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#like yeah he's justified in how he feels
turtleblogatlast · 7 months
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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up#there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#it’s honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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casualavocados · 7 months
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this is such a solid show so far, i dont even know what to say. episodes feel long, but they're not boring. they're lingering, they last. it takes everyday emotions and everyday experiences and lets them play out; it confers importance to the small things. the story and overall plot-per-ep is simple yet genuine, and everything and every character feels so lived-in. i like the mix of fun and serious, i like the steady growth and trust between mork and day and the little buds of tension starting to bloom. i love the way the camera brings things to the forefront of the viewer's attention, the way expressions are shot and how long those shots are allowed to last on screen...you really feel the emotion coming through, and it really impresses me from both an acting and directing standpoint.....im just rambling but the jist of it is that i'm really enjoying this
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socksandbuttons · 7 months
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me watching the new episode FINALLYYYYY THEY ACKOWLEDGE KCCCCC
alsO KINDA UPSETTTING
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lord-squiggletits · 9 months
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I need to reread the comics again to have specific arguments/evidence for this, but like
I feel a bit like I could've been sympathetic to the way other Cybertronian colonies view Cybertron, if it weren't for the fact that at least several of them (as in, ones that get notable dialogue/screen time) are so low-key self-righteous?
Like, idk... there's a lot of criticism of Cybertronians because they're so "warlike" and how their obsession with violence and vengeance is just dragging the whole galaxy down with them, but uh. The Autobot-Decepticon war was basically a product of societal ills bubbling over for like 6 million years beforehand and then finally boiling over into a 4 million year war that lasted as long as it did because the people involved had immense social/psychological trauma from being "raised" in an oppressive society.
So when the colonists come in being all 'omg you people are so violent and uncivilized why don't you just like, stop fighting' it kind of pissed me off a little bit as a reader/person like. Idk the colonists really came into this society of people full of massive amounts of trauma where even before the war society was super oppressive and no one has any experience of living "normal" lives unaffected by violence and bigotry. And the colonists were like "ummm wow why don't you guys just??? stop fighting???." Like idk it wasn't EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, in fact I think that when it was played for laughs it's quite a funny "fridge horror" type element. It was just annoying because like.... IDK???? It's just really annoying to watch a bunch of people who lived relatively sheltered lives on their own planets come to a different planet full of traumatized people and be like "omg why are you people so fucked up" IDK BRO MAYBE BECAUSE THEIR SOCIETY WAS OPPRESSIVE AND THEY LIVED THROUGH A LIFELONG WAR???
It also doesn't help that the colonies were literally founded based on imperialism and conquest so like, it's fucking rich to hear colonists scolding Cybertronians for their violence ruining the whole galaxy while literally sitting on planets that their Primes colonized from others. The hypocrisy of this is briefly mentioned in Unicron (literally the FINAL STORY OF THE SERIES) but like, that's basically the only time Cybertronian characters are given a reprieve of sympathy from other characters in universe and it's so tiresome.
I've talked to other people who didn't like the colonists and thought they basically (narratively speaking) existed just to shit on the existing characters, and it's actually really easy for me to sympathize with/outright agree with that assessment of the story considering how much of exRID/OP seems to be preoccupied with "Cybertron/the Primes/Optimus sucks" with very few reprieves for anything positive happening and even fewer chances for characters to get to explain themselves and experience a little bit of justice? Like, as the audience, it's just very frustrating to see the characters you spent hundreds of issues keeping up with get shit on by a bunch of "literally-who"s and then not really get a chance to ever defend themselves, either by literally defending themselves in conversation or having some sort of narrative thing happening that vindicates them at least symbolically
#squiggposting#paused work to muse about this which i prolly shouldn't have lol#oh well i'll still get stuff done#like idk an example of this is how pyra criticized OP for using religion to manipulate people#(lets just ignore how she said she would teach OP but never actually did)#but in the story there's never any sort of confrontation where pyra learns about history or talks with OP#and OP gets to be like. yeah on my planet primes fucking sucked and i'm the only one trying to redeem their image#also ive been fighting an endless war that lasted 4 mil years in which me being a shining figurehead was basically#the sole motivating force keeping my army from just collectively succumbing to endless despair#and i also had to use this shining figurehead image i had to keep the opposing army from genociding a bunch of organics#like not once does OP get to express his side of things he's basically just shit upon endlessly by other characters as he keeps doing plot#i feel like i had another example but i can't recall who/what was involved lmao#like idk it's not just that barber's writing is depressing and dark and edgy. i LIKE stories that do that kind of thing#it's just that it feels a bit as if the story is ENDLESSLY depressing and dark and edgy with almost no reprieve#as if it's mostly presenting the flaws of the characters with no chance for them to justify or redeem themselves#idk i feel like there was another better point/example i was gonna make but i can't remember it#like idk i guess a dark depressing story would've been better if the characters at least got to defend themselves#bc as is it basically feels like they (esp OP) get shit on endlessly and never once get to express anything about it#so like. they get shit on in universe. but also as the reader since there's never a contradicting viewpoint or the character defending them#it's as if you're supposed to take this one-sided criticism of them at face value and it just doesn't seem fair AS THE READER#if i read about OP getting shit on by some people and defended by others and also him expressing his opinion on himself#then that just feels like a normal fair narrative where i get to take sides#but if it's just OP being shit on and he hardly expresses much about it#then it feels like i as the reader am expected to agree with the portrayal being shown?