#post bc it made uncomfortable as a bi woman and they replied to me like i'm an idiot and deadass ended it with 'lmfao' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

letmeletmetrashyourlove · 6 years

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Landslide

Summary: Henderson sister reader. That’s all I’m gonna say bc it’s just a mess.

Authors Note: Holy fucking shit this took me FOREVER to write. Like a month. I’ve really been hating my work lately, and I don't know how I feel about this one. I can’t tell if I don’t like it because I’ve read it too many times, or if it’s not good. I’m really scared to post this. Kinda wanna vomit, kinda wanna cry. This baby is 12k word because I couldn’t make myself shut up.

LET THE SHIT SHOW BEGIN

“We’ve got a few minutes to kill,” Billy smirked as he glanced up from his watch.

“Yeah, and what do you suggest we do?”

His reaction was simply to unbuckle my seatbelt, yank me from my spot in the passenger seat and onto his lap. His lips were on mine in an instant, still curled into a grin as he drew my bottom lip between his teeth.

I wiggled my hips, making him let out a grunt as his hands shot to my waist to still me,

“Stop it.” He grumbled against my lips, his tone firm as his fingertips sank into my midriff.

“I’m not doing anything,” I replied sweetly, shifting my weight slightly. Once again, pushing my hips against his,

“Seriously, stop it.” He cautioned, his grip tightening.”

“Or what, Hargrove?” I purred, “You gonna punish me?”

He growled, hands grasping for the top buttons on my blouse as he fervently kissed me, his teeth clashing with mine. He launched off the back of his seat, leaning me backward against the steering wheel. I let out a laugh as I bumped the horn. He welcomed the opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth. Without catching my attention, he had managed to unbutton my top and was running his hands over my bra.

“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” I murmured between kisses, bringing my hands to rest on his wrists.

“Mmm not done, though” he countered, knitting his hands in my hair and tugging my head back to suck on my neck, his lips trailing down to my collarbone,

“The kids are gonna come out soon.” I gasped as he nipped at me.

“When do they ever come out on time?” He replied, lips lingering against my skin.

“Since you berated them last time.” I quipped,

Despite the firmness in my tone, I couldn’t bring myself to pull away. The boy knew how tantalizing his touch was, invariably providing me just little enough to make me plead for more. I planted my hand on his neck, softly raking my nails down his chest in a way that always made him writhe. And writhe he did, sinking his teeth into my collar as I did so. I dared not move my hips another time, for fear of being arrested for public indecency.

“When we get home I’m gonna-”

His threat was interrupted by knocking on the car window,

“Hey, pervert! Get your tongue out of my sister’s throat!” Dustin shouted, his voice distorted by the glass that was between us.

I let out a bubbly laugh as I climbed off Billy, much to his chagrin. He clicked the doors unlocked and stepped out to let the kids climb in behind his seat. I hastily buttoned up my blouse before they could get in. Lucas, Dustin, Max, and Mike climbed in and fastened their seatbelts. Dustin had perched himself on Mike’s lap since there wasn’t sufficient room for all four of them back there. I had offered Ms. Byers to drive Will to and from the arcade, but she was too paranoid for her own good after what happened last year.

“Ew, you guys fogged up the windows!” Mike exclaimed, passing his sleeve over the glass, squeaking as the condensation was wiped away. Billy let out a chuckle, shooting me a wink as he started the Camaro.

Come to think of it, I couldn’t blame Ms. Byers for not wanting Will to be in the car with Billy behind the wheel. He was an erratic driver to say the least, but he had never gotten us into an accident. Despite many many close calls.

We all sat in tense silence for a few moments, until Max shattered it,

“I was wondering if you could drop Lucas and I off at the movies tomorrow,” Max asked delicately.

“No.” Billy barked, without even asking for more detail.

I threw him a glare telling him to be nice. Billy had good intentions, he just buried them under a guise of hostility. He was protective of Max, actually cared about her. Although, you wouldn’t be able to see that by watching them interact. Every conversation involved at least one of them yelling and cursing. And even if you couldn’t tell what they were saying, even if they were only talking about something mundane, Max was on edge. Billy hovered over her like a storm cloud threatening to erupt with thunder at any moment. His frustration didn’t come without cause. Whether or not Max knew it, she was in control over if Billy took a beating or not. Hell, I wasn’t convinced that Max knew about what Neil did to Billy. Despite Billy thinking she knew and misbehaved just to get him in trouble.

“What time?” Billy grumbled, eyes glued to the pavement in front of him.

“Three.”

“What movie?”

“They’re doing a screening of Star Wars at The Hawk,” Max replied.

“Just you and Lucas?” Billy pressed, his tone lowering as he did so.

Max didn’t answer, she merely looked to her feet,

“Max.” Billy demanded, “Answer me.”

“Yeah.” She whispered, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“No. You’re not going.” Billy asserted, peering at her in the rear-view mirror.

“But Bi-”

“I said no!” Billy snapped.

Despite their improving relationship, Billy still wouldn’t let Max and Lucas be alone together. He was already pissed enough about her hanging out with a bunch of boys, let alone going to sleepovers at their houses.

I turned to Max, resting my hand on her knee,

“I can take you, kiddos.” I offered.

“Y/N!” Billy blurted, shooting me a disapproving glance.

“Come on, Billy. What kind of trouble do you think they’re going to get into?”

“The same kind of trouble we were just getting into!” He retorted, throwing his hand up in the air in frustration.

I rolled my eyes,

“Lucas isn’t a perv like you are.” I defended the boy, causing the back seat to erupt with laughter.

“Can it!” Billy growled as we pulled into the Wheeler’s driveway.

Mike let out a groan as he squirmed out from under Dustin’s lap,

“Bye!” Dustin hollered

As we pulled out of the driveway, Max continued to beg,

“Please, Billy!?”

“What’s in it for me?”

“The rewarding feeling of being a good big brother,” I interjected.

Max and Lucas batted their eyelashes at Billy. He let out a defeated groan,

“Fine.” He grunted.

“Thank you!” Max burst, throwing her arms around the back of Billy’s seat to engulf him in a hug. Lucas smiled to himself, but sat with his hands politely folded in his lap. Dustin playfully bumped shoulders with him,

“Max and Lucas sitting in a tree, K-I-S- oof!” He was cut off by Lucas’ elbow colliding with his gut. I shook my head, reaching for Billy’s hand where it sat on the gear shift. I presented him a smile as he intertwined our fingers.

He dropped Max at home before driving back over to Dustin and I’s place. We all climbed out and made our way to the door. Dustin slid the glass open, trudging in and setting his backpack on the counter before getting into the fridge.

“Don’t give yourself a sugar rush.” I cautioned as I watched him pluck out a couple of pudding cups and a can of soda.

He stuck his tongue out at me as he retreated to his bedroom. I followed behind him, going into the door on the opposite side of the hall. Billy trailed not far behind, closing the door once he came in.

Tews let out a chirp when he realized I was home. He got up from his spot on the bed and stretched out. Billy sat on the edge of the bed, baiting the cat to move over and sit on his lap. I unbuttoned my blouse, taking it off and putting it on a hanger. Billy let out a whistle from behind me. I rolled my eyes, pulling out my old Hawkins Middle School AV club shirt.

