#maybe i'm being weird idk

[idlyingabout]

I spent some 10 months working in this retail supermarket shop that's close to home and after quitting the only experience that's stayed with me is those rare few times when i would see other queer people just existing in public. Maybe it's because I'm kind of a coward and could never be that openly out, or the environment in this area of the city that I know is very christian and very hostile (the things that i've heard my coworkers saying...) but I came to treasure those rare moments in a very special way. It can feel kinda lonely here, where sometimes it seems like it's just me and the friends I met in artschool and the people in other areas that i see on instagram, weirdly far away from me, and knowing that it'll be decades before we achieve anything meaningful in this country, but seeing someone being so open and brave like that makes me wanna keep going y'know? Maybe someday I'll live in a future where my teacher from artschool didn't have to travel to the USA to get married, and I can go to the beach with my friends and have twin scars on my chest.

#i say stuff #trans tag #idk it's just that everytime i would see someone and know they were queer my heart would shake in this weird way #i can remember like two lesbian couples #two men that asked me about curtains and as I was walking away heard one of them call the other 'darling' #this trans girl that was shoping with a friend and she had beautiful green braids #a couple of other trans women who asked me about what comforter sizes we had #i feel like i would see these people and in my head chant 'please look at me please recognize me please' #maybe i'm being weird idk #also i was working in this store as like a temporary thing #after graduating here with an associate's i applied to this artschool in the USA to like finish my full degree #they accepted me and I spent almost a whole year looking for help to actually study there #i looked in many ways and help never came sadly #a part of me also just wanted to escape from here #maybe some weird karma from that prevented help from coming idk #anyways maybe things can get better. maybe #i started tearing up just writing this

[bunn-iiii]

they should invent being metamours without having a partner in common

#not because i don't want to share a partner but because i want someone to be my metamour without like. forcing my partner to like them?????? #maybe i'm being weird idk

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

#Mithrun #Milsiril #Kabru #btw I'm working with the only translations I could find sorry #so keep that in mind #like it just seemed WEIRD to me #that gloomy introverted Milsiril #who left the life of a Canary behind #decided to do this Canary-adjacent work of helping this guy #maybe the queen made her do it because so many people died and they needed more Canaries idk! #but why would anyone pick Milsiril as a life coach? I really think it was her own choice #it's so interesting how we get these hints of a downright sinster Milsiril #I really like the complicated relationship she and Kabru have #struggling to fully humanize him from her elven perspective #but still taking him seriously wrt: his fears over being a monster or his desire to go to a party! #crazy stuff there #everything about Kabru and adjacent to Kabru is insane what a character

[francy-sketches]

weird little guy

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #valyrianscrolls #joffrey baratheon #my art #idk I just wanted 2 draw baby joffrey being weird and offputting. likely place for him to be #when you're so mad at your dad you dissect his fursona #I <3 giving asoiaf characters cute little plushies of their house sigils idc if it's anachronistic #little baby joffrey makes me sad to think about he's my eraserhead baby...I could be a good mother...I could still save him :( #ok maybe not but I could definitely be a better father than robert I'd give him litte pats on the head and say 'I'm proud of you sport' #I could not save him but I could love him </3

[probably-not-a-rutabaga]

i wasn't planning on doing anything more for the @tmntaucompetition,, but i had this idea and thought it would be cute,, a little farewell if you will

it's been an honor 😌

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #mutant!chompy #mutant chompy au #why am i lowkey sentimental abt this 💀 #like i'm not upset over losing- just the fact that it's ending soon #it's been going since like???? early march?????? #THAT'S 3 MONTHS??????? #idk maybe i'm just being weird abt it lmao

[pablohunie1993]

I know I poke fun at the john constantine pink triangle incident but jokes aside i'm genuinely curious what other people think about it. imo it's a great blaring example of how incapable dc is at writing john's bisexuality into a story that doesn't surround corporate pride or getting together with a man.

I tried talking about it once on tiktok (idk what i was thinking either) and a few people defended it saying things like "how else would you explain a blond hair blue eyed man being sent to a ww2 ghetto?"

didn't the joker send him there? was that not reason enough? 'the joker' was kidnapping girls and ordering soldiers around, we can't suspend our belief that she had the power to send a british soldier caught undercover as a nazi away? the pink triangle and 'bunny that doesn't breed' comment was necessary to the plot?

