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kondo-hijikata · 5 years

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Pairing: Pre-Relationship to Relationship Kondo/Hijikata Rating: T Summary: Hijikata had no particular interest in meeting the new Tennen Rishin Ryu heir…until he saw the size of his shoes. [AO3]

<< Chapter 1

.*Before the Storm*. Chapter 2

As the waning sun painted the tree line in crimson, a kiseru pipe was packed, lit, and brought to a shapely mouth. The first pull was slow and the exhale just as indulgent, with white smoke drifting up and out toward wide open shoji that remedied a once too-humid space with fresh air.

The summer heat was like Hijikata’s preoccupation with the young master, both lingering and vexing him relentlessly from early June to mid-July. Despite these current parallels, the two were ultimately destined to be at odds, though. The days would grow shorter as the year wore on, with promise to an end of sticky and suffocating conditions. Unfortunately for Hijikata, his interest seemed resolute to do just the opposite. It flourished and deepened all on its own, without any new fuel to feed it, or a looming conclusion in sight.

An irritated scoff suddenly filled his room and he drew from the pipe again, sitting cross-legged with an elbow against his knee and chin weighing down heavy in a supportive palm.

That he was even still thinking about Kondo was absurd. Hijikata hadn’t seen or heard from him since the day they’d met just over four weeks ago, but that brief encounter was enough to ignite a fire in his chest and fill his head with questions that only his new acquaintance could quell. As if this weren’t infuriating enough, he wasn’t rightly sure how to go about articulating the things bothering him in the first place because they were so…indicative. Personal. Revealing. And certainly not fit or fair to inquire of someone he barely even knew.

Why aren’t you judging me? Everyone else tells me I’m wasting my life, so why don’t you? Why the hell are you so…nice?

And while I’m at it! How did you even get adopted into a samurai family? You really just…let go of your status without consequence and people actually take you seriously? You think it’s possible that someday I—?

Oh, now he was really veering off the rails of rationality. Hijikata scowled further and closed his eyes. These inquiries were so inane, so annoying, and not to mention so utterly pointless. So what if Kondo hadn’t derided him? It didn’t constitute approval. So what if he’d apparently earned his status, and seemed to embody the spirit of bushido as it was meant to be? Yeah, that was rare, okay. So what if he was humble and gentle around others, but a force to be reckoned with when a weapon was in his grip?

So what if he was handsome on top of everything—immaterial, truly, but an attribute which only complemented all the other things already so damn impressive?

“So fucking what?” Hijikata grumbled aloud, removing the pipe from his lips and ridding loose ash in the bowl with a pointed tap. Why did he, should he, care? Why should any of it matter?

…He knew exactly why, however—just as well as he knew the reason for asking these obvious questions of himself in the first place. They allowed him to deflect: from the anxiety of being wrong, or the dizzying, impossible notion that he might actually be right.

His first impression of Kondo was too positive. It was too good, too utopian, too much of a wild dream come true. Ever since his childhood, Hijikata had pined for the unlikely day he might meet someone exactly like this man who appeared out of thin air to teach lessons at Hikogoro’s dojo.

The samurai he encountered through the humdrum routine of his life were lazy bottom-feeders, and the ones who weren’t would never give him the time of day because of where he’d been born. They judged him for having hands which sewed fabric, for the medicine chest that clung to his back. Neither group viewed him to be a worthy contender in kenjutsu, and each side dismissed him on preconception alone.

But Kondo hadn’t. And Kondo was like him, born in Tama and raised of the land. Unlike Hijikata though, he’d somehow managed to traverse the constraints of classism and become a real samurai who didn’t throw the weight of ego around and, and, and—

Hijikata tossed his head aside. It was too ideal to be reality, too goddamn ideal. There had to be a flaw somewhere and he needed to find it, even if the letdown would be unthinkably severe should he discover his first impression was misguided. Yet…hope was already so fleeting and fragile, and his first touch with Kondo offered a dangerous glimmer of promise to whet a faith within him that’d gone long parched.

For all his life, Hijikata had sought the validation that would prove his dreams weren’t frivolous, that his birth class didn’t define him—only to be shoved aside and ridiculed again and again, because who had ever heard of a farmer becoming a samurai?

No one. Until now.

So, what if Kondo did approve? What if he really was as great as he seemed, if he could provide the blessing Hijikata had so desperately yearned for all this time? What if Hijikata could follow in Kondo’s footsteps, if they could actually become friends and bond over a crazy mutual goal?

His heart beat a little quicker as he stared out at the carefully chosen landscaping just beyond the doors. He’d felt trapped for so long in this one place, in this one room, going nowhere and doing nothing of importance when a whole country was out there for the taking. Hijikata had longed for the day when the view from his room shifted from meticulously pruned shrubs to a field of wildflowers—a disorderly and chaotic tangle, but beautiful if only because they weren’t strangled into obedience.

The kiseru went untouched for some time while his eyes fixated in an unseeing gaze. He wanted to be right. He wanted to be right so badly. But pinning all of his hopes, the most delicate of his dreams, to one person he barely even knew was beyond reckless. He was playing with fire. And if he didn’t watch out, he could get—

“Don’t burn yourself!”

Hijikata’s spine went ramrod straight, the daze rattled clear out of his brain. The hand that held his pipe lifted from resting on his knee and his attention snapped to find Nobu on the porch, a palm braced against the shoji.

“Were you sleeping?!” She stepped quickly over the threshold and despite having posed a question, gave him no chance to reply. “You could burn the whole house down, Toshi! Don’t smoke when you’re tired!”

His expression darkened as his cheeks went alight, simultaneously feeling annoyed at her lecturing but all too grateful for the distraction. “I wasn’t sleeping!” The petulant snap of his retort was followed by his pipe clanging against the ashtray again, and once it was put out, he set it down.

Nobu pursed her lips and slowly lowered to sit in informal seiza, the chastising bite from her demeanor slipping away since there was no longer a perceived threat. That was one of the best things about her—she could be dramatic and sometimes overbearing, but practicality was always first and foremost in her mind; when it was time to let things go, Nobu did and she always moved on fast. In kind, her voice deepened with consideration as she cocked her head. “Daydreaming, then? I said your name twice but you didn’t reply.”

