#karlach may or may not also be carrying a chest i am not to open

[starryjuicebox]

Beloved (7) - Coward

Summary: The beginnings of a much-needed conversation.

Pairing: Ascended!Astarion x Tav

Word Count: 638 words

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Nightal 1492

My eyes are red, my skin is cold, and my heart no longer beats. These fangs feel foreign in my mouth. I have become an abomination - a disgrace to the Oak Father himself. Surely, I can no longer call myself Faithwarden. I could have refused Astarion’s offer, and left our love a sweet, happy memory. Indeed, I could have. But…I was also the one who helped turn him into what he has become. By doing this, turning my lover into a monster, I surely have given up all rights to return to my kingdom. I can only hope Mother, Father, and Aelia will forgive me in time. I simply can’t bear to kill nor leave him; he, who wears the face of the man I once loved so much. 

…I still hear seven thousand screams in my trance every night. I can barely meet Karlach’s eyes. Her genuine concern for me cuts the deepest. 

And Astarion, my Starry, what have we become? 

Stella Lunaris

“Free?” Astarion scoffed. “We have been together for three hundred years, and he wants you to be ‘free’?”

Ruby pools sparkled with unshed tears as his consort shook like a leaf, before raising her voice at him for the first time in three centuries. “Yes, he wanted me to be free! Do you? Can you?” 

Rage bubbled up from deep down inside him, thick and suffocating. How dare she?! Freedom? What freedom could she possibly yearn for? He would give her almost anything she wanted, if she would just ask. He clenched his jaw. “I give you wealth, power, pleasure - every decadence that can be afforded to a person? But you’d rather - what - sleep in the dirt again?” 

He wasn’t an idiot. He knew the rite had changed their relationship. The expression of sheer horror and then despair that had crossed her features as he took what was rightfully his pushed its way into Astarion’s mind. 

In all of the years they had been together, she had never even once brought up leaving his side. He couldn’t even remember seeing her change form. Astarion shot a glare towards the window. That damned Archdruid would pay for planting such a ludicrous idea in his wife’s head. Freedom. What a joke. 

Stella just shook her head. “I don’t need wealth, power, or pleasure. I just wanted you. For these past few centuries, I’ve always just wanted you. Part of me kept hoping that perhaps you would come back to me. The other part knew it was my fault you couldn’t.”

Astarion froze. “What do you mean? Do we not spend nearly every night together? I am always with you, aside from when I must attend to business matters.” 

They both knew that wasn’t what she meant.

Falling to her knees before him, she clutched her chest. His confusion gave way to panic, and the Ascendant immediately reached out to help her up. Was his precious treasure injured anywhere? 

She ignored his hand.

“I’m sorry I did this to you. To us.” Her voice came out brokenly. 

He opened his mouth to argue, but she continued without giving him a chance to intercede. “All those years ago, I begged you to reconsider. My pleas fell on deaf ears. I could have refused to help, tried to interrupt the ritual, or…hells, even sided with the Gur afterwards. I had so many options to prevent things from coming to this.”

She shuddered for a moment, before carrying on. “But how could I? You have everything you ever wanted. Your eternal hunger is gone. The sun cannot harm you, crossing rivers and thresholds are but child’s play. I may hate what you have become, but I can’t even bring myself to leave." 

Her unshed tears finally spilled over. “Somehow, I still love you. I’m a coward, aren’t I?”

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