#but in reality the portrayal just feels negative and unfair and one sided to me#and why the fuck do i want to read a story that's just the characters i know and like on an endless shame parade#also shout out to 'literally who' aka slide calling OP 'literally fascist' lmao#one of the most cringe moments of the entire comic. wait no. i can think of a more cringe Slide Moment#when unicron is about to destroy the planet and trypticon is getting shot and dying(?) in the background#and the story decides to pause and focus on Slide so she can monologue about how evil and tyrannical OP is
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infizero · 5 days
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FUCCKKKKKKKKKK
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i-spilled-my-soup · 1 year
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i miss the olden days when the greeks didn’t have labels for sexuality they just had affairs and orgies
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bylertruther · 1 year
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i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.
#rewatching it bc i wanted to make another foreshadowing compilation post for myself regarding what will's actions will#likely be in season five re: vecna and lmao. so many things are just... it's like. it makes me laugh how In Your Face it is now#that we know all that we know. so many direct parallels both with dialogue and actions. mike/will/lucas/el foreshadowing their s4 roles.#the flaying of the holloways and the creels. the dormancy / activation shit. the building shit. the natural progression of their arcs.#the different ways that their characters approach problem solving and how we see tht reinforced by s4. it's so fascinating#genuinely i think idk it was just such a big culture shock i guess u could say from 1 and 2 that it was hard to digest on its own for me#but now that 4 is in the same vein it's like Oh. Okay. Yeah no. I get it now. That's cool. I'm forever bitter but I get it and respect it.#3 4 and 5 are a package deal considering they also said 4 was like part 1 of 5.#it also makes sense bc the point of 3 was that everyone was changing and building themselves in a new way and that#includes vecna so. just so fascinating how they link everything and how their vision is so consistent with certain plots and characters#like. the lucas max mike n will + el involvement is right there. the idea that they have to kill vecna and not just his puppets is right#there. that 2nd point starts in season two but three is where it really turns into an ''the end justifies the means'' situation#(especially for will which i think is something a lot of people overlook but—)#s3 is painful when considering their personal character arcs but fucking delicious when considering the overarching supernatural vecna plot#bc thts also when he starts his ''there is no stopping this'' shtick and actually enters the story#and he's fucking slimy lol. which i Love#anyway. omg first i defended mike in the rain fight and now i'm saying i kind of like season three who the FUCK am i!!!!!#crazy what feeling the need to defend a white boy's honor will do to you 😳
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mcybree · 5 months
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Ok ok ok I'm not Tryna start discourse but bluestars prophecy was my first ever warriors book and bluestar will always be my favourite so I'm gonna make some counterpoints to you about her being a Smajor character
bluestar has always been led by an intense loyalty and dedication to those she loves and cares for - this includes her mum, her sister, her clan, eventually Firepaw when he joins the clan, and she has a VERY strong moral compass when it comes to doing the right thing - when she sees thistleclaw teaching tigerpaw to hurt a then baby scourge she very much discourages it and is against it
Afaik scott is Not like that, he doesn't have an emotional or love-driven moral code, he does things because they're smart decisions in the long term or because he wants to. Granted I havent seen a ton of his stuff but I have seen his limited life and 3rd life perspectives and he is very much a singular team player there, there to look after himself and well if people align with him that's great he's got allies (jimmy and Martyn) but he won't go out of his way to care for them
Bluestars defiance of starclan in the first series is BECAUSE she gave herself to them and what the warrior code demanded so much - yes she broke clan rules by having kids with crookedstar but she did everything in her power to make sure they'd have a happy life and felt terrible that thrushpelt was willing to say they were his to save her reputation. She didn't do it out of a selfish want, she only ever wanted to help her clan and those she loved, and her becoming clan leader is emblematic of that want. When she rejects starclan so wholeheartedly in the first series it's because THINGS KEEP GOING WRONG WHEN SHES TRIED SO HARD TO STOP THEM FROM DOING THAT - starclan has never cared about the sacrifices she made to keep her loved ones and clan safe, she lost her mother, her sister, her kits, her mate, literally everything, and things STILL KEEP GETTING WORSE. it's not a demand that she deserves to have everything good, it's a cry for help that shouldn't something go right after she's tried so hard???
