#pretty sure i have the adhds

[just-mythyk]

Self-Diagnosed and Peer-Reviewed ADHD

Peer-Diagnosed Autism

#mythyk chat #no context #is this anything #autism #adhd #nd #neurodivergent #okay so if you want context #pretty sure i have the adhds #people who know me agree #but also #one of them says i am autistic #so #yeah #my neuros are so diverged #i'm so notmal #<- reference

[scificrows]

i like to make fun of murderbot for being all "i hate everyone, i don't care about anything or anyone, fuck off" while simultaneously caring very much about the people around it and the situations it finds itself in. i love how it "accidentally" ends up caring quite a lot about the friends it makes along the way. but i think something that i tend to forget is that murderbot actively decides to care - at least at some point in its story.

idk, as a person that struggles with depression, this paragraph from artificial condition really resonates with me. prior to all systems red, murderbot had contracts. it had routine and it had protocols. it knew what it had to do to just get by, how to perform so no one would notice it had disabled its governor module. it was deeply depressed, yes, but it was functioning (for lack of a better word). in artificial condition, murderbot's routine is gone. it cannot go on in that state of numbly going-from-contract-to-contract, putting in as little effort as possible, consuming media to cope. that option is gone because it escaped (and note that escaping the company was not an active choice, it kinda happened to it). murderbot has two options now: it can either gather all its energy; actively do something new and difficult and distressing; change something in its life and try. or it can let the numbness and the emptiness take over and stop trying. if murderbot wants to survive as a rogue secunit, it has to try. no matter how difficult that is. the wording in that paragraph really hits home for me. the way the non-caring sees an opportunity to slip in and to take over. does murderbot even care? does anything really matter? is anything really worth the hassle? wouldn't it be so much easier to just let your mind slip away a little, to go numb, to be passive, to watch media and wait for things to happen to you? wouldn't it be nice to stop thinking and struggling and feeling complicated things? to stop making an effort? you've been dealing with a lot lately and maybe it's time to just shut down. maybe you'll just take a little break. just slip deeper into this chair and start the show. time flies when you're not paying attention. trying is exhausting. who cares if you don't do the things you wanted to do, you were supposed to do. it'll be fine. let's just ignore those things for now. just let the non-caring take over. just stop thinking. you can deal with the aftermath later. just watch your shows. who cares. but murderbot cares. it decides to care. it decides to fight with all it has and i think that is so brave. and i think in the later books caring is less of an active decision for murderbot. once you start caring, it's easier to keep going than to stop; and murderbot, for all its "i'm a grumpy rogue secunit, leave me alone" behavior, knows just how important caring is. so it's not that it doesn't know what's happening; rather, it lets itself care. tl;dr: caring is not the default for murderbot, it's just the more difficult of two options. and it decides not to take the soft option. it decides to struggle. it decides to care. and so it does.

#sorry i'm rambling i'm a little depressed rn (hah) and i've been thinking about murderbot again #at least writing this got me out of the adhd/depression paralysis :) yeah this might be self-indulgent so what #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #i just love martha wells' writing for things like that #and i love murderbot as a character so very much #also i'm pretty sure some of this could be read in a way i did not intend #i'm not trying to say that depressed people have the option to just not be depressed #or that it's as easy as going “okay well i can either care or not care... i guess i should care! done!” #listen i know it's not like that; i know that first hand #but murderbot had just enough energy and fight in it to try and it had people in its life that cared about it and helped it #and it managed to get out of that deep dark hole #and we see it struggling with trauma etc in the later books #things are not magically better #just yeah #okay imma add #tw depression #tw suicide #(this is not about suicide though; this is about sitting on the couch while the dishes and the laundry pile up #and watching netflix because getting up and taking care of yourself and calling a friend or going outside are too difficult) #(but i can see how this might hit a little close to home if that is something someone's struggling with&better safe than sorry) #also sending lots of love to everyone who this resonates with

