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my-shields-are-down · 1 year

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Bottle

REMINDER: I asked for one word prompts to trigger a fan fiction one shot. This one triggered a doozy.

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Seventeen year old Kai Bradford walks up to the podium and takes the microphone from his Aunt Angela and breathes deeply to calm himself. He is really nervous talking in front of all these people. But he knew this was excellent practice for his valedictorian speech in a few weeks.

He found and made eye-contact with his mom, who nodded, smiled and gave him two thumbs up and whispered - “you’ve got this.”

Tim turned to Lucy and asked, “Did you know about this? About what he’s going to say?”

Tim and Kai have not been on the best of terms lately. They seem to be having the same fight over and over about Kai’s future, his girlfriend, his clothes, the weather, you name it, they argue about it. So the fact his eldest son is now standing in front of his peers to speak is quite a bit unnerving and overwhelming for Tim.. Tim has no idea what his son will say. Lucy looks back at him and smiles. “I knew he wanted to speak - but no, honey, I don’t know what he’s going to say.” She leans into Tim and kisses him.

Tim grabs her hand and watches their son take a deep breath to calm his nerves.

Their first born - the boy who almost died when Lucy was shot.

Who spent hours on Tim’s bare chest as his lungs and heart grew strong; who listened to Tim talk about his mom and how much he loved her and needed both of them to live; Who said “dada” and walked way ahead of schedule; the kid who followed Tim everywhere and asked him a gazillion questions; the one who used to look at him with awe and wonder; the natural athlete who swims, and surfs, and catches anything thrown in his general direction, who brings his mom flowers just because they remind him of her; the one whose love of the ocean forced Tim to get over his aversion to it; the one who brought home creatures and plopped them on the dining room table with cheers of victory and squeals of “science!”; the one who is just like his mom, full of kindness, brilliance, humor and sunshine; who stands up for the little guy and treats everyone the same; the one who will wave and say hi to his mom on national tv when he catches the winning touchdown during a future bowl game despite the thousands of hours of drills run with his dad. The human he loves almost as much as Lucy. Tim loves this boy-almost-man more than life itself.

Kai turns to the audience and nods when he says, “Hi everyone. I’m Kai. Thank you for coming tonight to my parents’ 20th Anniversary Party. I’m here to speak for the kids - me, Diana and TJ. Besides being the oldest and most eloquent, everyone knows I’m the favorite - mom’s little sunshine miracle boy.”

He blushes and rolls his eyes - as the audience laughs and nods in agreement.

Because Kai was the first born, they had all seen videos and pictures and heard stories of everything he has ever done. The soccer games, the school plays, the boys playing in the dirt, the backyard camping adventures, the wonder and annoyance at his little siblings, the failed clarinet career, the gifted athlete, the wickedly smart and clever kid, etc.

Lucy has a large orange and green fire breathing dragon on her office wall - drawn by Kai in 7th grade art class. Tim had it framed for her office shortly thereafter.

Everyone at the party has watched him grow up and turn into the charming, smart and handsome young man before them.

At 17, he now is just an inch shorter than his dad, strong, athletic, with dark wavy hair, a golden honey complexion and stormy blue-gray eyes.

But there was a time when he lived in a NICU incubator for several months, weighing under 5 pounds, while his mom recovered from two bullet wounds and his dad tried not to sink into a pit of despair.

“I love my mom so much - she’s my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, my closest confidant, my favorite person.” Kai waves at Lucy who smiles and waves back.

“But my dad? My dad is my hero.”

And just like that - all noise in the ballroom stopped - you could hear a pin drop. Tim’s breath catches in his throat and a single tear falls down his face. Lucy smiles at Kai and squeezes Tim’s hand.

“What do I mean by that? Good question. Wikipedia defines a hero as a person who, in the face of danger, combats adversity through feats of ingenuity, courage, or strength.”

That’s my dad. I know him as my stay-at-home protector, but I’ve heard stories from all of you, all of my life about the danger he faced day after day as a cop; how he came up with creative solutions to immediate problems - like the drilling of a hole in a car floorboard to spray pepper spray into a car to stop a carjacking or making a donut place the main lunch stop for cops so the gangs avoid it or digging through the dirt with his bare hands to dig up the barrel holding my mom as she died waiting for someone to find her.

None of my siblings or I would even be here, if my dad had given up on finding her. Well that and you know, them admitting they were crazy about each other and all the sex - no no no - Aunt Angela, I cannot say that - gross”… the audience including his parents start laughing loudly.

“Where was I? Oh right… My parents could not be more different - she’s sunshine and he’s grumpy. We kids know how to be exemplary humans because they showed us how.

