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rist-ix · 3 years

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Shadow and bone afterthoughts, spoilers for show and books beneath the cut

Ok, first some rambling. I felt a bit disappointed directly after watching the show, with how prettied up Malina was and how underdeveloped Darklina felt, but after rewatching, I really don’t know where I got that feeling from. If anything, it’s the other way round, but all in all I feel pretty good about the show.

I never liked Mal in the books, but show!mal? A sweetheart. Ride or die for Alina. The mutual yearning had me awwing a lot, Archie’s performance is wonderful. I hope he lets his locks grow out next season, he really deserves fancier hair.

I’m still not invested in Malina, but I know I’ll feel much better about their endgame in the show than their ending in the books. I get what the stans see in them. The show is obviously saving some of their more important moments for the next seasons, but more on that later.

Darklina too is very different from the books, and at first I felt a little underwhelmed. It goes hard fast, with less build up than expected, but their intensity is spot on and I love this new version of them. Book!Darkling is more aloof and composed, and whenever Alina makes him lose that composure, he is angry about it. Show!Darkling though? Loves her and has no regrets about it. Cries every time Alina looks at him. So happy to have her. A jealous bitch, and valid. Gets his girl flowers and steals dating advice from his rival.

Ben Barnes is an artist, when he improvised that second kiss in the war room?! I died.

Alina herself takes more action in both relationships than her book counterpart, which I love. She’s DETERMINED, whether it’s about following Mal into the fold or snogging her dark prince. Her soft, tender looks are to die for, I get why Kirigan tears up every time. And, ahem. That look she gave him during her performance at the fete? Hot.

Points I didn’t quite like:

They made Malina a little too ideal, in my opinion. I feel like there’s too little room for development, especially if the next season keeps the course of the second book. I like that they took away some of Mal’s worst moments, like his jealous little fit at the fete and all that, but they glossed over most of his other flaws too. His wariness of the Grisha is dropped pretty quickly, and most of his character now revolves around Alina. They took away the parts where Mal is more promiscuous, and oblivious of Alina, which makes his “but I see you now” line feel undeserved. His tryst with Zoya was given to Kirigan instead, and his popularity and charisma compared to Alina’s mousiness fell a little flat. They’re taking away a lot of possible conflict material, which makes me scared they’ll go stale and stagnant too soon. He also didn’t have any emotional arcs of his own, his side plot is pretty boring save for the final moments. I do like how they are setting up his heritage and skills already, though, and there’s still time for development in the next season.

It’s been a while since I read the book, but I do think Alina and the Darkling communicated more about amplifiers and the stag, back then. The hunt for it was a mutually wanted thing, not something the darkling did behind her back. I liked Alina’s ambition, I don’t want the show to make her all pure and humble. The drama about it felt too sudden and random, but that’s just my personal opinion.

I felt bad about the Darkling’s changes at first, mostly because it seemed the show wanted to nerf Darklina before it got too powerful. Alina’s parents falling to the fold instead of the Tsar’s constant wars screams unnecessary, his lack of the Darkling title and openness with his name disappointed me a little. Then again, this darkling is less of a cold commander and more of a respected leader here; I like how he interacts with his Grisha. It really hammers home how much he cares about them, his interaction with David made me crack up.

The name reveal was too little, too soon, but it’s consistent with Kirigan’s “openness” and I’ll get over it. I talked about the amplifier thing here, so I’m not gonna go into more detail again.

Something makes me wonder though, and it’s his dialed down evilness. The Darkling in the books was cruel and impersonal in battle, and Novokribirsk demonstrated that perfectly. Which is fine! I like the darkling villainous too, but that’s not what we see here.

In the show, Kirigan doesn’t... do all that much evil stuff, actually. He keeps the hunt for the stag from Alina, I guess? I would have liked more emphasis on his exact plans there.

He reads and keeps her letters too, but that’s petty manipulation and not grand-scale evilness. His great sin, the fold, was an accident and later a safeguard for his kind, and his attack on Novokribirsk felt kinda justified in the shows context.

