#just glad i didn't die

[maddiviner]

Considering how I spent Wednesday and part of Thursday, I thought I see who else shares my experiences in these parts!

#disability #disabled #hospital #medical #hospitalized #hospitalization #status epilepticus #apparently #i remember none of it #just glad i didn't die #because that was scary as fuck

[theminecraftbee]

"Doesn't count," is the first thing Jimmy says when he opens his eyes again.

YOU WILL FIND I DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT--

"Nope! Doesn't count," Jimmy says. "Fuck you--I can swear no one's watching I'm dead--fuck you, doesn't count, I wasn't first, baby!"

WHAT? NO, AS I SAID, I AM THE ONE WHO DECIDES WHETHER IT COUNTS OR NOT. AND YOU WILL FIND--

"Doesn't count! And don't try to--I'm not sad about it. I mean I am, I'd have preferred not to get obliterated by a warden, but like, as I said, fuck you, it doesn't count."

YOU'RE DEAD.

"Yeah well, I mean, that part counts, sure. Pretty familiar at this point, right? And--man okay now that all the, the game is wearing off, I do feel a little bad about Lizzie. I really didn't mean to kill her last session. Except I don't feel that bad. Because it doesn't count baby."

The figure standing next to Jimmy shuffles its incorporeal feet. I ADMIT I AM VERY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE DEAD.

"Yep."

YOU ARE NOT ARGUING THAT.

"I mean, sort of hard to at this point, right?"

WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT DOES NOT COUNT. IT DOES. I AM HERE WITH THE SCYTHE AND EVERYTHING. I HAVE DRESSED UP TRADITIONALLY. MOST OF THE TIME YOU'RE SCREAMING ABOUT HOW IT'S NOT FAIR AND YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE AND ALL OF THAT.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't count, so I'm not going to do that."

IT DOESN'T COUNT AS... DYING?

Jimmy shrugs.

THAT ISN'T--YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T HOW THIS WORKS?

Jimmy laughs, and all at once, it's bitter and exhausted and everything else he's been feeling for two years, since he stepped into a circle with Grian to start a game and stepped out again the first casualty on a battlefield. He's not sure he can name what the emotion is. He just... does.

"Doesn't count," he says.

VERY WELL. THAT DOES NOT CHANGE WHAT MY ROLE IN THIS IS, EVEN IF YOU ARE... EXTREMELY CONFUSING.

"I want to go say thanks to Lizzie. Maybe apologize for the whole accidental murder thing but mostly thank her for being bad at the game." Jimmy pauses. "Is that mean?" He pauses again. "No she'd totally do that to me in my place. So yeah. Here you go. Take me away, big man."

The incorporeal figure shuffles its feet again. I. AND THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GOING TO SAY?

"I mean, yeah," Jimmy says. "It doesn't count. I don't have anything else to say because--well, it was unremarkable, wasn't it? That's the good bit about it."

MOST PEOPLE PREFER DYING REMARKABLY.

"Most people are stupid," Jimmy says, and he grabs Death's hand, and they leave.

#secret life smp #secret life spoilers #a bee fic #jimmy solidarity #at one point i had a VERY DIFFERENT vision of what my plan was for this season if jimmy didn't die first #(and i was pulling for him not dying first) #but honestly after watching the episode? yeah. i think he's mostly just glad it's over.

[doodle-empress66]

Alastor called himself "Alastor ALTRUIST"

He was willing to die for his friends? I am NOT OK!!!

A gentleman at his core, with a very heavy burden on his shoulders, by gaining only so very little, for minor recognition and respect. I'd buy him a drink and hear him out.