My dad as a man is who I hope to be when I grow up. I measure myself against who he is in the world. He’s not perfect - just ask my mom about his “sock problem” - but he is my role model for how to treat people and how to exist in the world.

When I was 6 years old and getting ready for my first day of school, he sat me down on the bench by the door and tied my shoes and said the same thing to me he says every year - his yearly “Tim Talk” as mom calls it:

“You look your classmates in the eye, Kai. You speak to them with respect and honesty and kindness. I don’t care if they did you wrong, or if you are having a bad day. You always treat everyone you come in contact with as if they are special to you, as if it’s the best part of your day. You smile at your teachers, your classmates, the janitor. You laugh at bad jokes. You congratulate people on their accomplishments. You become friends with everyone and learn about them. What makes them excited and scared? What are their favorite things? Who are their favorite people? You be the one everyone smiles about when they remember. okay?”

All three of us live and die by this advice every day. We are all well liked by our classmates, teachers, coaches, parents neighbors and friends. Our parents - mom by telling and dad by showing - gave us the foundation upon which we stand and live.

My mom taught us how to love big, my dad taught us to love small.

My mom taught us to hold tight, my dad taught us to leave space.

My mom taught us to be confident, my dad taught us to be humble.

My mom taught us to grateful, my dad taught us to be of service.

My mom taught us to be loud, my dad taught us the value of silence

My mom gave us a love of nature, my dad gave us a love of sports.

My mom believes in second chances, my dad prefers to measure twice and cut once.

My mom taught us about forgiveness, my dad taught us about loyalty.

My mom taught us to be strong, my dad showed us how to be vulnerable.

Dad sends flowers to his ex-wife on her birthday every year. He loved her a long time before mom came along and while it wasn’t always pretty, he thanks her for loving him and letting him go.

He and Kojo and then later Jack and Diane (Di’s chinchillas) never missed a tea party with Diana and her real or imaginary friends.

Dad dances with mom in the kitchen when her favorite song comes on the radio.

He came to every recital and game, chaperoned every field trip and dance.

He knows all of our secrets and gives the very best advice. We don’t always follow it, mind you, but he gives it freely whenever we ask.

Most importantly, he showed us that he loves our mom. They’ve given us three kids infinite lessons on how to love and be in a loving relationship. We are so lucky and blessed to have these amazing creatures as our parents.

So everyone, please raise your glasses, bottles, and cans and let’s celebrate our parents - Lucy & Tim Bradford.

Thank you.

While everyone is cheering and clapping, Tim stands up and walks over to his son and grabs him in a big hug and and just holds onto him tightly while smiling the biggest smile and with tears streaming down his face. “I love you too Kai, I love you too.”

——— end ———

#chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #tim x lucy #i love them #askandrea #andrea writes #my emotions have been all over the place #one word prompts #bottle #I can see this life they live so clearly #miss you dad #chenford fanfic

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deoidesign · 9 days

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something that makes me sad is when people tell me the healthy communication in my writing is "unrealistic."

like guys this is how me and my partner talk with eachother... I'm writing from personal experience...

#like it's sad both on the front of 'dehumanizing my real life'#but also on the front of 'you deserve to have healthy communication in your life'#like if you think this is unrealistic it means more than likely you havent experienced someone being patient and understanding with you #and that makes me very very sad #I'm sorry #also it's just rude to tell me my writing is unrealistic LOL like hey #real people talk all kinds of ways. shut up #I've been told it's also in part cause they always understand their own feelings when theyre talking #but I'm like...#theyre like mid 30-early 40 and theyre immortal and theyre going through a lot of shit #I feel like theyve thought about it a lot #also the comic takes place over the course of a year so far #we're seeing the big moments and the fun mysteries #so #its about grown men who love eachother #sorry that they think about what they want to say before they say it #also as if adam isnt constantly wrong and steve isnt constantly pushing shit down #he's only JUST RECENTLY starting to share his emotions as they come up #instead of pretending theyre not there and letting things boil over #I think people just THINK theyre communicating way too clearly because their partner #who loves them #is listening and responding with kindness #like..#idk I have a lot of thoughts about this #would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for this to spark a discussion #and especially for it to cause people to reread a little more critically #and perhaps even introspect on their own ideas of communication standards #I've been with my partner for 10 years. this is how we talk to eachother

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locoier · 7 months

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i love qsmp because it forces me to like. actually work on my language skills. like so often i find myself watching content in portuguese with spanish translations. so im watching content in the language im trying to learn with subtitles in my second language and i know that my brain is actually working and learning yippie

