#its getting to a mental illness level i think

[bakugoushotwife]

hiii!!! i rlly enjoy your writing 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

oml ok idk how requests work but like, can i request sum for gojo? like sum smutty ;)

maybe something like make up sex ;))) honestly you have like sm freedom writing it because i jus need some make up sex w gojo 😩😩

tysmmm!! hope you’re having a great night

a/n: yeah we need to kiss for this one bestie !! no but i love what this turned into, i was stumped over what to make them fight about so luckily the beautiful @getosbigballsack saved the DAY! <3 i love u babies!! gojo looked so scrumptious in the episode i literally have not stopped thinking about him so please take this brain rot and enjoy it

summary: you've gone and spent your allowance too soon, and now your husband is home to deal with it.

cw: y'all-- uh established relationship, gojo, he's kinda mean at times ngl, spanking, dacryphilia, oral (m receiving) facefucking, cowgirl, , pet names, daddy kink, unprotected sex, penetrative sex, they are married i swear

wc: 3746 unedited

Allowance // Satoru Gojo x fem!reader

“Hi baby! Welcome home!” You sing happily, getting up from the dining room table to meet your husband at the door as he enters. You smooth down the ruffles of your new dress, excited to show off what you bought with him in mind. When you round the corner, you come face-to-face with a less than excited Satoru Gojo. 

You stop in your tracks, his glare was intense and you knew that meant only one thing: you’re in trouble. He continues to stare at you silently, setting his keys down on the table with a loud clunk. He slipped out of his shoes, all while his icy gaze narrowed in your direction. 

“What did you do today?” He asks knowingly, giving you one chance to answer truthfully before he enacted his punishment. 

You start to wring your hands. You knew what this was about of course, but you had hoped to get yourself off the hook. You turn on your best pout, blinking up at him with your perfected sad puppy eyes, your long lashes only making your pout prettier. “Awh, ‘Toru,  listen–” You try sweetly, to no avail. 

“Ah, ah. Answer me.” He interrupts, to which you promptly shut your mouth. You brought this on yourself, you really did. You avert your gaze as he sits in his chair in the living room. The cushioned seat around him made him look like a King on his throne, staring down at his Queen forebodingly. Even his posture is intimidating; his arms folded over his chest and long legs extended far in front of him, one foot tapping expectantly. 

 “Did you lose your voice?”  He asks, tilting his head to the side, taking in your appearance. You look angelic as always, and he knew that was a new dress. It fits you perfectly, he must admit, tight at your chest and waist and barely covering your ass. The color was striking against your skin. God, you made this difficult. He was glowering with anger, more aptly called sexual frustration and desire. He had all the intentions of punishing your behavior. You were both busy all week, making it the longest he’s gone without you aside from work related trips. In an effort to make up for his absences and tardies, he gave you your full allowance two days early. 

He really does enjoy spoiling you, giving you an insane amount of money every week just for you to spend on clothes and shoes. All your hair and nails and lashes and waxes were paid for, whatever you wanted, you got it. However, there were certain rules. His sweet little house-wife wanted for nothing, and he would have it no other way. But you have to show your gratitude, because of him you haven’t worked in years. You have to make your allowance last until your next one, just because he knew you were impulsive and couldn’t do that every time, no matter the amount he gave you. Your tastes grew more and more expensive with every deposit in your bank account, though most of it was spent on beautiful outfits and gorgeous lingerie that only he would consume. You blew it all this time in one day, a new record. 

You shake your head, eyes trained on the floor. “No, I didn’t..” 

“No, what?” He arches his brow, waiting. 

“No daddy.” You correct yourself, swaying from side to side in your pretty little dress, showing how the material flowed out around you. “ ‘M sorry daddy, really…jus wanted to get all pretty for you.” 

Your pout truly was magical, your sweet face trying to bail you out of your punishment. He watched the skirt move for a minute, eyes trailing down your exposed legs and onto the new Alexander McQueen heels hugging your feet. So that’s where most of your money went. Undeniably, the shoes were made for his princess, but that was besides the point right now. All prettied up you were indeed, and he would make good use of it. 

“You know the rules, baby girl.” He says sternly, even the use of one of his many pet names for you seemed harsh. He spread his legs a little more in front of him, waiting for you to behave. His stance and authoritative tone made your pussy throb immediately. You did feel bad for making him angry, but you knew you wouldn’t necessarily dislike your punishment either, in fact you were looking forward to it. 

You stepped toward him, heels clicking against the beautiful hardwood floors of the Gojo home. He offered one hand out to you, the other supporting his cheek as if he was growing bored from waiting. Your perfectly manicured fingers wrap around his slender ones and your cheeks start to warm, a knot growing in your stomach in anticipation. You step up onto the arm of his chair with your knees, getting your balance before laying across his lap, your elbows propped up on the other arm of the chair. He watched you with dilated pupils, all your effort to make him want you worked like a charm, as if you needed to do anything special in the first place. It had been a long week, followed by this stunt? You were definitely in for it this time. He hisses when he bunches the skirt of your dress in his fist, revealing a lacy and barely-there thong. 