#he was just saying he didn't want people to think he did. #Sir pentious 'died' and went to heaven but I’m glad Alastor didn’t die #I feel very relatable with this deer man #it's insane. #vivziepop #hazbin hotel #animation #hazbin alastor #SO HE DOES CARE

[vaguely-concerned]

I have seen people question whether dios apate minor really needed to happen the way it did. it's the 'this could have been an email' of htn. 'augustine this did not have to be a threesome', I hear people saying. and boy do I have an obnoxious amount of things to say to protest this perfectly sensible assertion so here we go haha

1) yes it absolutely had to be like that. It says so on this piece of paper *hands you a piece of paper that says "because I said so and also it's narratively and thematically Sexy"* in my half-legible handwriting. seeing tamsyn muir describe harrow the ninth as a book about being a kid and realizing your parents probably had sex has given me such validation, I am unstoppable now. (to be serious for a moment, harrow the ninth is essentially a bildungsroman, and the threesome scene does a whole lot of thematic heavy lifting around harrow glimpsing elements of adulthood, relationships, and sexuality she clearly finds at the same time repulsive, bewildering and fascinating, and around opening her and especially our eyes to how much john is just a man with human longings still, under the god stuff. dios apate is crucial plot- and character-wise too -- it's a loadbearing threesome in terms of delivering the clues you need to piece together the mystery plot of the book, which is simply delightful -- but even more so thematically. and then the scene at the end where they confront john gives gideon some of that same opportunity to peek into adulthood and go '...well shit I guess', as a sort of mirror, just without the french kissing that time and more murder. the things magnus and abigail model for the girls about love and adulthood? mercy and augustine are providing the opposite-day batshit insane version of that fhdskjfa, you know, for contrast and spice)

2) listen... it gets lonely out there in deep space with your 'legendary unamorous' brother, two infant pathetic baby kitten sisters who you'll probably have to kill one day when you take another stab at god if they don't manage to get themselves killed along the way on their own, and the two people you've spent the last ten thousand years having separate yet connected married & divorced arcs with and also btw one of them is god... honestly a threesome over the dinner table is probably The most well-adjusted reaction one might hope for under those circumstances

3) on a characterization level I think Augustine is actually doing something incredibly deliberate with it: he's presenting John with yet another chance to admit what he did. which is notable especially since the deal he and mercy agree on as a condition for the threesome to happen at all seems to be that they're going to give the ol' godslaying another game try sooner rather than later. (I get the sense that it's not so much that he disagrees with her ultimate goal so much as that he thinks she's being dangerously indiscreet and hasty going about it, before. “though I think it will be the death of us,” huh.)

notice how he's structuring the whole thing: he's invoking the intimacy and love in their strange little threeway relationship and how long it's been by truly playing along with john's 'we're a happy family really when we're at home! :)' delusion (helped along by lowered inhibitions via enormous amounts of alcohol and what I've previously described as a joint mercy/augustine leyendecker themed thirst trap. ah, a classic). he brings up alecto and what happened to her -- or rather, he is clever enough to make john bring up alecto and how she is totally dead, right?? by seeming to make a careless statement that leads there and then acting contrite about it after. he (helped along by mercy, who I think realizes exactly what he's doing -- this is very much a two-man con) brings up how much they all loved their cavaliers, and wow funny how that's been haunting us for ten thousand years now huh :) wow, a lot of our other lyctor friends slash family sure are super dead in the name of some unknowable greater reason neither of us quite grasp and that you won't fucking tell us, aren't they. these are all the main grievances he and mercy confront john about at the end of the book, but put forth much more subtly and not phrased as an accusation -- he's baring his and mercy's vulnerabilities as bait, essentially. if john had, say, a conscience where his conscience should be instead of a black hole, it probably should have stirred something in him.

(also let me just say... the way augustine just takes a pneumatic drill to the TWO tender spots g1deon seems to have and then has the audacity to be like 'oh dear. did that upset him. ooof my bad *loooong dead-eyed slurp of his wine*' is just sooo... he's such a bitch!!! he's the only person who could ever have held their own in a ten-thousand-year bitch-off with mercy and I love him so much. well even if it wasn't all to get g1deon into murder range for harrow I think he wouldn't enjoy sticking around for the 'getting our tongues on god' part of the evening so maybe it's a kindness, really, and totally not pent-up aggression from the last twenty years or so breaking through)

he is all but shaking john by the lapels begging him to just... come clean about it already, to stop thinking he's still kidding everyone else along with himself. it's clear throughout the book that augustine knows exactly what john is at this point -- and all of the most cynical things he does say about it turn out to be distressingly right. john is always less sentimental than you'd think. john wouldn't forgive mercy, he will abandon in a heartbeat anything that isn’t necessary to him anymore, whether emotionally or in some other way. and still he seems to hold out some desperate absurd hope that the man he wants, the man he thought was there, is in there, somewhere deep deep down, if he just gives him the chance to show himself.