Book Novokribirsk was a starving village full of innocent civilians, and its destruction was a calculated sacrifice to the darkling. I felt bad for their deaths.

In the show, however, it’s an industrialized city and military headquarters of an enemy who tried to kill Alina, and would have tried again if the skiff had docked as planned. That’s just not as tragic, it doesn’t garner as much sympathy.

It’s destruction isn’t just for show and effect, it’s not a needlessly cruel “sacrifice”.

It’s an act of war against a scheming general and his forces. The innocent rest of the city perished too, sure, but the only real connotation the audience has with that city is general Zlatan and his supporters. That waters down the evil-level of it, from a narrative perspective.

The antler thing looks... uncomfortable, but Alina got rid of that pretty soon so there’s not even the lasting reminder of the book!collar. Alina takes Kirigan’s hand and stands up to receive it, giving her a bit more agency too. (Probably wouldn’t have mattered if she had refused, but that’s not what the audience gets to see)

Kirigan doesn’t plan to execute Mal or to make Alina watch; another one of the Darkling’s villain moments. He’s pretty soft actually, compared to his book version.

Which gives me both hope and apprehension.

Either they’re doing that on purpose, in order to divert from the books, which seems unlikely but not impossible. Maybe they’re planning to let him live at the end of the third season, he gets revived in later books anyway.

Or his downward spiral has only just begun, and they’re saving the big things for later.

I hope they decide early on whether to keep the darkling redeemable, by mainstream standards, or to go all out with his evilness, because I don’t want a middle path. If he’s a better man than in the books and still dies, I can’t handle it. If his death is still what they are aiming at, I have to feel like he deserved it and there was no other way.

No more “redemption in death” scenarios please. Either embrace the villainy or give him a happy ending, just be decisive.

My heart can’t handle more tragedy, I’m a crybaby.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #darklina #grishaverse

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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Laws of Motion / Chapter 8 (Trixya) - DenDenMonMon

Chapter Summary: [Katya] wanted to look around but her neck wouldn’t turn. That was when the taste of plastic reached her senses. It started at her lips, pushed her tongue down, and expanded her throat. Logic said it should block air from reaching her lungs, but it didn’t, it facilitated exactly that. It was a breathing tube.

A/N: I just rewatched season nine, so yeah.

AO3 Link

Chapter 8 - Orange.

The beeping sound was annoying. If only anybody could shut that fucking thing off.

Katya’s eyes opened slowly, trying to identify the source of her annoyance. Brightness blinded her right away, she blinked slowly in an attempt to adjust to the piercing fluorescence light. She had no idea where she was. Thing that could be easily solved, she only needed to figure out where she had spent the night. She wanted to look around but her neck wouldn’t turn. That was when the taste of plastic reached her senses. It started at her lips, pushed her tongue down, and expanded her throat. Logic said it should block air from reaching her lungs, but it didn’t, it facilitated exactly that. It was a breathing tube.

Her eyes went frantically side to side, trying to absorb as much of her surroundings as they could. The first thing she spotted was the machine next to her. A line went up and down evenly, a numeric count registered the variation. Suddenly, the number started to go higher. The annoying sound went faster. The machine was reading her pulse, the line was her heartbeat, the same heartbeat that began to lose its steadiness just then. That was where the beeping sound came from. Accompanying each ding, was an orange light, coming on and off with the rhythm of her heart. She was alive, that machine existed as a proof.

A shadow caught the corner of her eye. In a chair by the bed, curled up in a rather uncomfortable position, was Trixie. She seemed to be deep in a troublesome sleep. Her eyes twitched rapidly and her chest rose and fell erratically. Probably a nightmare was keeping her from resting properly, maybe the uncomfortable hospital chair prevented her– hospital chair. They were in a hospital, Katya could smell the chlorine, could feel the worn out sheet. It all started to make sense now.

