#like anakin skywalker and female characters created to be killed and forgotten

[cienie-isengardu]

@blue-mint-winter​ commented post:

Your welcome and I completely agree about TCW changing important characterizations, especially Anakin's. Also Barriss, I will never forgive that shit. They definitely did that. That's why my favourite eps were about Jar Jar LOL

I spent the whole day debating with myself should I go on and scream about the unfairness done to Barriss and Jedi as a whole or not since talking negative about TCW at times feels like opening can of worms, but my frustration with current star wars content already hit acceptable limits and is waaay past them so I decided to screw all consequences, it is time for a mini-rant. I hope you don’t mind me bringing that up as separate post (or if you don’t wish to be tagged in that post, lemme know :))

Okay. Where do I even start? Anyone who would sort posts through my blog will know that I love analyzing stuff and more often than not, I’m critical toward the Jedi Order (especially Order as the institution) and that through the years I have a lot of critical things to say about the new canon, with the emphasis on The Clone Wars.

TCW has literally been a thorn in my side for years and although the show had its good moments (storyline wise and artistic effects/music) that I want to acknowledge, the longer the show was run, the more it felt to me as the Triumph of Form over Substance. The creators needed to go from point A (post AotC/clone wars) to point B (RotS / Order 66) but as it was proved, they did not need to actually keep Legends (old canon) elements in the original form and things were used or discarded as they wanted. Some choices made more or less sense, some were turning our knowledge totally 180 degrees with various effects or fan reactions. Like I will never agree with chip in clone brains storyline (x)(x) nor implying domestic abuse toward Anakin and Padme (they were meant to be tragic, doomed lovers, not being in abusive relationship for Force’s sake) or erasing Prequels/Legends characterization of Anakin for the more common action macho idiotic one (something that creators themselves admitted to do, which is why Skywalker is more mix of Han & Luke because apparently some people aren’t capable of accepting introverted / emotional man as main hero? Riiight). At the same time, I’m willing to defend changes done to Mandalorians,  because the story has a great potential but sadly the show focused mainly at the pacifism vs. terrorism angle. Which I guess makes sense from U.S.-centric perspective, but for someone like me, whose country/nation actually lost its independence for over 123 years (1795 -1918) and then suffered through the Nazi occupation (1939-1945) and survived the communist regime (1945-1989) before finally feeling like free country again, then Death Watch, however brutal or incoherent at times, rings a different bell. It is not about nationalism itself but wanting to have your culture back despite all the damage done through the years of forced expulsion / displacement or warriors (those not fitting into New society) and be independent from Republic / Empire. And this hits me more closely as a Pole than terrorist narratives done to DW (and Bariss). 

But the thing that irritates me the most is how characters and their powers aren’t incoherent in a sensible way. They can use Force for great action and dueling, but Anakin can’t feel Obi-Wan’s presence when the man worked undercover (sorry if the show actually explained it for I do not remember it was ever addressed?).  Anakin at first was shown as a self-sacrificing type of person (e.g. Jedi Crash) but for some reasons sometimes doesn’t do anything to save clones from certain doom even if he could use Force to stop them from falling down into lava or whatever it was in Citadel? And it is not just him? Ahsoka killed clones infected by worms but didn’t kill Bariss because they were best friends or whatever? But she is the bestie with clones! She cares! She is after all the protagonist who acts smart and all while all adults suddenly lose their brains. Like Anakin, a Jedi General, does not study maps before an attack on an enemy position, but Ahsoka did and saved the day. What a hero! And whatever she will do, it is all right at the end of day. Bo-Katan willingly supported Pre Vizsla/DW who destroyed the whole village and killed an innocent girl (whose Ahsoka befriended) but does it matter? Nope. Because she is now besties with Bo-Katan, a beloved freedom fighter, a noble lady and all the jazz.Pre Vizsla? Anyone remember him? No? No wonder, a persona non grata who would drag Bo-Katan (and Ahsoka by extension) in bad light so the show and other current sources are literally erasing him from the Mandalorian storyline. Because it is better to not remember the past than face a consequence of characters (creators) choices. 

It feels like yeah, Jedi care if the episode needs it but don’t care if the show needs some shock value or feeling of danger. Mace cares for clone troopers and even offers droids a chance to surrender but isn’t somehow bothered when 12 year old Boba was put in prison for the worst ADULT criminals. Sure, it is very reasonable. Anakin cares for clones, unless the show needs a high death toll or jokes (throwing Rex off the dam without warning). Jedi will literally jeopardize an important mission just to give one of them a proper burial but will not give a shit about dying or dead clones. And so on.

I understand that the show was made for kids, but if we go into dark themes - and the show went into pretty dark stuff, mind you - then at least it should be addressed properly. Slick accused Jedi of keeping clones slaves yet it doesn’t matter. What a bad clone! Totally forgotten for the rest of the season. Bo-Katan’s past crimes don't matter since you can just erase Pre Vizsla from her narrative. Does the story need emotional impact? Create female characters (Satine, Steela, Tryla, Teckla Minnau) to kill off, so someone else (Obi-Wan, Ahsoka & Padme) could use it for either development or making political statements and either turn dead ones into some saints or forget them all. Or just kill off clones, there is so many of them anyway, who cares how competent soldiers they were or if you make them act idiotic. Jedi lead an army made of people with no legal right, but the clones *love so much them they have nightmares about order66* so everything is right. All makes sense, right?

This doesn’t just influence how fans see Anakin (turned into a typical action male lead) or how Ahsoka is literally everywhere now. The show, as I’m seeing it, did a great disservice to Jedi. And Barriss… Barriss is just the tip of the iceberg. The authors literally twisted every established clone wars storyline around a new character - Ahsoka Tano - so there was no real reason to use Barriss since they could simply introduce us to original Ahsoka’s friend. She already interacted with so many original Jedi characters but instead the team took one of the most known Legends!Jedi Healers and turned into terrorist? Killing innocent people to prove Jedi lost their ways? It really feels disrespectful, both to fans and Jedi.  

And you know what TCW did not show us? Jedi Force-healing their troopers. Something that Barriss did on various points in Legends sources. She literally worked in various Republic Mobile Surgical Units (Rimsoo) as was seen in Republic comics series & Medstar duology or helping at triage unit(s) and as Jedi healers would not abbadon the wounded during enemy attack. Like when fire spread around them and cut away from safe way to evacuate, her first worry was about the injured people (Republic #65)

I’m really supposed to believe a person with such a mindset and compassion would decide to kill innocent people to make a point about war? Really? REALLY? Even more since there was no focus on why a Jedi like her could break and do something like that in the first place? This wasn’t a development or fleshing out for character, it was just shifting the blame on someone so Ahsoka could get out of Order before RotS/Purge. Which is unfair to Barriss. 

Oh, and by the way, remember how Luminara was talking to Anakin to let it go and accept that his padawan may have died or something along the lines? The mentioned Republic #65 has Mace Windu personally searching for survivors and not leaving enemy lines without checking first if someone survives even when he was told that enemy may attack at any moment:

 This is a proper Jedi. There is a difference between accepting that you did not manage to save someone and not bothering to at least try to save. Which is just another reason why TCW Jedi strikes me more as arrogant, manipulative and uncaring than the flawed people presented in Legends. 

Good Force, it is really bad if I'm going out of my way to rant about respecting Jedi characters...

#star wars #the clone wars critical #just to be sure #barriss offee #deserves better #like anakin skywalker and female characters created to be killed and forgotten #like jedi as a whole #and clone troopers who are so ah colorful and different but never explained how they went from #you may be killed if you stands out into the whole tattoos and colors and so on #the show has it good moments #but overall it makes me more frustrated than happy #the first seasons feel more respectful to characters i think? #anyway sorry for rant #my frustration hit the dangerous level LOL #also #personal stuff #death watch and mandalorian society as a whole has so much potential to explore and think about #but yeah lets make DW a total bastards when you feel like having a motor gang like and switch the concept to fit one episode #and then forgot about it #so the ladies (bo and satine and ahsoka) can be not seen as the best good and all #suure #also just to be clear i do not hate ahsoka as a concept but i'm tired of her as character if that makes a sense?

