#or whatever other term there might be

[consciouschunkofmoss]

.

#theres always those little details about your childhood that stick to your mind you later on figure out to be a huge deal actually #theres always those lingering feelings from when you were young that haunt your actions and ways of thinking to this very day #but you never question that #because to you its normal #figuring out that many many things that happened in my head are maybe. just maybe not that normal makes me feel insane #and i hate myself for not having the right words to use #but i dont know how longer i can deal with my own bullshit without feeling like both a complete fucking liar and a total stranger #living a whole life with the constant paranoia of being watched #passing through years of school feeling so disconnected you cant bear a single class without any external and constant outlets #otherwise without those outlets not even having control over your own fucking body and what happened to it while you were out #or whatever other term there might be #randomly bursting into tears because your mind by sheer force made you think about things you werent even a slightest bit fond of #spending such long periods of time trying to tell if what you were living was an actual thing or just purely fabricated #dreading the times at which you just had no agency over your own spiraling thoughts when getting even if slightly upset #just completely not knowing if what you were going through was a real thing or just a dream (past memories being even more messy) #the constant pressure and fog wrapped around your brain #all the stress you had to deal with solely for not being able to tell so clearly as the others your age what was really present or not #the constant divagation that made you cry at night for no reason

[cathodic-clairvoyant]

Oh hi there transfem discussing her experience in the trans community i just had a quick question about your post

What does tme mean?

Oh okay i see i understand, thank you.

What does transmisogyny mean?

Ah I see, I get it.

What's a trans woman?

Oof scary. One last question.

What's a woman?

Thank you for being my own personal google (not like you had anything better to do right?) and derailing the point of your post for my own personal education. I will now add nothing of value to this post in return. Bye bye!

#channel 3 #ignore me i'm bitching #it's just like. somehow the word tme/tma magnetizes people who refuse to do a second of thinking EVERY SINGLE TIME #like on one hand i almost feel bad for bitching #because generally if someone is unaware enough to ask theyre probably not aware of the precedent of multiple tme people asking on every post #what tme/tma means #BUT ALSO it happens so often it straight up feels like it's intentional #and like even if you don't want to look it up i feel like it's easy to guess by context clues #but like regardless of that #could you imagine going to literally any other discussion like that and asking them to define basic terms #'hi thank you for sharing your math thesis with us. just one question what does that t shaped symbol mean? this one: +' #'hi thank you for your in depth analysis of whether the cubs win this year. just one question. what's baseball' #'hi thank you for this in depth character analysis. just one question. what's a book?' #like in all of these cases we can agree that either a. they're a bad actor or b. they're not doing the bare minimum to engage with the post #why is it that people think it's still okay to do that on posts by transfeminists? (<- knows the answer) #(also i'm sure this also happens to cisfeminists but i think more people know better than that now) #like. if you do this i don't think you're evil or like transmisogyny incarnate or whatever but like. in the nicest way #i want you to think through what you expected to happen with. like sincerely and ask yourself was this productive to anyone #did this add anything of use to the post or to anyone else #explaining tme/tma doesn't add use to the post because transfems have explained it billions of times elsewhere #and knowing what it means is generally the bare minimum for interacting with a post discussing transmisogyny #so who does it help to ask? further who does it hurt to ask? in what context might my question be taken? #whagever who give a shit

[dimension-20-every-introduction]

Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Mentopolis episode 6 (finale)

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 introductions #mentopolis #mentopolis spoilers #d20 mentopolis #HOT DAMN............. what a season #that was unbelievably goofy and looney toons level silly but like. what a fun ride #i feel like the kids on bikes system really opens the door for a lot of those moments from what i've seen it's so great #also having a secret narrative stat that uses the fucking d100 as the die roll was like VERY silly but also like. #it has me going a little bit insane about like ways that could be used in like other genres or things or whatever #like god damn that's a good way to represent some aspect of character that is just so impossibly strong that like...... #when they tap into that they just cannot fail #which kinda sucks in terms of balancing for gameplay but like god damn‚ narratively? #and like restricting it so that stat only sort of becomes awakened or usable when that sort of deeply rooted personal growth comes into pla #this might be kind of a weird stretch but like.... the crests from the og digimon adventure? #like if they managed to tap into those aspects of themselves and their crests glow‚ that's their d100 stat‚ their crests #and all sorts of astronomically powerful shit could sort of come about from them acting within their strongest parts of themselves in turn #i don't know. maybe i'm just too digimon brained maybe i'm just a little too hooked on that digimon ttrpg show that uses kids on bikes too #but like...................................... fuck. #i don't know‚ it could be something! #anyways i really enjoyed these sort of lightly animated scenes of the real world that elias hodge got to star in as the pov #very VERY fun how they played across the dome in game too #also oh my godddddd anastasia and fawnbrooke......... bro i'm gay #was this season sillier than fantasy high? or escape from the bloodkeep? probably #like the lore and worldbuilding was unabashedly bonkers due to it all existing in the mental manifestation of the human brain #and VERY funny at that #probably the silliest d20's ever been! but i loved it #alright‚ guess that's it for this one #see y'all next season!!

