#its there and it hurts and im exhausted

[clockworkvampyre]

my favorite steamgoth icon

#good morning drebber nation (its almost 3 am) #rip enoch you would have loved cinema strange and creature feature #god he is so me it hurts #honestly i can never get sick of drawing him he just translates into my style so well #now i wont be able to draw for weeks im exhausted lmao #the great ace attorney #dai gyakuten saiban #ace attorney #enoch drebber #i love posting in the dead of night and not when everyone is presumably awake at a reasonable hour #aa #tgaa #dgs #dgs2 #shit i draw #please bring him back in dgs3 i bailed him out of jail myself so get to work crapcom #edit: oh my god this guy is a fucking BRAIN PARASITE #HE IS SO ME. IT ACHES.

[skunkes]

ok posting it here bc im not sure if its going to stay in the doodle page

#delete later #deleting soon bc eyes on me #for those of you who kept asking about Something last year LOLLL #sorry this is too entry level vent comic ykwim i jst needed to get it out #im over it in the sense that like ok yeah whatever #but not in the sense that i came out worse than before. i was already Small. ive been further Smallened #i was a rebound and lied to and discarded...which thank god i was Set Free but wow! #all my personal fears reinforced. it is embarrassing for me to want and need...i get it neow. i was a stepping stone i am an npc #idk that i could do it again! im not sure its worth trying i am too much of a...project. #as i was told from day 1 but still ran directly into it #and i was too much of a coward to leave myself. if it happened again i wouldnt be able to leave then either. #im happy that i dont think it could get much worse than all that for my first experience but it was also exhausting #and weirdly at the same time i dont think i cld ever expect better #its almost been a year since its been Done and the words and treatment linger <3 #this is also why i had to enlist talon as imaginary bf number 2 LOL need extra reinforcement and love #cringe as fuck but it rly will never be as good as whats in my brain...i know that neow. i will spare everyone the trouble #and remove myself from the dating pool (<- implying he was ever even in it) #i dont even hold any ill will toward em bc they were right...its just hurts ykwim

[lakeinstillness]

I see so much ableist content being made and reblogged about tim on tumblr and other websites. stop using his schizophrenia purely for angst and then forgetting it exists outside of that. schizophrenia isnt just the "my dead loved one showed up as an hallucination to talk to me" disorder, yet its a LOT of the content I see, most of which is by people who arent psychotic.

people ignore that hallucinations can take other forms. yes, psychotic people can hallucinate dead loved ones, and it's not the only form of representation that we deserve. every schizospec and psychotic person's experience will be different and not everyone will have the same symptoms. not every schizospec or psychotic person will even have hallucinations as part of their disorder.

we see the insane asylum AUs, the AUs where a character goes ""p*ycho"" or ""insane"" and either starts murdering people or is a poor little tragic pitiable thing where they end up dead at the end. the "psychopath" AUs, and the fan media where masky is violent, evil, or malevolent and tim cant do anything about it.

the content you make where you clearly dont understand schizophrenia, DIDOSDD or any other stigmatized disorder you claim to be representing. where the bare minimum research is done before you start talking about those disorders. countless, countless other examples.

schizophrenic people see your posts. schizospec and psychotic people see the ableism you perpetuate and spread. people with DID/OSDD, disorders that have an increased chance of psychosis but are not the same as schizophrenia, see your posts, and your anti-system ableism. especially in regards to masky and tim.

our symptoms are laughed at and material for #schizoposting or r/fakedisordercringe. if we speak up about ableism then we get people messaging us purposefully triggering and paranoia inducing messages. we're treated like oddities, people ask invasive questions without asking if that's even okay first, and they make assumptions without even knowing anything about us.

if you have depression, anxiety, ADHD, autism, etc - you can still perpetuate ableism. schizospec people, psychotic people, and systems are constantly having to prove our humanity. we shouldnt have to. we shouldnt have to constantly see people refuse to understand our experiences.

Im asking you to educate yourselves. read about the experiences of actual schizophrenic people. understand that hallucinations are only one possible symptom among many others. read actual research for DID/OSDD. please be critical and keep an open eye for ableism against schizospec people, psychotic people, and systems. I implore you to take this post to heart and think critically about what posts and media you interact with and the content you create in the future.

