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yoonia · 7 years

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About Time // Part 6

Character: Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words: Angst, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au) / 13,385 words

↳ Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Warnings: Mentions of cancer and character death

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | series index: about time | Next Chapter ⇢

—First life. St. Vincent’s Hospital, year 2026—

“What’s your name?”

I have only been sitting there beside him for not more than ten minutes when he spoke. The medications I was getting made me feel a bit sleepy, and I was in the middle of dozing off to sleep. I did not really pay attention to him when I first to the seat next to his, letting the silence accompany us until he finally decided that it would be better to converse rather than sleep.

“You know that my statistic board is facing to your side, don’t you? I’ve noticed that you have been eyeing the board since I started sitting here, so I assumed you’ve read it already,” I told him, keeping my droopy eyes on him.

“Whoops—Guess I’ve been caught?” He chuckled. “I read them perfectly, but I want to hear them from you. Just so I can know how to pronounce it whenever I need to call you, or perhaps court you if you’d let me.” He flicked his eyebrows and gave me a wink, lowering his voice at the end of his words.

I scoffed. “Cheeky. Do you always flirt with new patients?”

He gave me a grin, chuckling at my retort. “Only with the pretty ones. Come on, what’s your name?”

I looked away with another scoff before turning back to look at him, and I was welcomed by his playful pout as his way of pleading for me to answer. A sigh came out of me before I finally surrendered. “It’s _______. What’s yours?”

“You already know my name. Didn’t you hear them calling me earlier?”

I raised my brows. “Mochi? That’s not your real name though, so what is it?”

“Does it matter?” The look in his eyes changed. Even the mischievous smirk he kept earlier suddenly turned into a pursed smile.

“Does it not?” I only asked him then. “Why do they call you Mochi?”

He released a cynical chuckle, before turning in his seat to face forward and look away from me. “Why do people call anyone with anything? It’s a nickname they gave me, and the name I live by.”

I gnawed deep into my lower lips, wanting no more than to push my curiosities away. Yet I failed. Even if we had just met, there was something about him which awoken my curiosity. “What’s wrong with your real name?”

He fell silent for a brief while, keeping his eyes looking straight forward when he finally answered with a clenched jaw. “That name belongs to the man that is no longer here.”

“I gave you my real name, though. That isn’t fair,” I hummed. I regretted saying those words right after they slipped out of me, but I couldn’t help to wonder how I could feel so comfortable with him even on our first meeting. How was it possible for me to be able to say these things to him when I could barely say anything to my own brother or friend.

He turned to look at me, leaning back in his recliner as he sent me a lazy smile. “Earn my trust and I will give you anything you want to know.”

“Hmm—tempting,” I scoffed. Silently relieved the moment I could see the mischief in his eyes starting to come back again.

He scooted on his seat, keeping his back resting on the pillows as he turned his body to face me. “Are you always this bitter?” He mused at me, and I could feel how his eyes were studying my face when he questioned me.

“What do you mean? Is that your way of telling me that I’m not being friendly enough?”

“Oh—you are indeed have been more friendly than some. If only those eyes can show me that you are being sincere.” He kept staring at me, and suddenly, his eyes glared deep into mine, as if he wanted to read the deepest thoughts I was keeping to myself. “Who hurt you? Who carved the pain that is emitting from your pretty eyes, love?”

I nearly cried. How could a man who I have only met and talked to for less than one hour be able to read me so well? Have I been emitting my own pain through my body? Could everyone else see through me as much as he did?

“No one did. It was life. Life hurt me.”

He gave me a sad smile. “Hmm—Such a pity. Life got to you too, huh? But then again, that only means we can now make ourselves the perfect ally.”

“Why?”

“Because we have the same enemy.”

He insisted that I should sit right next to him again when I returned to the ward the next day. I had to undergo another treatment that day, and I gladly took his offer since I knew I would need someone to talk to while I had to get through it. And it was such a coincidence that the other spots were all taken by other patients, leaving the spot next to him the only one left available for me.

I had my own suspicions about it, on whether he had arranged for it to happen in advance, or if perhaps the older patients—who were interestingly seemed to be so deeply fond of him—had helped set me up at my spot for whatever reasons they may have at the time.

Whether it was a good thing or a bad one, I could not really tell at first. I was determined to keep myself distant to anyone around me, knowing that perhaps it was not a good time for me to start any form of relationship, either friends or lovers. With my share of terrible relationships in the past, how I have hurt and disappointed people I cared about, and being disappointed and broken myself, I had decided that I would not find myself falling into the same pattern all over again.

Especially not when I had no idea what my future would be with the battle I was currently having.

But when I heard him hissing softly not long after I sat down on my recliner, I could not help but worry about him and was left wondering what was wrong.

“Are you alright?” I turned to face him right after the nurse who had been tending me left us alone.

Well, probably not completely alone. But as we sat there in the corner with the other patients already started dozing off to sleep or busy with their day, it felt like we were left in our own personal bubble. Just the two of us.

It took some time before he finally responded. But from the faint sound of his shallow breaths and light groans coming from him, I knew that he wanted to wait until he could endure his pain before turning to face me. His face was terribly pale when he looked my way. And judging from how swollen his lips looked, I knew he probably had been throwing up, probably before I had gotten there. I could only guess it because I had been warned by the doctors and nurses that I might experience that one day.

I had prepared myself to mask my expression, not wanting him to misread my concern with pity. Yet the moment our eyes met, his lips easily curled into a small smirk and his teary eyes gave me a warm gaze.

“Are you worried about me? I’m glad,” he said with croaked voice.

“Well, now that I see you are back with your little wits and flirty smile, I’m pretty sure that you are doing okay.”

I was for a fact still felt extremely worried about him. But I didn’t know him that well yet—unable to tell much about him yet after only spending eight hours conversing together the day before—so I did my best to hide my true feelings. Even when there was something about him that left me wanting to know more, to see deeper into him.

He gave me a soft chuckle. “That’s okay, love. I’ve had worse days before, so I can deal with this one easily,” he said, turning his gaze away.

It was not hard to see how he was trying to put his poker face on to hide things from me, to appear stronger. But his eyes showed me every unspeakable part that was going through his mind. Yet it was the words he said afterwards that had me feeling disappointed and left out.

“I don’t want you to waste your time and energy to worry about me. I don’t really have a place in your mind or thoughts anyway.”

I scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mochi. I’m only being nice because you still have a debt to pay and there’s nobody else here but me.”

“A debt?” He glanced at me with knitted brows, before his eyes widened. “Ah—Are you still curious to know my name? Or is it that you are curious to know about the man that was forgotten and left heartbroken by life?”

“What if I told you that I want to know both of them?”

He smirked. The light in his eyes might have vanished. But as I looked deep into his eyes, I was pretty sure that those eyes were able to emit the sun and stars once in the past, their glorious time which had people falling in love with them before they faded away by his pain. He also seemed so frail and exhausted, but he still had a glint of mischief subtly showing as he answered me with, “I always admire a woman who knows what she wants.”

I rolled my eyes and looked away as I felt warmth appearing on my face the minute I heard his flattering words. There was not a doubt in mind that my cheeks may have been blushing. Too bad, he had a chance of seeing them before I had a chance to hide them from him.

“You look really cute when you are blushing like that.”

I coughed out of embarrassment from his words alone. “I shouldn’t look cute. Because you and I both know, cuteness and these pyjamas, and with these tubes hanging over me, they do not belong together.”

He lightly laughed, looking amused at my answer. And it made me feel relieved and proud to know that I was able to make him laugh. For some reason, I had unknowingly made it my mission to make him smile, to make him forget about his pain. The little pride that came to me after knowing that I had succeeded only made me want to do more.

“Alright then—” he said, already looking more relaxed as he lied there on his recliner. “What are you going to offer me as a tribute to earn my trust?”

“I don’t know,” I said, pursing my lips. “Is there anything you want?”

“You.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “Alright, you need to stop that—”

“I know. You are off-limits anyway,” he said, nodding his head to point at my ring finger that was already left bare. “I don’t know if you had given the ring back to him or you’re only keeping it away while enduring these treatments, but I know there is someone who you still long for since you keep brushing your finger above the ring mark.”

I instantly looked down on the bare finger, letting out a sigh at the sight of the ring mark that was visible on my skin before turning my glance back at him. From how he was giving me such a sad smile, I could easily guess that I was mirroring that smile myself.

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip, completely lost for words on how he was able to keep reading me.

“Are you surprised?” He taunted. “Very well—then, why don’t we trade? Every page of your story for every page of mine. Ending the part of my story with my real name and your story with whatever you choose to share me. You can even talk about him if you want. What do you say?”

There was something about him that lured me in, pulling me to keep getting closer and to give way for him to enter. Something about him that made it so hard for me to refuse his presence. SoI agreed to his offer.

And that was when everything started. The day when we started to open not only our masks for each other, but every single one of our wounds that we had sealed so recklessly only to stop them from revealing themselves to the world.

I lied sideways on my recliner, sharing bits of my early life in exchange for his. I kept my deepest darkest secrets to myself, waiting for the right moment to open those pages to him, but I shared the others as a beginning step of our trade. I told him stories of my childhood, my uneventful teenage years, and my youthful dreams between a few times of dozing off due to the effect of the medicines running through my blood, while he listened to me patiently with droopy eyelids and a few light yawns.

“Wait—you went to that university?” He asked me with his sleepy voice, forcing his eyes to stay open the moment I told him where I went to college.

“Yeah, I did,” I chuckled. “Didn’t really have the fondest memories of it though, but it was a great school. I met some great people, made some good memories, and—” I stopped just when Jungkook’s face appeared in my head, and when the years of attending that college came flooding through my mind. I had never before let those memories of my college days come back to me.

Because it was the place where everything started. Where my life began to spiral down the hill. And every time they came back to, they carried along with them all the pain I had only to remind me how miserable my life was.

He released a sigh. “I was so close to becoming a graduate from that university, you know.”

“What?” I chuckled. “Wait—are you serious?”

He looked at me with such a hollow smile—another one of his expressions which I couldn’t decipher—and the kind of gaze that was filled with wonders and questions. “I flew to the city right away after I got the acceptance letter, moved in as a dorm resident and stayed there for a year.”

“You got accepted and attended courses there?” I gasped and I couldn’t help but amazed at the fact that we were much closer than we had thought we were. “But—what changed? Why did you change your mind?”

He smacked his lips, turning his gaze away from me to look up at the ceiling as his mind wandered to the past. “It was my dream to learn music, but dancing was another passion I couldn’t let go of. During the first week of my arrival in the city, I met some of my old friends who loved to dance on the streets. After a while, I decided to join them and realised that I had so much fun doing it with them. I did it only on my spare time at first, and I only took a few classes in university so I can have more dancing afterwards,” he said, his eyes were filled with wonders as he reminisced his youth. “I thought I could juggle both lives together, between studying and dancing. But then, came the day when someone came up to me with an offer to dance professionally, telling me that if I wanted to go far from dancing alone, I had to let go of my study.”

I pursed my lips. I could only watch how his face changed to sorrow as he lied there in silence.

“You chose to dance.”

“That I did,” he nodded. “I figured I could dance as much as I wanted to and gain enough money from it. School was hard and I felt like I was wasting my time there. I thought that once I’ve gone far with dancing, I could go back to study at an art academy with the money I had collected.”

“That’s too bad. We could’ve met back then and become college mates.” I playfully tutted, earning his light chuckle—which he gave without turning to look at me. “Did it work out? How far did you go with your dancing life?”

He opened his lips to answer, yet he stopped himself before telling me what he wanted to say. He fell silent for a brief moment before turning to glance at me with a smirk on his face. “Let me just say that dancing got me far enough with the girls.”

In short, young Mochi was a fuckboy.

The professional dancer turned into a professional lover by fame.

I sat next to him again the next day. After having to end the conversation we had the day before when we both fell asleep before reaching to the good parts. Began unfolding every single escapade he had gotten into as he kept moving around to city to perform with his dance crew.

My day started with a high fever that I could barely open my eyes. The drugs were finally starting to take effects on my body and I woke up in the morning feeling like my whole body was burning from within. With the addition of the huge stress from finding flocks of hair fallen at the sides of my pillow and an insane pain inside my head, let me just say that I did not have the best of mornings to start with.

He knew how terrible I felt just by looking at my face as I was being strolled into the ward. So I guess that was the reason why he had decided that it would be the best time humour me with the most grimacing stories he had from his wild flings.

And apparently, it worked.

I was already shedding tears from laughing too much when he got to his fourth story.

“So we went to this college event and got invited to a frat party happening later that night,” he said, holding back his laughter that he sounded as if he was losing breath between each word. “We got there around midnight, which was already late so the house was packed. The rooms were jam-packed with people and the music was so loud you could barely hear yourself think. Drinks were handed around and it never stopped. The girls that were invited to the party were hot, and—most of them were pretty wild. I danced in the crowd with my crew when suddenly, this hot chick slipped between us and started grinding on me. I was terribly drunk and so hyped, so I just let everything happened. But I wasn’t drunk enough to forget how she pulled me upstairs to find an empty room. We couldn’t find any and all I did was let her drag me around until she pushed me into this small room, I guess it was a bathroom. I didn’t see the whip-cream can in her hand until then—”

I gasped. After listening to the previous story, I could tell how this one would end. “Oh, no—”

“I completely lost it when she opened her lips and sprayed the cream inside her mouth—”

I covered my mouth with my palms. I couldn’t help but cringe even before he continued, “—I couldn’t say anything, but I couldn’t stop thinking about was how hot it was.”

“Of course you did,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes while he kept talking.

“And then she reached down and pulled my pants off—”

“No—”

“—started spraying the cream on my—,” he stopped to clear his throat. His eyes were filled with mirth when he continued, while twirling his finger over his crotch, “—you know.”