[thethingything]

just finding out that the term "anticipatory grief" exists and reading about it and then finding out about other concepts like disenfranchised grief and ambiguous loss and like... oh okay now I have some terms for things we experience but never know how to talk about

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #grief #thank you to the follower that reblogged the post about grieving the undead and added something about that in the tags #now I'm reading about ambiguous loss which is the thing where it's like... they're gone but they might come back #or where they're still here but don't remember you or whatever #where it makes grieving difficult because it's messy and complicated #I didn't know there was a term for this and it's very cathartic and validating to see stuff talking about it #I rarely see anything that talks about grief from anything other than death #and it's nice to actually see stuff talking about other types of grief from other sources

[snekdood]

ive been disillusioned with a lot of the left for a while, it's nice to at least see that other ppl see it now, though the reason why kinda fucking sucks.

#i used to think i could trust ppl bc of pride flags in their profile or them being trans or whatever #and then i put allll of my trust in that community not realizing theres a Multitudes of types of ppl in it #aside from even the fact some trans ppl can be nazis- some trans people- as much as it might make us look bad to admit- #are also predators and abusers and want to lie to you and use you for money and sexually abuse you and dump you like trash #and then accuse you of doing everything they did @u@;; ask me how i know! #so on the one hand im happy ppl see it now- it's not that leftists or queer ppl or feminists are better ppl- ppl more worthy to trust- #they're just as diverse and as good and as shitty as any other demographic of people. #you're gonna find shitty people everywhere. obviously you're more likely to find predators on the right but that doesnt mean theres not #plenty on the left too. #at a certain point calling yourself 'on the left' doesnt mean much aside from idk. thinking ppl need basic human rights? #and even then its apparent that some leftists dont think that. so who can say. maybe you wont misgender me? but nah- you will #if i disagree w you or if we get in a fight- i've seen plenty of leftists do this. #i just think the term is useless now. #i think the left is about to fracture into different groups at this point #anyways be weary traveler of ever putting all of ye trust into any group of people. #its possible to like ppl and enjoy being around them and still not fully trust them. and if something tells you to gtfo? you should #also putting all your trust in a group of ppl is a one way ticket into possibly joining a cult on accident #or at the very least a culty friendgroup

[bunnihearted]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[twilightarcade]

menuMoment

#thatthingliveblog #ok so like progress wise we've gotten nothing done #but like? #pretty much the best person on earth #in terms of that other thing that I /alluded/ to I'm trying to get an inventory to work #like a SUPER rudimentary one because I didn't want to work too hard on math. Might edit it later though #i haven't gotten the chance 2 draw much this week... will probably draw 50 things this weekend #I do need to work out how to um. Come up with better names. #this label thing is seriously going 2 be the death of me but I might just have to get a cyoa software..? 2 plot it all out #drafted this on the wrong blog but whatever. Updates have been here anyway #i do NOT like that massive empty space btw. Working on that. #i think we're going to put a prefs button there because? It isn't on the default list for whatever reason #then after this we make ui 4 the rest of it and it looks sooo shiny and pretty and we do nothing with that #i do want to change this 2 have green on the buttons but I forgot and just photoshopped it super quick #tonight's gonna be a late night ill be on later besties #ummm that's good enough i think. Send post

[duckapus]

Had an interesting idea. You may have noticed that in this post I implied that there may be at least one non-game-based living Character-Level server somewhere out in the digital multiverse that nobody knows about yet because they think it's impossible for one to form without outside influence. Well, I figured out which one it is: A universe made from a pirated collection of every official episode, movie, short, music video, and even scans of the dubiously canon IDW comics run of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, along with any other official media I can't think of at the moment. Because I can. Whoever owns the collection doesn't know that they have a real live Equestria at their fingertips because the actual media storage is a layer above the living universe (or universes, what with Starswirl's Mirror Portals), so watching/reading the stuff doesn't affect what's happening down there or vice-versa, and the characters also don't know that they're digital beings brought to life by the love of a fan.