[the-clintster]

I was reminded today that not everyone knows about one of my favorite ADHD/time blindness helpers.

behold! the magic of the egg timer:

pros:

quick and easy to set (no long setup, no typing, just a twist)

mechanical (no batteries required)

remaining time visible

comes in fun shapes and sizes (add your favorite to this post!!)

cons:

can be loud

can't be attached to your wrist

can only be set to up to 59 minutes

#I have a tomato shaped one #which I mostly use for making tea #what are they called in other countries? #I'm pretty sure 90% of Germans have one of these #how to tag? #adhd #adhd hacks #egg timers #adhd helpers #time blindness #also tagging: #german stuff #because I know my fellow germans will have fun egg timers #oh almost forgot: these are also available for blind people

[tazmiilly]

you know how the need to deep clean your living space comes so rarely with things like ADHD that once it actually hits you you're like "okay i gotta start on that before the timer in my head runs out and I can't even THINK about doing it for another 2 months!!!"

#like okay I'll get up I guess #I'm pretty sure it's adhd #just the way it sort of invades my mind #and I can't focus on anything else. waves hand vaguely #I'm not a doctor so don't take my word #on that #all I can tell u is that *i* have mental things that wire my brain funny

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired #like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability #and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors #i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working #isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol #if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you #need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid #im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher #to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll #go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms #AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis #theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were #comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run #and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make #a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!! #im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need #to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh #yapping #vent

[tittyinfinity]

My neurodivergencies and mental illnesses overlap so much that you could diagnose me with about anything at this point

#ocd and autism put together? must tap on things. must tap in specific rythm. or die. my whole life #adhd and autism? oh i cant focus but when i do that's all ill focus on for months or years #i can't pay attention but i have a photographic memory! so that didn't affect me much in school #also w the ocd and autism i constantly have to be picking at my skin in some way #whether it be dandruff my lips scabs or just chewing on the inside of my cheeks #like i can never stop no matter what #oh and another great thing about ocd and autism put together is that you get Echolalia² #this thing is going to repeat in the background of your head for months #and also you must sometimes say/sing it out loud randomly or you will explode #i was diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD also #manic and depressive episodes? turned out that was literally just dependent on my pain med prescription #rapid cycling emotions can come from all of those #i also have psychosis episodes and delusions! and hallucinations! wee! #oh and let's put a littlr sprinkle of C-PTSD on top of everything. just for fun #''anxiety disorder'' that was me freaking out about masking and how everyone would judge me #major depressive disorder? yeahhhh there's always that base level of despair #like I'm pretty sure the ocd adhd and autism are like one Whole Thing together #i hear the symptoms of all of those and im like yeah that's me! that's also me! shit! that's also me! #WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WRONGGGG #.bdo

[bowofbalance]

r/housemd officially my favorite place on the internet. We need more cats watching house please

#house md #we really do need more of this you guys #if i could get the dogs to sit still long enough without taping food to a screen #i would make them watch house too #unfortunately im pretty sure they both have adhd or something when food isn't involved #no focus and no sit still

[cantheykillmacbeth]

((Sorry about the general inactivity here recently by the way! I've been coughing up my lungs all week, my throat hurts like hell, my voice is an octave lower, and I am in constant agony and suffering. Hope this helps!))

#might need to go to the doctor either today or tomorrow. try and get some antibiotic #im pretty sure it was just a cold but i have been feeling the effects since last tuesday and im just. so tired of it #also im on new adhd meds and i. cannot tell if theyre actually working

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

f ADHD btw

#I just want reward chemicals?? for doing objectively rewarding things?? I just want to care about things please??? #pretty sure that's the adhd. could also be the occasional post-period-hormones emotional burnout and the month I've had lol #just. this whole year so far has been a lot emotionally idk maybe I'm just having a Moment #likely I will be feeling much better in the morning sjfksjflsjfls I usually do

[dysfunctionaldogdude]

I feel like actually shit like the entirety of last week getting to me. I wish I could have a moment of actual relaxation and not just me forgetting I have shit to do.