#do you guys ever think about how fucking cool the qsmp is #and how its united people from all different places who never even would have met in the first place #and not just the content creators themselves. the fans too #i have beloved mutuals whom i never would have crossed paths with without qsmp. because of language barriers and stuff #i just think its so fucking cool.#and like. ive spent years watching english and spanish mcyt content but i never really FELT like part of a community like i do with the qsmp #idfk man im so sick and feeling over emotional #i just think quackity made something so special #and like. obviously this fanbase has some problems and stuff and im not ignoring that i just.#i love my mutuals and its so cool how our mutual love of silly cubitos has created a community like ours #qsmp #sorry im raving and insane im feverish and wretched and have been lying in bed sick all day

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littledemondani · 1 year

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minors never have and never will be allowed on my blog.

read the fucking warnings y’all. if a blog says “18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT” then minors DON’T FUCKING INTERACT.

YOU DO NOT BELONG IN ADULT SPACES.

RESPECT OUR BOUNDARIES WHEN WE SAY DO NOT INTERACT WITH OUR FUCKING BLOGS AND OUR CONTENT.

IT IS FOR YOUR SAFETY AS WELL AS OUR OWN.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR SPACE AND LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED HERE. YOU WILL BE BLOCKED AND I WILL CALL YOUR ASS OUT IF I FIND Y’ALL OUT.

#i’m so tired of making these #y’all just don’t fucking listen #my emotions have been all over the place so sorry if this post is all over the place and not put together well #but y’all get the jist

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lvstharmony · 7 months

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beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.

#i have left so many people throughout my life #and #if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no #i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could #without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of #whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no #i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone #but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done #i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme #my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them #i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me #until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me #they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them #since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself #i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself #all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need.#without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it #without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life #i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt.#but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people #i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special #i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending #I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms #an open mind and an open heart #above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul.#everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning #and it’s beautiful.#being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing #alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it #alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.

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angrybatart · 1 month

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Got some terrible news on Friday, and needed to draw something that made me happy to straighten my thoughts. Started this last night, but am not really happy with it. So I'm going to work on it off and on until it looks right to me. I'll post the full picture when I do.

#fanart #wip #Sky: Children of the Light #Sky: CotL #Season of Performance #Modest Dancer #Forgetful Storyteller #Forgetful Storyteller x Modest Dancer #Sky shipping #Performance spirits #someone I knew from work had passed away and we didn't find out until Friday #so my emotions have been all over the place #REALLY sad that she's gone #sad I never got to say goodbye #angry that my friend's daughter fucking ABANDONED HER and wanted to keep people from visiting her #not to mention that I kept a full breakdown bottled up after hearing the news #so if I go inactive art-wise I apologize #getting to hang out with friends in Sky helped me feel a little better though

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boasamishipper · 1 year

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so is the whole 'sam is a leader on this team and the new highly sought after star footballer of afc richmond' storyline ever going to get brought up again, or are the writers done caring about sam now that he isn't rebecca's love interest anymore

#this season has so many problems #chief among them is that toheeb is credited as a main cast member and he hasn't gotten shit to do in six episodes #even in 3.03 his restaurant was just a plot device in rebecca's love life #like why isn't sam getting special one on one training sessions with roy. that would actually be interesting #their relationship in s1 was so good and we've only gotten crumbs since and it genuinely saddens me #ted lasso #ted lasso spoilers #sam obisanya #i will eat my words if the next six episodes are good and do sam justice #but i doubt it #i really don't think the writers went into this season knowing what to do with anyone but ted and colin #even nate's 'redemption' arc is all over the place #it's been six episodes and we've only seen him in three!! we haven't focused on him enough!!#his eventual redemption is not going to have the emotional catharsis it could have if nate's storyline was given weight in every episode #like who gives a shit about that model and his date at a taste of athens #but that's a rant for another time

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horsemage · 27 days

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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

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challengerblue · 1 year

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Thorold, I should throw you to the wolves. But I won’t. I’ll tell them that Father MacPhail is staying here to analyse what we’ve found. And I’ll take the troops to pursue Asriel, and then you will leave.

#his dark materials #hdmedit #*#masriel #asriel x marisa #this moment is such an interesting addition i come back to it a lot sdfds #like her temper's all over the place but thorold got such a pass?#even after she interrogates him and gets no response #which would usually make her lash out #she throttled that one woman like the day before #is she assuming that asriel didn't tell him anything & pitying him?#but even that's a rare thing for her lol. thorold must have been a real dear to her back in the day #and the 'he's never treated any of us well' she's still sooo hung up about it all #still blaming him for the breakdown of their relationship #meanwhile thorold is just 😶😶😶#and the deep inhale at the end when she puts all her emotions back in a box #my brain's just vibrating about them still idk

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sugarsnappeases · 5 months

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andromeda and narcissa trying to reconnect after the second wizarding war.......

