#not to do the whole age thing again but it really is funny that they're like how dare you you're an adult like you were 8 when season one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 4 months

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she's three years younger than i am, and i put on cascada as a throwback, cackling - before your time! i've been borrowing my brother's car, and it's older than dirt, so the trunk is like, maybe permanently locked. when the sun comes through the window to frame her cheekbones, i feel like i'm 16 again. i shake when i'm kissing her, worried i won't get it right.

in 2003, my state made gay marriage legal. where she grew up, it wasn't legal until 11 years later - 10 years ago. if legal protections for gay marriage were a person, that person would be entering 5th grade. online, a white gay man calls the fight for legal marriage boring, which isn't kind of him but it is a common enough opinion.

it has only been 9 years since gay marriage was nationally official. it is already boring to have gay people in your tv. it is already boring to mention being gay - "why make it your entire personality?" i know siblings that have a larger age gap than the amount of time it's been legally protected. i recently saw a grown man record himself crying about how evil gay people are. he was begging us, red in the face - just do better.

i am absolutely ruined any time my girlfriend talks about being 27 (i know!! a child!), but we actually attended undergrad at the same time since i had taken off time to work between high school and college. while walking through the city, we drop our hands, try not to look too often at each other. the other day i went to an open mic in a basement. the headlining comedian said being lesbian isn't interesting, but i am a lesbian, if you care. as a joke, she had any lesbian raise their hand if present. i raised mine, weirdly embarrassed at being the single hand in a sea of other faces. she had everyone give me a round of applause. i felt something between pride and also throwing up.

sometimes one thing is also another thing. i keep thinking about my uncle. he died in the hospital without his husband of 35 years - they were not legally wed, so his husband could not enter. this sounds like it should be from 1950. it happened in 2007. harassment and abuse and financial hardship still follow any person who is trying to get married while disabled. marriage equality isn't really equal yet.

and i don't know that i can ever put a name to what i'm experiencing. sometimes it just feels... so odd to watch the balance. people are fundamentally uninterested in your identity, but also - like, there's a whole fucking bastion of rabid men and women who want to kill you. your friends roll their eyes you're gay we get it and that is funny but like. when you asked your father do you still love me? he just said go to your room. you haven't told your grandmother. disney is on their 390th "first" gay representation, but also cancelled owl house and censored the fuck out of gravity falls. you actively got bullied for being gay, but your advisor told you to find a different gimmick for your college essay - everyone says they're gay these days.

once while you were having a hard day you cried about the fact that the reason our story is so fucking boring to so many people is that it is so similar. that it is rare for one of us to just, like, have a good experience across the board. that our stories often have very parallel bends - the dehumanization, the trauma, the trouble with trusting again. these become rote instead of disgusting. how bad could it be if it is happening to so many people?

i kiss my girlfriend when nobody is looking. i like her jawline and how her hands splay when she's making a joke. there is nothing new about this story, sappho. i love her like opening up the sun. like folding peace between the layers of my life, a buttercream of euphoria, freckles and laughter and wonder.

my dad knows about her. i've been out to him since i was 18 - roughly four years before the supreme court would protect us. the other day he flipped down the sun visor while driving me to the eye doctor. "you need to accept that your body was made for a husband. you want to be a mother because you were made for men, not women." he wants me to date my old high school boyfriend. i gagged about it, and he shook his head. he said - "don't be so dramatic. you can get used to anything."

the other day a straight friend of mine snorted down her nose about it, accidentally echoing him - she said there are bigger problems in this world than planning a wedding.

#splled ink #writeblr #it's really hard to describe what im feeling

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demonslayedher · 11 months

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Low-Key Married AU fluff

Kochou said that I was disliked, so I asked her if she disliked me too. For someone so quick to have a smiling response to everything, she struggled to reply. She was the one who proposed marriage and swayed me, so I had thought that meant she had feelings for me. There would be no other way to read it. However, with as unbothered as she is by my absence, I have to wonder.

It’s been ten days since I had last contact with her. I went home to the Butterfly Mansion, but she had just departed for a mission, so I didn’t stay long so as not to trouble the girls. It may still be a few days before I can return again, but it’s always likely she’ll be busy. She’s incredible in that way, taking on all the care of our injured Corp members in addition to her Pillar missions. It must be in her personality to keep adding to what keeps her busy, like taking me in as though I looked like I needed the care. Although the times we’ve spent together have been nice, I don’t require it. My duties call for me to always be ready for battle, and I’ve always kept my heart steady.

So has she. We are Pillars first, and no amount of affection can sway us—whether an abundance or a lack.

I’m not bothered by lacking something I didn’t deserve in the first place.

Last night again, I was too late to prevent a family from being slaughtered. There were no survivors this time, aside from the eldest child who was still ravenous with a recent transformation. Having to chase him down and keep him from harming anyone else kept me off the trail of the progenitor of demons, who had to have been close by. For centuries, he’s evaded us this way over and over, sacrificing entire families to throw us off his trail. If I were to chide myself over every failure, I would have lost the ability to do anything ages ago. Each time, the anger is something I carry with me, to push myself harder the next time, and the next. Any extent more that I can push myself may be the difference to someone’s survival, no one can afford to lose their life over any of my own lost confidence.

“CAW!! TOMIOKA GIYUUUU! NEWS FOR TOMIOKA GIYUUUU!”

Each time it's a crow I think I recognize, my stomach drops. My mind is already playing the words I dread to hear, as though trying to protect my mind once I someday hear them.

"Kochou Shinobu has died."

Even if I hear them, I'm a Pillar first. That was what we promised each other. I'll always do as I must.

The crow says nothing as it delivers a letter.

YES, YES, I KNOW, THIS FANDOM HAS TURNED ME INTO SHIPPER TRASH. For this pairing, it was more specifically my own joke AU which later bit me in the back and made me start really, really enjoying GiyuShino (which, for the record, I do not consider canon). Was throwing ideas back and forth with @reicchel again the other day and so here we are with ship content!

Part of the reason I love the Low-Key Married AU (in which it's mostly canon as usual, except that Shinobu and Giyuu have been married for over a year or so, and it's not a secret but they make such little deal about it that many people don't even know they're married) is that it's a frame through which to see every interaction and either make it really, really funny, or very, very, sad. Everything was supposed to be funny, but it keeps hurting, hahaha... aaahhhh.

For instance, in a regular romcom situation, it should be funny that Kanzaburo doesn't deliver all of Giyuu's letters. Knowing these two, who might had started this whole "well, we'll be a couple when we have time" thing by actively writing regular letters, this could had simply given the impression that the other person wasn't writing as much, so they both naturally decreased frequency to match. It's a little lonely, but neither one is going to push the other for more attention.

No!! I refuse to let this post end with angst! Time for omake!!!

#I spent a few days enjoying high-brow Noh and now I'm back to shipper trash #giyushino #giyuu x shinobu #tomioka giyuu #tomioka giyu #kocho shinobu #kochou shinobu #my art #too bad for you Tanjiro your karma in this AU had to even out somehow #also that is the happiest Giyuu I have ever drawn and it's adorable #GiyuShino Low Key Married AU

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simplyreveries · 4 months

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hii!! i just found your blog and the writings are all so good?!! can i request lilia, riddle, and epel with a yuu/mc that’s shorter than them? if it’s not ok you can ignore this!! tysmm(≧∀≦) and have a nice day!!!

i sometimes forget im the same height as riddle fkljd

lilia vanrouge

lilia is always teasing you about it even if it's only like… you’re shorter by an inch or two. he’s playfully telling you how cute and small you are in comparison to him; he tells you he thinks you're such a fragile human. he loves to hug you and bury his face in your hair, he’ll coo to you as he playfully rocks you side to side, it’s sweet.

sometimes he does make jokes regarding it and trust me they're so bad that its almost funny. (keyword almost, you just give him a deadpan stare). one time when no one could hear you saying something during class, lilia mentions "ah well i guess it can't be helped. after all, you're easy to overlook fufu". once again lilia says all these things like he isn't 5'1.

he enjoys giving you kisses on the cheek- but he also loves grabbing your face with his hands and lifting it up a little so he can give you a kiss on the forehead. then that would only turn into him attacking your face with kisses all over.

riddle rosehearts

he doesn't necessarily say anything about it, but he is quite happy to know you're someone that's actually shorter than him. besides, his dorm leader uniform usually gives him some extra height with the boots/heels he wears and has on most of the time. if you ever were to point that out, he'd give an amused look and be like "hm, i guess i am, arent i?" he feels so confident askdhahdj

one time after you did enough pleading with him to let him try on his heels that are a part of his uniform to feel that extra sense of height. he wouldn't admit it, but he found the whole thing to be quite silly and bit back some laughs.

riddle is a little content too with the fact that he has someone he looks down at when talking to instead of up… it hurts your neck yk. he has also developed a habit of petting your hair, especially when he’s in a soft and relaxed mood with you. he has a gentle smile on his face as he pets your hair as you're talking or whenever you come over to hug him.

epel felmier

im not even going to lie to you he is incredibly happy that you're shorter than him, it makes him just feel so good about himself… he is also genuinely surprised because it's not often he meets someone his age that's shorter than him. epel finally gets to feel confident and smug even if it's being a single INCH taller than you. you've once caught him standing next to you and discreetly doing the hand thing to see how much shorter you are than him haha.

even though he doesn't like the shoes vil gives him or makes him wear for pomefiore’s dress codes and such, he does like how much more of a boost it gives him to his height so that he can feel even that much taller than you, he’ll laugh and if you ask him why he’ll get closer to you and point that out.

he doesn't really take it kindly when other tall guys at nrc seem to tease you about it, he gets pretty defensive over you… like it's it's mostly because he's used to hearing it himself and knows how harsh people can be. he doesn't want to ever see you upset like him because of it too. he can't help but feel a little more protective over you.

#i love my short kings #twst #disney twst #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst headcanons #twst wonderland #twst imagines #twisted wonderland #epel x reader #riddle x reader #lilia x reader

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braimin · 2 months

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40yo zosan. Thoughts?

Boy oh boy I have many scattered brained thoughts on 40yo zosan

They live together in the All Blue, obviously. But I personally don't think it happens immediately. The first like twelve years after Sanji finds his All Blue he stays by himself and eventually with Zeff as they build a Baratwo. (get it ? cause it's the second one lol)

Zoro isn't ready to leave Luffy or the rest of the crew just yet, so they part ways. Sanji thinks Zoro just won't come back, I mean, it's not like they made a promise to each other or anything. Sanji genuinely thinks that's the end of it until a thirty something Zoro shows up in his restaurant and just. never leaves.

They fight about it constantly for the first year cause why would you disappear for a decade and think you can just come back like nothing has changed ? Sanji considers actual murder every day and Zoro is like come on Cook get over it already. He does not, he ends up making the marimo sleep outside for that comment.

They figure it out eventually after their year long big fight. Zoro kinda sorta proposes ? It really shouldn't be called a proposal cause all that happens is that Sanji wakes up one morning with one of Zoro's earrings in his lobe and when he asks the idiot is just like 'its yours now, you don't wear rings when you cook, right ?'

The years after that are easier but still incredibly chaotic. They're Straw Hats after all. So they have people showing up to challenge them and marines will come by every now and then and try to take them down. It never works so for the most part if a marine ship pops up they're usually only there for the food. Zoro gets so many people coming for his title and he does what Mihawk did to him and brings out a little baby katana to fight with. Sanji makes a comment about it's size matching the size of something else every time and it never stops being funny to him.

I think when they finally hit their forties they've mellowed out some and their dumb little arguments start to really sound like an old married couple's. Zoro is absolutely useless around the restaurant. He's not allowed to drink very much so he picks up fishing, and since Zeff is getting old he's not allowed in the kitchen as much so they start fishing together. They shit talk Sanji the whole time and Sanji can't really do anything about it cause if he stops them from fishing they'll start getting in his way again and bothering his kitchen staff.

Zoro puts on weight as he gets older. He starts to look like those heavyweight lifters and it makes his already large figure even more imposing. He's not drinking as much as he used to so all that weight is really coming from the fact that the cook is always giving him food. Sanji is surprised at how much he likes the fact that he's the reason Zoro gained weight and it looks so good on him.

Sanji gets his first grey hair at some point and it sparks a whole crisis about how old he looks. Zoro thinks it's all fun and games until Sanji starts crying around about how old Zoro looks and how he expected him to be the first one to start going down hill. It becomes a real genuine fight that puts them both through this stupid phase where they're doing dumb stuff to look younger even though neither of them actually give a shit about what the other looks like in old age.

Zeff starts to say things here and there about the lack of children around the restaurant when they hit their forties too. At first it goes over Sanji's head so when he hears it he's like why would people bring their kids through the Grand Line just for a restaurant, old man ? Zoro does get it surprisingly enough. And it gets him thinking of having a little swordsman or lady running around and he's shocked at how much he likes the idea. Sanji on the other hand, hates the idea. He's terrified he'll turn into something like Judge and he just can't take that chance. Zoro is okay with that, of course. He loves Sanji and will continue to live happily with him with or without kids in the mix.

It stays like that for a bit until they go on vacation with the Straw Hats and some small blonde girl pops up and tries to challenge Zoro to a fight. He accepts cause the look in this kid's eye reminds him of Kuina and he doesn't get challenged by kids like that very often. She's a good fighter and takes her loss with a dignity he isn't used to seeing. When they all leave the docks Zoro tells the crew about this cool little kid he fought and how he hopes he'll get to fight her again some day when she was ready. Then they hear yelling in the galley and go to check it out and find that that little girl stowed away on their ship.

Luffy and Zoro find it hilarious and when she starts arguing with Sanji their laughter only gets worse. After a long discussion, Nami and Sanji decide to drop her off on the next island. The others are a little sad about it but Zoro understands and he'll make sure before they leave that she's being left in good hands. Except it doesn't really end that way because on the two week trip to the next island Sanji keeps looking at her blonde hair and round face and thinking about her future. She's an orphan and alone; she's small for her age and he can tell it's from malnutrition, Chopper confirms that assumption.

When they finally hit that island Sanji is so reluctant to let her leave. He stalls the whole day, insisting that they can't leave her without a good meal and a proper wardrobe, and she should have books to read and lets make sure she has good shoes and really Marimo, is that sword gonna last her ? Maybe we should-

After like the fifth hour both Zoro and the kid are over it, and she screams that if he's that worried he should just take her with them. Sanji stands there for a minute and is like oh. Maybe we should ?

When they get back home Zeff thinks she's a perfect addition to their little family. She's loud and kind of feral and anytime Zoro and Sanji start to fight she just has to throw in her own little jabs at both of them. Zoro and Zeff spend less time fishing and more running her around and teaching her some of the worst habits. She doesn't spend much time in the kitchen but she can tell the difference in the kitchen staff's cooking and will throw a fit if she's not given Sanji's cooking.

Running the Baratwo (yes i will keep calling it that) and now having a kid means Sanji is getting more stressed. A lot of his crew are trying to push him out of the kitchen so he can spend more time with his husband and daughter but it doesn't really work in the beginning. Zoro knows how Sanji can be so he lets the cook work how he wants at first, but then he sees how it's starting to bother their girl and it makes him realize that yeah, he wants his man out of that kitchen more too.

They have to outright kidnap him to be able to spend time with him because even after all this time Sanji still can't tell when people want him closer. But Sanji gets it after a while and then he starts taking more breaks and days off. There's a smaller ship attached to the Baratwo where they live away from their staff and on his off days Sanji and Zoro will sit on the deck and watch their kid go through her training regimen and they'll play little games and it reminds him of the days on the Merry when everything was simple.

#zosan #40yo zosan #they dont get like Married married #the straw hats and everyone else start seeing sanji wear that earring and just Know #sanji has more than one midlife crisis over his aging #he's just scared that if he stops looking the same zoro will lose interest #meanwhile zoro can get hard at the sound of his voice or the smell of his hair #like he's locked in for life lol #i had to toss in a kid cause i really do think if zoro came across a lil swordsman he'd just Have to pick them up #it messes with sanji a bit at first but he settles into being a parent really well

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magicxc · 2 months

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Sizes

Pairings: Survey Corps - their dick sizes

Word Count: 857

Warnings: none

A/N: this is so self indulgent, it aint even funny lol. Please enjoy what I think the bois are packing.

Eren - 9.5 inches

Phew I mean, this doesn’t take too much explaining…at least for me. Eren legit had the gall to wipe out 80% of the population so I can only imagine that he has the balls to match. It’s safe to say our boy is all bark and bite cause he’s absolutely backing up whatever the fuck he says. Needless to say, you need to be PREPPED before penetration.

Levi - 6.5

As my personal favorite of the bunch, daddy Levi is absolutely still working with sumn, okay!!! Let's not count our short king out the race. Matter of fact, I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that Levi is giving you THEE best seggs. As fun as size kinks are, let's be real, it hurts before it pleases. And 6.5 is like the perfect length to comfortably kiss your cervix. That stamina? His insomnia? The low, sultriness of his voice? Yeahh, you can kiss a good night's rest goodbye and your pussy will absolutely thank you for it. It’s been said that Levi is one of the best in terms of ODM use because of how quick he is while maneuvering the gear and the way it’s used is by the wearers shifting a lot of their weight to their pelvis for movement. Once again YOUR PUSSY WILL THANK YOU!

Erwin - 7.5

Though the Commander stands tall above his peers, he has some muscle mass to him and therefore I consider him a girthy fellow. Keep in mind this is the same man who stared down Reiner in his armor titan form, all the while being short one arm. It's been said that the horses that the scouts ride are bred specifically to outrun titans but what they leave out is that Erwins horse is bred specifically to carry balls as heavy as his. Lmfaoo this man is BRAVE, just daring a mf to try some shit. And he absolutely carries that trait into the bedroom as well.

Connie - 7.5

Connie has always given me goofball vibes. That “huh” ass mf was sorta the comedic relief to the show and it’s like omg you brought dick too?? Funny men be getting me ngl jksjsks. It’s been said that Connie views the Scouts training almost like a summer camp and while he made the top ten his competitive edge doesn’t really set in until he sees someone doing better than him lol. I genuinely don’t think dick size matters to him all that much so when he becomes sexually active and gets so much praise, it’s like ohh wow - new kink unlocked.

Jean - 10 inches

I'm willing to physically debate this lmao. This is probably the only thing he’ll beat Eren in, but I whole heartedly believe that Jean is packing a SCHLONG. He’s always stood above his peers throughout the show and as he ages, it’s more prominent. Tall and skinny men are literally always packing and those pencils wanna write in every book. Mans would absolutely put Mikasa through a mattress if given the chance.

Onyankopon - 8.5 inches

Even though Ony doesn’t get a whole lotta screen time, I can safely assume his length here. This is the same man who fucking DARED Floch to kill him AFTER witnessing him kill a few others for refusing to fall in line. You wanna talk about standing on business? Ohhh Ony’s your man through and through. Mans is always fighting for the greater good and even willing to sacrifice his life for the cause; it’s safe to say you’d bark if he asked you to.

Reiner - 7.0

Ok hear me out, mans is GIRTHY. And 7 inches isn��t a bad place to be at all. Very rarely do those beefcake ass men have length, but that doesn’t mean they're lacking. In fact, I’ll take it a step further and guess that Reiners smeat curves left. CHANGE MY MIND. Any man strong enough to wield that heavy ass armor titan is absolutely knocking the cobwebs off that pwussy. Needless to say, prep is still a must.

Armin - 7.0

Its certainly the quiet ones that shock you the most. Have you ever interacted with a chill and laid back man? It's definitely a reason for that and Armin is no exception. Although I consider him the least experienced, keep in mind that he is a QUICK learner. Every contort of your face and shift of your body is all the notes he needs to take to properly learn how to work your body over. And soon, you’ll be able to mold him to your perfect sex partner. That, coupled with his sweet attitude and sincere personality; sigh that bitch Annie really struck gold with this one.

Floch - 8.0

If you look up unhinged in the dictionary, you’d literally find a picture of Floch. Many can make the argument that he may be overcompensating for something, but I di-fucking-gress. Even though he can be a bit off the walls, it truly was for good reason and all in the name of his country and THAT, my friends, is big dick behavior.

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mystic-kitten-writer · 25 days

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Update :)

It's funny how it's been such a long time since I've posted here, yet it still feels like home—hello, loves~!

It goes without saying that I owe an explanation as to why I disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long.

The last time I was able to truly connect with you was when my family and I caught Covid (great times, let me tell you) - after that, I totally disappeared, and as much as I would love to say it was for good and positive reasons, to be very blunt and straight to the point, it wasn't.

For those sensitive to the topics of illness and mental health, skip to the image of a giant cat for the good news!

Once again, as everyone knows, my whole family got COVID-19. While my Mom, Dad, and I weren't too hot, we were functioning. But my husband was really struggling. And when weeks passed, and his health started to get worse and worse, we realized that this was something more than just COVID-19.

My husband is hesitant to provide full details about what occurred, primarily because it's still a recent event and something he's currently grappling with. Still, my husband went from being a healthy, physically active person to being bedridden.

It was a really hard time for everyone because my husband is like the sun. All smiles and outgoing - to suddenly unable to eat or hold down food, needing help with showering and to be very blunt, depressed and suicidal because he lost everything due to this sickness.

Unfortunately, cancer runs in his family, and while he got tested multiple times and came back negative (yay!), he is still not out of the dark. He has done numerous surgeries in hopes of getting better (his most recent this January), and at this time, his last resort is getting a colostomy bag. He is currently undergoing some experimental treatments because doctors don't want to do the surgery based on his age.

It goes without saying why I haven't been posting and updating anything. There's been a lot going on, and I want to be on his side as much as possible.

But there is some good news!

I am mainly posting this message because he has improved greatly these past few weeks and is now in a much better physical and mental state. Seeing him get his feet back on the ground has given me the confidence to resume writing.

I have never stopped writing, but I have stopped publicly posting my writing mainly because I didn't have the time to sit down and properly edit.

My friends behind the scenes have been real stars. They have kept me going and encouraged me to keep writing.

I aim to post small works and drabbles until I feel confident enough to finish my biggest baby, Limerence.

To all those messages saying you missed Yue and Zuko, they're back - sorry, not sorry.

Thank you to everyone who has written messages to me. Trust me when I say I read them all, and I truly appreciate them. It meant a lot to get them and read them when I was not active because there were a few dark moments during my time away with everything going on, and honestly, it made me really happy. While I could never express my thanks in enough words, please know I greatly valued it.

I wanted to keep this short and sweet, but as we know, I am not known for short things (I try I swear askdjahjhksdj)😅

Thank you, and I wish everyone a fabulous day with tons of hugs and kisses.

I can't wait to write to you all soon~ ❤️

#Update

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mshroom1e · 1 year

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Twst Characters and Cake Messages

The idea suddenly occurred to me. It sounded very funny in my head.

Just some silly headcanons based around some cakes I found on Pinterest

Grim sent this to Kalim after the orientation ceremony:

He felt very bad after Yuu reminded him what happened to Kalim during orientation

Wanted to apologise and Trey being Trey, suggested he made a cake.

Gave the cake to Kalim after Book 4

He was very happy about it.

Fed Grim some crackers as a thank you.

Silver's cake for Lilia's birthday:

Silver wanted to do something nice for his dear old dad's birthday. What better way to show someone appreciation than through a cake?

He'd (very badly) made him a cake before and wanted to do it again, hoping his skills had gotten better.

He was about to ice Lilia's age onto the cake but it suddenly occurred to him.

He didn't know Lilia's age.

So he just wrote "You've aged" and hoped for the best.

Lilia laughed out loud after receiving it.

Was very happy and was smiling the whole day.

A cake sent to Yuu from the horse girl himself, Riddle:

He invites Yuu to come look at the equestrian club since they have yet to join one.

Was going over the basics of mounting a horse with Yuu when it suddenly bit their arm.

Was panicking.

Trey, being Trey, said an apology through a cake would be nice while Yuu was recovering from the massive bite on their arm.

The cake tasted terrible.

Riddle forgot the oyster in dessert thing was a joke.

But hey, its the thought that counts.

A cake from Idia after a game night with Yuu:

Being a NA ver player, I (sadly) haven't finished book 6 yet and have no idea about what he's like with Yuu all too well.

But I imagine Yuu and Idia have weekly gaming sessions and he's a rage gamer.

When Yuu throws one of those annoying turtle shells at him while he's in the lead, he yells a string of "-insert incoherent game-based insults here-"

Yuu had no idea what any of what he said meant but Idia felt bad afterwards since what he said was very mean.

Ortho suggested the idea as his research showed giving cakes with messages was a very common thing to do with friends.

Sent a cake via a drone all the way to the Ramshackle Dorm as an apology.

The cake was surprisingly really good.

The OB group sent this to Yuu:

The message speaks for itself.

They're very sorry about the trouble they've caused, especially to Yuu who witnessed every single one (in my brain anyway)

Was made from a box cake recipie because I said so.

Tasted very nice.

A friendly reminder from Azul to whoever owes him anything:

As soon as I saw this cake, I knew who it was for.

Someone forgot to pay their debt and Jade wanted to make a cake but using mushrooms instead of flour.

Jade got to experiment and neither Floyd nor Azul had to eat it.

It's a win win.

RIP to the person who eats it though.

It's a one-way ticket to triggering your dormant IBS.

Adeuce and Grim trying to help a sad Yuu:

The trio noticed their best friend Yuu had been feeling sad.

They got the idea from Deuce.

It was half cooked since they all probably suck at cooking.

Triggered Yuu's IBS.

The icing was lumpy and the cake batter was raw but they tried their best.

Everyone was happy at the end. (Except Yuu's stomach)

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lunar-years · 2 months

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S1 Keeley with a boyfriend she genuinely likes and has fun with (the first one in ages) and is maybe even starting to love, even though she hadn’t ever planned on falling in love with him, and this was only supposed to be PR, right (probably), and he isn’t even the right material for a longterm thing anyway (unless he could be?) only for him to go and break their carefully woven trust and demonstrate that he really is more the arsehole everyone else keeps telling her he is, rather than the person he's been to her (the one who, sure, has an ego through the roof, but who's also funny and kind and ambitious and brave) in one fell swoop. To have to wonder if she’s been blind this whole time to who he really is, and to be made to feel like a total idiot because of how he treated her, and then to decide firmly that no, he is good and he is trying, and then to make the choice to continue to be there for him and help him when he asks...

Late S1/S2 Keeley with a different boyfriend, and this one she's certain she loves, and he could most definitely be longterm material with only a little polishing, in fact she's pretty sure this is it, and she's going to see this man through to his shine, because he's worth it. Even as he spirals in retirement and even as they hurt each other in small ways that eventually start to add up into something bigger, she keeps believing things will get better and they both will do better, because the little life they've been building is worth it. Or it has been, up until he goes and breaks up with her and doesn't even give her the courtesy of presenting something passable as a reason, even as he's turned into a stranger before he's fully out the door. And then they're barely talking and she's heartbroken and she knows she probably went wrong somewhere in there, too, but he never told her how and she's too tired to pick apart all the whys, and she's mad at him but it's difficult to even hold space for that anger because she misses him....

S3 Keeley Jones who stumbles into another new thing, and it's not going to be anything serious (unless it could be), and she's still grieving the last one (maybe the last two?) (but this will be different, really) and Rebecca's telling her she isn't certain this is a good thing (but Rebecca never liked Jamie, either, and Jamie's turned out all right, hasn't he). Her new girlfriend flying her on extravagant dates and flooding her with extravagant gifts and making Keeley feel appreciated, like all the time she's put in is finally being recognized, makes her feel worthy of love (she only wants to be loved. she wants people to stop leaving.) Even as her new girlfriend announces their relationship to the entire office (and sure, it's a little sticky, being that her girlfriend is also her boss, and it makes Keeley feel a little uncomfortable, actually, having all those eyes on her, her employees, but she pushes it aside because Jack isn't afraid to acknowledge her, to make it known that she likes her, to stick with her, and that's something). It's something until it isn't, anyway. Until she only acknowledges Keeley where she wants to, to the people she wants to. Until she leaves, too, and takes Keeley's funding with her. And then Keeley is left to feel like the clueless one again, the idiot for not spotting it coming all along.

And she's making stupid decisions again (sleeping with exes just to get the chance to feel someone), and Jamie and Roy are weirdly close now, and isn't that just flipping great. somehow she missed that, too. And she's the one who made them both better!! they never would have turned out like this if she hadn't been pushing them towards it all along, and now they're there without her, which really doesn't seem fucking fair and definitely sucks. And she's maybe still a little (a lot) in love with both of them, but then they're demanding she choose between them like quarreling stupid schoolboys, and she doesn't even want to choose and she wants both of them at the same time she wants neither of them and then there's still the sticky business of rebuilding her firm with what Jack did still sitting so raw in her chest (and it was never that serious anyway, so why does it bother her so much? why does everything bother her so much?)

(im gnawing at my enclosure)

#anyway. JUSTICE FOR KEELEY JONES.#(which is not to say that she's this divine victim either. obviously she makes a ton of her own mistakes.)#but god did the writers do her dirty by failing to dive in to her messy headspace in any effective way #and by god does the fandom often do her dirty now by reducing her to 1) Favorite Male Characters Girlfriend #or 2) GirlBoss Slay Sunshine Never Sad Never Mean Never Unkind #or 3) Manipulative Hypocritical Ex Who Refuses All Accountability Whilst Getting in the Way of Popular M/M Ship #it's like the holy trilogy of dramatically different but equally horrible fanon characterizations #(also this is why her ending the series by choosing herself is deeply important to me. & I don't understand why #more people don't see it for the moment of emotional growth and deep personal breakthrough that it is)#holy shit #okay #/rant over #ted lasso #keeley jones

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slashingdisneypasta · 1 year

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Older!Horror Villains x Younger!Reader || Reactions

Reacting to: Someone at the store thinking that they're your grandparent- rather then your S/O. (Just something funny I was considering for Inkubus but decided to just do for all of them ^^ XD 😅)

Characters Included: The gilfs of the fandom 😅 ? I'm thinking 50 years and above. Captain Spaulding, Drayton Sawyer, Granny Boone, Inkubus, Jedidiah Sawyer, Luda Mae Hewitt, Mayor Buckman, Mental Manny / Manual Dyer, Peepaw Michael Myers, Norman Nordstrom, Otis B. Driftwood, Pamela Voorhees, Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt Jr, Stuart Lloyd, the Taxidermist / Walter Harris and Winslow Foxworth Coltrane.

Warnings: Major age difference, bad language, sexual references, a really awkward misunderstanding...

Captain Spaulding: Spaulding's a pretty good sport about it XD In fact, he kinda enjoys it. Cuz then he gets to rub it in the persons face what a young, hot thing he's got going here with you and what- what did you say you had again?? Nothin'?? Yeahh, that's what I thought. Fuck right off, why dontcha?

Drayton Sawyer: Drayton goes so red and is about to blow his top. He gets enough shit from his brothers over this! He does not need one more moron bothering him about it! Fuck off! *Grabs you by the arm and storms off*

Granny Boone: "... Grandma, huh? Alright then!~ " *Turns to you* "Come here, sweetie, give grandmother a kiss~ " She's about to ruin that guys whole career 😅😅😅

Inkubus: Inkubus is not amused. Grandpa?? Absolutely not, no. He'll correct the person in the most embarrassing way possible.

Jedidiah Sawyer: Jed does not care at all 😅😅 The only person who's opinion matters to him is yours, so who cares if this guy thinks he's your grandpa? Fine then, he's your grandpa. So go and mow the lawn for him while he sits on the porch and has a sweet tea.

Luda Mae Hewitt: She's is gonna tear that guy a new one. Calling her old?? Son of a bitch, where is that persons manners?? She should set her damn sons on him.

Mayor Buckman: Sorry, Buckman cannot answer this question. He's too busy choking.

Mental Manny / Manual Dyer: Manny loves to correct people. He's got the biggest smile on his face as he goes oh you're mistaken- this is my beautiful partner. A little young, sure, but we sure don't mind~ Oh sweetheart, I think we're going be late for our dinner reservations. Shall we?

Peepaw Michael Myers: Like Jed he struggles to give a shit. Who cares??? He knows that he's not your grandfather and you know he's not your grandfather- that's all that matters. He doesn't care... but he does enjoy giving you a big kiss, with tongue, later when the guy sees you both again. He's a gremlin.

Norman Nordstrom: ... what? Norman is pissed at this idea, he hates it. He feels like a digusting predator (*cough* which he is, though not because you like him ^^) and it hits close to home. He's going to need you to set it straight.

Otis B. Driftwood: "... Ha! Okay, pal, check this out." He'll say, then turn around and basically make out with you right there in front of the guy. Otis is not amused at the poor insinuation and takes it out with lewd efficiency.

Pamela Voorhees: Again- not amused. As far as she's concerned, this total stranger has no business making disgusting insinuations about the two of you, anyway. So she'll ruthlessly take them down a notch with her words- and sweet smile.

Sheriff Hoyt / Charlie Hewitt Jr: "... you think you're funny? No I ain't their fucken grandpa. Didn't your bitch momma ever teach you to mind your business? Oh don't you worry, I can do it for her." Just- my friend- just keep him from taking out the damn shot gun.

Stuart Lloyd: "... oh... uh... n-no, actually- " Stuart forces himself to stutter through a quick explanation- but he wants to crawl into a whole and die (:

Taxidermist / Walter Harris: Gets the nervous giggles 😅😅😅 Doesn't correct them.

Winslow Foxworth Coltrane: Annnnd Foxy loves it XD He was already one kinky mother fucker- you can use this as foreplay. Let him smack your ass while they're still looking but call you 'Hon' or 'Sweetie'- he finds it funny and hot in equal measures.

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irregularbillcipher · 4 months

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was talking this over with someone ages ago but weirdmageddon has gotta be so funny from the henchmaniacs' perspective, because like. imagine you go to some rager thrown by your pal and you know he like, broke into and took over a mansion to host it there, but you're a shitty person without morals and you sort of assume he had a plan so you're like. okay whatever free mansion. but then you get there and he's still sort of figuring out how to be able to keep this mansion and also how to take over all the houses on the block and you didn't really sign up for that but like, fine, you'll help him come up with some ideas. and then the cops show up and your buddy shoots all them, including, like, the president, who came to deal with your friend Personally, but like hey it worked they're gone so you cheer and start partying again. but then your friend hands you a gun and is like okay well we have to defend this mansion now and then he yells at you for not being smart enough to defend this mansion and he starts throwing things and pitching a fit but it wasn't ever your job to defend this mansion in the first place and then your buddy fucking dies and you get run out of the mansion and the whole time all you wanted to do was like play some beer pong

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most-datable-datable-bracket · 8 months

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ROUND 4 MATCH 8

Zevran propaganda:

“The bisexual elf man”

"what about 'for the chance to be by your side i would storm the dark city itself'?? he can essentially propose!! if you die he canonically never loves again!!"

"literally the sweetest romance ive ever had the chance of doing

everytime i play origins i try to romance someone else but the momebt he starts talking i absolutely melt!!!!!

zevran shouldnt just be boiled down to bisexual elf man

he also is deeply traumatized since he was used for his body since a young child

so the warden and zevrans romance is such a sweet and slow romance ws you slowly help him realize that you dont just see him as his body!!!!

hes the sweetest man on earth and i will die on this hill

i will never love anyone more than this man"

Derek propaganda:

"Impossible to dislike

No, like, literally impossible. OL1 will allow you to be indifferent to it's two other LIs, Cove and Baxter but you actually can't pick that option for Derek. Game decided that You Will Be (at least) Friends With Derek

This boy is so good!!!! He's a sweetheart and has your back in the best way and he's constantly doing his best to make sure the people around him (especially you) are happy

This is also a complex flaw of his because he feels like he needs to be the best that he can be and to be worth something

This both manifests in how he treats others (he's exceedingly well-mannered and does everything for others because he secretly hopes that someday someone will do the same for him) and his career prospects (he takes on excessive practice to get good at football/soccer so that he can potentially get a scholarship and become famous all so he can potenially feel like he's worth something. This is actually a major conflict in his Step 4)

His DLC also has some of the best moments in the game

He also has a family and they're also really good and you get to see a lot of them

His dad is hilarious, his mom is gorgeous and their relationship is very cute

Meanwhile, Derek's brothers are great. I wanna gush about them because I love them but also play Derek's DLC yourself!!! See how good they are for yourself!!!!

I will say that these three have a really good relationship dynamic and the development it takes in the 10 years between when you first meet Jorge and Nico as little kids to Step 4 where they're adults (and a teenager, Nico is 16 in Step 4) is genuinely very well written

If you're into the steamy stuff, Derek also has the best make-out session out of all of the boys

He's also just. Very funny. This boy will invite you to a waterpark and then ask you if its a date so he knows whether or not it's ok to check you out in your swimsuit

Or, if you aren't dating by that point (but you do want to to date him), the narration will note how he's trying so so hard not to check you out, he's just trying so so so hard

Puppy dog face. Look at it. Tell me you can look at that face and not want to smooch him

His confession is also the best, did I mention it's the best? Because it's absolutely the best one in the entire game

He has a whole thing about having to confess to you on a ferris wheel and he's so committed to it that he actually avoided ferris wheels for a long time before this confession because he promised himself he'd do it the next time he went on one

And then he went on one...and he literally doesn't confess when he does it because he lost track of time and he had to get off

so he asks you to go on the ferris wheel with him again so he can actually confess this time

Just. Just vote for him!!!!"

#zevran arainai #dragon age #dragon age: origins #derek suarez #our life #our life beginnings & always #round 4 #most datable datable character

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jtl-fics · 10 months

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May I propose: ex boyfriends au. Neil and Andrew go back in time per usual, but they arrive together at the beginning of Neil's recruitment to palmetto. They agree that for now, they should keep it low key and not change much in fear of making the future worse. But, they come to find out that repeating your life exactly the same way is BORING. So, they decide to spice it up a bit. In order to explain their familiarity to the foxes, they create this awfully dramatic backstory full of twists and betrayals, where neil met Andrew while he was with Cass and then Andrew did something to land them both in Juvie, and maybe in juvie they betrayed each other or smthn. All of its fake but the foxes eat it up. Neil and Andrew even incorporate song lyrics that haven't been made into fake arguments that they have for fun (strawberry ice cream in Malibu don't act like we didn't do that shit too) and the foxes fully believe that they're ex boyfriends. But even they can't fully hide the affection they have for each other and when that bleeds through the fixes think they're witnessing the best second chance trope when in reality they're just fucking around

This is such a funny concept.

I am going to add one thing though. In this AU Neil and Andrew made it all the way to their 90s. They went to sleep in their bed old, in love, and happy together. They've both been getting more and more tired lately, they know what's coming. They've seen it with their friends. It's fine, whatever the next step is they're going to go together. If one leaves a little early, well they've had years to get patient while waiting for the other to catch up.

They pass together and their great grand nephew (Kevin's) finds them the next morning (he'd been staying with them to help with a few things. They're holding hands.

They find themselves in the immediate aftermath of Andrew having driven an Exy racquet into Neil's stomach. There's a moment where Andrew truly panics because "OH FUCK, WHAT IF I RUPTURED HIS COLOSTOMY BAG?" and then oh he never really forgot how Neil looked (Neil had been the one that needed the reminders about things) but seeing his husband at 18 with brown hair, wire thin frame, and brown eyes? It throws him off even if he'd know Neil no matter what hair color or eye color.

Kevin comes up and it's been almost 10 years since he'd died but he's there young, no liver spots, and with a 2 on his face again.

They have long been able to talk to one another without a single word. Now that Andrew's face has full range of motion again (partial stroke 3 years before) it's even easier.

"So this is where you ran off to?" Andrew demands.

"Oh, like I had a choice after what you pulled!" Neil shoots back.

Cue two old fucks who are now in the prime of their life bodies and when they lost a lot of their mobility with age the thing they had most loved to do was fuck with their numerous grand nieces and nephews (I am stating right here that every fox who has a kid FULLY views Andreil as uncles so it does not matter if there is a blood relation).

Neil and Andrew rarely need to lie about the shit they've gotten up to, it just hasn't happened yet. They only make it like 2 weeks MAX pretending like they're mad at one another. They've slept in the same bed holding hands for 70 years. They don't do well when they're separated and Andrew is on that god awful medication but this time they know the medical expert who can argue about how BAD this whole shit show is and they know the lawyer to hire. Neil might dip heavily into his stash money but they know more than enough to make that cash back.

Andrew off his meds almost a whole year early via an outpatient treatment.

Still they keep referencing some insane past. "I'll say sorry for getting us thrown in Juvie when YOU apologize for lighting the car on fire in the first place!" he huffs.

"Then I guess we're at a standstill."

These arguments are had while they are absolutely all over one another because a bunch of parts of theirs just WORK again and that's super fun for both of them. They seem like Seth & Allison 2.0 with 8x the history but Neil makes Andrew act like a human and not a monster so they're all very invested in the relationship working out.

This past is also NEVER elaborated on but they never fuck up the fabrication of it either. Andrew because his perfect memory and Neil because even decades later he is a super tier liar.

