#maybe it's just me being a boomer

[ladyshandioftheendless]

\m/

#why must every new thing I become interested in be burdened with shipping and gay nonsense? #not everything needs that you know #I'm tired y'all #maybe it's just me being a boomer #but I'm just saying #NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE GAY #also never going back to the MK1 tag again

[anotherpapercut]

sometimes I forget a bunch of my mutuals are younger than me AND I'm an 80 year old man and I'm like why are all the other old men posting about people I've never heard of

#some of you are literally just 22 and sometimes i feel like there are decades between us when you say stuff #im only 24 i just act like someone whos minimum 55. i was supposed to be a gen xer but smth went wrong in the factory #and now i talk like a boomer #once i was like 'omg i can't believe u have never seen this show that aired 20 years before either of us were born!' #to a friend whos like maybe a year an a half younger than me or smth #and they were like well its not my fault youre an old man stuck in a teenagers body #which is fair bc thats accurate. :/ im one of those annoying mfs at a party whos constantly going 'wait who is that? what show?' #bc i dont. i dont pay attention to modern pop culture. whenever i meet people i have to be like im sorry im a douchey hipster #you will hear me complain about cassettes being the optimal way of listening to music

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

#again i do not have enough performance experiences to make any definitive claims about who ''aubery's audience'' is #but i find it funny that any time i show my aubrey material one-on-one to a queer gen z person #they're always like ''i love it but straight people will definitely hate it or not get it'' #and i get the inclination to be like. ''i like this thing so people like me will like this thing'' #and cishet society seems so polarized w/r/t queer topics it's like. the assumption makes sense #however. whenever i've done an aubrey performance in front of an audience that's predominantly queer and gen z #i've actually received a primarily negative response!! and somehow straight people have never given me shit for my aubrey material #(''well straight allys don't count'' i told some of my aubrey jokes to a joe rogan dudebro and he enjoyed them) #(which yeah maybe could be a mark against my comedy but i like to think i opened his mind a bit at the very least) #i really want to test my aubrey monologues in front of a primarily gen x/boomer audience #bc so far i only have actual performance experience in front of gen z or millennials #and the older people i've told jokes to individually or shown videos of my stuff have really liked it #luckily paul has said a goal for when i'm in town this summer is to get me to perform my aubrey stuff in as many different places as possib #for both queer audiences and non-queer audiences so i can gauge reactions since i don't want to be confined to one demographic #so i'll get a lot of data points this summer #@ paul get me a performing slot at senior citizen pride lmao these are my people #(shoutout to paul going ''jess stop collecting the old homos!'' last time i was in town) #(and when i imitated him and was like ''old gay men are not your pokemon!'' bellini was like ''ok but they may be your audience'') #also one data point i really want to see the variation on is how my one specific joke plays in these different demographics #bc i have a joke that like. it's literally not even about AIDS and doesn't punch down at all #i literally say ''if you're gay and over the age of 50 you could violate the geneva convention and i'd still be like support our troops'' #like obviously being like ''you have been through hell so i will let you get away with literal war crimes you deserve ultimate immunity'' #BUT. in the line right before the quote i use the phrase ''AIDS generation'' not as a derogatory term but being like. #this horrible thing impacted the entire generation y'know? and bellini and scott and their friends call themselves that it's just the term #but when i said the phrase ''AIDS generation'' in front of my gen z audience i heard gasps and felt like they all hated me #and when i did the same line in front of millennials it wasn't quite as striking but their eyes did widen #like i was suddenly an ''edgy comedian''. but like this is a part of our history and it does inform the story i'm telling #the story i'm telling is comedic but it's grounded in this real world context #and i'm like. @ the audience who was offended: when was the last time any of y'all spoke to a gay man over the age of 50 #bc bellini loves that section of the monologue and was offended that people would even take offense to that phrase

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

i think millennials are the worst generation i’ve had to work with i’m so serious

#op #sorry millennial mutuals i’m sure you’re great to work with this is just from my own experience #right now at work it’s me (gen z) one millenial and then everyone else is gen x and maybe a few boomers #and like mr millenial is the one who takes nothing serious??? ever??? #first of all he’s literally mocked me a few times and i know he’s joking but it’s like idk u like that #and he’s always getting us talked to being reminded about guidelines BEVAUSE HE DOESNT LISYEN #i wish so badly i could be like ‘i think that was [name]’ because i’m not the one doing that!!!! #our manager sent a text reminding us tubs can’t be over 40 pounds and that a couple libraries were overfilled #and the tubs for those libraries were in the section he was working on yesterday #and i remember last week he said something #about how he hates making new tubs for just a few books and i said i don’t like to overfill them and i rather the drivers decide what to do #with an almost empty tub because they have a few options #like they could leave it put it in a full tub take a half full tub put a few in a bag etc #AND HE MOCKED ME FOR SAYING THAT #HE WAS LIKE OH HOW KIND OF YOU #WHAT?????? LIKE YES THATS KIND OF ME ACYUALLY THESE TUBS VANT BE OVER FORTY POUNDS #AND SOME OF THESE MEN ARE OLD AS DIRT #anyway i hate him and every millenial i’ve ever worked with i’m so sorry millenial mutuals #it’s not you it’s the dumbasses i’ve worked with #i would understand if u hate gen z a little but pls remember i’m the exception <3

[istherewifiinhell]

First reprimand for shitty customer service <3. Well first one that wasnt just just my boss laughing and saying a local famous person accused me of stealing their wallet [left it on a shelf].