(mercy definitely has her own side of this whole thing, I'm just focusing more on augustine because this evening was like. his idea in the first place and I feel like we can Read Some Things into that fact lol. now that we have both ntn and htn to go from I sort of have this sense that the things augustine wants from john are more... personal? more interpersonal? they both love him equally, but mercy's love seems tinged slightly more towards the religious (augustine accuses her of knowing 'only worship without adoration', which like... also the eight house's entire Vibe lol) -- mercy at the end of that book is totally a person breaking up with GOD, not just with john -- while augustine's vibe is more like a man in the last not-with-a-bang-but-a-whimper days of a marriage that sort of felt like it could have been something real and good once but all your illusions about it have since been taken from you and trampled underfoot into the mud and you've had the divorce papers signed and ready in a drawer for over a year now, hell, as it turns out, is other people etc. lmao)

having a threesome over the dinner table with god is one thing, having a threesome over the dinner table centered on the one man and god who has yet again let you down in a way so fundamental it can barely fit into words and who you both still love in a way anyway, miserably, and also just reaffirmed your joint resolution to murder (all under the pretense that it gives your baby sisters the chance to murder your brother of ten thousand years yeah that's why this is happening no other underlying aching emotional motivations here haha)... listen mercy and augustine are simply on a different level, theologically. they've added horny shrimp colours to the religious spectrum. who else does it like them

#the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #augustine the first #mercymorn the first #john gaius #dios apate minor #bad cop worse cop and sorry cop #augustine 'when I die I want john to lower my casket #not so he can let me down one last time that's honestly a given at this point #if at all possible I just want to pull him down into the grave with me' quinque #first saint to serve the king undying #nona the ninth spoilers #nominally? in that I am saying there's relevant information to this polycule clusterfuck in it? eh let's just be safe lol #just when you thought I had no more thoughts about the terrible old people to unleash upon you... here I am again hahaha #the locked tomb meta #also yeah I mean I guess they didn't actually have to get their tongues on god on-page for all this to still be true #but I'm glad they did let them have some lyctor enrichment #hate fucking is actually lyctor love language hashtag did u kno

[sealrock]

tell me, what makes a human?

#ffxiv gpose #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv oc #gifs. #first official gpose of the yearrr #this is for kirke's no. 1 fan (thefreelanceangel) #this is the only time i'm glad for the blurriness. it adds to the creepiness of it and how you can't /exactly/ see what you're looking at #these were meant to be still images since it was vertical but i had the idea of doing a gif like i did for hector #kinda hard to see as a result but open for full size #so kirke's new lore centers around transhumanism. i'm currently redoing it and she's. this now #kirke's technically not 'human' anymore. she's a cluster of sentinent allagan nanites (made by amon) who takes over the brains of the dead #to combat decomposition she's been adding cyberkinetic addons to it overtime because she likes this body #it's hard to tell but her torso down to her pelvis has been replaced. no more flesh #'but kirke why not just make a new body from scratch?' where's the fun in that #and similar to yves she needs aether to animate her body; but instead of needing aether for consumption she uses it as a 'battery' to move #since she's a big cloud of nanites if she runs out of aether she will more or less 'die' #and it takes a lot more aether to move a dead body it takes less power to animate a robot body #she's like a deranged energizer bunny #it's not surprising that yves and kirke ended up together. he's her own charger #also didn't use her normal hair here because her eyes are integral #body horror cw #glitch cw #flashing cw #q. #mygposes.

