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queer-muslim-culture-is · 9 months

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hi there! not a ‘culture is’ ask, rather- a question if that’s ok? firstly- i really, really want to thank you for running this blog. before this i literally thought i was the only queer muslim, or at least the only genderfluid one, and i’d felt so isolated and wrong and ashamed, but now i feel so much better about being queer and muslim. thank you…… <3

quick question for you and anyone who reads this blog- y’all, how do i find other queer muslims, online and in real life? in real life most muslims ik or have met are so queerphobic i’m honestly not sure how to root out anyone who is queer or even accepting. in other countries (i live in an African country, kinda in the middle of nowhere lol), ones that are more well-known perhaps, how did any of you meet any other queer Muslims?

also… online. there’s so many queer Muslims online and i’d love to get to know some of you, be friends or just to hear about others experiences and lives. but i literally don’t know how to find y’all, ahh😭😭

hi anon ! im so glad you found us <3 queer muslims have existed since the dawn of islam and will *continue* to exist. youre not the only one, never have been and never will be :]

as for finding other online queer muslims : i usually just go scroll through the queer muslim tag ! see who posts or even just likes / rbs the content there

maybe some of my followers are also looking for friends ?

**** if anyones interested, leave a reply or a note in a rb ! ****

as for IRL queer muslims well,, tbqh im not sure. personally i got sorta lucky. i grew up in africa as well and my two closest friends at the time both came out to me as bi before i started questioning my sexuality. beyond that, there were two cishet guys who,, didnt always say the right things and i dont think they wouldve understood my gender but they *did* hype me up when i told them i was gay and they told me they knew others like me. i also have an aunt and uncle who, although ive yet to speak to them about this, liked the facebook page for my countrys queer rights activism group (which i was pleasantly surprised existed), so im *reasonably* sure theyre chill

to try and extract some advice from my experience :

check their online presence if you can. do they follow or interact with queer or queer friendly accounts ?

discussing or bringing up queer media and celebrities is always a good way to gauge ppls opinions on the matter. you can be as subtle or as direct w this as you want, but tread carefully cause ppl can get real heated

>> my bi friend recommended me a queer manga before she came out, whilst a homophobic ex friend started ranting abt a video game trailer bc it had a gay couple in it

**** if anyone reading this has more tips, please leave them in the notes ! ****

#hopefully this is at least a bit helpful ^^#oh also my friend joined the local model un and apparently that was a queer hotspot but i dont think that ones universal :p #not queer muslim culture #blog appreciation

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fbj723 · 9 months

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honestly been going back and forth w myself on a lot of things lately attaching a read more for the sake of ik i'll be rambling like theres no tmr

a part of me wants to drop pnc but i havent really gotten everyone i wanted yet + im broke so i need to build my stash up *looks at clotho and eos* oddly enough pnc has been a game ive been pretty happy on playing still hate how i missed a login day tho tbf ive rarely borderline never interacted w the fandom so me just being in the dark w what goes on there has kinda been a blessing and a curse in a sense that i can enjoy the game in peace but it feels like im alone doing so

pgr im really REALLY tempted on dropping my glb acc, once nocti comes around which will prob be around the end of the school yr for me thats where i'd be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ welp ig im done and drop that acc after playing around w nocti and whatev. tw im still not too sure abt?? prob when i get around to lvling up my main teams i can be like ok im done and drop that at any time since im just there to experience content ahead of time without being in cn directly

before dropping pgr entirely i do wanna complete a few stuff i had in mind tho

countdown for hyperreal which will prob happen bambi patch

still need to finish that nocti countdown for tw ive barely had any motivation completing that

nocti's bday countdown (similar to how lee's went)

glb nocti's countdown

draw every char up to latest one in cn

a few noctiskk comics thats been in the back of my head for MONTHS now

basically LOTS of countdowns and nocti stuff before i drop everything entirely

will i still draw pgr stuff after all that? mayyybeee???? itll moreso be towards kye's lore building rather than it being a standalone thing. i'll still collect merch and build up my shrines and make cosplay for chars but aside from that i'm pretty much gonna be moving on to other things

ive always had 50/50 feelings w being in the pgr fandom, tho being introduced to it on disc and then going to twt may have affected my views on this whole thing. esp when the side of the fandom i was first introduced to is like the lowest of the low, i dont want to go back to a place where a bunch of dudebro incels made fun of me for being afab and liking lee and me thinking that was a norm when it clearly isnt. its been 2 goddamn yrs and theyre still poking fun at that?? like my god grow up im so sick and tired of it.

