#if taking the blame means they wont be upset thats what ill do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

icharchivist · 3 years

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cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

#ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #sonnets of beauty

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thoughts-of-the-unheard · 3 years

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oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking of replacements fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

Text

Astrid & Libi

Astrid: ....

Astrid: wHY Is JaKe doiNG tHat?

Astrid: itS beInG weIRd

Libi: Doing what, Astie?

Libi: He is a bit weird, isn’t he

Astrid: 👀 @ u 💬 @ u

Libi: Oh, well we’re both going to be in the school play that Mr Mullan is putting on

Libi: He’s going to be my husband/partner in crime 💥🔫🔫

Astrid: ⛔⛔⛔⛔

Astrid: yoUrE noT FRiENdS

Astrid: doEsNT mR mULLaN knOw??

Libi: I’ll have to do really good acting and pretend we are

Libi: Were first years allowed to audition?

Astrid: [lists everything vaguely shady that Libi has ever said about Jake like but you said… so good luck lol]

Astrid: ....

Astrid: i DoNt KnOW

Libi: Okay, I’ll have to work hard 😅 He seems like he really wants to do the play so hopefully he will work hard too

Libi: Oh that’s okay, it takes time to settle in doesn’t it

Libi: How are you liking your lessons?

Astrid: hmmMMMm

Astrid: HOPEfullY PeOPLe wonT bE 😢 oR 😡

Astrid: iT tAkEs tiME TO settLE iN ✅☑️

Astrid: I liKe hIStoRY & rE

Astrid: [cue a long long ramble about everything she’s learnt and is interested in within both of those subjects that I won’t subject us to even though I too like both of those]

Libi: I hope not

Libi: 😂 or 😁 or both

Libi: That’s really cool, you’ve learnt so much already

Libi: [At least she did all this last year so can talk about it too and indulge and talk about what she’s doing within those subjects this year]

Astrid: BObBy wilL BE

Astrid: 😢 oR 😡 BOTH thAT heS nOT yOUR paRTnER in CRImE

Astrid: [you’ll be so excited to learn some of that shit next year bab & have probably gone off fall down a rabbit hole/nerd out about all of that so there will be a pause for ages lol]

Libi: Bobby does have a part though, so we still get to rehearse and do all the fun stuff together 🙂

Astrid: 🙃

Astrid: DoEs Mr mULlAn kNOw iVe 👀 A dEaD boDy? iS HE gonNa 💬 @ ME?

Astrid: ❓🤔

Libi: Oh I don’t think he’ll do that, I think he’d see that as rude, he wouldn’t want to upset you, and talking about it might upset you

Libi: But if you did want to tell him anything, maybe you could tell me and I’ll tell him for you

Astrid: 👌 THat maKeS SenSE

Astrid: bUt i wONT tEll YoU iN cASE iT MAKES yoU uPSEt

Libi: That’s nice of you, Astie

Libi: But you can talk to me about it, if you wanna, I won’t tell you to stop

Libi: And I might get bits of it

Astrid: sOme SUBjeCTs yoUrE nOT ALlowed TO 💬 abOUT unLeSs tHE oTHeR perSon brINgs theM Up 1St

Astrid: whOs DeAD & wHo pEopLe waNNA 💋

Libi: Who 💬 those rules?

Libi: I’ll have to remember them 😏

Astrid: mRs FifIELd eveRy tIMe we Do SOCiaL SkilLS

Astrid: rEpeaTING it Will HelP yOU remEMbER

Libi: I’ll give it my best shot

Libi: Though sometimes it’s very obvious who wants to 💋 who that it feels strange NOT to talk about it, doesn’t it

Astrid: 🙂 🙃

Astrid: ThATs WHAT i 💬 baCK eVerYtimE

Astrid: buT sHE doeSnt Get 😡

Libi: It’s a good point

Libi: Do you think she’d like to help with the play?

Astrid: shE doEsNT lIkE mr mULLAN

Astrid: thaTS V obVioUS

Libi: Ahh

Libi: I’m not sure of him yet, he’s okay but… I’m not sure, I guess

Astrid: he waNTS yoU to 💋 JakE In fronT oF EVERYonE & THats NOT 👌

Libi: It’ll just be pretending, I don’t have to really like him

Libi: I knew it might be a possibility of kissing anyone when I signed up, so it’s okay

Astrid: & hEs gOnNa be prEteNdinG tO nOT bE meaN But afTer the PLaY he wONT 👀 @ u 💬 @ U

Libi: Probably

Libi: But that’s okay with me

Astrid: If yoUre NOT 😢 oR 😡 its 👌 WITH me ToO

Libi: Thanks for having my back

Libi: I’m most excited about all the behind the scenes stuff

Libi: There’s lots of props and sets and costumes to make and source

Libi: We could do with your 👀 if you wanna come ‘round after school Friday

Libi: Jake won’t be there, just our friends

Astrid: 🧡 wErE FamILY & FriEnDS iVE got yoUR bacK & frONT 💛

Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣

Astrid: ❓🤔 WHEReS the PLaY SET & wHEn?

Astrid: friDAY afteR scHOOl 👌 FRIday afTer scHoOL

Astrid: 🕓 🕔 🕕 🕖 🕗 🕘 🕙?

Libi: Yeah we are 💚💜

Libi: [Nerd out about the whole vibe of this play]

Libi: We’ll probably get pizza, is that good with you? Come at 4 if you want pizza but if not have your dinner then come, alright?

Astrid: [when Ro’s your mum so you love dressing up and vintage shit, she’ll just be the casual unofficial costume designer of the play for this squad tbh]

Astrid: ILL be ThERE @ 5

Libi: Sounds great 😊

Astrid: WHEn arE yoU learNING youR lines?

Libi: Weds/Fri after school, then fitting it in with homework 🤞

Astrid: iS mR MUllaN doING eVERY reheARSAL?

Libi: He’s sharing with Ms Howe, the art teacher, I think he’s doing Fridays and she’s doing Wednesdays

Libi: We’ll see how that goes

Astrid: dO yoU LiKE her?

Libi: She’s really nice, and she always listens to everyone’s decisions in 🎨 so she should be a good addition to the team, I think

Astrid: ❕ ILL tEll HeR wHAt a dEAD bODy looks lIKe ❕

Libi: It would be nice to get the makeup somewhat realistic, budget willing

Astrid: [send her some designs obvs]

Libi: Oh wow, I really like the second one, it’s really detailed but looks achievable still

Libi: We’ve got to do five murders total...I think 🤪

Libi: and they all die in different ways so there’s lots of room to play

Astrid: 5 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 🤣

Astrid: THe DeTecTiVe hAS goTTa be V in LOve wiTh YoU

Astrid: iS he NicER thAN JaKE?

Libi: Yeah, that plot twist is pretty easy to spot isn’t it 😏

Libi: 👗👠💄💉🩸💋💣 that’s me

Libi: I didn’t really know much about him before, he’s a third year

Libi: but so far yeah, he seems really chill and kinda funny, so that’s good, less awkward 🤞

Astrid: is A 💋 wiTH him iN the ScripT?

Libi: Yep

Libi: Just those two, thank goodness

Astrid: gRanDMa wiLL be 😡😡😡😡😡😡

Libi: I told her I was auditioning

Libi: but that’s what I’m worried about now as well

Libi: I didn’t think I’d get this part

Libi: What do you think I should do?

Astrid: KEEp it a SURPRise

Astrid: eVERyONe LikEs sURprIsES

Astrid: She woNT gUESS YouRE 👗👠💄💉🩸💋💣

Libi: Maybe

Libi: I’m not sure nan likes surprises though

Astrid: HMMmmm

Astrid: mAyBe she woNT nOtICE the 💋

Astrid: 5 BodiEs aRE GoNNa Be LyinG on StaGE

Libi: Priorities, right 😅

Astrid: I cOULd gET heR to CloSE heR 👀 whEN I do

Astrid: ShE woULD do it wiTH mE so IM noT 😢 oR 😡

Libi: You’d do that for me?

Libi: That’s really sweet of you

Libi: But I’ll find a way to tell her, it’s okay

Libi: If she isn’t okay with it I won’t do it

Astrid: 👌 bUT IF yoU dOnt whoS yoUR UnDERSTUDY?

Libi: China O’Neill

Libi: then Beck would get to be her current role

Astrid: ⛔⛔⛔⛔

Astrid: im NOt heLPIng HER

Libi: I can’t say I blame you

Libi: It’ll be hard to be ‘best friends’ with her in the play and rehearse with her that much

Astrid: ThankFULLY YOUrE THe BesT acTresS in SchOOL

Libi: 😌

Libi: You’re so kind, I just got lucky

Libi: China really wanted my role

Astrid: iTS NoT ACTing FOR her to PLAy tHE VIllaIN its A viNTAGE drESS UP sessION

Astrid: shes MEAN EVery Day

Libi: Omg 🤭

Libi: That’s a good one

Astrid: shE mIGHt taKe weeKENDS Off i dOnt KNow her theN

Libi: I’ve seen her on a few

Libi: Doesn’t seem like she does

Astrid: yOU got LUcky she iSnt YouR sisTER in the PLAY or ReaL liFE

Libi: Poor America

Libi: I wouldn’t say anything or think anything bad if she wasn’t mean to Bobby

Libi: or you, or just everyone

Libi: I know she has her own stuff but that’s not okay

Astrid: i likE AmeriCA

Astrid: wHENs she beinG murDEReD?

Astrid: & wHAT dOeS STUFF mean?

Libi: She likes you too 😄

Libi: She’s the 1st victim, how mean of me

Libi: like stuff in her personal life that would make her 😢 or 😡

Astrid: 😀 😃 😄 😁

Astrid: doES mR MullAN noT Like AmerICA oR dOeS shE NOt liKe him? 😆 😅 😂 🤣

Astrid: stUFF like JaKE not WaNTInG to BE heR BoYFriend

Astrid: ....

Libi: A bit of both

Libi: but I think they like annoying each other too, a 🤏

Libi: He likes her enough to cast her anyway

Libi: Yeah, but also stuff I don’t know, and the kinda stuff you wanna keep secret from everyone, you know?

Astrid: iF she So WASNT meAN she wOULD hAVE FRiENDS to TEll her SecreTS to & iF ShE CouLD TELL her SeCRETS To SomeONE she wouLDNT be AS mean

Astrid: 😵‍💫

Libi: That’s a good point

Libi: She’ll have to figure that out on her own though, I don’t think she’d like being told 😠😡🤬

Astrid: she wOULd haVE a meLTdoWn ✅☑️

Libi: Exactly

Libi: And she doesn’t pay attention in her social skills lessons so she doesn’t have good coping skills

Astrid: SoCiAL SkILLs iS v 😵‍💫

Astrid: BuT Im GlaD sheS nOT in OUR cLASS fOR iT

Libi: It sounds like Mrs Fifield is impressed with you though

Astrid: 🤞🤞

Astrid: i liKE thIS scHOOl

Astrid: [cue a rant about the school Ro sent her to when she was alive because imagine tbh, my child, autistic? NEVER]

Libi: That’s good

Libi: It’s important to be mostly happy at school, as we spend so much time here

Libi: And I like it too, it’s nice to all go to the same school, even if we’re in different years

Astrid: & !Now wE cAN HANG OUT moRE for tHE plaY!

