#idk who im jealous of

[judectrl]

trent and dom literally can't go a minute without touching each other

#idk who im jealous of #i want both

[8aji]

Me and who who and i me you everyone

#dear diary. #idk who im jealous of #i love them both sm #i havent seen the show bjt #but im in love with them #overtime.

[pettyprocrastination]

thinking about how as Aemond’s wife you are the model of perfection. 

Your back is straight as you curtsy when you first meet him and hair neatly braided with fine jewels. Your voice is even and never waivers as you speak to him of your family and how grateful they are for this union. 

You are intelligent and beautiful, the perfect wife. 

It’s why Aemond hardly ever spends time with you. 

He bears no ill will toward you, of course. There is no resentment or hatred to his lady wife, but there are no fond feelings either. 

He knows of courting and romance, his mother taught him everything from a young age. The poor woman would hold her son’s hands tight and explain that a man must not only respect his wife, but truly cherish her. Love her in the eyes of gods and men. As he grew older he noticed the way his father would wave off her constant advice and concerns until the dreaded night where she was the only one defending him after he lost his eye.

But practice was one thing. When you were nothing but a concept. A figment of Aemond’s imagination when he was ten and marriage was only spoken of during his lessons. Before he lost his eye. Before he heard the ladies of the court whispering about his mutilation and before he watched a whore flinch at the sight of his scarring when Aegon dragged him to a brothel on his thirteenth name day. 

He learned then that no matter how much he would love and worship his wife, it would not be returned. 

Rather than attempt to force it (he was no brute and had no intentions of doing something so cruel) he simply let you be by yourself. 

Yes you were married. You sat by one another at every meal and formal event and on the rare occasion he would even ask for your hand in a dance. But Aemond’s affections toward you were few and far to find. 

But there were moments. 

Where his icy facade would weaken and you found yourself able to slip through the cracks. 

Alicent had told you of his “moments” when the engagement had been announced. The queen herself taking you by the hand as you walked through the garden and explaining gently of Aemond’s condition. 

“There are times where he feels a great deal of pain because of the-” She paused, chewing on her cheek while trying to find the most inoffensive way to describe the tragedy that befell her son. “-incident he had as a child.” 

You knew enough of it. Many rumors flew through court the day Aemond targaryen walked in with a patch on his eye after Laenor Velaryan’s funeral at driftmark. Some day it was from a sparring incident, others say it was a mark he bore from the first time he mounted the mighty vhaegar. Others say that the Rouge Prince Daemon Targaryen himself gave it to his younger cousin after crude words were exchanged behind closed doors. 

You didn’t know what was the truth. Aside from the day the princeling got his scar, was the same he got his dragon.

A fair trade, some would say. 

But they didn’t live with the attacks he did. 

Nerve damage, is what the maester’s called it when you asked them for more information. His wound may have healed years prior but the prince would continue to live his life with constant bouts of mind-numbing pain brought on by the slightest touch or too sharp of a wind to his cheek. 

“Senseless fits.” Aegon called it. When he heard about your curiosity about his brother’s condition he had all but cornered you late at night in the hall. “Anything will set him off and send him throwing a tantrum like a belligerent child. It’s quite entertaining.” 

But there’s a moment where the elder brother frowns and you see a shred of concern in his eyes. 

“He doesn’t like to be touched during those moments. It makes the pain worse. So if you’re trying to find some way to comfort him I’d recommend you do something else.” 

What was ‘something else’ you learned, was simply being there. 

Sitting by his side when he curled into himself, trembling fingers reaching out to grab yours and not complaining when his nails dig into the palm of your hand as he cries out in pain. When his breath evens out and the pain subsides, he crawls to you and presses his face to the crook of your neck. He’s far too tired to cover the gnarled scar covering the side of his face but you show no fear or disgust at the sight of it. Your fingers run through his hair, gently combing back the silver tresses and ignoring the tears that stain the shoulder of your gown. 

The next morning your husband would wake in your arms and takes a moment to watch your peaceful expression and the way the morning sun kisses your skin. 

That day Alicent notices her son sits closer to you at breakfast, speaking softly to you of something she cannot understand. But when she sees his hand reach out and grasp yours, she smiles. 

