#like seriously this poor hobbit

[kindlythevoid]

if I had a nickel for every time someone thought Frodo was dead, I’d only have three nickels but it’s weird that it happened thrice.

#like seriously this poor hobbit #first gandalf thinks he's dead #then aragorn's carrying him around moria thinking he's dead #like oof #and then the LITERAL MOUTH OF SATAN TELLS THEM HE'S DEAD #:| #meme time #frodo baggins #the lord of the rings

[elspethdixon]

Last night I had an elaborate dream wherein Maedhros somehow didn’t actually die after he tried to yeet himself into a volcano but instead ended up getting amnesia (and magically regrowing a hand? Maybe he actually did die but was re-embodied still in middle earth/Arda with amnesia?).

Amnesiac but still super traumatized (to the point of being mostly nonverbal) Maedhros was then adopted by a group of underground tunnel-dwelling Hobbit relatives (like Hobbits but more subterranean, they talked disapprovingly about their long lost relations who insisted on living above ground).

The underground Hobbits were all “This is our creatur. Thom Burrowfoot found him wandering along a mine shaft like funny beardless dwarf. He’s very large and doesn’t say more than one or two words at a time and doesn’t fit on the furniture but he’s a Good Boy and helped Thom’s Granny dig out a new storage room. The Burrowfoot family have had him for three generations now. We aren’t sure how long big folk live but one of ‘em still looking the same after two hundred years is pretty standard, right?”

And then after a couple centuries of not-quite-Hobbit hospitality Maedhros starts getting some of his memories finally starts talking and they all decide the silmarils were clearly some kind of family keepsake that a distant cousin nicked at his dad’s funeral and that the non-Feanorian elves (who may be the same as this Morgoth/Sauron person? They’re not sure because Maedhros’s explanation isn’t very clear) are basically the Sacksville-Bagginses with more murder.

“Morgoth killed my father and stole the silmarils” = “Second cousin Morgoth hounded my poor elderly father to death over his sentimental rock collection and stole it during the funeral, and his sons (maybe?) Sauron and Thingol (or Eaendil, or Elwing -look, there are a lot of funny names involved here, we can’t keep Creatur’s awful distant relations straight and possibly neither can he) were very mean and would not give it back. Also there was a family fight about whether it would be rude to even ask for it back? Except murder and torture were involved (more than once maybe?) because big folk are violent barbarians who take their inheritance disputes very seriously.”

#silmarillion #hobbits

[bihansthot]

How do the kids play with Syzoth? Does Bingbing have tea parties with him? ☺️

Bless you for asking Malice you’re always so sweet 🥹 The oldest boys love sparring with him, they’re both at the age where they take martial arts very seriously and Syzoth has a different style than Bi-Han so it helps the boys keep their guard up and not get used to attacks or tells their father may have. He’s more like an Uncle to the boys rather than a father figure since they’re already 9 and are fairly aware that having a second “father” is not common. They get along well though so there’s no arguments, with my youngest son he loves to do his homework with Syzoth and Syzoth loves it because he gets to learn so much about human education. Shixue has been learning how to read Chinese at school now so he loves doing his flash cards with Syzoth and they both laugh when they don’t know a word. He’s mostly a second father figure for Shixue and definitely for Bingbing, Bingbing adores Papa Sy. They always have tea parties together, Bingbing tries to rope as many people into her parties as she can. Syzoth has his own dedicated tiara much like Bi-Han and Tomas do (Kuai Liang has several hats he gets to choose from because sometimes Bingbing wants him to be a gentleman, other times a wizard but sometimes he gets to be a princess too). When she isn’t holding high tea she loves using his tail as a jump rope and will often skip around the complex with him. Poor Syzoth does his best to keep warm enough while playing outside with the kids who have no concept of people getting cold because they’re all cryomancer’s like their father. I must hear “what’s cold mommy?” and “why is mommy cold” 40 times a day lol I’m sure Syzoth is sick of those questions too. Bingbing is a total daddy’s girl so she demands both Bi-Han and Syzoth read her bedtime stories to her, not that they complain but she’s very precocious. At least I still have Shixue for now lol he’s my little Mama’s boy so I still get to read him stories, right now I’m reading him The Hobbit, I was around his age when my Dad read it to me and he’s loving it so far.

#sol answers #self shipping #self ship #solizard bear #bi han x syzoth x sol #f/o community #poly self ship #polyamory #tw kids #mortal kombat #bi han #sub zero #mk reptile #syzoth

[insomniaruler]

Two weddings and a couple wishes for a few more

Their first wedding was Jimmy’s favourite. It was a beautiful day with white clouds drifting lazily across a cerulean sky. It was Truce Day, when once a week people would meet up somewhere and take record, hold funerals, and forget about the wars and petty disputes for four hours. And it was in this moment of peace their wedding was held.

Ren and Jimmy stood at the alter. Both dressed in their least blood stained clothes, Joel stood at Jimmy’s right side, as best man. Grian played a slow march on a set of pan pipes he’d dug up from somewhere. And Scott began to walk down the aisle just behind Scar, who was making an impeccable flower Boy. Scott was gorgeous, daisies, poppies and bluebells were threaded through his hair and his suit was a soft blue.

Looking at him brought tears to Jimmy’s eyes, somehow Scott was real, and had chosen Jimmy. When Scott reached the alter Ren started his speech. “Enemies and Friends, dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to witness the union between Jimmy Solidarity and Scott Smajor who have somehow found true love in this dark world. So, Scott Smajor do you, take Jimmy Solidarity to be your lawlessly wedded husband in sickness and in health, in wealth and desolation, from Green to Red, till death do you part?” Ren asked turning to Scott. “I do.” Scott said, tears sparkling in his eyes.

“And Jimmy Solidarity do you, take Scott Smajor to be your lawlessly wedded husband in sickness and in health, in wealth and desolation, from Green to Red, till death do you part?” Ren continued, turning to Jimmy. “I do.” Jimmy whispered looking softly at Scott. “Then with the power invested in me as the King of Dogwarts, you may kiss the Groom.“WOOOOOO!!!!” Joel cheered and wolf whistled as they kissed.

—/—

The second was somehow even less official. If you looked there’d be no records of these two even Interacting on positive terms. But somehow they found each other again.

This wedding was Scott’s favourite. They stood facing each other. Flower crowns on their brows. Far lighter then any crown either had to wear. “Have I told you how much I’ve missed you?” Jimmy muttered. “Not quite enough sunflower.” Scott said laughing at the light pink colour Jimmy flushed. “By the Cods then. I have missed you so much it hurt.” Jimmy said seriously, hold Scott’s face in his hands. Scott leaned into the touch smiling at Jimmy through his eyelashes. Scott snorted in a very un elvish way.

“Well then… Codfather Jimmy Solidarity, do you take me, Scott Smajor, King of Rivendell to be you almost lawful husband. In sickness and in health, through rich and poor, from King to pauper, till death do us part?” Scott asked holding Jimmy’s hands. “I do.” Jimmy said smiling broadly. “Scott Smajor, King of Rivendell, do you take me, Codfather Jimmy Solidarity to be you nearly lawful husband. In sickness and in health, through rich and poor, from King to pauper, till death do us part?” Jimmy asked. “I do.” Scott said smirking. It was hardly official but that was okay.