“I was just thinking about something.”

She swept her hand slowly over the tatami, reveling in the texture as she often did. “Like what?”

“Nothing, just forget it.” Hijikata’s lashes fell as he shook his head.

“Well, what is it, something or nothing?”

Damn it. “Nothing.” He swallowed and stiffened his back, then looked to her. “It was stupid anyway. Did you need something?”

She hummed a negative reply. “Just wanted to ask how work was today. I thought I saw you stalking past the sitting room when you got home.” To Hijikata’s consequent cht, Nobu offered a sympathetic smile. “That bad, huh?”

His shoulders crept up and over a half-sigh, he brushed his fingers through his hair and flipped the ponytail out of the way. “Not any more than usual. Some guy came in to yell at us because his wife’s kimono was the wrong colors. Mind you, she picked them out.”

Nobu squinted. “And was Murakami-san there?”

“Yep. He came running out while I was handling it.” Hijikata huffed and diverted his attention forward, his eyes narrowing while recounting the situation. “Apologized right from the get-go and said we’d remake it the right way. Then he went on to lecture me, saying I was out to make his business an enemy to the public, that I’m—” His nose went high into the air, his tone turning into one of mockery, “—never allowed to oppose any guy wearing two swords ever again.” Disgusted, Hijikata sunk back down. “Blah blah. It’s always the same shit.”

“Well, if the patron was a samurai—”

“That man was no samurai,” he interjected.

“—it’s no wonder why he’s so entitled.” Nobu stressed her words, not allowing herself to be interrupted or misconstrued.

“Neesan, it’s bullshit, all of it.”

She sat still and silent, her hands now joined in a lazy fold just over her knees. Eyes remained studiously on him, and Hijikata was all too aware that she was trying to read between the lines.

“These assholes, they just get away with everything.” Taking fistfuls of hakama, he squeezed the material over and over to abate the animosity welling up inside of him. “They get whatever the hell they want because they’re born to the right privileged dickbags who were also raised the same damn way.”

“I…see your point, Toshi, you know I do.” A pensive moment. “And you know I appreciate what you’re saying. But there’s not too much we can do about it.”

He snapped his face to her. “Are you telling me to just be complacent?!”

Nobu scoffed and sat taller. “No. No, I’m not saying that at all. You can fight back, but you have to be smart about it. You can’t do it head on.” She cut him off before the rebuke could begin to leave his tongue. “I’m aware that’s not a satisfying answer for you, but you of all people know I’m right.”

Hijikata’s mouth was set in a line, wearing discontent openly across his features but he didn’t speak out—immediately, anyway. “Neesan, I’m quitting. I can’t do it anymore.”

A deep inhale filled her chest and as it left her lungs, she shook her head in surrender. “That’s up to you, Toshizo. But you have to be the one to break the news to Tamejiro-san. You know the strings he pulled to secure your apprenticeship there.”

“Yeah, I know,” he droned. “It’s just whatever. Murakami has no backbone. He’s an enabler. I’ll just find another apprenticeship in the same field.”

“Well.” The inflection in Nobu’s voice meant unsolicited cautionary advice was about to rear its head. “I hope it’s as easy as you think it’ll be. But I have a feeling it won’t.”

“Heh. What’s another failure on the already huge pile of failures I’m sitting on?” The words left him unaffected.

“Toshi…”

“Whatever.”

Nobu’s tongue poked out to wet her lips and her eyes closed for a brief time. “Hey, you do what you need to do. Tamejiro-san won’t be happy about it, so you’ll need to find a way to do right by him. He’s just looking out for you like any good brother would.”

“If he really wants to help me, then he should mind his own damn business.”

“Come on, stop that. Don’t you know we all want the best for you?”

Hijikata deflated. Of that he’d certainly been aware, but what he hadn’t ever learned was how to explain to his family that their concern with his successfulness (or lack thereof) was smothering and sometimes more harm than otherwise. He sure as hell wasn’t about to try explaining it now.

Nobu seemed to catch the hint, though. “Anyway…look. It’s all gonna work out in the end, okay? You know I have your back, so just do whatever you have to do. If you need me to help smooth things over with Tamejiro-san, I will.”

His shoulders shook with a huff, but he couldn’t prevent the tiny smile that wanted at his lips. “Thanks.”

“Now enough of this gloomy crap!” She clapped once and her eyes caught a shine as they widened, the room suddenly feeling much lighter with the change in mood. “I have some good news for you! And I’m sure it’ll make you feel better.”

Warily, Hijikata’s brows narrowed. “Well, what is it?”

“Katsuta-san is coming by tomorrow!”

Oh, fuck. And just when Mister Golden-Perfect-Handsome-Samurai had been out of his thoughts for more than three minutes… He exhaled sharply and looked away before he gave too much away. “Okay? So?”

“So you should make sure to be around.” Nobu leaned closer. “Aren’t you interested in talking with him more?”

“Why, so niisan can jump in every other word again?” Hijikata snapped, but immediately regretted the response. It wasn’t Hikogoro’s fault for returning hastily with lunch that day, just as he’d pulled Ishida Sanyaku from his chest at Kondo’s inquiry about medicine. Hell, for all his brother-in-law knew from the level of attitude Hijikata had given him, he probably rushed back to save both men from themselves. How could he possibly have guessed that the conversation was only just getting good?

“Oh, he did, huh? I’ll have a talk with him, then.”

Wincing, Hijikata held out one hand and stammered, “Just…never mind. Forget what I said just now, will you? Anyway, thanks for the info, but it really doesn’t concern me.” Relaxing his posture, his lashes fell once again with dismissal. “I have work tomorrow.”

A snort. “Ah yes, at a place you’re quitting.”

…As always, Nobu was on point. He cracked one eye open as she stood, and then watched while she walked back to the porch. “He’ll be here around noon. Training starts midday, I believe.” Raising her brows she waited expectantly for his agreement.

“Neesan.”

“Mm?”

“You know…” Hijikata peered right past her and into the garden, and suddenly pointed to it. “We oughta move that primrose bush a few centimeters to the right.” Nobu’s face pinched in confusion and she pivoted to the flowering plant in question. Upon returning to him, suspicion was written openly across her features.

