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lilacs-with-lavender · 3 years

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Slip Away Pt. 1

Read it on Ao3 here!

Kaz Brekker x Inej Ghafa

For my lovely six of crows ladies, you all know who you are. Thanks for making the tale end of 2020 a little less of a nightmare. Merry Christmas!

Summary:

After a long year of putting slaver ships at the bottom of the ocean, Captain Inej Ghafa docks in Ketterdam for the first time in a long while. She tells herself she’s come back to take on some new crew, maybe visit a few old friends. But if Inej is being honest with herself Jesper’s last few letters have had her worrying about a certain bastard of the barrel, one she hasn’t heard from in months. One who’s rasping voice and light touches have haunted her dreams since she left.

WC: 2,556

Warnings: Angst, feels, Crooked Kingdom spoilers!

The first thing she noticed was the familiar smell. The salt of the sea mixed with Ketterdam’s smoke and oil to form the scent that used to greet her every morning she slipped out the window of her room in the Slat. Off to collect some information about the Dime Lions’ plans or the Razor Gulls latest recruits, helping to encourage meaningless gang wars over territory. It was hard not to imagine herself as young and naive when looking back at her time spent with the Dregs, even if things had changed after the Ice Court job, even if now she’d found her true calling.

A small part of her still resented that girl who had obeyed Kaz Brekker without question, without thought.

The Wraith came into port, making for that berth he had given her all those years ago, and Inej felt the wind whip at her hair as she took in the sight of her city.

The young woman she was now spent little to no time thinking of Ketterdam’s infamous crime boss, if her thoughts strayed to her past visits to this place she lost her focus. Sailing, looking after her crew, and going after slavers, that’s what mattered.

Now, with her crew eager to take a reprieve from life on the True Sea, Inej had time to think about him. Them. Both now laden with even more titles than they’d had when she had left last year. Even on the sea, she could never escape the odd mention of him, Ketterdam’s king of the Barrel.

The shouts of her crew shook the pirate queen from her thoughts, the melody of her battleship’s sails and ropes forming sweet music as they worked to secure The Wraith to her dock. Once the gangplank had been lowered and she’d seen everyone off, Inej hesitated. No matter how many times she returned to Ketterdam her heart always beat this nervous staccato at the prospect of seeing who awaited her at the docks.

She had thought with the years that had gone by she had matured, lost the naive part of her that hoped, longed for a sight of him waiting to greet her. Cane in hand as if not a day had passed since she last saw him.

Most of the time she was disappointed, this time was no different.

But when her quick scan of the crowd found only Jesper and Wylan waiting for her she stole herself, a smile lighting up her face as she dropped her bags and embraced them, forcing the disappointment down until it was nothing but a memory.

~*~

Dinner at the Van Eck household was always a good time, and tonight was no exception. Drinks were passed around and Wylan dined with his whole household, a now natural occurrence since he had insisted from the beginning that such a ridiculously large dining table be put to good use. Inej enjoyed herself, dazzling the girls in his employment with tales of her adventures. One, in particular, a sweet-tempered Shu girl who cared for the house’s grounds with her father, took to Inej right away.

“After you rescued those Ravkans did they join your crew?” She asked, in awe of one of The Wraith’s latest conquests, a slave ship that had specialized in Grisha.

Inej twirled more pasta around her fork, “Well, we give them a choice, they can rejoin their families in Ravka or join our crew. It’s a harrowing experience being taken, most choose to return home.”

The girl wrinkled her nose slightly, “I’d definitely join your crew.” Then seeming to realize what she had said she blushed, golden eyes darting away from Inej’s amused expression.

“I think that’s a terrific idea,” her face lit up like the sun at that but glimpsing the girl’s father eyeing them warily across the table, Inej added, “for when you’re old enough to sail of course.”

She frowned but nodded after a moment, fixing Inej with a very serious look for a thirteen-year-old and saying solemnly, “that’s probably for the best, I’m not that good of a swimmer.”

Inej laughed but schooled her face into a serious nod as the girl was led to bed by her father, the rest of the household heading home one by one and leaving the three of them alone. It was a comfortable silence, the food finished and their bellies full, Inej opened her mouth to ask how Jes’s father had been when she caught sight of something on his hand that threw the all-knowing Wraith for a loop.

Wylan saw where her eyes were fixed and smiled as the realization dawned on her, “That isn’t a… You two aren’t-”

Apparently unable to contain himself any longer Wylan cut her off mid-stutter, “Engaged?”

Inej blinked at Jesper who for once in his life looked shy as he fingered the carved silver band that now graced his ring finger. “You didn’t tell me?!”

He had the audacity to shrug sheepishly, “I could’ve told you in my last letter but we wanted to tell you in person! Nina and Kaz still don’t know!”

Wylan said smugly under his breath then, “Kuwei does though, and he’s not as happy.”

A shocked breath of laughter escaped her then and she smiled as they glanced at each other, the devotion in their eyes so clear it tugged at her heart. “I assume this means my pirate spoils for you both will have to wait until the wedding then.”

Jesper looked at her, stricken, “Wait what- no pirate spoils until the wedding?”

He turned to Wylan, face somber, “I’m afraid I have to rescind my I do merchling”.

Wylan rolled his eyes and looked to Inej with an expression that said, can you believe this is the idiot I decided to marry?

The conversation quickly turned to Jesper’s outrageous wedding plan involving a releasing of crows instead of doves but as the three of them laughed, she couldn’t help but feel lonely, with just the ship, the sea, and her crew for company it was easy to forget Inej didn’t have what they had. Never permanently. Even though she’d tried…

She blinked back the memories of rare sunny days during the summer when she had docked here, receiving notes inviting her to various high-end bakeries and cafes throughout the financial district that she’d never stepped foot in. Refused to remember stolen kisses in alleyways as they walked back, the barest brush of skin-to-skin contact that had her floating through the rest of the day. But inevitably it had ended how it always did, with tense arguments about who was worthy of who, rainy nights that left her in such a state that she left without saying goodbye…

It was those vivid memories that caused her to mutter, her voice barely above a whisper as she asked, “How’s he been?”