(Tag warning-> depressing talk, dark topics)

Might delete this idk..

#vent post #tag rambles #I have over 60 different things to fill out that I need to do by tomorrow and I forgot to do them. I feel so stupid #I actually hate having adhd #people try to make it out to be just a quirky thing that its not that big of a deal or anything #but it's not #it impairs on relationships #I struggle to remember important things that I need to do and even WANT to do. I struggle so bad #I even have fights with people about me being a “liar” even though I'm not #I just have a shit ass memory I feel useless 90% of the time and shit #gods and I doubt it's just me having adhd. Im pretty sure its my possibility of having bpd and autism #i show all symptoms of bpd and I relate far too much with autism videos #like this is stuff active in my daily life #people don't see it often due to have carefully Ive crafted.. this is going to sound a bit fannibal of me but literally a person suit #i swear a person suit #it's not even funny #gods i just wish I could function without getting all up and arms about how much of a pos I feel #if I don't get attention from.. basically.. my fp I get all sad and melancholy. i spiral #I'm pretty sure I have at least three fps #if I even have bpd #but gods #just so stupid how I can barely fucking function without all of these crutches #I'm not in a certian program anymore for a thing and now I can't fuction and work how I use to since it was a slower environment #I'm failing #like I won't be able to make it I feel like #not suicide or anything #just in things I wanted to do #feels like my future is doomed cause life keeps throwing curve balls at me #someone with at least two mental disabilities #i definitely have more

[golden--doodler]

@br1ghtestlight mentioning Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang made me remember this moment, which is probably my favorite moment in the episode. Bob’s panic is just too hilarious and relatable 🤣

I was actually laughing while screen-recording this because it’s just too good. I’ll never get over the “My butt” ☠️

With this scene as evidence, you cannot look me in the eye and tell me that Bob isn’t Autistic. He’s so bad at communication, bless him 😭

I’ll always be grateful to Light for bringing this theory/headcanon to my attention because it’s so glorious and real.

#bob belcher #just him freaking out over the ONE capitalization and then proceeding to make the situation worse is so neurodivergent #and linda telling him to stop calling and texting people is also hilarious #just an adhd wife trying to rein in her autistic husband❣️ #also it’s absolutely adorable how linda is casually making hot chocolate for the kids. she’s mom of the year i swear #the autistic bob headcanon is so important to me now. i’m pretty sure i might be neurodivergent in some way but not sure now specifically #and my sister and bf 1000% have adhd so we just vibe in each other’s weirdness and it’s beautiful

[ghosthoodie]

some days i think i need to be diagnosed for the disorders and some days i donttt bwuh ':]

#i truly think i reallyy have adhd and anxiety/social anxiety specifically..im not truly sure about autism but i wouldnt be surprised if true #a lot of days im pretty good and other days i have a very hard time</3 #i was meant to get diagnosed last summer but i think my mom forgot...lol you wonder where i get it from #maybe ill ask her again if i feel like i need it! #wooden speaks

[les-scripta]

Me: Why does it take me an eternity to write a fic?

Also me: I should look up a SuperCorp scene compilation to confirm this very minor detail for my silly fic where canon is actually irrelevant and watch it from the beginning and stare at Katie McGrath's face for an hour until I forget what I was doing.

#writing #fanfic #supercorp #adhd #katie mcgrath #seriously I don't remember what I was even looking up #but based on what I've written so far I'm pretty sure it would have come up in the first 5 minutes of the compilation

[fruitisthenewvegitable]

Sometimes I think I’m not of the Buried.

But then I remember the feeling of being under my blanket. Of wrapping a belt or skirt around my waist. The feeling of my friends leaning on my chest at a sleepover. Of wearing oversized and warm clothes. Of closing my bedroom door and pulling the curtains shut so that all I know is this space I’ve decorated for myself and no other. The feeling of being held.