“Oh, God—”

“Then she started licking them clean with her tongue—”

I screeched. Literally. All while covering my face that was undoubtedly blushing with my palms and I could not stop laughing when the image came to mind so vividly, even if I tried not to imagine it.

“—really messy, and weird, but that tongue was made of heaven. I have never—”

I screeched to cover his words with my own voice. “Oh, my God—That’s it, stop!”

“—best fucking blowjob ever.” He grinned widely and laughed. “And then she left me in that bathroom with my pants down and I stood there feeling all sticky and dirty. I remember sobering up a little while I was trying to catch my breath. Meanwhile, she walked out without waiting for me to follow her while spraying the cream into her mouth and said nothing to me. Literally, nothing, and then she was gone.”

I couldn’t stop laughing in disbelief. “Oh my God—but okay, I have to admit that this one is pretty hot.”

His grin widened, then he carried on to join my giggling fits. “So I guess that one finally turns you on?”

I tutted, before I picked up the small cushion on my lap to swing it at him, earning his delightful laughs. A soft deep chuckle interrupted our giggles, and we turned our heads to the man that was sleeping across to Mochi. He seemed to have been awakened by our ruckus, yet he only looked at us with a fond smile on his face.

“Oh, Mr. Ahn—did we wake you?” Mochi shifted in his seat and smiled sheepishly at the man, while I had to bite my lips to hide the grin that refused to disappear as I kept picturing the image of Mochi from the last story he told me. “I’m sorry if we’re being too loud,” Mochi apologized to the man with an embarrassed bow from his own seat.

The old man only chuckled and raised his weak hand to wave us off. “It’s fine. It makes me happy when I see people relaxing and having fun. Seeing your young souls smiling always give me hope,” he said in a raspy voice, his whole body seemed so frail and he looked as if he could fall asleep anytime. But his kind words made me smile.

I leaned back on my recliner to try and rest, keeping my eyes on the man as he fell back to sleep with a wide smile.

I was asleep when the nurses took Mochi away to his room. But my fever was gone when I woke up.

And it came back with a vengeance the next morning.

My body was reacting at the medications really badly, kicking back at it without failing to give me pain and nausea as soon as I woke up that morning. I was scheduled to come home that day if only my body was able to fight it. But apparently, the fight between the chemicals that were running through my blood against the poisonous cells inside me was starting at an early stage than expected, and I felt as if I was already losing the battle.

“The reaction is showing pretty early, but I think your body is rejecting it instead of conforming to its effect. We will give you some vitamins to help you feel better and to strengthen your body while we observe your progress closely,” Dr. Kim told me when he came to my room to examine my condition.

My body was heating up, and the fever made me feel weaker than ever. All I gave as an answer was a slight nod before I fought off my ragged breaths to say, “Yes, Doctor. Just tell me what to do.”

For the whole day, I was held back in my treatment room for observation. Which only meant that for the first time since I had started my treatments in this hospital, I would not be spending my time in the chemotherapy ward as I usually did and would not be able to see Mochi. For the first time, I would be left in my room all alone. And it terrified me. The nurses were right when they said how resting in the chemotherapy ward would help, because being surrounded by others who understood the struggles I had to endure and those who knew how to support me helped me forget about the pain for a while, and forget about the reason why I was there.

Now that I was left alone, I felt so lonely that even with the occasional visits from the nurses could not help ease my loneliness at all. At the end of the day, as the drugs started to work its way to help me feel better, I closed my eyes only to imagine myself lying down on my bed with Mochi sitting next to me. The thought of his voice and his smile helped me calm myself down until I finally fell asleep.

They allowed me to return to the ward once my fever came down the next day.

They had to delay the last schedule for my induced chemotherapy until they were sure I have recovered enough, but they decided that it was better for me to rest there as I had to undergo my vitamins infusion before they would let me go home.

I was only away for one day.

And when I was strolled into the ward, everything felt so different. It was quiet and the air somehow felt a bit cold. The atmosphere was grim, not even the small smiles everyone was giving me enough to make it feel better.

I sat next to Mochi who was lying on his recliner with his back facing my side. When I figured he was probably resting, I started looking around and noticed that the recliner seat across from us was empty.

“Where is Mr. Ahn? Is he not having his treatment today?”

Everyone was silent. But then I turned to see how Mrs. Yoo, who had always seated next to Mr. Ahn and right across from me, was giving me a sad smile. She padded lightly on the headrest of the empty recliner beside her while answering, “His journey here has ended. It was time for him to continue his new journey towards the Kingdom of Gods.”

“Oh no—”

I could not say anything to respond, and only watched in silence when one of the elderly across the room lifted his glass of vegetable smoothie to cheer towards Mr. Ahn’s seat by saying, “He had fought his battle bravely. He is a free man now.”

I had only spent my time with the other patients and had only gotten to know the man for a few short days. Yet the emptiness in the room that was created by the absence of one man, how everyone kept glancing towards the empty recliner during the day, and how they even made their way to pat the empty seat before they left the ward—every single gesture they did make my chest tightened with despair.

I could only sit there, watching everything unfold and realising that every part of it was real. I felt as if I was being slapped by reality to remind me of where I was, what I was going through and to look at everything with a clear mind.

Mochi was silent for most of the day, but I understood that he was perhaps feeling the same way as I did. He only sat there in silence with his eyes staring straight at Mr. Ahn’s seat with a blank expression. I wanted to console him, but I didn’t know how. So all I did was take his hand in mine every time his eyes looked down and looked so empty.

I finally spoke to him to break the silence, right before I had to leave. “Today is my last day. I’ll be heading home tonight.”

He finally turned to look at me. I saw his eyebrows knitted together for a brief moment before his face relaxed. He asked me with a gentle smile, “When is your next treatment scheduled?”

I shrugged. “Two weeks from now. Unless it takes me longer to recover then it’ll be—”

“Three weeks, give or take,” he cut me off. I looked at him and he gave me a knowing smile.

He had been experiencing the same thing. Which was obvious, except I just didn’t know yet for how long.

“What’s your demon?” He asked me, leaning his head back in his seat. “What is the demon you are fighting against?”

I pursed my lips before giving him an answer. “Bone cancer. They will be feeding off my spine pretty soon before they start spreading everywhere they want to go.” And right when I let those words left my lips, right after I spoke them out loud, I felt shivers running through my body.

The whole thing that happened that day was overwhelming—the news about Mr. Ahn, the sadness that filled the room, and then suddenly, I had to reveal the truth about my own battle. My demons.

Everything was real. Everything was actually happening. And for the first time ever since the day I found out about my illness, I felt so afraid. I felt as if every feeling and every dreadful thought that I had suppressed inside me came flowing out right away and I was trembling in fear.

I was scared for my life.

He must have felt the change of emotions that came flooding inside me. Because as I was drowning in my fear, as I was lost in my own thoughts, he pulled me back by taking my trembling hand in his hold.

“Don’t give up,” he said, gripping my hand gently while giving me a smile that had more warmth than mischief. “Don’t you dare give up. I won’t let you.”

