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harrysgloves · 4 years

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Let Your Hair Down (chapter xxii)

Get caught up with the Let Your Hair Down Masterlist!

word count: 2,169

story summary: Harry gets more than he bargains for when he falls not only for you but your little girl as well.

chapter summary: You go home.

warnings: Language

a/n: Missing the good times already :( xx

>>><<<

It had been 3 days since you got back from California and 3 days since Harry's little post orgasm confession.

You weren't exactly sure how but things had managed to go back to somewhat normal. Minus the fact you refused to talk about what he had said to you. Your mind flashing back to you in your knees on the floor looking up at the panic ridden Harry. Anxiety filling your chest at the thought of saying it back to him. Not fully ready yet to admit it out loud when you had just finally started to admit it to yourself.

"I didn't mean to tell y'like that." He said backing away from you, hands running through his hair.

And what did you do? You did what you do best. Got up and ran for the bathroom like an idiot. Standing in front of the mirror taking deep breaths. You just weren't ready to say it back, not yet. Not with all the shit going on in your life.

Luckily, Harry understood your tendency to not talk about your feelings or anything remotely important and didn't push the subject. He simply laid out one of his shirts on the bed for you to sleep in and let you calm down a bit by yourself before coming into the bedroom again.

He crawled into bed carefully like he wasn't trying to wake you, even though you weren't even close to being asleep. His arm thrown around you bringing him into his chest. Facing away from him you sighed, fingers trailing patterns across his hand that was over top of you.

"'M sorry." He said from behind you, his nose nuzzled into your hair, making you smile slightly but faltering at his words.

"Don't be sorry for how you feel." You didn't want him to feel bad for admitting his feelings. A part of you was so happy he felt the same way, giddy to be loved back by him. The other part was completely terrified.

"'M not sorry 'bout that. Sorry y'can't say it back to me yet. Know y'wanna, ya jus' too scared but 'm 'ere when y'ready." His grip around you tightened bringing you in even closer to him. Your heart swelling at the fact he genuinely understood you. You had to try with everything in you to not start crying like a baby.

But that was 3 days ago and the end of that conversation completely. He hadn't brought it up one single time since then. He woke up the next morning like nothing had happened and you did the same, pushing it to the furthest part of your mind, only thinking about it late at night when you were alone in bed.

How did he know you loved him?

How long will he actually wait for you to be ready?

Does he really love you or was it just something he said in the moment but couldn't take it back so he went with it?

Your mind running with endless questions while you stared night after night at your ceiling. Praying to anything that would listen to you to give you some sort of courage to ask him all these questions but it never happened.

Every time you saw him after that you both didn't bring it up. It didn't make things weird between you two but there was always a part of your brain nagging at you to open up and talk to him about it. To grab a hold of him tightly before he slipped through your fingers.

It was Thursday morning and as you, Thea, and Harry walked to her school your mind ran with all the things you wanted to say. Every time you glimpsed over to him holding Thea on his hip, big smile across their faces as she talked about what she wanted to do for her birthday party, it made your heart melt.

You loved him and you didn't understand why you were so scared to tell him. It was only three words but you knew they had the power to change everything in your life.

Once you both kissed and gave Thea a hug she was off to school. Waving goodbye to you and Harry before walking in the door. Harry throwing his arm around your shoulder as you took off for the store, needing to buy a few things for Thea's birthday without her seeing it.

"You know I care about you right?" You asked, finally speaking up about something on your mind. You needed him to know you cared. That you felt the same just unable to say it.

He smiled down at you, that big dimple smile that made you swoon. He pulled you into him, your head on his chest as you walked down the street together.

"I know. Been thinkin' 'bout what I said fo' 3 days, love?" You could hear the smile in his voice, rolling your eyes and shaking your head at him. This asshole knew you had been having a war inside your mind for 3 days, he didn't need you to say it.

"You know, I try to be nice and you do this." Your arm wrapping around his back as he laughed that laugh from deep in his chest, gripping tighter on your shoulder.

"I jus' like givin' ya shit."

You hummed unamused by his teasing but glad he wasn't holding your inability to communicate your feelings against you. Your worries starting to leave your mind as you walked into the store, making Harry hold the basket as you walked around throwing any party decorations you saw at him to carry.

"Love, she doesn't care 'bout the decorations." He rolled his lips when you shot him a look. Trying his hardest to not smile and make you angry at him.

"Yeah but I care. She only turns 5 once." You pouted, your little baby growing up so fast. You felt like it was just the other day you were in labor for 18 hours feeling like she was actually trying to murder you.

"I know, she's gettin' so big." He started to put back all the duplicates of stuff you were throwing in the basket when you weren't paying attention. Knowing there was no reason for you to be buying 85 party hats.

"Should have been around when she was a baby. She was always so happy, big smiles, laughing all the time. Lot like she is now I guess but so tiny and cuddly. I kinda miss it." You sighed making your way to the candy aisle to get things for thank you bags.

"Y'ever want another one?" You could feel his eyes burning into your back but when you turned around to look at him his eyes darted away from yours.

"Don't know, maybe. I think Thea would like being a big sister." You threw some Hershey kisses in the basket, turning back around to walk down the next aisle. Harry contemplating what you said behind you. You could practically feel his brain on overdrive.

"You want one?" You asked, hoping to calm down his overactive mind.

"Yeh." He said a little too quickly, making you smile widely when he coughed awkwardly, clearing his throat. "I mean, uh, yeh, y'know maybe... if the time's right."

"Mhm." You hummed out. He was just so cute, especially when he was all nervous.

"Oh, look, some cheap wine we can buy this and y'can try and tempt me into bed again." He smiled walking up behind you with the bottle of wine in his hands. Wrapping his arms around you completely as your face heated in embarrassment.

"Shut it, Harold." You turned on the spot, still in his arms, smiling up to him as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

"You know, one of these days someone's going to hear you talking like that and it's gonna be trending on twitter or some shit." You rolled your eyes when he laughed but you were being completely serious, the last thing you needed right now was your entire office talking about your sex life… more than they already did.

"Wat's wrong, love? Thought you liked being dirty with me?" He mused, touching the tip of his nose to yours.

"Well, we could get drunk and have a repeat of last time. Got any more confessions about me that you need to get off your chest?" You raised your eyebrows at him, smug smile across your face.

"A few." He said, leaning down and kissing you. His lips twitching upwards the second you kissed him back. You felt like everything between you two was going to be completely fine. You'd get there eventually with your inability to admit to be open with him it would just take a while.

Just as you were about to pull back from the kiss the sound of a familiar voice saying your name interrupted you. Your eyes shooting open, body tensing the second you felt Harry pull back and glare at where the voice was coming from.

You didn't have to turn around to know who it was. Heart sinking in your chest as you swallowed thickly.

"Well, just like you to makeout with someone in the middle of a store." He scoffed, making you bite your tongue. Reminding yourself you'd just make it worse if you reacted.

"Jus' like ya t'stand there like a creep too. Right mate?" Harry snapped back, your eyes widening trying desperately to tell him to not engage with the look in your eye.

"What do you want Ryan?" You turned around finally facing him. Still standing as close as possible to Harry. Your lips rolled in your mouth trying so hard to just keep your composure.

"I wanted to get my groceries but it looks like I'm getting a show instead." He laughed, smug smile on his face as he shook his head.

"Why don't you get the fuck outta 'ere then?" You snapped your head back around to look at Harry when his angry words left him. You'd never seen him actually angry before. His jaw tense from him clenching his teeth together.

You reached out touching his hand, trying to get him to calm down before a fucking wrestling match broke out in the middle of the store.

"What's wrong Harry?" Ryan asked, moving closer to you two. You instinctively took a small step backwards further into Harry's chest. Putting yourself directly between them, wanting to be the one to stop their insane testosterone battle going down in public.

"Figuring out you can't make a whore into a housewife getting you pissed? Already tried that with her buddy, didn't work out so well for me."

You felt Harry start to move forward, his hand by his side already in a fist as you desperately tried to push him back. You really didn't need this shit.

"Y'don't ever talk about her like that." Harry said so loudly you cringed. Feeling like a kid stuck in the middle of their parents fighting. You just wanted to drag Harry out of here before all your dirty laundry was aired out in public.

Your hand around his wrist, starting to try and walk in the other direction. Just wanting to leave. Hating confrontation all the way down into your bones. Wanting to run away from the situation like you always did.

"I'll talk about her however I want. You're the one playing house with my fucking wife." The second the words left Ryan's mouth Harry jerked his arm away from you, trying to stomp over to him before you grabbed him again.

"Ex-wife." You clarified yet again to Ryan your eyes burning into his as that smug smile came on his face. You had no idea why he felt like he still had this claim over you but it was getting old.

You were so over it. Just wanting him to leave you alone.

"Come on, baby. We're going." You whispered to Harry, lacing your fingers through his. Eyes pleading up to him to just leave it alone. You could see the battle raging behind his eyes. Wanting to kick Ryan's ass but not wanting to make you upset.

He sighed, finally giving in to what you wanted and turning to walk away with you.

Your heart beat finally starting to slow down the further you got away from Ryan. Harry's hand clutched tightly in yours. Your grip like deaths. Anxiety coursing through your veins along with adrenaline. You just wanted to leave.

"Oh, Y/N?" Ryan said from behind you, smugness seeping through his words. Seemingly pleased with whatever he was about to say to you.

You gulped, already knowing what was coming. Eyes closing, already fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over. It was the last thing he had to hold over you, of course he was going to use it.

Use her.

"Make sure you have Thea ready Friday. It is my weekend after all."

#Harry Styles #Harry #Harry Styles x Reader #Harry Styles x You #harry styles x y/n #Harry Styles Fanfic #Harry Styles Fanfiction #Fanfic #Fanfiction #writing #mine #LYHD

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lancearcherinrippedjeans · 3 years

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It Was All Good...Then in Comes Kenny

For previous parts, click HERE

Pairings - Adam Page x OFC, Matt Jackson x OFC x Kenny Omega, Chuck Taylor x OC

Categories - Fluff, Angst, Almost Smut

Warnings/Promises - Cussing (like always), sexual jokes, and well uh, almost smut

Summary/Desc - Adam and Gabby get into an arguement, Brianna has a rough day, Parker and Chuck finally talk, and Adriana gets into a, well, entanglement.

Back in Gabby’s life, her and Adam had bought a house in Ann Arbor Michigan where they planned to raise their baby. A baby boy named Ashen Page. 8 months into her pregnancy she was on lock down not knowing when the baby would come, other on Adam’s hand he still had to wrestle.

“He’s not home yet?” Parker said, “Nope.” Gabby sighed. Gabby and Parker were facetiming while she sat on their couch, waiting for Adam to arrive home. Minutes later she heard the sound of the door being unlocked, “Ok he’s here I’ll call you back.” She hung up the phone. Adam entered the house, hair in ponytail, luggage draped over his shoulder. “Hi baby!” Adam dropped his bags and ran to where Gabby was, “Hi!”

They kissed, when Gabby noticed something...off, “Have you been drinking again?” “Of course not, babe.” Adam placed his hand on a frustrated Gabby's stomach. While she was pregnant, her and Adam promised he’d sober up, unless it was drinking for work. She immediately moved his hand off her, “I’m not fucking dumb Adam, I can taste the whisky in your breath.” she rolled her eyes. They sat down on the couch, “I was stressed about work and you and Ashen, I just had to.”

“You sound fucking dumb, if I can’t drink for 9 months, you can’t either.” Gabby shook her head in disappointment. “When are you gonna become more understanding Gabrielle, like fuck!”

“More understanding?! I’ve been nothing but understanding bro.” A tear ran down her face. “It’s like you want me to be this person that can wrestle, and be a great dad, and pleasure you, plus be your emotional support system? I can’t do it all.” “So what? Am I asking for too much? Because if I went to Joey and asked him to be my emotional support system, or fuck it. Go to him for sex them what would you do Adam?” Gabby wiped her tears, crossing her arms. “Really? Maybe I wasn’t wrong about you and Kenny then!” he shouted.

“What is it Adam? You think we fucked? Kissed? Want each other? I’ve told you it's not like that at all. You're the only man I want.” Gabby teared up again. Adam couldn’t bear to see Gabby cry anymore, so he pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry about the drinking babe.” “It’s ok, I love you”. Adam used the tips of his thumbs to wipe the tears off her face, lifting Gabby’s shirt rubbing her baby bump. “Love you so much more.”

All the way over in Jacksonville, Brianna was getting ready to film a BTE bit. She had agreed to film with Brandon and Frankie Kazarian, and was a bit excited. “Alright, Brianna you ready?” Brandon asked, Bri nodded enthusiastically. “Kaz you ready?” She looked over at Frankie and he was glaring at her. “Yeah, I’m ready.” He said in a sharp tone.

She went back and got into place and Brandon started filming.

Bri was hunched over looking through Twitter on her phone, not watching where she was going. “OW- What the shit!?” Frankie Kazarian yelped. Bri quickly looked away from her phone to see that her foot was on top of Frankie’s heel. “Oh my god. I am so sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going-” she rambled. Frankie was steamed. He was already angry, as usual, and this made it a MILLION times worse.