If anyone, be they Program, Virus, Anomaly, or Character, were to go there they'd be changed into a form that fits the universe (so a pony/dragon/griffon/etc. choose whatever fits best in the main world, a human with the same color scheme as their Equestria form in the Canterlot High world) Because Mirror Portal Magic, though Code-Level entities can change back to their usual form if they prefer. When they leave they go back to normal. If any locals ever managed to go to other digital universes they'd stay in their usual forms because Most Universes Don't Do That. It's similar to the Enforced Art Styles of the Cats are Liquid and Fairly Oddparents universes, though FiM and CaL are obviously more drastic than FOP.

The first major characters to find out about this are Ozymandias and Garyboy, who stumble upon it at some point post-release and decide to use it as a base of operations, on the grounds that 1) Nobody else knows this world exists, 2) if anyone else did find it they'd never expect those two to be living there, and 3) the whole transformation thing means they can hide in plain sight. When they're there Garyboy is a purple-and-green pegasus with a black-cupped plunger for a cutie mark, while Ozzy is a vaguely serpentine dragon and his maneuver form is a Kirin. They later find out that prolonged exposure to Equestria's magic has had side-effects, namely that they can now use their Equestrian Form abilities (weather magic for Gary, fire breath, flaming rage form and unicorn magic for Ozzy) in their normal forms. That'll be fun to show off to their enemies.

#smg4 ocs #au lore #mlp fim #ozymandias #garyboy #it's (partially) MY megacrossover au and i get to pick whatever fandoms i want for it #this is at least partially so i can come up with everyone's ponysonas when the time comes for the “Give Back Root You Bastard” confrontatio #in terms of the show timeline equestria is currently post-finale (so Twilight's in charge of equestria) #but pre-epilogue (so everybody has their more recognizable character models) #(and i don't have to figure out where the Many Many out-of-focus major characters ended up after the 20-ish year timeskip) #might also include the previous mlp generations as their own connected worlds with their own mirror portals #though not gen 5 since 1) Timeskip Issues and 2) it probably isn't as alive as the other worlds given it's still so new #the other gens wouldn't get much focus since i don't know much about them but it could be interesting to have them there #ozzy probably has Way too much fun with the fact that he can now set things on fire

[wormtoxin]

i’m gonna be real, the cultural perception that trans women are predators is absolutely vicious and immediately dangerous to women. but idk if policing the behavior of trans perverts online is my ideal solution. internalized transphobia has led me to more immediate repression and danger to myself than much else. i’m constantly terrified to publish (admittedly completely boring and safe and marketable) erotica because someone might make such an accusation against me. Trans artists’ reputations have absolutely crumbled on accusations with less stable foundations. I don’t love transphobia. I’m really lucky that the worst kinds of transphobic violence i’ve experienced have been through a screen. I just don’t know that extra surveillance and moral hyper-vigilance is gonna work out in our favor here, girls.

#not anti or pro whatever i think that’s a silly distinction #but if u gotta unfollow i understand #ummm i just think it’s nice to treat art in particular with more understanding and grace than you might extend in other scenarios #a lot of art like this had to be met on its own terms to be understood #and if you still don’t like it? cool! no sweat i get it #everyone’s taste is different #you don’t owe art anything ne definition #but you do owe other people at least a passing attempt at empathy #that’s all i guess

[magentagalaxies]

having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad??? #which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended??? #but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????'' #even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out) #but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender) #and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender) #was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing. #so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

[piesa2]

everyone is pitying me and i dont know how to feel about that

#i mean i pity myself its bad for me right now and i need help and support because i simply can not do this without it but also #i deeply wish i was not doing just so extremely bad and i wish i didnt need to be pitied #i think im doing worse than when my parents got divorced and i didnt see my dad for 3 months like its. probably the worst time of my life #which is such a nice stopper on the past four years probably having been the best years of my life! and i only have a couple weeks of that #time left and all i can do is feel just. bad. all the time #but then im also affraid people think i’m just overreacting or complaining or whining or whatever and like. rationally i know i cant #help how i feel and what is happening to me but also it just makes me feel weak. this shouldnt be so hard. this wouldnt be so hard for a #normal person. and im having difficulty coming to terms with like. this is just who i am. i cant do everything other people might be able to #im sensitive in a lot more ways and yk its good to realise im not unique in that way but im also not average. #ugh sorry im trying not to vent Online but bluehg

