#i spent an actual eternity looking for the right lyric to go with this set | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astaroth1357 · 3 years

Text

Demigod MC Series: Dionysus

Hey y’all, sorry for going dark! I’m alright, almost completely recovered in fact! I just got so sleepy while my body was fighting stuff off and couldn’t really work up the energy to write... Still going to be spotty for a short time, but I’m glad to have gotten this done. See ya soon!

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus

Lucifer

Well, this mortal stumbled out of the portal covered in glitter, body paint, and carrying a red solo cup… which they proceeded to stare at like, "'ell sshhit… Thiz iz sum stron s'uff…"

First impressions were not on their side here.

He spent a depressingly long amount of time more or less assuming that the MC was a drunken f-up and spent the first few months trying to make them more… presentable.

But like… How do you stop someone from acting like a drunk fool when they can turn any drink they touch alcoholic???

For months they would show up to meetings buzzed or stumbling, all smiles and all giggles but HORRIBLY unprofessional, and he just couldn't stand it!

But then he found out their little secret…

Assassination threats befall the exchange students all the time. Most of them are dealt with quickly but some (through skill or dumb luck) manage to slip through...

He had been walking with the MC through their new vineyard in the House's courtyard, yet again trying to lecture them about their drunken behavior, when suddenly the two were ambushed!

Ten or so heavily armored demons dropped down from the sky to attack them! Lucifer was so preoccupied that he got cornered by three of them and it took him a hot minute to destroy them.

When he looked back at the mortal (who had been fighting a 1-on-7) he was certain they'd have been kidnapped or worse…

But he saw that they had already cut down two attackers with their weapon with ease. The other five were rolling in the dirt, babbling about inexplicable terrors and imaginary pain as their minds succumbed to madness…

Meanwhile, the MC just stood in the middle of it all with the icy glare of someone who’s just revealed how stone-cold sober they've always been under the surface...

When they turned back to him, they put their usual ditzy smile back on over the tormented wails of the demons around them...

MC: Whoopsie… Gotta little mad there. 🙂

He uh… took a big ol'step off their back after that. Surprisingly, they're more pleasant (and less dangerous) "drunk" than they are sober…

Mammon

Oh HELL yeah!! Lucifer actually gave him a mortal that knows how to party!!

Admittedly, they looked like utter trash when they first met, like, "Hey, I've been at this party since DAWN" trash, but they gave him one good look and pulled together a surprisingly hot smile.

MC: "-ey yer cute… Ya like strip poker?"

Spoken like someone else who also makes shit decisions… They were going to get along just fine!

And they did. The MC to him was that one friend that's always down for anything. Just anything. Whenever. Wherever.

He wants to try sneaking into Lucifer's room to steal stuff? Sure, what time?

He wants to take a mattress and see if he can ride it down the grand staircase of the palace? Alright, we bringin' pillows too?

He needs to set up another scheme that's gotta involve live rats and box of tiny hats and monocles?? That's oddly specific but count them in!!

Sometimes he honestly can't tell if they're laid back or just crave chaos... but it works out fine for him either way so who cares? 🤷‍♀️

And if you think normal Mammon is a pain in the ass for Lucifer? Check out drunk Mammon. All the same urges but literally none of the (marginal) competence!!

At one point, the eldest ended up stringing both Mammon and the MC from the ceiling after they both barged into his office looking for Goldie… while he was still in there… watching them wander around aimlessly calling out for a piece of plastic like it was a missing puppy…

They end up together on the ceiling a lot come to think of it, but hey, at least now he has some company. 😌

Leviathan

Thinks they're the most normal normie to have ever normed on this normie planet!!!

No, seriously. They're a billion times worse than Asmo!! All they want to do is go to parties and drink all the time! What kind of use is he to someone like that??

… That being said they ARE pretty fun to be around… And their sake is WAY better than anything he could get off Akuzon!!

They also like karaoke too! So at least he has someone else to go with (even if they get so drunk they can’t remember any lyrics and just belt barely coherent discount Mariah Carey vocals behind him...)

Of course, the real fun between these two is everybody else getting to watch a couple of the Devildom's sloppiest drunks attempt to communicate with each other…

Levi: MMM-*hic*-MCCC…!!! *throws himself at them from across the bar*

MC: What Leviachan??? 😨 Did the chair kick you off?!

Levi: Nooo! *pokes their cheek* I wanna-I wanna tell you sometin'...! *tries pulling them closer*

MC: Whaa? Secrets?? *leans in eagerly*

Levi: Mammon used all ma money on’a pyramid scheme a thou-zand years ago… AND HE STILL WON'T PAY ME BAAA-!!! 😭😭 *starts shaking them violently*

MC: *getting flung around like a limp noodle* Waaaat?! Nooo!!! I'm so sowwy!! 😢

Mammon: *watching it all go down right next to him* 😑 Ya guys need some water… I'm cuttin' ya off, got it?

MC: 😱 Shut yer whore mouth, criminal!! *starts pelting him with pretzel bites*

Levi: 😤 Yah!! *joins in*

Good thing he's a shut-in, because the hangovers he gets after those escapades are unreal…

Satan

A little concerned for their liver, honestly… How much damage have they already done to the poor thing...?

But at the same time, he'll be damned if they don't make some utterly fantastic wine!

Alcokinesis wasn't a power he would have pegged a demigod to have but apparently the great art of making drinks comes from their godly DNA.

When they first met, he was trying to get the MC to act less slovenly but made the mistake of agreeing to a wager: he'd let them dress however they pleased if they could give him the BEST drink he'd ever tasted.

Now, Satan isn't a huge drinker (thank you terrible alcohol tolerance), but he's still a man of fine tastes. Plus, he's sampled Demonus from Diavolo royal stock before. They should not have won…

But on that day, he had to let them go to RAD in a pink blanket toga... 😑 Their wine is just THAT good.

He hates to admit it, but they've gotten him drunk more times than he could probably count too… He's not a huge fan of clubbing with them and the others, but if they bring over a bottle from their vineyard he just can't resist. They're a master of their craft, truly.

And it's a good thing he likes their drinks so much, because if they called him, "Kitty-boy," when he's sober, he may have just become a sour grape himself…

They also may or may not have copious amounts of blackmail material of him either meowing between sentences, sobbing over some fictional character he likes, pole dancing on dares….

Yeah, he's been trying to destroy their phone for months now. If Lucifer were to see ANY of that, he's done for… 😣

He has also been meaning to ask them about other aspects of their abilities, their father is also the God of Madness after all, but anytime he tries to bring it up they shove another glass in his hand and tell him not to kill the mood...

Eh. What's the harm in having another drink, right? 🤷‍♀️

Asmodeus

Honey. He's MET Dionysus. He's been to a Dio-party or two and they're INSANE. He could not be more thrilled by this!!!

He practically scooped them up on the first night that they were in the House and it’s practically been a nonstop rave between these two ever since. They’re like the party twin he never knew he needed!!

He absolutely abuses their ability to turn pretty much any drink they touch into alcohol at clubs. It makes the nights so much easier on the wallet PLUS it makes an excellent little party trick to impress the succubi! Who doesn’t want a free drink? 😏

And can he just say that their drinks are better? Just flat out amazing! If it weren’t so unhealthy he’d consider drinking nothing but their booze and wine for the rest of his days, Satan’s certainly getting close to it.

But little does Satan know, he’s not even getting the GOOD stuff...

There’s the normal wine: grapes picked from the vineyard, hand squeezed, then magically helped through the fermenting process. But their real good stuff? They were given enchanted oak barrels from their father and anything that comes out of those is worth starting a WAR over. 😩

He knows, because he gifted an extra bottle to Diavolo once and Barbs came to him the very next day demanding to know what vineyard had produced it with the look of man willing to annex a small nation...

Asmo had to beg Lucifer to talk to Diavolo after the butler more or less kidnapped the MC back to the Castle… Devil knows even Barbs wouldn’t ever be able to reproduce their wine, so they could have been locked there for eternity!!

Thankfully, he got his party-buddy back and their debauchery continued! (Just now with Barbatos following them around sometimes like he’s trying to gather state secrets... It’s an impossible task but he hasn’t given up yet, bless his black heart.)

Beelzebub

He isn't much bothered by their carefree nature, at least they seem to be having fun with his family which he appreciates. 🙂

To be honest, though, he nearly ate them when they first met because they smell like freshly peeled grapes… and for good reason.

By their third day at the House they had (somehow) planted and cultivated a full on vineyard in the courtyard. Hell, the wall growing to their bedroom balcony was covered in grapevines!! Always ripe and completely healthy in defiance of the lack of sun... Whatever magic they used was strong.

And, of course, their grapes were also delicious! Easily among the best fruits he's ever tasted! Every cluster is ridiculously plump, juicy, and sweet like little droplets of pure Heaven… 🤤

When their fruit first ripened, the MC came out with a basket to collect some only to find Beel had gouged himself on over half of their crop!!!

… which may have been why he got snared up on one of the courtyard walls by pissed off grapevines... Even with all his strength, he couldn't break through them and had to wait for Lucifer to cut him down… 😔

From then on, Beel was pretty much the pesky rabbit to the MC's harvest. They had to set up traps and magical barriers to keep him from their precious grapes…!! Which inevitably meant one of his brothers had to come rescue him from their furious vines at least once a week... 🙄

SOMETIMES, the MC will bring him along to help harvest with them with the deal that he can have an extra basket for however many he helps them pick. But the second he takes a bite he shouldn't, it’s back on the wall!

Out of the vineyard, they're nice enough. But put some grapes between these two and they're mortal enemies… STOP messing with their plants, Beel!! 😤

Belphegor

So… this drunken fool is supposed to get him out of the attic? Never mind, this is never going to work…

He was SEVERELY underwhelmed when the "human" finally made it up the steps. This was who they decided to bring for their exchange program? They seemed like they could barely stand!

Naturally, he figured all the better for him. They probably wouldn't even last that long!

Some poor, incompetent human falling victim to a demon out there? Diavolo's reputation would in tatters and he wouldn't even have to lift a finger! (His favorite way of doing things really 😌).

But… they just kept coming back? Like. Nothing was killing them….! How guarded were they keeping this moron??

Or… maybe it was something else?

Sure, the MC seemed like a drunken idiot but there were times when he'd swear that they were just… too aware to be sloshed…

MC: *suddenly stops smiling at him mid-conversation and looks him in the eye* You tilt your head when you lie. You know that?

How can someone so cheerful ALSO be so unnerving…?

So really, he should have seen their sudden heel-turn after they opened the door coming. There he was, fully intending to take them by surprise and choke them after a hug…

...and they knocked him down, climbed onto his back like a spider monkey, and rode him around like a bucking bull using his horns like handlebars!!

It wouldn’t have been AS humiliating if they didn’t also keep shouting things like "Giddiyap!" And "Yee-haw!!"

It took him a whole month to be sure that any and all footage of that nightmare was erased and he STILL hates the MC quite a bit for it…. But he's too scared to attack them now, so…

The lesson here? It's not a fair fight when one side’s crazy... 😔😒

#obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me demigods

1K notes · View notes

moonlightlullaby · 3 years

Text

no celebrations?

summary: Corpse and reader celebrate his birthday in the most chill way. Based on this lovely request (ty again for sending it!)

pairing: corpse husband x gn! reader

category: fluff

warnings: food ingestion; alcohol ingestion; loads of physical touch (let me know if I forgot to mention anything)

A/N: Hello (: This is such a lovely concept, I just couldn’t wait to get started hehe Also, I got a bit carried away and just went with it, so I’m really sorry if that’s not what you’d pictured. I do hope you enjoy it tho <3 Take care!

word count: 2.4k

Masterlist

Walking into our shared bedroom, I catch the sight of Corpse exiting the bathroom. As our eyes lock, my lips curl up tiredly and a long sigh I didn’t even know I’ve been holding finally frees itself. He sits on the edge of our bed and extends his hand to me. When I take it, he pulls me so I stand in the space between his legs.

“How was the day?” he asks with both of his hands on my waist.

I hum, quirking a brow and tilting my head a bit “At least tomorrow - you know, the most unspecial, completely ordinary day of the year -” this earns a giggle from my boyfriend “is Sunday and I can just ignore all of that” I wave my hand in the direction of the adjacent room, where my laptop - filled with texts, assignments, spreadsheets and appointed Zoom calls - is.

At my words, Corpse wraps his arms around my figure, pulls my body even closer to him and plants a kiss on my stomach through my shirt. My hands, in turn, caress his upper back and soft hair.

Coming in contact with the string of his eyepatch in the process, I lean back slightly, which causes him to shoot up at me with a small frown and pouty lips. He sits still, though, as I carefully remove his eyepatch, and, while his eyes are still closed, I give each of his lids a peck. He smiles and tilts his head up to meet my lips in a long, tender and effortless kiss. Oh finally.

The idea of quarantining together was welcomed as a blessing by both of us. It meant more time spent together after all. However, with my school and work demands and Corpse’s irregular schedule, we still barely see each other throughout the day in spite of being a few feet apart from one another. And when bedtime rolls in, we’re both so exhausted all we can do is mumble words that could be counted in the fingers of one hand before drifting off. This, of course, when my boyfriend doesn’t stay up until dawn working. Don’t get me wrong, I’m his number 1 fan and admire his passion and all the hard work he puts in everything he sets his mind to, but I’m also not going to lie and say I don’t miss his warmth at night. Hence I want to devote this Sunday to him.

After a while, I break the silence “I’ll be right back.”

I let go of his hold and take my turn to use the bathroom. After doing my night routine, brushing my teeth and getting into my cozy pajamas, I walk back in the dark room and lie down, settling myself back in Corpse’s hug like two puzzle pieces matching together.

~~~~~

The excitement for a new day - not any day, no, but August 8th - washes over me as soon as I open my eyes and get a glimpse of the sleepy boy next to me.

A couple of minutes go by as I contemplate on getting up, torn between prolonging our cuddling for some more and doing something to show Corpse my appreciation for him. The latter wins and I, cautious not to wake him up, slowly unwrap my arms from him and step out of the bed. Drawing the curtains to make sure the summer daylight doesn’t disturb his peaceful state of mind, I make my way out of the room and to the kitchen.

Wondering what to make for breakfast, I take a good look around until my eyes catch the plethora of fruits we’ve bought a few days ago. Fruit salad it is.

Corpse has, for as long as we’ve known each other, made it very clear he isn’t too fond of his anniversary and similar celebrations - and, even if he hadn’t explained it to me, it’s rather evident how uncomfortable they make him. This year, his friends’ and especially his fans’ hype for the date - although unintentionally - has added an extra layer of unease to it all, to which I don’t intend to contribute.

Even though I don’t want to make matters worse and would never overstep his boundaries like this (because, thankfully, I’m not Betty Cooper and he isn’t Jughead Jones), I still want to celebrate Corpse. I want to celebrate his birth and his existence, which I’m immensely grateful for. He’s both the best friend I can confide in blindly and the lover I want to share my lifetime with. He sticks to his truth and dreams higher than I could ever imagine. He turns the darkness in the world and in his mind into light with his words and with his laugh. Having him in my life is one of the best things to ever happen to me and seeing him fly makes me more proud than I can put into words.

There’s a lot to toast to, so the solution is a celebration that is so smooth and so chill - the smoothest and most chill possible - that it doesn’t even feel like one. Just log off and enjoy a laid back day together.

As I chop a kiwi and make a mental list of fun and uncomplicated things we can do that don’t require much time and many skills, in walks Corpse, in an old white tee which is one too many sizes bigger than him and in his black sweatpants. He rubs his eyes and lets a raspy “good morning”.

“Mornin- wow! They really weren’t lying when they said when you hit 24, hotness knocks at your door”

He chuckles and shakes his head “No one’s said that”

“Well, then consider yourself the muse of a new proverb, baby”

He scrunches up his nose in response before grabbing the cup of orange juice I’d placed on the counter and taking a gulp.

“Thank you” he turns my face and gives me an orange-flavoured kiss, neither of us having ever really cared about morning breath.

“For calling you hot? Oh save it to when I’m done with the list of cheesy compliments I have for you” I take a grape and before I can get it in my mouth, he steals it, with wrinkles on the corner of his eyes.

“Then we’d be here for eternity!” he’s not wrong.

Corpse helps me put the fresh fruits in bowls and, with them and our juice cup in hand, we head to the balcony. Sitting next to each other, we calmly eat, take in the light blue sky and the cars and passersby changing the scenery ahead of us. Conversation flows naturally.

As we empty our bowls - after stealing many bits from each other -, I twist in my seat and face him “Hey, Corpse, do you see this?” I point to the very prominent and familiar dark circles under my eyes. “Wanna help me get rid of them?” I ask, knowing damn well it’d take a lifetime for them to actually go away and not giving up regardless.

~~~~~

The bathroom is filled with chatter and laughter and the sink, with hair clips, scrunchies, a sharpie, bowls, hair products and a towel. Corpse hisses as our cool homemade face mask comes in contact with his skin. His curly hair is pushed back and held by a blue hairband and I apply the mask to his face, making sure not to leave any spots uncovered. Well, that’s what I’m trying to do, which becomes an unnecessarily challenging task when my lovely partner can’t be still for more than two seconds.

He kept switching between dancing to Soulmate, by Mac Miller, and mouthing its lyrics. Now that I got him - after a small threat that I wouldn’t hesitate putting this weird mix we made in his pretty mouth - to keep his lips together, the (adorable, admittedly) swaying, however, continues. He stops momentarily, only to shuffle things around right after.

Something cold touches my skin, making it my turn to let out a hiss this time. The sound is accompanied by a small jump, caused by the surprise. Corpse chuckles and, when I glance at the spot on my arm the cold thing came in contact with, I realize it’s just the sharpie. All he does is give me a mischievous smile.

While I keep massaging his face and covering it with the mask, Corpse litters my body with his drawings. Smiley faces, lightning bolts, hearts, clouds... his repertoire is vast and any exposed skin he can find becomes his canvas. Each line causing me to giggle and shudder a little. With him focused on his creations, it’s 10 times easier for me to complete my task.

“Alright, my turn” he states, smiling, and I’m quick to grab the sharpie.

As he adjusts a matching hairband on my head, I put a dainty heart on his neck. And, as he takes the bowl in his hands, I swiftly plant a kiss on top of the drawing. At this, he sighs in content and my chest gets warmer.

I soon understand how hard it was for him to stay still as Stay comes on and all I want to do is have a little karaoke session and dance. Corpse entertains himself with my struggle and, because it’s his birthday, I’ll let it slide. So, to make the whole process easier, instead of focusing on the song, I focus on the gorgeous face in front of me. A beautiful face to a beautiful soul.

One of the various perks of sharing an apartment with Corpse is I get to see this face in all ways: sleepy, completely clean - no makeup, no mask -, all wrinkled in the morning, red when he’s embarrassed or when he laughs too hard… His laughter. Its sound pulls me from my trance “You’re staring, y/n”

“Well, at least I wasn’t moving around, Corpse” I reply with squinted eyes and nudge his side playfully.

We begin collecting the things scattered across the sink and storing them in the cabinet, and the song comes to an end, giving way to Dang!

“How long do we keep these on?”

I hum at the question and check the playlist on shuffle on my phone “How does 5 minutes and 2 seconds sound?”