Jesper and Wylan stopped their banter to answer her, bright expressions turning solemn and sad, they pity me, she realized. “We haven’t seen him in two months Inej.”

Her braid swung off her shoulder when she turned to Jesper, brows furrowed, “You promised you’d check on him in your last letter Jes.”

Her old friend sighed, as if weary of dealing with Kaz Brekker’s moods now that he’d found happiness for himself without said bastard of the barrel. “I did, he refused to see us.”

She spluttered slightly, the audacity of this man. “He refused- I’ll go then.”

Wylan and Jesper exchanged a pointed glance and Inej looked between them, “What now?”

Jesper winced as Wylan prodded him, “He sort of told us that he didn’t want to see anyone we brought by… he may have mentioned you specifically.”

Wylan cleared his throat when she opened her mouth to ask why exactly he would say such a thing, explaining quickly. “We, um... we think he was drunk.”

Inej stared at the both of them incredulously, Kaz had done many questionable things while she’d known him but he’d never gotten drunk.

“How on earth could you tell, I thought you didn’t see him.”

There it was again, that shared knowing look between the two of them, it was starting to get on her nerves. Eventually, it was Jes who said, “the orders didn’t really sound like a sober man’s words… we may also have heard some rumors a while back, something about Dirtyhands losing focus on the job.” Inej winced, if that had been because he’d been thinking of her… the Kaz Brekker she knew wouldn’t have forgiven himself very easily. Saints, she had been away for too long.

Rising from the dinner table she lay her napkin down and grabbed her cloak, “I have to go check on him.”

Wylan just sighed and said, “We know.”

~*~

She stuck to the rooftops by habit, their different dips and gullies like old friends as she made for the Slat. Inej was once again struck with the odd feeling of being thrown back in time as she leapt over tiles. Suddenly she was sixteen and heading back to the Slat to report, her day spent eavesdropping and spying for Dirtyhands… for Kaz.

Now she was almost twenty and as she approached the glowing windows of the Slat her old perch outside of Kaz’s office seemed small. The treasured refuge of a barely healing girl and her crows.

Inej slipped through the window, breath sucked in now that she had developed the curves and muscle that came with being a woman her age. Standing in the dimly lit room brought back memories she had kept locked away while at sea. Quite nights spent talking, eating, laughing… sharing hesitant touches whenever she visited Ketterdam. But always that reservation in him, the thought he had voiced on several occasions that rankled her.

Not good enough, not deserving, monster.

Inej still had faith in him, there was no one who held her heart hostage more than Kaz Brekker. Despite all his ridiculous self-loathing that secret part of her still remained. The bit that held onto hopes of a sun drenched future with the bastard of the barrel.

So she felt no small amount of disappointment when she found him face down in papers at his desk, undercut dramatically disheveled. He looked a bit as if he had been tearing at his hair. The mess on his desk made it quite impossible not to guess what he had been doing before passing out.

Splayed across the worn wood were unfinished papers, all with his coarse yet refined handwriting, all addressed to her. Inej shuddered as she happened across one without her name, addressed only to

My Treasure,

Someone had been very drunk indeed.

She turned away before any other words jumped out at her, slipping off her cloak and hanging it on the stand next to his hat. It had only been a few months since she’d last been here but it felt like longer. A quick glance at the rest of her room and it was clear Kaz was still using Per Haskell’s old office for business. This floor was just his rumbled unmade bed and the old desk, on which the letters were splayed.

Sighing, she reached for him, breath hitching when her bare hands shook his shoulders gently. When there was no response she shook harder.

“Kaz.”

His face was still hidden in his arms but a muffled groan had the corners of her mouth perking up. Her voice turned sing-song as she bid him again,“Wake up Kaz.”

He lifted his head and blinked at her blearily, eyes clearing as she fought not to laugh. His voice sounded tougher than usual when he spoke however, and her stomach did a somersault. “I-Inej?”

He looked so confused, so out of his depth, she really couldn’t help herself.

“Hello, my treasure.”

Kaz blinked twice and Inej would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the way his pale skin flushed as the realization hit him. Before she could purr anymore adoring nicknames he buried his face in his bare hands, an audible, “Fuck”, his only response.

Inej laughed, spirits rising as she helped him out of the chair, not trusting him to balance on his own two feet. Kaz made no objections surprisingly, only held onto her shoulder as they made their way to his bed. She glanced at his profile, the scars she had memorized were still there, his fading blush and pained expression all synonymous with the boy she had missed on the True Sea.

Before she could slide out from under his arm to set him on the bed, however, Inej was stopped by a hand at her waist. Her eyes holding his as he leaned towards her, slowly moving both hands up from her hips to her back until they were so close she could tuck her head under his chin if she wanted to.

Instead she held his gaze, the intensity and longing there no doubt mirroring her own as he leaned closer. Inej held her breath now, gaze fixed on the rafters above them as he pressed a kiss to her neck and settled there pulling her closer by the waist until she was encircled by his arms.

“I missed you.” The soft admission was spoken just next to her ear, and she shivered, hands curling against the front of his shirt. She doubted it was the alcohol talking now, it was the most honest thing she’d ever heard him say when she came to visit. It was always the game of “What business?” and “Good to see you back Wraith.” Certainly never this.

Inej couldn’t be happier, in fact, she could die right here in his arms and it would be a wonderful way to greet death. It was only when his kisses resumed that she realized he needed sleep. Kaz never moved this fast sober, the boy she knew could spend hours just playing with her hair and be fulfilled.

Inebriated Kaz, however, didn’t seem to have the same idea and Inej had to push him away. His hands dropped to his sides and when she shoved him further down onto his bed, those bitter coffee eyes that she so loved begining to flutter shut. Before she could turn away from him however he reached a hand for her wrist, not even flinching as he blinked up at her slowly. “Stay… please.”