“You know what I am sorry for BRI-ANNA?” He asked quite loudly which made everyone turn to look at him. “I'm sorry that someone as talented as Joey Janela wasted his hard earned money on someone like you.” Bri opened her mouth to apologize again but was cut off. “HOW are you even back here? I don’t know if you have read the fucking signs EVERYWHERE, but this is for talent only! What talent do you have Bri? Besides getting on your knees for people other than the Lord himself?” Kazarian was extremely dramatic with everything he said during BTE- but this seemed a little too real.

“Like honestly, as soon as you get here you have Marq Quen following you around like you’re important; and then the very next day I SEE you talking to Cash Wheeler- who has only been here for a couple WEEKS?! I’m surprised you didn’t all go in a room together and fuck yourselves, or maybe you did.”

Bri was actually concerned. “How the hell does he know who I’ve been with… this wasn’t in the script?” She began to notice everyone around listening into her conversation whispering to each other. “This is so embarrassing.” she thought. “What else have you done here? You’re by far the LEAST relevant outta of your little friend group, and you crave attention so much - so now you got it! Should I go off and check everyone you’ve batted your eyelashes at since you’ve been here?”

Bri shook her head no, but it was too late. “There was Marq of course, then when you got bored with him you crawled over to the new hottest thing; Cash Wheeler. But do they know who you’ve had between them?” Bri’s eyes slightly widened. “You had made heart eyes, with not one but ALL members of Team Taz. What is wrong with you?! Two of them have families of their own, You damn homewrecker!” She saw some of the people backstage shake their heads.

“Kaz… stop.” she mumbled under her breath.

“Nah nah, don’t be quiet now you fucking cheater! Everyone has heard you, like when you thought since you were in a janitor closet with Austin Gunn no one would notice the strange moans coming out of them?” Shit. Bri was tired of hearing this man exposing her, “I told you - that wasn’t me. This arena is old, could have been a ghost Frankie.” she lied of course, but she would do anything to get out of this situation.

“Last time I checked we were at a wrestling arena not a damn haunted mansion. Everyone is smart enough to know the difference between a moan full of fucking pleasure from a cry from a ‘ghost’.”

Brandon Cutler began to lower his camera but Kazarian yelled at him. “Don’t you fucking dare cut this! We’re all about being real, well THIS right here,” as he points as Brianna, “Is as real as we’re gonna get. Because some people are stupid enough to let bitches like this come in here and suck off the whole roster.” Bri was shocked.

“Who are you calling a bitch? I know the least important member of SCU isn’t talking. Let me talk to Scorpio.” she rolled her eyes, there was no way in hell this was getting posted online. “Sorry, he’s trying to stay away from women that seduces half of the indie wrestlers on Dark.”

Bri slapped Frankie with tears starting to form into her eyes, “You ain’t shit.” and she meant every word. She didn’t care that Cutler was calling her name, or even some of the wrestlers trying to stop her- she had to get out of not only this situation, but the arena as fast as possible.

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

The Elite

The The Elite

Superkick PAAARRRR-

Tan Legs

“Why are there so many rooms in this damn arena?” Adriana questioned as she was acting like she was looking for Tony Khan’s office. She had been searching everywhere as Brandon Cutler followed her with his camera. The camera cut to her in front of the Elite locker room, raising her hand to knock at the door. A relieved Kenny popped in the doorway. “Oh Adriana, am I glad to see you!” He moved over and invited Adriana into the room, closing the door behind him.

“Well, I would love to sit here with you Kenny, but could you show me where Khan’s office is-?” Kenny pushed his finger onto her lips making her shush. “Shhh, I can show you where his office is. But I need something from you since Matt is busy handling phone calls.”

Her face lit up to the mention of Matt’s name, but she had to stay in character, so she immediately nodded and mouthed an okay. She sat down in the chair, across from the couch Kenny was sitting on. “You’re a little far, wouldn't you say?” he said as he began to shift to the edge. “Uhm, that depends what exactly am I doing?” As she looked at him with confusion.

“Just move a little closer.” Kenny demanded. “We gotta get this over with.” Adriana’s mouth slightly fell open, in shock of the words coming out of his mouth. “I- I’m sorry. What do you mean get this over with-” Kenny chuckled, “No one was out there right- you came alone?” She nodded quickly, unable to speak; she could feel the room closing in on her, making her move her chair slightly to where he was on the couch. He looked at her weird, “Haha a little closer than that Adri.”

He said as he leaned over folding his hands. “Well, how close do I have to be?” she tilted her head up giving him her full attention. “I mean…you’re still a little far for what we have to do.” She began to pull her chair forward, but Kenny pushed her back down lightly and stood up. “What WE have to do?” She asked, not understanding the signals he was giving to her. At this point she was losing it on the inside, he’s never been so forward with her. His hands began to adjust the band of his gray shorts.

“Yea, hey you mind getting on your knees?” he asked with all seriousness in his voice making Adriana almost fall out of her chair. From the corner of her eye she could see Brandon’s eyes widened a bit. She looked up and saw a slight smirk from Kenny, which made her roll her eyes. “He knows what he’s doing.” she thought in the inside of her head. Kenny stood there , looking stupid as Adriana came back to reality.

“O-on my knees? Are you sure?” As she began to crawl out the chair. “Uh yea- I know this isn't your first time, but I thought you would be more prepared.” he joked. She had almost let out a laugh. “Oh, and take that ponytail holder on your wrist and tie your hair up- this could get a little messy.” as he pushed his shorts down his legs- making her face to face with his package. She felt Brandon move closer to get a better shot of her face, and she wished he hadn’t. She shot her head back, letting out a sigh. “Damn, he is bigger than I thought.” She closed her eyes, and tried to gain control overself. She did a slight prayer as she closed her eyes and opened her mouth slightly, waiting for Kenny. When he placed it in her mouth she was shocked, it was thick… but cold.

She opened her eyes when she heard Kenny freaking out. “ADRIANA! STOP BEING RIDICULOUS! DID YOU SEE HOW WHITE MY LEGS ARE?” Adriana also started freaking out as she spat out a bottle of tanning spray. “STOP LOOKING AT MY RIDICULOUS QUAD DEVELOPMENT AND GET THIS GOD DAMN QUICK TAN ON MY LEGS STAT!” Kenny yelled.

“YES- TAN! RIGHT, NOTHING ELSE.” as she scurried to pick up the bottle. Adriana had struggled unloosing the cap not only because of the commotion, but because of the fact she thought she was about to get filmed for a porno with Kenny Omega. “ADRIANA! HURRY UP. THE COLOR OF MY ARMS, AND THE COLOR OF MY FACE DO NOT MATCH THE COLOR OF MY LEGS!” He pouted as she finally shook the can getting ready to spray but then it accidentally slipped out of her hands. “SPRAY MY LEGS!”

She shot the cap throwing it somewhere in the room. “God, I’m an idiot.” she said to herself. “Sorry Kenny, I didn’t know they were this pale-” “MAKE THEM ORANGE!” He ordered, making Adriana spray faster. “Eh it’s looking… pretty good!” he said while examining his now newly tanned legs. “I knew I could count on you. Thanks.” he said.

“You’re so welcome, sorry I don’t know why that was so hard for me to do.” She said as she got up from her odd position to sit on the end of the couch. “Why were you so freaked out-” He asked as he spotted the spray can top in the corner of the room. “I’m not sure honestly, it’s just something I do nowadays.” She lied, but he didn’t think anything of it.

He took the can out of her hand and popped the cap back on as he sat next to her, “Anyways, since Matt isn’t in here. You should get over here and suck me o-”

Stolen Bit Partner

“Did you see how big his biceps were?” John Silver said, walking down the hallway with Alex and Parker, arms hooked. “You were right John, his milkshake sure does bring all the boys to the yard.” Parker said, chuckling slightly. Alex was about to protest what Parker was saying, but agreed. No one could deny that Wardlow was a beautiful human. The trio kept walking, talking about the man who’s locker room they had just left, when they bumped into another trio, one that Parker was very familiar with.

The Best Friends and Orange Cassidy.

They all stopped in their tracks. That’s when Alex detached from Parker, him and Chuckie going around in a slow circle, sizing each other up. Trent and John just looked at each other. And in the middle of all of this, Cassidy took off his glasses, and started looking Parker up and down.

The rotating finally stopped when Chuck spoke up, “You stole my bit partner, Reynolds.” “Oh, YOUR bit partner?”

And so the argument began, Trent bending down to get in Silver’s face, and Chuck and Reynolds pushing each other back and forth. Behind it all, Parker looked over to Orange and waved, but when he didn’t even give a sup motion, she turned away, a defeated look on her face.

“At least I’m not in a cult with a bunch of spooky perverts!” “Well these spooky perverts have a better hug than you guys!”

“What even is a ‘Johnny Hungie’?!” Trent yelled, “Well what the fuck is an ‘olive tit’ TRENT?!” “Boys, Boys! Please!” Parker yelled, standing between all of them. “Did they experiment on your brain!?” Chuck questioned, looking down at Parker. “What- Okay. No they did not experiment on my brain!”

“Did they TRAIN you to say that?” Trent said jumping at Silver. Parker pushed Trent back lightly. “Train Trent? What do you think we are? Some kind of cult?!” John argued. “Yes! That’s exactly what we’re saying.” Chuck answered.

“Y’know what?!” Alex grabbed Parker by the arm, “We’re leaving!”

Parker swatted Alex’s hand, that look on her face. “I think I’m going to...be on Sammy’s vlog instead.” She gave a nervous smile before walking behind the camera, “See ya Brandon.” “Uh, bye.”

Alex pointed his finger in Chuck’s face, Kool-Aid container still in his hand, “This isn’t over.” Reynolds and Silver walked away when Chuck mumbled, “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, keep your hand out my face.” Trent and Cassidy looked at each other while Chuck walked away. Trent shrugged one more time before following.

Orange just sighed, minding his own business.

Hungry Hungry Hippos

The room had conversation and laughter, when Trent spoke up, “Uh, BTE Championship match, triple threat.” The camera panned over to the left, “Marq Quen checking in.” Marq said with a smile, Isiah waving from behind him. The camera panned past Trent to the right, “Parker here, with uh, Chuck Taylor.” Chuck and Parker looked awkwardly at each other before Parker looked back at the camera, “My other friends decided to be dicks and not show up.”

Brandon pointed back towards Trent, who explained the game, “So uh, we’re playing the game Hungry Hungry Hippos, first one to get to two victories wins my BTE championship.”

The next scene showed all of them surrounding a table. “I am a GOAT at this game.” Marq said, rubbing his hands together. Parker pointed at him, “Oh yeah? Well prepare to lose Quen.”

The game had started, and the game had almost fallen off the table. “Y’all are so aggressive!” Matt Jackson laughed, pointing out how seriously they were taking the game.

Marq had quickly gotten the first victory. Trent and Parker groaning at their defeat.

“Already halfway THERE.” “Shut up!” Trent and Parker said in unison.

And the games went on, until all of them were tied with one victory each.

The three looked at each other, before talking to their “coaches” for a moment.

They had all returned to the table, and the tiebreaker had started. This round was definitely the most aggressive, with Trent actually trying, Marq jumping up and down making noises, and Parker trying to be as quick as possible.

When all the marbles were gone, they had each counted them up.

Trent had gone first, only having 5. Then Parker counted theirs, having 8. Marq counted the last of the marbles.

“Five, Six,” He pulled out the last marble, “Seven.” Marq had dropped to the ground, while Parker jumped up, knees almost to her chest in victory. “New BTE champ!” Nick said, grabbing the championship and handing it to Parker.

Parker held up the championship, before looking at it, “I have to go rub this in Adriana’s face so she gets mad at me.” She was about to leave the room, when she stepped back, “Oh yeah, I promised Marko I would fight him for this if I won. So next week, we balance KitKats on our heads.” “You’re gonna WHAT?!”

The screen showed Parker vs Marko for next week, for the Being The Elite Championship.

Hey, did you like that video? Click the screen for more.

And where do you think you’re going?

Before you check out our official merchandise page found at prowrestlingtees . com/youngbucks.

And to support the entire cast you can visit prowrestlingtees . com/aew

And thanks so much for Being The Elite.

The Elite The The Elite

What Nick you’re not gonna sing it all with me this time?

Brianna was so embarrassed. How did Frankie even know all that? She kept thinking to herself, “Did Marq tell everyone?” He wouldn’t...right? This was just all too much for her, cause of some stupid mistake.

She stayed outside the arena the whole show, not wanting to show her face in there. Then wrestlers and producers started walking out, some mumbling when they looked over at Bri. She looked over at the people walking out, and saw Marq and Isiah. Marq and Brianna stared at each other, before Marq looked away, almost like he didn’t want to look at her. She watched them pack up and drive off, and she heard a familiar voice call out from behind her, “Hey Brianna!”

She looked over her shoulder and saw Cash walking over to her, and they both started smiling. That smile quickly turned back into a frown, when Dax grabbed Cash by the arm, dragging him away.

Great.

She went back to staring at the ground, upset. She almost jumped back when someone sat next to her. “They said we can delete it.” Brandon Cutler said, trying to sound sympathetic. “Thank you.” Brianna mumbled. “Look, we got Kaz to calm down, and he’s gonna talk to you about it,” Brandon put his hand on her shoulder before getting up, “Hang in there, alright?”

“Could this day get any worse?” Brianna thought to herself.