Facing him, his grin mirrors mine and he spins me around. We laugh and allow ourselves to be as goofy as possible, jamming and moving our limbs around with a green paste on our faces.

~~~~~

After washing off the masks in the shower and painting our nails - so we’re both rocking the black nail polish look -, we’ve set our minds to - finally - finish the puzzle we started two months ago. It’s a 90’s anime setting inspired composition and we’d gotten about 40% of it done before our schedules got more hectic and the game, well, pushed aside. For weeks, the pieces sat on the ground of our living room and silently judged us every time either of us stepped to the side, as we crossed the room, in order not to crush them.

Sitting around the puzzle with comfy clothes, we team up against it and indulge in the wine Corpse’s got us and the hawaiian pizza I’ve ordered.

As the picture comes more and more to life, moments of comfortable silence and of chattery - when we talk about anything from our shopping list and gossip about our neighbours’ lives to parallel universes and the matrix - follow one another. A different playlist on shuffle is our background noise.

Time flies and the sun’s already hidden when it clicks to us that there are only 5 pieces left. Each piece is fitted in the whole with a giddier feeling than the previous. Corpse picks the last one - deep blue with purple and black specks - and turns to me with an excited smile and an eager gaze that I’m sure are mirrored on my face. I nod encouragingly. He places it in the puzzle and celebratory sounds fill the room.

Corpse stretches his arms and pulls me in a hug, but, since we’re both kneeling and because of the distance between us, we end up falling and lying on the ground in rather uncomfortable positions.

“Come on, puzzle, that was easy breezy! Gotta step up your game if you really wanna challenge this duo right here!”

“Oh for sure!” Corpse squeaks as we laugh at our nonsensical brag.

After a moment while we catch our breath, he rubs my back and speaks, pulling my attention to him “Not that I’m not loving this position, but what if we watched some Drag Race?”

Is this man real? If I couldn’t feel his heart beating under me or his arms around my figure, I’d be sure he’s just a figment of my imagination. “But it’s your b- don’t you wanna choose something you like more? Li-”

“Nope,” he boops my nose “Drag Race, or maybe Love Island, would be great right now.” And people still dare say the perfect man doesn’t exist!

“You’re such a dream!” I give him a quick peck before continuing “Ok, so I put on the show and you get more wine…?” He hums in approval and stands up. Our eyes briefly jump from each other to the puzzle and back to each other, then we simply nod. A silent agreement to leave the puzzle here. We’re both too lazy to put all the pieces back in the box and too proud of our achievement to let it go just yet; besides, everything’s been sitting here for about two months, what are a few more hours?

He steps to the side, gets our glasses and makes his way to the kitchen. I lie on the couch and scan Netflix for Drag Race. Corpse comes back, placing the glasses next to the couch, and gently lies down on top of me. He nests his head on my chest and we both hum contently.

While RuPaul announces what the winner’s prize will be, I play with his hair, letting my fingers knead his curls. His right hand flies up to meet mine and I bring our intertwined hands to my lips, peppering his knuckles with kisses. The gesture is cut by a loud laugh that escapes my lips as miss Vanjie Mateo’s iconic moment replays on the screen.

“Hey,” Corpse’s voice makes me look right back at him “I love you. You know that, right?”

My heart melts at his words and at the way he’s looking at me right now. I nod with a smile.

“I love you too, birthday boy.”

#corpse husband imagine #corpse imagine #corpse x y/n

99 notes · View notes

monsoonblooms12 · 3 years

Text

Belamour (Ethan x f!MC)

Summary: Set after Book 3, Pooja finally gets Ethan to dance in the rain.

A/N: A silly something born out of my love for rains and my binge listening to 80s Bollywood classics (I have no idea what kinda mess this is tbh). Also, my first song based fic🤎

A/N 2: The song lyrics are indented (Translation in parenthesis)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey X f!MC (Pooja Sharma)

Rating: General

Word Count: around 1.5K

Category: Total fluff

Warnings: None that I noticed

Song Inspiration: Aaj Kal Yaad Kuch by Mohammed Aziz

READ ON AO3

A pair of summery blue orbs insistently stare at the world beyond the glass windows.

A world that was now being washed by the consistent droplets that came down from the adobe of clouds to meet their origin.

Their drum was usually henotic, tranquil for him.

But at the moment, it only added to his irritation and deepened the void of disappointment that had formed in his chest.

In another room of the same house, a pair of amber orbs watched the magic of nature with a child-like wonder.

The pleasant, dewy petrichor spread around her, and the mellifluous tunes of Earth's own orchestra made her forget the fast turns her life went through in the past day.

In the faint light, she picked up her hand and let the jewel, the stone that was nothing less than a promise of forever, shine like the billion stars that dot the sky at nights that are devoid of clouds.

As the iridescent lights make her eyes sparkle, a vague idea forms in her brain.

Her thoughts float to reach the person who gifted her happiness, and a smile lit up on her face.

There was a mix of challenge and love in the quest she was about to partake and she was determined to succeed.

In slow, soundless steps, she made her way out of the room and out of the house.

A blur went past and his trained eyes were quick enough to catch the motion.

Shaking his head with realization, he followed behind.

As the steps took him down, and he stood under the shade of the multi-floored skyrise, she stayed yards away from it.

Her hair was wet, her skirt twirling, her face bright and beautiful.

He felt his heart race, whispering an urge to join with hers.

He restrained himself, but the scene in front of him was so spectacular that he doubted just how long his restraint would last.

After what felt like an eternity, she turned to him, half of her face golden under the street lights, the other half bearing the monotones of black and white.

She looked like the personification of their love.

Her life the golden, and his the black and white.

He could write sonnets to describe the picture-perfect scene that played before him like a film, but all he did was stand still, unable to tear his eyes away, unable to speak the words that hadn't already been spoken, his well-thumbed thesaurus gathering dust in the labyrinths of his mind.

She looked at him with a longing, a spoken call for him to join her as the rains continued to fall and purify the earth.

All he did was shake his head in silence.

She took it as a challenge, and he already knew how it was going to end.

For a minute he got lost in her memories, reminiscences from a time, from a moment that passed too quick, yet slow enough for him to remember every moment of it.

And suddenly, the faint tunes of a song brought him back to the present.

Every word of the foreign seeming language lucid clear, setting in a cascade of emotions and bringing pictures etched in past pages of the novel of life, making him go on a trip down the memory lane.

Aajkal Yad Kuch Aur Rehta Nahi

(Nowadays I don't seem to remember anything else)

Ek Bas Aapki Yad Aane Ke Bad

(Once your memories enchant me)

Yaad Aane Se Pehle Chale Aaiye

(Please come to me before the memories reach me)

Aur Phir Jaiye Jan Jane Ke Bad

(And then leave only after my breath leaves me)

The truth of the words came with an epiphany.

Every day of knowing her had been a way of painting the monotones of his life in colours he thought didn't belong to him.

Every moment she had ever spent away from him had made him yearn for her more than ever.

And yet he was foolish enough to think that miles of distance and hundreds of hours could make him forget her.

All the distress he felt could have been so easily ended if she had been with him then.

And now, as he dreams of an aeon with her, he promises to only let her go when his breath leaves him alone.

Apni Aankhon Me Mujhko Basa Lijiye

(Allow me to settle in the world of your eyes)

Apne Dil Me Mera Ghar Bana Dijiye

(Make a home for me in your heart)

Kya Karu Dil Kahi Aur Lagta Nahi

Pyar Me Aapse Dil Lagane Ke Bad

(What's the fault of mine if I can't concentrate on anything other than you, since our hearts connected by the string of love)

As the minutes pass by, melting into each other to form an hour, he loses all tracks of time.

And amidst the sweven he was living in right now, at a moment he could not pinpoint, she had taken his hand into hers and now he stood, lost in the amber of her eyes, forgetting all about the shower that now fell upon him.

As she continued to mutter the tunes in a harmony that went on in rhythm with the rain, he wished he could live in the world of her orbs.

To see the world as she saw it, to live the life from her perspective.

All he wanted was home in her heart, a tiny place on the lands of her soul.

Ishq Ke Maine Kitne Fasane Sune

(I have heard many tales of epic romances)

Husb Ke Kitne Kisse Purane Sune

(And stories about beautiful people from bygone eras)

Aisa Lagta Hai Phir Is Tarah Tut Kar

Pyar Hamne Kiya Ek Zamane Ke Bad

(But I feel I have been broken and got mended by love after centuries)

In muted harmonies, the two of them twirled, forgetting the world around them.

The way their eyes held onto each other, as if holding onto their lives, reminded him of the tales of love the folklores talk about.

The romances of princesses and maidens, and of beauties who earned their fairytale.

But as her palm stroked his cheek in a feather-light motion, he concluded that all those tales faint in front of the story of theirs.

There were no royals, no cruel witches setting up spells and no poisoned apples.

There were just two people, broken by the storms life made them navigate through, fitting perfectly as if parts of a whole.

He tried to remember if he had ever experienced anything as he did now, his lip tracing her ear as his hands wrapped around her waist.

It didn't even take him a second to know the answer.

He hadn't.

Aapka Naam Dil Se Nikalta Nahi

(Your name never leaves my heart)

Dillagi Me Koi Zor Chalta Nahi

(No force is strong enough to stop the meet of two hearts)

Aapko Bhul Jane Ki Koshish Bhi Ki

(I tried a hundred times to forget you)

Aur Tadpa Hun Main Bhool Jaane Ke Baad

(And suffered a suffering of pain and agony once I forgot you)

The rains accelerate and become a downpour. The mist envelops them but there was no care for the changing environment.

The distance between them ceases to exist as their hearts finally get the pleasure of beating in unison.

In the next moments, she whispers close to his ear, the last of the melody, and it's his story.

The story of how he couldn't get rid of the five-lettered name since the first time he ever came to know about it.

Of how no force in the world could stop two hearts from meeting if that's what destiny had in plan for them.

Who one loves and who loves them back determines so much in one life.

And for him, it was a chance, a risk he was scared to take, dreading the destruction it may cause.

After all when had anything ever-blossoming flowers in the city of his soul?

But this time not only did spring finally arrived with its flowery footsteps but also led to a discovery of himself, a part of him that was buried under layers of snow from the winter that reigned in his life for years.

She taps twice on his heart, indicating how he had tried to forget her, all those years ago. And how he broke himself in the process.

As she hummed the last lines, he bowed down in front of the forces that brought the two of them together.

He thanked the stars which aligned the way did to let him fall for her and agreed to hide, to let the rains fall, to let him have this night with her.

And looked in awe at the woman who brought about the sweetest catastrophe mankind has ever known.

And without uttering a word, he picks her and kisses her, saying all that was left unsaid with it.

PS: I actually have another version of the song, that I sung specifically to go with this, but Tumblr is giving me troubles to upload it. Do let me know if you would like to hear it someday.

Anyways, If you are reading this, I am very grateful for you. Thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day🤎

Tags🤎(Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed):

Perma: @gkittylove99 @neotericthemis @udishaman @aestheticartsx @twinkleallnight @schnitzelbutterfingers @sophxwithers @sweatyrysconnoisseur @nikki-2406 @choicesfanaf @trrfanaddict @starrystarrytrouble @gardeningourmet @parkbarks @mvalentine @lovablegranny @mercury84choices @izzyourresidentlawyer @phoenixrising308 @adiehardfan @quixoticdreamer16 @a-crepusculo @cordonianruby @gryffindordaughterofathena

Open Heart (All fics and edit): @lucy-268 @maurine07 @bellcat2010 @headoverheelsforramsey @estellaelysian @shanzay44

Ethan x Pooja: @aleynareads @choicesaddict5 @stygianflood @mysticaurathings @jamespotterthefirst @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @takemyopenheart @mm2305

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

48 notes · View notes

freetobeafcknriot · 3 years

Note

What are your sweet spooky midam thoughts?

hello anon, since you asked!, let's get spooky and gay 😎

fair warning that this turned out longer than i intended but i'm posting it anyway, have these random silly hcs and do whatever you deem appropriate with them!

okay one thing you need to do is forget about angsty endings. they'll be living the rest of their (eternal given the circumstances) lives together and by doing so, they get to have their own little house and job because hey, adam's college courses won't pay themselves, and neither will the groceries. so anyway, october comes along!

let's be real: when you've spent more than 1,200 years in hell you have a bit of a different perception of what is scary but oh, does adam like halloween! maybe it's his old soul talking but the atmosphere is nice, and he and michael? they go on walks when the occasion presents itself, be it at the local park nearby or somewhere the archangel can take them with a beat of his wings, with adam holding a hot drink or a sweet bun and autumn colors setting a warm, stark je-ne-sais-quoi on michael's apparition. they basically go on dates no matter how casual they are about it.

the aforementioned hot drink is more often than not a pumpkin spice latte and you have no idea how persistent adam had to be to get michael to take a sip and try it out. he eventually humored him, accepted the cup, and. . . he didn't like it much, but it was better than the skittles and at least someone found the experience entertaining.

the heart eyes and fond exasperation are fucking real y'all

also, you know that michael keeps adam's body temperature in check, so he doesn't feel the cold, neither of them does. well, they still wear slightly heavier clothes and a scarf an old neighbor gifted them once (well, it was meant for adam, but y'know—) just "for the hell of it". and just so you get the visual, vessel and apparition always match lol.

another reason to take your archangelic lover out during spooky season: there are people, but especially their children, around. michael can perfectly tell that that little zombie over there is nothing more than a normal kid, same for the teen zombie on his left, and he is still fairly neutral about humans for the most part, but the concept in on itself picks at his curiosity and it's... amusing, in a way. it's a bit of a combination of being fascinated and questioning for him really, most human customs are. the first time around especially—it was so funny to adam!

now, moving on: don't get me started on the show tunes. they're even more infectious than the christmas ones, as a matter of fact and oddly enough michael finds them more tolerable. which is lucky because otherwise, adam humming 'i put a spell on you' by hocus pocus frequently would be way more annoying than it is endearing.

also, no kidding, if he's feeling playful and up to sing out loud at the top of his lungs adam will 100% do it and mimic the lyrics (he honestly didn't remember that song to be so catchy) and though michael manages to look unimpressed and amused at best the kid really should have no right to come across as flirtatious as he does. adam's mission in life and source of entertainment is managing to crack michael up to the point where he probably will end up getting himself flustered instead so that's a daily occurrence in the privacy of their own home these days!

what else? well, of course, their normal movie nights turn into halloween themed movie nights once or twice a week. because it's not like adam remembers the movies he watched when he was alive anyway, and what kind of guide would he be if he let michael go without watching the addams family or the copse bride, come on! they take turns picking a movie, too, so to be fair, michael brought casper on himself. adam may or may not have felt like crying for that one.

the history behind halloween traditions is very fascinating actually; adam doesn't remember much of it if anything at all, but rest assured michael looked it up on the internet and read some books while adam was sleeping (all in the same night, yes, adam always makes a point to wait at least a week before returning michael's books to the library). so he's not at all confused when adam brings up the idea to carve some pumpkins. he used to do it with his grandparents and mom when he was little and. . . well, it'd be fun right?

spoiler: it is fun! meaning it's hilarious how michael gives out observations and objective opinions and adam rolls with it completely ignoring that he's being helped in picking pumpkins by the oldest most powerful multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent in existence. nonetheless, he can totally carry the pumpkins they chose himself, thank you very much. except they're not playing macho man here, so it doesn't take much convincing before they switch control and the people around see this blonde dude making a confident beeline for the exit with a heavy armful of pumpkins as if it was nothing.

they carve a couple of pumpkins together. adam shows michael how it's supposedly done first, only for michael to go for it like a pro because hey, he's good with blades, we know that! and he's also good with his hands. well, adam's hands. or, huh, his apparition's hands. you get my point, anyway— i can totally envision them carving the first pumpkin together, michael subtly making sure adam doesn't cut himself, and then one each afterward. it's really all about the activity itself and the "i think i'm done! look at my pumpkin, isn't it great?" at the end.

one of the carved pumpkins doesn't get lit up with a candle inside because their cat (yes, they have a cat. his name's midam) decided to make it his new second home and refused to get out of it.

"well, you made the eyes big enough for him to fit in, kid."

the others look neat when they set them up and michael turns off the lights with a snap of his fingers though! it's definitely worth the mess in the kitchen from when adam playfully threw (read: tried to throw) a bit of pumpkin flesh at michael.

side note but i can't help but think that michael saw one or two memories of a five-year-old adam making little ghosts out of paper napkins, a marker, and a string, and so one day there is one hanging by the lamp on the desk. i don't know why, but their cat has one too that he rolls and chases around everywhere so i'm adding this lol.

stuff is baked, too, obviously! i'm talking about anything you can put the remaining parts of the pumpkins in but also cinnamon, chocolate. . . we know adam has a sweet tooth after all, and this way, michael nags him a bit less for his eating habits!

no, really, you don't understand: trick or treat is a thing and so the sweets are mandatory, but the amount of unhealthy sugars adam puts in their shopping cart at the beginning of the month is sickening.

for this bit specifically, let's skip forward in time! more or less, either five-ish years or any moment in time from then on, when adam has a stable job at a hospital. nurse, doctor... eternity is vast and they need to move around every two decades or so, so take your pick. the thing is, dr. milligan is, to put it simply, weird. he's nice, but sometimes his mood swings completely and he has his quirks. when october comes along, there is one of them!

one of the nurses says that this habit of his reminds them or their granny — "or most old people i know." — to which adam shrugs and idly says he's an old soul anyway. he's only half-joking; after all, he is an old soul, and that must be the reason why across him, michael's apparition stands looking every bit unimpressed.

he has his hands in the pockets of the white coat of his apparition; pockets that, differently from adam's, are empty.

the archangel reckons that carrying all that sugary sweets in the pockets of their white coats and clothes is better than adam wanting to eat them all himself. he tosses a whole lot of them in the shopping cart when they go out for groceries at the beginning of the month. michael was so astonished at first, that he projected himself out of their body and watched in disdain as their cart filled up with treats: candy, lollipops, gummy bears, chocolate and/or caramel bars etc.

then he pointed out that halloween night was still far, to which adam replied, "true. but these are also for work."

i'm literally going down with this headcanon, it's the sole reason why i'm still ranting because listen, adam may not be the absolute best with children, but the hospital isn't a very happy place to be in, to begin with, so he goes about his day, does his job, and when he's done fixing up some stitches or drawing blood or visiting a patient, he. . . trick-or-treats them! puts a hand in his pocket or, sometimes borrowing michael's grace, pulls a treat out of nothing, and then he hands it to the kid. and it makes every single one of them so happy!

michael watches over the scene with fondness every time, and meanwhile, over the weeks, adam becomes quite popular among the younger patients of the hospital. really! i'm convinced that once, after they had traded control of their body so adam could rest for ten minutes during a long shift, michael felt a tug at their white coat, and when he looked down he found one of the children. he remembers every room number and face, so he recognized them immediately, and it was so funny because he stood there, quirked an eyebrow, shoved a hand in adam's right pocket without breaking eye contact, and then gave this little kid in pokémon pjs a kinder bueno. only to receive a toothy smile and a 'thank you, doctor!', to which he nodded and said, 'you're welcome.'

adam tuned in not even ten seconds after, all mirth and "they're adorable at that age, right?" y'know, like the little shit of a loving husband he is <3

one more thing and then i swear i'm done: i want them to have friends who they can trust enough to be open about being two people in a body and all, and in all of eternity there are people like that! this means there are also halloween parties, but even if there weren't, even if they just decided to go out on halloween night, adam will absolutely do his best to get michael in a costume. one that isn't a trash bag because they're not dressing up as their fathers thank you. just because why the hell not, right?

his most heartfelt attempt is a set of devil horns that adam finds hilarious on michael (and frankly quite attractive, but don't tell him i told you this) and that michael hates. adam's literally over there cackling about how michael’s the 'speck of infernal bile' now and michael’s just sitting there with this headband on his head like, "okay. time to erase this thing from existence," except he eventually only sighs and grumbles while he lets adam have fun for a bit. but the fork will have to go.

i'm also convinced that they're such cryptids, and they seem so weird from an outsider's point of view, that one day they'll be the mysterious unsettling owner of the spooky house at the end of the street or up the hill or just outside of town who occasionally pops in to buy some milk. or maybe somewhere in the world, in the future, they'll be one of the local legends or something. either way, i'm done! :D

so to celebrate have them being like—

adam: *losing it* michael:

#midam #adam milligan #michael #hello ciao buenas tardes <3 today i offer you: t h i s #i had to re-write the last part from scratch like. now. so i'll re-read them tomorrow but in the meantime i hope they're okay!#OH ALSO #midam the cat #<333 #have them and come scream at/with me if you want. in the meantime: thanks for asking anon!#and sorry it took me a bit. i got sick in the meantime and it was just ufff (great vocabulary. i know c:)#shut up fran.#asks #ciel writes #or #ciel plots #idk #depends! are these prompts? well they could be!#spooky season

24 notes · View notes

let-them-read-fics · 3 years

Text

Eyes Closed, Heart Open

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 1,463

HC Count: 28

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Hey everyone, here’s another Rosé writing. I hope you enjoy it! Let me know what you think of it. Happy reading!

I got inspiration from listening to her cover of “Eyes Closed” by Halsey. Check it out if you haven’t already!

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Nothing felt the same anymore. The adrenaline rush that coursed through you as you ran out on stage, the cheering of the fans, hearing them sing along with you -- nothing. In her absence, everything was dull, and you found yourself just going through the motions. That’s not to say you aren’t grateful for everything you have; it’s all just lost its glow without her.

Both of you are idols (you’re a soloist), and you used to be together. You always kept it hidden from the public, but after a leak made its way to the media, there was little you could do to stop them. So, your companies decided to ban you from being with one another.

You found this fact out before she did, so you tried to find a way to end things. It’s the last thing you wanted, but you knew you had to hurt her now in order for her to be able to move on and forget about you.

You broke her heart, but you thought it was something that had to happen, given the circumstances. You hated yourself a little more with every second that passed, seeing the pain you caused.

You often doubt your decision, thinking now maybe it would’ve been less painful for her to hear about the ban from the company instead. She was the one person in this world that you couldn’t bear the thought of being hated by.

Cue her cover of “Eyes Closed”

Certain lyrics pertain to your situation:

↪ “But he’ll never stay, they never do”

↪ “But you’ve been replaced, I’m face to face with someone new” (Of course, for damage control, YG forced her into a fake relationship)

↪ “My lover, my liar” (She says this in reference to you, since you had promised her you’d never break her heart)

Months after what happened, you’re still stuck on her. Your plan clearly backfired, only hurting both of you in the process and giving you no closure or ability to move on

As if you could move on from her

Given that Blackpink is the massive success that it is, Rosé’s hold over you was inescapable. Every time you were out, it was inevitable for you to see a new advertisement for them or hear their song on the radio. It was always a slap to the face, serving as a reminder of your mistake.

Both of you were expected to attend the MMA awards show, given that you were both nominated. When you saw “Blackpink” on the list of artists invited, it came as no surprise; even still, your heart leapt and your stomach was in knots. How would this go down?