Sometimes I think that the buried is simply not for me. But then I remember all the times that weight on my chest and belly and legs and back has comforted me in a way not many other things can. In a way that makes me feel secure. In a way that grounds me until I am ready to face the world again.

I used to think the Buried wasn’t for me. But then I remembered that without weight on my chest I would simply float away into the outer depths of space, somewhere I would love to see but hate to exist in. And that if I were to pick between never setting foot on the confining grounds of the earth, letting all my worries and fears go, and flying off to the horizon, the border of our atmosphere, the moon, the sun, and the stars, never stopping until I simply couldn’t anymore, or choose the earth. Then I would still choose the earth, for even if it keeps all my discomforts, it still holds the weight that gives me the ability to calm and ground myself until I am ready to face the world anew, so that I may experience the joy of the presence of others and not just the burning core of the stars, for being able to face the things outside my door is what makes me who I am.

And I fucking love who I am.

So I will take the weight and pressure and comfort that allow me to think straight, and once I am calm again I will have my strength back.

#the magnus archives #tma #the buried #the buried tma #the choke tma #yes most of this is in reference to how I calm myself down #i feel like I’m like this because of my adhd #(I’m not diagnosed but I’m pretty sure I have it) #(i don’t know how to word things rn I’m very tired) #fruit rambles #I didn’t double check for spelling errors #or any weird grammar #so if it’s weird to read that’s probably why #i’m very tired #I’m also exited though because I have dnd tomorrow!

[cerealmonster15]

so obvi while one of my fave types of Character™ is like adhd coded himbo etc etc. another fave i find myself trapped in is like

[very loud] hall monitor klfdsjfkldsjfkljds

#ok to be fair i havent seen my hero in years but i remember iida as That Type #like the stickler for rules im pretty sure ksldjfdsjk #plus look how hes standing. he has to be #anyway adhd loud characters 🤝 hall monitor rules lawyers -> characters i. relate to a lot LOL #i was a bit like these characters more when i was younger jfkdjklfsjd #i mean not to the full extent [well obvi theyre cartoons and exaggerated LOL but like] yknow i was that kid #to be like ummmm u cant do that or u will get in trouble 🤨 #that is against the RULES #tbh i still have a bit of it in me but i def chilled out as i got older lol #but a lot of it then and any that remains now #is more of like. the fear of consequences rather than Respect The Rules #tho as a kid it was both probably LOL #anyway. these characters r always so fucking funny #when theyre like SOOOO straight laced to the point where it's absurd and leaning into comedic #there r probably other characters i like that fit this trope just these r the three that ALWAYS come to mind #like when i started enjoying riddle #i was like aw fuck not again LOL

[not-poignant]

Your dialogue is incredible, do you have any advice on how to write like that? Like the actual process you use to arrive at what's on the page. Do you write a ton of dialogue and then cut it down to the gems? Or does it just come out like that when you write? The characterisation in the dialogue is superb, and somehow it never feels overwrought or unnatural. I guess I'm just hoping it's a carefully-honed craft you can give practical tips on, rather than something you can just innately 'do' 😂 xx

Hi anon,

So firstly, I'm so sorry anon because this will probably piss you off: I do find dialogue extremely easy to do, which is why all of my stories are so dialogue heavy. I don't sit there writing a ton of dialogue and then whittling it down, and it just comes out as I write. At most I sometimes just have to double check tone continuity on certain characters (i.e. 'would Augus / Dr Gary / the Raven Prince use this exact phrasing or would they use something else')

When I daydream about my stories, I daydream about the dialogue first. I 'listen' to my characters and the things they say. When I write it down, I don't sit and think 'what would they say' I just write what they'd say. But...I've been doing this for like a long time now, and I do believe there are things that can be done to build the skill.