When of course, with Brianna’s luck, it could. She felt something drop on her head, then her arm, then ankle. It’s like the rain started on command. “This is so fucking cliche.” Brianna said, standing up and walking to her car, not without one of her heels breaking.

She waited until she got in the car, and then she screamed, at the top at her lungs. She just wanted to go to sleep, and find a fucking way to prove Kaz wrong.

Back at the Hotel

It had been months. Months since Parker and Chuck broke up. She wanted to talk to him outside of BTE for months. But she didn’t have the guts to do it.

She was watching tv in her hotel room, thinking about him, like always.

She pulled out her phone and facetimed Gabby, the only person she could really talk to about this stuff. There were a few rings before Gabby picked up, clearly irritated, “Girl it is half past midnight. Why are you calling me?” “I need to talk to him.” “Talk to who?” “Chuck! I can’t keep putting it off anymore.”

“Well then just talk to him?” “I can’t just discuss that over the phone.”

“Well, ask if you can talk in person.” Parker nodded, and went to her contacts, and clicked on the one she hadn’t touched in months. She read through the last of his messages to her, she didn’t answer.

It made her feel horrible.

She finally worked up the courage to type it out, “Can we talk? Like in person?”

“Okay, I did it.” “Great, now you just have to wait and see what he says.”

“Gabby, I’m sure he’s sleeping right now. And I can’t blame him if he doesn’t respo-” Parker paused, and looked like she had just seen a ghost. “Parker? Everything okay?” “....He texted back.”

“Well what did he say?!”

“He said of course, and then his room number…” “Well then go!” Parker got up quickly, tripping over her own feet walking to the door. “Wait wait Parker!” “What?”

“Put shoes on, don’t be a hobo.”

Parker laughed, quickly putting on some shoes, before hanging up on Gabby and making her way towards the elevator.

She waited when it opened, Trent coming out the elevator. “Oh, hey.” Parker said, looking at her feet. “He sent me to James’ room so you guys could talk.” Trent said, slightly laughing. Parker didn’t say anything, “Hey, it doesn’t have to be awkward y’know. We’re still cool.”

Parker smiled, and hugged Trent, before getting into the elevator.

She walked out the elevator, for once walking with some pep in her step. It stayed that way until she reached the front of his door. She reached her hand up, and was about to knock when she put her hand down.

Well, not without hitting the door.

When she realized, she started freaking out. In silence of course. The door creaked open, Chuck and Parker looked at each other. “Do you wanna come in?”

Parker nodded, walking through the doorway. She sat on the couch, rubbing her hands awkwardly, looking at the floor. “So, what did you need to talk about?” He asked, sitting on the opposite side.

She could feel it coming, word vomit, “I made a mistake, and I know I did when I broke up with you, but I couldn’t work up the courage to talk to you cause I know you want nothing to do with me and-” “Wait wait, you still…” “Yes I do, and I know things will never be the same and just...I know this was a mistake.”

“Parker, I have been waiting to talk to you. Just at least when you’re ready. I miss you.”

Parker continued to look at the floor, slightly smiling. Chuck lightly gripped her chin, lifting her head up. “I love you, Parker.” Parker smiled, “I love you too, Chuck.”

For the first time in months, they shared a kiss. “I missed having my whatever.” Chuck said, foreheads pressed together.

“Now can we please go back to being bit partners John keeps saying my name over and over.” The couple laughed, “Of course, I’ll tell James to stop giving you dirty looks.” “And I’ll tell the spooky perverts to not argue with you anymore.” The couple jumped when they heard the door open.

“I forgot my bag of chips.” Trent said, walking into the room. “God Trent you could’ve texted.” Chuck said, slapping his forehead. “I did. Did I interrupt something important?” Parker and Chuck looked at each other and smiled.

Trent started to “ooo” like he was in middle school. Parker stood up, cheeks red, “Okay on that note I’m leaving.” She started towards the door, “I love you Parker!” Chuck yelled out. “I love you too.” She was out the door when she heard Trent, “OH MY GO-” The door closed, and Parker laughed listening to Chuck yelling at Trent to shut up.

Parker walked towards the elevator, glad to have that situation of her shoulders and to have Chuck back.

“So, what's next for you two?” Trent asked, sitting back on his bed. Chuck looked out the window, “I don’t know yet exactly, I just know that I can’t lose her again.”

Back at Daily’s Place

“Did you see the look on Brandon’s face, it was priceless!” Kenny and Adriana had just finished their BTE bit and were now laughing at themselves for how clever they were. “Dude, I think we’re geniuses. Only we could come up with stuff like this.” Kenny said while holding his stomach from laughing.

“You know, for a second I thought you were serious.” Adriana said after wiping her tears. Kenny tilted his head to the side. “What are you talking about… my legs were actually white as paper.” She shook her head, “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know that.” Kenny seemed to understand her a bit clearer now as he scooted closer next to her. “Do you really think that I would let you give me head at our job?” He asked with interest in his eyes. She began to start breathing heavily noticing their knees were touching.

“You’re right - what was I thinking. You’re all business.” She sighed and put her hand on her face covering it up. Kenny thought it was cute how she was trying to hide from this conversation instead of talking about it. “That’s not true. I do childish shit all the time. And if we really wanted to, it would be way more than just head.”

Adriana felt like she was powerbombed on the apron. “Plus I don’t see you as a person to give head in weird places like this EVP room, in a public bathroom, or even inside of a car.” He added. Her head whipped up so fast she thought it would fall off. “Right, why would I do that? That’s gross and disgusting-” she lied. If only he knew… “What’s gross, having sex with me or giving head in weird places?” She opened her mouth to speak but decided against it.

He noticed as he rested his hand on her thigh. “I saw the look in your eyes Adriana. The way you looked at me when we did that bit for Being the Elite, is something I won’t be able to get my mind off for a long time. So - I am not saying it has to be today, but soon I want to hangout with you out of work. I want to know the real you.” She was left speechless, once again by Kenny Omega. “I got to go, but I’ll think about it.”

She got up from the couch and wiped her now sweaty hands on her jeans. Kenny also stood , studying her. The way she avoided eye contact, the way her feet shuffled trying to gain her stuff immediately. His heart started to get louder as she finally looked at him and reached for a hug, making him open his arms. It wasn’t anything like he wanted. It was short and meaningless but he did get the chance to smell the perfume she was wearing and that alone made him swoon. Kenny gave her a wave as he sat back on the couch, “Shit.” he mumbled. “What have I gotten myself into.”

On the other side of the door, Adriana was trying to come back to reality. “That really just happened.” she thought. “Did you have fun with ‘Spray Tan’ in there?” a voice asked sarcastically. She jumped up and when she turned around she was met with a frustrated Matt Jackson. “Oh! Jeez you scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know you were here today.” She mentally slapped herself, “I really need to learn how to lie.”

Matt leaned on the wall looking her over. “Really, last time I checked - I was an EVP. You on the other hand - are not - so what were you doing in this room for that long?” He asked. Adriana bit her lip, they hadn’t seen each other since their session in the car and both of them were aching for more ever since. “I had to record something with Kenny for BTE. It’s not that serious.” Matt ran his hand through his hair shooting his head back. “I saw the segment, Adri.” He plainly said. “Is this what we’re going to do? We’re going to act like what we did was nothing?” He walked closer to her sliding his hands to her waist. He lifted his hand to move some of her hair out of her face and leaned in to whisper in her ear, “Meet me at the Jacksonville Jaguars Stadium at 10 O’clock. And wear a bathing suit.” He hovered his lips over her neck before patting her ass and then walking away.

Adriana stood there dumbfounded. She had waited a whole week to be able to get to see Matt, since they last met in the car and all she got was teasing. She looked toward the EVP room and sighed. She was so confused with emotions, she needed to get this stuff with Matt out of her system before it was too late. Adriana began her walk to her car, so she could get ready for a night with Matt Jackson.

“I SWEAR NONE OF THESE HOES ANSWER THE PHONE WHEN I NEED THEM!” Adriana threw her phone onto the bed after attempting to call Gabby, Parker, and Bri and of course they declined. Every. Single. Time. “Guess I have to go at this alone.” She sighed. She really missed talking to her friends, no matter how annoying they got. She would never feel complete without them.

She pushed her friends to the back of her mind as she threw clothes out of her suitcase. After 15 minutes deciding which bathing suit to wear she chose a normal two piece with some shorts and a normal tee to go over them. After she changed in the bathroom she grabbed everything she needed and headed out the door.

She pulled up to the stadium and parked confused on where to enter until her phone buzzed. Matt Jackson : I see your car, we’re the only ones here. So I’ll let you in.” Adriana chuckled. She got out the car fluffing her hair so she appealed somewhat decently. She saw Matt waiting for her at the entrance.

He picked his head up from his phone and let out a low whistle. “Well damn, I was not expecting this.” He fumbled with his keys as she rolled her eyes. When they finally got in he took her hand and led her to the pool. She removed her shorts and shirt as he did the same. Adriana dipped her toe in removing it as she felt how cold it was.

Before she could react she was pushed into the pool and when she got to the top for air she saw Matt jumping and doing a cannonball, making water go everywhere. Matt swam around a little before looking over to a shivering Adriana. “Yo-you’re an i-idiot.” Her teeth chattered making Matt laugh. “Ah, stop being a big baby and swim with me.” He slapped water onto her making her gasp. “I think I should wait till it gets w-warmer.” She smudged, making Matt swim over to her.

“I have a couple ways we could speed up the process.” She smirked. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he backed her up to the edge. He lightly pressed against her, making her let out a small whine. “If you’re going to do something just do it.” She said, clearly impatient. He pressed his lips onto hers, as she kissed back. He began to lower his hands trying to find the part to disconnect her bottom. She smirked into the kiss making him hungry for more as he pushed his tongue onto her bottom lip. She opened her mouth a little, only to hear a “IS ANYONE IN HERE?” Adriana tried to disconnect, but Matt pulled her back. “Whoever it is, will either go away soon or get a free show- I couldn’t care less.” Adriana pushed Matt off making him groan. She heard the door open and was shocked when Kenny Omega came out in swim trunks.

“Oh, it’s just you guys. What are you doing here?” he asked, confused. “Nothing much, just going for a late night swim.” Adriana lifted her finger to her mouth as she could feel her lip swollen at how hard Matt had bit it. Kenny nodded, “Right… mind if I join you?” He asked. Matt mumbled something too low to understand. “Of course, come on.” She smiled. “There it is again, that damn smile.” He felt weird seeing her in a bathing suit and it was even more weird seeing one of his best friends next to him.

Matt turnt around and faced Adriana , so Kenny couldn’t hear what he had to say, “He totally just cockblocked me. It had to be on purpose.” He whined. Adriana rolled his eyes, “He didn’t know. Leave him alone, let's just save our first time somewhere other than a public pool.” He scoffed, but he couldn’t stay mad at HER.

It was Kenny who was the problem, and he would make sure that he stayed out of the way.

WE’RE BACK FAM!!!! Thanks again to my co-writers @westanaew and @adriii-omega , it feels great to get back into the series! <3

#sexy chuckie t #Chuck Taylor #chuck taylor x oc #Kenny Omega #kenny omega x reader #kenny omega x oc #Adam Page #Hangman Adam Page #adam page x ofc #frankie kazarian #matt jackson #matt jackson x ofc #icbeing the elite #parker's masterlist

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him. PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still 🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on. Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

#I'm gonna reblog this in the morning too #Im v proud of it I want people to SEE IT #harringrove #steve harrington #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #billy hargorve #modern au #modern harringrove #yikes writes #harringrove prompts #Harringrove Prompts list #harringrove prompt fill #prompt fill #prompt fic

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realfuurikuuri · 4 years

Link

Chapters: 11/? Fandom: Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart (Cartoon) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Summary:

MissingArm!AU: When escaping the cave, it wasn't his tail that got crushed. In exchange for his innocence, he gained a sordid past. The Pure Heart Valley seemed like a good place to escape. To start a new life with a new family to forge a new identity. However, when the past rears its ugly head Mao Mao's forced to step up or be put down.

AN: Finally back at the end of the century. The reason for no uploads on either the MMHOPH Headcanon blog (it's on Tumblr, go check it out) or on fanfics is because Persona 5 Roya came out and I finished that on Monday at 140 hours. Don't expect things to get to active too soon either, cause finals are next week. Regardless, let things get back to the usual. In keeping with Persona 5 Royal let's make today's song recommendation Beneath The Mask - Persona 5. Follow @spookylovesboba on Twitter and Tumblr and I hope you enjoy the chapter.

Direct AO3 Link: XXX

Mao Mao breathed in the fresh morning air. It was good to be outside again. Even if it was just to drop Adorabat off at school. He waved goodbye to her as she went inside, but he didn’t leave right away. He still felt terrible. It hurt to walk, and he couldn't lean too far on either side thanks to the hole. Camillie gave antibiotics and painkillers, alongside an extensive list of their side effects. The painkillers made his insides feel like cold porridge, and the antibiotics made his stomach feel weird. Nausea they caused together was unbelievable.

Nausea made it hard to remember if the school always had three students. He wasn’t sure, but he put aside his suspicion. It was probably another side effect. It was probably amongst Camille’s list of warnings; he couldn't know for sure. It was way too early for any of this. It was too early for Mao Mao and certainly too early for Badgerclops. He was still asleep, and still drooling on his shoulder.