Both of you ended up winning in your respective categories. When you go up to receive your award, you decide to set things straight; you’re sick of feeling this way, and you know you’d kick yourself for the rest of your life if you didn’t even try to rectify the situation.

“I’d like to give a huge thank you to my fans, support system, and family. My people. No one could have a better group of individuals around them. I couldn’t have done any of this alone, and I thank you endlessly for all you’ve ever done and continue to do. This award is for you!” The crowd cheers, clapping loudly, but you don’t stop there. “Also, though, there’s someone here tonight, out in the audience, that I hurt very badly.” At your words, Rosé’s eyes find yours, expression unreadable. “I thought that in doing what I did, I would be helping her to move on; after all, I never meant to hurt her. Little did she know, though, our companies would’ve stepped in, had I not beat them to it. I wanted to give her someone to hate, someone that she didn’t have to see everyday and be around.” The audience is dead silent, hanging onto your every word. To the right of you, just off stage, you can see one of your managers next to a security guard; likely ready to drag you off at any moment. With time running out, you finish by saying, “I know it was wrong, but I did what I thought was best at the time -- please believe that. Hopefully you can forgive me for my naiveté. Thank you again, everyone.” The air is thick with tension, the crowd uncertain about how to react. Scattered applause rings outs, and you send one last wave to the audience before going back to your seat.

Your words impact Rosé more than she expected, forcing her to think things over, yet again. She had spent the past few months doing everything in her power to recover, and she’d be damned to just let it slip away so easily. Part of her begged to relent, though, upon seeing how sincere your apology appeared to be. She hated to admit it, but you still looked just as gorgeous now as you had before. Though she tried to pretend, she knew her feelings for you could never go away.

You try to find her for the rest of the night, but she’s always just a little too far away, right out of your reach. You eventually lose hope, but you mask that fact from the cameras that had been glued to you after your speech.

About an hour later, the show is over and the afterparty is kicking off. Deciding that a drink would definitely help after the night you’ve just had, you make your way towards the elevator. Conveniently, the celebration was taking place in the same building, albeit high up in the clouds, on the 80th floor. You had waited patiently for the batch of overzealous guests to go up before you, glad to distance yourself from them.

You could finally breathe again, getting a moment to yourself.

Now inside the elevator, you press the button and wait for the sleek metal doors to close. Before they can, a slender arm darts between them, and your heart jumps. They open again to reveal none other than Rosé herself, looking as stunning as ever. She steps in next to you, and it’s physically painful how much you want to hold her in that moment. To reach out and touch her, assuring yourself that she’s actually there and you aren’t imagining this. To apologize profusely and explain everything to her. But you don’t. You stand there, holding her gaze, waiting for her to say something.

“Did you mean it?” She asks after an eternity, voice soft and unsure as she tests the waters. Her eyes are now focused on the floor; she can’t bring herself to look at you as she waits for an answer, too afraid of what you might say.

“I meant everything I said tonight. You’ve never left my thoughts, no matter how much I try to avoid them. And I…” You start, ready to finally confess how you’ve been feeling all this time without her. You take a moment to steady yourself. “I never stopped loving you.”

You wait with bated breath, silently begging the universe to let her feel the same.

She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she gently wraps herself around you, her arms around your neck and face against your shoulder. You sigh against her, weight being lifted from your heart at this simple act. She still feels the same; warm and comforting. Your home.

Eventually you pull back enough to look at her, but not enough to lose her from your grip.

You rest your forehead against hers, and the two of you stay like that. There will be plenty of time to talk about everything later; you’re at peace just holding her for now. The elevator dings, and the doors open to reveal your manager.

He gives you an incredulous look, as if to say We’ve been over this! But you don’t care. Rosé glances between the older man and you, but you simply smile at her. “I’m done running.”

Those words echo throughout her mind as she feels your lips on hers -- something she had dreamt of since the day you left, despite the pain that came along with it. Memories of the nights she spent crying over what happened soon melt away, making room for new ones to come.

With your manager nearly fuming at what he’s witnessing, you stumble backwards and press the button for the ground floor. Rosé is still on you, her lips moving against your own in a heated dance. The juxtaposition is a bit hilarious, if you’re honest.

The noise from the rowdy crowd dies down as you make your descent, and you feel her lips turn up in a giddy smile. “I love you, too, Y/N.”

#rosé x reader #rosé #blackpink #kpop #k-pop #k-pop girl group #k-pop blackpink #rosé blackpink #chaeyoung #rosé x fem reader #park chaeyoung #roseanne #blackpink imagine #blackpink oneshots #rosé imagine #let-them-read-fics

221 notes · View notes

phantom-curve · 3 years

Note

“Apricity” for Juke in whatever universe you would like to put them?

I loved this prompt, thank you so much for sending it! set in the did I shatter you? universe, between the end of that fic and the sequel that follows, here's a very quiet and fluffy morning with Juke ft. a small scene that foreshadows the sequel.

apricity - the warmth of the sun in the winter (Rated T for some slightly suggestive moments towards the end)

also available on ao3!

Julie in the early morning was a sight Luke would never grow tired of. Relaxed and softened by sleep, curled into the cocoon of his arms or draped across his chest, hair wild and untamed around her face, Luke could watch her for hours and still it would never be enough time to truly appreciate all of the things that he loved about her. If their year apart had taught him anything, it was that Luke had never valued those little moments with her enough before.

He had been so caught up in his anger and hatred towards Bobby, so settled and comfortable in his relationship with Julie, that he had missed all of the things that actually made that relationship so special. He hadn’t thought twice about the nights he spent sleeping away from her, the mornings he woke up alone instead of at her side. When he would lash out at her, he never saw beyond the single moment of pain. Never saw the way he was cutting her deeper and deeper, so used to his own wounds that he thought she would be, too. He had been selfish and wrong, and he had excused it all by telling himself that they had time. They had forever together, what was a few bad years in the grand scheme of things? He had thought that spending a lifetime with her would mean he could catch up on those moments later. After the Bobby thing wasn’t so painful, after their band made it big enough, after he had reached a point where his skin didn’t itch with the need to fight everything standing in his path to greatness. He had wasted so much time thinking he had an eternity to gain it back, and it wasn’t until she had left that he realized time lost could never be regained again.

Luke had learned his lesson. He wasn’t wasting any more time when it came to Julie. The second she had been willing to give him a second chance, he had gone all in on righting his previous wrongs. It had taken time and hard work and weekly meetings with a therapist that he still talked to on occasion, but he had finally put the past to rest. It was liberating in a way he hadn’t expected, like a weight that had been crushing him for so long he had forgotten it was there was suddenly lifted, allowing him the space to breathe again. Allowing him the space to love again.

Julie had forgiven him, had added The Phantoms back to her name right where they belonged, and slowly, as she watched him grow and change for the better, she had let him back into her heart as well. It was a homecoming he hadn’t ever thought he’d be given, made all the better because this time his home was filled with sunshine and open spaces instead of dark rooms crowded by memories that only aimed to hurt. This time, he knew exactly what he had to lose, knew exactly how much power he had to destroy this fragile new beginning, and he was determined not to screw it up again. He was a new man, forged from the fires of his past to become stronger and better and deserving of the life he had worked so hard to achieve. He wasn’t going to miss out on any more little moments with Julie.

Which was what had led him to adjusting his internal clock to make sure he always woke up before her and had at least a few uninterrupted moments to watch her sleep and remember just how lucky he was that he got to have her in his life again.

This morning was no different than the others. The sun had risen an hour or so ago, pale golden light spilling in through the cracks in their curtains. Julie was curled into his side, legs tangled together, head resting on his chest, breath sending warm whispers of air across his skin in a rhythmic pattern that his heart had slowed to match. Luke had curled one arm around her back so he could hold her close, fingers tracing patterns along the thin strip of exposed skin between her tank top and pj shorts, both articles of clothing that had once belonged to him only to be stolen and repurposed by Julie. He didn’t mind. She looked better in his clothes than he did anyway.

He heard their bedroom furnace click to life in the corner. New York in the winter was much colder than LA, but Luke had grown to love the city during its chillier months over the years. There was a kind of magic that existed there that LA just couldn’t touch with its constant sunshine and balmy temperatures. Winter in LA was a pale imitation of what winter should truly be.

True winter was being bundled up in layers of wool clothing, wandering the city with snow falling overhead and gloved hands clasped together, sharing pockets of warmth with each other on the subway and in coffee shops that looked more like bookstores or bars. True winter was their cozy Cornelia Street brownstone with a fireplace that they actually lit fires in, a basket of quilts passed down from Julie’s abuela tucked in the corner, and their favorite mugs stashed right next to the tea and hot chocolate mix, so that when they came home frozen to the bone, they didn’t have to think twice about how they would warm themselves back up. True winter was New York City and all of the memories, good and bad, that they had created there with each other.

Luke inhaled deeply, the air in their room warm and comfortable despite what he was sure were frigid temperatures outside. His lungs filled with the smell of vanilla and peaches and Julie, the most soothing scent he could imagine. She sighed against him as her head rose and fell along with his chest, her fingers stretching across his body until they came to rest above his heart. He felt the muscle skip and stutter underneath her touch. All these years later, and he still reacted to her just like a lovesick teenager. Julie slept on, undisturbed by the way his heart was racing. Luke couldn’t stop the fond smile that stole across his lips as placed one of his hands over hers.

He thought about the small box he had in the drawer of his nightstand, tucked underneath an old journal that was long past overflowing with songs and snippets of things he wanted to say when he finally presented the ring in that box to Julie. Alex and Reggie had been on his case for weeks now, trying to talk him into popping the question from the very minute Ray had gifted him the heirloom. It wasn’t the right time yet though. The boys didn’t get it, but much like there had been a tugging in his soul when he made that fateful trip to Coney Island over a year ago, Luke knew that there would be a sign when it was time. He had to be patient, had to set things in motion the right way.

Julie murmured something in her sleep and tucked her face deeper into his skin. Luke moved his hand up from her waist to card softly through her curls. He knew exactly how to avoid pulling or getting his fingers caught, just gentle strokes against her scalp until she settled deeper into slumber. A particularly bright beam of winter sun burst through the edge of the curtain, illuminating Julie with a kind of otherworldly glow. Like an angel come down from the heavens above just to bless him with her love. The sight sent a sucker punch to his gut, breath stolen away by the depth of his love for her. He was moving his hand away from hers and reaching for the bedside drawer handle before he even thought twice about it as he dug out the box and his journal without jostling Julie. He turned his head ever so slightly so that he could make sure he didn’t knock anything over as he quietly skimmed through the pages of his notebook until he found the one he was looking for.

Reggie had made the joke in passing, some silly throwaway line when a Bruno Mars song had come on the radio one day. Luke had made a big show of jotting it down in his Julie journal even though he didn’t plan on using it. But now that damn lyric was spinning on repeat in his head as he looked at Julie in his arms, the exact place he wanted to keep her forever and always. Hey, baby, I think I wanna marry you. He didn’t let himself think twice, riding the gut feeling in his soul that told him at the very least he could keep the photo for himself, just for the memories and the reminder of this moment that felt monumental for all its quiet simplicity.

She didn’t twitch when he slowly shifted just a bit to the side, his hand slipping from her hair so he could use it to hold up the piece of paper he had easily pulled from the broken binding of the notebook. Her head fell to rest against her pillow, one hand tucked underneath her ear while the other stayed still against his chest. He placed the open box next to it, tried to hold back the ridiculous grin he could feel stretching across his face as he pulled his phone off of the charging pad on the nightstand. When he opened the camera something about the sight of that ring so close to the spot he hoped it would live for the rest of their lives sent a shot of serotonin through his veins. He couldn’t hold back his smile anymore, but he also couldn’t find it in himself to care about how ridiculous he would probably look. It didn’t matter. He would be the world’s biggest fool for Julie any day of the week.

His phone was silent as he snapped just one selfie. He didn’t want to risk Julie waking up, didn’t want to blow his cover before he was fully ready, before they were fully ready. He didn’t even take the time to double check the picture before he was tucking the paper and the small box back into the corner of his drawer. He locked his phone and set it off to the side, turning slightly so he could soak in the sight of the clear winter sun pooling along the dips and curves of Julie’s sleeping form. She stirred slightly, like she could feel his eyes upon her back, groaning softly and stretching, one eye peeking open to meet his gentle gaze. Her lips curved on the edges, a small attempt at a smile even though she hadn’t fully woken up yet. Luke leaned over to kiss the edge of her temple.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

Julie hummed a wordless response, blinking slowly as she adjusted to the brightness of their room. She reached out with seeking fingers and Luke let her pull him close, brushing his nose along the line of her cheek and jaw until his lips met hers. Julie melted against him, and Luke took advantage of the moment to haul her back on top of him. She broke their kiss with a giggle, propping herself up against his sternum with a fist under her chin.

“Hi.”

Her eyes were still softened and cloudy from leftover sleep, the dreamworld and the real-world meeting in the warm depths of her brown irises. Luke felt full to bursting as he took her in. God, he loved her so much. Had never loved anything or anyone more in his entire life. Her curls cast a slight halo around her, his very own goddess of light and love.

“I love you,” he whispered into the small space between them.

“I love you, too.”

Her words were like a caress as they worked their way into his heart and soul, stitched into the lining of his very being. Julie pushed herself up slightly, until they were eye level, her mouth sweet and soft as she leaned down to press her lips against his once more. Their room illuminated fully as the sun finally made its way over the tallest buildings outside, the light clean and pure in a way only the winter sun could be. Warmth filled every line of his body, a fire lit by Julie that he would never seek to tame or extinguish.

Something in his soul tugged hard, an invisible thread pulling taught between his hidden treasure in the nightstand and his pounding heart where it was pressed against the soft cotton of his shirt covering Julie’s chest. Soon, he promised himself, soon it would be the right time to ask for an eternity together. Forever and always, just like they had vowed to each other from the beginning.

#I swear to god this one is actually fluffy #just Luke being head over heels in love with Julie for almost 2200 words #I feel like these prompts are definitely ending up more inspired by the feelings they evoke as opposed to the actual definition of the word #mads writes #jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #did I shatter you?#coney island juke #jukebox #jatp fic #juke fic #luke patterson #julie molina #palina

18 notes · View notes

mvrtaiswriting · 4 years

Note

;A; UR WRITING,,,, JUST CHEFS KISS! mwah! its so stunning! as for a request,, anything with jotaro n a enby or fem s/o! go wild:)

Are you bored yet? - Jotaro Kujo.

huhfsu thank you so much dear!! 🥺

and sorry if this took way too long! here you have, i hope this meets your expectations! enjoy x

Neutral reader x Jotaro Kujo

Jojo’s bizzare adventures: Stardust Crusaders

SFW // although there are some implicit hints to sex.

words count: 1663

Songs you should listen to / that inspired me for this work in terms of sound or lyrics: - Are you bored yet - Wallows - Sometimes - Ariana Grande

Hi! Are you a new reader? Check my masterlist for more content!

Please feel free to reblog or leave a comment :) help me support my art (it’s free!),

His ocean eyes were locked on you as he gently played with your hair, paying attention to every little detail of yours. Sometimes he’d shift his fingers to your face only to caress your skin softly, his touch so gentle and delicate, almost as if he was scared to hurt you somehow. You kept your eyes closed while you rested your bare back against his strong chest, enjoying Jotaro’s rare display of affection. Your skin shivered every time Jotaro touched it, as if every centimetre of you was a chord of an instrument solely created for his hands.

One of his arms was wrapped around your body, his hand lazily resting on your hips. You slowly turned to face him, a soft smile forming on his face. Running a hand through his untameable curls, your locked your eyes on his. “Are you bored yet?”

You whispered, not having the courage to speak out louder than that. You feared his answer, you knew he wasn’t exactly the type to stick around. When you two started dating, it took a while for him to let another person invade his personal space, or worst, his mind. He was used to be alone, and liked his own company so much he never actually looked for other’s.

With you, however, it was different. The more time you spent together, the more he wanted you to stay. It all started as a little study project; he needed some help to pass an exam and you offered him your help. Kakyoin, his best friend somehow convinced him it was a good idea and he ended up reluctantly accepting your proposal.

The two of you started regularly meeting every afternoon. Sometimes you would stay at your place, other times you simply preferred to stay at your school’s library. At the beginning, Jotaro was hard to handle. He would often cut off every attempt of conversation you made with some rude comments and never really showed any sign of commitment to your project. Unluckily for him though, you were stubborn enough to not step back when confronted with his harsh manners and his intimidating behaviour. Day after day, you slowly managed to get him to talk to you. He started to pay attention to you and cooperate during studying session, even bringing you coffee before you started – surprisingly enough. He also stopped being so rude around you, allowing you two to create a beautiful bond.

When he successfully passed his exam, he didn’t want to let you go. He wasn’t ready to go back to his usual loneliness; it didn’t matter to him before you came into his life, but he got so used to having you around that the thought of going through a day without your cute laugh almost teared him apart – and he hated it. He hated how much you mattered to him and how much his mood depended on your presence. He felt vulnerable, and stupid. It just wasn’t like Jotaro to feel such things, or to let his emotions overwhelm him, but he couldn’t resist it. He just couldn’t let you walk out of his life as if the time you spent together for weeks didn’t matter at all. He needed those afternoons of yours when he listened to you passionately talking about what you liked the most or just being your goofy self around him.

When he asked you out the first time, he didn’t even look at you. “I’ll pick you up at 7 tonight.” was the only thing he said before covering his eyes with his black hat and walking away from you, leaving you speechless. You weren’t expecting any kind of invite from him; you thought the end of your study sessions coincided with the end of the friendship you managed to create over that short period of time – but he proved you wrong and you were eternally glad for it. You didn’t know what exactly made Jotaro decide to ask you out, nor you knew if he felt the same way you did whenever he was around you.

Later that night, he showed up at your house on time, the raging and unmistakable sound of his motorbike was enough to make his presence known. He helped you getting on the saddle of the motor, handling you one of his helmets. Once you made yourself comfortable you wrapped your hands around Jotaro’s waist and held onto him tightly, resting your chin on his shoulder to have a look at the road in front of you.

“Ready?” he said.

You nodded, a small laugh leaving your lips. At your signal, Jotaro made the engine of his motorbike roar once again, running through the streets of your city.

Your journey took a while and you didn’t quite talk in the meanwhile. He was focusing on his driving, and you were too busy admiring the sky around you, which was coloured in pink and orange while the sun slowly set. Once you arrived, he parked his motorbike safely and took his helmet off. It was the first time you saw him without his hat and the view was simply mesmerising. You always thought Jotaro was handsome and he was always able to give you butterflies, but this version of him was completely new to your sight and once again you found yourself hypnotised by his undeniable beauty.

He took your helmet off and held your hand while you got off the motorbike, ready to catch you in case you’d trip over or stumble somehow. He smiled at you, causing you to blush – everything felt unreal. You almost pinched yourself, questioning about whether you were wide awake or dreaming.

He took a towel and carried a couple of beers in his hands, before making you follow him to the beach. You spent the night talking by the sea, as the sky slowly turned dark leaving you under the light of thousands of stars and the moon. He was unusually talkative, but you didn’t complain – you loved how soft his voice could be, and you were so curious about what was going on inside his head. You always felt a certain way towards him, and being able to stay so close to him without being pushed away not only made you feel special, but also made your feelings towards him grow more and more.

“Thank you for this.”

You said, resting your head on his shoulder. His muscles stiffed for a second, before relaxing again.

“It’s nothing.” he answered quietly, before taking a sip from his bottle of beer.

You looked up at him, the feeling of your warm breath caused goose bumps on Jotaro’s neck. A soft shiver ran down his spine before he turned his face in order to look at you, leaning a bit towards you, your noses nearly touching. You gulped, slowly moving your gaze away from his; as you did so, he placed his big hand on your left cheek, pulling you closer to him before living a soft kiss on your lips – catching you out of guard. However, you kissed him back and while the two of you found the right pace for your kiss, he slowly leaned on you, holding himself on top of you letting his arms support his weight.

Passion got the best of you two – being at the beach didn’t matter at all. You needed love, touch. Every inch of your skin was eager of Jotaro’s touch, and he just couldn��t get enough of you, of your kisses, of how you made him feel. That night felt as if you finally let go of all the emotions you felt, letting your bodies explain how much you wanted each other.

When he drove you home, he left a small kiss on your lips wishing you goodnight, before disappearing into the dark of the night.

The next couple of dates always ended up the same way; you just couldn’t keep your hands to yourselves. You weren’t quite sure what type of relationship you and Jotaro had. Was it just sex? Was he your boyfriend? What were his feelings towards you? Every time you saw each other you ended up in bed, or talking about everything but you and your relationship. You knew exactly what you felt, but you couldn’t quite tell whether your feelings were reciprocated.

He told you he didn’t quite enjoy relationship and what derived from them, and that was what made you so insecure about your relationship. You remembered him telling you how he easily gets bored of people, and how he wasn’t the type to be into someone for much. This small talk the two of you had time ago still haunted you like a ghost, and you just couldn’t ignore it.

Until one day, while the two of you were lying in his bed, he let a “thank you for being mine” slip out of his mouth. That phrase almost made you jump, giving you an heart attack. “Yours?” you replied, your face lighted up with the biggest smile you ever made.

“Mine.” he repeated before pulling you in his arms, ready to start another round. This enabled you to finally gain the courage to ask him what was happening between the two of you. “Yare yare daze..” he sighed. “I thought it was clear we make a great couple.’ he said smirking.

Months with him passed rapidly. Both of you were living a true love story, enjoying every moment you got to spend together. --

“I’ll never get bored of you.” He said, placing a small kiss on your cheeks. “I don’t even think of letting you go, Y/N. I’m here to stay.” he continued, before putting you on top of him letting his hands wonder over every piece of your body.

“I love you, Joot.” you said, your eyes shining just as the first time. “Yare yare..” he mumbled before leaning in for a passionate kiss, not giving you the chance to reply and pulling the sheets over your heads, ready to show you how much he loved you.

395 notes · View notes

quarantined-with-bucky · 4 years

Text

I Was Good To You

Bucky x Reader

Words: ~ 4,000 (lol sorry)

Summary: You were good to Bucky