I feel like throughout my life, I've done things that at least some other people don't do, which makes dialogue easier for me.

But firstly, down to mechanics, here's a link to a post I've made before on things to focus on re: honing dialogue as a skill.

What some folks don't realise is that constructing a vocabulary or tone for a character is like constructing a character. A character's voice says so much about them - how much money they make (or if they're nouveau riche in some cases), where they live, if they were popular or unpopular in school, if they're shy or extroverted or charismatic, if they care about how they come across, if they're a precise or messy thinker, etc. Each character you have, you need to be spending time just thinking about elements of their voice and dialogue if you're not used to doing this already.

The best place to start with this, honestly, is by rewatching some of your favourite shows or rereading some of your favourite books and noting down things about the dialogue that are unique to each character. (Ideally this will be in stories that have very unique dialogue patterns lol). This is actually fantastic for fanfic because you can end up with a cheat sheet (which I've also written about) that will instantly make your character's dialogue sound 'true to form' without having to overthink it.

And the rest I'm putting under a Read More because it's literally just me rambling:

Another place to research is simply by listening to conversations. Listen to the people around you talk, and write down the things that are specific to them. How do they agree or disagree with something? Are there sayings they're using particular or specific to where they live? Do they use a lot of slang? And if so, is it generational? Who are the overspeakers? The underspeakers? the ones who deflect? The ones who shut things down? When you're listening to people talk, think about the words they use, the pitch, if their voice is croaky or smooth, confident or shy, what makes it shy? Is it soft? Do they hesitate? If it's confident, what makes it confident? Is it loud? Do they almost never say 'um' or other words of hesitation?

Think about how these people's voices might differ from place to place. How do they talk to a waiter vs. customer service on the phone vs. a best friend vs. a family member vs. a teacher? Think about the changes you make in those circumstances.

Over time, this knowledge comes to you more instinctively. I've spent my entire life being very interested in the way people talk (I'm neurodivergent, and chameleon-like, and I will adopt other people's patterns of speaking unconsciously in order to 'blend in' - but it gave me a pretty good knack with dialogue! As did 'practising conversations' in my head growing up, lol.)

A really good place to look at character voice sometimes is also in actor interviews. Go and check out like... the Hot Ones interviews or something on YouTube, and you'll see a ton of extremely distinct character voices that are right there to research. How Jack Black talks vs. someone like Tom Hanks vs. someone like Nick Offerman vs. someone like Tom Holland shows huge variation in what makes dialogue unique from person to person.

Your characters don't need to sound like caricatures, ideally they will feel things and embody things strongly enough that this isn't really a problem (even Benoit Blanc sounds like a genuine person despite sounding like a cartoon character because of the emotion / feeling he can get into that voice). Your main goal, imho, is to make sure that all your characters don't end up sounding like carbon copies of yourself. I think this is a problem even people who write natural dialogue can stumble into (that I've been guilty of too), it flows naturally because they're just writing how they'd think/react to something, but it's 6 characters and you realise 'hang on, I'm just reading 6 versions of the author.'

This is where researching the distinctness of character voice is really important, and making a cheat sheet to check when you're going back through a chapter can be invaluable.

There are little things I do fairly naturally these days, to use Underline the Black (or Underline the Rainbow more generally) as an example. Temsen says things like 'Goodness!' instead of 'oh my god.' He can still do the latter, but he's far more likely to be quite sort of formal when he's surprised or shocked by something (and Kent has picked that up, so he does it too, lol, which makes sense - because they work together and people adopt each other's speech patterns when they get along).

Efnisien is very comfortable with swearing, he's got 'juvenile alpha who had to fight with Gwyn all his life' throughout his dialogue. Gary is quite formal and talks in complete sentences almost always. He very rarely hedges or restarts his sentences, and as Efnisien observes: He speaks like someone who's about to go onto a podium and confidently deliver a lecture. He's very self-assured. Efnisien on the other hand hedges a lot, shuts himself down, doesn't finish sentences, and bites back some of his words. Dr Gary doesn't use endearments in general, and can be extremely sarcastic. His humour veers towards deadpan.

