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boxwinebaddie · 21 days

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Miss Ninaa!! When are you free for the summer???

hello, sweetling! and good morning, good afternoon or good night wherever it is that you are. <3 regardless of the time of day, please just know that the world around you is brighter bc you're in it. c':

so i just want to start out by saying that i know i say this a lot...but i cannot tell you what it means to me that you guys care enough about me to be curious about the trajectory of my offline life.

...like, i really just have the sweetest anons in the world, huh? ;-;

i feel unbelievably blessed and count my lucky stars everyday because of each and everyone of you. thank you for being your lovely, lovely selves and caring not only about me as a person but my silly and strange au styles from hell.

speaking of, i am aware that it does not seem like it because of how sporadically i post ncu related content ( if at all ) but i am trying to work on some stuff...as you know well by now, i like to really take my time putting out my work because the quality of the content that you read is paramount to me. you are all far too near and dear to my heart to receive lame, rushed, unclear boof ass content from me.

like...i simply will not do it. thank you for your paitence.

( i will say that i am specifically working on an ask about the greenhouse kiss which AAAAAA giggling, twirling my hair and kicking my feet, like it is SOOOOO satisfying, holy shit! it's also very, very important to the plot which is why i have been taking my time on it. i do hope to put it out today but i am trying not to make promises that i can't keep, get your hopes and dreams up just to dash them and most unfortunately, i do not have a great track record in that regard. i know it's kind of a bummer...but i like to be honest w/ y'all. )

ANYWAYS!

without further ado, here's a little glimpse into my life. xx

again, thank you for asking...that is very cute of you. c': <333

( this is lengthy and lowkey irrelevant. you can absolutely skip this but i think that i am pretty informative in here, so it might be useful? idk. )

so actually, my summer is pretty busy and jam-packed for the most part! or, the first two months are, at least. because i decided to take on summer camp here at the school i work on! camp counsellor nina!

i decided to nab a summer camp supervising position for a couple of reasons. like, obviously, teaching does not pay that much, so really, i need to make all the money i can while i can. don't worry about me tho, guys. bc actually am doing extremely well for myself. <333

( i am a very lucky person, haha -- god nerfed me by being mentally ill, but did make me pretty and personable...which gets me far in life. on the topic of mental illness [ of which i am very ] today i should fare quite well bc other than having a mild headache and being lowkey naseous because my mood stabilizer has that side effect for me...it is worth it when i rem(ember) to take it because it makes me very calm and level, so i am better at responding to my asks/doing my tasks. )

another reason is it keeps me busy...when i am not constantly busy, i get very depressed and fall into gnarly sprials. my job has a lot of downtime and when i am not running around like crazy because a bunch of teachers are out, i'm bored as fuck and i get lazy or restless.

very lame...this summer, i will be looking for a different job ( fml, if you are my boss, don't read this ) and i am a bad procrastinator so i missed the deadline for a fuck ton of teaching positions, but hopefully i can find something in the realm of associate or assistant teaching because....lmao, point and laugh but i am still a little too nervous to teach a whole class by myself. if kids get disadvantaged academically because i am too incompetent at teaching, i will die.

but yeah...if i am still babysitting fourteen year olds after this ( they did grow on me, but it's really not my speed ) please also point and laugh because i would rather go back to retail...yes, i am desperate.

on the subject of teaching kids that are in my wheelhouse and doing stuff my speed, summer camp is actually all k-5 so i will FINALLY being doing a majority of my teaching in the age group that i have my literal credential in. YAY! it's going to be hot as shit where i am over the summer, probably also tiring as shit ( have you seen how little kids act in the summer? ) but i am so fkn exCITED to work with the littles HEEEEELLL YES, BROTHER! uncle nina will be Vibing! <333

so for the first four weeks i am doing general camp stuff, getting a feel for stuff and wokring with all the grade levels...but the LAST two weeks, i get to specifically associate teach in the kindergarten classroom and AAAAAAAA!!!!! I FKN LOVE THE KINDERS!!!!! i visit them every other day because, again, i am bored as shit and they need help over there so i usually hang out with them in PE and play hula hoop tag with them...rn they are learning how to jump rope. soooo stinking cute, oh my god.