Libi: 😄😄

Astrid: FRIDay @ 5 but 👀 FOr ME on wedNESdAY when mS hOWE is dOING reheaRSAl 😄😄

Libi: Wednesday after school in the gym and Friday @ 5

Libi: Got it

Libi: It’s gonna be fun

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trueromantic1 · 4 years

Text

Okay everyone, I’ve got almost 100 prompts for Madney in my inbox now. I’m still taking new prompts, but I’m going to start listing them all in a post so that you all can see what prompts I already have, in case you don’t want me to do one I already have. I don’t mind doubles, I’ll just treat doubles as a new prompt for each person that sends it, but I know not everyone wants to send a prompt that’s already been sent. So here’s the full list of what’s in my inbox. As I fill them I’ll cross them out.

Madney + “For the love of fuck.” from maddiehans

'I'm going to love you. I'm going to love you in your weakest moments to your strongest ones. I'm going to love you when you're happy and I'm going to still love you the most when you're sad. Don't you understand? I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.“ from jessicatk53

“I’m all good.” “You’re lying on the floor in a pool of blood.” “Not my blood.” from minti-here

“Any questions?” “Constantly.” from minti-here

“Stop distracting me.” “Just one kiss? Then I’ll stop?” “We both know that’s a lie.” from minti-here

“Fuck you.” “Go ahead then.” from minti-here

“How quickly can you cum?” from maddieandchimney

“If you don’t like my teasing, then why are you moaning?” from maddieandchimney

“I’m not jealous! its just…you’re mine!” from maddieandchimney

“Were you just masturbating?” “U-uh... no... I was just...” “Want some help?” from maddieandchimney

“Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?” from maddieandchimney

“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.” from maddieandchimney

“Put that thing away!” from maddieandchimney

“Ah, you’re playing hard-to-get. thats cute.” (I changed it for my own satisfaction from maddieandchimney

“I’m not going to touch you unless you beg.” from maddieandchimney

“We’ve been at it like rabbits, how are you still horny?!” from maddieandchimney

“Ill just have to cum inside you then.” from maddieandchimney

“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.” from jessicatk53

“I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification just from staring at him if i try hard enough.” from maddieandchimney

“If you cant sleep…then how about we have sex?” from jessicatk53

“I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that.” from maddieandchimney

“Take off your clothes.” from jessicatk53

“Did you just look me up and down and then bite your lip? ‘Cause if you did we’re having sex. Right now.” from maddieandchimney

“If i have to pull over, you wont be able to walk for the next week.” from maddieandchimney

“Are you sure? Once we start, i might not be able to stop.” from jessicatk53

“We’re in public, you know.” from jessicatk53

“Would you just shut up and kiss me already?” from jessicatk53

“Don’t make me take you home and punish you.” from jessicatk53

“Just let me finish this/this level and i swear ill go down on you until you cum at least three times.” from maddieandchimney

“The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.” from maddieandchimney

“You’re n-not ,um, w-wearing anything under that, are you..?” from maddieandchimney

“Don’t walk away from me” from jessicatk53

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.” from maddieandchimney

“If you cant sleep…then how about we have sex?” from maddieandchimney

“Watch me.” (I mean could you imagine Chim’s face if a very naked Maddie said that to him???) from maddieandchimney

“Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt” from jessicatk53

“We’re quite the team” from jessicatk53

“First one to make a noise loses.” from maddieandchimney

“From the moment I saw you, I knew I was in love” from jessicatk53

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” from maddieandchimney

“Are you sure? Once we start, i might not be able to stop.” from minti-here

“Try to stay quiet, understand?” from maddieandchimney

“You want me to give you your book/phone/item back? Make me. from maddieandchimney

“Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?” from minti-here

“I’ve never wanted anyone to fuck me this badly.” from maddieandchimney

“I thought you were the one person who wouldn’t hurt me” from minti-here

“I didn’t think heaven existed. I was wrong” from minti-here

“Quiet, I need quiet to access my brain’s full potential” “Are you trying to make pancakes again?” from minti-here

“I don’t usually give into peer pressure, but I’ll give into you” from minti-here

“Did you just fall down the stairs?” “No, I gracefully performed a mating act I saw online. Did it work? It was called damsel in distress” from minti-here

A whumpee who has suffered so many wounds that when old chronic pain flares up and Caretaker asks what hurts, they aren’t even sure which injury to blame from maddieandchimney

Madney + “I want to hike up your skirt and take you right here.” from anonymous

“This isn’t what it looks like.” from jessicatk53

“You’re a genius with facts, but you’re really stupid with people.” from jessicatk53

“I know what I want, when I want it. So get over here.” from jessicatk53

“I made the mistake of thinking ‘This can’t get weirder.’ Sorry.” from jessicatk53

“I’m yours, in every way you’ll have me.” from jessicatk53

“I didn’t say “sex party” as in orgy. I said “hex party” as in witches.” from jessicatk53

“I lost the baby.” - for when Maddie decides she can’t raise a baby with Doug and so, she runs from maddieandchimney

65. “Look at me—just breathe, okay?” - for when Chim makes a completely innocent comment about the dishes and Maddie is taken right back to Doug. from maddieandchimney

To their surprise Whumpee leans into their touch, eyes closed, mumbling, “No, it feels good…” That’s the first sign Caretaker notices that they have a fever. - my phone won’t let me copy the whole thing but please??? from maddieandchimney

“I can’t do this anymore.” from jessicatk53

“Does it ever occur to you that I am done talking? That I am done with reflecting upon my words and action? Can’t you just take a fucking hint that I’m done with you? I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” from jessicatk53

“How am I supposed to ‘love you’ when I never had feelings to being with.” from jessicatk53

“You’re damaged goods and I can’t find the patience to take on you as a project.” from maddieandchimney

“Why can’t we just talk about it —” from maddieandchimney

“You’re a god damn mistake, that’s what you are.” from maddieandchimney

“Why can’t you just look at me for one god damn second!” from maddieandchimney

“Why can’t you just learn to let the fuck go.” from maddieandchimney

“This, us, was a fucking mistake and I should have known the second things went further than planned.” from jessicatk53

“Why are you — saying all these things??? Where did they come from???” have at it ya fuckin’ demon!! from cardi-sea

“Did it over occur to you that I never wanted this to begin with?” from maddieandchimney

“So, how should we break the news that they’re going to have a new baby brother or sister?” Madney pls🥺 from anonymous

“I think we should have another.” from maddieandchimney

“Our kid is totally the one who wanted to build a pillow fort, not me.” from maddieandchimney

“It’s 2 am but you’re craving cake and we’re both up anyway so let’s bake in our underwear.” from maddieandchimney

“I know we had a big fight but we still need to decorate the house for the holidays.” from maddieandchimney

“I beat you at Mario Kart and now you’re banishing me to the couch for the night?” from maddieandchimney

YES!!! "I planned out this super romantic proposal and you just ruined it by beating me to whole proposing thing.” from maddieandchimney

“I just came home to you crying while watching a movie, please tell me what’s going on.” from maddieandchimney

“Sometimes I just can’t control myself when around you.” from maddieandchimney

Just imagine moody sick Maddie 😂 “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.” from maddieandchimney

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” from maddieandchimney

“You can’t die. Please don’t die.” from maddieandchimney

“i hate to break it to you, but you’re not supposed to do any strenuous physical activity for the next couple weeks, and if i have to personally make sure you don’t every waking hour of the day then i’m fully prepared to do that.” from maddieandchimney

“stop trying to act like you’re not bleeding out in front of me!! this is serious!” from maddieandchimney

“your feelings matter too! i can’t help you if i don’t even know what’s making you upset!” from maddieandchimney

“listen, asshole. i’m gonna carry you home whether you like it or not. you’re not in any condition to get there yourself.” omg i love this one for buck and maddie from cardi-sea

❝I’m not taking that medicine, it’s disgusting.❞ from maddieandchimney

“your feelings matter too! i can’t help you if i don’t even know what’s making you upset!” from maddieandchimney

#911 fanfic #maddie x chimney #buckley siblings

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tobacconist · 4 years

Text

my house got hit with a nasty strike of bad luck last night, all at once, i think around one o clock till about half past; i blame the full moon in scorpio (i believe saturn, venus, and pluto were retrograde at the time too. not sure if they still are)

i didnt feel like writing it at the time because i was too upset

had a really good day before then too. dads been depressed recently and wed sat out in the sunshine n had a smoke n laugh. we played dominoes later on.

ill say it started with my dad gettin absolutely wankered, like really fuckin drunk n stoned, the kind of wankered where you think youre completely fine but you aint and you wont listen to anyone telling you to sit the fuck down or go to bed

anyway, mum went to bed about 11, told us both to get to bed early (because she is the only sensible person in this house) dad said he was going soon after he’d finished his wine (like he does every night) but he filled his glass a few more times and stayed up.

eventually he went to bed, i told him not to keep coming down to pester me and that id go soon after. of course he came down a few times (its like an incredibly unfunny farce every night) to eat crisps and drunkenly ask me why i wasnt in bed ‘give me some fuckin peace and i’ll likely go to bed sooner!’ i said its a farce

i was trying to think about designing an expanded dominoes set which also functions as a jenga set, and perhaps could be used as some kind of analog calculator a bit like an abacus. i was looking up variations on the game of dominoes and thinking about the esoteric significance of the game

of course i couldnt think about it in peace for long, cus dad came down once again to ask me why i wasnt in bed yet ‘because you wont let me have any fucking peace to think!’ i said ‘the sooner you go to bed the sooner i go to bed!’ it really is like this every fuckin night

‘alright, alright, im going to bed. dont be too long’ he said. then i heard the dog coming down the stairs ‘fuck sake! dont wake mum up for fuck sake, she’ll come down and yell at both of us!’ i thought then he said (to the dog) ‘oh, do you need a wee?’ n then i got a real bad feeling that i couldnt really place, like everything was going to suddenly go wrong.

i hide his wineglass because for fuck sake if he comes back downstairs im not gonna get any peace hes bumblin around makin a load of noise, then he shuts the door so i presume the dogs inside.

then he comes to me! asking me where the dog is, i say ‘didnt you just let him out? is he inside?’ he shouts to my poor mother, who is just trying to sleep ‘is the dog up there with you!’ she yells back ‘NO! YOUVE JUST LET HIM OUTSIDE YOU STUPID BASTARD!’ or words to that effect. she’s really angry and im like ‘hhhhhhhhhh fuck sake’

i start panicking, for personal insane paranoid reasons (basically a picture of my dog taken that day had a strange lense flare from the sun that, sorta, yknow in the film the omen where they take a picture but theres a weird streak on it and then later the person gets impaled by a huge steel beam. looked sort of like a downward swung scythe to me. praying its just the light, but yeah i got really paranoid.) so i was suddenly like ‘holy shit holy shit is something going to happen to my dog’, i grab my torch and sprint into the garden with my shoes on the wrong feet. i hear my dog suddenly yelp and im genuinely prepared for the worst.

mum had come downstairs now and was yelling like fuck at my dad, who was barely lucid, like, not even understanding why she was angry, and that jus made her angrier)

thankfully, my dog was okay. hed found a hedgehog in the garden, once again, and was once again trying to beat it up and play with it. i grab his collar and send him back inside. i look at the hedgehog. its all curled up, and i can see that its bleeding. its breathing still though, breathing really heavily. i half cover my torch so as not to frighten it any more and watch it for a bit.