I felt my tears brimming at the corner of my eyes at his words, and I could only nod since I knew I would end up sobbing if I had said anything.

He pulled my hand to his again right when I was about to leave my seat. “Park Jimin,” he said. “That’s my real name. Don’t ever forget about me, alright?”

I nodded at him and smiled, gripping his hand tightly with my trembling fingers once more as if he would disappear once I let go. “Will I see you again next time?”

He chuckled. Letting me feel slightly relieved even though I could still sense his sadness and worries emitting behind his warm smile. Yet as always, he managed to cover them up the moment he playfully said,

“Oh—Don’t worry. I will always be right here waiting for you, love.”

—Present life, year 2016—

It was one late Friday night when I joined Taehyung for a ride away from the campus vicinity.

I looked out through the taxi window to see us going further away from all the familiar streets and buildings and started to enter an entirely different area of the city. I had agreed to let Taehyung take me away that night to celebrate the end of exam week, which was also about to be the last day before we started our lives as sophomores.

We arrived one hour later at one small pub on the far side of the city.

It looked so simple and the building seemed pretty old, a typical old pub that looked nothing like any regular hangout place we used to see around campus. But as I stepped inside, I immediately fell in love with it.

It was far from what I had imagined. It was not packed with as many crowds as I had expected. There was no loud music that required you to shout out just to have a conversation nor a dancing crowd grinding each other’s hips. Instead, I was welcomed by a fancy looking bar, an empty stage at its corner which had a grand piano and a few strings instruments already set up, a few people dancing lightly at the center while they were being accompanied by the music playing from a jukebox nearby.

“Why did you take me here?” I asked Taehyung as I looked around, scanning the interior with awe. “How did you find this place?”

I could feel Taehyung shrugging next to me. “You always avoid parties and you said it yourself how you can’t enjoy being in clubs without feeling worried about what might happen. I found out about this place from a classmate and instantly thought of taking you here.”

I turned to face him, partly nervous while excited at the same time. We were still standing at the pub’s entrance, glancing around to enjoy the new vibe happening around us. “Well, this place certainly is refreshing and new. But, why—”

“We’re here to celebrate.” He cut me off, grinning right after he saw my face looking so lost.

“Celebrate, what?” I looked ahead once more, glancing around at the unfamiliar faces around us. I could only see a few younger faces among the adult ones, but I still didn’t feel out of place at all. “We could’ve just celebrated by joining some college parties for after exams.”

“No. Nope—” he shook his head. “We are not only here for that simple reason. Besides, you always say no for college parties.”

“So?” I raised my eyebrows, questioning him. Yet he only wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in towards the bar.

“Let’s have a drink first and chat, shall we?”

I let him find a seat for us and order my drinks for me since it would be the first time I had drinks outside of dorms. I took a sip of the liquor and sighed. “This is really nice,” I said mostly to myself as I took in the sight of the pub, the people that were enjoying their time there without creating any ruckus. I could never understand how anyone was able to enjoy being in parties with extremely loud music when such a calm vibe was much more comfortable to be in.

My eyes landed at Taehyung, who had his eyes on me while he kept a smug smile on his face. “Mind telling me what’s going on?” I asked him, and he only smacked his lips.

“Alright,” he nodded. “So what do you think of this place?”

“It’s really nice,” I shrugged. “Thank you for finding this place, Taehyung. You were right, I feel like I can come back here anytime I want now to avoid loud parties and college crowds—,”

—and perhaps all the other possibilities that I wanted to avoid.

“Good,” he said, lifting his glass on the air which I mirrored so we could have a simple toast. “Here’s to finding a new place where you and I can hang out and get drunk without worrying too much—” he said as our glasses touched, “—and for you to finally find the man of your dreams—literally—and prove that he is somewhat real.”

I nearly resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Oh yes, that one does need a celebration,” I laughed with him before taking a sip of my drink and placed the glass on the table.

“So how was it? You know, meeting Jimin?” He asked, crossing his arms on the table so he could lean closer to speak to me.

I sighed. “We haven’t been hanging out much. After the day I met him at the park he has been coming by to visit me after classes for a few times. We—uhm, had lunch together a few days ago—” I stopped myself to cover my face with one of my hand while Taehyung grinned widely at me. “Okay, but—do we really have to make this a big deal?”

He gave me a dramatic sigh, his lips formed into a tight line as if he was trying his best not to mock me.

“Yes, we do. Do you want to know why? Because we have been trying to figure out who this guy is and if he has anything to do with everything that’s going on with you. And we weren’t expecting to see him so soon since you told me he would only come to the campus for its annual events.”

“Yeah—Who knew that he is also a student.” I frowned. I couldn’t stop but wonder, “Does that mean everything else is actually changing? Not only me?”

He shrugged. “Haven’t you guys talked about it?”

I knitted my eyebrows and glared at him. “And how the hell am I supposed to do that? Should I just come up to him and say— Hi, you know, I believe we have met in our past lives and you weren’t supposed to be here. What changed?”

He grinned. “Yeah, probably not that,” he chuckled. “But has he made any move yet? Like, ask you out on a date, or something like that? Or at least give you a sign of interest? You might be able to find out whether he is the same Jimin you were supposed to meet in the future or if your leap had messed up other people’s storyline and had also twisted his in the making.”

“He asked me to meet him over coffee a few times, but—exams happened.” I looked at him to see his reaction and I gnawed at my lower lip when he glared at me.

“Don’t you dare use your exams as an excuse. Tell him you are going.”

I bit my lip. “I think it can wait.”

He exhaled a frustrated sigh. “You have been searching for him for so long. What else are you waiting for?”

“I—” I stopped myself when I couldn’t find an answer. But he already knew why. I was afraid. I still couldn’t figure out what it was that I was afraid of. I was probably afraid of knowing the truth about my circumstances, or afraid that I might have gone through this whole thing for nothing because my future might end up just the same. Or perhaps worse. “I don’t know.”

He nodded and reached out his hand across the table. “Give me your phone.”

“Why?”

“I’m going to text him and give him an answer for that coffee date offer,” he said with his hand still held out at me. “You do have his number, don’t you? Now give me.”

“No way,” I yelped, leaning back in my seat to avoid him. “I can text him myself, thank you. And it’s not a date offer, just some spare time to have some conversation over coffee.”

“Then just do it, whatever it is called. Text him now and ask him to meet you. Stop running away before you regret it,” he said as he pulled his hand away. Although he was still leaning forward. “He might not be the same person as the man you knew in your previous life or the one you’ve been seeing in your dreams. He might not know that you guys have ever met at all. But you need to know what happened, and why he is the one that you cried for when you sleep. Even if everything is different, the way you met him is just the same, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”

He pursed his lips. “In both your previous life and this one, you met him because of your condition. Your illness. Is it not? You wouldn’t even have met him yet if it wasn’t because you got sick that day.”

He was right. And that gave me enough reason to reach into my pocket and pull out my phone to contact him. I stared at the phone and contemplated for a brief while, trying to find the best way to ask him to meet up without making him feel intimidated, before I finally started typing the text.