Warnings: Angst

A/N: I really love the song “you were good to me” by Jeremy Zucker and Chelsea Cutler (actually they have a lot of good songs, together and separately). But I felt like this song needs to be read from the opposite perspective literally every time I hear it, hence this fic. It’s a little different than what I have written so far, so I hope you still enjoy it! I put some of the original lyrics in the fic as quote-block format; it’s mostly in the reader’s POV and I’m sorry in advance for having to do Bucky like this – it just fits the song.

...

It was a fairly new relationship. And while you and he were both equally cautious about taking said new relationship too fast, it couldn’t be helped that the two of you were inseparable. From the day you met, he had been invested in you – your life. He claims it was because he was frozen for so long; because he didn’t know how to live “normally” in the twenty-first century. He went from World War II to Hydra to today. While that made perfect sense to you, a part of you always wondered if it was something more. Sure, Bucky had never had the chance to (and likely will never the chance to) live mundanely. He won’t ever work a 9 to 5 job, he won’t spend nights cooking and washing dishes, he won’t be doing lawn maintenance, working on a dingey car, or grocery shopping (and then forgetting your grocery list at home). You thought that he may have attached himself so quickly to you so he could partly experience the normalcy of civilian life. Not that you were complaining.

He often spent nights at your house, sleeping in your too-small bed, sitting on your countertop, and lounging on your loveseat. Waking up next to him was heaven. If you weren’t securely wrapped in his arms, head laying on his bulky torso, then he was using your chest as a pillow, the weight of him almost making it impossible to breathe. But that extra weight was calming; he may have even been the weighted blanket that has been sitting in your Amazon cart for well over four months. You’d wake up from an uninterrupted night of bliss, fingers running through his long hair, Bucky refusing to get up until you promised pancakes.

But then, three months into it, he left. Its not like he had a choice, you reminded yourself, its his job. And you were well aware of it – he made you aware of it. He told you he would be gone for three weeks. And that’s fine; you could spare less than a month of your life for the good of the rest of the world? It felt almost selfish to think that way. He wasn’t yours; he had to save the world, he belonged to the world – to himself.

So, you tried to keep yourself busy to distract yourself. But there really wasn’t much to do; hobbies you once enjoyed felt exhaustive and boring. The issue is you used to do everything with him: eat, work, eat, shower, sleep. Now it’s eat alone, work alone, eat alone, shower alone, sleep alone; each task a glaring reminder how desolate it was.

Floating, but I feel like I’m dying

Your routine felt like nothing – it just felt empty, the way that it lacked conversation, playfulness, fun, it lacked him. Nothing, in fact, felt real. You walked around the neighborhood and it felt like a fever dream, like you were gliding along the sidewalks. Not a single thought roamed through your mind, just the absence of what used to be. The days always went by painstakingly slow, but every Friday night you wondered how the week had gone by so quickly.

Your friends invited you out on the weekend, and while you mostly said no, they made sure to drag you out a couple times. The company was honestly welcome, it just felt like an empty effort to get dressed up and go to the bar when you really would rather be there (or home – in bed) with someone else. But by the time your friends got you in a routine to go out, Bucky came back home to you.

Months went by while the two of you were attached at the hip, smiles never leaving either of your mouths.

You woke up one morning to a heavy figure sprawled across half of your naked body. Yawning and trying your best to inhale a breath with his chest laying directly on top of yours, you flexed your arms and legs straight out, cracking a few joints that had been overused just a few hours ago. Bucky’s eyes popped open, his blue iris’s peering into your own. He rubbed an eye-booger away with the palm of his hand and started off the morning with “I have to leave tonight.”

You were confused and you knew he could read it on your face. “No good morning?” You joked haphazardly, trying your best not to blurt out every thought racing across your mind at that moment – the main one being what the fuck?

“’M sorry, baby,” he mumbled, still half asleep, pushing his face into the corner of your neck, planting a wet kiss to your shoulder, then your collarbone, then your jaw.

“How long do you think you’ll be gone for?” Your fingers traced up and down his back, nicking on the scratches you left last night; nearly healed but you knew they were there.

He hummed and lifted his head to press a kiss to your lips. “Couple weeks.” Another kiss. “I’m not sure.” That being said, you didn’t bring it up again. It was better to spend the day binging pancakes and watching movies in bed than discussing it any further.

I know it’s easier to run

After everything I’ve done

It was finally time for him to leave. After all your distraction kisses didn’t work. As soon as the clock hit 8:00 pm, he stood, despite you feigning sleep beside him. He leaned over you on the bed and held a head to your cheek, then pushed the hair from your face. You opened your eyes, holding his hand in yours. He stood there for a moment that felt like an eternity, just watching each other with sad eyes. “I wish I could stay,” he murmured.

You nodded, unable to find your voice. As he straightened back up, you stood next to him, pulling a shirt on and following him to the door. After opening the door, he cupped your face with both his hands and pulled you close to him. “See you soon, okay, doll?” If this was his best reassurance tactic, it wasn’t very good. You met his mouth in an open-mouthed kiss, tongues swiping over each other, exchanging the words you couldn’t find earlier. Slowly, he kissed you back, releasing a long breath as he pulled away.

And then you did it.

“I love you.”

And then you regretted it.

He stared back at you, eyes scanning over the whole of your face: faltering smile, eyebrows drawn together, eyes suddenly glazed with worry.

“Goodbye, (Y/N).”

He turned and shut the door without looking back or saying another word. He really left. He really ran away.

Tears welled up into your eyes. Like that morning, the only thought you could process: what the fuck? albeit, this time, it was a little angrier than before. What did that mean? You immediately assumed he was done with you. But the more you laid on your bed, sobbing your eyes out into your pillow, the more that didn’t make sense. There’s no way he wanted to breakup with you – he was so happy before he left. Maybe he just didn’t love you? Maybe he loved you but he just wasn’t ready to say it? And honestly, knowing Bucky, it was most likely the last option. He enjoyed spending every waking moment with you doing the most absolute boring tasks; you don’t just suffer like that if you don’t love that person.

Then again, despite agreeing to take this relationship slow, he surely did not have a problem basically moving into your house and sleeping with you (which you would’ve assumed to be a much greater step than saying “I love you,” considering he was from 1917 where usually the order is reversed).

All that worrying seemed to be in vain. He returned to you no later than 13 days after.

You pulled open to your front door only to find a sheepish-looking Bucky on the other side. His hands were tucked into his pockets, shoulders shrugged unusually high as he stared directly at the ground. But as soon as that door swung open and he saw you standing bewildered on the other side, he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you off the ground against his chest. He hummed softly into your collarbone, “I missed you.”

And suddenly your heart began beating out of your chest. You hands found his hair and you gently untangled the knots, while you shut your eyes and breathed in his earthy scent. So, you’d been right: Bucky was just weird. You didn’t want to relive that scene from two weeks ago, instead opting to relax in his arms. “I missed you, too.”

Growing, but I’m just growing tired

Now I’m worried for my soul

And I’m still scared of growing old

As time went on, him leaving became more frequent. You couldn’t help the fact that they were getting a lot of new leads. Honestly, you couldn’t be more grateful to have Bucky. Not only is he the light of your life, but invariantly the same for everyone else in the world. His job was to protect people and you couldn’t imagine the world if he wasn’t off doing what he did so well. But they became more frequent and longer. Lately, it had felt like the two of you had spent more time apart than together.

Laying on the couch, his cheek resting atop of your chest, his torso and hips nestled between your legs, you broke the calm silence. “So next Friday’s my birthday,” you mumbled.

He chuckles in response, tilting his head up to meet your gaze. “Is this your way of reminding me to get you a gift? Because don’t worry, doll, I already got you something.” He winked and set his cheek back to his original position, softly shutting his eyes as you curled a lock of his hair around your finger.

“No,” you giggle back, rolling your eyes to yourself. “I want to take a trip. I think we should get away for the weekend.” You released the strand of hair, instead running your hand over the back of his neck. “What do you think?”

He sits up immediately, no disregard for your hands, and shakes his head. “(Y/N), you know that I can’t. What if they need me and I’m not here?”

You bite your lip, quickly searching for something to say. And what you blurt out actually happens to be the dumbest thing you’ve ever said. “Aren’t there like a million Avengers? I think you can take one weekend off.”

Now he rolls his eyes and scoffs. “(Y/N), you can’t be serious. You know it doesn’t work like that.” And at this point, you’re not sure if he’s talking about the Avengers not working like that or if your relationship doesn’t work like that – after all, he still never said “I love you” back. Not when he came home that time, not when he left for the next mission, not for your one-year anniversary, and not after the fact he realized that date occurred while he was away on work.

“I know, but – ”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupts, his tone harsh. “But no.” The way his jaw sets and eyes narrow at you doesn’t make you think he’s very sorry.

Staring back at him, you nod, getting up from the couch before he can see the tears well up in your eyes (for the record, he saw them). “I’m tired, Buck. Goodnight.” And with that, you scurried off to your bedroom. You locked the door and fell onto the bed, silently letting the tears fall down your cheeks. You buried your face into your pillow, throwing his against the wall, the smell of your bed – that smelled like him – pissing you off beyond belief.

Was this going to be your life? Constantly leaving, never saying “I love you” when everything he does clearly shows that he’s in love with you. There as a point in your life when you thought men were confusing. But, damn, James Barnes is a whole new story.

He clearly got the message that he’d be sleeping on the couch that night. He didn’t disturb you for the rest of the night – he didn’t even try. Could he hear you sobbing in your room? You could only assume yes. But that clearly didn’t make a difference to him.

But that’s okay. You’ve learned how to console yourself, how to calm yourself down during a panic attack, how to make the tears stop on your own.

That would become your reality. Would that be your future? Bucky talked about the future – quite a lot, actually, especially for being the one who won’t say “I love you.” He wanted to settle down, he wanted the future that was taken away from him years ago: to eventually settle down, raise little babies, grow old with you. He surely liked to talk about it, but never show it. There had to be some way he could ask Steve to take a weekend off. If he was reluctant to do it now, would he ever? Or would you just live in the shadows of his life, tying down the house alone, raising babies alone, growing old alone.

The next morning, you woke up to Bucky next to you in bed. He stroked your hair until you opened your eyes (that you could only assumed were swollen and red). He had apologized for the night before, pleaded for you to understand, and even gave you your birthday gift early. While you decided to forgive him, for the sake of the universe, you still couldn’t bury the hatchet completely. You weren’t going to show it, but what you were thinking about was important, and dammit you were justified in asking yourself those questions. (Even more justified to ask him those questions, but it was just never the right time).

And I’m so used to letting go

But I don’t want to be alone

One day, months later, your grandfather had passed away. It came as quite a shock, and it took you a few hours to even process the fact that he was gone. You’d been through countless calls with other family members and friends checking in on you. And while everyone meant well, every call resulted with you in a rush to hang-up, falling into a fit of sobs as you ended each call.

He had basically raised you since you were born and the fact that he had been ripped away from you so suddenly had burned you even more. Despite how sad you were, however, you had to be glad that you were able to fall apart in Bucky’s arms. Holding you tightly, reassuring you yet never telling you you’re overreacting. As someone who had been around loss his whole life, he definitely understood and thought it best to let you express your feelings earnestly.

That’s why, when Steve Rogers called his phone later that night, you couldn’t help but express your feelings very earnestly.

“Bucky, no, you’re not going.” You were sitting up in bed, in the middle of the night, darkness swallowing the room as Bucky stood to dress, not even bothering to turn on the lamp beside him.

“(Y/N), I have to. Please, don’t make this hard, baby.” His hand reached out to touch your cheek if only for a moment before he continued to dress and gather his things.

Tears fell down your cheeks freely, your voice coming out cracked as you begged him once more. It might have been pitiful, from his eyes, you’d assume. You were only one step away from looking like a sobbing toddler making grabby hands at her favorite toy. “Please, Bucky. You can’t leave me alone right now.” A sob rips through your throat and you nearly scream. “I’m always alone. I don’t want to be alone right now.”

You’d done the research: there were at least 12 Avengers nowadays. You didn’t know who was in what galaxy, but you were positive that one of them could take his place. Its not like he even really had superpowers. He was basically an enhanced man – plus they already had one of those? Surely, he could be spared this time around.

He shakes his head but sits down to pull you in his arms. “Baby, please. You can’t do this to me.”

And it takes everything in your whole being to not scoff. Do this to him? What exactly are you doing to him? Oh, just something he does to you on the weekly basis. You swallow your tears and shove him away. You don’t know what made you pull a complete 180, but it did finally feel good to get some things off your chest that had been plaguing your mind recently. “You always leave. I’m used to it.”

He opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out. He watches you pull the covers over yourself and turn away from him. He closes his mouth and leaves the room.

God only knows where our fears go

Hearts I’ve broke, now my tears flow

You’ll see that I’m sorry

Cause you were good to me

It was the post-mission jitters. The remnants of the adrenaline from earlier that day still coursed through his veins as he paced back and forth around the jet, eagerly anticipating his return to you.

“What’s up yours?” Sam asks, eyes narrowed at Bucky, clearly in confusion but also in annoyance.

Bucky stops in his tracks, eyes wide, feeling as though he had been invisible for the whole plane ride. He shrugs, and as Sam raises an eyebrow, he offers an explanation: “I’ve gotta see (Y/N).”

A grin breaks out on Sam’s face. He falls back in his chair, throws a hand over his heart and pretends to faint. “Oh, you have to see your lover. I’m Bucky, I’m so in love,” he mimics in a high-pitched voice.

Where Bucky normally would threaten to beat Sam to within an inch of his life, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything. He stood, staring at Sam’s hideous imitation of himself – he swears his heart stopped beating. “Yes, exactly.”

Sam chokes and stutters a “what?” before Steve interrupts them from the cockpit.

“We’re landing, guys. Buck, grab a seat.” So, Bucky does exactly what he’s told, plopping himself into the seat across from Sam, ignoring all the questions and comments from the man across from him.

God, he mentally kicks himself. It’s been almost two years. Two years you let him treat you like that. Now, while Bucky doesn’t think he’s done anything outwardly wrong and had obviously never purposely tried to hurt you, maybe he could’ve been a little better regarding work. Maybe he could’ve taken that weekend off with you.

You really consumed his whole life. His thoughts were constantly about you (mostly sweet and innocent, sometimes dirty), he constantly wanted to be by you, talking, laughing, touching.

He made up his mind before the plane even lands. The last mission is over, and new – personal – one begins.

He leaves the complex, stopping by the florist to buy the biggest bouquet of roses he can get his hands on. A grin is itching at his mouth as he anticipates your reaction during the rest of his drive. His heart is racing – in a good way. In a way he hasn’t felt in, well, forever. His confidence is at an all-time high as he’s never felt surer of himself in his life.

He’s already planned it out. You’ll open the door and he’ll scoop you up in his arms, hand you the flowers, and finally say “I love you.” He doesn’t know what took him so long anyway.

And now I’m closing every door

Cause I’m sick of wanting more

You know he didn’t get to decide when he left and for how long he’d be gone.

But he did get to decide his priorities. And honestly, you weren’t even sure if you were one of them anymore.

You were torn because you know how much his work means to him. Not only was it his calling, but it was something he thought was important to use his good work as a means to make up for all the bad things he’s done in the past. And while you’ve told him multiple times that that’s definitely not how it works, nothing will change his logic. So, you’ve stood by him; if it was important to him, it was important to you. Of course, you wanted to see your boyfriend exceed, feel fulfilled.

Now, you were just tired of seeing Bucky like that when it cost you everything. He was your everything. You had a job, yes, a home, a family. But the one person you were supposed to be with – actually be with – didn’t value you the same as his job. And thinking that to yourself just has to be the worst, most necessary wake-up call you need.

That was all you needed. You sat at your desk with a pen and a piece of paper. You couldn’t even think of an opening line for about two hours. Sitting there, chewing the inside of your cheek, you wrote countless paragraphs, scrapping some, keeping others, adjusting sentences, trying not to sound too mean – then having to start over because your teardrops fell onto the paper and smudged the ink.

All in all, it took you two days to write him the note – note turned letter. You folded it in three, left it on his pillow. As you placed it down, you broke out in tears. Falling to your knees, you shoved your face into the mattress, wailing into the sheets one last time. It remarkably still smelled of Bucky’s soap; probably just god handing you one more gut-wrenching blow.

You’d spent the night on the couch, unable to bear the sight of that letter or the smell of those blankets. The next morning, you tried to keep your head as clear as possible. No breakfast (no more pancakes with Bucky), no music (no reminders of your song), no phone (no messages from Bucky). It was time to leave. Time to leave this house, this life, this relationship. You’d quickly shoved a few bags full of clothes and necessities and threw them in the back of your car, not looking back. Just like he did after you’d told him you loved him.

Swear I’m different than before

I won’t hurt you anymore

Cause you were good to me

He practically skips up the steps. Knocking first, he rocks up and down on his tip-toes unable to contain his excitement anymore. Not getting an immediate response, he knocks again.

It would make sense that you weren’t home if it was work hours, but it was 7:00 pm. Bucky was thrown-off; you’d be at home eating dinner right now. Chalking it off to maybe you were in the bathtub, he digs around in his pocket for the key. Pushing the door open, he cautiously looks around the kitchen, then the dining room and living room, unable to find you. The bathroom was empty, and you hadn’t responded to him calling your name, echoing throughout the house.

He pulled out his phone while carefully kicking the bedroom door open with his foot. Straight to voicemail. Voicemailbox full. He tosses the roses beside him on the bed and sits on the edge, nearly ready to go searching again before a piece of paper catches his eye.

His heart drops.

It sinks.

There’s not a time in his whole one-hundred-year existence that he’d felt this much anticipation and fear.

He grabs the letter with shaking hands, carefully unfolding it and his eyes are fixated on the date you’d scribbled at the top of the page. Two months ago.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #fanfiction #angst #bucky barnes angst #captain america #bucky x you #bucky fanfic

275 notes · View notes

whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Smoke&Mirrors - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Let’s start from the beginning:

Imagine Dragons - Smoke and Mirrors

Okay, so with Stuck in reverse series everything started with one song that inspired me to write something, and you know what happened later.

With this new series, the idea came first (prompted by @vaneilla’s wonderful brain, and you know what? I actually went back to check that bit of convo, and it was all because @gallifreyan-uprising did what she did to TP, so I guess thank you both, ladies!), and then I was looking for THE song, that could serve as an inspiration and as a title.

And because all my best ideas come to me while driving, and I had Imagine Dragons in my car’s CD player… BOOM.

//I'm starting to cave

I'm losing my flame

I wanted your truth

But I wanted the pain

To disappear

Dream maker, life taker

Open up my mind

All I believe

Is it a dream

That comes crashing down on me?

All that I hope

Is it just smoke and mirrors?

I want to believe

But all that I know

Is it just smoke and mirrors?//

This just felt so fitting for Reader and her struggle a little later in the series, and smoke and mirrors alone seemed like just what I needed to capture the essence of the main conflict between Neil and R.

Chapter 1: Imagine Dragons - Natural

I had the title, I knew what I wanted to do in the first chapter, but I still had doubts if I could switch to this new dynamic. -Neil being mean? I mean how even-- I needed a good playlist to get myself in the right mood to set the tone for the whole series, and even when I found a few songs that were good enough, I knew that none of them was the one. And then again, on my way to work, this time from my Spotify playlist - Natural. I literally started screaming when I realized that it was exactly what I’d been looking for. Not only because of its badass vibe, but those lyrics, holy shit -

//That's the price you pay

Leave behind your heart and cast away

Just another product of today

Rather be the hunter than the prey

And you're standing on the edge face up

'Cause you're a natural

A beating heart of stone

You gotta be so cold

To make it in this world

Yeah, you're a natural

Living your life cutthroat

You gotta be so cold

Yeah, you're a natural//

This is R. “A beating heart of stone / You gotta be so cold / To make it in this world”. Because she might be all spiky and angry on the outside, but why is she that way? Because she has to. Because nothing ever came easy in her life.

And this is Neil, too. A true natural, as TP calls him. But he also plays a role, because he was put in a position he didn’t want. And not only by TP, but also by R. That scene in the bar? He really hopes to clear the air between them, but she is not ready to listen, and keeps antagonizing him. *sigh* We know how it ends up. Anyway -

bonus: Willyecho - Welcome to the fire

Found this one when I was looking for the vibe, and then those lyrics--:

//I'm focused

I've been watching for the omens

I've been listening to everything you've said

Its been running through my head

Locked and loaded

I've got the feeling that you've noticed

Yeah I've only just begun

I won't stop until it's done

'Til you're broken

So welcome to the fire

I'm the one who lit the night up//

-- because yes, R’s that mad at him, TP, the whole world at this point, really.

Chapter 2: Florence + the Machine - What kind of man

So you know, one of the challenges I’d set for myself for this series was to finally write a proper smut. God, was I stressed out (shoutout to my lovely friends who had to listen to my self-doubting whines for quite some time). And as I knew it was supposed to happen in this chapter, and I already had an appropriate build-up in mind, I needed a song. And it wasn’t this one, although it made its way to the chapter’s playlist. But as I actually wrote the whole thing down… I felt it had that vibe.

//You were on the other side, like always

You could never make you mine//

Oh R, my sweet summer child.

//To let me dangle at a cruel angle

Oh, my feet don't touch the floor

Sometimes you're half in and then you're half out

But you never close the door

What kind of man loves like this?//

And that part is just so fitting with the whole confusion.

bonus: Graffiti Ghosts - Last man standing

The one behind the shooting range sequence:

//Your trigger finger better think about your future

You’re getting twisted thinking I don’t want to shoot ya

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m coming back to get what’s mine

Sick of living with your little double faces

I’m getting itchy and so livid I can taste it

I’ve been waiting for a long time

and I’m swinging til I get what’s mine

but I’m not going down

I’m not going down//

Can’t say that R isn’t fantasizing about shooting Neil at some point, it’s all I’m saying. And the vibe was all right, and worked for the sparring scene as well.

bonus: Zayde Wolf - New Blood

I needed decent background music to write that sparring scene, you know - to hype myself up. And then found this song. Look at the lyrics:

//I spent my whole life chained to the wall

Hunger for more, not afraid to fall

Had to cut a man down to get where I am

But someone had to tumble, and someone had to stand

Don't try to fight, nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you

It's too late to try, there's nothin' you can do

I'm gonna run all over you//

and

//Most of my life was heavy and hard, yeah

So many days, so many scars

But it was all of those years who make who I am, yeah

But I broke through, and here I stand, yeah//

Added to the playlist instantly. You can see it too, right?

bonus: Nothing But Thieves - Itch

I love this band and I’m eternally grateful that my dear friend @connie-nikas itroduced me to their music. Spotify suggested that it fit the mood for the playlist I already had for that part, so I checked the lyrics and YES:

//There's a hunger in my heart

It's full of promise, promise

There's an itch under my skin

It's under my skin, under my skin//

...

//There's a blood red on my shirt

And it's shining, shining

There's a sharp pain from my face

I kinda like it, I like it//

...

//I just wanna love

I just wanna touch

I just wanna see

'Cause I, I just wanna feel something real

Wanna feel something//

It fits more than one moment in the series, but that blood part seemed accurate for sparring, so it stayed in this chapter.

bonus: Dorothy - Wicked ones

Another Spotify suggestion, and it works pretty well for these dumbasses, although this part:

//This night ain't for the faint of heart

For the faint of heart, for the faint of heart

This night ain't for the faint of heart

'Cause the faint of heart gonna fall apart//

--this got me going while I was having heart palpitations as I was getting closer to the locker scene lol.

And then:

//Ain't no sleep when the wicked play

All we do is get laid, uuh uh uuh uuh

Ain't no love when the wicked run

All we do is try to lay off, lay off, lay off

We're the wicked ones, wicked ones//

Fits, right?

bonus: Muse - Undisclosed desires

I -blame- have to thank M for this one, and it was my initial title song for this part. Just see for yourselves:

//I know you've suffered

But I don't want you to hide

It's cold and loveless

I won't let you be denied

Soothing, I'll make you feel pure

Trust me, you can be sure

I want to reconcile the violence in your heart

I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask

I want to exorcise the demons from your past

I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart

You trick your lovers

That you're wicked and divine

You may be a sinner

But your innocence is mine

Please me, show me how it's done

Tease me, you are the one//

It just -- it’s not only about that one scene. Maybe it would be even better for part 3? Anyway, could be sung to R almost word for word, right?

Chapter 3: Nothing But Thieves - You know me too well

One of my favourites from this band, and I knew it had to be a title of some part of the story. Because:

//I gave you a call

Baby, I could come by, help forget it all

'Cause in this sticky weather, oh, it's really hard to sleep

As you know all too well

And when we dig together, oh, you make me feel so cheap

But I can't help myself

Filthy impetuous soul

I wanna give it to you

Oh, just to see what you do

'Cause I'm so drunk on you

Baby, you're all that I want

I want you all to myself

Oh, but you know me too well//

So yeah, filthy impetuous soul was only fair to use for that bathroom, right?

//And maybe you're right

We don't get on so well, when we lose the high//

That’s them at this point, all right.

//'Cause every love story always end in tragedy

If you wait long enough//

Oh hello, R’s beliefs here, clear as night.

//Renew me 'cause sometimes I forget

Got my own two hands clenched around my neck//

Could be said by both of them at this point, tbh.

bonus: Leann Rimes - Can’t fight the moonlight

So let me be frank - I knew I wanted to put that bathroom scene somewhere for quite some time, so it’s written purely for self-indulgence. I just needed to find an opportunity. And during one of the brainstorming sessions with A (because she was so kind to help me out with figuring things out when I stumbled over certain plot points, and I can’t thank her enough), the idea of karaoke night came to life and she gave me this song and fuck yes! That was it!

One of my favourite Neil headcanons is that he likes cheesy songs, and Coyote Ugly movie has a special place in my heart, so I just knew it was the one for him! Especially because:

//Under the lovers sky

Gonna be with you

And no one's gonna be around

If you think that you won't fall

Well just wait until

'Til the sun goes down//

it’s just perfect if you wanna kinda seduce/kinda embarrass someone, right? And also:

//You can try to resist

Try to hide from my kiss

Don't you know, don't you know

That you, can't fight the moonlight

Deep in the dark, you'll surrender your heart//

Because yes, he wanted to kiss her in that locker room, that’s a thing you do when you’re attracted to someone, right? He thought it was just because of this whole angry sex thing, but was aware of that all the time, that’s why R’s reaction in the bathroom alarms him. I mean it would make him stop anyway, but still.

bonus: Ruelle - Until we go down

The mood progression in this song fried my brain, absolutely amazing!

The lyrics, too:

//And I feel it running through my veins

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Erased, I missed till the break of day

And I need that fire just to know that I'm awake

Until we go down//

bonus: Bishop Briggs - Wild horses

Another song that captures the spirit of what’s going on in R’s head.

//You hold me down in the best way

No quarter from these chains that I've

Slept on my heart for a feeling

Why can't I let my demons out?

Keep screaming into the pillow

Cause your taste still gets me stupid high

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh glory, I'm a troubler//

At this point, she’s well aware of the effect Neil has on her, and the internal conflict is strong in this one.

//You call my truth in the worst way

Through the dirty lands of a broken smile

And I swear I'm not a pretender

Sometimes it's love who's the baby's cry

So, I keep on damning the devil

And you keep on saying it's alright

Oh glory, I'm a believer

Oh Lord, I'm holding tight, but//

And the whole vibe of this song, it’s like fuck I’m losing my mind, but I want you and I want you now. Just makes my breath hitch.

bonus: Transviolet - Bloodstream

And as I needed a certain mood, -(ended up actually writing with TENDER in the background because apparently I need a complete opposite mood seeping through my headphones to write any smut at all but anyway...)-, and this song is just...wow.

//Fingertips drip down my spine

Cruel desire, danger in our consequence

You look my way and I lose my…

Hey, you wanna rule the world?

Outlaw love, make you lose control

Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa

White hot, adrenaline baby

In my veins, you got me praying

Whoa, whoa, whoaaaa

My pretty blue lips begging

Take me, I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me

My breath is for holding, overdose me

I need you in my bloodstream

Hold me, break me, break me//

Hot. I won’t be taking any notes.

Chapter 4: Aimee Mann - Save me

You remember that part 4 was supposed to be the last one? Don’t ask me, I don’t know how I would manage to get that emotional progression from these dumbasses by the end of that part, so I’m glad y’all voted on splitting it into 2 (and then another 2) parts. But I already had a playlist for the finale, and then had to make a new one, and then had too many possible title songs.

Why did this one win? Because in my brain it’s directly connected to my OTP and also fits this part of the story. I battled myself if it was a spoiler or not (and also had trouble getting to terms with R ever admitting that she needs to be saved), but then thought - eh, what the hell, it has the right lyrics and a proper mood, and here it is.

//You look like a perfect fit

For a girl in need of a tourniquet

But can you save me

Come on and save me

If you could save me

From the ranks of the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone//

and that shift to this part, oh my heart:

//Except the freaks

Who suspect they could never love anyone

Except the freaks who could never love anyone.//

bonus: Jamie O'Neal - All by myself

Okay, so the car scene was in my mind for a little while, and in the initial outline, aka part 4 is the finale I couldn't find a place for it and thought I might end up making a one shot out of it, so when I actually had enough time to write it into the story, I was so excited!

I was looking for a song, and the first one that came to my mind was Air Supply - All out of love, but I could never beat what Jensen Ackles did in the outtakes of that one Supernatural episode, so I had to abandon that song, sadly. And then I thought about the one with basically the same vibe and *ding ding ding*. And of course Neil would know it. And would know what movie this is from (just look at him and try telling me he doesn’t like British rom-coms, I dare you). And would tease R about it. (and that’s why I used that cover of this song).

//Hard to be sure

Sometimes I feel so insecure

And loves so distant and obscure

Remains the cure

All by myself

Don't wanna be

All by myself

Anymore//

bonus: Meg Myers - Motel

I’ve discovered Meg’s music just because of Spotify’s recommendations, and oh my god, it’s amazing! And this song just felt right for their talk during the stakeout, just look at the lyrics:

//You're weak, broken in a motel

You blink, tears are falling down, down, down

And you're free, free inside your own hell

You speak, someone let me out, out, out

And I can't stop this pain, it only grows

Tell me why I always feel alone

And I can't fight this feeling anymore

Show me what I'm really living for

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breath, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and we're doomed from the start

I wanna love, wanna live, wanna breathe, wanna give

But it's hard and it's dark and I'm falling apart//

ahh, nothing like a good old angst, am I right? Perfect for writing about the more vulnerable sides of them.

bonus: Fear Of Men - Sane

There is just something in this song that resonates deeply, you know?

//I see you drowning

Half flesh half stone

With ambitions that drain your health

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

I know

You hear me

(Secrets)

You run from me

You hear me

(You hear me)

You know, you know, you know

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again

It’s in your eyes when you’re perfectly sane

It’s in your blood when you can’t bear these heavy thoughts again//

bonus: Laura Doggett - Beautiful undone

That track almost ended up as the title. When I stumbled upon this song, I was completely blown away, as in I-had-it-on-repeat-for-4h-straight blown away.

//I took you walking

Through the murmurations of my mind//

that line just strikes me right through the heart, and it gets even better later:

//I'm looking down and my heart's connected

I'm feeling love from a different view

We learn the most when we least expect it

We learn the most when we break in two//

I don’t think that any of them expects to learn more about each other during that one mission. I mean sure, Neil counts on it, but doesn’t know what it's gonna be. And if she lets him into his head at all.

//You know you're beautiful undone

(Shine on)

So beautiful undone

You look beautiful undone

(Hearts connected)

My boy of blue.//

My boy of blue. I don’t know why it screamed Neil to me, but it did.

//It's the cracks that let the light shine

It's the cracks that let the light shine through.//

And that’s exactly it.

Chapter 5: LAUREL - Blue blood

Okay, THIS song, as soon as I heard it, I was like - this is it, this is her.

//You woke me up for your blue blood

Made me come undone

Can't believe you've been here the whole time

Too nice to pass you by and I can't believe

You've been here the whole time

You made me feel again

Made me dance circles 'round the pieces of your heart

You made me feel again

After the last time, didn't think that I could love//

That “was he always so gorgeous” moment, right? When she just sees him for the first time this way. And is slowly coming to terms with her feelings.

bonus: Prep School - Come as you are

So this one… We all know the original song (or this is my old ass talking), but only when I heard this cover, I really felt it, you know?

//Come as you are, as you were

As I want you to be

As a friend, as a friend

As an old enemy//

Just made me think about R being ready to get to know Neil better. About the shift in their dynamic.

//When I swear that I don't have a gun

No I don't have a gun//

She lets her guard down, and is ready to trust him.

Also - how great is the mood of this song? That crescendo just takes my breath away, and that calmer moment at the end? Good god. Utter perfection.

bonus: Ray LaMontagne - Such a simple thing

I’ve been sitting on this song for quite some time, and just had to find a suitable moment for it. And this was it.

//Tell me what you're feeling

I can take the pain

Tell me that you mean it

That you won't leave again

Tell me what your heart wants

Such a simple thing

My heart is like paper

Yours is like a flame

I can't make you see

If you don't by now

I'll get through these chains

Some how, some how

Take it if you want it

I'm so tired I just don't care

Can't you see how much you hurt me?

It's like I wasn't there//

My heart just aches while I listen to this song. It’s so tender, and yet so heartbreaking.

bonus: Keane - Hamburg sing

When A sent me this song, god, the way I screamed. Because this is so Neil.

//I don't wanna be adored

Don't wanna be first in line

Or make myself heard

I'd like to bring a little light

To shine a light on your life

To make you feel loved

No, I don't wanna be the only one you know

I want to be the place you call home

I lay myself down to make it so

But you don't want to know

I give much more than I'd ever ask for

Will you see me in the end

Or is it just a waste of time?

Trying to be your friend?

Just shine, shine, shine

Shine a little light

Shine a light on my life

And warm me up again//

At this point in the story, he already fell for her hard. And can just hope that she sees him at one point, too.

You know, writing that first really intimate moment between them-- I know I was supposed to be on R’s side, but I knew what was going on in Neil’s head at that point (that’s why I was so happy when Chels asked that one question that made me write Come as you are) and... I don’t know, I’m so soft for this idiot, I just want to hug him.

//Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

You know that it could be so simple//

My dumbasses.

Chapter 6: Phantogram - You’re mine

We’re gonna save this one for the very end, just mentioning it here as we move to the next chapter.

bonus: Adna - Night

You know that sad music montage thing that the movies do after a breakup scene or something? This song has that exact vibe.

//Silence grows and you're all i know

Eyes are closed, I'll see your smile, your love

Thinking

This is what

It could be

Knowing

It is all

It would be

In the night

When you see

What i see

In the night when you feel

What i mean

You're my knight

And my dream

And my only sight

Oh you

Stay true//

For me, it’s the beginning of chapter 6. R is almost heartbroken, and that almost comes from the part of her that still thinks that still fights the idea that she might have any feelings for that blonde idiot. Conceal, don't feel, or something. But she’s being haunted by random memories from their time together.

bonus: Snow Patrol - Make this go on forever

This song makes my heart ache and clench and oh my god--

//Please don't let this turn into something it's not

I can only give you everything I've got

I can't be as sorry as you think I should

But I still love you more than anyone else could

All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight

Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right

This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long

Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong//

This works for the sad montage thing I’ve mentioned, but it was all about this line:

//First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything//

I was listening to it on my way home one day and my eyes welled up. Because that’s what I wanted both of them to feel right then.

//And I don't know where to look

My words just break and melt

Please just save me from this darkness//

and these lines just brought the image of Neil stumbling over his words and, well, that was it. I knew it had to be done like that.

bonus: Walking On Cars - Speeding Cars

This song is about something different, but there is one part that resonated with the story:

//Even the half smile would have slowed down the time

If I could call you half mine

Maybe this is the safest way to go//

Just fits. Had to be there.

bonus: Etham - Before I lose my mind - Stripped

I think I found this one a while ago, and then it came on when I had Spotify on shuffle, and oh myyyy goooood. That heart-wrenching yearning? So, so on point.

//Look at the state I'm in

I couldn’t say where I've been

Lord knows that it ain't felt like home//

This is as much R’s song, as it is Neil’s.

//I don't know what

I've been running from, running from

Or what I thought I would find

All I know is

You're the only one, only one

I need you tonight

Before I lose my mind//

and this part:

//Don't tell me that I’m too late this time

So much I couldn’t see

With words that I didn't speak

What do I have to do to make you mine?//

This part of the playlist is just utter heartbreak and yearning, but it was only fitting. Just moments before the confession.

bonus: Nick Wilson - Let me hold you

On repeat for the whole part with Neil’s confession. This song is so goddamn beautiful, I can’t--.

//We've been there before

Reaching the end but forgetting the reason we started this for

In all of our flaws

Laid out beneath us, there's no need to keep building up these walls

(Oh we can't go on)

Just let me hold you

I'll run my fingers through your hair

Let our ghost loose

Let me know that you're still there//

bonus: Liz Longley - Rescue my heart

This, on the other hand, started playing right after, and I partially blame it for R’s breakdown. I was just staring at that line about her being afraid to lose him and I was like “where the hell this came from, girl?” and then, as I was trying to push them both further into the plot, but they kinda refused to let each other go, so I was sitting there like “you guys really needed that, huh?”

I know what it sounds like. But when I spend so much time with my characters, really fleshing them out in every possible way, they kinda develop minds of their own, and later they guide me through the dialogue parts, and even sometimes ruin my initial plans. Because they know best how they would behave right then. So all I have to do is just follow them. Or try reasoning with them. (Had a moment like that at the end of the first scene in chapter 6, like had this feeling that R just wanted to dwell on the nature of her relationship with Ives, but I didn’t want to put it there so openly, I was happy with leaving a line here and there, so I had to put my foot down pff - and it switched into that bit about friendships in general)

Right, back to the song:

//Lying to myself I can make it on my own

Making it alone is lonely

Twisting and I'm turning

Oh I'm crashing and I'm burning

So reach out your hand to me

Come down

Rescue my heart I'll drown

Without you//

This is it.

bonus: Madonna - I want you

You know, one of my favourite parts of the writing process is just bumping the ideas around, and I have been blessed to have a wonderful friend such as M, who’s always there when I need to discuss different ideas or just got a bit of dialogue I really want to share. And knowing what I was writing, she sent me this song.

And I’ve been listening to it a lot ever since, and when Neil started his confession, and struggled with words, I wrote: "I want…you.” He moved closer. “The right way.”

I stopped, staring at that line, like really, Neil? This is it? Then the next song from the playlist started playing and:

//I want you the right way

I want you, but I want you to want me too//

So I just sighed and moved on, dropping a short message to M on the way.

bonus: Welshly Arms - Need you tonight

Spotify recommends the best covers, hands down. I love the original song, but this right here? It’s everything.

//How do you feel

I'm lonely

What do you think

Can't take it all

What ya gonna do

Gonna live my life

So slide over here

And give me a moment

Your moves are so raw

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleeping

There's something about you girl

That makes me sweat//

bonus: TENDER - Afternoon

Every song of theirs is just incredibly sensual, so I thought it was only fair to include one of those for the scene (thank you again A, their music is everything, I swear). And this one was particularly accurate:

//I'm spendin' all of my time tryna open up

Let it breathe, let it breathe

It all comes down

To whether you love me anymore

God, I hope you do

'Cause I can't tell, I can't tell

By the look in your eyes//

bonus: Layla - Weightless

Another one for that moment.

//A silver whisper, take flight and steal into my mouth

An urge to kiss you and let this secret pleasure out

Your touch so tender, a helpless roar of golden play

This youthful slender, hallucinate my woes away

We are weightless

We are invincible

Nothin' like this

Flyin' like cannonballs//

bonus: Rob Simonsen - Soft center

While I was discussing the main plot points with A, we knew there had to be a morning after scene, and she had just a song for it. Utter perfection.

end credits: Phantogram - You’re mine

I know I say it a lot, but when A sent it to me… The way I screamed. I couldn’t believe it. The story was already like 2 parts in, I think? And this song...every line was about them. Every. Goddamn. One. And the overall I just thought to myself “oh, end credits rolling right here.”

//You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

Eat your ego honey

Honey swallow your pride

You don't talk to no one

Don't you look at nothing

Focus on me

Look into my eyes

Come a little closer

Let me tell you something

You ain't going anywhere

'Cause you mine//

And from this part it gets even better:

//I used to be a rifle

Yeah I had my distance,

Whistling like a bullet in the sky//

//I used to be a psycho

Yeah I had my demons,

Crawling like a spider up my spine//

*incoherent screaming*

And the next part took me right back to the very first scene.

//I spotted you the second I walked in the building

I knew that you had let me get you high//

Right? Right???

//I wanna hear the things you say when no-one's listening

But that don't matter anyway...

'Cause you're mine//

And that’s it.

Damn, what a wild ride that was.

Thank you for staying with me until the very end.

#smoke & mirrors #smoke & mirrors playlist #bts smoke & mirrors

22 notes · View notes

itsamejin · 4 years

Text

even so || jimin angst

Summary: Connected by an invisible red thread, Jimin and you were lucky to find each other so early on in your lives. High school sweethearts and soulmates for eternity. It was only until your dream of being a singer shattered your delusions of happiness. Jimin was left lonely and you grew busier as the days went by. Even so, you were still soulmates- shouldn't that be enough?

Genre: angst, fluff, soulmate au, highschool au, idol au

A/N: Imagine Jimin with glasses for this one.

—

When you met Jimin for the first time, it wasn't the breathtaking experience that so many other soulmates claimed to have. In fact, it was quite forgettable. You locked eyes with him on the first day of high school, exchanged contact information, and moved on with your day. You two were only fourteen after all, a strange age to find the love of your life.

Jimin didn't understand the idea of soulmates at all, only knowing that a red string appeared so suddenly, wrapped around his pinky finger, that he had to chase after the other end. He followed its tracks until it led to you. He was elated to see another person clutching the string just as hard as he had, but his expression softened into apprehension after seeing you. He’s never dated before. How was this going to work out?

—

The first date was the most awkward. You were all dressed up while he wore a jacket, T-shirt, and ill-fitting jeans. He thought that you were probably looking down on him, but the way you so genuinely smiled when you first saw him made his heart melt.

You two went out to watch a movie at the mall. It wasn't a very good one and the two of you made no interactions at all, with no pocket money to buy popcorn either. Luckily enough, Jimin had enough coins to play some games with you at the cinema arcade. You were eyeing a particular plushie in the claw machine, a sunflower with a cute little face on it. He spent coin after coin attempting to get it out. When it was down to the last two coins, you asked if you could try.

"I'm not that good though," you muttered.

Not only did you get the sunflower out, you managed to grab the other sunflower next to it. With two plushies in hand, you seemed satisfied. Jimin blushed in absolute embarrassed, ears red and glasses foggy. Chuckling at his uneasiness, you took his wrist and planted one of the sunflowers into his arms.

"This could be our first couple item," you grinned.

Turning you back on him, you walked towards the air hockey table where you proceeded to absolutely obliterate him in that too.

—

Jimin texted you everyday about pretty much anything, even meaningless stuff like running out of toothpaste and not wanting to cut his nails. It was weird broadcasting how his day went to another person, but it felt good to unload his thoughts to someone else besides his video-game addicted friends.

At the same time, you'd text him all about yourself. How you loved to sing and dance, often breaking out in song during your late night calls.

“Hey stop, your neighbors are gonna complain again,” he laughed as you stomped around your room as you facetimed him.

“Screw my neighbors!” you screamed, continuing to sing your heart out to Twice. He laughed his heart out at your silliness. The shy and reserved Park Jimin had gotten used to having you glued to his side.

—

For Jimin, life never felt more at peace when he was walking you home from school late at night, earphone in one ear while you had the other. The red strings that attached the two of you together would look the most vivid when you were in such close proximity like this.

You walked side by side listening to some indie rock band that Jimin was obsessed with lately. He didn't know if you'd like it, but he smiled at the way you swayed along with the lyrics. He took a look at his right hand, brushing against yours every step he took. He wanted to hold it. Jimin didn't know why this thought just suddenly popped up, but he found himself paying attention to your fingers more than usual. Slowly trying to find a right time to wrap his fingers around yours, you beat him to the chase. You clutched his palm in your own.

"It's been like five minutes, I was wondering what was taking you so long," you teased. Jimin scoffed, his face reddening. The two of you stopped walking, opting to just look at each other instead.

He got more embarrassed as you stared him down with that mischievous smile of yours. You swung his hand around and grabbed his left one. At that point, you were just chuckling at how flustered he looked. He was so fun to tease.

The earbud had disconnected from your ear and you could better hear the music coming from the shop near you. It was playing a pop tune, a song you've heard millions of times on the radio. Without thinking, you started humming and playing around with Jimin's fingers. When the chorus hit, you started singing the actual lyrics. All Jimin could do was stare at how immersed you were in your own singing. He watched as you let go of his hands and started jumping around him, dancing along even if the music had started to fade to the next one. After a few more seconds of public embarrassment, you stopped.

Jimin looked at your face and wondered if it was the right time to kiss you then. Shaking that feeling, he just patted your head and called you stupid. Jimin took your hand in his and put the earbud back in your ear. The rest of the walk home was filled with silent giggles and swinging arms.