[coldflasher]

was rewatching the pilot again yesterday for fic reasons and thinking again about the sherlock-style screen annotations they had when barry was doing CSI work that they literally only did in the first ep and then never revisited again, presumably because they realized it'd be far too much effort to work out the details on such a precise level

and thinking about like. that barry allen with the hyper-precise exact measurements that he did by eye (with joe shaking his head in awe so you know that he's a CSI supergenius) vs. the leonard snart who timed his heists to the exact nanosecond (which again, presuming they ditched because it's a logistical nightmare to write dialogue that nitpicky and obsessive, and would be such a fucking pain to do on a week-to-week basis). like. yet another reason they are soulmates tbh. is audhd4autistic a thing the same way t4t is a thing? if it isn't then i'm making it a thing

#never noticed it before i became obsessed w autism but pilot barry is SCREAMING “stereotypical tv depiction of white male autistic savant” #like even the cadence of his speech and the level of clumsiness and social awkwardness was ramped up to an 11 in the pilot #literally i only watched half the ep and he accidentally bumped into like 4 people. #like... the lack of spatial awareness... he's so me. they really did go “the speedforce cured his appalling proprioception" #part of me is glad they dialled some of it back cos like. tv loooves to code characters as autistic in that very specific #way that's like. a big old stereotype. but then be like “wdym you interpret him as autistic. disgusting that you'd say that. die.” #but idk i also kinda liked it... again im ultimately glad they didn't stick w the sherlock-style annotation bc it would make writing casefi #SO much more difficult than it already is just in terms of like. how do you show that kind of thought process in a non-visual medium #in a way that's not incredibly boring and info-dumpy? #but i do have a soft spot for like. early seasons disaster barry allen who can't walk across a flat surface without crashing into something #and has no idea how to have a normal human conversation #my meta

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: a digital drawing of Luz and Hunter from the owl house dressed as Erika and Annalise from Barbie: Princess and the Pauper, respectively. The two are clasping hands, looking at each other happily and singing "yes I am a witch like you!". A blue butterfly flies behind hunter, while a pink one flies behind Luz. The background is light purple. End ID] @toh-described

Had this idea all week and finally sat down and did it while watching Princess and the Pauper lmao. Did u guys know it's on netflix now???? Hello?????

Also, bonus: how'd they'd really react getting to sing a duet

[ID: the same image as before, except Hunter had a tired, grumpy expression and Luz has a mischievous one. End ID]

#the owl house #toh #hunter toh #luz noceda #i. am not tagging princess and the pauper #It's just a doodle but I didn't wanna spend a ton of time on it otherwise I'd end up never finishing it. lmao (spoken with pain) #fun fact this took me. nearly the exact runtime of that film. like i was hitting export as the credits started rolling #anyway this movie slaps so hard I'm so fucking glad it's on netflix #can we get more barbie movies please??? i know there's some modern ones but can we get some classics too?????? #my fav growing up was the one abt Pegasus'. where's that one. i need it #also this isn't an au but just know if it was an au. Belos is Preminger #the second version was actually the original and my thought process behind it is ''hunter would rather die than sing abt his feelings- #-and luz would think it's funny that he'd have to'' #anyway if you haven't watched barbie: the princess and the pauper and can stand bad early 2000s 3D animation go watch it #that's not a request /j #I'd also prefer if ppl didn't tag this as a ship #i didn't put it in the caption cause i thought it'd look clunky and it's not high priority to me like it was with the labyrinth fanart #but it's still a preference I'd like ppl to keep in mind when rbing #if they've even made it this far into the tags lol

[moonchild-in-blue]

Thank you for the tag @tonguetyd! My spoons are indeed low but my sleep schedule is GONE so. Random burst of energy let's go.

I didn't know what artist to pick because I didn't want an obvious (?) one, so I'm going super niche and choosing Bright Eyes because it's been a minute since I've talked about them, and they're one of my favourites 💙

Artist: Bright Eyes

How do you feel: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

What is your gender: Bowl Of Oranges (obviously funny but also it's a beautiful song! poetic storytelling!)