i go back into the kitchen and my mum asks whats wrong, i hesitate for a moment and then tell her dog was being nasty to a hedgehog. i should tell you that hedgehogs are my mums favourite animals, she collects ornaments and paintings of hedgehogs. she really loves them

i dont really know what to do, so i go to the fridge and get an egg and crack it half open, i go back outside and leave it nearby. i notice that mums come outside too, and she asks where it is. i dont want to scare it anymore by getting too close so i just shine the torch on it for a few seconds and point out where its bleeding.

we go back inside, now both feeling really sad. dad is wandering around the house demanding to know where his wine glass is not at all aware of whats happened. mum says shes gonna go for a cig and then try to go back to bed.

i shut the dog in the back room with the curtains closed, i only do that when hes really bad. was too sad even to yell at him. left him in there on his own for atleast an hour an d a half. really disappointed in him. i hope he realises what he did was bad, and i hope he never does it again. hedgehogs are friends.

i went into the living room and sat down and had a drink. dad was still wandering round looking for his wine glass. i say ‘you know the dog just really hurt a hedgehog’ he says ‘dont tell me that right now, i dont want to hear it. where have you put my wine glass!??’ hes just madly looking around calling me a thief, i tell him i havent stolen it, just moved it, but hes drunk too much anyway’ this is another another weekly farce.

he finds it eventually, and sits down. my mum comes in the room now, and i can tell she’d been crying. she says maybe we should put it in a cardboard box or something, i say i dont want to disturb or traumatise it anymore, and it wouldnt want to be in our house anyway. we discuss it for a while, dad keeps making suggestions about what takeaways are open or something because hes half asleep and not actually listening to what were saying.

eventually we decide that i’ll check on it in a few hours to see if its still there or dead or what and if its still alive then i’ll put it in a box and see if we can take it to the vets in the morning (not likely, since theyre only open for emergencies atm)

she goes to bed, dad goes a little while after, still smugly talking about how i should be in bed and mumll be upset if im up to late, cus hes completely out of it

then, just as i put youtube on to distract myself, the internet goes down for like 15 minutes.

i jus sit there refreshing the page. it comes back on after a little while.

i idly browse but cant enjoy anything. i think about writing a tumblr post about it (as i am doing now) but it feels wrong at the time.

i open omegle and tell the first person who’ll listen jus to get it off my chest, theyre very kind, and then we idly chat about some shit. i start to feel better.

then i go have a look in the garden; the hedgehog is gone and the egg is unfinished. i dont know if that means a fox got it, or whether it shuffled away somewhere to die or if it was ok and it wandered off thinking ‘never fucking ever coming to this garden again!’ hopefully the last, but thats still sad. i know hedgehogs are pretty resilient animals. i hope it was okay

i let the dog out of the room about 2 because he started scratching at the door. i didnt say anything i just sent him up to bed. he had an ashamed face. i hope he never does it again.

then i stayed on omegle all night until about 6am. stupid thing to do but i felt better after a while.

i feel the evil energy was gone in the morning. the moon has begun to wane and moved into sagittarius. mum seems alright. dont know if dad remembers anything from late last night. im feelin okay, jus real hungover. drank a lot more than i meant to

dont think im gonna proof read this so it might be a bit rambling. jus wanna get it off my chest

#long #long post #jus a string of bad luck all together

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let-it-raines · 5 years

Text

Second in Command (Epilogue - Part Seven)

Summary: Life as the “spare to the heir” isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be when you’re the supposed screw-up of the family, but people don’t know what really happens behind closed doors.

Rating: Mature

A/N: You guys are totally going to be annoyed with me for how I left it on a cliffhanger when I totally didn’t have to except to show some character growth and how things change...which I guess is exactly the reason I ended it that way :D

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr Chapters: | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

Epilogue Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

Tag list: @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @kmomof4 @wellhellotragic @ekr032-blog-blog @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615@a-faekindagirl @mayquita @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @kristi555 @teamhook @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @branlovesouat @dreadpirateemma @alys07 @andiirivera

“Can I come in, son?”

“Yeah, of course,” Killian answers automatically, the shock of his father just showing up at his door stunning him for only a moment. It’s not like he never visits. He usually just calls or texts first. “I didn’t know you were coming over, dad. Why didn’t you call?”

“Oh, I was visiting the kids and thought I’d drop by since I knew that the two of you had returned home.” His dad steps inside, squeezing his shoulder before leaning down to pet Indy. “Hello, darling,” he then greets Emma, kissing her cheek before wrapping her up in a hug. “How are you feeling today?”

“Good, good,” Emma insists, her eyes still blown wide as if she’s actually been shocked. He knows she’s still a bit rattled from the flight and her nausea. The same thing had happened when they went out sailing the morning of their anniversary, before the disaster of the rest of that day, and even though he had been wary of it, Emma insisted she was fine. She never said she wasn’t, but the green of her face told him otherwise. “How are you?”

“Kicking pretty high for my age.”

“You are not old,” she laughs, tugging on Indy’s leash. “Do you mind if I take Indy for a quick walk? Let her run around a bit. She’s been told she’s going outside, and I’m afraid she’ll freak out if she doesn’t get to go.”

“Of course, dear. I’ll chat with Killian, and the second you two come back inside, I want to hear all about how you’ve been since you left us to go holiday in the warm sunshine. I swear it’s rained for the past week.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Emma takes a step over toward him, leaning up and kissing his cheek, whispering that she’ll be right back before taking a step outside with Indy and leaving him with his dad.

“Do you want something to drink? Eat?”

“I’m fine.” His father begins walking to the living room, settling down into the recliner he prefers when visiting all while Killian sits down on the couch next to him, only a side table between them. “So how was your holiday?”

He almost chokes on his own saliva thinking of all of the things he absolutely cannot tell his father about their holiday as well as wondering if he should bring up the privacy issue just yet. He doesn’t know, is never truly sure about these types of things. He could have a nice, normal conversation with his father or it could turn into another tense, stressful one. He’s had enough of those for a lifetime, but he also knows that he doesn’t have all of the time in the world to fix this. He’s got fewer than four months, really.

“It was wonderful,” he finally answers, his lips ticking up on one side. It really was wonderful to get away with Emma and only have each other for awhile despite the disaster that was their anniversary. It got better, though. It wasn’t completely bad. They had the sailing trip and the takeout meal that was better than anything else they’d eaten if only for how comfortable they both felt. He felt his son move for the first time, which was bloody brilliant and most definitely his new favorite thing. “It’s a gorgeous island. Emma mentioned something about asking you to make our beaches like that.”

Brennan barks out a laugh, the wrinkles on his face all gathering together while his gray hair shakes the slightest bit. If Killian was a betting man, he’d guess his dad is getting his hair cut in the next two or three days, keeping up with his lifelong schedule of haircuts. “If only I could. That would be bloody wonderful. But I like the way she thinks.”

“She’s definitely a brilliant dreamer.” He trails off toward the end of his sentence, looking down at his hand and twisting his ring around his finger, his constant physical reminder of his lifelong commitment to Emma, as if he really needs one. “Can I talk to you about something, dad?”

“Of course.”

“I know, well, I know that things were different when I was a kid, that technology wasn’t as advanced, that I was a bit of a surprise child and that you were on the older side when I was born.”

“Well, why don’t you just call me elderly then, Killian? And you have absolutely no proof that you were a surprise child.”

His dad laughs when he speaks, but Killian isn’t finding a lot of humor in it, knowing that he’s likely going to upset Brennan with his words.

“What I mean is, I know you weren’t really, truly involved in my life. And I’m not blaming you or trying to make you feel…upset, but I need a very particular kind of advice that really only you and mum or Liam and Abigail can give. And I’m honestly not even sure you can give it.”

“What’s wrong, Killian?”

He takes a moment to collect himself, hundreds of words on the tip of his tongue but none of them feeling quite right. But he has to say something, so he might as well speak the truth.

“How the hell am I supposed to be a father in a world where I can’t protect the privacy of my wife and my child? There were, um, photographers who rented out a house and used scopes to take pictures of us on the beach. And Emma and I got into a pretty nasty argument about it. She’s worried…I’m worried about Andrew’s privacy. We want him to live a life as normal as possible. We don’t want photographers following him to school or to the park, and I just – I don’t know how to fix it.”

He’s been clenching his fist all while he talks, the tenseness in his hand almost painful while hot tears form in his eyes, every fault and every insecurity he’s had long before the fight with Emma coming back and assaulting his senses, making everything a dark, cloudy blur.

Brennan looks calm, secure, the blue of his eyes not changing while his eyelids rapidly blink, his brows furrowing and the lines on his face increasing. Has he said too much? Shown too much emotion? Asked for the impossible?

“The fact that you have very obviously beaten yourself up about this proves that you are a better dad than I ever have been.”

“That’s not what I meant, dad. I didn’t – ”

“I know, Killian. I’m not taking offense to anything. I was a poor excuse for a father for the majority of your life. I was focused on Liam, on my job, on the protocol and the way that my father raised Albert and me. All I knew was that fathers were not supposed to be close to their children, and as much as that hurt me as a child, I stupidly believed it. The fact that you have forgiven me is something I still can’t believe.”

He leans over and places his hand on Brennan’s knee, patting him before leaning back and wiping at his eyes. “I did it for me, but with the way you’ve worked to change, you deserve it.”

“Thank you, my boy.” His father smiles, settling back into his chair and crossing his hands together in his lap. “But this is not about me. This is about you and your family. So you don’t want Andrew in the public eye? At all? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I mean, we haven’t discussed it in serious length, but yes. I’m sure that Emma will be okay with releasing the occasional photo or having him join us when we go overseas so we don’t have to be apart from him, but I think we’re going to have to take a step back in traditions. And when he gets older, I think we may need to move somewhere much more private.”

The front door opens then, the alarm beep sounding at the same time that he hears the click of nails and the squeak of sneakers as well as Emma’s voice. He straightens up, fixing his hunched back and sitting against the couch in as much of a relaxed position as he can.

“Go find, Killian, girl, yeah,” Emma coos, her voice getting louder the closer she gets to the living room. And then she’s in view, Indy running in first and jumping up on the couch before getting down once she spots Brennan, less familiar people always more exciting than him. Emma walks toward him, sitting down in the seat Indy just vacated and reaching around him to tangle her fingers in his hair, stroking the strands. “What’s wrong? Your shoulders are tensed.”

How the hell does she always know?

“Killian and I,” his father answers for him, seemingly understanding that Killian wasn’t sure what to say, “were simply talking about how you two seem to be suffering from some privacy issues and are worried about your child’s future, that you want Andrew to lead a more private life than normal.”

“Oh,” Emma gulps, her hand stilling in his hair before beginning again, “well, yeah. I know that we all grew up differently and that my childhood isn’t really an option, but that’s what I want, what we want. We want him to be able to be a kid, you know? I don’t want him to be used to cameras everywhere he goes. I don’t know how we’d fix that, but that’s definitely my top priority right now. And forever probably.”

His hand finds Emma’s knee, thumb running back and forth over the material of her leggings while she speaks. He’s here with her, for her, consistently, and he hopes that she knows this.