Mao Mao poked him until he woke up. “Huh, I was paying attention to the movie,” he yawned.

“It’s not movie night. We’re dropping off Adorabat.”

“Oh! Bye,” Badgerclops said waving.

“You’re at nothing, she’s already inside.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good, let's get you back to HQ.”

“No.”

“What? You should stay in bed, off of your feet, doctor’s orders.”

“Yeah, but I want to go out to do something. Let’s get a pizza.”

“Doctor also said no solid foods.”

“Smoothies then.”

Mao Mao revved the engine making Badgerclops tightly grab onto his waist. “You sure you don’t want me to fly,” Badgerclops asked.

“It’ll be fine.”

“A sick man with one arm shouldn’t be driving anything.”

“I said it’ll be fine.”

Mao Mao pulled back the accelerator, letting the Aerocycle fly off. Badgerclops may have had a point, but he wasn’t let anything stop him from enjoying his day.

* * *

Mao Mao was still stubborn as all hell. Not even a trip to the hospital would change that. He and Mao Mao went from one end of town to the other, walking the streets looking for one place that served smoothies. He told Mao Mao more than once that the only food places were Muffin’s Bakery and the convenience store. Watching him Mao Mao hobble around would be funny if he hadn’t nearly died less than a weak ago.

“Hey, Mao Mao!”

“Wha-”

Badgerclops had the small man tucked under like a football before he knew what was happening.

“Badgerclops, I am asking politely, but firmly to put me down before someone -and I mean you- gets hurt.”

“Awww, Is da wittle baby who just got outta the hospital mad.”

Mao Mao didn’t appreciate the humor. He wiggled like a worm and gnawed on his right hand, which probably would’ve hurt if it wasn’t made of metal, so Badgerclops just kind of ignored it. He walked through the narrow alleys towards Muffin’s bakery at the town square. He thought Mao Mao would stop eventually, but if Mao Mao was anything it was stupid. And also stubborn. Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! It was like a toddler using a teething ring. What was kind of funny at first became annoying, and now was just kind of gross to watch.

“You have to stop that before you hurt your teeth, and you and I both know that I don’t know how to schedule a dentist appointment,” Badgerclops said.

“I will when you put me…,” Mao Mao slowly fell silent as they entered the large open plaza of the town square.

“Hey, Badgerclops. What is that?”

“That’s the blob monster.”

“THE WHAT !”

Badgerclops flinched. Mao Mao slipped from his grasp ready to split his head on the pavement, but a cat’s gonna do what a cat's gonna do. He righted himself in the air to land on his feet. A much worse choice. Mao Mao’s eyes went wide from the pain before he fell down on all fours.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry.”

Badgerclops went to pick him up, but he was waved off. “The blob. The blob. Tell me about the blob.”

“Cool it. Camille high-blood pressure would give you a stroke.”

Mao Mao took a second to gather himself, clenching his fist before letting it all go. “All. Alright. The blob. What is the blob?”

“You should do that more often. You’re a very tense person,” Badgerclops teased.

“The blob.”

“Right, uh, the blob is a blob. Its big, gooey, kidnaps villagers-”

Mao Mao inhaled sharply and he tapped his foot.

“-it’s not all that bad. They’re unharmed, just a little confined. It hasn’t even taken anyone important.”

“Sheriffs? Is that you?”

Mao Mao and Badgerclops leaned forward, craning their necks and squinting their eyes. It was hard to see at first, Badgerclops had to open his cybernetic eye to actually see that King Snugglemagne was now a hostage. Mao Mao rubbed his temples why Badgerclops cursed fate for always making him look like a fool.

“Sheriff! It's utterly dreadful. Could you hurry and get me out? I’d certainly rather you didn’t forgo saving me like last time.”

“I’ve never done anything like that. I do my job, and I do it very well, thank you very much.”

“You did nothing when I was trapped in a net by that ruffian that looked a lot like you.”

For a second, Mao Mao raised a non-existent eyebrow, but his fur stiffened and he reached for his sword.

Aw shit.

Badgerclops stepped in front of the cat. “Let’s slow down. He didn’t mean to insult your son.”

“Don’t worry. I’m just cutting him out,” he said,” if I take a little off the top, oh well.”

He raised his sword up. Badgerclops quickly grabbed the blade before he could bring it down. “No, I mean they blob fights back if you attack it.”

“How do you know?”

“I kicked the blob once and it fought back. It gave me a nasty bruise.”

Mao Mao looked Badgerclops up and down,” where’s the bruise?”

“It was at the beginning of the week. It healed.”

Mao Mao started Badgerclops in the eye with frigid intensity before he sheathed his sword. Thank fuck he believed it.

“So, what do we do,” Mao Mao asked.

“Get lunch?”

Mao Mao nodded in agreement. “Sure. Let’s go.”

“Excuse me? Still stuck! Help!

He and Mao Mao tuned out the king. They turned around and began to walk away.

* * *

“Jellybeans aren’t lunch.”

“Then do you want a milkshake?”

“You know I’m lactose-intolerant.”

“Then hush-up and eat ya’ beans.”

Mao Mao grumbled, doing as he was told. He and Badgerclops sat on the bench just outside the gas station. Muffin’s Bakery was the first, but considering Muffin’s was trapped in the blob (and the broken storefront) it wasn’t open. The gas station was the second choice. It didn’t really offer food. Just the usual cheap snacks, and milkshakes for some reason. The blob had tagged along for what it was worth. Unfortunately, it had to carry most of the kingdom with it.

“Are you going to save me,” the king asked.

“We’ll get to it eventually,” Badgerclops held the drink in front of Mao Mao,” got you a milkshake.”

“I told you I can’t drink milkshakes.”

“Is it like cobbler? A hero's code thing? I won't tell anyone if you do.”

“No! It's ‘cause I’m not a kitten. Adult cats are all lactose intolerant.”

“Can Jǐngtì still drink milk or has it gone the way of the dodo? Might invite him here some time.”

The last part was said quietly, an absent thought that wandered out, nonetheless, Mao Mao’s ears perked up.

“Why would you invite Jǐngtì?”

Badgerclops awkwardly cleared his throat before speaking. “He helped me fix up HQ a bit.”

Mao Mao didn’t say anything. He pressed his fingers together. Thumb to index, thumb to middle, thumb to ring, thumb to pinky in calming repetition.

“Oh, and while we were cleaning we found this.”

Badgerclops pulled out a golden finger. It took Mao Mao a second to realize what it was. How did that happen? Did he do that? Oh shit, he probably did. He had to stop himself from snatching his father’s finger away.

“You know what this is,” Badgerclops asked.

“Think so.” Why did he say that?

“Are you gonna tell me?”

Mao Mao bit his tongue before he could let the name slip out.

“You want it back," Badgerclops asked.

“Yes, please.” Mao Mao wasted no time tucking the finger in his belt when it was handed back.

“So, do you remember what happened?” Badgerclops started.

“What happened when?”

When I was away.”

“No.”

“You don’t? You don’t remember what happened, how you got those wounds, who visited you? None of that?”

“I was pretty wasted and these drugs aren't helping my head, so what were we talking about before this?”

He could catch Badgerclops grimace at the rough change of subject, but Badgerclops was kind enough to oblige. “Something about Jǐngtì and milkshakes? You think he could drink milk?”

Mao Mao paused to think for a second,”...he might. He’s always had some… issues.”

“I don't mean to pry, but do you mind if I ask why?”

“No it's fine, but uh...what I mean is… well, you know how kittens can’t regulate their body temperature?”

“I did not know that, but continue.”

“Well, that’s supposed to go away by like, age 4, but Jǐngtì still can’t do it. It's fine since it's summer, but I’ll probably give him a coat when it starts getting cold.”

“Seems like a double-edged sword. Can’t stay warm, but can still enjoy cheese.”

“Yeah, the doctor’s say it because he’s a hybrid. Certain genes just don’t mix. He also has an issue with his eyes-”

Mao Mao cut himself short. Why was he being so open about all of this? Was it also the medicine?

“You good,” Badgerclops.

“Yeah, I think I’m fine. Where was I?”

“Something about his eyes.”

“Right, Jǐngtì’s pupils are larger than normal, so he can see really well in the dark, but he squints during the day or in a decently-lit room.”

“That’s one reason to wear sunglasses indoors.”

Mao Mao chuckled. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“I checked on him while you were away. He’s holding up well. He even helped me fix HQ.”

Mao Mao twiddled his tail through his fingers,”...I’m sorry.”

“What? No, no, it's fine-”

“No, I mean it. I shouldn’t have caused you so much trouble.” Mao Mao choked up.

“I- I shouldn’t’ve-”

Badgerclops placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. ”If you ever feel… down again, just know I’ll be there to help you get back on your feet. Don’t be afraid to ask.”

Mao Mao closed in for a hug. He sniffled but managed to wipe the tear from his eye. “Yeah, thanks…I’m feeling better already.”

“Yes this all very touching,” Snugglemane interjected,” but I still don’t see you trying to help me.”

“Oh be quiet,” Mao Mao said, flicking a pink jelly-bean at the king. The shot missed its mark by a decent margin, helplessly bouncing off the blob.

“Geez, if I was the broad side of a barn that might’ve almost hit me,” the king retorted.

Mao Mao harrumphed and waved the king off. He wasn’t in the mood for jackassery. Even if it was coming from the guy that paid him. He was tired of eating jelly beans, so he began throwing them at the trashcan. It wasn’t too different from flicking a paper football. Although, jelly beans were much harder to aim. Badgerclops nudged him, holding out as his hand as they both began to take aim. Everything was going fine if you ignored Snugglemagne. Eventually, Mao Mao got tired of the nagging and flicked a bean at him.

“Stop that,” Snugglemagne whined.

Instead of stopping Mao and Badgerclops chuckled like Beavis and Butthead. At least they were chuckling until Mao Mao caught something out the corner of his eye. He shoved Badgerclops aside before throwing himself back as something smashed through the bench with comet-like fury.

Badgerclops coughed out,” what the hell was that,” as the dust cleared.

When everything settled, Snugglemane was face down in the dirt. Everything fell silent. Badgerclops inhaled sharply; Mao Mao began to laugh.

Badgerclops shot him a glare. Mao Mao quickly cleared his throat,” must be the medicine,” he mumbled.

Badgerclops was really proving himself because his eyes softened after a second. “Do you have any idea what happened?”

“I threw food at it, so it threw ‘food’ at me?”

“That… actually makes sense.”

“So, what do you want me to keep throwing jelly beans at them? It might get the rest of the kingdom?”

Badgerclops placed two fingers to Snugglemagne’s pulse before giving him a thumbs up. Mao Mao couldn’t lie to himself. It was kind of cathartic to watch the blob chuck Sweetipies a 100 MPH. With every toss the blog got smaller and smaller. When the last one was free the blob sorta imploded. It bubbled up before shrinking down with a disturbing noise and spreading goo everywhere.

“What the hell just happened?”

“It got too small thus it lost structural stability and collapsed.”

“I don’t know what any of that means, but I do know that everything worked out in the end.”

“Someone’s going to have to clean all this goo.”

“And it won’t be us,” Mao Mao said,” c’mon we have to pick up Adorabat from school.

* * *

They were only slightly late when picking up Adorabat from school. The rest of the children -or maybe they weren’t actually children Mao Mao honestly couldn’t tell- poured out from the school. She hopped down the steps before flying over.

“Mao Mao! Mao Mao!”Adorabat said as she zipped around them.

Badgerclops metal arm extended out and held the child in place. “Woah, there little buddy. What’s gotten you up?”

“The teacher says we’re going to be doing a play!”

“Really? That sounds nice.”

“The teacher says it’ll be next week. You’ll come, right?”

“Sure. Sounds fun.”

Adorabat slipped out of Badgerclops’ grip, flying an inch from Mao Mao’s face. “You promise?”

“I promise,” Mao Mao chuckled, patting her head.

#MMHOPH #Fanfiction #Badgerclops #Mao Mao #Hurt/comfort #Please give this a read when you have the time

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7thousesun · 5 years

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I’m bored.

Does it make you nervous when someone does something dangerous showing off? Hell yeah, I’m not trying to be involved if something goes wrong! Have you ever had to take a pee test? YES but for medical reasons. But I’m really bad at it because I can’t piss under pressure or on command. My bladder locks right up and then I wind up googling “how to make yourself pee” bc other patients need the bathroom and running the water. It’s mad embarrassing lmao Have you ever had to supply someone with clean pee? I’ve been asked to but I don’t think I ever have. Are you a bit of a nerd? Fuck yeah. Nerds rule the world, baby! Are you in charge of cleaning anything in your household? No but my husband doesn’t clean the way I like so I wind up tiptoeing behind him to do it how I like it

Are you good at HTML? I was when MySpace was a thing. Ever carved/written anything on a park bench? Nope! Most interesting place you’ve ever visited? Boblo Island in Canada! It was on a boat though, we sailed past the south side uber rich, foot traffic only side of the island and it was so lit Have you ever had anything tailored? Yep, I was a bridesmaid in my aunt’s wedding and they had to tailor our dresses. The colors were white and periwinkle. Fan of Walton Ford artwork? Ever even heard of him? I’m not familiar with him. Do you keep your eyebrows more thick or thin? They’re honesty just there playa What color is your bedroom door? White. Do you value your personal space, or do you hate being alone? Alone time is definitely essential! Have you ever been hunting? No and I have no desire to. I don’t like guns! Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay? Been there, done that. Be safe and as long as its consensual it’s all good Do you always wear a bra? HELL NAH, CUH. If I can get away with goig braless in certain shirts I definitely do! Do you have a wrist watch? No, but don’t assume I have time for ya bullshit either way! Could you be happier? Who couldn’t be? I’m Gucci right now though Don’t you just love aerial views? This line of questioning makes me feel like you’re gonna throw me out of an airplane lmfao Do you like wine? YE Would you feel bad about breaking up with a kid on his birthday? FBI OPEN UP.

