#its beyond gorgeous tbh

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

where you lead me, i’ll follow ; suguru geto

synopsis; opening up is hard, even under the comfort of a starry sky, seated next to your childhood friend. fortunately, suguru knows you like the back of his hand.

word count; 10k (dont even look at me i got carried away ok….)

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers (eventually. probably.), hurt/comfort (mostly comfort tbh), fluffy overall!!, reader is silly and suguru is down horrendous, written with a no curses au in mind, i’m madly in love with suguru geto and it shows

a/n; nothing goes harder than sugu w/ the childhood friends trope i fear. the angst potential, the fluff potential….. the slow burn of it all……….. anyways can u tell i miss him :’3

time goes by so very quickly.

as you look up at the starry sky, the thought envelops you like a fuzzy tidal wave; heavy, suffocating, entirely unavoidable. these days, sinking beneath its weight is all you seem to do.

a sigh flows from your parted lips. soft and quiet, somewhat resigned. the midnight air tastes cold and crispy on your tongue, turning into a flurry of vapour as you breathe it out again, watching it dissipate into the summer night. beyond the boundary of your vision, stars burn in tandem. all you can see is the darkness of the cosmos, pupils dilating as you take in the immensity of the world, the little flickers of starlight that glimmer in that all-encompassing veil of black — blooming out across the galaxy. 

the moon is beautiful, tonight. 

a big blob of reflected sunlight, smiling down at you so very tenderly, so gorgeous that it makes your heart ache. shining with a hazy kind of brightness, soothing like the lilt of a mother’s voice. 

and there’s a comfort, in the familiarity of the sight. because the moon is always, always there. always shining down on you, always when you need it most, even when it’s carved into a crescent or hidden by a blur of clouds. a view that never ever seems to change, no matter how many years go by. 

what a lovely thing to be.

another second lost, as you gaze into the nothingness of space. time keeps passing you by, never stopping — seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into months. that incessant moving of the hands of the clock; tick, tock, tick, tock. over and over again. 

and, really, it’s a little bit scary. you think you might be terrified of time. you’re so afraid, afraid of being left behind, afraid that the world will turn its back on you and then walk away. afraid that everyone and everything will change shape before you know it.

but even in this always-changing, turbulent mess of a life — 

one thing remains the same.

”ah. there you are.”

(that voice.)

honeyed and smooth, but still rough around the edges. just a little husky. deep and familiar, etched into your brain; even if you were to forget everything else, you’re sure you’d still remember it. that familiar, familiar voice. it sounds like moonlit nights, and sunkissed kitchens.

it sounds like coming home.

a turn of your head. it’s a subconscious reaction, as natural as the beating of your own heart, memorized down to the very marrow of your bones — muscle memory, to seek him out after hearing the low timbre of his voice. you do it as if it’s the only thing worth hearing.

and suguru is smiling, when your eyes meet his. that gentle upward tug of his lips, small yet sincere. the one that always puts your mind at ease.

a warmth settles in your chest, at the sight of him. hair down, cascading over his shoulders and back, a little messy; as black as the night sky. a stark contrast to the white of his shirt, old, oversized, with some indie band on the front.

his eyes glimmer like little pockets of stardust in the darkness of the night. cutting through the haze, into your very soul.

”… damn,” you click your tongue, faux pout playing at your lips. ”how’d you know i’d be up here?”

suguru shrugs. ”lucky guess,” he lies.

of course i knew, he thinks. finding you is his specialty. always has been. like that one time he found you hiding under a table at your twelfth birthday party, or the time he found you crying in the woods when you got lost on your school field trip.

finding you comes easy, to suguru. almost like he’s always seeking you out, subconsciously or otherwise, always paying attention to your movements. you go south, and he follows. you go north, and he’s already waiting up ahead.

he’s worried. just a bit, is what he tells himself, but truthfully it’s more than that. because tonight was supposed to be for you. for the both of you, a celebration of your shared graduation — but before he knew it, you had slipped away. seizing the opportunity as soon as people grew too sleepy to notice. 

(sadly for you, no amount of fatigue could ever distract him from the lack of your presence.)

you look small, suguru thinks, curled up with your knees to your chest. sitting all alone up on the roof of his home, a place you’d always go to on nights when you couldn’t sleep. together, sharing whispered secrets and hushed laughter until the sun began to rise again.

back then, it felt like the two of you were the only ones awake in the whole world.

(the safest world he’s ever known.)

the distance between you grows narrower, as suguru makes his way over to you — and it always does, at the end of the day. no matter how much time you spend apart, that uncomfortable distance always, always ends up broached. one of you always moves closer. as if it’s unavoidable, two planets spinning around each other’s orbit.

suguru plops down right next to you, crossing his legs and leaning back. his knee bumps against the side of your shoe, and his shoulder grazes yours. it’s natural, as natural as the glow of the moon, this closeness between you. it reminds you of the gentle lapping of ocean waves at your bare ankles; on mellow summer days, comforting and familiar. a warmth that never goes away.

a brief inhale, and your heartbeat settles into a tender rhythm again. the scent that always lingers on suguru’s skin drifts throughout the air, mingling with your own — it can be hard to distinguish between the two, with how often you end up wearing each other’s clothes, but you could never mistake it for anything else. cedarwood and earl gray, with a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. enveloping every single one of your senses, grounding you in a way nothing else can.

leaning just a little closer to him, subconsciously, you let a fond exhale slip from your lips. barely audible. and suguru mimics it.

”of course i knew,” he whispers, voice gone soft. ”i know you.”

(your chest tightens. it doesn’t go away.)

another tiny breath flows into the air, as you gaze up at the stars in wonder. ”… yeah.”

the silence between you is a comfortable one. always has been. a little fickle, always shattered by one of you before long — usually you, though suguru isn’t much better. 

but this time, he stays silent.

he’s waiting. you know he is, because he always does. he’s waiting, waiting for you to break the silence first. waiting for you to say something, tell him what’s wrong, explain why you’re up here instead of celebrating with the others. waiting for you to explain why your eyes have looked so tired, this past week.

(you’d like to ask him the same thing. he’s an idiot if he thinks a little makeup is enough to hide those dark circles from you.)

suguru is nothing if not patient. so he waits, unbothered by the silence. admiring the stars, and the flicker of their light. a vague worry simmers in his chest, however, and he can’t stop himself from glancing down at you every now and then.

an insatiable yearning to soothe you gnaws at his heart — but he can’t, not unless you let him.

a sigh drops from your lips, suddenly. deep and heavy, like a rock thrown into the depths of a lake. the silence breaks. 

”hey, suguru.”

the man in question doesn’t speak, only emitting an inquisitive hum. he doesn’t look at you, either; a form of respect. knowing you’ll find it easier to get whatever’s bugging you off your chest without him scrutinizing you. 

the pads of your fingers tap at the tiles of the roof. an absentminded habit, as you inhale a bit of the midnight air. it tastes like summer. ”do you remember how we first met?”

suguru glances at you, a surprised glint in his eyes. he can’t help himself — unable to resist the temptation of seeing your face, drinking in your expression.

then he chuckles.

”haha.. are you feeling sentimental?” he teases, a lighthearted sense of amusement in his voice. bubbling up like seafoam. ”did you come out here just to brood?”

the corners of his lips quirk up when he hears you huff, hugging your legs closer to your chest with a furrow of your brow. cheek squished against your kneecap as you meet his gaze.

”c’mon,” you whine, pouting childishly in a way you know will make him give in. ”just indulge me a little…”

suguru smiles. it’s soft around the edges, smoothed over with an unmistakable fondness — and he does indulge you. he always does. ”of course i do,” he assures you.

the silence that settles between your words is tender. a mutual understanding, of sorts.

of course i remember. how could i not?

”you broke into my backyard.”

a sigh. heavy and sharp, as it tumbles from your lips, and suguru has to bite back a grin. his eyes shine with something teasing, in the dark, when you shoot a glare his way.

”okay, first of all —” you begin, ”i didn’t break into anything. i climbed over the fence. peacefully.”

suguru raises a brow. ”that literally doesn’t matter? it’s still trespassing.”

”i was seven years old!”

”some criminals start young.”

another harmless little huff, as you halfheartedly try to sound annoyed. it doesn’t work. in an attempt to hide your growing smile, you tuck your face into your knees. ”whatever.”

then your gaze shifts. towards that expanding starry sky, the vibrant flicker of the moon, like a moth to a flame. helpless to its charms. it looks like a giant sponge cake, the kind you and suguru used to make when that was the only recipe you knew — you’d eat from the batter, and he’d scold you. then he’d do it too, when your back was turned.

a smile settles on your lips. in every star, you find a new memory; and the fuzzy nostalgia that engulfs you makes your heart feel bare. ”i just wanted to pet your cat,” you recall, softly.

suguru nods. gazing down at you, basking in the expression on your face — peaceful and relaxed, a little more yourself. so effortlessly pretty, bathed in moonlight. ”yeah. i remember.”

he allows the memory to sweep him away, for a second or two. recalling the sight of you, all those years ago, an unfamiliar child in his backyard. it was like you had just fallen out of the sky. quiet and meek, but looking at his cat with an excited glimmer in your eyes.

”you just pointed to her and expected me to understand,” he continues. a grin blooms on his face, hopelessly endeared. ”you were shy back then.”

a raise of your eyebrow. ”um? i’m still shy?”

suguru gives you a look. he doesn’t have to say anything — it’s written all over his face. the classic suguru look, the kind where you can tell he’s itching to say oh, really now? the kind where he tries to look judgemental, but never quite manages to hide the amusement in his eyes.

a small giggle leaves your lips, and suguru smiles, once more. so helpless in the face of your joy.

”then we watched movies at my place.”

you hum. ”it was fun.”

”yeah.”

another bout of silence. soft, terribly precious. the air is chilly, but not enough to make you shiver; a mild summer night, pleasant on your skin and light on your heart. a gentle breeze tousles your hair. in the distance, you hear cicadas buzzing — a familiar sound. unchanging.

(if only everything else could stay the same, too.)

”do you remember what movie it was?”

a lazy smile plays at suguru’s lips, when he angles his face to look at you. one eyebrow raised. ”is there a point to this, or —?”

”i just wanna reminisce.”

suguru pauses. your eyes trail across the view that stretches out before you, from the moon to the distant city lights, as you fidget absentmindedly with the strings of your hoodie. he thinks to himself that you look a little lost. gaze forgotten, within the depths of that endless night sky.

no more teasing, he decides, tactfully. instead, he opts to answer your question; softly, as if he could hurt you if he raised even a single octave of his voice. ”whisper of the heart,” is all he says.

a hum, as you nod. decisively. ”the best one.”

suguru turns his head away, and mutters something under his breath. but you can still hear him — and you know he wants you to.

”spirited away is the best one…”

out of the corner of your eye, you shoot him a thoroughly unimpressed look. he bites back a soft bout of laughter, teeth sinking into his lip gently, not enough to sting.

”you’re so basic,” you grin.

”you just want to feel quirky,” suguru shoots back, instantaneous. ”and you only like it because of seiji.”

”you only like spirited away because of haku!”

suguru closes his eyes, and leans back a little, crossing his arms in a childish fashion — and you know he only does it to make you laugh. ”i don’t know what you’re talking about,” he lies.

”oh please,” you scoff. ”you really think i don’t remember your queer awakening?”

”hm? what was that?” feigning confusion, he puts a hand to his ear. but there’s a mirth in his eyes, impossible to miss. ”you’re gonna have to come closer, i can’t hear you from here.”

another unimpressed look. you exhale, something in between a huff and a chuckle. ”if i get any closer i’ll be in your lap, dumbass.”

suguru bites his cheek, softly. gulping down the words that almost slip off his tongue.

(i wouldn’t mind.)

”sorry, say that again?”

a little push meets his shoulder, as you roll your eyes. ”yeah, yeah. whatever.”

the banter dies down, as fast as it appeared. then a smile breaks out across your faces, in tandem, the atmosphere shifting into something more sincere — and doesn’t it always, when you’re watching the starry sky with the one you love most?

when suguru continues, his voice has taken on that softer tone, again. the one he only ever really uses around you. ”i liked thinking of us as them,” he admits. ”me as haku, and you as chihiro.”

a soft blink. then your smile grows, sweet like syrup. ”.. hehe. that’s funny,” you cross your legs. palms flat against the roof, knee leaning comfortably against suguru’s. ”i always thought of us as seiji and shizuku.”

there’s something faraway, in your eyes. something suguru can’t look away from.

tentatively, his fingers dig into the skin of his palms, and he speaks. absentminded, a little uncertain.

”… they get married at the end, don’t they?”

a pause. then your gaze snaps over to suguru’s, suddenly mischievous — and he regrets opening his mouth.

”oh?” you purr, almost beaming. inching closer, like a predator sizing up their prey. ”oh shit? are you about to propose, mister geto?”

”i’m just stating facts,” he quips, hands raised in defense. desperately hoping you won’t notice the red tint crawling up his neck, obscured by the darkness of the night.

”incorrect facts,” you grin. if you notice the blush on his face, you don’t say anything. ”they get engaged. not married. big difference.”

suguru huffs. it’s small, as he tries to keep himself from smiling. the beating of his heart is faint, a tender rhythm, stirred by every move you make. he pushes the words he yearns to say back down his throat.

(i wouldn’t mind that, either.)

again, silence blooms. curling around the space between you. it feels nice, just to be like this; just you, and your very best friend, under the soft lighting of the moon. as if you’re the only ones who exist, in an otherwise empty universe — devoid of space and time. like the night could just stop, and stretch on forever. 

there’s an unspoken question in the air, though. one suguru is still waiting for you to answer. one you refuse to answer properly, until he does the same.

you’ve both noticed, of course. even if no one else has, neither of you could ever miss it. suguru has noticed the turmoil in your eyes, and you’ve noticed the fatigue under his. those little signs of stress, as everything around you keeps spinning on; as the future grows closer, with every passing day.

(it’s overwhelming, you both muse.)

— and finally, you’ve had enough.

”suguru,” you call out, and his gaze finds yours instantly. ”have they been stressing you out, lately?”

suguru blinks, eyelashes fluttering softly. a little sleepy. they.

then he smiles. maybe a bit weak, but still as sincere as always — resigned to the fact that he really can’t hide anything from you, after all.

(of course you’d notice it. he was stupid to think you wouldn’t.)

a hum, as he breathes in the air and then exhales it all. trying to formulate the words inside his head, turn the feelings into syllables. and you’re patient. silent, as you admire the way moonlight caresses his skin.

”i’ll manage.” is what he finally says, and your lips curl down into a frown. ”they’ve just been getting on my case, again. you know how they are.”

suguru closes his eyes, and you inch closer to him. barely, by a hair, just to let him know you’re still listening. that you’re waiting for him to continue.

it’s tough, for him. opening up, being vulnerable.

but he knows you won’t do it unless he does, too. so he takes that leap, despite the insistent voice in his head urging him to just keep it to himself.

”it’s just… all these expectations, you know?” he meets your eyes, a little sheepish. downplaying his troubles so smoothly, as if you wouldn’t notice. ”i’m used to it by now, but sometimes i guess it still gets to me.”

you hum, and he continues.

”i feel like i have to be… solid,” he decides on. ”put-together. responsible, and mature.” a sigh, as he wrings his hands together. ”and that’s fine — but it’s like they have everything planned out. like everyone does. how i should act, where i should go…”

suguru gnaws at the flesh of his bottom lip, so focused on verbalizing his thoughts that he barely notices your fingers curling around his. but he still squeezes them, lightly. as naturally as breathing.