C!Scott isn't like that. He puts himself above others and inherently believes he will get the best if he just plays his cards right, and he is good at it, he's very competent at lasting a long time in life series and getting what he wants - the ruthlessness of gem driven by desperation kills him in secret life, Martyn's complete fucking about face kills him in limited life, and I'm pretty sure it's etho who gets him out in 3rd life by luck. He doesn't plan to look after the ones he cares about, because he cares about himself first and foremost. Yeah you can argue when he doesn't get what he wants he gets annoyed, but his is less of a 'why don't I get this don't I deserve it' and more of a 'oh fuck this didn't work. Ok new plan double down on getting what I want by appeasing to people cos they're easy to read and therefore account for'
I don't doubt Scott would make a bluestar adjacent character if he made a warrior cats oc BUT his character would honestly be closer to darktail or ashfur than bluestar and that's that on that.
(sorry you activated 13 year old me's unskippable cutscene sjdjsjsjja this isnt meant to be a serious argument I just love bluestar a lot and love talking about her)
OKAY 1. this is fucking awesome thank you 2. i am going to do something new and exciting (advocate for scott instead of beating him to death with sticks) because unfortunately this bluestar info has only made me believe she is a smajor character even more.
As a general note when I talk about smajor characters as a collective here I’m referring to characters more in the realm of esmp/traffic/rats/pirates/etc, less vampire scott or necromancer scott who are intended to be villainous.
Scott characters tend to operate under a “If I am not a Good Person I may as well die” rule, and consequently abide by a strict moral code to keep themselves feeling clean. For instance: traffic Scott will never go back on his word, he will avoid dishonesty, and he won’t take from others unless he is sure that he can repay them. He will never betray his seasonal primary ally (even when they betray him first), and will often give people things just because they asked him nicely. He stakes a lot of his own identity on this, because it is through being a “good person” that he justifies his superiority (and, by extension, his own existence); in his mind he deserves the best and *is* the best because he is such a good person. When things don’t go his way, he thinks he doesn’t deserve it because he has been nothing but good, so he tries to place a reason. He often assumes that somebody must “have a vendetta” against him, even if this somebody is the world (see: him asking if limlife episode 1 boogeyman is some kind of joke played on him for not giving in to the boogey curse in Last Life.) which is very Bluestar to me, convinced that her misfortunes are a divine punishment.
This is all to say that Scott does have a strict moral code and deep sense of loyalty. Being a “good person” and devoted partner in the ways he understands it are so ingrained into what he is that I think he definitely has the capacity to be a Bluestar if he were raised being taught clan values, even if his internal systems are often built around never letting gross emotions be fully felt rather than what those emotions compel him to do.