Do your shoulder blades protrude? #NAH Have you ever sung anyone the happy birthday song? Who writes these? Why, you gonna make me sing it when you kick me outta the plane you asked me about? You think I FORGOT? How many followers do you have on Twitter? 1743 Do you like Hello Kitty? Sure. Have you ever won on one of those grabber machine things? Once I think. Is there an actual word for those? Crane machine, I think. Have you seen the movie Remember Me? Nope. Do you like thunderstorms? I do. Sometimes I like to stand in the doorway or open the patio door and watch. They’re beautiful. Have you ever been horseback-riding? Nope. Have you ever seen your naked back? Wh...WHY Are you gonna French kiss your hubby at your wedding? I did not! We’d have definitely been held in contempt of court if that happened lmao Do you think girls generally look better with their natural hair color? I think we look good no matter what! Who is the last person you held hands with? My husband! Would you agree that wedding cake is so much better than any other cake? No bc you have to share with all those other people. Do you feel awkward with strangers in elevators? Yes. Do you cuss excessively when you’re upset? I already cuss excessively. Would you rather cheat and tell your other about it or be cheated on? Neither, though I’ve been in both situations. Have you ever felt free after losing something once important to you? Hell yeah bc they weren’t a good person for me. Have you ever been to a rave? First of all, I’m black. LMAO really though nooo, they look too intense for me How many bananas have you ever eaten in a row? WHY DO YOU NEED THIS INFORMATION Have you ever felt like you can burn the world down? My Eris and Lilith are in Aries, LETS FUCKIN GOOO Can you read/speak in any language(s) other than English? A smattering of Spanish. Some Portuguese. Have you ever had sex outside? Ye Have you ever been outside naked? Yep Do you like guys with long, brown, shaggy, flippy hair? My husband’s hair is like this but it’s black and he has these beautiful curls. Do you have a beauty mark? HELL YEAH PLAYA Have you ever been in a shrubbery maze? No. My dumb ass would get lose in 10 seconds. Do you think you’re the best thing that’s happened to someone? I’m a LEO. Next question! Do you know anyone who works in a cafe? Don’t think so. What’s the most emotionally painful thing you’ve ever been through? My mom and grandma dying within 8 months of each other. How many band t-shirts do you own that are black? 2-5 Can you make a clover shape with your tongue? No but I can do the thing where you fold it in half Do you have a protective father? Yes. Last thing that caused you to get sick PCOS is a bitch, kids. Y’all want this uterus. Uterus for sale.

What’s the biggest misconception about you, personally? That I’m stuck up? I don’t see how people come to this conclusion, I’ll talk to a lamppost. Have you ever seriously thought you loved someone without telling them? UGH YES Are you squeamish? Kind of but I’ve seen some hit. I’m tougher than I look.

#hush erin #random survey thing #don't do me it's a slow night

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ofhowls · 6 years

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PSA – on myself !

hi, okay, i’ve had a good night’s sleep and in my dreams and the rest of the morning, i have reflected. and, i’m gonna be honest with all of you, my habit of giving my two cents when it isn’t needed is… stupid, to say the least. i would’ve liked to think i did more good than harm ( especially when it came to my whole slave rp crusade, which i’m realising might be the only thing of value i did for this community ) but that appears to definitely not be the case. i posted an apology for some things said about a year ago though i can’t find it now with my blogs gone. i’m also assuming it was a subpar post regardless.

so, whether you like me or not, i still feel the need to apologise – so if you feel that some of the things i’ve said has had a negative affect on you or the community, then click below.

i won’t bring up everything i’ve ever said because honestly, i can’t remember it all. but i will mention some things that have been mentioned last night.

i. tw pedophilia // i’m not good at words. i’m very bad at them, actually. i have a whole lot of trouble articulating my thoughts and usually, most of the time, it comes out completely wrong. i won’t defend my pov ( like i did last night ) because it is a topic i haven’t thought of in ages and an opinion i shouldn’t have stuck with without proper reconsideration. i’m always quick to defend myself, you know? but in this political climate and the way “ minor attracted people ” ( saying that with the most sarcastic of quotations ) are attempting to be apart of the lgbt community… my previous opinion on the matter is absolutely whack. sure, i think help should be offered by therapists and psychologists and all of the professionals in the world. but my previous point was maybe not crucify people with paraphilias in general areas such as tumblr and twitter and whatever. because it will keep them from getting the help needed, but most importantly, prevent any children getting hurt if they don’t.

but that was wrong. like, completely. clearly, shaming and ridiculing and reporting is the only way to deal with those who see no wrong in their doings. my attention was always shifted towards that do and that was because of a documentary i watched sometime ago. it’s obvious the former, those who think their attraction is valid and healthy, make up the majority of these people. my point of view was skewed based on a singular source and that’s messed up. i realise now that those who know their attraction is wrong will seek help without me coddling them, and my posts would only encourage those who don’t, to be more open & proud about it. i apologise for it seeming that i was accepting pedophiles and their attraction into the community, because that was most definitely not my intention. i have no excuses for this and i will educate myself more, with recent and relevant information, before i ever try and speak on the matter again. especially on a public forum.

ii. ableism tw // i was diagnosed with autism when i was about eighteen years old. that was very late. and up until that point, i was dealing with a tons of misinformation regarding the people on the spectrum and my own shock & confusion over the diagnosis given. and though that’s not an excuse, it’s also not the reason i said what i said. if you know me, at all, you’ll know that i’m very much obsessed with being an individual and getting a rise outta people. way more back then than now. but that’s who i am. i hopped onto a trend i deemed stupid and attacked it from every angle, not quite thinking of the implication behind the words that i said.

i realise, later, that why i choose the autistic example might be because of my own issues with it. at the time. over the past two years, i’ve grown so much regarding my identity and i finally feel comfortable, and proud, in my own skin and with my autism. there used to be a time where i hid it and made comments on how ~ i was different ~ , somehow, and i can gladly say that’s not me anymore. i’m very sorry for what i said because i realise how hurtful that must’ve been to the rest of the community. me being autistic myself is no excuse and i know what kind of effect a commentary like that would have on others. especially those who were struggling with it like myself.

iii. every tw under the sun // i’m gonna be honest with y’all, once again my edginess came into play. my need to open my big fat mouth for no other reason other than i could. that post, especially given just how ignorant a lot of the community is on issues mentioned, myself included on some, is bad. it’s a bad take that is bad. and it’s quite possibly the stupidest thing i’ve ever written/read. i know so many writers who have refused to do research and me going up there and saying “ that’s okay, you can do what you want! ” … no. i still believe there’s freedom to write whatever you want, though – but to an extent. there’s a limit that shouldn’t be crossed and that’s the limit i attempted to bend in the post i made. at the time, i think, i felt entitled to have this opinion due to the minorities i’m myself included in. but that’s also a real bad take. i did see people’s point of views then but i think i failed to apologise once more. i’m bad at that, and it’s something i’m working on.

anyways, to the topic at hand. we need to make people take more responsibility in this community and although i’m getting a whole bunch thrown at me at once, at the moment, i’m a bit grateful for it. i’ve realised thanks to these things being brought back up, that i didn’t apologise and i didn’t take responsibility – and i should’ve. i said things on a public platform that actively reassured people, who should not have been reassured, of their place in this community. racism, homophobia, TRANSPHOBIA, and pedophilia, are among the things that have no place here. i fought so much against the slave roleplays and their opinion on how ~ it’s writing, freedom of speech, and yadada ~ was WRONG. yet, i turned around and wrote a post like that? it was a bad, and hypocritical, take indeed. and one i thoroughly apologise for.

vi. racism tw // once upon a time, i defended a friend’s roleplay without much knowledge other than ‘ it’s my friends, i have to ! ’ i have the lowest of iq’s, if you can’t tell. anyways. i think it was called siouxfalls, or something like that, and we found out that it was the name of a native tribe. i thought, personally as a white little bitch, that it was no big deal. who cared! ( lots of people, but i really only paid attention to the anons i got… which was… stupid ) and thus, i went out of my way to defend a friend of mine. i didn’t read the plot, i barely looked at the roleplay. i involved myself in a situation i had no clue about, and took it from there. i used a large following and a huge amount of traffic on my blog, to shit on people with genuine concern. there’s no excuse for that! i kept this up for hours, and anons swarmed to my inbox to poke fun at it, too. and i thought, hey, if anons are cool with it – that must mean i’m in the right. i wasn’t.

there came a time where the other admin of the roleplay, the one i hardly knew, leapt to their roleplay’s defence. in their, very, long post about the matter – they mentioned that, hey, we aren’t forgetting about natives! in fact! there’s gonna be a plot drop about all of those slaughtered there! and that… was yikes. i backed out of the conversation when that happened. and that also a bad decision! i should’ve stuck around, spoken to this person i actually had access to – and 1. realised my own wrongdoings for the night, and 2. used the audience i had to correct myself and draw attention to an even bigger issue. i didn’t. i let it go, hoping no one would remember. i was in a shitty position of allowing racist subtext into the community and diminishing the concern of people of color, and i sincerely apologise. i was a 15 minute of fame whore and i didn’t bother with the feelings of others. i was, in all honesty, a garbage person. and i take full responsibility for that.

v. no tw because this is more of a general statement // i am sure there are more specific things that i’ve done and that i’ve said, but with the sheer amount of garbage that came out of my mouth, i have trouble recalling anything significant. i would gladly accept receipts and reminders from everyone and anyone. i’m not asking you to coddle me, but i really do wish you’d help me take some responsibility. memory like a goldfish and like 5k posts of bullshit just don’t add up. anyways. since my latest ‘ jayden said something fucking stupid ’ discourse was about a year ago, i feel like i have grown. tumblr, for me, was a very bad place to be in many ways. i’m not saying the community is toxic but it was to me. i like attention and i like getting asks and i like putting my two cents out there. it created a whole bunch of issues and it gave me a bigger platform than i should’ve had. with my absence, which i’m also a bit grateful for, i spent more time on other social medias and i learned more about issues i never even began reading about on here.

i’m not saying i’m the brightest now, either, but i’m definitely smarter. i didn’t come back to the rpc, with the exception of one or two posts, because i don’t feel like i should have an audience to barely formed opinions. and i’m not apologising now because it was all brought up but because it being brought up reminded me of damage i’d caused. i’d be an idiot to think it should be swept under the rug, because it shouldn’t! if it weren’t from the backslash of the rpc, i never would’ve second-guessed my opinions and reevaluated them, and that’s extremely important. it’s important to hold people accountable and it’s important to make sure apologies are made. i’m not asking for anyone to forgive me, because let’s be real, this was long overdue. though, i hope this has made it clear that my opinions aren’t the same as they once were and i genuinely am apologetic for damage done.

i don’t know if any of this was remotely coherent, but i hope it was? the anon feature is back on, and hopefully instead of racist commentary, it can be used for things more constructive. once again, no need to hold my hand, but if you feel like i’ve missed out on anything that should be addressed – please let me know! like i’m not the same dimwit i was a year ago. that’d be too freaking sad. anyways, once again, i apologise for what i’ve said and many lessons have been learned. believe me.

#rpt #rph #all posts / ooc.#tag urself im my inability to write anything #without attaching a gif icon to it #tumblr ruined my ability to write sdhgskg

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theparaminds · 5 years

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It’s often our moments most alone, with the most isolation, where we find ourselves. It’s in those moments that we become who we were always poised to be. If this is to be true, the story of Ruru in some sense becomes clear and becomes understandable. For sure is a story for finding oneself through sound and singularity.

Her music is not an extravagant affair requiring a full piece suit from the listener. Instead, it pushes just for a hoodie and t-shirt, a comedy day in the middle winter. Her music is a warm friend who’s available when needed, a hug on days were all feels impossible.

With knowledge and experience behind her, and with a pathway now ahead, Ruru is ready to escape the boxes she often has felt trapt in. She is ready to live to the fullest and to enjoy the limitless daily seconds. And of course, she will keep her auditory journal of music continuing, just as honest as ever.

Our first question as always, how’s your day going and how have you been?

Hello! Today was pretty packed. I’m currently shooting a music video for an unreleased song. I’m feeling semi-terrified, semi-excited to finish shooting the whole thing.

I feel a lot more free now — I’m fresh outta’ college so there’s more time to think and feel about what’s going on in my life.

To take it back to the beginning, where do you see a lot of your first desires to become an artist coming from, and to what do you connect it to?