Now it was her turn to flush, her eyes darting from his bare feet to his loose shirt and rumpled hair. There was no way this would end well, but as always, when it came to Kaz Brekker, Inej’s common sense made itself scarce.

So she toed off her boots and slipped her knife belt under the bed, walking to the window and door to lock both before laying down beside him. They had never dared share a bed over night before, certainly not after any amount of what they considered intimacy. Usually after such intense touching both of them were quite tired out and more than ready to take a break. Now, Inej could only think of how warm he felt next to her, how right.

And as she drifted off with her head tucked into the crook of his neck, she couldn’t help but think that this was better than anything the True Sea had to offer.

~*~

First kanej fic and I’m freaking outtt you guys I hope I did them justice! A ship that gave me the will to live over quarantine deserves only the finest *sobs*

Anyways Merry Christmas all!! Please come say hi on ao3 or reblog this post if you have time & tell me how you liked this!! ~ Love Liles

#kanej #post crooked kingdom #six of crows #soc fanfic #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #feel good fluff #bed sharing #crooked kingdom

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kindness-ricochets · 3 years

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Hi! How are you? Sending virtual (physically-distant) hugs❤

As for your winter fics, would really love anything SoC (Kanej please)

Responding with physically distant hugs and some fic for you!

Kanej is very much not my go-to, so I did my best and I hope you like it. (And you can totally let me know if you didn’t. Like if you wanted fluff or something. I can always take another stab at it... just like Kaz would ;) )

Ketterdam harbor never felt like home, but it felt like welcome nonetheless. Her first arrival here had been one of the most terrible days of her life and Inej would never forget it, but while Nina had saved Inej, it had been the men who saved Ketterdam. Over the years, Inej had returned to Ketterdam many times. She had berthed The Wraith in the harbor and strolled along the damp streets like she had nothing to hide.

She would always have a warm welcome on the Geldstraat—not from most there, but from Jesper and Wylan. Not just a warm welcome, either: she knew there was a soft bed and warm meals waiting for her, enthusiasm and grins and massive hugs from Jesper, quiet love and fretting from Wylan who always wanted to be sure she had all the provisions and thick socks she needed. No matter changed in their lives—Wylan had grown into himself, Jesper returned to school, and together they were the strangers merchant pair Kerch had ever seen—Inej always saw the love between them, and they always had space for her.

Less changed with Kaz.

Kaz still wore crisp black suits and leaned on his crow’s-head cane, and kept half-legible books in his attic room at the top of the Slat, the real information stored safely in his head. He had worn a beard for a while, though it never suited him. He was severe and his eyes were cold, but he had a half-smile increasingly ready for Inej.

Jesper and Wylan’s house felt like a comfortable, familiar holiday. The Slat, Kaz, that was a homecoming.

Inej meant to pay a visit shortly after arriving, but a member of her crew had hidden deep in the ship’s belly. Someone else could have done it, but each sailor and hand on The Wraith was her responsibility first. After long minutes of shivers and sobs, the girl had entrusted her story to Inej. It was all too familiar. Though Inej and her crew rescued the girl from a ship of a very different sort of pirate, she had first been used and wrung out on the streets of Ketterdam, and the mingling scents of shipyards and harbors broke something inside her.

Kaz could wait until tomorrow.

Or so Inej thought.

So she thought as she coaxed the girl up from the hold, so she thought as she saw her safely back to the little room she shared with two other girls around her age, both of whom welcomed their friend—one with compassion, one with anger. Some of them were like that. Some of them didn’t know how to hold and just wanted to hurt the people who hurt their own. Inej would counsel mercy in the morning. For tonight, she simply gave her word that she would be here on the ship. No one was coming aboard without her permission.

As she drifted to sleep, Inej thought of her loved ones in Ketterdam. She thought of Kaz literally burning the midnight oil, frowning over his desk. She thought of Jesper and Wylan asleep in each other’s arms. Her thoughts drift farther, to West Ravka, to Mama and Papa and her aunts, uncles, cousins. Somewhere, who knew where, was Nina Zenik and Hanne Brum, hopefully somewhere with pastries and horses.

Inej believed there were many good people in the world. But she only knew for sure that there were a handful.

====

"Captain!"

Inej bolted upright, already scrambling out of her bed. The captain’s cabin came with a berth built like a little compartment, but sleeping there felt too much like sleeping in a coffin. It wasn’t as soft or as big as the bed waiting for her on the Geldstraat, but her shipboard bed wasn’t an enclosed wooden box, either.

"Captain Ghafa!"

Her lantern came to life with a hum, the glow turning bright and steady as Inej went to the door. She slept in a shirt and trousers, ready at a moment’s notice—like this moment.

When she unlocked her door, Specht strode into the cabin without a word, a half-conscious mess of a man in his arms and a crow's-head cane tucked through his belt like a sword. Kaz's head lolled, dark hair falling in all directions.

"Kaz?" Inej asked. Panic threw off the last shreds of sleep.

Saints, what happened to him?!

"Found him this way," Specht said, setting Kaz on her bed. He leaned the cane against the bed. Kaz was bleeding, a dark, wet patch soaking his front. Bleeding, filthy, face swelling—he had been jumped. Inej noted that he was barefoot.

How did Kaz Brekker get jumped?

Was this calculated or just someone very desperate and very lucky? A calculated hit wouldn’t take his shoes…

"Get Karine," Inej said, but Specht was already on his way.

Alone with him, she brought the lantern closer.

"Kaz?" she asked. "Can you hear me?" Inej was no Healer, but she knew what to do until one arrived--and she understood what Specht brought Kaz here. As Inej sliced open his shirt and waistcoat, she noticed that he needed a shave. That wasn't like him. Kaz usually took immaculate care with his appearance. And he had been jumped! Instinct told her to pray over him, just quickly, just for a moment in her heart… she did it as she peeled the clothing away. Good, the wound was clear. He groaned.

"It's me," Inej said. The years had softened Kaz towards Inej, but not toward the world. Being touched by an unseen, unknown hand would be too much for him. "You're going to be fine, Kaz," she promised as she wrapped up a handkerchief and pressed it to his wound.

