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#not the worst ever like not even clise
volinare · 9 months
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enjoy this unflattering photo.
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mydiary2002 · 2 years
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First it was her then him and now you, it’s been 3 Sundays since you have attended. You used to not be so selfish, bipolar, so concentrated in giving all your attention to one person it’s sad to say that that person you have know for not even a year. You are easy to change the bad qualities always seems to reside with you even after a person has left you. You might be wondering why are you talking about me again well because your the center of my pain. I cry about you a lot but you know what’s the worst part is that I don’t even bother telling you because it won’t resolve anything I have tried in the past and now isn’t any better. You have rejoined parts of me I can’t rebuild and that is why at times I fantasize about meeting someone else that will fill those gaps. That gets me mad because I do not want to be like you the only difference is that you had nothing to clise holes in you, you had it perfect and ruined it. I wish you were 14 before you ever got in to talking to guys. Before you liked to drink and do drugs. Before you had bad friends. Before you became self centered. Before you va me so insecure. Before you would be all about your friends. Before you would stress about money. Before you would go out to the club. Before you would go out to the bar. Before when you would stay with me at least once a week. Before when you liked being with me. The best memory that I have of you is when we would watch the lifetime movies and munch out. I remember when we went to ride aid to get rocky road and hot Cheetos and watched the documentary of the pageant girl from colorido being killed. I can’t be with you because I think too much that I know that this will probably be the last time in a while that I will be able to hang out with you. I can imagine you rolling your eyes. Seems a bit cheesy but it’s the truth and I wish it wasn’t. I try so much to not feel but it escapes.
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thorinthehottotty · 4 years
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Beorn - Brambles
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A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts a while... Might make a part 2.
Summary: Leona finds herself in Middle Earth much different than expected. Not human as she always had been but a skin changer. Gandalf and Thorin agree she could be a great addition! There's only one problem... She can't control her shifts.
Warnings: Smut
When I arrived in Middle Earth, I thought I had died or found an adorable little dream of being a giant. It very quickly turned to a nightmare when I discovered I was infact a giant. Not only that but Bilbo reluctantly took me in after seeing my panic (he'd been rather panicked himself seeing me appear in a small vortex of darkness) apparently there was no sound and the poof I was there and the vortex was gone.
There was no preparing me for how I looked.
The tail was the first clue things weren't the same. A long thing that had an tuft at the end. I had reached for my face. My long hair trailed down into sideburns, soft ones that just stopped at the ball of my jaw. Bilbo offered a mirror and I was shocked. In my world I was blond, yes, but a soft, whispy blonde, not a mane of sandy blonde that was thicker than I'd ever had it. There was a streak of darker hair, a dusty brown, it streaked down the middle and even crawled down my spine. I had never been so hairy.
That was the only difference. Apparently I had grown to a hefty seven and half feet instesd of my previous height of six foot one. It made Bilbos house cramped and frustrating.
The only change I had zero complaints with was the change in my eyes. Instead of the dark brown, they were golden!
It took quite awhile for me to grow used to the appearance. Especiallu with how folks looked at me. Gandalf was a kind soul with answers for me. A skinchanger, he had suspected. Few left of them, if any.
It was a blow to the gut. I joined him and Bilbo when they decided to journey with a strange company of dwarves. Thorin wasn't happy when he discovered that I had no idea how to shift.
The first time was a painful and exhausting experience. My bones grew and shifted until I was even larger. There was something liberating about it. It was the first time the orcs had found us near Rivendell. It made me feel wild and untamable. Even when I saw the horror in Bilbo's face, I charged several wargs. It helped that I was larger than them. It was surprisingly easy to rip my teeth into their flesh and tear them apart.
They chased us into the secret passage just as an orc slashed me across the face with a sword. When I slipped back into my human form, I had a gash from my jaw to my temple. It didn't heal pretty. I cut my hair too, much to the horror of the dwarves. It made the fur of my feline form (much like that of a lion) long and unmanagable before. So I cropped it short.