#ive always wanted to partake in pointless character debate on tumblr#considered maintagging this but didnt want people looking at your ask weird. sorry yall we serve fucked up scott here#“But bree” you might ask “what about pearl? He wasnt a very devoted partner then!”#and to that I say: pearl isnt a person to him. and neither is jimmy. Scott fucked up with both of them and unfortunately if he is not good-#and justified 100% of the time he loses his entire identity so convincing himself that they are incompetent or crazy so that he#doesnt have to self reflect is how he gets by. he would literally rather kill himself than earnestly admit fault for anything#… huh. about the above tags I dont remember the lore but is there any parallel there with the whole bright heart thing#genuine question bc I do not remember why blue star did that and I dont trust the wiki#(Trying to space out names so they dont tag)#I really hope this makes sense btw bc I feel like I usually list a lot more examples… but im tired#I can elaborate on any point here if need be ig. I dont talk about this aspect of him often because the literal entire fandom does already#Every scott analysis post out there is about his damn loyalty… anyways yeah scotts loyalty is transactional more often than emotional but#It’s still loyalty and also. hard to draw the line between where the emotions stop sometimes because he can stop giving a fuck about—#most things on a whim. How much scott genuinely cares about something is a forever undefinable concept#asks#he is genuinely a very good ally to have usually. like jimmy was very much the exception there#he does like helping people out he does. he’s just also emotionally detached so he tallies his favors and good deeds to bring up later if—#someone he’s helped decides to go against him. If that makes sense#sorry man I just keep talking. I love this blue animal…….#thanks for the ask genuinely I love when paragraphs about characters#anyways im gonna pass out and. Shakes myself STOP ADDING MORE TAGSSS i think im so tired man
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ntaras · 8 months
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i think a lot of people coddle kuai liang too much. yes he’s good and a tortured man etc. and people see that he has struggled but don’t really see that he still is struggling and has faults. even in mk12 people aren’t really talking about how he did in fact try to kill bi-han- which yes, he would have regretted, but that is still a fault you have to see in him. he’s susceptible to fits of blind rage that will make him do things he’ll regret. his anger was justified (obviously) but he’s also capable of murdering his own brother (which once again, i am sure he would have regretted).
#like criticism of writing aside- that is who he is now. he isn’t an innocent baby who needs to be constantly coddled#he’s a nice guy he’s a great guy etc etc etc but he has these negative traits that are a part of his character#idk if infantilizing would be the right word for what i feel like this fandom does to him#as much as i talk about bihan it’s kuai liang who’s the character who i love most#mostly for sentimental reasons due to being the character i first liked#but i feel like the fandom doesn’t really appreciate him as much as they want to ‘baby’ him#and once again he’s one of the purest characters out there!! but he’s also full of a lot of pain#and in mk12 we actually saw him exert that pain into rage which almost killed bihan#and it’s a negative part of him (the consequences of his blinding rage) that we have to also accept as a part of him#this isn’t directed at anyone this is just a general problem i have with the fandom#i like him a lot and think he has faults we should also appreciate him for and that negative traits in a character don’t make them a bad#character but make them more interesting 👍#i think his anger is now brushed off as ‘oh yeah it’s justified’ and like yeah but also do you see how he almost killed bihan? how he#violently killed the guards?#how he would have done that to bihan if he was not stopped by a gaurd?#his anger is beyond something that’s just ‘justified’ it’s also something that *can* control him#and yes i’m aware he ended up sparing bihan after their fight but that’s not the point i’m making#kuai liang#talking;
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starlooove · 1 day
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Y’all kill me bro ur telling me RA’S AL GHUL wouldn’t let Damian observe nature? Hello?