#maybe i'm being dramatic or chronically online i'm genuinely curious what other people think #i know there's some big bombshell fans and i'm not gonna act like i didn't read it issue by issue as a kid #also call me crazy but that whole issue was weird #from the pacing to the raven stuff #but make me see a pink triangle stitched into ((the trenchcoat)) again i'm dropping comics bruh #also correct me if it's just a different tone in the west like something you can joke about and it just went over my head or something IDK 😭 #john constantine #dc comics #dcu #dc bombshells #zatanna zatara

[inkskinned]

i've been in pretty much constant pain for the past 4 months. i have a slipped disc. the mri this weekend finally confirmed what i'd already suspected. mostly, i just put up with it.

i've been in a pretty bad mental space since winter began. my brain is leaking out from between my ears. i just don't care enough to listen to the rabid wet whispering of hope. i'm mostly just bored of being here, the swaddled joyless apathy.

the back pain ebbs and flows, but it's there, so i take care of it. i do my physical therapy. i get in with a specialist. i'm lucky - there's no immediate need for surgery. it's bad, but it could be worse. when i talk about how i did it (it was a very bad sneeze), i usually start laughing. it's funny! i am never comfortable, but hey. i'm young. i'll bounce back, or so they keep saying.

i just found out it's not normal to wake up every night with a category-five panic attack. i'm lucky if i am still able to remember how to spell my name right. i spend my days in a weird blank haze, exhausted, desperate for respite - only to be unable to rest during the night. i say with a laugh - i really hate it when my mental illnesses start working together. i mean, sure. unionize. it's fine. i have lost all sense of myself. there's nowhere that's actually warm in my mind.

i feel bad how often i complain about my back. my friends immediately shush my apology. dude, you slipped a disc. continue complaining.

as a kid, i think i only really admitted to the bad things... twice. for some reason, when he didn't just dismiss it - it made my dad angry. he slammed a door at me. you're fucking ungrateful. what do you have to be sad for?

what an odd delight: the slipped disc gave me the oddest wave of relief. i'm allowed to actually hurt about this thing.

i have chronic conditions which aren't "real" things. i could write a novel on the weird ways people respond to my POTS & the rest of my fun physical acronyms. i am kind of ashamed to admit - i like the way it feels to be able to say well, because of a slipped disc. a slipped disc is a real thing. a slipped disc is serious and painful. there's diagrams and infographics about slipped discs. upon my diagnosis, they immediately offered me narcotics.

i haven't been able to get up out of bed for more than a few hours. i do less and less and less and less. i have started to sit down in the shower. sighing my way from deadline to deadline. this again. in one day and out the other. people tell me i don't really need my meds. i have run out of times saying i have depression, it's become almost transparent. it's so bad my therapist suggested meeting more than once a week, but i don't want to worry her, so i never finish setting up a second meeting. every creative spark in my soul has been entirely ravaged - but that's just capitalism, baby. i don't even take the day off of work. i just show up and do a bad job and get yelled at for it.

it's not real, after all. the pain is just imagined.

#spilled ink #warm up #is this clear? #i have chronic pain & illnesses which i will not be discussing on this blog #and i will say that the way i'm treated about those is often just as bad #but since i don't have the room to give it justice on this post #it's ... about that weird sensation of... #''oh this is a real thing that actually hurts people'' #when u have spent ur life in pain and being told that pain isn't real #feeling like you are '''allowed''' to finally ACTUALLY feel pain #that sense -- oh thank god it's actually bad #idk maybe im a bad person #but sometimes i do like to write about. the actual symptoms of mental illness #and sometimes the Illnesses Do Make Me Think Bad Thoughts #so if this is weird just tell me i'll bring it up w/my therapist ig

[philtatosbuck]

not to descendants post but it's crazy to me people are still looking at the core four like "you should have saved and liberated the entire isle within a month of being in auradon" girl what. how much power do people realistically think they had over auradon for them to do this without being evil about it (which y'all also hate)