[ilonga]

rise of skywalker and sequels salt time, y’all

things I’m salty about in the rise of skywalker and the star wars sequels, in no particular order:

- Finn was sidelined 

- FINN WAS SIDELINED

- he was such an interesting character with so much potential (a stormtrooper who deserted!! pretty sure that was the first time we’d ever seen that!!), and it was all ignored and he was turned into background noise for what?? kylo ren??

- seriously! after TFA, the movies should have explored his backstroy! we should have seen his stormtrooper past affect him!! maybe a stormtrooper revolution!! he should have had a CHARACTER ARC!

- also his force-sensitivity being turned into a joke and comic relief was frankly insulting

- they could have done so many things with that side of the character (even though it was kind of out of nowhere)! parallels between finn and rey, finn questioning his identity, the whole a former stormptrooper being force sensitive thing should have been explored!

- Poe was sidelined

- Poe was a spice runner for no reason?? 1) isn’t that a rude stereotype, and 2) Poe is not Han Solo 2.0!! he was his own, different character!

- Finn/Poe didn’t happen

- gonna be salty about that forever, though I guess I saw it coming :( (it’s disney, what did I expect?)

- but they gave Poe a straight love interest that we’d never heard of before this movie and who he had like two lines of dialogue with just to rub it in?? like, really?

- they completely forgot Rose existed

- like, listen, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the finnrose kiss either, but you can’t just pretend it didn’t happen and hope everyone forgets about it

- and sure, rose’s introduction and character in TLJ was a bit clumsy

- BUT YOU CAN’T JUST IGNORE HER AND PRETEND SHE DIDN’T HAPPEN

- she had a lot of potential as a character, and interesting backstory, a practical pragmatic personality, and a lot of ways she could play off the other characters

- TROS could have been where we saw Rose grow as a character and really shine

- instead, she was forgotten

- ugh

- REY PALPATINE WAS THE DUMBEST FRICKING THING OKAY--

- like, first of all, palpatine coming back for some reason somehow was the most ridiculous direction this movie could have gone and didn’t work, at all

- their enemy for the first TWO MOVIES was the First Order and Kylo Ren

- they had a huge moment in TLJ where the Resistance is steadily being destroyed and they won’t last long against the First Order

- now they’re supposed to take on the First Order and a now-supposedly-immortal emperor palpatine who has a collection of unmanned star destroyers he can control for some reason??

- both of them at once? the resistance is barely alive as is, now you’re adding an OP extra army + sith lord to the mix?

- I mean, this is ridiculous. Palpatine’s dead. Anakin’s big sacrifice in return of the jedi was KILLING palpatine. now he’s back, and the resistance somehow realises he’s back and decides he’s enemy #1 now?

- how did the resistance find out a dead sith lord came back to life on a remote planet anyways?

- and WHAT ABOUT, YOU KNOW, THE FIRST ORDER? AND KYLO REN?

- Kylo Ren, who they finally decided was going to be the main villain in TLJ (even with that stupid “rey trying to redeem the mass murderer” plot going on in the background), and now they don’t have the guts to commit to making him evil (which he was for the LAST TWO MOVIES AND THE MAJORITY OF TROS)

- so, since they weren’t committed enough to make Kylo a villain like he actually was and didn’t have the groundwork for a redemption, they just decided to ignore the fact that he was evil and hope it would go away

- like, are we going to forget that he literally MURDERED HIS DAD, HAN SOLO

- or that he and his first order destroyed a whole SYSTEM OF PLANETS? filled with billions of innocent people?

- he personally tortured Poe, he personally tortured Rey, and he was complicit in a system that kidnapped Finn, took him from his family, and brainwashed him

- not to mention that one of the opening scenes of TROS was him literally massacring people

- but no!! it’s all fine now, bc he looked at his dad’s ghost a little sadly and got a new lightsaber color

- like, no. he isn’t “redeemed” because he’s decided he has the hots for rey. heck, that makes it even worse. he’s been trying to manipulate her for all three movies, he’s gaslighted her, he’s threatened her, he’s hurt the people she cares about. NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. and it’s even less okay that all of his evil deeds can be written off because rey’s “”love”” for him “healed” him or whatever the fuck they want us to think

- and why would they have Rey HEAL him? after SHE stabbed him? in what universe does that make sense?? even if rey didn’t defeat him fairly bc he was distracted or whatever, this is still the supreme leader of the army rey and the rebels are trying to defeat. like, rey, are you a part of the resistance or not? it doesn’t matter if he was “nicer” to you than the rest of the rebels. He’s still your ENEMY. Your “”empathy”” here helps no one, least of all yourself. Kylo Ren dead would have been a massive victory for the resistance--maybe they’d even have had a chance against the first order then! you know, the first order? the enemy you were fighting for the last two movies? 

- is this the message you want to be sending to young girls in the audience? that it’s ok if their partner hurts them, hurts other people, is a bad person in general, because their love can “”heal”” him? and that eventually, he’ll turn good if you just try hard enough?

- this is how people wind up in abusive relationships!! that shit is NOT okay

- and the kiss is ridiculous for the same reasons. you don’t owe kylo ren anything, rey. Not in the least for “rescuing” from a situation that was pretty much created bc of him. He’s the one who teamed up with palpatine at the beginning of the movie, remember?

- sometimes I feel like this movie forgot that kylo ren is, you know, a bad person, which the other two movies spent their entire runtime showing us

- like darth vader’s sacrifice was one thing. first of all, it was for his son, his child, and secondly, vader was very much under the power of the emperor and debatably had the mindset of a slave

- kylo ren, on the other hand, was completely under his own power. HE was making the choices, and calling the shots. HE murdered Snoke. And he died for a girl he was manipulating and gaslighting constantly and that he didn’t have much of a connection to other than “the force”

- like, darth vader’s “”redemption”” definitely wasn’t perfect either. you can argue that him killing the emperor and sacrificing him self to save his son didn’t negate any of his actions or him being a bad person. but it was definitely more meaningful and better handled.

- and let’s talk about rey

- I will forever be bitter that rey didn’t get a meaningful character arc and character growth

- which is so disappointing because she was SUCH an interesting (& mysterious) character with so much potential in TFA

- I feel like, in making her palpatine, which was pretty out of nowhere and contrary to the last jedi, they were so busy trying to fit her heritage into the movie in a way that sort of made sense that they forgot to make the movie about her growing as a character and person

- couldn’t they at least have given her her own lightsaber?

- I mean, her being a palpatine is already ridiculous because since when does palpatine have a son? (clone, whatever) And since when did that son have some sort of epic struggle where he refuses to join palpatine and runs away? and when did that son find someone he fell in love with, and have a daughter? and then subsequently abandon her, a seven-ish year old, on a dangerous desert planet? (I mean, wasn’t palpatine dead by then anyways?)

- it just doesn’t fit with the already established star wars universe. we already know palpatine’s story (well, not the beginning of it, but enough). It was movies 1-6, clone wars, and rebels. if he had had a son that had a luke-esque struggle against the darkside, it would have shown up.

- it just doesn’t fit

- but anyways, back to rey

- I guess they were trying to give her some luke-style struggle where she struggles with her heritage and a pull to the darkside that she has to ultimately triumph over? but it doesn’t work

- one, because she never HAS any struggle with the dark side. shooting lightning out of your fingers out of nowhere doesn’t count (and wasn’t that a ridiculous scene. it was more comical than anything else, which is definitely not what they were going for)

- a struggle with the darkside is about being tempted to give into anger, fear, and hatred, and struggling not to do the wrong things and turn evil. In luke’s story, we SAW that. we also saw luke’s horror and eventual acceptance of his heritage, which we never really saw with rey. It was just like, “okay, guess I’m a palpatine?” and it wasn’t nearly as impactful bc palpatine had been dead for the past thirty-ish years. as a contrast, vader was a living and very present villain who the heroes had to contend with, and it was personal for most of them.