Their first date, the day after they married as to go find enough gold to create to wedding bands, one inlaid with diamonds the other with emeralds. Scott frowned over the rings of metal, a fine diamond carving tool clutched in his hands as he carved two poppies and a combined crest into the inner side of each ring. “Here you are Sunflower.” Scott said handing Jimmy the ring. “Love you Petal.” Jimmy said leaning onto Scott.

—/—

Scott looked softly at Jimmy as he walked proudly around his town. Looks like his stupid idiot had done well for himself this life. The town may have been plain but it was a far cry from the monstrosity of a hobbit hole from The First Game. Scott sighed leaning on the boulder. Jimmy hadn’t Remembered quite yet. It was always a switch up. Last time Jimmy Remembered him and the Game when he dawned the Cod Father Head. He only Remembered when his antlers started to grow in.

And it seemed this time he was the first to Remember his husband and the lives they lived over and over again. By the gods he missed his Idiot… he just had to wait, Jimmy would Remember soon enough.

—/—

Jimmy looked off the top of the Mansion looking at the shining sea, where Scott was living. Sighing sadly he wondered how he was. They’d barely even spoken this season. And then Scott was the only green left. Jimmy didn’t know why he couldn’t say ‘love you to’ to the man he’d shared countless lives with. Perhaps he had another curse on top of his Canary curse. The ‘Can’t fucking talk to your husband who you’re about to hunt for sport because the watchers stuck you in a fucked up murder game curse™️’

“Jimmy! We get it! You miss your husband and you’re having angst time but if you’re not fishing your not helping!” Joel yelled, waving his sun glasses.

#empires smp #empires s1 #empires s2 #3rd life #limited life #scott smajor #jimmy solidarity #flower husbands

[gamerbearmira]

(SA)

Frodo had been kind enough to let Antonio and Mirabel stay in the extra beds of Bags End until they either learned why they were truly brought to this land, or found a way home.

Mirabel sang at the pub, worked as a waitress at night and helped look after little ones during the day to help pay their way and for their things. Antonio got to run around and play with the other children.

And then...Then Gandalf was back in the night. And he looked afraid and half mad.

Mirabel had started packing supplies as soon as she saw his face. She made sure her mithril dress from Thorin was on properly with some regular clothing on top of it. And her enchanted shoes were on her feet, unfortunately she did not have a sword yet but she could use some knives until then.

Antonio was sleepy as he waited in a chair, trying not to doze off. She had put her old metal armor on him, it fit him rather well since he was about the same size she had been when she first came to Middle Earth if a bit taller. He too had no weapon.

Once Gandalf told them the gravity of the situation and that they must make haste at once Antonio and Mirabel helped Frodo and the roped in Samwise Gamgee pack supplies before they set out with a pony.

It was agreed that Antonio would ride stop the pony until he awoke properly and then they could take turns.

"I will meet you at the Inn of the Prancing Pony. I must seek out Sauroman. He is both wise and powerful." Gandalf said and Mirabel narrowed her eyes.

"Just be careful Gandalf I do not trust him. What should we do if you are not there when we arrive?" Mirabel asked as they continued to walk.

"...I shall be wary. If I am not there when you get there leave a message for me. And then take them to Rivendale Mirabel. Go to see Elrond. But be careful. The enemy has many spies. Birds. Beasts...if you see a Ranger named Strider then trust him. He will help you to safety." Mirabel nodded at the information.

"if the ring becomes too heavy Frodo then give it to Mirabel. She is more than what she appears and will do anything to keep you all safe." Gandalf said to the Hobbit who nodded but looked worried. After all he wasn't sure he wanted to endanger a young lass not even twenty winters who had a baby of not even five winters relying on her.

But...if Gandalf and Bilbo were right about her...

Well he saw her use the shoe on Merry and Pippin and on more than one drunken lot getting too into his drink.

Shoutout to Frodo for letting them stay⁉️⁉️ And shoutout to Mirabel for getting that bag 🤞🏾

YOOOOOO she’s so real for not touching Saruman tho. Like be so Fr, he was creepy even in the Hobbit 😭 I remember seeing him when I watch the movie for the first time as a little kid and. Being weirded out by his freakishly long nails. Seriously, cut those things or sumn 😭

Poor Antonio <3

#my asks #my asks are open #encanto #encanto au #au #encanto mirabel #encanto antonio #lotr Gandalf #lotr Frodo #lotr samwise #lotr Saruman #lotr fellowship #encanto of the rings

[script-a-world]

Names (MasterPost)

Brainstormed: Names are perhaps the central post of worldbuilding. Great thing is, they’re just a part of language, and language is just a bunch of made up sounds and squiggles that only have what meaning we ascribe to them! That means you can break it down in several ways depending on what you want to convey.

Want total control over every single aspect ever? Go full Tolkien and make your own language(s)! Vulgarlang is a language generator and The Language Construction Kit is a comprehensive step by step guide. Of course, this option is huge and not for everybody.

Want aesthetic accuracy and consistency? Create a simple naming language! Mewo2: Naming Language and  Mythcreants: How to Create a Simple Language are good guides.

Want to copy the vibe of a country, time period, or medium? Get a great naming generator like Fantasy Name Generators which honestly is the most extensive one I’ve ever seen, so I’d just stick with that. This is what the vast majority of fantasy worlds seem to do, lifting names straight from some faux-European aesthetic. For a greater degree of individuality, I suggest grabbing good names and then warping them a little, as if pronunciation has changed over the centuries. You might try stuffing your mouth with an oreo then seeing how different the names sound then.

Want your names to mean something? Well, there’s a few ways to do that:

Figure out the culture your world/people/thing is most similar to, then pilfer names from the relevant language. Don’t be disrespectful to your source material, especially if it’s a closed culture or completely irrelevant to your world! Seriously, be careful with this one.

Harness the psychology of sound. For example, sibilant sounds like s, z, or th are sneakier, eviler, and skinnier than the harsher, blunt hard stops like d, t, k, and g. Sci-fi seems pretty good at this, so be on the lookout for examples and you’ll start seeing them everywhere. That natural instinct is discussed here: Wikipedia: Sound Symbolism and a more specific version of it shown here: Wikipedia: Kiki Effect

Just straight up use uncommon words. The Sith lords from Star Wars are a prime example: Darth Maul, as maul means to violently injure. Darth Sidious, from the word insidious, sneaky and harmful. Darth Tyrannus, a warped form of tyranny or a poor imitation of Tyrannosaurus. Darth Vader, from the Dutch word for father. Another good example is the Divergent trilogy, with faction names that literally embody the faction values.

Pull a Tolkien and translate names to “English” versions of whatever they would mean. Did you know most of the names in Middle-earth aren’t actually what we know them as? Nope! They are the closest in aesthetic for an English speaker to what they were for the speakers of his fictional languages. For instance, the word “Hobbit” was actually “kuduk”! Here’s a wiki link to help explain: Tolkien Gateway This might be a bit difficult to accomplish without pretending you’re simply translating a work to English, like Tolkien did, instead of straight out authoring it. But it is a good concept to think about.

Similar to the warping I mentioned above, you’ve got this process here: Gallusrostromegalus Tumblr where you take some words or a sentence describing a place or thing, then pare them down into manageable letters to make a name!

