#it's also feeling inadequate months | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theloveinc · 2 months

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OlderDad!Bakugou who gets a haircut and his baby doesn't recognize him and he doesn't want his dad to pick him up 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Bakugou has a cry in the bathroom and you have to spend the rest of the night consoling him.

Also Hiiiiiii, miss u, hope youre gooooood

head in my hands bc of this, just thought abt bakugo growing out his hair a little bit right after baby's birth...takes him months to go and get a real haircut cuz he doesn't wanna burden you more than he already has and by the time he's okay with the thought (but only for "AN HOUR MAX," is what he says), he has a mullet thing going on and all this scruff on his chin🥺🥺🥺

so he gets home with his regular ol' haircut, maybe a little shorter just to account for ... not wanting to go again so soon, and baby's HOLLERING bloody murder as soon as they see him and refusing to be taken out of your arms, doing that thing where they're flipping their face back and forth to dodge a kiss...

it's so tragic bc not even a little cheek nuzzling helps to calm them bc bakugo's CLEAN SHAVEN and smells like aftershave instead of like dad when he tries!!!!!!

and after, you watch him kinda sulk into the bathroom, thinking like aw yeah thats a bummer but also pretty funny, too (esp bc the haircut does look good🫣🤓), AND HE DOESN'T COME OUT FOR LIKE an hour???

....until you finally have to ask him if he's okay in there and you're opening the door to him sitting on the toilet seat, arms crossed and red cheeks a little streaky with tears...

LJFKASDJFADSJK it's the cutest, most sad sight you ever did see!! ofc Bakugo tries to deny it, but the way he tears up again (after you're done assuring him he did nothing wrong) when his baby finally realizes it's him and smiles (and then how he refuses to give them up again until bedtime) has his ass. EXPOSED.

(i love and miss u more than air, earth, water, dirt + HOPE YOU'RE GOOD TOO BESTIE ILY)

#bakugo #HI PYGMY THIS WAS INSANE OF U TO SAY THANK U PYGMY MY BFFL #but sorry u said this and i had to rip the idea right out of your hands and put it straight into my mouth #i feel like i'm high on a drug i really do #bakugo doing that thing where he he refuses to leave baby or u for long periods and fights being told to go do something nice for himself #he's showing up to his first guys night in like 6 months and doesn't know what do with himself #needs a baby picture once and hour #and he gets home to baby asleep in the crib and YES he's upset he missed bedtime but also like. wow. alone time with y/n.#and he just wants to hold u🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and watch a movie and be together #and he;s finally at a point in his life when he's able to admit vulnerability and talks abt feeling like an inadequate dad.#and finally u just have to shut him up by fuc-[redacted for profanity]#oh my god gonna think abt this all night #ALL NIGHT I LOVE U PYGMY #caitie things #kids tw #gen #pygmy lurks

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padfootastic · 1 year

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Probably unpopular opinion but… James would have been a better parent than Lily, and probably would have been the one to adjust to parenthood the easiest.

oooooh, controversial, anon

i feel like my answer to this would be equally unpopular but i agree with you

and the thing is, there's no specific reason for it, either. absolutely no basis in canon (where we see examples of lily's parenthood, not james) but i just--am really biased towards my boy ykno?

in addition to viewing james as nurturing/like a caretaker, i also feel like lily was the more selfish of the two. and more independent as well. so she would take time to adjust to this entire human depending on her whereas james is a fkn sponge--he'll love having harry attached to him at all times. he was also a lonely child who adored his parents and wanted something similar to that whereas lily's family situation was, well. ykno.

so yeah, i dont know if i'd call it a better parent, exactly (james was almost def the more indulgent of the two, and would always put harry's happiness over everything, even if it could be detrimental so he had his faults) but i do think he was a natural parent and it came harder to lily.

#hi yes im back to the unpopular opinions #wdym they're a month old huh #women are demonised in media yada yada yada i know #but let me live w my silly little headcanons #major disclaimer that these r all opinions #(the fact that i have to caveat my posts lol)#its all precautionary bc ive always had the best anons but still. just in case.#i also think there was a moment of like--parental jealousy? on lily's end #where she's sad and envious at how quickly j&h got close and how easy it is for him but she has to work hard #and then she has a convo ab it with sirius #whos like 'listen its the pitfalls of being around james potter--u always feel inadequate'#(reminds me of the line from FoD where lily tells harry that being with overachievers can be tough)#and he tells her james has always been a natural carer #that doesnt mean shes bad at it. she just needs time #also he relates to her fears and anxieties more #coming from a dysfunctional family himself #so yeah #pen’s asks

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todayisafridaynight · 8 months

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God that reminds me I was writing this longass reply to when you were comparing MineDai to AraSawa and part of it was basically like. Hear me out but While I've Concluded MineDai Should Not Be Parents For Various Reasons… If they were. Non-zero chance the kid could plausibly turn out like Masato 😭😭😭like spoiled and entitled “wait ’til my FATHER(S) hear about this” nepo baby who can’t connect with either dad and actively resents at least one while taking advantage of their familial ties and living a life of (financial) privilege just sounds about right I'm sorryyyyyyyyy

So it was funny to me because just as AraSawa is MineDai With Dads… perhaps MineDai is AraSawa Without Kids… and AraSawa is the alternate, still-doomed timeline…

its only natural that if arasawa is Minedai But Dilfs then minedai inversely is Arasawa But. One Of Them Sees Red Around Happy Children

#snap chats #BUT SOOOO true that baby WOULD be masato adjacent tho... its in the cards...#only i imagine that kid's resentment towards mine is like. actually justified probably #i said it months back but i always think that if mine WAS a dad he'd be a lot like my mom #though somehow probably like. 2% calmer. he doesnt yell at you but he will make you feel inadequate about everything you do #money can fix whatever damage he does right <- it will not and in his soul he knows that but he wont acknowledge it #and why should he i mean its just a kid right. //screaming//#OK BUT ALSO DOUBLE FUNNY i thought of making a stupid meme chart of my first impressions of arakawa/sawashiro #vs how id feel bout them throughout the game and then just. The Conclusion Being 'this is minedai but with dads'#as a comedic super simplification of course. theres layers. but also lol #THE FACT THAT SOMETIEMS I DO FIGHT WITH MYSELF ON IF I WANNA EXECUTE AN IDEA WITH MINEDAI OR ARASAWA #IS REALLY FUNNY. theres differences tho dont be fooled.. its not a perfect mirror but its close enough to be hilarious #ive talked way too long ANYWAY. do not let mine around kids hes going to give them trauma just by talking to them #id trust daigo with a kid tho. hes proven he can take care of them..... what a king...#he reads as someone who'd be a lil awkward bout bein a dad tho but now im gettin too into it

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bubacorn · 2 months

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i miss driving

#it's been months #i absolutely do not miss the way i feel like an idiot and utterly inadequate #and then i feel even more stupid cause 'why don't i want to drive?'#well?? maybe?? because you literally judge me with your eyes and follow my every movement??#and you act like a child in the passanger seat and are visibly bored #and it's fucking distracting and makes driving a hundred times more stressful #and also because apparently i'm just incapable in your eyes #and maybe i am #but whatever #you 'just want to help'#yeah so is there a helping that doesn't actively destroy the remains of my self-esteem or ???#but of course i can't say anything #i'm just oversensitive

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freesomebodybyluna · 1 year

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applying for a job after putting it off for months w/ under 4 hrs to meet the deadline & I feel like shit bc I don't feel like I meet any of the requirements but I know I'll feel worse if I don't apply & my friend is telling me to just go for it but idk....it's just rough

#already asked my profs to be my references months ago so i also have that obligation #and i basically already wrote my letter of interest back in sept but idk its so soulless #like i wouldnt hire me if i read this bs #i knoooow theres not pt in continuously beating myself up #esp when there are so little entry level job opportunities for this profession in the pnw #but everythings looking bleak my friends.#i genuinly do love what i studied but i feel so inadequate......#dl #just sent my shit idccc i dont wanna think about it anymore waaaaaaah #just applied to st*rbucks...gonna kms

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mahgyu · 3 months

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Thinking about Toji, who only realizes what he truly feels for you when he sees you happy with someone else.