The pain at the back of her head was probably the reason why she was there, the reason why Trixie was there. If it hadn’t been for the large tube pulsing between her teeth, Katya would have smiled. Just the thought of Trixie being there for her, waiting for her to wake up, made a warm feeling to spread across her chest. She wanted to reach and call Trixie’s attention, but soon realized her arms were not responding either. A finger tapped against the mattress, at least she could move that. Her toes wiggled a little, and the muscles of her face were also contracting and releasing under her command. She could move some parts of her body, but she didn’t want to try any other. Those attempts were enough to make her feel tired, she simply wanted to go back to sleep.

Her eyes felt extremely heavy, and she closed them ever so slowly. The brightness of the room couldn’t be completely shut out, though, it made it through her eyelids, revealing orange dots dancing in the shadows of her closed eyes. While immersed in that cancan dance, was that she missed the door being pushed open, and the girl that walked into the room.

Trixie jumped from her twisted position at the sound of high heels.

“Oh, hey,” the girl said as a greeting. “I wasn’t told anybody was in here.” Her feet were planted by the door. With enquiring eyes, she made her stare travel between the doorknob and then back at Trixie, who slowly rose to stand up. “I can come back later, if you want.”

She didn’t mean to stare, but everything about this girl screamed at Trixie to look at her. She wore a colorful paint suit, good two sizes bigger than her. Her bald head by itself was enough to call the attention of anyone that came across her. Her peculiarly drawn eyebrows, the perfectly winged eyeliner, the bright lips; Trixie didn’t know how or why but everything about this girl made it clear that she was related to Katya, without a doubt.

“No. Don’t worry. You are fine. I’m Trixie.” She ran her fingers down her hair, trying to make it presentable before extending her hand to the girl.

A look of something that could only be recognition filled her features. She smiled widely, knowingly. Her eyebrows, which were pretty much connected already, came together in a frown. “So, you are Trixie, huh?” She openly looked at Trixie up and down, analyzing her, drinking her in. “You are exactly how I imagined you to be.” Finally, she took Trixie’s hand and shook it firmly. “I’m Sasha, Katya’s cousin. We talked on the phone, that one time. Pleased to meet you.”

Trixie pulled her lips to form a smile, even the muscles around her mouth were exhausted. “Oh, right. Likewise.”

“How is she doing?”

Sasha’s eyes landed on the sleeping form, blood seemed to drain her body at once. Her skin looked, if possible, paler than before. She took the few steps separating her from the bed, held Katya’s hand in hers, and brushed her thumb against the bruised knuckles. Her pupils seemed wider as she asserted the damage, and Trixie gave her a moment to take it all in, before she answered the question. She knew how shocking it was to assimilate Katya’s state. The many tubes, bandages and gauzes were not easy to digest.

“She’s fighting,” Trixie offered softly from behind Sasha. “It’s gonna be a week tomorrow and she still hasn’t come to. The doctors say her brain is fine, they haven’t detected any internal bleeding of any kind. The lazy motherfucker just won’t wake up.”

Sasha chuckled tearfully, sadness making her voice sound even deeper than before. “We have been worried sick. I was barely able to fly in from New York. Her mom and dad are trying to arrange everything to get here, a trip all the way from Russia is hard to put together.”

Even when she knew Sasha couldn’t see her, Trixie nodded her head. “I’ve been talking to her mom and sister, I update them when I can but, honestly, nothing has really changed. There’s nothing I can do for them, or her.” Her long fingers, with chipped polish that barely covered her nails, pointed in Katya’s direction.

A mental note was done to either remove it completely or fix that nail polish. A note that was soon going to get buried in the last spot of her list of priorities.

Sasha turned to look at her, disbelief written all over her face. “Are you joking? You have been doing so much. The family back home is ready to build a statue in your honor. Not only have you been by her bedside, aren’t you leading the investigation as well?”

A twist of her lips, and a shrug of a shoulder, were Trixie’s answers. “She would have done the same for me.”