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen x you #reminded me of the post about aemond most likely having some sort of nerve damage from losing his eye so- here she be #idk something about composed wives who are just as strong and dangerous if not more than there husband just gets me man #not edited or beta read i just wanted to do a writing exercise to try and clear my mind cause its very blurry atm #this is very wonky wobbly but im trying to keep myself writing even if its silly little things so i dont lose practice yknow!! #for the aemond girlies *passes out* #anyways part two in the 'aemond isnt good at affection' vault because im confident in it #man just assumes you arent attracted to him so he steers clear of you #but is also incredibly protective and a lil jealous

[luck-of-the-drawings]

ohhh niklaus, how he enamors me!!

i DO love a good morally grey Antagonist, not just a grand villain, but another person, with such a rich life and history and power that we dont even know where to start fathoming yet.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #jrwi show #jrwi riptide spoilers #niklaus hendrix #I AM IN LOOOOVE WITH NIKLAUS HENDRIX OUUHHHH OUHH #HES SO NEAT AND COOL AND I LOOOVE HOW FORBODING N YET GOOFY HE IS #HE REALLY JUST WATCHES THE PROTAGONISTS THRU A CRYSTAL BALL N NARRATES IT. TO HIMSELF. #SO JEALOUS OF THAT HALFLING LADY HE KIDNAPPED N TURNED INTO A MOUSE #HE WOULD JUST KEEP HER AROUND N TALK TO HER N TELL HER STORIES #PLEEEASSSEEE PUT ME IN A LIL CAGE IN HIS STRANGE LIL DIMENSION #I JUST WANNA KNOW GIRL IM CURIOUS #I DONT NEED TO FIX HIM HES ALREADY PERFECT #HE COULD PROBABLY FIX ME THO IDK #IM SO SO CURIOUS ABT HIS DEAL. WHATS HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BLACK SEA? OR THE BLACK N GOLD EGG? #WHERE DID HE EVEN GET THIS POWER FROM? WHY DOES HE GET HIS OWN SILLY DIMENSION? HOW LONG HAS HE HAD THIS? #A PIRATE LORD WITH NO CREW... A MAN WHOS ALWAYS HIDING SOMETHING.. WHO SEES MORE AND KNOWS MORE THAN THE OTHERS #MY BEAUTIFUL BOY PLEAAAASE LEMME IN UR HEAD.

[good-beanswrites]

My lyrics for Double!! I really loved this song and became like a thousand times more impressed by Deco27 and Natsuki Hanae after working with it for so long 😅 I chickened out of recording this one in the apartment but if anyone wants to cover it... lmk.... 👀 I can definitely put something together to help hear how the rhythms work, because I got it all to line up very nicely! (Lyrics under the cut and my little commentary in the tags)

(I’ve got you, leave it to me!)

Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change

Not a smile in this mess, you're doing your best, you say (wake up)

"Don't need a break" as you proceed to start breaking, both sleeping and waking makes you bleed

And now, reborn anew -- I'll take in on for you

Not your plan? Who gives a damn, I'm here and here is where I'll stay

It's just the two of us, nothing left to run from. You're safe now, your hero's come.

All I did was dream, is that a crime? Is that enough to name me guilty by?

"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?

Ah, I'm the one that saved you, don't you see? So tell me why the hell you cry to me!

Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- oh, sing to me.

Welcome home, it's another day, keeping things at bay, you see no change

Too late, your limits passed. Too late, yourself has cracked (goodnight)

If you persist I'll assist with releasing, keeping your peace is why I exist

And now reborn anew -- I'll take it on for you

(Oh, hello? Mom? It’s been a while. Yeah.. well, I mean, some days are hard but I’m doing alright, don’t worry. How’ve you been? I’ll go home next time I get some time off...)

The reason I'm alive, must be making sure that you survive

"He can't be trusted, he lied," you cried. Made me out as the bad guy. But why?

All I did was dream, did you forget? Go on and forgive me, I'm no threat.

Listen to me confess, honest. Eat your words and I bet, regret

Ah, I just tried to help, tried to be strong. So tell me why the hell it's all gone wrong

Let me hear you revel, grateful, cling to me with "savior," "adore" -- don't sing me this song

Lost my memory

I'm double, it was unavoidable

Living painfully

I'm trying, as hard as possible

Tell me, tell me.

If I wasn't born, maybe this trouble --

Tell me, tell me.