- so I guess they tried to make that her character arc, but it didn’t work. so we were left with a stale character who didn’t really have any meaningful victories or losses.

- is she really a “”mary sue”” like everyone’s claiming if they never really made the story about her?

- I think that was the biggest thing that was so unsatisfying about the sequels

- she was hyped up to be the first real mainstream female jedi protagonist (obviously clone wars got there first, but movies are definitely more mainstream than a show, sorry cw :( ), but she never really got a journey, struggles, or real triumphs. which is such a shame because she was this really empowering character in TFA that I was so excited to see more! but her trilogy-wide character arc just wasn’t satsifying

- I wanted to see her really struggle, and rise above her struggles! I wanted her to have meaningful triumphs!

- also I don’t think she ever got injured either, which is definitely a deviation from the star wars trilogy pattern. that’s kinda strange. (luke lost his hand & got electrocuted, han got frozen in carbonite, leia got tortured & shot, anakin got, well, a LOT of injuries, but even before becoming darth vader w/ the foregone conclusion, he had his arm cut off, padme was pretty heavily injured on genosis, and obi-wan was injured in the fight against dooku)

- yup

- also the sith wayfinder was kinda dumb, and I never felt like there were real stakes in TROS

- and let’s address the rey skywalker thing: ok, fine, I get what they were trying to say, kind of

- and I’m not foaming at the mouth about it like some people are. I’m fairly indifferent

- but it would have been a lot more meaningful if rey had had like, a really close, deep relationship with Leia and Luke, so she could say that she and they considered her a skywalker

- but she didn’t have that sort of relationship with them, not really. Sure, she and leia were friends on-screen, but that was it. and luke didn’t really seem to like her all that much. 

- so like, “meh”

- especially since Leia’s technically a Solo or an Organa, so that line working really relied on her relationship with Luke, which wasn’t strong enough

- yea, so that’s that

- the “jedi voices” scene was pretty cool though (AAAAH AHSOKA!! AND ANAKIN!! AND ALL THE OTHER JEDI!!), and I liked her yellow lightsaber (although she could have built her own lightsaber at the BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE, instead of carrying luke’s the whole time)

there are things I like about the sequels, mind you. a lot of things!! but there’s a lot I was disappointed in too.

congrats if you got this far, that was a LOT of salt

#star wars sequels salt #star wars salt #kylo ren is a bad person #anti reylo #pro finnpoe #star wars sequel trilogy #star wars sequels #the rise of skywalker #the last jedi #the force awakens #star wars #rey #finn #poe dameron #palpatine #darth sidious #salt #lot of writing #lots of thoughts #kylo ren

[cartoonnonsensegirl]

Justice, Excellence, Defense, Intelligence (J.E.D.I.) Finale a.k.a. the SW Prequel Happy Ending AU

Since I see some people are interested, I’ll share what I’ve got. I’m working on the fanfic, but it’s stuck in the prologue.

First of all, I’ll have you know that this is a real world AU with several key differences. Most of the alien characters are human (except the Wookiees, who are Bigfeet in this version), everyone has more realistic-sounding names, and Palpatine is female in this version. Here’s a guide to the main cast:

Alexis Tano = Ahsoka Tano

Anatole Spacewalker = Anakin Skywalker

Obadiah Kenoly = Obi-Wan Kenobi

Patrice Amaretti = Padmé Amidala

Mace Windham = Mace Windu

Yo Fu Wei = Yoda

Sidonia “Sidney” Palpatine = Palpatine

Major Grievances = General Grievous

Tyrannical Tyrant = Count Dooku

Bail Organic = Bail Organa

Moira Morgan = Mon Mothma

“Jetpack Bo” = Bo-Katan Kryze

Mauling Mauler = Darth Maul

Captain Regis = Rex

There’s a ton of other characters but I won’t list them here; some will probably be in the description. It’s also a pretty lengthy idea; I don’t really know how to condense it anymore than what I’ve written here without just writing the whole fanfic already.

The plot of this AU begins in Spring 2057, with Alexis in Hungary with Jetpack Bo, planning their mission to capture the Mauling Mauler and free Satinka (Satine) from prison (she’s alive in this AU). The first half of this story is pretty much the same as ROTS with the added context of the Siege of Mandalore, and goes up to the Sunset Scene™/Ahsoka and Rex on the bridge of the star destroyer before Order 66 happens. There are some added elements, however, in the first half:

Alexis, Anatole, Obadiah, and Patrice all happen to have dreams that seem to symbolize either the good or bad ending of the narrative. The strangest of these is Patrice, since she’s the only one of the main four who isn’t Force-sensitive (or so we think; spoilers under the cut), and she shares dreams with Anatole.

Minor characters such as Bail Organic and Moira Morgan have actually seen the SW Prequels and TCW, and are aware that the events are unfolding like the movies. Unfortunately, they have no idea how to stop it. However, one character does succeed in changing the narrative, and it’s Sheila Ti (Shaak Ti).

It’s at the Sunset Scene where the story changes completely. Actually, a bit before that; Sidonia reveals that she is the “Insidious One” to Anatole, and also reveals that she’s known about his marriage to Patrice. Anatole gets furious and wants to kill Sidonia, but doesn’t as she tells him “Isn’t killing against the J.E.D.I. way?”, to which he replies, “How would you know anything about the J.E.D.I. way if you’re a S.I.T.H. Lady?”, and decides to turn her over to Mace.

Sheila Ti is watching the ROTS Sunset Scene on her laptop, when she senses a disaster about to happen. She goes up to the seemingly vacant Council Room and finds Anatole on his iPhone. She asks him if he misses Alexis and Obadiah, and he replies that he has forgotten about them until she mentioned them. Sheila discusses with Anatole that it’s not good to be sad or afraid, and cites them as the reason that Darth Vader fell in Star Wars (Anatole has never seen the prequels, only the originals). Anatole also mentions that he cut off his toxic friendship with Sidonia. After their conversation, Sheila advises Anatole to leave the Council room and go either supervise some younglings or see some friends and get dinner with them; she’ll cover for him for when Mace returns. Anatole heeds Sheila’s advice and leaves to buy takeout for Patrice, spending the rest of the night with his beloved wife. Meanwhile, Mace and his J.E.D.I. backup assassinate Sidonia, but it appears all too easy. Alexis captures the Mauling Mauler, and she and Regis are on a one-way flight back to NYC after bidding farewell to Jetpack Bo.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. Sidonia has been assassinated, but her spirit goes on to make one final attempt to turn Anatole to the Dark Side--by possessing Patrice and threatening to kill her if he doesn’t turn. Anatole sees right through Sidonia’s scheme--she was going to kill Patrice all along for being a roadblock to world domination. Anatole brings Patrice before Mace and Yo Fu to help expel the Insidious One. At the same time, all the J.E.D.I. have returned with their troops since the war is over. Sheila comes to tell Alexis of the terrible tragedy involving Patrice, and rushes to Patrice’s aid at the Academy. Surprisingly, Alexis is strong enough to expel the Insidious One due to her strong light power, but senses an energy in Patrice’s belly assisting her.

Defeated, Sidonia’s spirit influences her Personal Guard Troops to take her body from it’s autopsy room and fly it to Mount Agung, where she zaps the life force of the remaining Separatist leaders to revive herself. And it’s here that she also commands her troops to Execute Order 150: the Final Contingency Order that states that in the event of the Supreme Chancellor’s death, a Giant Mecha shall be deployed over NYC to enforce order.

Meanwhile in New York, everyone lives life as normal. Alexis gets adopted by Anatole and Patrice and is told that she is to become a big sister. Also, Satinka gets married to Obadiah, while Anatole and Patrice renew their vows. Everything is fine in New York, until the Giant Mecha arrives, piloted by the Insidious One and zombified versions of the Separatist leaders. The J.E.D.I. apparently have to deploy their experimental Mecha to combat with the S.I.T.H. Mecha. Patrice apparently remains at the infirmary at the J.E.D.I. Academy (this part is really important!). For the most part, the J.E.D.I. appear to win the battle until the Insidious Mecha finds a weak spot in the J.E.D.I. Mecha. Alexis and several other female J.E.D.I. activate their magical girl transformations to continue fighting, but are barely able to weaken the Insidious Mecha. And that’s when the deus ex machina of the story finally activates.