#no. not even a little bit #some shit #MANY EMOTIONS ABT IT. lol #first being not clear if this is the first actual complaint. or if ther3 were multiple complaints. which i just think is funny... #cmon man. spill the deets what they say abt meeeeee #second. my boss does have a language barrier byt more than that qlso just. seems. uncomfortable... being my boss??? #like. as in. clearly tries to skirt around telling me what to do..... but vause this was clearly a pull aside talking to... #i decided to not lie when he asks. do you knoe whsy i mean? #WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TOO.... #my bosses are boomers who get sad when ppl dont greet them at stores. i think. fhdhddhf. even tho i DO greet customers. whatevr. #cause im on that PHONEEEEEEEEE #take aways..... well im fueled by. CLOSER THAN EVER. to [kym replacement] quiting my fucking job. due to circumstances. ways and means. #and a side of. god so he was trying make me not. worried i guess. so he said. everyone has there own character and i know ur character. #i know your a good person i dont expect you to pretend and smile at everyone. #HEY. CAN WE UNPACK THAT......... #1. I STILL MASK (LITERAL). so. what do we mean by that....... #2.... i HAVE a customer service VOICE. WHAT THE HELL MAN...... it INVOLVES. doing the smiling intonation at I HATE IT. #=_= receiving accomadations at work -> have been clocked/ ASSIGNED. DOUR PERSONALITY...... #maybe you dont... get my cust serv persona... cause.... ur not..... a customer.................. and i work the floor by myself?????????? #anyways just. little bit of agonized personal writing i kept LOCKED UP. was right. You never Can be Normal enough..... #but. THIS IS EXTREMELY LONG REPORT. to you.... my fellow bloggers. closest things i have to coworkers.... #is just that i guess lol... im bored by it now. godspeed peach and love butt also destruction and hate. whatever. #im pretty sure is is not actually gonna affect much going forward i just. WOW. i continue to not elaborate to ppl irl and do share alls #(or somes...) here. #OKAY WhATEVVER POST

[howlingblaster]

The post saying “get into nightvale by listening to the 10 year anniversary recap episode” is making me so mad sorry thats objectively one of the worst ways to get into any piece of long-form media

An anniversary episode only matters when youve spent that time with the characters especially with a series like nightvale where it is so a piece of art about an individuals life and the lives he is a part of

#anyway #do yall like art? storytelling? i dont know! #if you cant like. sit and listen to the show them maybe its not for you and thats fine #but its not a show that you need to catch up with The Plot #the plot is cecil’s life……its the town as a living thing….. #whining #im being a bitch bc that post ive seen MULT TIMES really threw me #im just a boomer but maybe things that are long and take time are worth it

[army-of-bee-assassins]

so i've identified as autistic for a long ass time now and there are some times when i'm like "hmmm but am i really?? like i don't have x issue that is pretty typical" or "well i do have y issue but it's pretty mild/not a big deal" but then there are also other times when i'm interacting with (ostensibly) neurotypical people and i'm like "oh i'm fucking Autistic™ you and i Do Not communicate the same way."

this has been happening a lot with my landlord/roommate. she really does not state her roommate expectations at all and i think just expects me to know them, which like that's fine i'm a pretty courteous roommate so it hasn't been too much of an issue. but there have already been a few times where she's texted me like "hey actually can you do x please because we share that responsibility" like you know you could just list everything out and tell me at the start my guy. she's been nice enough about it though and it hasn't been that many things so i don't think it's that big a deal.

anyway what ACTUALLY precipitated this post tho was another thing with her today. so she's been getting the patio re-tiled. today they were working on it but she had to go to work. i had class from 1-4. she texted me this morning saying "hey when the tiling guys leave please send me a picture of the patio." i said sure but then when i had to leave for class, they were still working. so i texted her to say as much and then drove to class. i saw once i got there that she had replied (pretty quickly, actually, but i had been driving by then) asking me to just take a pic of the patio anyway with them there. i explained that i didn't see her text until getting to school. she then asked if the patio had looked okay and i answered honestly that i really hadn't looked at it. cut to this afternoon, we both got home around the same time shortly after the tiling guys left and she's really fucking upset because apparently they did a shit job. idk personally i still haven't looked at it. but she was near tears. and she didn't lash out at me or anything but she did say something like "this is why you always have to watch the work as it's done" (using "you" generally) and i feel like she's probably kinda pissed at me for not sending her a picture of the patio. but i straight up had no idea why she wanted a picture (she never stated any reason at all in her texts). if she had just communicated to me her concerns i would've made more of an effort to get one for her. i'm not a mind reader!! if you tell me to do something for what i perceive to be no reason at all i'm probably not gonna put much effort into it. if you explain to me why it's important that it gets done then i'll do it.

#(fun fact i tried to write out most of the above in the tags but it was obvs insanely long even for me) #anyway like i can assume if someone asks me to do something they have a reason for it usually #but that sure doesn't mean i know what it is or how important/unimportant it is #also okay i haven't looked at the patio yet #but i'm such a fucking bad judge of what ''looks bad'' i imagine i will think it looks just fine #i feel like this with my dad too he'll be like 'omg this looks so trashy' about some perfectly innocuous thing #like a scratch on a car or mismatching greenery #like dude it looks fucking fine!!! #and i think with this sorta 'watch them work' thing in this situation #there's a lot of that just straight up boomer racism/classism where they're always assuming that the worker is being lazy or cheating them #anyway i guess i made this post bc like i have a weird feeling of like maybe i should feel guilty but i straight up don't #and i'm feeling very autistic about it all #sorry for the fucking essay #j.txt

[schrodingers-fag]

People on the internet are so fucking aggressive for no reason. In what world should we be this comfy telling people to die or kill themselves??