#marble hornets #ableism #sanism #theres been a lot Ive been seeing lately. #its really hurtful. #like Ive said before. its not just someone made an ableist post - 50 other people agreed with that post. either by liking or reblogging it. #of course its not just one post that Im talking about. but you get the metaphor. #please do research. sources that are respected and legitimate. our personal experiences are important too but you cant just depend #on one or the other. please do independent research and listen to our voices. #dont rely on us to educate you every single time you have a question. google can answer a lot of questions. but reach out if you cant find #answers. sometimes theyre hard to find through search engines. #sometimes its exhausting to look at the marble hornets tag. ableism is still prevalent.

[cozymochi]

TWITTER HAS BEEN DELETED 💕💕💕💕

😌 first step of healing can begin.

#cozy texts #not my account just the apps rn… idk what to do with that account tbh #its only there for formalities i guess….. #such a bad idea to start with #im exhausted from all the bad takes and ppl up their asses over everything #they just thrive over negativity its been hurting me for a year in the background :/ #p sure twit t er is what affected my perception of my work anc my willingess to post

[anglerfishenthusiast]

im krilling myself for real im late to work cuz i overslept cuz my alarms didnt get set right and despite the fact i have 3 other people in this house who All Know what time im supposed to be up NONE of them woke me up i woke up by random lucky chance. and Because im running late i havent gotten to do my Slow Wakeup routine requirements so i feel like complete shit

#im exhausted and everything Hurts from how fast ive had to get up. ITS OVER.

[oatbugs]

the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart

#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but #you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they #should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc #they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant #the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look #exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway #god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else #inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home #i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty #there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air #med school students walking to their lectures #she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now #there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven #ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen #tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you #more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO #ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!! #anyway im like . sane. #i just . felt like it was over #i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself #that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too #its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW #BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND #WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!! #anyway #standing up it just feels so #exhausting #like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever

[bunny-cncunt]

I brought my new pet home today. A sweet soft little bunny boy, needy and trembling. He looked so sweet at the market, trembling in his cage, watching the other pets get fucked and mounted and trying not to show how wet his pussy is.

Virgin. I paid extra for that. There’s nothing like training a toy from scratch, and he’s just perfect. I bring him to the bedroom, showing him his new home. He’s so shy, trying not to show his nervousness. So cute. I undress him gently, telling him pets don’t need clothes in the house. His chest is soft and can’t help but squeeze it. I hear him suppress a little sound, so I squeeze again. When I pinch his nipple he whines out loud and I see him clench his legs together.

Needy. His underwear has on obvious wet patch on it from his dripping hole and he blushes red when I see it. I clip him into his collar and cuffs, matching red leather around his throat wrists and ankles. I clip his chain to his collar and lead him to the bed where I clip him to my headboard. He squirms and I can see him rubbing his thighs together, trying to get some stimulation. When I grab his ankle he keens whining and resisting pull. I chuckle as I quickly over power him, chaining his ankles to the ceiling, his legs spread wide, hips cocked and holes exposed.

I admire his body, pretty flushed cheeks, pouty lips. His soft stomach and thighs. And his cock, hard and twitching, pink and gorgeous, I can’t help but salivate, wanting to take it into my mouth. And then his cunt, dripping wet and clearly needy, but previously untouched. A heady sense of power slips to my head, the knowledge that whatever I did to him would be the first time he experienced it coalescing in my mind as I select a cock and don my harness. Finally I chain his wrists to the headboard, keeping his arms out of the way.

He’s beautiful, spread out for me, completely exposed and at my mercy. I coat my cock in a thick layer of lube before lining it up with his cunt. He starts to whine and squirm, realizing what i intend to do and trying to buck away. I hold his hips steady pressing my weight on him to hold him still before pressing my hips forward. He wails out loud as my cockhead presses into him, stretching him open, as I use my body weight to slowly sink into his hole. He starts to cry when the head finally pops in, but sliding in deeper simply required a slow pressure.

