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talia-suskauer · 7 years

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If I Let Myself Go - Part Seven

Part seven is here. It is by far the longest part in any of my fics. This part is stuff from 5x08 of PP with plenty of Owen. I hope you all enjoy it. I’m super excited to start on the next part! -Megan

“It’s been twelve days,” Owen said. “Twelve days and we still don’t know where she is.”

“We just have to hope that she’s okay,” Addison said.

“But what if she’s not? What if she’s hurt, or dead somewhere?” Owen asked them.

“You can’t think like that. I know we’re all worried but like Addison said, we have to hope for the best,” Violet stated.

Owen’s pager went off in his pocket. He let out a sigh, shaking his head slowly. It had been brutal trying to work with Amelia missing. To make matters worse, he was leaving that night to head back to Seattle for a few days.

“I have to go, let me know if you hear anything,” he said before walking away.

When Amelia decided to go into work that day, she had no idea that it had been twelve days. Every day became a blur to her, each one connecting to the next seamlessly. Spending most of the day high or drunk did that to a person. It was Ryan encouraging her that made her go in.

“Amelia?” Addison called out.

“Morning Addie! Let me grab some coffee, then I’ll be back. I have news!” Amelia replied, heading towards the kitchen.

She greeted her coworkers that were already sitting in there before pouring herself a mug of coffee. Putting the empty coffee pot down, she could tell something was off. All eyes were on her. A hug from Sheldon was uncalled for. Sheldon was weird sometimes though, so she didn’t question it too much as she tried to tell him to let go of her. Amelia was excited to tell them all that she and Ryan were engaged. When Addison’s hand collided with the side of her face, she was mad. She didn’t understand why she was being greeted the way she was. She didn’t understand what she had done. She definitely didn’t expect things to go the way they were that morning.

They all thought she could have been dead. Amelia thought that was a bit dramatic.

“Why would you think I was dead?”

“Because no one has seen you,” Sheldon said.

“What are you talking about? I miss a couple days of work and suddenly I’m--”

“Twelve.”

“What?” she asked.

“You missed twelve days of work,” Jake stated.

“No one has seen you in twelve days,” added Sam.

Hearing that it had been twelve days was a shock. Amelia didn’t believe it at first. There was no way it could have been twelve days. Looking back, she couldn’t separate the days from each other. But they all seemed so sure that it was twelve days, so she figured they must all be right. She felt like she was being trapped into a corner. She didn’t want to discuss where she had been. In her eyes, what mattered was that she was there now at least.

Charlotte questioning her about being on something made Amelia panic a little bit inside. Part of her wanted to tell the blonde woman to keep her mouth shut and get off of her back. The other part knew that she probably shouldn’t. Whether she was on something or not wasn’t really their business as far as she was concerned. Amelia knew these people well enough though to know that there was no leaving that kitchen area without an explanation.

It was easy for her to pull the lie out of her ass about Ryan saving her, and claiming that she had been sober for a few days. She figured they’d all buy it, she didn’t think any of them would call her out on it again, not after her explanation.

After finding a reason to leave, Amelia brought her coffee mug into her office, standing in front of the window. The sun poured into the room, lighting it up. She was feeling relaxed, calm. She was in a peaceful state as she brought the cup up towards her mouth, taking a sip of the hot liquid inside of it.

“She’s here,” Charlotte stated. “She’s up in her office. Showed up about two hours ago with some story about how she’s sober because her boyfriend saved her. But she’s here and she’s in one piece.”

“She’s alive?” Owen asked.

“Yep. You can go up if you want, I know you were worrying about her,” she said. “Pete’s got it covered down here, go.”

Owen made his way over to the practice, going up to the floor where he would find Amelia’s office. Reaching the door, he saw it closed. He knocked on it before letting himself in. The shades where closed, and he looked around. Amelia’s desk had powdery residue on it from what he could only assume were the drugs she was taking. She sat in the chair behind the desk, slowly looking over to where Owen stood.

“You had me so worried, Amelia. What were you thinking?” he asked.

“I slipped. I’m fine now. I am sorry that I worried you but I’m fine, really,” she said.

“You need help,” he said. “Let me help you.”

“You? Why the hell would anyone want that? You’re only here because you can’t figure your own crap out. The whole reason you came to work out here was to run away from whatever you have going on back in Seattle, so don’t talk to me about how you want to help me,” she said. “I am fine. I am sober, and if you choose not to believe me that is your own damn problem,” she hissed.

Owen walked over to her desk, running his finger through the small bit of powder that was still on it. Amelia stared at him angrily, grinding her teeth together slowly. He looked at his finger and held it up to her. Every part of him hurt for her.

“This isn’t you being fine, Amelia. This is you struggling and being too afraid to ask for help,” he stated.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.

“I do. I do know,” Owen told her.

