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incorrectsmashbrosquotes · 5 years

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TDSB: Episode 2, Part 1. Something Fishy This Way Comes...

*Cloud, Richter, and Stevie are in the Smash Bros Lounge watching TV. Cloud is reading, Richter is nursing a glass of wine, and Stevie is playing Candy Crush on his phone with the TV acting as background noise. Wario walks in on them lie this.*

Wario: What's up losers.

Richter: Screw off Wario.

Stevie: Aye mate! We're trying to get our hogwillies a rest 'ere ya humdinginer billabong!

Wario: Once I find out what that means I'll come up with a crushing reply.

*Wario plops down on the couch and grabs the remote, flipping through channels. Cloud looks up from his book, but double takes when he sees something familiar*

Cloud: Hold up! *grabs the remote from Wario*

Wario: Hey! What's the big i-

Cloud, flipping back through the channels: Shut up!

Stevie: Oi mate! What's got your bloomdingers in a sodfeelfen?!

Cloud: Look! It's Ganondorf! He's on TV!

*Sure enough all see Ganondorf on the television, now wearing a gaudy silver suit*

Richter: What the- he's right!

Wario: What the hell is going on here?! ...And why the hell is Ganondorf wearing THAT?

Ganondorf: Last time, on Total Drama Smash Bros! *cuts to the twenty contestants on the dock when they first arrived* Our contestants arrived here in Camp to compete in the greatest Reality TV show yet!

Cloud: That's all the Smashers that Master Hand called away on some secret mission!

Richter: Well now we know that's bullshit.

Ganondorf: *screen cuts to the Smashers joining their respective teams* After forming up and meeting their teammates, it was time for their first challenge, *shot of the contestants playing the game* VOLLEY-BOMB! *shot of Peach negotiating with Pit and Zelda* Alliances were made, *shot of Bonny Janet and Link arguing* strife was founded, *shot of Lucina getting blown away* and days, *shot of Falcon getting blasted* were, *shot of Corrine getting Warlock-Punched* Ruined!

Stevie: Oof, that's a right hard humdinger that is.

Ganondorf: *shot of Falcon getting thrown onto the Boat of Failures* In the end, it was Captain Falcon who was sent home for failing his team when they needed him the most.

Richter: Tough break Falcon.

Wario: But why the hell are they even there?! It makes no sense!

Ganondorf: *the screen returns to Ganondorf on the dock* Can the Goombas learn to trust each other? Will the Koopas learn about Peach's alliance? And who will win this week and find themselves one step closer to winning that sweet, sweet twenty million dollars!

Wario: TWENTY MILLION!?

Richter, clutching his ears: Well, there goes my eardrums.

Ganondorf: Find out this week, on Total! Drama! SMASH BROS!

Wario: I GOTTA GO!

Cloud: Go where?

Wario, jumping out the window and summoning his motorcycle: TO GET THAT TWENTY MILLION!

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*The Campers are hanging out in the mess hall, chowing on breakfast crafted by Ridley.*

Robyn, holding up a chunk of “food” with her fork: Are we sure this is food? It seem more like something Godzilla would up-chuck if he had one too many beers.

Marth: I;m fairly certain this substances' mere existence violates the Geneva Convention several times over.

Link, chowing down: Meh. Not the worst thing I've ever eaten. *He takes another big bite as the others of his team look on in horror.* Mmh! Crunchy.

Confessional

Zelda: I know that Link has eaten some questionable things in his adventures, but I had no idea he had such an iron gut! It's terrifying!

Samus, shrugging and digging in: Eat up Koopas. Gotta get your energy up for whatever nightmare Ganondorf has planned.

Roy: Speaking of, where is that Sauron rip-off? *Roy suddenly gets smacked in the face by a Mr Saturn sending him into the wall connecting the Mess to the kitchen*

Ridley: Oi! I'm trying to work here.

Ganondorf, striding into the mess: Sorry my purple friend, but it's time for this week's challenge!

Roy: Everything... is... in pain...

Ganondorf: Move it or lose it Roy boy!

