#im just. (huffsssss) my parents have always been open that they expected me to become a dyke lesbian or trans because i was a big tomboy

[getreadytosmash]

Sometimes there's just lids on things u don't wanna open

#the queen of smash (mun) #idk its dumb and stupid but ever since i've been playing more visual dating sims #i just get these days where i feel like....nothing???? #like. not a girl just a body this compile of personhood #and like idk maybe its cause visual sims lets you have so much cleaner interaction with selfhood and gender #compared to irl where i live in a country where HRT is smth thats difficult to comeby so overall ALL of it feels messy #demigirl works out fine enough for me but idk i just. somedays i feel LESS like a girl and more. nothing #i dont fully like it because it just feels like im faking it?? jumping on a bandwagon??? #almost half of the friends i've made or have on tumblr pretty much went down a pipeline of afab to they/them to he/him or he/they #with more masc learning and terms #and idk if i'd go THAT far??? I don't mind being called he/him but it's not my full go to i don't think??? #but idk it feels. selfish. like im pretending. idk if i like the idea of being they/them ALL the time i like she/her enough #im just. (huffsssss) my parents have always been open that they expected me to become a dyke lesbian or trans because i was a big tomboy #so maybe a part of me feels like i'm playing into these expectations and i feel so sick at the idea. even tho ANYthing of my pronouns. #would stay online #idk idk i guess after being always she/her i'm...vaguely curious to see how i feel with they/them but again. pretender stuff. #maybe i don't feel it properly like everyone else does #im just this sack of flesh filled with nothing good but what others have #i don't FEEL enby enough to be one #but idk if demigirl fully suits me AS much now #oughhhhhhhhhhhhh