“It’d look better if everything wasn’t so evenly spaced,” he explained.

“Toshizo…” She paused with a cant of her head. “You are most welcome to dig it up and put it where you please. Just don’t kill it.”

“Aa, of course,” he said over a breath and reached to pack his pipe again. “We can’t have that, now can we…everything has its place.”

“Dinner’s at the usual time,” Nobu said slowly in parting—but lingered a moment further to glance back at the primroses. Just when it appeared that she might speak again, she set off down the porch and disappeared.

Hijikata watched the tobacco smoldering a reddish-orange hue in his pipe.

So, Kondo would be back tomorrow… That was fine, just fine. It wasn’t like Hijikata would spend the rest of the evening thinking about that, wasn’t like he’d rush out of the textile shop tomorrow to get home before his arrival.

He took a pull and let the calm wash over him. Nope, it wasn’t like that at all.

“Where in Edo do you think you’re going?! Hijikata!!”

Ignoring the irking shrill of Murakami’s shout from the back door he’d slipped through, Hijikata’s feet hit the dirt until he rounded a stone-walled corner and the agitated old man’s yammering no longer reached his ears. Pressing his shoulder blades to the hard surface, he panted to catch his breath and allowed a triumphant grin to spread clear across his face.

He was home free and ready to wash the sweat from his skin, not because Hijikata wanted to look presentable for Kondo or anything, oh no. The day was simply beyond humid despite it being only late morning, and he hadn’t worn a hat to shield from the sun. Where was his hat? Forgotten in his room. Certainly not on purpose. Definitely not because he didn’t want it to wreck his hairstyle.

“Fuck, it’s hot today,” he groused while pulling at his hakamashita to generate airflow, and resuming a faster-than-usual pace, all too eager to feel the comfort of cool well water easing the heat.

When Hijikata had awoken to birds chirping outside his door at some ungodly hour today, he’d flirted with the idea of just not showing up at all or sending some kind of sob story letter in his stead—but that meant he’d have to deal with the nosy people at home asking questions, especially since Tamejiro was coming to visit.

Heading out had seemed like the correct decision at the time but now, as he felt tiny droplets lining his brow after just having wiped away the previous ones, he wondered if he’d really made the right choice at all. Were the prying inquiries worth the luxury of staying much drier in the shade of his room? He was beginning to think so. He’d feel much cleaner, at least.

Whatever the case, depending on the hour, he might have still have the time to bathe and wash his hair out again before Kondo showed up, but that was entirely reliant on—

Hijikata stopped short on his heels when he turned the next corner and made no certain effort to conceal the displeasure radiating from him at the sight ahead. The brats of the neighborhood were all huddled around some crouching guy with a wide-brimmed hat—one of their hifalutin fathers, he assumed—and getting a lecture of some sort. Little bastards had probably gotten into a fight or stolen something, wrecked something, like they usually did. And while Hijikata wasn’t one to call the kettle black when he was a pot himself, his bad behavior meant consequences when he was young, not pretty little speeches or slaps on the wrist.

It wasn’t like the harsher discipline made him change his ways, though, so perhaps there was no room for him to talk. Nevertheless, he didn’t particularly want to overhear what nonsense was transpiring but avoiding the situation meant heading another street over—which meant adding three more blocks to a schedule already too tight. Therefore, the fetid kid-contaminated path would have to do. Hijikata would just hold his nose, close his ears, and walk quicker.

Strangely, none of the children were crying or looking agitated from the assumed scolding and in fact, they seemed more interested in what that hoity-toity dad was saying. What was the world coming to?

As Hijikata neared, one of the boys in the front spoke up. “So…you’re really not gonna tell my mom that I punched Mantaro then?”

The hat-clad dad shook his head. “Nope, but as long as you keep your end of the deal, okay?”

Wait a minute…

Hijikata’s eyes narrowed and his steps slowed at the sound of a voice so unsettlingly familiar. He had noticed that the dad wore a pair of swords, but dismissed it because anyone could do that in the boonies of Tama without consequence. While it was technically illegal to bear blades if one wasn’t in the samurai class, the Bakufu couldn’t protect all this wide open space like they could a crowded city and was content to turn the other cheek at the bending of the rules. As such, ordinary country peasants took up kenjutsu, not so much for status or even interest as it was protecting themselves and their possessions. Still, that didn’t mean…

“But we’re not samurai, Mister! We’re farmers. We don’t know nothin’ about…” The boy studied a word that had been written in the soil with a stick. “…bushimichi¹.”

The dad tossed his head back and laughed—and that was when Hijikata stopped dead in his tracks and felt the color drain from his cheeks. This guy was no dad, he was—!

“Good try, but it’s read bushido, not bushimichi.” Kondo stayed crouched to maintain eye level and crossed his arms over the peaks of his bent knees. “And so what about being a farmer? I’m one too, you know.”

A high pitched choir of “eh?!” rose from the lot. The same kid who spoke earlier piped up again. “But you’re a samurai!”

“I am now, but that’s because I was adopted. I was actually born in Kami-Ishihara, not too far from here.”

“What?! No way, Mister!”

He chuckled. “I mean it!”

“Are you saying that anyone can be a samurai?”

Kondo shook his head. “Oh, no. Not just anyone. If you want to become one, you need to earn that honor and live it every day, no matter where you come from.”

“But…” Another child spoke out, the gears clearly turning in his head. “What about the people born into the samurai class?”

“Especially them.” Kondo looked into all the inquisitive eyes focused on him. “I’ll tell you boys something. You’re all from Hino, right?” Enthusiastic nodding ensued. “Even if this world sees you as farmers and nothing more…” Lifting one hand, he pointed to his heart. “If bushido is in here and you let it guide you, then what they think doesn’t matter. But!” His tone went serious. “But. Understand that being a samurai isn’t about status. It isn’t about walking around just saying you are one. The most important thing is acting the role.”

And with that, Kondo reached forth and gently flicked the first outspoken kid on the forehead. “So quit picking petty fights in the middle of the street!” Giggling erupted from the lot. “That’s un-samurai-like, I’m telling you!”