Amelia rolled her eyes, stepping away from the desk. She brushed past him, getting ready to walk out. She didn’t need this, she came to work. She showed up and was doing her job, and he needed to let all of it go. Owen turned and grabbed her by the arm.

“Let me go,” she said.

“I’m not letting you walk out of here on me,” he said.

“You don’t get to decide if I walk out of here on you or not, Owen. I am a grown woman and this is my office.”

“You missed twelve days of work!” he yelled. “We didn’t know where you were for twelve days! Do you have any idea what that was like for us? You’re one of my best friends here, do you not realize how terrifying it was knowing that something bad could have happened?” he asked.

“Owen, stop, just let me go,” she told him.

“Amelia, please,” he begged, tugging her closer.

Standing only inches apart, Amelia looked up at Owen. He could see how different she looked. A little thinner, kind of dazed and spacey. He could see every little thing that was different about her, and he just wished there was a quick fix to help her. As he stared down at her, their eyes locked. He looked into hers and swallowed hard. Parts of him felt so drawn to her. Their faces inched closer together very slowly. Amelia looked back at him and she wasn’t sure what she was feeling. She just knew that she really liked looking at Owen. Shaking her head, she shoved him off of her. She wasn’t going to that. She had Ryan, she couldn’t kiss Owen.

“Just get the hell out of my office,” she told him.

“Fine,” Owen replied. “I’ll see you next week.”

“Next week?” she asked.

“I have a flight leaving at seven tonight. I’m visiting Seattle for a few days,” he explained.

He watched her do nothing but nod before he left her office. He knew he needed to get things figured out with Cristina because he wasn’t sure what to do with the feelings he had begun to develop for Amelia over the last handful of weeks. It was hard for Owen- he had a lot of feelings for Amelia, but seeing her now made it tough to remember why. This wasn’t the girl he had grown somewhat close to. She was an entirely different person. He wanted to have his Amelia back. The one he knew was in there still somewhere, but would just take some time to get back to again.

Staging an intervention wasn’t easy. Every single person in the practice knew that it was going to be hard to get Amelia to listen to them, let alone stay long enough for them to say anything. Addison, Sam, Charlotte, Cooper, Violet, Pete, Sheldon, and Jake were all there ready to try and help, to make Amelia see what she was doing to herself. Owen was in Seattle and although they wanted him there for this, they knew they couldn’t wait.

“So it’s today?” Owen asked.

“She’ll be showing up any time now,” Pete said into his phone.

“I wish I could be there, I just.. There’s so much I have to deal with here,” Owen replied.

“Don’t worry about it, there’s enough of us here. Do what you need to do.”

“I really hope it works,” Owen said. “I care about her, I need her to be alright, you know?”

“Listen, we’re going to do what we can to get through to her,” Pete told him.

“What if she’s high when she comes? What if she’s withdrawing? How are you going to handle it?” Owen asked.

“We had a few ideas, but I don’t think anyone had come to a decision.”

“I think I have an idea that could help,” Owen suggested.

“What is it?”

Insult after insult got thrown towards Amelia’s colleagues. None of them really knew how to handle it. First it was lashing out at Addison, throwing her infertility and abortion into her face. It only continued from there. Violet’s attempt to talk to her only ended up with more unnecessary, rude comments. She was lashing out for sure, she felt like she was being attacked. These people were supposed to be her friends, and she felt like that was the last thing they were trying to be for her.

“Honestly Pete? All I have been able to think since I saved your pathetic life is ‘was it worth it?’ ‘Cause you’re kind of a tool. I mean, maybe saving you was a waste of my energy. Maybe it was a waste of my mad, mad surgical skills. Maybe you’re a waste of life. Maybe angel of death dude should call it a day, and swallow some pills yourself. What do you say? Cross on over to the other side? It would give your wife some great material for her next book and she’d love that,” Amelia said.

As she continued, she didn’t care. She didn’t care if the words she said were hurtful, she didn’t care about all of the stares coming her way from everybody in the room. She didn’t care that both Pete and Violet walked up and left. Clearly they couldn’t handle the truth.

Charlotte sat in silence. Of course Amelia found a way to bring things back to her, and one of the most traumatic experiences of her life. She walked towards the kitchen, looking at Pete and Violet. They had decided to go with Owen’s suggestion.

When Charlotte brought Amelia a water bottle, Amelia was definitely a little suspicious. She stood up by the reception desk, staring at it before setting it down.

“Bup. A nice little drug. You dissolve it in water. It’ll make withdrawal symptoms go away immediately. It’ll also prevent any drugs from getting me high for seventy two hours. Excellent work, big pharma has done us all a favour,” she commented.