“That’s my seat, Tews.” I cooed as I scratched his chin.

Billy gave him the boot when I said those words, seizing me by the hips and hauling me to stand between his legs.

“You’re a tease, you know that?” Billy murmured, staring up at me with eyes that held a mischievous glint as his palms drifted up my waist and to the hem of my shirt.

“Don’t even think about it, Hargrove,” I replied, stepping from his clutch to sit down beside him. I flopped backward, head landing on my pillows as I threw my legs over Billy’s lap. I reached over to my nightstand, picking up the fortune cookie that came with our Chinese takeout earlier in the day.

I unwrapped it, breaking it in half. I handed Billy the half that didn’t have the fortune in it. I removed the white strip from my half, reading it over as I popped the wafer in my mouth.

“You will receive a gift from somebody who cares about you.” I read between crunches, “Babe, what d'you get me? A new El Camino?” I joked.

He caressed my legs with his calloused hands, letting out a nervous chuckle as he drew something from his pocket.

“I uh… That’s kinda creepy actually… because I do have a present for you.”

I raised my eyebrow at him, giving him grabby hands,

He shifted so he was laying on his side next to me, his head propped on his hand as he gave me a red and white Marlboro box.

“Is my present a disgusting habit?” I questioned, cocking my eyebrows at him.

“No.”

“Your garbage, then?” I teased.

“No, just open it!” He pleaded without the same hint of playfulness that I had.

I flipped the top of the pack, tipping it over. Something spilled out and into my hand,

A silver necklace chain with a ring dangling from it. The ring had a red jewel on it and a skinny band, it certainly looked like it belonged to a woman. I held it up in front of me, observing the light from the lamp on my bedside table shone through the stone.

“It’s… Uh… it belonged to my mom.” He stuttered, staring down at the mattress instead of at me.

I reached out and tilted his chin up to look at me, giving him a softened smile to encourage him to speak,

“I just… I feel like she would’ve loved you… and I love you… and I… I don’t know… I didn’t want to give you just a ring? You know.... Like… I didn’t want you to… be uncomfortable or like… think I was proposing or something. I mean, not that I don’t ever want that but I didn’t want to scare you by making you think I was proposin-

“B.” I cut off, capturing his hand as he gestured wildly while he babbled.

I leaned over and kissed him gingerly. He let out a breath of relief against my lips, hand coming up to caress my cheek. When I pulled away, he studied my face for a moment before relaxing his forehead on mine.

“It’s beautiful. I love it. I love you.” I reassured, pecking him on the lips once more before I unclasped the necklace, wrapping it around my neck and fastening it.

The ring hung just below my collarbone, peering out of the v neck of my tee shirt. I took his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. My other hand reached around behind his neck, twirling his curls around my finger.

It was rare to see Billy vulnerable. Every breath he took, every word he said, every move he made dripped with confidence and he was reduced to a stuttering mess when he gave me this gift.

Billy hadn’t spoken much of his mother, not until I found the picture of her he kept tucked in the visor of the Camaro. The photo fluttered down into my lap. The blue California sky shone in the background. The woman in the photo wore a white bathing suit and a sun hat with flowers on the brim. Her dirty blonde, curly hair blew in the beach breeze. Her hand rested on the top of her head to keep her hat from flying off. A small boy wearing a pair of yellow corduroy overalls sat in her lap with the same mop of curly hair and bright blue eyes, a daisy tucked behind his ear as he beamed up at her.

I had to beg him to start talking about her, but once he started talking, he couldn’t stop. How they would always go to the ice cream parlor after school on Friday. She got vanilla, and he got chocolate and they would mix them together. How they ran from the waves on the beach as the tide rolled in. How they would go to the bay and look for crabs and starfish.

How she would sing Fleetwood Mac at the top of her lungs while she made breakfast in the morning, and that's how he woke up every day. The sound of his mother’s voice echoing through the hallway to his bedroom. The first time I sang ‘Landslide’ to myself when I was studying, I glanced up to see Billy staring at me with wide, teary eyes.

How she always read Where the Sidewalk Ends or The Giving Tree. I couldn’t help but think that was what happened to Billy. He gave and gave and gave until he didn’t have anything left to give. That’s when he changed from the boy in corduroy overalls with a daisy tucked behind his ear to the boy in leather jackets with a cigarette between his lips.

I rested my head against Billy’s chest,

“I know how important she is to you.” I whispered to him, “It means so much to me that you’re comfortable sharing her with me.”

I could hear his heart start to race as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn’t get to talk about his mom very often. He couldn’t talk to his dad, he had stopped caring about his mother long before she passed away. He could talk to Max if only the two of them could stop going at each other’s throats for more than two seconds at a time.

Billy traced his hand around the back of my neck and down the chain, wrapping it slightly around his finger,

“She got this when she was sixteen,” Billy whispered, “Said she shoplifted it when she found out the manager of the store was screwing her best friend’s mom… who was married…”

“Wow, mama Hargrove was a troublemaker, wasn’t she?” I beamed, “Now I understand where you get it from.”

“She only did things when she thought somebody deserved some payback.”

“Ah. A little vigilante justice?” I smiled.

“Exactly.” He grinned, the chuckle that escaped his lips made his chest vibrate.

“Like Daredevil.” I murmured, mostly to myself.

“Like what?”

“Daredevil. He’s a character in one of Dusty’s comics.” I clarified. Dustin suggested that I read it, considering I never much liked the X Men anyway, especially not after the situation with the Demogorgon. But this was different, it was about somebody taking down human villains rather than monsters.

“You aren’t turning into a nerd on me, are you?” He asked, glancing down at me with a brow raised,

“Maybe.” I rebutted, reaching over and taking out the comic book from under my pillow.

“No!” Billy gasped, “Aww, come on!”

I laughed as I brandished it in his face teasingly while he pretended to be horrified. We rolled over so he was leaning on my chest. He took the comic from my grasp and dropped it to the floor before kissing me. It was sweeter than earlier in the night in the Camaro, his hand settled on my cheek instead of trying to undo my shirt. It lacked the desperation but strengthened the intimacy. His thumb brushed my cheek before he trailed his hand to the back of my neck, tangling his fingers in my hair.

He drew away with a gasp, his eyes scanning me up and down. They trained on the collar of my shirt. He hooked his finger into it, stretching it aside and brushing his thumb over my skin.

“Oops.” He murmured, although the smirk on his face told me that it probably wasn’t an accident.

“Did you give me another hickey?” I fussed.

His reply was to dip his head back into my neck and press a delicate kiss on the spot,

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” I retorted, playfully smacking his arm, “Get off me, you oaf.”

He rolled over onto his back. I tucked myself under his arm, leaning against his shoulder.

Tews let out a trill before hopping back up on the bed, the bell on his collar jingling as he settled on Billy’s belly.

“Guess I’m staying the night then.” Billy smirked, “Can’t disturb the cat.”

I rolled my eyes, reaching over to turn off my lamp.