“Why don’t you two give me some time to think things over? I’ll meet with security. We’ll work out some plans and ideas. You two should probably talk to Liam and Abigail. It’s not, well, it won’t be exactly the same. You have more freedom than them, and they’re not quite as private as the two of you. But they do have experience in all of this.” “Thank you, Brennan,” Emma sighs, leaning back into the couch and scratching at his neck, his eyes fluttering closed for a quick moment.

“Of course, but at the end of the day, above everything else, we’re a family. How you two feel is far more important than any sort of duty and tradition we have, even if I do ask that we stick to the important ones.”

“Actually, I have something else that I want to talk about.”

His head snaps to her, eyes searching for what she has to say, but she’s not looking at him, her gaze trained on the wag of Indy’s tail while her fingers tap over his on her leg, the hand in his hair having stilled.

“What do you want to talk about, love?”

She looks at him then, the smallest of smiles on her face that comforts him the slightest bit, before directing her gaze to Brennan. “I don’t want to walk out of the hospital all made up hours after giving birth. Kudos to Abigail. She is a badass woman for that, but that’s not what I want. Andy doesn’t need to be exposed to so many people as a newborn. I don’t need to be all dressed up when I’ve just given birth. I don’t care about tradition when it comes to this. This is what I’m doing, and I really feel like it’s the first step in taking a stand about him not being some kind of public property.”

He didn’t know she felt that way about any of that, nearly every word she said news to him, but he gets it, supports it. If that’s what Emma wants for this, that’s what they’ll do. He’s never quite understood that tradition anyways, and he likes the idea of a more private celebration with just them and their families while Emma heals and they adjust to the terrifying process of being parents for the first time.

“I’m not sure we can do that, dear.”

“What?” His head snaps over to his dad, trying to process the words. “You literally just said that how we feel is more important than any duty we have.”

“But that we need to stick to the important traditions, yes. New family members are an important tradition.”

“Brennan,” Emma grits, her voice strained as she tries to keep it friendly, “I respect our family and all of the traditions we have, but I am not some kind of human machine who’s only here to produce babies. Yes, of course this is a big deal, but it’s a big deal for us as a personal family, not as some part of the institution. You can still put the sign up, make any and all announcements you want. Hell, I’ll release a picture if we have to, but all I’m asking is that we’re allowed to leave and travel home in peace.”

“I agree, dad. I mean, really. Of all of the things we break and bend, of all of the things we change, surely you can let this one thing go? It’s not hundreds of years ago where people are faking pregnancies and paternities to keep the line intact, which was ridiculous then. I think letting family be family is the most important thing, don’t you?”

“Aye, it’s just…you’ll have to forgive me.” Brennan runs his hand over his face, visibly warring something within himself, the lines on his face stressing. “You were right earlier when you said things are different now. These are not things that I really went through with you, not as prevalent as you. Emma, dear, I’m sorry. I don’t…I shouldn’t have ever considered making you do something you’re not comfortable with. I love you dearly, and you and Killian know what’s best here, not me.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Emma says, getting up from the couch and sitting down on the edge of the coffee table so that she can squeeze Brennan’s hand. “You are so brilliant, and you uphold this family so well. I know that I’m different, that it was difficult to accept me, but change can be good, you know?”

“I know.”

Brennan stays for a little while longer, hashing out a few more details with them before accepting a cup of tea and some food, finally listening to them talk about their holiday all the while scratching behind Indy’s ears, her eyes closed in bliss the entire time. It’s peaceful, relaxing, and he feels his shoulders loosen the longer the conversation goes on, Emma’s laughter and joyful voice sounding throughout the room. In the back of his mind, though, he keeps replaying the conversation, thinking of everything he said, everything they all said, and he’s amazed it all went as smoothly as it did, surprised that his father acquiesced to their private exit from the hospital so easily. He had no idea that Emma wanted that, and he wonders how long she’s been toying with the idea, how many late nights she’s spent worrying about bringing it up. He knows she didn’t just think of it now, that it wasn’t spur of the moment, and he tries to remind himself to ask her about it later, to make sure that there’s nothing else she’s hoarding inside.

She goes through enough, has gone through enough over the years, and she shouldn’t feel like she has to hold things back from him.

But he saves his thoughts for later, letting his dad leave and letting Emma take a nap, her eyes falling shut without her even laying down on the couch. He wakes her before she can get into too deep of a sleep, though, knowing that it’ll hurt her back, and helps her go upstairs to their room, ignoring the curses she’s muttering under her breath about him waking her up. While she sleeps, he goes downstairs to his office, answering emails and clearing out his inbox that he left alone while they were in Spain.

Summer is normally a slow time for them, June and July full of engagements while August is usually taken off to spend in Balmoral. Emma’s due in September, though, a few days after his birthday, and she’s not working after August begins. He is, though, doing his regular work and making a few short trips, making sure never to never travel more than three hours away in case he needs to be home.

But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have things to do now, organizing his files and reviewing the financials for Kidding a Goal until Indy comes walking into his office, her nails clicking against the wood until she’s staring up at him with her mouth wide open, tongue practically falling out of her mouth. He checks his watch and sees that it’s far past seven. He’s surprised she didn’t come and get him two hours ago.

“You ready to eat, my girl?”

That gets her tail wagging before she takes off, running toward the kitchen at such a pace that she’s probably there before he even gets up from his chair. Sure enough, she’s already waiting next to her bowl like the most well-behaved dog in the world, which is not something he expected when he and Emma decided to get a dog last year. But she’s done well, their training working most of the time, but Indy does have the tendency to lick his face when he’s sleeping. He’s not a fan of that.

But she’s his best bud and a constant companion on his runs, so it all evens out.

After feeding her, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs, Emma wandering into the kitchen with sleep-rumpled hair and pillow streaks on her face, her pajama top falling off of one shoulder. She immediately heads toward the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and some yogurt before settling down on a barstool.

“How’d you sleep?”

She grunts in response, opening her yogurt and eating a large spoonful. “I hate being pregnant sometimes.”

“So not well then?”

“Nope. I felt like my guts were all being squeezed out, but do you know who’s not moving now that I’m awake and out of bed?”

“Andy.”

“Yep.”

She keeps eating her yogurt, quickly finishing it up before getting another carton. He should probably fix something for dinner so she doesn’t consume the entire yogurt supply in their fridge.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

“Yeah?” she mumbles, pulling her spoon out of her mouth and looking up at him, her hair deflating the slightest bit from when she came down.

“You want to tell me what that was earlier? With my dad. When did you decide you didn’t want to do the public announcement?”

“Oh, um, I first thought about it a few weeks ago, but it was really driven home after last week. Why? You have an issue with it?”

“No,” he laughs, leaning down across from her and propping his elbows on the counter. “I think it’s bloody brilliant, that you are brilliant. I like that you want to do things your way…our way. It’s very sexy.” “Oh boy, if you’re looking to get laid right now that is not happening.”

“Well damn. Now I have no reason to compliment you.”

“Shut up,” she groans, tossing her spoon over into the sink, the metal clanking. “But seriously, you’re okay with all that, right?”

“Of course. I want you to do what makes you comfortable. I’m not the one giving birth.”

“Damn right. I think I’m going to give your dad a heart attack though.”

“Aye, definitely. I know he’s trying and he’s being accommodating, but I could practically see the fear of breaking traditions rolling off of him in anxiety-filled waves. But he’s seventy-three. Some things just aren’t going to change.”

“So basically we hit the jackpot today?”

“Yep.” He walks over to the fridge, opening it up and seeing what they have left over from before they left. “What do you want for dinner?”

-/-

“Bloody buggering hell,” he curses, bringing his thumb to his mouth and soothing where he just jammed his finger on the wood.

Building a crib should not be this difficult, but it apparently is. He’s been following the instructions exactly, making sure that each piece is doubly secure, and he’s not sure how it’s taking this long. He should be finished, this crib should be made, and he should be able to move onto the shelves or Emma’s glider that she was insistent on them getting.

He’s spent more time in this room in the past month than he has in any other room in the house, June somehow running away with itself all while he’s been hidden away within these four walls. It took a month and a half for he and Emma to decide on a simple light gray, one that he’s pretty sure is also in their bedroom, but honestly, once they both agreed on the color (likely because they have agreed on it once before), he wasn’t going to say anything else. He did pick out the gray-ish blue that’s on the wall with the shelves (or at least where they’ll go once he gets to them), so he’s pretty proud of it.

Neither he or Emma are much one for designing, though they have gotten a bit more into it since the remodel of the apartment, but he’s pretty proud of how Andy’s room is shaping up, even if the lad will stay in the bassinet in their room for awhile. It’s a simple room, clean lines and clean colors. All of the furniture are different shades of white and warm browns, woods really, with natural accents. Abigail gifted them a large wooden giraffe along with some leaf and animal prints, so those are sitting in the corner waiting to be placed after all of this furniture is built.

His favorite part, though, is definitely going to be the little sitting area by the shelves and the changing table. He’s not under any impression that this is going to be a calm room, a place to relax, but he figures there have to be times when he’s rocking Andy back to sleep in that very spot, the shelves filled with colorful children’s books that’ll become routine reading one day as well as being filled with several stuffed animals and photo frames that he can’t wait to update with pictures. Of course, the cabinets below will be filled with the essentials, the things no one likes to talk about like diapers and nipple cream (that was something Emma did not want to know about, and he honestly doesn’t blame her), but they’re definitely still in the dreamy, picture perfect nursery phase where the messiness of a child isn’t quite a factor.

Really to him, as much as he knows this is real, as much as he sees the physical proof, feels the physical proof (which holy shit is it incredible to be able to feel his son move), it’s still difficult for him to comprehend that in two months he and Emma will have a child. It’s something they’ve talked about for years, something they were planning on, but it’s difficult to put into words just how much love he has for his son.

And his wife.

She’s a rockstar in every sense of the word, and if he doesn’t mention it enough, Emma sure as hell will. He loves her fiercely, and that love is another thing that he can’t quite put into words. He honestly doesn’t understand men who moan and groan about their wives constantly. If anything, he finds it disgusting. Yes, you’re going to have disagreements with your significant other. That’s natural when you decide to spend your life with someone who has their own wants, needs, and opinions, but at the end of the day, his wife is his best friend. If there’s anyone he wants to spend time with, it’s her. No question.

If the answer to who your best friend isn’t your spouse or the person you’re marrying, he doesn’t understand why the hell you’d bother getting married. His mates are great, but they’re not Emma.

Maybe he is a bit of the cheeseball that Emma always claims him to be, but he likes it that way.

He’s definitely going to embarrass his kids. All of the time. He can’t wait. He’s got a few years, but he can’t wait.

“You know we can hire someone to do this, right?” Emma asks, a bit of laughter in her tone that makes him roll his eyes. His best friend, most definitely. The teasing is just a small part of that.

“Aye, but I’ve started it, and I intend on finishing it.” “Okay, but the crib doesn’t need to fall apart while there’s a baby inside of it, and the glider doesn’t need to fall apart while I’m sitting on it. That’s, like, a double disaster, and I know you lived by yourself for a long time, but I’m pretty sure you’re not capable of that anymore.”

“Oh, really? Because I was just going to make them as unsafe as possible so that I could live by myself again. I miss being able to stretch out in the bed.”

“You’re so funny,” she teases from the other side of the nursery where she’s putting away the washed clothes in the closet, organizing them by size. He swears they have enough clothes to last Andy for the first two years of his life, and that’s not counting the piles of things he knows David and Mary Margaret have at their house. “I think I may have bought him too much stuff. I don’t even think I own this many things.”

“You don’t mess your clothes up multiple times a day.”

“Good point.”

“I tend to make those.”

“Eh. Debatable.”

“Not at all debatable.” He turns back to the crib, looking at the instructions to see if he can remember where he left off before Emma distracted him. “Shit, this is impossible.”

“I can call my dad, babe. It won’t be a problem. He’s a bit handier than you.”

“Please, I am plenty handy.”

“Okay, well being handy with me is not the same as being handy when it comes to building things.”

“If we call your dad, he’s going to take over. I want to do some of this myself.”

“I will tell Dad just to help. Come on, babe, you love spending time with my dad.”

“Only now that he doesn’t give me the scary speeches anymore.”

“Yeah, I bet those were a lot of fun.”

“I mean, it’s been a solid half a decade since I’ve gotten one, but he still shakes me to my core.”

He hears Emma laugh, snort really, before she makes her way over to him, slowly settling down on the floor next to him and waving her hand until he gives her the instructions. She looks over them while looking at the crib, her eyes continuously darting between the two.

“You put part G in backwards. That’s why nothing after that is fitting.”

“Bloody hell,” he curses, reaching over and taking the instructions from her hand and checking to see if she really did just solve his problem, “how did you see that when I’ve been staring at it for the past hour?”

“Fresh eyes, my love. Fresh eyes.” She leans forward and kisses his cheek before falling back against the wall. “And that’s exactly why calling my dad and asking him to come over in the morning will be a great idea. I bet Mom will want to come too, and she does a mean job with a power drill.”

So Emma calls her parents who agree to come over in the morning. On top of moving, they’ve also begun to change around the hours of the pub, opening it earlier and letting Will close it out at night. And it’s because of this that they show up at eight in the morning, he and Emma both still asleep when their doorbell rings. Emma groans when she hears it, burying her face into his chest and making it impossible for him to get up without disturbing her. He can feel Andy summersaulting around in her belly, and he smiles to himself knowing that she’s going to have get up. She can’t sleep when he’s moving around like that.

He can’t sleep when Emma’s basically running marathons in bed, but that’s not something he’s going to voice out loud. He can get up and sleep in a guest room if he needs to. Emma can’t get up and walk away from the person who’s running marathons in her stomach.

There’s two human feet inside of her. That’s pretty weird if he thinks about it too much.

Okay, so really weird.

Slowly but surely he gets out of bed, letting Emma flip over into his spot, and heads downstairs to open the front door. David and Mary Margaret have a key, but they never use it, always waiting for either he or Emma to open the door for them, which he appreciates after one too many times having them walk in on he and Emma.

“Hi,” he greets, opening the door and ushering them inside. “Emma’s still asleep, but I’m sure she’ll wake up soon. Do you guys want some breakfast?”

“We ate at home, sweetie,” Mary Margaret greets, giving him a quick hug before David does the same. “So Emma said you guys were having some issues in the nursery.”

“I believe that it was more like Killian not being able to put together a crib in under three weeks.”

“So funny, Dave,” he bites, rolling his eyes and locking the door. “I did eventually figure it out. I just think this mid-July heat is obviously getting to me. Or maybe nerves. I’m not too sure.”

“Well, let’s go help then. We’ve got to be at the pub at two, but I think we should be able to get things done.”

After he fixes himself some coffee, not nearly as wide awake as David and Mary Margaret, they head upstairs and begin working in the nursery, assembling the shelves and drilling them into the walls in half the time that it would have taken he and Emma had they done this by themselves. So maybe help isn’t all bad. Before Emma even wakes up, they have the shelves installed and pictures securely nailed on the wall. There are books already being stacked, stuffed animals and knick knacks being placed, and all of the fun nipple creams and breast pumps being placed in the cabinet.

They’re working on the glider when Emma finally wanders in, her hair falling out of its band so that half of it spills down her back while the other half is piled on top of her head, and she’s got her glasses on, something she only does when her eyes feel too puffy to put her contacts in.

“Hey, sweetheart,” David greets, finishing tightening the screw he’s working on before getting up to embrace Emma. “How are you feeling?”

“Rough today. I think the little dude’s a giant or something because he crushes my lungs and my bladder at the same time. So I can’t breathe, and I have to pee. So, yeah, it’s fun.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, dad. It looks fantastic in here. You guys have done so much. I feel like we’re not going to have anything to do in the next two months if we finish all of this.”

“That’s kind of the point, love.”

“Yeah,” she yawns, covering her mouth, “I know. Mom, do you want to come and rest with me in my room? My back hurts today, and I just can’t sit on the floor in here with you guys.” “Of course, hon,” Mary Margaret answers, walking away from the closet and stepping over to Emma before she rubs up and down her back. “Are you sure you don’t want Killian to join you? David and I would be fine to work on our own.”

“No, it’s fine. I bug him all day, and I’m kind of thinking that you can paint my toes for me or we can watch movies or something. It’s been awhile since we’ve done that.”

“Text me if you need me, love,” he tells Emma, his eyes tracing over her in a bit of concern. It’s difficult watching her be uncomfortable or miserable on some days when he literally can’t do anything about it.

“Yeah, babe, I will.”

Emma and Mary Margaret walk out of the room, their voices fading away as they walk into their bedroom one room over, and he’s left with just David who promptly gets back to work finishing building the chair. Music plays in the background, an eighties’ playlist he thinks, and it doesn’t take longer before the chair is completely together and he’s sitting in it testing it out. It’s comfortable, probably one of the best seats they have in the house, and he can definitely understand why Emma insisted on this one after shopping around a bit.

“How does someone so small have so much stuff?”

“My child is twenty-eight years old, we don’t even live in her childhood home anymore, and I swear things of hers still pop up all of the time.”

“That’s likely because Emma leaves everything all over the place.”

He folds his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and rocking back and forth while Cherry Bomb plays in the background, which is definitely not a nursery appropriate song. Or maybe it is. Who needs Mozart when you can have The Runaways?

“So is Emma like that every day?”

“Like what?” he asks, popping an eye open to look at David who’s sitting against the shelves, which can’t be good for his back. God, how old is he getting if his first concern is for someone else’s back?

“Exhausted.”

“No, not every day. She’s usually got a hell of a lot of energy, even if there’s always a nap. I think she had a restless night. She’ll tell me like it is, though. If she’s having a bad day, she’ll let us know.” “What about you?”

“Well, I don’t have a baby crushing my lungs and my bladder.”

“True,” David laughs, running his hands through his short hair. Killian swears it’s gotten more gray in the past year, the blonde nearly disappearing. David is only fifty-two, so he’s not exactly older. Hell, if it weren’t for the wrinkles on his forehead and the gray hairs outnumbering the blonde, he’d look much younger. “But I remember being a dad for the first time. It’s terrifying, so you’re allowed to be scared.”

“I am. It’s…” He reaches up and scratches behind his ear, his hair getting long enough that he knows he needs to get a haircut soon. “Emma and I try to make sure that we keep up our normal routines, that we have our normal conversations without talking too much about the baby, but it’s kind of hard, you know? It’s like we’ll be talking about going out to eat and two minutes later we’re making a list of middle names or speculating if he’s going to look more like me or Emma.”

“I know. But it’s an exciting time, Killian. There will never be anything like it, and if you want to talk about the fact that you’re having a kid, you should. You and Emma have been together for so long, and I really don’t think your relationship is going to struggle if you’re not sitting around making references no one else understands for hours on end.”

“Oi,” he protests, resisting the urge to pick up the toy elephant next to him and throw it at David, “that is your daughter you’re mocking, and she can still kick your ass.”

“Trust me, I know. Who do you think raised her to be like that?”

“Mary Margaret.”

“You’re walking a thin line.”

He winks at David, his lips ticking up on the right into a smirk. “I know. You and Mary Margaret did such a good job, still do such a good job, and even with all of the times you’ve messed up – ”

“ – which is a lot more often than even Emma has probably told you.”

“I just…you’re a good dad, Dave. To Emma, to me. I hope I can do half as good as a job.”

“You’ll be great, Killian.” David smiles at him, something genuine, and Killian’s reminded of how much David really has impacted his life in all of the best ways. “I promise. And as much as I love you, I do love my little girl more, and she’s going to be amazing. She’s always…she’s never been too open to a lot of people, but the people she loves, she loves so fiercely, you know? And she’s already doing so well at being a mom. She’ll call me at nights, and I can just hear the happiness and excitement in her voice. At the end of the day, that’s all you want, you know? For your kid to be healthy and happy.”

“Yeah, I know.” He smiles to himself, thinking of how happy he is. “Also, how dare you imply that you love your own daughter more than me. I thought I meant more to you than that. I thought we had something special, man.”

“I can still give you hell. I’d watch yourself.”

He and David finish up in the nursery for the next few hours until David and Mary Margaret have to go to work, leaving after the three of them eat lunch down in the kitchen, Emma staying upstairs for a nap. When the Nolans are gone and he’s finished eating, he heads upstairs, bypassing the nursery and walking into their bedroom where Emma is sitting up on the bed watching TV.

“Your toes look nice,” he compliments, grabbing onto her big toe and moving it back and forth. “Do you feel any better?”

“Yeah,” she sighs, twisting onto her back and scooting up the bed, “it’s just one of those days, you know? I’m not usually this miserable.”

“I know, but it’s okay to have bad days, love.”

“Come here,” she tells him, crooking her fingers and motioning toward him before she turns on her side and wraps her arms around her pillow. He does as she asks, kicking off his sneakers and crawling up into the bed, the mattress moving against his weight until he’s pressed up behind her, his knee stuck between her thighs and his arm wrapped around her waist while the other rests above her head. This is how she’s been comfortable lately, and he can’t say he minds. “Did you guys get a lot done?”

“Aye, it’s almost all finished.” He moves her hair off of her neck, placing a kiss there before resting his chin on her shoulder. “It just needs your finishing touches, I think.”

“And we have to unpack all of the boxes that are in the guest room and put them away in the closet.” “That too, but we’ve got time, Emma.” She hums, and he can feel the vibrations as well as Andy moving around under his touch, the movements following how he taps his fingers. “Has he been active today?”

“Not since I woke up, but he always responds to your voice.” “Yeah, he recognizes me?”

“Of course, you talk so damn much. How could he not?”

He turns his head and presses a kiss against her jaw, biting a bit just to tease her. “You are not a very nice woman, my love.”

“Oh please, I’m, like, the seventh nicest person you know.”

“Seventh?”

“I figured it was conceited to put me at number one.”

“Possibly.” He moves his hand against her stomach again, snaking his fingers up under her pajama top so that he can feel the warmth of her skin. “So he really does get more active when I talk?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty weird to think about, but it’s true. He likes when you talk. I think it’s because you’re a much better story teller than me.” “I mean, obviously.”

“And that he’s probably just glad to hear someone else besides me. Imagine being stuck with someone for nine months. Good God.”

“Well, I’m stuck with you for forever. Good God.”

She groans and curses him under his breath before she scoots over and turns in his arms, slowly but surely moving to face him. “Don’t be an asshole. Also, so I was talking to mom today, and she wants to be called Mimi. I think Dad wants to be called Papa, which I like as long as that’s not what you want. I know that’s what some kids call their dads.”

“Aye, it’s what Lizzie calls Liam, which is weird since Alex doesn’t do that. But I’m okay with dad or daddy, so David can be called Papa.”

“Yeah, I kind of like it. Mimi and Papa. And then your parents are Gammy and Grandpa, right? That’s what Alex and Lizzie call them.”

“Aye, but I know Mom didn’t want to be Gammy. It’s just what happened. She says it makes her feel old.”

“Your mom is not old.”

“I know, but considering your parents are barely fifty while my parents are in their sixties and seventies, it doesn’t help.”

“I’ll tell my parents to get older then.”

He smiles at her before closing his eyes and settling into his pillow, letting his head sink down into the softness. It’s calming in here, the lights turned off and curtains closed while the ceiling fan hums a steady rhythm above them. He could fall asleep like this even if he’s not the biggest fan of naps, always somehow ending up groggy when he wakes up, and it doesn’t help with the way that Emma is playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingers scratching into his scalp.

“Are you working tomorrow?”

He pops an eye open, looking at Emma and smiling when her nail hits a particularly sensitive spot on his neck. “Aye, I’ve got the Investiture ceremony at ten. Why?”

“Just wondering. I was thinking we could go somewhere. Just us. Maybe take Indy to Berkshire and let her run around, spend some time outside.” “We can do it in the afternoon, if you want. I think the weather is supposed to be nice.”

“Yeah,” she sighs, leaning forward and sliding her lips over his for a brief moment, “I think that would be nice.”

The next day after he’s finished with the ceremony, he hurries home, changing out of his suit and into shorts and a t-shirt, slipping a baseball cap onto his head and grabbing something to eat for lunch while Emma does the same, her hair falling out of the back of her hat in a long ponytail. They’ve got all day, but the afternoon’s weather is pleasant enough that he’d like to go now so they can stop by a café for dinner, even if that’s the absolute last thing that Thomas will want them to do.

They want their privacy, but they should be able to go out to dinner.

So he and Emma load up into his car, letting Indy sit in the backseat with the window rolled down so she can feel the mid-July breeze blow through her fur. It doesn’t take long to get to Windsor, pulling into their parking garage less than thirty minutes later, and instead of going inside like they’d usually do, he hooks Indy up to her leash while Emma grabs some water bottles and they head to the private gardens, avoiding the visitors wandering around on tours.

As much as he prefers the spring, mild July days are near the top of his list of favorite things. Everything is brighter, more pleasant. The grass is actually greener, the flowers contrasting against their background to create a landscape of whites and shades of purple, while everything is covered in a clear blue sky, only a few white clouds scattered throughout. New life blooms, and he gets to be the one to appreciate it, to revel in it. England can be so dreary sometimes, the weather somehow reflecting the moods of most people on their morning commute to work, so he appreciates when it’s not. He’s always loved the outdoors, and if there’s any complaint he has about his home, it’s the small private garden that they have to themselves. He’d like something larger, more space to run around, and sometime in the future, he and Emma plan to spend more time in Bucklebury so that they have the privacy.

That’s what they’ve decided on since returning from Spain last month. There’s been more lengthy, draining discussions with his parents and their security team than he’s ever wanted, and as much as he feels like they haven’t really accomplished anything, he knows it’s a slow process. Of course, there are drawbacks to every positive. They’re still going to have to spend most of their time at Kensington. It’s closer to their work, to their families. Hell, Emma’s parents just bought a house so that they could have the ability to spend time with their grandchild, and now they’re going to move away from them. It’s less than an hour drive, but it’s not nearly as close as they currently are.

But everyone understands, and they don’t plan on moving any time soon, not until Andy’s a bit older. They want to be near all of their loved ones when he’s younger, and they’ve spent so much time working on their home, making it exactly how they want. It’d be difficult to leave full time, so it’ll be nice to have the option of both.

It’ll be even nicer to give Andy the most normal life that they can possibly give him.

Emma whistles next to him, her fingers between her lips, while Indy runs back to them from where they let her loose. She was about five seconds away from jumping into a pond full of fish, and as much as they’d usually let her swim, they don’t need to have a wet dog with them for the rest of the day. So she runs back to them as quickly as she can, her legs leaping in the air with her black and white fur bouncing the slightest bit. He’s convinced that she shouldn’t be able to be that quick, but she’s still just a young dog, less than a year old, and though her legs will get longer, he doesn’t think she’ll ever be full of this much energy again.

If she is, he and Emma are definitely in over their heads.

With the dog.

He’s going to choose to not think of what it’ll be like with a toddler than can run and a dog that he can run after.

After she calms from her almost pond dive, Indy walks along in front of the two of them, occasionally wandering off the stone path to sniff around in the plants, nearly tearing up several flowers until they call her back to keep walking. They stay wandering for a little over two hours, not caring where exactly they’re going or if they’re circling back around in the same spots. Indy and Emma get tired around the same time, so they settle down onto a stone bench with a patio cover that’s next to another small pond.

In the distance, he can see the Chapel where they were married, the steeple rising up above the other buildings and stone walls, and he smiles to himself thinking of that day. In the grand scheme of things, he knows that when it comes to he and Emma, as important as it was, they had so many smaller, inconsequential days that he holds just as fondly in his heart.

But that was a pretty damn good day.

He stretches his arm out over the back of the bench, wrapping it around Emma’s shoulder and tangling his fingers into the ends of her ponytail while she leans her head on his shoulder, the bill of her hat hitting him in the chin for a brief moment. He’s glad she suggested them getting away from London for a little bit, for suggesting that they change up the routine and spend a day enjoying summer, especially since they’re missing out on Scotland with the rest of the family.

A month in the same place as everyone is likely a bit long, anyways. He loves his family, but that’s a lot for anyone.

“I love you, you know?” Emma asks out of nowhere, her gaze never falling away from the rippling of the water in front of them, a fish leaping up out of the water while the lily pads float around.

He squeezes her shoulder, rubbing up and down her arm and kissing her head even if she can’t feel it through the hat. “I know. I love you too.”

#second in command #cs ff #cs fic #captain swan fic

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not-close-to-straight · 6 years

Text

Stick Figures (SWS #44)

SUNDAYS WITH SPIDEYPOOL MASTERLIST HERE

******************

They say soulmates can write to each other the second each one takes their first breath. Technically, if a baby could scribble on their arm, their soulmate could scribble back. Parent’s aren’t upset when their child comes in with marker all over their arms and legs, because they don’t know if the kid is being a messy gremlin or if their little angel’s soulmate has been writing them notes.

Children grow up wearing long sleeves so no one sees if they are writing to their soulmate, or if their soulmate is writing back. Those are private messages, fading away as soon as they are read, only for soulmates to read.

Most soulmates are in fact are platonic, best friends writing to each other across thousands of miles, sharing important moments, favorite milestones.

Sometimes soulmates are romantic, but no one knows until they turn eighteen, anxiously waiting to see if the writing on their skin turns the bright red of true love, or stays the bright yellow of kindred spirits.

Peter Parker started writing his soulmate when he was almost seven years old, picking up a pen and idly doodling a little sketch of a superhero-- and by sketch, we mean a stick figure with a square for a cape, but hey, not everyone is artistic-- and he screamed out loud in class when a different stick figure appeared lower down on his arm, drawn in bright yellow ink, holding two guns and firing at the super hero.

“Peter Parker?” the teacher asked, and he apologized about a million times before grabbing his pen and waiting impatiently for the ink to fade before writing in big, blocky letters YOU CAN’T SHOOT SUPERHEROS THEY R GOOD GUYS.

A minute to wait, and another sketch on his arm, a stick figure with two guns standing next to a stick figure with a cape, and a pile of stick figured with x’s for eyes.

REAL HEROS DON’T KILL PPL EITHER!

The drawing faded, next picture the two stick figured sitting down and eating, an arrow pointing at the “food” and labeling it “chimichanga.”

Peter pulled his sleeve back down and rolled his eyes. Obviously, his soulmate was an idiot.

*****************

Peter’s parents disappeared when he was seven, and even though he drew tear drops on his arms, stick figures crying, scrawled messages of help me something terrible happened, his soulmate never wrote back, so after a while, Peter stopped writing to them.

When he got bit by the spider, his life changed all over again, and even though lots of his friends were writing their soulmates all day long, the seniors waiting anxiously for their eighteenth birthday to see if the ink changed colors, but Peter had bigger things on his mind, different things-- like lying to Aunt May, like skipping class to fight bad guys, like trying to balance a secret identity, a part time job, school work, and all the other joyous things that came along with being a overly hormonal teenage boy.

But secretly, quietly, locked in his room and with the shades drawn just in case, Peter sat on his bed on his eighteenth birthday and wrote “happy birthday to me” on his arm, watched the ink turn bright red, and held his breath and waited for his soulmate to write him back.

No answering ink, no return happy birthday, no red writing at all.

So Peter made sure his suit had long sleeves, and decided to never write again.

*****************

Deadpool was about two hundred pounds of crazy wrapped in black and red that swore like a sailor, sang like Dolly Parton and never stopped leering at Peter’s ass and despite himself, Peter found himself having a good time with the merc.

Wade was hilarious in a terrible sort of way, careless in a terrifying sort of way, and sweet in surprising ways that kept Peter on his toes, kept him guessing, and kept him slowly but surely falling in love.

They kissed for the first time early one morning after a night of patrol, Peter standing on his toes and kissing Wade teasingly through their masks. Wade stammered something stupid, and then was the most gentle in the entire world as he lifted Peter’s mask to his nose, pulled his own mask up just above his mouth and leaned down to place the lightest, purest kiss possible on Peter’s lips.

“Wade--” Peter tried to pull him closer. “Come here.”

“I can’t baby boy.” Wade whispered. “It’s not you, its me. Its not even that I have a soulmate, I’m just not destined for love.”

“Not destined for love.” Peter repeated. “Um, um that’s fine.”

He was used to not having this sort of thing anyway.

*******************

For the first time in almost sixteen years, Peter’s arm lit up with writing that night, bright red ink scrawled up his arm, line after line, written in weird swirls as if his soulmate was writing around something.

i kissed someone tonight and i shouldnt have, not when i know my soulmate is out there and not when our ink is red but i love him. i know i havent done u right, didnt message back when u needed me, but u wouldn’t believe what had happened to me even if i wanted to tell u and i definitely don’t want to tell u.

Peter stared down at the writing in shock as it moved up his shoulder to his chest, coming faster and faster as his soulmate poured his heart out into words.

i won’t make u a good soulmate, wont even make this other guy a half decent boyfriend, but i love him and i guess im asking your permission to kiss him again. i know im not destined for love and lots of people dont even hook up with their soulmate so maybe u and i wouldn’t ever meet at all anyway.