Do the Sahara Desert thing, in which “sahara” just means desert. Or do other sorts of literal names, like the Rocky Mountains, Pennsylvania which means Penn’s woods, or any place named after some ruler or another.

Some things to remember:

Punctuation is important. If you want to use apostrophes, dashes, or anything else, keep in mind what those are used for in real life. Same goes for nonstandard symbols as found in the IPA, diacritic marks, and writing systems for other languages. Here is the IPA Chart, here is a website called Omniglot which is a website with most languages including fictional ones, and here is Wikipedia's explanation of diacritics.

The easier it is to pronounce, the easier it will be remembered. As an English speaker, the only Russian names I know off the top of my head are Putin and Tchaikovsky, and I didn’t know how to spell the second one. Present me with a list of more complicated ones with a greater variance from typical English phonotactics and I guarantee I won’t be able to pronounce them. It’d be worse if you asked me to pronounce a Polish name like Wawrzyniec! If you want a naming aesthetic that your audience will find difficult to pronounce, they may not remember it well. Not to say you shouldn’t do that, but just be aware of it.

Resources:

World Building- Creating Place Names Realistically and Artistically (YouTube)

Writer SOS - Naming is Hard

Name Resources (Penbrydd Tumblr)

Magic Baby Names

Constablewrites: Names tell you what a society values. You can have first names that highlight birth order (Primus, Secundus), names that evoke virtues (Patience, Hope), names drawn from the natural world (Rose, River), names that honor religious figures (Muhammed, David), and so on. Likewise, surnames give a hint to how the society is organized. Patronymics (Johnson, Thorsdottir) highlight family ties; descriptive surnames tell you they just needed to figure out a way to tell the six Johns apart and imply a small community of origin (Green, Longfellow); surnames derived from careers imply a larger population, because you have specialized labor and the ability for people to set themselves apart by profession rather than circumstance of birth (Brewster, Cooper). Whether individuals keep family names or can attain their own surname is a further indication of social structure and values.

Names of people who are associated should sound like they go together! Keeping it in the same language family can help ensure that they read as a family, as can including some shared unifying element. For example, the Fire Lords in Avatar: The Last Airbender all have a Z in their names, with the notable exception of Iroh. Additionally, the other letters in Zuko's name are shared with the name of another character who becomes very important to his story arc--his divided heritage is shown right there in his name.

Movie credits are fantastic sources of interesting names. Same with cemeteries. Just try not to lift full names--take a first name from one of those sources and pair it with a last name from somewhere else. It's just safer that way. Along the same lines, Google the names of your major characters to make sure there are no existing associations you'd rather avoid.

It's perfectly fine for minor characters not to have names, especially if they're only in one or two scenes. A proper name signals that this is someone important, and your readers only have room to remember so many important people. You don't want to waste that space giving a full name and backstory to the barista who's there for half a scene. "The barista" will do just fine.

Try to vary your names, especially for major characters. Names that look visually similar (Jimmy, Harry, Lenny), that sound similar (Brittany, Whitney), or that start with the same letter (Jim, John, Joe) are going to be hard to keep straight. One trick I use is to write out the alphabet and cross off letters as I come up with character names. Once a starting letter is taken, it's taken, and no other major character can start with the same letter. This is not a hard and fast rule, but as with anything that impacts clarity and comprehension, you want to be very certain that what you gain by breaking it is worth the risk.

Behind the Name is my very favorite naming site. You can narrow by starting letter, by culture/language of origin, by gender, or you can search by meaning. I especially love the randomizer, which lets you narrow certain parameters and then gives you a new random name every time you refresh. Great for when you need a name on the fly.

I was gonna try to explain phonotactics, the rules that make words look and sound like they belong to a certain language, but then David J Peterson, aka probably the biggest name in SFF linguistics right now, went and wrote a whole article on the topic. Not only that, but he also digs into the cultural value we give to certain sounds. Go read and be ensmartened: UnboundWorlds: David J Peterson On Creating a Fantasy Language

Popular Baby Names (SSA dot Gov) lets you see which names were popular in the US in a given year, or lets you track the popularity of a given name. Great for historical fiction! (There's a similar, but less interactive, dataset here for the UK: Live Births (Office for Statistics UK). For other countries, try searching "most popular names in [COUNTRY]" and look for the official government source first.)

And because there's always a trope, here's the TV Tropes index page for naming conventions (Naming Conventions (TV Tropes)). It gives a brief summary of each page in the list, then the links so you can see the full discussion of relevant tropes. Good way to keep yourself aware of the implications associated with various types of names.

Synth: One of my personal favourite ways of coming up with names is the ol' "Scrabble tiles in a bag" method. Pull out a handful of tiles and arrange them into something that looks good. Upside to this method is you can limit which letters you're using to get a mix of words that sound like they came from different languages, if you have a multi-country/planet/species setting. Might have to mix together several sets of tiles to get enough of certain letters, or make your own "tiles" out of paper or cardboard.

Ebonwing: Another way of coming up with names is to take a regular word and start changing letters. If you start with “regular”, you might swap letters (relugar, legurar, raluger), take them out (regla, reguar, eular) or add them (dregular, rengular, regultar). For best results, combine several of these so it doesn’t sound as similar to the source word. 

Wootzel: Just popping in here at the end to suggest one more resource! My favorite name generator is by Rinkworks! Rinkworks Fantasy Name Generator They have some presets, but my favorite thing is to mess around with the option where you can input your own parameters and generate names of whatever sort you like. It takes a little getting used to, but I love the results because they tend to be rather different than what I’ve found from any other generator. 

Utuabzu: Everybody else has covered this pretty well, so I'll just add this one little piece of advice. Do a quick search on the name of any major character or place you come up with to make sure you haven't accidentally named them a slur or the same as an infamous historical figure (or revered historical figure) or even just a weird word in another language that contextually seems kind of unfortunate. The last thing you want is to accidentally name the protagonist of your African-inspired fantasy story 'butthole' in kiSwahili or something.

#names #masterpost

[dollarbin]

Sandy Saturdays #5:

Fairport Convention's White Dress

Sandy Denny hated her return to Fairport Convention.

By 1974 the band had cycled through about 25 increasingly Tolkienish members in 7 years (seriously, I can think of 2 drummers, one of whom was about to be replaced, 2 bass players, 3 guitarists, a fiddler/mandolin savant and about 17 lead singers; and the only two women in that mix were the only ones without giant, hairy feet).

What's more, no one in the band understood Denny's songs, most especially her own husband; I mean just look at them; do they look like who you want backing up one of the best musicians in history?

The husband in question, Trevor Lucas, far left, was about 7 foot 6 (unlike his band mates, he obviously was not a hobbit; rather he's like a ranger that Aragorn would ditch at first chance) and knew a few guitar chords; he figured that qualified him to be Denny's producer.