It's all my fault

#milgram #mikoto kayano #lyrics #i feel bad it cut in front of the other milgram songs but it was a lot easier than the others #(not that it was easy by any means but the other ones are giving me even more trouble asdfsdf) #but yeah!!! im so happy with these!!! #i will forever be jealous of the rhyming in the original refrain -- #nante itte/natte nande/datte sugatte/utatte tatte IS SO WONDERFULLY SATISFYING #it makes me crazyyyyyy #i know i dont get half that fun in mine but im still really satisfying with the rhymes/phrasing #wtf is going on in the rest of the song 😭 i came for the incredible refrain and had to deal with all That...... #the 'dont need a break' and 'if you persist' lines gave me so much trouble 😭 he just keeps on going..... #i took a bit of a liberty with the 'sing to me' line because every version of 'thatd be good' sounded so lame 😅 #trying to do some kind of play on sing your sins while its john really wanting to communicate but idk if that worked #an unintended but exciting detail is 'you say' sounding like 'you say wake up' rather than 'you say dont need a break' #since thats right when he wakes john up so to speak #any milgram pals who want to sing -- these are always open to use >:3

[alsojnpie]

hey. um. i love him

#O_O i really love him #it's getting warmer every day and i can't draw him in a sweater for much longer #by the way. is this site going to. yknow. die #sigh........i kept telling myself I'd get better at it one day #kind of like the way i tell myself i can get together courage to speak up but i never do #using another website just sounds so depressing #im not good at social media. im tired of pretending like i can get good at it #but you can't even pretend like you can jump into a conversation if no one is having a conversation #i wanted to be part of a community here but i never could figure out what belonging looked like or how i could do it #and maybe it's my fundamental misunderstanding of that that prevents it but how can i understand it without experience #I'm so jealous of everyone who looks like they achieved what i couldn't even put my finger on. but since i didn't even understand it #i can't even be sure what exactly im jealous of #the other day i walked past a trio of friends and they had their arms around each other and were laughing as they walked #and i felt really strongly that even though I've always wanted a friend like that I'm actually fundamentally incompatible with that. #there's several reasons #but it made me feel really sad. but it made me feel a little better too. i guess it's really not my fault. maybe. i don't really know #in that moment it felt very much like something that was not my fault. and it was nice and sad at the same time #idk what's going to happen here. but one thing i know for sure is that i can have a happy tomorrow. no matter what #no matter what i have to give up on. i can find joy in other things. even in myself #and if there's one idea that he is about. it's that one

[domesticatedangel]

i found this thread again while looking for something completely unrelated and i needed to bring it back

#darius is a fucking DADDY im sorry #jesus christ #idk who im more jealous of #darius for knowing misha or misha for knowing darius

[marsixm]

i also think the fact that i had such a stunted and isolated upbringing and now that im an adult all my friends are on atypical life paths (and honestly even my friends as a kid were like this too) means i find things that are usually very common life stages really interesting. like knowing someone who has a house and a wife and 2 kids (with that wife) and a job with a salary feels like meeting fucking paul bunyun to me. or hearing the kids i work with talk about graduating high school and going to college and being on a real path with that stuff is neat? or even sometimes knowing cis/het people who are like going thru that coming of age stuff that i never really experienced the way you see it in the movies bc of transness/queerness/neurodivergence. its like woah they said the name of the thing in the thing. do u know what i mean???

#this actually reminds me of one of the girls at work whose been here for 2 yrs so i feel like im watching her grow up #shes graduating hs this year and shes really smart and she always asks questions like this #like picking ur brain about your life like 'what did you feel like growing up how was your family' etc #its kinda cool #she already got a degree bc of dual credit courses and an internship lined up and im so proud of her #and theres another girl her same age who came to me last night telling me her situationship just broke her heart #and they were both talking all about their prom dresses and all that stuff and were so excited last month #like idk i guess i just find it endearing #i think part of it is also that while these specific paths are thought of as common/default #there really is so much variance in life and really truly so many people not on those paths for so many reasons #which actually does loop around to making it seem strange #like truly how many people do you really know anymore who stayed at 1 job until they rose the ranks #who got married and had kids with that person and now they live in a house in the suburbs with some dogs and cats #like who does that anymore #meanwhile i think its just cool seeing kids actually experiencing growing up but in retrospect and not as a peer feeling confused & jealous #like woah youre a girl buying a dress and getting her hair done and texting a boy thats so wild ive never done that #or woah youre taking courses to prepare for college and know what degree youre going for #i no longer feel resentment that i felt left behind during all that shit when i was a teenager #im just happy for them and proud of them

[kickasstorrents]

i love not using personal blog ever lately & just posting abt everything ever on my main i just like being earnest & upfront about my self .. like having that degree of consistency in how i act & present myself (atleast online but once u get to know me irl & my shyness fly away im rly much the same) kind of feels liberating

#openness to the point of near recklessness feels like IDK my people will find me caus im putting out signals. #my haters may find me too but who cares man plus they're proly just jealous of my vibe

[marklikely]

i know a lot of trans women talk about mourning not growing up a girl and i always thought i didnt experience any equivalent to that (probably for many reasons) but the last couple weeks i realised i think i do and its specifically about not growing up a gay man.