If you could go anywhere: Lua

Favorite mode of transportation: Driving Fast Through A Big City At Night (yes that is the title)

Your best friend: First Day Of My Life 🥹

Favorite time of day: Sunrise, Sunset

If your life was a tv show: A Line Allows Progress, A Circle Does Not

Relationship status: I Won't Ever Be Happy Again 🥲

Your fear: Waste Of Paint

Idk who made this or not so I'm tagging randomly, no pressure to do this whatsoever! @dearscone @corviisquire @hookedhobbies @politemagic (hi!) @leonsleftbicep @melit0n

#okay i made myself sad again #so little story time! #(okay i talked briefly about past suicide/sh struggles so be warned!) #First Day Of My Life is their most famous song AND is probably my mostest favourite love song in the entire world #like. this particular song means so much to me #there is this line that goes “this is the first day of my life. i'm glad i didn't die before i met you” #and it breaks my heart into a million pieces because that is just. so true. so pure #because for someone who was very suicidal and struggled with sh *just before* i met my best friend(s) #it's a lot. like. that could've been me. and yet i'm here. and i need to hold on more because there's still so many people to meet #and so many things to see and experience. i AM glad i didn't die before i met any of you #it's crazy to think how many things i would've missed if every single time i thought about about ending it i had actually done it #whack #also! nothing gets crossed out is incredibly depressing and poignant! if anyone is in the mood for that! #(most if not all of these are. once again i am incapable of choosing happy songs lmao) #tw suicide mention #tw sh mention #<- is this enough? let me know if i should use other tags!!!! #tag game #darya's mixtape #bright eyes

[steakout-05]

how i feel about TBYS causing a shockwave effect of everyone dogpiling on and harassing Illymation and spreading extremely easily disprovable and malicious misinformation about her and putting her in a lot of danger for literally no legitimate reason

#big rant in the tags incoming hold on to your hats: #i swear drama commentary youtubers are actually some of the most dense people on the fucking planet #like holy SHIT i have never seen a bigger display of collective stupidity than every drama commentary grifter harping on illy based on shit #-she didn't even say that they heard from a guy who sounds like budget ben shapiro. how are you that dense. like how. actually how. #it's just a big stupid game of idiot telephone with how much basic shit people are getting wrong because they heard it whispered from- #-another person. istg if i have to see ONE more person say that ''oh but she's encouraging obesity'' ''oh but she said [thing she literally #-didn't say]!!!'' im going to SCREAM. i am going to throw my phone against the wall if i see one more malicious misinterpretation of a- #-basic statement that even a fucking doorknob could understand with more grace and nuance than these idiots #i swear to god this is all so STUPID #drama commentary youtube is where basic reading comprehension and common sense go to die. it is the 10th circle of internet hell- #-just below 4chan. #anyway rant over glad i got that out of my system. #i hope illy is doing well and that she and her partner and her cats are safe <3 #sorry for being so angry. this whole situation literally makes my blood boil and i'm so upset that an innocent person got put in danger- #-because of some nerd emoji sounding wackass blatantly lying about her and being a dickhead #this is the first and last post i'll ever make about internet drama (unless something really REALLY funny happens) i just needed an outlet- #-to scream into for a few minutes #drama commentary youtubers delete their entire channels and leave the internet right now challenge #shitpost #youtube drama

[obessivedork]

I LOVE doing a "Was always planning on betraying The Brotherhood" Fallout 4 run, it's so funny. Like why yes I did take the collect technical documents quest specifically to hoard them away from TBoS, why yes mister "Elder" Sir I will definitely, totally, inform you when I find a way into the Institute. Lol. Thanks for the power armour and energy weapons, losers 🤪🤙

#But also RIP to Danse for like... accidentally recruiting this branch's downfall #Not your fault buddy Chuck would've found a way no matter what she's a vengful stubborn bitch like that (deeply affectionate) #It's not just about The Brotherhood- it's her getting her revenge fantasy against the Old World US Government #And she sees these guys and is like... oh yeah this faction WILL die. Hears about the Enclave from Mac & some rando from out West #And is SO glad they're dead and gone but also mad she didn't get to help take them out too #She has a chip on her shoulder lmfao #(And also a big fat crush on Danse but like. She knows she's taking his faction down so she's shelved that for now :( ) #(Is RELIEVED when he's revealed to be a synth and can't be part of TBoS anymore) #And I say that like I ever use power armour lmfao I NEVER do in any of the 3D games #I will give myself an addiction to every chem in game or toggle god mode before using power armour #fo4 #fallout #kat plays fo4

[a-rogue-tiddy-bot]

I just remembered that Stephanie Harper is only meant to be a temporary overseer for Vault 32, presumably until they have time for a real election. So either she'll compete against people who aren't from Vault 31 (and she'll win because it's rigged), or they'll thaw someone else out.