Hijikata remained frozen in a mid-summer inferno, goosebumps dotting his arms while his mouth had gone dry. His attention had been unseverable from the moment he’d made the realization, and only the gods knew if he’d even blinked or drew breath since then. All that mattered, all he’d been cognizant of was Kondo, who was now rising to stand while the children dispersed and—oh no! Tossing his face aside to hide it and hoping with all hope that he wasn’t seen in his current state, Hijikata began to pivot.

“Hi—Hijikata-san?!”

Fuck.

There would be time to process this entire situation and the emotions that billowed because of what he’d just heard, but for now Hijikata swallowed hard and stowed those feelings…tried with all his might to calm his racing heart and bate his breath. He kept his features out of sight only long enough to blot the sweat from them, and upon turning again, he found Kondo approaching with that same large smile he’d shown the first day they met.

“Wow, it is you! Imagine meeting you here! –Uh.” Rubbing at his neck, Kondo chuckled. “I mean…you live here, so I guess it’s not that strange, is it?”

Hijikata forced a laugh, not that he didn’t find the clumsy statement amusing, but the recovery from it was so… Well, it was…endearing. He prayed that Kondo simply presumed the flash of heat he felt burning clear across his cheeks was from the sun. “Aa. Um, my sister mentioned you’d be visiting, but she told me it would be around noon…”

It was hard to look at Kondo directly while feeling less than put together, so Hijikata gazed down the road with a squint and idly ran fingers through his hair.

“Oh, she was definitely right,” Kondo agreed. “I have this annoying habit of always leaving too early. Which means I also arrive too early. Which means I wind up needing to walk around and bide my time so I don’t impose.”

…Was it weird to not face someone when they were speaking? It was definitely weird. And rude. Hijikata ventured a glance and this time held it, when he realized what Kondo had just said. “You don’t have to do that, you know. You’d never be imposing.” A nod. “My family talks so highly of you. I guarantee that you could waltz into our place in the dead of night and my brother-in-law would start doing backflips.”

He felt the laugh which followed, felt the good-nature of Shimazaki Katsuta wash over him. It tingled, had butterflies flitting about in his belly, made it impossible to look anywhere else. And yet, strangely, Hijikata found himself not only minding but even wanting more of this bizarre sensation.

“Hikogoro-san is something else!” Kondo shook his head. “I keep asking him to not hype things up about me like that. Honestly, and I hope you won’t repeat this because I’d hate to hurt his feelings, but it makes me a little uncomfortable.”

Hijikata blinked. “Why?”

“How about we find some shade?” Kondo suggested. “I feel bad making you stand out in the sun. That is, if you have time? In fact, do you want to wear my hat?” He began reaching for the clasp. “I can make do without it—”

“No, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Hijikata chanted and raised his hands, equally as embarrassed as he was flattered that his comfort was being considered. Oh, why the hell didn’t he just bring his damn hat? Every sane person of an adult age wore a hat on a day like today. It was ridiculous to be without one. “Thanks, though.”

“You sure?”

“Mm. We could just head back to my place. It’s really close.” Hijikata dabbed at his face again with his sleeve. “Anyway, if someone in my family finds out that I was just hanging around with you and didn’t bring you back, I’d catch hell for it.”

Kondo grinned. “Guess we’d better get going then.”

And just like that, Hijikata was back on his way home with unexpected company at his side—company he’d needed time to ready himself for, or so he thought. Without even realizing it, the relentless self-conscious needling had slipped away while their conversation wore on and now, he was more concerned with not doing something mortifying like tripping over his own feet. He wasn’t clumsy by nature, and that was all the more reason to be super careful.

“So, yeah,” Kondo spoke up as they walked. “I respect Hikogoro-san more than I can put in words and I treasure my friendship with him in the same way.” His voice matched everything about him, Hijikata thought; it was warm and inviting, a pleasure to take in. “I’m just a regular guy, though, you know? Nothing special.”

…What? Hijikata’s face snapped to the side as he looked incredulously at Kondo over his shoulder. “But…you became a samurai.”

“By adoption,” Kondo insisted. “And I was adopted only because I was in the right place at the right time. That’s why I’m slated to take over for my father and inherit his sword style.” A breathy laugh followed and he shrugged. “It could’ve happened to anyone lucky enough, I promise.”

Despite not agreeing with that statement in the least, Hijikata let it go and his voice flattened, almost as if he’d meant to speak to himself. “You really meant what you said then.”

“Mm?” Kondo met his eyes.

“What you said to those kids back there.”

“Oh, you overheard that…”

Watching as his companion turned forward again in what appeared to be a pensive moment, Hijikata could feel the chagrin beginning to rise up from the pit of his abdomen—the looming discontent that it’d all just been a hefty bit of lip service. But then, the soft line of Kondo’s profile hardened and his chin dropped in a firm nod. “Absolutely.”

Validation. Just like that.

Approval. Freely given.

Acceptance. Affirmation. A sanction.

Hijikata’s feet halted in mid-step, and when Kondo realized the space at his side went empty, he paused and peered back. “Something wrong?”

Heat baked the dirt road that they stood upon, both as still as lifeless mannequins, as if the swelter hadn’t been oppressive and the humidity not suffocating. Neither spoke and neither moved, each reading the other like they were tangled in a high-stakes game of Go instead of friendly dialog.

At last, Hijikata moved his piece. “I didn’t expect you to say you actually meant it.”

There was silence for a moment longer, until Kondo’s expression shifted into something unexpectedly severe and his tone fell harsh in the same instant. “Do you disagree with me, Hijikata-san?”

…Apparently Kondo had been offended by the assumption that Hijikata believed samurai status was inherited, and not earned. And to leave such an incorrect premise unaddressed would simply not do, especially when it couldn’t be further from the truth. Hijikata’s bound hair swished with the shaking of his head. “Not at all. I agree with you completely.” He watched as Kondo’s demeanor immediately relaxed. “It’s just…it’s not something I expected to hear from a samurai, that’s all.”

“Hey, uh…” Kondo closed the distance between them, rubbing at his arms before setting hands on his hips. His eyes dropped to the ground for a beat before raising back to Hijikata’s. “What would you say to a match today?”

Hijikata’s brows raised, caught off guard by the abrupt change in subject. “What?”

“I mean, when we get to the dojo. Would you face off with me?”