His eyes snapped open, mouth set in a snarl.

"It's okay."

"Gonna… kill those… bastards," he gritted out.

That was her Kaz. His dark eyes settled on her. "Inej." "You're on The Wraith," she told him. "Specht found you. He's getting our Healer." Kaz's hand reached vaguely toward Inej. She took it and held onto him with one hand, the other keeping pressure on his wound until a half-sleepy Karine arrived from her little room beside the ship's infirmary. Inej understood why Specht hadn't taken Kaz to the infirmary. It was the same reason he had been sure to bring the cane: Kaz valued his dignity more than his life. "Captain Ghafa?" "I need this man stable. The bruises are fine." She could only assume Kaz would want to keep them. Karine nodded. When they first brought her on board, the first thing the Fjerdan girl had done was hack off her long, golden braids. She wore her hair short now and a little wild in a way that contrasted with her round face and wide eyes, but suited her all the same. After less than a year aboard The Wraith, Karine was already confident, sure, and steady. Inej was proud of her. She hovered a hand over Kaz's injury. Because she'd received no formal training, Karine didn't move like a Healer from the Little Palace might, instead moving her fingers in an almost casual half-dancing motion. Kaz's brow furrowed at the pain of healing. The affectation that it was nothing but an inconvenience might have fooled Karine and even Specht, but Inej felt Kaz's fingers tighten around hers as the bleeding slowed, then stopped completely.

The Healer checked Kaz for any internal injuries and fixed those she found before they could become a larger problem. Only then did Karine leave her captain and the captain's mysterious friend. With a nod, Specht too gave them their privacy. Inej hated seeing Kaz this way as much as she knew Kaz hated being seen this way, laid out and vulnerable. "Karine won't say a word," she said. He already knew he could trust Specht. Kaz nodded grimly. "I'm going to clean you up." It wasn't a command. It was a chance for him to refuse the offer. When he didn't, Inej grabbed a bottle of water and a shirt. Mercher black was severe and suggested austerity. Pirate black hid blood and any other stain. Many wicked men's blood had tried to mar this shirt. What was one more? As she wiped away the blood from his chest, Kaz reached for a wooden pendant pinned to the wall just above the bed and twisted it between his fingers to get a better look. "Sankta Marya of the Rock," he observed. "The patron of those far from home." "It was a gift." Inej didn't know what, exactly, Wylan had said, only that Marya Hendriks got the idea somewhere that Inej had protected her son. She hadn't, but Wylan gave her that wide-eyed pleading look and Inej let Marya believe it, and Marya welcomed Inej like a distant cousin--a stranger, but family all the same. Now here was her patron. Inej supposed it was fitting; Sankta Marya had protected both of them just as much as Sankta Margarethe, the patron of thieves and lost children. If Kaz had a patron at all, Inej thought, it was Sankta Margarethe. "What happened?" she asked. "If I'm going to have an army of Ketterdam gangsters gathering on my dock, I'd like to know in advance." "I was stupid," Kaz replied, "and I paid for it." "I can see that, but were you very stupid? Was it an on-going stupidity? Or was it a brief lapse in judgment?" He sighed. "No one should be coming." Inej nodded. The Wraith always had a watch posted and this was no exception. Someone might come but no one would surprise them. She finished wiping away the blood and helped Kaz into another of her shirts. It was loose and easy to move in, not tailored as he preferred, but it would keep him warm and covered for the night. Then Inej took the other side of the bed, leaving space between them so there would be no accidental touching when they stirred in their sleep. As she listened in the dark to his steady breathing, Inej's mind drifted again to Jesper and Wylan. They shared a degree of physical comfort that fascinated her. Who would she be, without the Menagerie to shape her? She doubted she would be like Wylan. His touch was too quiet. Inej had seen Kaz bent over his work like Jesper after returning to university, and even without the Menagerie, Inej couldn't see herself going to her lover with a cup of coffee and a gentle hand on his shoulder. Jesper, though--she would not have been so boisterous as Jesper, who was constantly stating his love in every motion, whether that meant a surprise hug or literally sweeping Wylan off his feet. Inej did not know what touch would have been for the girl she was all those years ago on the shores of West Ravka. If that girl had grown in Inej's place, would she have a Suli boy now? An acrobat? A dancer? Would he hold her at night? She would certainly not have a thief lord. Maybe she would have been comfortable with his touch, trusted him with her body like Jesper and Wylan did. Tonight, she trusted Kaz with her because she trusted him to keep a respectful distance. === Inej checked in with her crew the following morning and aided in a thorough inspection of the ship. Any problems were best identified now and dealt with before they set sail again. Some of her crew were off-ship--she always kept enough hands available in case of emergency, but many chose to stay aboard, anyway. There were bad memories in Ketterdam. Inej understood. She found a seat on deck, her legs dangling over the water. It was a quiet day and she had quiet work to see to, and sitting here, she caught a hint of a breeze sometimes, the smell of the sea instead of the odors of industry. Inej carried a spare pair of trousers with her, a needle and thread, a patch for a nearly-threadbare knee and a quick seam for a tear. There was something to be said for the simple work of maintenance, sometimes. She didn't know how long she had been working when she heard footsteps approach, accompanied by the tap of a cane. Kaz sat beside her. "I'll wash your shirt," he offered. "And your sheets." He had bled some on those, too. "I'll send you a bill for the laundry," she replied. "Do you know who it was?" "Yes and no. I know who leaked information, and I'll solve that problem tonight. Just didn't expect it right then." Of course. His shoes. Inej looked at Kaz's bare feet dangling beside her own. She preferred to go barefoot, when she could. He had been forced into it. Despite the circumstances they could almost look like young lovers on a lakeside picnic, their naked toes dancing just above the water. Except that he was barefoot because he had whispered a rumor about his shoes. She wondered who he had told, and what. That they were lucky? That he kept his secret plans hidden beneath the soles? A whisper drew her attention. Some of her crew had noticed their captain sitting side by side with a man who had come out of her cabin wearing her shirt. Some of her crew had noticed that Captain Ghafa had taken herself a man. Let them gossip. It wasn't that far off the mark. Kaz continued, "I was lucky you were in the neighborhood." Lucky. The years had softened Ketterdam to her memory and they had softened Kaz to her, but they had not softened his armor. It had an Inej-shaped hole, that was all. And sometimes he forgot he was wearing it. She knew, anyway. The wind tugged at her hair just like a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. He hadn't been lucky. He heard The Wraith made berth in Ketterdam's harbor, and he had come to see her. "I missed you, too."

