#like my dad has cancer

[yvesbuprofen]

feeling guilty for not talking to my irls for more than a week, I was trying to feel better after having to socialize with thousands of people for two weeks and I kinda forgot

#I talk with my best friend everyday but like 5 messages only #and then online I answer to everyone like a day later #but still #It's kind of idk #I feel anxious about talking to them because they will want to go out and I really don't have any money I have like 4 dollars on my bank- #account and it's so embarrassing to go out and just look at them eating and drinking stuff #like my dad has cancer #we have medical expenses. the house. my brother's school. all services and I can barely keep a job because I get sick. my mom doesn't have #an stable job either #so I can't just ask money for some overpriced food #no one in my family (even the extended one)) has money #it's humiliating #because I know I'm an adult and I should have money #most of my friends don't have an stable job either #but their families can still help them #I don't even have money for public transportation and it's very cheap considering evrythjng

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer? #i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

[cosmojjong]

seriously giving up on my hair it makes me want to cry

#fine baby hair has got to be one of the worst traits i could've gotten from my dad #i understand it's genetics but god why do i deserve to have this greasy hair #i also know it's hormones but i can't do hormonal treatments so where do we go from here #it's such a pass in the a s s to have to wash your hair every other day #i guess i am noticing it more now because it's grown a lot #because when i donated it i cut off A LOT OF IT so it was short and more manageable #now that it's longer it's unbearable #i have tried it all #sls free shampoos paraben free shampoos #(trying to avoid dry shampoo although it works because it's cancerous) #i tried oiling it and avoid conditioner on the roots #i have tried using less heat and drying it properly #it makes me so MADDDDD #nothing seems to work #didi rambles #more like didi cries #and my natural hair isn't even proper curls / waves so eventually i am forced to straighten it #pain in the ass * wow look at me being so pissed i can't type

[heatobrienswife]

.

#tw: death #tw: irl death #tw: parent death #ok those tags will make sense in a moment but! cause I've been going back through my s/is lore it made think a lil deeper into her #relationship with o'b (true heat) n well the thought of them talking about kids came up #both o'b n myself irl have a genetic that can lead to terminal illness n cause my s/i is me she has it too #o'b carries a disease in his blood that killed his sister n mine can lead to terminal cancer not 100% but I'm more likely to possibly get it #over someone who doesn't have the same gene it's what killed my own dad irl #so i like the idea of both of them like bonding on that level knowing they both have like this *monster* inside them inside their genetics #n well its comforting to me to know he knows exactly how i feel irl #idk cause of the whole his ashes finally being ready for pick up thing it sorta opened old *wounds* n my fear of dying like he did #i know I'm gonna die someday everyone is but i don't wanna die the way he did #i think I'm venting uogihviyv not what i meant to do! I'm not looking for comfort! just brain werms went screwy lol #but i really like the idea of the two of them having a bonding moment over their fears n grief in a way that only people in that position #can #n it's comforting so ojghvihfiv #shut up rattie no one gives a shit lol

[sevicia]

What if there was an old man dying from cancer and his last wish was for his "daughter" to shave "her" legs ... ?

#cancer m #diary #he's literally crying screaming throwing up abt it #IK that a side effect of whatever his treatment is is that he's a lot more sensitive #but it's just like . he's been forcing me to shave my legs for the summer since I was like . 11 #and I mean FORCING like he would throw tantrums when I refused and/or bother my mom about it nonstop #like literally none of them understand that all I want is to be able to make my own decisions #especially regarding my OWN body #after I came out 2 my mom she tried to convince me by telling me that a lot of guys shave or just don't have a lot of body hair #as if that's the issue. #I'll just have to give in AGAIN because otherwise I'd be the heartless monster that doesn't comply when his dad cries about it #crying has never gotten me what I want. no one has spared me sympathy when I've been on the verge of breaking down #I can count the times I've broken down in front of anyone with one hand . but whatever #another day another way I have to put someone else's wants before mine #long-ass tags .... trying not to cry about it so I don't hit a whole new level of pathetic

[colgatebluemintygel]

toothpaste my friend my pal............. how would you sum up the next oao chapter in one (1) word that can't be pining........... also. do you have any sort of eta on when it will be up? 👀👀 anxiously & patiently waiting here :))))

anon, mon amour. e hoa <3 hmmmm.. one word (two words).... self-sabotage :-)))

aw yes i was aiming for mid-week but alas. tragedy struck (my family's cat died :-((((((((( ziggy my beloved </333) there is an end in sight tho i PROMMy we are in the home stretch now xxxxx

