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jq37 · 3 months

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 9

Into the Woods

Note: I almost called this recap "There's Something in the Glade There" but I figured I'm go for the less obscure reference.

Welcome back to Fantasy High and, more specifically, to the Vulture Dimension where our intrepid heroes have been shunted after Kristen, in a moment of peril, decided to “Hey Girlie” a random vulture in the middle of a fight. In fairness to her, she was out of spells at the time but, let’s be real, odds are good that this would have happened regardless.

The Bad Kids are immediately faced with the giant, screeching Vulture King who demands that they answer his riddle and asks if they want to do it individually or simultaneously. Because they have a higher sense of chaos than self preservation, the majority votes for simultaneously which means they all have to answer the same thing at the same time and the Vulture King will kill them if they try any shenanigans (and ooh do they try). Lucky for them the riddle is a multiple choice question: Vultures-Yea or Nay? Everyone says yea and the Vulture King happily says they all pass. Adventuring Party note: Brennan did have a whole fight planned for if they failed the “riddle” so it’s a good thing they got the nonsense out of their system before they answered. Especially because, contrary to what they assume, time doesn’t pass differently in the vulture dimension. The fight is still happening! As a prize for solving the riddle of the vulture dimension, the King has his minions rip his body apart and his viscera become magic items the party can take, which they do as they exit back to the fight.

Back at the Festival, the battlefield has changed. More people have fled, the girls washer and dryer are fighting, and Grix is casting Hold Person on Ruben. I won’t give a blow by blow here but suffice to say, they finish up the fight and Fabian gets the killing blow, committing Principal-cide before we’re even halfway through the season. Gorgug, uncharacteristically pissed, gets on mic and tells everyone to get off his lawn and leave his house. Fig, as Wanda, gets a 30 to create an illusion of her leaving on a bus while Ruben desperately chases after her. Shortly after that, Agent Clark shows up asking about the Wanda sighting but Gorgug is absolutely not having cop behavior on his property and asks for a warrant, oinking at him when he admits he doesn’t have one and retreats. Our boy is *aggro* today!

Everyone goes to check on Grix’s body to see if they can figure out what that dude’s damage is. Gorgug thinks there might be something related to the Cloud Rider engine happening but, with a 21 Tinker's Tools check, finds nothing. Grix’s hard drive is encrypted and bears Aguefort’s arcane mark (an on-fire egg and an open book). Adaine’s Identify spell doesn’t clock him as anything other than what we’ve been told he is: an automaton made by Aguefort (and stored at school) to maintain order. Curiously, we are specifically told that he had directives to enforce school bylaws, make sure nothing hinky is happening while the superintendent's office might be investigating, and to leave campus to take care of things that might be a direct threat to the existence of the school.

Fig wonders if someone tampered with the school’s bylaws to make him act in such an an-Aguefort manner. Riz wonders if making a crazy robot by not thinking things through is exactly what Aguefort would do but thinks the bylaws idea is good to follow up on. Fabian says Mazey, as school prez, might be a good person to ask about bylaws.

Riz has another idea: What if Ruben and his band were executing some kind of ritual with their performance? Fig notes that there were/are no other Rat Grinders around which feels suspicious while Riz, Kristen, and Adaine investigate the stage. Under the stage, they find these glowing singers/power connectors that are giving off a faint, red glow. They aren’t in an obvious pattern but Gorgug notices they don’t make any sense the way they’re set up–you wouldn’t set up connectors that way for effective electrical wiring. Riz notices there are 24 of them just like the rage stars and where Ruben was standing would be the center.

Fig wants to question Ruben but he’s gone, still chasing the ghost of Wanda Childa. A victim of her own success! When Gorgug unplugs the power source that’s powering the stingers, there’s not a release of energy. It seems like whatever was going on with them has already happened. He also notices that there was one under each speaker and everyone realizes that the lyrics of Ruben’s song were all about getting mad: probably rage god related!

Riz wonders if the other Rat Grinders were pressuring Lucy to switch to the Rage god (and *I’m* wondering if this rage god was the reason for Ruben’s switch for acoustic guitar to emo screamo) and Adaine suggests they go to the Farhaven Woods to talk to the rats that they were so fond of grinding.