Toji used to tell himself that you were just another woman he used for sex and nothing more. However, weeks turned into months, and even though he kept saying that you weren't anything special in his life, the situation was actually completely different.

You already spent more time in his small apartment than in your own. When he woke up in the morning, it wasn't with Megumi poking and asking him to prepare breakfast anymore, because you promptly woke up before to do it. You did so much for them and never expected anything in return.

Speaking of Megumi, he also began to develop a strong bond with you. You always played together, watched movies, and you even helped with homework when you could. Megumi always looked at you with admiration, as if you were the mother figure he didn't even realize he needed. Toji might have displayed the facade of an unshakable man, but deep down, only he knew how much witnessing these domestic moments affected him.

But, in a way, Toji felt inadequate for you. He was just a troubled single father trying to stay alive, with a questionable job and a life that felt more like a rollercoaster. He looked at you and saw an incredible woman, full of life and potential, while he saw himself as someone who would only hold you back. You deserved more than just sex and a miserable life beside him.

Toji tried to end things by acting like a bad guy, a personality he always portrays to everyone but never before to you, behaving like a jerk so that you would hate him and feel nothing for him but contempt. He was cold, distant, and even cruel in his words. He knew he was hurting you, but it was the simplest way out.

He saw the pain in your eyes when you finally accepted his words and distanced yourself, leaving him alone with his regret and loneliness. Deep down, he hoped you would find someone better, someone who could give you everything he couldn't.

But as time passed, the pain of separation only grew in Toji. He tried to fill the void with more work, giving more attention to Megumi, who didn't make things easier by constantly asking why you had abandoned them. He even sought out other women for sexual satisfaction, but it didn't help. They weren't you; nothing could take you out of Toji's mind. He constantly wondered if he had made the right choice, if he had done what was best for both of them.

Months later, Toji saw you from afar, leaving a coffee shop, happy with another man. In one hand, a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and beside you, a well-dressed man, with neatly combed blond hair and a serene expression on his face as he briefly sealed his lips on yours. Toji's heart clenched in a way he had never felt before. Seeing you smiling and radiant beside someone else made Toji realize how foolish he had been. He realized he had let slip away the best thing that had ever happened to him, all because of stubbornness and egocentrism.

At that moment, Toji realized that you were everything he had ever wanted, and that he had made the biggest mistake of his life by letting you go. He wished he could turn back time and fix his choices, but he knew he couldn't. All that was left for him was regret and the memory of the love he let slip away. He would never forgive himself.

I'll give a gift to whoever can guess who the other man I described at the end is ᵔ⤙ᵔ

I haven't fixed it yet so sorry for any mistakes.

ㅤㅤㅤ

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lethalchiralium · 1 year

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If ur taking requests can we get something like Ghost still doesnt trust fxreader at all even when they are together for like 1/2 years and she gets all sad and starts distancing herself tyxxxx

No More | Simon “Ghost” Riley x F!Reader

a/n: guys. guys i mean it keep the requests coming i love them. also : captain reader? because girlboss??? it’s kinda shitty but i love messy. gives me better control of future chapters :)

CALLSIGN: Mercy

warnings: angst, cussing, realizations and sort of heartbreak.

summary: You’ve been with Ghost for a year and a half - you allowed him into things you kept safe guarded, and realized that he has never done the same for you.

REMINDER: This is a side-blog, not my main! If you have any questions, feel free to message this blog or reblog! Reblogs are always appreciated - as well as any comments, they keep me motivated to write stuff like this!

SERIES MASTERLIST

You thought he would grow out of it. He’s an adult; given, he’s a very fucked up soldier, but an adult that has done adult things. He’s a few years shy of being in his thirties, and he doesn’t even understand the basics of having a girlfriend. He doesn’t understand a lot of things, and even though you’ve explained to him more times than you can remember, he still didn’t understand you after a year and a half of being together. Sure, you are on the same squad, you leave separately on break but always end up in the same apartment. The apartment that had framed pictures of you, your family, your dog - yet it always feels like he doesn’t give you anything.

It’s been a year and a half and the only personal thing you got out of him was a story about his brother when they were younger. You had told him countless stories of you and your childhood best friend, your single dad who fostered and adopted you. You even told him about your childhood dog who got hit by a car when he was young and still lived to be 15, about the very short memories you had of your godfather before he passed. You had told him everything, you had put your full trust into him and he hadn’t even given thought into putting an ounce of trust into you.

You couldn’t help it when you started to close yourself off - a trauma response from those years in the orphanage, then the system. You took less and less patients, eventually getting confronted by your Lieutenant, “What is going on with you, Captain?” You had given them a half-assed answer, “Got a lot of papers to go through from Price. It won’t be a long time.” And you kept yourself locked in your office, looking over case files and possible missions you could go on to escape this. Escape the feeling that has been gnawing at your soul since the last time you left your apartment with him three months ago. The feeling of distrust, of emotional abandonment.

You didn’t stop your tears when they came every night after Ghost had visited, but you never cried in front of him. You figured that would give him more ammunition to keep you at arm’s length.

Your hand ran across the hefty manila folder, the other held onto your vest collar. You opened the folder.

It was a stupid decision, you knew that. He would never let you get out of his sight, let you be anywhere without his knowledge and approval. But you needed something different - you needed somewhere where you felt like you could breathe, with people you trust and have put trust into you.

Your dog, Cerberus, whined from your cot across the room. You’d been sleeping more in your office than your own room, you figured it was because you were mentally preparing to be out on the friend with your old squad, and definitely not because you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Ghost. He never let you move away from him in missions, never let you out of his sight when on them - it was suffocating, feeling like you were inadequate in a field you spent most of your life in because of the man you loved with everything you had. You gave him your all, your everything - he definitely made you feel that it would never be enough, without him even speaking a word.

Your eyes read over the mission again. Reconnaissance on a couple of enemy bases, a patrol of safe houses in the area to make sure they were still secure. That and to infiltrate a top secret base deep in the mountains to retrieve information on a possible illegal uranium enrichment plant being constructed. Your eyes darted back across the room to Cerberus, you whistled lowly. The German Shepherd leapt off your cot, scrambling to sit in between you and your desk, he plopped his heavy head on your lap. You smiled at him, scratching behind his ears. “Good boy, Cerby.”

Your team consisted of your good friends, Logan and Hesh Walker, as well as Keegan Russ. You remembered how threatened Ghost was with how close of friends you were with them, you had chose to follow him to 141 instead of stay in the comfort of the Ghost Crew. A choice you had regretted earlier, but not now. You felt a lot better equipped with such an intense task force, you have more medics than before and an actual base to stay in - that and Price seemed a lot more relaxed now that Hassan and Shepherd were no longer a problem.

Cerberus’s ears perked up and he darted out from under your desk as you heard thunderous footsteps coming towards your office.

“Lay down.” You ordered your dog, he looked back at you before he skittered back onto your bed. You stood, your seat wheeled backwards half a foot. It was only five more seconds before your office door slammed against the wall, Ghost stormed in and shoved it back into the frame with his foot. He held up a folder just likes yours before he growled loudly, “What the fuck is this?”

You closed your own folder, moving your hand from your vest collar and splaying your fingers on the cardstock. Your eyes stayed down on the folder stamped, “Classified.”

“You’re going on a mission with the Ghosts?”

Your eyes looked over some stamped patient files, taking them in your hand and opening a few to se did you had signed them.

“Price told me five minutes ago. You’ve known for how long?”

You closed the files and whistled lowly again, the clicking of claws against the concrete was heard as the massive search and rescue dog curled around the back of your legs. You didn’t even have to look to know that he had his hackles raised - when you were on guard, so was he.

Ghost marched forwards and slammed his folder down on your desk, his fist clenched as he growled, “Answer me.”

“A month.” You muttered, eyes staring at the folders in your hands before turning away. You’ve cried over him the night previous and the seven before that, must you face him?

“And you weren’t going to tell me?” His voice was gruff, appalled. “That’s reckless. And you told Price not to tell me? Really?”