I feel like my desire to be an artist really sprung out from childhood — I never really said “I want to be a musician when I grow up” or “I want to be an artist”. There was never really any of that. My parents were the typical, “Be a lawyer”, “Take up business” types; plus I was homeschooled most of my life. All the limitations I had pushed me to exert my voice through different kinds of mediums since it felt like I had all the time in the world to waste in the comforts of my home.

Do you find your location, both currently and when you first started, to impact the creations you put out and the paths you take with your music?

My location impacts my music indirectly — from then and now. I live mostly in isolation, at home — but when I’m out, my world is bustling with traffic, with many things you could point out as twisted, littering, seeking for an escape — and most of the time I don’t feel at home. I feel like a big bird in a small cage.

In your mind, who were the artists who spoke to you the most growing up and to what did you attach and pull from in their work?

My best friend, Sofia, Picasso.. and many others I just can’t recall right now.

My best friend was the first person to really push me to keep writing my messy music. She was very reckless and free with her art and words. She would bring her journal everywhere and write whatever word comes in the moment, she’d write it down and splatter red paint on her little drawing book.

Picasso because viewing the world with a child-like wonder and creating things with a pure and vivid mind is what I aspire to do.

To you, what’s the greatest film ever created, why is that your choice, and what is the best scene from said movie?

I feel like I haven’t found the “greatest film” yet. Despite being a film student, I feel like I really have a lot of films to catch up on.

As you’ve been releasing works and coming to find an artistic identity, what have you found your overarching message and goal with music to be? What is it that you’re attempting to say with sound?

My music doesn’t really have a main “message”. I feel like music when consumed, absorbs differently in a person... Thus, my message matters less and what is important is it is enjoyed. It could mean anything to everyone. When I make music, I make it as a form of catharsis (as anyone does) — like cipher because I have major trust issues. I write about people, I write about what I could’ve said, what I could’ve stood up for, about love and hurt or doubt. It’s merely an expression. I hope that people who resonate with my sound, whatever it means to them, will feel less alone.

Within your lyrics, how do you go about finding topics and themes to speak on? Do you feel they come to you naturally or are they based on experience and past memory?

They come both ways. Writing lyrics comes to me like a diary. I select the best words for rhythm and trash ones unnecessary to the goal of the song.

In your eyes, what are the steps you’re taking with your art going forward and how are you attempting to subvert and adapt your sound?

I immerse myself in different music as much as possible. Although I wouldn’t say I have a wide music taste... I’m still slowly expanding it. I also tend to change my style often yet people say there’s still a substance that keeps my music sound like my own...

While it is early into the year, do you have any upcoming work or releases that you’re looking to put out in the near future? If so, how does it build upon your past work and concepts?

I’m working on an EP now. It is quite different from my first two albums — I’m slowly deviating from my soft-spoken, shy sound. I’m looking to be more reckless and to add more grit and concrete to my sound. The new album I feel will still be sad, but hopefully with more acceptance, more hugging of the person I am.

Do you find yourself to have a specific motivator towards constantly creating and working into music? Is there an internal fire that you feel and from where is that sparked for you? What had led to that fire becoming sustained?

God — since he gave me this talent. Also, my close friends. Seeing them do what they do best, whether be it music, art, film; hearing their stories and what inspires them really inspires me and helps keep this fire glowing. Just as long as I am alive, I know I can make something for others and for myself to enjoy.

In a larger sense, what are the most important milestones for you to hit within your career as you move forward? What is it you need to accomplish?

Probably feeling more comfortable in my own body by putting myself in uncomfortable situations like singing in front of a crowd or dancing... or talking to people in general... I’m an extrovert but I feel really in my head all the time. I feel like I’ve really hit a milestone when I’m able to perform a huge crowd and feel like nothing’s weighing me down — it’s the same as when talking to a group of people...

If you had a message for your younger self, what would you hope to relay unto your more confused adolescence? What is it you wish you could have known, could have been taught earlier?

People always have something to say with whatever you do. Don’t let that change the way you perceive yourself and the world.

Follow Ruru on Twitter and Instagram

Listen on Soundcloud

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onlykeithpowers · 7 years

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Sacramento native Keith Powers boasts a half-million swooning Instagram followers, thanks to his roles in two critically acclaimed musical biopics, Straight Outta Compton and The New Edition Story. Now the 24-year-old actor is romancing Bella Thorne in the new television drama Famous in Love, which premieres April 18 on Freeform (formerly ABC Family). He shares a few choice anecdotes, like how he learned to bust a move from Ronnie DeVoe and that awkward moment when he met Dr. Dre.

How would you describe the new show? People are calling it the next Pretty Little Liars. It has Pretty Little Liars nuances because Marlene King [produces both programs], so you’ll get those thrills, but it’s a fresh new show of its own. The only show I can say it’s close to is Entourage. Another one is Gossip Girl, because of the lies, the scandal, the sexiness. [Bella Thorne plays a college student and aspiring actress who gets cast opposite Powers’ character in a Twilight-like movie, and becomes torn romantically between him and a longtime guy friend.] If you want to see what an actress can go through after gaining overnight success, watch Famous in Love, because it’s so accurate. You get to see what she goes through, still wanting to be in school and dealing with fame. And then it gets dark and goes to a whole other place.

Your character, Jordan Wilder, sports a black eye. He’s the series’ bad boy, isn’t he? Jordan is not really a bad boy, he’s just a guy who makes mistakes, but the negatives get put on front street more than the positives. Jordan is the type not to interact with many others because of people throwing his name in dirt, but once you get to know [him], he has a lot of substance—he’s a cares-so-much type of guy. One mistake [in particular] haunts him: he moved in on his best friend’s girlfriend. What I love about the show is we get a chance to love and hate something about every character, and at the same time we can relate to all of them because they’re not perfect.

Speaking of relatable, you are awfully cozy with your fans on Twitter and Instagram—you answer many tweets personally. Can you keep it up now that your star is rising? I’ve always been a people person. With social media you have the luxury of reaching out to people directly. Once you have them, whatever you feed them they’ll take with an open heart. So I think it’s important. There are some who are grandfathered in and don’t have to do that—the Denzels, the Will Smiths, the Leonardo DiCaprios, the Channing Tatums. But things have changed, and social media has taken a primary role in the entertainment industry. It’s part of the job. I try to look at most tweets, but ever since The New Edition Story came out [on BET in January], my Twitter account has been in a shambles, and my Instagram too—the comments sections are crazy. So I’ve readjusted.

Let’s talk about The New Edition Story, in which you played group member Ronnie DeVoe, and Straight Outta Compton, about the rap group N.W.A.—you played Dr. Dre’s late brother, Tyree. What was it like portraying these real people? Playing Tyree was like playing a fictional character because people didn’t know him. Dr. Dre made a song about his brother on the 2001 album, [but] I got to introduce the character. But people know Ronnie—he’s still breathing and walking around. So people could pick out when I wasn’t authentic right off the bat.

Did you get to meet Ronnie? We met all of New Edition—they were there when we were learning the dance moves. We had New Edition boot camp [where] we basically had to shadow them—we had to keep up. It was good and bad: good because we’d get everything straight from the source, and bad when they’d come on set and say, “Aw, I would have never said that!” So it got a little tricky. Ronnie always gave me feedback. At first I couldn’t learn to dance, and he made it easy for me and kept my head on straight, rooting me on. That always felt good.

If you’d been a teenager in the ’80s or ’90s, whose poster would you have had on your wall, N.W.A.’s or New Edition’s? Definitely both, because I heard a lot of R&B growing up, [and] a lot of West Coast hip-hop—that was the time when West Coast and East Coast were beefin’. You’ve got the best of both worlds with those two. [New Edition’s] music is so timeless. I don’t think “Can You Stand the Rain” will ever be an old song. That’s one of the greatest songs of all time.

What was it like meeting Dr. Dre for the first time, when you’d been hired to play his late brother in the movie? It was awkward at first. We met at LA Center Studios. He didn’t want to look at me—he’d look at me, then look away. He was probably thinking, “Wow, this dude looks like my little brother!” I’d look at him, then he’d look at me, then I’d get shy. Then it was like, “This is going to be good.” Then, “All right, let’s do this!” And my middle name is Tyree, which was his brother’s name—it’s funny how things work out. [Dr. Dre] was one of my idols growing up, one of my heroes, so it’s dope I got to play his little brother.

Your character’s death is a big emotional turning point in the movie. [Tyree] idolized his big brother. He just wanted to be with his big brother at a time when N.W.A. was hot, but his mom said “No, you’re in school, you’ve got to focus on that.” And right when Dr. Dre was about to let him come [on a tour], that’s when he passed away. [Tyree was killed in a street fight in 1989 at the age of 21.] That’s what hurt, because, man, he just wanted to go on the tour. It’s always a sensitive subject talking about that with Dr. Dre, because he probably thinks about that all the time. I’m just glad I was able to show people his little brother because of this movie.

Was your mom protective of you like Tyree and Dr. Dre’s? I think all moms are—but my mom wasn’t overprotective. When [my siblings and I] were young we were always outside on our bikes and we’d be gone for hours. That was our vibe. But we obeyed our parents, so my mom trusted us.

What kind of childhood did you have? I had a very normal childhood, a fun childhood. I grew up in South Sacramento and went to high school in Elk Grove. I thank God [for] the childhood I had because I think it helps my acting. I was able to experience natural things that I think all kids should experience. You should go outside and [pop] wheelies on your bike and fall down and scrape your knee. I got to play basketball after school for hours, climb mountains, go out into the fields. There was no care in the world. I think a lot of parents suffocate their kids, and when they get out into the real world they don’t know how to act.

You played wide receiver in high school, and had plans to go into the NFL. I definitely had aspirations, but it didn’t work out, and I’m glad because I love what I do. Looking back, I didn’t love sports as much as I thought I did. You grow up thinking you can play sports for the rest of your life, but you have to work at it, and I wasn’t putting in the work. But acting I love, and I put in the work.

Your family still lives in South Sacramento. Do you get home much? I come up for holidays and birthdays. I stay with my grandparents, my mom—I hop from house to house. Everything has changed in Sacramento, but at the same time it’s still the same. Last time I was there, I was courtside with my mom [at a Kings game at Golden 1 Center]. It was super dope. I was so excited being courtside I didn’t even eat. via. Sactownmag

#keith powers #interview #black bo joy

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treadmilltreats · 6 years

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Don't be an afterthought

As this month is National Domestic Violence month, I felt this would be perfect to start of my series of blogs about this epidemic we are facing today.

Did you know 23% of women will be abused verbally and or physically and 11% of men will be as well? We need to change this, but most of all, we need to change the way we see ourselves and what we will put up with.

I realized as far as I have come to pull myself out of a 24 year verbally abusive marriage, I still had a long way to go. Even though I own my own business, I bought and remodeled my home on my own, as far as I come to learn to love myself again, I still have lasting resude from this.

I use to let men get away with all kinds of crap since I've been divorced. Shit I would have never let anyone get away with before I was married, when I knew my worth.

Hell, I have even made excuses for them...oh come on, if you've been there, you will hear yourself in these words...

"Oh, he's had a rough childhood"

"Oh, girl you don't know him, really he's nice"

"He's been really hurt in his past relationships"

Fill in the blank with the bullshit story you tell yourself, your friends and your family.

Yes, I've done this and I wondered why? It's because no matter how far I've come, somewhere deep down, is his voice still saying I am not good enough, this is all I deserve, that no one will truly love me...

Yes, I am a grown women but 24 years of put downs, of lost self esteem, of hearing this and so many other things have made me believe this until recently.

But the wonderful thing about life is, there is always lessons to be learned and there is always a possibility for change.

And for me I am realizing my worth. I met a wonderful man who treats me like gold. He tells me and shows me how much he appreciates me. He tells me it was their loss and his gain that they couldn't see what an amazing women I am. He has taught me the lessons I needed to learn and is still teaching me.

See I will no longer be an afterthought. You want to see me, make an effort, call me in advance. Make plans, go out of your way to make me feel like you want to see me, don't just call me at midnight saying you miss me or you want me to come by. That is just an afterthought....

I am finally learning my value. I don't care you had a bad relationship or a messed up childhood, or that your busy, that does not give you the right to be an asshole. Don't blame your bad behavior on other's, own your shit.

If something or someone is important enough to you, you will find the time, you will lose sleep, you will take the time to text them good morning or how's your day going or good night. These are all things this new man has done and continues to do each and every day.

They will do what it takes and if they aren't doing all of that, they are not worth your time, are you listening, my queens??

I have learned to not except crumbs, that I am worthy of the whole meal, that as my dear friend said to me "You need to bring more to the table than your dick! That a man should want to walk on broken glass for you, because your worth it!"

And trust me this man does! Yes, there are great men out there.

Yes, this last week, yet again a lot of my male friends reached out to me for my birthday. They seemed to all have one message for me....I am worthy, I am a great women, and that any man should consider themselves extremely lucky to have me.

I was once again shocked and grateful for their kind words... I am learning my worth but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes old habits are hard to break, even though I am trying.

You would think that I know that I am a great women?

See even if no one said that, I should know that, you should know that, we should know our worth.

You should know you need to come first, no bullshit excuses, no, I'm busy, I work a lot, I don't call my mama every day, no, I didn't get your message...no bullshit!