”it’s like my future’s already set in stone. and i’m just expected to follow it,” he looks up at the moon. ”which is also fine. i already know what i want to do. but somehow, all of it just feels so…”

he pauses. unsure of how to put it.

”… suffocating?” you finish for him. 

there’s a second in which suguru can do nothing but breathe. as if frozen, stuck in motion, caught off guard by how deeply your minds are intertwined.

— what a wonderful thing, to have someone pluck the words you’re afraid to say from the back of your throat.

a smile blooms on his face, and a gratitude shines in his eyes. almost overflowing. 

(you’ve always been the only one who ever seems to understand.)

”yeah,” he sighs, relieved. and suddenly his chest feels a lot lighter. odd, how just the tilt of your voice when you say a certain word can chase that discomforting sensation away. 

”don’t listen to them,” you say, assuredly, so softly it’s like you’re coaxing him into believing you. it works. ”they don’t matter.”

suguru chuckles, rueful. ”they’re my parents.”

”so? they aren’t you.” you nudge his side with your elbow. ”they have no say in how you live your life. you don’t need to live up to all those expectations, you know.” 

a soft little breath leaves your lips, and suguru wonders how you seem to always soothe his heart so easily. ”you just need to be suguru,” you mumble, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. ”that’s all.”

a moment passes. suguru parts his lips, closing them again when no sound comes out. and then finally, he speaks.

”… yeah,” he muses. ”maybe.”

”definitely,” you huff. ”trust your best friend. i know best.”

”careful,” he teases, tilting his head lazily to meet your gaze. ”you’re starting to sound like them.” the smile on his face only grows when you gape at him, wholly offended, as if you can’t believe what he just said.

”wha — suguru…” you whine, sleepy, clinging to the sleeve of his shirt. digging your nails into the fabric and tugging on it childishly. ”don’t say that. i’m nothing like them!”

a giggle pushes past his lips. ”sorry, sorry,” he soothes, ruffling your hair with his palm. rough hands, big and warm, that always seem to find their way to your skin. ”i’m just kidding. thank you. really.”

the smile that he gives you glows brighter than the moon. he squeezes your hand, softly — a silent i love you. eyes closed, formed into little crescents, and when he speaks he sounds so painfully sincere. 

”i think i’ll be fine as long as i have you,” he says. it comes out sounding something like a prayer. 

the words make your eyes soften. melting into a mellow hue, so full of affection that you can almost taste it on your tongue. 

”everything will turn out fine,” you murmur, consoling him. still not letting go of his hand. ”you have your whole life ahead of you, you know.”

he chuckles. the sound would be sweet if it didn’t have that teasing tilt to it, the one that tells you his amusement is at your expense. ”now you’re starting to sound like my grandma,” he quips, as if itching for something to bicker about.

but you only pout, and let your fingers slip from his. the warmth that leaves you is so jarring that you’re almost tempted to take his hand into yours again — but you just frown at him. ”i can never win with you, huh?”

suguru shrugs. ”need to keep you humble,” he chirps, pulling at your cheek gently. a lazy grin on his lips. ”we don’t want that ego of yours to grow as big as satoru’s.”

trying to keep yourself from grinning with him, you slap his hand away, playfully. ”that would never happen.”

”uh-huh.”

you give him a look.

”my bad.”

a moment passes. gradually, you feel your heart beginning to melt — just a little, but enough to get your voice hopelessly soft on your tongue. the glimmer of the moon embraces every cell in your body, painting over your features with a certain kind of bleeding tenderness. it’s hard to stop it from seeping out.

”you know that i love you. right?” tumbles from your lips, breathed out into the sky, words too heavy to be held back. ”even if your parents give you trouble, and everyone else, too — i’m still on your side.”

”always,” you promise, devotedly earnest. meeting his gaze. and suguru can’t look away.

something flickers, in the depths of his eyes, like a shooting star. something delightful.

he doesn’t quite know what to say. but he nods; almost meek, in a way, and it makes your chest ache. suguru’s always been the type to keep his troubles to himself, content with never letting anyone see into his heart — even if he’d like them to deep down.

if you can be there for him, even just for a night, then that’s more than enough.

he lets the silence linger for a while longer, soft breathing and the rustling of grass filling the space where your words would be. then he looks at you with newfound determination, suddenly, eyes shining in a way you don’t recognize. 

”— and you know that i love you, too.” 

a moment passes. 

an affirmative hum buzzes in your throat, and you give him the ghost of a nod, shying away from his deep gaze. hoping to escape the intimacy of the question. but he doesn’t let you, stare so heavy that you have no choice but to meet his eyes again, after he nudges your hand with his.

the words that fall from his lips surprise you. something akin to a pout plays on his lips, but it’s more serious than that — he looks dejected.

”… do you, though?” he pushes, a troubled frown on his lips. ”do you know that i love you? just as much as you love me?” 

at your stunned silence, suguru sighs, bringing a hand up to smooth over the crease between his brows. ”sometimes i worry that you don’t,” he admits. ”you always think too much. but i don’t want you to ever have to worry about that.”

his voice is firm, when he continues. ”i don’t want you to ever second-guess my love for you,” he declares, and you cower a little under the intensity of his gaze. playing with your fingers instead of looking at him. ”— so i want your answer.”

when his hand finds its way to your face, you stiffen, just barely. but it’s soft, the way he cups your jaw; the warmth of his palm smoothing over your skin. gentle, as he forces you to meet his eyes, tilting your chin up slightly. a bold move, even though physical contact is no stranger in your dynamic. you feel your heart pick up in speed. 

”do you know that i love you?” he asks, and it sounds almost pleading. you can only find it in you to stare. 

suguru’s eyes are filled with something, something you’d like to call love. and they’re looking deep into yours, almost as if coaxing you into drowning in their hue. mesmerizing. ridiculously pretty. if you stare into them for too long, you fear that you might never be able to look away.

but they’re sweet, and warm. painted over with worried hue, something very kind. familiar. the same eyes that have soothed you for as long as you can remember. 

in your flustered state, you can do nothing but blink dumbly — gaze darting from his eyes, to his forehead, to the sky, to his lips. 

he can tell the eye contact makes you nervous, but some part of him won’t allow you to squirm away. this is important. he needs to know that you know. he doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep at night, otherwise.

finally, you squeak out an affirmative yes. and that’s all it takes for him to relax; in one smooth motion, his hand leaves your skin, a relief having bloomed in his eyes. 

”okay. that’s good,” he exhales. 

swallowing down a gulp, your gaze drifts away from the boy to your left. suguru is terrifying, really — doing stuff like that out of nowhere. you check your pulsepoint, discreetly, just to make sure your heart is still beating. 

”alright, then,” he suddenly proclaims, breaking the fleeting silence. ”your turn.”

a blink. your eyelashes flutter in confusion, as you gaze up at him, a question painted on your features. suguru glances at you out of the corner of his eye.

”you’ve been stressed, lately,” he remarks. stating the obvious so you don’t have to. with a soft gaze, eyes that shimmer with understanding. ”i can tell, you know?”

(yeah. he always can, can’t he?)

”… uh,” you croak. clearing your throat and attempting to gather your thoughts, hoping the words will find their way to your lips. ”well. i dunno, really...”

suguru emits a low, affirmative noise, not looking at you. opening up like this makes you feel so uncomfortable. but it’s suguru. you trust him. and you know he won’t let you get away from this, either; he’ll stay up all night if he has to. just waiting for you to put your faith in him.

a sigh leaves your lips, finally, and it comes out sounding just a tad exhausted. ”i… guess i’ve just been thinking, lately.”

and, really, it’s an understatement. thinking is all you’ve been doing, for these past few weeks. thinking of this, and of that. the past and the future. him and you.

suguru hums. an unspoken encouragement.

”everything is just so…” you move your hands, haphazardly, hoping they’ll make the words easier to say. but nothing comes to you. everything is all jumbled up, inside your mind, and it’s just — 

”overwhelming,” you finish. the word falls off your tongue like a tidal wave. ”everything passes by so quickly, and…” you bite your lip. ”i feel like i can’t catch up. i can’t visualize the future at all, and that’s…”

(it’s scary.)

”— it just makes me feel confused.”

suguru waits. patient, attentive, making sure you get all the words out before he speaks. as grounding as the moon, as warm as the sun. 

when you don’t elaborate further, avoiding his gaze, he opts to finally soothe you.

”that’s understandable,” he chimes, voice buzzing with care. ”you don’t have to think about the future right now. living in the present is enough,” a breeze drifts by, tousling his black hair. ”.. it’s for the best, really.”

a smile. it’s a little sad, as you wring your hands together. ”i know,” is all you can say. because you do. it just doesn’t change anything.

the sensation of your nails scraping against the tiles of the roof is discomforting, but you don’t stop. when you part your lips, your voice comes out tiny. barely above a whisper.

”i’m so afraid of change.”

suguru looks at you. his gaze softens, impeccably.

”everything keeps changing. all the time,” you bite into the flesh of your cheek, harshly. ”i hate it.”

”that’s understandable, too,” suguru soothes. tentative, as his hand goes to rest on your head, smoothing down your hair gently. ”change is unavoidable. but you get better at dealing with it.”

”mm, i know.”

”and some things stay the same, too.” 

you glance up at him, and his eyes crinkle. there’s something unspeakable in them, something that’s always been there. light and heavy, all at once. something a little bit too wonderful for words.

suguru smiles. almost a little shy, as he looks into your eyes. ”like you and me.”

…

a deep love unfurls in your chest, warming you up from the inside out. fuzzy and tingly. but with it comes a deep sadness, bittersweet, that you can’t chase away no matter how hard you try; like a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe, no matter how many times you try to scrape it off against the concrete.

like you and me.

(he doesn’t know that’s what scares you the most. the thought of that one thing changing, while you just stand there, helpless to stop it.)

”yeah,” you breathe. a wounded little breath.

suguru notices it, despite your vague attempts to act like nothing’s wrong. he notices the fear in your voice, the uncertainty. and once again, he gets the impression that you look a little lost. like you aren’t sure where to plant your feet.

it bothers him. an itch he wants to scratch away. but before he can get to the bottom of it, you begin to speak, once more.

”with you, it’s like…” a breath flows from your lips, as you try to find the words. but this time, they come to you with relative ease. ”if i could do my life over again, and make everything turn out different… then i’d still always keep you.”

silence. you continue, suddenly a little embarrassed at the honesty in your tone. but it’s too late to back out now. 

”and even if everything else changes, if i could pick just one single thing to keep — then it’d be you, too.” the smile on your face is small, a little sheepish. “that’s how it is, so…” 

you trail off. not sure what else to say. suguru isn’t, either; he feels just a little bit stunned, in the face of your sincerity. yet he parts his lips, softly, words making themselves manifest before his mind can even begin to catch up.

”i don’t think i’ve ever told you this,” he begins, not entirely sure where the words will take him. blinking up at the sky, entranced, whilst you look at him quizzically. ”you always call me your guardian angel, right?”

the question makes your lips curl up. it’s a habit of yours, one that’s become almost muscle memory. you don’t remember how it started, but it’s in everything suguru does; from the way he can always tell when you’re feeling overwhelmed, to the way he never fails to bring you a coffee right before your exam starts. 

suguru is always looking out for you, even when you’re apart. like a guardian angel. yours.

you nod. ”because you are.”

suguru smiles, breathing out a fond chuckle, and then shakes his head. ”it’s the opposite.”

you turn to the man beside you, and he’s already looking at you. with his pretty, soothing brown eyes, and the barely visible dark circles beneath them. his gaze is warm and fond, grateful in a way that makes your chest squeeze tight. you melt a little, under its weight.

”you’re my guardian angel,” he says, sickeningly sweet. ”always have been. even back then.”

inhaling the mild air, suguru lets his eyes flutter shut. the taste reminds him of the summer vacations you used to have as kids, when you would ride your bikes to the nearest river and play all day. stopping by any ice cream stand you found on the way there; you always took a bite out of his without asking, and he always tried to get angry at you. but he never could. 

on your way back home, the sky was always dark. a soothing blue hue, stars glittering in the distance, while the moon looked close enough to touch. a night just like this one. you’d walk, together, talking about everything and nothing — sometimes he’d carry you on his back. not once did he drop you. 

a breath, deep and drawn out as he exhales, basking in memories you aren’t privy to. a saccharine smile painted on his lips.

”without you…” he muses, voice a little breathless. fond, and somewhat helpless. but he’s smiling. ”i don’t really know what i’d do, to be honest.”

a moment passes.

”it’s the same for me,” you echo, words escaping your throat before you even get the chance to realize their weight. gaze stuck to the stars, as always. ”i can’t imagine life without you.”

suguru doesn’t speak, afraid that his heart may crawl out his throat if he does. the honeyed smile on his face says more than words ever could, anyway. 

a small bout of laughter leaves your lips. sudden, sad, dripping with longing. it surprises you, catches you off guard — like something within you just overflowed. 

“you know what my biggest fantasy was?” you grin, ruefully. maybe just a little manic. ”i used to think about it all the time, when we were kids.”

suguru looks at you in silence, but there’s a confusion in the way he tilts his head.

there seems to be a knot of some kind, stuck in the very bottom of your chest. something that makes it hard to speak. ”i’d get on a train, and just kinda… leave,” you breathe, hoping it’ll unclog your throat. it doesn’t. ”you know? to somewhere far, far away.” 

and suddenly, the world grows just a little blurred. suguru can see it, in your eyes — you’re someplace else now. gaze trained on something he can’t see. there’s an amused touch to your voice, but also something rather pitiful. a childish wish that never came to fruition.

there’s regret, there, suguru thinks; something close to pain.

”maybe, like… a small port town,” you continue, closing your eyes. “with a cute little café close by, or whatever… somewhere you can see the sea.” 

another breath. you pretend it tastes like salt, like an ocean breeze. then you swallow the lump in your throat, and whisper. ”with you.”

when you finally muster up the courage to meet suguru’s eyes, they shine with nothing but pure understanding. he doesn’t say anything, but he understands. he’s always been like that. not a single word is needed for him to ground you, the way a rock always meets the bottom when it’s thrown into the depths of a lake. 

suguru’s comfort is as natural to you as the gravity that keeps the stars up in the sky.

the voice you’ve grown so used to hearing reaches your ears again, and it’s a low sound, a little raspy. but soft. achingly so, enough that you could almost miss it if you weren’t always so aware of every word that falls from his lips.

suguru looks up at the moon, in tandem with you, and lets the ghost of a smile show. ”… you know what my biggest fantasy was?”

his gaze is sincere, a little forlorn; hopelessly softened, as you meet his eyes. they’re painted over with something sweet, and something that looks just a little bit like regret.

a tilt of your head beckons him to continue, and the corners of his lips curl up further. 

”running away with you,” he breathes. ”anywhere at all. wherever you wanted to go, i’d follow.”

for a moment or two, all you can do is stare. 

you feel your lips part, but no sound comes out, nothing at all. suguru’s hair sways with the breeze, softly, and the light of the moon makes him look somewhat ethereal. like he could disappear if you blinked. 

the silence that blooms in the space between your words is fragile. precious, if a little overwhelming, as it stretches out before you — growing heavier with every passing second. so tender that it makes you feel sick to your stomach, as if the sound of the wind whistling could shatter it into pieces. 

(your heart aches, aches, aches.)

a weak laugh bubbles up from within your throat, something raw and tender hidden behind a veil of faux amusement. something vulnerable you're trying to cover up, like the glassiness of your eyes.

like a memory that never got to happen.