“It was need to know.” You answered, placing the files back on your desk before you stepped around your dog to the head of your cot where your duffle sat open. He followed, keeping a distance of six feet from you because of Cerberus curling around your legs and staring at him. Your hands grew shaky as you began to double check everything in your bag.

“I tell you whenever I leave for any mission, any fuckin’ errand, and you don’t dare tell me about one of the most important ops we’ve had in months? Why are you going?”

“They need a medic, they requested me.”

He scoffed. “We need our medic.”

You slowed down, hand brushing over your beige t-shirts as you spoke, “You have my lieutenant, Gomez.”

“I want you here.” His voice softened a little, you shoved the clothes down farther in the bag, pulling out your spare medkit and opening it, eyes darting over its contents. “I only trust you to patch me up.”

You slammed your spare med-pack closed and back into your duffle. You quickly zipped it, sharply saying, “That’s funny, ‘cause you seem not to trust me any other time.” You turned to look at him, eyes brimmed with tears.

His eyes widened. “What?”

“You don’t trust me, Simon. You never let me take my lead when we’re on missions, let me be near you, let me talk with other people.” Your arms crossed over your chest, tears slicing hot on your skin. “You don’t trust me. do you even want to be in this relationship?” Your hand went up and quickly wiped away your tears. “Because it certainly feels like you don’t.”

He stood there, stunned - his hands at his side, he had no idea what to do with them. “Of course I do.” He took a step forward, cautiously placing his right hand out. “Of course I trust you.”

You backed away then, your calves bumped into Cerberus, your hand reached down to touch his head - an attempt to calm yourself. “Then why can’t you put a little faith in me? A little faith that you are the one I go to sleep thinking about? That you are the one I worry about when I’m out on the field, instead of my own safety? That I wouldn’t ever do this to you?” Tears fall rapidly, your heart beat roughly in your chest - anxiety was gripping your diaphragm. “I trust you with my life, Simon. I have since we got together. It’s been almost a year and a half and you still don’t even trust me to have your back.”

He just stands there, arms at his side - his eyes stared at you, dark and full of pain. “I do. I do trust you, Y/N.”

You threw your duffle on your back and walked towards him - shoving a finger into his chest, looking up at him. “You have this whole mission to think about this, about us. Because I can’t be trusting you blindly when you don’t even trust me to breathe.”

You moved around him, whistling for Cerberus. The dog swiftly followed you out of the office, and you slammed the door behind you. You swiftly walked down the corridor, and as soon as you turned the corner, your back hit the wall. Your hand flew up to your mouth, pressing into it to muffle the loud sobs that fell from your throat. Cerberus pawed at your leg before pressing his head to it.

____________________

part 2 here!

#simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x fem!reader #simon ghost riley cod #simon ghost riley call of duty #simon ghost riley x you #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley cod #simon riley #simon riley call of duty #simon riley mw2 #simon riley x you #simon ghost riley x f!reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley request #lethal chiralium #lethalchiralium

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hermajestyimher · 1 year

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This Is How We Will Own 2023:

We're less than a month away from the New Year, and as such, it is important that we begin to set the foundations and plans we have to not only succeed, but make 2023 a memorable year.

Regardless of how 2022 went for you, regardless of how many goals you were able to achieve, a new year marks a new beginning. Do not beat yourself over how things went, focus on how you can improve them moving forward.

In 2023 we're:

Spending less time being passive scrollers online. The pandemic is over, the world is back in action and so must we. It's time to stop letting our minds be consumed by the opinions of thousands of people on the internet. More often than not, the things we read online come from the psyche of mentally unwell individuals, and given social media's tendency to prompt out the voices of the most unhinged, it gives people that shouldn't have a platform a false sense of authority. In 2023 we're getting off the grid as much as we can and reconnecting with the real world. We will not allow this online façade to swallow us into its void any longer.

Spending more time learning and engaging in high-end activities and hobbies that can elevate our social circle and our taste. Things like polo matches, pilates, ballet, opera, piano classes, poetry, political forums, martial arts, and high-intensity sports, among other things. It is crucial to cultivate a persona that engages in a variety of fulfilling activities that can bring us joy but also help us grow as individuals.

Prioritizing our health and fitness. No more excuses, it's time to cut down on added sugar and refined carbs, time to eat more nutrient-dense whole foods, drink plenty of water daily, invest in vitamin injections every other month, take supplements to improve our body's collagen production, and overcome feelings of laziness by pushing ourselves through fitness goals. 2023 we will make of the gym our sanctuary.

Living below our budget and investing as much as we can. If you haven't already, get a financial advisor, develop long and short-term financial goals and get organized with your income. It doesn't matter if in the past you've felt like your financial habits have not been the most adequate, it's never too late to take control of them and be responsible. We owe to ourselves to spend wisely to have the peace of mind financial security brings. Never go broke trying to impress others.

We're no longer entertaining inadequate men. I must admit I'm guilty of this myself. After years of not dating, getting back into the dating scene has felt extremely disappointing and tiring. Most prospects are simply not up to par with the standards I have and what I want out of my life partner. Sometimes we allow ourselves to become desperate to build these types of romantic relationships that we begin to overlook the things that we really want deep down. In 2023, we're refocusing our attention on living our best lives and being as active as possible in real-life events as touched upon previously, and trust that the right dating prospects will present themselves when we least expect. We attract, we don't chase.

Finally, we're overcoming negative self-talk patterns that hinder our growth. We're investing in therapy, we're unlearning the limiting beliefs that keep us in bondage to people, routines, and views of the world that are not good for us. We have to put an end to the insidious lie of the scarcity mindset, overcome past traumas, and look forward to the good things that are yet to come.

There are many more things I could add to this list, but for now, these are the things I and I know many of you will find helpful on improving on for the year to come. These lists can come out as intimidating to some people, but we have to remember that we are not expected to become the ideal version of ourselves overnight. Growth is a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires consistency. Each day that you wake up and choose to do one or two things differently you're making stride towards that better you. No improvement is ever too little.

Let's make 2023 a memorable year, and every year afterwards.

Daphne.

#2023 planning #blog piece #things ive learned #goal setting #level up journey #levelingup

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tearskillstardust · 5 months

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; WHAT ARE THESE GENSHIN MEN SO UPSET ABOUT?

— gender-neutral reader. no trigger warning, except well, relationship disappointments?

— GENSHIN MEN WHO GET JEALOUS SO EASILY. men who don't like it when your kindness is directed towards someone who isn't them; when your eyes twinkle at someone else; when you're singing praises for someone in front of them for a little bit too long. who get a bit sad and insecure and frown and give you a shy, yet demanding look as though asking for praises. who turn red when you laugh and hug them and sing their praises, holding them close. who kiss your jaw from their position and smile serenely as they listen to your lovely voice.

— men who like being appreciated from time to time. who would gladly worship you but feel a bit inadequate at times and need verbal reassurance. who also love it when you rub their back through their thin t-shirt. who end up cuddling on the divan and hug you close and end up listening to your mellow heartbeat instead. who want to cuddle you endlessly and then when you are done, start their own poem of everything about you that they have ever loved.

al haitham, wriothesley, tighnari, wanderer, dottore

— GENSHIN MEN WHO WANT TO SPEND ALL THEIR TIME WITH YOU but they have just too much work and responsibilities on their shoulders when the festival season comes. who complete all the work with eagerness only to have another pile dumped right back. who get upset about the increasing lack of time you both have for each other nowadays and how you two are growing more distant physically. who want to take you to the market and boy you jewels and dresses and pamper you but simply can't. who want to run to you midway while working but can't, knowing that you too, would encourage them to do their duties properly.

— men who immediately take a day off as soon as festival season is over. who spend the whole day with you in the much-desired solitude and show you all the love they have. who kiss you all over and take you to your favourite date spots. who buy you all your favourite sweets and blush so hard when you pull out a designer ring for them out of nowhere, giggling about how much it would suit them!

albedo, baizhu, kaeya, capitano

— GENSHIN MEN WHO FEEL THAT YOU'RE LOSING PASSION because you don't even look twice at them after returning from work nowadays. who feel that you aren't that aroused by their soft neck kisses anymore, or by their love-drunk kisses at night. who feel you're losing interest in them. who think that you're moving apart from them, getting too caught up in your own life and cutting them off. who feel so sad when you deny another date night that they don't even want to come back home tonight. who almost cry when they talk to you about it, because they love you so much still.