Please....and we believe this... Why? Are we that desperate? We are beautiful, self sufficient, independent women, we need to say:

"I don't need you in my life, your there because I want you in it and just as quick you can and will be replaced and have been!"

That is how we need to look at this, we must set boundaries, "This is unacceptable and if you chose to do this behavior, your outta here"

Period, not just speaking the words and then just ignoring them. Acting like you never said them or that your feelings were hurt and they chose to pretend they weren't. Why do we constantly give 2nd and 3rd, hell some of us give 6th and 7th chances for them to entertain the same bad behavior?

No, I now know what I want, what I have and what I am worthy of and I will not settle for some half ass, broken, too self absorbed man any more!

Yes, it's taken me a while, it's taken lots of friends and family to tell me this, it's taken many heartbreaks

(If you read my blogs you know that I am hard headed) To realize my worth.

And sometimes it just takes one man to show you value and change the way you feel about yourself.

So today my friends, remember you are worthy, you have value, you deserve to be treated like the queen you are, do not accept anything less, remember you are not, nor will you ever be...an afterthought.

"Be the change you want to see"

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Coming soon my latest book:

The blessing in disguise.... revealed**

***Now available***

My book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

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http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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cerebusfire17 · 7 years

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Progression and Recovery 3-20-17

TL;DR I’ve figured out it never mattered that ***** isn’t here. There are other people, and also, I probably am better off not being friends with a whore. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Okay, so after the whole thing with my coworker (Where she was actually considerate and curious about my daughter, Alice), my mind is slowly but steadily going back to the way it was, and all of my emotions are finally getting set back into place.

Which is good, because being emotional and shit really pisses me off. I can’t think right, and it just clouds my judgement completely. I don’t understand or even know why my mind calmed and I felt so much of the burden lessen, but it did, and it made me realize something....

***** really IS A BITCH!

Okay, so check it out: I think it was last Saturday or some shit, right? And I go and make a new twitter cause I wanted to do some ARGs. I deleted my old one because of ****** (the bitch) but I started into some new stuff on Youtube, and I decided to make a new one just to play the games.

GUESS WHO JUST HAPPENS TO SHOW UP UNDER WHATEVER THE FUCK TWITTER FEATURES AS A SUGGESTION?! The bitch.

So, like a cheetah hunting on the savannah, or safari, or wherever the fuck they hunt, I start stalking the shit outta her twitter, and two dates: January 15 and January 16. The last I talked to ***** was January 13, two days after my birthday. (I just now remembered that she didn’t even have the balls to say happy birthday to me. Cunt) January 15 said “I want to lift people up, and surround myself with people just like that. January 16 said, “Well, I’m alone, but it’s better to be alone than have a toxic friend and keep hanging on.”

Bitch, are you fucking retarded? The answer is FUCKING YES, YOU ARE!

How do you want to lift some people up, but not the ones you’ve known for over a decade, specifically one who’s done whatever they could for your selfish ass, you ungrateful bitch. Do you know how many times I got my ass beat by my dad for taking food from the church and giving it to you because I knew you guys were starving? EVERY SINGLE TIME! Second, What the fuck do you mean by “toxic?” I keep trying to think of some meaning to that word, but it doesn’t have any. It’s a fucking label, and I HATE labels, especially ones used against me by the very people who possibly define it to a goddamn T.

It wasn’t until yesterday, when that nurse just wanted to talk to me as a person and showed consideration, did I realize that THAT is what I needed from ***** , that I found that I didn’t need at all. The validation, I think is what it was now that I’m writing this, is what gave me so much peace. It’s addictive, and I want to talk to about her more to people who might know about her. It was never about *****; it was about having someone believe she is and was just as alive and well as I am. I want people to know she exists so she never can die, at least in my heart anyway.

That’s what made me so angry in the beginning. I could give a shit less about the relationship now, but my daughter.... she was important, and I felt that if ***** didn’t saying anything about her, she didn’t exist. But to have that nurse talk to me about her changed that for me. She doesn’t feel like a hallucination anymore, a bad dream. She feels so much more real. I can only hope that if there is an afterlife, and I do end up in hell, that, if there is a god, he’ll let me hold her one more time before I go. If I could hold her in my arms and tell her I love her to the moon and back just one more time, I would be so grateful and eternally happy. I love her so much, nobody will ever know, and not many can actually come to terms to understand completely.

When her mom told me that ***** was “heartbroken” that I lost Alice, I wanted to leave the hospital and strangle her to death, then bring her back, and stab her to death. She doesn’t have the RIGHT to be heartbroken. She doesn’t know what that word really is. She didn’t lose her best friend; I did. She didn’t lose her child; I did, while she still has her son. I have to live in fear of trying to get pregnant again and losing another daughter or even a son, while all she has to fear is whether or not I would ever try to talk to her again... which I won’t.

Over all of this, I have a theory. She’s doing all of this on purpose, because I won’t be with her, and my life is driving her nuts.

Okay, so years ago, back in, I believe, 2014-- I’m living with my sis-in-law, my husband is in jail over doing something really, really, really goddamn stupid, and my best friend, currently living in NY, is getting ready to move down to the WV, yes. (I’m a born and raised West Virginia resident. Yes, I still have all of my teeth. No, I’m black. Yes, black people do live in West Virginia.) My husband, Matt, and I aren’t getting along. Literally went months not speaking to each other, mostly his fault by his own admission, but I still have some responsibility of being an asshole in the whole thing. I was barely scraping by, with a leech of a sis-in-law when it came to funds (To the point where I had to never mention money or how much I had around her. They never even knew I got a student loan while I lived there.), and a dealing with a husband that wouldn’t call or write back (he had a reason, he just didn’t tell me about it until later). His last letter to me wanted me to send money after we’d gone a while without talking. I would put whatever I could on commissary, but what he was asking for just made me want curl up in a ball and cringe. He made a confession about a situation that had been bugging me for a while, that made me think he was cheating before he went to jail. Our marriage was getting bad, and this letter made me feel like I was worthless. Worse, he wanted me to write a letter, pretending to be wanting a divorce, but it didn’t say why.

Fuck. No.

Why the hell would I write something like that in my own handwriting? So you can use it to pick up bitches? Is that what we’re doing? I’m not going to do something that would incriminate me as the asshole in something like that. I told ***** about it via the power of the Skype. I was angry and hurt and I didn’t understand what the hell his problem was or why he wasn’t telling me what was going on. I was lost, and she agreed that it was fucked up that I was being ignored and not told what the problem was (Interesting how the morals of the value have changed over the years, I should say)

Now, normally, what friends do is, you know, try to comfort you as best they can, even though its really awkward to have a snivling adult crying in front of you. My friend--My VERY best friend--asked me why I never told her I had feelings for her. “Uh, cause you always bitched about people trying to get with you.” was one answer I gave her. Another was “Plus, you turned me down like two years ago, remember?” Matt and I had broken up for a couple months before we got back together, and I had tried to talk ***** into hooking up. She declined and I backed off back to the friendzone where I belong.

Which is fine, because I built a condo there, and nobody fucking bothers me. But now my friend is asking about a relationship with me, and I was pissed at my husband so it was like, “Fuck it, and fuck him.” ***** and I gave each other fictional names: Camel and Rose. If you can’t tell, I suck at naming on the spot, and Camel was the first thing I thought about for some reason. We roleplayed it like an RP, with Camel telling Rose, “I don’t need you to give me anything, I just want you.” and it was all cute, but then I started thinking of Matt.

Eventually, ***** did get back to Wv and stayed with her dad for a while. Once she got back, we kinda got drunk and made out. Twice. Her boobs are pretty soft too. But never sober, which is weird for me cause if I’m into you, I try to stay sober if anything could happen. ***** had to be drunk in order to kiss me. That was the first red flag.

Like, don’t get me wrong here. I’m the asshole in this situation for even participating in this while being married and I know better. And as much as I was enjoying the fantasy of finally getting the girl I’ve been wanting for years, Matt was more important than her. When I was flirting with her, I would think of what he would say in response, his humor, his way of looking at me with his light blue eyes, how he would tell me how much he loved me. Flirting with her made me miss him. I didn’t want her anymore, I wanted him. Whether it was written on my face or not, I’m not sure. I wanted him to say something, after three months of silence I needed him to say something.

So, I wrote a super mean letter to him, telling him I’m actually contemplating fucking my friend when she got back home because he’s being a silent asshole, and I made sure to list as much embarrassing shit as possible to get the point across that if you piss me off, I will make you friends laugh and feel bad for you. They read letters out loud in jail.

He responded rather quickly, and in a pissed off way.

He was mad that I put out such personal shit that he shouldn’t have told me if he didn’t want me telling people in the first place. He was mad that I wouldn’t listen to him. He was mad that I wanted him to make a choice. He was mad that I didn’t understand what HE was going through, even though he hasn’t told me shit. He was mad that I let others know that a letter about faking a divorce. He was mad that I would leave him for a chick and I should just go ahead and do it if I meant it. He was mad that I would be so disloyal to him. He was mad that I stopped writing him after he stopped writing me. He was mad that I, struggling with paying leftover bills with a shit job at Hardee’s while his sister and her husband were sucking me dry finacially, was expecting him to be concerned with my situation when he was having a hard time in jail--which nothing he has mentioned previously has given any hint of that! He was mad because I blamed him for my crying, which was one of the first things he apologized for later on. He was mad about a lot of things.

On the next page he started on the day after, he was calm, and he realized what was going on was partly his fault. He ended up calling me, and we wasted nearly $30 talking about everything and what we were going to do. He was still pretty upset about the pod getting to hear all that embarrassing shit, and I apologized for doing it, but it got his attention. I also apologized about what I was doing with ***** and told him everything, and he forgave me for, without skipping a beat. I still feel bad about it to this day, but I’m so happy he gave me another chance, even though I don’t think I deserve it at all. He did his best to explain that people in the jail were fucking with people, trying to blackmail them into having family members send money. I told my husband he was a fucking idiot for not saying anything. He said I should have realized what was going on sooner, which he’s probably right. we talked about the next I could visit, and we made a date, and gave our “I love you” and goodbyes.

The next day after getting the letter and talking to my husband on the phone, I talk to ***** via the almighty Skype and savior, and she starts telling me she feels guilty about everything and shit, right? I feel the same way, but as I’m about to tell her that I talked to Matt, She tells me, “I’m sorry, but the only way we would be together anyway is if you divorced Matt. If you want to do that, dude, that’s up to you, but I’m not going to encourage it.”

“Oh?” Bitch, what? No, seriously, what the fuck did you just say? I sat there, looking at her, trying to find words as to who the fuck she thought she was. I’m married and I’m being selfish, okay? I have two people in my heartstrings and shit, but I don’t believe I would ever have the audacity to make a passive-aggressive demand that someone leave their spouse for my pussy. It is not made of gold, it is just regular unleaded. Also, how the hell are you going to tell me you feel guilty after essentially starting an affair, and then turning around and saying you don’t want to “encourage” it. No, “continue.” Continue is the correct word you want to use, because it was already established. We crossed the line of flirting when we made out those times before, so as far as I’m concerned, we do have an affair because I feel like I cheated on my husband. Plus, it was more of an emotional affair than anything else, but an affair nontheless.

Now, this isn’t totally crazy to say, but I’ve never had sex with this girl. Ever. I’ve just had a hidden lady boner for the past 15 years and I was cool with it. She was like my muse, but with Wifi and anime to watch. We’ve always just been friends. I’ve never had a different type of relationship with her other than that, so for her to ask me to leave a man I’d been with since 2009 and got five years in at that moment is kinda fucky.

What also kinda threw me was the fact that she had just gotten out of a relationship. JUST. Like, not even a month, and that relationship was a red flag itself, along with many other parts of all the relationships in her life. The guy she was with, Tyler, was best friends with George, ***** ’s ex boyfriend right before Tyler. And when I say right before, I mean they started fucking right before she moved out of the house of the guy she was still fucking...but he didn’t know that. And technically, Tyler chose her over his best friend, fucking up their relationship, possibly beyond repair--which I’ll never know cause I lost contact with both dudes over the years.

And that’s not the first story of her fucking over former flames either. There was a time--Actually when I was visiting her in NY is when she finally admitted the truth-- when she told me an ex, Jamison, hit her and she was done with him. Waaaay later though, she ends up telling me that she was smacking and shoving at him over and over, yelling “hit me” until he did it. Then she got with George. Then she broke up with George, and then moved in with George into his parents house. Then she meets Tyler.... Then there was Joey. She claimed he broke up with her because her house burned down and he didn’t want to be with a homeless girl. I thought it was weird, because she told me the day before that Joey wanted to move to Ohio with her, that he wanted to stay with her. I see the dude’s sister the next day and she’s telling me how heartbroken her brother is because ***** broke up with him. And then there’s Maria.... That’s an interesting story I’m not going to get into, but I digress;

The crazy bitch started to bring other things up to, like telling my family about our relationship because she would want them to know (Even though I was 26 at the time and an adult living somewhat on my own.) and that she doesn’t want to hide a lesbian relationship. Okay, I’m a fucking adult, and I don’t care who knows who I’m with, but there’s a two year warranty, okay? I didn’t tell my family about Matt until two years after we’d been together, okay? What the fuck makes you think you’re that special when we haven’t even been together yet for you to feel like a goddamn princess. I wouldn’t bring just anyone to my parents and be like “I hope you like this one. It lubricates it’s own motor instead of being a dipstick!” These are my parents: I’m not just going to bring whoever gave me an orgasm to them and present that person like they’re worthy enough to meet them. My parents are always going to be more important than any fuck I bring home, and they deserve better than a bitch who’s going to try and talk me out of my marriage.