#six of crows #six of crows fanfic #inej ghafa #Kaz Brekker #kanej #my writing

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anonniemousefics · 4 years

Text

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Eleven

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Eleven: A Balancing Act

My darling Inej,

Don’t think for a minute I don’t know what you’re aiming at with this letter full of questions. You may have my heart, but you can’t be privy to all of my schemes, especially when I’m now aware that your birthday is next month. Did you think I would forget? My dear, I forget nothing.

So, no, to all of your questions. I’m not telling you what I’ve been plotting lately. I’m not telling you what has been on my mind. I’m not telling you if I’ve been visiting Jesper and Wylan’s more than usual. You must wait in suspense just as Jesper did. That’s part of the experience.

And don’t make that scoffing sound when you read this. I remind you that this whole birthday gift experience business was all your idea. You have no one to blame but yourself.

How do I sleep at night, you asked? Noisily, I’ve been told, but just fine, thank you.

With all of my scheming heart,

Kaz

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To my favorite Inej,

Has he said anything at all to you – regarding the incident in my last letter? We found him on the couch again this morning. It’s at least becoming less startling when it happens. I just wish I understood it. He has that uncanny ability to vanish without explanations, and Wylan and I aren’t sure how to bring it up since he’s so clearly bent on pretending it’s not happening.

I suppose if our sofa and our dog are what he needs right now for whatever is happening inside that ridiculous brain of his, then I’m glad we’re able to help in some small way. He’s not taking advantage of much. We only wish he’d trust us with more.

I mean, we’ve all have nearly died for his schemes on more than one occasion. Should I remind him of that? What could possibly be too much to ask of us at this point?

All my love,

Jesper

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To our feared and beloved Captain

For her twenty-first birthday:

Cake and kvas and mysteries galore

Are awaiting your arrival

Return to Ketterdam if you wish to know more

Your presence is requested at the enclosed address, at 3 bells the 18th of October.

No questions. All will be revealed in time.

Love,

Your favorite Crows

(addition in Kaz’s handwriting)

That gods-awful poem was Jesper and Wylan’s idea. Withhold judgment until after the evening. I’ll make it worth your while.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Nina,

I’m sailing away from Ketterdam today having nearly every single one of my birthday wishes fulfilled but one. But I won’t hold it against you. I know why you couldn’t have been there, or at least, I understand why I don’t know the specifics of why you couldn’t be there. Just know that, at the time of writing this and always, you are sorely missed.

You would be so proud, though, with how our boys outdid themselves. I am impressed and moved and, frankly, still a little speechless. I’m honestly still replaying the memories and recalling the half-starved scrappy little things we all were seven years ago, and the two images side-by-side could not be any more different. I hope, wherever you are, the passage of time is bringing you similar new hopes. You deserve that and so much more, Nina.

Where to begin? You know, years ago, just before we started the Ice Court, Kaz made me this lofty, insane promise. That, if we did it right, we’d be kings and queens. I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.

The day started at a dressmaker’s shop. I’d been given an address and a time to arrive, and that alone was a little jaw-dropping. It was in The Lid – an absolute premier spot I’d never even heard of when I lived in Ketterdam. I was grossly underdressed when I arrived. It’s not that I have anything against dresses – you know this. They’re just not at all practical for my line of work, and so I have none. I confess that sometimes I’ll admire them in a shop window when I’m out and about in a port town, but why in the world would I ever spend the coin on one? I wouldn’t even know what suits me anymore.

This dressmaker, though, Nina. She knew all everything about the right fabrics, the right cut, the right make. They’d booked me the entire shop all to myself, just me and the dressmaker. She found me an absolute perfect gown – I’m staring at it right now. I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do with it now that my birthday’s over. Maybe I’ll prop it up in my desk chair and have tea with it every once and awhile. It’s this breathtaking light, pastel yellow, like sunshine, with all this detailed beadwork and exposed shoulders and what the dressmaker called an A-line waist. You might know what that means. I think it’s just dressmaker code for very pretty. She tailored me into it right there in the shop and fitted me with shoes and a cloak to match.

(My one regret was having no idea what to do with my hair. You’d cringe, but I left it in the braid. A minor detail the boys overlooked.)

It took a good few hours to get fixed up in the dress, and it was nearly evening by then. The dressmaker assured me it was all paid for, and right about that time, a black carriage pulled up in front of the shop. And Jesper and Wylan had their heads out the windows, shouting like madmen at me from the streets. I think the entirety of The Lid knew then about my birthday.

Kaz was in the carriage, too, hiding his enthusiasm as he does so well. I have to tell you, though, Nina, I won’t ever forget the look on his face when I got into the carriage. He was clearly trying his best to remain cool and unaffected, but I saw it, the way his jaw dropped slightly and his breath caught. This is obviously why I can never get rid of this dress. I’m just imagining what he’s going to end up writing in his letter after this, since, verbally, he actually managed to mumble that I looked beautiful, right there in front of Jesper and Wylan.

You know, it’s interesting. When he says it, it’s not at all like hearing a man in the Menagerie say it. When he says it, it’s like it’s not just the dress. I don’t know how else to explain it. It’s the same words, and yet it’s so very different.

And it only got better from there. The city was getting dusky, and the lamps were being lit. We were still in The Lid, amongst carriages and carriages of the filthy rich from the Financial District, the Government District, and tourists from all over. I kept leaning my head out the window to figure out what was coming next.