Back at the Academy, Patrice starts sensing Anatole in danger, and electrical appliances start exploding around her. A J.E.D.I. nurse tells her that she has Gestational ESP; a condition in which a non-Esper mother that is pregnant with an Esper child develops temporary powers of her own, losing them when her child(ren) is born. Most mothers with this condition have low-level powers, but Patrice’s power level is unusually high due to 1) having two buns in the oven, and 2) the paternal DNA being that of the Chosen One. Patrice uses her newfound powers of expectant motherhood to undergo a magical fashion change and creates a flowy, water-themed dress and adorns her hair with flowers. She chooses to manifest her powers as lotus flowers, specifically Nelumbo nucifera lotuses (her favorite flower).

The J.E.D.I. are overlooking the Upper New York Bay, when what appears to be a shooting star falls into the bay, causing a garden of giant lotuses to bloom and a glowing floral design to appear in the water, shooting a beam of light into the sky to finally reveal the super-powered Patrice, who has also gained glowing wings that appear to be resemble lotus petals. She attacks the Insidious Mecha with two glowing lotuses; one blue and one pink (her children are providing her the power), destroying it in the process. However, the Insidious One transforms into a terrifying final form with fire, lightning, and wind storms surrounding her. The J.E.D.I. realize that although Anatole is the Chosen One, he has only half the power required to defeat the Insidious One; the other half of the power is in Patrice. The two, the “Hero with No Fear” and the “Lotus of Florence”, must combine their powers to ultimately defeat the S.I.T.H. Lady forever.

The story ends with many J.E.D.I. and Republic Senators summoned to a hospital, where Alexis is throwing a party to celebrate becoming a big sister.  Anatole is with Patrice in the delivery room. A while later, Alexis, Obadiah, and Regis are called by Anatole to the room Patrice is resting in, where Alexis is introduced to her baby brother and sister. They all take a commemorative photo.

BONUS: Moira Morgan becomes Supreme Chancellor.

#star wars #revenge of the sith #star wars prequels #the clone wars #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #obi-wan kenobi #ahsoka tano #AniDala #ObiTine #satine kryze #mace windu #yoda #palpatine #justice excellence defense intelligence #happy ending AU #bo-katan kryze #shaak ti #basically she saves the world/galaxy #but it's AniDala that finishes the job #sw prequels #prequel au #tcw au #jedi

[smuthuttpodcast]

Name/Handle/Alias

currentlycryin3

About how long would you say you’ve been rooting for Reylo?

Since the fight scene in the forest towards the end of The Force Awakens I felt it and rooted for it, but during the first “force bond Skype” session in The Last Jedi I believed in it with my whole heart. Especially during their battle scene after Kylo killed Snoke. 

What did you think of the way Rise of Skywalker handled Rey and Kylo’s relationship?

Moments like: when Rey stabs Kylo with her light sabre and then heals him; when Rey says “I wanted to take your hand”; when Rey is with Palpatine and Kylo has to fight the knights of Ren and they use the force bond to pass the light sabre between the two of them showcasing how deep their connection was; and obviously the hands on the cheek, the kiss, and the smile all made my heart soar. But all together that was probably 10 minutes of the whole film. In The Last Jedi when the two of them had their “Force bond Skype” sessions, they had those intense stares, and actual conversation which showed a lot of chemistry. But in The Rise of Skywalker they just fought each other, and that key chemistry was lost. The intensity of their bond seemed empty compared to the last movie. So there were definitely some nice REYLO moments, but they seemed rushed, and almost awkward compared to the last film, there needed to be more for it to have that same sizzling quality. The actors tried to show the chemistry they had, but the writing made it really hard to truly feel it. 

Do you think the film understood why you, and other people, felt like Rey and Kylo had something together? Did it get their chemistry?

Not completely, most of the chemistry and (sexual) tension I got was from The Last Jedi during their talks and stares with the force bond Skyping. I felt like they’d really had formed a connection during those scenes, but those moments in The Rise of Skywalker were just spent fighting. The closest one to being a rival for the last movie was when Rey was in his quarters on the ship while he was searching for her, but it still lacked something. Most of the REYLO scenes in The Rise of Skywalker seemed like they were just stuck in to make fans happy, as opposed to the writers/directors truly understanding it and cultivating that chemistry. Except for the kiss at the end, that felt natural and made sense, but the rest of their -very few- moments weren’t as satisfying as I hoped for and as they should have been.  

What about the handling of Kylo’s redemption? Was it something you had to think through in your stories? 

In The Last Jedi, Kylo killed Snoke and Rey and him had their intense battle scene (so good) so I had felt like Kylo’s road to redemption had started then, but right from the start of The Rise Of Skywalker, it was like that’s had never happbeed. I had imagined that at least halfway through the movie Kylo and Rey would admit to their chemistry, Ben Solo would come back and then they would team up to defeat the rest of the first order. The moment of forgiveness between Han and Ben was beautiful even if it was only in his head. But instead of the redemption in the middle of the movie it was at the end, in an almost knock off Darth Vader type vibe. Anakin came to at the end, defeated Palpatine and then died. Ben defeated the knights of Ren, saved Rey, and then died. Difference was, Anakin got a pyre and something close to a funeral, and Ben got NOTHING. The real Skywalker was thrown into a pit, while Rey was getting all the encouragement and faith from past Jedis, which made zero sense to me. It was The Rise of Skywalker, not The Rise of Palpatine. Bens whole life he just wanted to live up to his grandfather, and I imagined that sometime in The Rise of Skywalker, Anakin would come to Ben as a force ghost and encourage him into the light side, and show him that Kylo Ren wasn’t who he should be just like Darth Vader wasn’t who Anakin should have been. But no. Although I loved how he killed the knights of Ren and came to Rey’s aid, his redemption felt rushed, and empty. Plus he was completely forgotten in the attempts to “not take away from the twins being reunited.” It was like he never even existed in the first place and that was what made me so mad. I don’t know what to envision anymore, it hurts my heart to think about him. 

What did you think of where Rey landed at the end? There had been a lot of excitement around Star Wars having a female protagonist. Do you think she lived up to the promise of her character?

The Force Awakens opened up such a great storyline and created so many possibilities; The Last Jedi have Ret moments of actually believing in her self, her abilities and what she could do, even though she was still learning; and The Rise of Skywalker turned her into a vessel of nostalgia. The idea that was played in The Last Jedi that Rey could have come from nothing, born from unimportant parents, and still had that immense power showed more hope and strength in her character. Instead she had to be Palpatine granddaughter to be powerful and replaced Ben as the Skywalker. I was so excited to see the strength of her power and what she could do, and they haven her that power, but it was Palpatine, not hers. It felt like a rip off. I was disappointed to say the least. 

There’s criticism of the movie that argues it’s akin to “fan fiction” and that is has too much fan service. As fans and fan-fiction writers, how do you react to that?

It seemed like a tribute to the OGs as opposed to an enrichment of the storylines of the new characters. When we thought Chewbacca had died, I was shocked, but then he was alive and “there must have been another transport”. When C3PO’s memory was wiped I was sad, but then it got restored by R2D2 at the end. I was obviously happy that Chewbacca didn’t die and 3PO’s memory came back, but it made the movie seem pointless. It really did feel like it was for the fans of the OG. Why do those things to just reverse them. Why create new, amazing characters that are full of possibilities, just to kill and replace one and use the other to be a vessel for the twins and old storylines. Don’t even get me started on how Palpatine was the villain again, and how he somehow survived. I just kept thinking “what was the point.” 

[simonjadis]

Review: The Last Jedi

I’ve been wanting to write this since I saw TLJ opening night, but I write for a living, which cuts into free-time writing. Here is my review of The Last Jedi.