#like any half valid point is immediately ruined by people being stupid #they should have fought harder / not forgotten about the isle but pretending they could strong arm auradon royals is insane i'm sorry #y'all hate when they're evil about shit and hate when they try to play by the rules idk #weird #also ... lmfao ... sorry but the characters you want them to be ... are just other characters #controversial maybe but idk #i'm glad the isle had uma but not everyone was going to be an uma #lest we forget all of those kids grew up being abused and everyone has a different reaction to abuse #(btw the barrier coming down entirely and all of those abusers now being free was not the move but i digress) #like i actually very much like when they lie and fuck up and make bad decisions sooooooooooooo #core four they could never make me hate you #descendants #LOVE that the isle had uma fighting for them but i don't think the responsibility should've been put on any of the abused kids at all #hope that helps #core four

[kingdomoftyto]

....... WAIT. IS THAT LORD MONOCHROMICORN???

#HOW DID I MISS THIS THE FIRST TIME #ignore me #CONTINUING MY REWATCH OBVIOUSLY lol #also. unrelated to this screencap but. this time through I've been noticing a weird trend of possible hints toward #Finn and Huntress Wizard being.... lowkey together? question mark?? #aside from him mentioning her like five times in ep 2 I can't help but notice that one of Farmworld!Finn's kids has red hair #and Fionnaworld's human!Hunter also had red hair. plus there was that random green shawl Farmworld!Finn took into battle #idk maybe I'm looking too hard into it but still 🤔🤔🤔 #[EDIT: Vampireworld human!Huntress has red hair too! I'm convinced. she's the dead Farmworld wife and they're probably together in Ooo too] #EVEN MORE UNRELATED: just found out that Scarab is voiced by a trans woman! hella!! #Fionna and Cake spoilers #(hgudshfuh feel like I need to tag for spoilers but I'm not trying to clutter up the search with my random crap sorry guys)

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[hood-ex]

I have seen you talking about Dick & Dami's relationship and Dick & Tim as well,but what are your takes on Dick and Jason actually?

Like how you wish their relationship should be portrayed today and where are them missing when it comes to making those two acting like siblings?

Do you think in the past their dynamic was better?

How Dick views Jason and how Jason views Dick?

This is difficult to answer because there are like 8 different stages to Dick and Jason's relationship with various dynamics. They also view each other a bit differently depending on which stage we're talking about.

The way I would like their relationship to be portrayed today isn’t necessarily possible thanks to Jason’s integration into the family and acceptance of the no killing moral code. For me, their ideal dynamic is portrayed in Outsiders #44-46. And I know people are gonna find that regressive as hell but, tbh, that dynamic is far more interesting than the kinda awkward thing they have going on now.

Although, I don't mind that they acknowledge their brotherhood in a serious manner now. Like before they'd kinda be like, "Eh... I mean... we were adopted from the same guy but... brothers? Eh..." And now they're more firmly in the, "We're brothers," camp. So that development is interesting.

Character progression wise, it wouldn't feel right for for them to be super close in the way that, say, Dick and Tim are (unless we saw a lot of trust and relationship building between them), but at the same time, there is part of me that kind of wants them to have that older sibling bond (except Jason is closer in age to Tim than he is to Dick sooo actually let's just leave older sibling things to Dick and Cass... not that Cass is much older than Jason though so LOL this is why Dick has to lone the oldest sibling thing by himself... which is funny because Dick is technically no longer the oldest sibling, he's a baby brother now... except Dick and Melinda's relationship really hasn't progressed much sooo you could say they share blood but don't consider each other family yet, in which case, Dick is still the oldest... I mean, regardless, Dick is the oldest sibling of the Waynes... god why did they have to make all of this so difficult 😫).