Kristen tracks down a rat to talk to and Fabian eats the raw guts of a full vulture to activate a magical item that will allow him to speak with animals before realizing that he completely misunderstood the item. Whoops. He gets it right the second time (eating the V King’s tongue) and they’re able to have a very illuminating conversation with Spot–a rat that got a Nat 20 on his history check about Lucy.

Spot says that they didn’t like the Rat Grinders very much because they were always killing them but, around Sophomore Year, Lucy started coming back after her party left to resurrect the dead rats so they liked her a lot. Fabian asks about if the RG’s had a hideout and Spot says they hung out all over the place but there’s one place he and the other rats like to go because it was the last place…he trails off. After a brief interlude about the Rat World under the school (don’t worry about it) and a Bardic from Fig (DO worry about it), Spot agrees to take them to the special place.

By now, it’s late and Fig and Kristen have a short conversation about how this is all very Cassandra vibes. The shards Kristen carries glows and she vows to find Cass’s husband (or WIFE, cuts in Adaine the ally. Don’t assume).

As they approach the lake, Fabian feels his stomach get upset and, before anyone can do anything, an owl swoops down and eats Spot. RIP. Please, hold an exorcism for Fig you guys I’m BEGGING you. Anyway, Riz comes in hot with a Nat 20 Investigation check which means that Brennan has to give them EVERYTHING.

There are a bunch of violently felled, rotten trees around them and expertly hidden under vines and foliage Riz finds the body…of Yolanda Badgood! That’s Kristen’s teacher that she informed about Lucy a few eps back. Last we heard she was going to talk to Jace about it. The body seems like it was taken apart by force damage (which Emily thinks is Steel Wind Strike which we do know that Grix has, for the record). There’s no magical residue (which either means no magic or great cleanup) and it’s about 3 hours dead. Three hours ago is also around when Ruben was playing.

Kristen tries to cast Raise Dead but she finds that something is preventing her. Yolanda’s ribs are cracked and in the center of the sternum is something she can’t see–specifically there is something there that she can tell is there but is effectively censored–she realizes that it’s the sigil of the dead god’s name and it has been stamped here in some kind of unholy last rites to keep Yolanda’s soul trapped. Adaine switches her diviner vision to the ethereal plane which allows her to spot the sigil in another place. That helps them find Lucy’s dead body under a tree because the same process was done to her.

Lucy has clearly been dead for months and her body looks like it was attacked by many assailants–weapons and magic. There’s also something weird about the soil around where these bodies and the sigil are. The plants’ roots are almost refusing to grow. And Fabian notices that Lucy’s blood vessels were crushed with such force that the blood has carbonized and turned to diamonds (Adaine–no).

Gorgug looks at the trees and thinks that based on how violently they were felled and they way they’ve broken, someone fought a giant here (unclear if that means an actual giant or Lucy herself being giant-kin) and the tree on Lucy was put there intentionally to hide the body (which suggests a non-Lucy giant being involved).

It's about 3am. Kristen tries for a Divine Intervention and fails. Then she remembers what Yolanda said about how since Cass is gone, she’s the one who has to work the miracles of doubt. Kristen reaches out her awareness to her goddess and hears some words: Spies, Tongue, Curse.

There’s a discussion about whether they should report this so that Lucy’s parents can at least have the closure of her body being found that ends inconclusively but Adaine gets a sample of the weird soil so Riz can take it to his soil club buddy Molman (Riz Gukgak: king of the dweebs!).

Kristen starts an impromptu, ad hoc ceremony, combining Spare the Dying with her sadness that Yolanda is dead and her regret for not being a better student to a teacher she actually really liked. She places one of Cass’s shards on Yolana’s chest and the sigil loses its grip on her. Her soul is no longer stuck. Kristen quickly does the same for Lucy and Gorgug and Fabian witness the souls of Lucy and Yolanda holding hands and moving on. Kristen may be a so-so student and a meh evangelizer but gods, she’s a GOOD cleric. And a much more useful one now because as soon as this happens, she regains her spellcasting! How? Don't ask too many questions. Her domain is doubt. The logic can be fuzzy.