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hypaalicious · 1 year
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MRW I get a fully leveled m9 Vigil as Temp Recruit in IS3:
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MRW I actually go through a few combat nodes with him:
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exausta-verytired · 17 days
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this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead
#which was the LEAST offensive narrative about me the sex demon brought as divine punishment for my family was hmmm a choice from neighbours#just... can we think a little about what the word grooming implies#I had it good it wasn't incest#'had it good' might be dramatic I just mean breaking narratives that justify abuse it's even harder when it comes from the household#I've worked with many girls who explained me what they thought of as 'father-daughter caress'#but don't worry I don't rank trauma me and my ex has that weird competitions of 'you had the more fucked up childhood' it did wonders for m#so whenever I say 'at least it wasn't incest' i can hear his delulu voice right next to me saying 'oh yeah? having only one rapist is#objectively better than multiple. I'm a man you're a woman. checkmate!' okay babyboy that works so well about your bio father you live with#weird insane teenage rage would never allow anyone else to talk about me like he does but it was good for us#because the real joke is you can invalidate any victim about how it was 'not that bad' if you talk long enough which people do#but I'm going on too many tangents today#but if there's too things I've learnt is that you can be traumatised by sex you technically 'consented' to#but also every rape victim feels guilty about 'participating' too much especially when it's a repeated abuser#and we blame ourselves for stuff we recognise as manipulation/threats/coercion easily when it's someone else#my will to delete this one versus the fact every time I mention our worse fight me going 'oh yeah cuz an 8 year old would win an argument#against his only parent that is threatening the other kids' versus him 'oh but you should win at 10 against the man who threatened to arrest#your father' and me screaming 'DIFFERENT' but having my brain rewritten... has had people telling me 'thats helpful' more than once ugh#also i fucking hate the way rapists talk to children I cant count on a single hand how many cases of 'entertain me or I cant promise I wont#do anything to the younger ones' I have PERSONALLY witnessed.#.txt
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magentagalaxies · 2 months
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#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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domesticmail · 2 months
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#will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon because this situation is straight-up untenable#and then i guess i'll be moving!#i feel so weird and unhappy but ultimately i think i'll be happier alone#working on myself alone#working on my life alone#because he is just. not conducive to any of it#he rightfully pointed out that i have flaws i need to fix but he also#goes on screaming tirades and ignores me for days#so i feel like ultimately i am justified in leaving.#i know i have issues and i need to work on them and I AM!#if that isn't enough for him that's okay#but it's not okay to oscillate between screaming at me and giving me the silent treatment#i mean my god.#this is not a relationship.#this is me letting myself get berated#and then disrespected#and tbf i've allowed this behavior for two years so he is not entirely to blame#i have had many chances to leave and i've always discarded them because i thought we could work it out#but yeah i've reached the point where i don't think it's work-out-able#i mean he straight up told me our relationship is not important to him and that i'm not important to him#i don't understand how that could possibly be a GOOD thing in a relationship#and i'm honestly a little saddened that i let myself think that was okay for so long#i may have flaws but i'm not abusive or manipulative. i'm just lazy#but i take care of my responsibilities too.#so ultimately i'm just not okay#i'm not okay with any of this and i'm finally okay saying that#it doesn't make him or i bad people#it means we're not compatible and probably haven't been for a long time#i am unhappy here#he is unhappy here
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badolmen · 2 months
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So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.
#ra speaks#personal#watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content#and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive#triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce.#I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit#like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why#and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.)#brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack.#you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please???#survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real.#I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes.#I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like#I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school.#it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup#it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together.#hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life#after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.
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heavenknowsffs · 1 year
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Sorry for another vent post but here goes
#like i'm not looking for a relationship ok ? but i met this guy and we've been hooking yp#but like he is being all sweet and caring and he is great don't get me wrong#he's like eddie munson i'm not gonna lie#but at the same time he doesn't get my jokes and when i make a sarcastic comment or something funny he always thinks i'm being honest#and then he's too sweet if it makes sense in normal convos? BUT if i am ganuinely distressed (which i am a lot you guys know)#he is just not very emotionally intelligent 😬 and like it's all fun and wtv but i feel like he might like me more than i like him#and i called him babe once bc i had this girl friend who calls everyone babe and i spent like 3 days with her so i called him that#and now he always calls me babe and i'm like 😐 pls stop but i can't tell him to stop bc it will seem rude#and yeah my friends that know him are like he's such a cool guy and so sweet and everything and it looks like we're dating#but like we're not man we're not i met him a few weeks ago#anyway i think in reality i'm trying to find bad things about him just so i can justify not liking him and sabotage the whole thing bc +#+ i'm too afraid lmao#i think i'm emotionally unavailable and don't want a relationship or feel ready for it at all#i feel like i'm starting that age most ppl have at 18/19 of exploring and just vibing except i should have gone through that then#but i never got the change bc of abusive relationships and being at home and not having freedom to just exist#and now i do and i feel like if i start dating someone i'll lose my freedom again#which should not even happen in a healthy relationship but that's how i feel#maybe will talk about this to my therapist see what he says#i think i know what he will say like 'you're just afraid don't think about it too much tell him how you feel'#and i HAVE told him generally how i feel and that i don't want to move mad about it and he was like 'no were just getting to know eachother
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