— and you're so shocked that you take a whole month's break from work, just for them, and go to almost all their favourite places on vacation. paris, london, rome— you name it. and do every activity they've wanted to do with you, whether it be building sandcastles, striding through the serene beach at night, trying your hands at pottery, learning traditional calligraphy or going to art museums. you kiss them passionately under the moonlight, over and over again until it is engraved in their heart and mind that you have only their name carved in your heart.

diluc, kaveh, kazuha, venti

— GENSHIN MEN WHO OVERTHINK WHEN YOU GET ANGRY and say something harsh to them, albeit unintentionally. they try not to let it affect them too much, but the way you are giving them a cold shoulder and not paying them any attention is really making them believe that you meant all that. who feel guilty for having upset you and think of every way to try to get your spirits up, but then simply give up when you won't even look their way.

— men who you hear sobbing once, all alone in the bathroom. they thought that you were away and wouldn't return anytime soon and they really needed to let it all out, really, they never meant to burden you because of their overwhelmed selves and get so sad when they find you getting teary-eyed over their crying. who immediately accept your apology, hell they didn't even need it— they just needed you to talk to them. who talk to you in a frail voice about their doubts, as you absorb every single word, making sure that next time, no matter what happens, you aren't going to block communication however angry you may be.

aether, gorou, neuvillette, thoma, xiao

— GENSHIN MEN WHO LOST THEIR FAVOURITE RING that you had specially got custom-made for them, months ago when they first proposed to you and you wanted to confess everything you thought of them. who turn the whole house upside down to find it despite your protests, telling them that you can always have a duplicate copy made. who notice the slightly disappointed tinge in your gaze and feel so guilty. who cherished that ring so much, kissed it before falling asleep every night and felt so upset over having lost it, the ring you had custom-made for them with so much love and care.

— men who take at least a week to fully accept that the ring is lost and they are apologizing over and over again for hurting your feelings. who don't know how to thank you when you get them another copy. who hold themselves back from saying that the affection, the memory they had connected with the previous ring would never really return. money could buy another ring, not the memories. don't fret though— they'll spend the next few months pleasing you head to toe so much, that you'll end up forgetting that it ever even happened.

itto, cyno, xingqiu, zhongli

— GENSHIN MEN WHO LITERALLY JUST WANT SOME PRIVACY. who are sick and tired of both of your jobs that require you two to always stay in the limelight and always meet and greet someone. who genuinely don't care where they find this privacy— at this rate, even an office room would be fine, but even that is full of clients the whole day long. who just want to press a kiss against your neck and jaw and cleavage but then realize there are other people around and curse under their breath.

— men who lay their claim on you and express their desire as soon as you both are alone, climbing all over you and blushing when you laugh at their eagerness. who cherish every single moment of peace they have with you, even if it is spent just quietly being alone with each other, or idly drinking beverage. whose deepest desire is to take you out to a festival someday, where no one recognizes you two and they can do everything together with you, and kiss you under the fireworks, but even as they're imagining this scenario, another knock comes from the door as it startles them and they are left cursing under their breath.

ayato, childe, heizou, pantalone

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direquail · 5 months

Text

You know the point of "protecting the children" dogwhistles, right? It's a reference to the idea that all queer people are child abusers. Super common belief among homophobes and transphobes, including (sometimes especially) gay ones.

It's also not just "a dogwhistle". When pressed to explain what exactly they want to protect children from, it's a ready-made emotional appeal to something that has broad social support. Most people, even if they don't like being around kids, are also not pro-child abuse. That's why conservatives go out of their way to invent (even if it's completely fictional) "reasons" why acceptance of gay and trans people amounts to child abuse. It helps them create an emotional connection with their target audience, and can be leveraged into logically ridiculous arguments like "well, if you don't agree with my platform, you must be pro child abuse, because I'm on the side of The Children".

"Protecting the children" is also super appealing to parents in particular, not because all parents are secretly authoritarians, but because it's super common to have a child and realize "Oh shit, I brought this person who can't defend themselves into the world and the world kind of sucks", and to feel horribly, horribly inadequate in the face of that.

I get very tired of people who mock, scorn, and ridicule people for falling for these rhetorical traps, or being snared by something that seems common-sense but disguises something ugly underneath. They are traps. That is what they're meant to be. That is why there are gay people who fall for anti-queer rhetoric, and get pulled into exclusionist or violently reactionary circles. We all have things we are vulnerable to, whether that is a history of being abused or a deep fear that we cannot protect our own children, who we brought into the world and are responsible for the protection of. And we gain nothing by mocking the latter.

I'm sure it makes some people feel great to say "well if you were really who you claim to be, you wouldn't fall for this shit", but frankly, that's a stupid-ass take. It misses entirely that these messages are carefully crafted by the people who hate us! They workshop these statements! They spend months or years trying to find the right message and when they find it they use the hell out of it, because it works. Because they are listening to the public conversations people are having online, and it doesn't take any level of basic agreement to be capable of regurgitating the party line word-for-word.

I am so sick of people who look at a deeply-embedded struggle over social and political ideals and think that this fight won't demand our whole brains and hearts and souls and yeah, we might fuck up because we care deeply and sometimes, people with bad intentions prey on that. On our grief and our fear and our rage.

And I'm frankly a lot more nervous around people who refuse to be aware of that, especially when they loudly mock the people who are willing to acknowledge their own fallibility and explore how they got ensnared in something. People are not moral machines, they are people.

#that post was pure moral purity police and it was so aggravating #the WHOLE point of that post was to shame every single person who saw it for being fallible and the net effect will not be to make us bette #it will be to make us less willing to interrogate ourselves and whether we're on the right track

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imfinereallyy · 1 year

Text

Tattooed Steve

now with a part 2 :)

I need tattooed Steve. Like Steve starts to get tattoos after Vecna. Maybe it’s because his body is covered in scars now, and he no longer has to hold on to the idea of permanently damaging his skin, cause like it already is. Or maybe it’s cause he’s trying to love his body again, and he sees how excited Eddie gets each time he gets to show off his tattoos. And Steve, Steve wants to feel that way too. Or maybe he likes the pain. Maybe it’s all three.

But Steve Harrington, wouldn’t be Steve Harrington if he wasn’t like massively insecure about his interests and his looks. So he keeps it a secret, for months (maybe even years depending on your tastes for slow burns). And it starts to get harder and harder because he can’t avoid tatting his arms (it’s prime real estate as Eddie put it once), and wearing long sleeves all the time isn’t ideal. But he continues the charade because let’s be real, most people in his life make him feel inadequate (big word, Robin would say) about almost everything. Especially the people he cares about.

The only one who never really makes him feel that way is Eddie. Sure he teases him to high heavens, and is absolutely disgusted by his music taste but Eddie never makes him feel stupid about it or make it seem like he doesn’t get an opinion. Which is actually kinda driving Steve nuts because it’s making it harder and harder to not to fall in love with him.

So it shouldn’t be a surprise at all that Eddie is the first to see them, he made Steve comfortable and that was dangerous. But it was hot in Eddie’s apartment (the a/c busted again), and Steve chose to wear a sweatshirt during mid-July with nothing underneath. So when Steve is sweating bullets, and Eddie just lets out an amused snort to just “take the damn thing off already”. Steve doesn’t really think. He just whips it off and leans back on the couch. It’s only after ten seconds of silence, and no eddie rambling that he realizes his mistake, and oh.

He doesn’t think he’s every seen Eddie Munson speechless.

Eddie reaches out to touch Steve without thinking (they had broken touch boundaries a long time ago, and damn it makes Steve want to kiss him so bad) and starts tracing his tattoos.

There is a bewildered look on Eddie’s face mixed with something heated. “When did you start getting these?” And oh, Steve doesn’t think he’s ever heard Eddie’s voice purr like that before. It makes Steve’s insides stir, and he’s pretty sure he would tell Eddie anything right now, do anything Eddie wanted.