#jason's like blerghhh dad always loved you best. but also hey we should work together bc you're a killer like me #and then jason's also like hey dick you were the most amazing thing i've ever seen and idk you're cool but i won't say that to you #and then he's also like hey dick i've got girl advice for you and i also need your opinion on my hair. oh now bane is trying to kill us #and then he's also like oh you got amnesia? i don't give a fuck about you and maybe i'll kill you #and he's also like oh you trust me? okay well... we're brothers and i'm gonna save you #and then dick's like oh hey kid call me if you need me. oh you died? i am literally devastated i'm so sorry #and he's also like wow you're very good at what you do but i don't trust you... okay but i trust the intel you're giving me sooo.... #and then he's like why the fuck are you dressing like me and killing people?? quit doing stupid shit!! #and then he's like jason what the fuck are you doing--let me help you!! #and then he's like kinda indifferent to jason but jason is still Ugh this family is stupid why am i here #and then dick's like ofc i'm gonna come help you if you need me but also this is awkward af and things are weird between us so bye #except not bye because i'm staying here to help you and your team #and then dick's like i'm being controlled by joker so i'm gonna kill yoooou #and then he's like eh i trust you and i'm gonna help you bc we're brothers but you literally wrecked bruce's car you numbskull #and then he's like you're doing dumb shit and i have to take you down but oh thanks for not letting the train kill me #and then they're both like meh we're doing shit w the batfam even though neither of us should be here rn #and yeah that's how it goes. that's. literally it. writers cannot keep their relationship consistent in the long term #Dick Grayson #Jason Todd #relationship analysis #anon

[pigeonclaw]

Idk man. Not a fan of the theory / headcanon about Moonpaw hearing the voice of the sibling she absorbed in utero. That gets a little too close to "fetuses have souls" for me to feel comfortable around and I seriously hope that's not what's gonna happen. Chimerism doesn't make you into two people. It's not conjoined twins. She's just one cat made with two sets of genes. We don't have to get too weird about how bodies just naturally turn out sometimes. Idk.

#(obviously this is just my opinion and you're free to ignore it. everyone is entitled to their own opinion) #maybe I'm also a little tired of uncommon physical conditions being used in weird ways in fiction #sometimes people just look or act a certain way and it doesn't make them psychic or whatever #i should honestly just block the moonpaw tag bc i am tired of people being weird about this cat #this isn't even getting into the incest jokes or the ''UMMM ACTUALLY she's not a real chimera'' posts which i am fuuuucking sick of #and I'm not even a person looking for moonpaw posts on purpose!! they just come up in blogs i look at or my for you tab #and I'm already so so so so tired #that said i am looking forward to drawing her later. i already have ideas for her shape and made a quick sketch to come back to someday #i might delete this post later so I don't have to think about this issue when i look at my blog. idk. I'm just venting

[thottybrucewayne]

I don't wanna get into it cause I don't want to like...make nobody feel no type of way but the way yall talk about being horniness and masturbation has alotta bioessentialism in the mix. Like, I'm glad we've moved past the "genital preference" bullshit, but there's still a lot of work to be done.

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #idk how to describe it but yall are basically just saying the same shit but with vaguely progressive sounding language #and its weird #idk maybe i'm being petty but the shit is very... #it always makes me side eye a lil bit #like yall will see someone decribing traits or behavior that you view as masculine then immediately assign them to 'penis havers' and see #nothing wrong with that at all. #'Vagina owners don't think about sex 24/7 that's a penis haver thing' lord send the flood and be a life jacket do yall not hear yourselves?

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad #we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic #was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though #it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything #also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't #tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer #both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first #time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been #making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said #i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly #implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me #bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication #we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked #& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol #which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't #even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around #a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins #literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww #am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely #concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know

[transmascutena]

it's so interesting that the student council talks about the duels being like. scheduled? in the first arc. it makes sense that anthy is working on a schedule when it comes to manipulating certain people into wanting to duel but i wonder why it's a publically known thing among the student council as well. like they know when specifically it's their turn but also that's never the reason they're dueling, it's always because of external circumstances pushing them to do so. weird.

#idk just seems like a weird detail that's there for no reason. why would there be certain times the coucil members are Supposed to duel #rather than them just being able to challenge the current champion whenever they want + having anthy doing her stuff to get them to do it #at those times if it's important. #maybe i'm forgetting something ? #m

[momhowell]

i love that dan and phil of 2024 can't even make it through a messy chaotic sims video without the streams of adoration they have for each other bursting out at every other moment...they adore each other and it feels like they just can't hold it in

#idk maybe I'm being weird about this #like it's always been like this but somehow it feels more and different in the past few videos idk #dan and Phil #phil lester #dan howell #dapgames #dnp #dapg