Nina – they had bought us all ticket to the Cirque Euphoric.

Maybe this means nothing to you. But it’s only the most ancient, most elite, most elaborate traveling circus in the world. It can only be afforded anymore by the wealthiest of tourists. And they were there doing an entire season in The Lid in Ketterdam, under a big top the size of two city blocks.

Nina, you don’t understand. My entire childhood, I kept posters and drawings and any relic that made its way to the markets from the Cirque Euphoric. Their high wire artists set the standard for all other performers in the business. The things they do in the sky, Nina, are things I haven’t even begun to imagine yet.

Sufficed to say, as soon as I figured out where we were going, I lost it. I did not know what to do with myself. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I burst into tears. It was a horrifying few moments for everyone involved. They were fairly certain they’d done something horribly wrong, instead of so wonderfully right. But that only last a couple minutes. I was able to get it together before Kaz could yell at the driver to take us back to East Stave. And then the merriment resumed, soaked handkerchief and all.

Oh, Saints, Nina, it was everything I’d ever imagined and more.

I don’t know how he knew this, but Kaz had reserved us the very best seats. You don’t want to sit too high at a circus or you’ll miss entertainment on the ground. Sitting too low presents a problem, too, because you want to be able to see the footwork the high wire artists can do. We were right in the middle, just where I’d have picked seats myself. Sankta Alina, I felt like a little girl again. I haven’t been that happy in years. I’d almost forgotten what it was to be that happy. And to watch it all with such beloved friends, who knew me well enough to know I would like this, to watch and hear their reactions to the performances. They might have loved it almost as much as I did. Almost.

We took another carriage ride after, hours later, when it was dark and the streets were bustling with very different crowds. I would have assumed that was the end of it, but Kaz had made us reservations in a private dining room at a fine dining club I’d never heard of.

My entire crew from The Wraith was waiting in the dining room. We ate a meal there fit for royalty, with drinks and a cake big enough that even you might have gotten sick of it after awhile. I don’t think I’ll need to eat again for weeks.

It must have been around midnight or past when we finally rolled ourselves out of the club. We took another carriage ride, stopping first at the Van Eck mansion so Wylan could haul a decently-sloshed Jesper off to bed and hopefully not to the toilet bowl. I actually never heard how he ended up faring that night.

And then it was finally just Kaz and me. If I hadn’t been so tired then, I think I’d have tried to snog his face off the whole way home. I’d been noticing his smug little smirk all evening. He’d planned the whole thing. Like I said, kings and queens. He’d made good on his word at last.

But we were both exhausted on that final carriage ride – he’d booked me a room at the Geldrenner. And it’s not like I needed anything else at that point. The whole experience had already exceeded my expectations. He leaned back against the window, and I rested against him under his arm. We both dozed off there before the end of the ride.

Which is another point I realize I haven’t mentioned to you yet. This has been happening lately. Kaz falling asleep in unusual places. Jesper’s been worrying about it for weeks now. I was having a hard time believing it until I witnessed it myself. Tell me this isn’t weird:

We got to the Geldrenner, and I asked him to come up. Oh, calm down. Are we really going to pretend like this is shocking at this point? Frankly, given the number of years, it’s shocking we weren’t sneaking into hotel rooms four years ago. And it’s not like we do much more than kiss. Although, I thought about it. It was my birthday after all, and he had just gifted me the experience of a lifetime and a luxury hotel room to boot. I was definitely thinking about it.

But that’s not the weird part. Let’s agree that’s not the weird part, anyway. We came up, and we did very little talking. There’d been plenty of talking happening all night, and I was more interested in other things he can do with his mouth. Kissing, Nina, Saints. I can sense you doing that waggling thing with your eyebrows. I’m talking about just a lot of kissing, as soon as he let me get my hands on him. The kind of kissing every grown woman should have on her birthday, kisses that slide into more kisses, like there’s nothing else in the world happening but this.

But then the weird part happened. We’re lying on the bed (fully clothed, Nina, he even still had his gloves on), or at least, he’s lying back on the pillows and I’m kissing him, and then I notice he wasn’t really moving. And I sat back a moment, and I swear to you, he had fallen asleep. Believe me, I called him out on it right then, literally – “Are you sleeping?!” And he flinched right awake and apologized and blamed it on the kvas, and I might have even believed him.

Except Jesper keeps talking about this strange new habit of his. And, as I replay the night’s memories in my head, it does feel like something was off. He seemed paler. He seemed quieter. He seemed – well, tired.

Now I can’t kick this feeling like there’s something more happening behind the scenes. I wish you were here, Nina, and you could work your magic like you do and just squeeze the truth out of his brain somehow. I’ll have to settle for my own magic, I guess.

When I look over my letters from him, he’s off-handedly mentioned feeling overwhelmed, particularly since this kid Artie joined the Dregs. And, don’t get me wrong, the kid is kind of handful. His moods swing wide between murderous rage and affectionate admiration. But he’s not Kaz’s sole responsibility. Pim and Anika do a lot to keep him on task and out of the bad kind of trouble. I wouldn’t think this would be enough to drive him to exhaustion.

But then again, Artie is the same age Jordie was. I wonder how much that gets to him. I wonder how much time he spends avoiding that. I wonder if he allows himself to think of it at all. Would that be enough to push him to the edge? Or is it something more?

It couldn’t be me, could it? Am I becoming exhausting?

Ugh, Nina, come squeeze this out of my brain, too. And then come dress shopping with me, because it is much more enjoyable than I thought it would be.

Missing you terribly,

Inej

#six of crows #soc #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #leigh bardugo #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #ketterdam #kanej #kanej fanfic #kaz brekker x inej ghafa #kaz x inej #fanfic #fanfiction

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lilacs-with-lavender · 3 years

Text

Slip Away Pt. 2

Kaz Brekker x Inej Ghafa

Read Pt. 1 here! Or read on Ao3 here!

