#like are they getting into any secret government lab monster conspiracies no. are they trying to orchestrate breaking into mark h's house
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if they met each other in elementary school steve would be like you know i have a horse and robin would look up from the dogshit coloured pencil drawing she was making and would be like this is a PEGASUS -_- and steve would panic and be like i know. i own one of those too. and robin would be like no you fucking don't because she was one of those little kids that swore and steve's eyes would get huge and he'd be like oh my freak she said the f word but on the outside he'd be like YES I DO i can SHOW YOU i have to brush her every day or my mom gets mad at me her name is rosie and robin's like ugh why is this dork even talking to me and would look him up and down and realise they both have bandaids on their knees but his is pink and hers is blue and to her that is a +1 point in his favour plus she secretly absolutely cannot miss the chance of this being real because she knows pegasuses obviously exist but why would STEVE HARRINGTON have one that's so not true
and she decides that like okay fine steve harrington's house gives out full sized hershey's every halloween and he always has this huge pack of pencils like the real fancy ones with the cool colours like silver and and gold and 4 shades of pink and he lets everyone borrow them and doesn't even get mad when kids shove them into their own bags so maybe he does own a pegasus but he TOTALLY wouldn't love her or anything he doesn't deserve her at all but robin really really needs to see it and make it love HER so it runs away and lives with her instead because she has a HUGE backyard okay it always takes her dad ages to rake up all the leaves and she goes well then prove it and steve is like :D okay come by my house after school !!!! and robin's like i can't i have swim lessons and steve's like it's fine i have a pool and this makes sense to their child logic and she's like fine tell your mom to call my mom and steve's like okay and then he walks away really quickly to go have a panic attack in the boys bathroom because he was lying from the beginning and needs to figure out a way to dress rosie up so that robin will believe that a pegasus has been magically transformed into a senile golden retriever. and robin continues colouring in her dogshit horse with wings with a blue pencil that was carefully labelled "s.h."
#🍦#THEYRE SO CUTIES#i really like those two pictures of them they're so cute also the idea of this has made me cry obviously#imagining themlike. 10 or 11. still just kids but the funny kind#like are they getting into any secret government lab monster conspiracies no. are they trying to orchestrate breaking into mark h's house#to take all his limited edition dr pepper that he selfishly hoards away in his closet steve KNOWS he's BEEN there it's the TREASURE TROVE#robin trust me and he won't even notice they're gone COME ON it's limited edition!!! . yes they are#i'm imagining like all the bobs burger adjacent shenanigans like louise gets into. kids r so fun#thehre like yes santa is obviously real and also all monsters and unicorns etc. but also i know the word motherfucker and just learnt#what watergate is and i WILL be talking about it and playing secret government ops with my friends#ugh#anyway#sts
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forum thread in r/corrodedcoffin
eddiesinthelevy:
Okay so I know this is a long shot, but I have a friend from this town called Hawkins, Indiana and in 1987 there was a series of murders of local high school kids and the main suspect disappeared after an earthquake and his name was, GET THIS, EDDIE MUNSON. And here's a photo:
[link: yearbook photograph of young man with curly hair, making fake devil horns with his hands]
am i the only one or does that look a LOT like Ed Levy?????
levymebaby:
i mean i can see a slight resemblance but people have dopplegangers all the time??? plus how would Ed Levy get famous after being suspected of murder i the first place, wouldn't he be more careful? wouldn;t someone have noticed by now?
munsonmadness:
for the record we in hawkins are pretty sure it's a government conspiracy
levymebaby:
yeah, because the answer to every unsolved crime is 'secret government conspiracy'
welcometohawkinshell:
i know you're joking but honestly munsonmadness is right, hawkins is like cursed.
levymebaby:
sure. source?
welcometohawkinshell:
[link: Middle School Boy Goes Missing]
[link: Body Found in Quarry]
[link: The Mysterious Reappearance of the Missing Boy from Hawkins, Indiana]
[link: Hawkins Lab Investigated for Claims of Misconduct: Local Girl Killed]
[link: The Strange Curse of Hawkins]
[link: Mall Burns Down in Massive Fire on Fourth of July!]
[link: Lives Lost in Local Mall Fire: The Obituaries of a Mourning Town]
[link: Serial Murders Linked to Satanic Cult called 'Hellfire']
[link: The Cursed Town: How a Tiny Indiana Community Gained Notoriety After Series of Tragedies]
[link: The Earthquake That Stopped a Serial Killer]
levymebaby:
i...
what the fuck.
is this real????
munsonmadness:
yeah hawkins is like legit cursed or whatever, local legend says the lab was raising kids with superpowers and they accidentally opened a doorway to another dimension with like monsters and shit
welcometohawkinshell:
i mean yeah that is exactly what people say. total bullshit, obv, but clearly soemthing was going on at that facility. only thing i could confirm was that it was, in fact, linked to Project MKUltra - the CIA one with the mind control drugs, it's insane. a local woman even claimed her newborn was stolen because she was telekinetic
eddiesinthelevy:
wait, a girl with superpowers? what, was her name eleven or something?
munsonmadness:
actually i did hear a rumor about the daughter of the dead police chief (who came back to life a year later, not joking) being called el by her friends
actually now that i think about it more her firends were... the boy who went missing, was declared dead, then reappeared, and his group of friends
i wonder...
levymebaby:
you realize there's like, no chance of any of those rumors being true, right?
zoomer:
you'd be surprised
also stop trying to link eddie munson with ed levy, if anyone other than owens figures it out at the government he might have to go back into witsec and then el would have to find him all over again and steve would be sad.
munsonmadness:
haha very funny. but yeah guys let's not try to link the supposed serial killer to a really nice metalhead???? ed levy can't help who he looks like
zoomer:
or the demon that killed that girl in front of him, exactly. he was totally innocent. he just happened to see it, he was like traumatized
evemarrington:
you can shut up now red
zoomer:
love you too eddie ❤️ i don't blame you for the four broken limbs or the temporarily blindness or anything! i know, unlike everyone else, you were too busy being eaten by bats at the time to be the culprit 🙂
levymebaby:
go roleplay somewhere else, we're being serious
#short crackfic i wrote a while ago#enjoy#crack fic#stranger things#steddie#eddie munson#max mayfield#might continue this
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screwcool’s timeline.
please don’t rb !
february thirteenth , 1967 . nancy ruth wheeler is born . she is a quiet kid . she doesn’t cry much , and sometimes to the point that her mother is worried if she’s alright . doctors assure her there’s nothing worrying about it . some children are like that .
1971 . mike wheeler is born . nancy loves her little brother . she’s instantly , instinctively protective over him . she sometimes sneaks into her parents’ room at night to check in on his crib .
september , 1972 . nancy starts school . she stands out as a smart kid , dedicated to devouring knowledge from the very start . the teachers are impressed , but to the other kids she only floats by . her existence is discrete . she tends to allow herself to become glued to the month’s subject , and focuses solely on that .
november , 1973 . nancy becomes friends with barbara holland . they are inseparable . neither of them garner much attention from the other kids their age , and they find a kinship in their quiet .
july , 1974 . ballet classes begin . karen is ecstatic that nancy has even a minute amount of interest in dance . but she hates the feeling of performing , and anxiety mounts before every recital . she only likes to dance in class , or alone .
september , 1974 . nancy holds close to her first ever secret , one she doesn’t even tell barb about : she thinks she likes a boy . she tells no one !
april , 1980 . nancy is thirteen and her white sneakers are scuffed . she’s been getting better at noticing the world around her . she still loves school , but is trying to put more focus into socializing . she and barb stick together and become floaters , drifting from one social group to the next .
may , 1980 . nancy sits at the dinner table and plays , absent - mindedly , with her food . she listens to her mother complain about one of the girls at nancy’s school : laurie o’leary . she heard from mrs. connelly , who heard from mrs. bascom , who heard from her daughter that laurie had gotten pregnant by one of the guys on the football team . THAT’S GONNA RUIN HIM ! mrs. wheeler had spoken so surely , with a false empathy . that girl’s ––– that girl’s no good , is what she is . nancy reads the word slut between the lines , a word she hears repeated in the hallways as the kids at school sneer and snicker at the newly ostracized o’leary girl .
august , 1980 . holly wheeler is born . karen is too distracted to care that nancy has quit ballet .
late october , 1983 . steve and nancy go on their first , unofficial , non - date . she’s not sure what it is , but she can’t stop smiling when she calls barb to tell her about it right after .
november eighth , 1983 . nancy goes to totally - not - boyfriend steve’s pool party . she’s feeling good , and normal , and like a real teenager for the first time in her life . she feels good . she and steve sleep together . she could swear she hears something , something like her name called , but she doesn’t give it more than a split - second of thought . she’ll always regret this .
november ninth , 1983 . barb is missing . nancy knows this .
november eleventh , 1983 . nancy enters the upside down as she searches for barb with jonathan byers . she comes face to face with the monster . it’s a sight she’s never able to erase from her head . she remembers it in detail , excruciating and painful .
november twelfth , 1983 . all the right moves starring nancy the slut wheeler . the town knows her now , as one of those no - good girls . this time , however , there are no lines to read between . kids can be cruel . later this day , it is determined that barb is no longer missing . barb is dead . and nancy can’t tell anyone . she’s shattered .
november fifteenth , 1983 . nancy is able to sleep for the first time since what happened . she gets four hours . she wakes crying .
early december , 1983 . nancy and steve get back together after a brief break . she buries her trauma . she won’t tell him it hurts . she won’t tell anyone .
february eighth , 1984 . karen takes nancy to a therapist in the city . she’s diagnosed with anixety , panic and depression , and is offered medication . despite her concern for stigma , she takes them . she asks her mom to promise not to tell anyone . she keeps them hidden in the top drawer of her nightstand .
february seventeenth , 1984 . nancy feels she should be feeling better . but she isn’t . it’s too early for the pills to take noticeable affect , but the slowness is killing her . her nightmares are horrific . she steals the old coffee machine her mother stores in the bottom right cabinet and sneaks it into her room and under her bed . she tries to stay awake as much as possible to avoid the dreams . ignoring them , at least , might help a little . she thinks .
june , 1984 . nancy has been punishing herself for a week and a half now by not taking her medication . she feels empty , and lonely , and she isn’t sure why . she’s begun to distance herself from steve . she’s been convincing herself he doesn’t love her . he couldn’t , anyway .
july eighteenth , 1984 . on a particularly bad night , nancy cuts off her hair . she reclaims herself . or , she tries . it proves a failure , and she sits alone in her room , crying .
october thirtieth , 1984 . barb’s parents have hired an investigator to look into her disappearance . they’re moving , too . nancy feels as though she’s responsible for their strife . it feels strange not to be able to tell them .