You smirk to yourself now that he can’t see your face. You knew he liked it, you could feel his approval for the way you look poking into your stomach right now. You wiggle your ass for him, a soft giggle escaping your lips. That quickly turns to a gasp when his large hand smacks down on your skin, making your asscheek sting immediately. The surprise makes you jump forward a little bit, and he doesn’t hesitate to jerk you back. He gives an equally hard slap to your other cheek, and the pain is sweet. You like the way it burns paired with his satisfied grunts as he watches your recoil each time. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be counting?” He reminds, not much of a question at all. His typical grin is replaced by a dark smirk as he applies another spank to your backside. 

“Three.” You hum, wiggling in his lap inadvertently. He chuckles at the sight of you, shaking his head. You’ve only given him one option, to increase the rate and intensity. 

“What a bad girl I have. Disappointing daddy like this.” He clicks his tongue. You whip your head around at this, you weren’t a bad girl! You just wanted to dress up for him, you couldn’t help that the rules were gonna keep you from doing that! He’s pouting when you look at him, really putting on a show. The force of his slap makes you squeal this time, and you can almost feel the handprint branding in. 

“Nuh-uh!” You protest, heartbroken by his words. He keeps you from arguing it further with another harsh spank, burning the skin and making tears prickle your vision. 

“Yes-huh.” He mocks, another spank. “You can’t even count like you’re supposed to. Such a naughty thing. Makes me so sad.” He sighs, eyes glued to the darkening skin of your rear. He was in fact leaving handprints, and he loved the way it looked. 

“Six!” You call out to make up for the ones you’ve missed, your brain getting scrambled under the gorgeous pain and his mean speech. Your body was consumed in heat, your panties growing uncomfortable against your soaked middle. “Daddy, I swear ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean’ta disappoint you!” You pout, the last words coming off your tongue in horror. He doesn’t accept the apology, another smack rippling across your sore ass. “Seven!” Your chin wobbles.

“Go ahead and cry. Maybe if you cry for Daddy, I’ll forgive you.” He grins, hand coming down on you once more. “You’ll have to make it up to me, since you’re such a spoiled brat. Why would you ignore my rules unless you were a bad girl? This isn’t even a punishment for you, look how wet you are!” He teases, clicking his tongue as his fingers press against your clothed hole. You can hear the squelch of yourself, lewd and loud and the only sound other than his sadistic chuckles. “Tell me you like it, angel. Tell me the truth…” 

“Eight,” You whimper, writhing in his hold now. The pain was turning your vision white in the corners, but you still didn’t want him to stop. He was right, you were a bad girl for spending all your money in one day, you could have picked less expensive pieces, but you wanted to push Satoru to his limit. You sniffle, the tears welling up so big they cloud the rest of your vision. Your ass is almost numb when you feel his hand again. “Nine! ‘M sorry, imma bad girl ‘n I love your spankin’s..” You whine, fat tears finally rolling down your cheeks. 

He hums, reaching for your chin so he can see your face, cheeks red and lip nearly bleeding from how hard you’ve been biting down on it. Your tears make you even prettier, coating your lashes and making your eyes glossy. He loves it, watching your sweet tears fall off your face to be absorbed by the fabric of his armchair. “Can you make it to ten, dollface?” 

He asks, gently wiping a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “That could make it up to Daddy.” He hums softly, though his ultimate concern is your limit, and you know that too. You nod, if you’ve made it this far one more won’t break you. He smiles brightly, patting your cheek gently and letting your face go in favor of one last punishing spank of your bruised flesh. He rubs the skin after, trying to soothe it while he thinks of what he’s going to do to you next. 

Your eyes close under his now gentle pressure. Your ass pulsates and your pussy throbs with need, your biggest concern now was earning back your husband’s favor.

“Ten. “m really sorry, I mean it! Wanna make it up to you, really make it up to you..” You breathe apologetically, waiting to move until he tells you that you can. 

He hums at your sweet apologeticness. His princess truly owns his heart, and he could never stay angry with you. His anger melted the second he saw you, but he had to follow through on his word. Plus, it was fun to see you so ruined like this. He wonders what you may have in mind, so he arches his brow and waits for you to speak. 

“Let me suck your cock, Daddy. Please?” Your voice was permanently warped into a pouty whine it seems. He chuckles at your suggestion, how could he ever turn that down? 