What's more, Fairport in 74 wanted to rock while Sandy wanted to sway; the other band members knew Lucas couldn't produce pancakes for the breakfast table let alone a real band, so they turned away from their long term sympathetic engineer and producer, John Wood, and hired this guy instead:

That would be Glyn Johns, who had guided both the Beatles and the Stones to just about nowhere worthwhile, and who went on to dedicate his lousy career mostly to Eric Clapton (yuck; someone get Eric's slowhand offa my throat) and, you guessed it, Stephen Stills. Both men suck. Just look at Johns and Stills hanging out with two lesser losers:

David Crosby, second from left, is accusing Glyn, far right, of having a fake name (seriously: Glyn?) and of eating Crosby's pastrami sandwich to boot. Glyn, in turn, is pointing out that the sandwich is clearly already in Crosby's belly. Graham Nash, standing between them, is employing some of the Nonviolent Communication Techniques he has been trying to use, unsuccessfully, on his pet ferrets. And Stephen Stills? Standing at far left, he's clearly the true pastrami thief, plus he's stolen Graham's ferrets, and is opening his mouth to dissemble about it all while (covertly) passing gas.

To make matters worse for poor Sandy, when on stage Fairport Convention still rolled out the traditional rockified British folk songs that had made them all initially famous. "Forget the perfect songs you wrote on your first four records Sandy," they told her. "We need you to sing Child Ballad Number 69: The Undertaker's Loathsome Barrow, then stand aside while we lay out assorted French dances that will insure we never have a successful record; please, learn the lyrics lass."

Here's what Sandy had to say about it all afterwards:

"If I have to sing Matty Groves one more time I'll throw myself out the window."

Her quote would be funny if she'd had the life, and the band, she deserved, and had not fallen down a set of stairs to her death just a few years later.

But there is one moment in her second tenure with the band which documents the greatness of what could have been. Dave Swarbrick was capable of writing a song worthy of her voice and he did so just once in 74 with the simple and aching, White Dress.

Check it out.

This video is a bit of the Holy Grail for Denny freaks like me: only the first minute of footage has ever emerged. Where is the rest? Happily some guy who surely lives in his mother's basement and is wondering right now when she will tell him breakfast is ready took the time to paste on still photos over the rest of the live take so we can hear everything and see how it started.

That's drummer number three in the opening shot, and Swarbrick stands behind Denny with the mandolin, grinning away at his good luck to have her singing his song. Sandy sets aside all her angst in this performance; she fills every available space with her grace and heartache.

Did Neil Young know about Denny's performance of this song before he wrote its natural sequel, Wrecking Ball, wherein his ladyfriend dons something pretty and white before they go dancing tonight? If not, Emmylou Harris certainly knew all about Sandy and the song before she sang Shakey's version. Just listen to the similar aching sway.

I love Harris's performance here, but I get chills seeing and listening to Denny fronting the band in 74. I get a little weepy to. Denny died four years later, 46 years ago this Spring. She should be 76 years old today, singing to her grandchildren.

At least she's still singing to us.

#Youtube #sandy denny #sandy saturdays #fairport convention #glyn johns #stephen stills sucks

[vahvah]

I love Peter Jackson's "The Lord of the Rings" because it is a well-made film that plays well without knowledge of the books - and because it got a lot of people interested in Tolkien's Legendarium.

But sometimes I HATE these movies.

Because thanks to Jackson, his vision and the vision of the artists who advised him during the creation process became mainstream in the community. It is literally a SHOCK for people that Aragorn was beardless, that Boromir and Faramir were beardless gray-eyed brunettes, that Frodo was the oldest and fairest of the hobbits, that Sauron was not the eye on the tower, that the Balrogs had neither horns nor tails. .. Seriously, just try to find something like this among the fanarts - it will be hard. VERY.

P. S. And what strikes me about the english-speaking community is the extremely poor knowledge of Tolkien's texts, despite the fact that english is the original language, and the community has had access to the texts from the moment of their publication. This was not the case in the russian-speaking community, but the knowledge of texts there is much greater. And finding sensible criticism of Jackson’s films from the point of view of the canon of Tolkien’s Legendarium in the english-speaking space is impossible, or at least very difficult.

#tolkien meta #tolkien legendarium #the silmarillion #the lord of the rings #peter jackson

[aidansloth]

if you were hosting a tea party in Middle-earth, which 3 guests would you invite and why 👀🍵💛

this is going to take a lot of thought. i am taking this very seriously.

first of all, without a DOUBT, Thranduil. he's the wine aunt, he's got the best gossip (it's canon, the birds tell him the news) and he's just waiting for an opportunity to share all of that. plus, it may not be wine, but I'm sure he has his fair knowledge of teas, being an immortal elf and all, herbs must not be unknown to him. you bet he has good tea-as-medicine knowledge

OR MAYBE he'd want to complain about how his son has married a dwarf!!! of all creatures, a dwarf!! have you got any idea of the family reunions now?? hi, I'm the guy who imprisoned your father!! nice to meet you!

second must be bilbo baggins! he spent the whole of the hobbit yearning for his armchair a book and some tea, give the poor hobbit some tea!! he deserves it. anyhow, he also feels like a good tea-drinking partner, he gets along with Thranduil, being a friend of the elves so they're good. their energies balance each other out. he'd listen and support Thranduil throughout all his dramatic storytellings

last one was difficult to choose, BUT- Tom Bombadil. love that guy. i KNOW he has good stories to tell. he's just a strange little man. I'm sure he likes tea, and he deserves a good break from all his protector-of-the-forest business. he'd probably ramble about how awesome his wife is, but that's fine. he'd get along with Bilbo I'm sure, and Thranduil too! they can talk about trees!!

in conclusion, they all have great stories to tell and are somewhat chill.

#imagining thranduil strolling in with wood creatures following him like he's a disney princess #thranduil and tom bombadil talking about their favourite trees #bilbo just 🧍‍♀️ #a close one was radagast #he's also a disney princess #radagast the disney princess #the hobbit #lotr #tom bombadil #ana<3 #loved this ask thank you!!🥺🥺

[formlessvoidbeast]

Fic ask meme: For "A Ladle and Some Stew" question 9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Ah, Ladle was a fun fic!

I don't think there were any seriously-considered alternate versions of this fic. There were some things that didn't quite fit in--Bombur got stage fright and hid behind Mirra when I tried to write smut for it--but just small things like that.

That's probably for the best because my mother was very interested in that fic. My parents are Tolkien nerds from back in the day. I remember when the LOTR movies came out, riding in the van back from the movies with the whole family (we were poor as hell, so taking all billionty children to the movies was a Rare Treat) aggressively discussing what changes PJ had made and how dare he do Faramir dirty like that. But I digress.

My mother was interested in my Hobbit fics in the early fandom days, and I was sharing a few of the tame ones with her, and we got to discussing Bombur and how his actor said he had 13 children? And my mother wanted to read that fic. So I wrote it. My mother wanted him and Mirra to adopt a bunch of kids, because that is relatable to her life. But I didn't wanna, so I didn't, and I gave him only three children thus falling ten short of the original number.

#life of ts #ask meme #fandom questions #a ladle and some stew #bombur #the hobbit

[poeticandors]

Hi it's not a request but just checking in on ya. Are you ok? Like seriously ,Eddie's dies , max can't see now and byler, gOd byler. It's not canon . I feel likethey duild mike and wills chemistry just to add a bunch of chemistry and *POOF* you thought bitch. I am sad and i know many more are so justkeeping check and would love to know your opinions.

I am actually not ok lolol

🚨SPOILERS BELOW 🚨

Like when I tell you that I have never been so emotionally and mentally drained from a show. For those 4 hours (I rounded idc) I sat there shaking and sobbing and just filled with dread bc it hit me that hard.