october thirty - first , 1984 . tina’s party . nancy and steve fight . nancy backs out and jonathan takes her back home .
november first , 1984 . steve and nancy break up . while talking to jonathan about what happened , nancy gets an idea .
november second , 1984 . the pair purposely get caught by the lab and record a confession of the lab being responsible for what happened to barb and will .
november third , 1984 . nancy and jonathan seek out the help of murray bauman , private investigator hired by the hollands . they release a simplified retelling of the truth . she thinks she should feel better . she doesn’t . nancy and jonathan sleep together* .
november fourth , 1984 . nancy and jonathan return to hawkins and meet back up with steve and the kids , then the adults . they work together to defeat the mind - flayer . nancy and steve have little closure . nancy , jonathan , joyce , and will go to hopper’s cabin to heat the mind - flayer out of will . here , nancy stabs will with a hot poker .
mid - november , 1984 . the lab is closed . nancy still doesn’t feel complete .
late november , 1984 . barb’s funeral . nancy attends with jonathan and steve , both . she thanks steve for coming , awkwardly , and then distances herself from the both of them for a week or so afterwards . she doesn’t want to talk .
december fifteenth , 1984 . nancy chaperones the snow ball with jonathan . she and dustin dance together . she feels a little better . like things could change .
january , 1985 . things have not changed .
may , 1986 . nancy graduates . she’s been accepted to columbia college in new york city . she attends for biology , on a scholarship .
november , 1987 . nancy declares a second major , journalism .
february , 1988 . nancy distances herself from the few friends she’s made and focuses on her work . she begins researching real cases . her schoolwork starts to suffer .
april , 1989 . nancy’s first article is published . it details a government facility in albany and its mistreatment of local workers . she fails in linking the disappearance of a local twelve year old to the facility .
november , 1989 . nancy drops out of columbia and pursues leads on government conspiracies . her classmates condemn her and any remaining friends try , and fail , to talk her out of it . she leaves new york , alone .
1989 - 1997 . nancy publishes multiple articles under various pen names .
september , 1997 . nancy publishes her first book . it’s under her own name . it details her experience in hawkins .
february , 1998 . realizing she’s being followed , nancy begins to compile research on every article she’d ever written . she plans to expose anything and everything she can that condemns the government’s mistreatment of its citizens . she begins covering up her tracks more determinedly . people who had been , up until now , in some form of contact with her lose her completely . she isolates . she travels . she sneaks into labs much like the one of her childhood . she seeks to uncover .
july , 1999 . nancy returns to the midwest . she resides in chicago . she begins getting in touch with every contact she has to create backup plan after backup plan . she won’t give it up .
december first , 1999 . they’ve found her . nancy knows it .
december thirty first , 1999 . nancy ruth wheeler is shot and killed on the streets of chicago after having been in hiding for a few years . the motive remains unknown and no police put in the proper effort to find the culprit , but people close to her know . they can feel it . they could hear it in her voice when she finally called them from payphones , haphazard and final conversations which were spoken with an air of caution . the people she loved , who loved her , know . she was right ; they were always watching .
* i follow show - canon unless ppl want to discuss another option! if you want to hear why, feel free 2 ask me. will be adjusting as new seasons come out!
#▌ ⁑╰ i. meta / details & footnotes ∎ ჻ ɐʇǝɯ .#d/n.r /#im proud of the childhood part of this#screwcool™ timeline >:-]]#also proUD OF THE POST COLLEGE STUFF#IM GONNA DEVELOP MORE BUT#ITS A BASIC IDEA OF WHAT I PICTURE HAPPENING . MOST LIKELY#i came on 2 post this and finish it but im gonna log off again and go to sleep !#gn bbs. im on Hiatus™ ish
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Elise Cooper Interviews Jayne Ann Krentz
The Vanishing by Jayne Krentz is an action-packed story that relies heavily on the paranormal. The psychic element adds to the suspense along with murder, conspiracies, and a kidnapping.
The story opens fifteen years earlier where two teenage girls, Catalina Lark and Olivia Dayton witness a murder in a cave. Convinced the girls were hallucinating, their story was dismissed.
Readers find out how the government was running paranormal experiments in the mountains close to a town in Fogg Lake Washington. After a gas explosion, residents of the town started having visions. But after the government sent representatives to find out what happened the residents blamed their “hallucination” on food subjects, as they were determined not to become research subjects. Some Fogg Lake descendants, including protagonists Catalina and Olivia, were later born with “another sight.”
Fast-forward to the present day where Cat and Olivia open a private investigation firm in Seattle. To help solve crimes they rely heavily on paranormal gifts: Cat has visions of the past and Olivia has the ability to read auras. After Olivia suddenly disappears, Cat fears it has something to do with the murder they witnessed fifteen years earlier. She reluctantly agrees to help another investigator, Slater Arganbright, find who is behind a series of recent murders as long as he helps her find Olivia. Needless to say, a romance forms between the two.
The story has passion, love, danger, and at times the dialogue is very humorous. Krentz creates an atmosphere of tension, drama, and danger.
Elise Cooper: How did you get the idea for the story?
Jayne Krentz: In the 50s, 60s, and 70s, there was serious governmental paranormal research going on. There were a lot of facilities built. It was a type of arms race with the Soviet Union who was also exploring paranormal research. In hindsight, I think both countries went a little crazy with it. But for me, it makes good plot material. I thought about what could happen after it was shut down.
EC: Did you base it on anything?
JK: My Bluestone Project is based loosely on the Manhattan Nuclear Bomb project. There were several scattered lands that were isolated from each other for security reasons. These places were put in non-populated areas. I wanted to show how the government ran secret labs. I wrote “The Foundation” as an undercover government agency that is devoted to studying the paranormal, policing those who went rogue, protecting those with ‘talents,’ and handles crimes that often go unobserved because they don’t look like crimes to the police, but they look like natural disasters or deaths.
EC: Is the town of Fogg Lake real?
JK: I like the setting to be in Washington state. Making up my own town allows me to easy manipulate the pieces instead of having to stick to the reality on the ground. There are still so many tiny towns and wild places in the state, and I’m always amazed that people still disappear in the mountains. I like drawing on the wild energy of nature for the storylines. And the energy of Seattle is at the core of the story: Almost any kind of character can come out of our town.
EC: How would you define Catalina?
JK: Regarding her talent, she is able work through a crime scene by having visions of what happened. She sees manifestations of the emotions of both the killer and victim with her intuition taking over. She is one of the adult grandchildren of those effected that are the characters in the story. Cat is cool, controlling, brave, and smart.
EC: How would you describe Olivia?
JK: She is Cats’ best friend who is much more of a free spirit. Knowing that her mother was murdered is an important part of her backstory. She has a lot of guts and is very resourceful. Her talent is seeing auras.
EC: How would you describe Slater?
JK: Protective, kind, intelligent, and caring. A nice guy who is determined to take care of those in trouble. His greatest fear is he will become a monster like those he hunts. But Cat just shrugs him off and tells him that she is too busy worrying about other things, like finding Olivia. Her attitude worked well to help ground Slater, and for him to realize that Catalina knows the difference between a real monster and someone whose powers are just a little different, which doesn't bother her.
EC: Can you explain some of the vocabulary used?
What is a blank?
JK: It is a slang term for a sociopath.
EC: Normal versus Crazy?
JK: Where are the lines and who determines what is normal and what is not. A professor I once had in college said ‘you know you are normal if you are not in an institution.’
EC: Going Dark?
JK: It is when the psychic senses are turned down. Those with it learn when to use it and when to tune it down. It is shutting down and controlling the sixth sense. All the characters have personal control.
EC: Can you tell us about your next book(s)?
JK: Out in May is an Amanda Quick book titled Close-Up. It takes place in the 1930s where the heroine is a photographer who realizes another photographer is a murderer.
This series will be out in about a year and is titled All The Colors of Night. The hero and heroine are new characters. Several characters from this book will be returning except Slater and Cat. The plot has someone who works for the Foundation trying to find who put his father into a coma.
THANK YOU!!
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Stranger Things 2: An Entertaining, Soft-Remake of the Original?
The first portion of this review contains no major spoilers, while my comments on the individual episodes in the second half, will.
The first two episodes, or ‘chapters,’ of Stranger Things 2 unequivocally reminds us that we identify ourselves by the media we choose to consume. When the characters are reintroduced we’re practically nostalgic for the first run of the series, which only aired a little over a year ago. The first series created an environment reminiscent of many of our childhood brushes with pop-culture, adventure, the awkwardness of navigating puberty etc. The second run practically doubles-down on recreating that environment from the get-go, and then as the series progresses the Duffer Brothers deftly ease off that particular pedal, and let us settle back into the day-to-day troubles of Hawkins without the distraction of a constant barrage of ancient product labels, toys, fashion, and music to take note of.
Stranger Things 2 is a grander remake of the first series. Our heroes reemerge to once again take on the government lab baddies and its out-of-control science experiment, although this time the threat looms even larger over Hawkins. One would assume that replaying the same plot points might mark this series as stale, from the third or so chapter on, but the characters do grow, and there are enough mini-arcs involving our favorite returning heroes to maintain interest. For me, the first run of Stranger Things often dragged, while the characters did keep me watching, Stranger Things 2 certainly kept up the pace of the story, and only hit a road bump with Eleven’s side-story in the big city.
Speaking of which, I do have to address the opening chase scene, with the cast of characters we’ll only come to again in Chapter 7. There seems to be no purpose for introducing these folks here. The van chase should probably begin the fifth chapter, where the lead, Kali, is hinted at in a flashback. For me, Kali and her gang is the one glaring misstep of Stranger Things 2. Her Eleven-like powers are introduced in the first few minutes of the series, and the viewer is left waiting for some sort of explanation, or purpose for her in the story arc, yet the distraction has little to no payoff.
Before I get to comments on individual chapters, I must say that Stranger Things 2 is well done, a superior product to the original, if you don’t detest, or fixate on, the fact that this second series is nearly a soft remake. I’d recommend Stranger Things 2 to anyone who broadly enjoys sci-fi or horror.
The following portion has spoilers and should serve as a brief episode guide, so here’s your warning if you haven’t seen the complete series.
Chapter 1: Madmax (Rating: 4/5)
Max is a redheaded girl who is always at the arcade, the boys are instantly enamored of her and stalk her. Her older brother, Billy, quickly becomes the new, even more narcissistic and nasty version of series 1 Steve, now that Steve is a sweetheart, older brother archetype to the boys.
Barb’s family has hired a private investigator and are selling their house to pay for it, although Nancy and Steve know she’s dead, but won’t say. It’s a real moral dilemma for Nancy, as it should be. We figure out quickly that most of the characters have kept quiet about what occurred at Hawkins National Lab.