“Go ahead angel, just for a bit. I’m gonna breed my brat.”  He says dauntingly, gently pushing you off his lap. His hands support your waist as you lower yourself to the floor between his legs. His bulge was staring at you, painfully restrained by his pants. You pouted up at him and shook your head, reaching for his button and zipper. 

He hummed at your attentiveness, leaning up so you could drag his pants and boxers off. You giggle softly as his member slapped up against his abdomen upon release. You look at his dick with awe. It was just as pretty as the rest of him, long and curved just to abuse your sweet spots. His tip was an angry purplish-red, and pre-cum beaded at his slit. You licked your lips and looked up at him, dainty and soft hand wrapping around his lengthy shaft. You could barely close your hand around him, fingers far from touching. He took his own bottom lip in his mouth to keep from sighing, your hand alone tremendous relief. 

He fights the urge to close his eyes, wanting to watch his sweet brat take him. His hands grip the arms of the chair, the suede fabric the only other identifiable feeling other than your warm throat gripping around him. He was heavy in your mouth, tip poking at the back of your throat with inches left to swallow. You decide to bob your head along what you have so far, eyes fluttering closed so you can focus on the feeling of his ridges rubbing against your tastebuds. Your throat relaxes, letting you take in the rest of him with a gentle moan, the vibration sending shockwaves through his body. He wondered if you could feel his cock pulse the same way he does, watching cute tears run down your cheeks again, no doubt pushing your skills to accommodate him. He needs more of you, his cock never deep enough. You look so beautiful, rubbing your legs together to relieve your own ache for him, he can’t help but moan out too, reaching for a hold fashioned of your hair. 

“You can’t go so slow, princess. I thought you were going to make it up to me?” He smirks, forcing your head along him. You gag around him and he makes an animalistic growl, striving for that choking noise again. He fucks into your face just as hard as he pushes your head down. You have to hold his thighs, digits gripping his lean legs for your life. He giggles at your struggle, though he knows you’re more than happy to please him. He keeps going until he hears that gurgle again, the sign of your struggle to take all of him in. Tears roll freely down your cheeks at this point, your mouth just a hole being used.  

He pulls you off of him, relishing in the saliva coating your lips and the heaving of your chest. “Climb aboard.” He hums, looking down at his painful erection and back up at you, his perfect princess but bumbling brat. “Take the dress off though.” He adds with a scrunch of his nose, anxious to see your perfect body under the pretty dress. 

You nod and peel the dress off, discarding it into a pile in the floor. You slid out of your heels as well, thinking it wise with your task ahead. His eyes grow wide at the sight of you, a matching lacy blue bra cupping his favorite breasts. “It’s pretty, princess. You’re gorgeous, need you to come sit on me.” He wiggles his eyebrows, watching tentatively as you unlatch your bra and let it fall to the floor as well. “You might as well take the panties off too, then.” He grins, pearly white and sharp teeth sparkling at you. 

You grin as well, bending over to slide the soaked garment off, throwing them at him with a giggle. He catches them, sticking his tongue out to taste your arousal off the soiled center. He hold your eyes the entire time, crystalline half-lidded orbs putting a spell on you. You shudder at his intensity, humming as you crawl back into the chair. He tosses your panties over his shoulder, licking his lips from your taste. His only focus is you. Your thighs straddle his hips, his weeping member already poking at your slick entrance. He just grins and places his hands on your hips, pulling you down to take him all at once. You gasp, the sharp burn of him against your womb was a feeling you never adjusted to. 

It was one he loved, both the feeling of your suffocating walls clenching and unclenching around him and the look of pleasure on your face before you’ve even started to move. He smiles, knowing how to get under your skin just like you did with him. He pulls his touch back, folding his arms behind his head. He looks up at you, eyes wild with mischief, tendrils of his shaggy white hair splaying over his muscular arms and the fabric of the chair to create a beautiful contrast. “This is your punishment, princess. Gotta do all the work yourself or I’m not gonna touch you.” 

You whine, bracing yourself on his chest. “So mean, Daddy.” You puff your cheeks, but start to slowly bounce on his lap, the pleasure of him bumping against your pleasure spot already making it hard to keep your pacing consistent. 

“I can show you mean, if you say that again.” He threatens, though his features display amusement. He does find it adorable that you can’t keep yourself together past a few cute bounces, inflating his ego even more so. He has to fight the urge to take control, though he’s not sure he can do it much longer with your pathetic attempts at riding him. It’s his idea of a joke, making his pretty little brat take the top for once. It was clear who took care of you, and that alone was making your cheeks warm in embarrassment. 

As if you could read his thoughts, you bite down on your lower lips and commit to thirty seconds or so of consistent bouncing. Your face scrunches up in frustration, and your perfect pout is back on display. 

“Aw, baby girl, what’s wrong? Can’t fuck yourself the same way Daddy does?” He hums curiously, his pretty pink lips curling into a grin. 