[10.48 PM] To Jimin: Can I still take on your offer for grabbing that coffee with you?

I hovered my thumb right on the send button, only pressing it after taking a few quick deep breaths. “There. I texted him.”

“Let me see,” he said curiously, and I turned the phone in my hand so he could see the words. “Good,” he said while reading the words. “That sounds pretty—innocent.”

“Are you sure that’s okay?” I pulled my hand back and placed the phone on the table. “He might not answer. It’s pretty late anyway,” I told him. Yet I still kept my eyes locked on the phone screen, expecting it to show some notification or sorts.

Taehyung smacked his lips and shrugged, picking his glass up to drink. “Yeah, he either be sleeping or in the middle of a party and having fun without you since it takes you so long to show him any interests.”

I pouted at him, and was ready to throw him the most appropriate response to wipe his annoying grin away when the screen of my phone suddenly lighted up.

[10.50 PM] From Jimin: Finally :) Sadly, I’m at Busan right now

[10.51 PM] From Jimin: But I still want to take you to grab that coffee once I get back. Will you be free two days from now?

I looked up at Taehyung and we exchanged mirroring grins as we read the message together. He gave out a light chuckle when I immediately take the phone away and replied.

[10.55 PM] To Jimin: Sounds good. See you in two days.

“Done.” I nodded, proudly showing the phone at Taehyung before shoving it back in my pocket. “Are you happy?”

“Absolutely—” he said, and he continued chuckling when he later said, “—but I think you are much happier than I do now.”

I scowled at him and turned my head to look away. Rather than happy, I was feeling more relieved. But I could not let him know that. He followed my gaze and his eyes fell on the jukebox across the room. The old device was playing some random tunes that had everyone dancing to.

“Wanna dance?” he offered. “I wonder if it has that old song we danced to back at our school prom.”

I smiled at the mention of our school prom. We had decided to just stay at my home during prom night, deciding that it would be better for us to do an all-night movie marathon since neither of us had prom dates to go with. But then my parents caught us during preparations—as I was making popcorns while Taehyung came in with a whole box of DVDs—and forcefully dragged us to dress up and made us go to prom together.

The night had turned up amazingly delightful in the end. We both had fun together and had made a lot of good memories as we danced as partners—or, well, more like goofed around on the dance floor as we flailed around to the beat of the music.

I watched him as he walked across the dance floor and stood before the jukebox. He looked down on it before he tried to put in a coin and I watched as the machine lighted up—which he celebrated by throwing his arms up in the air. He took his time to find the song that he wanted. He had a huge grin on his face when he found it, taking no time at all to enter the song choice before it blasted through the speakers. I laughed aloud as he waved at me, asking me to join him for a dance as the song was playing.

I took both his hands in mine and he started moving around, guiding me to follow him dancing in clumsy steps, which I had no other choice but to follow along without being able to stop laughing. He seemed to be enjoying himself too, apparently, as he started to hum and sing along, “—and you will find me~ Time after time—”

We kept dancing to the music, until the song changed into another slower one which was chosen by another patron. He pulled me closer for a slow dance, and looked down to stare into my eyes, giving me the kind of look which I recognised as the one he would always give me before he would share his curiosity. Or to ask me something important. It turned out to be the latter.

“What is it?” I asked him.

He sunk his teeth in his bottom lips. Whatever it was that he wanted to know about must have been bothering him a lot, and I started wondering what it was. So I just gave him a smile to encourage him, letting him know that it would be alright to ask me if he really needed to. And he finally did.

“I have been wondering about one thing for so long. You told me about what you remembered from your past life, your struggles from that other life. But—Where was I? Why was I not there to protect you when your marriage fell apart? And where was I when you were fighting for your life?”

I fell silent. Images of myself crying, of Taehyung shouting in rage, and him standing at the corner of a room, wearing a suit and with a fit of evident anger plastered all over his face. All the memory was followed by images of me watching his back as he walked away with his shoulders hanging low with a broken heart.

I took a deep breath, before I had to share him one part of my memory that I had not yet opened. Not to him, and not even to myself, for it was the one that had given me the most painful wound of all.

—First life. ______’s flat, year 2018—

“What?” Jungkook stood in front of me. His body was tensed, his chest rises and fell rapidly as he tried to calm his rage. “What did you say?”

“I’m pregnant, Jungkook,” I replied. I was able to speak without the same shaky breaths I had earlier when I first started this conversation.

“A—are you sure?” He stammered and I could see how he was clenching his hands on his sides.

I hesitantly nodded. I had predicted that the news would put him into a state of shock—as it did to me when I first found out myself—yet I was not ready to face this side of him. “I’m almost two months late, and—”

“But—but you missed your period once, so it could be a mistake, right?”

I shook my head. “This is different. I already had myself tested a couple of times to make sure.”

He flopped down on the couch, rubbing his face with his palms while letting out a groan in disbelief. “This can’t be happening. You can’t be pregnant.”

“Jungkook, I—”

“Is it mine?” He asked me, looking adamant as he said them out loud.

I gasped at his words, completely dumbfounded. “What? Of course, it is, what the hell are you implying?”

“I’m just saying, that maybe you made a mistake—”

“Oh yeah? What kind of mistake, Jungkook? Seriously, what are you trying to say to me?” I was fuming. How could he said such a thing when I was already stressing out over the fact that I was bearing a growing human being inside me.

He opened his lips to speak and stammered for a bit. His face was red with anger, bewildered at the whole situation. But what he said next was the one that hurt me most. “Are you sure that it’s mine? Who knows—it might belong to that guy Taehyung you always spend time with behind my back.”

“What? You—” I felt my face burning up with anger, my heart shattering apart with his accusation. “I can’t fucking believe you. Taehyung is my friend, my best friend. And you are the only one I’ve been with. I have never—in my whole fucking life—would ever go behind your back like that. What the fuck do you take me for?”

“I—I’m sorry, ______. I—”

I was too angry to give him a chance to say anything. All I wanted was to slap his face from what he had dared to say to me. “You know what? Fuck you, Jungkook. If you really can’t take this reality and if you don’t want to admit this baby that much, then you should just go.”

“______—”

“No, I get it. I understand that this is too much to handle and totally unexpected. I get that you are afraid, but so am I. And for you to look at me on that kind of light and accuse me of such a horrible thing isn’t going to erase this baby, or change the fact that this baby exists. And acting this way or thinking of me doing something so low is certainly not going to fix everything or make it go away!”

I already knew how unstable my emotions would be, and I had never in my life lashed out at him the way I did. But the pain was too much. “This is really happening, Jungkook. This baby is real, and it is yours. And if you can’t man up to deal with this, then I suggest you get the fuck out of my face and out of my life!”

I was hurting by my own words, mentally begging that he would acknowledge this tiny living being growing inside me. I thought he loved me enough to accept all of this. I thought he was man enough to take responsibility.

But he didn’t.

