted by Danny, he told them he’ll be the one to do it. They left Roy inside while the four were outside the hall, Jerick looked at Matthew like he wanted him to tell Danny what happened.

“Is everything okay?” Danny finally said, rubbing his hand on the back of his head. He kept glancing at Jerick and Matthew, waiting for an answer.

“You guys better tell him, I don’t think he can get something from Roy since he’s fucking wasted.” Michael said to the two. Matthew gave out a sigh and looked at Danny.

“We know you and Roy have a thing going on.” He said, looking at Danny’s expression changing. “And we kind of probed him about the whole what-about-Jason questions.”

Danny bit his lip and started feeling scared where this was going to. “What did he say?”

“He said he’s over him and that he wants to be with you.” Jerick said but he couldn’t keep his voice to a positive tone.

“What’s going on?” Danny asked, the fear was already spreading through his chest.

“Danny.” Matthew said, holding Danny’s shoulder. “We just wanna make sure that both of you know what you’re getting yourselves into. Roy has issues with relationships and he’s feeling insecure about a lot of things because he’s old and you’ve been with more men. He just feels like he’s not good enough for you and that you deserve someone better.”

“He’s basically scared to hurt you.” Michael added. Danny couldn’t register everything they just told him. He was a bit confused because when Roy talked to him about his feelings, he seemed so sure about it.

Matthew decided to wrap his arms around the younger man, Danny couldn’t hold back the tears that fell down from his eyes. He hugged Matthew back and the other two joined in.

The three decided to head out go home, Danny gave a wave to all of them. He went back inside the room and saw Roy sleeping on the bed. Danny felt his eyes water again, he was looking at someone he loves dearly but it saddens him thinking this is how Roy feels about their relationship. It does seem too soon for them to jump into something but Danny didn’t want to regret anything. He was more confused that Roy thinks he’s not enough.

Danny sat on the couch they had in the room and just kept looking at Roy. He wasn’t sure with what happened, he thought to himself that he would prove to Roy that he’s worth it, despite the age gap and the history. But he knows that he can only do that if Roy was sure that he wanted to be with Danny.

———————————————————————————————————-

December 10, 2016 9:50 AM

Danny felt a soft touch on his cheek, his eyes fluttered open, and the brightness of the room almost blinding his eyes. But before he could look away, he saw Roy’s face hovering over him. He was gently tracing his fingers on Danny’s cheeks, the tracing became softer when Roy saw Danny wake up. Roy was smiling at him, but his eyes weren’t. Danny was up all night thinking about everything that happened the night before and he wasn’t sure if he could fall asleep. Danny was surprised he woke up on the bed, since he fell asleep on the couch.

“Good morning.” Roy whispered, his breath tickled Danny’s skin and his fingers still on Danny’s face. This was very difficult for Danny. The night before he was doubting every single thing about his relationship with Roy and even told himself to hold back if Roy wasn’t sure about his feelings. But waking up to Roy’s face with the feeling of his fingertips, it was close to perfect to Danny.

Danny didn’t respond, but he cupped Roy’s cheek with his hand and gave him a weak smile. He pulled Roy close and gave him a soft kiss. Roy tasted like alcohol, yet Danny doesn’t mind. He tasted like heaven to Danny, his lips were soft and the way their lips molded into each other just right.

Roy shifted his position and situated himself above Danny, their lips still locked onto each other. Danny felt his body weaken when Roy deepened the kiss, he wrapped his arms around Roy’s neck and pulled him closer.

Danny’s mind went blank the moment they started kissing. Roy’s lips were a drug to him already, he just wanted more and more. Danny’s hands ran through Roy’s short hair, he gently tugged it when Roy’s tongue subtly entered his mouth to gently massage his tongue. Danny let out soft moans in between their kisses, his hands were cupping Roy’s cheeks and he pulled him closer again. Roy started exploring Danny’s body, the warm hands gently grazing over his skin and under his t shirt.

It was almost overwhelming for Roy that this was happening with Danny. His mind was starting to recall the events of last night. It was shrouding the idea of being with Danny again.

He gently pulled away from the kiss, Danny held his breath and stared at Roy. He bit his lip and pulled his hands away from Roy’s face. Roy felt his heart drop, he slightly regrets interrupting the kiss.