if by a slim chance i still want to participate in being in the pgr fandom i'll just go back to lurking like ive always done in prev fandoms, if i really wanna be active in talking abt the game i'll talk abt it in servers or dms, but publicly i felt that i could never really comfortably talk abt how i feel abt it aside from here cause this site >>>>>> bc i felt like my opinions arent valid, tho that really applies to anything i do so 💀💀

pgr has been a really nice game for me to destress and detach myself from reality for a bit, tho now i wanna move on to other games and focus more on my ocs like i did back in the day. once i properly set up everyone's lore doc maybe in the future i'll make a game around them, nothing too big since i'll pretty much be making most of it, but i kinda wanna fulfill my childhood dream that was just recently unlocked

theres also that small part of me that wants to be known for my oc stuff rather than pgr stuff, but bc im not tagging w popular art tags im kinda just existing, and thats fine by me. hitting 500+ follows on twt was like peak realization of me going like "oh shit, 😨 maybe this big of a following aint for me" and it truly isnt lol

#fbj rambles

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stil-yr-sand · 3 years

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>:(

1. oooo a while ago, maybe a year?

2. in general, grian! i started watching hermitcraft around this time last year with my dad in hopes it would help convince him to let me get minecraft (it workedddddd) for dsmp, im pretty sure it was tommy or wilbur, i think a sbi comp popped into my reccomened

3. bee w tubbo (basic ik) raccoon w tommy, not rlly anything else

4. yeah i did! but i have no idea who the person is. Pearlsayah on twitch, but ive never watched a stream and im not following them so idk how that happened

5. twitch, but yt for techno

6. idk ig @dsmpxpain?

7. yes bc its all i talk about smh

8. this one that one buuuuuuuuut rlly any ranboo stream that has tubbo in it. oo that one where karl joined for a bit and they talked about tubbos dreams

9. ranboos or benchtrio

10. red for tommy, green for phil or tubbo, lime for dream, yellow for wilbur more but im too lazy

11. i dont remember how long but i watched alot of the ranboo subathon

12. nope

13. no i have no talent lmao

14. the only one ive seen live was the one grian streamed (mcc 13? i think). but ive seen alot of the vods

15. chill smp ones

16. minecwaft ones: DropsByPonk (!!) hannahxxrose (pls shes so great go check her out) Badlinu and Cyberonix (minecraft ish), Snifferish, ZombieCleo (alot of the hermitcraft guys in general), iskall85 , lemonsprout_ grian other: dangelno stopsigncam (>:) )

17. see 2.

18. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yes but suddenly my mind is blank. really any tommyinnit or ranboo one theyre so funny

19. hmm. i dont watch very many vods, mainly comps or highlights. but i think the last vod i sat down and watched was that one philza one where tubbo and ranboo joined and tubbo tried to steal the beacons from erets castle

20. def ranboos

21. heatwaves w dream n george (i hate my life) marry you with ranboo n tubbo, and a lot of the lemon demon songs w ranboo

22. even tho i wasnt around for it i like alot of the lmanburg stuff

23. benchtrio interactions

24. yes yes yes

25. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm alot of them are just bee duo/allium duo/ bench trio interactions. they just make me really happy.

26. probably just survival but philzas hardcore world is rlly neat too (i think thats what this is asking)

27. jdaboss8088 (gogogogogogogogo)

28. ranbooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo n foolish

29. CHIRP 1000% IT IS THE BEST ONE AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL (i mean pigstep is great too but cmon chirp)

30. call me ranboo because ive forgotten B) (i think it was tommys exile? i think i joined before that but i wasnt super into it)

31. moobloom (we were robbed >:0)

32. spiders are kinda cool bc they can go up walls

33. no sir

34. oh gosh. 98k for ranboo :|

35. not rlly my social anxiety gets the best of me

36. yeh, ranboos. his is super chill. not super active in it tho im in the argtwt one but idk if that counts

37. uhhhhhh idk i dont look at merch that often. phils is pretty cool tho

38. no but i ordered ranboos youtooz :)

39. sadist ones (duh) but i really like this one

#the things i do for sharma #smh

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wickedpact · 3 years

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Hey feel free to ignore this,, but I was just wondering if I could ask your opinion (and your followers opinions) on JoeNicky fics where the others aren’t really a part of it?