-- BUT YES I AM SOOOOO FREAKING STOKED YOU GUYS LIKE I WAS MADE FOR THIS BROTHER. i am gonna wear so many crazy outfits and do such weird makeup pray it doesn't melt off my face.

also, during camp, they go on little field trips and things, hopefully swimming, ( uncle nina is mermaid nina ) and feed you the same stuff as the campers so i get to eat like a nasty frat boy and have pizza and pasta and stuff, which, let me tell you, i am genuinely stoked because they cater a free lunch for the faculty here everyday and it's supposed to be all fancy and shit...but there is a reason it's free because it is SOOOO mid. like it really is kind of ass. i don't know how they do that.

but, sigh, camp is only six weeks so i have to fill my time with other stuff ( also i guess that means in six weeks from when school is done on june...14th, i think? i am free? ) i hope to use that time to structure the fuck out of my life, planf or the future because i am hella bad at it and i hope to do a lot of writing! kind of a pipe dream at this point becaue all my stuff has been *british tolkien vc* actual shite and i can't finish anything...but maybe when i feel better, writing will come easier? when i am less busy and stressed? i hope so. and i hope you guys are still around if i am here but i Completely understand if you are not! it's been a long, bumpy ride. you did your dues and you are free to step off at any time. again, i do not blame you. i am annoying.

BUT YEAH! that's my summer for you! summer camp, hanging out with my cat ( her name is lily, she is very beautiful, very kind, very fluffy and dumb as rocks but she is my babygirl ), getting lots of sushi, going to the thrift store, doing self care stuff, doing less self harm in various odd forms specifically in the form of self sabotage, getting my life together and organized, finding a new job, bettering myself and the world, being kind, entertaining all of you and hopefully writing again! yay! i'll update you as much as i can.

and please, please, pleeeease update me on your lives! i know i don't always respond, but i read everything. my friend who won FIRST PLACE for her raven sculpture, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY. my friends who unfortunately went through breakups, i am so sorry, please know it is their loss, you are stronger for it and i hope you heal, but if ravesey can...you can baby. also proud of my various friends going to college and my friends that are not! my friends toiling through their lame jobs and my friends who are dipping their toes in the world of creativity through writing, drawing expressing yourself! i love, love, LOVE you! thank you for sharing your lives with me.

( speaking of friends, i am specifically hoping to spend my summer bonding with my rant girlies and we made a little group chat and we are being so funny and chaotic and unhinged. i love them all so bad. )

BUT YEAH! thank you for asking my love! look out for some important in character asks, hopefully some finished or more distinguished writing and know that if i am not responding or posting, it is not because i lost interest...as you can see, i am very busy, especially as the school year approaches an end, my summer is a little busy, i fall into ugly manic/depressive cycles and am working on taking care of myself...offline. thank you for understanding.

and thank you for being here! you are troopers, forreal! you are angels and saints for putting up for me and enduring me never posting or posting really chaotic weird stuff. i love you. thanks for caring. <3

i love you and i hope you heal,

uncle nina, future ceo of glamour girl summer camp <3

P.S. i am specifically working on developing and post more about my other aus because i want to give you some variety and challenge myself to do stuff out of my comfort zone! so if you are excited at all about the tsot/tfbw nina stuff, please make some NOOOOISE! lol and if you are not i totally get it, but if you could give me gentility and grace, i would appreciate it because i'm insecure abt it. MWAH!

#hi baby!#thank you SO much for asking you are so stinking cute for this like omg i am blushing thank you so much #i am working on answering some asks but its slow goings but i am emotionally stable nina today so hell yeah brother #i love the greenhouse kiss ask but it requires a lot of context moving parts and me explaining stuff thoroughly #thank you for being paitent i hope its worth it #i also don't know how much people care about my dead ass fanfic or any of my stuff but thanks for fighting the good fight #anyways! camp counsellor nina!#i get to work with the k-5 kids i am so stoked its gonna be loud and very hot outside but fun and enriching #very stoked to do something entertaining #when i tell you i am BORED it fucking sucks like this job is so ass and rn my school is kinda going through messy drama #so it's not pleasant to be here i am not having fun #BUT I WILL! and i have a lot of fun answering my asks hell ya #wokring on getting another job holy shit please pray for me #but yah! trying to be a better me and come back into myself and write more comfortably you guys are helping me #thank you for respecting my time and need for space #i am pretty introverted inspite of my little god complex big scary writer routine and i get overwhelmed by attention #i never quite know what to say but i'm trying #write to me anytime i love you #also i had a friend send me an ask and ask me if their question is odd -- it's not sweetheart i just don't have an answer yet #i haven't shdslkhdld thought about it hard enough but i will get back to you haha y'all are unhinged and kind and so cute #ily ily ILY

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girlscience · 6 months

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trying to get to better as a person is so nauseating. was lonely yesterday so i messaged friends to try and plan hang outs. forced myself to ask about reference letters today even though i turned bright red and felt like crying. messaged friends tonight to ask if they could help keep me accountable so i don't feel like i'm doing everything alone. barf. i hate this. i want to hide in a hole