[butchybats]

I’m bad lgbt rep because I physically can not stop saying dyke it’s my favorite word ever but at the same time I think that Tumblr’s relationship with (lgbt centric) slurs is so fucking weird

#btw this isn’t a don’t say certain words post i think people should be be able to call themselves whatever they want #it’s the pushing these terms on to other people that make me uncomfortable #‘traumatized by their upbringing’ yes when you hear queer and faggot as derogatives almost every day #you might develop weird relationships to them!! #and same with tranny and transvestites my family loves saying these as well #the only one i don’t hear very often is dyke which is. probably because of me HGHGH #tldr; use whatever terms you want for yourself but it’s weird to guilt trip other people into using them #ray says stuff

[designernishiki]

aight im just gonna say it. some folks really gotta stop treating nishikiryu like they’re actually related and considering anyone who’s so much as Okay with them as a pairing of being incest apologists. like. that’s a legitimately fucked up and serious thing to accuse someone of just because of your view of two factually unrelated fictional characters.

#like. i really don’t like yumi being a love interest for kiryu and think she’d be best as a sister figure to him #a dynamic which could’ve formed while growing up alongside him at sunflower. that absolutely does not mean I would start blocking #and shittalking people for being ‘incest shippers’ as if I have the mora high ground and self righteousness to do so #it is really not different. only difference is the use of the word kyodai. which is an honorary title and not inherently synonymous with #viewing someone as your Actual Literal Sibling. #like just. chill the fuck out. #throwing that kinda accusation around is honestly no better than someone throwing around terms like ‘abuser’ or ‘gaslighting’ #over subjective and unserious situations #no one is asking you to change your view of them. no one’s asking you to like them as a pairing. just say you don’t see it that way and move #on. not everything is a moral issue where someone needs to be condemned for something. #tldr: don’t be an asshole #this reminds me of the post that’s like. hey sometimes it’s okay to just say you don’t like someone/something without trying to prove #that disliking it is the Morally Correct thing to do. #like for real dude. #anyway might delete this later or simplify it becuase I have honestly been scared to say anything about this for a long time #due to seemingly the majority of people considering this a highly controversial hot button issue #also sure blocking people is an option but. if you like someone/most of someone’s content and just don’t like a certain pairing or topic or #whatever that they’ll reblog on occasion you can also just. block the tag. unless they don’t tag their shit then it’s more understandable #but i most certainly do and I appreciate when other people do the same because I have one major pairing tag in this fandom blocked because #of how much i don’t like it and plenty of people I follow post this pairing occasionally and shockingly it does not bother me. because #of the ability to filter via tags. it’s really not hard #anyway yeah sorry. let’s see how fast I delete this cause boy am I scared of getting eaten alive for this Apparently Hot Take #rambling #edit: also just wanna note that this isn’t even my main/favorite pairing or anything. im not a diehard nishikiryu guy #im a diehard kazumaji guy though for sure. but I have a strong opinion on the topic because. like I said. the gravity of people’s #accusations is beyond Not Okay

[doctorweebmd]

look i think the thing people forget is that My Hero Academia is not a typical shounen. Its purposeful. Its well written. Horikoshi does not DO throw away plot-lines. He doesn't ignore plot holes. Over the past 10 years he has proven, time and time and TIME again that this is an incredibly thought out, narrative-driven brilliant story that has taken popular tropes and preconceptions and turned them on their head.

Have a little faith.

#imagine you're in a horikoshi dick-riding competition and you're up against me #but seriously. with the most recent few chapters i'm continuing to be in AWE of what he's revealing and how he's executing it #so many shounens are like: i'm gonna put my guy in a situation! #haha now i'll put him in another situation! forget about what happened in the last arc that don't matter #the ONLY other shounen i can think of that stands anywhere near this in terms of writing is FMA #look ok drag me over the coals i DO NOT CARE #its truly the king series of 'not original idea but fucking stellar execution' #look and i'm not even gonna TALK about the art (jesus fucking christ. horikoshi.) #or the character creation (how did you make us give a shit about a 30+-character ensemble cast? people here are starting WARS over them) #or the WORLD BUILDING THAT IS SO SUBTLE BUT SO POWERFUL #rewatching season 6 (again) in preparation for season 7 #and obviously. i am biased. but. dude. #i trust horikoshi with my life #whatever choice he makes on how to end this is right #because LOOK at what he's built over the past 10 years #...dont worry about the posts i just worked 3 night shifts in a row on an amount of sleep some might call #uhhhh. bad #so. don't worry about it. its the delirium #i love you my hero academia