Amelia was too smart for that. She wasn’t going to drink that. She didn’t want to. Everyone asking her to was irritating. She understood their concern, but she didn’t want it. She didn’t need them worrying about her. She was fine, at least that was what she told herself. They wanted her to get sober. She would stay, but she had one condition.

“Get me some oxy. Score me some oxy, and then I will stay as long as you want.”

After Jake stormed out in frustration while they discussed whether or not to give Amelia oxy, Charlotte pulled out her phone.

“Who are you calling?” Pete asked.

“Owen,” she replied. “He couldn’t be here for it but he’s still important and he needs to be in the loop.”

Sam went after Jake, leaving most of them still in the small room still. Charlotte went through her contacts and dialed Owen’s number, putting it on speaker. All It rang a few times before Owen answered.

“How’s everything going?” he asked.

“Not great,” Violet said.

“She wants us to give her oxy,” Addison told him.

“What? That’s crazy,” Owen said. “Please tell me you haven’t done that.”

“We’ve been talking about it, but we can’t all come to an agreement,” Charlotte said.

“I vote no, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Giving her drugs? How is that productive?” he asked.

“She says it’s what we need to do if we want her to stay and listen so we can help her get sober,” Sheldon explained.

Owen sighed. That was the last thing he wanted to be hearing. He had hoped that the whole thing would have gone smoothly, not with Amelia telling them to get her drugs. He hoped that they wouldn’t enable her like that and give them to her, but he knew it was more their decision than it was his. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t seeing things first hand like they all were.

“I still think it’s a bad idea,” he said.

Charlotte sat next to Amelia, her phone held up to Amelia’s ear. Owen was on the line. He insisted that he get a chance to talk to her. He knew that Addison had gotten Amelia some oxy, and while he was disappointed by the decision he wasn’t surprised. He just hoped it wasn’t a big mistake.

“Amelia please,” Owen said through Charlotte’s phone. “Let them help you. You mean so much, not just to me but to everyone else there. You can’t let this addiction take away everything you’ve worked so hard for in life,” he said. “We are going to be there for you every step. I’ll be there for you,” he told her truthfully.

“Thank you,” Amelia replied in a monotone voice. “That’s very nice of you.”

Amelia pulled away from the phone and hung up before staring blankly ahead. Charlotte began to speak, and while she retained most of it, she was still high. There was only so much she was really soaking in. Sheldon took his turn, and things seemed like they were going well.

The moment Ryan came in through the elevator, everyone knew it was all over.

Amelia’s phone wouldn’t stop going off. Once Owen found out that Amelia had left the practice with Ryan, he couldn’t think about anything else. His focus was meant to be on Cristina and his mother, but he couldn’t. All he could think about was how badly he hoped she took something away from the intervention. He needed her to be okay.

From Owen: Amelia, please answer me. From Owen: Stay safe. Please. I care about you. From Owen: You know how to reach me. Call me or text me back.

The messages remained unread. Her phone was the last thing on her mind. She was just ready to get high one last time before getting sober. The intervention did open her eyes a little bit, and hearing everyone try to help Ryan made him open his eyes too. But neither one of them wanted that last little bag of oxy to go to waste.

It really was one last time. When she woke up, Ryan was dead.

Police and paramedics came through the hotel room. Amelia couldn’t do this anymore. When she told the police to call Addison, she reached for her own phone, seeing the messages from Owen before typing a few replies herself.

To Owen: Thank you for caring about me. To Owen: Ryan is dead.

Moments later her phone began to ring. She saw that it was Owen, and she felt a little relieved. After a moment she answered it, trying to tune out the commotion around her.

“Amelia.”

Hearing him say her voice was calming. It was good to hear a friendly voice while everything else was going on.

“He’s dead,” she said. “Ryan is dead.”

“I’m so sorry, Amelia. I know he meant a lot to you,” he said.

“He’s gone. He’s really gone,” she said. “I told them to tell Addison I wanted to go to rehab,” she sobbed. “I’m going. Ryan is dead and I don’t.. I don’t want to be next, Owen,” she told him as tears fell.

It broke Owen’s heart hearing the way Amelia was crying. That was something he hadn’t really experienced much of with her yet. He had seen happy Amelia, angry Amelia, high Amelia, and drunk Amelia. But hearing her sobbing through the phone was awful. He understood loss, but he didn’t know what she was feeling. Nobody could know except her. Hearing that she was ready for rehab though, Owen couldn’t help smiling. That was big.

“I’m so proud of you. You’re going to make it. You’ll get sober, and you’ll begin to heal,” he said. “I’ll come see you once I’m back there, okay?” he asked.

“Okay,” she replied. “Hey Owen?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“Stay on the phone with me until Addison comes, or until I get asked more questions,” she requested.

“Of course,” he replied.

#amelia shepherd #owen hunt #omelia #omelia fanfiction #fanfiction #if i let myself go

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