They have such a good dynamic that not writing them all together feels wrong but I just can’t figure out how to incorporate them with the idea that I have. I mean let’s be real I’ll probably never finish writing it or even post it but I was curious how people feel about not having the other characters involved.

Thank you in advance :)

i have mixed thoughts

on one hand i think that all the tog characters are interesting and fun and unique and i think they all deserve to be written about and explored! on the other hand i do get the appeal of joenicky (honestly i have like.. <5 non-joenicky gifsets. i am in no position to judge here lmao)

(and honestly the Appeal of joenicky isnt something thats limited to tumblr shipping communities! almost all tog reviews/analyses discuss joenicky a lot considering how little screentime they have-- most reviews have a little section dedicated to them and to the van scene! and i have seen many reviews of tog that amounted to 'i didnt like any of it, except the van scene was excellent'. theyre just a really well done couple! & thats fine)

people like joenicky! and im cool with that. but for me the kind of :/ thing is when people seem to, like... forget(?) about the others bc theyre so focused on joenicky? a thing that comes to mind is that when we were learning abt ttt, we found out that one of the stories would be abt ship of theseus, and people just... jumped to the conclusion that the joenicky story would be abt ship of theseus, when the 'andy's relationship with her axe over the years' story was right there. (imo at least, ship of theseus doesnt fit joe and nicky that much, especially in comparison to andy)

also theres this specific subset of joenicky fics that take place post-movie, and have this thing that always gets me, where the squad will split up. joe and nicky go to one place, and nile and andy go to another (to train usually). which?? makes no sense to me, they just went through the most traumatic and life-changing events theyve gone through as a team since quynh was lost (honestly this might be worse) and they... immediately split up? esp after they just reunited at the beginning of the movie? like andy's mortal now and joenicky r just like 'good luck with that! now we're off to our 5038278th sex vacation!'. ik people do this for the sake of joenicky fucking in privacy, which again: fine, but its so weird from a team standpoint and it always kind of makes me :/

so. for me its stuff like that, when people seem to forget about the other team members. however when its just, you know, a story that centers joe and nicky, and isnt actually like.. actively pushing the others out of the narrative, i dont mind it at all.

(and also, this is just my personal tastes! im not the Fandom Police™ or anything)

#drowsyiris #cut for length bc i never shut up #but yeah thats me idk abt other people's feelings tho #honestly imo.. . just Go Forth And Write The Thing #!!

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kikisdeliveryservices · 4 years

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When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :^)

i also got this from @katsukes so im gonna include wat wouldve been my responses in this too!

also theres a strong possibility ppl have already received this message in their inboxes bc every1 is wonderful

@celiabowens - first, TY SO MUCH! truly its an honor to get this from u! can i also take a moment to hype u up w/ how talented & sweet u r? its such a treat to have u on my dashboard! ur a huge inspiration and hopefully i can get to ur level someday hahaha. im also really happy to follow u bc im trying to get back into reading & ik that ur into literature so i get to have a bunch of reading recs. plus seeing ur lit posts motivate me to expand my tastes & get back into reading :)

@katsukes - ian where do i even start! u interact w so many ppl & make this website really fun to be on. u reach out to a lot of ppl & spread much needed kindness. i feel like u put in a lot of effort to make every1 feel welcomed, which is so appreciated. the content u make for so many fandoms as well is stunning! u truly do a lot for tons of fandoms & i think were pretty blessed to have u on this site

@whisperhearts - ur really kind & a positive person, to the point where it compelled me to start interacting with ppl more on tumblr to try to also bring some kindness on this site. i also really admire ur gfx too bc of the way u use typography! aesthetic is A++. u also inspired me to try bullet journaling & actually keep up w/ it for once in my life lmao

@queerbucky - u help me bring out my creativity & motivation to make gifs! u always makes requests & im so happy to make them for u. as a content creator, when some1 does this it makes u feel special. i really appreciate u & how kind u r!