“Last year, right after Vecna.” Steve’s breath hitches as Eddie slides his hands down his chest.

“Didn’t know you had it in ya big boy. Which was your first?” His eyes darken with even more heat.

Steve’s at a loss for words he can’t speak. Eddie needs to get his hands off of him if he wants him to actually respond. Instead Steve’s eyes wonder down his body where Eddie is starting to peak at the ones near his hips, and oh no…anyone but that one.

When Eddie hooks his fingers in his jeans and pulls down the right side, he freezes. Because there, right below the bat bite he and Eddie share, is a tattoo of a red guitar pick with a black and gold cursive E in the center (it’s also Steve’s only colored tattoo, despite his love of color he worries that colored ink will clash with his wardrobe).

“That’s not my first.” Steve rushes out when Eddie hasn’t said anything. “I uh, got it a couple of months ago on the anniversary of spring break. Sorry if it’s weird.”

Eddie’s eyes pop up to Steve’s, and gone is the heat. Instead there is something deeper, and much softer. “You’re an idiot.”

Steve freezes, because Eddie of all people, is now telling him something he likes is stupid. But before Steve can pull away in shame, Eddie holds his hips down and puts his face close to Steve’s. “You’re an idiot. Because of course it’s weird. And of course that’s why I absolutely love it. And it’s why I absolutely love you.”

Steve doesn’t think he’s every rushed so quickly so kiss somebody so hard before. And even when they fall off the couch, and he gets his sweat all over eddie, he can’t find it in himself to regret it one bit.

—

this completely got away from me, and I still need someone to write a fic like this asap, or like anything involving tattooed Steve. I also will jump for joy if someone draws something like this. Part two linked here

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #Steve just needs someone to tell him he’s loved and also still pretty #stranger things #tattoos #steve x eddie #soft boys #fanfic #robin buckley #the party #steddie fanart #someone draw this

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astonmartingf · 1 month

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YOUR GENTLEMAN ; LH44

— a slice of domesticity as you experience living with lewis for the first time

amgf set during the pandemic, nico rosberg mention, yay!

masterlist

Living with Lewis in Monaco definitely had its perks, but it was also coupled with drawbacks.

When you moved in, you thought it was a short stint but the few weeks turned into months, and soon you found yourself spending the whole year with him.

In the beginning you definitely found more pros than cons, living in Monaco is like a dream, especially since it was with Lewis, it only made it more special.

But as you spent more time, you found yourself growing anxious, and empty. Isolated from your family and friends, away into a foreign country, where you barely knew anyone.

"Are you sure you're okay with me going to Nico's?" You ask Lewis for the umpteenth time. Opening up last night how you felt yourself slowly going insane staying indoors. That's when Lewis suggested that you visit Nico and his family downstairs.

"I'm sure, look we've been friends since forever, and I know that you miss Nico and his family. I'm busy going to races, and you're stuck here. It's okay." Comforting your worries away, Lewis pulls you into a small hug assuring you that it's all good.

"I do miss Nico, I haven't seen him since he left you know, and you— you're both awkward together."

Lewis sends you a pointed look, "We're working on it okay, it's not like I avoid him every time I see him."

You scoff in reply, "As if you give the universe a chance for you to meet. You're always avoiding him, you literally live in the same building together."

Lewis shakes his head, clearly disagreeing with your sentiments, "You know what I'm going to walk you over to Nico's tomorrow and talk to him just to prove to you I'm not awkward with him."

"You're acting like I'm a kid handing me out on a play date! Also that's not counted since you're just going there to prove a point to yourself that you aren't affected."

Pushing a finger in front of your lips, Lewis shushed you pushing you towards your bedroom. "It's time for us to sleep, we both have a busy day ahead."

Rolling your eyes, you were met with a closed door. Following the sounds of Lewis' slippers shuffling back to his bed.

Despite being annoyed you can't find fault with him, you both had a busy day tomorrow with you spending time with the Rosberg's and Lewis with a flight to wherever the next race is.

Spending time with Nico and his family definitely boosted your mood, often forgetting about Lewis as he's constantly in and out of the country. But instead of moping in his apartment you find yourself looking forward to his arrival.

You avoid messaging Lewis during race weeks, keeping to yourself and leaving the F1 Channel playing in the background for any updates. It's nice to keep Lewis focused on the track but it also means that whatever you see on television, is all the information you have on him.

And during inadequate race conditions you're constantly stressing yourself, every yellow flag, weather update, red flag, pit stop, and other potential crashes have you on your toes.

Yet somehow, Lewis always finds a way to comfort you even if he is miles away from you. Immediately answering the radio about his updates (if he is a part of the crash) it's as if he's constantly assuring you that he is doing fine inside the car.

One time you were eating dinner after a long day with Nico's daughters, you find yourself looking forward to coming back to Lewis' apartment. Which at this point is no longer his only, it's a shared space for you two, mostly yours as you spend more time in it than him.

Cooking up something simple, you sit in solidarity finding peace in your little set up. Placing the ceramic bowl you designed with Lewis a few years back on the coffee table at the living room, instead of eating in the dining area, watching a replay of Lewis' dashboard from a previous race.

It feels like he's beside you, you find yourself listening to him as he talks with his engineers, watching his hands grip the steering wheel going lap over lap, doing what he does the best.

You end your days the same, until Lewis comes back. And it happened to be one of those days. The bell catches you off guard from taking a bite of your dinner, looking up, you find the door swing open revealing Lewis from behind.

"OH MY GOSH!" Standing up from the floor your legs stumble at the speed of your reaction. Throwing yourself at Lewis who dropped his bags at the entrance, forgotten as he wrapped his arms around yours.

"OH NO! I didn't cook dinner for you. Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?" Breaking from the hug, you smack his arm scrambling to the kitchen for a last minute meal.

You hear the sound of Lewis' laughter behind, your heart warming at the sound of his presence immediately filling the empty space in the apartment. "You don't have to cook me anything, I can make myself food."

You feel Lewis behind you as you shake your head in disappointment. "That's not it, you just came home you must be starving– how about you have my meal down there in the living room. It's fried rice, it's vegan I was about to eat so it's still warm and I can make something real quick so you can rest and-"

You were cut off with Lewis feeding you a spoon of what was supposedly your dinner. "Calm down sweetheart, we can share the bowl if you really want me to eat that bad."

A frown forms on your face, deep in thought, slowly chewing the spoonful of food, before staring into Lewis' brown eyes.

Dragging him towards the living room, you push him into the sofa before grabbing the bowl of fried rice off his hands. "Are you not hungry? You don't have to eat if you're not! You know what you should sit down and rest, or do you want to take a short bath? I can-"

"I can do those things myself. You're stressing over me when I'm at races, and when I'm here you're also stressing yourself over me. You're supposed to relax." Softly grabbing your hands, Lewis pushes you next to him on the sofa.

"I can't help it you know. It's instinct at this point. When I first started living here you basically took care of me when I was feeling down, and now I'm doing the same. We need to take care of each other Lewis, I'm basically responsible for you."

Nodding slowly in agreement, Lewis grabs your hands holding it into his, "And I'm also responsible for you, which I'd like to think is more important than me. I can't have you stressed over your time here, imagine what your parents will say- God forbid, what my parents say."

You gasp, laughing at his statement, "My well being is more important? I think not, you're literally out there racing and going out- imagine Toto Wolff calling me because you're not in perfect condition."

"Then let me handle it. I doubt Toto has anything bad to say about you." Lewis mumbles under his breath, but you catch his statement.

"What would Toto Wolff know about me? What have you been talking about Lewis? I swear if you're spreading that I'm not taking care of you, I'll actually reveal to the world that you're still awkward with Nico."

Your threat seems to leave little to no effect then you expect, but at least you got him laughing.

Happy drivers mean good results.

"And you don't have to tiptoe around me, I doubt anyone has the balls to say that to my face except you- maybe Seb, but it doesn't matter. You don't have to worry about me, my racing, or my relationship with Nico."