When I awoke, Billy wasn’t there. It was how it usually worked when he spent the night. I would never hear the end of it from Dustin if he found out Billy had stayed overnight. I threw my covers off, pulling myself out of bed and into the kitchen, enticed by the smell of breakfast cooking.

“Morning, mama.” I greeted, pecking her on the cheek before reaching for a glass from the cabinet. I poured myself some orange juice before hopping up on the counter beside the stove.

“What’s that?” She inquired, reaching for my necklace.

I had forgotten I was wearing it until she mentioned it.

“Oh, uh. It’s from my boyfriend.” I told her.

She knew I had a boyfriend, but that was about it. She had become more distant since dad left almost 6 years ago. The goings on of Dustin and I’s lives were far from the first thing on her mind.

He did it without warning. We woke up one morning to discover his dresser and closet empty. The drawers had been neatly closed, hangers put back up on the rod. And his wedding band lying on top of his nightstand.

I was silently thankful that Dustin had been so young when it happened, he didn’t remember the panic we went through. The suffering that came along with being left without an explanation. Without a goodbye. But the downside to him forgetting was that he now talked to dad once a week on the phone. Still talked to the man who betrayed us and left us without enough income and without a car.

“That’s nice, baby.” She smiled, going back to scrambling the eggs.

Dustin soon came scrabbling into the kitchen, snatching his backpack from its hook and flinging the front door open,

“Dusty! You didn’t eat breakfast!” Mom called after him.

“Not hungry! Bye!” He hollered, slamming the door shut behind him.

I didn’t think anything of it, he was probably off going on his usual Saturday morning adventures with the party. Mom scooped a spoonful of eggs onto a plate and handed it to me,

“Thanks.” I smiled, pulling a fork from the drawer and shoveling them into my mouth.

A honk from the driveway made us both jump,

“Who could that be?” Mom questioned, peering out the window, “Wow, fancy car.”

I set my plate aside, hopping off the counter and running to the door,

“That’s my boyfriend,” I replied, a hint of apprehension in my voice.

He hadn’t told me he was coming over, which generally meant only one thing.

“Oh, can I meet him?”

“I- uh… I don’t think now is a good time, mom.” I murmured, swinging the front door open and abruptly closing it behind me.

He didn’t even have to get out of the car for me to see his blackened eye and bloodied nose. I hurried across the frost covered pavement barefooted and yanked his car door open, tugging him out and into my arms. He wrapped his arms around me, pressing me against his body with all his might.

“You’re okay.” I murmured, “I got you.”

I stepped up onto the toes of his boots, mostly to take my bare feet out of the frosty sheen that covered the driveway, but also to pull myself closer to him.

He let a shaking breath out into my shoulder before inhaling, taking in my scent as I gently swayed him back and forth.

“Let me go get some shoes and we’ll go where ever you want, yeah?” I proposed, sweeping the curls from his face.

He nodded, getting back into the car while he waited for me. I hurried inside, grabbing my hole-riddled converse and slipping them on my feet.

“Thanks for breakfast mom, love you! Be back later!” I called before quickly sliding back out the door. She hollered something behind me but it was lost when I slammed the door shut and climbed into the car with Billy.

“Benny’s?” I suggested, glancing over at him as he wiped a tear from his cheek and let out a sniffle.

I pouted, once again reaching out to brush his hair from his face, running my fingers softly over his bruised skin. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh.

“I… uh… I’m not… I’m not hungry.” He stammered.

“Okay. Wanna go to our spot?”

He nodded, putting the car in gear and pulling out of the driveway. We cruised in silence, our fingers entwined and resting beside the gear shift. The gray sky told us that snow was threatening to fall, one of the many flurries of this winter so far. Billy wouldn’t admit it, but I think he was starting to enjoy the weather. It gave us an excuse to spend our time together wrapped up in each other.

The edge of Sattler’s Quarry was the conventional lover’s lane destination for Hawkins’ students, but Billy and I had found a clearing through the trees that overlooked the quarry. Much more secluded from the designated make-out spot.

The gravel crunched under the Camaro’s tires as Billy got off the main road and to our spot. He put the car in park, glancing over at me with bloodshot eyes. I unbuckled my seatbelt, clambering into the backseat and patting the space beside me on the bench. The broad-shouldered boy followed behind me, struggling to squirm his way into the back the same way I had. He awkwardly threw himself down beside me, his legs draped over my lap and his back against the door.

“Spill,” I instructed, passing my hand up and down his calf.

His breaths came out shallow and shaking,

“Max… She… She snuck out when I was with you last night… Ended up spending the night at the Wheeler’s… Susan and Dad got back before she came home this morning and…” He pointed to his face.

“Billy, you have to tell Max what’s going on.” I urged, “You can’t keep getting blamed for what she does.”

“I can’t.” He whispered.

“Billy-”

“I can’t!” He bellowed, his voice breaking.

“She’ll understand, Billy.” I assured, “She’s wise beyond her years, you know.”

“I know. And that’ll be the death of me.”

“Literally, if you don’t talk to her.” I murmured, leaning over to rest on his shoulder.

“I got really mad at her last night…. I… I think I actually scared her.” He uttered, “I just…. God. It was a punch in the gut.”

“Did you apologize?”

“I tried… I just… I couldn’t make myself look at her. She was just… her eyes were huge and I… I tried to step towards her and she flinched and I just…” He croaked, pressing his lips together in an effort to not start crying again.

“Hey, hey.” I soothed, “It’s okay… Try again later.”

He set his head on top of mine, wrapping his arms around me tightly. His hand ran down my collar bone and clutched the necklace, twirling the ring around on its chain.

“You get any sleep last night?” I whispered, propping my hand on his chest and giving it a couple of pats.

He scoffed,

“I’ll take that as a no.” I came back, “Go to sleep. We can talk more when you wake up.”

It didn’t take much after I stopped talking for the weight of his head to become heavier on top of mine, for his chest to rise and fall at a steady rate.

I let out a sigh as I came through the front door, kicking off my shoes. Before I could take another step, Dustin was in front of me with his crossed over his chest.

“Max said Billy got really pissed at her last night.” He told me.

“Yeah. I know.” I exhaled, driving past him to go into the kitchen. I took out a glass from the cabinet,

“You know and you still put up with him?” He exclaimed.

"Dustin, trust me, there’s a lot more going on there than you think,” I told him, filling up my glass with water from the tap.

“Like what?” He interrogated.

“I can’t tell you.” I countered, taking a sip of my water. Dustin didn’t know about Neil, no matter how much I craved to tell him about it. The two of us told each other everything. How when he was five, he broke Mom’s favorite vase and buried it in the backyard. When I asked him why he buried it, he said: “Maybe one day an arcadeologist will find it!” “You mean an archaeologist?” “Yeah, an arcadeologist!”

How when I first got my heart broken when I was 15 and he was 11, he got all of his friends to let me play dungeons and dragons with them. They didn’t tell me, but they had rigged the entire campaign based on me being the winner and slaying a prince who stole gold from my castle.

He told me all about Will and El and the upside down and the Demogorgon and the demodogs and Hawkins Lab and Dr. Brenner. What happened to Barb and Bob Newby.