You shake your head, letting your head fall forward into his neck. “No Daddy, I can’t.” You admit, defeated by his blatant show of his dominance over you. 

He chuckles, patting your hair lovingly. “Aw, now that’s okay sweetheart. I’ll take care of you like I always do.” He gently reminds, bringing his hands back to hold your waist. He stands up with you, walking a short trek until your back smacks against the living room wall. He grins cheekily when you wrap your arms around his neck. He shifts his hands to support the underside of your thighs, and you know he has the strength and the stamina to hold you here until he’s satisfied. 

“Now, much better.”  He hums in your ear, looking down at where your pussy swallows him up. He pulls himself out to the tip, plunging into your cavern without a second passing in between these actions. He does it over and over, enjoying the way your body relaxes now that he’s back in control, as if he wasn’t to begin with. You’re still clutching him for dear life, but he’s used to that. Your face softens, only pleasure in your mind. He loves seeing you like this, being the reason you’re so blissful. He groans at how easy it is to slide in and out of you, dripping wet for him and he didn’t even have to work you to that point. “You’re still Daddy’s good girl, gripping me so tight like that.” 

You moan at his praise, continuously squeezing down on his length to make him happy. He fills you up so perfectly, his pace starting to increase, your head rolling back against the wall as well. He bites at your neck, the column just too delicious to ignore. Your moans amplified, and he could feel your throat vibrate under his teeth. He leaves marks on your jaw too, sucking deep hickies all over your dainty flesh.

“This is how you’re prettiest, princess, these are my favorite decorations.” He says in reference to his teeth marks and bruises covered in saliva that pepper any skin he had access to. His breath grows heavy, the feeling of it fanning over your new markings makes your skin tingle and goosebumps spring up in place. Your cunt only grows tighter as he fucks the shape of him into it, making him sigh happily. 

You can only speak in jumbled whispers of his name and moans, never more grateful for support than you are for the wall behind you, the ability to hold yourself upright long gone. Your hands slide up to tug on his hair, the feeling of his silky tresses giving you something to focus on. His pretty noises feel like a reward after what you’ve done, deep grunts and breathy moans gifted directly into your ear. 

“It’s been so long, princess. Didn’t get to have you all week, then you go and disobey me.” He clicks his tongue and grins at you. “I think you just wanted Daddy’s attention, hm? Did you just miss me angel?” He teases, the force of him making your body jump up and slide back down the wall at every thrust. 

You do your best to nod, and Satoru knows you’re past the point of being able to speak coherently. He was splitting you in half, you could feel him in your stomach and it burned so deliciously. “Mhm.. missed daddy s’much.” You wail, the rubberband in your stomach was stretched, so much tension that was about to snap and leak out all over him. 

He knows this, of course, trying to time his release with your own. As mean as he could be sometimes, your pleasure was still his goal, and he wanted you to reward him for all his work. “Go ahead, princess. I wanna feel it, go ahead and come for Daddy.” He coaxes with gentle kisses to the bruises he made. “I’ll give you mine if you give me yours.” He purrs, watching your eyes roll back with a satisfied grin. 

You cry out, knuckles turning white under your grip on Satoru’s shoulders. You nod in acknowledgement of his words, and he can feel you spasm around him to signify your release. He coos loving words to you, eyes glued on your cream creating a ring around the base of his dick. It’s so satisfying, watching you jerk with sensitivity and struggle to hold on. He loves this, his cock jumping inside you before his cum coats your insides. You swear it's in your guts, fee

ling impaled by his cock still pinning you to the wall. His head rests against the cool wall beside yours, but you can see the smile on his face. You smile too, breathing heavily and your brain feels like it’s floating in your skull. You know if he set you down right now that you would fall to the ground, legs still shaking in his hands. 

“I think you’ve learned a valuable lesson, princess.” He coos, pressing his lips gently to your forehead. He snakes his arms around your waist before he begins walking with you again, this time towards your shared room. “We can review for the rest of the night, just to be sure you really understand.” He adds, smirking cheekily. “And I’ll go to the bank tomorrow, just promise Daddy you’ll be smarter with your money.” He says with an affectionate slap to your ass while all your weight is supported in his other arm. 

“I promise Daddy.” You hum, hugging his neck and pressing your upper half against him. You absolutely would spend all your money the very next day if it means you get this punishment again. 

#gojo x reader #jjk x reader #kyleewritesjjk #satoru gojo #gojo satoru #gojo is the love of my life #no seriously #i cannot stop thinking about him #its getting to a mental illness level i think #gojoitis #im trying to do my JOB and can't all i see is basketball gojo #how am i supposed to live life normally again #live laugh lobotomy

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[penisbilt]

the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway. #our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!' #we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

like does the fam even know about how the krang probed raph’s actual mind (and even made him see terrible terrible things if you include the deleted animatics)? the full scope and extent of all the horrific violations he had piled on? or is their knowledge just up to knowing that he was captured and mutated and controlled (which was what they all broke away from before the big final fight)? 