Your eyes squint at his statement, still not believing him. His eyes meet yours, not giving up.

"Fine." You lower your gaze first.

"Let me draw you a bath though." Before Lewis could complain, you march towards the bathroom. Behind you, you hear Lewis laughing, you can see him shaking his head in disbelief.

"After that you better finish your dinner, then tomorrow we can do something together."

You smile to yourself, nodding in agreement. Despite the circumstances, you'd rather spend your time with Lewis like this. At the end of the day, even if you're miles apart from each other you will always come back to each other.

#f1 x reader #f1 fluff #f1 imagine #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton imagine

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show-your-fangs · 10 months

Note

I hate seeing sad Hotch but what about Hotch being sad and feeling he’s inadequate but reader does a BIG/GRAND gesture and hotch is floored and becomes like cute puppy hotch and is all like 🥺

this was such a phenomenal request, i just had to add a sprinkle of angst and hurt/comfort bc i am a whore. hope you like it!

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x f!Reader

Words: 1.3k

CW: sad, very very sad, angst, sad boy aaron

Tags/warnings: established relationship, lover boy Hotch, reader works at the BAU but isn't a profiler (just in case you haven't read Moments), self-deprecating thoughts, Aaron thinking he's not good enough for Reader, fear of abandonment, Aaron crying, Reader comforts Aaron, super cute ending.

a/n: I imagine this is Moments AU Aaron and Reader after their relationship comes to light and they’re just dating and working together like adults after almost a year of secrecy, so it’s “new” in the sense that they’ve been public for only a few months.

Disclaimer: YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WRITING ANYWHERE ELSE WITHOUT MY CONSENT. REBLOGS ARE ENCOURAGED THOUGH. YOU MAY NOT FEED MY WORK TO ANY AI DATABASES OF ANY KIND OR TO USE MY WORKS TO TRAIN AI. FUCK AI.

You hadn’t spoken to him all day, avoided him at all cost, not once stole a single glance at his office, at him. He didn’t think it was strange at first, you were both rushing to finish a mountain of paperwork that had just come in.

He even ignored the fact that you hadn’t sought him out to have lunch together, claiming you were going out to run an errand. But then you left work early, so early in fact that the sun was still out. That’s when he began to panic.

He knew he’d been a little distant recently. He’d had to miss your weekly date night twice, the second time having been the rescheduled date that he was convinced he’d be able to make. But no matter, he’d been called into a meeting just as the two of you were leaving the office.

You’d been understandably upset. When he returned home to his apartment where you’d been waiting for him for the past few hours, you immediately got into a very heated argument, one that as much as he knew was coming, was still incredibly painful.

But that had been a couple of weeks ago, you’d worked through it, talked it out, were done fighting about that. Or at least he thought so.

He knew he was lucky to be with you, unbelievably lucky in fact, and he tried to often show you just how much he appreciated you sticking around after everything he’d been through, after everything you’d been through together.

And yet he couldn’t help but feel like you would be so much better without him, that if he wasn’t holding you back you could be doing so much better. Your career had stalled because of your relationship with him, you were stuck in an endless cycle of having to comfort him, reassure him that everything was going to be alright when he should be the one doing this for you.

He’d caught you laughing, unrestricted, completely set ablaze by emotion a few days ago, and what had struck him hardest about such a normal display of happiness was that he couldn’t remember when he’d made you laugh like that last.

You deserved the world, deserved someone who would show up for you, who would sacrifice everything for you, and as much as he wanted to be that person, he was also terrified of what he would have to do in order to become it.

But he really wanted to, truly wanted to try, to make this work, to prove to you that he could do it, that he could be the man you needed him to be.

He’d left the office the earliest he’d had in a while, making an effort to leave the paperwork he hadn’t been able to get through on his desk. He could get to it tomorrow morning. Tonight he would show up for you, to his apartment where he knew you’d be waiting after you’d unofficially moved in a week earlier.

He had plans to surprise you with dinner from your favorite restaurant, draw you a nice bath, and practically spend the rest of the evening on his knees, worshiping you like a goddess until you simply couldn’t take it anymore.

He was practically buzzing all the way up to his apartment, excitement washing over him like a drug, euphoric and calming. He’d opened the door quietly, not wanting to alert you of his presence quite yet.

But when he finally took in the room, fully dissected what he was seeing, the bag of take out, his keys, and his work bag fell from his hands, loudly banging against the wooden floor.

You practically bolted out of the room, terrified, like a deer caught in headlights. You only calmed down when you noticed it was him, the hand that held a hair brush like a weapon lowering as a realization flashed over your features.

He’d caught you in the act, caught you in the middle of…packing your bags and leaving him.

No, this couldn’t be happening to him, not again, not like this, not you.

“Honey,” he managed, his voice unbelievably small, on the verge of breaking apart. “What– we can talk about this, please, don’t– please don’t leave me.”

Your brows scrunched in confusion, slowly straightening, readying yourself for what you believed would be another fight. That’s when your eyes darted towards the spilled containers on the floor, his keys and bag to the other side of him, discarded.

“I know I messed up, I know I shouldn’t have gone to that meeting, I should have told Strauss to wait until the morning,” his voice was cracking, pathetically, and he wanted nothing more than to have this conversation in the most composed way possible.

But he had not prepared himself to find you like this, to find you in the same way he’d found Hayley all those years ago. Only then it had been his things, and tonight they were yours, and that somehow stung him even harder because last time it had been her kicking him out of her life, and tonight it was you removing yourself from his.

You still didn’t move, your confusion slowly starting to turn to concern as he dropped to his knees in front of you, quite literally getting on his knees to beg you to stay.

“I don’t want you to leave me, honey,” he pleaded. “Please stay, I promise I’ll do better, I’ll do whatever you want me to just please don't leave me.”

His hands wrapped around your legs then, face pressed against your stomach as he couldn’t stop the tears from pouring any longer. His entire body shaked, trembled, quacked against your own, his arms keeping you in place, stopping you from moving anywhere, even if you wanted to.

“Baby,” you whispered and he only tightened his grip. So you stood there, let him get it all out as you gently ran your fingers over his scalp, shushing him gently as he sobbed.

A few long minutes later, the sobs subsided into light tears and he let you unwrap his arms from you. You dropped down to your knees in an instant, cupping his face in your warm hands and pulling his gaze up to meet yours.

“I’m sorry, baby,” you told him, wiping the wetness off his face with your thumbs. “I didn’t know this was bothering you so much, I thought we were done fighting about that.”

He let out a shaky breath, taking in the words you’d just said, allowing them to reassure his rapidly beating heart.

“You’re not leaving?”

“No, baby,” you smiled softly. “I wanted to surprise you,” you turned your body to the hallway leading towards his room, his own bags packed by the door. “I got Rossi to approve some time off for both of us – an entire week of sipping margaritas by the beach at one of Morgan’s friend’s resorts.”

His arms wrapped tightly around your waist then, pulling you further into him. “When did you– how did you? Why–”

“You’re right, that fight was awful, and I realized we both just needed some time alone together. To decompress and reconnect, just the two of us. What do you think?”

“I think that I don’t deserve you,” he confessed, the smallest hint of a joke desperately trying to hide the truth behind his words.

“Oh, but you do, Aaron,” you kissed his nose. “You deserve this and so much more, I just need you to believe it. For me. Please?”

He nodded, his nose gently rubbing against yours before he leaned forward to press his lips against yours. They were a little salty from his tears and you took extra care to lap them all up, to clean his mouth of any reminder of what had just happened, a clean slate for the two of you.

“I love you,” you spoke against his lips.

“I love you too, honey,” he replied, placing another kiss over your lips before continuing. “So much it’s physically painful.”

You giggled then, light, airy, playful and carefree, and he couldn’t help but smile. Now this laugh he’d remember forever.

this was...wow. holy shit. i hated putting baby through that but i think he needed to hear that.

my requests are open for pretty boy hotch, be that moments, dbf!we shouldn't (and yet we do), rough hotch, sugar daddy!hotch, or whatever your heart desires.

tags: @canuck-eh, @ssamorganhotchner

#aaron hotchner x female reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner #show your fangs asks #aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner angst #hotch x reader #moments on ao3 #show your fangs writes #aaron hotchner blurb #show your fangs hotch blurbs #show your fangs moments au

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

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AITA for not supporting my best friend? (tw: suicide mention, sexual stuff)

so I(24 F2M) and my best friend Kat(28 F, not real name) used to date for 12 years, so a pretty long relationship and pretty much all of our teenhood and adulthood so far. We've lived together since I turned 18. About six months ago Kat left me for someone else she'd met, Carla(26 F). It was a nasty breakup but we made up and decided to remain best friends afterwards. I'm still very heartbroken over this, but I've tried to sit it aside for Kat's sake. Kat has since moved out to live with Carla but we still live close to each other and spend a lot of time together.

Our entire relationship, physical affection was a low. We tried having sex, but it ended up not working out and we refrained from doing anything else. A few years into living together we started sleeping in separate beds, and there was no kissing or cuddling. That was fine, I didn't want to pressure her into doing anything. The instant Kat and Carla started dating, she would not stop talking about how much she wanted to fuck her, hold her, and kiss her. Now that they're living together, it's all I hear. All of our conversations tend to be about Carla one way or the other. And that's fine, everyone needs a friend to chat to about their life, it was just hard for me to balance all this while still nursing a broken heart and feeling inadequate for being inexperienced.

I tried to tell Kat that these conversations were making me uncomfortable, but it made her angry. She was upset that our relationship had degraded to the point where we couldn't speak frankly about what was on our minds, and that I understand. I let her resume in earnest. I admit fault in this - after we broke up, I basically became a shut in. I have severe depression and I've attempted multiple times before, so I stopped communicating altogether for a while out of grief. I wasn't there for Kat when I should have been.

I ended up having a psychotic break that long story short ended in an attempt, and landed me in the hospital. Kat and Carla came to see me and sat with me for a while, and the conversation turned to their plans for marriage and children. Carla left for work and Kat continued on without her. I wasn't in the best state of mind, and I snapped at her that I don't want to hear this right now and that Kat constantly talking about her relationship with Carla with me wasn't helping me out. I didn't explicitly say it played a part in my attempt because I didn't want to send the message that I would have killed myself if Kat left me(it was multiple compounding reasons that resulted in the break that led to the attempt), but I may have sent that implication regardless. Kat seemed hurt, and I apologized and asked to be alone.

She then blew up at me, cursing me out, saying I was a horrible friend for not supporting her in her life and plans, that I was the one I she could trust and now she can't tell me anything because I'd react this way. It devolved into an argument where I admitted to her that I can't stand her talking about Carla so much and that while I understand if she chose her over me, I was still mourning the future I had with Kat and needed time to grieve. Things calmed down, Kat said she understood, and we had a few talks in-between nurse visits that eventually turned back into her talking about Carla in sexual detail. I just accepted at the time, but once I was discharged and tried to go back to living my life, I stopped talking to Kat more and more. She still leaves walls of text messages about her and Carla that I now ignore.

Where I might be the asshole: Ignoring Kat and getting upset about her trying to share her life with me post breakup. I don't like how I behaved and I should have supported her more than I did. She was in a period of her life where she needed me and wanted someone to share her joy with and I tried to take that away from her. I also might have implied that I attempted due to her leaving me for Carla.

Where I might not be the asshole: I wasn't in my right mind for a great deal of this, and Kat could have been more gentle with me when I was recovering from the attempt. I wouldn't outright call her an asshole for her behavior, I don't honestly think she did anything wrong - I agreed to talking with her about her life and supporting her, she was only utilizing that. Carla has absolutely nothing to do with this otherwise, and she's actually quite nice herself.

So, am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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yawarakaizai · 6 months

Note

Yan!dazai mindbreaking angel!reader ooo

ⵌ WATCH HER BREAK JUST LIKE A DOLL

SENDER Angel!Reader (Fem) RECIPITENT Yandere!Dazai (BSD) CONTENTS NSFW DARK CONTENT 16+ , obsession/possession, drugging, mind-breaking, reader is a hostage?, unhealthy relationship, dubcon/nc??, abuse (physical implied + mental), slight somnophilia, lowkey angsty, dazai is an asshole!, smut part isn't really detailed (WARNING; This relationship is unhealthy and should not be used as an example. Reader here does not hold Dazai accountable. If you are in an abusive relationship, please seek help from someone you trust or a professional! This fanfic does not idolise nor condone abuse within relationships) NOTE All these years of feeling inadequate and dumb. You were proud to have grown accustomed to Dazai's routine, even if he had promised you months ago he had changed. COMPANY Dolly

A/N combined 2 asks I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE ASK BUT IT WAS A YANDERE DAZAI NSFW IDEA im so sorryy ... also any other yan dazai req ! !! srry for the long wait ;; !! reader is an angel !! she was kind of created ,,? kinda like sigma !! the og req had an idea abt aphrodisiacs but ... not sure if i want to write about them just yet :( so sorry!!

Dutiful and pristine, you were a model wife.

Delicate and gorgeous. Just how he liked you to be.

You were brought her to serve as his prize. His reward for years of watching you from afar, stalking you like a lions meal. And you, pure and kind-hearted, not once ever suspected a thing.

Dazai was your co-worker after all. A smart, handsome man with a positive future.

Back before this all, you were nothing but a mere fascination to not only him, but your peers as well. You were never offended or hesitant to answer questions others would have about you. How you came to be, whether you remember anything, and if those feathers of yours regrow.

You coped with everything by dissociating as much as possible. If you could believe hard enough - Dazai was still the Dazai you knew before. The man next to you who'd pout when ordered to finish his report, the one who would turn to you and try to flirt or make you giggle, knowing Kunikida would never dare give out to you.

How could anyone, after all? You only manifested a few years ago. What was it, eleven, or twelve. You can't remember. There was little you remember anyway.

The first few months with Dazai were a blur. You'd have blacked out for the majority of the day until he'd wake you up and force you to eat. If you'd refuse, he'd starve you until you'd beg.

You had tried to protest by going days without food or water but he always got his way in the end. You had to give in at some point.

The biggest obstacle was finding the guts to hate Dazai.

You were afraid to hate him. You were afraid to hate.

He'd treat you so gently and with love. Funnily enough, you blamed yourself for it all. You didn't know why or how, but you felt like if you had done things different, none of this would have happened.

Osamu was sweet. He always did what was right. You respected Kunikida and Fukuzawa immensely. If they trust Dazai, then so did you.

If you knew that you were a lamb handed to a wolf, maybe you would have ran much earlier.

Dazai did not show himself upfront. No. First, it was the mind games. The ghastly figures that would appear outside of your window in the form of blackened shadows, doors you remember closing being wide open when you return home, bangs and creaks around your home when you lived alone, your items disappearing from their usual spot, laundry vanishing completely, and countless mysterious messages from anonymous.

Second, it was you asking for help. You turned to who you admired best. The Armed Detective Agency. Ranpo scanned your phone. He read each message out loud before looking at you, then back down at your screen. He slid it back towards you. " There's nothing suspicious. It's just a prank. "

You felt relief. Ranpo had his ability, after all. The ability to figure out any mystery. He could not be wrong.

How dumb of you to think Ranpo would not be the first person Dazai would go to for his sick joke.

Third was the fever. It hit you like a brick. It was the first time you had been infected with a human illness. Dazai kindly offered to tend to you in his free-time, as everyone else was too busy. You were grateful that Dazai, an important member of the ADA, was sacrificing his time in helping you. He'd stop by almost every day and night to feed you and make sure you're alright. The more you drank that chalky water he'd give you daily before bed, the more you lost your ability to walk.

Fourth, was the inevitable. You waking up in a bed that was harder than yours. Upon observing around you, you realised you weren't in your house. And you don't recall ever sleeping next to Dazai. Naturally, you were afraid. You were in hysterics while he tried to calm you down, telling you stories on how it's safer for you to be here, and that you were an ungrateful bitch for not being grateful enough to him.

You didn't want to hear any of it. So? You were kept in his lovely basement.