But this was the one thing I couldn’t tell him about. And he had only found out about Billy and I when Billy let it spill to Max and she passed it on.

“Why not!?”

“Because you’re a blabbermouth!”

“Am not!”

“You are.” I rebutted, turning away from him to go to my bedroom. As I started to close the door, Dustin began to shout again,

“What happens when he gets pissed at you like that?” Dustin threw out, “Is he gonna hit you!?”

“Did he hit Max?” I gasped, spinning around to face him. My heart jumped into my throat at his words. Billy had never raised a hand at me, or Max that I knew of.

“No, not yet, anyway.” Dustin grumbled, putting his hands on his hips and shaking his head.

“He wouldn’t hit her.”

Despite his ‘tough love’ approach, he really did care for Max. Want to keep her safe, but it was hard for him to explain to her what happens when she doesn’t listen to his instructions, what Neil does. He felt like she could never understand anyway, so why bother to tell her?

“And you? What about you?” Dustin pressed,

“Dustin-”

“No, what if he hit you, Y/N!?” He screamed.

“I’m not having a conversation about this based on ‘what ifs’, Dustin!” I shouted, “But you can be damn sure the second he lays and hand on Max or I is the second he’s gone.”

I slammed my bedroom door shut in his face, letting out a groan as I threw myself face first onto my bed. I pulled the framed picture I had of the two of us from its spot on my bedside table. It was from when we got Yertle. Dustin held him up for the camera with a toothless grin, I was in the background giving him bunny ears and sticking my tongue out at him. I prayed to myself that we wouldn’t let this ruin our relationship. I paused for a couple moments, glancing back towards the door.

I swallowed my pride and got off the bed, glancing around the corner to find Dustin to apologize for shouting at him. I found him in the kitchen, as usual.

“Hey, Dusty.” I alerted.

He held his finger up to me as he had the phone pressed to his ear. He listened for a couple seconds,

“Son of a bitch!” Dustin screamed as he slammed the phone down on the receiver.

I jolted slightly, blinking at him,

“What the hell was that?”

“Dad isn’t picking up.”

I let out a scoff, rolling my eyes.

“Figures.”

“What does that mean?”

“It was only a matter of time before he forgot about us, Dustin.”

“He didn’t forget. He talks about you all the time.”

“Tell him to keep my name out of his filthy mouth.” I snarled. He had no right to talk about me, not after what he did to mom, to our family. I had to get a job at fourteen just to support us until mom could get back on her feet after being completely shattered by him leaving us like that.

I let out a sigh as I looked at Dustin,

“Sorry for getting mad at you, kid.” I breathed, throwing my arm around his shoulder and pulling him against me. He rested his head on my shoulder,

“I’m just worried about you.”

“I know, bud. Tell you what, I order pizza, you go get it on your bike on the way home from the Wheeler’s place?”

“Star Wars marathon when I get back?” He exclaimed, looking at me with a bright smile.

“Of course.”

He snagged his backpack and his walkie and was out the door. I was just getting ready to relax down on the couch when the phone rang. I straightened myself up and trotted over to the phone,

“Henderson house,” I answered, mindlessly twirling the cord around my finger.

“Mrs. Henderson?”

“Uh, no. This is her daughter. Can I take a message?”

People always told me I sounded just like my mom, so I was never surprised when somebody mistook us for each other on the phone,

“Miss Henderson, I regret to inform you that there was an accident.”

My heart vaulted into my throat, my mind instantly jumping to the conclusion that something happened to Dustin. I tucked the phone under my ear, stretching the cord as I stumbled over to put on my boots

“Is everything okay?” I hollered, staggering on one foot while I crammed the other into my shoe. I was about to grab my coat when she replied,

“Greg Henderson was in an accident. He passed away from his injuries.”

“Greg Henderson?” I breathed, “Greg?”

“Yes. This number was one of his emergency contacts. Is it not correct?”

“No… uh… I mean… Yeah, it’s the right number. I just…. Uh… hadn’t heard from him in a while.” I sputtered, my mind reeling, “An- a- an accident? You said it was an accident? What happened?”

“He was in his car, driving on an icy road. He was t-boned by a semi-truck. The car rolled several times and ended up in a ditch.”

I drew in a sharp gasp, sticking my hand over my mouth in dismay,

“Oh my god… Was… did he… make it to the hospital?” I sputtered.

“Doctor said he died on impact. I’m terribly sorry, ma’am.” She murmured.

“What about passengers? The truck driver? Is everybody else okay?” I inquired.

“The truck driver was fine, there was a middle-aged female passenger with your father. She’s alive but in critical condition.”

“I-uh-um. Thanks for… thanks for calling… Is there anything…. Anything I need to do?”

“Not at this time, ma’am. We’ve contacted your father’s mother who is making arrangements for him.”

“Okay… Thank you… Wait… wait… wait… Where was the accident?”

“It was on I-80.”

“I-80? What… what state is that?”

“Utah.”

“Utah…” I muttered under my breath, “Thanks…. again...Bye.”

I hung the phone up, letting out a shuddering breath. Utah. He had been telling Dustin that he was still in Indiana, he talked about coming to visit all the time. I convinced Dustin that it wasn’t good for mom to see him again, so they never arranged a time.

A woman was in the car with him.

I trudged into my bedroom, laying down and bringing my teddy bear to my chest. It was one that he bought me when he traveled to Montana on a business trip. It wore a little red tee shirt that said, ‘somebody I love went to Montana and all I got was this lousy bear’. That was what I named him, Louis the Lousy Bear. His aftershave spilled in his suitcase on the way home, got all over his clothes and the bear. So it still smelled like him, even ten years later.

It transported me back to when he taught me how to tie a tie when I was 7. I would sit on the bathroom counter while he did his hair and practice tying and untying his tie before he left for work.

“You gotta go under and then over, sunshine.” He’d remind me, his patience never wavering.

I couldn’t even begin to count all of the days he was late because of this routine. I wouldn’t let him leave until I was satisfied that the tie looked perfect.

When he got home from work, I would sprint into the kitchen to greet him. When Dustin was old enough to walk, I would hold his hand and we both dashed into the kitchen together. He’d pick us both up, one under each arm and give us kisses on the cheek.

He’d run into his bedroom and tear off his suit before following us into the backyard to play on the rickety old swing set. He’d push us as high as he could, leaving us both squealing as the swings nearly flew over the top of the set. He’d always play with us first, no matter how much paperwork he had to do. When mom would tell us it was time to come in for dinner, he’d always join in when Dustin and I whined “five more minutes?”

I hadn’t appreciated those memories the past few years. And now he was gone. And I couldn’t tell him how much I missed that. But the memories only made me wonder more what drove him to leave. He may as well have put the sun in the sky, that’s how much Dustin and I looked up to him. And he just up and left us. With no warning. No goodbye.

“Hey, I brought home pizza!” Dustin shouted,

His voice sounded like it was underwater as I peered up at the clock. I had somehow managed to zone out for the past two hours, just thinking about dad. The sun had gone down since then, leaving me to sit in the dark. I hadn’t even begun to consider what to tell Dustin or my mom.

“Y/N!? Pizza!” He shrieked, stomping into the house and slamming the front door behind him.

His shadow appeared in the doorway of my bedroom, backlit by the hall light.

“Y/N? Come on. Get your lazy ass up, let’s go!”

He flipped the lights on. I threw my arm over my eyes,

“Dusty….” I began, my heart pounding in my chest as the dread of telling him about the phone call intensified.

“What?” He questioned.

“I… I’ve got a headache.” I lied,

“Girl problems? Do you need some more tampons? I can go get some from the store!”

“No… Not girl problems, Dusty. I just have a headache. Eat without me, bud.” I breathed, closing my eyes.

“Are you okay?” He murmured, moving to sit down on the edge of the bed, “Did Billy do something? Because I swear to god I will beat that shitlord into a pulp if he-”

“Dustin. Billy didn’t do anything. Please, just go.” I uttered, struggling to keep my voice from quivering.

“Okay.” He whispered, getting up and heading back out to the living room, closing my bedroom door behind him.

I awoke again even later, the sun now starting to peer over the horizon. Mom had just come into the room, yanking the curtains open. I groaned and tugged the blankets over my head. I still wore my jeans from yesterday, my boots still on.

“Come on, sunshine!” She cooed, giving me a nudge, “Time for school.”

My heart plummeted at the phrase, the same one my father always used for me in the mornings before he headed to work.

“Mom.” I whimpered, “I don’t feel well.”

She shuffled over to the side of the bed, sitting down beside me and drawing the blankets back. I let out a groan as she placed her hand on my forehead.

“You don’t feel like you have a fever, sweetheart.” She told me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“Can I stay home?” I whimpered.

“Of course. Dusty’s friend is picking him up for school today anyway.”

“Thanks, mom.”

The next two days were the same. Lying in bed, thinking over every memory of my father. Every last detail of him that I hadn’t appreciated over the past few years. I had managed to eat some toast, but it still made my stomach turn. My mom constantly begged for me to get out of bed, her worry only growing the more I laid around. She left food on my bedside table for me, only to come in and replace it with something different when I didn’t eat it.

She told me that Billy had been calling. That he sounded worried and that he missed me. He even came over and brought flowers for me, probably thinking that he had done something wrong. I couldn’t see him right now, I didn’t want him to see me like this, broken down. I was his rock, he told me that so many times. But I couldn’t even be strong for myself, let alone for the sake of another person.

Dustin came in too. He sat beside me and read his comics out loud to me, told me all about his day and tried to add extra jokes to make me laugh. But not even he could cheer me up.

A soft knock on my door pulled me from my state. It wasn’t the frantic knocking I was used to from Dustin, it wasn’t the pleading whispers from my mother, either.

Without waiting for my reply, the door opened, a sliver of light shining onto where I laid on the bed. Based on the footsteps alone, I could tell it was Billy. Before his signature scent of cologne and smoke hit my nose, before the smooth cadence of his voice, before the gentle touch he laid on my back as he kneeled on the bed behind me.

“You awake?” He murmured.

“No.” I breathed, closing my eyes tighter.

He was the last person I wanted to see me like this, yet the only person I wanted to talk to.

“Okay. Me neither.” He sighed, pulling back the covers and sliding under them with me. The cool denim of his jeans brushed against the back of my bare thighs as he scooted up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pressed a kiss to the back of my head and another on my bare shoulder before letting out a sigh.

I savored his warmth as he laid beside me. He didn’t want me to talk, he didn’t want me to get up, he wasn’t asking anything of me, he just laid with me. I drifted off to sleep a little while longer, turning over to face him when I started to stir.

“Hey,” Billy breathed,

He brought his hand up to caress my cheek, gliding it up and over my hair before kissing the tip of my nose. It was entirely dark outside now, but the streetlights reflected off the snow, giving me just enough light to make out his furrowed brows in the dark.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

I had nearly forgotten the reason he had come over in the first place. The thought still crippled me. To me, dad had essentially been dead for years. He stopped being my father the second he left. But Dustin fought to maintain contact with him, to form a relationship even though he abandoned us. And I couldn’t bear to tell him what happened.

“I- I-... I can’t… I’m not… I’m not ready to talk about it.” I stuttered.

“Dustin said you haven’t been out of bed in a couple of days.”

“Yeah… I uh… I haven’t really.” I replied.

He sat up at that moment, getting to his feet and coming over to my side of the bed. He grabbed my arms to help me sit up,

“Let’s go.” He ordered, dragging the blankets off my legs,

“Go where?” I whined.

“Shower.”

I let out a groan, rubbing my eyes.

“It’ll make you feel better, I promise. Come on, you smell like a dog rolled in road kill.”

“Thanks, honey.” I retorted, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

“Like… A cute dog though… You know… one of those little annoying fluffy ones.”

“Oh, I’m annoying and I smell like roadkill.” I giggled, rolling my eyes as I stared up at him.

He didn’t try to fix his misstep this time, he just wore a goofy grin.

“What?”

“There’s your smile.”

Billy helped me step out of my clothes and adjusted the temperature before helping me step in the shower. I sighed in relief as the hot water hit my muscles, sore from lying in bed for so long.

“See? Feels better already, doesn’t it?” He hollered over the sound of the water. The clang of his belt buckle on the tile floor told me he was about to step in as well.

I stood in the shower facing the stream. Billy stood behind me, arms wrapped around my waist and head tucked into my shoulder. He rubbed reassuring circles on my stomach, occasionally pressing a kiss to my neck.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on now?” He whispered, barely audible over the sound of the water hitting the tile floor of the shower.

“My dad is dead,” I whispered, finally saying the words out loud for the first time.

Billy spun me in his arms,

“What? When? What happened?”

“Car accident.”

“Jeez.” He exhaled.

“I haven’t talked to him in five years, Billy.” I breathed, “I’m still mad as hell at him but…

“He’s your dad.”

“Yeah… I… I haven’t told Dusty yet. Or mom.”

“Don’t worry about it right now, okay? Just… relax for a bit.”

“I’ve been relaxing for the past three days, Billy.”

He shushed me, reaching for the bottle of shampoo before massaging it into my hair. I leaned into his touch, his fingers glided over my scalp, letting out a satisfied hum. He turned me around to hose off the suds, running his fingers through my hair as the soap washed down the drain. He picked up a washcloth, running it over my face and gently wiping the days old smeared makeup off. He wordlessly scrubbed his own hair while I stepped out and toweled off, grabbing my toothbrush and wetting it.

He got out a couple moments later, just as I spat toothpaste into the sink. With a towel wrapped around his waist, he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin in the crook of my neck. I leaned my head against his, closing my eyes and savoring the peaceful moment, despite my mind sounding like a raging storm. He gave me one last peck on my cheek before stepping away from me. He dropped his towel and tugged his jeans on,

“Hey, B.” I murmured, looking at him in the mirror.

He turned to face me, belt still unbuckled and his wet hair stuck to his skin,

“Thanks.”

He shook his head, turning me around to face him and pulled me into his arms, kissing the top of my head.