Paul Reiser is Will’s psychiatrist, Dr. Owens. Dr. Owens is the a more sympathetic version of Dr. Brenner, although he still represents faceless, uncaring bureaucracy that manufactures horrible weapons and wants to treat special kids like guinea pigs.
Eleven is living with Hopper in a cabin deep in the woods.
Chapter 2: Trick or Treat, Freak (4/5)
Eleven is still having visions, mainly to let the viewer in on the fallout from the previous season.
Hopper begins investigating poison pumpkins and vegetation. First major, “Come on, dude” moment. Hopper is only a year away from dealing with plant issues. The first thing he should think when he sees a field full of rotted vegetation is Inter-dimensional Plant Monster.
The boys go trick or treating with Max and have a great time until Will has a vision of a menacing behemoth in the sky. This is such a rich, nostalgic episode, although it doesn’t quite have enough trick or treating scenes as one might hope.
Chapter 3: The Pollywog (3/5)
Dusty finds creature in trash can outside his house. The creature transforms and Dusty is a dummy who will smack himself (again) when he sees Life (2017).
El wants to leave cabin and see Mike, but Hopper wants to keep her his secret. This was probably a missed opportunity to have an ultimate Halloween episode with Mike and El’s reunion. She already had the ghost sheet made, there’s no real reason why she can’t just interact with Mike and have him keep her secret.
Steve’s hair is out of control. It’s distracting by this point.
Hopper figures out the lab is the cause of the plant decaying poison…duh.
Joyce finally gets back to her paranormal investigating and uses camcorder footage from Halloween Night to see Will’s behemoth in the sky.
El goes to the middle school just to knock Max off her skateboard out of jealousy. It’s not a good look, nor a good scene.
Will stands his ground against the behemoth, taking Bob’s advice to heart, after he’s thrust back into the Upside Down, and gets consumed by the monster.
Chapter 4: Will the Wise (4/5)
They find will nearly catatonic in the parking lot of school. Will is now possessed by the entity from his visions and begins coloring a ton of pictures.
El returns home and has teen tantrum, destroys the cabin and Hopper leaves. She then finds a box with Hopper’s notes on Hawkin’s Lab under cabin and gets ideas.
Joyce and Hopper put Will’s picture together and decide they represent destroying vines.
Nancy records Dr. Owens admitting to Barb’s death. She and Steve want to burn the lab to ground, which is silly at the point, because they already knew Hawkins National Lab was most responsible for Barb’s death.
Dusty’s creature has escaped, and is found eating his cat. The creature now looks like the monster from the first season.
Hopper discovers the vast root system and tunnels under the poisoned fields.
Chapter 5: Dig Dug (4/5)
Hopper is investigating underground and gets blasted in face by sporing vine, and is trapped. Will has visions of Hopper in trouble.
Nancy and Jonathan meet up with conspiracy nut/the private investigator who was investigating Barb’s death and let him listen to Dr. Owens’ confession.
Bob walks in and solves Will’s drawings, deciphering them as a map of Hawkins, almost instantly.
El communicates with her Mom, finds out her Mom went into Hawkins Lab to try and rescue El aka Jane, and another girl, whom we can assume is the chick from first episode. El/Jane’s mom is caught, and Dr. Brenner fries her brain with some intense ECT.
Joyce and Bob manage to find, and free, Hopper. Hawkins Lab people also discover the underground tunnel system and they torch the labyrinths, which makes Will freaks out.
Chapter 6: The Spy (4/5)
Dusty and Steve discover that the creature has escaped from Dusty’s bomb shelter.
Will gets amnesia, and the episode begins feeling like It (2017) with the way everything leads back to one, evil wellspring which must be approached underground and conquered.
At this point the show begins feeling more like a horror movie than a sci-fi adventure. The kids battle monsters in a blockaded bus, while Hawkins Lab is overrun by the demadogs and the adults must fight their way out of the building.
Chapter 7: The Lost Sister (2/5)
Eleven finds Kali, her lost ‘sister’ from Hawkins lab, in Chicago. They share information and decide they’re going to track bad guys. Their first target states that Dr. Brenner is still alive, Kali seems to believe him. This bit of incredibly important information is quickly forgotten.
Cops bust Kali’s gang, while El has a vision of Mike in trouble, and parts ways with Kali and her gang. There was no reason that Eleven had to meet Kali or take part in any of Kali’s vendettas. It cheapened the overall story and was a distracting element from the first episode onward.
Chapter 8: The Mind Flayer (4/5)
The adults are still trying to escape Hawkins Lab, which is overrun by monsters. Bob’s going to reprogram some computers on the fly and save everyone.
This is the episode where we go full horror movie, fun clichés spawning left and right. Bob dies, brutally to save Joyce and the others.
The group plan to kill the underground behemoth, in order to destroy the hivemind, it generates.
They need to get information out of Will, but he’s possessed by the behemoth. Will’s friends and family tell him loving stories and anecdotes, and he ultimately gives them no new information.
El returns in time to save everyone from demadogs at Joyce’s house. She took a bus home using the money which she and Kali’s gang stole, apparently.
Chapter 9: The Gate (5/5)
Comedy finally returns to the series in the beginning of this episode! Yes, levity gives perspective, and character, to heavy drama.
The group separates to burn the entity that has possessed Will, and to take on the behemoth underground.
“I shouldn’t have left.” - Eleven. Exactly, she shouldn’t have had a side story about meeting her mom and sister, as they ultimately told her nothing about herself or gave her meaningful direction to overcome her demons.
El and Hopper go into lab and run into Dr. Owens, who’s given a tourniquet and pistol by Hopper. No real reason for this run-in to occur here.
Entity/behemoth ultimately leaves Will when Steve and his gang of kids start fire in the underground hub. While El defeats the behemoth and pushes it back through the gate.
Epilogue: There’s justice for Barb and Hawkins Lab gets shut down for good. Which is really a no-brainer as the entire structure and everyone in it got destroyed.
Hopper gets Eleven/Jane’s birth certificate from Dr. Owens, and she is now his daughter. The kids have a winter dance and hook up with each other. Final moments show Hawkins Middle School in the Upside Down.
-Joe Sullivan
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Gifts for Film and TV Lovers 2017: Entertainment Holiday Gift Guide
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
D o not bother counting the shopping times until Christmas — you had the perfect gift yesterday. ‘Tis your right time for you to look for “the finest presents for him” and “the finest presents for her,” hoping to land onto a gift guide that’ll somehow understand your loved one much better than you do.
C’mon! The holiday season doesn’t have to feel like one, long eggnog hassle. What did she diligently binge watch this year? What film did he have to check out in theaters? You see where it’s about: Pop culture obsessions will be the secrets to finding the perfect presents this Christmas, what from the pragmatic to this totally superfluous into the stocking stuffer throwaway you end up using for the subsequent 20 years. Whether you are buying for fanatical in need of a new coat, fanatic that skateboards on the facet, theory-hunter looking to kill time between seasons, or someone in need of a good book, Thrillist has you covered. Here are seven gift guides best that’ll score big with the giftee this past year. We all know you can do better than a card. (Click through each picture for full gift guide)
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Here ‘Stranger Things’ Theory Means Trouble for Everybody
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
A longyears ago, in a galaxy you call home, the film Star Wars forever changed the lives of countless generations, for example somebody who you owe a gift this holiday season. Together with The Last Jedi on the horizon, Star Wars materialism is once more on the rise. Overwhelmed? Recall Yoda’s words : “Fear is the path to the dark side… fear leads to anger… anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering” Don’t be mad, don’t be hateful, and certainly don’t suffer. We have sifted through Star Wars clothes toys, Last Jedi homework studying, and everyday household items which seem like lightsabers to build a set of presents worthy of Jabba’s palace. To quote Yoda once again: “Do or do not. There’s absolutely not any try.”
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
If you wish to impress the Thrones-buff in your life, or wish to get a newbie hooked, look no further than this selection of Kingdom-inspired goods, from novels to dragon eggs into a door stop (“HODOR!”) You never knew you wanted until now. These will be the best Game of Thrones gifts money can purchase.
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
However, what do I purchase The Walking Dead enthusiast in my life? You wonder since the doomsday clock counts down and the zombie appetite (for presents) grows. We have great news: Besides all of the merch AMC pushes throughout the holiday season, you will find tons of less obvious gems that’ll amuse your post-apocalyptic. Contemplate these collectibles, tchotchkes, and TV-watching companions.
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
About the 12th day of Christmas, a diehard Stranger Thingsenthusiast gave to me 12 Demogorgons demogorging, 11 psychics psychicing, 10 Barbs a-screaming, nine Hawkins lab goons, eight minute a-slobbering, seven wide-eyed Joyces, six nail bats a-swinging, five gold Eggos, four bike-riding D&D gamers, three hormonal teens, two government conspiracies, along with also a shadow monster in an Upside Down shrub. In all honesty, not one of these were really great presents, so consider our listing of Stranger Things… things. They’re not so much strange as perfect. Perfect Things.
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
Together with the mega success of , the breakouts of lesser-knownadaptations, along with the forthcoming series , that will mine multiple King novels for inspiration, there’s never been a better time to be an obsessive reader of America’s most popular living horror author. Many obsessives possess the majority of the famously prolific novelist’s back catalog, so we’re digging a bit deeper for something creepy to get your IT-adoring noob along with also the Dreamcatcher-protecting diehard in your life. These are the finest Stephen King presents money can purchase.
Nick Thackray for Thrillist
If your giftee is somebody whose favorite Christmas film is a marathon of all eight Harry Potter movies, that has definitely sorted the personalities of their favorite TV series into Hogwarts homes, and that will rattle off every one of Albus Dumbledore’s center names at the fall of a sorting hat (“Percival Wulfrick Brian,” for the album), keep reading to get a collection of the most advanced, unique, and intriguing Potter-related gifts that’ll wow them win favor for future alliances. There are just a lot of neckties in Hufflepuff colours a individual can possess, and commemorative sculptures of Dobby the House Elf don’t totally net with most modern decor, so here are a few off-the-Marauder’s-Map selections.
Cole Saladino for Thrillist
Since you rack your brain trying to think of the perfect gift for everybody on your holiday shopping list, it is important to not forget that in our technology-driven Earth, there is no substitute for a good book. Here are our favorite titles released in 2017 — you are sure to find something for everybody.