#call me a boomer but I just don’t get the internet tbh #there’s ways to say ‘I think you’re wrong’ without saying shut up and die #maybe I’m just being pee paw again but it bums me out

[mbat]

i keep ending up watching videos lately that are making me confront our fucked up reality and its something i usually try to ignore because i have my own issues to deal with and quite frankly i dont have any way to help (i know people say that but im literally broke and cant drive (i know driving is bad but i didnt make the car-based infrastructure of america) or go anywhere or do anything and also im not even good at phrasing things correctly)

but i think at the very least that like... idk i try to think of the hopeful side of things because im sick of being miserable and all i can really think to combat that is... people are trying, though. theres a lot to fight back against, but people are trying. everyday people who can do more than i ever could, and even if people are being performative, theyre still doing something half the time.

people are trying so hard to plant more trees to combat things like deforestation and our world being damaged by toxic gasses, people are trying so hard to clean up the oceans, trying so hard to clean up the sides of the roads. people are trying so hard to buy the ethical things, the things that dont hurt anyone in their process, and hopefully wont hurt anyone after, either.

theres always people trying so hard to fight for our world and what they believe in, and thats what gives me hope. i know that when i finally get to do things, im gonna try too, but for now im stuck. one day.

#my post #all we can do is hope that what we can do will be enough #more than ever people are caring about the world around them if you ask me #and maybe if the old fucks die off itll get even better #idk im just. augh #im so sick of being terrified #if you ask why i cant do that stuff now? i live with my dad and he pays for everything #and he doesnt have much money and also hes a boomer that like. really doesnt care as much #which sucks but whatever #ALSO ANNOYINGLY ALL THE ETHICAL STUFF IS LIKE. EXPENSIVE. HELLO.

[wilwheaton]

In a new interview with the New Yorker ahead of his 70th birthday on Monday, the comedian explained his theory about why there’s no “funny stuff” to watch on TV anymore. “Nothing really affects comedy,” he said, “People always need it. They need it so badly and they don’t get it.” Instead of getting sitcoms like M*A*S*H, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and All in the Family, audiences miss out, he said, as a “result of the extreme left and P.C. crap, and people worrying so much about offending other people.” [...] A look back at some of his earlier comments on a similar subject adds some context, if not clarity. In 2015, Seinfeld sat down for an episode of The Herd with Colin Cowherd podcast, where he explained his aversion to performing stand-up on college campuses. “I don’t play colleges, but I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘Don't go near colleges. They’re so PC,’” he said on the show. After giving an example of his teenage daughter using the word “sexist,” he concluded that young people “just want to use these words: ‘That’s racist’; 'That’s sexist’; ‘That’s prejudice.’ They don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Jerry Seinfeld Draws Right-Wing Praise for Comments on ‘Extreme Left’

This is such a bummer. Tell me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer without telling me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer.

It’s interesting to me that he says these legendary sit-coms, none of which were cruel, punching down, or hurtful, but were actually satirizing power, celebrating women, changing societal norms through representation, and using comedy to do it all, wouldn’t exist if “the extreme left” had anything to do with it.

Umm. Who does he think created these shows? And is he really that ignorant? Has this guy never read a single interview with Norman Lear? Or literally anyone in the cast of Mary Tyler Moore? I mean. Come on, man!

Teenagers and college students don’t know what they’re talking about when they tell a privileged, entitled, multimillionaire Boomer that his “jokes” can be hurtful, and maybe he could use his tremendous talent to do comedy that is just as funny without being hurtful. Okay. Got it. Keep saying that, and see how far it gets you, buddy.

Hey, Jerry Seinfeld: when blue checks on Twitter are celebrating you being a dick, it’s not because you’re so funny and such a brilliant comic; it’s because they love how you’re validating what garbage they are. You can’t see that, or don’t care, and that’s such a huge bummer.

[raeathnos]

.

#can’t tell if my parents are being exhausting to deal with because they’re boomers or if that’s just how they are 🙃 #or maybe it’s a bit of both #anyways I’m once again at my wits end #my dad is lamenting about how he’ll never get to be a grandfather now that I have the surgery to get my tubes removed scheduled and like #you were never gonna be a grandfather anyways? #I have never wanted children+I have a medical condition that makes pregnancy/birth potentially fatal+I couldn’t afford them even if I wanted #and that’s just the tip of the iceberg #but yeah woe is you #your only kid isn’t willing to sacrifice their life to attempt to give something I don’t even want #my moms not much better #for years when I was younger she was nasty about the whole not wanting kids thing #but then a bunch of her friends had grandkids and now all they do is watch them because childcare is expensive #and she’s like oh I wouldn’t want to watch them so I support your decision to not have kids #which is hollow because it’s still about her- she only supports it because it’s what she wants #and the whole kid thing is a very touchy subject for me #I’ve known since I was like 5 that I didn’t want kids and no one has respected that choice my entire life and I’m 32 now #so I have a tolerance of about zero when people start shit with that #which they’ve been #my husband is going on a work trip and they’re also being weird about that #he asked if my dad could drive him cause like we have one car and don’t really want to leave it parked in Philly #and both of my parents are just like they don’t want to help #and my dad kinda agreed but then he was like well you need to pay me back the gas money #my parents are fine financially we’re poor as fuck #so my mil agreed to take him but like #I would never fucking ask them to reimburse me for gas money when I drive them places #but it doesn’t go both ways apparently #I’m so fucking tired and I just want to leave #hoping to go house hunting in March and then however long it takes to close and then we just have to find jobs and we’ll be outta here #I feel like I’ve spent my whole life wanting to escape to run away #and freedom is so fucking close and so far away at the same time and I just want to cry

[david-watts]

so the abc has that article about the no dams campaign and it’s bloody brilliant but I do think that it should’ve mentioned that even if the project had gone ahead despite being based off of poorly done mathematical predictions... the west coast would’ve still been fucked over by the government. it had been seen as a waste of time since before then due to the mining bust. even ignoring that likely the only boost to the regional economy would’ve been during construction, and they likely wouldn’t hired locals for that, the hydro doesn’t employ as many people as it did then. there’d have quickly been the same amount of jobs as there had been and they’d have lost a major tourist attraction when tourism currently keeps the area afloat.