Warning: The Last Jedi spoilers Also Warning: this is very long

STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI

Before I dive into what works and what does not work for The Last Jedi, I want to say two things:

First, that my favorite installment of Star Wars canon is Star Wars: The Clone Wars and that my three favorite Star Wars films, independent of The Last Jedi, are Return Of The Jedi, Revenge Of The Sith, and Rogue One, in no particular order.

Second, that someone's opinion on The Last Jedi differing from my own does not change my opinion of them. There are some films—such as 2016's Ghostbusters—where fondness or dislike is heavily politicized in a way that makes me wary of people who dislike them (If it's any indication, my cheeks hurt from laughter when I left the theater after seeing Ghostbusters). The Last Jedi is not one of these films.

I mention my favorites from Star Wars because I believe that every reviewer should start with that. I cannot tell you how many vague reviews I saw of The Last Jedi (I avoided any detailed ones, post-embargo) that I didn't know if I could trust. I saw other takes from reviewers—that The Last Jedi was “the best Star Wars film since Empire Strikes Back.” These reviews are not helpful to me, because while that's a popular favorite, anyone using Empire as a touchstone for best Star Wars films has different priorities than my own.

And that ties into why I wanted to make that second statement. Everybody has different priorities when they see films, and there's more to that than genre. I don't just mean that some people love space battles more than others, or that different people have different favorite characters. Some people (including writers and showrunners) are more invested in story, while others are invested in continuity or worldbuilding or character consistency. And the list goes on.

So, someone who likes or dislikes the The Last Jedi isn't automatically stupid or wrong or problematic. And I have to mention that because I have seen some alarmingly bad takes—not on the film, but on people's reactions.

For example (because I've seen this a lot, though not directed at me), assuming that someone dislikes a film because their fan theories weren't correct is toxic and rude.

I should also mention that I have still not read any post-embargo reviews of The Last Jedi, including from good friends of mine (though I'll read those as soon as this is complete). Though I discussed the film with my companions for a couple of hours after we returned, as we were still processing it, I want to give my take on the movie.

So, The Last Jedi is, in my opinion, not a great Star Wars film. I struggle to think of a film aside from The Phantom Menace that I enjoy less. The Empire Strikes Back probably ranks just above it, at the bottom of the Star Wars barrel.

To quote George Lucas, The Last Jedi was “beautifully made.” I never thought that I'd be impressed by George Lucas' shade, but here we are.

Spoilers below:

THE GOOD

I'll explain why I feel that way, but I want to start by talking about positives. True spoilers abound beyond this point, folks.

The film was beautiful and beautifully made.

I have longed to see Leia use the Force since I, as a child, first saw Return of the Jedi. I was disappointed to not see it in The Force Awakens, but very glad to see her racing through space. Some people suggested that the scene was not realistic, but I would point out that Darth Vader (Leia's dad) survived being delimbed and ignited. Darth Maul survived being cut in half. Those are trained Sith, but it sets a powerful precedent for surviving the unsurvivable through the Force. Leia was not hit directly by the explosion, but sucked out into the vacuum of space. Cloaked in the Force, she survives long enough to pull herself to the airlock door. It was a powerful scene and I loved it.

I don't know that I'd die for anyone, but I would certainly kill for Billie Lourd. Or for Gary Fisher. We all mourn Carrie Fisher, but seeing how extensive Billie Lourd's role was in The Last Jedi—particularly in comparison with her small cameo in The Force Awakens—really warms the cockles of your heart. Her character is not explained, and while that might irritate me if she were played by essentially anyone else, I enjoy that she's Billie Lourd and the audience knows who she is and implicitly accepts her friendship with Poe Dameron and trusts her to be a good person.

There is a lot of good about Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo. First of all, she has a baller first name. “Holdo” is a little close to “Hondo,” as in Hondo Ohnaka, Obi-Wan's pirate boyfriend acquaintance. But it's Star Wars and Star Wars names are bound to overlap. Some people apparently believed earlier in the film that she might be a traitor, but I only took her behavior as a typical Lawful Good performance versus Poe Dameron's Chaotic Good antics. Things turned out to be a little more complex than that. Also, she had really nice hair. Her “he's dangerous” and “I like him” lines about Poe were honestly delightful. I wish that she'd been more forthcoming (especially given how wildly informal the Rebellion, from which the Resistance seems to have been formed, has always been).

Finn's bacta outfit (what a neat idea!) and interactions with Poe early on were great. I know that it's technically queerbaiting, but if Disney won't let the canon Star Wars gays appear in films, it's at least appreciated that Poe has had zero female love interests. Unless we count some semi-flirting with Holdo, which is fine since they're both gay. It was clear that Poe being the one to find Finn was a gesture to the fact that they're almost universally shipped with each other. That may be the closest that we see to StormPilot on screen, but at least it's something.

Rey was my favorite part of The Force Awakens. I thought that a lot of her time in The Last Jedi seemed . . . wasted isn't quite the right word. She went to Porg World (whatever you call the planet where Luke has retired to satisfy his lactation kink) to learn the ways of the Force. Honestly, I feel that she might be better served if she were to go unearth forgotten secrets on Moraband, but I resigned myself pretty early on to the idea that Rey will probably avoid the Dark Side. Anyway, I still absolutely love Rey. Not only because she's a tiny Sand Lesbian from Sand Trash Planet, and not only because she's powerful. She earnest and somehow, despite being a scavenging orphan, manages to be relatable at times. Truth be told? I like her more than I ever liked Luke.

Rey's look was also amazing, though, as my friend pointed out, Rey's wearing a vest, and vests are as much a lesbian uniform as leather jackets are for bi girls.

ROSE IS SO GOOD. I don't just mean that her actress is a precious wonderful delight of a human being, though that is also true. Rose herself is really likable. As with Leia, this is a character where my adoration for the actor certainly exceeds my love for the character but the character is also great. Anyway, while “Rose” doesn't seem like a great Star Wars name (and, worse, we now have “Rose” and “Rey” as two of the, like, seven new characters who are still alive), I liked her blend of sweetness and determination.

Speaking of Rose: Finn is wonderful. I don't know what to make of that kiss (except that, it makes sense, especially if you think that you're dying), but even though I was bummed that Finn didn't wield a lightsaber in this film (what are they doing with him?), I think that he's a treasure.

In many ways, The Force Awakens was a rehash of A New Hope. I am so pleased that The Last Jedi did what appears to be a speedrun of both Empire Strikes Back and Return Of The Jedi so that we can have more, new storytelling in Episode IX.

There's that moment where Rey is on Porg World and she talks to Luke about the rise of the Empire and about Darth Sidious and it's a sign of how starved I am for references to or even acknowledgement of the prequels that this was a highlight for me, but it was. It was my favorite character from the sequels saying the name of my favorite character from all of Star Wars canon (and one of my all-time favorite characters from anything), Sheev Palpatine.

If you ask me what I liked about The Last Jedi, the first image that's going to pop into my mind is the image of the First Order's weapons firing at the Resistance ships at range, and we see . . . shield impacts. The recent-ish Star Trek films (and, sadly, Star Trek: Discovery, which I love but that's another post) have refused to show shield impacts during space battles, for reasons that I cannot fathom. It has long been part of Star Wars that we just don't see more than a flash of light when energy weapons impact standard deflector shields (we do see it with thermal shields and certain types of terrestrial ray shields, but not with ships). Anyway, I love space battles and spaceships and there's something about seeing energy weapons impact on shields like that . . . it just lights up my mind's happiness centers like a christmas tree.

Vice Admiral Holdo's big Space Kamikaze (though problematic from a worldbuilding/plot holes perspective) was really fucking cool and such a powerful moment. More on the negative aspects of that in the next section.