Exasperation colored his response. “And what in the hell makes you think I have anything to do with kenjutsu?”

A breathy laugh fell from Kondo’s lips and his attention wandered off to nowhere important while he scratched at his jaw. “Sorry. I didn’t think it was an off-limit topic. Well, we all have our reasons.”

With his features going serious, Hijikata pressed, “No, answer my question. What makes you think I can fight?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” A beat. “Hijikata-san, you might sew fabric and you might sell medicine…” Kondo found his gaze then, and there was a particular directness in it that spoke novels all on its own. “But the calluses on your hands tell me those aren’t the only things they’re capable of.”

Well…shit.

¹ bushimichi: I needed the kid to misread the word bushido, so I swapped the "do" kanji reading with its other reading "michi." Suffice to say, this is a made-up word. Just wanted to make a note of it in case anyone wondered.

Chapter 3 >>

#uss enterplaid #toshisami #hakuouki #t1 #long post #writing on plaid paper

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kosa12-blog · 7 years

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Ask anyone yesterday, and the answer would have been that Chris Cornell had seemingly survived the sort of demons that had consumed so many rock 'n' roll stars before him, including fellow founding members of the very Seattle grunge scene that birthed Soundgarden in the 1980s. So when people started to wake up this morning to news that Cornell had died at the age of 52, the grief that started pouring out from his fellow artists and legions of fans was palpable. A few hours later an autopsy confirmed that Cornell had committed suicide by hanging himself. And as the tributes to his musical prowess are written—his was considered to be one of the greatest voices in rock, a booming yet nuanced voice capable of leading a headbanging frenzy in a packed stadium and commanding silence with an unplugged ballad—the feeling of shock will be unshakable. After all, he died in the middle of a tour, hours after Soundgarden performed at Detroit's Fox Theatre. Only in hindsight does Cornell's final bit of creative license onstage, mixing in a bit of Led Zeppelin's "In My Time of Dying" with his band's "Slaves & Bulldozers," seem fraught with meaning. Celebrity Deaths: 2017's Fallen Stars Though it's unclear whether he knew about Cornell's tribute, Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page tweeted upon hearing the news, "RIP Chris Cornell Incredibly Talented... Incredibly Young...Incredibly Missed." Sources told TMZ this morning that Cornell's wife of 13 years, Vicky Karayiannis, has been telling people around her that Chris had been showing no signs of depression, much less indicating he was suicidal in any way. Moreover, she reportedly said, it was unfathomable he would take his own life because he was so devoted to his three children, son Christopher and daughter Toni with Vicky and daughter Lillian Jean with his ex-wife, Susan Silver. And as far as any identifiable outward behavior went, that is often the case. Soundgarden, which had reunited in 2010 after more than a decade apart, was reportedly recording its first new album in five years. Audioslave, which Cornell formed with Tom Morello in 2001, played its first show together in 12 years just months ago for Prophets of Rage's political protest affair, the Anti-Inaugural Ball. Cornell even did a stage dive and was comfortably caught by dozens of outstretched hands. Also a noted solo artist, the rocker had also just contributed the titular track for the film The Promise, set during the days leading up to the Armenian Genocide. (His solo pipes were quite sought after for movie soundtracks, notably including Singles, Great Expectations, Mission: Impossible 2 and Casino Royale.) Last month he shared a photo from his trip to Greece, where he visited a refugee camp with the International Rescue Committee and brought his daughter Toni with him to the Vatican for a screening of The Promise. In 2015 when Cornell was on his solo Higher Truth tour, Toni joined him onstage at New York's Beacon Theater one night to cover Bob Marley's "Redemption Song," showing off her own impressively strong voice. (Asked what his advice would be if his kids wanted to pursue music careers, he said, "Make sure that it's inspired, that's your chief goal, 'cause I also believe that success comes from that.") Between Soundgarden, Audioslave and his five solo albums, Cornell seemed to almost never be not working throughout the course of his three-decade career. Though they had already been rocking out for a decade beforehand, Superunknown, their fourth album, put Soundgarden on the mainstream map in 1994, debuting at No. 1 on the Billboard 200 and going on to sell more than 9 million copies. The haunting, doll-head-melting video for the smash-hit track "Black Hole Sun" won Best Rock Video at the 1994 MTV Video Music Awards, and the band won two Grammys in 1995, Best Hard Rock Performance for "Black Hole Sun" and Best Metal Performance for "Spoonman." Musicians Performing Live on Stage But though Chris Cornell was the consummate rock frontman, from his scruffy handsomeness to his booming gravelly voice and magnetic stage presence, it was making the music that consumed him, and while he wholeheartedly appreciated his fans, he didn't love the scrutiny that accompanies fame or the expectations and pressure that goes with being known for a certain type of music. "It's about trying to step out of being patterned and closed off and reclusive, which I've always had a problem with," Cornell told Rolling Stone in 1994 nine months after Superunknown catapulted Soundgarden to the next level of success, explaining the meaning behind the song "I Day I Tried to Live." "It's about attempting to be normal and just go out and be around other people and hang out. I have a tendency to sometimes be pretty closed off and not see people for long periods of time and not call anyone." With Kurt Cobain's suicide on April 5, 1994, still fresh in everyone's mind, and fresh off the smash success of Superunknown, Cornell (who was a huge Nirvana fan but didn't consider himself a friend of Kurt's) also told the magazine that it was "hard not to be a little bitter" about the commercialization of Seattle as this whole grunge music "scene." "We lost good friends in the process," he said. "And all of a sudden you realize that it's turned into something that's considered a fashion statement. It's like mining. It's like somebody came into your city with bulldozers and water compressors and mined your own perfect mountain and excavated it and threw out what they didn't want and left the rest to rot. It's that bad." He continued, "All of a sudden you see it on TV, and people that you know and love are getting the wrong idea because of what they saw on the news. You can't help but think that somewhere, somebody's been robbed. And I don't even think it's me. I think it's everyone." "We've always been fairly reclusive and damaged," he said of himself and his band mates. Though Cornell considered Soundgarden a bit removed from the Seattle machine, he was proud of where the band came from. "But outside of the people that were involved with the Seattle scene when it was happening, the rest of the country and the world and probably a lot of the bands that play in Seattle now think that what the Seattle scene was about is Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Nirvana and Alice in Chains—guitar-based rock with punk influences and '70s influences. Period. End of story. And that's so far from what was going on." His perspective would evolve in the ensuing decades, but, perhaps rooted in his