Fig gets a Nat 20 to cover their tracks and, with their limited time, she chooses to cover the tracks leading directly to the body, not the ones that show they were in the woods. Riz/Murph hilariously points out something I say all the time–this is a magical world where Zone of Truth exists. If anyone accuses them of killing the women, they can just submit to a truth spell. Once they leave the woods, Fabian calls the cops with a fake name and a voice filter and idk why he thought Brennan would make the cops helpful. They’re transferred to Agent Clark at the Council of Chosen almost right away and Fabian hangs up as Clark starts to trace the call.

With that, we enter another period of downtime!

Riz is up first. He rolls Academics first (DC 5) and tries to find the Rogue prof–he needs a 30 for that but “only” gets a 25 which is still an A. Next is Extracurriculars (DC 10) which he gets a 22 on even with disadvantage. He hands off the soil to Molman who is excited to check it out but gets suspiciously aggro when he sniffs it (though it’s played as a joke). Third track is Popularity (DC 15) and with a 19, he’s gathering all sorts of freaks and geeks to vote for Kristen. He doesn’t roll for Relationships which means that he’s not spending that much time with his Mom and he misses her visit to the cemetery to see his dad. He runs into her after the visit and amidst the guilt, asks about her Frostfair case. She said the case folded and he wants to know about that so she says she’ll drive him to school and they can talk about it on the way. We don’t get that conversation this episode so put a pin in it for now.

Fabian drops some cash on some nurses with B12 shots to help his friends relax, but, due to the mechanic, they can’t roll relaxation later than third to benefit and Relaxation has to be the last track they roll.

On to Gorgug! He decides that it’s time to take care of business and rolls Barbarian first (DC 5) since Porter says that he won’t sign his MCAT without an A+. He doesn’t make it at first but, luckily, his party includes a Div Wizard. Adaine drops a portent roll on him and he clears it with ease as she helps him study. She also starts having visions of him spellcasting while raging and specifically, a vision of him doing that while making a big triumphant leap at a party (which is described as Fabian’s bday party–I assume this is the same party she had a vision of before but I previously thought it was a campaign victory party or Gorgug/Riz’s bday. I will also say, Brennan has specifically mentioned the glowing moon each time. Anyway, moving on).

Emboldened by his success, Gorgug slams down the door and tells Porter he sucks. Porter is loving this energy and asks about the video of him oinking at a cop. Where has THAT energy been this whole time? Porter finally has a solid conversation with Gorgug and tells him that he has to give himself permission to get angry when he feels it rather than always smoothing it down, especially when he literally gives himself permission to murder people on the regular. He signs Gorgug’s MCAT and tells him about an optional exam called the Last Stand which is kind of a loophole that Aguefort built in to help kids screwed over by bureaucratic rules. He says if Gorgug needs it at the end of the semester then they can talk more and that there are definitely kids who are gonna need it this year because he heard a full class went pass fail. Kristen realizes that her teacher straight up died so that class might be her class. And that will affect a lot of parties potentially because almost everyone has a cleric. Finishing up with Academics, his Artificer 1 (DC 10) is a 23 (A+). His Art 2 (DC 15) is a DC 15. He takes a stress when he fails and passes with a C. Art 3 (DC 20) he also passes with a C once Riz takes a stress for him. He has a talk with Henry, his teacher, who says he needs to buckle down because things are getting rough though he understands there are only so many hours in the day…unless he builds a time machine of course. It’s said like a joke but this is the chronomancy 4 life school so who knows. Gorgug says he’s gonna do better, especially since he has his MCAT now. He also rolls for Owlbears (DC 25) and gets a 26, managing to not get kicked off! Gorthalax is thrilled. With all that rolling for school he doesn’t have time to roll for Relationships and his bio parents head back before he has a chance to hang out with them. Just like Riz, he feels bad about having missed the chance to connect.