Rey's parentage wasn't really a let down. Like most fans, I had my own theory (Rey Palpatine), but since she clearly wasn't a Skywalker and since really the only lineage storyline in Star Wars canon is about the Skywalkers, it's nice to see an ex nihil Force-user with power like Rey's. It's hardly unprecedented. Even ignoring Anakin (who may have been created by Darth Plageuis or by the Force), neither Yoda nor Palpatine are ever suggested as having originated from Force dynasties. Sometimes, it doesn't matter who your garbage parents were, and that's a great message for Rey's backstory. (Though, truth be told, some wonder if this is a deception)

When a friend of mine got to a certain Plot Point of Dragon Age, she DMed me on Twitter, with “Flemeth you ol' bitch! Tits out and everything!” While that message warmed the cockles of my heart, it also really stuck with me, because that went through my head at Kylo Ren's topless scene. I'm not making fun of him (he looked great; even better than in The Force Awakens), but my friend's thoughts echoed through my mind. Also, she was in the theater with me.

BB8 is my beautiful precious son and I was so delighted to see him get to gleefully murder people!!! That moment really helps him fit in with other murderous Star Wars droids like R2, Kaytoo, and Chopper. But BB8 was more adorable and reminds me of a precious chihuahua I used to walk. BB8, you're doing amazing, sweetie!

That red, salty planet? Gorgeous. I've heard that it was Krayt, though we did not see one of its famous dragons. Maybe someone mentioned the planet's name during the film? I should disclose that I can't follow every word without subtitles and only take away, at best, 80% of the dialogue from a film without subtitles. I hear the noises just fine, but I have auditory integration issues that are just one of several factors that make me a nightmare to talk to. Anyway, love that gorgeous planet.

Speaking of subtitles, I've heard that someone saw The Last Jedi with subtitles and that, during that early scene with Poe negging General Hux, he referred to Hux as “Hugs.” That is amazing and beautiful and I would never in a thousand viewings have caught it.

The First Order Dreadnaught? Gorgeous. You shouldn't need a Death Star to absolutely demolish a base from orbit. And orbital bombardment is right up there with space battles among my favorite things. It just goes right to my happiness centers.

The Red Guards: like all of the aesthetic choices that Snoke inherited from Palpatine, his Red Guards were truly inspired. I love the variety in their vibro-weapons. The Soul Calibur-style weapon was particularly memorable. That whole fight scene with Kylo and Rey and the Red Guards? Absolutely stunning.

I love that the Skywalker Legacy Lightsaber is destroyed. That thing has a terrible track record with hands. I also love that Rey was the first to recover after that tug-of-war with Kylo; it reminds me of the end of Palpatine besting Yoda in the Senate. I'm excited to see what sort of lightsaber Rey crafts for herself . . . and also interested in learning where she plans to get a kyber crystal.

THE BAD

Snoke was, for me, the biggest disappointment of this film. A lot of The Last Jedi's angrier defenders have mocked fans for having the audacity to want to, you know, know who the characters are or what's going on. No one in the sequels has been as enigmatic as Supreme Leader Snoke.

Here's the set-up: in The Force Awakens, we see Snoke only via hologram as he instructs Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren, though interesting in concept, has not impressed me (I'll go into that), so I had hoped that perhaps I would at least like Snoke. As I mentioned, Palpatine is my favorite character in all of Star Wars. He lifts me up where I belong. He's also one of the most iconic characters in all of fiction, and a tough act to follow. With Hux being rude (and not Force-sensitive) and Kylo being weak, I hoped that Snoke, at least, would excite me.

We do see more of Snoke in The Last Jedi, but his is . . . profoundly rude. As my friend Rachel said as we sat processing after the film: “In my day, the Dark Side had a little class!” Snoke has a Hugh Hefner vibe to him and I mean that in the worst possible way. His golden robe was, I thought, an inspired design choice as it deviates from Dark Side Black while still allowing him some contrast from his (gorgeously) decorated throne room and Red Guards. The man wearing that robe, however, was not to my liking.

Back to the set-up: We briefly see Snoke in The Force Awakens, and he piques our curiosity. And then we begin to read the canon novels, where we learn that Palpatine—as Emperor—sensed some sort of profound Dark Sidedness beyond known space. He set up multiple observatories in order to assess that part of space, and was apparently planning an expedition before he was betrayed and murdered at the Battle of Endor. Apparently, it was his will that any Empire that could not support its Emperor was too weak to do its job, so his contingency plan, should he fall, was for only the best of the Empire to venture into unknown space and find whatever Dark Side presence he'd felt and, hopefully, find new leadership with the strength to bring order to the galaxy. In the novels, Admiral Rae Sloan goes with Brendol Hux and Brendol's young son, Armitage Hux (that's the general we see within the First Order), on this voyage into unknown space.

I can only imagine the disappointment that Palpatine's Force Ghost (or whatever the Dark Side equivalent is; we know that they exist in canon, as Darth Bane was able to manifest before Yoda on Moraband) must feel at Snoke. Palpatine was betrayed and killed by his apprentice, sure. But that apprentice was Darth Vader, one of the most powerful beings that the Galaxy Far Far Away has ever seen. And Palpatine was, at the time, a little occupied—you know, killing Luke.

In contrast, Snoke was actively reading Kylo Ren's mind when Kylo killed him. Though the words that Snoke uttered were transparently misleading (along the lines of the Delphic Oracle's famous prophesy to Croesus: “If you proceed, a great power will fall”), Snoke was actively sensing Kylo's thoughts and, well, we haven't seen anything about Kylo Ren to suggest that he's some master at the arts of deceit through the Force. Hell, Kylo didn't even sense whatever Force connection Snoke apparently forged. In contrast, while Palpatine and Vader went on an adventure together in the novel, Sith Lords, Sheev was able to sense Vader's dominicidal thoughts. At one point, Vader silently imagines grabbing his Master and lifting his frail, old body into the air, and Palpatine grins with delight at him, and Vader understands that Sheev knows exactly what's going on in his mind. Palpatine also foresaw an attack against his Star Destroyer with such clarity that he remained in “safe” zones of the ship at all times, sensing well in advance which portions of the vessel would be the first to fall.

What's more is that, not only should Snoke have seen it coming—he just died immediately when Kylo ignited the saber. A normal person might die from being cut in half, sure. That's not shameful. But a master of the Dark Side? Darth Maul was cut in half and then fell a distance that I wouldn't even care to guess. He went on to survive for many years on a planet made of garbage and fire. Maul was only Palpatine's apprentice; meanwhile, we see Snoke lose consciousness and die immediately from a (cauterized) wound to his waist. Unless his heart is stored in his waist (I know that he's an alien, but his heart definitely isn't there; it's usually useful to keep those behind ribs), that makes Snoke a lil' bitch among Dark Side “masters.”

The lack of information about Snoke also means that we don't know a lot about the First Order.

First, we don't know how to feel about the First Order's goals. Obviously, their means are immoral—abducting children and turning them into soldiers, destroying an entire solar system in an effort to destroy the New Republic government (which really shouldn't have worked, by the way, since the galaxy could just elect new senators). But is their goal to conquer the galaxy to create a safe and secure society? We don't know their goals beyond taking over the galaxy; more insight into Snoke would help us to better understand what drives the First Order.

Second, was Snoke some kind of Dark Side hermit that Rae Sloane and Brendol Hux found somewhere in the unknown reaches of space? If so, where is the First Order getting its resources? Was Snoke instead some sort of local ruler within uncharted space? If so, why is his entire army (right down to his interior décor and his personal guards, not to mention his fleet and soldiers) drawn directly from Palpatine's playbook?

And, again, what is Snoke?

For a lot of reasons, he's clearly not a Sith; that has been confirmed. He says that Kylo is “first of the Knights of Ren,” so . . . are Knights of Ren all Dark Side wielders? The simplest explanation is that “Ren” is like “Sith” or “Darth,” and another school of the Dark Side. What does that make Snoke? Is he the “Lord of Ren” or something?

We've seen exactly one thing from Snoke that's entirely new, and . . . we only see the Force Immobilization from Kylo Ren. Interestingly, and please correct me if I failed to notice an instance of it, we did not see it at all in The Last Jedi, but saw it more than once in The Force Awakens. Snoke presumably taught that to Kylo, but . . . other than that, he doesn't seem to bring anything new to the table.