Eddie’s death was so tragic. I knew it was going to happen but was in denial before volume 2 came out. But that one scene where he was play fighting with Dustin was reminiscent of boromir and the hobbits and I just KNEW it was set in stone. He was such a hero and honestly it made me so sad to watch him suffer like that. His death wasn’t quick. I really don’t think he should’ve died because his character brought so much to this group. My poor boy deserved to stay alive and graduate.

Max’s entire demise hit me the hardest. My poor bby suffered as well and I just stood there in shock. The first moment her bones snapped I was devastated. And her being absolutely terrified at dying- I can’t: Like I knew she was at risk but I was also in denial. Not only that, but Lucas-

I can’t even begin to talk about Caleb’s performance. It was PHENOMENAL. Gut wrenching. I think he did so well this entire series. The scream he let out chilled me to my core. When he was begging Erica to help it made me sob even more. Caleb deserves so much praise for his acting this season.

Will deserved so much better. I hate that they used his character to bring up el and mike’s relationship. I do agree that they built up Will and mike’s chemistry to, for some fucking reason, just to throw it in everyone’s faces.

The entire car scene with Will and Mike I can’t. Noah’s acting was amazing and tbh this was where I first started crying I think. It made me sad that he went on that whole thing saying how Mike was the heart when in reality it is Will who is the heart of their group.

One other thing I am upset that they didn’t show was the Hawkins group mourning eddie. You’re telling me they didn’t film a scene showing the group going back and being shook at seeing Dustin crying over Eddie’s lifeless body? You’re telling me that Steve didn’t go straight to Dustin and comfort him like the good dad he is and try to pry him away as he is trying to hold back his own tears at the fact he lost a friend AND that his kid is so distraught and traumatized over this? Or Robin crying while nancy comforts her? Why didn’t they try taking his body back? I hate it.

Anyways yeah that’s my thoughts lol. I am so glad Steve made it through. And that Joyce and hopper are finally together and that hopper reunited with El. Very interested in seeing what s5 brings.

#stranger things #stranger things spoilers #stranger things s4 #stranger things season 4 #Steve harrington #Eddie munson #Lucas Sinclair #max mayfield

[trekkiepirate]

THIS WEEKEND THOUGH!

Yesterday was at a big con for the first time in years (LACC and yes my back and feet are pissed off at me today and i blame them not 1 whit): got to see a friend and chat with him for a while and he signed my photo of us with this silly in-joke we’ve had for... jeezy chrizzy EIGHT FUCKING YEARS I HAVE JUST REALIZED!

Also got some great gifts for my brother for xmas and his birthday in March, Got an animal crossing puzzle and cute card for my mom, a redacted for my sister who will read this post and who needs to remind me if I have their new address (@intheseautumnhands *cough*), I spoiled myself on a set of gorgeous tiger eye dice and the booth did a raffle and I WON GORGEOUS METAL DICE IN MY FAVE COLOURS SO TWO DICE SETS (the latter of which I asked my friend, known for his poor rolling skills, to curse so when my chaotic neutral rogue needs to do something I KNOW IS BAD FOR THE PARTY AND/OR GAME, I can hope to stop her). No less than 5 people told me that my dress was pretty (it is, it’s also super comfy and I don’t have to shave my legs to wear it and it’s my new favourite) and...

I GOT A PHOTO OP WITH ELIJAH WOOD! If y’all knew me as a teen, so like three of you, you’d know LOTR is my JAM, especially the Hobbits (I didn’t know they had a Hobbit duo with Elijah and Sean or I would have been on that SO FAST but they sold out). Y’all Elijah Wood’s eyes are SO BLUE. Like, I am fairly sure I said the word “hi” when he said “hi”, we took the picture, I took one last look, vaguely think I only mouthed the words thank you, I don’t recall hearing myself say them and I just ran off to go stand in a corner and wiggle like a happy hedgehog for a solid two minutes.

AND THEN! To what do my wondering eyes appear, but not only new Jaskier pics (I will do murders to whoever hurt my beloved bard MURDERS) BUT Joey at a con, being precious AND a huge drop of interviews featuring Joey and Sir Lenny Henry (who I have adored since the 90s because Yes, Chef! was a fave in my family) being the most chaotic, hilarious, insightful, brilliant duo I could have imagined. These videos are getting put on a playlist called Instant Serotonin.

AND THEN to cap it all of another fave of mine was also at a con (in...Germany... I think? IDK) so there’s adorable pictures and video of him as well (including IN GLASSES PEOPLE IN GLASSES ARE 10000x HOTTER IT IS KNOWN THIS IT IS THE WAY) and I am seriously putting off the last two episodes of Dickensian, which I have been bingeing (and which features new fave being the most preciously impossible jackass and doing a posh accent so crisp it could cut and it sounds So Wrong on him but is still fantastic) because I both 1. have read Dickens books and know how bad these characters’ lives turn out and 2. am aware waht Dickensian means. Like, I am savouring my happy and I will watch their lives crumble to even more ash tomorrow during work.

#SO MUCH #my tonin is sero'ed #LACC #Wil Wheaton #Joey Batey #Sir Lenny Henry #(who is an icon and a gem and if Joey wasn't sitting there vaguely losing his MIND over hanging out with Lenny Henry I will be SURPRISED #Joseph Quinn #ELijah Wood #it's a good weekend for #brown eyed guys I am or would love to be friends with #and blue eyed boys I am or used to be in love with

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Hobbit! Chapter 9

Welcome to another chapter! Today: Everyone drowns horribly.

The day after the battle with the spiders Bilbo and the dwarves made one last despairing effort to find a way out before they died of hunger and thirst.

Really it doesn't seem like there was any way for the Mirkwood expedition to end well, does there? There's been nothing to eat even if they hadn't wasted their ammo.

So they simply stopped dead and sat down and waited—all except Bilbo, who popped on his ring and slipped quickly to one side.

Bilbo: still the closest thing in the party to competent. Are any of these dwarves ever going to do much to suggest they should have been brought around as a group? Bilbo needs a porter (for tree climbing) and that's it.

Nor did they hear or feel him trotting along well behind their torch-light as they led off their prisoners into the forest.

This is of course because hobbits are already naturally stealthy. If even best dwarf Balin had had the ring he still would have stepped on a twig within ffive minutes and been found quickly after.

Inside the passages were lit with red torch-light, and the elf-guards sang as they marched along the twisting, crossing, and echoing paths.

We don't get the lyrics to the Wood-Elves' song, but we can rest assured it was still less insulting than that of the High Elves'. Though I suppose that they might well have been very ominous instead.

“What have we done, O king?” said Balin, who was the eldest left. “Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be trapped by spiders? Are the spiders your tame beasts or your pets, if killing them makes you angry?”

Balin remains the best dwarf, and will hopefully lead a worker's revolution in- oh right he dies in Moria. Oh well, at least he tried.

Poor Mr. Baggins—it was a weary long time that he lived in that place all alone, and always in hiding, never daring to take off his ring, hardly daring to sleep, even tucked away in the darkest and remotest corners he could find

It seemed to me at first glance that with the necessary date to get to the Lonely Mountain there wasn't actually room for a weary, long time but I just checked and apparently it was an entire month and we're in September now, which leaves some room.

“This is the dreariest and dullest part of all this wretched, tiresome, uncomfortable adventure! I wish I was back in my hobbit-hole by my own warm fireside with the lamp shining!”