He only fell silent, keeping his eyes on the floor as he contemplated on his next step. All I could do was wait. Hoping that he would make up his mind and prove to me that I was important enough for him to fight for. But then he suddenly stood up, lifted his eyes to look at me with an unreadable glint in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. We only stood there for a while, exchanging glances in silence, before he finally closed his lips and turned around with clenched fists, making his way to the front door.

I watched him as he opened the door silently and walked out of my room. The reality only hit me moments later when he shut the door behind him without ever turning back to look at me, leaving me to stand there all alone in the middle of my flat.

“This is where you’ve been for the entire week?”

A deep voice woke me up. It sounded terribly loud after a whole week of being accompanied only by silence since the day Jungkook broke me apart. I was extremely tired. My eyes were heavy with sleep and dried tears. I had lost track of time and lost count of how many times I spent them crying.

It took a lot of effort just to move around on the bed. The mattress was covered with messy sheets that were tangled around my limbs. My whole body was rigid, every part of me was aching when I tried to move. Not to mention that my head was also in pain, either from lying on the bed for too long and being awakened too suddenly. I could not even deal with the bright light that had overcome the bedroom that had been dark the whole time I was hiding myself from the world outside.

“What the fuck—” I cursed under my breath, lifting my hand to cover my eyes from the blinding light. There was a reason why I kept my room dark, and whoever had woken me up from my long sleep had signed his death threat by turning all the lights on.

“I’m the one who should be saying that,” my intruder spoke again. His face finally showed up as my sight came clearer.

“Taehyung—?”

He was busy looking around with a face filled with anger and disgust when I called him, and he kept the same glare in his eyes the moment he turned to look at me. “Do you know how worried I have been? I haven’t heard from you for a whole week. I couldn’t find you anywhere, and you never answer my calls or give me any signal of life when I knock on your door,” he ranted, walking over to the bed while lifting his long legs high up to avoid the pile of trash and dirty clothes that were spread on the floor. “God, this place looks like a pigpen,” he muttered, before turning to look at me as he sat on the side of the bed.

“Did something happen?” he asked me with a much softer voice when I have yet to answer him. “Are you sick? Why didn’t you call me and ask me to come here so I could—”

“Tae—” I cut him off with a croaked voice. I felt all broken inside, and the shattered pieces inside me started to reveal themselves as the rest of my drowsiness slowly being lifted away from me. “Why—um, how did you get in?” I managed to speak, pushing away the urge to cry—even when all I wanted to do was to jump up and hug him tight.

He only frowned at me, pushing his anger away with a sigh and replacing them with concern. “I went to find your ex-roommate. She still kept a spare key, so I just let myself in since I have no idea where else to look for you.”

He fell silent for a while and I had to look away. I knew how easy it had always been for him to read me.

“Are you okay?”

I refrained myself from shaking my head. I didn’t need him questioning me or asking me anything I certainly did not want to talk about. I just wanted everything to go away and to be left alone. But I knew it would be hard to kick him out when I was so weak, so I nodded my head. “I’m fine.”

He knew I was lying, yet he said nothing about it. He reached over to me and ruffled my messy hair. “Look, I got you some food. Go ahead and clean yourself up so we can eat together. I will stay and help you clean this dump later, okay?”

“Okay—” I answered with a sigh. He reached out to help me up, which I gladly took only because I had no energy left to push myself from the bed on my own.

I even had to walk to the bathroom with his help, and he only left me alone then. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, finding the evidence of my broken heart and my misery on my hair and face. I already felt too numb to cry, and was able to clean myself up. As I stood under the running water, as I washed away the remnants of makeup I never bothered to clean and the grease that was covering my messy hair, I kept wishing that the pain would be washed away down the drain, along with all the dirt that had soiled my body.

I left the bathroom after I felt refreshed and decent enough to present myself to Taehyung. Parts of my room had already been cleaned out by then. Not a single empty box of takeouts and leftover meals is seen on the floor, no more tissues—the ones which I had tossed away after hours of weeping and crying—and not even a glimpse of my dirty clothes being discarded on the corners of my room.

Taehyung was waiting for me in the living room, sitting calmly on the sofa with food and cold drinks all set on the coffee table, and a warm blanket on his lap. He had his eyes on the phone as he waited for me, and only raised his face to look at me when I stepped into the room.

“Now you look better. Less like death,” he chuckled, with a warm smile showing on his face. “Feel any better after that shower?”

I shrugged. “Kind of—”

He only nodded to refrain himself from asking anything else. “Come sit down and eat. From the looks of your trash I know you haven’t had any decent meal lately,” he said, padding on the sofa next to him.

I sat without saying anything and only watched as he put some food on a clean plate while murmuring, “I bought this from that new place you wanted to go to. I already guessed that you’ve probably been skipping meals since I’ve never seen you around the cafeteria lately. I haven’t even seen you attending any of your classes either, so I figured you must have been eating junks. You really got me worried, you know.”

“I’m sorry—” I whispered, feeling guilty all of a sudden. I had never expected that I would have anyone searching for me, when the only one I wanted to care never even once did. “—for making you worried. I didn’t mean to—”

“Shh—talk later. Eat first,” he said, shoving the plate onto my waiting palms before reaching for another plate to set his own meal.

I stared at the food I held in my hands silently, having no appetite whatsoever and feeling my nausea slowly coming back to me at the scent of food. I took a deep breath and pushed them away, reminding myself that I wouldn’t be the only one suffering if I keep neglecting on feeding myself. So I reluctantly took the first bite with that thought alone.

“Is it good?” Taehyung asked me, smiling proudly when he noticed.

“Yeah, it is,” I answered him once I managed to swallow the food I had just forcefully shoved in my mouth. My throat was in pain as the food past through, as if I was eating a piece of rock. But I tried my best to hide it. “Thank you, Tae.”

We ate in silence. I knew he had a lot of questions and I silently thank him for choosing to wait before asking me. I tried my best to focus on shoving the food into my mouth, when he finally couldn’t find it in him to wait any longer.

“What did he do this time?”

I stopped everything I was doing. I probably even stopped breathing when I heard him. I turned to look at him only to find that he was already staring at me with a deep, concerned gaze.

“What did you say?”

He licked his lips, taking a deep breath before asking me again, “When I was looking for you, I couldn’t get a hold on Jungkook too. So I figured whatever this is, it has something to do with him. Am I right? What did Jungkook do this time?”

The moment I heard his name, I could feel my chest tightening. My heart was close to breaking apart again and everything started spinning. I leapt to my own two feet the moment I felt my nausea folding in my stomach and I was so close to exploding. “I’m sorry—” I mumbled, covering my mouth with my hand and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom.

I was hunched on the toilet sink, emptying the content of my stomach when I heard him coming. I could not look at him. Too ashamed for being seen this way. Although even as I was cleaning up my mess, I could feel his eyes locked towards me, his deep gaze emitting his anger like never before.

“_____— Tell me what’s going on.”

“Taehyung—”

He kneeled next to me to hand me a glass of water. It was then when I finally looked up to him. I took a gulp of the water and tried my best to control my breath. But the moment the pain I had in my stomach dissipated, I crumbled in tears as the pain in my heart erupted.