The sharp bones disappeared behind Sasha’s cheeks as she smiled widely. Her eyes once again were cast down, directed to absorb Katya in this condition; the same condition that they hoped, more than expected, wasn’t permanent. “She really is unique, isn’t she?” The admiration was evident on Sasha’s voice as she looked at her cousin. “She’s a fighter,” Sasha stated, looking back at Trixie. “You know? She gives me the will to keep on trying, to keep on thriving. You don’t know how much she’s gone through, but she always makes it through.”

With a soft smile pulling at the corner of her lips, Trixie agreed. “She’s a soldier.” Before she could elaborate on the feeling of pride invading her, her phone started ringing somewhere in the room. “Oh, I really need to get that.”

“Of course,” Sasha bowed her head, excusing her. “LA finest never sleep, huh?” There was a pause, one that allowed Trixie to go through the many tables with vases filled with flowers, trying to find the screaming phone. “By the way, when was the last time you slept?”

The generic tone stopped ringing. Trixie moved stuff around, pushing strings that held balloons with the words get well soon written on them, the phone wasn’t there either.

“I was sleeping just before you got here,” she offered matter-of-factly.

Dismissing Trixie’s words, Sasha shook her head. “You know that doesn’t count.”

“I’m fine, really.”

Sasha’s deep voice turned, if possible, even more serious. “Girl, I say this with nothing but love, but you look terrible.”

“Werk!” Trixie stopped her search to face Katya’s cousin with faked offense. “You bitch.” Even when her words could have been considered an insult, the tone of Trixie’s voice was light, provoking a chuckle from Sasha. “There you are!”

Trixie finally found her mobile, it was hidden behind a card with a drinking pun she didn’t understand, sent by Katya’s AA fellow group members. Kim’s name appeared underneath the missed calls label. Right away, a text came through, it was Kim asking if she was going to make it home that night. At least it wasn’t work. The mixture of Sasha’s concerns and the message from her roommate, actually got Trixie thinking. Maybe it was a sign, it couldn’t possibly be a coincidence that both came up at the same time.

“Hey…” She turned to Sasha, not sure how to bring up the thought she was just unraveling herself.

There was no need to, Sasha understood. “Go. Get some sleep.” She opened the stylish clutch in her hand, easily fishing out her cellphone and unlocking it. “Put your number in. I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

Trixie took the device with gratitude, saving the digits under her full name and a sparkling heart. “I’ve been here every night, this idiot better not wake up the only time I’m gone.” She waved a finger towards Katya, admonishing the sleeping form of her partner. She then moved closer, placing a kiss on the covered temple, feeling the threads of a gauze against her lips. “I’m just joking. Don’t wait for me, bitch. Wake up already, I mean, if you feel like it, of course.”

Leaving Katya didn’t feel right. Trixie had been living on that chair for almost a week now, falling asleep to the even rhythm of Katya’s heartbeat, knowing that, even when unconscious, she was still there. Somewhere in the fog of her coma, Katya was alive and fighting. That was inspiration enough to make Trixie do the same. She was working nonstop to try and catch whoever did this to her. A darkness in her told Trixie that catching the bad guy would compare to nothing if Katya didn’t make it. Sentencing this person for murder wouldn’t bring Katya back, but Trixie didn’t let her thoughts wander down that road, at least not a lot. She just wanted to find this evil person and have them pay. She just needed to find them and didn’t seem to be able to. A part of the process was missing. She wanted to bounce off ideas with Katya. She wanted Katya to come up with the most ludacris scenarios to, somehow, forced her logic to pick up the right pieces and put them together.

On some nights, Trixie would tell Katya what she had discovered during the day. The car that had parked behind her building the night of the attack, and how they had a whole team of nerds trying to get a good shot of the plates. She would share with Katya’s hibernating body how stressed and frustrated she felt to hit one dead end after the other. The doctors assured Trixie that Katya could hear her, feel her in the room, so, as stupid as she felt doing so, she kept spilling pointless tales every night. Talking to a non responsive Katya was extremely heartbreaking. Not having Katya laughing hysterically to a stupid joke, or looking at her with big, expecting eyes, hanging to her every word, brought tears to Trixie’s eyes. Still, she wouldn’t stop doing it. She spent sleepless nights telling Katya about her childhood, about that time she got stung by twenty-one bees, about the evolution of her Tinder bio, about the horrible hospital coffee, about how much she missed her.