#rottmnt #rottmnt movie #rottmnt spoilers #rottmnt raph #i mean how do you even tell your family about that on one hand but otoh my son needs hugs #and ill be honest its wild to me how little fandom seems to be registering or talking about it #like a lot of people fully sweeping raph's sincerely horrific trauma under the rug #he went through SO many different levels of violation in this movie like #mentally and emotionally by getting mindprobed and puppeted and that 'thinks he escapes only to find his whole family zombified' etc #and physically! his autonomy was completely overridden! he was forcibly mutated into a mindless krang zombie thing! they had him INCUBATING #me like please someone gently pap his head and wrap him in 80 blankets actually jfc

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

#so i just finished s1ep2 of the bear (i don't really get it so far but ok) #and there's this scene where the main character calls up his sister and tells her about the mental shit that has been happening with him uk #and like even though this feeling is always there but lile i can't help but feel like my life would have been so much better with a sibling? #like one id have good relationships with uk??? #and ik ik found family and forming meaningful relationships outside is an option but like in this capitalistic individualist society? is it? #anyways that's not the point it's that there's always stuff no body in the world would get except people who grow up with you innit? #be it school or hometowns or families and it would have been nice to have someone help me not feel this complete overwhelmness all the time #and without me feeling like im exaggerating or thinking that the person would judge me or having to keep telling everything repeatedly #but then i think would that even matter when I am the one who's the problem and like can't work to form that connection with anyone????? #like i for the life of me cannot share anything beyond the surface level or without making a joke out of it #and it seems funny but i trivialise so much of the fucking shit that happens so obviously no one takes it seriously not their fault right? #and like how fair to my friends that i literally almost always been superficial and lowkey untrue with them in exchange for their honesty??? #at this point i feel like i don't even know what i truly feel or truly am because whenever i look back at my past self im like wtf #idk most of the times it just feels like being 'stuck' in a glass container and me not 'letting' anyone in if that makes sense? #ik im being very annoying about it but im just so tierd of feeling like this its been a decade & its way too long to constantly feeling dead #and im so fucking stubborn in my sadness that i won't even go get help after years of crying about wanting it & now finally having resources #it's like this mental block which i can't seem to remove and i feel like even if i do get help ill still be untrue so what's the point!??? #yeahhhhh anyways i'll delete this later i don't journal so tumblr will have to make do #vi.txt

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it #anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack #i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that #has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects #try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns #i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like #thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me #to get panic level overwhelmed #its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does #microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety #autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and #overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though #also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are #unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with #which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain #way more than like bugs or folk tales. #one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse #in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway #i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse #this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me

[raspberryjellybrains]

I've been thinking a lot lately about Delirium and the way she speaks. She talks around a concept, never hitting it head on but glancing off through a series of metaphors and related concepts that explain things far better than wording them straight might. It's very relatable, and I think that's why I like her; that's how I think.

To me, the world isn't composed of precisely defined concepts but a series of interconnected existences which can all, ultimately, be related to each other. I also experience things in the incredibly specific manner Delirium seems to. I have sensitivities largely untethered from aversions, meaning that while I don't often find things deeply unpleasant or intolerable, I still experience them with an unusual specificity which often defies concise explanation. The best way I can convey certain feelings or experiences is through other feelings, experiences, and concepts to weave together a series of approximations that through their similar and dissimilar traits narrow down to what I'm trying to describe. Delirium does this too, and it's treated as a part of her that's no better or worse than any other. There are those that don't understand and those that do, and those that at least try to are awarded for their efforts because finally and most importantly, she genuinely has something to say. Her speech patterns are deceptively rambling because she takes a long time to say what she means to say, while simultaneously saying exactly it.

Delirium is neurodivergent coded in such a cathartic way because of this. I feel her frustration and joy because I know what it's like to be the person trying to explain something that has no words to assign, asking all of the time if there's a word for what she's feeling as a rhetorical and genuine question so that she can explain something without explaining it and call into question why we feel everything must be precisely laid in the place of as few words as possible. She is incredibly intelligent, but loses track of all of what's happening in a far more obvious way than most because there's just so much to keep track of, which is also very relatable as a neurodivergent person. Without putting labels on the experience, she perfectly captures it. I just... I like Delirium quite a lot, and think she'd be very good at post-modern literature.