“______, are you—? You can’t be—”

I felt my tears falling down on my face and I did nothing to stop it. I kept my eyes locked my own two shaking hands as I answered him between my wailings, “I thought that we—We did our best to be safe. We used protections, I took pills. I don’t know how we became reckless, how—it was only one time, Taehyung. We were careless for only once—”

“______,” he reached out to hold my shoulders when my body started shaking, when I became a sobbing mess in front of him.

“I’m scared. I don’t know what to do—” I held on tighter on the glass in my hand while I could feel his hand holding me tighter as I continued, “I told him about it and he left. He left me, Tae. He left me because of this baby.”

01.08 AM

I looked over at the clock on the wall to see the time. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I paced around the living room, feeling more anxious each time I noticed how much time had passed. It had been 6 hours since Taehyung ran off from my flat, fuming with anger after I told him everything.

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to fucking kill him and I won’t stop even if he begs me for his life,” he swore to me as he stormed out. And now I felt nothing more than worry, afraid that something bad would happen to either of them. I kept praying that they wouldn’t meet each other, and prayed that they would both be safe.

I turned to reach for my phone for the umpteenth time to try and contact Taehyung. He had been avoiding my calls, and no one I had called knew where he went. I was focusing on calling him when I heard someone knocking on the door so loud right when my phone call was getting through.

“Taehyung?” I called out, shutting off the phone before throwing it away as I ran to the door.

But the moment I opened them, it was not Taehyung’s face that I was met with.

“Jungkook—”

My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw him standing there, hunching forward with his hands holding tight onto the door frame, his chest heaving for air as if he had been running all the way here. He raised his head and looked at me the moment he heard my voice.

“Oh my God—” I gasped at the sight of his face. He looked pale and disoriented, his eyes were red with tears and there was a cut at the corner of his swollen lips. “What happened—”

“I—Can I come in?” He said with a broken voice. His eyes shook in fear and shame that he couldn’t look at me more than a few seconds. I said nothing as I moved aside to let him in.

“Let me get something for that wound,” I said, immediately turning on my heels to head into the kitchen after I shut the door behind us. But he immediately stopped me with his arm blocking my path.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,” he said, turning to face me. He looked hesitant for a brief moment and looked away. “Can we please talk for a moment?”

I bit my lower lip. My tears were already threatening to fall at the feeling of his warmth and the scent of his cologne, and I instinctively moved backwards to create distance between us.

“Go ahead, talk,” I answered firmly, crossing my arms over my chest as a shield to protect me from his touch. He looked disappointed at my cold demeanour. Little did he know that I was doing it solely to keep myself from crumbling in front of him.

He sighed. He let his head bent down before he spoke, but kept his arms holding my shoulders, keeping me from running or from pushing him away.

“I’m so sorry. I am sorry for being such an idiot. I shouldn’t have walked away,” he pleaded. His voice was shaking and his grip on me tightened. He lifted his face to look straight into my eyes as he continued his plea, “I was scared. I didn’t know how to react and I didn’t know how to face you so I kept on running and avoiding you. But it was wrong. I was wrong. I was supposed to be here with you. Please forgive me, ______.”

I let my tears fall over my face when I saw him shedding his tears. I could see his pain through his eyes, but I still felt my anger building inside me. “I am scared too, Jungkook. Terrified, even. Neither of us is ready for this, but this is really happening and I don’t know what to do. The minute you walked away, I—” I stopped to take a deep breath. “—I started to beg for it to go away. I kept thinking, that I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want this, I want it to go away.”

“No, don’t say that. I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.” He pulled me into a hug and his warmth instantly stopped me from sobbing. It was the only thing that I needed all along. His comfort. His support. Him being with me to help me deal with this huge part of my life, of our life. “I was a coward, but I’m here now. I just needed time to clear my mind and get rid of the fear. I know it took me too long, but I’m here.” He pulled away to stare into my eyes with the kind of look that had always earned my trust. “We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

“Promise me you won’t leave me again?”

“I would never,” he said, pressing our foreheads together. I saw his eyes flickered from my eyes and to my lips. “I promise.” And with those words, he leaned down to press his lips on mine. Every worry I had since he left that day started fading away from me. I could feel every bit of my pain being lifted away through his kiss, which stopped abruptly when he let out a hiss.

I opened my eyes and saw him gritting his teeth and pressing his finger on the cut he had on his lip. “Oh—I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s okay. I completely forgot about it—”

“Who gave you this cut? What happened?” I hovered my finger over the cut, only pulling back when he suddenly flinched at the slightest touch.

He licked the cut and looked down in shame. “Your best friend did.”

“Taehyung?” I stared at him with wide eyes, and he nodded.

“He came to find me and landed a punch the minute he saw me—”

I gasped. “My God—I’m so sorry. He was here, and he got angry when he found out. I tried to stop him, but—”

“I deserved it.” He cut me off, and once again looked into my eyes with such a deep gaze. Showing me his remorse as he did so. “I deserve every pain for each one that I gave you.”

I shook my head. “No, you don’t have to—”

“I love you.”

His words caught me off guard. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t been waiting for him to say those words to me. “What are you—” my voice was caught up in my throat. “Jungkook, I—”

“I love you. I’m sorry that I’ve never said this because I’ve been afraid of what I feel for you. I’m in love with you, _____. And it scares the hell out of me, I just—” he shook his head. “I never felt this before and I was overwhelmed, then when I found out that we are having a baby, it was too much for me to handle. I should’ve faced them instead of running away. I’m—”

I cut him off by leaning forward and kiss his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep me from falling as I deepened the kiss, wanting to feel that love he said he had for me and to let him feel mine. He froze for a while, but he finally relaxed and returned my kiss.

We were both out of breath and completely shaken for the overwhelming feeling inside our chests, both of us were left staring at each other once I pulled away only to answer him, “I love you too.”

The smile he gave me right after and the butterflies in my heart made me believe that everything would be alright.

It took me another two days before I returned to campus. My body has not yet recovered or gained my energy back, and I was still having uncontrollable morning sickness even after I made up with Jungkook. I tried my best to catch up with the classes I had missed, and all the meals I had skipped.

“Good to see you eating well,” my classmate, Sora, spoke to me as she watched me shoving another spoonful of food into my mouth. We sat together in the cafeteria right after our last class, but it was already the third meal I had for the day.

“I didn’t know you cared for me that much,” I snickered as I taunted her, earning her to stick out her tongue at me.

“I’m not the only one, you know. Everyone’s been wondering where you’ve been. You never skip class even if you have the worst hangover in the morning.”

I finished the food in front of me and let out a long sigh. My stomach was full, but I was happy about it. “I needed a break. Sorry for making you worry—and thanks for showing your love to me through the five missed calls you left me each day,” I teased her with a wink.