Filling out a math worksheet, Jimin sat on your bedroom floor as he listened to your guitar playing. He tried to get you to study with him, but you begged for a long-deserved break. The first semester final exams were nearing, but you didn't seem to care all that much. Jimin had the sudden urge to just pull you next to him and force you to at least solve one question. But to his avail, the only thing you'd be caught doing tonight is playing some Girls Generation song in acoustic.

A slight tapping at your door ruined both of your focuses.

"Sweetie, can you turn it down. I have a very important phone call right now," your mother said, peaking her head through the open door.

All you did was nod. Your mother took a look at Jimin and gave a fake smile. He threw one back, but your mom had already slammed the door shut before she could see.

Your parents weren't very welcoming people. When he introduced himself as your soulmate, the reaction that came from the both of them were disbelieving.

Most people in their lifetime would never meet their soulmates. Your parents weren't soulmates and his weren't either. In fact, you two were the only soulmates he knew.

Maybe that's why you two never announced it to the world, afraid of the soulmate skeptics claiming that seeing a red string when your soulmate nearby was just a form of hallucination. But Jimin and you both knew that if anyone were to denounce the love you two had for each other, you wouldn't hesitate to punch that person right in the face.

—

Exam season had ended and a two week break came after. It felt refreshing not being in a school uniform all the time. As you dragged Jimin through the busy streets of a nearby shopping street, you couldn't wait to show him a surprise. The guitar case on your back bounced with every step and Jimin wanted to scold you for bringing your instrument around so carelessly. Abruptly stopping at an open space, Jimin noticed the mic stand, keyboard, and amplifiers that were already set up. You were gonna play that night.

You let go of his hand and set the guitar case on the floor. Unzipping it, you took out a sleek blue electric guitar. It looked brand new.

"Spent my whole allowance saving up for this," you said proudly, holding it up for him to touch. "I'm gonna play it tonight."

Jimin smiled at your enthusiasm.

"You're gonna do amazing," he told you, patting your head.

"Of course! Would you expect anything less?"

Almost out of thin air, your band-mates appeared one by one, cheering you on. One guy went to the keyboard and started playing some random scales. Another set down some buckets and started tapping them with drumsticks. A girl whipped her bass out and started plucking. In some weird way, they all had started to riff off with each other. You finally came in after plugging your instrument into the amp. The electric guitar sounded crisp and he couldn't help but clap along to the beat of the music. Moving the mic to meet your mouth, you had started singing a song so familiar to him. It was the one that he showed you. That one song from the indie band. He broke out into a huge smile and sang along with your beautiful voice.

Jimin could've sworn that he was the only audience member, but people started to pile up by the dozens. Now, he only seemed like a tiny speck in such a large crowd. Everyone was entranced by your voice. He was so happy for you in that moment, getting the recognition you finally deserved and having so much fun at the same time.

At that moment when you played your little solo, he wondered what he had done in his past life to deserve you. The thought was interrupted, though, when he met eyes with a professional looking man. He had a mustache and was in a full suit and tie. As if taking notes, he typed something down on his phone and took a video of your performance. Jimin clapped along with everyone else, but couldn't take his eyes off of the strange man. In some weird way, he had a bad feeling about him.

—

It was nearing the end of your first year in high school when you got called out of class to meet a man in a black suit and sunglasses. He was a scout from some big name record label. Encouraging you to audition for his company and handing out his contact info, the man left you in the hallway feeling mildly confused. Your home room teacher who pulled you out, looked disapprovingly.

"Being an idol isn't a stress-free job you know? I wished you put as more effort into your studies than that guitar you lug around," Mrs. Kwon said, malice laced in her voice.

She always found a way to make you feel absolutely horrible about your love for music. Clutching the man's business card, you didn't know what to do. Of course you wanted to be a singer. But an idol? That was a whole different type of commitment that required years of training. You didn’t know if you were cut out for that lifestyle. But something in you wanted to prove Mrs. Kwon and even your parents wrong. Shaking your head, you went back to class.

—

"I just don't know if I should do it," you ranted, swaying aggressively on the swing set.

Jimin sat almost perfectly still on his as he listened to you groan on and on about how much you wanted to put Mrs. Kwon in her place.

"Why don't you just audition? I mean, you like singing," he reasoned.

She shook her head.

"But what if I get laughed at? What if I screw it all up and they ban me from ever trying out again!" you whined.

You looked so adorable, puffing up your cheeks and furrowing your brows. He wanted to squish you up right then and there.

"You act like you haven't performed in front of people before," he replied.

You stopped swinging and looked at the ground, digging your shoes into the sand.

"I don't think I'd be good enough," you muttered.

Jimin clutched the chains of the swing set, getting upset with your lack of confidence.

"You know, the happiest I've ever seen you is when you perform," he said, standing up and crouching down in front of you to see your face.

"And I don't think I'll ever meet a person that sings and dances as well as you," he continued.

You blushed and crinkled your nose at him. You were flustered with the way he was looking at you, his glasses slightly foggy.

"You know, I'm not happiest when I'm singing," you whispered.

Jimin tilted his head, hearing you but not quite.

A little louder you said, "I'm happiest when I'm with you."

And it felt right in that moment to lean into him and kiss his slightly pouted lips. The two of you being inexperienced, there was no movement, but you still felt the magic of it all. After a few seconds of staying still, you took the initiative and curled your fingers around his hair, kissing him a little deeper. Jimin's breath was honestly taken away. He wouldn't have ever imagined his first kiss to be on a children’s swing set in the middle of the night. It felt like a cliche romantic comedy that would play on KBS. You pulled away, breathless.

"You're really pretty," he said after a few seconds of maintaining eye contact.

You chuckled and gave him another peck.

"You are too," you said teasingly. To that, he pretended to shudder and enveloped you in a tight hug.

—

At the age of 16, Jimin could safely say that he was enamored by you. By every movement and every word you spoke, he couldn't help but be infatuated.

You could say the same about him. You loved how smart he sounded when he explained math equations and how eager he was to take you out on dates. It was a literal dream come true of how well the two of you clicked. Although he was more reserved and you were sociable, the connection you two shared was practically unbreakable. Whenever you were nearby he'd toy around with his red string and wonder how lucky he was to find his soulmate when so many people in the world would never have a chance to find their's.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked after he completely zoned out looking into your eyes.

“Nothing,” he blushed. “I just wanted to look at your face.”

You giggled in embarrassment and gave him a quick kiss.

“No time to do that, Ms. Kwon’s gonna kill me if I don’t pass the exam tomorrow,” you said with a strong sense of determination.

He smiled and tucked a strand of hair out of your face and behind your ear. You sucked at trigonometry.

—

“I got in Jimin. Oh my god I got in!” you wailed, jumping up and down in his room, clutching your phone.

The record label had emailed you a congratulation letter for making it past the three auditions necessary to join as a trainee. Out of thousands of applicants, you had come out on top. Jimin laughed at your enthusiasm and forced you to sit back down.

“I told you didn’t I? That you’d do amazing? In fact, I think you should probably thank me for being such a supportive boyfriend” he teased.

Lunging at him, you peppered him with kisses around his whole face.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” you repeated, crying tears of joy.

He pulled you into a soft embrace and squeezed you so tightly that it was getting hard for you to breath. He let go briefly.

“Without you I don’t know what I would do,” you cried.

“Without me you’d still be amazing,” he chuckled.

In hindsight, he probably should have said "That's right you can't live without me!"

—

Jimin didn't think you'd start training so soon. Just two weeks after passing your auditions, he stood in front of your house helping you load your luggage into your dad's car.

He didn't have the heart to talk about how anxious he was, especially when you stood by his side with such a glimmer of hope in your eyes. You were excited and he couldn't ruin that for you, not even when the feeling of dread bubbled up in his throat.

"You have to promise me to text me good morning and good night everyday or else," you said scrunching your nose and wagging a finger at him.

He chuckled.

"I think you're gonna be the one having trouble with that," he teased but slightly hurt with his own words. “Being an idol and all that.”

You punched his arm lightly.

"Don't you dare forget about me, alright? I have eyes and ears all around Busan," you teased.

All he did was laugh, but the pain was evident in his eyes. You squished his cheeks and smiled.

"I like you a lot Jimin," you said, blushing a bit.

He smiled back.

"I like you too."

—

Now studying in Seoul instead of Busan, you were adapting to an environment that was very much different from your everyday routine back at home. Seoul was huge and only having gone there once before moving, you felt extremely homesick without your parents or friend to keep you company.

The video calls you had with Jimin were always cut off early by your busy schedule and you're once affectionate and emoji-filled texts became one word responses in fear of being found out by your trainers. It shouldn't be a secret but you knew the consequences of your company finding out.

That's the thing, though. You can't have a soulmate if you're an idol. It was an unwritten rule and one that wasn't talked about because soulmates weren't really that common anyways. You had to find that out the hard way after a phone call with Jimin led to a confrontation with your roommate Hangyeol.

"You need to break up with him, [Y/N]. Dating will ruin your chances of debuting if they find out," she said, offering advice.

You chuckled.

"I can't do that. We're meant to be, you know?" you said, not really taking her words seriously at first.

"That's sweet, but you know you're still in high school," she started. "There's plenty of fish in the sea, especially after debuting. There’s so many cute guys out there."

"Well he's the only fish for me," you said, eliciting an amused eye-roll from Hangyeol.

"You're too young to be making that decision already, dummy," she said, poking you on the nose.

"No, I mean it," you said seriously, getting slightly irritated with her insistence. "We're soulmates. Red string and all."

You said this casually but Hangyeol's expression darkened so quickly you thought you had insulted her somehow.

"Don't ever say that again," she said seriously, moving closer to you.

"What? What do you mean?"

"Keep your voice quiet or else the others will hear," she said in a low whisper.

She grabbed your wrist and pulled you close.

"You're scaring me, Hangyeol."

"You can't be revealing stuff like that so easily, [Y/N]. Idols can't have what you have," she said, clearly dodging the word soulmate. "You'll get kicked out if they find out. Remember that."

She took a step back from you and you could only give a tiny nod.

"C-can I ask why?" you stuttered.

"When we become idols, our fans will always be the first priority," she said strictly. "We can't have room for anyone else."

Somehow, as she walked away, your lips started quivering. You had to take a step outside of the dorm to let yourself cry your eyes out. That was another unspoken rule.

Don't show that you are hurting or else they'll ask why.

—

The distance was killing him. Classes were boring without you being his distraction, playing video games weren’t the same without you trying to steal the mouse from him every once in a while, and waking up to his alarm rather than multiple notifications from you made his heat ache.

It hurt like hell to see your band perform without you during the end-of-the-year school festival and it hurt even more when he started senior year without you sitting next to him during the welcome ceremony. His world felt less vivid without you and he wondered how he even lived without you by his side in the first place.

He never saw his red thread anymore, either. No matter how many times he wished you’d appear in front of him and spontaneously to engulf him into a warm hug, you would still be in Seoul and he would still be in Busan. You weren’t of much help to alleviate his feelings of abandonment either. He was right to doubt that you’d keep up your end of the promise.

Sometimes you wouldn't respond to Jimin's texts for days and all the feelings he'd bottled up had nowhere to go. He found himself writing letters addressed to you, but the piece of paper was meant for written rants and insecurities for his eyes only. Sometimes he wonders if he should ship it off to your company just to see your reaction, but he didn't have the guts to even try it. Even now he doubts if you’d reply back.

He checks his phone again to see a voice memo from you.

"Hey, I miss you so much. I'm visiting for Christmas so let's meet up then."

He wondered why you couldn't have just called to tell him, why you had been whispering so lowly. He ruffled his hair and called your cellphone. Unsurprisingly, itt was automatically forwarded to a voice mail.

Sunflower [4:38 PM]

sorry can't talk right now. im around a lot of people rn

It occurred to him then that you were keeping him a secret.

—

Christmas came too soon in his opinion. He'd have been more enthusiastic to see you if it wasn't for the dreaded intuition of his... that you were deliberately keeping your relationship under wraps.

He was certain it was the case, testing out your responses based on what time of day it was. During weekdays, you barely responded. He’d find himself double-texting and triple-texting without even you reading his messages. At night during weekends, when you were presumably sneaking out of your dorm, you'd have time to chat with him over the phone. But even then those conversations lasted less than five minutes.

You had made it so obvious and yet it took nine months of you being gone for him to realize that this distance was intentional. That he was feeling all lonely by himself.

When he walked to your home on Christmas night, your mother greeted him. He hadn't visited since you left, feeling awkward without you there.

"She's upstairs," she said curtly. He bowed his head out of respect. As he got closer to the staircase, the red thread appeared once again. A surge of happiness overcame him and he was starting to feel excited. He missed how it felt to wrap it around his wrist, reveling in the thread’s vibrant color. He wondered if you felt the same too.

Jimin didn't know what to do if he was being honest. He stood in front of your door, but it didn't feel like he had the right to enter. He knocked until turning the door handle to open just slightly. He opened it wide when he heard no verbal response and he saw you sitting by your window, your back facing him. He coughed lightly to get your attention and you finally turned around.

“Jimin,” you said, smiling softly. There was a lack of excitement in your eyes that he just couldn’t shake off, even with the red thread being there to ease the tension. You looked different.

Your eyes were sullen and your lips chapped. It made his heart ache seeing you so unlike yourself.

Or maybe this is who you are now.

He walked towards you cautiously, afraid you’d break at the sound of his footsteps. Jimin sat on your bed facing you. He didn’t know why, but he was nervous.

“You look tired,” he said worriedly. You chuckled in response.

“Just couldn’t sleep well last night,” you said, feigning a smile. “I really wanted to see you though.”

You took your hand in his, laughing in your head as you felt how sweaty his palms were. You missed this feeling.

“Do you wanna go see the Christmas tree at the outlet?” he asked. “I heard the lights are really pretty this year.”

You realized then that he was nervous because of your lack of response. He missed you as much as you missed him.

“Yes! I feel like we should do some shopping,” you said excitedly. It was the first time since he came that you actually gave a genuine response.

“Alright, get ready then,” he sighed of relief. “I’ll wait outside.”

Jimin moved to stand up, but you stopped him with a kiss on his cheek. He blushed a bright red.

“J-just call me when your’re ready.”

You giggled as he walked out the door. You missed him. So damn much.

—

At the outlet, you spent the whole time together ordering all the food that was restricted of you back in Seoul. You ate pancakes, donuts, ice cream- anything that would satisfy your cravings after a prolonged period of dieting. Jimin found it amusing as you spent most of the time at the outlet looking for food rather than shopping for clothes. You two had yet to exchange Christmas presents and he was getting antsy with the small box he hid in his pocket. He got you a studded sunflower hair clips, custom made by him with some help from his grandmother. It wasn’t all that much but you were never one to expect expensive gifts anyways. He hoped you’d notice the sentiment behind it.

Jimin stopped you in front of the outdoor Christmas tree, taking a few pictures together as the snow fell upon you two. He wished the red threat could have been visible through photographs, but alas you two just looked like an ordinary high school couple. As he browsed through the photos to choose which one to make his lock screen, you took out your own present for him.

“Jimin, Merry Christmas,” you said, pushing the small envelope toward him. He saw a glimmer of sadness in your eyes that made him shudder.

“Wait let me take out your present,” he said, pulling out the box and placing it in your hands.

“You open first, Jimin.”

He nodded, peeling the sticker off of the envelope and pulling out a red string bracelet, similar in color to the thread around his pinky finger.

“It’s beautiful,” he said, smiling from ear to ear. After pulling one of your jacket sleeves up, you pointed at your own wrist.

“It’s a couple item, okay? So don’t lose it,” you teased.

He ripped the tag off the bracelet and put it on his wrist.

“Of course. Now open yours!”

You smiled, but it was the kind that didn’t really reach your eyes. You opened the box and you swore you could cry at that moment.

Sunflower.

Your favorite.

“I made it myself,” he said, satisfied with the reaction you gave him.

“I love it so much, Jimin,” you said, tears welling up in your eyes.

“Put it on. I wanna see you wear it,” he insisted. All you could do was shake your head.

You sniffled and furrowed your brows. You hated that you had to say it, but you needed to. You really did.

“Jimin I have to tell you something,” you said, trying to sound calm but ultimately failing. The same feeling of dread that he felt when he first walked into your room earlier that day engulfed him.

“What?” he whispered softly.

“I... I...” you stuttered, tears ready to spill out any moment.

“Relax, [Y/N]. Take a deep breath,” he said.

You did but it only helped temporarily.

“I’m so stupid, I didn’t read the contract and I thought everything would be fine, but... but,” you said, struggling to finish your sentence.

He was patient, patting your back as you cried into his shoulder.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he reassured.

You looked into his eyes and it felt like right then and there that you’d be sentenced to life in hell.

“Jimin, I can’t be with you anymore. They won’t let me.”

A freezing sensation overcame Jimin’s body. He pulled away from you slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“They told me I’ll only get to debut if I break up with you,” you said, wishing for his warmth back. “I tried to keep it a secret for so long, but they found out after I got caught sneaking out of the dorm.”

So my suspicions were right, Jimin thought.

“We’re soulmates, [Y/N]. We need to be together,” he pleaded.

You could only bow your head down in shame. “I know, but just for now. Just until things start to work out for me and I can finally get them to understand. I promise Jimin, I just need time.”

“How long would that take?” he asked, doubt consuming his mind.

You sighed, putting you attention on the ground covered with snow.

“I- I don’t know. I just worked so hard to get to where I am now,” you cried. “They acknowledge me now, Jimin. They think I have what it takes. I really, really want to debut.”

You looked back up to him as he took you back into his arms gently. He whsipered into your hair.

“And you will. I swear you will.”

You sighed in relief.

“Promise you’ll wait for me? That even if we don’t talk, you’ll still want to be with me?” you asked as you looked into his eyes, searching for comfort.

He wanted to say yes so badly. Looking into those tear-stained eyes with exhaustion written all over them, looking at your beautiful lips and how much he wished that he could kiss them.

But it occurred to him in that moment that it wasn’t going to be as easy as you said it would be. That it’d probably take years and looking back at the measly nine months he spent without you made his heart clench at just the thought of it. The endless pit of loneliness, the feeling of being ripped from something he knew he should’ve been a part of him. He remembered the countless letters he wrote addressed to no one in particular and how he cried almost daily at the thought of you forgetting about his existence. If he had to endure that pain any longer he’s sure he’d go crazy. If he had to watch you debut and live your life without him... it would just be too much for his heart to handle. Even as you looked at him so intently, he couldn’t find it in himself to agree.

“I’m sorry [Y/N],” he said softly. “I don’t think I can promise that.”

He pulled your hands that wrapped around him and took a step back. Your mind was spinning.

“What do you mean Jimin?” you asked, fear laced in your words.

“I don’t think I can wait for you,” he said as calmly as he could. “I don’t think I could handle anymore waiting.”

“But you said it yourself Jimin,” you cried. “We’re soulmates. We need each other.”

He nodded sadly.

“We are, but your moving on to better things in life,” he said. “You want to debut and I’m holding you back from doing that. I’d probably ruin your career if we reveal ourselves later too. You don’t need a soulmate to be happy [Y/N]. Look around us, everyone’s doing just fine.”

He was levelheaded, but in the inside he wanted to punch himself twenty times over at how he was handling this. But it was true in a way as you looked around the courtyard filled with happy couples and cute children. How many of these people were soulmates? Probably none. You could spend the rest of your life not knowing your soulmate and still fall in love and still achieve great things. But if you’ve already met the one, how could you possibly forget him?

“Jimin, please,” you said, attempting to reach out to his face. He stepped back and avoided eye contact.

“I’m sorry [Y/N], but I can’t.”

Jimin turned around without another glance towards you and started to walk away. He couldn’t see your face because if he did, he knew it would hurt both you and him more. You needed to stop him, you needed him back in your arms, but your feet refused to move- like you were stopping yourself from getting to him. You needed to say something at least, something to get him to come back.

“Jimin, I love you,” you said, tears once again cascading down your face. You didn’t think the first time you’d say those words would be when you two break up, but it was happening now and there was no going back.

He stopped momentarily, breaking down without you knowing. He wiped the tears from his eyes and composed himself.

“I love you too.”

The red thread that connected you two slowly faded away until you were there, left in front of a glowing Christmas tree and a sunflower hair clip in your hand. Curling yourself into a fetal-like position on the snow-covered concrete, you cried and cried.

But still, people walked around you, not really paying any attention. Still happy and still thriving. Without a soulmate by their side.

—

AN: I don’t know if I wanna make a pt. 2 for this, I’m kind of satisfied with the ending :3 Hope y’all enjoyed and please let me know your thoughts on this! I love the feedback you guys give me ehehe. Requests are open by the way! I’ll accept requests for BTS, Seventeen, NCT (all units), etc. Just let me know which group and I’ll see if I can write about it. Thank you guys, I’m very grateful to my readers! If I do make a pt. 2, ask to be a part of the taglist :D

183 notes · View notes

juju-on-that-yeet · 4 years

Text

Your Reality

Whumptober Day 21: I Don’t Feel So Well Prompt: Chronic Pain

Summary: Dark is having a bad night. What begins to bring him out of it is something he didn't expect.

Warnings: Scars, references to past injury

Read on AO3 (Full Whumptober 2020 series)

Enjoy!

Dark is tired.

Not just tired; he’s been tired all day. His head is a storm cloud, his aura has been cracking like thunder and lightning all day long. Night has fallen, but his body still stands despite himself. He has tried to sleep, but it would not come. He can’t normally hear the souls trapped inside him, but the barrier is thin tonight. They scream at him as fiercely as they always have, as fiercely as they did when he was a new creation, rising from the floor of the manor like a monster from a swamp. There’s a bullethole in his chest that throbs with pain, there’s a hundred kinks in his spine that seize his whole back into a knot.

Dark is more than tired.

But it’s nothing new.

Wilford would understand, if he were lucid today. But he isn’t, he so rarely is these days. Dark knows they don’t age, but he can’t help but wonder if their bodies have remembered to stop getting older. If Wilford’s mind will ever stop fading and forgetting, if Dark’s body will stop creaking and rusting. Every hard night feels harder, every burst of pain hurts evermore.

Instead of returning to bed, which he knows will not work, he goes to his piano room. His aura snaps and cracks the whole while, terrible and loud. He has no more energy left to suppress it like he’s been doing all day. As he opens the door to his piano room, he turns his head to look around the room and his neck cracks as loudly as his aura. Pain rockets up his jaw, but he merely grimaces and continues forward.

As he approaches the piano, he catches sight of himself in the full-length grand mirror hanging on the wall. The thing is vintage; older even than Dark is, and every time Dark sees it he wonders why he keeps it. He certainly doesn’t like the look of himself now, hair a mess, face drawn with exhaustion, pale and gaunt like the corpse that he is. His silk pajama shirt is unbuttoned, revealing the gnarled, scarred-over dent in his chest, because even the soft fabric feels too constricting tonight. The mirror he’s looking into isn’t from the manor, but maybe what happened at the manor is why he can’t bring himself to be rid of it. Either way, he keeps walking.