@wuatsui - since i came back to tumblr, ur some1 who made me feel really welcomed. i iniatially followed u on my anime blog, where u tagged me in a lot of get to know u posts. prior to this i rarely interacted with ppl, so having u wanting to get to know me felt nice! ur content & gifs r also A+! i especially like ur naruto gifs & seeing them on my dash is part of the reason why i started rewatching it :)

@mafuyuh - u have a really warm aesthetic & personality. i super enjoy seeing u interact with others bc ur so approachable. ur also very creative & everything u put out is honestly amazing & breathtaking. i would never in a million years think up the things u do! seeing u in my notifications is always a treat!

@zuura - ur someone who i followed on the more recent side, & i sorely regret not doing it earlier! when i see u reblogging things, u always have something positive to say. the world could really benefit from more ppl like u! also ur colorings r AMAZING. i feel like theyre always glowing & vibrant!

@arriettvs - ur a very sweet person! although we havent interacted extensively i feel like were kindred spirits :) ur content is remarkable. genuinely, i love seeing how u use typography in ur gfx & i love seeing the pretty colors u bring out in all ur gifs. u also follow all of my blogs which is extremely kind of u. also i hope this isnt weird but ur 1 of the few active followers on my photo blog so i try to reblog stuff i think u would like as well LOL

@yuuki-ko - ur work is super recognizable & i can tell whenever i c ur gifs on my dash. theyre always vibrant & stand out. also ik a lot of my mutuals follow u too & i can see why! u respond to every1 w such kindness! lastly, i love reading ur comments in the tags bc u seem so excited w/ a lot of stuff & it also makes me feel excited hahaha

@manganimae - first of all, ur URL is SO perfect & fun! my other social media usernames r also puns off of my name so when i first followed u & took a look at ur about i instantly fell in love w ur URL hahaha. i think ur also super creative to incorporate manga panels + gifs in ur edits :) additionally, its super fun to see wat new things u come up with! all ur ghibli gifs r so fun bc u color them in ways that i dont think ive ever seen before

@kiyomie - ur work amazes me every time i see it. u managed to create a look in all of ur edits thats specific to u, & thats a massive feat that i think is very hard to do, especially across different fandoms. ik that anon also sent u an accusatory message not too long ago, but i think u handled it very gracefully too, which i think is a huge comment on how mature & kind u r!

#celiabowens #ask

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dazaiapologism · 5 years

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Suicide tw I guess but uh Are you still friends with blackreigen? Ik they deleted but they apparently bullied a teen on here into killing themselves over a call out post for things they like, admitted were all true? Which was the reason they deleted? Idk I never really followed them I just see them all the time in my dash for mp100 but they literally sent their followers after teens for asking them to stop being weird about anime and one of those teens died bc of it and no one cares

ok i have not heard anything about this but if a teen took their own life bc of tumblr bullying (or for any reason rly) then that is an incredibly tragic thing, full stop.

but yes tj is still my friend and i care about them very much, and so for their sake i am telling you to leave them the fuck alone. full thoughts under the cut if you so care to read it ig

dont come onto my blog and tell me that a good friend of mine “apparently” was at fault for this when you say yourself that you never followed them and only heard about this from others WHEN I WAS THERE FOR IT. yes, i do remember a time when they poked fun at someone, realized the person in question was a minor, and then promptly deleted their original posts and apologized for even putting a minor in the spotlight on their blog like that.

if other people STILL chose to continue harassing that person outside of tj’s knowledge, i dont think it’s fair to pin that on tj NOR do i think tj would have supported or condoned that shit. so much of what they’ve said and done has passed through so many different interpretations, most of which were disingenuous at best and actively malicious at worst.

i’m going to assume you’ve never had the misfortune of having thousands of followers on this website, but when you do? its simply not possible to keep every single one of them from doing harm based on your mistake, and it really only takes one especially cruel person to cause that kind of harm in the first place. its even harder when you didnt ask for that kind of reach in the first place and have to learn how to manage it on the fly. all you can do is own up, apologize, do as much as you can to mitigate harm, and move on, which is exactly what they did. i guess those apologies either did not make it to the people that needed it or were not performed in the correct way, but that doesn’t excuse the way they got dragged through the mud on here.

yes im still friends with tj. no i STILL dont they deserve a fraction of the shit directed at them on here. and yes i trust my own personal judgement over that of a random ass anon who heard stuff through the grapevine. tj has enough going on in their life, they dont need a bunch of teens holding every word they say under a microscope looking for wrongdoing.

stop coming to me with these “did you hear blackreigen did X and Y horrible things? i wasnt there for it but i heard.” when i WAS there and DO think they handled it as best they could. i dont care. i really dont. i like tj and i think they are a good person and you can stop trying to gotcha me into saying theyre Bad when you all know damn well that i think highly of them.

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theworldlistensasyoufall · 3 years

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im v self-destructive.

the whole not being allowed to prioritize myself in any aspect of my life growing up has been so detrimental to my adult life. i procrastinate on every school thing bc ik i won’t do too bad even if i do it late, but also me doing it late is an excuse for not doing it perfectly!! i will literally start essays the day theyre due and speed run through em even tho i have other days to work on it too!! but i just can’t bring myself to sit there and work on things.

and i never used to study for tests either? not unless i really needed to, but that only started when i had to take care of a whole ass baby!!!! and then even when i would set aside time for studying i’d get yelled at for not doing family stuff!!!!

i choose to do things that don’t matter instead of things i’d actually enjoy,, and it’s so easy bc it’s such a passive response? it’s much easier to sit there and play league or hang out w friends than motivate myself to actively do something creative or something that would take effort.

i’ve sabotaged my life so hard bc i didn’t feel like i had a choice lmao and now i’m paying for it!!! bc now i have a path to follow and i’ve made it all the more difficult by setting such low expectations of myself in terms of effort.

also the whole not eating and sleeping too much and the hot water and the being quiet and the shutting down and the ignoring myself and the pain

#personal #there are so many things to figure out #my shoulders hurt so bad #im #in so much pain lol #laying down isn't helping #i just wanna go to sleep man #being awake is too much #i can't control any of this #let me control what i can please

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing.

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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lilidhshoneynutfeelios · 5 years