”what, so you’re saying we could’ve been by the seaside by now…?” you groan, forehead slumping against your knees with a bonk. ”what the hell, dude…” 

suguru lets out a chuckle, resting his jaw on the heel of his palm and looking down at you with a smile on his face. one that reaches his eyes, glimmering with something akin to starlight.

”we can still go there,” he consoles you, reaching over to tousle your hair with a palpable softness. ”to the seaside, i mean. i’ll take you.”

for a while, you don’t say anything. a pout plays at your lips, as you attempt to get your emotions under control. 

then you lean back, to lie down flat on the roof. the movement is so sudden that it stings a little when the back of your head meets the tiles, and you wince — a soft but exasperated murmur of careful comes from the boy on your left.

your elbows go to cushion your head, as you take in the immenseness of the sky. ”alright, then,” you hum. ”take me there sometime soon.”

suguru blinks. then his lips curl up. ”got it,” he chirps. mentally mapping out a nice spot, trying to remember the timetables at your local train station.

(next week, maybe. a picnic by the sea. he’ll make those sandwiches that you like.)

then he follows your lead, and goes to lie down on his back. right by your side, so close he can smell the fading scent of your shampoo, curled up right next to you. breathing out a sigh as he takes in the night sky in all its glory. 

there’s something tender, in the air. something that doesn’t need words. a kind of comfortable silence that you’ve learned to treasure, whenever suguru is with you.

so you simply stare at the dark veil over the city, in tandem with him — a pitch-black blanket sewn with stardust.

everything expands, before your very eyes; an infinite cosmos, with all the light you could ever want. the stars blink down at you, as if saying hello, mapping out the galaxy. you try to find the constellations you’re familiar with, the ones suguru have taught you about in the past, but nothing really comes to you.

it’s nice, though. just staring at the stars in wonder.

an exhale, as you breathe in, and then out. you part your lips to whisper, breaking the sleepy silence.

”the stars are so pretty….” 

suguru hums, the sound buzzing right by your ear. a soothing summer lullaby, that only you get to hear. ”yeah,” he whispers back.

a moment passes.

then you both part your lips to speak; smoothly, in a fashion that would be embarrassing if you didn’t feel so terribly safe in each other’s company. simultaneous, as the sentence tumbles from your throats.

”and so are you.”

silence. the seconds stretch on, and on. everything goes quiet.

you’re the first one to burst into laughter — deep, the kind that comes from the very bottom of your stomach. almost wheezing, as you try to catch your breath, arms snug around your shaking body. suguru follows close behind, trying to contain his laughter, but you can hear his little chuckles clear as day.

”eww, what the fuck?” you grin, shifting to lie on your side so you can get a good look at his face. ”you’re so corny!”

suguru snorts. ”i heard you say it too, dumbass.”

a little giggle flows from your lips, and you slump against his shoulder, still trying to control your breathing. suguru curls an arms around your midriff, bringing you closer. muscle memory, to make it more comfortable for you.

”haah…..”

the smile on your face shines brighter than the stars, suguru thinks, looking at you with a bleeding kind of fondness. as if you’re the only thing worth looking at.

”i hope things stay like this forever.”

the light of the moon shines down on the roof, bouncing off the white of your teeth. your canines shine in the dark as you grin, youthful — but there’s a sadness in your eyes, now. one that suguru will never fail to notice.

(one he’ll always yearn to smooth away, the same way his thumb always goes to wipe at any stray eyelashes on your skin, or crumbs at the corner of your mouth. muscle memory.)

”they will,” he assures you, reaching over to find your hand. enveloping it in his bigger one, cradling it, linking your fingers together and squeezing them softly. ”i’ll make sure that they do.”

a chuckle leaves your lips, but suguru thinks it sounds a little meek. like you still don’t believe him.

”i mean it,” he reiterates. more serious this time.

”i know,” you grin. ”but, i mean —”

a moment passes, and then your grin falters. ”you can’t promise that, though.” the expression on your face seems sort of pained, now, troubled by something. ”maybe we’ll move away from each other, or just drift apart, or —”

”that would never happen to us —”

”maybe you’ll meet someone.”

…

”a nice guy, or girl…” a sigh, as you run a hand through your hair. ”and then you’ll… i dunno. get married, i guess. and then eventually you’ll have kids, and buy a house, and —” 

a pause. in a smaller voice, you continue. almost childlike. ”you’ll leave me behind.”

suguru bites back a scoff. it takes concentrated effort. he turns to look at you, but you won’t meet his gaze, and a frown finds its way to his lips. ”… do you honestly think that’s what i want?”

another moment passes you by. more seconds lost, never to return. ”… isn’t it?”

suguru sighs, a little exasperated. maybe just a little hurt, too. ”marriage and kids aside…” he mutters, burning holes into your skin with his steadfast gaze. determined, self-assured. the tilt of his voice leaves no room for doubt. ”there’s only one person i love.”

resisting the temptation to keep your eyes away from him becomes nearly impossible — so you let your gaze trail over, and take him in. in all his glory, silky black hair framing his face, a soft look painted over his features. looking at you as if you matter, as if nothing matters except for you.

and again, something breaks out across the scope of his iris, a shooting star you don’t know what to do with. he looks so hopelessly sincere. 

for a second, all you can do is stare.

then you nod, solemnly. ”satoru, right?” you hum. ”you’re gonna break my heart if you keep bringing him up when we’re together, sugu.”

you don’t need to see his face to know that he’s giving you that unimpressed look, again. the suguru look. he rolls his eyes, and you bite your cheek to stop yourself from smiling.

”i love him too, but that’s different,” he huffs.

”how so?” you prod, eyes crinkling. but there’s something a little meek about the question. he notices it, of course, because what doesn’t suguru notice?

something soft curls around his features, and a hum buzzes in his throat. a heavy tenderness bleeds into his voice. ”i wouldn’t die for satoru,” he says, simply.

a moment passes.

”… you totally would.”

”huh?” suguru blinks. ”no, of course not. are you insane?”

”suguru,” you sigh. ”you are literally the most self-sacrificial bitch i’ve ever met —”

”well, obviously i’d take a bullet or two, but —”

”what do you mean obviously —”

”— you’re the only person i’d die for.”

suguru is smiling, now. amused, sincere. almost on the verge of laughter, the sweet and soft kind that always turns your heart into a puddle. his eyes almost seem to glimmer, in the night, and it’s all you can see for a while. as you try to gather your thoughts, get the right words out.

”… always so dramatic,” you murmur, at last, a little gruff. his smile grows. you shift a little more, lying on your side to face him with a serious expression. ”don’t tell satoru that, okay? he already has it out for me. at this rate he’ll kill me and steal you away.”

a chuckle rumbles through his chest, deep and fond. you continue, a frown tugging at your lips. ”… and i wouldn’t want you to die for me, anyway.”

suguru lets a giggle slip, a bit too sleepy to hold it back. ”mm, i know. but if it ever came down to it, then i still would.” he shifts, too, lying on his side to face you properly.

”to me,” he exhales, and he’s so close you can smell the mint off his breath — ”as long as you’re by my side, i can make it through absolutely anything.”

the smile on his face is boyish. all teeth and crow’s feet, blooming in the light of the moon, a flower just for you. it’s perfect, you think. you don’t want a single day to pass without you seeing it. 

”me too,” you mumble, linking your pinkies together. a silent promise. ”so don’t die. ever.”

suguru’s eyes soften. 

then he hums, absentmindedly. ”… well. i mean,” he clicks his tongue. ”eventually i will. that’s not really something i have a say in.”

a roll of your eyes. ”alright, smartass,” you scoff, and suguru’s eyes crinkle with humour. ”just don’t die before i do, then.”

a hand comes to touch your skin. and it’s sudden, warm, but you don’t flinch away. suguru smooths over your cheek with the back of his hand, seemingly unable to stop himself. soothing, as he exhales a soft breath.

”… i think i’d prefer that to the alternative, honestly,” he admits.

you furrow your brows, softly. a part of you wants to protest, to call him a selfish prick — for even thinking the thought of leaving you behind without a best friend.

but something in you knows he won’t budge, on this one.

(it’s childish, in a way. stubborn, for him to take a joking conversation so seriously. but suguru doesn’t think he could even jokingly suggest that he’d survive without you.)

”seriously, though,” his voice takes on a firmer tone. ”i wouldn’t leave you behind like that. it’s us we’re talking about. you and me.” 

he says the words like they’re undeniable — because they are. there is no him without you. that’s always been the case, hasn’t it? 

suguru stops to think. do you not feel the same? there’s still a crease between your brows, a sign of worry that’s impossible to dismiss. he can’t help but wonder just how long you’ve been thinking about this; how many nights have you spent sleepless, thinking of the future? of the possibility that it entails your parting?

(the thought makes him feel a little bit nauseous.)

”are you afraid that we’ll grow apart?” he asks, into the haze of the summer night. it resounds in the air around you, softly spoken, gentle but coaxing. almost pleading you to open up to him.

and it’s a stupid question, really. 

of course you are. it’s the only thought that really scares you.

time moves so, so fast — always leaving you behind. who’s to say that suguru won’t do the same? that he won’t be taken away from you, swept away by that flow? into the future, while you stay glued to the past — stuck on the roof of your childhood, while he moves on to better things?

the night sky is infinite. sometimes, on nights that are a little too long, when your mind has grown a little too muddled, you think of suguru as a star in that sky. blinking down at you, while you can do nothing but watch. hopelessly out of reach.

gaze trailing down to rest on suguru’s collarbone, you swallow the lump in your throat. a little too vulnerable to feel comfortable with looking into his eyes, afraid of what you’ll see in them.

but he’s patient. waiting, always waiting, for you to catch up. for as long as it takes.

”… of course i am,” you mutter, at last. a weak little thing. farther down the street, a car swooshes by, drowning the sound — but suguru still hears it clear as day. ”i mean, it’s just…”

a meek intake of breath. you blink, desperate to chase away the glassiness forming in your eyes. trying to grasp control over your wavering voice. ”even if you say that we won’t… it’s not like there’s any guarantee. you can’t know for sure.”

suguru wants to stop you, right there. wants to ensure you that he does know, that it’s the only thing he’ll ever know for sure. just that one fact; you and him. never one without the other.

wherever you’d go, he’d follow — that’s how it’s always been. that’s all he’ll ever need.

but he knows you. knows you better than he knows himself. and he knows that he needs to let you speak freely, without interruption, until you’ve gotten every last worry off your chest.

so he settles for simply looking at you, curled up and biting his lip to stop himself from speaking. wishing he could smooth away the moisture in your eyes, already — but the tears need to fall first. he knows it’ll make you feel better.

”i love you,” you whisper, and suguru’s heart claws its way up his throat. ”i love you, and i want to be with you forever — but…” a shaky inhale. ”but i can’t get rid of that fear. the idea of losing you… i just can’t deal with it.”

”don’t you think i feel exactly the same?” he cuts in, softly. 

a beat. you glance up at his face, for a split second, and then back down to his collarbone. a little fragile, curling into yourself as if hiding. ”i don’t know,” you sigh.

(suguru’s heart breaks.)

”i know that you love me too, and all. and i trust you. but…” you trail off, swallowing thickly. ”you already have your future planned out, and everything. maybe i just… don’t have a place in it.”

suguru scoffs, unable to bite back the sound any longer. it’s soft, but frustrated. ”there’ll always be a place for you in my future,” he vows. ”i wouldn’t accept anything less.”

you cower a little, under the warmth of his gaze. sweet, but stern. so distinctly suguru that it makes you falter.

”besides,” he clicks his tongue. ”i don’t need to follow the future that’s been planned out for me. i just need to be suguru.” a warm smile. ”right?”

at the sound of your own words, a light flush blooms on your skin. but for once, suguru isn’t teasing you.

”and you just need to be you,” he continues, arm still wrapped around your midriff. trailing up slowly, so that his hand can smooth over the back of your head. ”that’s all.”

”as long as both of us do that — we’ll always be together.” he looks into your eyes, and you think you spot a constellation inside his iris. ”won’t we?”

another moment of silence, the familiar comfort that settles between you. there’s no pressure to continue — but you do so, anyway. muddled mind still spinning, worried about this and that, despite suguru’s soothing words. 

a part of you can’t put your faith in that kind of future. one where the two of you are together, that you could envision so clearly when you were younger — when him and you was all that you knew for certain. it’s not as simple as it was back then.

(but another part of you desperately yearns for him to prove you wrong.)

”… but,” you mumble, shaky. ”what if it’s not that easy?” a chuckle pushes past your lips, humourless. ”i mean, you can’t possibly… always stay by my side, you know?”

there’s something childish, in the way you say it. like you’re still kids, and you’re whining for him not to leave you behind. selfish, in a way.

what right do you have to chain him to you?

suguru emits a hum. his eyelids flutter shut, for a few seconds — and then he opens them again. 

”… alright,” he drawls. ”let’s make a promise, then.”

confused, you glance up at him. he just smiles — responsible, dependable. your very best friend.

”have i ever broken a promise i made to you?” he asks, and you pause.

”… no,” you answer, hesitant. voice still a tad meek, a little helpless.

(and it’s true. not once has he broken one. when suguru makes a promise, he keeps it. you’ve always, always admired that about him.)

”right?” he grins, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. admiring your moon-lit features. ”so let’s do it.”

a frown tugs at your lips. furrowing your brows at him, your voice flows out, uncertain. ”promise… what, exactly?”

the moon glows, big and bright. hanging in the sky, a beacon of light, the same as it’s always been. suguru thinks you look radiant, under its illumination — even though you’re nervous, and a little teary eyed. just a single glance at your expression is enough to make his heartbeat soften.

you look like what home feels like. 

he could never bear to let that go, to let you go. his very best friend; the one thing in his past he has no qualms about. the one thing in his future worth hanging onto, cherishing fully. no matter what.

suguru parts his lips, smiling. he links your hands together. ”keep being you,” he implores, steadfast. ”and stay by my side.”

a moment passes. 

something crumbles, inside your chest. unable to break away from his gaze, all you can do is fall deeper into the hue of his eyes, crinkling softly — in the same way they always have. he squeezes your palm in his, tightly. a silent promise not to let you go.

— and then you realize something. the same realization that always comes to you, at the end of the day.

the man in front of you is just the same as the boy you met, all those years ago. the same boy who saw you climb over his fence, and let you pet his cat, and watched whisper of the heart with you even though he wanted to start with ponyo instead.

the same boy, always the same boy, no matter how much time passes. even though he’s all grown up now, features more defined. voice deeper and huskier. hands larger, with rougher skin.

he’s changed, just like you have — but he’s still just suguru. just that cool, sweet boy. a dorky guy who never, ever lets you fall too far behind.

a tremendous softness seeps through your veins. a kind of love, old and matured, carefully nurtured. the blinks you indulge in are slow, and your eyes shine with tears. it’s overwhelming, seeing him so up close, but you still can’t look away. he’s so beautiful it hurts.

”suguru…” is all you can sniffle, meekly.

your best friend is still smiling, fondly. wrapped up in you, as close as he can be. a familiar warmth, like a big fuzzy blanket draped over your shoulders; smelling of cedarwood and earl gray, and just a hint of coconut-scented shampoo. tailor-made just for you.

suguru never breaks his promises.