#i hope to god this comprehensible #im trying so hard to get this shit in a line exactly becaude of why i like her #theres jusy SO MUCH to say its very hard to keep it straight and many more things to focus on beyond it #i love that delirium is treated by the narrative as an intelligent and wise being that just conveys that in an unconventional way #shes like my mirror metaphor. no mirror can light upon the minutae without shattering and no shattered mirror can see the bigger picture. #shes shattered but knows from when she was whole what the full picture looks like but she gets lost in all of the fragments #which gives her an incredibly unique and valuable perspective #at a surface level it seems as if she's an offensive depiction of mental illness but once you go deeper you realize shes not for the very- #reason she at first seemed to be. she embodies what is looked down upon but its told through side comments and events that theres more to- #her than the seeming irrationality. #she picks up and puts things down as she remembers them but that doesnt mean any one thing is any less valuable than any other #the ephemeral quality of her attentions dont diminish their value. #i have a lot of thoughts about her i just. am very fond. #and the way she and dream truly demonstrate the dichotomy of mental illness and neurodivergence makes me froth at the mouth. #he knows what shes saying most of the time and knows where shes at whether he admits it to himself or not because shes just externalizing- #what exists solely internally for him. hes better at masking and that is their difference which makes Such a statement oh my god when you- #think about how each are treated and understood. #it took me like. two weeks to organize these thoughts btw. they float in little brain clouds <3 #i need to watch everything everywhere all at once #anyway #delirium of the endless #the sandman meta #the sandman #raspberry rambles

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

#I don't talk about it much except around the holidays when im complaining about Christmas sldjsk #but im religious :)) and ive just been. lowkey Dealing With Something #some people. have been kinda. questioning.... my level of.... dedication?? ig #bc my mental health problems hold me back from Doing As Much as other people #and... ive heard a lot in the last few months.... to pray about it :) and god will give me strength :) #and... idk... i do pray about it!! and god does give me strength!! but my strength looks different from other people's #and i just think... idk... we don't tell people with cancer to pray about it :) and god will give you the strength to get rid of the cancer #we dont tell paralyzed people to pray about it :) and god will give you the strength to walk again :) #ya know??? like we dont expect god to FIX illnesses to make our lives easier #so why am i being told to pray about MY illnesses and then they wont be as bad #.......ya know #and i do!!!!! pray about it!!!!!!!! so sorry that im so debilitatingly depressed that doing my best looks lazy to yall #idk probably gonna delete this skdnskd #i dont talk about it much on here for reasons :) im not hiding it by any means #its just not smth i feel needs to be shared all the time on this particular platform #where i exist to be a fangirl skdhksbdjs

[toastsnaffler]

ughf. maybe I should just stay at home until the new year by this point.

#venting again. sorry #like dont get me wrong i love my flatmates #but if I go back I'm just gonna spend 90% of the time in my room so I'm not bothering them bc I'm hard to be around rn #or more hard to be around than usual lmao. above the tolerance level. #also mentally vulnerable rn + I'm not going to be able to cope w any insecurity/shame etc w/out resorting to coping mechanisms #and while its not their fault being around them is a minefield for that bc we're not that close + I'm the weakest link in the chain per se #i cant make it a few hours without crying either + it would do me near irreparable damage if one of them saw that + reacted badly #not like im gonna get any comfort from any of them either way so! what would even be the point. best not to risk it innit #what r even the pros here. like yeah itd be nice to spend time w them but itd all be at their expense. tired of fucking shit up #i wish i wasnt so difficult like ik im not doing enough or trying enough for anyone but this is all i have to give for now so uhfjfnf #when things just take time but u dont have that kind of time to spare bc ur lonely + sick in the head + have stupid high demands NOW!! #at least my ex- *gunshot noise* #rant over. this is all silly + pessimistic anyway. its my fault for not trusting or communicating w ppl + having unachievable expectations #ill do better. when im less mentally ill first tho #bedtime i think #.vent

[woo-sustainability]

i'm getting real sick of the news guys.

#these aren’t the droids you’re looking for #not sustainability #come to think of it my mental health ain't sustainable with this news cycle #my gf is super concerned with the potential overturning of obergefell v hodges and i can't even correctly empathize with her #look roe happened obergefell is going to happen ive come to terms with it. ive got a friend concerned about loving v virginia #marriage will not go away it will just become up to the states whether or not to acknowledge it. weve been here before and it sucks but we #*know how to deal with it #i had some gay neighbors they just crossed the river into illinois to get married. my gf is in ny they'll recognize it too #im burning out just like that jonas brothers song (yes i know its burning up leave me alone /j) #look i can't take covid and roe and the epa and the icwa and native sovereignty i cannot care about everything and im tired #and i can't take a break for my own well being bc i browse tumblr at work and everyone in my circles is talking about this #my friends are talking about this and if i unfollow my friends i won't follow back. ill forget about it #it's either get an unhealthy exposure to current events or be terminally bored at work and both those come with the same level of #*sanity degradation. so im just going to slowly chip away at my empathy get through the weekend do my laundry and go to ny #i was going to ny anyway but i need it after this