As i nestle my cock against his cervix I take a moment to appreciate the sublime feeling of a virgin cunt. His hole flutters around my cock, stretched to its limits and full. I draw back slowly, savoring his sounds, stopping when my cock, is barely still inside him before thrusting all the way into the hilt in one hard stroke. He couldn’t disguise his moan through his tears, as his cunt begins to take its first fucking. I continue, pulling out nearly all the way before pounding back into him hard. With each thrust, the tears lessen, and the moans grow, and I start to fuck him faster and faster. By the time I get to a comfortably harsh pace he’s not crying at all, but starting to babble out little begging sounds.

Perfect. He is settling into his place, starting to realize that this is what his body was meant for, taking cock, over and over. When he cums, i kiss him deeply, pinching his nipples as a reward. But I don’t stop, instead pounding him into another, when I pull out a vibrator and hold it to his oversensitive cock he starts to cry again. I fuck his hole hard, and long, forcing him from orgasm to orgasm until his pussy isn’t even getting wet anymore, the harsh drag of his dry aching walls making it hard to thrust. When his cock finally stops getting hard, and his sobs have subsided into a half conscious whine I finally pull out.

His formerly tight pink hole now gaping open and flushed red, my cock having pounded him so long his poor cunt couldn’t take it. He looks perfect like this, hole gaping and sore, tongue lolling out of his mouth with half lidded eyes.

I slip a cool glass plug into his worn out cunt, keeping him full and soothing his aching hole, before unchaining him and wrapping him in a soft blanket.

I love breaking in my new toys.

xx

.

#oh my god. yeah. yeah #i need to be broken in like this #so easily overstimulated and pushed over the edge so much #cumming until it hurts until im so exhausted and limp #😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 #wonder how long i would be able to feel the ache after.. #n how id beg you to make me ache like the first time you used me again <3 #it IS what im meant for n maybe it hurts but it feels good n its whats right #hngngnngngng.... #thinkin abt hoe roughly n throughly youd break in my other holes too 😳 #make me your perfect little pet #fuckkk #pet #virginity kink #corruption kink #overstim #i was going to respond last night but couldnt decide if i wanted to write a comment or just keep it in the tags #but i hope u like what i did have to say abt it in the tags <3 #asks #xx

[moonlit-orchid]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[natsmagi]

draw exfine get behind me 𝕴 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 /j

I WILL.......... I LOVE EXFINE!!!!!! one day they will be illustrated....... no matter the cost..................

#any art that features more than 2 ppl makes my head hurt tho Like thats too many people. #a few months ago i started drafting a fem eccentrics drawing #but i wanted to give all their outfits unique elements #and i was just sitting there like. This is so much work #and drew good ol reliable again ASKJUFHUKJHJ #I WANNA DRAW MORE THINGS BUT IM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME ntmg yuri is muscle memory its not the same #and the immense joy i get cancel out my exhaustion #ask

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#remember when i could draw? when i had time to draw and color? #bleh. im just sorta exhausted and dont feel good and starting to get overwhelmed by all that i need to get done #weirdest version of being sick ive had. i dont have a fever but i feel hot and my throat hurts and i have to take deep breaths but not #really coughing so im like??? am i sick??? #ugh. i dunno ive been going to sleep at like 9pm and its only 7 and im so tired but i have a paper to read #maybe ill read it in the morning and not do pigment analysis tomorrow... but i wanna see those god damn pigment >:-( #i dunno. im also just kinda frustrated bc im running into things that my mum was in control of the info on #so its like: well i cant access my fasfa account. i dont kno where my vaccine info is. i dont kno if my mum had uterine fibroids before it #all turned to cancer. i dunno. im just tired #also i bitched out on a pap smear bc it hurt too bad. so ive had a day. #but ive got a birth control perception again. i dont wanna take it but like i cant really aford to go out of focus and go out of commission #via pain. so like i guess i gotta. ugh. it better not fuck with my medication #hopefully ill wake up tomorrow and all will be well in the world #unrelated

[needylittlegirl]

anyone else ever get so scared to go to sleep you have an anxiety attack or is that just me

#i feel so unsafe all the time <3 so going to sleep feels like hell sometimes #and i just have really bad nightmares #like wake up shaking and sobbing level nightmares for no reason #i really really dont want to go to sleep #thats why i stay up late all the time cause id rather just be exhausted #than feel vulnerable and have to deal with my nightmares #my chest hurts and its all red cause i #have this horrible habit of digging my nails into my skin when im crying and it hurts #and my head hurts from crying all day #i just want everything to stop hurting #tbd