“I’m sorry.” Roy softly said, his hands were still on Danny’s hips. Danny was still staring at him, he wanted Roy to speak first about what happened. “I got really drunk last night and I’m not really okay that you had to see that.”

“Well, you still got drunk either way.” Danny replied coldly. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get mad at Roy, but the way he was acting was slightly getting him on his nerves.

“Are you mad at me?” Roy asked, he knows it was a stupid question to ask but he had the feeling that he needed to ask it either way. He was expecting Danny to get irritated at him for getting drunk, so he wanted to make sure he could do something to get Danny to forgive him.

He turned away from Roy, he wanted to turn his back on Roy but the older man was still locking him under his arms. Danny’s eyes shot open when he felt Roy’s legs maneuvered to go in between his legs. He wanted to get mad at Roy but he froze at the stern look of Roy, he felt his gaze and it was locking him on that position. Roy wanted to make sure Danny wouldn’t avoid the topic, he wants Danny to give him an answer and he couldn’t think of another way to get it.

“Are you?” Roy asked again.

“No.” Danny said, his eyes fixated on Roy’s. His expression changed and his body felt soft again. He placed his hand on Roy’s cheek. “Roy, are you feeling insecure?”

His eyes went wide with the question, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to answer honestly so he wouldn’t let Danny worry but at the same time, he wasn’t the kind of person to lie. “The three told you about last night did they?”

Danny gently nodded at him, his thumb gently caressing Roy’s cheek. “You don’t have to be insecure though. I chose to be with you for a reason.”

“What reason though?”

“I’m in love with you.” Danny said in his head, but he knows he couldn’t say it to him; it was too soon to confess that. He knows that might make Roy run away and Danny didn’t want to risk that.

Danny grabbed Roy’s face, making sure the beautiful brown eyes were staring directly at his. “It’s not about the age or the history. What really matters is the present.” He said, his thumb was gently caressing his cheek again. He felt a small tear fall and smiled at Roy. “I really want to be with you Roy and it’s not for a shallow reason or anything. I do hope you will believe in me or believe in yourself.”

Roy’s heart stopped when hearing these words; he wiped the tear off Danny’s face with his thumb and lowered his lips on Danny’s. The kiss was soft but it made Danny’s skin shiver, Roy felt the same, the electricity was connecting the both of them.

Roy’s insecurities has faded at that moment, he knows that they will come back but he had to agree with Danny; he had to believe in himself that he was worth it for Danny.

“Thank you Danny. You’re too kind to me.” Roy said after slowly pulling away from Danny’s lips. He smiled down at him and pressed his lips on the younger man’s forehead. Danny blushed, he smiled at Roy and hugged him. Danny rolled him over the bed, making Roy under him, he started pressing his lips all over Roy’s face. The older man started giggling and blushing as well, the two started teasing and wrestling each other. Roy did feel better once he let go, it was good for him since he’s been wanting to feel young for a while now.

Roy could feel that he was really meant to be with Danny, he felt his heart had a missing piece and Danny was a perfect fit. Danny was someone so different for him, but it seemed that he was meant to be with Roy. Opposites attract if they may say, Roy knows he wants to see more of Danny, maybe learn to fall in love with him. But only time will tell for the both of them, fate has always been two-faced to everyone. It could go one way or the other and sometimes the end results weren’t the answers you needed. Roy hated that life worked that way; you want to be someone or be with someone or even have something but in the end you realize you’re really not meant to be with that person or thing.

He looks at Danny, smiling at him, but he has that fear that Danny and him will not end up together in the end. If they do continue this relationship, how long will it last? Will focusing on the present be enough to forget what the future holds? It’s something that Roy has pondered on the whole time he’s been with Danny. It pains him because he’s only been with Danny for a few days and he’s already feeling this way.

Danny was his meant-to-be but he might also be the person he will never have in the end and that hurts Roy. He has either two choices at this point; either he calls off the relationship or continue it and watch it end. As much as he doesn’t want to look down at the doom of the relationship, he wants to give it a chance. It was all up to Roy at this point, even if he sees that Danny is more than willing but he still can’t help that feeling that maybe Danny was too young to make that decision and does deserve someone else. As much as Roy wants to be the person for Danny, he can’t keep his hopes up as well and he needs to protect his cold heart.

tags: biadore, adore delano, bianca del rio, detox, jinkx monsoon, roxxxy andrews, rpdr fanfiction