so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
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hello! do u have any new music recommendations?
of course!!! going to throw some general pop/indie/rock/instrumental all over vibes at you? these are some of the ones that i've been having on repeat a lot lately because they bring something bright and fun into my days - hope you enjoy them !! 💛
if i'm honest (trousdale) – oh the absolute vibes of this one. the harmonies. the beat. the slow downs and build ups? that ending? it's like easy, slow, growing ease and joy. that point 3/4 of the ways through the song, that building of things? the payoff? those background horns? the drums? i cannot sit through it without some kind of air guitar / drums / chair dance type beat. it's too good that you cannot help it, it just goes so hard.
close one (fizz) – i have been writing so much love poetry to this song. it is soft and slow and serene like light, all golden hour, the soft golden hues of almost, of here, like this, with me? that little 'fuck it' before the chorus is so fun. this group is made of insanely popular individuals (dodie/orla gartland/greta isaac/martin luke brown???) and together .... they are so powerful. cannot wait to see what they create next !!
run (maisie peters) – there is such a fun vibe to this song. that line of the chorus, that 'i've been lied to / i've been cut and deleted / i've heard some things i will leave unrepeated' is sooooo good, that rhyme scheme that syllable count balance? it immediately went onto my writing playlist w/ that fun beat, that synth, that catchy repetition? the whole album this comes off of is so very good too, esp. 'the band and i'? i really enjoy her sound!!
like a brother (hey, nothing) – this song feels like a lullaby, in the way of being swung in a hammock? all late summer, early winter winds? but there is such a lyricism that gets stuck in my brain, the whole layout of the chorus and is just so soft. i feel so many things. another easy one for the poetry playlist.
margo (sally boy) – oh the orchestral, string opening? the easy flow of it, instrumental and light, before hitting that small bit of silence before the guitar and lyrics come in? and then the absolute hit that is the beat of the chorus hitting? obsessed. phenomenal. i love the balance of gentle, light instruments and the slow instruction of the drumbeat, it feels like a whole story that you can experience, the flow of it!
eightball girl (maddie zahm) – i can leave this song for a few days and then out of nowhere it'll just be in my head again, the vibes of it, that beat of the chorus? the layered voice effects? sometimes songs have this balance to them that my brain just sucks up like a sponge and this is one of them. soooo good. i'll be in the supermarket and my brain will just go eightball girllll, tell me how you feel about meeee and it's perfect.
snow angel (reneé rapp) – this was one of the first ones i found on my daylist that was just like, how did i go so long without you. how did i not know about you. and since then it's been a daily listen. the slow, gentle breeze of that beginning? there is such a rising and falling to this song, like seasons, like the breeze? all tide, all here and there and back again, all resilience and ferocity, softness and violence? that electric guitar and the piano and the feedback just makes me want to just. aaaaaaa. this whole album is just banger after banger too!!
grace (henrik) – it's so fun!!! it brings me so much joy and energy, the easy breezy pop vibes, it's so hopeful and gentle and loving. i have it set as my alarm rn because i really do think it'll last through the sisyphean task of getting me out of bed in the mornings, it just feels like sunlight.
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09 soapghost au, ghost was a member of soap’s unit before roba and they were together until he was taken. when he comes back and takes up the ghost mantle, simon riley is declared KIA and the hope that soap had let kindle in his heart that he’d come back to him dies. he throws himself into training, into becoming captain so he won’t let down another soldier the way he let simon down
then he recruits ghost to the 141 and ghost sees how much he’s changed, how much harder he is; slow to smile, never relaxing and he realises how much he fucked up by never reaching out. he’d thought he’d be better off without him, without the shell of the man he used to love but he’d done nothing but hurt him
after the close call with shepherd, soap wants to get right back into it, wants to hunt makarov down for almost getting his sergeant and lieutenant killed and ghost is yelling at him to just take it easy and heal first when soap snaps back, “i can’t lose anyone else! not again!” and ghost just rips his balaclava off, showing his face for the first time in years…
and soap says nothing. he just looks at him, completely unreadable. ghost clenches the balaclava in his hand, waiting for anything; even injured, soap can still pack a mean punch and he’s waiting for it, almost hoping for it… but he still does nothing. just stares
“well? c’mon!” he growls, stalking in closer. “let me have it! tell me how pissed you are! that i left you alone! that i ruined you the moment i touched you! that you regret ever fucking looking at me! scream, shout, say something!” until he’s leaning over soap’s chair, chest heaving
soap’s hand lifts and ghost can’t help his flinch before planting himself, ready to be struck, longing for it, to be punished the way he punishes himself-
soap’s hand gently cups his cheek and he freezes, breath catching as his thumb caresses the snake bite scars on his lip; feather-light and reverent. just like he used to
“you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you”
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