“You do the same for me.” He breathed. We stood with our arms around each other in silence for a few seconds,

“Plus, I’ll use any excuse to get you naked.”

“You always gotta ruin a nice moment, don’t you?” I scoffed, playfully punching him in the stomach, “I still gotta tell Dustin.”

“I can tell him.” He offered.

“No… He’s gotta hear it from me.” I sighed, looking at the bathroom door with dread.

I emerged from the bathroom with Billy in tow. I expected Dustin to start screaming about how gross it was that we had taken a shower together, but instead he came sprinting over and threw his arms around my middle. The bill of his hat hit me in the middle of my chest. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and resting my chin on it.

“You had me worried!” He exclaimed.

“I figured since you called Billy.” I teased, offering him a meek smile as he glanced up at me, “Hey. I gotta talk to you about something. Let me get some clothes on, okay?”

He nodded, eyes following me as I returned to my bedroom, “So, do you just… not know how to wear shirts or…?” Dustin asked Billy just as I shut the door behind me. I smiled to myself as I pulled on my jeans, fighting friction with damp skin against denim. I pulled on the flannel I had borrowed from Billy before snagging my coat from the hook and opening the bedroom door,

“Look, all I’m saying is that you don’t ever have them buttoned all the way, so I was just wondering if you didn’t know how to button them or something.” Dustin defended, looking up at Billy who was bristling with annoyance towards my little brother.

“Dusty. Leave him alone.” I ordered, “Come outside with me.”

“It’s freezing!” He exclaimed.

“Then go get your coat and meet me out there!”

I slid my jacket on and zipped it up, looking to Billy for support. He gave me a peck on the lips before giving me a push towards the door. I stepped outside into the frigid night, Dustin not too far behind me. I trekked through the snow to the old swing set. Rust had begun to form on it as the years passed by, but dad had it so overbuilt, we joked that after a nuclear war, it would survive alongside the cockroaches and the tomato plants. I sat in the swing beside Dustin, swaying to the side so my swing bumped into his.

“Dusty… You… you know how dad didn’t answer the phone the other day?” I began,

“Yeah.”

“Well… It’s… it’s because he got in a car accident an-”

“Is he okay!?” Dustin interrupted, looking at me with wild eyes.

I drew my lip between my teeth as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. I didn’t even have to say the words and Dustin knew what had happened. He turned away from me, bringing his hands up over his face.

“Dusty. I’m so, so, sorry.” I breathed, vapor from my breath forming in front of me.

I pulled him up off the swing and into my arms.

He wasn’t crying, not out loud, at least. But his breaths came out shallow and shaking.

“What happened?”

“His car got hit by a semi….”

“Was anybody else hurt?”

“The truck driver was fine…. But... There…. Dustin…. Dad was with a woman…”

He looked up at me with watery eyes,

“A woman.” He repeated.

“She’s hurt, but alive.”

He pondered it for a moment,

“We can’t tell mom.” He uttered.

“About the woman?”

“About him.” He clarified, his blue eyes piercing into mine.

“We can’t just not tell her!” I exclaimed.

“Think about it! You know how upset she was when Mews got lost.”

“When your pet lizard ate Mews.” I corrected.

“You’re never gonna let me live that down, are you?”

“That’s not the point! We can’t just keep something like that from her!” I reasoned.

But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to not tell her. When dad left, she fell into a depressive state for a couple of weeks. Only eating enough to keep herself alive, staying in bed most of the day. We had to go live with our aunt until she convinced our mom to go get help. The antidepressants didn’t do much but exhaust her more, so she stopped taking them. Then she got withdrawal symptoms, even ended up in the hospital for a few days after she passed out at work.

And that was just from him leaving. God knows what would happen if we told her he was dead.

It was easy to see that she still held onto the hope that he would come back. She always wanted to talk to him on the phone when Dustin had his calls, she kept looking for a card from him on holidays and birthdays, despite the years that passed without so much as a generic Christmas card.

“You’re right.” I murmured, “We can’t.”

Dustin and I both fell asleep on the couch that night, leaning on each other while the lights from the TV danced on our faces. Billy had gone home once I assured him that Dustin and I were okay.

When I woke up, I decided to give him a call to thank him again for comforting me and to ask if he wanted to go grab breakfast.

I called the Hargrove’s house for what seemed like the dozenth time, but the phone still rang until the answering machine picked up. It was Susan’s sickeningly sweet voice as usual. I let out a sigh, hanging up.

“Dusty!” I called.

He emerged from his bedroom, finger stuck in his place in the book he was reading,

“Have you talked to Max recently?” I questioned

Worries flew around my head like a twister. Billy never ignored my calls unless he was busy, and if he was ever going to be busy, he told me what he was doing. Not that I expected him to, he was entitled to his privacy same as me. But he knew that I worried far too much about him.

Not only was he not picking up the phone, but he stood me up for our lunch date. He was supposed to pick me up two hours ago.

“Uh, yeah. Why?”

“I can’t get ahold of Billy.”

“Max said something about Susan and Neil getting into a fight the other night.”

I felt a knot form in my chest. Billy and I practically took bets on how long it would take for Neil to turn his aggression off Billy and onto his stepmother. It was a morbid thought, but we both knew it was coming. I couldn’t help but think the worst had happened. Billy told me of the first time Neil hit his mother, how it seemed like time stopped for a minute. They all stood in stunned silence before his mother scooped him up off the floor and locked the two of them in Billy’s bedroom while Neil stormed around smashing things down the hall.

I decided to jump in the car and drive over to see him. He lived hardly two blocks over, if it weren’t for the cold, I would’ve just walked. I snuck around behind the Hargrove’s house, hearing Billy’s stereo blasting from his bedroom. The glass window was rattling from the bass beat as I tapped on it. Billy sat on the bed with a cigarette between his lips and a scowl etched into his brow.

I tapped a little bit harder, finally catching his attention. I offered a small wave and smile,

He let out a puff of smoke before coming over to the window and sliding it open. He didn’t say anything, just turned away and retreated back to his seat on the bed. He normally helped me climb through, pulled me into his arms and pressed kisses all over my face.

The green drapery blew in the cool fall air that rushed through the open window and the overwhelming smell of smoke hit me in the nose.

I scrambled in, knocking a couple things off of his makeshift vanity before my boots hit the hardwood floor. I shuffled over to the bed, sitting beside him and waving the smoke from my face. I scooted close to him, our thighs touching. He refused to look at me, eyes fixed on the half-naked playboy poster across the room.

I couldn’t ignore the fresh purple bruise across his jawline,

“B?” I whispered, cupping his cheek to turn his head toward me.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” He spat, swatting my hand aside.

I blinked in confusion and shock as I glanced up at him,

“What happened?”

“It’s none of your fucking business.” He growled, stamping out his cigarette only to immediately light another one.

“I thought we were past you keeping shit from me.” I pressed.

“Things change.”

“Billy.” I breathed, studying his face. The muscles in his jaw clenched and unclenched, his temples bulging as he did so.

“What?” He barked, finally looking at me with a burning intensity that I had never seen from him. At least not directed towards me.