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*Ganondorf has led the Campers to the docks where a series of boats await them. Half the boats are outfitted with Goomba red and the others are painted Koopa green.*

Ganondorf: Welcome to a little challenge I like to call... Man vs. the River Wild!

Samus: Let me guess... some sort of river rafting race with a brutal and sadistic twist to it.

Ganondorf: Eh, you're only half right. No to the rafting race, yes to the brutal and sadistic twist!

Ike: Figures.

Ganondorf: No, you're challenge is something different. *two moblins produce a large blackboard with instructions written all over it.* Ahem, as you can see, today you will be having a fishing competition!

Red: Seriously!? That's awesome! Leaf and I fish for aquatic Pokemon all the time!

Ganondorf: Today, your prize is the rare Spotted Buck-Salmon. *he holds up an example*

Lucina: Wait a minute, that just looks like a regular salmon you super-glued antlers onto!

*King K Rool, off to the side, slides a box of crappy dollar store antlers out of sight whilt whistling nonchalontly.*

Ganondorf: Regardless of their status as novelty items, you have to catch them! But be warned. These waters are filled with piranha, *Petey the Piranha Plant wearing a scuba outfit surfaces and waves at them.* sharks, *a shark pops out of the water and swallows Petey whole, grinning evilly afterward* and other unspeakable horrors from the depths that even H.P. Lovecraft would never be able to dream up! *a massive tentacle rises from the water and grabs the shark, dragging it down and causing it to spit up Petey*

Confessional

Link: Finally! Something I know I'm good at! I went fishing all the time in Hyrule.

Confessional

Ganondorf: In one of my many times trying to take over Hyrule I needed to find a way to delay Link. I tried two different strategies. First, I sent an army of undead after him, led by an Elder Lich. Secondly, I used a shovel to dig out a pit that a filled with water, stuck a “Free Fishing” sign in front of it while spreading the rumor that there was a rare fish inside.

One of those tactics bought me a whole month of time, and the other he beat in an hour.

Take a guess which one was which. Take a wild fucking guess.

Corrine: Okay, what's the horrible bullshit twist you've got for us this time?

Ganondorf: Aww, you know me so well.

*Corrine rolls her eyes*

Ganondorf: The twist? You can either catch the fish yourself, or wait for someone else to catch it and steal it from them!

Robyn: Wow, you're right. That IS bullshit.

Ganondorf, unperturbed: You have ten minutes to pick a partner to fish with and select which bait and tackle you'll use. Whichever team catches the biggest fish wins!

*the group splits up, partnering up with each other*

Dark Pit: Hey, dick knozzle! We've got an odd number of people! How are we gonna partner up?!

Ganondorf: Ah yes, well I guess one of your boats is going to have to hold three. *Peach immediately grabs Pit and Zelda, her hidden alliance members* Of course... those boats are only meant to hold two. Better be careful.

Confessional

Peach: I'll admit I'm not good at fishing. I always fail that minigame in Mario Party. But hey, Zelda and Pit both have to have some experience between them.

Confessional

Pit: Oh boy! My first time fishing! This is going to be so much fun!

Confessional

Zelda: Link took me fishing once... I caught something right away but... the poor fishy... *starting to cry* staring at me like that!

Peach: We'll handle it Ganondorf.

Ganondorf: Alright, whatever.

*The rest of the teams form. The Goomba Teams are: Daisy and Ike, Leaf and Red, Corrine and Rosalina, Joker and Marth, Link and Bonny Janet.

The Koopa Teams are: Zelda and Peach and Pit, Roy and Samus, Erdrick and Robyn, Lucina and Dark Pit*

Link: Hey does anyone want to trade? I'd rather not be teamed up with the Scottish Imp over here.

Bonny Janet: Blow it oot yer bagpipe!

Daisy: This could be a problem.

*Peach thinks for a moment and ten drags Zelda away to whisper in her ear*

Peach, whispering: When we're out there, I'm going to bring us up beside Link and Bonny Janet. Find a way to make tensions fly.

Zelda: I don't know Peach-

Peach: Link is the best fisher on their side! You have to, for the team.

*Zelda reluctantly nods. The teams are set! The battle begins...*

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