“Jesus Christ....”

i kill people for a living. thats what i do. been working on it. you told me a long time ago that we don’t shoot superheros and that heros dont kill bad guys and ive been working on that i promise. the kid i love has been helping me with it and some days i feel more like a hero than others but im still a disaster and something about him keeps me together.

i hope you havent kept your life on hold waiting on me to show up because i’m the worst soulmate ever and now ive been writing you about someone else i love and-- you know what? his names peter, pete. i love him. i haven’t even told him yet, in fact when he kissed me i told him i wasnt destined for love and it was terrible. i wouldn’t blame him if he never talked to me again.

“Wade.” Peter breathed, and went dashing for his desk, scrambling for a pen so he could write back.

i know i should have written you before now and i can promise if you still want to talk to me or tell me things about important times then thats cool, ill try to write back. i dont understand why our writing is red, but maybe now that i’ve blubbered on like a jackass it will turn back to yellow.

anyway. sorry my handwriting is terrible. i hope i didnt break your heart.

Peter clicked his pen a few times, trying to figure out what to write, re-reading the red words as they started fading off his skin, making room for his reply.

Finally, after almost fifteen minutes, he figured out what to say.

***************

Wade watched in disbelief as a little comic appeared on his arm in bright red-- a stick figure wearing a spidey mask smooching on a stick figure with what looked like two sticks on his back and definitely two guns in his hands.

spidey?

is your writing terrible because you have to write between your scars

yeah

i love that

what

and i love you

Peter smiled down at the stick figure cartoons that appeared close to his elbow, a Deadpool holding a giant heart, and a Spidey with heart eyes.

i love you too.

not destined for love, my ass

aww spidey, I love your ass

A drawing-- a stick figure with a peach for an ass.

Peter started laughing.

His soulmate was an idiot.

*********************

#ncts fics #spideypool #sundays with spideypool #soulmate au

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enixamyram · 5 years

Text

Hey, guess what, I’ve found another screen rant I want to react to! I wasn’t planning to do any more but, reading through this article, I just have SO many problems with it... So Let’s do another, agree or disagree with a Screenrant article made by someone with no bias at all. (Sarcasm for the last part by the way.) So let’s see:

Agreed with this point. People act like, if the characters weren’t on screen then they disappeared or something. Maybe they were just living their own lives?

... I don’t even understand this article. Apparently this is 20 things people get wrong and this point is that the timeline can make sense, but then OP goes on to say “However, the more characters were introduced and the more worlds the characters ventured into, it became clearer and clearer that time didn't work the same way everywhere... However, in a world of fairytales, expecting anything more than that is simply asking too much. What does it matter, exactly, when some of these events took place as long as we know that they were a long time ago in a universe not at all like our own?”

Like, so that means this isn’t something people get wrong - the timeline DOESN’T make sense - so what the hell is it doing in this article? You can’t claim you’ve solved it just because you shrug and go “yeah but it’s magic so what do you expect?”

I mean the text directly conflicts the title/bullet point. Luckily I can still safely say I disagree, both with the title and the text because the timeline became f*cked, and just making an embarrassed shrugging face doesn’t change that.

I can’t even say disagree because this is just plain wrong! I don’t quite understand this writer. I can’t tell what they’re deal is, like did they just give a poor title to their article?

Season 1 - The Original Curse Season 2 - Belle and Sneezy lost their memories. Season 3 - Everyone lost a year. Season 5 - Camelot Season 6 - Emma lost her memories Season 7 - Another Curse.

Notice how I left out 4? Well this is where I’m getting confused because this is what OP had to say about Season 4: “While season four dabbled with alternate universes, memories were never wiped or reset in the way they were in every other season.”

... But their memories WERE wiped! They were essentially in a curse because their memories WERE wiped and they WERE given new identities just like the original curse. So yes, memory wipes did in fact happen every single season!

So I can’t agree or disagree because maybe some people do call Ruby a lesbian, but most everyone I talk to calls her bi... So I’ma just skip this one.

Note: She’s bi people. This is canon. If you don’t agree then tough shit.

Agreed, there’s plenty of other ways true love can be proven. TLK is probably just the most convenient, lol.

Kind of agree? I mean I think most people do know and acknowledge this but I guess it can sometimes escape people without realising in passing sentences?

This is true. It was a lame and terrible reveal that made no sense but it was revealed.

... Like, I’m getting confused again. Because this title either doesn’t fit or the writer lives under a rock because no one get’s this wrong! Everyone - rightfully - calls out Zelena for what she did. Even Zelena fans admit what she did was messed up!

... I do agree, I don’t think she made up for all the awful things she did and she definitely became “one of the team” way too quickly for my liking. (I’m hesitant because I suddenly have an idea what side of the fandom wrote this article and I can pretty much predict where it’s going.)

AND THERE IT IS!

DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE. DISAGREE.

“Nothing says good guy like being an older man who takes advantage of a young girl, impregnates her, and lets her go to jail for crimes you yourself committed.” First off, we don’t know his age. Second, he didn’t ‘impregnant’ her. She got pregnant. It takes two to tango though I doubt the writer knows this. And third, Emma went to jail for HER crimes. Sorry, dear writer, but let me just fill you in. Aiding and abetting a fellow criminal IS A CRIME! Emma did wrong and she was punished for it. I don’t necessarily agree with what Neal did but he is not responsible for where Emma ended up.

“Even further, nothing says good guy like someone who mocks the woman he allegedly loves for the years of trauma, suffering, and scars she endured as a result of your callous, selfish behavior.” ... WHEN?!

“... Neal Cassidy became more and more like the selfish, frequently malicious parents who raised him.” ... Again, WHEN?! Like seriously, selfish maybe but malicious?!

“In no world would he have been the right man for Emma or a good father to Henry because he could never accept accountability for any of his many wrongdoings.” Except, you know, Neal knew Henry all of five minutes and was already dedicated to being a great dad to him and literally was WAY better at being a father to Henry than Hook ever was to the kid. And I added the Hook part because my God, the writer of this article couldn’t be more obvious a CS shipper if they had every sentence end with swans and pirate flags.

It’s amazing how, even dead, they’re still threatened by Neal’s character.

Maybe this was true in S6, but by S7 they had clearly retconned it, making the Wish Realm a very real place. Otherwise there’s a ton of plot holes and you’ve got to be a real idiot to say you’d rather accept plot holes than that the Wish Realm might actually be real.

(Also, just saying, another terrible title because what happened to Emma and Regina when they were in the Wish Realm very much DID happen. So again, really poor titles for this article that clearly doesn’t know what it’s point is.)

... She VIOLATED everyone’s minds by erasing their memories and TRIED TO MURDER ZELENA!

She may have had good intentions but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a villain for a season! Dude, have you never heard the phrase “the road to hell was paved with good intentions”?! I’ll defend Emma turning Hook into a Dark One for sure, but trying to completely ignore the awful things she did?! Jesus Christ!

Again... What? OP... Everyone already KNOWS this. This article is meant to be things people gets wrong but, honestly, I think OP’s the only idiot who gets things wrong at this point. So I’m once again torn because I agree with the statement but I don’t agree that this is something people get wrong.

*Sigh* OP’s giving me a migraine. Not because their statement is incorrect, but because all their reasoning is!

“Regina, as we know, went back and forth to points outside of Maine many times during the preceding 28 years.” It was actually explained, by Regina herself to Hook in Season 2, that because she (and he) had no cursed memories, crossing the town line would not affect them.

“Greg and Tamara are also able to cross the town lines, with Greg even remembering the tiny town for years and years after a traumatic encounter within it during his childhood.” Again. The town line affects people who ARE CURSED! This is made very clear! Henry can also cross the town line when he went to get Emma.

The title, once again, is misleading. People are able to leave - so long as they don’t CROSS THE TOWN LINE. That’s the part CURSED people are not able to do.

I’ve given up Agreeing and Disagreeing at this point. OP’s points are making my brain hurt so let’s just move on.

You’re right OP. It did serve a purpose. It’s purpose was to be a cash grab!

Apparently OP’s excuse is that Anna and Elsa helped Emma come into her own as a magic user? Like yeah, I’m calling bullshit. Emma had no problem using her magic until they brought Frozen in, then they made a whole storyline of Emma having problems just to justify having Elsa struggle and then help her with it.

And after they left they were barely even mentioned. So, again. NO PURPOSE. (Apart from a cash grab.)

Okay, so actually, I do agree. Regina is still Henry’s mum but the fact is, his adoption can’t be legal because Regina would need to have lied on her application and all the usual checks usually done for people wanting to adopt couldn’t possibly have happened.

I was going to agree on technicality but you know what? No.

DISAGREE!

Just because the couples aren’t perfect doesn’t make them toxic. (Using OP’s examples:) “Robin's relationship with Regina results in his being repeatedly assaulted and fathering a child as a result of that assault.” Wow, dude, wait to blame the girlfriend for some of the bad stuff that happened in Robin’s life. I sure feel sorry for whoever you end up with if this is how you see it. “Hook and Emma frequently lie to one another as well,” Lying does not equal a toxic relationship! Certain lies, maybe, but general lying is just what people do when they’re embarrassed or ashamed or upset. What counts is what you’re lying about and also whether or not you come clean about it.

The only one I’ll agree with is RumBelle but even then OP completely misses the reason WHY they’re a toxic relationship. Instead they generalise it into very un-toxic details.

... Again... Like... I agree with the statement but NO ONE GETS THIS WRONG!

OP is clearly just using this article as an excuse to bash Regina. And I’m not a Regina fan, but no, dude, if you’re gonna do this then make a “20 of the worst things Regina ever did” list. Not a “20 things people get wrong” and then list a bunch of things that one in ten people gets wrong!

And now OP’s repeating. Because I’m pretty sure this was covered in the 4th one? Like, agree. I guess. But it feels like OP was running out of things and figured Regina bashing again would be too obvious or something.

Okay. Now this is something a lot of people won’t agree with but... I do.

I agree the show was intended to be Emma’s story and that it then got popular and other characters got popular and it branched out into something more.

... However OP is still a colossus idiot because they ended on this sentence:

“It's what made the concept of a seventh season without almost any of the Charmings such a laughable concept - and such a colossal failure, as well.” And while Season 7 may not be the masterpiece I pretend it is to piss of anti’s, it is also far from the worst. OP just hates it because their fav wasn’t centre stage and they’re bitter as hell.

Wow this was probably the stupidest article yet. OP either clearly doesn’t know what they were meant to be doing (a list of things people often forget about the show) or they just wanted to make a list where they bitched a few points and couldn’t be bothered to think of a catchy title or reason why. Either way, OP’s an idiot and most of these points are ridiculously dumb.