He reaches the bench of his grand piano, pulls up the fallboard to expose the keys. The piano is huge, sleek, deep black and shining like ink in the moonlight peeking through the window. He sits down at the bench, runs a hand over the keys, not pressing down, just feeling. The music desk is already open on a book of symphonies, and Dark flips through the pages to find something suitable. This is his ritual, this is what brings him peace on nights like this, where the pain and the past threaten to devour him. His aura rumbles and the voices inside him do not go quiet as Dark searches for the piece he’s looking for.

Finally, he reaches Franz Schubert’s “Erlkönig,” arranged by Franz Liszt. It’s just the piece for a night like this, something angry and violent and sad to ring louder than his aura, louder than the voices, louder than his own pain.

Dark breathes in, though he hasn’t needed to breathe in a long time. He rolls his neck, lets it snap and pop. His aura simmers in anticipation, rumbling low like thunder. The voices are as loud as ever, but Dark does not mind their volume now. His fingers on the keys will meet it.

He begins to play.

It is loud, it is quick. One hand hovers, pressing on the same keys repeatedly, fast and intense. The other hand plays a repetitive chord, ringing and gloomy but just as frenetic. The music is more excited and energetic than Dark ever was today, but as his fingers fly on the keys, as the melancholy and suspenseful melody takes shape, the music begins to feed some of that life to Dark. The ringing and bellowing of his aura quiets beneath the notes, the voices in his mind are drowned out. Dark’s whole body moves with it, head nodding, hands forceful as they play yet never lingering a moment too long. It’s exhilarating, angry and sad all at once, even the lighter parts of the melody add up to the violent crescendo –

Dark’s hand slips, the next chord goes sour.

That wrong note is somehow the loudest sound Dark has heard tonight. It pierces right through the music, cuts through all the pumping energy and screeches the song to a halt. Dark’s aura and the voices within him rear up to fill the volume, as though jeering at him for the missed note. Dark’s blood boils, he alights with fire.

He has no control when he roars like an animal, standing from the piano and slamming the keys in a burst of rage. His aura overturns the piano bench and the thud it makes echoes throughout the room. Dark whirls and finds himself facing the grand mirror. He hardly recognizes himself – not that he ever did, not since that night, not since the source of his agony. He storms to the mirror, screams at his own reflection, at the hole in his chest. His aura rings, so high-pitched it hurts his own ears, and the mirror cracks wide as though wounded.

Dark stands before the mirror, shaking as the rage leeches out of him, leaving him spent. Thank god there’s an armchair not far from the mirror, intended for days when Dark feels like playing for someone else. Dark collapses into the chair, face in his hands, trying to regain control. His image is unclear, either blurry or over-sharpened, split apart and fractured like the mirror as his aura screeches. The voices within him are screaming like Dark just did. Dark trembles as the exertion of playing and its crushing failure catch up to him. He might just pass out here before he falls asleep. His body thrums with pain. His bullet wound pulses with agony like a heartbeat.

Through the splintering of his aura, he hears the door to the piano room creak open. He looks up, through his fingers, and sees Yandereplier there, looking on in a rumpled oversized t-shirt, sleep shorts, and messy hair. He shrinks back, not afraid of Dark, but afraid that he’s been caught. Dark looks away, hunches over again, face in his hands again. It does not matter to him if Yandere sees; he’s too exhausted to protest. And maybe a part of him doesn’t actually mind Yandere’s presence. Yandere doesn’t know everything going through Dark’s mind, but not even Wilford has ever cared for Dark so deeply. It’s not an indictment of Wilford to say so, rather, it’s a mark of Yandere’s powerful love for Dark.

Dark hears Yandere step into the room. He wonders how much Yandere’s seen of his night. Yandere doesn’t speak, not even when he approaches Dark, not even when he cups Dark’s head in his hands, holds it against his chest. Dark moves his own hands from his face to wrap around Yandere’s waist, and Yandere begins to stroke Dark’s hair. The buzzing screech of Dark’s aura doesn’t bother Yandere, nor does the splitting and cracking of his image. It’s though Dark is not a monster at all, but something human, something that can be loved, something that can receive that love.

After a while, Dark lets his tight grip on Yandere loosen. Yandere can leave if he wants; Dark will not keep him here all night. Yandere steps away, but he doesn’t leave. Dark watches him walk to the overturned piano bench, and with a huff of effort, push it back upright. He looks back at Dark, as though he expects Dark to stop him. Dark does not care to send Yandere away; he’s the one who began teaching Yandere how to play in the first place. When Dark does nothing, Yandere sits at the bench. He sets the book on the music desk aside; likely so it doesn’t distract him from the song he has in mind. Yandere takes a small breath, something he truly needs, unlike Dark.

Then he begins to play.

The song Yandere chooses isn’t one Dark recognizes; Yandere must have learned it on his own. It’s bright, cheerful, but slow and gentle. Yandere plays lightly, without Dark’s intensity and quick motion. Dark is a little surprised when Yandere starts to sing.

“Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you,” he sings, and one hand flits over the keys, creating a twinkling melody. “In my hand, is a pen that will write a poem of me and you…”

This song isn’t nearly as technically or emotionally complex as “Erlkönig,” but it’s charming, somehow. The bright tones and high-pitched, happy keys should be irritating to Dark right now, should be driving him mad in the state he’s in. But it isn’t. The simplicity is soothing, sweet. His own playing fought against his eternal pain with louder, deeper chaos, but Yandere’s choice of song is like raindrops pelting a fire. Dark’s pain is not any less, but it feels further away. The melody changes, a little more serious but no less bright.

“The ink flows down into a dark puddle,” Yandere sings, “Just move your hand – write the way into his heart!”

Dark finds himself leaving the armchair to walk to the piano bench and sit alongside Yandere. His aura is quiet, focused on Yandere’s music. The voices haven’t silenced, but they’re easier to ignore. Dark is still in pain, but he feels soothed. Yandere definitely notices him walk up and sit beside him, but he continues to play.

“But in this world of infinite choices, what will it take just to find that special day?”

Yandere takes a moment to give Dark a shy but happy smile. To Dark’s own surprise, he manages a soft smile back.

“What will it take just to find…” Yandere stops his fingers, uses the pause in the music to scoot a little closer to Dark. “…That special day?”

Yandere continues to play the song, Dark begins to realize that it isn’t wholly happy after all. The tune is cheerful, but the lyrics Yandere sings suggest a quiet sadness. The song becomes bittersweet. Dark realizes he was wrong before; “Erlkönig” is not the right song for a night like this, when Dark’s pain gets the better of him. This one is. This soft, bright, bittersweet little song is. Dark would never have thought to play something so simplistic, but he’s glad Yandere chose it.

Dark thinks he’ll be able to return to bed when the song is over and actually sleep. He’ll ask Yandere to join him, and Yandere will likely accept, given how much he enjoys sleeping alongside Dark. It’s already too late for a full night’s sleep, but even a few hours is better than what Dark usually gets on nights like these.

The song plays out, and Dark smiles again, leaning against Yandere ever-so-slightly, just to feel his warmth.

Dark is tired, but in a better way than before.

#whumptober2020 #no.21 #chronic pain #markiplier #fanfic #darkiplier #yandereplier #darkyan #my writing #kristin says stuff

14 notes · View notes

age-of-shadows · 4 years

Text

yet another Avantasia theory by yours truly on how all the albums are connected

*ahem* OKAY, fellow avantasian brothers, sisters, siblings... We’re all reunited here in this post because I had a big brain moment about a couple of hours ago and somehow managed to connect all of the Avantasia albums as well as uncover what the actual Avantasia world is apart from Tobi’s definition of it.

This post is probably going to be really long and I already would like to apologise if there’s anything you don’t understand because I didn’t phrase it right (english ain’t my first language so... there might be a lot of mistakes), plus, I’m not Tobias so I can be completely wrong about this but HEY, THEORIES. I don’t even know if anyone’s even thought about this but I’ve literlaly never read about it and trust me, I’ve done a lot of Avantasia research in this year. And I’m aware it’s very, VERY hard to get the album plots right (man... I’ve spent months trying to figure out The Wicked Trilogy and Mystery of Time/Ghostlights, and even if I now think I have a clearer idea of what they’re about, whenever I listen to them I discover new things about them); but I do know reading other theories help people understand the lore and I hope this helps in some way.

Here we go: what is Avantasia? Apart from it obviously being the name of the project, Tobias describes it as a “world beyond human imagination”. At first, this definition is actually very clear and direct, isn’t it? Specially in The Metal Opera since all the story is well written down, and besides, the lyrics are clearer. Anyway, I have just finished reading the story from the booklets (I have to look up the one from part one because I only own part two for now... whoops) and I can do a summary of it:

"Many ways lead to Rome. Seven times one way for all that leads to a world beyond our inagination."

This is said in one of the seven books that is part of the seven books and seven seals. What are these seals and books even? Well, if you’re only able to listen to the music and don’t have access to the booklets like I did just now, you for sure have noticed the seals do have a big part in the plot. These seven seals were made to be able to enter the spiritual world in flesh and blood. And yes, you guessed it: the spiritual world is Avantasia. They were made by three magicians of the universe thousands of years ago because they knew mankind would be born and they would need this spiritual world for themselves to find peace, and they should also take care of it.

Now: the famous Avantasia Tower, what even is it? Well, some higher entity that can be concieved as a God, maybe not much of a good one, though, is sealed in this Tower. If the seven seals were brought to the Tower, Avantasia would be locked and this God would break free, bringing chaos to mankind. And what would happen if Avantasia is locked? Humans would lose this spiritual world, and when things get tough, they wouldn’t be able to turn anywhere to save themselves, and who knows if that would lead to their destruction.

So, Avantasia has to be kept alive and passed on to the newer generations.

Also, one is also able to reach Avantasia with their spirit only (this is what Gabriel does), but it’s dangerous since it’s as if their soul trascends and so their body is left in our flesh and blood world. Could this also mean that, if a soul dies in Avantasia, it will never return to its material body? Who knows? Definitely not me, but anyway! Let’s keep going!

Now that we know what Avantasia is, how is it connected to the other three stories if it’s never really mentioned at all? How could we know? Again, this is just a theory and I’m probably wrong.

Let’s go into The Wicked Trilogy then, which is probably the most abstract album and also the hardest to understand, maybe. I already talked about my headcanons about Scarecrow in a post, but I definitely think he’s got some sort of mental illness and that’s why he does the things he does. Anyway... the setting is kind of confusing, but to get a clear starting point: Roy Khan’s character is named Psychiatrist, and he’s the first one that appears in the album along with Scarecrow. There’s a theory going around that this story happens in a hospital, or maybe a psychiatric, so we can guess Scarecrow is hospitalised because of this illness. However... does the rest of the story happen in the hospital physically? This is when Avantasia comes in:

I don’t believe Scarecrow’s journey takes place in the hospital... but in Avantasia. Taking into account almost all of the characters are his own feelings or just parts of him (aka, Bob Catley being Conscience, Jorn Lande being Mephistopheles as a form of temptation...) except for Amanda Somerville’s character, who definitely exists in real life as Scarecrow’s real love interest; it makes a lot of sense. But, oh, how can that world be Avantasia if none of the elements described in The Metal Opera aren’t there? Well, I won’t write the conclusion just yet, but the Avantasia world in The Wicked Trilogy really looks like how we can perceive Scarecrow himself: empty, cold, fucked up... Can you see where this is going?

And now, getting into The Mystery of Time and Ghostlights, there is a very, VERY clear reference to the Avantasia world we see in The Metal Opera, in Savior in the Clockwork. Our protagonist Aaron Blackwell is working non stop in a mantlepiece clock whose hands don’t move for some reason, he overworks himself to the point he loses conscience... or as he says in the booklet notes, he loses the conscience “he had been used to”; in anyway, he passes out on the table. This is kind of similar to how Gabriel gets into Avantasia, isn’t it? Plus, the lyrics of this song are very, very interesting...

“Now am I half asleep or half unconscious, Half 'adream'? I can't move as I am stuck in bright lucidity I can feel and hear and see But I won't comprehend I see fire that I won't decipher I see giant evil tower to a blackened sky I feel blessed with evidence of what I can't define Swinging blade of the lowering perpendicular I see clarity I won't remember Do I dream Is it only fantasy and matter just a thought I see And time is all they need to seal away eternity”

“Giant evil tower”, “seal away eternity”... Yes, that is definitely Avantasia, a version that’s more close to the The Metal Opera’s Avantasia than the one in The Wicked Trilogy. Aaron accidentally gets into Avantasia... the real Avantasia... and this, my friends, is why the Scientists and Magician go to Aaron and ask him for help: they somehow know he has seen the real thing.

This mystery of time... it has something to do with Avantasia, this is why they’re keeping it as a secret, just like the three clerics in The Metal Opera.

Now... Ghostlights, which is more symbolic than this previous album... and I think you can now guess why: it mainly takes part in Avantasia, during Let The Storm Descend Upon you is when it happens, precisely. I have no idea if the Mystery of a Blood Red Rose video can serve as a clue, but Aaron falls unconscious in the end so... perhaps he entered the Avantasia world in the spiritual form, however... that’s not the same Avantasia world he had been to previously, this is more like Scarecrow’s Avantasia in a way.

In this Avantasia world, it’s where Aaron finds these Ghostlights, as well as some of his Scientists mates, did they get in all together? Perhaps it was the Magician who let them into this sort of spiritual world. This whole album really does seem to happen in another dimension, I already talked about the final tracks in my Aaron-Entity theory post, but they make it seem as if Aaron trascends to another plane completely. And the voices calling Aaron? Very much similar to Gabriel’s inner voices in The Metal Opera.

Last but not least, my favorite: Moonglow. We’ve got this Misplaced Entity, who’s thrown into a world they have no place in. They seek shelter in the night, the only place they’re comfortable in, until, when we reach the time the album is set in, they run to never come back to that one place, hiding from the dawn.

Now... How does Entity enter Avantasia? Easy: They enter in Ghost in the Moon, pretty quickly I must say. Let’s say... the glow of the moon is they gateway to Avantasia. Realized how they start talking about turning into a different being? That happens when you enter the spiritual world through your actual spirit, just like what happened to Gabriel (his appearance changes to fit the world). All the night, mysterious, eerie world in Moonglow is Avantasia.

I think all of this is enough to reach a conclusion:

There’s not only one Avantasia... there’s thousands, millions, even. Though, there is one real Avantasia, which is the core: that’s the Avantasia that appears in The Metal Opera, and the one Aaron sees when he passes out. Then, what are the other Avantasias? Easy: the connection each human has to the core, which means each human has a unique way of experiencing that connection; that is how the core of Avantasia is kept alive, even without letting every human into this core (let’s remember, it could be dangerous if the core of Avantasia was locked by humans).

This way, we can deduce how each of the protagonists experiences Avantasia: Gabriel goes to the core; Scarecrow and Entity experience Avantasia as a gateaway from their real, tormented lives and try to find happiness there instead of in the flesh and blood world; Aaron gets into the core by accident but, later on in Ghostlights, he explores his own connection, related to his thirst for knowledge... Remember?

"Many ways lead to Rome. Seven times one way for all that leads to a world beyond our inagination."

I think this is it for now... It is now 1am and trust me, I’ve tried my best to explain myself, so I hope you can understand this!

#avantasia #god this is LONG #anyway i'm off to sleep now #was fun to spend like... 3 hours writing this down

32 notes · View notes

mormorando · 3 years

Note

for the album asks: lanas "ultraviolence" and sky ferreiras "night time, my time"

oooh, thank you anon!! okay, i'm gonna be honest with you, i only know the title track from sky ferreira. i love it though, i really do, it's glorious. and hey, since you asked this, i'm guessing the whole album is worth listening to, right? thank you for the rec, i'll educate myself on her, hahah

and when it comes to lana, oh man. let's go. i'll actually go least to most favourite, it feels more exciting this way, tbh. so:

14. guns and roses, obviously. it's a shockingly unremarkable track for such a remarkable album, isn't it? just so... bland, frankly.

13. the other woman and yeah, okay, it kind of hurts to put this as my second most disliked song, because it's really good! it just doesn't hit all the right spots for me, i think, quite like the rest of ultraviolence does.

12. florida kilos, it's very sweet and summery! i don't think that i'm very obsessed with it, though. i think she has a lot of tracks that taste ripe like july too, but are more... unique - say 1949 or even the newer doin' time.

11. fucked my way up to the top - well, what can i say, it's sexy. and i love the trance-like feel it has going on. not one of my faves, but yeah, i'm putting it above the other woman and florida kilos because it sets a very... hmm. specific mood, if ykwim.

10. black beauty. it's funny, i actually mostly listened to a different version of it that i downloaded to my mp3 player years ago, only to discover that the real, officially released one sounds completely different now that i regularly use spotify. i do love the lyrics on this one, though. i used to listen to it so, so much in 2016 or 2017, i think!

9. ultraviolence - she was the moment, she was nicole before nicole, huh? i love the dreamy edgyness in this one! it actually took me a long time to warm up to ultraviolence, despite it being the title track, but as soon as i did, i fell in love. i love the wordplay, she really knew what she was doing with the name of this album.

8. money, power, glory - i could have never suspected that i'd put this over black beauty back in middle school, but at this point? yeah. i actually don't care much for the lyrics, as i'm not the type of person to strive for luxury a lot - you can call it being non-superficial, or maybe a lack of ambition, or lazyness. yeah, lmao. what i love most about this song is just the sheer sound of it, the drums, her voice in the ,,glory!" part, the ,,hallelujahs" - it's all so... orgasmic. plus the high pitched ,,i can do it if you really really like it" with the slowed guitar riff in the background completely sells me on this song.

7. brooklyn baby - i mean, what is there to explain. it's just brooklyn baby, you know? yeah, my girlfriend's pretty cool, but she's not as cool as me. i think it's a little bit too cute and positive for the edgy fucker that i am, otherwise, quality-wise, it could very well be in the top 3.

6. sad girl - it's sweet, it's edgy, it's kinda emo. a love child of pretty when you cry and brooklyn baby, i guess. it's not a masterpiece, but i'm putting it pretty high up the list simply for the ,,he's got the fiiiireee!" part and my own personal feelings for this song, yk? oh well, it's my ranking after all, and i can be as subjective as i please. ♡

5. shades of cool - it's just so good! yes, my baby sure does live in shades of blue! some really similar dynamics to black beauty, and again, god, just a year or two ago i would probably say this was my fave, or at least one of my faves, now i think my love for old money and cruel world has outgrown it, though. it really reminds me of dark blue, indigo and violet hues, you know? it's ultraviolet after all, i guess. the vocals in that instrumental bridge kill me every time in the sweetest of ways.

4. cruel world - man oh man, i would eat this if i could. i would drink it, or put this song into a heart-shaped locket to wear on my neck at all times. it's so unbelievably dreamy, and sexy, and the line about being happy that they're gone hits so hard out of nowhere in the context of the song, for some reason it sounds more like she's singing about someone's death rather than simply them not being a part of her life anymore. i got your bible, i got your gun, and i'm so happy now that you're gone. god. wow. some fatherhood themes for sure. i'm not entirely certain why, that's just how i feel it.

3. west coast. what can i say? newer lana is cool, but she wants what west-coast-ultraviolence-lana had. the tempo change every time she gets to ,,i can see my baby swinging", have you actually noticed how much slower the song gets? and those few guitar notes right before this line. agh, it makes me feel so strangely heartbroken for a love i never had. maybe it's because of this world heritage romeo+juliet music video, though. i can't really think of anything else now when i listen to west coast. oh, and also, i never thought a sexy, playful song like froot would work so well with the moody west coast, but it really, really does.

2. old money - look, this is a personal one. i know it's nowhere near as iconic as brooklyn baby or west coast or anything, but i can't tell you how bittersweet this song is to me, personally. one of the first songs i even know from lana. i used to listen to it at 13, laying in my bed at 3am, drinking some oversweetened coffee, reading about sigils or whatever the hell. some blog on here had an audio player built into its html and i remember, it played this song, among others. i spent weeks searching for it. it sounds like peaceful, quiet tragedy. the calm, almost resigned sound of it sends me right back to those spring nights. always, always.

1. pretty when you cry, judge me how you will for this choice. there's something so utterly exsquisite and heartbreaking about this song, it reaches into you and tugs at your heart with its bony cold hands. i cannot praise it enough, ever. even if it's fully because of my own associations and memories. i always come back to it. i used to cry to it when i lost the person that my 'and winters here are eternal' tag is about. there's just... god, there's something about this song. and also, hey, i really am pretty when i cry.

thank you for the ask and i'm sorry for getting so in-depth and, hm, suddenly writing in a weirdly pretentious way. that's just what lana does to you://

#anon #answered #mine #music #ldr

2 notes · View notes

5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Mindful Confrontation

Written as a request from @heavy-metal-papillon who not only supplied the requested plot but creatively reconstructed the song Confrontation from Jeckyll and Hyde to fit the context of the story. This was a lot of fun to write, thank you for requesting it! I hope it fits what you had in mind.

Summary: Thomas' friends convince him to check out a new karaoke bar and encourage him to perform. Technical difficulties make improv imperative for the show to go on but can singing really settle the warring landscape?

Warnings: anxiety induced spiraling thoughts, if there are more please let me know

Ships: none

WC: 2, 389

The bar is loud as Thomas makes his way to an empty booth lead expertly by Joan and Talyn. Nerves twisted in his gut as he took in how large it actually was on the inside, the stage set up for karaoke sitting front and center with the tables placed strategically so no ones view would be blocked. He took a deep breath as he settled himself on the cushioned bench, reminding himself that he needed this.

It had been Joan's idea initially, taking him to a karaoke bar to loosen up after the stress they'd both been under lately. Supposedly they served good food and the regular performers were worth the watch.

"Sing if you want." Joan had said. "Everyones really nice and would love to hear someone new onstage."

Thomas glanced at them now, happily skimming through the menu and pointing things out to Talyn who nodded along as best they could over the noise. It seemed like the performing wouldnt be starting for a while yet...which reminded him...

"I'm gonna go sign up, be back in a minute." Joan looked up and smiled, they and their date mate giving enthusiastic thumbs up. Turning with a grin, Thomas straightened his shirt and made his way over to the side stage where a small line had already started forming.

-------

In the mindscape, Janus sat on the couch a little ways away from a pouting Roman, watching Virgil fidget endlessly with the sleeves of his hoodie and wear a literal hole in the floor with his pacing. Being in someone's head was an odd thing at times.

"You can't possibly expect us to do this! Theres so many people we dont know hear!"

"Wouldn't that be beneficial to us? There's a good chance this is the first and last time wed see any of them." Janus replied smoothly.

Ignoring him, Virgil continued on. "What if Thomas's voice cracks? What if the song glitches and he's left singing with no music and then it picks up and it'll be out of sync and he freezes because it's confusing and everyone laughs? What if we don't know the lyrics as well as we thought we did and the screen cuts out and we forget the song and everyone laughs? What if we try to move around and trip because the stage is unfamiliar and we fall off and break our neck and the last thing we ever did was sing a shitty song at a shitty bar and-"

"Everyone laughs?" Janus finished dryly.

"Why would someone laugh at our death? What are you trying to say you vile vindictive villain?!" Roman leapt from the couch making Virgil flinch as a samurai sword appeared in his hand to point at the deceitful side.

"Vindictive? The only revenge I'm seeking today is on whoever decided the shirt Thomas is wearing should be seen in public after having worn it two days in a row already."