[joeymets]

godddddddd

#fiaposting #rambled to myself like a total madman. think i figured out my biggest problem rn #oh you feel worthless to everyone? you feel unappreciated and lonely? #you got NOTHING on my level of mental illness #i don't even think i have the right to feel worthless if i haven't done enough to earn people's appreciation B) #i have convinced myself that merely feeling lonely and unappreciated automatically makes me selfish and horrible to everyone #i don't get to be mad about having no friends and not being close enough to the people in my life!!! #because i am not working my ass off 24/7 to be the best person i can ever possibly bestly be to EVERYONE #so this is JUST WHAT I FUCKING GET #I BROUGHT THIS ON MYSELF #ITS NO ONE'S FAULT BUT MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sorry. its 3 am i'll be normal when i wake up

[draconiccatgirl]

unrelated but I saw a post earlier that was like "what if we were in a relationship where we were mutually obsessed with eachother 🥺"

and I *almost* hit RB, then I remembered I have BPD and that would be. Very Bad.

#God willing I'll get a GF who *is* obsessed with me but not. BPD Levels. #Tranny Dyke Levels Mutual Obsession. Not. BPD Mutual Obsession. Big AND HEALTHY difference. #I cannot judge the OP post but god I am incredibly cautious of folks who envy obsession in ships and characters now because is it like #do you understand what a healthy relationship is comprised of or are you fetishizing and romanticizing mental illnesses #coughcough that one Farcille artist coughcough #Envy and Jealousy are fine and dandy things- natural feelings and stuff that's gotta be talked about and worked through in any relationship #but uh. Sometimes with BPD you gotta deal with that jealousy- and then get your attention- calm the jealousy down. But you'll still feel it! #and its okay to feel it! but a lot of the time its a bit irrational.. but just because its irrational doesn't mean its valid or #doesn't deserve to be saited. But y'gotta learn to deal with it- am I making sense? I'm making sense to myself. #Hypothetical GF still wants alone time or time with friends. If I get jealous at that its valid and she'll understand to give me attention #but during that period of jealousy its up to me to calm myself. I think. Is what I am learning.

[cringefailfagcat]

i fucking hate the cunt's guts

#sorry i just. #waaa if u knew u couldn't take my level of mental illness why did u spend so long toying with me #u fucking weirdo ik im messed up but like. apparently its hot enough you'll sleep with me for a week hate me for my psychotic episodes #act like despite the fact u keep instigating physical intimacy and I m dumb enought o fall for it despite us both knowing ill get more #attached for it. and i tried balancing shit. i took the weight off you so fucking much ur little shit ass doesn't know how hard i tried to #rein it in they just see the amount i still failed and think i dont care #fuck u u little bitch #n block me for a week when i beg for some fucking communication bc that's totally gonna make matters better #fuck this bs #you walked in blindly fucked me over and then act shocked when my attachment issues wont let me let go of you just like that

[nicodaws]

sorry tag vent time this is the last place of no irls 🙏

#delete later #need a therapist soon. and medication. #but esp a therapist. bc i cannot sort thru my head at all atm #idk ive been tryna write a lil tag vent like 3 times now n i dont know what im tryna say! #cannot sort thru this shi alone anymore n cant talk to any1 w/out feeling like shi #i either worry people too much or like. its just dramatic bc im venting 2 ppl who have seen the same shi #difficult 2 talk abt like. drugs. when half ur old friends think ur an addict and half ur new friends think u r normal #its somewhere in the middle ! #and i can say that and people Know that but idk #n its diff to talk abt The Traumatic Event Of September with the people who were also there #but its even harder w the people who jus look at u like ur fragile #and thats all the bs on top of i dont even know what w my base level of mental illness coz i feel like Shit all the time #n when i get drunk i wanna off myself #but like #idk #just rambling #dont understand anything in here atm #tw suicide mention #tw drugs #some1 i sorta know od-ed last night by mixin drugs and some people r blaming my mate who gave him a pill n warned him not to mix it #which is fucked #lots of that is fucked #the guy is ok btw imean he has a seizure so not that ok but like. he isnt dead. my friend is very shook up. i am also but i wasnt there #lots of things r fucked up really

[reserwrekt]

Went to a new mental health place yesterday. It's been weeks of phone calls and waiting. I mentioned I've been struggling with executive dysfunction enough that it's ruining my life. Explained I don't leave my apartment for weeks at a time. Explained I don't leave my room much less, bed.

The caseworker has been chronically late for our phone calls but this place strictly expects me to adhere to their appointment times.

I got tired when caseworker was 2 hours late for a phone call. Got depressed that I was forgotten about. Continued misgendering.

I told her I didn't answer the call that day.

