#but i have. to walk

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

#spilled ink #warm up #“why did u tag it warm up” bc i wrote it off the cuff while drinkin coffee lol #btw the 30 dollar buy in for the dog walking is bc they pay the organizer a small pittance so she can #run fb ads and stuff and like she does put in a lot of work i don't mind paying her #but that's exactly what im fucking talking about like. #ppl can't afford to volunteer their time anymore and we all understand it!!! everything costs money for everyone! #like we didn't have to use to say ''do you mind paying me back for the stuff we ate'' #we used to be able to afford to feed our friends once in a while!!!

[sashthesloth]

I love the little squad of shades who follow Mel around the Crossroads when she gets back from a win

#hades game #hades 2 #hades 2 spoilers #hades #my art #melinoë #I love walking around and having a little line following me they’re all so cute #I get sad when I do the chaos trials because they don’t count as victories so the shades aren’t there

[refugeed-kim]

YES YES I NEED THIS SIGN IN EVERY SINGLE PARK PLEASE

This is my daily struggle, I had so many arguments with people with off-leash dogs (in a mandatory leash area!!!). Thanks to this behavior I'm struggling with Kim being anxious/aggressive with other females as she often gets involved in unpleased interactions with free females while on leash. And every single time that I ask for the dog to be at least recalled, I'm being called names and insulted of course.

Also 9 out of 10 their dog isn't really that friendly at all.

#dogblr #dog #dog training #petblr #the most unpleasant part of owning a dog is having to deal with awful dog owners... #the richer the neighbourhood the worst are the owners #but of course the only park that isn't a hour-long drive from home it's full of this kind of people #I want to live in a city where there is enough space to actually walk without meeting anyone if we don't feel like it

[weaver-z]

I do understand that "intelligence tests" are inaccurate and stupid. That being said, does anyone want to see the IQ test question so terrible that I felt I had to stand up and leave the room?

#i'm not taking the test but i am doing research into the kinds of questions these use #this one was on the mensa qualifier (which seems to have been written when dinosaurs walked the earth)

[allysketches]

gets in charge of the bookshop for 1 (one) day: shows up in a cardigan vest and metal sleeve garters, keeps the shop CLOSED, avoids selling a single book... iconic, truly did THE MOST, 10/10 😩👌🏻

(also, the way he was this 🤏🏻 close to finally achieving the status of house husband he's been dreaming about for MILLENIA just to have the rug pulled out from under him last minute... truly DEVASTATING 😩 my girl really can't catch a break 🤧)

#good omens #good omens fanart #crowley #anthony j crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #neil gaiman #do you have any idea how hard it was to distinguish wtf he was wearing exactly #when this walking disaster idea of fashion is black on black on black on black??!?!!? #i had to up the lightness to the max #and i'm still not 100% on the details tbh #but oh well #I'm sure I made better choices than he did

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate. #you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you #think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth. #then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty #house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive #this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died. #and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first #place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever #given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and #you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's #everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you #have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love #more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me. #real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you. #and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love. #lit #the hunger games #everlark #otp: real or not real? #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #text #tais toi lys #thgpost

[squidsmeister]

dungeon meshi is my favorite road-trip comedy film

#dungeon meshi #my art #laios thorden #senshi #marcille #chilchuck #chilchack #izatsumi #laois #laius thorden #sorry guys I don’t know which spelling is correct here #chilchucks car is a beat up beige Honda civic #laois never got a license because even though he’s actually a good driver he just never cared enough to do it #plus he wants to travel in some wacky way. like on a five person tandem bicycle or some shit #marcille never got a license because just fucking look at her #plus she gets motion sick in cars. she just would #senshi walks everywhere and has no need for cars #izatsumi just learned what a car was two days ago and she’s pissed that chilchuck doesn’t have a lambo #chilchuck doesn’t have time for any of this. he has to get his daughter to soccer practice at 5

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.

you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)

and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.

#not a shitpost #and as long as you are alive there will be another good moment waiting for you in the future #the profound joy of your favorite foods #the incalculable luxury of waking up and lounging in bed and falling back asleep #a cold glass of water after a walk in the hot sun #petting an excited dog. a cat rubbing up against your ankle. the sight of a confused chicken #glorious these beads we string together to form our own existence #getting older means time is passing. and i hope you are passing that time in ways that make you happy #i hope you have so many moments of joy that they can be as easily counted as drops of water in the ocean

[skellydun]

who wants to lay on top of me like a weighted blanket and fix me

#i can't use actual weighted blankets bc it feels suffocating but another person? 10/10 #not even in any kind of way i just need someone to crush my body back into some sort of shape that is not exhausted and aching #need me a bear hug and a bear to crush me tbh #the cabin will fix me. i will be secluded and alone and get high one of the nights and have smores. i will take stupid nature walks and read

[asavt]

Once upon a time a small rat walked into my web...