"We were in a hurry and he barely wore it in those two days since he spent most of them sleeping! It's fine!"

"We already wore the shirt?! What if people can tell it hasn't been washed? What if someone sees the wrinkles and decides we're an unclean slob? What if-"

"Virgil! Breathe please." At the reminder Virgil began his standard breathing exercise as Janus poked the tip of the sword still pointing at his face and lowered it to a non threatening level. "And Roman, do keep waving around a dangerous weapon it totally isn't making Virgil's anxiety worse."

Grumbling Roman snapped the sword back out of existence and plopped back down on the couch. Sighing Janus tuned back into what Thomas was doing just as he was looking through the song list. A song leapt out at him almost immediately, making Janus send the suggestion quietly to their manifestor for consideration, smiling as it was chosen and they began walking back towards the booth.

"I believe you'll like the choice in song Roman. Perhaps you can vent a bit."

Raising an eyebrow Roman quickly concentrated to bring himself up to speed on what had transpired while he was sulking.

"A little on the nose isn't it?" Virgil paused his pacing at Roman's snide remark, tilting his head in question.

"Jeckyll and Hyde's Confrontation?" That's technically a duet right? How the hell is that going to work?"

"I'm sure Roman can manage. Unless he wants one of us to help?" Janus peered out from under the rim of his hat at the side on question who was currently scowling over at him.

"Why don't you both help sing it? That way you can both work out whatever it is you need to. Roman's good on stage and Janus...you know the musical right? Oh God you do know it right because if you just picked it at random-"

"Relax Fidget and Hide it'll be fine." Roman scowl turned smug at the word play that Virgil didn't bother responding to, instead shooting Janus a final panicked glanced before going back to...well...fidgeting.

------

Thomas fidgeted in the booth nervously, making Talyn glance over in worry.

"You okay? It's a pretty big crowd, you can still back out if it makes you nervous."

Thomas felt a sliver of false reassurance curl around his tongue, opening his mouth almost against his will as he smiled convincingly.

"I'm fine really. It is a big crowd, but I feel like this will be good for me you know?"

"Yeah man, you really need to get out more." Joan flashed him a smile that let Thomas know he was mostly kidding, which he appreciated. Breathing deep he reminded himself to thank Janus later. A fleeting feeling of gratitude that wasn't his own welled in his chest and he smiled to himself. Message recieved apparently.

The performers were great, some obvious regulars and some anxious newbies but the mix didn't dampen his enjoyment in the slightest. As the music swelled around him he felt himself relaxing, grinning as someone started in on an Evenescence song that he knew would appeal to his youngest side. He could imagine the emo sitting in all his glory wherever they went when not manifested in front of him. As they got further down the list however his nerves began to fray. Any moment now his name would be called and he'd have to go onstage in front of so many new faces and he'd done it before but that had been performances and this was a bar and-

"Thomas." He whipped his head around to see Joan pointing at the stage. "They called your name! Break a leg!"

Smiling nervously, he stood and quickly made his way to the stage, wiping sweaty palms on his already sweaty jeans to a smattering of applause as the audience realized the person who was called was about to go on.

Just imagine them naked. Impatiently he shook the Intrusive thought away and zeroed in on the blank screen. A tech worker jogged up to him and his heart dropped. Surely not-

"I apologize but we've been having problems with the screen lately and it stopped working for the night. You're welcome to use your phone or forfeit if you'd be uncomfortable."

A sudden surge of confidence had words spilling of their own accord, barely there panic twisting his stomach. "It's okay. I can handle it."

The music began low and he drew in a steadying breath, opening his mouth where he knew the lyrics started.

------

"The screen died? What kind of hellscape is this?! I told you, I said what if the screen dies though I guess it didnt happen while we were singing but still! Do you even know the lyrics?" Roman shrugged where he stood in front of the couch, unfazed by circumstance.

"We'll figure it out Nightmare on Emo Street, calm down."

"Figure it-what do you mean you'll figure it out?"

The music started and Roman simply took a stance and began to sing, the sorrowful tone matched by his deep base vibrating the mind scape pleasantly.

"It’s over now, from what I know.

This world’s not what it seems.

It hurts that he would stoop so low.

A fatal blow for one poor dashing Prince."

Janus raised an eyebrow as he sat up straighter. Improv. Impressive. Beside him, Virgil groaned and hid his face, seemingly content to wait out whatever horror he percieved this to be.

"They do not see my tragedy,

Do not see my intent.

The stain of this snake’s evil

Would forever kill the good we all had meant."

Janus narrowed his eyes as Roman turned to him fully, the intent and purpose of the lyrics clear to him now as the Prince lamented on.

"Am I a good man?

Am I a bad man?

Eternal question. But will the answer ever…?"

The last note lingered as Janus stood. Fine, he thought. If this is how he wants to play it, I'll give him something to kick at.

"Do you really think

That I would ever let this go?

Do you think without me he’ll be free?"

He smirked knowingly as Roman stepped back, twisting Hyde's words into something closer to himself to throw back.

"If you do, I’m sad to say

It simply isn’t so.

You will never block his life from me!"

Roman glared and stood straighter, sweeping his arm as if to banish the other from his sight.

"All that he needs is to look in a mirror.

Good, honest life – and you’ll disappear!"

"I was the one who did give him that mirror,

So, I’m afraid, I will still be here."

"All that you’ll do is make our life a nightmare,

All you’ll achieve is high self-esteem!

All that I wanted for him – to chase his dream!"

Janus grimaced as he caught sight of angry tears gathering in Roman's eyes. Hardening his resolve, he clenched his fists to glare right back, refusing to back down from what this simple karaoke had become.

"Will you ever catch it, friend?

This chase will never end!

His procrastination still goes on!

So, I want to stay,

No matter how you may object!

I can give him power to move on."

His tone begged to be listened to, pleading eyes catching the royals in an effort to make him understand. He took a step back as a sword was once again pressed alarmingly close to his face.

"Soon you’ll slip up and deceive us all over!

We can’t allow you to have control!"

"Roman, hold on, move your train of thought slower,

For all I know, we’re all parts of his soul."

"He doesn’t need you to live, like he needs me,

He can be whole with no selfish snake!

Getting rid of you will be a piece of cake!"

His staff materialized in his hand as he brought it sweeping down to catch the blade safely in its crook, slamming the tip down into the floor as he delivered the next verse.

"I’ll stay among you forever!"

"No!" Roman desperately tugged at his weapon, gritting his teeth as it refused to budge.

With a sweep of his arm the sword was free from the floor, twisting in the air before crashing beside the couch, staff now jabbed painfully close to Roman's face. "Keep in mind that I earned my seat."

"No!" Roman lunged, but Janus hooked his arm and dragged him to the side with minimal effort.

"And I’ll make it my new endeavor

To guide him and prove to you all that

I’m more than Deceit!" Stalking forward, the staff's crook was jammed under Roman's chin as he stared down at him backed into a wall, eyes wide but devoid of fear as he seemed to consider the words before shaking them off.

"Will you stop? It’s

Over now! It’s time to go!"

Roman grabbed the staff and yanked it sideways, making Janus lose his grip and stumble to come face to face with his adversary.

Smirking he bowed low. "Oh no, no, after you!"

"If I go you'll go too!"

"I’ll just shapeshift and I’ll be you."

"No! Deciet, leave him be!"

"Can’t you see? He needs me!"

"No! Stop this fight!"

"I'm his side! I won't hide!"

"No never!"

"Yes forever!"

"Give up, you snake! Crawl back to whatever hole you came from!" Roman shoved forward and practically snarled out his last line, towering over a fallen Janus.

"You’ll get there too, Roman." Hat swept somewhere unknown he simply stared at the other, chests heaving in sync as the anger finally eased, if only by a fraction.

A chuckle bubbled up in his chest, starting Roman who took a second to consider him before a grin split his face as well. The tension snapped as laughter filled the space between them, Roman doubling over as tears dripped down his face.

"What the hell did we just do?"

Janus cackled and shook his head. "Created a masterpiece that's going to raise questions I'm sure."

"Hey you morons, you do realize you had Thomas sing that right? You're weird venty improv was just projected to an entire bar!" They both looked up at Virgils outburst to see the side in question shaking on the couch, beside him a grinning Remus shoveling (popcorn?) into his mouth. Patton stood beside them starry eyed and smiling while Logan remained at the table with a questioning look that seemed to suggest he had missed most of the context for the scene in front of him. Janus and Roman spared eachother another look before bursting into another fit of laughter.

------

"Sooo....didn't know the song huh?" Joan asked curiously as Thomas sat down. At his head shake, they simply grinned. "The improv was seriously impressive though. Janus and Roman? Genius!"

Thomas grinned sheepishly as his nerves finally settled, his smile wavering as another set of emotions came forth he didn't recognize.

"Hey, you okay?"

A feeling of peace settled over him like a blanket of fresh snow, crisp and clean as his mind cleared for what felt like the first time in weeks. A genuine smile stretched across his face as he answered.

"Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'm great actually." He sat back and relaxed, looking at Talyn and Joan in turn.

"I feel better."

This work along with other one shots is available on AO3!

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ao3 #thomas sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #jeckyll and hyde

11 notes · View notes

elven-oracle · 5 years

Text

under the rose: part 2|th

moodboard courtesy of @mcuspidey

SUMMARY: Would you do anything for the person you love?

Would you do anything for the person you lust?

PAIRING: Agent!Tom Holland x Agent!Reader

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

sub rosa: adjective and adverb. formal. happening or done in secret. directly translated from latin: “under the rose.”

Part 1 Part 3

Part 2: Hand on a Blade

Things returned to their usual mundane business after the episode in the field.

It had forced you to start wondering the purpose of the men sitting around doing hardly anything all day. It was a sex-trafficking business, yet you hardly saw a single young woman pass through the warehouse that had now become your day job. In meetings at the agency, you reported and confirmed everything the mic attached to your collarbone had recorded. You had been reassured that your work was dong leaps for the investigation, but you were antsy to make the arrests of the criminals you spent your time with.

You knew that these women were out there somewhere, going through everything unimaginable; the thought of them was what got you out of bed in the morning, and every time a “client” was discussed, you suppressed your firey urge to sock one of the men in the face, but there was a cover to maintain, and many many lives to protect. Including your own.

Tom’s fingers laid loosely interlocked with your own, an interaction so natural that it was as if you had been doing it for years, as the cover suggested. All of the detached moments of affection were slowly burning into your motions like delicately practiced choreography. Tom grabbing your hand, your waist, your forearm, the way he pressed a kiss into your body, it was all starting to lose its spark that you felt when you had started a week prior.

After literally saving the lives of your favorite sex-traffickers, they had started to trust you. You discovered that these rival groups spent a good portion of time attempting to sabotage any efforts, and they did the same in retaliation, all done by an entirely different set of people that you had a slim chance of meeting. It was a good report to bring back to intelligence, though.

You had gotten into an interesting conversation regarding them.

“They like to get creative with their attacks, one time they threw chemical bombs into the place, we left with swollen eyes, I may have been blind for a few days,” Smithy took a long drag off of his cigarette and snuffed it out on the arm of his chair.

“Oh!” Hardy spoke up, “Don’t forget the time that you got a ninja star in your leg,” he raised his eyebrows at you, “that’s right, miss, a whole fucking ninja star.”

“It’s almost like a game for them,” you commented, starting to catch on.

“Yeah,” Candy spit, “It’s fucking stupid, though. They need to stop being pussies and use a gun. Like everyone else.”

How attacking with one lethal weapon over another made someone a pussy was beyond you.

Meanwhile, you had continued to play the game of seduction with Tom to keep your mind off of the imminent deathtrap you walked into every day. After the scene in the bathroom, you started to notice the sly way that he would eye you as you walked away, or how his hand lingered so low on your waist. Some movements were methodical, some were the result of a secret desire that he probably hadn’t realized you noticed. The extra sway to your hips and the subtle release of your breath when he held you were nothing but purposeful.

As long as nothing carried on, you would be fine. You weren’t about to become another notch in Tom Holland’s belt.

Sitting in Tom’s passenger seat, you made the silent drive over to the location, occasionally checking your lipstick to give yourself something to do. It was strange how close you felt to your partner, despite the limited, cordial conversation that you carried out privately. Being two different people had proven itself to be restricting in the strangest of ways.

This morning, however, you decided to take a new step in the carpool and twist the volume on to turn on some music. You felt his eyes as you returned back to sitting, some song by Taylor Swift echoing in the speakers.

Don’t blame me love made me crazy, if it doesn’t you ain’t doing it right.

You had never been in love. It never crossed your mind as something important. During your high school years, you had much more strenuous priorities, and now, your job was your entire life. Something about the lyrics radiated in your brain, though. The way that love could change someone. Sometimes it was the best thing that could happen to a person.

And sometimes it was the worst.

When you reached the final destination, you were greeted with a series of tired grunts, as usual. It took a couple hours for the guys to wake up, and a few beers usually did the trick. Alcohol for them was like coffee for you: they had no words for each other until they had gotten it coursing through their systems.

Nothing seemed out of place that afternoon. There was a specifically intriguing soccer game that they all seemed invested in, while you couldn’t care less. Anything other than soccer was more your speed.

Well, nothing was out of place that afternoon until Boss made an unruly entrance, tossing guns to his men, and looking directly at you and pointing to the bathroom. Thrown completely off guard, you turned around to see a storm of men, clad in black, all wielding long and seemingly sharp blades. The rival gang had made another return, this time with another creative form of weaponry.

You took note of the pistols on their hips. Today they had decided not to be pussies.

You were reluctant to place yourself into hiding, but you drifted away to keep the cover intact. It was almost painful to separate yourself from the action. You had almost reached the door when you took one last glimpse, not wanting to admit that you wanted to be absolutely certain that Tom was okay. The answer was half satisfying, half terrifying.

A dark figure was approaching Tom from behind, blade raised, going in for a fatal swoop.

You wanted to tell yourself that it was your instinct as an agent that sent you running, in the same way, that had brought you to throw that grenade out of explosion range. It definitely wasn’t the panic of seeing your partner in danger, a wild panic that was out of control, rather than the regulated anxiety that was perfect for sending yourself into life-threatening situations. Your heart was beating out of your chest as your feet pounded, your mind spun, and you shoved Tom out of the way, replacing his head with your hand.

In training, they had forced you to endure all sorts of pain, all consensual. They would get your verbal confirmation, and with a countdown from three, you would get a shot of electricity shoved into your veins. In this job, pain was inevitable, but pain was also fleeting. The more you grew used to it, the stronger you felt.

The burning sensation that exploded in your hand was nothing like you had felt in training. You wished you had felt the fire in your hand, and as your vision went white, you heard the gunshots fire off. Boss was yelling, through the unwarranted tears in your eyes, there was the sound of Tom’s pseudonym being demanded to a task. It felt like an eternity until there was a shout of “all clear.”

Through your blurred vision, you saw Tom’s concerned brown eyes, and his hands bring you to your feet. You were dizzy with delirium, the pain in your hand only increasing as more seconds passed. Maybe you had split it open, maybe once they contained the bleeding you wouldn’t feel like vomiting, but the sight you were welcomed to once the fog cleared almost sent your breakfast and the minimal alcohol straight up your throat.

It was a clean slice to your pinkie finger. Which, fortunately, meant that it could be sewn back on.

Right?

Tom started to say your name but quickly corrected himself, “Rose, baby, let’s get to the car. Hospital time.”

Despite the excruciating pain, you stayed in character, “Johnny...what happened?”

You knew what the fuck happened. Those pussies had chopped your finger off.

Tom didn’t reply with the obvious, he replied with, “Love, you saved my life,” and then under his breath, “again.”

You were ushered out the door, with Tom insisting that he take you himself over having the entire group follow. You knew that you were headed to the agency and not an actual hospital. There couldn’t be any public record of the injury. It would blow your cover. There was a fully operating hospital wing on one of the floors for this very reason, the surgeon would be ready for you when you got there.

Tom helped you into the passenger seat of his car, placing your severed finger in your lap, wrapped in a towel as if that made anything better. It only made you want to hurl more.

This car ride was not silent.

“Y/N how’s it going?” his British accent was a breath of fresh air, and you hated that.

“I’m not fucking dying Tom.”

“Yeah, well, pardon me for making sure you aren’t having a panic attack. You just got mutilated after all.” “I’ll live. Eyes on the road.”

“Okay! Okay.”

Your entire body was damp with sweat as if someone had dumped water everywhere except your hair. You could feel it dripping down your face and the way that it made the wig particularly itchy. You wanted to rip it off, but once again, the cover. The things you did for your job.

“You saved my life again.”

“Yes. And?”

He hesitated as if expecting a different answer, “Thanks.” “You’re my partner, I could only hope you would do the same for me.” “I would,” the way he said it was almost defensive.

“Oh thank, goodness. I was worried for a second,” you were being sarcastic to mask the pain, but that couldn’t mask the yelp you let out as he sped around a corner.

There was another brief silence, but you didn’t like how it felt, so you filled it with the dumbest joke you could think of, “Do you think this pain is worse than childbirth?”

You could hear him trying not to laugh, “You’re asking an expert.”

“Good. You think?”

He looked at your hand, which had now bled through the towel you were using for pressure and was bleeding onto your leather pants and onto the car seats made of the same material.

“Sure.” “Thanks, Doctor Holland, I think I’ll have kids now.”

Upon arrival, you were shoved onto a gurney and taken away, Tom only being able to accompany you to a certain point. It didn’t seem like either of you noticed that he had taken hold of your non-injured hand until each one of your fingers were torn away from each other, leaving you to roll your eyes back and pass out, the final dose of adrenaline running out.

…

Beep...beep...beep…

Consciousness was like hitting a wall. Your eyes fell open almost against your will, sleep wanting to regain its hold. With a deep inhale, you rolled your head over to your left hand, which now no longer had the deep pain from what felt like only minutes prior, although you knew it had to be hours.

The memories came flooding back. There was the motion of intent in the body of the attacker, the insane panic, and the flash of internal light that stung across your eyes as the blade swept across your hand. It was a memory that would never leave you, a trauma that you knew you had no time to address.

A thick, cast-like bandage surrounded your pinkie, sitting on a strategically laid table to keep it elevated. What caught your surprise, though, was the fact that another hand rested on top of yours, rough with calluses, a hand that you had held before, but never like this.

Tom was asleep in a chair next to you, his head rolled back, mouth agape. The small sight of drool brought a weak smile to your face. Asleep, the usually dark and demeaning man that you worked with looked relaxed and...soft. You knew better than anyone that Tom was anything but soft.

Your hand twitched, and Tom immediately stirred, yawning and retracting his hand away from yours. For a second you could tell he was just as disoriented as you had just been, but he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and met yours, looking slightly sheepish as he pulled on his fingers nervously. He pulled a leg to his chest, looking away for a second, then chuckled to himself as he looked back at you.

“Something funny?” your voice was hoarse.

He shook his head, “You almost lost your finger there, agent.”

“Thank goodness I had the wonderful Agent Thomas Stanley Holland to save me from a life of stub hand.”

He chuckled again, “Even mutilated, you remain as endearing as ever, Y/L/N.”

You couldn’t help the blush that sparked on your cheeks. Hopefully, the lighting was dim enough that he didn’t see.

It was almost midnight when a flurry of agents took up almost all of the space in your hospital wing, a reminder that your work never stopped. The mission was still steady-going, and this was likely not to be considered a setback.

“Agent Y/L/N, we would like to remind you that despite your injury, you are still expected to return to the field as soon as possible. This mission is too important for you to step back, and the chances of cover being blown-”

You cut the man speaking to you off, “I understand. I expected nothing less.”

As if you ever even thought about not continuing the mission. This had been the most important mission of your career. You would have to be killed in action before resigning. The man at the foot of your bed, an agent you had never met before, was trying to hide how pleased he was with your answer. Apparently, he had expected you to put up more of a fight.

Satisfied, they left, not needing to hear anything else from you.

“I’ll be sure to get well soon!” you called as the door shut behind them. It left you alone with Tom once again. He was smirking.

“Can I ask you something, Y/N?”

“Go for it,” you expected it to be about the plan of action for tomorrow. Neither of you talked about much more than work.

In the months you spent preparing with your partner, he had never asked anything personal, so his question took you by surprise.

“What brought you to this line of work?”

Your lips parted, and you took a second to think before responding, gnawing on the inside of your cheek. You thought about the family you left behind when accepting the job, the minimal contact, how you hadn’t seen your parents in years. To any onlooker, you had given up a lot to take this job, but to you it had been an easy decision.

“Um,” you sighed. “Well, initially I was a police officer. Narcotics. My parents…” Were you really about to tell him this?

“My parents ran a drug lab in our house for a very long time. They weren’t arrested until I was in college. I just wanted to make a difference.”

“And what brought you here?”

“Putting Jacoby Zimmerman in jail.”

He looked impressed, “You...put the Magic Man in jail?”

“Sure did.”

Zimmerman had been your side project. He was a drug trafficker, and he was good. The best detectives had been chasing him for years, and while you were the lowest tier in the line of detectives, you had been going behind their backs to try and book him. As much as you hated to admit it, the relation was personal. He had supplied to your parents, and your parents had tried to get you to deal at your high school. Instead, you worked a fast-food job and shoved the drugs down the toilet. Every paycheck went towards the drug hussle that wasn’t happening, and you hardly kept a cent for yourself.

“Damn. He was…”

“Renowned. I know,” you paused, wondering how to conclude the strange conversation you had found yourself in, “I don’t know, I guess I just wanted to do what’s right. Change my past or whatever.”

You sat in silence some more, occasionally looking down at your bandaged finger. When you put away Zimmerman, you never pictured yourself in this position. You had been told countless times that being an agent sometimes required repeatedly putting yourself in danger, but after all the paperwork and the meetings, you had started to detach yourself from that factor. Now, there you were, sewn back together like Frankenstein.

You hadn’t noticed when you fell asleep, but when you woke up in the middle of the night, after yet another nightmare where your finger was being torn apart, Tom’s hand had returned to sitting on yours. It was gentle. Tender. You couldn’t help the subtle feeling of comfort drawn from it.

You were losing the game.

Part 1 Part 3

M A S T E R L I S T

click HERE to be added to the taglist

T A G L I S T

@plushparker @spideyboipete @starkstower @bilkyrie @spideymood @saturn-aka-six @starlightfound @pvnk-bivch @gamoraisbi @xxtomxo @ophcelia @the-queen-procrastinator @trustfundparker @miraclesoflove @maybemona @galacticalstarcat @fame-works-quicker @honeymoonparker @loserhollandask @quillaluna @cheesecakebagels @misspepper07 @thelostverse @legendsofwholock @morbiddanvers @fangirl-trash-things @particularspider @applenter @the-lost-fairy-tale @mrskitchenboy @mintyoohoochapstick @newtimewriter @ohheyitsem @nixphomaniac @juuuless @emilymarie0422 @dreamyyholland @gioandreolli @mcuspidey @astrospideys @starksparker @starklovebot @stuckonspidey @lostinspidey @laureharrier @hollandroos @wazzupmrstark @tominhoodies @spider-babes @inthe-gardenofevil @softspideyboy @mcuparkers @hillsnholland @hawkinsholland @poetrypeter @screamholland

#allie writes under the rose #UTR #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland reader insert #tom holland au #agent!reader #agent au #agent!tom holland #fanfiction #fanfic #self insert

140 notes · View notes