When she reached her apartment, ready to pass out for the night, she didn’t expect Kim to have a whole group of people in the living room. That was probably why she had been asking if Trixie was coming home, because she had people over. Trixie right away recognized Pearl and her stupidly beautiful face. She was surprised to see Shea there, the girl hardly had time to hang with them anymore. Trixie tried to identify the two people giving their backs to her, sitting on the couch, facing the black screen of the TV that wasn’t turned on.

Kim stood up when she saw her, placing her cup on the coffee table in the middle of the group. “Hi. You never answered my text,” Kim reminded her.

“Don’t let me ruin your gathering,” Trixie said with a wave of her hand. “I’m gonna go collapse in–”

That was when the two people turned around. Violet looked at her intensely, in the only way she knew how to, really; and Craig actually stood up from his seat, casting his eyes down guiltily.

“What’s going on here?” Trixie asked confused, almost offended. “What are you two doing here?” Her words were directed to Violet and Craig, who had no relation to the other girls in the room.

“Why don’t you come sit?” Kim walked to her, trying to get a hold of her arm, but Trixie didn’t let her.

“Kimberly, you better tell me what’s going on, right now,” she demanded.

Rolling her eyes, Violet was the one that answered. “This is an intervention, you stupid.”

The indignation was probably written all over her face as Trixie rhetorically asked, “A what?!”

Shea stood up as well, her fingers wrapped around a mug that most likely held warm tea. Her long nails scratched the porcelain, the clogs in her head were visibly turning as she tried to find the right words before she spoke. “We are worried about you, girl. You know I won’t sugarcoat it. You look terrible. When was the last time you slept?”

Even against herself, Trixie was walking towards them, standing a safe distance away from the living room. “You sound just like Sasha,” she said with a twist of her lips.

“Who?” Shea asked confused, the name didn’t ring any bells.

“Katya’s cousin. She said the same thing just an hour ago. She’s the one that sent me home.”

“She sounds like a very wise woman, then,” Shea offered.

“You would like her.” Trixie shrugged her shoulders. “She’s alright, I guess. She’s weird. How could she not? She’s related to Katya after all…”

Everybody in the room stared at Trixie, allowed her to ramble about the resemblance of the two women, and how the quirkiness surely ran in the family. Deep down, she knew she was buying time, she didn’t want to face whatever her friends had to say, even less in company of her coworker and Katya’s neighbour. As she went through everything she had told Sasha, she mentally made a list of all the topics they could possibly address, and thought of an escape plan for each.

Finally, Violet had enough. “I don’t give a fuck about Sasha. God. We need to talk about you and your obsession with this case.”

“Obsession?” Trixie asked, feeling insulted. A puff of air left her parted lips as she rolled her eyes. “Excuse me for doing my job.”

Kim sat back down, hoping the motion would invite Trixie to do the same. “You have been lying to us.” She paid no attention to Trixie’s shocked face, Kim simply continued. “You would tell me you are working late–”

“And you leave work early to go home and rest,” Violet finished for Kim, making air quotes for the second half of her sentence.

Shea stood right next to her. “Come sit with me,” she said and moved her cup closer to Trixie, offering her at least something to entertain her hands with. She took it, even if she didn’t drink it, she simply rubbed her palms against its fading warmth. “What’s going on?” Shea inquired softly, she wasn’t attacking her, not like the rest, she was worried.

