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hlizr50 · 3 years

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You Belong with Me

Azriel and his brothers are high-power executives, and while the Valkyrie ladies always attend the fancy dinners and events, Gwyn is NOT wealthy and is the only one who isn't attached to someone who is. When Gwyn volunteers to take Azriel to the cabin early to prep for their big family/friends vacation, they have a conversation about how she might have to cut back. Add in banter and hours of Gwyn unabashedly belting Taylor Swift, and Az realizes that not having her around is just not an option.

Guys... I've never cared for AU, never been big into song lyrics. But my soul just needed this to be a thing. So here it is.

Read on AO3

“You sure this thing is gonna get us there?” Azriel’s smug grin only earned an eyeroll from the redhead on the other side of the car, opening the driver’s side door.

“Just put your shit in the trunk and get in the car,” she huffed across the weathered blue of the roof. He chuckled, slinging his suitcase into the trunk as the door slammed – maybe with a little extra force. He loved poking at her, and he knew she would dish it right back. After closing the trunk he returned to the open door on the passenger’s side and lowered himself into the well-worn leather seat. “You know not all of us are fortunate enough to be high-level executives at multi-million dollar companies. But rest assured that this historical document restoration expert and her 16-year-old Toyota with 154000 miles are going to get you to the cabin safe and sound. Because you insisted on getting there a day early to make sure everything is secure.” Gwyn deepened her voice, giving him her best Azriel impersonation. And maybe he was being a bit… overzealous. But he had always been the most keenly aware, the most protective. He may have been CFO, but he was also deeply involved in security – both from the standpoint of the organization and of it’s employees. And his family.

He simply smirked, “If you say so.”

“You’re insufferable,” she groaned, turning the key. The car rumbled to life, and Azriel had to admit that he was impressed with how quiet it still seemed to run. He was sure Gwyn was a stickler about maintenance. “Just for that, you are sentenced to three hours of me serenading you with the best songs Taylor Swift has to offer.”

“Oh, Gods, anything but Taylor Swift.” Azriel grimaced, hiding the secret joy he rarely let her see. He loved it when she sang. Her voice was lovely, of course, but what hit him harder was how she seemed to radiate joy when she did it.

Gwyneth Berdara wasn’t quiet and shy like he tended to be – not by a long shot. She was irreverent and blunt and bold. But he could see the shadows that hid just behind the shimmer in her eyes – he could tell there were demons there. Her sister had been murdered four years before, in the apartment they both had shared, and it had wounded her deeply. Nesta had mentioned that there was more to the story, but that it was only Gwyn’s to tell. So, yes, she definitely had darkness that followed her, but she kept it well hidden. He’d learned, as they had become friends, that she often grew anxious in large crowds or chaotic environments. She didn’t feel safe, and that had always bothered him. Regardless of how many people were around or how crazy it was, her friends were there with her. He was there. Whatever it was that kept her so on edge, he imagined that the lingering sadness in that deep ocean gaze and the faraway wistful look that sometimes passed over her features were a part of it.

But when she sang she was a beacon of light, with the brightest smile and rosy, freckle-flecked cheeks.

“Don’t you dare disrespect the goddess T. Swift,” she glowered, and as they pulled onto the highway he lost himself in the lilting notes of her car concert.

He wasn’t sure how long they’d been driving – at least seven works of the goddess T. Swift – when he reached for the volume knob on the console and turned it down.

“Are you coming to the charity gala in a couple weeks?” Azriel looked over at her, noting the light stain of pink gracing her cheeks. She kept her eyes on the road.

“Oh… No.” Gwyn glanced over at him and gave a tight smile, causing him to purse his lips.

“Why not?”

“Az,” she chided, throwing him a stern look. “It’s too expensive. I can’t afford a seat and a dress. Hell, I probably can’t even afford one or the other.” He stayed silent, mulling over the understanding that money wasn’t something he ever had to worry about, and how he could make that not a problem for her. “Besides, you know how I am with crowds like that. I’d probably just have an attack and ruin everyone’s night.” She tried to laugh it off, and that troubled Azriel even more. Because she had seemed disappointed just then when she said she wasn’t going.

“Do you want to go, Gwyn?” He prodded. I want you to go. She sighed, adjusting herself in her seat to straighten her back.

“It doesn’t matter. Like I said, it’s really not possible for me.” She shrugged, as if that was it.

But that wasn’t it. Everyone was going to be there. She should be there, too. She should be there, with him.

“You know we would help –“

“I know, Az. But I’m not asking you, or Rhys. I’m not asking anyone. I can’t keep depending on everyone else just to go to events and dinners and whatever else.” She sucked in a breath. “I just… I don’t live the same life that the rest of you do. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just how it is.”

“Gwyn, you know nobody cares about that.” Azriel frowned. “I understand that my family is… fortunate. Privileged. But you and Nesta and Emerie are a part of us.”

“It’s not the same, Azriel.” Azriel. The full name. This was more serious than he realized. “Nesta is with Cassian and Emerie is with Mor. It makes sense that maybe they’re taken care of. I’m just… a friend. A friend who is poor.” He opened his mouth to argue but she beat him to it. “And it’s not just about covering food… you go to places with dress codes and too many forks for dinner, and with the company’s increasing success the three of you are only growing more popular and more press-worthy. Especially you.”

“Me?” Azriel swallowed, brows furrowed. “Why especially me?”

Gwyn cast him a pointed look, eyes dark and serious. “You’re the last single brother, Az. You are eligible bachelor number one. All the single ladies in the metropolitan area, if not further out, will be pining for you. If they’re not already.”

Eligible bachelor number one. He rolled his eyes. “I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration.”

“Oh Az. Sweet, precious, innocent Az. Have you seen yourself? You’re gorgeous. You’re wealthy, successful, and absolutely beautiful.” Azriel raised a brow and gave her a sideways glance, but she was so stubbornly keeping her eyes trained ahead. It was responsible, of course. She was driving. But not even a peek meant that she was intentionally avoiding looking over at him. The corners of his mouth turned downward, not quite understanding how this conversation had gone the way it had.

“Is that so? Please, tell me more,” he snickered. If there was anything that he knew, it was how to draw her back with teasing. She wouldn’t back down from a challenge, and Gwyneth Berdara was ruthless when it came to having the last word. The corner of her mouth twitched, and he knew she was doing her best not to smile.

“I hate you so much,” she huffed.

“Now, I don’t think that’s even remotely true.” He reached out to pinch the apple of her cheek, but she slapped his hand away, sending a glower that only made him laugh.

“The single ladies can have you. Maybe you’ll find someone else to annoy.”

“Aw, Gwynnie. You know nobody could ever replace you.” And even though it was in jest, it was also… true. “And what would you do without me?”

“Get some peace and quiet for once?” And when the redhead turned with that scrunched freckled nose and her tongue stuck out at him Azriel was relieved to have the playful girl – his best friend – wearing a smile again. “Now shut it or sing along, you have not been punished with nearly enough of our lady Taylor Swift.”

And so the ride continued, but Azriel chewed on his lower lip, contemplating everything Gwyn had said. She was fiercely independent, so he could understand how she might not want to accept what she might perceive as charity, or worse, pity. But the idea of her just not being there… it made something inside of him feel hollow. He reached out and turned down the volume again.

“Why wouldn’t you say anything? About where we’re going to dinner? Or about not being comfortable at big events?” He didn’t even try to hide that he was staring at her, trying to pinpoint any reaction she may have. Once again pink stained her cheeks.

“Az, it’s not like you guys are going to stop going to fancy restaurants so you can come to Wendy’s with me. I don’t want to take away from anyone’s fun.” Fucking ridiculous.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe we would have less fun without you there?” Azriel tried to keep his tone light, but his temper was flaring. He wasn’t sure why, but it bothered him that she would think she could just… not be there and they would all just go on like it didn’t matter.

“Of course I did,” Gwyn shrugged nonchalantly and threw him a wink. “I know it will be hard but I’m sure you’ll manage somehow. Besides, I don’t plan on just disappearing. I just… need to be more thoughtful about what I’m doing. I’ll just be around… less.” She turned the volume back up and jumped straight into the lyrics, not giving him the opportunity to tell her how preposterous she sounded.

Azriel leaned back in his seat, losing himself in thought with Gwyn’s lovely voice still soothing him in the background. He didn’t know how long he’d been brooding when the volume increased dramatically, blaring through the interior. Looking over he found her tapping on the steering wheel and swaying to the beat of her majesty Taylor Swift. Her eyes were shining, her smile was brilliant, and she sang like she didn’t have a care in the world.

You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset

She’s going off about something that you said

‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do

I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night

I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like

And she’ll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts

She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers

Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you,

Been here all along, so why can’t you see

You belong with me

Walkin’ the streets with you and your worn-out jeans

I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be

Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself

Hey, isn’t this easy?

And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town

I haven’t seen it in awhile since she brought you down

You say you’re fine, I know you better than that

Hey, what you doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers

She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers

Dreaming ‘bout the day when you wake up and find

That what you’re looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I’m the one who understands you,

Been here all along, so why can’t you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time how could you not know, baby?

You belong with me

Azriel felt like he couldn’t breathe, like he was seeing Gwyn for the first time. Unbridled joy, laughter when she turned to him when she was singing, dancing in the driver’s seat like a passenger’s worst nightmare.

And he couldn’t help but listen to the words, too. Surely that part was coincidence, but he couldn’t help but feel like she was speaking to him… something was speaking to him.

He grinned as she shimmied her shoulders and rocked her head from side to side, wisps of copper flying away from her ponytail.

Oh, I remember you drivin’ to my house in the middle of the night

I’m the one who makes you laugh even though you’re ‘bout to cry

I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams

Think I know where you belong, think I know it’s with me

Can’t you see that I’m the one that understands you

Been here all along, so why can’t you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time, how could you not know baby?

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe

You belong with me

“Gosh I think I went too hard on that one. I’m out of breath!” she laughed, and she glanced toward Azriel in the passenger seat. “Have you had enough yet, Az?”

“Never,” he murmured, and her breath caught. She turned her focus back to the road, but kept stealing looks back at him. She seemed unsure of how to respond, but he was also lost in his own head.

He didn’t want to be the eligible bachelor. He didn’t want to annoy anyone else. He knew that he had cared for Gwyn as more than a friend for a long time – Nesta and Cassian had always encouraged him to do something about it. Nesta in particular had assured him that Gwyn felt the same way. But no matter how much Azriel had flirted she never seemed to acknowledge it, never seemed inclined to do something about it. They bantered and challenged and laughed, but never more.

But Nesta continued to be insistent. She told Azriel that there were some things about Gwyn that might keep her from acting upon her affection for him, and maybe he should make the first move. He never had, of course, for fear of rejection and fear of ruining the relationship that they had.

But now suddenly he was looking at a future where she wasn’t always there. He didn’t like the thought of that. He would go to Wendy’s for dinner instead of whatever black-tie restaurant had their reservation. But, furthermore, he would take care of her, like Cassian took care of Nesta. He wouldn’t go to events without her, and he would make sure that she was comfortable and safe while she was there. Because he would keep her close. He would always keep her close.

By the time Gwyn was pulling the car onto the driveway leading to the cabin she was only singing quietly to herself and letting him sit in his own silent thought. And as soon as she parked and turned off the car he knew exactly what he needed to do.

Without a word he ripped off the seatbelt and burst out of the car, slamming the door behind him. He was already crossing across the front when Gwyn popped out.

“What the hell, Az? The car is 16 years old you can’t just slam doors like that –“

Azriel grabbed the back of her neck and crushed his lips to hers. Gods, they were perfect – warm and lush. She inhaled shakily against his mouth and he tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth. He swept his lips across hers once again before pulling away only slightly, resting his forehead against her own. They were both breathing hard, and her expression nearly sent him to his knees. Gwyn’s teal eyes were wide, shining with surprise and confusion. Her lips were swollen and her freckled cheeks stained crimson. Azriel wasn’t going to give himself enough time to question this, though.

“You’re coming to the gala,” he insisted, gaze flitting wildly between her lips and her eyes before drowning in the ocean pools. “I’m buying your ticket. On our way home after this weekend we’ll go shopping for a dress. And no matter what you wear you will be the most exquisite thing there.”

Gwyn looked up at him, chest still heaving and eyes still wide, and nodded.

“And you’re coming to every dinner and event and anything else after that. Because, no matter what you might think, I don’t want to be there if you’re not there.”

“Az –“

“And when you’re there, you won’t think about money or crowds. Because I’ll be there. I’m going to take care of you and make sure you’re safe. Because I don’t just want you to be there with all of us. I want you to be there with me. Okay, Gwyn?” His eyes bore into hers, willing her to understand, to see what was in his heart.

“Okay,” she nodded. Her breaths had quieted, her eyes were warm, and there was a ghost of a smile there. And Azriel dared to hope that Nesta had been right, and all he’d needed was to take the leap.

“Can I kiss you again, Gwyn?” he asked.

“Please,” she giggled at him, smile widening. He leaned in, this time with much more restraint and care, slanting his lips over her soft ones and gently moving against them. When he pulled away his face was plastered with a shit-eating grin, which grew impossibly bigger when he saw her blushing.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time,” he laughed, still not believing that he had done all that, and that it had… worked?

“I… I’ve wanted you to do that for a long time.” Gwyn sighed and then dragged her bottom lip between her teeth. “So… so just to be clear. You want me… to be…?” Azriel chuckled and ran his hands down her arms and then tangling their fingers together.

“I want to date you. I want you to be my girlfriend. I don’t want to aggravate any other single ladies. I don’t want to be an eligible bachelor. I just want you. We can go to fancy dinners or charity events or the finest fast food restaurants in the metropolitan area.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and then kissed her cheek. “Will you?”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Of course, Az.” He bent his head and kissed her again. He couldn’t get enough of it. It was like he was making up for lost time.

“As her holy highness Taylor Swift said, you belong with me,” Azriel grinned devilishly. “I can’t help but be suspicious that you planned that… planned to make me fall for your beautiful voice and how adorable you are.” Gwyn tilted her head back and laughed, nearly a cackle full of amusement and contentment.

“I did not plan it, but I’m not going to complain about how it turned out.”

#gwynriel supremacy #gwynriel fanfic #gwynriel #gwyn singing taylor swift is a mood #and she totally would #not my usual style

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glowcrizzle · 4 years

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Today is the 1 year AO3 anniversary of Slow Show by @mia-ugly. I am beyond grateful that this experience (and it is an experience) has existed in my life for a year and felt it needed commemorating. 🎂

I’m not a creator but I made this playlist for me, so I could take the fic with me, have it with my eyes closed, while driving -- you get it. Today seems like an appropriate day to share it.

It’s a. It’s a lot. Excessive you might even say. Tumblr will only give you the first 100 songs in this, so, Spotify will fulfill you (or overwhelm you). If you hit my username on the playlist, there are separate playlists for each chapter.

This is also on Apple Music, if that’s your jam, just hit me up and I’ll send you the link.

🎉 Happy Slow Show Day!! 🎉

13 pages of track-lists and excerpts below the cut. Godspeed! 💙

Key:

Songs from Mia’s soundtrack

Songs from the Fic

--Title--

Slow Show – The National

--Prequel--

Loverman – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Devils – Say Hi

--Chapter 1--

Here I Go Again – Whitesnake

bad guy – Billie Eilish

-trash a set and shag your husband

Something About You (ODESZA Remix) – Hayden James

-what it would take for Avery Fell to let his guard down

A Little Wicked – Valerie Broussard

-The handkerchief in his hand is now stained purple

You Light Me Up In the Dark – The Hounds Below

-His hair catches the light like a halo, making him look more of an angel than ever.

Lazarus – David Bowie

-This could be a problem

--Chapter 2--

Unsteady – X Ambassadors

-much easier than talking about the way his heartbeat is still racing

Heart of a Dog – The Kills

-Call me darling again.

The Twilight Hour - Still Corners

-Looked across the set and thought, Ah fuck me. I’m in love with him.

God’s Mistake – Tears for Fears

-Avery: He’s closed his eyes again, mouth going flat and still.

Lounge Act – Nirvana

-Tell her all the terrible things I want to do to her husband

Transatlanticism – Death Cab for Cutie

-There’s a strange urgency tonight, though, and Crowley can guess why.

Do I Wanna Know? – Arctic Monkeys

-What could it hurt?

Clueless – The Marias

-“Better - yeah. ‘S late.”

Motel – Meg Myers

-The hotel room is another disaster

--Chapter 3--

Alone in a Room – Asking Alexandria

-“I’m having a moment here!”

Since You’ve Been Around – Rosie Thomas

-makes Crowley feel like he can breathe again

Home Again – The Disco Biscuits

-It’s starting to feel like home again

Every Other Freckle – alt-J

-Perfect. Ridiculous and impossible and perfect.

Something For the Longing – The Orchids

As Far As I Can See – Phantogram

-it’s been a really, really long time

Sinister Kid – The Black Keys

-“Mothering buggering shit-”

All These Things That I’ve Done – The Killers

-Crowley fists one of his hands against his forehead, shuts his eyes tightly.

--Chapter 4--

I Like Me Better – Lauv

-I liked the outline of your face under the stagelights

I Do This for You (ft. Marlene) – Giorgio Moroder

-“Let me see what I can do. About your precious Hamlet.”

The Longing – Imelda May

-Avery POV: “Look at him like - like - you can’t let him see the way you look at him.”

Just a Man – Los Lobos

-Avery POV: like he’s being led into battle and not onto a set to do the job he loves

World In My Eyes – Depeche Mode

-wants to make that bastard purr

Tired (ft. Gavin James) – Alan Walker

-Let me be a magpie for you

Blow My Mind – The Benjamin Gate

-Avery: “I know you now.”

Breathe You in My Dreams – Trixie Whitley

-Crowley’s seen that expression on Avery’s face in his dreams

Love Me Like That (ft. Carly Rae Jepsen) – The Knocks

-What have I done to - oh. Oh. Right.

Like Real People Do - Hozier

-“Sure, angel, what- whatever.”

Clearly – Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley waits for the rest of the night.

Gwendel – PeelsDeen

-Az sits in the back seat, away from Crowley. Alone.

Now I’m In It – HAIM

-Avery POV: It’s a look like an open grave, a look like desire tempered with grief…

Flesh for Fantasy – Billy Idol

-Crowley isn’t lonely for the rest of the night

--Chapter 5 (Avery POV)--

Smalltown Boy – Rosborough

-1978, Hartlepool

Bright Horses – Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

-1986, Newcastle Upon Tyne

The Runner – Foals

-1991, Bristol

Shock To Your System – Tegan and Sara

-Tracy: “Why d’you let them?”

Cracking Codes – Andrew Bird

-“Forever, of course. I’ll never -”

Colour me In – Damien Rice

-Their fingers - just touch. Slightly.

I’m Not in Love – 10cc

-Less to regret by not ever speaking of it.

--Chapter 6--

Electric Current – Lower Dens

-“I’ll let you know when you find it.”

Guess I Miss(ed) You – The Daylights

-Keep talking, keep him here a little while longer.

Reflecting Light – Sam Phillips

-“don’t meet his eyes like that, it looks like it’s a lead-in to a kiss”

King of Pain – The Police

-a good reminder of the kind of life he’s got to live

I Wanna Get Better – The Bleachers

-and Avery’s gaze is so gentle it hurts a bit

Feather – X Ambassadors

-Avery: “Someone has to”

Darker Side - Jonny Lang

-Avery: “Oh - good Lord.”

Firestone (Acoustic) – Conrad Sewell

-“Will you show me?”

Velvet Gloves and Spit - Timber Timbre

-“Anthony - ”

Wrong – Depeche Mode

-Avery: “I have to go.”

F**k it I love you – Lana Del Rey

-“Not your fault, angel”

--Chapter 7--

Somebody to Love – Queen

Heavenly – Cigarettes After Sex

-“I fucking still.”

Will Do - TV on the Radio

-“You too. I’ll see you there.”

Monster – Colours

-No wonder Avery ran off like a thief after a heist

Swallow My Pride – Ramones

-“I feel fucking ill about it.”

I Was Wrong - The Oh Hellos

-Avery: “I’m the one who has to apologize, not you.”

The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret – Queens of the Stone Age

-Avery: “Please don’t tell anyone”

Wait for Me – Kings of Leon

-Avery: “Right now, I’m just - a bit in pieces.”

Don’t Stay – X Ambassadors

-“You can - stay or leave or - whatever you like.”

The Moth - Aimee Mann

-Avery’s eyes meet his, and then it’s like a car accident

Red Door – Julien Baker

-“I can - I can wait longer.”

Can’t Pretend - Tom Odell

-“I wasn’t apologizing for that. This morning. I won’t.”

Come Down to Me – Saving Jane

-Avery: “You were wonderful”

Secret Smile – Semisonic

-And if sometimes he catches Az watching him between takes

I Want More - KALEO

-Az laces both of their hands together, stares at them.

I’m Gonna Do My Thing – Royal Deluxe

-“So don’t tell me what will hurt me. I know what hurts.”

--Chapter 8--

Perfect Day – Lou Reed

Remember to Breathe – Sturgil Simpson

-“You can’t sit in the car all night you absolute nightmare”

Wild Love (Acoustic) – James Bay

-The two of them stare at each other and then both look away awkwardly.

Seasons – Future Islands

-finally, fucking finally, he’s exactly where he wants to be

Closer – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “if you like”

I Want All of You – The Verve Pipe

-“If you think I can survive this without looking at you -”

Use Me – Miguel

-whatever he sees in Crowley’s face makes him come to some sort of decision

So Much Love – Depeche Mode

-Love, he said love

Don’t Be Scared, I Love You – Bill Ryder-Jones

-I know you, Crowley wants to say, but doesn’t.

Become My Dream – Silya & The Sailors

-“Even if - anything, angel.”

I Belong In Your Arms – Chairlift

-For nearly two weeks it goes like this.

Faster - Matt Nathanson

-“You’re going to fucking kill me, angel -”

Come Together (feat. Sivu) – LAUREL

-In case you think they don’t wake up together

The High – Kelela

-Az has pulled a stool over to the edge of the tub

Just in Time – Valerie June

-Then Az’s hand is on his shoulder, turning him around.

I Can’t Take It – Tegan and Sara

-Avery: “Don’t rush, just - like this.”

Like This – Jake Scott

-Avery murmurs and it takes Crowley back to their first kiss

Terrible Love – The National

-Flinches away from him.

Help You Out - Emarosa

-And he nods.

--Chapter 9--

I Remember You – Ramones

-The first person Crowley loved was a liar.

Brighter Skies - Race Banyon

-As if they were cut with a jigsaw, as if they were meant to fit.

Not Tonight – Tegan and Sara

-When they reach the edge of the city, his hand slides out of Crowley’s.

As Sure as I Am – Crowded House

-So Crowley kisses him.

A Promise – Miriam Makeba

-And for awhile, he believed her.

Mistaken for Strangers – The National

-They’re only two small words, but they still make Crowley’s teeth ache.

Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye – Leonard Cohen

-“Good-“ Swallow, speak, leave.

The Fear – Pulp

-Crowley should have been smarter this time. He really should have been.

Take Me – Leela James

-“I’d like you to close your blinds.”

Whenever You Want It – Clare Maguire

-“What do we do now?”

At My Weakest – James Arthur

-“It will be.”

Komm zurück - Fotos

-For years and years and years, nothing did.

Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson

-their feet sliding in the tub

Lay Down – Sarah Proctor

-I want to wake up with you.

Sort Of - Ingrid Michaelson

-Why is my heart breaking?

Fairytale of New York – The Pogues

-Just pump that shit straight into his veins.

What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? – Ella Fitzgerald

-Avery: “What do you think?”

We’re Gonna Have A Real Good Time Together – The Velvet Underground

-“You want to grab dinner somewhere?”

Hiding – IAN SWEET

-Crowley stops walking. Looks at Az in the darkness.

Romance Dawn – Radkey

-A slice of light cuts through the darkness.

Crown of Love – Arcade Fire

-Crowley feels like the world has never been darker, and his heart will never stop beating

Devil’s Backbone – The Civil Wars

-He thought he was ready for this conversation, but at the sight of Az’s face, his throat has gotten too tight to speak.

Sinners – Lauren Aquilina

-“If this all goes down in flames, if it all falls apart - we can go off together.”

Please Forgive Me (Song of the Crow) – William Fitzsimmons

-Avery: “It’s over. I’m - I’m so sorry.”

Start a War – The National

-He twitches and trips and yet somehow manages to walk away without falling over.

Broken – Daley

-And this soft heartache was somehow the sharpest of them all.

--Chapter 10 (Avery POV)--

Daily Battles - Thom Yorke & Flea

-He tries to remember these things - but the background is still a chorus of beeping machines. There’s nowhere he can be but here.

Everybody Wants You - Red Hearse

-Go out and surround himself with people much more interesting and available than Avery. Better people, certainly.

A Thin Line – Blackchords

-But still - roads not taken, and other fun middle-aged spirals.

My Own Soul’s Warning - The Killers

-When was the last time someone asked Avery that? When was the last time he asked himself?

Who Am I - NEEDTOBREATHE

-I miss you. There. It didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would.

Wait for Me - Jack Curley

-What he wants to say is ‘don’t find someone else. Not yet. You and your black leather and your cut-glass profile: you’re gorgeous and God knows other people want you.’

Coming & Going – Amaal

-“Two ships passing in the night,” he says quietly. Then he takes a swallow of wine, lets it roll down his throat. “If you were here -”

Iron - Woodkid

-Crowley leaves him there, pressed against the wet brick wall. Crowley leaves him there. Crowley steps between Avery and a camera, and then leaves him.

The Greatest Bastard - Damien Rice

-He can’t be the person that kicks Crowley into the ashes again. He can’t hurt him like this, and Avery’s going to hurt him - he already has.

No Right to Love You – Rhys Lewis

-He deserves someone like - like Daniel. Deserves to be loved in the daylight.

If It’s Hurting You - Robbie Williams

-Time is a tricky business when you’re dying slowly; it skips like a flat stone on a quiet lake.

Happy For You – Gayle

-But surely - surely he’s allowed just this much. Just one message, just so Crowley knows that - that he’s happy for him. That Avery is so happy.

I See You (ICU) - Phoebe Bridgers

-When Avery sees Crowley on the red carpet, it feels like the sudden remembrance of a lovely dream.

Once In My Life - The Decemberists

-Crowley: “I know there’ve been some - hard times. That’s - that is what it is. But for me - it’s been a privilege. A dream. So.” He nods and nods and nods again. “Thank you.”

Coming Down - Dum Dum Girls

-Tracy: “But I wasn’t. I was hurting you. This whole time, Az.” She shakes her head, wiping frantically at tears that won’t stop falling. “He loves you.”

I Don’t Know Anything – Little Voice Cast

-He’s afraid of finding out that all this time - he was doing the wrong thing anyway. He’s afraid that Anthony Crowley will never talk to him again.

Sweet Sour - Band of Skulls

-"And you're fired"

Heart Attack - Devarrow

-The sun is still rising when Avery gets out of the car, closes the door behind him. Though some of the roads have changed, his feet still know the way down to the docks of his youth. He was never a sailor, but the shoreline is familiar as a childhood sweetheart, as a long lost love.

Landslide - Robyn Sherwell

-He’s alone, and he’s nearly fifty years old. He could get on a ship, he could throw himself into the sea. There’s no one holding him back anymore.

All I Can - Sharon van Etten

-And he knows. He knows.

--Chapter 11--

Salvation - The Strumbellas

- there’s a moment where he swears he sees a young idiot in black standing in the crowd. Red hair gelled up into spikes, black t-shirt full of holes and safety pins. A young man who has no idea how much he’s about to lose.

Soldier - Fleurie

-And he’s still fucking here.

Easier – Mansionair

-Then he gets the fuck above ground and he calls Beez (oh great, they’re his emotional-support-asshole now. That’s healthy).

Deep End – Holly Humberstone

-“I brought you cheese,” Beez says, and Crowley starts crying.

Falling Short – Lapsley

-For the next few days, he lets his stupid body do what it needs to do to keep himself upright.

Chariot (Stripped Version) - Gavin DeGraw

-Shit, this was a bad bad idea.

Quiet Light - The National

-There’s a text from Az later that night, and his name on Crowley’s phone makes him feel like jumping off a cliff.

All That We Had is Lost - Postiljonen

-He’s not allowed to be in love with that man anymore. Wasn’t ever, really.

Heal - Tom Odell

-It makes a rather hysterical laugh well out of his throat. Anthony fucking Crowley. You are still alive.

Let Me Go - HAIM

-Crowley tries to ignore the soft, injured expression on the other man’s face as he turns away.

A Beginning Song - The Decemberists

-“What’s more frightening than having a choice?”

The Spark - William Prince

-And he likes to think he would have just burned the world to ashes with the power of his love, would have said fuck everyone, I choose you – but who knows.

Sharp Scratch - The Slow Show

-So stupid, I know, and I’m - sorry, I still love you and I’m tryin’ to stop and I will I just - needed to tell you that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. Just miss you.

Beautiful & Brutal – Plested

-Crowley moves without thinking. Falls like a stagelight, glass everywhere. He walks forward and is kissing Az before the door has even been pulled shut.

Bad Chemistry - Fake Shark

-“I’ve been - thinking about this -” Az says between darts of his tongue against Crowley’s overheated skin.

All We Do – Oh Wonder

-“But I - I love you. And I can’t - hide. It hurts too much.”

Broken Strings - James Morrison (ft Nelly Furtado)

-“I wouldn’t survive it. That way it was. I wouldn’t.”

Stole the Show – Parson James

-But even on their distant shores, Crowley and Az don’t stop looking at each other. It feels like an ending. Maybe it is one. Not a happy ending, but not a bad one either.

Level Up - Vienna Teng

-excerpt from Anthony Crowley: Out of the shadows, under the spotlight

The Wire (Alternate Version) – Patrick Droney

-Avery: “I’m rather in - in love with you.”

Sweet Thing - Van Morrison

-“You can stay at my place. If you like.”

Falling in Love - Cigarettes After Sex

-“I love you. I’ve missed you, and I love you, and I want you -”

Stay - Cat Power

-He watches the slow flicker of awareness in Avery’s blue eyes. The curve of his mouth into a shade of smile that Crowley’s never seen before.

Freedom - George Michael

-“To the world.”

--Chapter 12--

Banks - NEEDTOBREATHE

-What he wasn’t used to was bringing someone else down with him, and jail would be a bloody blessing compared to seeing Az grey-faced and staring out windows, or that one time Crowley’s pretty sure the man was crying in the bathroom, trying to swallow down the sound so that Crowley didn’t notice (he clenches his hands into fists just thinking about it).

Black Mambo - Glass Animals

-“It’ll have to be.” Crowley drops to his knees. “There’s a lot of ground to cover.”

Florets - Grace VanderWaal

-Crowley can let his fingers curl against Az’s palm, can watch him open as a flame, not caring who notices.

Sight of the Sun - fun.

-That this longing won’t destroy him, and won’t destroy Az either. It’s not a shovel for burying Crowley alive - it’s a spade for planting things.

Pale Blue Eyes - The Velvet Underground

-Az drops his hand onto Crowley’s knee (“What is this song? I rather like it.”).

Only Everything (Acoustic) – Quinn Lewis

-“It’s nice to have someone make it for you, right? Sometimes,” Crowley says softly, too much love in his throat and in his hands. It’s hard to breathe around it, especially when Avery is looking at him.

The Book of Love - The Magnetic Fields

-“You bought a cottage for us.” Crowley is an animal being taught to speak through scraps of meat and electric shocks. “This cottage.”

Say You’ll Be Mine – Christopher Cross

-Avery: “But if you wanted -” Fuck, there are tears in Avery’s eyes. “If you want. I’d like to call you my husband. I’d like to say ‘let me ask my husband,’ or ‘I brought my husband with me’ or ‘my husband won a BAFTA’.”

Anthem - Leonard Cohen

-Their broken edges match. And somehow, the light still shines through.

Precious Love – James Morrison

-When the light catches them both, they shine. And so do you. So do we.

Good Man (acoustic) - Josh Ritter

If you made it this far...wow, hi hello. So, this is ours and my musical exposure is limited, if you’ve got a better song for an excerpt, feel free to shoot it over, more than happy for this to be a living changeable thing. 🤡

#slow show #slow show playlist #tumblr html code after read more is some bullshit #it's fic for your ears

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spiralingsights · 3 years

Text

A Monster in the Dark - Chapter 4

[ self ship fanfic about Nightmare Bonnie and my insomniac s/i :) ]

[ Previous ] [ Next ]

Spade was the biggest of the four animatronics housed in the Diner.

He was a bat with striking grey eyes and one of the longer snouts. Like the other three, he wasn’t even close to anatomically correct. His wings were short and pointed, but attached to his arms for easier mobility.

The outer metal that made up his exoskeleton was a shiny midnight black with purple undertones, and the insides of his ears were a dark shade of the grey that coloured his eyes. He wasn't sure when Scrap decided to change his eye colour from the brilliant red they used to be, but he didn’t mind. The only thing that bothered him is how similar they were to the teenager he remembered.

He didn’t pay the eyes too much attention, instead popping open Spade’s chest to get to work. At this point, the animatronics only needed some slight tweaking, and one hundred percent insurance that their waterproofing would work.

Not that Cane himself would be testing that, Scrap assured him that all he needed to do was secure it as much as possible and leave the testing up to Azriel.

“Howdy!” Speak of the devil once again. Cane turned to greet Azriel with a small smile, the bright grin on the other’s face near blinding.

Azriel was Scrap’s twin, and you could tell they were identical. They had the same facial shape, same crystal blue eyes, and the same tanned skin. The main difference really was Azriel’s short, and bright white, hair. He wore it in an undercut that never seemed to grow out, and managed to keep his hair so perfectly dyed that his roots never showed.

He also smiled a lot more than his brother, the grin practically never dropping from his face. “Testing’s scheduled for today, so uh, just finish up here and head over to Sage.”

Cane gave the co-owner a short nod, turning back to Spade to finish the wiring he had been working on before the cheerful male had dropped in. “Alright,” he said after a few minutes, stepping back and brushing his hands off. He closed up the animatronic before turning back to Azriel.

“I knew it was a good idea to hire you,” Az told him, giving him a light clap on the shoulder before sending him off to Sage.

Sage was the exact opposite of Spade. The seven foot animatronic was a barn owl, and honestly one of the absolute best as far as looks went. Xir exoskeleton was just barely cream, leaning more toward an off-white. Xir wings were also on xir arms, like Spade’s, but more detailed. Sure the feathers were just engraved on, but they were still beautiful.

As far as Cane knew, both Sage and Spade were programmed to perform for adults, rather than children. According to Scrap, the Diner was supposed to be a place that catered to both age groups, so parents could drop their kids off in one half of the building and still be close by while getting some entertainment as well.

It meant that Spade and Sage ended up getting programmed with very different songs than Sequin and Salem, the two children’s performers. Cane had been meaning to ask Oliver, the programmer and adopted sibling of the Arrowoods, what songs they’d used, but they were rarely ever on site.

Not that it really mattered, since Cane was there for the mechanical focus rather than the programming.

“I can’t wait to see all of you on stage,” he admitted to the owl with a sigh, sitting on the edge of the platform xey were standing on. “We’ve been working for months now and it’s not like they can put off opening forever.”

Obviously, the animatronic didn’t reply, but Cane thought he saw xir brown eyes turn towards him. After a moment of staring, he blamed it on the sleep deprivation.

“I dunno. Maybe I’m just getting impatient. I’ve never been good at the waiting game, and there’s really not much more I can do. Spade is as perfect as I can get him, and I know Sequin and Salem are ready for the stage.”

He looked up at his only company for the moment, a small smile gracing his lips. “I’m sure you’re ready too. You’re Scrap’s favourite, after all, and I know he never leaves a job half done. Hell, you’re probably the most perfect one here.”

Silence reigned for a moment after that, before Azriel’s voice broke the silence. “Talking to the animatronics now, are we?” he teased, chuckling at the side eye Cane gave him. “Yeah, yeah, I know I do it too. Anyway, your boy’s working perfectly. Not even a single spark.”

Cane let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding, a relieved smile making its way onto his face. “Was there ever any doubt?”

Azriel’s laugh was more of a bark this time, but it was still better than nothing. “No there was not. Now move along freeloader, there’s plenty more for you to do around the diner.” That was basically code for ‘Spade may be done, but it wouldn’t hurt to check’.

The rest of the day moved along quickly, mostly because Cane checked as much as he could one Spade and spent the rest of his shift cleaning up the mess the three usually left. Scrap would never admit to it, but he knew the man definitely appreciated it (it certainly showed with the “overtime” bonus he got).

“Come on, you’re still refusing to change your mind? It’s just a night shift.” Convincing Scrap that he should be given the nightguard job was still the challenge Cane remembered it to be, even when he offered to work the day and the night.

Scrap simply sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. “Mr. Freeman, I know you have an odd sleep schedule but I am trying to promote the growth of a better one. And you know I need you at full energy when working on the animatronics.”

“The animatronics are done!” Cane countered, throwing his hands up in frustration. “There’s nothing left to be done! You’re acting like those things aren’t already perfect!”

“They aren’t,” Scrap replied, quirking an eyebrow at the implication that there wasn’t any more work to be done. “Canetheus, you aren’t getting the night shift. Please stop asking. You are a mechanic, and that is what you’ll stay.”

With that, Scrap turned away from him and got back to work. Cane stood there, shocked and annoyed at the same time, before letting out a huff and finally heading home.

“Does he think I can’t handle it?? It’s just a damn night shift!” he ranted as he fed Cheesy her dinner, collapsing into one of the chairs at the kitchen island when he was done. “It’s not like it’s fucking dangerous. No one’s breaking into a fucking diner with a GUN. This is bullshit.”

Finally, he let out a sigh and gave up, resting his forehead on the cool surface of the island. At least he didn’t have to worry about falling asleep with the good hours he’d gotten the day before.

“Maybe he just doesn’t trust me,” he decided, hoping it would make himself feel better about it. It kinda worked, but he was still mostly pissed.

“Would you trust yourself?” The sound of a deep, and near demonic voice behind him made Cane sit up instantly, spinning around quickly to see who was in his home, only to find nothing.

He opened his mouth to say something about it being a hallucination, probably, only to catch sight of that damned bunny out of the corner of his eye. It was sitting on his couch now, flicking through the channels on the TV.

It seemed to be waiting for him to look at it head on before speaking again, which took a minute but eventually happened. “Cause I wouldn’t. Is there anything good running these days?”

Cane stared at it wide eyed. There was silence for a moment until it opened it’s maw to speak again, only to be cut off by a scream.

The last thing Cane heard it say was “Rude,” before the world went dark.

What the fuck.

#self ship fic #self shipping #scrap.writing #s/i: canetheus freeman #canetheus freeman #scrap arrowood #azriel arrowood #spade the bat #sage the owl #nightmare bonnie #maybe if you whack me in the head i'll pass out (nightmare bonnie self ship tag)

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placegrenette · 6 years

Text

A list of things I love about “Ah! Yah! Mah!”

(It’s a long list.)

(But not as long as my draft literature review chapter, which was 16,000 words, including bibliography and a whole lot of written throat-clearing. If you have pity to spare, send it to my committee.)

youtube

1. To refer back to my original commentary: I love its bigness, the vast expanse of the song. It’s also a nice close to the promotion cycle, where “Su Asty” and “Yeski Taspa Bii’“ were similarly packed, “Bayau” and “Mooz” a little less ambitious. (A little, in the case of “Bayau.”)

2. While remaining very much a Ninety One song. I tend to favor the specific over the general with pop lyrics, songs where the performers make their skin in the game more obvious. (”Tend to”: and yet my favorite song off 1989 is “New Romantics.” I’m not consistent.) “Aiyptama,” as good as it is, was pre-packaged; you don’t have to know anything about Ninety One to enjoy it. “Ah! Yah! Mah!” is not only full of callbacks to previous Qarangy Zharyq songs but continuing the overall theme -- see the analysis by @qisforqazaq, which points out the references in greater detail.

(2a. I’ll add one more reference: Alem’s Make your brains cross the borders line echoing ZaQ’s Borders do not exist, they are only in the vastness of your consciousness in “Mooz.” The Kazakh lines are Жоқ шекаралар, ол сенің миыңдағы мекендерде бар тек and Таптаурыдарыңды бұзаын, Шекарадан ассын миың, respectively, so the repeat of “borders” doesn’t seem to be simply a coincidence of translation. Thus “Mooz” would be about recognizing the illusion of borders and “Ah! Yah! Mah!” about destroying that illusion.)

3. While we’re talking lyrics, let me rave about my favorite: AZ’s From your conversations, I feel nauseous, as if I’m drinking tea with fat. “Mooz” used tea metaphors to throw shade too, but that’s not why I love that line. It is perfect -- at once visceral, getting the feeling it wants to convey across in a minimum of words, and so culturally specific; when would an American rapper deliver an insult by talking about tea? And it’s so AZ, too, casually dismissive. It makes a whole human experience instantly legible and I love it.

4. Which leads me to AZ’s and ZaQ’s whole section. Way back before Ninety One even debuted and I was raving about Infinite’s Reality, my favorite part of “Take Care of the Ending” was Dongwoo’s and Hoya’s trading off the rap, the way they bounced off each other. AZ and ZaQ trade off with even more energy, and complement that in the video with a delightful playfulness that gets a lot of things done at once.

apologies, y'all, I still can't make GIFs for crap

With a Korean group I’d be tempted to speculate about fanservice, but Ninety One doesn’t seem to have embraced that part of idol marketing, and I don’t get a shippy vibe from this sequence. If Leslie Fiedler, God bless his memory for all time, were around he’d call this reveling in homosociality, affectionate but not sexual, a friendship on full display. But the sequence also -- after Alem staring down the camera, Ace having to cope with the unexpected (more on that in a minute) and Bala turning Bala Seduction Mode up to 11 -- injects some needed humor into the video. We’re going to make your brains cross the borders, sure, but it’s going to be fun.

5. Speaking of Bala:

I mean they all look good but Bibotta gets an extra round of applause for the sequined-jacket-and-curls idea.

6. Speaking of Bala #2: mouthing along to the sound effects during the first dance sequence, when he’s right in front and you can’t miss it. Nine out of ten video directors would have cut, told him to knock that off, and re-shot it. The tenth is Boss Yerbolat, and God bless him for it.

7. I mean they all look good:

apologies again for the small GIF but static shots didn't do AZ justice

8. Y’all know what it’s time to talk about.

@miiumao commented to me that The Hat was the second time she’d been genuinely shocked by Ninety One and their approach to masculinity, the first time being the 2016 New Year’s greetings video -- which I, used to K-pop conventions, hadn’t found shocking at all. Which should serve as a reminder to you all that I am not a good source on gender presentations in Kazakhstan. But that hasn’t stopped me before and it’s not going to now.

I love the hat. Or, rather, the decision to use the hat. Which should shock no one. (For what it’s worth I remain convinced, in the absence of direct evidence, that Bibotta was inspired by Taemin’s “Everybody”-era promotional pictures.) That said, I don’t think the hat entirely works on Ace. His scenes play as if Boss Yerbolat instructed him to act haughty and disdainful, and he overshot “haughty and disdainful” and landed on “I was promised a nap twenty minutes ago goddamn it.” Y’all know AZ would have handled that hat without a second thought. Bala probably could’ve worked the hat just fine. (ZaQ would have said hell no, and Alem would have lasted about thirty seconds before bursting out laughing.) So that Ace got the hat is interesting in and of itself.

Assume with me two different spectra of masculinity, or “masculinity” if you prefer: female/male and boy/man. Add in submissive/dominant, which is (again, in the West; I can’t speak for Kazakhstan) culturally tied to the first two, for better or for worse. AZ, for example, has been using more coded-feminine and coded-submissive gestures -- compare his body language in the “Aiyptama” video to that in “Su Asty” or “Ah! Yah! Mah!” and you’ll see what I mean -- but he never really comes across as boyish, as opposed to full-on adult. It’s something of a surprise, in the Space videos, to hear him giggle.

Whereas Ace has been in charge of boyish appeal from the very first verse of “Aiyptama.” (See Anne Helen Petersen on boyishness and the teen idol -- again speaking very specifically of a Western, Hollywood-produced set of products.) There’s a reason why my fellow Eaglez (*kisses* to Cay and Crystal) used to joke about picking him up from the day care. As late as “Yeski Taspa Bii’“ he’s the guy gently hugging and listening to the girl while the other four act out drama in the background. The appeal of the boyish hero is that he steps aside from the dominant/submissive paradigm, in his practice of gentleness and restraint. To play with dominant/submissive tropes is adult territory. To play with obvious femininity is too, for that matter: we can deal with grown men using feminine gestures to paradoxically assert their power -- think Little Richard and David Bowie; that’s the tradition that I’d argue AZ is working in, and G-Dragon worked in some before AZ -- but the feminized “boy” is another matter entirely.

But in “Bayau” we got prone, head-bowed, eyeliner-to-hell-and-back, shyly-smiling Ace talking about his personal patron of the night: the boyish member seemingly going for submissive tropes in a way that suggested he knew what he was doing. And now on top of that is a shooting-for-haughty Ace with an exaggerated hat that reads as feminine and body language that runs counter to the rest of the video -- Alem is throwing his body around the space as he does, Bala is at the head of the table, ZaQ is at the podium, but Ace has his legs crossed and arms folded close to his body. Thus boyish + feminine + haughty and imperial + submissive = ...? I don’t know! No wonder Ace needed a nap.

9. Leaving that entirely unresolved and turning to a different aspect of Ninety One’s treatment of gender: ZaQ starting his final announcement with “Ladies and the rest!” I love that. Intentionally or not, it comes across as Ninety One centering itself as a group that appeals to women and talks to women, without apology: with insolent pride, actually.

10. I haven’t spoken of ZaQ enough here, so speaking of ZaQ: his declaration that “My skill is a collection of randomly scattered rhymes in accelerated motion,” which is both sweetly self-deprecating and 100% accurate.

11. And finally: if you can do it, you can do it! Do it! Back to the point about specificity: if “Ah! Yah! Mah!” were my first Ninety One single I wouldn’t find anything particularly interesting or inspiring about the line. But knowing what they’ve done so far, and what they’re doing, and what they’re trying to do -- create an entire music scene practically out of whole cloth, in Kazakh no less, which let me emphasize is not the dominant language of pop even within Kazakhstan. And ambitious enough and grandiose enough to try and create this scene not by analyzing their steps with the question of how each will appeal to the broadest possible audience, but by building their own narrative and all but daring the audience to follow along. Not if it will work or if it will sell or if it’s acceptable, but if you can do it. And I’m listening and feeling a new energy, wanting to scream too. Ah! Yah! MAAAAH!

#ninety one #ah! yah! mah!#music from kazakhstan #come find me eaglez

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