[grimark]

not that anybody asked but i do think terms like "cis+" or "cisn't", which i've seen thrown around in relation to the prev post, are a bit unnecessary. to me, it just seems like excessively atomising a fairly common experience, which is the desire to not be subject to the more uncomfortable and restrictive aspects of socially constructed gender roles. and sure, it might never even occur to a lot of cis people to do this kind of introspective analysis of their gender identities, and they might therefore be lacking some of the additional perspective of someone who has, but i don't think we necessarily need need a special new category for it. when you get down to it, "cis person who has previously questioned their gender" and "cis person who has never felt the need to question their gender" are both still cis, which in theory is a value-neutral description and a perfectly fine thing to be.

#this isn't meant as a criticism of people who like those terms or find them valuable or validating #it's more just. i don't get it and i don't really see the point of them but that's fine because they're not aimed at me anyway. #if you're cis but you want to add a modifier to encapsulate your gender journey then you do you. #to me just seems a bit patronising to tell cis people they're actually cis+ or whatever #like. aww you did such a good job thinking about your gender! here is a star sticker for you that says 'more evolved than other cis people' #instead maybe we can just trust that 1. people are the experts on their own identities and experiences #if someone says they're happy to continue identifying as the gender they were assigned at birth we can probably take their word for it! #and 2. accept that we all probably have a lot more in common than we might assume #it seems like a mistake to think 'this experience (gender discomfort and introspection) is exclusively a trait of x category of person' #'so if someone from y category has experienced it they must not actually be y‚ they must be something else instead' #which allows you to comfortably continue to paint people from y group as a wholly separate other with fundamentally alien experiences #and no possible point of overlap or common ground. #i see this a lot with the eternal thorn in my side which is posts about how The Neurotypicals Do This Thing #and also with a certain flavour of ace discourse #which presumes that 1. anyone who doesn't choose to identify under the asexual identity umbrella must necessarily be allosexual #2. there is a single unifying allosexual experience which can be equally applied to the rest of the human population #and 3. no allosexual person could possibly have a complicated or fraught relationship with sex and sexuality. #or if they did have any experiences in common with asexual people they'd naturally choose to identify as ace instead. #therefore these two identities must be wholly separate groups with no experiential overlap. #like idkkkkk clearly these hyperspecific labels are useful to some people! #but to me they often just seem to generate feelings of division and othering #or they're used as a way to claim a particular experience as exceptional to one group #when it's actually a pretty common feature of the human condition.

[artykyn]

I was like “I’m so excited to move somewhere new and do a lot of exploring and traveling!” only to discover that actually I find exploring to be really boring when I’m alone

Like yeah sure I can go on a road trip and see some cool views and interesting places. But if I’m not sharing those memories with someone, then all my memories might as well just be dreams. I want somebody pointing things out to me and saying something funny about it. I wanna point things out to them. Quietly gazing at the ocean is boring alone, but a wholesome relaxing moment if I’m with someone. When something weird happens I want someone to laugh with me. When I’m alone I just go “huh okay” and move on.

At first I thought “maybe I can get a remote job and then pop around living in temporary housing for a few months at a time and explore everywhere!!” but the more I learn about myself, the more I realize I would be soooo bored. Unless I had a partner who also had a remote job and was willing to lead a lifestyle like that. 

#sometimes I forget I lived in Pennsylvania for a year literally because I just don't share that memory with anyone #I haven't kept in touch with anyone I met there either #a whole (small) chapter of my life that feels like it had no impact #other than teaching me that east cost humidity suuucks #like.... yeah okay so I had severe depression for half of it and I learned how to get over it #so okay that's at least some personal growth I got from the chapter #actually you know what yeah sometimes even the *bad* or *short term* chapters of your life are actually really good for you #because even then you are learning a lot about who you are #I may be mega lonely right now. but what I'm learning about myself is that I value my friends above all else #and that I can make due living pretty much anywhere and doing anything. it's clearly not as important to me as the people I'm with #and that will indeed influence the next steps in my life and make my next chapters happier since I know what I do and do not like #Idk yet how long I'll stay here in Oregon. When I moved here I was prepared to spend 5+ years of my life in Portland #now I'm like. eh. pretty locations are fun vacation destinations but everything becomes boring when you live there and get used to it #so might as well pick the location with the people you love the most #or maybe everything just seems boring to me right now because I'm depressed again. whatever #i'll finish school and get a job and figure out my next life steps after that