Subscribe here for our daily Thrillist e mail and join here for our YouTube channel to get your fix of the finest in food/drink/fun.
from gift4sure http://www.gift4sure.co.uk/gifts-for-film-and-tv-lovers-2017-entertainment-holiday-gift-guide/
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tube thoughts vol. 7
zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking,
2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific
Rifftrax presents "Cool As Ice" --1991--
*Snow aka Justin Bieber gives Bella Swan goosebumps and crotch-rocket road rash.* 3 stars with riffing or running from zero to 1 star without
"Dumb and Dumber To" ---2014---
*Sloppy seconds.* 2 stars
VH1 --sneak peak-- "Suave Says" --2014--
*A "thrilling" inside look into the post music career, current evangelical motivational speaking venture, and wealthy domestic drama of a one hit wonder pop star from wayback in 1991. Gerardo aka Rico Suave.* 1/2 a star
"That's My Boy" (2012)
*Topics like underage student and teacher sexual relationships and incest are dealt with maturely by Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, and Vanilla Ice. Of course not, but this isn't even creatively controversial or riotously raunchy in any remarkable way. It's just another formulaic Adam Sandler movie that hits all the same notes as usual.* either zero stars or 1 star
The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- -The Comedy Network- (1998)
*Bemused, pertubed, fumed. These are just a few of the reactions Tom illicits from anyone not in on the joke.* 2 stars
Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of Laughing in the Dark
*"Pick the right door, and you'll go free. Pick the wrong door, and there he'll
be." He being a cigar puffing, nightmarish, funhouse clown.* 3 stars
"Housebound" ---2014---
*"An active mind in an inactive environment." The Brits make a superbly spooky
mystery with dry and subtle humor.* 3 stars
"Chonda Pierce On Her Soapbox" (1999)
*Folksy entertainment variety and jubilee from a real life Peggy Hill.* 1 star
Buckmasters -Young Bucks- "The Misadventures of Bubba" (1992)
*Near fatal hunting accidents hilarity with a Jim Varney caricature.*
between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
"Dancing Outlaw, Jesco White" (1991) & Jesco Goes to Hollywood (1994)
*''Sorrow, hatred, and madness. '' "If you wanna get to heaven, you got to
raise a little hell."* Heaven for Jesco is dancing at Elvis' star on the
Hollywood walk of fame and guest starring on Roseanne or huffing fumes.* 3 stars
Fargo: The Crocodile's Dilemma
*"What's the policy? See, I'm sort of a student of institutions." Billy Bob
Thornton can play indifferent malice like no other.* 3 stars
15 Storeys High: The Sofa
*Lord Snooty's couch, club card, co-opting of other people's conundrums, and
crisis 'cause he can't stand to be cuddled.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
12:01 Beyond-- Christmas Special 2014 -------------------------------
*World Friendship Society - Please Just Go (music video)* close to 2 1/2 stars
*Le Passage (movie trailer): More badass than Home Alone and Rambo.* 3 stars
*Lobo for the charity "Socks for Tots" gently used socks for children at Christmas at the North Pole. Lonely odd socks for lonely odd kids.* 2 1/2 stars
*Ninja, the Mission Force: "Clam chowder can only mean a ninja challenge."* 2 1/2 stars
*Lobo argues the Holiday Blues with his potted plant, Ms. Mittens.* between 2 & 2 1/2 *
*Fleischer Studios - Superman - The Arctic Giant: A kaiju nearly destroys Metropolis and swallows Lois whole.* 3 stars
*Treevenge: sentient x-mas trees turn the tables on crass Christmas celebrations and begin tearing the merry folk to shreds.* 3 stars
*Lobo fills holiday stockings full of leftover Halloween Candy.* 2 1/2 stars
*Lobo meets Ro-Man the Robot Monster from the 1950s B sci fi movie, at the
north pole, and suggests he kidnap Santa Claus.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
*Reverse Pharmacology: Incredibly hilarious imagined symptoms of a placebo taken by medical test subjects under lab conditions.* close to 3 stars
*Pueblo Sleep Solutions presents 'The Bedtime Bruiser' (commercial)* 2 1/2 stars
*Don't Open Till Christmas (movie): Scotland Yard is on the case of serial
slayings of Santas.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
*Lobo gets an 8 track player for X Mas* 2 stars
*The Lobo (DC Comics character, not the guy from the 12:01 skits) Paramilitary
Christmas Special: The Easter Bunny hires the meanest bounty hunter in the galaxy to hunt down and take out the fat man and his elves.* 3 stars
*Sleigh Runner: The Communist tradition of Christmas is put to an end by
a Eastern European Rob Zombie lookalike cowboy killer.* 2 1/2 stars
*Happy Holidays to all the fans of the New Mission Impossible (tv series).* 3 stars
*"This Christmas forget milk and cookies. He wants blood." TWo Front Teeth
(low budget movie trailer). The elves in this flick look pretty nightmarish and
the characters, especially the black cowboy, look interesting. Interest peaked.* 3 stars
*Republic Pictures Serial -The Crimson Ghost- Chapter 3- The Fatal Sacrifice:
The Crimson Ghost's hideous high wire act.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
*The metal band HEMI perform the song Dust to Dust live in a club.* close to 3 stars
*Neon Harbor presents Space Ninja the animated movie: A cyber dystopia mixed with feudal Japan. technology and swordplay eyecandy-gorgeous must see for me.* 3 stars
*Ro-Man mistakenly beheads Santa for Lobo who claims no responsibility for
the death of the mythical character.* 2 1/2 stars
*Action International Home Pictures presents the "Gruesome Holiday shocker."
"Elves" starring Grizzly Adams (retro movie trailer)* 3 stars
*Vinegar Syndrome presents on Blu Ray "You Better Watch Out" aka "Christmas Evil": And they've added a beautifully twisted painted portrait of the movie's tragic hero on the box art.* 3 stars
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tales from the Crypt: The Ventriloquist's Dummy
*Pathetic weirdo and hack ventriloquist comedian Bobcat Goldthwait's idol Don Rickles isn't really a retired, bitter legend of ventriloquism. He's actually a prisoner of his own responsibility to keep his beautiful-woman-hating, conjoined twin freak brother from ever killing again.* 3 stars
Freddy's Nightmares: Deadline ----------
*Writing obituaries does seem like the typically morbid Summer job that a
Springwood teenager would have.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
*Springwood, where suicidal teenagers wish they were dead so that they can be reunited with their ghost bff(s) and douchebag, ponytailed dreamlovers.* 2 stars
---------------------------------------------
Red Shoe Diaries: Safe Sex
*A smooth talker brings a sad, vulnerable business professional lady in out of
the rain, and she still makes him wear a raincoat in bed. So, so, softcore stories
sent in to a personal ad's post office box and then picked up and retold by shadowy anywhere North America David Duchovny character, which is nice trimming for the show, but damn is the sensitive lite soul torch singing background music awful. I prefer a cheesy, solo saxophone over this -Lifetime For Women lyrics- boner killing tripe.* close to 2 1/2 stars
Brian De Palma's "The Black Dahlia" (2006)
*I'm a sucker for Los Angeles noir settings, slaughtered pretty girls like Laura
Palmer, and conspiracy art like Alan Moore's From Hell.* 2 1/2 stars
Transparent: season 1 -episode 1
*Three self absorbed siblings can't see past themeselves enough to be aware of their father for what he truly is and themselves for what they might actually be. The conservative side of me wants to say that this is more of liberal Hollywood's agenda to undermine traditional America by saying everyone secretly wants and would be happier with an alternative lifestyle. Also, I can't remember the last time I saw so many aesthetically interesting (not exploitive or trying too hard to be sexy) glimpses of comfortable nudity.* 3 stars
Weird Science: Cyrano DeBraniac
*"The savage game of sexual attraction" requires all of one's synapses to be firing and it doesn't hurt to have a time and space manipulating genie, who's also sexy, to unzip Einstein's undead brain out of the fourth dimension.* 2 1/2 stars
Thundarr the Barbarian: Den of the Sleeping Demon
*A pair of clumsy junior adventurers, and their huge bird friend, help rebury
a genetic research monstrosity that was given a high voltage reawakening.* 3 stars
--- Swamp Thing: The Dark Side of the Mirror
*Everyone in this town is so stupid and easily manipulated that Arcane could have probably just walked up to the new determined district attorney, at dinner in a fancy restaurant, and shot him in the head, instead of genetically mutating the musclebound moronic deputy into a Swamp Thing double assassin.
The town formed an extremely enraged mob, in a matter of minutes, and even the longest running protagonist human characteron the show (Jim's mom) is willing to throw her morals aside for blind vengeance.
Thank goodness Jim's brother Will, the new female lead Kari Wuhrer, and Swamp Thing are decent characters.
I'm glad for the upgrade from Jim to Will. Will is a better character and it gives the show more of an adult cast and less of a Timmy fell down the well and needs to be saved, each week, routine.
Still, some of the acting is low quality from the extras.