Text

this weeks freeform personal post lol

so im kinda getting estranged by my mother tbh like i was quite explicitly told that im making a “lifestyle choice i dont agree with” and that she “cant recognise me” (like, my face is a different shape but what she means is that im not like, rolling over and taking her abuse anymore) and i cant be like taking hormones and using a different name and expecting to be like, part of the family yknow. and like, her partner will just follow suit and ive already estranged my older sister lmao and like, highkey im not confident i’ll get into 3rd year and like, yknow. on a triangle of ‘disowned’ ‘trans’ and ‘drop out’ im pretty sure i can only handle two and like, v v highkey i want to just like, kill myself and avoid the whole thing and like, i’m v aware that, other than this one medically induced manic episode in march/april, ive had passive suicidal ideation for like, almost my entire life and ive never done anything about it. idk im v greatful for the valid people in my life rn, im v happy that ive got like, decent people i know irl and online that just kinda, make it seem like a temporary problem? and recently ive had a lot of experiences where ive been able to like, be good for someones life, esp w like, i run the trans forum at uni right, and we’ve had a couple moments where like, people’ve got to see like, other trans people in groups, and just be like ‘huh, we’re not freaks and perverts huh’ and its been good for them and i kinda just wanna keep living for those moments and all these rly cool moments i get to have w my friends and like, ive got a lot of good books im excited about rn, and ive got some money in the bank i dont want them to get, idk. ik a lot of people in my life get really tetchy when i talk about like, suicide after like, i actually tried, and thats fair but like, for the last idk more than 10 years its just been passive and ideative and thats sad but its also like, mostly benign and i dont want people to worry about me. i kinda think im too late to get a summer internship now i had two interviews and i failed one and i dont want to work in a care home all summer and i kinda want to piss off to glasgow and stay w finn and thats not an easy option but i think it’d be good for me like idk what work i could do in glasgow but i could do some shitty job right,i dont have to do internships now i guess, idk im really tetchy about experience and esp trying to get experience where a change of name isnt an issue. yknow, like job hunting is demeaning enough without revealing a priori youre tranny, idk like, i have a zero hours job in aberdeen but i wanna move out like, asap, like i cannot be here, its just v scary to be in an environment where youre like, actively hated. idk like she didnt harbour any particular hatred to trans people before this like she knew a trans person from my school and used his name and pronouns but idk, maybe i shouldve seen it coming after how tedious she was about me being a faggot like, idk she got over that after a couple months but she just, doesnt want to budge on this, like she sees me using my name and taking hormones and having trans friends as like, an actual insult to her raising me. shes just like I Picked Your Name, I Raised You A Boy, Therein You Will Be And Anything Else Is An Insult To Me As A MoThEr yknow like, god, its not a big deal yknow, you get 2 daughters or you get 3 idc what you do with that fact. and sure, i consider it entirely her problem that she hates trannies but like, being trans AND disowned AND a dropout is just like, too much for me i think like, theres no shame in that life to me but like, theres also no dignity. like theres no dignity anywhere but idk if i can do it yknow. also like, and i hate to like bring up sex work when talking about trans hardship bc it feels like a boogyman trans girls bring up to scare eachother but, idk if i can go back to that? i hate waiting outside and i need poppers for like, anal w people i dont trust (and sometimes w people i do) and like, theyre a v safe drug but too much can put pressure on the eye and im blind enough as it is. i had enough poppers one time that i went colourblind for a moment. that was fun. i was kinda drunk too. in the summer i kinda wanna deal with presentation like learning-to-pass as a skill but like, idk im not butch right but im also like a real person who goes outside lmao. like i cycle in the rain and garden and eat with my hands and im not going to be domesticated at any point tbqh. like im not sure i’ll ever pass in like, the next so many years without like, FFS and laser or smthn, but like, idk ik two things right (1) that im a bit of a feral tomboy and im comfortable in like, trews and shirts, getting dirty and building things so long as im not like, percieved as a man and (2) that i was traumatised for like, almost the entirety of my life for doing anything feminine right. like i got beat up in the engineering club at school a lot bc i wasnt like, masc enough to be in that space lol, or even if i didnt get beat up like, there was like, idk what you’d call it like preformative beating up? like unwarrented roughhousing? like pretending to kick someone but Just For The Banter Obviously, We Weren’t Trying To Intimidate The Faggot At All Sir. yknow. and like, obvi like the usual words and jokes we usually use to talk about fem men or men who arent masc enough or whatever. and like, trying to separate (1) from (2) yknow. like thats a task and a half. and like, esp recently where im like, not feeling like a pervert and an intruder 100% of the time w like, lesbian spaces. like obvi ik im not welcome by most there right, but like, idk ik a few lesbians who are like, idk at least on surface dont seem to consider me an outsider and i kinda, get to talk about the fact i like women without like, being seen as a man and a pervert and a rapist for it yknow. and thats been like, a bit of a moment for me. bc like, idk i like women and i kinda havent been thinking about that for a long time bc i dont want to be seen as a man and like, ik ive always liked women, i just like, didnt think that i could like, engage with other women who might like me, without like, having to Perform Man and all that implies and, idk yknow, its not like im having a sexual awakening or ive discovered a two way strap on lovehoney im just like, idk, not not-welcome sometimes for the first time in forever and that kinda means rethinking a few things about where i position myself etc. and thats largely fun now that im like, idk, i have more language-tools to do it than the last few times ive had to consider who-i-love-and-how yknow. and like, idk ive mostly been playing the same fiddle as i always have with like, having this gayboi dress sense and slang and idk, maybe it’d be fun to get a bit of a more lesbian of a haircut or smthn, but like, id have to do it in one of the gay barbers in glasgow bc i dont trust any barbers in aberdeen to not cut my hair Like A Man yknow also i havent been to my usual hairdressers in months bc im growing out the sides and idk what theyd say like i need my split ends done but i dont want them to go in and speak about my hair and my bikes and my ex lmao i used to go get haircuts w my ex and also i have v bad hair and ive recently decided im ok with it being curly so im just like, idk learning what to do with that tbh idk yeah, once whoevers in the kitchen leaves im gonna make a cheese toasty bc thats what ive been craving all day

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