”but… you can’t,” you croak out, gasping as if searching for air. ”you don’t know if —”

”i do,” he cuts you off, gently. ”i do know.”

a breathless inhale of air, as you grasp tighter onto his nimble fingers. you feel meek, lost. not sure where to put your hands, or what to believe. ”how?” you ask, terribly fragile.

suguru takes a deep breath. oxygen enters his lungs, exiting as he breathes out. a soft flicker of life. his thumb goes to wipe away the stray tear that trickles down your cheek, his touch delicate. and then comes his response.

”— because i need you the way i need air.”

and, really, it’s a sappy thing to say. a little pretentious. he’d feel embarrassed if it wasn’t for the soft flicker of the moon, the intimacy of the moment. he simply couldn’t bear not to tell you the truth — even if you end up bringing it up tomorrow, just to tease him. he can deal with a little embarrassment, every once in a while. just for you.

fortunately for him, no thoughts of teasing run through your mind. maybe if you were in a better headspace, a little less of a wreck, you could muster the will to make fun of him a little. who do you think you are, shakespeare? i knew i shouldn’t have lent you that copy of romeo and juliet. — something light and amused, just to distract him from the rapid beating of your heart. 

but right now…

all you can do is take a deep breath. and you think you understand what he means, when that breath of life courses through your lungs.

”i’ll never leave you behind,” he continues, words so very self-assured that it leaves you reeling. rubbing comforting circles into the skin of your palm, without thinking. muscle memory. ”can you trust me on that?”

connected to his gaze, you stumble for something to say. anything. 

but then he smiles, again. that familiar, familiar smile. as soothing as a mother’s caress. and only one single word makes it past your lips.

”… okay.”

you do trust him. more than anyone else in the world. so you take that leap, no matter how frightening it is —

and the world narrows down to just the two of you.

just you, and him, in this one single moment. illuminated by the light of the moon, lying side by side and looking into each other’s eyes, on a roof you always find yourselves at one way or another. laughing and sharing secrets until the sun begins to rise; a silent promise that needs no words. 

(the promise of tomorrow. a summer that never quite seems to end.)

suguru cups your cheek. his touch buzzes with warmth, trickling down his wrist and through his veins — and you melt into his palm, eyes fluttering shut instinctively. the sight makes the corners of his lips curl up, hopelessly.

leaning close, he plants a kiss on your cheek. delicate, tender; his lips against your skin, a silent whisper of i love you. fervent, full of devotion. of a love that’s as steady as the sea.

”i’ll always, always be by your side,” suguru repeats, like a mantra. hoping you’ll feel his conviction through the whisper. ”you’ll always have me to fall back on. i promise.”

a little smile breaks out across your lips, meek and teary. as fragile as a sheet of glass, but still persisting in the dead of night. your voice wavers, as you raise your pinkie, right in front of his stupidly pretty face.

”pinkie promise?”

it’s a childish gesture. something to lighten the mood a little, make it all easier to chew. you expect him to roll his eyes, or raise an eyebrow, or tease you a bit. but he doesn’t.

instead, suguru raises his own pinkie, and curls it around yours. then he smiles. sweet and boyish, painted over with a rosy, tender nostalgia.

”— pinkie promise.”

and you believe him.

you believe him, because suguru has a way of making you do so, even when he has no idea what the hell he’s talking about. with that confident tilt of his voice, that makes it sound like he has all the answers in the universe — that flicker of genuine faith, in every word that falls from his lips, that tells you he truly does believe in them.

you believe him, because suguru is the only person in the world who’s never once broken a promise he made to you. not a single time. and some part of you suspects that if he ever did, he really would be okay with you cutting his pinkie off. a little frightening, the depths of his devotion. the pure loyalty that courses through his veins.

so you believe him.

you believe him because he’s suguru. and, just like you can't exist without him, he can't exist without you. never one without the other.

on instinct, you inch a little closer, wrapping your arms around his waist and squeezing him extra tight. face hidden away in the crook of his neck, just like you used to do when you were kids. he’s bigger now, harder to properly embrace — but still so very, very warm. 

and he squeezes you back, just as tight. comforting and grounding, and so, so secure. tugging you closer, like he needs to have you near to properly breathe. like he needs to feel that you’re there to relax, melting into the hug with a soft sigh. relieved, that you’re still with him. relieved at the promise that you always will be. 

wherever you go, he’ll follow. to the roof of his home, to the seaside, to the ends of the earth. the same way every star in the sky orbits around the center of the galaxy, endlessly, before burning out into the night.

the smell of cedarwood and earl gray floods your senses, filling your lungs as you nuzzle into his neck. he’s warm, and soft, and your very best friend. 

you close your eyes. indulging in his body heat, every familiar sensation that’s been etched into your bones for as long as you can remember. and you can tell he’s doing the same — breathing you in, arms resting securely around your back, pressing his cheek against the top of your head.

and maybe it’s true, after all. maybe suguru really does need you, just as much as you need him.

and maybe that’s all you really need to know.

the moon rests in the sky. smiling down at you, unchanging. a living proof that some things really do stay the same. 

— you hug suguru tighter, and decide that his presence is proof enough. 

#suguru geto my bicoded princess… #he could fix me. #sugu is suchhh a ghibli boy u cant convince me otherwise. his fave movies are spirited away and porco rosso #(and ponyo but hes a lil embarrassed to say it LOL… he was obsessed w sea animals as a kid. <3 now im just making stuff up but im right) #physically incapable of writing for suguru without giving him a silly reader…. unbeatable dynamic #i have other sugu childhood friends fics planned but some r. Angstier than others #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #geto fluff #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #geto suguru x you #geto hurt/comfort #geto angst #geto x reader #geto x you

[ninaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Champagne problems

Charles Leclerc x reader

𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀:language, drinking, crying, just a lot of sadness tbh..

————————

The season has come to an end, I couldn’t be more relieved. Charles won his third championship, i couldn’t be more relieved about that either.

Its been a tough couple of years for him, he’s been extremely busy. This year more than ever.. we started dating 6 years ago. From the start we had so many plans, so many things we were excited for. Those ideas of relaxing and spending long days in the sun together vanished into thin air the second he promised his father that he would sign with Ferarri. I don’t blame him, how could I ?

Charles was a man who made a promise to his passed father, it would be extremely selfish of me to bring it up. I honestly didn’t feel the need to, my life was perfect in every way. Charles was everything and more. He was caring, compassionate, funny, respectful and extremely romantic.

That brings us to today, the end of the season party. It was quite a formal gathering. With bejeweled cocktail dresses and champagne flowing.

Me and Charles walked in hand-in-hand. He was being nicer than normal, if even possible. We greeted a bunch of people, all of them congratulating Charles with huge smiles and compliments.

I settle down on a wooden chair with a white cushion, my little black dress with gold detailing working perfectly with the colour theme of the party. Carmen and Kika sit next to me, both of them staring at their boyfriends with big smiles. I take a moment to look around the boat, bustling crowds filled the deck, all of them crowding around Charles. He had won the Championship this year. It was his third, for the third year in a row. He had promised me we would start to settle after he reached his goal. We never did, always on the move and always making promises we couldn’t keep.

———— 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗴𝗼

“Charles you did not !” I scream, my hands covering my tear filled face. The man I would do anything for stood with a proud posture and a devastatingly beautiful smile on his face. I practically sprinted into his arms, his flannel riding up on my body and exposing my lace underwear.

Charles took me to his family’s lake house, the season was at its end and Ferarri was second on the leaderboard. He had decided to steer clear of the chaos and rather taken me away for a little vacation before Christmas with his family in December. I was over the moon at the thought of spending the whole of November in the cabin with him. What I was not expecting was him buying me a Chevy convertible. It was my dream car, I had brought it up a few times, all black with red leather seats. It was gorgeous, the interior being Ferarri red and the exterior being as black as the night sky. “Thank you Charles, I love it.” I say with a huge smile on my lips, staring deeply into his eyes, I only see my future.

“I love you, Y/n.”

————𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆

My mind goes foggy with all the memories of what we had, I almost don’t realize that Kika was tapping my leg. I blink a few times and smile at the stunning woman in front of me. “Y/n, are you alright? You look a little tense.” Kika was an amazing friend and I appreciated her throughout the years. I look down at her hand on my leg, her diamond ring glistened in the flashing lights of the yacht. Her and Pierre were engaged, the two being absolutely perfect for each other. “Yes, I am. Just excited to go home, is that bad ?” I was happy for Charles, but I was exhausted with this whole thing. I was with him every step of the way and I wasn’t complaining. I loved Charles, more than I have ever loved anyone, I gave up everything for him. My job, my friends back home, my family, in all honesty I gave up my whole life to be by his side. I regret it now, the guilt of leaving everyone and the job I had such a passion for, it was catching up to me. I did not matter beyond Charles and his social bubble. I made new friends and I had everything I could want. but it was all so bittersweet.

“Y/n!” I snap back into reality once more. “Fuck , i’m sorry Kika, I should probably go freshen up.” She gives me a sympathetic look, offering to go with me before I turn her down and make my way to the bathroom. I use the one by the master bedroom, as I know there would not be anyone. This isn’t my first time breaking down on this yacht. It’s actually been a tradition for the last three years. Sulking in the bathroom, my mascara smudged onto my inflamed cheeks. It happens every damn year.

This wasn’t what I wanted, nor was it what I deserved. I was stuck in a loop of race after race and party after party. Charles was a natural, this was his favorite way to pass the time. Noting else really mattered all that much. Except me, i guess. He showed me love and care that I have never experienced before. Even with the back lash i received daily. And not only from fans and supporters, but from friends and family members too. His close family and I were in a verg good place. His mum adored me and his brother and I got along very well. I felt comfortable and loved around them. It was the distant relatives and friends that had their opinions. It never bothered Charles, so much so that he didn’t even think to check if it maybe bothered me. It did, a tremendous amount, actually. But I was stuck in the same loop, for I don’t know how long. I couldn’t leave, but I couldn’t bare the thought of this routine going on for decades. My chevy has stood in a private parking garage for the last three years now, only been driven once when I took Charles along with me to pack up my dorm at med school, quitting that year and deciding to move in with Charles. I would have been a doctor by now, a surgeon actually.

I hear a bottle pop and have no doubt in my mind it’s the bottle of Champagne Charles had brought. I clean myself up and walk out of the bathroom, my tears dried and my hart heavy. As I turn the corner I run into Kika who looks like she’s waiting for me. “Y/n, what’s going on?” She has a very concerned look on her face, I smile at that, appreciating how much she cares. Her hand is once again gripping onto me, her ring taking my attention. “You think he’s going to?” she whispers, a slight frown on her face. That confused me, I thought she would be excited at the idea of me and Charles getting married. I’m not even sure I was. “I don’t kn- ”

“Y/n !” I look over Kika’s shoulder to see Charles on his way over. “I’ve been looking all over for you, where have you been love ?” He exclaims gently, his hand in my lower waist. I instantly feel safe in his embrace, like the world stopped for a second and allowed me to take a deep breath. Kika squeezed my arms and walked over to her fiancé. “Sorry, I was with Kika.” I say hazy. I really needed to get my shit together.

“no need to apologize. Cmon, Arthur wants to do shots.”

I was a few drinks deep when the music switched to a slow song, Charles immediately found me, his arms wrapping around my waist. his head rests gently against the side of my temple, the same temple that was pounding and messing with my ability to stay in the present. “I love you so fucking much Y/n. You do know that right?” Charles pours his heart out. I dropped his hand that was so tightly held in mine. I pinch my eyes shut, finding Pascal looking at me with sorrow filled eyes. I was so fucking confused why people kept looking at me like that.

So i chose to ignore it, I leaned back, looking into Charles’s captivating eyes. “I do, I love you more than anything Charlie.” I smile at him. He kisses me, the kiss is passionate and soft. It almost felt as if I would never see him again. When my eyes opened I looked around and saw that it was only me and Charles left on the dance floor, everyone gathered around us. I frown, looking back at Pascal and Kika they both have worried expressions on their faces, Arthur is taking back glass after glass, with the same panicked expression on his face. But he’s not looking at me, he’s looking behind me. I turn around to be met with the Lorenzo on the other side of the crowd. His expression also mirroring the rest. Fingertips graze my leg and I look down to a hopeful Charles with his mother’s ring in his hands. The world stops, not to give me a deep breath, but to suffocate me. I felt breathless and light headed. It was dead silent, the only sound being Arthur putting the now empty bottle of Dom Perignon on the glass table.

“Y/n you are everything. I have never in my whole life been this inlove, nor have I ever imagined an angel like you to ever grace me with your presence. I cannot imagine myself without yo- ”

“Charles.” I whisper, my breath caught in my throat and my eyes watering. Everything burned, the lights the feeling of his fingers still gripping my leg, the sting in my heart.

“Y/n let me finish, baby. It would be an honor to live up to this speech every day. So if I could just finish it?” He smiles at me. Down on one knee and love circulating in both eyes.

“Charles I-” I choke on my words. “Okay I understand my love, this is a big thing, I’ll skip my shitty speech for now.” I wanted to say something but I felt as if i was going to fall faint right here and die. “Y/n I have loved you for a long time now, and I intend to do so until I die.”

“Will you marry me?”

Complete and utter silence, throughout the whole boat, nobody made a sound. The problem was, I didn’t either.

Charles looked at me with years and years of adoration and love and my heart broke a little more every second I stood still.

“No.” I whisper.

Gasps all around the room, it’s all I could hear. Kika let out a big sigh and Pascal let out a big sob. I could hear curse words being thrown and Charles’s manager saying how I could have been such a lovely bride. I next hear Carlos reply “what a shame she’s fucked in the head.”

“Fuck. I- I’m sorry, I can’t.” I sigh and sob at the same time, hyperventilating almost. Charles dropped the ring out of shock, and I could see his heart was also on the ground, although it was shattered.

I turn away in a complete state and rush towards the street. Quickly climbing into a cab and going home. I pack all the things I could need for a few days before taking off on the next train to God knows where. The train is silent and not a single person is awake. I look around the train, my phone ringing uncontrollably in my hand.

I take a seat next to an elderly woman, her window wide open. My phone goes through that same window about gen second later. As do all my worries. My heart has never hurt this much, but I have never in my life felt a weight quite this big being lifted off my shoulders.

I open my leather wallet and look at the picture of Charles tucked on the inside. That too goes out of the window.

••••••••

hope you enjoyed!

there won’t be a part 2 unless this story really takes off, but I doubt it ?

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 !!!!

#charles leclerc #cl16 #charles leclerc x reader #chatles leclerc imagines #imagines #cl16 x reader #cl16 imagine #formula 1 #f1 imagine #arthur leclerc #pierre gasly #max verstappen #kika gomes #yacht girl #lando norris #f1 fic #ferarri

[charmedreincarnation]

My Boujee wealthy dark academia shifting story

Before I started manifesting money in this reality, I was super obsessed with the old money aesthetic, gossip girl, nepotism babies, and just anything money tbh, because obscene wealth has always been fascinating to me. I was honestly bored and feeling materistlic when I intended to go here solely for the purpose of ending this exploration crave lol. I’ll just list some of the thing I had fun doing and my experiences. I won’t get into specific stories because they’re probably just as you presume.

I’m going to first run through some of the most fascinating things I experienced and before I tell personal stories.

-Going to luxury rooftop bars and having drinks with my friends! This is one of my first realities where I was of age and had an extroverted personality so that was fun

-I Joined a super cool and high class sorority at my college. I always thought the concept of a sorority was cringe but we did a lot of volunteer work, and the communal family you have access to is beyond what I expected.