#Once Upon A Time #Screen Rant #Agree Or Disagree #Ruby Lucas #Killian Jones #Zelena #Robin Hood #Anti Regina Mills #Neal Cassidy #The Wish Realm #Emma Swan #Anti Frozen Arc #Henry Mills #Anti RumBelle #Captain Swan #Outlaw Queen

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abstracttheworld · 5 years

Text

they dont use tumblr really so i should be okay to vent here.

im really not okay. for the first time in YEARS and technically EVER i met someone and felt legit real like. THINGS. Good things, the goddamn best things. I was happy, like stupidly giddy excitably heart a flutter happy.

and obviously by this dramatic preface-it all came crashing down.

i kind of knew? that something was wrong. they seemed distant, didnt respond the same way that they used to before we met. something felt wrong and i just tried to ignore it. chock it up to insecurity and anxiety. turns out my anxiety was right. they didn’t feel the same way.

i don’t blame them like at all? I’m not angry. I’m just heartbroken. It felt way too soon to have the tip of the word love on my tongue but thar she blew, and i kept batting it away because it was too much too soon. i guess it doesnt matter now.

i chose a really bad night to not take my meds.

tldr: they said they just dont feel the romantic spark like they thought they would. That they aren’t as pan as they thought and seem to just not like women like they expected to. their first answer was that they just needed time to adjust to seeing 3 people (theyre poly) and feel out our relationship. im not saying they were lying, they clearly werent expecting this reaction either. but even then my insides tried to press that something was wrong.

now i wish i had trusted them, called it off again before we even started. before i even entertained more.

my headhurts and my eyes sting from crying and textures feel wrong probably because im not okay.

i still want to make jokes? at least this saves me the trouble of having to admit to mom that im probably poly to her and explain my other main love interest. tho this still means i have to tell her at some point that things didnt work out. all i can think to do is just preface it with that she is to not make a single damn call about like “its because theyre poly or because theyre they or because theyre queer” i just dont wanna fucking hear it. i just want to be upset and have someone comfort me.

yknow what fucking sucks the most right now tho??? is that the comfort i want most right now is theirs. its not like my little fanasy distractions were ever considered bad exactly, but i did kinda wonder if maybe they were more fueled by romantic loneliness than i wanted to admit. now i just. idk. i feel numb. romantically at least. which isnt good!! i still have this wonderful girl thats been so patiently listening to me while i gush about them because i was in the fresh throws of seeing someone in person and FEELING something.

i was so scared i would get there and feel nothing and just do another “yolo” like i did before, end up unhappy while i tried to convince myself itd just take time for romantic jives to get going in me. turns out the turns were tabled!!!

i cant tell if my want to bury this shit under jokes is helpful or hurtful to myself. if i just laugh it off and try to pretend i was never invested, not even for a second.

at least i dont have to budget another visit! At least if depo turns out to be not great for my body i can just get off it! at least now i can play with those condoms i bought and not worry! lauigh and look on the bright side, its a good thing right?

i know i need to get rid of their pictures. i already got rid of the digital ones- ill ask them to delete mine later. along with asking if i should just mail the booty toys to their partner, since i wont be needing them. i guess this saves me the trouble of finding out if im still grossed out by anal? sidetracked- i took polaroids of them. of us? and the idea of throwing them away is KILLING me. i still fucking love them. there!! i said it!! im p sure i was at least on my way to loving them or being in love or w/e and now i gotta let go and it fucking SUCKS!!! i cant even be angry because!! i fucking love them!!! and i hate it!! i want to crawl back inside my nice safe little corner of “i dont need anyone” but i know its not true and i know it felt so good to just. HAVE someone, for sure. “for sure”.

anyway the point was that i need to get rid of their photos, because all its going to do is make me miss them- miss what i thought we were. but im fucking dying about it. but i cant let go and get over it if i dont, i know. ill just end up looking at them again or finding them later and getting heartbroken all over again.

romance is such a goddamn risk i fucking HATE IT but when its good it FEELS SO GOOD. i guess thats that whole “better to have loved and lost thatn never to have loved at all” thing huh??

i just. i dont know. love fucking hurts.

#ooc

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thoughtsandeverythingelse · 3 years

Text

reconciliation

tbh didnt have the intention of journaling this down, but i guess it was a lesson to be learnt.

over the weekend, i had a disagreement with the last person i ever thought i would disagree.

basically, he messed up. he committed to something that clearly he had no capacity to, but instead of communicating it to me - he chose to just stick it up.

this resulted in it backfiring, in turn affect me, and the leaders under us.

i ended up taking up the responsibility, because he clearly had no capacity to do so. i felt that it was unfair, because that gave me such little lead time, which he could have prepared for. at the same time, it really affected what the leaders could learn.

it didnt help that it made me feel so flustered and overwhelmed. it felt like he just abandoned all responsibility to me, leaving me to cover his shit just cause he had a fun night.

it took a while to realise that i was affected. we called in the morning, and he apologised. said he wont do it again. took responsibility, and was accountable to his actions. tries to overcompensate because he felt guilty.

i thought i was okay. but the sight of him during contact time - just irked me.

the sight of his face, his presence - i wanted nothing to do with him. i wanted him to leave, because how dare you bring yourself in, thinking everything is alright - all righteous, when you had to leave me to deal with this?

he tried texting me during the session itself. then the session after. he tried showing me his support during master teaching, but i just wanted him to back off.

i didnt want to have anything to do with him, i wanted him to shut up and leave. dont try to make this all better, just because you feel guilty. i dont want your guilt-ridden actions. i dont want to be a part of this.

he texted me again after the whole day ended. i chose not reply.

i did it because i was so upset with him. i knew that if i had to reply, i might say things that would potentially hurt him. did you not know, you hurt me? was our time not important? is ministry not important? am i not important? how could you do this to me? you tell me you ‘love me’ and you will ‘not do anything to jeopardise my fear’ when the year started, where is that attitude now?’ out of everyone, how could you, hurt me?

but all of me knows, that is hurtful. all of me knows, if i said that to him, he would be crushed with guilt. then he might potentially want to do actions just to ‘please me’, to feel less guilty. not because he wants to serve with me well, but because he want to serve me well.

and i dont want it. i dont want your guilt-ridden service.

“hey is everything fine?” yea everything is fine. whats up “you sure?”

yea. i think i need a time out.

i knew that if i didnt call for that, i might really hurt him. i might say things that i dont mean, that i wanted him to back off, to leave me and give me my space to think. to be upset, and to be hurt. all of me knows, i really needed the time out.

but all of me also knows, i want him to be hurt. genuinely. i wanted him to be hurt, for the same amount he hurt me. i wanted him to feel the hurt and the anguish i had to go through.

but also all of me knows, that is not loving. that is not godly, and that is totally unfair for him. after all, he just made one small mistake. its not like he cheated on me, or he totally abandoned the whole ministry and not showed up. he just had way too much of a fun night, totally let go of his responsibilities and just had enjoyed it.

a part of me wished he did not enjoy the night. thats probably because i knew that while he was enjoying, i was up thinking about this. worry about what his plan would be.

i am not sure what happened to his head space when i called for a time out. but either way, in his words, the ball was in my court.

either way, he would have been in a losing situation. if he set the time for me to be ready, it would seem that he did not give me my space. but because i made the call, then his lack of response would seem like he is not being initiative. he would lose, either way.

i am surprised at how much this affected me. maybe because a part of me was surprised, at how high of a pedestal i placed him. rather, that my expectations of him and his character - were completely torn that night. i totally did not expect how far and how much he would disappoint me.

i cried with the anger i was feeling, because i also felt that it was unjust for my leaders. it was not fair, that their learning had to be subpar because their leader was not ready. at the same time, i felt so unfair that he threw everything to me, while he had a good night.

eventually, i had a nice small cry, took a nap and went for a run. i was wondering, what went through his mind in the those 4 hours. things i would wonder: how are you doing? did you spiral? were you upset? how did you feel? what is going through your mind?

my mind was struggling to think of him as a friend, a co-leader, and a potential romantic partner. am i okay with this attitude, and how does this affect my view of him?

during my run, i knew that i was dragging this a lot longer than i expected. it might have been pure anguish for him, i am not sure. but i knew that i needed the run, and i needed my space.

eventually, i decided to put this to rest - because i didnt want to carry this into the new week.

mustering all my courage, i dropped him a text saying that we should talk tonight. what shall we talk about? i dont know. am i prepared? i am unsure either. probably not.

we finally got on the call. he looks tired. ‘what are we going to talk about’

we both were clueless. we both thought both parties had something to say, when neither had no idea what to say.

eventually, i found out how he was feeling. he mentioned he felt horrible the whole day, to the point where he just didnt want to do anything. that made me feel a bit better, ngl. it felt nice to know you suffered too.

there were many instances i wanted to say things that were hurtful. but i knew, that i cannot use blaming language. to make him feel hurt, or to say things to put him down. i knew very well, if i said it - my intention was to hurt. and that to me, was not loving. what’s the point of saying all of this, when there is literally no purpose?

i have no reason to make you feel hurt, because i know, that you are already hurt. that you feel bad, and you feel guilty. perhaps that to me, was enough.

i told him how i felt. not absolutely honest feelings, because he was already feeling as bad as it is. but just matter of the fact, objective thoughts.

i felt flustered, i felt overwhelmed. i felt that it wasnt fair for the leaders, that they learnt nothing. the personal side of me wants to care for how he’s feeling, but the objective side of me felt so hurt from what he did, knowing his thoughts would have irked me.

he apologised. that he didnt wish that i would have gone through that. that he was sorry for putting me through this.

what more can i say? he took responsibility, and he apologised. if i had to elaborate any further, i knew my intentions might have been ill. i tried to keep it as objective as possible.

but more importantly, how could i be so critical, when i know that the Lord would forgive him? that his Grace is truly enough, and who am i to deny that?

how can i hold onto this anger and disappointment, when it would have been so selfish and unloving for me? how could i deny His grace, His patience and His mercies?

i had every right to be upset, no doubt. but i dont think i have the right to hurt him, to guilt trip him or to manipulate him.

better still, i dont want it. i dont want his overcompensation. perhaps i would rather consistency - but then again, that is a personal expectation which he might fail me.

i guess another part of me is also upset because he promised at the start of the year that he would try to make my worries not come true. that he will do whatever it takes to make it work. and his one small action of not giving a shit for one night, just broke that consistent part of his character, that i trusted.

do i still look at him any less, after today?

i told him no. but i think a part of me doesnt think thats true.

i cannot deny, i am hurt. that your action, made me doubt your character, and your consistency. it feels like a two steps forward, one step back kinda move.

does that mean to say, he wont change? i dont think so. i believe i should still be understanding and open enough to trust that he can be otherwise. and should anything change again, perhaps it would speak more of his character, more than mine.

so jesus, when i say - i leave my thoughts, my feelings and my actions unto you, i want to mean it.

and thank you for using this as an opportunity for the both of us to learn more about ourselves, and each other.

please guard my heart, my thoughts and everything else that flows from it.

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

#vent/ //#might delete later ///#ok to rb but. i swear to god if this pops off and ppl whine...... literally L I T ER A LL Y come take care of my kids #NO BETTER YET BC ITS ACTUALLY FEASIBLE!! FOR EVERY COMPLAINT. 5 DOLLARS IN MY PAYPAL #SO I CAN AFFORD DAYCARE. LITERALLY IF OYU CLAIM ANY STUPID SHIT BC I ADMIT ITS HARD TO CARE FOR SMALL KIDS #U HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT PUT THAT FAKE BITCHY JUDGY CONCERN INTO ACTUAL RESULTS. THANKX #anyways on a real note again this is a vent moreso than a disc horse post thats meant to be shared around so #its not perfect its just. my feelings over the past couple years dealing w this man #really fuckin tired of it i really spent so many years 100% on the side of 'i have critical understanding i get to judge'#no i didnt. no you dont. its not comprehensible till you're pushed to your own limit with childcare. i hate being that btich #cuz nobody wants to hear it. but its the truth swallow it #long post //

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