Summary:

WC: 2, 557

Warnings: nightmares, some heated touching, & lots of feels

Kaz was drowning, again. The water that filled his mouth tasted like sweet rotting death and he clawed at his throat. Desperate to be rid of it, to be free of the darkness that held him beneath the surface. He could never escape, it dragged him deeper and deeper until he could no longer thrash, he just opened his mouth in a silent scream.

His last thoughts full of all he hadn’t done. Ketterdam’s king barrel boss was nothing in the face of what made him truly happy. Inej.

Her name was like a prayer gone unanswered within him, Inej who he wouldn’t let himself have. Inej who deserved better then him. Inej who had told him once when she thought he couldn’t hear that she loved him.

Inej. Inej. Inej.

His breathing grew erratic and all of a sudden the blackness of the dream was fading and he was blinking in the sunlight. Kaz’s brows knit in confusion, why wake from one nightmare only to come to in another dream? It couldn’t be anything other than a dream to wake up nose to nose with the one lovely face he’d been thinking of just moments before.

But as the fuzziness of sleep faded Kaz started to notice the little things that no dream could capture correctly. Her hair had come down around her face, the end of that signature braid hanging over her waist and there was a birthmark above her collarbone that he liked to kiss.

And then her chest rose, and fell, and rose again. Kaz froze. Unable to tear his eyes away as her dark brows crinkled and moved, oil black lashes fluttering as she made a soft noise of contentment. He couldn't comprehend it, Inej, in Ketterdam, in his bed.

Before he act on the instinct to escape and get dressed however she opened her eyes fully, warm brown gaze dragging over his features carefully. It felt like a phantom touch, and when he couldn’t help himself any longer Kaz reached for her and with one slender finger, tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She was really there. Sleepy and barefoot in his bed.

“Inej…”

She reached out a finger to smooth the divot that had formed between his brows and Kaz shivered. Her touch was like an electric current, terrifying yet exciting, and he wanted- saints he wanted more of it. But he couldn’t for the life of him remember…

“You asked me to stay.”

He blinked, and she saw the confusion on his face, took it as a sign that he’d made a mistake last night and went to get out of bed. Kaz stopped her quickly, instinctively panicking at the thought of being without her again.

Gulping nervously at the look she gave him when she settled back into bed Kaz tried to appear emotionless. “Did I… um did I say anything else?”

Inej grinned then, slow and cat-like so that he was both warmed by the sight and slightly terrified. “You said you missed me Kaz.”

He couldn’t help it, he spluttered, “I-I what?”

She sat up so that they were close once more and smiled at him again, radiant and backlit with golden light so that she looked like some ethereal goddess come to torture him or save him. He couldn’t decide which it was.

“You said you missed me,” she leaned in conspiratorially as if to whisper some great secret, “and I think you might have meant it.”

When she leaned back Kaz couldn’t help the grin that crept onto his face, enjoying the way her dark eyes widened at the sight of it. Before he could come up with a witty retort to divert attention away from just how much he’d missed her, however, Inej spoke more firmly. “And I suppose you have a perfectly good reason for refusing to see Jes and Wylan? Or getting so drunk I find you collapsed at your desk?”

Kaz winced, the last few months had been a blur of bills and whiskey. He rarely stayed sober for more than a day, but even with a drink or two he could still work, the alcohol was just to keep distracting thoughts at bay. Distracting thoughts about Inej at bay.

Yet here she was in his bed, lecturing him like the good old days, and where was he? Grinning like an idiot at the sight of her, arms crossed and braid loose against her back frowning at him. “Kaz!”

He snapped out of it, pretending he had not just been distracted by the way her hair glowed different shades of brown in the sun. “I was trying to forget.”

Her arms dropped to her side and Inej sighed, “How many times are we going to talk about this Kaz, there’s nothing wrong with thinking about things that make you happy.”

He knew what she was implying, and she was right, nothing made him happier than thoughts of her. Her smile, her hair, her laugh. But he frowned all the same, no reason to let Inej know that such thoughts had him wishing he could sail away with her and leave Ketterdam behind. Those wild day dreams had become an almost daily occurrence and it was starting to scare him, his seventeen year old self had once thought that Ketterdam needed him as much as he needed the unforgiving city.

But now? With the Dregs putting more and more indenture hoarding establishments like the Menagerie out of business and offering those on the streets opportunities for good work, he found himself yearning for something other than the long weeks of paperwork and intimidation tactics. Dirtyhands felt like a figurehead long forgotten and Kaz finally wanted something he could have. Frankly it terrified him.

“Do you ever think about what makes you happy at sea Wraith?”

It was a stupid question, a doubt he shouldn’t have let himself voice, but it was early and she was finally here with him, making him soft. She took a while to answer, and he kept his eyes fixed on the rumpled sheets that stretched between them until she answered. “I try not to,” she breathed out the next words in a frustrated huff, “thoughts of you are distracting.”

Kaz Brekker would be lying if that particular admission didn’t make his shriveled up heart beat out of his chest. Leave it to Inej to be completely honest. He felt a warm hand trailing up his arm then, and tracked its progress from his wrist to the Dregs tattoo. Even her hands enthralled him, so delicate, and yet he’d seen her use them to grip daggers and slit throats.

And because he was a sick son of a bitch, that was the thought that had desire coursing through him. Before she could say anything else he let that desire spur him on, making the first move for once as his hand slid up her shoulder to cup her neck. The sensation of her skin against his was smooth and warm, nothing like the repulsive cold and wet he’d come to fear for so long.

In fact he relished the tremor he felt run through her as his fingers caressed her jaw, they both knew it was unusual for him to initiate anything this intimate, so he appreciated the way she relaxed into his touch. Letting him know she was alright, that this was alright.

“Do I make you happy Inej?”

His other hand went to the base of her braid, slipping it from the hair tie and watching as she closed her eyes, the dark waves fanning out around her shoulders in a way that convinced Kaz once more that Inej Ghafa was magic. She opened her eyes when his hand fit to the curve of her waist, her shirt riding up slightly as she spoke, her voice breathless, “You could.”

His hands stopped. He felt himself approaching the edge of the cliff again, the abyss waiting for him below full of possibilities and terrifying unknown variables. But also… Inej. He watched as the woman in front of him waited with eyes closed probably expecting, predicting, that now was when he left her. Pulled his gloves back on and turned away from her, from a future away from the Dregs.

Inej deserved better. He could try and be better, for her.

Kaz let his hands drop to the bed, watching as she let out a breath, never disappointed, always waiting for him. Before Inej could open her eyes he kissed her. Hard.

Her mouth responded to his instantly, her arms held tightly at her side until his hand came to cup her jaw, and she twined both around his neck. Their foreheads were touching now and Kaz was aware of every place they touched, the heat from her skin and the slide of her tongue against his, consuming any anxiety like a flame. It had been too long since she’d touched him like this and when her fingers curled themselves in his hair he groaned into her mouth, no one drew that sound from him. No one but her.

When they broke apart her hands didn’t leave his neck and he didn’t pull his forehead away from hers. Her eyes kept him steady, if the world was a stormy sea Inej’s eyes were land.

“I leave in a fortnight.”

Kaz startled slightly, pulling back to take in her closed off expression. He knew she was already preparing to leave him, readying herself. It made him sick with longing, the longing to be with her always. So much so that he blurted, “Can I come with you?”

Now it was Inej’s turn to startle, those pretty black lashes framing her wide eyes as she looked at him. He was rooted to their spot on the bed, hands resting on her elbows as his thoughts grew panicked.

The sea is where she belongs. What do I offer that she doesn’t already have? Why would she want me there?

“You- you’re serious?”

He felt the darkness threatening, lapping at him like an encroaching tide, “It was a stupid question I-”

Inej laughed, the bright and beautiful sound that haunted his dreams erupted from her and she threw herself on top of him. Kaz was so surprised he fell backwards onto the bed, eyes wide as he stared at her on top of him, her smile lighting up his dark room. “It was not a stupid question. I’ve been waiting months for you to ask.”

His shock must have shown clearly on his face because she only laughed again. Kaz thought quite suddenly that he wanted to hear that sound every day for the rest of his life. “Oh, ok then.”

The words came out shaky but he knew Inej heard the small smile in them, her lips brushing his neck and trailing up to his jaw as he lay beneath her. He felt the rising heat of her skin as his hands came to rest on her waist, his eyes tracking her lips until she hovered directly above him. When he brought his mouth to hers Kaz thought quite suddenly that if there was one person he would be happy to touch for the rest of his life, it would be Inej Ghafa.

~*~

Kaz woke to the rocking of the warship, it’s creaks and groans a familiar song that gently prodded him awake every morning. He wasn’t surprised to roll over and find himself alone in the captain’s cabin, Inej woke with the sun. Running a hand through mussed hair he pulled himself out of bed, pulling his boots and gloves on before stepping out onto the sun soaked deck. It had caused quite the bout of gossip when Captain Inej Ghafa brought back a friend to join the Wraith’s crew, and a male friend at that. Then there was trying to hide the fact that Kaz, despite having a hammock to himself below deck, spent just about every night on board in Inej’s arms.

Thankfully no one in Inej’s crew of rescued slaves and refugees was very judgemental of this fact, as far as they were concerned the first mate had told him, what the captain did in her free time was none of their business. But that didn’t stop Kaz from turning an embarrassing shade of pink when the crew called him “the captain’s Ketterdam man”.

He took in the sight of the calm sea and was relieved to spot Inej alone by the rail, the rest of the crew still below deck. The former gang boss took a moment to admire the way her braid danced behind her, her face tilted upward towards the sun as the ship sailed ahead. It still took his breath away, how in her element his wraith was at sea. It warmed Kaz to see her like this, warmed his soul in a way that made him believe he could be happy spending the rest of his life with her like this. Helping where he could, but letting someone else call the shots for once. “I can hear your breathing, being invisible is not your strength.”

He smiles slightly, she’s not wrong. “I was just enjoying the view, Captain.”

Kaz watched Inej shiver slightly at the title, they’d only been at sea a few weeks and she still hadn’t gotten used to him calling her by title, still insisting on Inej. But he loved watching her flush whenever he called her captain, it was so rare to see his stoic treasure perturbed by a simple title, who could really blame him for misusing it? “Are you going to come join me or have you still not found your sea legs Kaz.”

He smiled, how rude. It was true it had taken him an embarrassingly long time to get used to more than a few weeks at sea, but no matter, Inej had always been there. Kaz moved to the rail leaning so that they stood shoulder to shoulder looking out over the sea. He felt an overwhelming surge of gratitude then, at the realization of how happy he’d been these past weeks. “Thank you.”

Inej looked at him, a playful smile on her sunlit face. “For what?”

“For wanting me here.”

He turned his face to hers and the smile that greeted him was so bright Kaz couldn’t look away. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Wait she was laughing at him now. Kaz narrowed his eyes and nudged her. “What? Why are you laughing?”

He didn’t want her to stop laughing now that she had started, dark hair blown out of her braid and lashes kissing her cheeks. “Oh nothing you’re just being so honest today, I never thought I’d see the day.”

Inej slid closer until Kaz looped both arms loosely around her waist. She was looking up at him more seriously now, her laughter having drifted away on the breeze. “I’ll always want you here Kaz, with me.”

Tension that he hadn’t noticed seeped from his shoulders at that, a small sigh leaving him when she brought one hand to his face. His voice was shaky when he spoke. “Good. That’s where I want to be.”

Inej smiled, that warm soft smile that made his chest hurt and Kaz couldn’t not lean in and kiss her soundly.

~*~

Guys this was SO hard to end and I’m still not happy with the ending so please tell me how I did :’)

Don’t forget to come say hi on ao3 and leave a comment or reblog this post! ~ Love Liles

#kanej #post crooked kingdom #kaz is so soft for his wraith #six of crows #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #kaz x inej #soc fanfic #crooked kingdom

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