hard-fought beginnings to get his band off the ground, Cornell the singer-songwriter always felt somewhat at odds with Cornell the rock star. "I was always the kid who listened to records on my own, in my bedroom, spending hours focusing, always gravitating to deep album tracks and those weirder ones. That was kind of my thing," he reflected to TheStranger.com in 2015 while talking about whether he had mixed feelings about commercial success. "And if one of those made it on the radio, it was always a little bit surprising. The same way it was surprising to me when 'Black Hole Sun' was a single when everybody seemed to unanimously choose it as one. I don't think we thought of it as a song that would make it on the radio." Ultimately, touring as a solo artist, whether he was singing stripped-down versions of his songs that were his own, Soundgarden's or Audioslave's, helped him reconcile what could be misconstrued as his competing sounds. Going acoustic or thereabouts "brought it all together under one umbrella, and I started to feel like, oh, that's who I am," he said. "It's not a mystery. It's not a puzzle to solve. I'm this guy, and that's my entire history." Soundgarden broke up in 1997 and Cornell immediately got to work on his own solo debut, 1999's Euphoria Morning (16 years later he changed the spelling to the originally intended Mourning), then headed out on tour. But while he would later say that he never wrote—effectively, anyway—while under the influence of any substance other than coffee ("always my biggest vice"), Cornell's issues were starting to catch up with him. "Alcohol's the only drug that affects your entire brain," he mused in an interview years later about why being under the influence and writing didn't mix for him, as it has for many creative types. "It would do this one thing, I suppose, that's good for someone in terms of the expressionism, which kind of relieves you of your fear, and you become less inhibited. But then for me, for whatever some reason, the doors that need to open to where it becomes almost like I'm the conduit to something else, it's not just a construct—that just doesn't open up. I think alcohol dumbs, whatever that is, down...And other drugs too. Nothing ever made me more inspired, or more able or more capable as a songwriter. "It's not like I didn't try. I wrote things drunk before. I just made sure nobody every heard them or saw the lyrics," he laughed. "I would destroy it." Celebrity Rehabbers He went to rehab in the early '00s but didn't talk much about it until years later. "I went through a serious crisis with depression where I didn't eat a whole meal every day. I was just kind of shutting down," he told Seattle PI in 2006, talking about the period after Soundgarden broke up. "I eventually found that the only way out of that was to change virtually everything in my life. That was a very frightening thing to do, but it was worthwhile... " "But I felt there was something on the horizon that was going to be very big and I didn't know what it was going to be, but I felt like it was out there somewhere." Rehab "was something I didn't want to do and I guess I was intimidated by it. I thought I was smart enough and that it wasn't really necessary. But it got to the point where I had to do something." He told the U.K.'s Mirror in 2012 that rehab was inevitable, even if Soundgarden had initially stayed together. Cornell described his battle with substance abuse as "a long slow slide and then a long, slow recovery—but there was self-discovery too...For me it was mostly alcohol—from my late teens until my late thirties." One of the reasons that so many people were unaware of what plagued him was that Cornell barely missed a beat as far as his musical output went—a fact he acknowledged to the Mirror. "I came out of rehab," he recalled, "and immediately went on tour with Audioslave, sold millions of records and was playing in front of crowds of 10,000 or 20,000. It's not what most people go through. Most of the time, coming out of rehab people have a destroyed life, struggle to just work again and get a job. "I sort of had an identity sitting there waiting to be embraced. I was very lucky I was able to see that and not take it for granted. It helped me climb out of the mire. I saw how hard it could be." Shocking Pop Star Deaths Cornell met Vicky in Paris and lived in the City of Light for a time, at one point opening a restaurant (he had held restaurant jobs and worked as a sous chef in his struggling-musician days) called Black Calavados with his wife and brother-in-law while he was also making music with Audioslave. A few years ago, the Cornell family relocated to Miami. "I wasn't sure how that would work, being creative here, living here, writing here," he told the Tampa Bay Times about his new home in 2015. "But I just started doing that, and it seems to be doing great." Soundgarden reunited in 2010, but Cornell also continued to record and tour as a solo act. Asked in 2015 about changing the name of his 1999 album Euphoria Mourning to its originally intended, more morose spelling, he told Rolling Stone that the record company had preferred "Morning," thinking it would cause less confusion. "It was a pretty dark album lyrically and pretty depressing, and I was going through a really difficult time in my life," Cornell recalled. "My band wasn't together anymore, my marriage was falling apart and I was dealing with it by drinking way too much, and that has its own problems, particularly with depression...But mentally I wasn't together enough to really know what was right. So I went with 'Morning,' and it's bothered me ever since." His own struggles made him particularly attuned to the unsuspecting ease with which tragedy could strike those who seemingly would have more lifelines than most. Asked about the impromptu cover of "I Will Always Love You" that he sang at a fundraiser for Barack Obama in 2012 that was held a few days after Whitney Houston's death, Cornell told Vulture, "There are a lot of feelings in people who are stars who had an effect on a lot of other people. Anyone that suffers depression and addiction, as it relates to the entertainment business, often there can kind of be a cocoon [around them]. "Though you would imagine someone like that would have more resources to get better, it can often be the opposite. You're kind of enabled to continue whatever lifestyle it is. There's sadness to anyone that dies before their time, and specifically ones that seem to affect people in a positive way. It doesn't matter if it's Whitney Houston or a nameless, faceless person on the street. That's just as big of a tragedy for me." He was also very aware of the sad endings that had befallen so many fellow musicians, not least of them the ones who got their start in his hometown, such as Cobain and Alice in Chains' Layne Staley, who died of an overdose in 2002. And it seemed, including to those close to him, up until less than 24 hours ago, that Cornell was not facing down the kind of pain that can get the better of anyone, no matter how big the success or how loving the family. "There's something about losing friends, particularly young people, where it's not something that you get over," Cornell told Vulture. "I don't believe there's a healing process. How do you, really? In what way can you stop and say, 'Well, it's god's will.' I always thought that line I've heard a million times—twice as bright but half as long—is bulls--t. It's tragedy. I just carry all of that with me all the time. "All I can do, if anything, out of respect for my friends that are no longer here, is to do my best to lead a good life and and take advantage of the fact that I'm still around, take the opportunities I have that they should've had."