She scoffed. “Glad to know you have your wits back,” she laughed with me over her own words. “But it really is good to see you back. I guess that break helps you a lot with the heartbreak, huh?”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged. “Isn’t that why you disappeared? I kind of already guessed that you would probably need some time away before coming back after you broke up with Jungkook.”

“What?” I chuckled nervously. I tried to tell myself that it might be a misunderstanding but something in the back of my mind kept telling me that there was something else hidden in her words. “What makes you think I broke up with him?”

I kept my eyes staring at her with knitted eyebrows, while she looked at me with a hesitant stare. She placed her drink in her hand on the table as she spoke to me softly, “Well, it’s the only thing that came into my mind since you were nowhere to be seen, while I kept seeing Jungkook—”

The words that left her lips right after became faint and distant as my senses were clouded by the sound of my thumping heart, and as I felt myself shattering into pieces once again. I gripped tightly onto the table while denying her words.

“—he’s been hanging out in the frat gatherings and dorm parties, and he was never alone.”

The words kept echoing inside my head for the rest of the day, and it rang louder as I took long strides towards the boys’ dorm building across the campus vicinity. I spent hours trying to find out if there would be any party being held this week and I was fortunate enough to find out that there was one being held tonight. I spent those hours convincing myself that Sora’s words weren’t true, that she might have mistaken him for someone else.

[08.11 PM] From Sora: The south side building, fifth floor. Please be careful, _____. Call me if you need anything.

[08.12 PM] From Sora: I’m so sorry.

I took another glance at the text message I had received from her two hours ago. I needed time before I managed to gain the courage to walk all the way here from my flat. My heart pounded continuously with each step I took on the mildly humid road. I stopped in front of the building once I got there, and looked up to the floor where I needed to go to.

This is it. You’re here, I told myself. Whatever you find later, please don’t fall apart. Not now.

I reached down to stroke my sweaty palm over my lower stomach, taking a deep breath while closing my eyes. The thought of the baby inside me gave me the courage to finally step forward to enter the building.

The faint sound of the music from upstairs resonated through the walls and floors the minute I walked past the lobby, and the beat from the party vibrated around me as I entered the elevator. I felt grateful for how slow the elevator moved upwards before reaching the designated floor, as it had given me more time to prepare myself before I had to face whatever truth waiting for me.

My legs were practically shaking as I stepped out of the elevator when I reached the fifth floor. My whole body was shivering from the cold that had been building up from my own anxiety, but I tried my best to fight them off by keeping my breath steady. Everyone was busy chatting with each other or dancing to the music, some were already busy making out on the hallway, and I kept my eyes on each one that I passed by to make sure neither of them was him. I paid close attention to everyone as I walked past them while they practically ignored my presence, and I kept on walking, looking into each of the rooms I passed by to look for him.

Until I finally found him.

I lost every sense and lost control of my own body the minute I saw him inside one of the rooms. There were other people in the room enjoying the party, but my eyes were locked on nothing else but him. I could no longer feel my own two legs and it was as if they moved on their own to walk over to him.

He was there, sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, holding a plastic cup on one of his hand, while his other arm rested on the back of the couch. He was not alone. My eyes turned to follow his gaze that was locked on the girl sitting next to him, and I kept watching her as she leaned forward, resting her hand on his thigh. I was still watching them closely when her hand kept moving upwards, when she leaned in to plant her kisses on his neck, when he smiled widely with his eyes closed tight.

And that was when I lost it.

“Jungkook! What the fuck is this?”

The music was loud enough to drown my voice, but I probably had unknowingly screamed to the top of my lungs since he immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. The look on his face changed instantly as he caught the sight of me standing there and he stared at me with wide eyes. “______,” he gasped, pushing the girl away and tried to stand on his feet.

“Jungkook, why?” I was emotionally unstable thanks to my pregnancy alone, and the sight I had just witnessed had made the dam inside me broke apart. I was too angry and too hurt to care about holding back the tears that came flowing through my eyes. “So this is how you clear your mind? This is where you’ve been when you were being scared?”

“No, ____. Please listen to me, it’s not what you think—”

But I was too fed up to listen. Too hurt to keep staring at his face and to stay in that room any longer. I turned around to quickly walk out of the room and rushed towards the elevator, practically running and pushing everyone that was blocking my way.

I could hear him following me behind and begging me to stop. I pressed the button calling for the elevator to come up, but thanks to fate, it was still held on the main floor and he was coming to me faster.

“Will you please stop and listen—” he screamed at me while pulling me back to him, making me turn abruptly to face him and let him, only so he could see my pain. I saw him breaking apart the minute he looked into my eyes and saw my tears, and I could hear him mumbled, “Oh my God. _____, I’m so sorry—,” under his breath.

“Sorry? Sorry for what? For being caught?” I screamed at him through my desperate sobs. “Fuck you, Jungkook. I trusted you. You never loved me, you liar!” I pushed him away and turned to run towards the stairway.

He ran after me, chasing right behind while begging me to forgive him and swore through his breath, “—I never lied to you. Please stop running, you will hurt yourself and the baby—”

I was able to run past through the door to reach the stairs and he was able to catch up to me as I reached the landing. “Please, _____. I beg you, please wait and listen—” he managed to get a hold of my arm and tried to pull me back.

“No! Let me go!” I turned to push him away. But his body was stronger. So much stronger that he would not budge no matter how hard I had pushed him. And I was pushed away from him instead.

I was still too weak to hold on or to stop it.

I already had one leg over the edge of the landing and I lost all balance when I pulled my arm away from him. “No!” he screamed out as he tried to reach out to me when I started to fall back.

But alcohol had made him slow, and gravity was faster.

His face and his wide eyes were the only two things I saw as I was being pulled back down for a long fall and an endless pain.

—Present life. Blue Smoker’s Pub, year 2016—

The music from the old jukebox was still faintly heard as we stood in the middle of the dance floor.

But we were no longer dancing.

We stood there together, holding each other in a deep, tight hug. My body was shaking from crying, as the pain in my heart took over and my head was throbbing in pain from recollecting the painful memory. My tears were running down like a stream, my soft sobs and wails were muffled as I buried my face on his shoulder. Meanwhile, I could feel Taehyung shaking so hard from anger.

Neither of us spoke for a few moments as I let my emotion came flowing out of me, as he let everything to sink in.

“If one day he appears before you. No matter what you do. Run.” He finally spoke in a low voice, gritting his teeth of anger. “And if you lose any will to do it, when you feel like you are ready to crumble and give in to him as you did in your past life, call for me or run to me. And I will take you away from him as fast as I could, and as far away that he could never find you again. Promise?”

I let out another sob. I could feel another kind of pain appearing in my heart, not only from the dark memory but the fact that I had to let him go. That I had to imagine myself forever be separated from Jeon Jungkook.

“I promise.”

a/n: update- re-edited by author 14.11.2018

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Thank you so much for reading the series and for the continuous support. I would feel most grateful for any kind of appreciation sent through my ko-fi page!^^

Disclaimer: All works are written by myself. Any copyright infringement, reposting on any other social media or website, and any act of plagiarism will be dealt with legal action

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