Caleb is very forward, bold and confident. He uses endearments like 'baby' and 'sweetheart.' He's flirtatious, and he doesn't talk too much. His voice when he says something tends to fill the space - he has the respect and attention of the people around him. He speaks in complete sentences that are generally quite short (but not short-tempered) and to the point. He comes across as someone who's looking for a good time, but he's not obviously emotionally available when he speaks.

Nate (in Underline the Blue) is people pleasing and generally obsequious (but his inner dialogue indicates there's a snarky voice waiting to get out). He hedges, but ultimately tries to be pleasing. A lot of 'what do you like best? What do you want?' He redirects with questions and tries to avoid talking about his personal life. His voice is quiet in tone, and also quite lacking. He sounds like someone who hasn't had the opportunity to enjoy conversation for its own sake. He shuts conversations down rather than opening them up. He almost never initiates any dialogue at all.

I can do this across all my characters because I have their mental cheat sheets relatively memorised. Whatever book or story you're focusing on, it's a good habit to be able to just mentally know a paragraph or two about your character's voice. Checking in with that mental knowledge (or cheat sheet until you learn it) before starting writing any chapter can help guide you.

The way a character talks determines how the story flows. Nate doesn't start conversations, so he needs to be paired with someone who does. This means if Nate starts a conversation - he's going to be more anxious than usual most times, which creates many opportunities for angsty scenes.

Efnisien is hostile and combative, especially when he's afraid or upset, which creates a lot of opportunities - simply through the way he talks - for increased chemistry with a more calm but still incisive opponent like Gary. Once you start to get a handle on dialogue, how your characters speak alone will create flow through the plot, and also create ways to get through a plot or reach certain points. I know for example that Efnisien's verbal response to the directives softens Gary towards him. Or I know that Gary's softer coaxing voice when he's soothing Efnisien will genuinely soothe Efnisien - even against his will. That's a powerful thing to know about my character's voices!

You're gonna pick this up in no time, anon. You might even have really good dialogue instincts and just be over-thinking it. But I do think in general, sit down with whoever you like to listen to - your fave YouTubers, people on TikTok, your favourite shows etc. and then just...listen to the dialogue. Be wary of subtitles in this case, because they can sometimes erase or hide the actual unique details of a person's voice to make it more 'generic.' Some are better than others.

And then just write down the things that feel unique to those people. Especially notice turns of phrase that you don't use yourself. (Which also means thinking about the kind of cheat sheet you'd write for yourself! Tbh that's probably a good place to start lmao).

Definitely click on the links I've put in this post, the first one in particular breaks down all the details of dialogue more specifically. And doesn't take like 4000 words to not actually make much of a point, like in this post sdlkfjas

If I'd posted it as dialogue we wouldn't have been here for so long but anyway tl;dr I find dialogue stupid easy but that's because I've been observing dialogue and what makes it unique all my life and there's no real short-cut for that but if you start doing it now you'll find writing dialogue way easier really soon.

#asks and answers #pia on characterisation #pia on writing #the thing about character dialogue is frankly that i am pretty lazy about it sometimes sdalkfjsa #like i definitely have dialogue archetypes #alex sounds a bit like efnisien sounds a bit like mosk #for example #one of the hardest characters i needed to constantly check on tbh - that *didn't* come easily #was the Gancanagh #the Raven Prince can also be really tough because i know he's a smart wordy know-it-all poet #he *cares* about how he sounds #there's definitely challengers in there #also writing the vench and making sure i remember that they're fluent #but that they're not *quite* there yet dsalkfjas #so some things have to be lost in translation lmao #i thought i'd posted this but instead i got distracted for an hour #is this the most adhd thing i'll post today actually yes probably