Now, let’s check in with the elven Oracle. Adaine rolls Academics first (DC 5) and gets a 15 which is an A but not an A+. She takes it and Prof Runstaff says that her spellwork is immaculate but she needs better materials. Adaine swallows her frustration at that and, over the weekend, she gets a text from Aelwyn: Can't believe I'm gonna say this. Miss my little sister. Everything all right? Adaine asks for her to come to Basrar’s so they can talk and Aelwyn does. She fills Adaine in on her living situation (TEN CATS???) and seems genuinely concerned and appalled that Adaine is working as a waitress in an attempt to solve her diamond problem. As she correctly points out, that math on that just doesn’t add up. She gets Adaine to take her break, abjures some annoying Falinel elf who’s trying to get Adaine to do oracle stuff, and says that there are other ways to make money besides waitressing. Adaine is suspicious and those suspicions are proven true when Aelwyn reveals that she’s been getting her extra cash by working for none other than Kipperlilly Copperkettle. Just can’t help yourself from working for bitchy, blonde, Aguefort girls huh?

Honor Roll

Kristen for Being A Damn Good Cleric

Listen, I have stuff to say about Kristen the student and Kristen the sole manager of a religion but I can’t say anything about Kristen as a Cleric in the purest sense of the word. When the chips are down and she’s locked in, she’s truly untouchable in her field. And outside of just the raw power, her genuine emotion and care for Lucy and Yolanda was really touching. She may have a C in class but right now she’s getting an A+ when it counts.

Detention

Fabian for Eating A Normal Ass Raw Vulture

This is honestly more just for his own safety than to punish him. Reading is fundamental my guy! So is cooking raw meat! (Though idk how much that will help when the animal you’re eating mainly eats ROTTING CORPSES).

Random Thoughts

I wonder if Aguefort had an ulterior motive for going on a semester-long vacation this year. Perhaps avoiding an investigation he knew was coming?

Given Lou is playing Fabian as oblivious to Adaine’s money troubles, how insane must it be to watch your “rich” friend for a moment consider robbing a dead person’s blood for diamonds?

RIP Yolanda :( You would have loved to know that Kristen got her spellcasting back.

Very predictable of me but I’m so psyched to jump right into Abernant stuff at the top of next episode. Aelwyn said she was gonna get them sandwiches and Dimension Door them to the wreckage of their burned down mansion. That’s SO dramatic. I missed her so much. Also very curious to know to what level Aelwyn is working with KP. In her mind is this an evil plan she’s working on or does she just know KP hired her to do something maybe slightly shady but not evil? I assume this is what she was doing when she texted Adaine back that winky face. Does she know Adaine hates her? Because Adaine is very not subtle about it. We’ll see next week!

(Also, “miss my little sister”. Ugh, love. And I love that she seems genuinely concerned in a sisterly way about Adaine’s money troubles).

There’s the matter of what Kristen got from Cass: Spies, Tongue, Curse. In the episode, they speculated that Tongue is Fabian because he had just eaten the Vulture King’s tongue to speak to Spot and the Curse was Fig for obvious reasons. If they’re correct and the words all match up to a different Bad Kid then spy is likely Riz or Adaine. Riz because of all his spy gadgets or Adaine because with this revelation from Aelwyn that she has dirt that she’s willing to share on KP/presenting KP as a potential way to make money, she could be the spy.

The fact that Grix can intervene outside of school if there is a threat to the school’s existence is a big clue. It seems likely that he was trying to ice Ruben, not for any drugs he may have done but to stop the ritual he was doing. We don’t really know what it was about or how much he (Ruben) even knew about but it’s hard to imagine that it was a fun, chill ritual.

Lucy’s body seems to have been destroyed by a party of diverse adventurers, potentially her own party which would be messed up. But we have to consider the possibility that they didn’t do it on purpose. Those Rage Mages killed their friends in the mall fight and that wasn’t on purpose. And I can see dumbass teens covering their tracks.

Lucy being dead and her soul being trapped to her body makes the fact that Fig’s disguise didn’t phase her at the party even more baffling. Ivy, what games are you playing???

Lucy named Spot :(

Let the record show that my autocorrect also thinks that KP has four (dog) names:

#Dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 #d20 spoilers #fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #spoilers #the report card

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