“Nothing,” Trixie assured them, getting no reaction. She sighed, finally sitting down, her shoulders dropping dramatically. “Really, nothing’s going on. I just… I can’t stand seeing her like this, okay?” Her voice cracked. A single brick had fallen from the figurative wall between her and the world. The rest came rushing down. “I feel stupid, and useless, and-and powerless. I see her in that bed, just this… empty shell. That’s not Katya. I know she’s there, somewhere. But also, like, it’s not her? And I wish I could just, like, slap her awake. I can’t stand seeing her like that. So, I leave, go back to the precinct and try to connect the dots, coming up with nothing. My mind is constantly thinking about her in that bed, I can’t concentrate. So, I leave and go back to the hospital. There’s nothing I can do there, I could be of more use doing some work.” Tears ran down her cheeks as fast as words spilled from her lips. “It’s idiotic, I know, but I can’t help it.”

“We can help you,” Violet butted in. “You need to delegate. We want to solve this, too, you know? We are all willing to put in the time and effort to figure this shit out, but you just send us out for the information and want to put everything together by yourself. We care about her, too. Like, she’s one of my best friends. Sure, I’m not in love with her but… I do love her.”

The words hit something inside of her. Trixie eyed Craig with fire in her stare. She couldn’t believe she allowed her doubts and fears to be exposed like that. She had trusted Craig and he just went ahead and spilled them.

“You told them?”

He simply lifted his hands in surrender, before Violet came to his defense. “Bitch, he didn’t have to. We all see it.”

Trixie’s gaze went around the room, her friends nodded silently.

“Look, I can’t imagine how you are feeling,” Craig said in his steady voice. “But we are probably somewhat dealing with the same situation. I feel a ton of guilt. I was supposed to drive her home that night. It was my duty to see her get back safe, and I didn’t.” There was a quiver on his lips, the movement of his mustache making the tremble even more visible. “We are in this together, you are not alone.”

Pearl, who hadn’t said a single word the whole time, cleared her throat. “Like, I don’t know this Katya person, she sounds great, or whatever. It’s cool if they care about her so much.” She pushed her chin in the direction of Violet and Craig, her droopy eyes almost closing at the motion. “And I mean no disrespect, but we care about you. You are running yourself down, stretching thin over someone you barely know. I just don’t get it.”

Trixie wouldn’t expect her to, she wouldn’t expect anybody to understand what she was feeling; mostly because she was yet to understand the whole situation herself. She knew she cared about Katya a great deal. She knew she had feelings for her, stronger feelings than she had held for anybody else in her life. But she had decided to put all of that aside, she had promised herself to leave behind whatever they had shared for a moment and move on. Things hadn’t worked out that way, she was forced to add yet one more layer of complexity to their relationship.

Shea’s voice, once again, came out as a soft whisper next to her. “This isn’t just about the case, is it?” There was a hint of doubt in her tone, of disbelief.

She didn’t want to answer. Trixie couldn’t lie to her friend but didn’t really know what the truth was either. She was left sitting there, looking stupid, with her mouth slightly opened. Her lips parted in hopes that the right words would arrange in the correct order and pronounce themselves. Thing that didn’t happen. She could feel the stares of all the people crowding the small living room. Drops of sweat felt cold as they ran down her hot neck. It was all too much. Without even thinking about it, Trixie was suddenly standing up. Her eyes travelled to see the confused faces of her friends, infuriating her even more.

“You know what?” Her hand opened, fingers fanning out in front of herself. “This is none of your business. Like, thank you for caring, really, but… this is something that I have to do, okay? And if I need to spend my days at the precinct, and my nights at the hospital, so be it.”

As soon as she walked away from the carpeted living room, her heels sounded loudly against the tile floor. She had forgotten to take her shoes off when she walked in. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, what other little thing of her everyday life had she forgotten?

Before she could allow her brain to make a list of her flaws, her phone started ringing. She took it out of her pocket and looked at the caller ID. She turned around, finding Violet’s face. “It’s Jasmine.” She slid the green button and placed the phone to her ear. “Mattel.”

“Hey, Jush! We have good news!” Jasmine’s laughter sounded loud through the small speaker. “We got the plates of the car behind Katya’s building. You ain’t gonna believe who came up. No, ma’am.” She then provided the name of the owner of the car, but it didn’t ring any bells to Trixie. “You really that out of it, huh? Hold on. I’m sending you the info.”