#the west coast now hates the greens even when they otherwise agree with the policies because of this #and it's like. it's not their fault it's the gov's fault for treating the region like a moneymaking scheme #anyway that reminds me of the teacher who has been in this area aka not the west coast for like twenty years. has a stable job. #saying that she hated the greens because her car got vandalised when she was a new teacher on the west coast #because of the assumption that all students were greenies #that teacher just. wasn't that good and it kinda came across as her being a boomer liberal voter #is the maths thing even like. known. or is that an anecdote only my aunt has. #tbh I'm surprised there wasn't any assassination attempts around it but maybe after seeing the amount of opposition and actual protesting #maybe mr gray wasn't as gutsy as electric eric about that #but then again it was never proven hean was assassinated despite being literally told her life was in danger if she made that flight #ANYWAY.

[lannisterdaddyissues]

Anon who asked about the ‘old guard’ term (which weirdly I’ve never seen anyone use) by ‘do they just want something to complain about’ I was referring to whatever idiot is running the burn book account, not the older fans, I agree that the 86 and tgm tags should be separate, I was really annoyed when they first merged them

OHHHHHHH hi again anon!!! thanks for clarifying that :D how are you today?

anyway yeah like I just don’t get why the tgm fandom think wanting separate tags is rude or unreasonable like?? they’re two separate movies, i know they’re not going into the 1986 fic tag so why do they insist on the tags being merged :(

also it’s not being used by a lot of people, but if you want to see some content from that part of the fandom check out @icemankazansky’s blog!!! carly has the most wonderful icemav stuff on there <3

#honestly it kinda feels like they insist on it just to spite the 1986 fans for preferring the original top gun to the new one… #bc merging the tags forces us to be subjected to the content they want us to see :/ #anyway not everyone from the tgm fandom is at fault this isn’t me making a generalization or anything #lots of em are just vibing and enjoying the fan content they like same as we are #but there are A Select Few who are just being assholes on purpose bc they think they have better taste than we do #and maybe if they subject us to tgm enough we will decide we like it more than stinky top gun 1986 #because if we like a movie that came out in 1986 obviously we have to be boomers #literally go fuck yourselves… #ask #reply #anon ask

[sebscore]

EXCUSE ME

pairings: lewis hamilton x driver!reader

warnings: LEWIS GOING TO FERRARI !!!!!! also there is swearing in this.

author's note: i have finally risen from the death. gzd is back, baby!

masterlist

• • • • • • •

The knocking on his apartment door confused Lewis, not expecting anyone that day. He walked over to the front, and looked through the peephole, frowning at the sight of his younger colleague.

He opened the door. ''Y/N? Hey, how are yo-''

The young woman didn't spare him a glance, walking right past him. ''You are going to fucking Ferrari?!'' She exclaimed, her eyes wide.

Lewis stood there, momentarily stunned, as Y/N breezed past him into his home. He quickly closed the door, while shushing her. ''How do you know about that? How did you even get into the building? I didn't buzz you in.''

''Nico's daughter did, but that's not the point.'' She brushed his latter question off.

''Y/N, she's six.'' He stated, hoping his fellow driver was joking.

''Don't switch topics! You're going to Ferrari, it's actually true?'' She continued probing, absolutely in disbelief about the news she had received.

The man sighed, glancing around as if someone else was there that would be able to hear them. ''Yeah, in 2025.'' Lewis confirmed.

''Oh my fucking God…'' Y/N slowly sank down on his couch, in shock at the news of him leaving Mercedes the following season. ''Lewis, this is huge.''

He carefully nodded. ''How do you know this? I've barely told anyone, not even Toto knows.'' There had been a permanent frown on his face the moment she knocked on his door.

She smirked. ''Sorry, my sources stay with me.''

Lewis narrowed his eyes at her. ''I won't tell anyone. I'm excellent at keeping secrets.'' The Brit grinned.

''Yeah, clearly.'' Y/N teasingly scoffed, receiving a light push from the World Champion. ''But, dude, this is massive!''

The World Champion simply chuckled at her response, loving the dramatics.

''Lewis, this is like Zayn leaving One Direction! Like when this news drops, everyone will remember where they were on the day that Lewis 'The Great' Hamilton joined Ferrari!'' Lewis just watched on as he let the woman deliver her monologue, enjoying himself.

''Does Nico know?'' She asked him, the face of the German suddenly popping into her mind.

He shook his head, laughing in confusion. ''No, why would he?''

She shrugged her shoulders. ''To rub it in his face, I don't know.''

Lewis chuckled, feeling a tension that always resurfaced whenever his former best friend's name was brought up. ''You're a funny girl.''

She leaned back on the couch, crossing her arms, still wearing that playful smirk. "Oh, come on! Picture this: you strolling into the Ferrari hospitality, shades on, and casually waving at Nico like, 'Hey mate, look where I landed.' That would be fucking epic.''

The Brit arched an eyebrow. ''I doubt he cares that much.''

Y/N's jaw dropped, exaggerating her response. ''Lewis, it's Britney we're talking about. The biggest yapper of all time. Of course he cares.''

Lewis burst into laughter at the ''yapping'' comment, unable to resist her infectious enthusiasm. ''Does Nico know you talk about him like this?''

She shot him a sly look. ''Maybe, maybe not. But I can just imagine all the articles already. Oh! Imagine he takes your Merc seat! Anything is possible at this point!''

He shook his head, but was still smiling. ''You're on the internet too much.''

''Okay, boomer, and you aren't on the internet enough.'' Y/N retorted.

Lewis raised an eyebrow, feigning offence. "Boomer? Seriously? I'm not that old.'' He gasped.

"Well, you're old in internet years, Lewis.'' She smiled, innocently.

''You're one insult away from being thrown out of my house.''

''Hey, Lewis.'' 

''Hey, Pierre. How are you doing?'' He greeted the younger man on the phone. 

Lewis could hear him scratch his voice. ''So, Ferrari, huh?'' Pierre smirked. 

''Not you too!'' The Brit exclaimed, sighing loudly, much to the Frenchman's amusement. ''Where did you get this from?'' He asked. 

Pierre snickered. ''I can't tell you that.'' 

''It was Y/N, wasn't it?'' 

''Yeah…'' 

#f1 x reader #lewis hamilton x reader #f1 x female driver #f1 x female reader #f1 fics #f1 fic #female f1 driver

[seelestia]

in lieu of the boop fest: genshin men as boopers.

⎯ something made on a whim to commemorate the lovely booping chaos going on. may not be accurate but i tried!!! 🙏 which one are you?? tag yourself /j this is the silliest thing ever, forgive me. fluff & crack (and made with love).

the harbinger of dedication (???): boop them once and oh, it's on. boops you back and will not stop booping you back — it's an all-out war! or at least, to them. they take this whole matter as an opportunity and certainly don't mind tiring their fingers out just tapping the button on repeat. does it for the fun and to get a reaction out of you. also, probably eats (sends) super boops for breakfast, lunch and dinner. it's their bread and butter.

childe (of course), arataki itto, cyno (has a desire to max out his boop-o-meter till the end - a completionist's habit).

the menace (as simple as that): they have no need to be booped because they're the one booping you first and a lot at that too. oh, you got 99+ notifs? yeah, that's an act of love and it's from them. they hoped you liked the gift because they had fun giving it. grab a handkerchief because you're gonna have to scrub that smirk off their face, literally.

wriothesley, kaeya, shikanoin heizou, lyney (he apologizes by treating you to a meal afterwards).

confusion (awkward ver.): ...what. what is this? what does 'boop' even mean? why does it sound so oddly menacing when uttered out loud? and why are you smiling at like that? it's a trend, you explain and they — reluctantly and nervously — send a boop back. they have no idea what they're doing but at least, seeing that proud look on your face amounts to something. maybe, they did well? they then proceed to send you another one just for good measure. how cute.

xiao, gorou.

confusion (boomer ver.): their first thought was that they're getting hacked by a... feline virus? how interesting (please explain). with some explanation from you, they'll eventually understand the concept! a passive booper at best, but has a proclivity to treat boops as a “i'm thinking about you” button. so just know one boop equals to one time you crossed their mind.

zhongli, neuvillette, dainsleif (still confused at the end of it), diluc (secretly because he has pride).

the 'humble' reciprocator (dark horse?): all is in perfect tandem. you give one boop, they give one back. you give two boops, they give two back. you squint your eyes at them from across the room suspiciously, they chuckle into their hand in response. is that an act of mischief or demureness? you wonder what will happen if you boop them one hundred times? well, let's find out. (they will give back the exact amount, no matter what.)

kaedehara kazuha, baizhu, kamisato ayato (a true hybrid between being humble and a menace, he is. starts off nice until he spams boops when you least expect it... with a smile, of course!).

the bystander with the popcorn: thanks for the boop, you get one back. yes, only one, sorry. they'd rather not participate in the chaos and prefer to keep their inbox clean. no offense meant, you're free to have your fun so go ahead. they're just here to observe because in their humblest opinion, it serves them well enough as participating does. oh, don't look at them like that. you did get one back, didn't you? rejoice in the fact that you're one of the few — if not, the only one — they gave a boop to. treat it as an approval badge. it means you're special (to them).

alhaitham, tighnari, albedo, wanderer (he thinks he's above this childish and pointless act of booping... or is he?).

the victim™: is getting booped left and right without rest. suffocating and drowning in them even. lady luck is not on their side; they swore they booped everyone back to infinity and beyond — surely, it's all repaid and they can take a break now, right? wrong. they rest for 5 minutes and come back to 99+ notifs every single time. (if you relate, you might be a victim of affectionate bullying. feel free to riot about it.)

kaveh, thoma.

the loser at the start line: sneezes whenever the paw comes up on screen, yikes. A+ for effort, though!

venti.

— thanks for reading!

© seelestia on tumblr, apr 2024. please do not repost, plagiarize, translate, use for AI-related purposes or claim as your own.

#genshin x reader #genshin x you #childe x reader #itto x reader #cyno x reader #wriothesley x reader #kaeya x reader #lyney x reader #xiao x reader #gorou x reader #zhongli x reader #neuvillette x reader #dainsleif x reader #diluc x reader #baizhu x reader #alhaitham x reader #albedo x reader #tighnari x reader #shikanoin heizou x reader #heizou x reader #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #kazuha x reader #wanderer x reader #scaramouche x reader #kaveh x reader #thoma x reader #venti x reader #seelestial.inks

[caesium-55]

—seven days. [ v ]

pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.

summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.

author's note: sorry it took a while compared to the other chapters. i finished up my lab reports in my surveying class. this is not edited nor is it beta read and i dont remember much on what happened during the 2018-2021 seasons so pardon me if there are inaccuracies. anyways, welcome to max's pov. u can say im stalling on the shitshow that will happen once max discovers that reader resigned. lemme know what you think.

tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1

masterlist.

2018

“Who’s that?”

Daniel looks up, cheeks stuffed with the sandwich he was eating for lunch, “Who?”

Max cringes internally. His mother always told him and Victoria to not talk when his mouth was full, she called it bad manners, and now, he is understanding where she was coming from with those lectures. Nevertheless, he doesn't reprimand Daniel. Instead, he gestures to the girl standing a few meters away from their table in the Red Bull hospitality staff cafeteria, who was happily chatting with two Red Bull senior engineers whom Max recognizes to be Elijah Stuart and Richard Fox.

It is the first time Max has seen her. A new employee perhaps? Perhaps not. She lacks the company standard uniform.

Daniel trails his line of sight to where Max has pointed, “Which one? Richard?”

“No,” Max groans. Daniel blinks.

“Elijah?”

This is quickly becoming annoying.

“The girl, Daniel,” Max says, his exasperation bleeding through his words. “She’s not wearing a Red Bull polo.”

Daniel’s brows rise to his hairline, head snapping back to Max, “[Name]?”

Then, a shit-eating grin erupts on his lips. “Are you interested in her?”

“She’s not my type,” Max’s denial comes quickly. Is it even considered denial if it’s the truth? In his twenty almost twenty-one years being alive, Max never really put a lot of time into thinking about what his ideal type would look like. But he is sure that the woman of his dreams will look very far from the woman who was successful in catching his attention because you are wearing a black shirt in a sea of Red Bull polo shirts.

You with your eyes that forms into tiny crescent moons once your face breaks into a grin, you with your smile that shows too much gums and too much teeth, you with your hands that moves too much when you talk, and you with that too loud and too obnoxious laugh that comes even with the lamest of jokes. You’re like Daniel in a way. All happy sunshine vibes.

Max is watching you close, observing how you were interacting with Richard and Elijah. They're old men and no one should look this happy while talking to boring, old, white men, who worked more than four decades in the engineering industry so they only know how to speak boomer language and everything engineering. Surprisingly, Elijah and Richard seem to be having fun talking to you. A miracle on its own because they never even look that happy talking to Daniel Ricciardo and everybody in Red Bull Racing adores sunshine honey badger, Daniel Ricciardo.

“I didn't say anything.”

“You're thinking about it.”

“How would you know what I’m thinking?”

“Because you’re currently on a quest to erase my singledom. I can put two and two together.”

Daniel snorts, crossing his arms over his chest, “Maybe I just want to let you meet new friends.”

“I have enough friends.”

“You don't have friends that are not racers.”

Max presses his lips in a thin line.

“She’s my manager, by the way.” says Daniel, leaning back into his seat.

“What happened to Nick?”

“He’s on leave,” Daniel says. “His wife’s giving birth soon. She’s my temporary manager for a few months. Or I don't know, maybe the whole season.”

Max brows rise in pleasant surprise but says nothing.

“Now that I think about it, she’s around your age. How old are you again? Twenty-two?”

“Twenty,” Max corrects. His birthday is still months away from pre-season. On the end of September.

“Ah, she's older than you. Oh wait, here she comes. Hey, [Name]! Here!”

Max flinches and his heart begins ramming against his ribs erratically that he thinks he’ll undergo cardiac arrest in a matter of seconds. He does a double take—why am I even panicking?—then forces himself to calm down and straightens up in his seat. His shoulders and neck are still considerably stiff and his palms are slowly becoming sweaty. He swallows an invisible stone in his throat.

“¡Hola mi amiga, [Name]!” Daniel greets and his Spanish accent sounds off that it makes [Name], who stopped right in front of their table, giggle and when Max looks up at her through his lashes, it almost feels like the world is turning too rapidly on its axis and it’s making Max dizzy. Daniel and her do a friendly handshake—when did they reach this level of friendship?

“Hola, Daniel,” she greets, smiling. Your accent reminds Max of Carlos, but unlike Carlos, who possesses a very distinct Spanish accent, yours sounded subtler than his and it's mixed with the charming rhythm of words that reminds Max of sunsets in the south. You pronounce Daniel’s name like it has two syllables instead of three. Dan-yel instead of Dan-i-el. Suddenly, Max is curious as to how his name will sound if it originates from her mouth, how the syllables will roll off her tongue. Max will still sound like Max. Nobody will mispronounce that name. But Emilian and Verstappen? How will you say it?

“Hi Max.”

The Max sounds plain even though you’re smiling when you greet him. She didn't say Max the same way she said Daniel, whose name was uttered with a certain fondness.

“Hello,” Max’s chin dips slightly into a nod.

“Eat with us,” Daniel invites and he is already dragging a chair from a nearby table to their table before Max can fully register what he’s doing.

“You sure?” you ask, brows raising slightly at Daniel’s abrupt invitation.

Daniel waves his hand dismissively, “Yeah, yeah, Max wouldn't mind. Would you, Max?”

Suddenly, two pairs of eyes are on him and his throat feels dry. He cannot speak. No words leave his mouth. Empty brain, zero thoughts. In the end, he nods and you join the two for lunch.

Max frequently sees you following Daniel in the paddock. You remind him of a dog. No, even dogs do not follow their owners this much. Or do they? Max wouldn't know. He is a cat person anyway.

Max’s main point is this: not even the other racers’ managers follow them around this much. Not even Max’s manager follows him this much. (No one tell Max that this was due to the fact that he scares his own manager. Imagine a middle-aged man scared of a Dutch racer half his age with anger issues.) But you follow Daniel around like he is the sun and you are planet Earth and you need to be constantly revolving around him to achieve universal balance. And for some reason, your actions cause something odd to stir up in Max. He is annoyed. Of what? Maybe because you are so good to Daniel? Maybe he wants someone to be like that for him, too? His manager is not as proactive as you. Yeah, maybe that’s it.

And if you are not with Daniel, which is a rare occurrence, you’re hovering around the Red Bull mechanics. You even go as far as bringing them coffee in the mornings and that annoys Max even more. Daniel, he can understand if you brought him coffee, but the others? No. You don't even bring Christian Horner coffee. Why only them?

Whatever.

You are such a suck up. Max hates suck ups.

Baku 2018 was a bad race, a total nightmare for everyone in the team. The moment Max got out of that car, he was burning. Figuratively, at least. The engine of the RB14 is the one burning, in a literal sense. Horner is red in the face when he sees Max and Daniel, and he yells at them to cool down before they do the formal stuff of apologizing and dealing with the FIA and all the formalities that Max rather thinks are bullshit.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice raising, when he sees you approaching. “Aren't you supposed to be with Daniel?”

“Water?” you offer the water bottle to him and Max knows full well it’s supposed to be for Daniel. Max saw you offering it to Daniel earlier when the two of them stepped into the Red Bull garage after retiring from the race but the older man has declined your offer before stomping off somewhere else to cool down.

“No.”

He is not going to take the scraps of someone else, even though he is thirsty as hell.

You nod, shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Okay.”

You crouch on the floor and put the water bottle in front of him with a neatly folded face towel balancing on top of it. Then, you rise and walk away, leaving Max to glare at your back as you fade away from his view. Once you disappeared from his line of sight, he drags his gaze back to the water bottle and towel.

He drinks the water and then uses the towel to wipe his sweat. At that moment, Max decides that he will never allow himself to be beaten by Daniel ever again.

Max remembers the anger he feels when he discovers the news of Daniel leaving Red Bull.

“Was this because of Baku?!”

Daniel tries to explain his situation as calmly as he can but Max is all fire and flames and fury. He is only hearing Daniel’s words, not listening to them because all that he registers are the words “leaving” and “Renault” and “goodbye” and the rest are all just a bunch of ringing noise. Max knows where Daniel is coming from because he isn't dumb nor naive and he is aware that he is quickly becoming the team favorite, but did Daniel really need to leave?

Daniel’s leaving, Daniel’s leaving, Daniel’s leaving. He’ll have no friends left on the team.

Max’s fear of being left behind is often masqueraded as anger. The thing about Max is that his pain always turns to anger and his anger turns into violence.

He barely registers what he has done to Daniel until he sees his teammate—former teammate—on the floor, eyes wide and clutching his cheek. Max’s fist trembles. They are both horrified at what Max has done.

“Daniel, I—”

“What the fuck is wrong with you, man?!” Daniel scrambles to a stand and lunges at Max. Max fears he’s going to get punched, too, and maybe he deserves it because he is the one who has thrown his fist first, but [Name] appears, quick as lightning, and rushes in between Daniel and Max.

“Daniel, calm down.”

Max is surprised you can hold Daniel down on your own. Daniel was a racer, had been since 2011, so he possessed the physical strength of a veteran racer and you, well, you're not. You’re shorter than them both, too.

Daniel is turning red in the face and fury paints his features. Max wants to fight, answer Daniel’s anger with his own. Fire to fire. Let them both burn until they achieve ruination.

“Nick!” you cry and at the call of his name, Nick appears quickly. “Hold Daniel!”

Your hands clutch Max’s nape and forearm and you quickly drag him away from the furious Daniel, leaving Nick to hold Daniel off and calm him down.

His ears are still ringing. Even after he's dragged away from the chaos. Even after he's brought into an empty room. Even after he sits down on a plush chair, face scarily blank while his mind runs for miles.

The ringing sound disappears when you tap his shoulder and asks, “You okay, big boy?”

His brain becomes a blank slate.

Max nods hesitantly, “Yeah.”

His knuckles are still tingling. He can still feel the remnants of the violence of his fist, can still feel the sting when his knuckles met Daniel’s cheek.

“Injuries?”

Why do you only speak words instead of full sentences?

You scan Max’s face for injuries and Max holds his breath when you lean your face closer to see clearly.

“No—No injuries.”

Your shoulders sag in relief, “Good. Thank fuck. Horner wouldn't be happy if golden boy got clocked.”

You pull yourself away and Max feels like he can breathe again. Then, you pivot on your heels.

“I’ll get you water.”

“No!”

You flinch and then turn to him slowly, your eyes growing wide and mouth falling slightly open. Max mirrors your surprise. You blink at him. Once. Twice. Thrice. Then, your forehead creases and you close your mouth.

“No need to yell at me,” you mumble but Max hears it loud and clear and now, his anger is spiking up again.

“Fine, go!”

You raise a brow at him, giving him a long look. A sigh escapes your lips. You leaned against the door, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Why aren't you leaving?”

“You don't want me to,” you say in a know-it-all tone.

“I told you to go!”

“What you want and what you say are two different things. Don't worry, I’ll stay for as long as you need.”

Max doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he sits there in the silence with his thoughts and he can already feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He’s sure you noticed that he’s trying not to cry, not with you standing in front of him. Max always makes weird faces when he forces himself not to cry.

But then you turn your back on him, not to leave, but to give him the privacy he needs.

His tears fall silently.

The 2018 WDC was Lewis Hamilton, who garnered 408 points by the end of the year. Max finishes in fourth, only after the Ferrari drivers, Sebastian Vettel and Kimi Raikkonen. The world thinks it is not a bad result. Max is still young and he’s battling three WDCs for points. But Max thinks otherwise. Winning is number one. The rest is just losing. The only thing he knows is he's not good enough. Jos is thinking of the same thing, too. He knows it.

Everytime someone congratulates him, Max has to bite his tongue and fake a smile. He can only feel anger, for finishing up fourth. It's like people are constantly reminding him of what he failed to become—a champion.

Red Bull throws an after party at the hotel bar, like they do at every Grand Prix, but Max chose not to go so he can drown in his own bitterness in the privacy of his hotel room.

A series of knocks on the door disturbs his ongoing rampage. He is sure it is his manager who’s behind the door. Archie possesses a horrible habit of appearing when he is not needed and not appearing when he is.

“What?!”

“Open the door, sour loser.”

That's not Archie.

Max’s jaw tenses. He marches towards the door and aggressively throws it open. It is you who stands behind it, an unimpressed expression printed on your face. Why is Daniel’s manager here?