#THIS IS GOOD FOR ME IT WILL HELP BUT IT REQUIRES CHANGE #and i am realizing maybe i am significantly worse with change than i thought i was #ie my parents and sister and a few other people think i should apply to more schools #specifically more schools outside my comfort zone #and it would be so cool!!!! but it requires me to change the idea of 4 schools to like 6 or 8 #and change from a few hours from home to like a days drive away or FARTHER #and this is already going to change my whole life's routine #and i'll be away from all my friends and family already #and i am just remembering how awful that was the first go around in undergrad #and maybe i am super scared of that happening again #and also i need to reach out about GA positions and that means i have to talk to professors #which is scary and also a change from undergrad cause i avoided talking to them as much as possible #and i am just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #so. hopefully some of this will help but also. i am crying inside. a lot.#i also need to change my fanfic habits because i honestly think it is like... the most time sucking thing in my life #and part of me wishes i never started reading fic because it gets in the way of me doing literally everything else i need to do #but stopping or even just cutting down on it is killer #but on the bright side i have been on youtube a lot less recently and leave it deleted off my phone for longer periods of time #which is good!!! it means i'm not on my phone as much #but yeah. stuff and things and trying to do stuff that's good for me is the worst

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clownboy-yeehonk · 5 months

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For my work secret santa I got a gift basket with wine, glasses, a candle, and a llama wine bottle holder thing, and when I thanked the girl who gave it to me she was so excited and told me how she looked so hard for a basket with the Llama because she knew I really liked them and it was just so sweet of her, but the thing is I've never actually had a strong opinion either way on llams. I have a couple scrub tops that have llamas on them (they're a popular pattern theme idk why) but I guess she got it in her head that they're my favorites (for the record my favorite animals are gorillas elephants and any kind of cat big or small)

And like first of all, I would now rather die than EVER let her know my ambivalence towards llamas, but also like...I think about that every time I see a llama now. I'm gonna go through the rest of my life remembering how this girl was so excited to get me something she thought I would like, and she also wrote a really nice card to go with it about me being a good friend, and not to sound like a fortune cookie but the thought does count and it was just so lovely and I'll never think of llamas the same way again bc I do love them now. Anyway love is transformative and also stored in the Llama wine bucket

#something something there are more people than you think that not only notice but care about you and see you as a friend #im pretty friendly with most of my coworkers but we dont necessarily hang out outside of work #and part of me still very much feels like im still the weird kid in the middle school cafeteria with no one to sit with but thats not true #most people are nice #and i do really try and help my newer coworkers especially bc i know how scary and stressful it is to be new #so i go out of my way to support them and let them know they can always ask me for help and i wont think theyre dumb for asking a question #and i guess it works! they do feel supported and like they can ask for help! i made a difference for someone!#and thats a good feeling even if ive got other crap going on or not going on rn #i did something good and made someone feel better and less scared while learning a difficult and stressful job #sort of that be the person you needed when you were younger kinda thing #and i think thats the 2024 goal to be the person i needed when i was younger and to be someone a young me would be impressed by #love and purpose are stored in the llama wine bucket

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emma-d-klutz · 4 months

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When you have a story idea that you really like but its premise has a problematic point that has, like, implications that are cruel and unfair to its target audience, and like this could easily be fixed by just changing one detail about the main character that wouldn't even affect the plot much like it could be done so easily BUT that one detail is really important to you because the MC is based entirely on personal experience and the horror iw based around some of your own childhood fears pertaining to the setting, so taking away this element of the character would make you not love the idea anymore and not want to write it BUT how fucking arrogant can you be to think it's more important that you get to creatively express yourself than it is to not hurt a child who reads it what kind of argument is that? if you don't want to write it without the implications then how about you just don't write it not like you finish anything anyways EXCEPT -hurt who???- motherfucker no one is going to read this no one is ever going to read this you think this is going to demoralize some hospitalized kid with cancer how would it it's not like it's going to be published no one reads your original work and no one cares but you so you might as well write it the way it means most to you AND LASTLY well if no one is ever going to read it why would I bother writing it

#vent #me: so the less disabled kid is the protagonist who kills the monster and the more disabled kids are the victims #me: because when i was a hospital day camper with friends who'd been there for months or years a common thought was that it's possible my #friends were going to die young here and i was going to keep living a whole lifetime. and i didnt like either of those points. not at all #BUT TODAY I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND REALIZED LIKE THATS SOOOOOO ABELIST #ooo the helpless admitted kids tell this half-outsider who still gets to go to school (kind of) that the clown is fine bc theyre sooo weak #and brainwashed and the MC who is the healthiest comparitively has to save the day #like i hear how that sounds. i hear how that sounds. doesnt really matter if i dont mean it like that if it is like that #but that specific experience. is an important part of the fear. to ME #fuck #not like i finish anything anyways #no one else will ever need to care

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