Feels like they used the stunt man from the fight scenes to do the lines, to save money, when it would have been better to switch him out for a real actor.*
between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
--------------------------------------------------
Paranormal State: season 1 -episode 17
*A wild goose chase for the legendary Mothman. The leader of PRS probably doesn't realize how much he comes off like X Files' Fox Mulder as he keeps repeating the phrase "I want to believe."* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
Kolchak, the Night Stalker: The Sentry
*"Don't linger in the shadows." It will "rile the bile" about lizard-men living deep
within the earth where corporations and shadowy government organizations are storing their darkest secrets. The most daring reporter,ever, of tabloid monster mysteries makes his last (documented) stand down there.* 3 stars
"Room 237" (2012)
*"The past doesn't exist." But film historians, and fans, are still dissecting the
ghost of Stanley Kubrick and the symbolic filmic events surrounding the almost
mythical Overlook Hotel.* 3 stars
Lucio Fulci's "Conquest" (1983)
*Cro-Magnon man was ruled by a cruel dominatrix / naked lady performance artist / new-age goddess, along with her band of fanatical furries. That is until Ronnie James Dio & Luke Skywalker changed things. Conquest establishes itself apart from other low budget and dumb sword & sorcery flicks, of the early 1980s, with its dreamlike aesthetic and gore-crazy practical special fx.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
"Begotten" (1990)
*Imagine a super 8mm National Geographic hallucination of twitching, early 20th century mental patients being tortured and abused in the ruins of a 19th century pastoral southern gothic wasteland lurked over by pre-modern-civilization tribal sacrificial rites that are even more hellish and nightmarish than actual pagan practices predating contemporary times. Black mold on the walls of farmhouses with sun peeled paint and holes in the tin roof where the sound of dripping rain and viscus is constant on rusting metal surfaces that lie just beyond open rock quarries crawled over by lepers, in rags, dragging shaved and mutilated Christ-like figures who spew black stigmata from their weeping eyes and mouths.* 3 stars
Squidbillies: Taint Misbehavin'
*A dying Dan Halen requires the citizens of Dougal County to join him in the paradise of the afterlife. Granny and Early get giddy because they mistakenly believe they're going to a resort town in Tennessee, when they're actually heading for the ancient Egyptian land of the dead.* 2 1/2 stars
Workaholics -2015 Season- --preview trailer--
*Some Comedy Central money went into a 2 minute parody of the new Mad Max movie, popular crime tv shows like Sons of Anarchy, strippers, bullet porn fx, and "cool" explosions.* close to 2 1/2 stars (for the misguided effort)
Hannibal: Apéritif
*The mongoose meets the cobra.* 3 stars
Jonny Quest: The House of the Seven Gargoyles
*An icy fate for an acrobatic dwarf creeping around a castle posing as a gothic statue and trying to choke his unsuspecting victims.* 3 stars
Dr. Who (4th Doctor - Tom Baker): The Android Invasion
*A Benedict Arnold astronaut returns from being lost in space, now brainwashed by aliens carrying a shipment of human replicants and a deadly virus.* 3 stars
Farscape: Jeremiah Crichton
*Crichton becomes a castaway on green planet inhabited by a tribal, and somewhat peaceful people, although there is some jealousy when the daughter of the chief becomes smitten with Crichton. After spending part of a cycle looking for Crichton, Rigel and Dargo find him all scruffy and weather beaten. In a Return of the Jedi C3PO twist, Rigel is the tribe's prophesized messiah and the three must save these exiled, forced by forcefield to be primitive people, or else be sacrificed themselves due to stupid politics and a conspiracy of priestly hierarchy.* 3 stars
Bob & Margaret: For Pete's Sake
*Bob's brother is a pretentious tv chef, and when he gets a gig in India, Bob
and Margaret have to look after his two annoying brats.* 3 stars
Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Dark Music
*The power to control demonic forces, living in the root cellar, lies in the sounds on the radio. A tired of being picked on paperboy uses this knowledge to payback the scummy metal-head bully next door and his mean, little sister.* 3 stars
"The Initiation of Sarah" (1978)
*This feels like a hazy 70s tv movie version of Carrie the college years. Two sisters pledge and go through the occult like Greek sorrority ceremonies. The good looking one gets picked by Morgan Fairchild's meangirl sisters and has to be cruel to the other. The timid one has her telepathic powers exploited by a witch wannabe Shelly Winters in the rival plain Jane house complete with a maze backyard.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars
---Thrashin'--- (1987)
*Square jawed Josh Brolin is too straight laced to be taken seriously by skatepunks in the 80s L.A. skatescene. The leader of a gang of Lost Boys also wants Brolin to stay away from his out of town and just visiting, Idaho pretty tomato younger sister. It hits all the right notes for an 80s extreme sports fun adventure flick.* 2 1/2 stars
Tales from the Crypt: Fitting Punishment
*A cheapskate ghetto mortician is willing to cut corners no matter the cost to human decency. He embalms using dirty tap water. He buys cheap coffins from China. He clips out the gold and silver teeth of the deceased. He even blames his orphaned nephew for being a financial burden and cripples him, then sells his Air Jordans to pay medical expenses. When that's not enough, he murders him and saws him a foot shorter above the ankles so that he can stuff the boy into a cheap coffin for Chinamen.* 3 stars
Hill Street Blues: Film At Eleven
*Llama stolen from the zoo and almost used in a slumland apartment voodoo ceremony. Cops style film crew documenting the precinct. Herman Dracula, alledged wannabe vampire. It's funny until he commits suicide in his private cell. Ballistics confirms that they've found the handgun used in the near fatal shooting of officers Renko & Hill. Relief comes with uncertainty. It's raining in the police station, the roof is leaking and everyone is getting the flu because of it. This show can't help but end on a melancholy note due to all the lingering emotions. Rollercoaster, as usual.* 3 stars
Tru Tv- --South Beach Tow-- --Bernice's Top 20--
*"Best of" countdown of fake reality show beatdowns by an angry black woman?* 1 star
Botched: Vagina Bomb!
*The same network (E!) that encourages viewers to idolize trainwreck celebrities and their fake bodies, also exploits sick individuals who've butchered their own bodies in order to achieve that phony Hollywood dream. Of course this show is under the guise of "fixing" plastic surgery mistakes, but the client/patient usually receives even more body enhancements and still looks like a nightmare.* either zero stars or 2 stars
True Detective: The Long Bright Dark
*Heathen homicide in a hick shit-haven where if one doesn't parrot the standard beliefs of others, and oddly speaks in a stream of consciousness like Cormac McCarthy, then one's peers tilt their heads and cock their ears like a confused dog in misunderstanding and disbelief.* 3 stars
---- New Year's Movie Marathon ---------------------------------
Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Time Runner (1992)
*Spoilers, for The Force Awakens, ahead. Be Warned. Years after Return of the Jedi, Luke is having a midlife crisis and skynet is using star destroyers to blow up Los Angeles. So he travels back in time to the Washington Canadian border getting in ugly rental car chases with human looking alien Rae Dawn Chong and gunning down well armed baddies, along side the goofy deputy from Twin Peaks, & watching their hilarious death throes. All while making sure Senator Palpatine can't prevent Seth Rogen and James Franco from nuking
North Korea thirty years in the future. Make sense?* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000: 12 To The Moon ---plus--- "Dream to Design" -short-
*The woman of the future visits the satellite of love and turns the robots crow
and tom servo into kitschy househould appliances. meanwhile, the united nations of nasa proves earth's worthiness to the lunar neighbors.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing
and between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without
Terry Gilliam's "Brazil"
*A depressed Da Vinci with his wings clipped by the dulled scissors that society
can no longer cut all the red tape with.* 3 stars
Fritz Lang's "Metropolis"
*In my life of relative ease, I watch this movie on my cheap consumer electronics provided for me by workers in horrible third world conditions.* 3 stars
"Starry Eyes" (2014)
*Ambition. Attrition. Ascension. All the way from Hooters Girl who can't get taken
seriously at low-grade movie auditions to transforming into a Hollywood harlot comes at the price of one's soul taken by the Satanists who run the movie industry and helped sanctified with blood and betraying those closest also climbing the ladder.* close to 3 stars
"Messiah of Evil" (1973)
*What if, after Thanksgiving, America honored the Donner Party Massacre by having Black Friday be masses of mad people tearing into raw red meat at supermarkets? This flick is like the eerie calm before an apocalypse. Too weird, almost, to describe, and if one tried to, a bug would appear on their tongue and they would cough up insects and lizards.* 3 stars
"Strange Days" (1995)
*"Memories were meant to be forgotten. They were designed that way." Let old acquaintance as well. 20 year old predictions about the new century, by James Cameron, are still pretty relevant. Questions about the abuse of police force. Urban upheaval and riots. Voyeurism being a social media (though it's not as seedy as it's imagined in this movie).Things James Cameron got a little off are plenty too. Musicians stopped being, for the most part, political messengers. Trainwreck skank rock queens like Courtney Love aren't nearly as talented as James thinks or as worth going through hell over, but they're still a huge part of the media's obsession. Found footage and virtual reality may just be entertainment fantasy, but the themes in this movie are played out daily on actual viral videos.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Max Headroom: Academy
*What if corporations had their own legal systems? What if a death penalty trial was turned into a tv game show? Viewers of the HLN network sort of get to experience this. What if criminal profiles were assigned to innocent people who fit a certain stereotype? Wait a minute....* 3 stars
Joe R. Lansdale's "Cold In July" (2014)
*A considerate and well adjusted family man has to stand his ground, on shaky legs, but isn't in the overzealous camp of his hometown neighbors who wanna pat him on the back for it. He never feels right about the incident and his remorse pulls him into a world of Dixie mafia killings, Texas Mexico border crime, and a friendship with a flamboyant and dogged private detective and the deeply burdened man who mistakenly stalked the family man's family when he was wrongly convinced the family man slayed his son in the stand your ground incident. In a bizarre twist, the three men come together to help the deeply burdened man solve his burden of putting down his wayward son who's making snuff films with hookers. It reminds me a lot of William Devane's "Rolling Thunder," another revenge flick with a lot of bitter sorrow and dark themes.* 3 stars
The Tom Green Show -Rogers Community Tv- --The Comedy Network-- (1998)
*Tom is an absurdist comedian who can sometimes be traditionally clever in his
humor. He drinks purple koolaid with a cult who worship an alien version of Jesus Christ's brother, he ruins an Elvis impersonator street performance and almost gets his ass kicked for it, and he continues to try to prove he's the biggest idiot in the room.* close to 2 1/2 stars
The Prisoner: The Schizoid Man
*The Village have number 6 convinced he's twice the man he was using an uncanny double.* 3 stars
Game of Thrones: season 3 episode 7
*"People work together when it suits them, they're loyal when it suits 'em, they
love when it suits 'em, and they kill when it suits them."* 3 stars
"Under the Skin" (2013)
*Scarlet Joe Handsome is an enticing alien, in a black wig and brightly painted lips, driving around Scotland, in a pedo van, indifferently observing all the quiet, everyday human suffering and luring horny, confused men back to her abandoned building / nest / spaceship(?) --where they step sinking into a surreal black pool of liquid.* either 1/2 a star or 2 stars
American Horror Story- -Coven -The Replacements
*Sober Santeria. What other show is going to have a pothead, white trash mom
molest her patchwork monster, back from the morgue, college boy son? or let a juicy and morbidly obese black virgin finger herself in front of a minotaur? not many spring to mind.* 3 stars
Gargoyles: The Edge
*Zanatos uses the steel clan and a Tony Stark type tech gargoyle suit to frame the real gargoyles for the museum heist of 'the eye of Odin,' in order to have the cops chasing them all around town and scare them into coming back under the wings of his 'protection,' which would have the gargoyles inprisoned in a research lab.* 3 stars
Rifftrax - Total Riff Off - Man vs. Monster
*"Meeting the channel's factual quota, we now return to the bullshit." Rifftrax skewers another one of those pretentious explorer douchebags, from National Geographic Wild, that are always trying to turn a simple creature of nature into a tall tale monster.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without
Son of the Beach: With Sex You Get Eggroll
*satire of sex slaves and sex jokes, both smartly done.* 3 stars
Carman -Yo Kidz! -The Vidz
*Gnarly Jesus dudes, hip musical kids, and cumbersome cat costumes.* 1 star
Morton Downey Jr.: Cults
*A man who once had a cult-like tv audience examines mind control organizations and self-help pseudo-religions.* close to 3 stars
Mel Brooks in "High Anxiety"
*Side-splitting neuroses.* 3 stars
Tales from the Crypt: Korman's Kalamity
*A cartoonist's monstrous creations come to life after years of nagging from
an abusive spouse and his recent forced use of an experiment male potency medication.* 2 1/2 stars
"Al-TV" -April Fools Day 1984
*"I could just watch videos all day until my brain turned to mush. Couldn't you?"