Snoke Force-bullied General Hux through a hologram. This is not new. In Return of the Jedi, Vader Force-choked Admiral Kendal Ozzel after establishing visual contact via a communicator screen. We don't know Snoke's distance from Hux in that scene, but since Palpatine Force-chokes Dooku, lifting him into the air, via holo transmission over the considerable distance of Coruscant to Dooku's homeworld of Serenno, this was already established as a possible (though likely difficult) feat.

Snoke struck Kylo Ren with Force-lighting, which of course is well-established as being a power of the Dark Side, wielded by Palpatine and Dooku, but also wielded in slightly different forms by The Son (on Mortis) and by Mother Talzin, leader of the Nightsisters.

Kylo Ren uses the Force to interrogate, but this is a simple combination of Force Persuasion (Jedi Mind Tricks, used by almost every Force-user at some point or another) and sensing things through the Force. Vader duels Luke on the Death Star II and learns that Luke has a sister. Palpatine is almost always aware of the thoughts and feelings of those around him. Multiple Jedi use Force Persuade simultaneously to try to force the truth out of Cad Bane. We see the Force used for interrogation (almost precisely as Kylo Ren does) when the Seventh Sister, one of the Inquisitors who answers to Vader after the death of the Grand Inquisitor, attempts to use the Force to interrogate Ezra Bridger. It's a two-pronged effort to divine the truth while also attempting to pry secrets from the individual.

Snoke is not shown forging the bridge between Rey and Kylo, but this has precedent—once again, we look to Palpatine. He once used Dooku's connection to Yoda (remember, Yoda was once Dooku's mentor) in order to assault Yoda's mind in an effort to break him. While Yoda spends the final decades of his life as a barely-intelligible swamp-hermit who would rather literally die than tell the truth, this particular assault on his mind was not successful. Palpatine accomplished this without any proximity to Yoda, but rather through the use of Sith Sorcery. Snoke is not a Sith, but we must imagine that he accomplished this “bridge” via . . . well, I suppose that we'd call it “Ren Sorcery.”

Don't get me wrong, the “Force Pause” or whatever it is that Kylo Ren did in The Force Awakens was super cool and I love that it's a thing. But, in general, Snoke feels like a bargain basement attempt to fill Palpatine's role until Kylo could kill him and take his place as the Supreme Leader of the First Order. That might not be as bad if Kylo seemed, you know, impressive.

Finally, because I've just written the last 1,608 words about Snoke and need to move on to my second greatest disappointment with The Last Jedi, I should mention that I've been joking that Snoke has never actually killed anyone in his life and just bluffed his way into leading the First Order. He's weak and rude and the sequels could have done better, even with a temporary character meant to die in his second movie.

So, yeah, what we don't know of Snoke is a frustrating mystery and what we do know of Snoke is disappointing.

My second biggest issue was one of Luke's characterization.

Contrary to what you might assume, I am not talking about Luke's retirement to Lactation Kink island on Planet Porg.

I mean, that's an issue—since he's repeating the Cranky Old Hermit mistakes of Obi-Wan and Yoda who came before him. In fact, even Obi-Wan seemed to have a better attitude and degree of optimism than Luke, and that's after his apprentice, uh, personally purged the Jedi Temple. Luke lost his first class of students but Obi-Wan lost an entire galaxy and a Jedi order of thousands.

But, you know, sometimes Jedi just go off to do loner stuff on strange old islands that are home to whimsical characters. The Light Side is rough like that.

No, my issue comes from that, frankly, inexcusable scene in the tent. The one that “explains” why Kylo and Luke had their big falling out that resulted in Kylo murdering his fellow students.

Luke has never been one of my favorite characters in Star Wars, but I can tell you this much: the whole point of Return Of The Jedi was that he would literally rather die than kill Darth Vader, who had personally killed thousands and was an accomplice to everything that the Empire had done for, well, all of Luke's life.

So, to put it plainly, I cannot reconcile Luke Skywalker, the character, with the man Mark Hamill played in The Last Jedi. With a man whose first instinct after sneaking into his nephew's room to probe his thoughts is “gotta murder him in his sleep!” I'm not opposed to the idea of characters who are willing to murder other characters in their sleep. Again, Palpatine is my literal favorite character. But that particular deed is simply not in Luke's wheelhouse.

Now, some argue that this scene was necessary in order to bring Luke and Kylo to where they are for this trilogy.

I don't believe in adjusting a character's established behavior to suit the story. I like character-driven stories where what happens makes sense based upon the individuals involved and their environment.

But there are totally doable ways to tell that story.

How I would do it? Luke would notice warning signs about his nephew, sense that things aren't quite right (from his point of view), but appear to other students to be ignoring a problem. Meanwhile, one or two of Luke's other padawans might attempt what Luke attempted—trying to sense what's going on with their fellow student. An inexperienced pupil, sensing a darkness, might draw a weapon, causing young Kylo (before he was Kylo Ren) to awaken . . . just as Luke bursts into the room. So then we get the panic, and the tearing down of the roof. When Luke digs himself out of the rubble, Kylo has killed all of the padawans who were unwilling to join him. He might even believe that Luke was involved in the “attack.”

Luke being arguably too passive would be a totally believable and character-consistent mistake. Instead I just sat there, thinking . . . this is like telling me that, actually, Tarkin adopted all of the children who were off-world but orphaned by the destruction of Alderaan. That's just not something that this particular character would do. If you want to write a different character, do that.

As a result of this huge character difference, I've nicknamed Mark Hamill's character in The Last Jedi: “Jedi Joe.” Because, you know, he's just not consistent with Luke.

My third biggest issue with The Last Jedi is the timeline.

How long was Rey on Planet Porg? Days? Weeks?

Meanwhile, Vice Admiral Holdo and the Resistance are literally counting down the hours until they run out of fuel.

I say “meanwhile,” because Rey and Kylo's little ForceTime conversations make it emphatically clear that these are concurrent storylines.

We don't know how long the Resistance “fleet” (it's just a few big ships) spends in hyperspace before they return to normal space and the First Order shows up to attack them, but it can't be for long, because Star Wars FTL is much, much faster than, say, Star Trek's. I can't imagine them spending more than a couple of days in hyperspace, if that long.

So, how much time did Rey spend on the island with Luke? Are days just very short on Planet Porg? Running parallel to the Resistance being pursued by the First Order, this seems to be a problem.

Speaking of the Resistance fleeing from the First Order . . . what the hell was up with their “tracking.”

So, let's say that the First Order has developed the tech to track a ship through hyperspace. Or maybe they just have an infiltrator (or someone turned traitor) or got a tracking device aboard one of the ships. I'm willing to accept that . . . random technological development or whatever.

But General Hux was on a regular Star Destroyer when he established that tracking lock, right? So why is it that, later, that tracking lock—the one that they need to disable—is on Snoke's command ship? Can you just pass it back and forth like it's no big deal? They talked about it like it was some sort of delicate connection, easily foiled. One or two lines could have explained it, but if there was an explanation, I missed it.

Incidentally, I mention the idea of an infiltrator or a traitor within the Resistance because this would have really made it easier for them to explain why Vice Admiral Holdo was being tight-lipped about her plans. Though, quite frankly, Poe Dameron destroyed Starkiller Base. He should be above suspicion. The Resistance shows no signs of being a formal military. They're sort of a cobbled together grassroots thing, not unlike the Rebel Alliance, so it's not like they have this strict need-to-know command structure where no one is allowed to ask questions.

As my friend Rachel pointed out after the film, a lot of problems could have been resolved by the characters if they had simply spoken to one another and communicated like adults. This isn't necessarily a flaw in the film, but it sure is frustrating for the audience. The message that bold heroic actions aren't always the answer is an admirable one, but the circumstances make it seem to be a failure of leadership on Holdo's part.

Speaking of Holdo, I'm alarmed that these Sequels seem reluctant to give us new alien characters. We've seen Maz Kanata and Snoke, but all other aliens have been in the background or they've been Chewie. Holdo could have been an alien. She could have even retained the lavender look as a Theelin (like Asajj Ventress' bounty hunter gal pal, Latts Razzi). I totally support Rose being a human, but Holdo—particularly since she was not going to survive anyway—could have been a sorely needed alien character.

