#idk i just wanna die latley. and if i dont i just dont wanna bother. its too much effort. what am i supposed to do with my time?

[pizzapizzadickz]

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#diary #drugs tw #personal #high #ill be fucking damned if you catch me not binging drugs this whole fucking week #lmao. im not joking. i plan to be high 24 fucking seven #im sorry if anyone wants to talk to me but like. im not up to it lmao #haaah. i ate some edibles (theyrw just a had candy tho) to like. quiet my mind down a little. and im glad i did. #i wouldve prefered to take a smaller dose (i only have 10 mg rn ;-;) but whatever. i just feel its a waste as im going to bed so lol #haah. im so tired. too much has happened lately and im just done. #disordered eating #eating disorder #i like. weighed myself again today and i gained a couple pounds :/ like. thats not the worst i guess but id rather not? yknow #suicidal ideation #self harm #idk i just wanna die latley. and if i dont i just dont wanna bother. its too much effort. what am i supposed to do with my time? #idk i just dont know what to do with myself bc im busy which in turn makes me give up on life lol. #...ive also been planning on self harming for a while now. i think i may still. #i do try to never self harm while intoxicated. but i was planning on doing that anyways today lol #yknow... i wish i had something stronger. like. i just wanna dissapear into oblivion. i just want nothing more than to give up #and i kinda think i am? slowly but surely. im just sorta letting go of things. #i feel like im just. sorta losing myself a bit. like. it feels like im just watching everything happen to me. #i forgot how it feels being around others. like. theres everyone else. and then theres me. #i hate it. ive always hated this window i have to watch others. but they all just. look at me strangely. #at least thats what it feels like. people gawking at a cadged animal... #im exhausted. i sorta wanna chat with a friend. but im also super tired and high and a mess and whatnot. #...oh well. theres not much to be done. i may as well just text bc im lonely.