I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. Things change. What changed? Did I do something wrong?

“Forget it.” I hissed, getting up from the bed and heading back towards the window, this time purposely knocking a couple of things to the ground as I wiggled out into the yard. He didn’t so much as look out the window after me as I left.

I had a plan to take Billy out to his favorite diner after talking to him. But seeing as the conversation appeared to be one-sided, I was going to go by myself. There was no way in hell I was going to miss the waffles that I had been craving all week just because Billy wanted to act like an asshole.

I shoved the keys into the ignition only for the engine to turn over and make a pathetic rumbling sound.

“Fuck!” I screamed, laying on the horn.

I climbed out of the car and kicked the tires a few times,

“Fuck, this, shit!” I shouted between kicks before slamming my hands down on the hood.

“You okay there?” A male voice called from behind me.

I glanced over my shoulder to see a boy I recognized from school, but whose name I couldn’t place.

“Oh… uh… yeah. I think my battery is dead.” I grumbled.

“Need a jump?” He asked, “I can pull my car out of the garage.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” I breathed.

I would rather take a bullet right now than swallow my pride and trudge back over to the Hargrove’s house to ask Billy for a jump. The boy pulled his car around beside mine, climbing out and pulling the cables from his trunk,

“Name’s Craig, by the way.” He smiled, holding his hand out for me to shake.

“Y/N.” I returned a halfhearted grin.

He lifted the hood of his car as I did the same. I watched for a minute as he fumbled with the cords,

“Need help?” I questioned.

“Uh… Yeah… I… have no clue what I’m doing.” He smiled sheepishly, chuckling as he did so.

“I’ll show you.” I took the cables from him, leaning over the hood of his car and pointed to the parts of the battery, “You put the red clips on the positive, and the black on the negative. Super easy.”

He did as I told him,

“Then you put the other black clip on the little stand thingy.” I pointed to the metal rod that held the hood open, “And on my car…. You put the red on the positive.” I turned and clipped the last clamp on.

“Now you just start your car and we wait a minute.”

He did as I told him, starting up his car and letting it idle.

“Ohh… Now I know why I recognize you.” Craig blurted, pointing his finger at me, “You’re Billy Hargrove’s girl.”

“Guilty as charged.” I held up my hand, rolling my eyes slightly, Billy being the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment.

“Why didn’t you park out front?”

“Huh?”

“Out front of Billy’s house.”

I let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. Billy’s parents didn’t know about me, and that’s the way Billy wanted it to stay. He didn’t want me getting wrapped up in his family’s drama or becoming yet another target for Neil’s unchecked rage. And there was no way in hell I wanted to explain that to a stranger.

“I wanted to surprise him.” I lied, “Thanks for the jump.”

He shut off his car and unhooked it, allowing me to head back home.

My first day back at school in nearly a week was anything but routine. Billy didn’t bother to pick me up from school, I hitched a ride with Steve and Dustin instead. Steve greeted me with a silent hug. I assumed that Dustin had told him what happened. To say I was glad that Dustin had a good male figure in his life. Despite how much I loved Billy, he was far from a role model and he and Dustin bickered like cats and dogs.

Eyes from every corner of the halls were glued to me. It wasn’t like me to miss school, let alone for a week at a time. Not to mention the absence of Billy glued to my side, hand tucked in my back pocket as we walked between classes.

I entered first period expecting to sit in my usual seat, only to see that Tommy had taken the seat beside Billy. I bit my lip, every eye on me as I shuffled to a seat at the back of the room.

“Where the hell have you been?” Jennifer questioned, smacking her gum.

I couldn’t process the question, my attention focused on Billy who clenched his jaw as he turned around to look at me only to quickly glance away when our eyes met.

“Trouble in paradise?” She questioned, blowing a bubble and letting it pop against her lips.

“No.” I lied, opening my textbook to the page that was scribbled on the chalkboard.

My attempts to concentrate were thwarted by the disgusting squishing sound of Jennifer gnashing at her gum. She pulled part of it out of her mouth, twirling it around her finger as she read before shoving it back in her mouth and popping it once again. I felt every muscle in my body tense up, Jennifer blissfully unaware of how badly I wanted to knock out her teeth. She blew one last bubble,

“Oh my god, Jen! Knock it off!” I blurted in the otherwise silent classroom.

Everybody turned around to stare, the teacher removing her glasses.

“Is there a problem, ladies?” She questioned.

“Yeah, apparently Jennifer never learned any manners,” I grumbled to myself, looking back to my textbook.

I read the words on the page but retained no information as I continued. My mind flying ten thousand different places at once. Keeping my father’s death a secret from my mother, whatever the hell Billy’s problem was, going through every interaction I had with him over the last week, trying to think of anything I could’ve done to upset him.

The bell rang, followed by the shuffling of students shoving their book in their backpacks and mindlessly moving to their next class. Algebra was yet another class I had with Billy, and once again, my seat was taken by one of his moronic friends. I ground my teeth together in frustration before finding another place to sit. It happened to be beside Craig, the boy who helped me with my car the other day. I offered him a soft smile as I sat down beside him,

“Hey.” He whispered.

Yet another class. Reading what was written down on the board, copying the numbers, but retaining zero information. Bell ring. Shuffling of bags. Teacher hollers something after the kids as they leave. I bumped into Billy as we exited to classroom,

“Sorry.” He grumbled, not bothering to look at me.

I stared up at him in dismay as he brushed past me and out into the hallway.

“Are you ever going to fucking talk to me again!?” I screamed after him.

His head whirled around, having never expected me to bring this to a head in the school hallway. Every eye in the place was on us. We had somehow become the ‘it’ couple of Hawkins. Since Nancy and Steve broke up, and Billy was the newest panty dropper in Hawkins, we rose to the top of the food chain. It was never a place I thought I would be. Never a place I really wanted to be. But it was nice to have people around you stay off your back, not give you any shit.

They had to have noticed that something was off the past couple of weeks, and they were all expecting this ticking time bomb to explode.

Billy strode up to me, grabbing me by my arm and dragging me out into the parking lot despite my attempts to free myself from his grasp.

“What were you doing with him?” Billy snarled.

“Him?”

“Craig.”

“Craig? He helped me jump my car.”

“Yeah. I know. Is he your new toy or something?”

“My new toy!? What the hell is the matter with you?”

“You’ve been smiling at each other whenever you walk by.

“Yeah, because I’m a nice person. I smile at everybody!” I shouted.

“No… He looks at you differently. I heard him talking in the locker room the other day. About what he would do to you if he got you alone.”

“And you think I would let any of that happen? Do you not trust me!?”

“I don’t know anymore!”

“Billy, do you know how many times I’ve heard girls talking about how they want to lick your abs? Or other things!?” I shouted, “And I don’t take is seriously because I trust you not to let them do it!

“You sat next to him in Algebra.”

“Yeah, because Jacob took my seat. Guess that means he wants to suck your dick, right?” I retorted with a scoff.

“He’s trying to pull you away from me.”