#cotl #cult of the lamb #shamura cotl #cotl shamura #cotl ratau #ratau cotl #fan art #digital art #my art #I think of the idea that Ratau went into Silkcradle and tried to battle Shamura and lost. #I think like ''take out their leader so they are all helpless'' #it didn't work #lost an eye #was constantly chased by the other bishop's followers for attempting to #and now years later in his extended lifespan #a certain spider walks into his hut #mind not quite there #quite lost #and they play a game #and maybe they recognize him maybe not #maybe the anxiety of having a ex-god-now-demigod is overreacted and overthought #but for now he'll just roll his dice #and see why they were once called the god of wisdom and war

[volinare]

enjoy this unflattering photo.

#why does my finger look so wierd #'nobody cares' #well it was a retorical question #i need to go get my meds. #but i have. to walk #well i could drive but its like just up the street so it #for somereson feels like more effort to drive? like id have to get in the car and park and then like being in a car in the city is so weird #and i should enjoy my knees while i have them i guess lol #it was such an off hand comment like idk if it was real or bot im way to autistic for this #uHg the show today. #bad. #not the worst ever like not even clise #but id prefer if it didnt exist ever at all! #'are you having trouble accepting things you cant control' oh SHUT the fUCK up #crazy bitch hours on tumblr #maybe ill do a little nap before walking over #my sheets are so dirty :( but theres someone stayng in the main house so i like. cant use the machine #so theyll be dirty another weekend i guess idk how long these people are staying #i should ask.. #me

[ionomycin]

wild strawberries

#artists on tumblr #back from my trip to finland #it was nice to see my family #and my one friend #but it feels good to be back #it's super hot here #and i dont know if any of my friends have time for me #but i just like this place a lot #even if i'm just walking outside on these same streets #that i always walk #i feel a weird sense of peace being in another country #far away from everyone and everything i grew up with

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

Donna Noble really got in the TARDIS and on trip number ONE like ONLY the FIRST trip she was like we are going to change history to save a single family because that is how it should work so that is how it does and then on trip number TWO on the SECOND trip she was like we are going to destroy an entire culture of slavery because it is right I don't care if we're two people and then on the THIRD trip she was like I am going to be unbelievably brave to save my home and everyone I love and then on the FOURTH trip she was like no living breathing thinking creature is less than a person and how dare you try to dehumanise someone like that how dare you not give her a name and the list GOES ON this woman NEVER MISSED there goes one of the kindest bravest most constant women you might ever meet and she's a temp from Chiswick

#dw #doctor who #NOT TO DOCTOR WHO POST ON MAIN BUT SOMETIMES I LOVE HER SO MUCH #doctor who is at its best when it doesn't really try to make its companions like cool or special I think #beyond humanity #which is why martha is my favourite because she didn't even get bad wolf or timelord dna or anything #she was just brave over and over and over again and she walked the earth with it #and donna also I adore because she was just good. she could have been anyone. she happened to be in the right place at the right time. #she was anyone. #and she was the best of us

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

so how about that update, huh

#this is all i have to offer rn </3 #im working on Actual Art but for now all you guys get is Half Assed Meme #eddie dear. eddie. eddie dear. Eddie Dear. EDDIE DEAR- #oh man. oh boy. oh fuck. its so over (we're so back) #scribble salad #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #eddie dear #i feel like i just walked into a disaster recovery group a week late w/ a smoothie #heely-ing in here Whats Up Fuckers #ok that was a creepy glitch #for a second every button i pressed created a new tag that said #'Who Else Is Traumatized!!!' #a little unnerving and Very on brand! one could call it WHcore... or somethn...

[orcinus-veterinarius]

Learning anything about marine mammal training will make you re-evaluate so much of your relationship with your own pets. There is so much force involved in the way we handle domestic animals. Most of it isn’t even intentional, it just stems from impatience. I’m guilty of it myself!

But with the exception of certain veterinary settings where the animal’s health is the immediate priority, why is it so important to us that animals do exactly what we want exactly when we want it? Why do we have to invent all these tools and contraptions to force them to behave?

When a whale swam away from a session, that was that. The trainer just waited for them to decide to come back. If they flat out refused to participate in behaviors, they still got their allotment of fish. Nothing bad happened. Not even when 20-30 people were assembled for a procedure, and the whale chose not to enter the medical pool. No big deal. Their choice and comfort were prioritized over human convenience.

It’s almost shocking to return to domestic animal medicine afterwards and watch owners use shock collars and chokers and whips to control their animals. It’s no wonder that positive reinforcement was pioneered by marine mammal trainers. When you literally can’t force an animal to do what you want, it changes your entire perspective.

I want to see that mindset extended to our domestic animals.

#‘oh I can walk my dog off-leash down a crowded street’ why does that matter????? #the horse world is ESPECIALLY bad about this too #edit: the whips is referring to horses I have not seen anyone whip their dog #pets #horses #animal training #dog training #dolphin training #dolphins #belugas #orcas #killer whales #cetaceans #marine mammals #zoos #aquariums #cooperative care #vet med #vetblr

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point #not a shitpost #cptsd #and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer #the truth is i know why i wasn't loved #i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings #i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing #i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance #the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it #i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer #and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!! #because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that! #it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs! #so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't. #when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to #you can look for answers and reasons and explanations #but that's not actually going to FIX your situation. #and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job) #because you don't need answers--you need a new situation #*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme* #and yes. walking out isn't always possible. #but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap. #stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air #new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust #like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be #when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole