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slutifer · 1 day

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mc: oh brother-

Mammon: which one?

mc: …what?

Mammon: which brother?

mc:…

mc: uhh, you?

Mammon: that’s right baby

#don’t look at me #i thought of this at 3am #this feels like something he would say #mammon my sweet #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me mc #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me crack #obey me lucifer #obey me beelzebub #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #mammon x reader

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tsukii0002 · 7 hours

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Mammon and Mc watching a movie late in the night.

Luke: *appears with a snack from the kitchen when he should be sleeping* ….

Mc: …

Mammon: …

Mammon: *grinning* You know that what you just did is something that only demons do?

Luke: *shock* !!!

Mammon: Maybe because you've been here so long you're turning into one.

Luke: *his eyes get wet*

Mc: Mammon!!!! *hitting him* stop-teasing-the-child!!

Mammon: Neveeeeerr!!

.

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notcreative360 · 3 days

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MC: Why is Beel so tense for?

Levi: Mammon decided to prank him by putting a frog on the table.

MC: ...I don't get it.

Mammon: You know that frogs eat flies, right?

MC: Oooh~ Belphie is gonna kill you.

Mammon: You'll protect me, right? (⁠;⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

#If you still don't get it beel's wings are wings of a fly #So he is scared that the frog will eat him #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me levi #obey me shit post #obey me sheep mc #obey me shenanigans #obey me crack #obey me brothers #obey me incorrect quotes

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treasureofmammon · 2 days

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Obey me: Incorrect quotes (77)

Satan: You know what's better than p*ssy? Yes, a really good book! (🎹🎶🎵🎶)

#source: bo burnham #Treasure of Mammon Incorrect quotes #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me!#obey me incorrect #obey me! incorrect quotes #obey me incorrect quotes #om satan #obey me satan #satan obey me!#satan om #satan om!#om! satan #satan obey me #satan avatar of wrath #obey me funny

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mammonsrockstargf · 6 hours

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Everyone in the kitchen, standing in front of the broken coffee machine.

Lucifer: So, who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

MC: I did, I broke it-

Lucifer: No, you didn’t. Mammon?

Mammon: Don’t look at me. Look at Levi.

Leviathan: What? I didn’t break it!

Mammon: Huh, that’s weird. How did you even know it was broken?

Leviathan: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken?

Mammon: Suspicious…

Belphegor: If it matters and it probably doesn’t, Asmo was the last one to use it.

Asmodeus: Belphie, I don’t even drink that crap!

Belphegor: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the kitchen earlier?

Asmodeus: I use the wooden stirs to clean my cuticles, everyone knows that, Belphegor!

MC: Okay, let’s not fight, I broke it!

Lucifer: No! Who broke it?

Mammon: (whispers) Lucifer, Beel has been awfully quiet-

Beelzebub: Really? Mammon, you moron-

*heated fighting ensues*

Satan, later to MC: I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. In ten minutes, they were at each other’s throats. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

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too-much-gacha · 12 hours

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Simeon: Lucifer, look isn't that MC and Thirteen?

*MC and Thirteen both immobilized and hanging upside down, in the RAD backyard*

Thirteen: Okay sounds good, now elaborate on details.

MC: Yeah, so the idea it to put him as a bait and tha–

Lucifer: *arms crossed, annoyed* You didn't showed up at student council meeting and your not picking up your D.D.D. Care to explain?

MC: Oh! Hello Momcifer, hi Simeon. Well I was helping Thirteen set up a trap for Solomon and she accidentally triggered it and it caught her.

Lucifer: Than why are you also hanging here?

MC: Uhhh... I tried to free her... and I *mumbles under breath*

Lucifer: And you what?

MC: and I triggered the backup trap.

Simeon: *starts chuckling and takes out his phone*

MC: No! Don't laugh and definitely don't take a photo. I need these remains of my dignity.

Thirteen: Yeah! Instead of laughing help us get down!

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me thirteen #obey me incorrect quotes #i love my two girlfailures(gn)#obey me lucifer #obey me simeon

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helpiamlostsomewhereinthegarden · 18 hours

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MC: Butter is just food lotion

Satan: I'm gonna give you 5 seconds to shut the fuck up

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kpop-otome-yandere-here · 5 months

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Mc: Hey, dumb slut, get over here.

Mammon, sighing: Okay-

Asmo: I'm coming!

Mammon, confused: I thought... I was dumb slut...

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anintrovertedechoe · 11 months

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Lucifer: who the fuck took my demonus i just wanna talk

the brothers knowing that whoever did is fucking dead:

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: what.

MC: it was me.

Lucifer: why??? you literally can’t even get drunk off it????

MC: it tastes like capri sun and i miss it you whore

Lucifer: what the fuck is a capri sun

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cosmicstarlatte · 1 year

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Diavolo: Do you have representation?

Mammon: I call upon my lawyer MC!

MC: My client is innocent!

Diavolo (pinching MCs cheek): Of course he is, case dismissed!

Lucifer: Lord Diavolo there's crisp clean video of Mammon stealing from-

Diavolo (petting & cuddling MC): MC said he's not guilty, so he's not. What's so hard about that?

Lucifer: MC do you handle murder cases?

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me mc #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me humor #obey me crack #obey me shitpost #obey me imagines #obey me mammon #Devildom Court #◇˖・ﾟ— › cosmic obey me . ⊹#shitpostcifer

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l3viat8an · 1 year

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*In nightbringer*

Asmo: Do you realise there's a rumour going around that you're in love with MC?

Solomon: A rumour? Are you telling me people are doubting it????

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authormars · 21 days

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MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me lucifer #obey me shitpost #obey me satan #obey me simeon #obey me mc #obey me incorrect quotes #i think i'm funny

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tsukii0002 · 5 months

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Mammon: Demons do not feel guilt, that is only for humans and angels.

Solomon: ... *grinning* Remember that cake you ate the other day?

Mammon: Yeah.

Beel: It was delicious

Levi: An Ur+ ranked cake.

Solomon: It was Mc's

Mammon: ...

Beel: ...

Levi: ...

Solomon: They had been working for two weeks to be able to buy it because it was an ultra-exclusive promotion.

Mammon: What-

Solomon: They came home tired every day from work and attending to your selfish needs… all so they could share that cake with everyone *falsely tearing*

Mammon: *crying* I'm a monster!!!

Beel: *sobing* WE are monster!

Levi: *balled up in a corner*

Mc enters the room and sees the brothers crying.

Mc: What have you done?

Solomon: Me? nothing :D

Mc: Don't tell me you are surprised when people tell you that you are more demon than human.

.

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hopeluna · 3 months

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Belphie at Diavolo's parties: this place is so fancy, I don't know which fork to kill myself with

Asmo: the fork on your right.

#this was way funnier when i thought of it in my head #obey me #obey me x reader #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me shitpost #obey me crack #om! belphegor #om! asmodeus

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slutifer · 10 days

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Lucifer: mc, you can’t just say “spit in my mouth” when one of us does something you deem attractive

mc: but why not??

Mammon: yeah it’s just saliva, what’s the problem??

Satan: did you know that saliva is almost entirely water? only 0.5 percent of it is anything else, but that tiny portion is full of useful enzymes-proteins that speed up chemical reactions-

Lucifer: stop-

Satan: among these are amylase and ptyalin, which begin to break down sugars in carbohydrates while they are still in our mouths. if we chew a starchy food like bread or potato for a bit longer than normal, we will soon notice a sweetness. unfortunately, bacteria in our mouths like that sweetness, too-

Lucifer: STOP-

Satan: they devour the liberated sugars and excrete acids, which drill through human teeth and give them cavities. other enzymes, notably lysozyme-which was discovered by human scientist alexander fleming before he stumbled onto penicillin-attack many invading pathogens, but not the ones that cause tooth decay, alas.

Satan: …

Lucifer: …

mc: …

mc: spit in my mouth

Lucifer: MC

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saturncodedstarlette · 11 days

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Solomon, encouraging MC : —and you’re clearly very powerful now, starlight. You managed to take down a legion of monsters all by yourself without my help.

MC, still doubtful : Do you really think I’m powerful?

Solomon, cradling your face in his palms : I, for one, find you terrifying

#Obey me #Obey me x reader #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me mc #obey me x you #obey me Solomon #obey me Solomon x reader #obey me Solomon x you #Solomon #Solomon x reader #obey me nightbringer #Solomon x you #om! solomon #obey me nb #om! Solomon x reader #obey me shall we date #Original prompt : Lore Olympus #1k notes

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