-Going on fancy night outs and renting the most expensive hotel room to have a relaxing night with friends and/ or throwing a giant high class party was the weekend norm. My ambivert self here is shocked that this is how some people live everyday haha.

- getting to be be a mysterious rich person, and legacy student at my university had its perk.

-my parents owned vacation homes in the aesthetic countrysides of Switzerland and France. Here I didn’t get the reasoning of having multiple homes,but when you travel often, it’s not as impractical as it seems.

-getting used to flying private. Not having to go through tsa and having a corsage of people to have travel be as easy as possible was so fun. I don’t travel often here and when I do it spikes my anxiety. Being surrounded by people and having to do all those checks stresses me out, and not dealing with that made traveling so much more fun.

-my parents created a huge scholarship fund to help low-income families. With a certain amounts of students winning every month. This scholarship covers all fees for college from boarding to school supplies to tuition costs to meal plans. I got to also sponsor an endangered animals. My choice was pandas :)

-getting to go to go to the met gala!

-Buying expensive rare and ancient plants! My dad bought a $20,000 olive tree for my mom to plant on our property, and it’s worth the price. Nature to me will always be priceless

The first thing that I think of when I reflect on what it is like being in the top .01% is the access to resources. Having access to a sizable personal fortune gives me the freedom to purchase anything I want and to travel anywhere in the world. I can indulge in luxuries that some people can only dream about.

It also brings with it a considerable amount of responsibility. As part of this elite group I have an obligation to use my resources to better the lives of those around me. For example, I have been able to make donations to charities and invest in causes that are important to me. I believe this is a great way to use my wealth to make a difference in the world.At times being in the top .01% was overwhelming. There is a certain level of pressure to make sure that my money is invested in responsible and rewarding ways. As well, many people view the wealthy with suspicion and resentment, which can be intimidating at times.

Anyways I want to expand on my experience attending the mega gala, bc that was easily my favorite night.My experience attending the Met gala was super cool, and a night to remember no matter what reality I’m in. I was so honored to be there for the first time ever. I vividly remember I was wearing a gorgeous navy blue satin dress with glittering jewels around the edges. The glittering jewels were a perfect complement to the gold sequins that adorn my dress as I made my way to the main event.inside, I was amazed by the opulence of the venue and how much effort has gone into creating such a beautiful spectacle. Everywhere I look I see incredible art installations, shimmering lights, and luxurious furnishings that all make me feel like I'm in a wonderland. To top it off, there's was incredible live music playing and the electrifying atmosphere that is enough to make anyone want to get up and dance.Of course, it wouldn't be a true Met Gala experience without some of the amazing food and drinks. From delicious hors d'oeuvres to exquisite sweet treats, everything was artfully prepared and presented, definitely making it a night to remember.

As the evening progresses, there was so much more to take in. Celebrities were mingling, taking pictures and making speeches; even just getting a chance to be in the same room with them was an incredible experience.My favorite moment was meeting a person I’m both of fan of here in this reality and that reality as well. I vividly remember Lily-Rose Depp gracefully walking through the hall, meeting people one by one and graciously talking to each of them.finally, it was my turn to meet her. She warmly shook my hand and asked me how I was doing. We began talking, and I found myself instantly at ease around her. We spoke about roles we've taken on in the past, our respective passions in life, and our favorite movies.

I was completely swept away by her enthusiasm for life and her willingness to connect on a deeper level with those around her. As we talked, I noticed that she kept casting glances around the hall- which I later found out was because she wanted to make sure that everyone present was enjoying themselves and feeling welcome. At the end of our conversation, she thanked me for taking the time to talk to her and added that if I ever needed anything, she'd be there to help out. I was holding back my giddy smile, trying to be as normal as possible, as I thanked her for her kindness.

I also vividly remember my upbringing and just how crazy wealthy people live.

Growing up, much of my time was spent attending events and dinners with other businesspeople. Although these were often overwhelming and boring at first, I gradually became more comfortable in such social settings and gained connections of my own.

Meanwhile, I also had access to mentors and peers from well-connected families. This allowed me to gain invaluable advice and knowledge on how to succeed in the professional world. In addition, to no surprise there were times when I was given advantages in certain situations due to my family ties. Doors that may have been closed to others opened up easily for me. This made it easier for me to take advantage of certain opportunities and advance my career. While this is true, it can often be a double-edged sword. Being a nepotism baby can make it hard to prove yourself, as there's always a nagging feeling that you got ahead because of a lucky birthright, but that of course in no ways compares to being born without connections. I think that’s something wealthy people tell their kids so they don’t feel like they didn’t work for anything because even if it’s true you don’t want the people you love to feel that way. Also, there's sometimes an element of guilt present due to knowing that others may not get the same opportunities as you. It can be difficult to separate what you've earned from what was given because of your family ties.

I was also lucky enough to have grown up in a huge mansion in the heart of Los Angeles, with all the bells and whistles that come with it. From the grand entrance walls adorned with family portraits and art to the private screening theaters and sprawling gardens, I'd say it's one of a kind.

The perks of living in a mansion come tenfold; I was on Tik tok the other day and saw people complaining (humble bragging) about the hardships of having a huge home. Growing up in one and having the experience now, it’s actually very common for rich people to portray their life as harder than it is to seem more human. It’s something we’re taught to do when we’re young so when I see it happen now, I’m like eye roll… I know exactly what you’re doing

Anyways I loved my house ! For starters, I loved my sunset pool that overlooks the city. It's the perfect place to enjoy a summer day in California with great views and a built-in Jacuzzi. Of course there's also my personal chef who helps whip up amazing meals for me and my family.

Having house help has made growing up here a breeze. Everyday necessities like laundry, chores and even grocery shopping are taken care of for me, leaving me more time to focus on things that really matter. I could write a list of things I needed, and the next morning everything I wrote would show up just like that, it was actually pretty dope. Not to mention the immense amount of help I get from my parents—they are both incredibly successful, so I'm always surrounded by people who, like them, have achieved incredible success.

More than anything, the best part of living here is that I get whatever I want. Shopping sprees, spa days and extravagant getaways are just a few of the indulgences that come with my lifestyle. I'm truly fortunate to have experienced a life of luxury and opulence—it's definitely given me a greater appreciation for all that I have been blessed with.

Lastly, I’m a big foodie no matter where I go so I’m also going to list some of my fav 5 star restaurants! I’m sure most if not all exist here as well so, if possible I would try them out!

-For seafood lovers, Manresa in Los Gatos, California is sure to tantalize your taste buds. With its commitment to local and sustainable ingredients, the restaurant offers an ever-changing menu that highlights delicious seafood dishes with a Californian flair. From the tantalizing tuna tartare and exquisite abalone dishes to the poached white sturgeon and Dungeness crab preparations, Manresa showcases its tasteful and creative cuisine that people rave about.

-If French cuisine is more to your liking, Alain Ducasse in Paris is sure to transport you to another world of classic French cuisine with a modern twist. During your visit, you'll enjoy dishes such as the butter-poached lobster tail, roasted poultry with Malavallee mushrooms, and crispy duck with crispy crimini mushrooms and creamy potato puree. And be sure to finish your meal with the magnificent desserts like the signature Mont Blanc cake.

-For a top-notch Italian experience, check out Osteria Francescana in Modena, Italy. Here you'll find an unforgettable Italian culinary experience with traditional dishes like beef cheek in Barolo wine, ravioli stuffed with prawns, zucchini flowers and stracciatella, and risotto with king crab. The family-run restaurant has come a long way since it first opened in 1995, achieving true worldwide fame for its simple yet lavish dishes.

-If you're planning a trip to Tokyo, you'll definitely want to make a stop at Sushi Saito. Not only is this two Michelin-starred restaurant applauded for its exquisite sushi and sashimi platters, but it's also home to the world's finest sushi chefs. From the uni and scallop nigiri to the tuna sashimi, each bite here is sure to delight your palate.

-Lastly, don't miss the opportunity to visit Geranium in Copenhagen and sample a unique take on modern Nordic cuisine. Chef Rasmus Kofoed delights guests with dishes that feature locally sourced, seasonal ingredients such as skyr ice cream, geoduck clams, and trout roe. With its innovative approach and bold flavors, Geranium has truly become one of the world’s finest restaurants.

No matter which five-star Michelin restaurant you choose, you can be sure that you'll experience exceptional food and service and leave with lasting memories of your sumptuous meal… but these were the most memorable to me.

Other than that I don’t really know what else to say unless you guys wanna hear specific things. It was a normal life, at least normal to me there because that’s just how I was raised 🥰🥰

#law of assumption #manifesation #void state #manifesting #law of attraction #shiftblr #reality shifting

[lonelycowgirls]

Harry and Stellaween

Liked by itslucyy, riley.wills and others

stellaflorals LEAK OF STELLA'S HARRYWEEN COSTUME via dolly_malonex

View all 1,235 comments

itslucyy she's jessica rabbit!!!!

starrylove his very own bunny 🐰❤️

novalove13 Stella's first Harryween?!

frankie_oliver11 boring 🙄🙄🙄

harrysgirl she's so beautiful tho guys 😭😭

↳starrylove brb throwing myself off a bridge

harryflorals 🌼

sideboobrry she kinda ate

yasfullman harry going feral somewhere rn

larry4life wouldn't a real couple match? 🤔

stellerrrr god bless @dolly_malonex

↳lauraloo21 she stays feeding us 😩

31 October 2022

Liked by samanthastewart2, freddie_m and others

harryflorals THE BACK OF HARRY'S SHIRT SAYS 'HARRYWEEN'! via fernsrrylou

View all 4,054 comments

harrytheone this picture will be studied one day

florence_oliver_ HARRY LAMBERT I TAKE EVERYTHING BAD IVE SAID AB YOU

starrylove stella gets this man every night

↳just.nia SHES GETTING THAT DICK EVERY NIGHT SHES GETTING THAT DICK EVERY NIGHT SHES GET-

tbslamber just saw stella walking to the tech box!1!!

tbslamber she looks amazing

↳larrysinlove FAKE

↳corinne_styles how can it be fake its been like 10 years 🤣🤣

andreaashley wonder if the gf likes the black hair

31 October 2022

Liked by katyjonessss, harryking21, and others

harryflorals "You've come as... Jessica Rabbit? Yes? Yes! I got it! That's proving to be a very popular costume this evening." HARRY POINTING OUT A FANS COSTUME AT HARRYWEEN via babyhoneymonique

View all 6,221 comments

starrylove stella punching the air somewhere 🤣

↳larrylove that's what you get for having no creativity or originality

heatherbrown he was so cheeky with Stella tonight! When he said this he kept glancing towards the tech box and winking

↳charliebennett our king of subtlety

↳harrystella18 he just loves to wind her up and I love it

giovanna_rodriguez stella was so drunk tonight we could hear her singing from the tech box behind us!

harrytheone whoever wore the same thing as his gf won tbh

trinawong but who wore it better @harrystyles?!!

31 October 2022

Liked by starrylove, stellamalone and others

harry_update More of Harry on stage for Harryween last night! via pia321234

View all 5,213 comments

rina_gee Stella liked!!

court_xo Stella liking this is so me coded

stellerrrr if only Stella's account wasn't private 🫠

rowanelizabeth Stella screenshotted this for sure

tbslamber he is beyond hot

itslucyy I mean how am I supposed to go on with my day after seeing this

dee_rizxx stella liked omg omg she's creeping on fan accounts????

1 November 2022

Liked by annetwist, gemmastyles and others

stellamallone Throwback to Halloween 2018 because I'm missing my spooky soulmate @dolly_mallonex

View all 23 comments

dolly_mallonex miss you my girlie! Harryween is calling my name! 🦇

annetwist gorgeous girls ❤️

harrystyles was this grim's party?

↳stellamalone nah, corden's

↳harrystyles ohhhh yeah

hannahparker this lewk stell 😍

↳stellamalone miss you Hannah! 🫶 we must catch up soon

↳hannahparker absolutely

1 November 2022

Liked by stellamallone, niallhoran, mitchrowland and others

scottysakamoto "Harry, you actually have Halloween weekend off for once, we're going to a haunted house. Whether you like it or not."

View all 24 comments

niallhoran ten quid that chair will end up in your house mate

dolly_mallonex Don't lie to yourself, H! We all had so much fun, good to have you back on the dark side ❤️

benselleymusic on the beers Stell, good girl! 💪

↳harrystyles you don't have to carry her home

↳stellamalone two pint Stell is OUT OUT 😘

roxannedrake come through leather trousers 👏🏿 miss your arse @stellamallone

↳stellamalone I'm coming Manny soon babes, we need a reunion asap 🫶

28 October 2023

Liked by harrystyles, dolly_mallonex and others

stellamallone no Harryween but we're still gonna party 🎃

View all 13 comments

hannahparker yesss

Angel_212 killerrrrr, missing my night shift gyal

↳stellamalone back in less that 48 hours 🙃

dolly_mallonex the dark bride 🕷️😍

annetwist Have fun tonight you lot. Be safe ❤️

harrystyles Out with the sole breadwinner. Drinks on you x

31 October 2023

~~~

Happy Halloween. Only short but hope you love.

For more from this universe, click here.

Nel xo

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fake social media #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel Fic Recs

It's that time of year where nobody knows what day it is or how they got there, so why not hide from your family/boss to read Destiel fics. And friends, this last list of 2022 may be the best so far.

The Leap by FriendofCarlotta @friendofcarlotta (Explicit, 82k words)

I don't know how to explain the way 91W lit up my brain like one of those old electricity balls at Spencer's but I thought I would never have that experience again until this fic came along. It's a very different, much softer story, but this fic has the 91W vibes that make you want to crunch on your own bones (vintage gay sadness is the tag we live in here). Its so deeply rooted in a sense of place and time. Dean and Cas are so clearly and immediately bonded and kept apart by circumstance. The longing y'all. The way they can't help but fall in love at the risk of their lives and freedom. It's gorgeous.

The fic is set in post WWII occupied Berlin in a divided Germany just before the wall goes up. Cas is a closeted police officer in East Berlin, trying his best to survive under a brutal dictatorship in an environment in which reporting your neighbors is not just encouraged, but expected. Dean is an American-born mechanic residing in West Berlin. For both of them, falling in love with a man could mean arrest, prosecution, and worse.

But they can't help the instant attraction between them. Neither of them is ready to walk away from the hope of a future together, as impossible of a dream as that is.

Beyond the 91W vibes, the thing about this fic is that the canon parallels are just so beautiful. Cas is expected to comply with a rigid hierarchy and to obey absolutely. Dean is trying his best to find optimism for those around him, and he has an irresistible early seasons charm and brashness that makes you fall instantly in love with him. And while there is period homophobia and oppression in this fic, FriendofCarlotta also pulls so much queer joy into the story. A slice of gorgeous community built against all odds and euphoria at finding love and family and shelter in the most hostile of places.

This story made me ugly cry (a true feat) and it's one of those stories you finish and consider turning back to Chapter 1 and reading it all over again. Seriously. Go read it then yell at me about it.

The Law of Equivalent Exchange by awed_frog @awed-frog (Mature, 60k)

This is the fic you have to read in one sitting because you don't want to be crushed by a falling desk like in Mystery Spot and never see the ending. It is gorgeous in a way that I think may have irrevocably changed me. A testament to love and devotion that left me absolutely breathless.

Cas, Angel of Tears, is assigned to watch over the lives of two brothers, tied together and experiencing hundreds of lifetimes of sorrow and joy in preparation for some mysterious Heavenly plan. His mission is to watch over a green-eyed boy, to guide him into each next life. The human doesn't know, doesn't remember (mostly), but it's impossible to ignore the growing bond between them. Cas finds himself inexorably changed by watching the many lives he experiences.

This is a canon fic (and tbh if you don't know canon the middle is going to confuse you because it's a reimagining of canon events with this context). That means awed-frog has somehow managed to make the crunchy Destiel scenes even more heart wrenching (extra crispy?).

This fic had me crying by Chapter 2. It's just a beautiful sweeping epic. And it does have a soft and beautiful landing. I will be thinking about it for awhile.

Märchen by tiamatv (Mature, 93k)

Fairy tale princess Dean Winchester. That's the delightful headline for this really fun and inventive fic. Dean of Winchester is the eldest prince but he lacks magic, making his brother the heir. What else do you do with a spare but promise to marry him off for political reasons, in this case to Michael, an Angel from a neighboring kingdom who lent his swords to Winchester to defeat the demons.

But Dean isn't gonna be some kept pretty thing, so he shocks everyone by saying no. Michael won't marry Dean without his consent, but that term is used very loosely, as angels do. So Dean is locked in a tower full of monsters where he is cursed to remain until he consents or finds his true love.

It's a tale as old as time (yes I said that), but there are some delightfully fresh elements. From Charlie the dragon princess (marry me, Charlie) to a sentient carnivorous hedge, the quirky characters make this fic impossible to put down. There are also some delightful genre choices such as an omnipotent narrator that make this fic feel comforting yet fresh.

In the end, you will be rooting for the angel knight and his prince to slay their inner demons.

A Crash Course in Computer Safety by followthattardis @debatchery (Explicit, 29k)

I love a good fusion and as a fan of the show Chuck, this Chuck Destiel AU absolutely slaps. If you are unfamiliar with the show, it's still an absolutely fun ride. Dean is stuck working at a Best Buy rip off as essentially a member of the Geek Squad. His life is in shambles after his best friend got him expelled from Stanford and stole his girlfriend, but he's making due.

That is until a mysterious email from his ex best friend throws him into a world of intrigue. Suddenly he's got the CIA and the NSA breathing down his neck. Even worse, he has to pretend to be dating the scorching hot CIA operative as a cover.

The Destiel feels are surprisingly potent for a mash-up, and the story is paced so well you won't want to put it down. Bonus points for perfect use of Henriksen.

Buckle up and cue up Short Skirt-Long Jacket by Cake.

The Shadow in the Corner by MalMuses @malmuses (Explicit, 47k)

I don't know that there are many fic writers who excel so thoroughly at classic romance as MalMuses. Her fics bring such a fantastic mix of horny, humor and softness. This one is no exception.

A Victorian steampunk story, this one is set in an alternative timeline where magic is known and the MOL openly fight monsters. Dean aka the Red Hand is tasked with a special investigation - to solve why a monster seems to be targeting the head of the agency's little brother, Castiel.

There's a good bit if mystery and intrigue, but the the headline for me was the delightful way Dean and Cas were both very aware of this instant connection and slowly orbiting each other as gravity pulled them closer. There's a softness to their relationship and it's largely external angst that keeps them apart as long as they are, but you never doubt that they are entirely gone for one another. Yes they suffer from perpetual horniness around each other, but its also very clear they genuinely like each other in a way that melted my cold dead heart.

In the end, a fun read with an exceptionally satisfying ending.

4:08 to Tombstone by Zuzeca (Explicit, 20k)

Cas is a Seraph with a mission: to save Dean Winchester, to retrieve the Michael Sword from Hell. But Dean perceives Hell not as it is, but instead as the wild west. Thrown into a bisexual cowboy fantasy, Cas has to navigate a dangerous escape while protecting this beautiful soul from those who would destroy it.

This fic is an absolute treasure. Amazing trueform angel descriptions, some gorgeous treatment of Dean’s Hell trauma, and a poignant bond between Dean and Cas that makes it a really sweet read (though mind the tags it gets dark). Its a really fun and novel take on the escape from Hell.

All That Remains by DoctorProfessorSong (Mature, 16k)

I am going to be annoying and self-rec here but I just released a fic I am super proud of. It's bittersweet and emotional and I poured my grief and parts of my soul into it. The tags are daunting but I do think it ends in a satisfying and hopeful place.

The stabfest story examines a canon divergent world where Dean is turned into a demon by the MOC, and Cas is forced to kill him to free him. He has a plan to save Dean, but it fails and Dean makes a deal with the Shadow to escape the Empty. The same deal as Cas. What follows is a reinterpretation of canon where both of them are unable to speak the truth because they risk losing it all.

It's a story about love and loss and hope. And perhaps most importantly it's a story about faith, not as some cheap fix-all, but as something that you hold in your heart in the darkest places.

Tag list below the cut. Let me know if you want to be tagged in future lists.

@varlysca @naturallyathief @greatbigbuggerer @fandoms-and-things @cascodedtech @you-cant-spell-subtext-without @deanwasalwaysbi @fellshish @valleydean @raspberry-tooth @the15yearhatecrime

#destiel fic recs #deancas fic recs #destiel fic rec #deancas fic rec #Destiel #deancas #spn fic recs #supernatural fic rec

[raytorosaurus]

ray really went off w remember the laughter (album) but also specifically remember the laughter (song)

I KNOW I KNOWWWWW. actually i find it so interesting that ray's the only member of mcr to have released a concept album post-breakup tbh...(i don't count electric century bc the album and comic seem very separate). but remember the laughter is such a coherent and self-contained piece of art it's so cool. besides we save it's genuinely rare that i listen to one song without listening to the entire album bc (like frank said actually), it's almost cinematic in the way it flows through (including the seamless transitions between tracks! little sonic references back to previous tracks throughout the album! the MUSIC BOX LOOP IF YOU RESTART AFTER THE END!!!!!!!) i think its weakest point is its lack of variation at times which means some tracks don't necessarily stand out on their own against some of the others, but it's satisfying enough to listen to start to finish that i can't really complain. i would love to see ray lean into that and try his hand at writing sountrack...or, alternatively, to casually release individual tracks that don't fit with a larger project, because he has loads :((( he was experimenting with dirtier punk and metal sounds before he settled on the rtl vibe and i wish he'd share some of those even if they weren't necessarily complete :( but oh well

anyway that being said - there are a few tracks i just have to listen to sometimes from rtl and rtl the song is one of them. so much going on in the background instrumentation beneath a morbid concept delivered without the morbidity, and a slow six-minute build into the most genuinely gorgeous guitar solo i've ever heard in my entire life...what more could you want tbh. it was such a bold choice to not have guitar dominate the whole album since it's not only his strength but also literally the only thing he's know for lol but it means the solos that are on there stand out sooooo beautifully, and the rtl one has gotta be my favourite. very closely followed by the great beyond and then we save, i think...im trying to learn them one by one on guitar but like even if could buy the most expensive gear id never be able to put as much tone and emotion into them as he does...crazy how he's an excellent musician huh lol

#REMEMBER THR LAUGHTERRRRR ASKKKK <33333333 #rtl #answered

[samanthastarss]

TO MY GORGEOUS AMAZING COMMISSIONERS!!!

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU ALL SO INCREDIBLY MUCH!!! @afreakingdork @hijinxensues @kirikatalksalot

I have so much love and appreciation for you three!! You guys were my first proper commissions ever!!!! I had so much fun drawing up the comms to the best of my ability, and im so so SO thankful that you each deemed my art worthy enough to be paid, or tbh literally just ASKED for in the first place. The fact you guys even like my art is beyond me?!? 🙇‍♀️😭🫶🏻 (Also, im doing the perfectionist artist thing where i keep looking back at them going... they deserve better... what if i just re drew it... [theres the possibility i might tbh🧍‍♀️])

I genuinely dont know how to explain how insanely thankful i am for you all!! 🫠🫶🏻

I remember with each commission i would freak for a bit, kicking my feet, squealing, jumping around, etc... before calling/messaging my parents who were just as stoked that I had managed to succeed enough to finally have people who actually liked my art enough to request a commission!

As shown in my squeal-y excited texts lmao

@afreakingdork my mum knows vaguely about you just bcs i constantly honk abt "this fanfic i really like!!! thats so well written!!! and is the size of multiple novels!!! The author is so lovely!!! RAH RAH RAH!!!" (I frl dont shut up when a new chap comes out, even if im vague abt what its about... im not THAT comfortable with my family HAHAH)

But seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. You each made my year, tbh my life, i genuinely wont ever forget how lovely you all have been and the support you have given me :,) <3

Sorry if this is annoying/embarrassing to have me freak out and fangirl over you each so much but IM JUST SUPER HAPPY 🙇‍♀️🫶🏻😭

So much love to you all, Stella. <3 xx

#my beautiful commissioners <3 #stellasstarss #stellas ramblings #commissions

[juneviews]

Heyyy girl! Not sure if you’ve answered this before but what are your fave non gmmtv bls/Thai dramas?🪷💗

hi anon! I don't think I actually have, all in the same post! let's go <3

I TOLD SUNSET ABOUT YOU

I've talked about this show about a thousand times already, so I'll keep it short: this is the only show I consider truly perfect, from its writing, cinematography, acting, chemistry, storyline, soundtrack, etc. it's not for everyone bc it's VERY angsty but it's deffo my cup of tea & I'm gonna be honest teh's coming out storyline was extremely important to me as it came right before I also finally accepted my bisexuality. overall just my favorite show, so important & beautiful with deeply flawed characters <3

PROJECT S: SKATE OUR SOULS

this show is the only other one with itsay I've rated a 10/10 in my life, even though it's not perfect, because it literally changed my life. the last sentence of the show literally helped me get over the worst depressive episode of my life, which is a pretty goddamn beautiful result for a show about depression. even though it's not entirely perfect, it's still an extremely well written show, has a gorgeous cinematography full of neons, incredible performances & a story that was so important to tell. I couldn't recommend it more!

PROJECT S: SIDE BY SIDE

in also a near flawless show, we have this show. it's a very touching story that will make you cry, tries to understand all of its characters, with stunning acting performances from everyone, and it's just the kind of shows I don't see anyone disliking tbh. very well executed & definitely an all time favorite of mine :)

THE REVENGE

probably the most underrated show on this list, this is actually the show I'm the most upset about being underrated lol, bc it's literally SO GOOD. if it was a korean show it'd go viral type of good. this is a very fucked up story so not for the faint of heart but it's executed extremely well, and honestly I don't have much negative to say about this show. flawless performances, an extremely impactful show, and forever one of my favorite thai dramas ever made!

SLEEPLESS SOCIETY: INSOMNIA

another highly underrated thai drama that no one has watched. this is female-led, touches on politics & corruption, has a very different setting from usual & a great plot through and through. the ending is also super iconic & stays on my mind to this day. I really encourage anyone to watch it!

MY RIDE

if you like love sick or my school president, I think my ride will be your cup of tea. it's a pretty simple story but with such lovable characters & a beautiful healthy ship that it immediately became one of my favorite comfort shows. it's the ultimate proof that even a more simple story can be beautiful if given enough soul, quirkiness & love :)

IN FAMILY WE TRUST

in family we trust is a lakorn, but it doesn't feel like a lakorn. apart from the obviously beyond iconic cast at every level, the writing & cinematography are leagues above any other lakorns. for a murder story that should be pretty straightforward, they managed to weave in the interpersonal relationships of the characters perfectly, and this is the kind of show that you can put down once you start. if you've never watched lakorns before, I'd recommend this one to start with since it's quite similar to regular series.

TO SIR, WITH LOVE

another lakorn, another slay! this one is way more lakorn-y so I don't think it's for everyone, but it's literally the only lakorn that treats its queer characters fairly lol & it's such a beautiful love story. it's very dramatic bc 1) lakorn & 2) historical drama with repressed queer characters, but everything in this drama just HITS. you care for the characters so much, and the brother relationship is also so supportive & beautiful and I'm so glad the show never compromised it for some petty drama. overall this show put me through all the emotions & I loved it so much for it lol

GREAT MEN ACADEMY

this show is the proof of the kind of imagination thai film makers have when they get a good budget. the world building of that show is so vibrant & fun, but more than that the writing is really good with endearing characters, good interpersonal relationships, and a really beautiful love story & plot. this is just such a nice show to watch, even with its kind of childish aspect, and once again the cast is great since it's the same as in in family we trust lol. watch both shows back to back & be shook at how drastically different yet so good they both are :)

THE DEBUT

another super underrated show that no one has watched but fucking slaps. not only is it female-led with amazing performances (and a great cast!), but this show really is so well written, with a mystery & a plot twist that will pull you in and make you bingewatch it. the cinematography & colors also slap, and overall it's such a good show that I wish more people would watch.

xxx

#answers #I told sunset about you #project s: skate our souls #project s: side by side #the revenge #sleepless society: insomnia #my ride #to sir with love #great men academy #in family we trust #the debut #this is making me realize how much most of my faves are all from gmmtv lmao #them & nadao

[pacifymebby]

Do you have any fave LGBTQ+ literature, tv, movies, content creators?

Okay so I'm still trying really hard to find queer books that I like because beyond Allen Ginsburg in college we weren't taught any LGBTQ+ authors/poets (except Carol Ann Duffy but the only thing I'd recommend about her work is to stay away because I hate it haha)(I probably hate it because of school tbh, sorry Carol) so anyway yeah, when it comes to this I've had to do all the searching myself and I don't really know how well I've done.