There, you were badly treated. Sleeping on cold concrete and eating what scraps he'd leave on the floor for you like some animal - any form of resistance was met with harsh punishment.

You lacked survival instincts. You not once ever felt the need to. Working in the ADA, you were nothing but an accountant. You'd hear about the missions they'd go on, but to you it all seemed like the things you'd see in action films.

But this was real. The way your heart pounded in your ears every time you'd hear steps coming down and the way he'd tug your hair 'till your scalp would burn is something that the actors would never be able to portray properly.

It took you a while to realise you weren't going to make any progress by doing the opposite of what he wanted.

Though, you were admittedly conflicted.

You provided Dazai something interesting. If you let him use you, to spare yourself of his harsh punishments, would he get bored of you? Would he rid of you completely? Would he treat you more terribly to purposely make you act out just so he'd have a reason to strike you?

These were questions that would keep you up.

You couldn't be strong-willed for long. Hope that Kunikida or anyone else would come looking for you dwindled as the days went by and none would come but Dazai.

At some point, you had lost your voice for a while. In that period, Dazai took complete advantage of the fact. When you could do nothing but thrash and cry until you submit underneath him.

He'd pull out, collapse next to you and hold you close to his bandaged chest and apologise until he fell asleep with your hot breath against his skin.

Dazai had been your first time. He took an angel's virginity. You were frozen for the rest of the night. You were almost neutral to what had happened. You even wiped his tears away with your thumb. He apologised. He must surely be remorseful. He promised he wouldn't do it again.

You lost your halo that day.

'' Fetch me some water, I'm thirsty. "

His hand came off your head where it had been caressing.

You looked up at him through long lashes, slowly nodding your head and raising to unstable feet.

Ever since you were allowed to stay out of the basement, he's been helping you regain your ability to walk after the drugs had left your knees shaky.

Your movement was slow but gradual, at least.

If you wished to remain with Dazai, you'd have to obey him. And obey you did.

You fetched him his requested glass of water albeit spilling a tad bit on your way back, you presented him with it.

He peered in, then slouched back into the couch, gaze returning to the television screen. " I said orange juice. "

You were sure he said water.

" But you said water. " Your voice was meek compared to his.

" Are you saying I am lying? "

That shut you up.

You apologised, and travelled back to the kitchen to throw away the water and replace it with orange juice.

You'd bring it back, and he'd look at you with disappointment. " Why are you bringing me orange juice when I asked for apple juice? "

He sounded so convincing that you thought maybe you were mishearing. You held the orange juice in your hand tightly, apologised, and left to get the apple juice.

By the time you returned, you were shaking. The apple juice was dripping from the overfilled glass and onto the floor. You were trembling. " It's- It's apple juice. Because y-ou said.. "

Your gaze was so distant. You were so far away. You were no longer on this Earth. Dazai had to keep you grounded.

" You must be taking me for a fucking idiot. "

He slapped the glass right from your hand, your whole body jolted in shock when the glass shattered against the floor.

You two had just been cuddling on the couch, watching a noir movie like a happy couple would.

Dazai had to keep you grounded. He had to keep you on a leash lest you wander.

" Get over here. " He sighed out after a long pause. Instinctively, you answered, " No. "

It's been so long since you were punished. You didn't want to go back to them.

" I didn't do anything wrong ", your voice croaked out to reason. You should have figured at some point Dazai would get bored of a normal life style.

" I said get over here, Y/N, my patience is already running low. I'm not going to hit you. "

And no matter what you've been through, you'd wake up praying Dazai was kinder. He had overheard your nightly prayers one day and in an act of irony or sympathy - hung a cross over your bed.

You fiddled with the hem of your skirt before waddling to between his spread thighs. Hand reaching for your hip and guiding you down to sit on his lap, you avoided eye contact.

You were clearly afraid of being punished for something that was not your fault. You couldn't tell Dazai it wasn't your fault. That would be calling Dazai a liar. And that would get you hit. Good wives don't get hit.

True to his word, he did not raise his hand to you at all.

Once he opened his mouth to speak, you attentively turned to him. His training worked wonders on you. He made himself your God in a matter of months. You no longer worried your pretty little head on whether Kunikida would save you. All you had to do was clean around the house and prepare Dazai's meal - living to serve your husband.

" You've been such a good girl, don't ruin it with this, 'kay? " He didn't sound mad anymore, but you could still pick up on the fact he was not exactly happy with you either.

" Yes, 'samu. " You nod, toying with your fingers nervously.

" You're such a sweet wife. So dumb. So cute. Love seeing you panic. "

You bit your bottom lip at that, chewing on skin.

'' D'ya think It's about time we started our own family? "

You thought at first you didn't hear him properly. You knew you were trying to convince yourself so.

" Ahah.. " You were hesitant. He picked up on it. His dark brown eyes felt like lasers. " I don't think I can. I'd love to, 'samu, but I can't. "

He let go of his soft grasp on your hip to allow you to stand up.

It was 9pm. You should head to bed.

His silence and poker face felt foreboding.

" Goodnight, love. " You tried to remain cheerful.

You went to bed earlier than Dazai. You climbed into your shared bed after having taken your nightly medication.

You fluffed out your wings - once white, now grey - then tossed and turned until you slept.

" Hah.. hah.. "

The burning heat is what hit you first.

Confusion was second.

" Wakin' up, pretty baby? "

Your mouth opened by itself before your eyes did, and when you tried to speak, to ask what is going on, you let out a soft moan.

You feel something sink in deeper in your pussy, the wooden bed frame hitting against a wall. Oh.

" 'Samu! " Your eyes shot open upon realising what was happening. Dazai had not done this for a while. The room was dark. Judging by how dry your mouth was, you had been fast asleep for a while.

Dazai was propped on his knees between your thighs, naked from what you could make out.

You looked further down to realise that he had shoved his dick in you while you were asleep. Your nightgown was pulled up over your stomach and his hands were holding on loosely to your hips.

Your hand reached out to grip onto his wrist, your legs unable to close. " No, you said you were gonna be better, you said no more of this. " Oh, you sweet poor child.

" It's alright. " He responded casually, pulling out just to slam back in. Although your vision was limited, you could feel his piercing stare studying your contorting features. " Just this once, yeah? "

You remembered your conversation with Dazai earlier. The sudden question about having a child.

When you tightened around the base of his shaft, he knew what you were thinking.

" Don't get all scared, baby. You'd make an amazing mom. " He would bend down, his mouth next to your ear as he'd begin thrusting.

You lay unresponsive and silent, staring at the ceiling - your only solace.

His huffs, groans and sighs muffle themselves on your pillow, your body would temporarily jolt in spasms with each orgasm.

Dazai continued for hours.

At some point, your hands were tangled in messy brown hair, your mouth hung and your voice would plead for 'more', 'there', 'deeper'.

Your sweet husband never pulled you back when you drifted off to space with your longing gaze.

He barely even met you in the eye.

Dazai finished his rounds before you noticed. It was a period of him not touching you that made you turn your head sideways to meet him laying next to you, his chest still raising and falling as he'd regain his breath.

You hadn't moved your body.

Adjusted to the dark, you couldn't help but stare at the pitiful man who spoke nothing to you.

An emptiness weighed your heart down and the liquid love he had planted in you seeped - unwelcomed.

You still felt bad for him. Surely, definitely, this was not his fault.

" I'd like a girl. "

Your lips trembled, you smiled to hide it.

" Two.. daughters. "

The corners of your lips quivered with your fake expression. He could see your eyes gloss and your shivering body, blinking rapidly until your tears slid down.

You never did want children. Not with Dazai, at least. Not for another few years. Not here, not now, not with him. Not this Dazai.

He left you waiting for a while, until he rolled onto his back and looked up at the ceiling that enamoured you with amazement when he had made love to you.

" Yeah. "

He sounded uncertain, before continuing his response. You had expected it. All these years of feeling inadequate and dumb. You were proud to have grown accustomed to Dazai's routine, even if he had promised you months ago he had changed.

" 'm sorry. "

" I know. "

#dazai x reader #yandere dazai #bsd x reader #yandere dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader

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