They're having fun, it's sort of like being back with all their grand nieces and nephews except it's all of their friends (+Seth). The Original Foxes were long used to Neil & Andrew's shit so it was impossible to mess with them like this.

They're going to have a blast.

Edit: Thanks @the-inner-musings-of-a-worm for the fun idea once again!

#Old Flames AU #Lol don't know if I'd do more of this but figured I'd give it a title #Anon I wish I knew who you were so I could shake your digital hand #this was a fun thought #sorry if it's not more of what you wanted though #I just love old farts Andreil fucking with all the young versions of their friends #AFTG #AFTG AU #Andreil

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newtdrawz · 6 months

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WAITWAITWAIT HEADCANONS FOR TWO AND PONYS FRIENDSHIP?!(!(!(&(& PLEEEEASEE I LOVE YOUR HCS

YESE AHHH I'm so glad cuz I love making them 😭

I love Two-bit with my whole heart and I love their friendship SO MUCH 😭😭 the amount of older brother figures this kid has is insane 😭

OK SO,,

Two honestly loves Pony, loves him like a brother and Pony does too

When Two first met Pony he was pretty young (idk the ages of the gang when they all first met and I cannot find it anywhere 😭 so I'm taking it into my own hands) and he was honestly obsessed with him

Two always wanted a little brother so whenever Pony would tag along with his brothers Two would be pretty happy abt it while mostly everyone else was a little annoyed lol

Two was never really bothered when Pony followed him around or asked him a million questions while they were all out with the gang

Two always tries to get Pony out of his comfort zone, but not the way Dally does 😭😭

Two tries to encourage Pony to get out of his shell and get out more

He tries to get him to talk to girls more too (which honestly most of the time goes south 😭😭)

Two was really the only one who was able to get Pony out of the house after Mr. And Mrs. Curtis died, he was persistent enough that it ended up working (Soda and Darry thanked him a million times but Two-bit said it was no big deal) (he does the same thing after Johnny and Dally)

Two will steal gifts for Pony while Pony makes gifts for Two

Two-bit will steal art supplies for Pony or anything that he see's and makes him think of Pony

One time he stole like a pack of bookmarks that he thought where funny ("you'll never believe what I found, it's bookmarks with worms reading books!")

Pony will try and draw Two's favorite cartoon characters, especially Mickey Mouse, and give them to him

Two gets really excited each time and he'll hang them around his room at home or keep them safe in a box

Two has unspoken permission from Darry and Soda to give Pony talking to's when he does something stupid

Two also tries to keep Pony out of trouble the best he can, he also tries not to steal when he's with Pony incase someone calls the cops or anything

If he catches word of Pony doing something dumb or hanging out with people Darry specifically told him not to hang out with (COUGH CURLY COUGH) Two will swoop in, pull him away and scold him a little before his brothers can hear anything about it ("You're lucky I caught word of you doin' somethin dumb before Darry or Soda did. I'm not gonna tell em, but don't let me catch you doin it again.")

Two honestly doesn't want Pony to turn out like anyone in the gang so he tells him out right to not do anything he's doing (like how Dally does) ("You see me stealin all the time but don't go out and try and copy me, alright?")

Two-bit is ALWAYS rough housing with Pony 😭

Any chance the two get they're wrestling on the floor

Two-bit's obviously a little stronger then Pony, but Pony's faster

Two will lift him up or hold him down to try and win but Pony will run and try and tire him out to win

Darry HATES when they wrestle in the house, Two-bit tries to remember to wait till they get outside but he always forgets 😭

Two-bit and school do not mix but Pony somehow gets him to do work

They end up having a class together and it's the only class where Two-bit does the work/homework, only cuz Pony tells him too

Pony is NOT about to mess around in class and he outright tells Two-bit that 😭 (he's not trying to get the teacher to call home and get him in trouble)

The teacher is honestly bewildered (a little scared too 😭😭) to see Two-bit sitting quietly and doing actual work. They're even more shocked when he turns things in (are half the answers wrong? Yeah. Did he still do it and turn it in? Yeah.) (It's not that he's dumb he just doesn't care 😭)

Two-bit always tries to sit with Pony at lunch and get him talking. (Pony's honestly so quiet at school so Two tries to also get him out of his shell there too lol)

Pony honestly thinks Two is the funniest person he knows

Pony idolizes a lot of people but Two-bit is definitely on that list, maybe top 5 of people he idolizes.

Pony would never tell him or anyone that but he really does look up to him

He gets a little jealous of how extroverted Two can be and how confident he is so he tries to copy him just a little bit 😭 (like how Johnny pointed that out in the book lol)

He honestly doesn't realize how many mannerisms he's picked up from Two until someone points it out (Steve's the first to point it out and Pony gets so embarrassed but Two is honestly overjoyed by it)

Ah ok!! This one was really fun to do too!! I loves this duo sm 😭

I hope I did them justice 🙏 again anyone feel free to add on!!

(Again sorry if there's any spelling mistakes or if this is ooc 😭😭 I'm trying man)

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gnpwdrnwhiskey · 5 months

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Southern Inhospitality

Pairing - Dieter Bravo x ofc!Ava

Word Count - 1.7K

Warnings - God, I don't even know. Mentions of food, mentions of tense family gatherings and insecurities, just general Thanksgiving family gathering vibes....oh and also, hopefully Rhett & Scarlett don't mind I borrowed a few lines

Author's Note - this takes place like a year or two in the future of where Dieter and Ava currently are in the main story but it's pretty spoiler free. Big big thanks to @tinytinymenace for sending me this prompt for a first sentence fic thing. And to @wildemaven and @trulybetty as usual for cheerleading me through this lol! 💕

As he stepped on the escalator and descended into the arrivals terminal, he thought to himself, "this is the dumbest idea I've ever had."

Okay, maybe not the dumbest. He's Dieter Bravo, he's done a lot of dumb shit in his life. But this probably ranks right up there.

And Ava hadn't exactly invited him but when they'd talked the previous evening, she had said she missed him and that was pretty much the same thing right?

Besides, she'd sounded so miserable back in her family's clutches, it was like his duty or whatever to sweep in and rescue her. The last time she sounded that withdrawn- well, he doesn't like to think about it, but he'll be damned if they ever repeat it. Time for him to step up and white knight this shit.

He's starting to second guess the whole idea though as the Uber makes its way up the long oak lined drive, the massive magnolia tree taking up the majority of the front yard coming into view before the actual house does.

"Goddamn," he whispers to himself as the car comes to a halt in front of a true southern plantation house- fucking columns, gleaming black shutters, coach lights, rocking chairs and all.

What the hell has he gotten himself into he wonders as grabs his bag from the Uber and makes his way up the steps to the imposing front door and ringing the bell.

He's halfway expecting the door to be answered by a housekeeper or a butler or some shit and is surprised when it swings open to reveal a pre-teen boy in perfectly pressed khakis and a polo.

"Yeah?" The kid says nonchalantly, more interested in the phone in his hand than the actual guest at the door and Dieter catches a glimpse of chipped glitter nail polish as the boy's fingers fly over the keys.