My guess is before the series is over, we might see Barb again as an overseer for either Vault 32 or 33. I actually think she'd be great at it, especially if they thaw Janey out at the same time. Then she would finally have her chance to build the world she wanted for her daughter.

#fallout prime #fotv #stephanie harper #barb howard #i am so glad they didn't give her a twirling mustache #she just wanted to protect her daughter #there's no way they're letting a character that good die unceremoniously off screen #on my shit again #fotv predictions

[demolitionistic]

i now (again) get why por went first

#dead friend forever #i say this as if i didn't get that earlier #honestly FUCK him im GLAD he didn't die immediately #this whole episode was just me throwing popcorn at him and booing #he's so sucks and not even in a fun or silly way #he just sucks #like they all sucks but he megasucks #por “megasucksosaurus” #if you will

[paladincecil]

I did my first grandmaster quest in osrs tonight :)

#I decided to just play some runescape to chill out with after infinite wealth but this was not very chill :P #I had exactly zero doses of my healing and restore potions and was very close to using my emergancy teleport with the boss at 50 hp left #Glad I didn't cuz those potions cost way too much to restock frequently xD #Think one full inventory of 6 super restores and 20 sara brews costs around 350k #That's a good 2-3 hours of money making for me depending what I feel like doing #I also spent about 4.5million gold on getting the better trident and a mage necklace #So my cash stack is not looking very healthy right now xD #I got all the way up to the final 3 fights a few nights ago but didn't have the money to get enough supplies #I did die to the final boss 1 time tonight and nearly lost my stuff trying to get back and fell down a pit 5 times in a row xD

[pollen]

hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy

#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again #idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here #a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that #and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon #well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving #which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL #and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible #and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe #but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility #though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year #while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless #because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own) #experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing #moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one #i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving #started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore #and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself. #it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that

[beliscary]

need to see pre-confession pining mess dion intensely & obliviously mooning after terence arghhhh

#pre-confession maybe he doesn't understand what he feels about terence but it's A Lot and he feels A Lot of it #i neeeeeed for dion to see a Smart Match For Terence merely breathe in terence's direction and for him to >:( >:( ... :( #it's all very internal and tumultuous and utterly ludicrous tho #dion like 'terence is kind and thoughtful and truly gallant of course ppl would be interested. i should be glad for his happiness- #-unrelated i sense a darkness growing in me.' #'literary genius'. maybe go write some poems or elusive jump about it and then you'll calm down #thinking abt terence hearing the Worst News Ever & delicately putting his fingertips on the tabletop vs dion manhandling a guy #terence: understands his own innermost feelings & troubles and takes them in stride #dion: punches a table and has to go stand in the corner #god ultimania is So Right he /would/ take a deadly blow for terence Before the love confessions. it's the only thing dramatic enough #perhaps dion is a jealous lover and his most hated rival is death. idk #if i had a nickel for every time dion was like 'actually terence isn't allowed to die i didn't sign the permission slip' #blah blah you know the rest but that's just the times we know abt officially

[villainsidestep]

#< i Can confirm cyrus would actually say “im sorry” but the “i didnt know it was you” is implied (@sidesteppostinghours)

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 thank u cyrus for saying sorry

#gideon shut the hell up challenge #you: please for the love of god don't write shit in these tags #me: ..... do you think not knowing it was them made it better or worse for them #that complicated mix of 'he wouldn't have done this to you if he knew' vs 'he would have kept going. he would have killed you.' #had you been anyone else your older brother would have killed you with no remorse. and you're glad he didn't. but you feel sick he would. #that sense of guilt that comes from being relieved you aren't dead. the same guilt of still being alive bc they refused to let you die. #cyrus says I'm sorry. says I didn't know it was you. and you say okay. say he's forgiven. ignore the way they both look at you for that. #you have changed and your brothers have changed but did it ever occur to you just how much until this moment? #how do you forgive him for nearly killing you when you know he would have done the same to your brother? #how do you forgive yourself for knowing that you wouldn't have been there to stop him? #keeping up with the beckers