Weird Al takes over MTV from its bland video disc jockeys and turns the channel into the absurdity it should be.* 3 stars
"Traxx" (1998)
*"Be good, be gone, or be dead." Shadoe Stevens is one tough cookie as he parodies every 80s action hero vigilante and western cowboy cliche come to clean up a Troma version of a Texas town in one of the weirdest, left field comedies ever.* 3 stars
Hippies: Protesting Hippies
*Simon Pegg tries to spark a Y2K revival of the comedic rebelliousness of The Young Ones with a Britcom That 60s Show.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Northern Exposure: Pilot Episode
*A "Jew, New York doctor" finds unspoiled land, wildlife, hell... even people
(patients) "just waiting to be fondled" in middle-of-nowhere, Alaska.* 3 stars
X Files: Space
*Otherworldy phantom sabotaging shuttle missions. A study on how stifled and
subdued the space program has become.* 2 1/2 stars
"Freaks, Nerds, and Weirdos" -MTV (1994)
*MTV NEWS looks at Generation X's social outcasts like nerdy hipster college kids, quirky celebrities, and alternative musicians and they talk about their struggles with being different from "the norm." Ironically, the show is framed with commercials featuring beautiful skin care and fashion model young people bragging about how great it is to be one of the in group of the beautiful ones.* 2 1/2 stars
"The Myth of the American Sleepover" (2010)
*The last bittersweet days of Summer and the pre-conceived notion of sublimity for a group of suburban teenagers. Indie movies about the adolescent rite of passage to adulthood aren't as fun as exploitation flicks about the same thing, but the delicate and thoughtful manner in which the subject matter is approached allows for more personal reflection for the viewer.* close to 3 stars
Turner Classic Movies: Beneath the Planet of the Apes
*Twice as bleak of an ending as the first.* 3 stars
--- "Bates Motel" (1987)
*After spending his youth in the looney bin with Norman Bates as his father figure, Bud Court (Harold & Maude), and a great casting choice, inherits the Bates Motel from the deceased Norman whom he carries around in an urn afterwards.
With the help of a spunky squatter (Lori Petty) and a Morgan Freeman esque handyman, he reopens the falling apart eyesore and deals with the rumors of the place being haunted and the fast moving yuppies of the 80s who wanna exploit the property to keep with the changing and advancing landscape of the times.
Tonally a weird mixture of maudlin and mockingly humorous. Whoda thunk they could take a legacy of a Hitchcock suspense thriller and throw in one those feel good fixing up the place montages, a Happy Days 1950s teen ghosts dance party with a dreamlover angel Jason Bateman, and Scooby Doo villain plot twist?*
either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars
---------------------------------------------------------------
"An Evening With Bobcat Goldthwait, Share The Warmth" (1987)
*Bobcat chugs two six-packs of TAB and then proceeds to frighten uncomfortable laughter out of a group of yuppies in a nightclub.* 2 1/2 stars
"Beyond Vaudeville" (1986-90s)
*Best of a weird NYC public access variety show with guests and acts like
Grandpa Munster, Tiny Tim, "the Edith Bunker of massage," climbing Harpo's ladder with Wavy Gravy, Burt Reynold's fantasy Turkish woman (possible delusional stalker), Greg Brady, the arm and the giant from Twin Peaks, the theme from the Flying Nun on spoons, Rock Around the Clock in Yiddish, an Underdog / Dracula enthusiast / interpretive dancer, and many other pathetic bizarre folk. Sammy Davis who?* 3 stars
Morton Downey Jr.: Central Park Squatters
*A heated shouting match between freaks and fascists over the issue of
gentrification.* 3 stars
"Scoundrels" (1982) a Cecil Howard adult film
*"Life's too fucking short." Ron Jeremy is the long dick, long suffering dad,
just like Kevin Spacey, in a sexually frustrated slice of American Pie.* 3 stars
American Horror Story -Murder House- "Rubber Man"
*"What is it about being dead that makes me so horny?" Hysterical lady
troubles.* close to 3 stars
"The Guest" (2014)
*A psychotic super-soldier gone awol and come to roost with the troubled family of a fallen comrade. Pulses like an homage to 80s action movies in the vein of John Carpenter.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Justified: season 1 episode 1
*Bluegrass Helter Skelter.* 3 stars
Chrisley Knows Best: The Great Outdoors
*Chrisley reluctantly takes his sons camping at the lake, while wishing he were more like his hero Oprah and scaring his 8 year old with the legend of Jason Vorhees.* 2 stars
Comic Book Men: Ghostbusting at the Stash
*Sitting around ye ole podcast table and sharing spooky stories about
things like the Jersey Devil.* 1 star
"The White Buffalo" (1977)
*Charging out of Hell and into Heaven were men like Wild Bill, Crazy Horse,
and Charles Bronson.* 3 stars
Kung Fu, the series: Dark Angel
*Words lost, eyes blinded, and riches not found, but, at the same time, roots replanted, senses regained, and faith restored.* 3 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000:
Invasion U.S.A. (feature) & A Date with the Family (short)
*Rigid dinners with loved ones, or heavy drinking with a group of barflies, is a
great opportunity to discuss how every American should do more in their part to
combat the Red Menace.* 3 stars with riffing 1 star without
"My Mom's A Werewolf" (1988)
*An underappreciated housewife goes to the pet store to get a flea collar for the family dog, and winds up having the mom jeans charmed off of her, and replaced with fur, by a hair-piece wearing lycanthrope (John Saxon).* 2 1/2 stars
Freddy's Nightmares: Black Tickets ------------------
*A young Brad Pitt runs over himself running into himself running away from
his problems.* 2 stars
*Having a baby is hellish, even if Brad Pitt is the daddy.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
---------------------------------------------------
USA Up All Night -with host Rhonda Shear -Valentine's Special -----------------
*Lovers Lovers (feature movie): Neurotic & horny 30 something year old professionals in the city of Angels. It's like a softcore version of Seinfeld.* 2 stars
*Starburst California Raisins style commercial where the Starburst candies get
taken to the bad side of town called Twisted Town.* 2 1/2 stars
*The Girls of Paradise (phone sex commercial): 3 stars
*Rhonda hangs out in the honeymoon suite with a amorous bell boy who has chest hairs a plenty.* 3 stars
*Twix commercial parodies the plane crash movie "Alive" in a funny scenario where one guy tricks the other into thinking they're being rescued so that he can have both Twix candy bars to himself.* 3 stars
*Rhonda tries to get a honeymooning and arguing couple's bride out of her
hotel room bathroom.* 2 1/2 stars
*Free brochure for TV Parental Ratings guidelines* 3 stars
*"Mel" (taking his name from a PayDay caramel candy bar wrapper) calls up a phone sex hotline to talk to the horny chick about covering her in peanuts and creamy caramel in a funny PayDay commercial.* 3 stars
*"Every day people like me and you are proving why the 'Psychic Solution' is so
popular." Obvious payed employees of this phone scam network give false testimonials about their amazing experiences talking to phone psychics.* either zero or 3 stars
*"Imagine being forced to make love. Now, imagine thousands will die if you dont. Will she? Won't she? Or will she just kick some ass?!" La Femme Nikita preview for an upcoming 1997 episode. Haha.* 3 stars
*Rhonda coaches sweet talk to a dumb husband who gets all her amorous advice lines all wrong.* 3 stars
------------------------------------------------------------------
Weird Science: Magnifico Dad
*Mom gets her birthday wish for dad to turn into male supermodel hunk Fabio.* 3 stars
Son of the Beach: Silence of the Clams
*"The beach is meant for solitude, not senseless orgying. Cancel Spring Break
or else."* 3 stars
Thundarr, the Barbarian: Fortress of Fear
*A many eyed wizard wants Ariel as his bride.* 3 stars
Swamp Thing: Silent Screams
*"Eye of the hurricane, listen to yourself turn. World serves its own needs, Dummy, serve your own needs." Arcane is selling eco-terrorism to the highest bidder. First in line to be served, shadowy agents of the U.S. government, and they're willing to sacrifice a small, swamp town to test the effectiveness.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Jonny Quest: The Invisible Monster
*Turn off the life light, don't let it shine or else be taken in by the hungering
Pac-Man esque ghost of an animated mass of energy. Look out, because it's a one-eyed, giant, purple, people-eater.* 3 stars
Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tale of the Super Specs
*Do "They Live" or is it just an April Fool's Day trick of the mind thanks to a phony trick gifts shop's surprisingly effective super specs glasses?* close to 3 stars
Friday the 13th, the series: Shadow Boxer
*A bum fighter uses cursed gloves to separate his dark side from his body and
sends the shadow out to stick it to his opponents.* 3 stars
Paranormal State: season 1 episode 18
*Penn State freshman lions turn themselves into fraidy cats with the passing around of campus legends and the playing of an ancient Japanese ghost story game called '100 Candles.'* 2 stars
Penny Dreadful: season 1 episode 1
*For a moment, I thought Frankenstein and his monster were going to passionately kiss on the mouth. It was weird.* close to 2 1/2 stars
Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: season 1 episode 6
*"He eats disease. He likes to be scratched behind the ears. He's horrible,
beautiful." 3 stars
The Outer Limits: If These Walls Could Talk
*CGI Ryan Reynolds. He's not Green Lantern. He's possibly a 'Casper' or at the very least a molecular anomaly. His mom can't let go of the mystery around his disappearance and his frequenting of a so-called haunted house. She's a paranormal believer. She swears she hears him crying out in the haunted house. She befriends a pyschic phenomena debunker. They get drunk, share their hearbreak over the afterlife or lack thereof. They stir up spirits or at least a cold case crime scene. They learn about the mystery behind a previous owner who was a reclusive scientist and find his hidden room complete with strange meteor. It ends with them covered in ectoplasmic goo.* 2 1/2 stars
"Father Guido Sarducci Goes to College" (1985)
*Vatican City versus Disneyland.* 2 1/2 stars
Tales from the Crypt: Mute Witness to Murder
*Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. And some enchanted evening, you may witness a brutal murder. That enchanted evening may damage the psyche.* 3 stars
Red Shoe Diaries: Double Dare
*Necessity is the mother of virtue. A business professional lady needs the thrill of an erotic game of show and tell via fax machine dirty messages and flashes of bare flesh across facing office building windows with a sexy stranger, but she can't take it to the next step and cheat on her husband in person.* 2 1/2 stars
"Computer Beach Party"
*Weirdly played, and ridiculously overdubbed, dorky sex comedy that maybe comes close to deserving cult status.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
Total Riff Off: Animals Behaving Badly
*Horny deer. Smoking ape. Rascally raccoon. Pooping cheetah. Shoe humping tortoise. Horny dolphin. Indian woman breastfeeding a calf. Chicago city coyote. rat infanticide, and the classic panda attacking jacket guy.* 3 stars with riffing
between 2 and 2 1/2 stars without
"RoadRacers" (1994) a Robert Rodriguez film
*David Arquette as a scumbag greaser, James Dean wannabe with Salma Hayek as his main squeeze. Sounds unconvincing, but somehow they pull it off. Also, great tunes from the era of rockabilly, decent villains like the town asshole cop William Sadler, and Deadwood's Saul Starr as the sci fi and sinful thrills obsessed sidekick.* 2 1/2 stars
Richard Linklater's "Boyhood" (2014)
*Maybe the best ever use of scripted reality in dramatic entertainment. Following two siblings for over a decade as we watch them grow and deal with their movie parents a psychology student-into-teacher mother (Patricia Arquette) and their sometimes deadbeat other times often extremely caring and liberal-slacker poet papa (Ethan Hawke), along with step siblings, abusive drunk stepfathers, plus all the growing pains and life steps that happen along the way to young adulthood.* 3 stars (for achievement in the portayal of life) or zero stars (for every character being so unlikeable)
--Starz-- --The Missing: episode 1
*A wrenching, quiet, and moody look at the frantic hours around parents dealing with the disappearance of a child and how the effects of that trauma are still haunting them, and others involved with the memory, years later.* 3 stars
American Gothic: Damned If You Don't
*Dang ole' tornado of the soul.* 3 stars
"Din of Celestial Birds" (2006)
*inherent iniquities* 2 1/2 stars
True Detective: Seeing Things
*Pussy, fantasy, illusion, delusion, hallucination, justification, nightmare, and revelation.* 3 stars
X Files: Fallen Angel
*Toxic cover up and lies with an official seal.* 2 1/2 stars
"Night Dreams" (1981) xxx
*Bound by wild desire, Dorothy LeMay fell into a ring of fire.* 3 stars
--- MTV's True Life: I'm Preparing for the End of the World
*An obese, and (from how he's presented on this docu show) low i.q. suffering, young father moves his pregnant wife, two young boys, and yummy pet rabbits & chickens to an isolated farm in the mountains.