“You’re doing a good enough job pushing me away that he won’t have to try very hard.” I spat, spinning away from him. He grabbed me by the wrist again, twirling me back around to face him. I expected to see fire in his eyes, but it had been extinguished. His features softened,

“I’m sorry.” Billy whispered, “It’s just… it’s my dad.”

“You think you’re the only one with daddy issues!? Welcome to the fucking club.” I spat, “I didn’t push everybody away! I didn’t push you away! Because I knew you’d understand what I was going through! And I trust you! But I come over and I try to help you and you tell me things change. What the hell does that mean!?”

“I… I can’t…”

“What? You can’t tell me? What a fucking surprise!

I reached for the clasp on the necklace he had given me, the one with the ring his mother had gifted to him before she passed.

“Please don’t.” He begged, his tear brimmed eyes trained on his feet.

“B.” I breathed, sliding the ring off the chain and into the palm of my hand.

“Please, don’t” Billy uttered as I extended my hand out to him, placing the ring in his palm.

“Billy. It’s over. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be.” I urged, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill.

“I can’t… I need you. I’m better when I’m with you.”

“You can’t expect me to fix you, Billy. That’s not fair.”

“I… I know… I know I ask a lot of you. And I know I can do better. I want to do better. But I can’t do it without you.”

“You’re gonna have to figure out how. Because I can’t stay if you’re going to keep pushing me aside.”

“I’ll do better. I’ll be better. I promise.”

“Too little, too late.” I breathed, turning away from him and heading back to my car.

I was hyper-aware of every eye trained on me as I walked away, the whispers from every corner of the parking lot, but I couldn’t let them bother me. I had to keep my cool until I left, or I knew I would be crawling back to him in an instant.

I couldn’t let myself cry in the car either. I couldn’t let the rest of the kids see me cry, I was already humiliated enough by putting our breakup on display for the entire school to see. I looked at Billy in the rear-view mirror, he was frozen exactly where I had left him, eyes trained on the car as I backed out of the parking lot and peeled off down the road,

When I arrived home, I scrambled out of the car and up the front step of my porch. As soon as I closed the front door behind me, I melted to the floor and let out an echoing sob. Dustin looked up from the kitchen, a spoon in his mouth and a jar of peanut butter beside him. He scrambled over to me,

“What happened?! What’s wrong!?” He hollered, dropping to his knees beside me.

“You were right.” I sobbed, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my forehead on them as I wept.

“About what?”

“Billy.”

“That son of a bitch, I swear to god I’m going to shove his goddamn cigarettes so far down his throat that he shits them out.” Dustin growled, pulling me to my feet and dragging me in to sit on the couch. He grabbed the throw that sat was draped over mom’s chair and wrapped it around my shoulders before going back in the kitchen. He returned with the jar of peanut butter and two spoons, handing me one as he sat beside me and tucked himself under the blanket too.

“Want me to call Steve? He always knows what to do.” Dustin asked.

“And have you two plot some scheme to kill him? No.” I sniffled, feeling a grin tug on my lips.

“We won’t kill him. Just maim him. That motherfucker deserves it,” Dustin defended, “Slash his tires…. Break his windshield…”

I shook my head, resting it on Dustin’s shoulder and got a spoonful of peanut butter, shoving it in my mouth.

“El could make him pee himself.” He suggested.

I let out a snort, nearly choking on my peanut butter,

“Dustin!” I exclaimed.

“What!? She could!” He shouted, “Hurt is pride a little bit.”

“I already broke up with him in front of the entire school, I think his pride is already shot.”

“Ooh… that bad, huh?”

“Oh yeah. Everybody saw it.” I murmured.

A knock on our door made me lift my head from Dustin’s shoulder. He got up before I could, running over to the door and looking out the frosted glass window.

“Oh, this motherfucker…” He grumbled, throwing the door open.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” He shouted.

“Is your sister home?” A familiar voice sounded from behind the door.

I drew in a sharp, shaking breath, getting to my feet,

“Yeah. What about it?” Dustin snarled, crossing his arms and blocking the doorway.

“Can I talk to her?”

“After the way you’ve been treating her the past week?” He bellowed, “There’s no way in hell.”

“Look, kid. Please. I need to talk to her.” Billy pleaded.

“You should’ve thought of that befor-“

“Dustin.” I interrupted, stepping behind him as he confronted Billy.

Billy’s face was red and splotchy, eyes bloodshot like he had been crying. His usual overly confident stance had been replaced with slumped shoulders, his head hanging.

Dustin shot him another glare before allowing me to step out onto the front porch with Billy. I mimicked my brother’s posture, crossing my arms over my chest as I stared at the boy.

“Talk.” I spat.

“Baby-“ He began, reaching out for my upper arm.

“No. Don’t call me that.” I croaked, feeling the lump in my throat rise as I dodged his grasp.

“I’m sorry…I… I shouldn’t have… I should’ve just talked to you about what was going on. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you gotta know that.” He sniffled.

“It was hard to tell, considering you wouldn’t even fucking look at me.” I snapped.

“I know… I know… god, I’m such a piece of shit.” He growled, running his hands over his hair as he gritted his teeth.

“So what are you here to do?” I questioned, “Beg for me to come back? What? Get on with it.”

My words came out more hostile than I intended, but I was angry beyond belief that he could just decide to ignore me during one of the hardest weeks of my life when I always bent over backward to be there for him. How he could just drop me and leave me thinking that I had done something wrong.

“I…” He breathed, digging in his pocket.

He pulled out the necklace I had handed him back earlier,

“Even… even if we aren’t together… I want you to have this.” He uttered, holding his hand out to me,

“Billy. No. I can’t take that from-“

“You aren’t taking it. I’m giving it.”

“Billy. No… Your mom means so much to you, I can’t just let you give that to me.”

“My mom would’ve loved you, Y/N… I see so much of her in you.” He gulped, trying to hide the tears that were welling in his eyes, “And I can practically hear her now, yelling at me for being such an ass to you.”

“I can’t take this, Billy.” I repeated.

“Yeah, you can. And you’re going to.” He told me, grabbing my hand and shoving the necklace in it, “Maybe you can decide to forgive me for being a dick. Maybe not. But either way, that belongs to you now.”

Silent tears now dripped down both of our cheeks as we stared at each other. All I wanted was to pull him into my arms and hold him and tell him that I forgive him. It wouldn’t be the truth, not yet anyway, but his mom was his entire world up until the day she died. He held so much admiration for her, his eyes lit up when he talked about her, when he showed me the photo album he hid under his bed filled with pictures of them together. When he lost his first tooth, on the first day of school, when they got his first pet, his first basketball game. Pictures from every birthday party and holiday, holding hands as they walked through the park or the zoo. She had this ring on in all the pictures, the ring she stole from a shop owner who hurt her best friend.

Maybe I could forgive him, but not now. Not today.

“You can be mad at me for as long as you need to. But I’ll… I’ll feel better knowing that she’s with you… watching over you too… I… I really do love you, Y/N…”

I gnawed on my lip, hard enough that it would surely leave a bruise.

“I love you too, Billy… I just… I can’t…. I can’t right now…” I cried.

He nodded knowingly, daring to press a kiss to my temple as he walked off the porch and got back into his Camaro.

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