“Who are you calling a loser?”

You sigh, peering your head in to look at his hotel room. You wince.

“Horner is not gonna be happy with how you trashed everything,” you begin. Max may or may not have thrown things across the room, punched a table and the wall, and accidentally broke a hotel-owned wall decoration. “Did you punch the wall?”

He did. But he’s not going to tell you that. Max hopes you don’t notice the peeling skin on his knuckles—red and angry and bloody.

“Can you leave?” he asks through gritted teeth. He hears you sigh. You do that a lot when you’re around him. Why?

You rummage through your tote bag—cream-colored with peach prints, the same one you wear all year round—and pull out a cold can of beer and a face towel.

“Lemme see.”

You reach for Max’s hand, which causes him to jerk back, his hand going behind him. You pause.

“I told you to leave.”

“Okay,” you shrug. You grab his wrist before he could dodge and you thrust the cold canned beer and face towel into his hand.

“Put this on your knuckles,” your tone leaves no room for further arguments. “Danny’s worried ‘bout you.”

“If he’s so worried about me, he shouldn't be leaving me,” Max snaps.

“Have you tried listening to his reasons?”

“Of course, I did!” Max is offended that you even feel the need to ask him that.

You purse your lips, “Maybe you did listen, just never tried to understand. I’d do the same thing, too, if I was Danny. No need to stay in a place where we’re no longer wanted.”

Max opens his mouth to bark back. How dare you utter such nonsense? You only stayed here for a year! ? You will never understand the relationship between Daniel and Max. You will never know Daniel the same way Max knows him.

“He isn't going to win anywhere else. We are going to get a new engine and the car will be better than this year. We’ll be better than Ferrari or Mercedes. We’ll be champions.”

I’ll be a champion, but Max leaves it unsaid.

“I know, heard it from the mechanics,” you shrug. “Maybe Danny won't win in another machinery. Maybe he will. Who knows? But if the team wanted Danny then that’s better. A team that wants and prioritizes Danny will treat him better than any team could. And right now, that's what he needs, a good team that supports him well.”

“Red Bull prioritizes him, too.”

“You're lyin’ to yourself, you know it. You of all people should know how shitty it feels to be number two and Danny is number two right now.”

Silence.

Number two. Cursed number two.

“Are you gonna follow Daniel, too?”

Max will not be surprised if you do.

You shrug.

“Let's wait and see.”

Then, you turn around and walk away, the soft click of your beige flats echoing in the hotel hallway until it fades into silence, while Max stands there at the open door, a cold canned beer and a face towel in his hand.

He uses the face towel to wipe the blood on his knuckle and uses the cold canned beer to help soothe the pain of forming bruises. Max wishes you brought something to ease the pain in his heart, too.

2019

The 2019 pre-season begins with Christian Horner saying that Archie, Max’s incompetent manager last year, has submitted a resignation letter. That makes Max Verstappen officially manager-less this year.

“For this season, since Daniel is no longer with us—” The corner of Max’s lips curve downwards. “[Name] does not have anyone to manage anymore. I was thinking of moving her to the engineering team but she was too efficient at managing Daniel last year. Would you mind if she becomes your manager? I assume you're both friends?”

Friends is not the appropriate term to describe what they are. Sure, they talked because Daniel talked with Max frequently and wherever Daniel was, [Name] is closely behind. Daniel also has this habit of dragging everyone into the conversation so no one will be left out. They also engaged in banter a few times, when Daniel’s not around and Max and her do not bother tolerating each other for the sake of the Australian racer.

For the most part, when Daniel is present, [Name] become the nicest person to ever grace the room, even Mother Teresa is put to shame, but when Daniel’s gone, [Name]’s saintess act disappears and enters an asshole who'll argue with Max and annoy him to oblivion. She absolutely vexes him.

Also, she's a terrible suck up. Max hates suck ups.

“She’ll be good for you,” Horner adds.

“Do you believe so?”

“I know she can handle you.”

Max raises a single questioning brow, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Nevertheless, Max has no choice. Horner believes she’ll be good for him and Max prefers having her as a manager than having none at all. God forbid he’ll be stuck manager-less. He can barely organize anything to save his life.

Even though they're not perfectly civil with each other, Max cannot deny the fact that [Name] is a good manager. It is like she possesses the uncanny ability of knowing everything Max needs without having him to voice it out and you do it without Max having to ask you. Which works greatly for Max. He really isn't the best at asking what he needs and people cannot mindread so he just sucks everything up until a simple thing gets blown out of proportion and he ends up blaming someone else for a problem that should have been solved had he voiced it out in the first place.

“PR sent me this,” you walk into the room early in the morning and Max groans because he’s still dealing with the hangover from last night so he cannot deal with your annoyingness right now. Despite hearing his dilemma, you put the iPad on the table and Max sees a picture of him drunk as fuck in a bar somewhere in Barcelona. He winces, looking away and not bothering to read the caption.

“They want you to clear shit up.”

“What's there to be cleared about?”

“People think we're datin’, darlin’. That's what you need to clear up.”

Max’s eyes go comically wide. Him and [Name]....dating? A blush graces Max’s cheeks.

You swipe down and show Max a video. The clip shows you walking out of the bar, warding off people with a passed out Max on your shoulder.

There are two things that immediately entered Max’s head at that moment:

Wow. You're really strong.

What the fuck? When did this happen?

“I’ll get you an Advil and soup. In the meantime,” you open a word document on your iPad. “You read this. Prepared a script ‘cuz you can’t improvise shit. We’ll film a press release vid when I come back, aight?”

You are gone before Max can even nod his head.

#max verstappen x you #max verstappen x reader #fanfic #f1 x reader #formula 1 #formula one #max verstappen #f1 imagines #mv33 x reader #mv1 x reader #mv1 #manager!reader