#oao #pigeon post #ziggy.......... ZIGGY.................. the white worm....... #i miss him so bad man :-((((( he had a truly iconic run #he was a stray living in the field beside my parents' house which he shared w a flock of sheep #and he was eating from our garbage bin so we lured him into the house with meat pies #he appeared like. a week after david bowie died #he had heterochromia. dad was calling him david until ziggy randomly stuck #my dad was convinced bowie's soul has been reincarnated into this strange lil white cat's body #he was v deaf and had the honkiest meow ever every time i talked 2 dad on the phone i could always hear zig poppin off in the background #he always smelled kind of weird bc he drank from various dubious water sources XD #just ziggy things #but the poor lil guy had v aggressive skin cancer :-(((( he had to get his ears trimmed n he looked like a lil polar bear #i catsat him last weekend n we had sooo many snuggles. he covered all my (black) clothes in white fur #in fact i put on my sweater vest this morn 2 discover that it was still covered in white fur n cried :-((( #but yes. i groomed him w his fav brush while he was being put to sleep so. V SAD.... but beloved right til the end <3

[theladyrebecca2]

When you receive good news and the weight of the world falls from your shoulders…

#IT’S NOT CANCER #personal #context: I lost my dad to cancer 6 years ago and now they recently found a tumour on my mum’s brain #after several scans that kept getting rescheduled we’ve now learned it’s not cancer #in fact it’s not even on her brain it’s just next to it #like I know something has to take her one day but I was NOT ready to go through all of that again #so fucking relieved like this is all I’ve been thinking about #emotional tears #personal post #to maybe delete later

[hafwen]

They have started my mons treatment at the hospital. One of the reasons she can't leave is because she has diabetes and they don't want to send her glucose sky high on steroids and send her home

She wasn't on any insulin before this but now she's on a fast acting and a slow acting insulin plus steroids plus all her regular meds

Once they get it all balanced they said she can leave

#such good care #they even offered her a ride home is part of her discharge plan #I don't think she'll need one because of my dad can't get her one of her friends has offered to but it's wonderful to have that #we're a little over an hour away from the hospital too so it's not like they're just popping down the street either #actually called her today for the first time since she was admitted #before we all were too focused on health stuff and not chatting #they're also going to get in home physical therapy for her #she's not even allowed to get up to go to the bathroom by herself so her activity level has been zero #goodbye muscle #really really happy they figured it out and they were so thorough about it #personal #my mom has cancer

[candyn-gutz]

every once in a while i think about how i just learned very recently that i had a cancer scare when i was a kid and thats why i was going from hospital to hospital so often

#thing is it wasnt even anything i just went to a terrible doctor for an eye appointment (because my vision has been shit since then) #and she thought something was like a cancer lump or something and i had to get so much shit done because of it... #but my parents never told me about it when i was small. my dad told me like a few months ago #eden rambles

[thatspussybabie]

sometimes it's just me and my one direction playlist against this stupid world

#my dad has cancer. and i don't like that!

[infizero]

blah blah blah YES norman was going to allow ruby to partake in contests. doesnt change the fact he beat him up lol!

#i think that rlly does show his character more than anything. like his reasoning for finally allowing him to do it is literally #''i still dont approve and still want him to pursue battling but hes turning 11 so he can make his own decisions in life. i didnt #like him doing it before because he was a child'' <- norman very much has the ''children must do exactly as their parents say'' mentality #which is not rlly great. esp since it is implied that he became abusive when ruby would NOT do as he said #and even besides that. the fact that once ruby runs away norman becomes so unbelievably violent with him is literally all that matters #in a discussion of whether norman is a good dad or not. it literally does not matter that he changed his mind and was going #to allow ruby to do contests WHEN HE STILL BEAT HIM UP FOR RUNNING AWAY!!!!!!!! NOTHING ELSE MATTERS! #he physically abused ruby in a very violent manner (and again its implied this isnt new behavior for him. norman is also just shown #to be a very violent person in general. destroying things when hes angry shoving random people etc etc) #he couldve fucking cured cancer he couldve wholeheartedly supported ruby's contest career for all i care #anything good he does is overshadowed by his abuse of ruby. i dont think norman is an entirely 100% EVIL person #i dont even think that he doesnt care about ruby. but he is a terrible abusive father regardless and nothing can change that #norman does have nuances. and he is still terrible and in my eyes irredeemable. those things can coexist #(i cant remember exactly where things end up esp once he dies. so i'll reserve any comments about how the NARRATIVE views #norman until after ive finished R&S in its entirety) #but yeah. him planning on giving ruby permission to do contests literallyyyyy does not change anything #serena.txt #pksp reread #ruby & sapphire reread

[br1ghtestlight]

WAIT LMAOOO i had a stressful ass dream last night where i learned that my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and she needed to do chemotherapy and radiation but We all knew she wasnt gonna do any fuckign chemotherapy or radiation bcuz she's late for everything and doesnt give a fuck about her own life

and my dad was telling me about this and ALSO how he's in his 60s or whatever now and he's unhealthy too and he had like another disease that was probably gonna kill him if he didnt end up murdered in prison. anyway my mom was gonna die in like...... 6 months and my dad is already an older parent so he had maybe 5-10 years left and i was supposed to tell my sister our mom was dying she was like ^_^

and i just ended up ACTING OUT at her bcuz i was so pissed that in a few years i wasnt going to have any parents left and she gets her dad and his stupid ass young family and wife in the suburbs and their happy lives and her kids will have grandparents while mine never will and i was like fully sobbing. What was that about. was my subconcious telling me my parents are like about to die???

#i have ALWAYS been stressed about my mom dying of cancer bcuz she is a deeply unhealthy woman for many reasons like. Visibly unwell #she hasnt been diagnosed with anything not that shes going to a doctor #my dad is an older parent i dont know how old he is now maybe uhh he's almost 60. that cant be right #ANYWAY a stress dream based on some real anxiety but i have never had a dream like that before it was an awful time #bcuz i knew there was nothing i could do. and what's worse my dad was THERE being the normal parent as if he has ever fucking been #anything resembling a normal responsible parent #just a really awful vibe for a dream lmao #txt

[opens-up-4-nobody]

House MD, my beloved 🖤

#way back in lile 2014. i found out my mom had cancer in the middle of watching house md #idk but thats really funny to me. i think bc my dad made me pase the episode. we had the conversation. and then i was like ok well #id like to go back to watching thr cancer show now if were done sitting in awkward silence now. which is like a goblin thing to do #but like it wasnt a huge shock bc we knew she had a tumor and all that and i didnt understand how to relate to ppl as well back then #but yea did not stop me watching house for even 2 seconds. and almost 10 years later my mom is still getting cancer treatment #booo. fuck that 👎👎👎 #idk the amount of anxiety in my body today has been unhinged and i thought. what will make me feel better? #the medical malpractice show. and i was right lol #its fun to watch him solve the problems and i love wilson #unrelated

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#its always when im having a good or ok not bad day too 😭 come to think of it almost all of my 'bad days' are bad bec of my mom. #except for days like when my dad died. but every bad day since then has been abt how much my mom wants to die or her thinking we're going t #die of cancer and sleep epnea and endometriosis and cardiac arrest and literally every single disease in the world before we reach 40 #ok bye to lovely people on my phone i will cry to sleep now happy ambedkar jayanti and bengali new year #delete later

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i was talking to my mum and i was like “yea i’m really struggling to connect to my peers and even some of my friends” and she was like “well you have kinda been through the wringer and had to mature super fast in a way that you can’t relate to them about” and. yeah.

#she was like ‘ur dad died and you had to get your thyroid out bc of cancer all in the last three years’ #ive had ppl be like ‘yea im going home to see my parents and my grandparents are in town and we’re having a family reunion’ #my immediate family is my mum and sibling bc everyone else has died lmao #my extended family is a bit bigger there are 7 people there #a lot of them are also just getting their first tastes of independence whereas ive been p independent the last few years so this isn’t too #much of a change outside of just not living at home. which i was barely there by the end of highschool bc of internships n stuff so #but yeah. turns out planning your dad’s funeral at 16 and then two years later going through surgeries to remove your cancerous thyroid does #kinda make you feel disconnected from most of your peers #i do like how my life is going i just also really struggle to make friends n such and usually #feel really disconnected from them and don’t always know how to relate #vent tw #cancer tw #death tw #just in case

[villaincock]

im scared for my dad

#he has skin and thyroid cancer and says ‘it feels like im swallowing razorblades’ #hes getting tests done at the hospital rn #but im afraid. i cant imagine how he feels #he hasnt been eating. hes sick. his face and throat are inflamed. #i just want my dad to feel better