But for books:

🍂 Orlando / Virginia Woolf

I kind of can't believe Virginia Woolf wasn't on my other recommendations because The Waves is one of my favourite books (again I think you have to have a lot of patience but it is beautiful) and this one is brilliant too. A man wakes up in a woman's body and gender roles are revealed to be a little bit silly.

🍂 Thérèse and Isabelle / Violet Leduc

Erotic novella about two girls at boarding school, low-key spoke to me as a bi girl who kind of started realising her bisexuality when exploring sexuality was sort of thrust upon me by female friends at school I guess. It's just a good example of feminine sexuality and desire written by someone who knows.

🍂 Chelsea Girls / Eileen Myles

I'm very into Eileen Myles as a poet and these stories are so so so so so fucking good too!!!!

🍂 In The Dream House / Carmen María Machado

I got into this because it's what Google recs when you finish The Dangers of Smoking in Bed / Mariana Enriquez and honestly, I didn't enjoy it as much but it was still amazing. It's gothic horror af but also a really important work on abusive relationships within the queer community which the author has personal experience of and thinks isn't spoken about enough. Its really haunting, did fuck me up a bit but ultimately in a good way. But be careful because it does chronical abuse and that can be upsetting.

🍂 On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous/ Ocean Vuong

Another one where I love their poetry and think they can do no wrong tbh, I haven't finished this yet (I keep getting distracted but don't be put off by that I'm just really easily distracted!!) And I think it's wonderful idk. It's also written in quite a cool style which is always a bonus I find.

🍂 Our Wives Under the Sea / Julia Armfield

I actually only read this because I read an essay on the Exorcist and body horror by the author where she talks about her experience with having a cyst that had to be operated on twice. The essay was so stunning that I was like damn, gonna have to read that book everyone's talking about now and bestie, was worth it. The books class also.

🍂 Sister Outsider / Audre Lorde

I just think everyone should read Audre Lorde, Audre Lorde should have been on the curriculum instead of endless Simon Armitage idk. I read this and Your Silence Will Not Protect You as a 19 year old and they changed the course of my life idk.

🍂 Communion / bell hookes

Read this and broke up with my shitty ex boyfriend. It's not entirely about lesbianism but more kind of, love in general, platonic, romantic, what it really means to love. She talks about the feminist choice to choose lesbianism which was a phenomenon in the 70s and also discusses a lot to do with how misogyny impacts womens ability to love and be loved. It was a really important read for me, made all the more important because when I picked up the book my boyfriend ripped into her name and tried to be like lol what would you read her for...and then I read it and was like oh HE'S the problem.

Poetry:

🐇Howl / Allen Ginsburg

I know he's problematic but for me Howl was the prototype, the first massive poem I read and loved as an adult, the first one where language really sounded musical to me, the first poem I heard that Hurt. If you can you should listen to the YouTube of him reading it in San Francisco,that's amazing.

I also really like A Supermarket in California.

🐇 Sappho

Just all of it I guess, I think we're all eventually pushed towards Sappho and for good reason.

🐇Emily Dickinson

Read her letters to Sue, Open Me Carefully. I read these one summer between school years and I think they changed me. Her poetry in general is wonderful, some of it occasionally comes off as very old fashioned (shock horror our girl was born in the 1800s) but there's much to savour there. Also apparently there's a TV series about her life on Apple TV, I don't have Apple TV though so I haven't seen it.

As for TV and movies I don't think I have anything at all. I don't watch a lot of TV and I mostly only watch the same 5 old man movies on repeat. I think books have always been my thing, I can concentrate on reading in a way I can't concentrate on TV and also just the fact you can put your book in your pocket and get it out on the bus, in the staff room, at school, at the pub when you're waiting for your pals etc... I was always a headphones and books gal so I don't really have any recs for TV. Sorry :/

EDIT: Kill Your Darlings!!!! As in the movie, if you're into the beats you should watch it, it's very good and a real insight into what was in reality a pretty nasty little scene.

#pacifymebby recs #pacifymebby books

[astralartefact]

Placeholder Name for Atarase's Media Diary

Entry 003 - NieR Reincarnation <<Prev: Dragon's Dogma 2

Synopsis

Living in the shadow of its predecessors a [g___] grapples with the fact that it was born shouldering the burden of Reincarnation.

And don't forget, Mother is watching. Don't. fuck it up.

gambling that whatever they announce next week makes parts of this post irrelevant

How much did I know before playing?

I played it since the JP launch despite not understanding a single word and I've played every DrakeNieR Adjacent thing in existence except for DoD2 (no interest, sry) and... NieR Automata which I refuse to play at this point - but I guess that just means you can't complain that I haven't played DoD2 lol.

Did I like it more than I expected?

I did in fact not expect the Gacha game to turn out the best NieR game but here we are.

Since I liked it, here's what I hated about it

Despite its (to me) clear intention to present a diverse and not particularly "objectified" cast it still has a visible bias towards a certain group of characters - by which i of course mean the waifus, because those make more money. But it means that certain characters never get the 'worthless' free event units while some only get them - snd I mean, just look at Priyet who has 3 less costumes than Yurie who came out months after her.

Also, the story was clearly supposed to be longer, especially with 10H's more-than-swift in- and ex-troduction, but tbh I didn't particularly mind it? 'Cutting it short' didn't ruin anything even though it could have taken the game a bit longer to end - but I wouldn't have said no to a Purple Season 3 Chapter either.

Also also, 'Tis evident that this ludus has maybe one singular mention of our Lord and Saviour YoRHa:Dark Apocalypse (henceforth referred to as Y:DA) - and even that one mention is marvelously vague. Father, are you ashamed of your best work? Is it because it doesn't qualify as its own game? Please, I beg of you to acknowledge the existence of the Crime & Punishment fanfiction sequel you wrote in a MMORPG cross-over! Do it for meeee!

What did this game make me think about?

Reincarnation is a Cage.

Specific Impressions that will stick with me

Honestly? A lot, so this is very non exhaustive.

The Art, both 2D and 3D, especially the very limited usage of color.

The Story and how exactly it was written. Every single line in this game pulls at the same rope and that's impressive for a game that's basically a very, very complicatedly put together Collection of Vignettes written from more than 5 people.

How thought through this game's structure is - how and when what kind of story was introduced/unlocked, stuff like that. I even thought "the grind" wasn't pointless okay, sue me but it makes the pay-off from the ex stories feel better.

Sarafa and Priyet

Outstanding Audio

The entire soundtrack, as always the crew at MONACA is beyond mere mortals - and honestly, Shotaro Seo deserves more credit for his NieR work!!! (also he's cute but that's besides the point)

Here are some fave picks:

Inori, Kizuna & the S3 Main Theme

Kusabi (i love seo's voice i think its so funny that they just used him as the male voice)

Mizukagami

Madan & the S3 Battle Themes

The Return of Normandy

The Mourning Mother Theme, All Versions (if this one doesn't come back in one of the next games i swear to mother)

The Final Boss Theme

Favorite Character

this is so hard why would Past!Me make me choos- Sarafa.

also mama, dark mama and papa and fio and levania and saryu and yudil and priyet and yuzuki and hina and argo (bc he's an idiot) and akeha and frenlise (still not sure why that's the only name they changed) and- all of them, i love all of them, some more than others but all of them except for the carrier, fuck the carrier also anogg y:da should be on this list

Favorite Arc/Story Line

Sun/Moon Story

Favorite Set Piece

The S3 Cage is so fcking gorgeous, around every corner another compositional marvel, they went above and beyond.

Favorite Scene

Priyet's Hidden Stories

The Library

Mourning Mother

Best Performance (I played with JP voices)

Yumi Hara as Mama.

--- ENTERING THE PRETENTIOUS SECTION OF THIS ENTRY --- reminder that the pretentious section is called that way for a reason, don't take it too seriously

What about this game gives me Hope for the future of gaming?

I guess the death of the Common Gacha is somewhat imminent if even Square Enix is giving up on it. A shame that what's left in its wake (the Gacha with "Gameplay Value") is so much more worrisome than shitty jpg dispensers ever could be.

And I don't know, I guess I'm just excited for Yoko Taro's next big hit because he has yet to really miss. Sadly this game won't set any industry standards in the ways I would like it to :/

What about this game makes me scared for the future of gaming?

The Internet has figured out that complaining about things that everybody agrees is bad is fun - and that's nothing new. What's new is that they have at this point seen enough video essays to make their incessant complaining sound like "Criticism."

The problem I have with that is that these surface level "Criticisms" taint the stage, so to speak. Everyone is constantly mad at the mere mention of Microtransactions or of Gacha Games (except, of course, if it's one of the popular ones) and it makes it so that "not critizising" Gacha Games for even just existing in the first place makes you "uncritical."

Can you tell by my usage of Quotation Marks that I do not like the word Criticism anymore?

And I wish that my only stake with this is that I think this shit is annoying as fuck. That I think it sucks that every person having something, anything genuine to say about this game feels the need to state how they know Gacha games are bad because Capitalism sucks - a so surface level fact I would genuinely struggle to believe anyone who would agree with that hasn't already caught on to it yet.

But no - that's where our public interrogation of this type of media starts and ends, because god forbid we have a more nuanced opinion about this shit than "Gacha Bad".

Instead of talking about anything below the surface, good or bad, be it the artistic merits of this game I really like or the actually deeply fucked up evolution on the Gacha Formula the Industry is going through to make their practices more palatable despite being so much worse and deeply ingrained into everything else - resulting in an ecosystem that's so much more dangerous than anything Square Enix could ever hope to come up with.

Instead of talking about any of that I get to hear people act high and mighty about how smart and brave they are for voicing an opinion everybody shares with them.

Meanwhile Hoyoverse has made it cool to just take whatever game is currently popular and turn it into an industrial-grade FOMO machine printing object women of the week and money and everybody unironically endorses it, creates endless amounts of free publicity through fan-art & co, feeding into this FOMO cycle that's already exacerbated by games solely built to drive you to FOMO through all of its built-in game design mechanisms - all so you gamble your money away for your own enjoyment - but that's 'better', actually, 'because it has good gameplay.'

[This is where I cut a lengthy section about how Japanese Idols and Gacha Games are both selling the same things. It was very informative and you are disappointed you're missing out on this quality content.]

Because clearly, the problem with Gacha Games has all this time been that Gacha Games have boring gameplay and not that they do everything in their power to addict people into spending money on parasocial relationships to people (mostly women) that don't even exist, all to impress themselves and their friends.

and also you guys it looks kind of silly when you say 'good riddance, you cheap cash-grab' to a game that a) clearly wasn't that cheap and b) clearly didn't grab that much cash

The Ramble Section where I get to actually talk about what I thought about

[This is where I cut a lengthy section about my complicated feelings towards Video Game Archiving and how Lore is a blight. It was very informative and you are disappointed you're missing out on this quality content.]

So a couple days ago Yoko Taro met up with the Stellar Blade guy and the only thing I can think about is... well...

Was 2B a mistake?

I mean, it's kind of a sign of how good he is at analyzing the topic at hand so take that as you will, but the fact is that Yoko Taro set out to create the most objectifiable women he could think of - and he was so good at it she has become what is probably the most objectified female character of our time.

And yet, despite knowing that that's not really a good thing - because clearly he did all of that for a reason and Reincarnation didn't really do all that despite being a Gacha - he continues to just... enable people (and by people I do mean Men) to keep doing these kinds of disgusting behaviours to an entire gender, fictional or not. Things that Automata at least to some degree criticizes through 9S (like there's a reason he's the final boss you guys)

And I guess it just feels shitty to see Yoko Taro publicly give this game his stamp of approval when the entire existential premise for Stellar Blade seems to be that clip of Yoko Taro saying "I just really like girls"; a shitty quote that 100% has caused women some societal harm he has yet to r3pent for because Gamers took it and ran - and now we have another game with a big tits SciFi Woman for Men to objectify and I'm pretty sure this one won't have the underlying subtext of "maybe objectifying women is not all that great you guys"

But then there's stuff like putting a shallow husk of 2B - and they somehow also always feature the butt out version too, isn't that interesting - into any game that will take her - which is pretty much every game that is physically able to because thanks to her standing for nothing but ass woman in the popular conscious everyone wants a piece of that free money from horny gamers.

And I guess I have to legally state that that's fine or else the horny fun police is taking me in, but with how he's treating this character outside of the game it feels like it does such a disservice to the points he makes in his games (plural bc of dod3) and that fucking sucks because clearly the world isn't ready to move on from 2B so she'll be around, and with her a symbol that actually, it's fine to objectify your female characters - full stop because nobody but us few cares about the things he's criticizing through subtext.

And it sucks that to SquareEnix her stupid ass (like literally just her ass) is going to overshadow anything Reincarnation has ever done, all the interesting points it makes about societal agency and human relationships and gender and consent and family - because I wouldn't be surprised if NieR 4 manages to barely acknowledge Reincarnation's existence at all while still churning out YoRHa DLC - I mean just look at how they treat Drakengard, which for its 20th anniversary got... an entire tweet.

Like. They didn't even play Reincarnation Music at the NieR Concert!!! Not even Inori!!! It's been three years, why was there no Reincarnation Music at the fucking NieR concert??? I guess we'll just hear Grandma and Kainé and Weight of the World Remixes forever because squeenix mandated that everything that's not the big 2 games can only be referenced in vague subtext (and listen, I love how NieR treats Drakengard Lore, I will be severly disappointed if he ever actually explains any of it - it just hurts my soul that Kuroi Hana has never been performed live) (also y:da's final boss theme should have been a kuroi hana arrangement and not kainé but i guess licensing is a bitch so there's that)

But I mean it is kind of funny that NieR Reincarnation is in a Reincarnation Cage of its own. It's living in the shadow of its predecessors, grappling with the fact that it was born shouldering the burden of Reincarnation. Another Yoko Taro story whose story is about itself. (can i interest you in a german review i wrote where i explain which other yoko taro story also does that) (it's y:da, it's always y:da)

I guess all I can say is that you're clowning about Women, Yoko Taro, and I really hate that. Do Better, as they say. I wish you would publicly talk about literally anything else at this point, especially since you made a good point and then ruined it by not just simply shutting up about it like you do about anything else you do. (remember the ff14 live stream where he proceeded to not answer a single question about y:da? iconic behavior and absolutely the right choice)

And you have so many other good points to make that you could talk about instead! ...then again I swear to mother if Kamierabi really is about how Abortions are bad I will abort you, we have a perfectly capable successor in Yuki Wada right there. (btw praise be Yuki Wada, the true hero of this story, living his dream with his two nier ocs hina and yuzuki)

#atarasegamediary #nier reincarnation

[lonewolflink]

HEYYYY THATS SO GOOD!!!

the pose is rlly nice!!

(also if u genuinely want face help im p sure i have a tutorial somewhere in my folders that i can pop out.)

don’t say prepare yourself like that i have things to do! hockey mmm will likely put me in a catatonic fugue state in which i can only go wow….hockey…..wow…..

mamamoo……. (i anticipate it though)

describing a neck at all is hard tbh. bc yejis neck is objectively gorgeous (ddeongies did get that right!! and tbh the agenda does need to be spread) but also i feel like its so hard to call attention to a neck without sounding weirdly vampiric or medical. or r/menwritingwomen. yk?

anyways i believe in u!!!

-hambbyong

thank you!!! tbh i tried to copy the pose from a frame of check please which now that i think about it you should DEFINITELY look at. and so should @hwangyeddeongie for that matter. it's an award winning webcomic about a figure skater turned college hockey player and it is very gay and very cute and i actually own physical copies of it lol

i am a big mamamoo fan and (within reason) found every opportunity to put them in this fic lol IT'S MY FIC AND I LOVE MAMAMOO SO THEY GET MULTIPLE GUEST APPEARANCES I CAN DO WHAT I WANT

if you have any ideas for a color scheme for RBW university i am all ears, haven't decided anything yet for teams beyond JYP and YG (whose color scheme is obviously black and pink lol).

as for neck...well. i think i found a way to describe a particular neck in extreme detail but it wasn't yeji's. @ddeongies can tell you if i succeeded in that or not, i can't return to that fugue state rn for my own health. act 2...is bad for me