There he rambles about doomsday scenarios and his family assists in setting up booby traps that are more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.
My advice is to lay off the extra bunny, at dinner, and to not homeschool the kids about the proper way to filter goat piss into a drinkable water alternative, but instead to exercise as a family and to get out in society and work towards not ending up with an apocalypse.
Next, we have two priviledged college twins who are so quirky and idiotic that they jokingly form a two person cult where they bother college campus students and the city's homeless population with their pretend rhetoric.
Low point being when they claim to be getting prepared to raise their consciousness beyond the normal soulless zombie, just before tossing a twenty dollar bill into the air for a group of hungry homeless and junkies to wrestle over.*
1 star
-----------------------------------------------------------
Morton Downey Jr.: Feminism
*Mort and feminist lawyer Gloria Allred go toe to toe and almost mouth to mouth with the sexual tension between them (just kidding).* close to 3 stars
Tales from the Crypt: Television Terror
*A t.v. station scores big ratings, when Morton Downey Jr. is murdered, live on the air, while investigating a haunted house.* 3 stars
"Too Young To Die?" (1990)
*A trailer trash teen runaway (Juliette Lewis) gets the death penalty for the murder of her soldier guy former lover, thanks to her hick pimp/pusher (Brad Pitt).* 2 1/2 stars
American Horror Story -Asylum- "The Coat Hanger"
*Forgiving trespasses. Ian McShane almost seems too good for any show after his iconic role in Deadwood, but he finds one here as a blackly humorous and blasphemous sinner/killer in a setting that keeps getting more depraved and strange. Bucket of KFC chicken and skinning victims alive killer mixed piece joke. Priest drowning at a baptism. Priest crucifiction. The dirty history of pre legalized abortions. Cruel head nun gets on the other end of looney torture. A Nazi butcher / mad scientist seeking aliens because he appreciates their eugenic techniques and getting sent his own Mary with a possible alien seed in her belly.* 3 stars
Hannibal: Amuse-Bouche
*"It takes one to know one." A human fungus wants understanding.* 3 stars
Bob and Margaret: Friends for Dinner
*"Another domestic dilemma." Bob and Margaret continue to define themselves
different from their rude peers, while still retaining a flawed quality that makes them so relatable to the average person.* close to 3 stars
15 Storeys High: The Model
*"If she learns to swim, next thing she'll want to learn to drive." A nutter doesn't want his nude centerfold wife to take swimming lessons. Olives on pizza distaste, and a compulsion to pull any wallpaper off the wall -weirdness. Also, the swimming lessons oath includes everyone but practioners of karate and the pop star Sting.* 3 stars
Hippies: Hairy Hippies
*The animals of Aquarius are gonna tear your prick off.* 3 stars
Farscape: Durka Returns
*"The difference between a knife attack and life saving surgery." The outer space adjustment bureau can turn anyone they want into an attitude corrected slave.* 3 stars
Max Headroom: Deities
*When it comes to matters of the spirit, people often forget what it means
being human.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Captured Souls
*Sometime in the early 90s, the Obamas and their daughter nearly had the life sucked out of them by a mirror-spy-tech mad-science-geezer posing as an ole timey tween boy with a ridiculous hairstyle that was almost as bad as Obama's soul glow mullet of the time.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
American Horror Story --Coven-- "Fearful Pranks Ensue"
*supreme sacrifice* close to 3 stars
Red Shoe Diaries: You Have The Right To Remain Silent
*A lady cop kidnaps and forces herself on a strong willed guy who won't show her any attention at the gym. I would have laughed if it were a case of her not having any gay-dar.* close to 2 1/2 stars and 1 1/2 a stars for the safe sex sales pitch
Hill Street Blues: Choice Cut
*supermarket standoff with a side of beef.* 2 1/2 stars
Fargo: The Rooster Prince
*"Savagery, pure and simple."* 3 stars
American Horror Story: Freakshow "Orphans"
*The most sympathetic character on the show, Pepper, has a continuation of
maybe the most tragic character arc of any character in all of American Horror Story, with a cameo from a character from Asylum.* close to 3 stars
MTV's "Eye Candy" extended peak
*Disney channel(?) teen pop idol and now hacker (rolls eyes) in a serial killer
stalker show with MTV style "edgy" (crap) aesthetics. The psycho stuffing smartphones in the mouths of victims is unintentionally ludicrous and laughable.* 1 1/2 stars
"Living With Michael Jackson"
*"We would wake at dawn and go up in the hot air balloon. I have the footage. It's all very charming and innocent. That's ignorant. Who's the Jack the Ripper in the Room?" Was it exploitive journalist Martin Bashir or delusional Peter Pan wannabe Jacko?* either 3 stars or zero stars
Prime Time Thursday -ABC- Martin Bashir on his Michael Jackson documentary (2003?)
*ABC gets a few more nasty kicks in to the wounded weirdo.* 2 stars
The Michael Jackson Interview, The Footage You Were Never Meant To See *--FOX--* (2003)
*"Becareful what you do, because the lie becomes the truth."
Maury Povich pauses from hosting & revealing ghetto / white trash paternity tests to take an investigative behind the scenes footage look at the Martin Bashir documentary on MJ.
An almost propaganda piece trying to repair Jackson's image and justify his strange behavior, but it does shine a light on the deceitful approach of Bashir's manipulative tactics in getting close to Jackson via gaining his trust with comments approving of Michael's generosity and attitudes towards children and Michael's personal life in other ways, and then turning around and only showing the most sensational things in his "Living With Michael Jackson" documentary.*
2 1/2 stars
---------------------------------------------------------
The Greatest American Hero: pilot episode "UFO Encounter"
*The teachers of troubled teens, those are the real heroes. This show has great music, and I don't just mean the cheesy wonderful theme song.* 3 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000:
I Accuse My Parents (feature) & The Truck Farmer (short)
*Cultivate, refrigerate, exaggerate, denigrate.*
2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 stars without
Son of the Beach: In The G-Hetto
*"Read my lips, I'm going down there and I'm going to lick your posse, and I'm going to enjoy it."* 2 1/2 stars
Black Sails: season 1 episode 1
*Blackbeard's snatch. Captain Flint's fluoride smile. Long John Silver's sexy good looks. I doubt these third world bandits were really this stylized.* 2 1/2 stars
Fred Olen Ray's "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" (1988)
*Heaven for guys who like big tits and Hell for guys who don't like to be chopped into little bits.* 3 stars
Hollywood Hillbillies: Headin' For Hollywood
*Another internet infamous sensation extends he and his grandmother's 15 minutes of fame by acting as crass and crazy as possible for the reality tv cameras.* 1 star
TLC presents My Husband's Not Gay
*These Latter Day Saint women believe that they have it made, because, with another woman, their husband would never stray. I wonder if the LGBT community would stand up for the rights of the "same sex attracted" who don't act on it for religious reasons, or if... ha... of coure not.* either zero or 2 1/2 stars
"Monster" (2003)
*A look at someone, on the fringes of life, whose feral impulses sadly couldn't
be justified even though she endured a life of inhuman treatment.* 3 stars
Viper: Pilot Movie
*Not just a tv show promoting a crime fighting futuristic Dodge motor company
concept car, maybe also a question of whether giving career criminals a clean
slate of memory is violating their civil rights or not.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
"Midnight Plowboy" xxx (1971)
*Welcome To The Jungle as performed by Going To The Country's Canned Heat.* 2 stars
Woops!: pilot episode (1992)
*99.999999% of the world's population has died in a fiery hot flash, but a few
quirky yuppies survive to yuck it up on a small farm. Cue the laugh track.* 2 stars
X Files: Eve
*bloodthirsty replicas* 3 stars
"Nomads" (1986)
*Searching too deep beneath the surface of reality, a cultural archaeologist starts being stalked by a skid row spirit-tribe.* close to 3 stars
Manimal: Manimal
*Transmutation is not for the faint or feint of heart.* 2 1/2 stars
---- "Tusk" a Kevin Smith film (2014)
*20th century man spent his time doing amazing things, and had tales to tell later.
21st century man spends most of his time talking about ridiculous things.
This time 21st century man accomplishes one of those ridiculous things.
How to go about summing up something like this...
3 stars for the crazy screenplay.
3 stars for the incredible walrus special fx by Robert Kurtzman.
3 stars for Michael Parks' truly demented serial killer / world's most interesting man character.
2 stars for Haley Joel Osment's nerdy twenty something podcast comedy partner.
almost 2 1/2 stars for Justin Long's obnoxious and self absorbed hipster mustached podcast comedian.
3 stars for Justin Long's suffering through hell tortured and experimented on in the most gruesome way possible walrus-man.
1 1/2 stars for all the podcast nonsense.
either zero stars or 3 stars for Johnny Depp's Mike Myers esque eccentric inspector character.
and to finish out the whole whacked out affair,
either 1 star or 3 stars for the absurd ending.*
===================================================================
Wizards and Warriors: The Unicorn of Death
*Mind over matter. Also, lightning hawks, hawks that shoot lightning.* 3 stars
"Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood"
*"One fish two fish red fish blue fish, knick knack paddywhack give a dog a bone, Two thousand zero zero party over oops out of time, my bacon's smelling fine." The Wayans, just off of In Living Color and a handful of blackspoitation movies, take on Boyz in the Hood & Friday with their brand of satire that hadn't quite soured just yet like it would with the Scary Movie series. Somewhat not bad, nowhere as good as say an episode of Chapelle Show, but almost on the level of something like Comedy Central's Key & Peele.* 2 stars plus 3 stars for Bernie Mac's cameo speech
Freddy's Nightmares: School Daze ----------
*No more homework, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks. Just robotic
students.* close to 2 1/2 stars
*Standard Achievement Torture.* 2 1/2 stars
-------------------------------------
"Ben and Arthur" (2002)
*I'm sure that everyone involved with this shot-on-video "movie" had their big,
gay hearts in the right place, but the results are so oddly misguided that it cursed the gay rights movement and set queer equality back at least a decade.* 1 star
Tales From The Crypt: My Brother's Keeper
*Two guys attached at the ass-cheek, now that's freaks. And it's definitely a wild half of the siamese situation if Timothy Stack is the straight laced one.*
between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Cannon Video: Fifty Fifty (1993)
*A couple of "in it for the money" mercenaries find a change of heart and purpose, when they're sold out by the U.S. government after initially being hired to train a ragtag group of villagers to overthrow a cruel dictator.* close to 3 stars
Jonny Quest: Double Danger
*monkeying around with hallucinagens* 3 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Operation Double 007
*"Terrorists were a lot more fun back then." Thankfully, Sean Connery's brother,
Neil, also didn't try to rip off Highlander 2 or Zardoz.*
3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 stars without
The Prisoner: The General
*Blind memorization is a learn-ed way for a slave to show its appreciation to its masters.* 3 stars
Paranormal State: season 1 episode 19
*"Balancing faith and science" as the lead investigator questions whether or not
he should debunk a crazy lady's haunting experiences.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
Swamp Thing: Walk A Mile In My Shoots
*Arcane and Swamp Thing trade places.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
American Horror Story: Coven "Burn, Witch, Burn"
*Ask me no questions and I'll tell thee no lie. Mama's little baby love shortenin'.
Fry fry fry. Febreeze will get the odors out of any room where dead things lie.* 3 stars
American Gothic: Dead to the World
*Denial ain't just a river in Bum-Fuck, Egypt.* close to 3 stars
Justified: season 1 episode 2
*Rhythm, romancin', runnin', and rippin' up the floorboards.* 3 stars
"The Census Taker" (1984)
*"An outrageous invasion of privacy."* 3 stars
Hannibal: Potage
*Manipulation in Maryland, Minnesota, and the media.* 3 stars
X Files: Fire
*amorous arsonist* 2 1/2 stars
12 Monkeys: Pilot episode
*Hourglasses of the hydra.* 2 1/2 stars
"The Thirteenth Floor" (1999)
*"Hate to see that evening sun go down." Digital virtual deja-vu.* 3 stars
The Outer Limits: Birthright
*Senator Al Gore is all about shooting up with supplements and saving the
environment by saturating it with methane for his alien race to take over and inhabit.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Northern Exposure: Brains, Know How and Native Intelligence
*singing the body electric and fixing the plumbing.* 3 stars
Son of the Beach: Love, Native American Style
*firebush and big hose* 2 1/2 stars
Thundarr, the Barbarian: Island of the Body Snatchers
*Ariel almost loses her mind and her body in the mystery zone.* 3 stars
Are You Afraid of the Dark?: The Tale of the Twisted Claw
*Wish in one hand, let a vulture shit in the other.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Eegah!
*RRRR! Richard Kiel is really big and really lonely and he wants to rape a gal named Roxy. It's like King Kong set in a resort desert town where a Ricky Nelson reject is constantly rocking out.* 3 stars with riffing 2 without
Weird Science: The Feminine Mistake
*The guys get turned into chicks and experience what the other sex has to go through with horny guys like themselves.* 3 stars
Jack London's "Call of the Wild" starring Charlton Heston & featuring "Buck" the dog *Buck worth more than all the gold in the Klondike.* 3 stars
"Ax Giant"
*"All strut and no gut." Paul Bunyan puts a cgi sawblade through Grizzly Adams'
bear-sized head for eating his blue ox named Babe.* 2 stars
MLK Day Tribute ---------------
Morton Downey Jr.: Racism with Dr. Charles King (2 appearances on the show)
*One of the last ballsy, crazy, and passionately confused conversations about race conducted by the media before political correctness closed the door.*
either zero or 3 stars
---------------------------------------------
Abel Ferarra's "King of New York" (1990)
*Max Shreck, magnanimous and soulful.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
X Files: Beyond the Sea
*Serial killer -Brad Dourif- claims to channel the beyond and a grieving Scully's
recently deceased dad. but is he just a coward staying execution?* 3 stars
Lucio Fulci's "The New York Ripper"
*quacking misogyny* 3 stars
Red Shoe Diaries: Talk To Me Baby
*"You gonna believe your eyes or are you gonna believe me?" Shared feelings and Samson-haired Bud "tries" to be less of a horndog for other women, but he's only a man afterall and after a night at the bar watching a wet t-shirt contest. If his hot foreign accent nympho girlfriend don't forgive him and talk, he's gonna flip his muscle car and go out Romeo style with her in the passenger seat.* 3 stars
William Friedkin's "Cruising" (1980)
*assault, alarm, assuage, acclimate, assplay, and arrest* 3 stars
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Girl In Lovers Lane
*Drifters and the females who foolishly fawn over them. A Route 66 romantic
tragedy.* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without
American Horror Story: Murder House "Spooky Little Girl"
*The apparition of the Black Dahlia is misdiagnosed with acute anxiety.* 3 stars
Nic Cage is "Left Behind" (2014)
*Bono raptured. U2 concert postponed.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars
Freddy's Nightmares: Cabin Fever -----------
*Fly the Freddy skies.* between 1 1/2 and 2 stars
*Freddy finds his Laura Palmer.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
-----------------------------------------
True Detective: The Locked Room
*Scarred snowflakes* 3 stars
"Night Warning" (1983)
*"Fuckin' deviants, the world is full of 'em." Hoop dreams, ''homophobia'', and
a hilariously insane Susan Tyrrell.* 3 stars
Svengoolie: House of Horrors
*Creepin' on art critics.* close to 3 stars
Tales from the Crypt: The Secret
*Blue hued and sweet toothed tale of a wolf boy adopted by vampires.* 3 stars
Charles Bronson in "Cold Sweat"
*A History of Violence in a French fishing village with American muscle car
action.* close to 3 stars
Viper: Once A Thief
*Viper-Man takes a suped-up stroll down memory lane with his delinquent former protege, Robin.* 2 1/2 stars
Son of the Beach: Two Thongs Don't Make A Right
*The Devil's butt floss and daddy's B.J.* close to 2 1/2 stars
Betsy Russell is a "Tomboy"
*Battle of the sexes in a light-hearted, cheesy reality that's not afraid to get raunchy.* 3 stars
American Horror Story: Freakshow "Magical Thinking"
*Weak men and strong women.* close to 3 stars
Paranormal Witness: The Visitors
*It's either one of two scenarios for this episode:
A) A door to door salesman is duped into believing he's cursed with demons and uses his scientific background, and connections, to explain it.
or
B) A bored, middle-aged former scientist, and his tech buddies, try to establish
a hoax with alledged proof of the paranormal.* 2 stars
The Greatest American Hero: The Hit Car
*Heavier than air, heavy like Shakespeare.* 3 stars
"Killdozer" (1974)
*Grizzled workmen in an isolated setting sci-fi horror that's similar to and yet
almost a decade ahead of John Carpenter's "The Thing."* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 2
*Cooking up a kingdom, of reprieve, through barter and betrayal.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
Dolph Lundgren in "Dark Angel" aka "I Come In Peace" (1990)
*Phantasm's The Tall Man the cyberpunk / heavymetal years, now available on
projectile compact-disc, just in time for a White-boy's Christmas.* 2 1/2 stars
Tim & Eric -Bedtime Stories: The Endorsement
*Subversive swipe at Sunset BLVD* 3 stars
Puppy-Bowl: Unnecessary Roughness
*Puppies wrestling at the "50 yard line" and hamsters overhead in a tiny blimp. This is okay with PETA, yet I can no longer go to my cockfights on Friday nights.* either 1 star or 2 1/2 stars
Kung Fu: Blood Brother
*Dignity should not remain surrendered or buried in the mire.* 3 stars
Shaw Brothers: Roar of the Lion
*(Traditional Chinese costumes) Lion versus dragon in a kung-fu dance off
ceremony that's also comedy gold in a stunt filled comedy filled flick.* 3 stars
Manimal: Illusion
*Manimal predicted the Siegfried & Roy tragedy, and Richard Lynch plays a diplomatic immunity villain before Lethal Weapon does the same.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
King of the Hill: It Ain't Over Till The Fat Neighbor Sings
*"What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again." In Hank's reality, he loses it when
he can't micro-manage any poor decision making that's always hilariously exaggerated.* 3 stars
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: The Gang Group Dates
*Dennis comes unhinged when women rate him, online, as a zero. Frank can't keep Mac & Charlie from offending their blind dates, and he can't keep his cockring from slipping off. Dee's plan to stick it to men by giving them one night stands winds up backfiring.* 3 stars
Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 7
*Black noises, thirsting voices striking, impeaching.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars
15 Storeys High: Blue Rat
*All of the energy, none of the fuss, plus a pony.* 3 stars
Paranormal State: Season 1 Finale
*A is for anxiety and or African American spirit girl humming to a sensitive, young medium girl.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars
#rifftrax#dumb and dumber to#vanilla ice#cool as ice#happy gilmore#that's my boy#adam sandler#tom green show#are you afraid of the dark#jim varney#15 storeys high#tales from the crypt#freddy's nightmares#red shoe diaries#weird science usa network#thundarr the barbarian#paranormal state#kolchak the night stalker#room 237#lucio fulci#begotten 1990#farscape#bob and margaret#the initiation of sarah#hill street blues#tru tv#south beach tow#mst3k#messiah of evil#strange days
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