#Inside #Chris #Cornell’s #Lifelong #Struggle #Fame:#Soundgarden #Frontman #Battled #Demons #Became

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kingofthewilderwest · 7 years

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When you are done with season 4 of race to edge what do you think are the pro and cons of the season and what do you hope for season 5?

Alright! I’ve just finished RTTE S4, and I would looooove to discuss pros and cons. I’ll make a list of some favorite small moments later, but here I will talk about big overarching pros and cons. Heads up to people that, because I’m talking pros and cons, I will get into both celebrations and constructive criticism. I’m not intending to rain on anyone’s parade by giving my comments on what I think could be better; I’m just being honest about the things that aren’t my favorite, and which I think are important to recognize… and I can at the same time recognize the show’s weaknesses and be a celebrating fan of the strengths.

Big Pros of RTTE S4

Book References Galore. I am always a fan of book references in the HTTYD show. This season contained a lot of instances which reminded me of the books. Whether or not that was intentional from the writers, it still gives book lovers a means of identify with elements they find familiar. In this season, we got book-like things including but not limited to:

A dragon which can only be birthed in the middle of a volcano.

Bat-like dragons.

Fishlegs calling Hiccup his best friend.

Snotlout feeling threatened by Hiccup’s role as a leader and trying to subvert it and become a great leader himself - be it king, or at least the leader over the other youths. Snotlout pretends to deliberate about killing Hiccup. He gets to be a little more antagonistic than usual when he’s trying so desperately to show that he’s great leader material, hoping so much that he won’t be overshadowed by the others. But in the end, he charges out and risks his life to save Hiccup.

An oft-used phrase in the book, “Easy peasy lemon squeezy,” came right out of Snotlout’s mouth.

Viggo and Ryker’s Relationship Splintering. I was hoping as early as S2 that the writers were setting up a fracturing between Ryker and Viggo. Ryker, after all, tells Heather that he listens to Viggo because they’re family. However, Viggo’s treatment of Ryker is poor. That’s good material for a set-up and character development… and we got it! We started to see hints of it in S3.

It explodes in S4.

Ryker and Viggo, and their character developments, were probably my favorite thing about this season.

As early as the first episode, we see Ryker smiling when Viggo’s plans are thwarted. Ryker sticks by Viggo, but with increasingly-seen ill treatment on Viggo’s part, and increasingly irritated responses from Ryker, we at last get a split in Shell Shocked. Ryker has had enough of Viggo, and Viggo doesn’t have enough respect for Ryker for this to end well. Of course we still don’t know all the details about what all was planned and what was staged, but it seems Ryker did go rogue against his brother. It was nice to see this character, who was often overshadowed by Viggo, take charge and have this development.

Not to mention how both of the characters ended in Shell Shocked Part 2? Me likey. That was really cool. These appear to be both real deaths, and they are “fitting” for what the characters were. Ryker was a man of violence and strength; he got pulled underwater in the midst of a battle he waged himself. Viggo sought to gain profits and control dragons through the Dragon Eye; him diving to try to save the Dragon Eye shows his own motivations leading to his end.

It’s also very fitting that the Dragon Eye got destroyed. I was talking about how the Dragon Eye had to become inaccessible to both the dragon riders and the dragon hunters at some point in time. There’s no way for the story to get resolved otherwise. And it happened! I was happy to see the Dragon Eye finally return to the plot, and for us to see why it won’t be in Hiccup’s hands by the time of HTTYD 2.

Hiccstrid. I’m not an active Hiccstrid shipper myself (as you guys probably have heard me say many times, I almost never ship anything, and I prefer to focus on platonic and familial bonds), so I’m listing this one mostly for you guys, haha. XD I know that Hiccstrid shippers are probably going to be happy with what happened in this season! Flirtations, words of devotion, multiple kisses, all that happened. Haha, Snotlout even said “Hiccstrid” on screen! The slow boil toward their relationship has finally come to fruit, and it’s quite relieving to see.

I think what I appreciate the most was Hiccup supporting Astrid in Blindsided. The words of support he gave her were wonderful, thoughtful, deep, considerate. We have often seen throughout the franchise Astrid supporting Hiccup emotionally. This is a key moment in which we see Hiccup demonstrate great love, devotion, and support to Astrid in turn. The words he chose were nicely done. I appreciated that a lot.

Big Cons of RTTE S4

Recurring Plot Devices. I know the creators were excited about some of their planned plot twists, but the truth of the matter is that they tend to reuse the same plot devices repeatedly.

Especially, one plot device they love is when Hiccup has to ally himself with the enemy. This has been done with:

Mildew in “We Are Family Part 2″

Alvin the Treacherous in “Cast Out Part 2″

Dagur the Deranged in “Enemy of My Enemy” and “Family on the Edge”

Krogan, soooooooort of, in “Midnight Scrum”

And now Viggo Grimborn in “Shell Shocked Part 2″

It is to note that the multiple redemption arcs - as with Alvin and Dagur - show repetition, too. I will say, though, it was nice for Viggo to not be completely redeemed. He still betrayed Hiccup in the end, and I appreciated that. But as far as the ally-with-the-enemy arc is concerned… that is starting to feel a little worn out, now.

Other recurring plot devices include Dragon’s Edge being attacked by dragon hunters; one of the youths being captured or kidnapped by the enemy; and, of course, a new dragon being first dangerous but then tamed.

Weak Character Motivations. It’s not that motivations are absent. It’s that they’re not neatly connected together or expounded upon to any realistic level. Character motivations move in sudden jerks forward rather than smooth progressions. Lots of the time the character motivations are explained weakly enough that they seem extremely unrealistic toward how a person would actually react in that situation.

Dagur goes from being an enemy with ASPD symptoms… to being a tentative ally with regrets… to being a genuinely good guy who cares deeply for his sister, the other riders, and endangered dragons. They do rudimentarily explain why he goes from one mental state to the next, but it never feels convincing. Part of that is that no one just magically drops an antisocial personality. Another part of it is that we don’t see a good, smooth progression from one phase to the next. The writers put in a little bit of transition material, but never enough.