She got offended and accused me of not wanting help. As if I didn't exhaust myself to get here.

Mental health facilities here suck.

#Like why have telehealth but force people to come in #People with mental illness #People who are agoraphobic or exposing themselves to triggers just to get help which is a mountain task #Then I wanted to do this right and be honest #So like I just told the psychologist all this stuff that's valid and working against me #Then she openly judged me for symptoms of my mental illness #She shut me down about a lot #She also has zero knowledge about autism she thinks its a disorder that needs cured #That's the education level im dealing with #I don't know how progressive people stay positive when I go outside this is the default #Like I've been seeing a psychologist for over a year that diagnosed me adhd too #But after telling her all my symptoms she didn't mention it but diagnosed me with several symptoms of it #Like idk how you can see me for an hour and prescribe medications that can really impact my life #But you're afraid to make diagnosis which doesn't help anyone at all #I mean I know who I am im just not in a mental state to deal with medical gaslighting #So now idk what to do but start over and try somewhere else #Dude im so tired I wanna cry

[maximumqueer]

Yamato, Transness, and "Passing"

Now that we're nearly a full arc removed from Wano and Yamato's introduction, I want to talk about the reaction that a subset of the one piece fandom had to his reveal as a trans man/transmasc person, the transphobia behind that reaction, and how the concept of passing plays into that reaction. I'm not going to be arguing that Yamato is a trans man, as I think it is very obvious that he is given how he is referred to in the canon text. This is instead going to be more of a fandom dissection of why (in my personal opinion) so many people refuse to acknowledge Yamato as a man.

When we are first introduced to Yamato, he is dressed in a way that gives him the appearance of a flat chest, and is wearing a mask to hide his face. He looks like a man in a cis-heteronormative way

When Yamato was depicted like this, he was (from what I can tell) mostly referred to with he/him pronouns by the fanbase. This is based on comments underneath his chapter debut and episode debut. There are comments under his episode debut that do use she/her pronouns and refer to him as a woman, but because these episodes have been out for a while, it would make sense that these kinds of comments would be left on his debut after his second design was revealed.

Then, when he removes his mask and outer layer of his outfit, he is depicted like this

After this reveal, more people began to refer to Yamato with she/her pronouns, and refer to him as Kaido's daughter, despite him referring to himself as Kaido's son, as well as the people around him using he/him pronouns exclusively for him. What changed? Well, Yamato went from having a design that looked traditionally masculine to having a more traditionally feminine one. As such people who associate only women with having breasts and more "feminine" features began to insist that Yamato was a tomboy, or a delusional woman, anything but accept that fact that he is a man.

There is a phenomena with trans "acceptance", where a character is accepted as trans only if they look like their gender according to the cis-heteronormative ideal, and questioned and denied if they don't. Kiku, a trans woman who "passes" as a woman did not receive nearly the same level of speculation and denial of her trans identity. (This is not to say that Kiku received no hate or transphobic comments, but that because she looks like a woman to the average cis-het viewer, she was treated as a "real" trans person, whereas Yamato was not).

Yamato has been repeatedly referred to as mentally ill for being a "non-passing" trans man. He has been called bad representation (despite large numbers trans men/transmasc people, myself included, saying that his IS good representation). People have made claims with no canon backing in an attempt to hand wave away his transness because he "looks like a woman", a popular one being that Kaido some how forced Yamato into being a man, despite his backstory telling us the exact opposite.

And the reasoning for all of this speculation is that trans people are held to such high standards in terms of appearance and presentation, even in fictional media. A trans man must have a flat chest, deep voice, facial hair etc. or he isn't actually trans. A trans woman must have breasts, a high voice, a lack of facial hair, etc. or she isn't actually trans. Non-binary people are dismissed entirely. This denies the many different and diverse ways that a person can be trans. Sure, some trans people wish to medically transition, get the "surgery" and go through life as if they were cis. But not all trans people want that. Gender is messy and complicated, its not nearly as black and white a we have been taught to believe. There are many trans people (both binary and non-binary) who will never medically transition. That does not make them less trans, it does not make them delusional. Yet because we have this black and white thinking ingrained in us from childhood, any deviation from the strict boxes of "man" and "woman" are immediately questioned, and that includes gender non-conforming people - both trans and cis.

This type of transphobia is not talked about enough, as the people doing it will so often hide behind the idea that they are protecting "real" trans people, and just want to make sure that they are respected and taken seriously. But, respect for a persons gender identity CANNOT be conditional. It does not matter if they "don't pass". It doesn't matter if they are a good person, a bad person. The second you start dictating who gets to have their gender respected is the second you stop being an ally. And that includes fictional characters like Yamato.

#one piece #one piece meta #one piece spoilers #wano arc #wano spoilers #yamato one piece #one piece fandom #transgender