Also while we're on the subject of Holdo:

As I mentioned, Holdo's death was one of the most powerful moments of The Last Jedi. In science fiction universes such as Stargate or Babylon 5, FTL travel is entirely removed from the physical world. Flying a ship “through” a planet is fine in the same way that, on a planet, flying an aircraft far above a building does not damage the building below. In Star Wars, that is not the case, which is why they have complex hyperspace lanes and elaborate calculations (often made by specialized droids). Which is why, when she went to “lightspeed” (no more the speed of light than their “lasers” are actual lasers), her ship so effectively damaged Snoke's flagship and took some Destroyers with it. But the implications of this were obvious. Why, then, has this sort of tactic not been employed widely before? Could a few carefully placed transports in FTL have demolished the Death Star without Luke's special magic aiming? Couldn't every Star Destroyer be disabled or destroyed by, say, a garbage scow piloted by a single droid that goes to hyperspace in the direction of the ship? This kind of tactic would forever change warfare in Star Wars—even retroactively.

The only way that I can wrap my head around it is to suggest that perhaps the flagship's shields were recycling and therefore couldn't be brought back up in time to prevent Holdo's maneuver from being effective. Perhaps normal deflector shields protect ships from being impaled by other ships traveling through hyperspace. There's precedent for shields recycling (for example, thermal shields are shown to have a brief cooldown between being deactivated and reactivated), so we can accept that whatever type of Star Wars shields the First Order uses were on cooldown to conserve power while they leisurely bombarded the Resistance ships from range, and that Hux and the others on the bridge couldn't bring them up quickly enough to save the ship. Because otherwise . . . Star Wars seems to be broken.

Did they just kill Captain Phasma? Or did they seem to kill her . . . again . . . after doing basically nothing with her this whole film? I was hoping to see more of her in XIII, not less.

Maz Kanata's scene? Where she's doing vague cool stuff while also on the Space Phone? That was kind of a mess. It's fine if you liked it, but I felt like it was trying too hard.

C3PO had a red arm, taken from another droid (there's a whole backstory to it). He had it in The Force Awakens. The Last Jedi seems to begin precisely where The Force Awakens ended (just look at Luke receiving the lightsaber), so . . . when did C3PO get an arm transplant? Or did he receive it between the destruction of Starkiller Base and Rey's arrival at Planet Porg? We don't know how much time passed (though it seems silly to suggest that Finn would be comatose for for all that long; in Star Wars terms, his injuries were not that severe).

Empire Strikes Back has some of the heroes go to a gambling planet—Bespin Cloud City is effectively Space Vegas. The Last Jedi does the same, but this time it's more like Space Monaco. There were parts of that sequence that I enjoyed, but other parts I did not. I get that Rose and Finn's journey wasn't supposed to succeed for narrative reasons, but they actually harmed the Resistance. DJ didn't just fail; he betrayed them. Also, DJ is a terrible Star Wars name.

Of course, there are questions as to how DJ betrayed them. Perhaps I need to watch the film again, but as my friend Cattlin pointed out, Finn and Rose spoke to Poe, and then Poe was knocked out and woke up in the escape pod along with Leia. That's when Poe learned about the pods. How exactly did DJ learn about them in order to betray the knowledge to the First Order? (If anyone knows, or if I am missing something here, I am genuinely asking, so please let me know)

You know the scene at the beginning where, thanks to Iden Versio's intelligence-gathering, the Resistance knows where to hit to First Order Dreadnought in order to cause the most damage? Those bombers don't make sense to me because they are literally bombers. A bunch of slow-moving ships that literally drop bombs, perhaps using their own internal gravity, seem like a terrible choice. I'm not demanding that they use Y-wings again, but they could use, like, a ship that's in any way practical or good to deliver bombs. Perhaps a vessel that doesn't set off cataclysmic secondary and tertiary explosions in the form of its fellow bombers when it gets hit by enemy fire would be nice. (I know that Star Wars tech isn't based on Earth tech and therefore doesn't have to make sense in a speculative sense, but literally dropping round black bombs is not the way to win a fight).

Speaking of not winning fights: Kylo Ren.

I get that, because The Last Jedi takes place immediately after The Force Awakens, Kylo didn't have time to undergo character development that would be required to make him in any way impressive, either through his skill with the Force or through his temperament. But it was disappointing to see that not only was Snoke a weak jerk, but Kylo still has his issues. I like that he killed Snoke—like, the old guy's good at moving stuff around with the Force, but you don't get an award for that. I like that he seized power for himself. I liked that he put Hux in his place. But I'm not impressed with him as a character yet. I want to like him. I think that he has a lot of really cool potential, but I don't see him meeting that yet. I hope to see that in Episode IX. I hope to see him acting as a real leader, making smarter choices, and ideally giving orders to other Dark Side individuals (where are these other Knights?).

I also want to see Kylo showing greater strength and insight through the Force.

I don't know what the First of the Knights of Ren is, exactly, but ideally, he should notice when his creepy boss is using Space Magic to set him up with Rey. And he sure as hell shouldn't be getting tricked into a fake duel with an illusion in front of his whole army.

I'm okay with Luke having the power to project an illusion. While there's precedent in Star Wars canon (Mother Talzin does a lot of illusion work, including projecting an illusion of herself to Serenno from Dathomir while attacking Count Dooku), I do wish that he'd at some point hinted that he'd learned some things that the old Jedi Order had never managed. Maybe through meditation, maybe through old Jedi lore, or maybe through people he's met on his travels. (So far, the only Dathomir Witches that I know to be canon are the Nightsisters, and also they were all murdered by General Grievous under orders from Count Dooku; older, EU materials portrayed Nightsisters as only one faction on Dathomir, with other clans that were much friendlier to Jedi and to the Light Side of the Force—that would be an easy option)

I'm even okay, from a lore perspective, with Luke being able to deceive Kylo Ren with it. Maybe tricking Force-users is part of the ability. That scene's parallels to Obi-Wan's final duel with Vader are obvious, though Luke's death at its conclusion were more reminiscent of how his mom died.

But … the dice? The Fake Ghost Dice? That struck me as weird, after. Sure, Star Wars illusions can be powerful, but why bring your sister a fake memento? Aside, I mean, from a desire to deceive the audience. (Though seriously, shout-out to my best friend, Jeff, for predicting that Luke wasn't really there. I did not; I had assumed that his X-Wing being underwater on Lactation Kink Island was a Chekhov's Gun device to prepare us for Luke's departure. I was bewildered that Fake Ghost Luke was wielding a blue lightsaber in his duel, which only made sense after it was revealed that he was an illusion)

Weird that he died from it, though. My friend Cattlin was dreading the possibility of Luke dying, but I had accepted it. (After all, I already watched my favorite Star Wars character die, in Return of the Jedi)

Speaking of the Skywalker Legacy Lightsaber . . . the blade on it looked like it was filmed in 1980. Lightsabers looked so much better in the prequel films. Based on how Kylo Ren's lightsaber looks, lightsabers could look incredible in this film. In some scenes, they do. But that particular one tends to look washed out.

Along those same lines, they used muppet Yoda in a transparent attempt to distance themselves from the prequels. Thanks, I hate it. I don't know why dead Yoda has weather-control powers now, but even that pales beside how annoyed I am that both Sequel films seem to be scrambling to assure fans that they're not like the prequels.

Cattlin has a shirt that reads: “Shut up, nerd. The prequels are good, actually.” It warms the cockles of my heart whenever I see it.

There were a few bits that struck me as odd directing choices, but I don't know enough about cinematography to identify them.

Like everyone else, my opinion about The Last Jedi is a product of my personal interests and priorities. That's life.

#Star Wars #The Last Jedi #Star Wars The Last Jedi #The Last Jedi spoilers #TLJ #I wrote this all in one day because I am out of my got dam mind