Also, my father is a pastor, so that wouldn’t have been good. If it were to come down to alienating my family and possibly being disowned vs having my family in my life and staying the private person I am, the latter is more appropriate. I can fuck whoever I want, but only one set of people are going to take the time to smack the shit out of me and tell me to “watch” what I say or be introduced to the ground. And, unlike ***** , my parents showed up to the funeral and actually give a shit about me as a person!

Then, she starts talking about her STD: Herpes. I didn’t even know she had contracted that, and that was YEARS ago when it happened. Now, I don’t really know if she was telling the truth about having the disease or if she was trying to make a test of my resolve, but either way I had to think about that. I’ve always tried to be with a person at least a year before going into the whole “no protection” thing, and I was finicky about that shit. Diseases everywhere, yet people want to keep fucking without a safety net, and It made me wonder wtf.

Now, for a week, I had been making her videos (privately) about my issues and what actually has happened in my life to make me a bit “nuts” over the years. Later on that evening, after our weird conversation, I made a video for her to watch that had to do with not only my mental disorders and illnesses, but also talked about my molestation at 4 by a relative. Ten minutes after uploading the video, my friend--the woman who was trying to talk to me about leaving my husband and how I need to tell my parents about the non-existent “us,” and how I would need to handle her having herpes--tells me to stop sending those videos, that she “doesn’t have time for your bullshit. I have my own problems to deal with and I’m not about to deal with yours too. You need to go to a doctor, and stop making these. Either get what you want to say off your chest, or stop trying to talk to me about them.” She even went and elaborated that she was “not Matt.”

Her being “not Matt” is the exact reason she couldn’t, wouldn’t, and will never take that man’s place.

I LITERALLY made a (extremely private and personal video about my life, which had things I hadn’t even shared with my husband yet) video about all of my troubles and childhood horrors, but this bitch wants me to accept an STD for her sake. Mind you, I haven’t even told her that Matt and I had talked and reconciled and shit, so she has no idea that she’s even sealed the deal that we would never be together. The way she reacted to the things I was telling her--and when I say telling, I mean, I would send her stuff and she never bothered to watch or take the time to fucking listen, the dumb bitch--was like dealing with my father, which is amazing being that he and ***** are both Libras. I’m a Capricorn who was also raised by a Virgo mother, so for anyone wanting to know how that went.

I ended up telling her to forget everything and not to bother. I don’t open up to people about things like that, and the stories behind some of them were really private, and she just tossed them away because she couldn’t be fucked. As I said before, ***** was my muse, and I would draw pictures of her, write poetry, flatter her to watch what beautiful face could be fueled for inspiration. But after her words, NOPE!

Fuck that shit. Ive never once blew off her issues [QUESTIONABLE] when she spoke to me about them, but for me to unload my burden for someone else to lift me up some? Nope. My husband has taken my issues and kept me going. he knows a lot--not everything, but enough to let me sleep at night. That’s a rare thing, and I’m lucky. I wouldn’t have gotten that kinda comfort and help from her. It didn’t fit her fantasy. How could I want to be with someone who won’t help me through my problems when I need them the most, just listening when I need them to. If she couldn’t even take the time to try and see if she could handle my issues with me, what’s the point. We would drive each other mad.

At some point, like a week after the letter and the call, we were on Skype on high and I finally told her about the letter. “Oh, well that’s great!” She said with a really chipper voice, but her face, and the way she said it... It bothered me. It struck with a sensation that was similar to how she responded to my admissions of insanity via the YouTube. It was completely the same. She was smiling, but she didn’t mean it. She sounds happy, but it doesn’t sound authentic, but practiced.

Then, things took a strange turn. A couple months after that, ***** meets up with her husband, and they get married after being together a month. Her husband left a girl he was already engaged to in order to be with ***** .

I say again: HE LEFT HIS FIANCE IN ORDER TO BE WITH ***** . I would assume there’s a bit of a pattern here if I weren’t stupid, you know? And I’m pretty sure I’m not. And it almost seemed like a crazy move to make too. She just gets married? Just like that? Mind you, they’ve been friends since childhood, but really? Really? You don’t know a person until you live with them for an excessive amount of time. I don’t know how I would feel if I married someone after a month of dating. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m thinking too much into it, but I believe ***** got married to make me jealous somehow. Like I said it could be wrong, but it was just a move that didn’t make any fucking sense.

When she got prego with her son, I was jealous and wasn’t there as much as I should have been, but it was hard to deal with. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, at some point in life. My best friend was going to have a child, and then soon after other friends started having their own kids. Eventually, after %%%%% was born, Matt and I started trying. I got pregnant in April and lost that baby in june/july. We tried again and got pregnant in October with my daughter, Alice. I was excited.

I told ***** about it as soon as I found out. I told her everything first. I talked to **** about my baby all of the time. And then, in January, she decides to ditch me for no fucking reason.

Yesterday, when that Nurse came up to ask about my daughter and talk to me, she gave me something I thought I would never have and that I can never be given to me by ***** . My dear old friend abandoned me for no reason but for her own selfish reasons, but it’s not because of me. She calls me toxic, but we rarely saw each other and spoke through texts often, and sometimes didn’t get back to each other immediately and that was okay. Well, it was okay until she did it for days at a time, and then would call me to tell me she was upset that I wouldn’t call her or contact her in some manner more often. You would think toxicity wouldn’t be on a “every once and a while” kinda thing, you know?

My husband recently lamented with anger that he was pissed at the fact that ***** made the suggestion of me leaving the relationship for her. “If it were cheating, I would understand that and I wouldn’t be so upset about that. But telling someone ‘oh, you break up with your husband and we can be together’ is just fucked up. That’s just so you don’t have to feel like you’re a cheater is all.” Matt hadn’t really liked hanging out with ***** since then, and this situation makes him not like her at all. It’s rare that my husband hates someone, and I’m not sure he would admit to me completely either, but the way he talks about her now...

To be fair, I don’t blame him for not liking her at all. I don’t think he should be completely okay with me, but he did forgive me, but his anger goes more to her than to me. I’m not blaming @@@@@ for leaving his fiance for ******, but there seems to be a habit on her part of ruining other people’s relationships in order to get someone she caught her eye on, which is insane and I never realized it until I started telling my husband all of this.

I had never had a reason to imply that my friend was a homewreaker, on a regular, but then again, she never really pissed me off either. Like my dad always said, “A friend to everyone is a friend to no one”? She knew what to say, I think, because we knew each other for so long, but looking back, all of her responses were generalized and only encouraged my mentality if anything, which is more confusing if she thinks I’m toxic. Why encourage the behavior if you don’t like it? The idea that, if someone slighted her, I would ignore a person if I believed they didn’t have a right to treat her unfairly plays heavy in my mind, because right now one of her sister in laws are playing the same game I would for her. As soon as I tried to ask her what was happening, she blocked me and refused to talk, and I swear it was like watching myself do something, and feeling bad for it.

None of the people I left behind ever came for answers, but then again, I would at least answer them before cutting the off. Something ***** doesn’t have the will or the courtesy to do for anyone she finds “useless”. In the end, she didn’t care about my daughter and she didn’t care at all about me. It still bothers me that she won’t even say my daughter’s name and understand she was important and a person, but that would mean giving me some solace, and she can’t do that. No, treating a person like a human being after they didn’t give you what you wanted is uncalled for in these times. She’s forgotten what it means to need people, because she now has a token for people wanting to have something to do with her, and it’s the very thing she ‘s going to end up hating very very soon. That token is going to make her realize how much she’ll hate herself. Reflection can be a bitch if you don’t take the time to be aware of who and what you are and what you’re doing with yourself.

My old friend, whom I believed loved and endeared me, proved herself as not to be the case; she can make you believe that she has interests, but they’re as shallow as her compassion is visual. The fact that she won’t even tell me what her problem is--Now that my brain is semi-functional at the moment--tells me that this isn’t about me. Over all these years, she’s been the first to tell me when I’ve done something wrong, and I’ve always responded in the way she believed would justify the action, but now is nothing but silence. It’s the words of a coward and a vindictive person.

To leave someone in the anguish of silence on purpose is fucked up; to FORCE a person into the anguish of silence is fucked up. If ***** wants to be alone or whatever the fuck, that’s fine and I wouldn’t have argued that, but to just leave without a word and forcing me to have nobody else to talk to about things that go on in a flash and not even show any compassion over my daughter is what an evil person does.

To call me toxic for being who I am is what an evil person does. What I am is not a reason to suddenly treat me like trash, you know? in the end, she would always say “I love your brain” and it made me want to punch and break her goddamn nose. What do you mean, you “love my brain”? what about the rest of me? What about my goals, my dreams, my nightmares, my issues? what about my personality, which stems from this fucking brain, which you call “Toxic”? What, you love my brain whenever it’s convenient for you, or when you need inspiration for what you’re feeling? Was I only there to coax you along, thinking that if I was around you could feed off of this brain? Did you believe this brain wouldn’t one day turn around and snap at you for doing what it considers wrong and painful? Because I’ve been in pain this entire time, pain you can’t even imagine. Losing two of the most important people in my life has changed the fuck out of me and I’m not the same person I thought I was. Everything is so different, including how I see myself.

I know I’m not the best person, but I try to be a good person. I don’t fuck anyone over because it’s happen to me so much. I don’t hurt people who don’t deserve to get hurt, because I know what it’s like. I don’t try to interfere with other people’s lives, because nobody seems to bother with mine (until recently. now it seems more people cared than I thought). I sure as fuck know I wouldn’t do some shit to you as you’ve done to me. Unlike you, I don’t look at people like their a trait or a book character with really good background development. I’m a person: with emotions and thoughts, a paradigm of complexity that has developed over years of experience and nurturing and critical thinking with rationalization that has continued on with the developement of my growth to this very fucking day. “Toxic” is not what I am, it’s a description of something, and I am more than just a fucking description!

I’m pessimistic, cynical, a total fucking cunt, make really morbid and dry humor jokes at others expense, I say fuck a lot, I’ve listened to people and done shit that I’m absolutely ashamed of, I’ve been the other woman and got my ass beat like I deserved and learned the hard way that you don’t try to interfere with someone else’s relationship and I never did it again. I have learned over the years through my own stupid actions not to fuck people over because it hurts people. You have yet to learn what I’ve learn. You’ve never tried to venture out and try to find people to communicate with; I have. Unlike you, I do struggle with connecting with people, and the ways I’ve gone about it have always fucked me over and that’s my fault entirely and I have to accept that and live with that everyday I’m on this planet. You use your shy nature to say you can’t be around people, but the exact opposite is true. I’ve had panic attacks in front of you so many times, and most of those times you’ve never even noticed it was because there was more than 4 people in a small ass room, or because someone was talking about something that just caused me to think of some fucked up shit. Never once have I ever remembered you asking me if I were okay. Someone else did. Someone else who was in the room did. If there was no one there, you ignored it. I remember that so fucking well.

See, unlike *****, I’ll stick around with a toxic person, even when they hurt me over and over. Unlike *****, I’ve never been good with goodbyes. Unlike *****, I guess I care too much. Idk, I’m venting a lot and coming off as a psychopath--which in all fairness, I am, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this, in a way that just says what I want to say but can’t. I don’t know, words can’t explain it, not verbally anyway. I have so much more in my head. I don’t think ***** is inherently evil, but I just don’t think she knows the shit she does has impact and doesn’t want to think about it, and that makes her evil. She has good traits.... I just can’t think of any of them anymore. It’s not that they’re gone, its just that I’m so fucking angry at you for this shit that they don’t matter anymore.

I swear to christ, if Wrath was a zodiac sign, Capricorn would be spot on. “The Grudge” by Tool describes it perfectly, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over that. The fact that my daughter died knowing that kind of pain and sorrow.... Just writing that make me want to punch a wall, man. She should have never had to know those feelings, ever, and you forced her to go through that less than a month before she died, and AAAARRRGH!

Okay, I’m going to chill before I piss myself off. I’m trying to deal with all of this, it’s just hard to, you know? It’s really, really hard, and I’m trying not to be too harsh in this, cause you know I’m a fucking nut and “toxic”, but I want some justice somewhere. I just want to feel like I have to say it out loud, because you’re part of the story of what happened to my child, whether you and I like it or not. I can’t think of Alice without thinking of you, and that’s hard. I don’t want to be angry anymore, but you haven’t been much help either.

I hope I can get over the anger, but I know I can get over you. I’ve been working on this for the past week, a little at a time, having to come back once I’ stopped being so angry and crying. I’m only a month and some odd days Post Partum, so I’m not going to be the same, and you will never understand how this feels. Nowhere close. You don’t know that empty can be an emotion too, and it’s worse than any depression you could face. Empty is like space.

Okay! I’m done. I will do my best not to bring this up again, unless I need to vent, or if something else could possibly happen, in which case hopefully nothing ends up being greasy shit going on. Trying to stay away from the fucky, so far.

Have a good one. Except for *****, go fuck yourself.

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