#the black sisters #andromeda black #narcissa black #thinking about them always and forever #sooooo many complicated emotions going on in that quiet room #just them sitting over tea and trying to find a place to start bc where do you start?? after all those years and everything thats happened #and the fact that there always used to be three of them. and now they're the only two left and they only have each other!!!#and bella is the elephant in the room bc its grief and anger and AAAAAAA they drive me insane!!! insane i tell you!!!#this has been swimming around in my head all day like a blind goldfish continually knocking against the edges of the tank #but like. if that goldfish makes you want to cry/die #kara’s moodboards

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nabaath-areng · 3 months

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I feel so strange thinking about how I considered myself "new" in FFXIV for the longest time, as when I started playing there were so many legacy players around. I saw their mounts and their titles, I talked to them, played with them, and to me they were the experienced ones teaching me how to play my first MMO. For years I considered myself a newbie.

And then, just the other day, I see in the chat of an FC I was invited to on an alt, people talking about having played for a long time, and their longest playing member having been around for 5 years. It hit me just how long of a time that is, and how much longer passed before I'd even realized it.

I ask others if they remember various things from the past, and I can count on one hand the amount of people I meet in recent years who do. So many things I still consider new and flashy, like Gpose and job gauges for instance, have now been in the game far longer than they have not. It's a strange situation caused by me losing about a decade's worth of memories and life (due to mental health issues that practically broke me) as well as the normal feeling ot time passing without me really thinking about it. Less and less did I see the legacy titles and mounts, but I didn't pay much heed. Until one day I suddenly stop and look around, realizing that I haven't seen any legacy players at all for a while. I'm certain they're out there, but most likely not in the same sheer abundance as before.

It's a bit similar to real life, where my home was once just an old, secluded village that have now become geographically closer to the city without ever moving. Where the others I used to surround myself with have all moved on in slow trickles over the years, and where I cannot expect everyone to remember the same things that I do. So many new people everywhere, some that cause lines in the grocery store that can afford to keep running after all these years, and some that fail to load in on my weak little laptop's screen.

It's like I have two homes mirroring each other, and obviously that means I age in both of them. I bought this game as a gift for myself on my 18th birthday... and here I am 10 years later, turning 28 today, and realizing that I'm still here in both places despite everything. Waiting for another expansion all over again, just like when I was staying alive just because I wanted to play Heavensward so bad.

I can't even begin to count just how many people I've known and interacted with throughout the years in this game. There are memories that my years of paranoia and psychosis stole from me (something which I only shook off the last remnants of half a year ago), of people who I know were important to me but who I'm also unable recall much about beyond their names, which is something which fills me with both deep shame and sorrow. Some I remain in touch with to this day, and some I am mutuals with on various sites, even if we don't chat regularly anymore.

There's a lot that I don't remember, or that I even memorized in the first place. Things have changed time and again for both better and worse. But FFXIV has remained a constant throughout it all, even when I've been unsubbed due to lack of a PC and just on a general break.

I don't know what my point is with all of this really, but I guess I just really wanted to get it off my chest. It's not all sunshine and rainbows these days either, but my mental health is better than it's ever been, I have a partner and friends and family who all mean the world to me, and even though some things will forever be less than ideal, I am so so so happy that I didn't give up. Staying alive really was the best decision I ever made ❤️

#pardon my emotional wall of text #that probably looks weird with phrasing etc #im all over the place and sleepy and unmedicated #its just been a Lot lately while playing #some bad (realizing how much has been taken from me due to mental illness)#but also a lot of good (realizing how much better things are now)#anyway i should rest my eyes now oops #good thing im not celebrating with family until tomorrow cause my sleep got fucked LOL #anyway ANOTHER EXPAC TO BE ALIVE FOR YEAAAAAH #idk theyre just like life milestones for me yknow #hw was the main one but the others have functioned similarly

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peribirb · 3 months

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sick to bastard death of myself if I'm being honest

#sick of the shit my brain latches onto and obsesses over #sick of the pit of guilt i feel for even thinking about these things in the first place #sick of feeling so disconnected from everyone and everything #sick of feeling like I'm fundamentally not enough and not present enough in my own life to even entertain being in others lives #sick of being so directionless and having nothing to drive me #and frankly I'm sick of wanting to be dead #i wish literally anything felt worth fighting for #oh also sick of this Brain Disease that literally just exists to make all of these emotions infinitely worse. love that thanks #vent #delete later #it's been a Bad Night #i keep doing the “alone on a Friday night god you're pathetic” thing to myself but unironically #hope i can get some sleep i guess

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commander-gloryforge · 5 months

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mental illness