#i wish i hadnt realized this bc now despite my best efforts i can't stop driving myself crazy about it. #but like i never really cared abt not growing up a cis boy bc i always imagined myself being straight #but now that I've imagined myself being gay oh my god this fucking sucks i hate it here. #avpost #also whenever i hear cis gay men talk about like growing up. or being in high school. or their gay awakenings. #its like. im not jealous exactly but i feel like something important was stolen from me and i cant get it back god im so mad #idk also as i get further in my transition i feel so disconnected from my youth like it didn't fully belong to me #but i also don't have anything to take its place theres just a gap there where the life i should've had would go. #and i think its stupid bc its like. whatever who cares about what could have been all i have is what was. why am i making myself crazy . #but i can't help it -_-

[bunnihearted]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[veronicathegoddess]

i hate when someone invites me to like do something or go somewhere but they also invite someone i dislike, that they know i dislike and when i say i don't want to come because that person is there they're like it's fine, just ignore them...because i want to spend money i barely even have to spend time around people that have hurt me????? like if i don't like the person, idc who else is there and if i can ignore them, i'm not gonna put myself into a situation like that and idk why that's so hard for people to get

#my friends birthday is tomorrow #and she decided to spring a last minute plan on me to go to some hotel and stay for the weekend #which is a horrible idea for several reasons #we used to be a trio and then the other girl stopped talking to me because she was jealous #and we havent spoken in a year but they’re still friends #i hate her #she hates me #and we dont see each other and i want to keep it that way #secondly i hate last minute plans #it gives me unnecessary anxiety #thirdly the other person who's coming we aren't that close #so its just a mess all around #and lastly i literally told her i cant afford this because my internship hasn't paid me #i have less than 200 bucks to my name rn because idk when im gonna get paid #and shes like oh well ill lend it to you and you can just pay me back #like the issue isnt just not having the money rn #its that this is the type of thing id have to save for in advance #even if i borrowed the money from her #itd still put me out because i simply cant afford it #and its perplexing to me why she cant understand why a last minute overnight trip to a hotel isnt something everyone can just drop money on #especially in this fucking economy #i think i need better friends #rants and ramblings

[simpstar123]

she's living my dream fr 😩

(source: @/zoe.laufer on Instagram, the place for iconic festival pics)

#she's literally so beautiful #idk who im the most jealous of in this pic #they're all so 🥰💋🥵 #stephen tries #chrismd

[byanyan]

oops, got myself thinking again about byan having a little hoard of weird and random trinkets and shiny things hidden away under their bed in the same way that some cats have collections of bottle caps under furniture.

like, none of it is particularly meaningful and they don't wear any of the jewelry that's under there, but they like to pull it all out once in a while to look at and are always adding more

#there's a lot of jewelry but there's a lot of other shiny things and weirder stuff too #like there's a heart shaped rock they stole from someone in elementary and some pretty feathers they've found on the ground #but then there's also a wrapper from a cute snack they had and a bone from some random animal they found in a park #colourful buttons and cute ribbons and a trading card from a game they've never played #and probably also a pink bottle cap tbh #literally just a random collection of Stuff they like but have no use for #it's a collection they've had to rebuild a few times too #bc staff/caretakers at the group home(s) would find it all sometimes and throw away whatever looked like junk or trash #tbh it's a collection they still have and add to even after they move in w sol and start sharing a bed #and they still keep it under the bed ofc bc it's habit at this point and honestly I'm not so sure they've even told him it's there 🤔 #...im rambling bc I'm kinda buzzed but like. idk I love byan and their pile of random shit #I think part of what got them started was want to actually Have Things bc they grew up not having much #and they would ABSOLUTELY get jealous of kids at school who had all kinds of belongings #who could have coherent collections and all the cool toys and shit #so they just started collecting anything that caught their eye #even if it was labels off of bottles or those cheap erasers shaped like animals or food or w/e that don't actually erase anything #and it's a habit that persisted after they started stealing basically anything they wanted/needed #and will continue to persist even once they have a job and money to buy what they want #god I kept rambling even after trying to wrap things up smh #this is the shit I'm talking about when I say I have weirdly specific and detailed thoughts about inane and unimportant aspects of byan #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[pups-2-dust]

Mommy issues this daddy issues that when are we gonna talk about sibling issues???

#i hate my brother so much #and i blame him for setting me up to be insecure and scared my whole life #and im so jealous of people who have good relationships with their siblings #id rather be an only child #and fundamentally not be able to understand what its like to love a sibling #instead of having the opportunity to know but denied on the basis of my sibling being an abusive pos #idk ask to tag