Another example is Heather and her relationship with Dagur. There was not enough material for her switching from loathing Dagur… to being uncomfortable with his “death”… to being completely comfortable around him and welcome to deep physical touch. While we get the gist of why it happened, the way in which it is presented is very unconvincing and doesn’t at all feel like how people psychologically function. It’s pushing it at best. I’m not a fan of these sorts of things being misconstrued because it can have consequences for how we handle the dangerous and toxic people in our own lives.

We have other inconsistent character motivations on top of that, along with lots of weak plot devices arising out of this, but yeah. Character motivations are not as well progressed as they should be.

Sexism. This is nothing new to the show; it’s been present since Riders of Berk and onward. It’s been bothering me increasingly more with each new season released, likely because it hasn’t gotten better (the only thing that’s gotten better is no longer using “girl” as an insult). Especially for RTTE S3 and S4, I’ve felt distinctly uncomfortable with DreamWorks Dragons’ treatment of gender. It’s just come to a point that they should have fixed their mistakes by now, except they keep perpetuating.

Default gender in the show is undeniably male. The rule of how everything works in this show is “male until proven otherwise.” Seriously though. Essentially every single individual we meet is a man, be it human or dragon. Somehow every single new introduced dragon in the show is called a “he,” despite that being highly statistically unlikely. There are even several cases in which an obvious female has been called “he.” Given as we see no other Eruptodons around, it seems likely the egg had to have been laid by the dragon on the island. Sure, we can finagle around and give decently-conjured explanations for how this dragon could still be male, but by all accounts, it’s weird. We shouldn’t, in Defenders of the Wing Part 1, call THAT dragon a “he.” Even more clearly, Chicken is a chicken - a female member of that species, obviously so by the bird’s physical features. Tuffnut even hallucinates the chicken speaking to him in a female voice. Aaaaand yet both Stoick - and in this latest season, Tuffnut himself - call Chicken “he.” No. The chicken is female. That’s literally as bad as animating a cow with an udder and calling it a “he.” It’s that obviously female. How are we messing this up? Because the default gender of anything is male in this show.

Next, there are some stereotypes and unflattering tropes of women that sneak into the show. In so many movies, television shows, and novels, a woman is often only introduced when she has a romantic relationship with one of the male characters. While there are plenty of male characters who are not in a romantic relationship in media, it is much harder to find a woman who doesn’t at least flirt with a man and have that be a major point of her time on screen. It means that, as humorous as some people might find the Snotlout x Mala (Snala? Snotla? Malout???) dynamics, it’s not the most fun thing to see yet another female character’s role being heavily centered around whether or not she’s in a non-platonic relationship with someone.

Damselstrid happens a little too often for comfort. I know that many Hiccstrid shippers probably enjoy seeing Hiccup and Astrid caring for one another in precarious situations. I do admit that there were some good lines especially in Blindsided. Nevertheless, it is awkward to see the disparity between Astrid saving Hiccup versus Hiccup saving Astrid. This also have been around since forever, but it’s increasingly obvious with S3 and S4.

Astrid will save Hiccup in very short, quick minor moments in combat, such as by blocking enemy fire. But it’s never played up for drama. They’re gone before you know they’ve happened. In the one episode where Hiccup really needed saving because he’s kidnapped, it’s to note that the entire team (Stoick at the forefront) - not Astrid - save him. The other time Hiccup majorly needed saving because he was drowning… he was saved by a dragon. Astrid never gets the big save when Hiccup is most vulnerable.

By contrast, Astrid will constantly be in precarious positions in which she seems more desperate and in greater, longer danger. There have been two episodes dedicated entirely to Astrid being in a helpless situation and Hiccup needing to save her - Buffalord Soldier and Blindsided. Additionally, we can add several more instances of Astrid being in danger, like the very end of Shell Shocked Part 2, or when she’s about to burn up in Out of the Frying Pan. And when she is in these extremely vulnerable situations, we’ll often hear her murmur, “Hiccup.” It’s a suggestion that Hiccup is what is important and Hiccup is what’s going to save her. Even though Astrid is the best warrior of the youths, she is put into far more vulnerable positions than most of the other riders, and Hiccup almost always is the specific individual who gallantly saves her.

I could keep going about how there were also some outdated notions of gender sneaked in the show dialogue, too, but I’ll stop here. Essentially, sexism. It’s definitely in RTTE.

Season 5 Hopes

I don’t have too many thoughts on what I want for season 5 currently. Maybe ask me in a few months. At the moment, all I can think about is that we’re going to have to address that exploding volcano on Dragon’s Edge, and we’re definitely not done with Krogan.

In many ways, the end of S4 is the end of the big plot arc we got starting in S1. Seasons 1 through 4 are a unit, it looks like. It’s the story of Hiccup going against the dragon hunters. That ending has got to be the ending of the plot arc with Ryker and Viggo. So where season 5 turns? It’ll be a little bit of a new direction.

We’ve got some seeds planted with Krogan, I suppose, but really not much to work on. You could almost just completely end the show with S4. We got Hiccstrid together. Viggo, Dagur, and Ryker are no longer threats. The Dragon Eye is no longer around to investigate. It’s just that volcano blast and the fact the creators said there would be more episodes that means this is going to continue.

There’s a weird small part of me that wants Savage to come back. I don’t think they’ll do it, but I suddenly saw potential, and actually relished the small moment of Savage’s return. He had a wonderful return with great motivation. I’m assuming they’re just going to ride him off as inept, and this is the last we see of him. But there’s also a lot of potential for him to try to do something big. But I suspect we won’t see him, that it would detract from other plot stuff they would want to do, and so on and so forth.

So they’re likely going to keep sneaking toward Krogan and stuff with plot development? But how they’re going to do that without interfering with the plotline of HTTYD 2, I am not sure.

#bluestarsaber #long post #rtte spoiler #rtte spoilers #rtte #Race to the Edge #DreamWorks Dragons #analysis #my analysis #ask #ask me #why is his name Krogan #I just think about the Mass Effect creature #that's it #I can't stop laughing about it

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