#hambbyong #asks #wheel snipe celly #wsc #hockey au

[thegirlivealwaysbeen]

Your Annoying Tumblr Mutual strikes yet again !!

I'm gonna ask you a few questions :> (these are all so random lmao) (as always, feel free to ignore ^^^)

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✰ how long have you been on tumblr?

✰ how did you come up with your url/username?

✰ what’s your phone’s lock screen?

✰ do you have any piercings//tattoos? (any you’d like to get?)

✰ do you wear glasses//contacts?

✰ has anyone ever told you you have a "celebrity look-alike"? if yes, who?

✰ best compliment you’ve ever gotten?

✰ are you a collector of anything in particular? If yes, what?

✰ I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD REST OF YOUR DAY AND TREAT YOURSELF AND I APPRECIATE YOU AND YES OKAY BYE FOR NOW <3

well my original blog (@mothsandbutterflies) was made june/july 2021 i believe! i've had this one since april 2023

i like moths and i like sparkly things lol

a sunrise rn (my hopefully future bf soon???)

i have basic ear piercings but beyond that nothing, i rlly want a tattoo though! something super cute and whimsical fr

i have glasses but i don't wear them as often as i should

i've been told i look like katherine langford specifically her as hannah baker... which isn't the greatest character to be associated with but its okay 'cause she's gorgeous and i can't believe ppl think i look like her

mmm anything he's said to me tbh but i can't choose a fave

not rlly unless books count!!

tysm this was so sweet <3

#💌

[elvisabutler]

For the gala, specifically the kink prompt, could you please do one on bondage? Pick whoever you want for it. It might be basic but its my biggest kink. Thank you and congrats!!! 🥳🎉💕

anon! you're in luck. so much luck. because guess who has the same sort of kink! this woman! but yes, thank you so much for the congrats! i chose a 60s sugar daddy austin!elvis because tbh i feel like 60s elvis does not get written about nearly enough and because despite him- and i quote myself- looking like "a ken doll looking motherfucker" on the hollywood sign i also find that whole montage attractive af. so! i low key might write more of this because i actually had to cut myself off so it still was a "blurb" but i really liked what i did. also this is light bondage so i will actually be willing to potentially do another without it counting toward your request count since idk reasons. it's my gala i do what i want.

bondage kink - 60s sugar daddy austin!elvis ft. olivia!priscilla ( also known as strangelove, that's how my love goes )

tw: cheating? kind of. former cheating maybe. also the sugar daddy bit is like a blink and miss reference in case it wasn't your jam anon. i am definitely writing said elvis beyond this but you know. also supposedly priscilla called elvis fire eyes. so i didn't pull that from nowhere.

"little mama, baby, my sweet sugar bunny what have i told you about coming to set without telling me you're coming?" elvis asks when he sees you sitting casually in what is the shortest skirt he swears he's ever seen on his bed in his bus. "because my sugar knows better than to surprise me like this. imagine if i had priscilla here."

"you mean like i am, baby?" priscilla asks as she comes out from the front of the bus in what you have to say is a pretty good imitation of a playboy bunny uniform.

for what it's worth you do try and not laugh at elvis's expression when he sees priscilla. he looks like a deer in the headlights and you can't help but giggle. still he's so busy looking at her and you grab his hands, trying to pull him closer to the bed.

"'cilla, what are you doing here?" he asks, sort of slowly shuffling to the bed watching priscilla as she sits down next to you.

priscilla just smiles as sweet as she can while shrugging. "jerry called, made plane ticket arrangements, i let my parents watch lisa. but i got here and i was going to surprise you in this." she motions to her outfit. "but i found y/n here. and we talked. you've been hiding her for- how many years did you say, baby? how many years have you been dating elvis?"

"four." your face is threatening to break out into a grin but now you've got elvis close enough to the bed that you can stand up and push him down. he doesn't even stop you. nor does he stop you as you untie his ascot and start to play with it in your hands.

"four! four years!" she exclaims. "you've kept your sugar all to yourself. you've taken care of her, she told me all about the college you paid for, how she's got the fancy degree."

elvis gulps before he answers. he's in trouble. he can turn this around but not when he's got you on his lap and his wife- his gorgeous wife next to him. "satnin- baby- birdie. you know i had needs and you were younger and i had to take care of them somehow."

"i'm not mad at that." she's a little mad. "i'm mad you kept her hidden from me. we've been married over a year and i've had lisa marie and you've had her hidden, baby." she lays down next to him and grabs his chin so he's facing her as she winks at you.

you know that's your cue to start to tie up elvis's hands with the ascot. he's still looking at priscilla when you force his hands above his head and get to work on the tightest knot that girl scouts taught you. he won't be able to escape that any time soon. to cover up for what you've done you whisper in his ear. "hidden away like you're ashamed of me. i would have made such a pretty picture on your arm, handsome. would have made everyone jealous. you got a pretty girl at home and a pretty girl here."

he groans and moves his hands to try and cup both yours and priscilla's cheeks before he realizes what you've done. "y/n? sugar? untie me, this isn't time for one of our games. i gotta- you and cilla need to know- untie me!"

priscilla's eyebrows shoot up as she moves her hand in between you two and down elvis's chest, lightly scratching him through his shirt. "one of your games. like when we did nurse and patient?"

you giggle as you slink down to unbutton elvis's pants. "nurse and patient. darling, you have been holding out on your sugar." you pause as one of your hands drift to priscilla's thigh and give it a squeeze. "can i get some sugar from you birdie? since elvis can't really touch us right now."

"for you, baby? for my elvis's sugar?" she takes her remaining hand off his face and sits up before grasping your chin like elvis has grasped both yours and hers a million times and plants a kiss on your lips.

you end up deepening it a little, your tongue slipping past her lips easily and illicting what can only be described as the world's most pained groan from elvis. priscilla's sigh is softer and but has you smiling as you pull away.

you look up at elvis and priscilla looks at elvis for a moment, almost inspecting him from the growing hard on his suit pants to the way the blue of his eyes is rapidly being demolished by his pupil. you look back at priscilla for a moment before nodding. "we think you don't deserve to touch right now. not us. not you. you just have to lay back and take what we give you."

priscilla nods. "it's a punishment, fire eyes. for hiding her from me and expecting her to be without company when you're in graceland. she's too pretty for someone to not snap her up."

he growls, pulling at the restraints on his hands. "i already did, satnin. i already-"

she silences him with a kiss. "hush or you're not going to get to do anything fun with that mouth. to her or me. and we'll kick you out of the bus like this."

he hushed.

#i. blame angelina for this one. this was originally going to be a bit darker. a lot darker. #but then i was like should i include priscilla and well now we have sugar daddy elvis and sugar mama priscilla. #austin!elvis x reader #olivia!priscilla x reader #austin!elvis x olivia!priscilla x reader #austin butler #olivia dejonge #i don't know what happened. #i'm sorry for anyone in these tags who come across this. #ally's 500 follower gala #ally answers asks

[gateau-chocolat]

somebody (2022) grievances

This show looks gorgeous and it’s exciting to see a kdrama with an unique vibe, a comparatively diverse cast, explicit content, etc. but the writing was soooooo weird. 😭

- Going into this drama I was kinda like hmm idk if I want to see a show about a stereotypical emotionless sociopath serial killer and a stereotypical emotionless autistic genius, and like...unfortunately, those stereotypes are indeed EXACTLY what the main characters are like. Nothing more and nothing less lol.

- Oh wait, I guess there is the additional detail where it’s seemingly implied that since the main character is autistic, she has no meaningful concept of why killing or harming other humans is bad, and she has been like that since childhood??? Edit: I guess maybe this is kind of subverted by Sum’s final actions...maybe??? I had NO idea what we were supposed to make of Sum for the entire show orz;;;

- Tbh, i think there actually is potential for a “torn between the knowledge that the guy I just met is probably a murderer vs my love for him and my relief at getting to know a fellow loner/outsider” storyline that could be....maybe not “”“good”““ (b/c it would still be very much resting on those cliche character types), but at least kinda compelling? We’re not getting that, though!

- I basically stuck with this story for Mok-won and Gi-eun, but even they feel a little off, tbh? First off, the circumstances surrounding Gi-eun’s first encounter with Yoon-o feel so unrealistic and contrived (ah yes, I love to meet guys from online in the middle of the woods, sight unseen!), but even though there were some nice moments of familiarity between all of the women, they also feel oddly....distant?

- Like, I know Sum wasn’t super helpful to Gi-eun the first time she asked for help, but it makes no sense that she didn’t make more of an attempt to continue to engage Sum in tracking down her guy over the app that Sum made? For that matter, when Sum also gets attacked by someone on the app, why didn’t Gi-eun go “hey, maybe that’s the same guy I met”? Sum was telling Mok-won about meeting someone but being afraid she’ll kill him, and Mok-won seemingly just went “huh, ok lol” instead of like....having a conversation with Sum about what was going on with all that?

- I was sort of anticipating a plotline where the women would work together to investigate Yoon-o, but at many points it felt like the complete opposite - it feels like the show was going out of its way to avoid very natural conversations and interactions between these characters.

- Btw, Sum killed a guy, this fact is known to police(???), and it’s seemingly caused NO disruption to her life whatsoever beyond the immediate aftermath of the incident? I know it was in self-defense and I know Sum wasn’t bothered by it(???), but surely, like....police would be continuing to want to  interview her here and there, or SOMETHING?

- Why does Yoon-o do such a shit job of killing Gi-eun not once, but twice? If he doesn’t intend to kill her, why not?? And if he doesn’t intend to kill her, why is he being so casual about showing his face in front of her? Why does he threaten both her and Mok-won later in the series?? He’s acting like a Marvel villain whose identity can’t be traced, but he’s fully just a regular guy lol???

- This is a tiny detail, but something that's been haunting me today is in ep 6 or 7 when the ear is discovered....what was with the decision to have text on the screen identifying it? The guy getting attacked was shown onscreen, the fact that he lost an ear was explicitly referenced later, iirc there's even a scene of Yoon-o talking about the ear or something...? The ear was like one of the only plot points that actually had been thoroughly set up in previous scenes, and it's not even something that's hugely consequential to the overall story - why did they think THAT, of all things, was something viewers needed to have very explicitly spelled out???

- What’s with the flashback at the end of ep 7? If it’s supposed to be Yoon-o’s serial killer origin story (the first person he hooked up with via the app was a woman who wanted to be choked and that, like, awakened something within him or whatever) a) that’s dumb and b) there’s also a kind of weird misogynistic undertone of like....blaming that woman for enticing him to murder or something??

- This is (maybe??) a story where a special dating app is a major part of the plot, but almost nobody uses the dating app in a way that makes sense and the story has nothing interesting to say about the impact of apps on how people interact with each other or form relationships or anything. Also the app is literally just Tinder lol. 🤷‍♀️

#kdrama #somebody netflix

[fitia]

hmm top five series (can be anything but naruto 🧐) (if u would even consider that in ur top five)

Send me "top 5" anything

My "top 5" series is just a bunch of things I have an emotional attachment to tbh so yeah it counts, sjhfkshdksjdj. So again, in no particular order:

Naruto:

Listen. It's not very good, like everyone who's ever watched it and analyzed it on Tumblr will be only too pleased to tell you, but being properly into the show for the better part of my teenage years genuinely had a huge impact on how I approach media: it made me consider, for the first time, what author biases could be written into the story and its characters that hint at what their political and ideological leanings might be. Baby's first media analysis, etc etc.

Also the Naruto community is the one I consistently have the most fun in and I've met some really cool people! + I'm still very attached to its characters and the potential transformative stories I want to write with them, so. Idk I just think Naruto is one of those things that's just gonna stay with me for a while.

Anne of Green Gables:

This one's important to me bc it really took my love for reading and writing to an entirely different level; I adore L.M. Montgomery's style of prose, and often just return to the books at no particular spot just to appreciate how she works wuth words, woth rhythm, and how she describes nature in such a loving way that she makes everything sound magical. She's always been a main inspiration in how I want to write (though obviously, I don't want to completely imitate her, I just want what I write to come off with a similar vibe).

Also I LOVE Anne so much, she's one of my favourite characters in anything. I appreciate her particularly when she was a kid, since as an adult she gets a bit boring (but you can still see traces of who she was and she isn't quite letting go of them. She's a character I really see myself in, and who's also really fun. I thought her habit of giving things new, prettier names bc their old names were plain and unromantic to her was so fun that at some point I was looking at pretty nature photography and trying to give everything a pretty name myself. Also I have a tag on Tumblr entirely dedicated to gorgeous sights/landscapes that Anne would like.

Death Note:

It's not good, bad, but a secret third thing, which is that it introduced me to Light Yagami and I think he's the first character I came to like properly for the reasons of "oh god he's fucked up I can't wait to see what he does next". Also the manga, despite its glaring flaws, is a really, REALLY fun read. And also unintentionally funny. I had a really great time going through it in a way that I'd just love to forget it all just to experience it again.

Yu-Gi-Oh (specifically Duel Monsters series, I haven't read or watched GX or 5DS or anything beyond)

Again, not "good" but. So incredibly ridiculous and camp that I insist everyone experience it at least once in their lives. It's just so fun. Less for the card games but for how dramatic everyone acts about the card games.

Dragon Ball:

I just think it's fun and I've been a fan of it since I was 11. I do love mindless fighting and explosions so I'll come back to it every once in a whilw to get my fill.

#lameviper #Ask #thanks!!! #Also I'd have put Harry Potter bc it is the thing that really got me reading in earnest as a kid but y'know. Rowling. #My affection for it really just tanked.

[engagemythrusters]

Okay. Here we go. Entombed!

Hasn’t even started yet and I know damn well we’re not gonna get crosshair

Wrecker n Omega bonding time 🥰

Ooh more toys? More glass for her kaleidoscope? Is that what that is?

BOLO AND KETCH <3 Phee don’t lead them on tho

Is echo sleeveless.

Nope not for her kaleidoscope

Ooo compass

I still can’t tell if he’s sleeveless or not. Cause bitch ain’t got no melanin for no stinkin reason.

No he’s got sleeves on I think

This is gonna be a case of the revealed “actually I’ve never been a good treasure hunter /I’ve never actually retrieved any treasure” schtick isn’t it. Star Wars you’ve already DONE that with that stupid droid spy arc that nobody likes (except for when Gregor 🥰). BUT GOD NOT ANOTHER PLEASE I fucjin hate that trope.

Hondo prefers pirate, Phee prefers liberater of artefacts… nobody likes smuggler

God I miss crosshair

Bolo and ketch episode when

That droid is literally a walking soda can

It called entombed bc they going to entombed ha ha ha.

I love you Omega

I LOVE YOU WRECKER

Hm… Jedi temple?

Oh no more like Space Atlantis.

Poor wrecker always has to do the work. His muscles are probably always screaming. Doesn’t matter that he’s Big and Strong—he can be overworked too!

Hahaha. called entombed bc they entombed rolling my eyes.

I miss fun Star Trek ep titles. They were fun. When am I gonna get a title like “Far Beyond the Stars” or “Take Me Out To The Holosuite” from this show.

Those highlights ones don’t follow a pattern… but okay.

Not a fan of this ep sorry guys :(

Echo and Hunter go hmmm idk about this . Good on them

Kyber crystal?

FINALLY HUNTER USING A SENSE geez they never let him use his enhancements

Cave boy tru eat wrecker! No thank you cave boy!

O NO. TRAPPED

Momentarily forgot Hunter existed (couldn’t count four clones for some reason and couldn’t figure out who was missing). Which is a lot like how the writers forget HUNTER HAS ENHANCEMENTS

AAAAAND THEY FORGOT AGAIN

He! Would! Be! Able! To! Sense! That!

Omega sweetie you’re so smart. I love you.

OOOO ITS LIKE THOSE ROLLY TUNNELS YOU CAN FIND AT A PARK I wanna go inside

Not a kyber crystal ig

Wait maybe? Idk I can’t tell

It’s a lot smaller than I expected tbh.

Oh the place is gonna collapse isn’t—yep.

spache chip? Mega mech? Mech.

Oh…

Oh this is something… I’ve seen something… it looks like something I know but I don’t know what. What is it. Pausing to think.

I don’t know but it… it reminds me of SOMETHING.

Soda can on da move

Soda can crushed

It really is quite the interesting design for a mechanical creature. Majestic and terrifying. Too bad it has to go. It was truly gorgeous. Something to behold. Whatever it was.

Tech: can we fucking stop treasure hunting now jfc

“At least no one can ever activate that thing again” … we’re gonna see another of these aren’t we.

Hunter: for the love of god please stop filling my child’s head with fucking bullshit

Hm. Not a fan of that ep. Kind of bummed. This seasons got a slow pace to it. Crosshair soon? Maybe Rex and Gregor again? Soon please?

#really jsut can’t wait until the one titled about a clone conspiracy #that one has GOT to have crosshair. or rex and Gregor. #right?? #star wars: the bad batch #the bad batch spoilers