Is this the last time he wishes this? Probably not, but if I don't keep track then we'll never know when it actually happens if Tolkien doesn't say so.

So it was that Bilbo was able to take secretly Thorin’s message to each of the other imprisoned dwarves, telling them that Thorin their chief was also in prison close at hand, and that no one was to reveal their errand to the king, not yet, nor before Thorin gave the word.

While obviously most of this credit belongs to Bilbo for being the go-between, Thoris does get points for this, which means that he and Balin are basically unreachable for any of the amorphous mass of indistinguishables at this point.

But of course, as you have guessed, he did rescue his friends in the end, and this is how it happened.

Spoilers, Tolkien! Geez!

(No seriously I have seen internet people who would totally consider a book telling you something in advance like this spoilers. I don't think it's a bad thing to want to go into a new story relatively blind and certainly plot twists shouldn't be known to you unless you want them known, but we seem to be rapidly approaching a point where telling someone a main character's name would be considered an offense.)

Just what Gandalf had said would happen, you see. Perhaps that was part of his reason for going off and leaving them.

No, Gandalf would never willingly surrender the opportunity to confuse the dwarves with Hobbit Facts unless the fate of the world were at stake. Bilbo getting to get some respect is just another casualty of his overall mission.

The wine, and other goods, were brought from far away, from their kinsfolk in the South, or from the vineyards of Men in distant lands.

It's really funny seeing Lothlorien getting referenced so obliquely. Obviously Tolkien is being a good writer here and avoiding infodumping about places that don't matter to this particular story, but as the works are so tied into each other it feels unnecessay here.

...feels. If Tolkien actually did talk too much more than he does in the next paragraph it WOULD be a problem.

For some time Bilbo sat and thought about this water-gate, and wondered if it could be used for the escape of his friends, and at last he had the desperate beginnings of a plan.

It's a stupid plan that would have no chance of working in the sequel unless like five dwarves at least died in the attempt, but it is a plan. Kind of.

It must be potent wine to make a wood-elf drowsy; but this wine, it would seem, was the heady vintage of the great gardens of Dorwinion, not meant for his soldiers or his servants, but for the king’s feasts only, and for smaller bowls not for the butler’s great flagons.

Oddly, we don't know too much about Dorwinion. It's on the northwest coast of the Sea of Rhun, the name is in Sindarin, and they make really great wine there. One wonders how they keep out of the influence of the east, or if perhaps they are a properly eastern country that just trades on the downlow because that's what neighbors do even when they hate each other.

First he unlocked Balin’s door, and locked it again carefully as soon as the dwarf was outside.

He starts with Balin because he's best dwarf.

Bilbo saw that the time had come to explain his idea, as far as he could; but he did not feel at all sure how the dwarves would take it. His fears were quite justified, for they did not like it a bit, and started grumbling loudly in spite of their danger.

This is an interesting variant on the unspoken plan guarantee, where Bilbo's plan isn't stated outright but is critiqued in thorough detail anyway.

Balin was told off to watch the guard and the butler and give warning if they stirred.

I think at this point Tolkien had just forgotten the names of all the other dwarves. "There's Thorin, Balin, and uh... Kiwi? Bonbon the fatso? I want to say... Groin?"

At last twelve dwarves were stowed. Thorin had given a lot of trouble, and turned and twisted in his tub and grumbled like a large dog in a small kennel; while Balin, who came last, made a great fuss about his air-holes and said he was stifling, even before his lid was on.

Okay so before I was kidding but seriously, if Tolkien remembered Bombur's name at this point he would have made a joke about how hard it was to find him a barrel.

Roll—roll—roll—roll, roll-roll-rolling down the hole! Heave ho! Splash plump! Down they go, down they bump!

Say it with me now: Still a better song than the crap at Rivendell. Even if we are scraping the bottom of th-

*is justifiably shot*

“Get on with the work!” growled the butler. “There is nothing in the feeling of weight in an idle toss-pot’s arms. These are the ones to go and no others. Do as I say!”

Once again we see that autocratic leadership styles accomplish nothing except stifling the genuine efforts of the competent worker to report problems, resulting in far greater issues down the line.

Most likely you saw it some time ago and have been laughing at him; but I don’t suppose you would have done half as well yourselves in his place.

When have I ever laughed at Bilbo, besides all those times earlier?

In despair and not knowing what else to do, poor little Bilbo caught hold of it and was pushed over the edge with it.

Again, if this were the sequel, this is the exact moment when Bilbo's death would have become certain. It's simply incredible that Peter Jackson managed to take an already ridiculous sequence of events and make it somehow even more implausible.

Then Bilbo took the opportunity of scrambling up the side of his barrel while it was held steady against another.

Note that Bilbo makes no effort to try and free any of the dwarves to increase their odds of survival, though I suppose this is because he's completely exhausted at this point. But is that really an excuse?

They quickly poled and pushed all the barrels together into the shallows, and when they had counted them they roped them together and left them till the morning. Poor dwarves! Bilbo was not badly off now.

Another chance for the dwarves to die is here, when they're just left in place all night while Bilbo does nothing to help them even though he could release the dwarves in cover of darkness. The barrels would still be there, and they're supposed to be empty anyway!

They had escaped the dungeons of the king and were through the wood, but whether alive or dead still remains to be seen

Alive, but we are rapidly approaching the demise of some. This wraps up another chapter, which has a good amount of suspense and is not actually entirely too goofy, but sits at an awkward point. Tolkien is writing a fairy tale, so going downriver in barrels is entirely plausible for the story, but he's still very wrapped up in logistics, so he doesn't just have the dwarves get downstream in a single day. Ah well. As the narration states, we are headed to the last leg of the journey, so we shall see how the dwarves get fucked over next soon!

[thefreakandthehair]

1, 3 & 20 for steddie

1: What’s their love languages?:

Eddie’s is physical touch with a healthy dose of quality time. he’s so overtly affectionate with his friends because let’s be real about touch starved this poor boy is? who is hugging him?! I adore Wayne and I’m sure he gets the gruff dad hugs but jesus christ, the first time Steve gives him an actual hug-- the kind where his face is just smushed into Steve's cheek and his arms are wrapped up around Steve's neck and he is so enveloped-- he could probably run through a wall with the high he's on. and quality time! he hasn't had a ton of experience with people wanting to be around him one-on-one. it's always in a group, always at Hellfire or band practice. so when Steve makes it clear that he likes doing nothing but sitting with him in his trailer and listening to him rant about someone's shitty opinion about 'The Hobbit', he just melts.

Steve’s is words of affirmation and acts of service. we literally see him in s2 BEGGING Nancy to tell him she loves him. and then she doesn’t and he is so fucking sad? I’m still mad about it. I love Nancy but godDAMN she broke that boy. and acts of service because he is literally always, constantly doing things for everyone around him, up to and including nearly dying for them. Eddie made him a grilled cheese one time without him asking and he just crumbles.