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

#tw rant #studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not #its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels #so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday #i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me #n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone #yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my #friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep #of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle #but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today #i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts #and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics #just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people #im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier #im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk #and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know #but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac #h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe #ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch #people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and #seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want #are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to #spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was #i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next #“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes #me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good #but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im #intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout #but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one? #the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone

[teobug]

Barely slept because my very old kitty is sick and this might Be It for her since we do not have the money to take her in and even if we did, it is more likely than not a complication of kidney failure which we have known to be an inevitable end for a while now

#i am feeling. hmmm. not good #she's like 16 to 17 years old at this point. ive had her my sntire teenhood to adult life #she is small and frail and sneezing and exhausted and i dont blame her #its like age hit her all at once so fast #i am so tired and sad and i dont know how to. process or think about it #how do I think about the idea of her life coming to an end. how do i consider if i need to allow the unthinkable #if her suffering is too great for her little body how will i know. how will i know she needs to go #im so scared of making her hurt or suffer longer than she needs to but im also scared of taking away her life out of selfish grief #she deserves a kind and gentle death when the time comes but i dont know how to make that happen for her or when and im scared #sorry if you read this far im just. exhausted and. scared and sad #i dont want to lose another staple of my life so soon after my grandma #vent #delete later

[blneobin]

i feel like the entire bl community deserves a good warm comforting hug and many forehead kissies after tonight cause WHAT THE FUCK

#and its gonna hurt EVEN MORE TOMORROW CAUSE OF THE SIGN #im just glad we have cooking crush and cherry magic as a palate cleanser before another work week starts cause #IM EXHAUSTED FROM CRYING WHAT THE FUCK MAN #GAYWEEKENDS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FUN WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS #dont even get me STARTED on playboyy cause what the actual FUCK

[aggressivenesswhilecrying]

You ever be talking to your girlfriend, and the conversation starts as "here's what I forgot to say about today :D" and ends up as "I'm really just starting to realize that no one in my life has ever been willing to accommodate for me in any shape or form, and even the people who are supposed to provide for me, won't provide things I need to live a semi normal life, and if they can't. I hope I can"?

#aggressivetalks #autism #im autistic #if you couldnt tell #and i have a multitude of sensory issues #and personal needs so that i dont hurt myself #and im a minor and everyone has refused to provide these thibgs i need #asking for gloves to i can do the dishes is a crime #theyll sit there and poke #and poke #and poke at me #saying how that can see maggots in the water #knowing i hallucinate #nd maggots are one of my biggest fears #purposefully sending me into a paniced state of mine where IM MORE LIKELY TO HALLUCINATE #when i need to go non-verbal im not allowed to #and it leaves me exhausted and frustrated #i cant wear any kind of headphones #when they have all seen me being sent into a panic #scrambling to get out of a place because its just too loud. #i have mentioned on multiple occasions that anything strong smelling can cause me a lot of issues #they can use it!! just please not where i am #stimming is looked at with judging looks #wearing clothing that makes me feel safe and comfortable is shamed against #all in all. everyone who was supposed to provide and help with these accommodations. has refused to #no one irl has been willing to accommodate for me in the slightest ways

[dsgustng]

I hate that Disability thing where ur disability is.... debilitating and affects ur every day life in extremely drastic ways... but it always feels like you need to be worse to ever get proper help or be taken seriously..

#i spent years of my life learning how to mask my autism because i was punished constantly and im like. just barley capable of working #and because of it everyone says i dont 'act autistic' or like 'youre able to work fine so you must not be' #i cant work fine!!! i cant! how many times do i have to explain to people im constantly exhausted and burnt out #'oh you do things fine an autistic person would struggle with basic task' I DO!!! IM JUST GOOD AT PRETENDING LIKE IM HANDLING SHIT DAWG #its also annoying because their arbitrary rules on what makes an autistic person is always rlly contradictory and biased #also with being physically disabled people dont get it . like yeah. i can stand and mop and run but it hurts #it gets to the point i cant hold up my own weight anymore #why dont people get it