In Rivendell I had a dream. It unsettled me. I dreamt of a bear, larger than any I had ever seen, running through a forest, chasing me. I couldn't shift in the darkness of the approaching night. All I could hear was my heaving breaths. All I could feel was the cool dirt under my feet and the racing of my heart.
I mentioned it to Gandalf and he seemed to grow worried for a moment. And then it was veiled by a reassuring look. He didn't join us in the misty mountains, not until he helped us escape. And again with the eagles.
Everytime the orcs were near, it made my skin prickle and stretch and I was forced into my second skin. I nearly had Azog when I was scooped up by talons. I had was so exhausted from my shift it I barely made it off the carrock they dropped us at.
"Gandalf," I call just as Bilbo scurries over rocks to peer where the orcs would be riding near. I smelled something unfamiliar and it stirred something greatly unsettling.
"Shh, dear."
"Gandalf we need to leave." I snarl quietly. Thorin casts me a glance when the old wizard brushed me off.
"Why?" He demands quietly.
"I can smell something. This is no place for us. There is a warning for us to stay away. We are in grave danger here." It was the best way to express it. Thorin looked at his other dwarves. We weren't at the edge of the border yet, but it was nearby.
A distant roar catches my ears and an involuntary rumble leaves me. I have the insinct to run far, far away from here. Thorin did not like my sudden animal like terror. It was unfamiliar too him. Orcs and wargs I would attack, he'd never seen my flight instinct.
Bilbo scuttled back then. "How close is the pack?" Thorin demands.
"Close! Too close, a couple of leauges, no more. But that's not the worst of it." Another rumble left me a those words and many of the company looked at me.
"The wargs picked up our scent." Dwalin guesses.
"Not yet. But they will do it. We have another problem." Everyone circled around him.
"Did they see you? They saw you," Gandalf guesses.
"No that's not it."
"What did I tell you? Quiet as a mouse," Gandalf proudly bolsters. Bilbo's anxiety seems to grow as no one seems to pay him heed. They all begin to give proud statements of it. My low snarl cuts them off.
"What did you see, my friend?"
"What form did it take?" Gandalf's sudden graveness has me tensing. "Like a bear?" He ignores me snapping to my full height to glare at him.
"Y-yes!" Bilbo gasps in shock, frowning in confusion. "But bigger, much bigger." I feel my heart sink to my stomach and a hand rises to cover my mouth. "How did you know?" Gandalf passes a glance to me.
"You lying fucker," I snarl at him. All this time he knew about my dreams. And still he did nothing for it.
"You knew about this beast?" Bofur demands glancing between us both.
"I've been having dreams of it everynight since my first shift and he's promised me it's nothing! That's what I'm smelling, isn't it?"
"I say we double back!" Bofur calls as Gandalf turns and wanders in another direction.
"And be run down by a pack of orcs?" Thorin snarls. This begins the uproar of voices that chatter nervously.
"There is a house, it's not far from here where we might take refuge." Gandalf murmurs slowly.
"Who's house?" Thorin demands.
"Where?" I call as well, dreading the answer.
"Are they friend or foe?"
"Neither. He will either help us. Or try to kill us." My gut says it's the latter. I sigh and the howling of wargs, the scent of it near by, mixed with the unfamiliar scent of bear apparently, has my skin rippling.
I give a pained groan and mutter a quiet 'oh no'. The company is pressing back as I double over, they'd seen it twice now to know to give me as much space as possible. I give a whimper of agony as my bones and muscles contort themselves.
"Calm, Leona, calm yourself."
"Calm myself!" I snarl back. "You expect me to calm myself?" A crunch has me dropping to my side to writhe in pain. My cries louder than they'd like but no one bothers to stop the reaction. Next thing I know, I'm furry and angry. My clothes ruined.
I look to Thorin, plenty ornary for the both of us. And off we all go, me hot on their tails. Gandalf directs us from the back as the sound of a mighty roar fills the air. We were fucked. He leads us right to the house, the bear fast. Maybe I can slow it down, lead it another direction.
Gandalf calls to me when I pause, only nodding them on as I turn toward the trees. They sprint onward, only Bilbo being the one to shout about it. Thorin tows him along by an arm.
When the bear breaks through the undergrowth my heart thuds in terror. It was much larger than myself. I figured it'd be the size of a grizzly and I could fight it fairly. Boy was I wrong. The great beast was enormous. Twice my size at least.
He skidded to a halt. I lowered myself to the ground a bit more and gave a mighty roar. A challenge to this great beast as he snarled loudly. And we were off. He chased me through the trees, thankfully not as fast as I was, but it was close.
He abruptly veered and I realized we were clise to the house. The dwarves still weren't there yet. I could here them shouting as he approached. Now was my turn to chase him.
The slammed the door to the house in his face. It wasn't latched as he snapped his teeth at them. I did the only thing I could think of and barreled into his side. He roared as I shoved at him, knocking us both from the door.
I was to my feet and running as fast as my tired legs could take me. But he was right on my heels, still livid. I tore off across a feild, dogding frightened animals that fled in out wake. Just as I reached the woods, wargs howled again and I felt the inate reaction drive you toward them, a different fire in me.
This big creature seemed to do the same. Animal insinct to kill those nasty orcs. They too fled at the sight of the two oversized preditors. Finally, as the sky darkened, I'm reminded of the dream and all at once I'm shifting back without warning. I gasp in horror and surprise, scuttling to my feet as I feel the creature's attention on me once again. It hurts but adrenaline numbs the pain. Stumbling about, I hear him quickly approaching.
I shriek when something closes around my ankle and jerks me down to the ground. It isn't painful but a big weight is on top of me all at once, pinning me as hot breath brushes over my ear.
"How stupid are you, little cub?" A voice snarls behind me, shocking me into a stupor. I am flipped when the weight is lifted. An enormous man glowers down at me, his golden brown eyes glaring. I shiver under his naked form and his scent hits me like a ton of bricks. He was a skinchanger as well! I gulp as he bares his teeth down on me, glancing lower. "Not a cub, just stupid."
I can't bring myself to say anything as he drops his nose to my neck and breathes in a trembling breath. The air changed. It was heavy and desperate all at once.
We latched onto each other desperately, teeth digging, nails biting. It felt so natural for me to open my legs for him and for him to stretch the most delicate parts in a way I never had been. Even as a man, he dwarfed me. I found myself rutting against him furiously as we clawed in pent up energy. I vaugely remember crying out in ecstacy and begging for more.
When he'd finished shortly after I had, a howl filled the air and he dragged off of me, wild eyed. "Back to the house with you. Go." He barked. I could barely walk but I made it in an hour, feeling the drippings down my thighs. This would not look good. So I prayed they couldn't tell what I had done. The naked factor would be enough.
I knocked at the door, weakly. My bones hurt still, I was exhausted, but my whole body hummed. I have no idea what had come over me, but my legs were weak.
The door flew open and I stumbled in, dropping to my knees as someone cloaked me. "Are you hurt?" Bilbo rushed me, dropping before me. "Did you kill him?"
"No, no. I'm okay. The shift's just taken a lot from me. You didn't tell me he was a fucking skinchanger too." The latter was directed to Gandalf. The wizard smiled sadly at me.
"So you two met then?"
"Quite the greeting," I grumble. "He told me to return here when the wargs circled back. He took off towards them."
"We thought he was torturing you." Bilbo's words had you chuckling.
"Hardly."
"Then what was all the screaming?" Kíli asked.
I clear my throat uncomfortably. "Uhhh..."
"He defiled you!?" Thorin roared, oddly perceptive.
"Relax. It was pretty mutual," I offer awkwardly. The dwarves stare in shock, Bilbo's jaw dropping nearly to the floor.
"You... You..."
"Can we just get some sleep, please?" Among the hay, Bilbo offered me a spare tunic that could fit me. Apparently he'd been holding onto extra since Rivendell.
Tomorrow I would have to face the strange bear-man that I had let take me in the forest. I'd have to ask him if that's how he greats all skinchangers...
@tomisbaeholland @fizzyxcustard @dabisburntnut
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