3. Who cooks? Who cleans up? Who’s banned from the kitchen?

okay I know this is a hot take in certain subsets of fandom but Steve cooks the 'fancier' things-- he learned some stuff when he was left home alone and got really bored. it was a mindless activity, a great distraction from /trauma/, and he got a meal out of it. but Eddie? he makes the most insane, delicious creations when they haven't gotten to the store out of whatever is available in the pantry. (growing up poor teaches you this skill, friends!) they're both banned from the kitchen when the other is cooking because of a certain burned pasta incident when Steve distracted Eddie for too long. they take turns cleaning up, but Eddie likes doing it. he likes taking things off of Steve's plate when he'll let him.

20: What clothes/accessories do they steal from each other?

well obviously, Steve never returns that vest. it becomes something of an inside joke as the years pass. they add patches to it, random pins Eddie finds in record stores and thrift shops. seriously, some of the most ridiculous niche decorations they can find. once the vest is entirely covered, Eddie finds a shadowbox frame in Walmart and they hang it in the living room. it's a real conversation starter. Eddie also steals a lot of Steve's sweatpants because they're just a little bit bigger than his, which make them way more comfortable than his own. Steve steals a lot of Eddie's band shirts, even the ones that are a tiny bit too small (Eddie particularly loves when they're a tiny bit too small). it started as a just clothes to sleep in, but now that he knows what bands he's representing, he wears them out proudly. he's also snagged a ring or two Eddie's and if he wears one on his left ring finger to match the one Eddie wears on his, well, that's no one else's business.

#ask game #sleepover weekend #ship asks! <3333

[cornsword]

So i looked through my notes on my phone and I found this from last july and

Look.

Look I was going through a lot:

LoTRkenny

Leggsy: Anya yous seen what’s goin on edge a camp?

Eowyn: More arriving or more deserting?

Leggsy: Bit a both

Eowyn: Fuck boys this trending on twitter?

L: Ain’t breaking news, I concur

E: And yet…

L: More the reason folk’re desertin

E: Comin up on the fourth age here, Legs

Gimli: Yer outs a letters, leg o lamb, solves the puzzles

L: Yhear about this cave?

G: I’m waitin to sees if I should takes offense

L: No I mean it’s like, a famous cave, everyone knows about it, humans and elves I mean

E: You’re asking if we heard of the famous cave everyone knows.

L: Yeah

G: Nos

L: well. Thing is, about this cave. Is. Folks are sayin.

Aragorn: Fuck sake bud I’m prepared to reforge my foot in your ass, why don’t you look to the east to see if you can find the fuckin point

L: Haunted

A: Oh fer fucks sake

G: How haunted

L: i don’t know, marginally?

G: No I means haunted by what? Dwarves?

E: Elves?

G: Wights?

A: The dearly departed spirit of my good mood?

L: Humans. Warriors. Human warriors.

A: Ah well no surprise there on account a not bein immortal, surprised you can swing a dead warg without hittin the ghost of a human warrior, poor guys don’t have it so good as some of us

G: Lady Galadriels says each of us had a place and a roles ta play in this worlds

E: Does she now?

A: You got about two more Lady Galadriel Says to spend today fuck make sure you gets your money’s worth

L: See thing is, these are special guys.

E: Ug, really?

A: Okay leggsy, leggsy okay, let me ask you this: what is it that makes these dead fellas so special?

L: Well have you ever heard of the human men who betrayed Isuldur?

G:

E:

A: I recollect.

L: Well, people are sayin, that is, that it’s those….guys

G: Might want to upgrade that “marginally” to “substantially” there, Lego Waffle.

A: Yer tellin me we’re fixin to square up against half a mordor and near all what’s left a isengard, and you thought you MIGHT mention our proximity to “special guys.”

E: Hold on

A: Can’t hold it

E: Wait a second

A: I figure a whole epoch’s waitin enough

E: You’re tellin me you’re seriously fixin to consider squaring up alongside a whole mountain full a traitorous ghouls when there’s flesh and blood people here and now ready to fight for what’s theirs?

A: How many verses you got in this song,

E: I’ll keep singin until someone starts listening.

A: Right. Pitter patter

G: You certain about this course of action good buddy?

L: These’re traitorous oathbreakers.

G: Allegedlys.

L: You might wanna upgrade that to factuallys. When a friend asks for help you help em.

A: I don’t aim to sit here and debate whether or not to make a social call when the welfare a the realms a men are at stake, reckon it’s time to quit gassin and start sassin

E: You guys go on ahead, I got my own thing goin on

G: You keeps your good spirit and stays active even when your dad says you can’t rides out like you wants, that’s what I appreciates about you Miss Eowyns

E: Is that what you appreciates about me?

A: Hobbit back in the hole there, squirrelly g….

—-

Saruman: Gr-r-r-r-rima!

Grima: SRMan!

S: We are cast out.

G: exiled

S: WANDERERS

G: Homeless

S: ENEMIES made of all civilized realms

G: OUTCASTS!

S: Repetitive.

G: Saruman

S: GRIMA! Think of it. Where is the last place they will expecting our seeds to find purchase?

G: Your seed?!

S: our. Seeds. Of deeds.

G: I was gonna say

S: We dedicated servants of the <whispers> (((((dark lord)))) who are accustomed to swaying nations and kings, where would we never DEIGN to show our faces?

G: The city?

S: The opposite.

G: D-desperate

S: Depressing

G: Demonstrably

S: Determinedly

G: Distressingly?

S: DIABOLICALLY.

G: SRMAN.

S: We ride for the Shire, Grima. We hide out with the hicks.

G: Tonight?

S: to now! Make ready our steeds.

G: We only escaped with the one steed

S: THEN MAKE READY HIM.

—-

Samwise: More Lembas Mr Frodo?

Frodo: No thank you Sam. I’ve lost my taste for lembas bread.

S: You need to eat, Mr Frodo. You’ve barely slept. You’ll never make it to Mordor if you don’t conserve your strength.

F: The ring is getting heavier, Sam. I can feel him searching for it, needing it. I scarcely can bear it.

S: You will, Frodo. I know you will.

F: Sam. Thank you, Sam, i would be quite lost without your help.

Gollum: FUCKS SAKE IF YOU TWO AREN’T FUCKING INSUFFERABLE, WE’S HEADING TO A VOLCANO BUT WATCHIN YOU COWS MOO AT EACH OTHER HAS ME WORRIED ABOUT A WHOLE DIFFERENT KIND OF MOUNTIN

S: You watch how you speak to him you devil you!

G: FUCK YOU GAMGEE EVERY DAY IS SMEAGOL’S BIRTHDAY WHEN IT COMES TO KICKING TWELVE SHITS OUT OF YOU, IT’S THE ONLY ITEM THAT’S ON MY AMAZON WISH LIST THAT ISN’T SPERMICIDAL GUMMIES FOR YOUR MOM, I’LL BLOW OUT MY CANDLES OVER YOUR UNCONSCIOUS BODY AND WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN YA FAT FUCK

F: Calm yourself Smeagol…

G: FUCK YOU MASTER THE ONLY THING MORE PRECIOUS THAN YOU TWO PICKING OUT PLACE SETTINGS IS THE SOUNDS YOUR MOM MAKES WHEN SHE DANGLES HER RING PIECE OVER MY WHITE TOWER

S: Fuck you Gollum

G: FUCK YOU GAMGEE YOUR MOM SWORE ALLEGIANCE TO MY BROWN-EYE OF SAURON, TELL HER TO GO EASIER ON MY TATERS THAT SILLY SLUT LIKES TO PLAY CHEF AND BOIL EM MASH EM STICK EM IN HER MOUTH, MAYBE THAT’S WHY HER BREATH COULD BURN DOWN LAKE TOWN

F: Fuck you smeagol!