"I'm looking for Ava. Ava Greene? Is this the right place?" He asks, sliding his Ray-Bans down his nose and trying to peer behind the kid into the house. "Or like the right fucking century? They know the south lost right?"

The kid looks up at Dieter and flashes him a mischievous grin and suddenly Dieter sees the family resemblance. At least he knows he's at the right house. Must be one of Drew's spawn.

"The news of the fall of the Confederacy has not yet reached the man of the house. We fear, due to his advanced age and frail condition, such a staggering blow may cause him to expire."

Dieter snorts out a laugh and the kid smiles even wider. "Welcome to Oak Hill," he says with a dramatic bow. "Please, do step inside and join us on this day when we celebrate the most problematic of American holidays."

"Harry! Who's at the door? You didn't let the Jehovah's Witnesses in again, did you??" Ava's voice comes from somewhere further in the house and Dieter finds himself automatically stepping inside as if drawn to her.

"They're actually here for you," Harry calls over his shoulder. "Something about how you've been living in sin with a cad and a scoundrel."

"Haha," Ava laughs. "Very funny, smart ass. Seriously, who's here?"

"Seriously, it's for you. Come see."

The tapping of heels on hardwood flooring comes closer and Dieter thinks maybe he's stepped not only into the wrong century but also into a completely alternate reality- Ava- his messy, wonderful, Converse wearing Ava, in heels?

His gaze starts at her feet as she comes into view and hot damn, she really is wearing a killer pair of pumps, then some long swirly plaid skirt he doesn't have a name for, crisp white button up, pearls at her ears and throat, hair pulled back in a complicated looking up-do.

"Harry, everyone I know is already here...." And then she catches sight of him standing behind Harry and he grins at the surprised expression on her face. "Dieter-- what are you doing here? What about your meeting?"

"I rescheduled. I should've never agreed anyway," he shrugs, reaching out to pull her into his arms and she goes willingly. "I shouldn't have let you come here by yourself."

"I told you it was fine, that'd I'd be fine," she says as she wraps her arms around him and leans into him. "I'm mostly fine."

"You're not fine, look at you," Dieter laughs, pulling away enough to hook a finger in the vee of her shirt, accidentally on purpose undoing one more tiny button and sneaking a peak. "You have a bra on. I didn't even know you owned one."

Ava snorts out a laugh and melts back into him, tucking her face into his neck and nipping at the skin there. "Behave, Bravo. We're amongst civilized company here."

"I'll try, but you do look like every sexy librarian fantasy I've ever had," Dieter whispers into her ear, hands sliding down her back to rest on the curve of her ass.

"You're an idiot," Ava whispers back, holding on to him a little bit tighter. "But I'm so glad you're here."

"Take your sunglasses off," Ava says as they walk hand in hand towards the family room.

"What?"

"We're inside. Pretend you're a normal person and take your sunglasses off."

"But why?"

"Are you high?"

"What? No!"

"Then take them off. Please do not make this any worse than it already will be. When we go in for dinner, sit up straight, keep your elbows off the table, mind your manners and take your sunglasses off."

And with that warning, she escorts him into the belly of the beast.

"We'll have one more guest for dinner," Ava announces to the room. "Most of you have already met Dieter, but I'll leave you to get reacquainted and set another place at the table."

"Play nice," Ava grins, leaning in to kiss his cheek and giving his hand a quick squeeze before scurrying out of the room like the traitor she is.

He can do this. He can. He's an Oscar winning actor for fucks sake. How bad can one family dinner possibly be?

Three hours later he's hating himself for putting that thought into the universe. Turns out it can be so, so incredibly bad.

Dinner itself was fine, delicious even- the turkey was moist, the potatoes were smooth and buttery, the pumpkin cheesecake was downright sinful.

But the conversation has been downright atrocious. If someone had given Conrad Greene a list of topics not to talk about at a family gathering, he's tried his damnedest to hit every single one of them.

He's watched Ava's mother masterfully try to steer them into safer conversational waters time and time again, he's listened to all the praise of Drew and the newspaper he can stomach while Ava's own accomplishments get brushed off as inconsequential and she withdraws farther and farther into herself. Even Harry is not exempt from his great grandfather's ire and he watches the bright eyed kid who'd met him at the door deflate like an old party balloon.

Dieter has always thought his own childhood was shitty, but it's nothing compared to this. Sure, he may have never known his dad and his mom may have ditched him, but between his grandparents and Ms. Rose, he'd never once felt anything less than accepted for exactly who he was. Or pressured to be someone he wasn't.

By the time the table is cleared and after dinner coffees are served, his back is starting to hurt from the damned uncomfortable dining chairs, his jaw hurts from clenching his teeth and his fucking knee hurts from how often Ava has dug her nails in to stop him from saying something he most likely shouldn't.

And he's had about enough. Of all of it.

"Are you staying here?" He leans in to ask Ava.

"No," she shakes her head. "I've been staying at Drew's."

"Great. Did you drive here separately?"

"Yeah, Harry wanted to ride in your Porsche."

"Even better. We're leaving," he announces, pushing his chair back from the table.

"Dieter--"

"We're leaving, Ava. Say your goodbyes and grab your things."

Ava leads Dieter up the side stairs and into the little loft apartment over Drew's garage where she used to live and where she's been staying for the last few days.

"I'm sorry. It didn't....it wasn't always like that," she says as she kicks off her heels. It's the first thing she's said since they left her grandfather's house and Dieter's heart aches for her.

"Ava, honey, you don't have anything to be sorry for. None of that shit is your fault. He's a bitter old man with fucked up ideas of how the world should work."

"Growing up....before my grandmother died....it was different. She tempered him I guess," she shrugs, taking off her pearls and tucking them safely in a little velvet pouch she puts in her make up bag.

"What was she like?" He asks, coming up behind her at the bathroom counter, beginning to hunt for and remove all the pins keeping her hair pulled back.

"She liked to cook and work in her garden, and take Drew and I bargain shopping. She was always smiling or laughing. A little bit mischievous. People gravitated to her. She would've liked you a lot."

"You think so?"

"I do," Ava smiles softly at him, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "I wish she would've gotten to know Harry, she would've gotten a kick out of him."

"He's a pretty cool kid," Dieter grins. "Clever, quick-witted. You sure he's not actually yours?"

"Positive," Ava laughs, spinning to face him. "But I did spend a lot of time with him when he was younger. Guess I rubbed off on him."

"Hey, that's not a bad thing, you know that, right? You're incredibly brilliant, Ava. It's their loss if they can't see it."

"I know. I'm working on it...."

"And, you know what else?" he grins, cupping her face in his hands and adopting a ridiculous southern accent. "You deserve to be kissed and often and by someone who knows how."

"And I suppose you think you're the proper person?"

"I might be....if the right moment ever came."

"What about now, Rhett?"

"Thanks not your line, Scarlett."

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

"That's not your line either."

"Hey, Bravo....shut up and kiss me already."

And he does.

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