G: FUCK YOU MASTER MY ELVEN DAGGER GLOWS BLUE WHEN YOUR MOM’S FIFTH ORGASM IS NEAR, TOO BAD SHE SMELLS LIKE THE DEAD FUCKING MARSHES, TALK ABOUT STINGING THE NEXT MORNING, IF I WANTED TO CATCH FISH I’D A STAYED IN THE FUCKIN CAVE

Samwise and Frodo: FUCK you Smeagol!!

G: FUCK YOU BOTH TELL YOUR MOMS TO CONSIDER MY OFFER TO PARTIALLY SUBSIDIZE THEIR BOOBJOBS FUCKING SAGGINS OF SAG END IT’S EMBARRASSING FUCKS SAKE WHAT DO YOU THINK I’M ALWAYS CHOKING ON?

—-

Aragorn: Gandalf?

Gandalf: How’reyanow?

Aragorn: You fell.

G: At’s right. Through fire... and water... From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought him, the uh Balrog of Morgoth. Until at last, I threw down my enemy and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and everyday was as long as a life-age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I have been sent back, until my task is done.

Legolas: (under his breath) Gandalf’s a piece a shit…..

#lotr #letterkenny #tw to be safe

[thegreenleavesofspring]

Aragorn quietly slid his knife free and eased the wolf’s body to the ground. Not a warg, not this close to the borders of the Shire, but sometimes the Old Forest drove perfectly normal woodland creatures quite mad. Not that this poor beast needed such an excuse; the Ranger could count each rib through its matted and patchy coat. Old, possibly sick – driven off from its pack, most likely, and thinking young hobbit lass an easy catch.

The young hobbit lass in question glanced sharply over, and Aragorn could swear he had made no sound but she called out in a high piping voice, “Hello! Who are you?”

And. Well. Never mind he could probably fit her whole body in one of his boots, he hastily cleaned and sheathed his knife and stepped out of the brush with as easy a smile as he could manage, hands open and loose, palms towards her. “Hello, miss,” he returned lowly.

She tilted her head back, looking up and up and up to see him. “You’re very tall,” she informed him solemnly, and hopped to her fuzzy feet, bobbing a clumsy little curtsy. “I’m Primrose Brandybuck.” She broke off, waiting expectantly.

Aragorn smiled, thoroughly charmed, and bowed very properly. “I am – Estel,” he returned, with only the faintest of minute hesitations. “A pleasure to meet you, Miss Brandybuck.”

“A pleasure,” she agreed primly, and gestured at the checked kerchief spread on the ground and surrounded by a stuffed rabbit, a doll, and something that might possibly supposed to have been a bear, at one point. “Will you join us for tea?” she asked grandly.

Aragorn folded himself carefully onto the ground beside the kerchief, eyeing the acorn-sized cups and kettle set out. “I would be honored.”

“You’re sitting on Dandylion!” Primrose informed him indignantly, swooping down to rescue the rabbit.

“My apologies, Miss Dandylion,” Aragorn said gravely. “I am afraid I am a rather clumsy Big Person.”

“Dandylion says that he is a he, not a she,” Primrose informed him haughtily, arms folded around her rabbit.

Aragorn inclined his head solemnly. “I am most sorry, Mister Dandylion. Of course you are.”

“You are forgiven,” the little Brandybuck miss told him imperiously, and sat down, pouring him a thimbleful of tea and holding it up.

“Thank you,” the Ranger said gravely, accepting it carefully with both hands. “Ah – forgive me, Miss Brandybuck, if this is terribly rude, but does anyone else know you’re out here…?”

She waved a delightfully unconcerned hand. “They will figure it out,” she dismissed. “They told me to scram, and so I did. And now I am having an adventure, just like a Took!”

Aragorn somehow rather thought that they had not intended her to scram out of the very gates of the Shire itself and unto the eaves of the Old Forest, but she was probably correct enough that they would figure it out, certainly no later than dinnertime. He could certainly stay here that long; it would be easy enough to make up the time tonight. “I see,” he responded, smiling slightly over his acorn-cap of a teacup.

“Have a tart,” Primrose invited, handing him something roughly the size of his fingernail.

“Thank you very much,” he said seriously, laying his palm flat for her to place the minuscule pastry onto it. He wedged his cup in between the fingers of that hand, to use his now-free index finger and thumb to pluck the tartlet up and eat it. Primrose observed this process with approval, nodding in satisfaction as the treat disappeared and turning to the doll.

“Lady Diamond-Sugarplum, will you please pass out the napkins?” she requested, and proceeded to do so, chattering in an even higher pitch, “Oh, yes indeed, Primmy, it would be my utmost pleasure!”

Aragorn hid a smile, carefully drinking his drop of tea, as the child and her toys had their tea party. But he did not escape her attention long; she turned a severe little look on him. “Have you finished your tea, Mister Estel?”

“I have,” he replied, lowering his ‘cup.’

She nodded, pouring him another drop. “I thought you might. You’re a Big Person.” She blinked large brown eyes up at him. “I’ve never seen another Big Person. Are they all as big as you?”

“I do not think so,” he responded, only the corner of his mouth quirking slightly. “I am accounted quite tall, I believe.”

She nodded sagely, but before she could speak, a voice bellowed from the direction of the gate, “Primrose Cymbaline Brandybuck!”

She jumped, looking rather guilty, while Aragorn twisted around to look at the newcomer. A stout hobbit-master was striding wrathfully towards them. His gait did not check, even as he ran an appraising eye up and down Aragorn. “And who might you be?” he demanded pugnaciously, coming up close and trampling the tea party to get between the little lass and the much larger Ranger.

“Da, you’re stepping on Puffball!” Primrose said distressfully from behind him, tugging at the maybe-a-bear. She was ignored by her paternal figure.

Aragorn carefully set down his tiny teacup, scooting back away from the hobbits with a disarming smile. “My name is Estel, and I am a wanderer. Miss Primrose saw me and asked me to join her tea party, which I gratefully accepted.”

The hobbit man squinted at him. “Bardoc Brandybuck,” he said briefly. “You're one of those Ranger types, aren't you – yes, Primmy, what is it?” he asked impatiently, looking down at the mite tugging at his waistcoat.

“I didn't see him, Da, I heard him. He was in the bush over there.” She pointed.

Bardoc turned back to Aragorn, looking even less friendly. “Spying, were we?”

“Not precisely,” Aragorn said quietly, and moved back, getting to his feet. “Just passing by, really. I meant no harm, Master Brandybuck, and want no trouble. I'll be on my way.” He gave little Primrose a small smile and slight inclination of his head, before turning and heading off down the Road.

The Brandybucks watched him go, before Bardoc looked down at his little daughter. She was scowling up at him mightily. “He was nice,” she informed her father stringently.

“You can’t trust the Rangers,” he informed her firmly, bending down to gather up the small tea party and stumping back towards the entrance to the Shire, his small daughter at his side, clutching Puffball close. “Vagabondish lot. And you, little missy, know better than to go outside the Gate! Y’mother is frantic and…” His scolding voice grew fainter, leaving the eaves of the Old Forest quiet and undisturbed once more.

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