“Thanks.” Trixie ended the call, and stared at the screen until a new bubble popped up. Her eyes grew wide opened as soon as the driver’s license loaded. “Kim, I need to borrow your car.” She looked up, just to find expecting expressions all around. “I have to talk to someone.”

Violet stood up. “We can take mine.”

“No, really, I need to do this myself. Trust me, please.”

No other word was said, and soon Trixie found herself driving through the I-10. Her blinkers were on since she didn’t have a siren, and her hand was stuck to the horn whenever a car wouldn’t move out of the way. She was there within minutes, parked in a red zone without a care, and ran inside the building. Trixie expected it to be empty, as she sped on the freeway her mind imagined the bare hallways, or even the front door locked forever. None of that happened. She made it through the poorly lit lobby, went up to the last floor, and found everything exactly the same way it had been a few weeks prior, when Katya and her met Manila Luzon for the first time.

The person she was looking for stood behind the tall desk, her hair had changed to an electric shade of orange, but it was still her.

“Detox,” Trixie said in a shout, her index finger pointed at the receptionist as she stomped the short distance. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t arrest you, right here, right now.”

“Excuse me?” Genuine confusion took over Detox’s face, before a wave of recognition filled her features. “Oh! Detective, I didn’t recognize you without the Barbie doll fantasy. Look, I already told that detective, the one with the abs of steel, that Manila had no accomplice. I don’t know why you guys keep showing up, even after the trial has been closed. You are like the third person coming back and, honestly, I’ve had it with you guys, officially.” There was annoyance in her speech, her hands’ gestures made it clear she wasn’t joking.

“That case is closed and sealed, I came for you.”

“Ooh, kinky. Please, follow me, let’s talk in a more private place.”

“No, bitch! I’m not here to talk. I’m here to arrest you.”

Detox placed both hands on her hips, squaring her shoulders up, pushing her breasts even higher and closer together. “Under what charges? I haven’t done anything.”

“Okay, then tell me this is not your car.” Trixie tried to make a show of it, pull her phone out and reveal the picture right in front of the girl’s face, but it didn’t work. The device was locked, and she had to put in the code, then enter the gallery, before finding what she was looking for.

The receptionist seemed unbothered. She inspected her nails as she twisted her lips to the side. “My car got stolen last week.”

Finally finding the image, Trixie stretched her arm to show the car parked at the back door of Katya’s building. “There are no reports of it ever been stolen.”

“Sorry ‘bout it,” Detox said with a shrug. “Things have been crazy around here, since you arrested the head of the company. Thank you very much.”

“Your car was at the scene of a crime.”

Something resembling fear struck Detox, it lasted only for a second. She was back at her compose self right away. “Can we please arrange this in an office?”

Still not very convinced, Trixie followed her. The latex suit was bright, and the neon lighting made it shine even more. Despite the situation, Trixie’s eyes were glued to the marvelous body. Everything about Detox was mesmerizing, from the perfectly round butt, to the fleshy hips that accentuated the tiny waist– The observation was paused by a loud scream. Trixie turned in the direction of the sound. She was able to peek through a small space between two almost closed curtains, and saw a naked man in all fours. A girl stood behind him, connecting her pointy boot with his crotch repeatedly.

“Over here,” Detox directed her. She sat behind the old desk and pointed to the chair across from it. “Please.”

The office was way smaller than Manila’s, and the decoration was more exotic than elegant. Trixie hadn’t known her for long, but that place screamed Detox, with the many accounting books, the different pens and the desktop computer painted with brivant colors.

“You better start talking,” Trixie demanded as she took a seat, her eyes still traveling around the small space.

A sigh escaped Detox. “Was it a murder?”

“I can’t discuss the details of the case with you.”

Detox folded her arms on top of her chest, pushing herself against the back of the chair. “Bitch, you gotta give me something. You are stepping into extremely dangerous territory here, and I don’t want you to be involved in more than you have to. You are in too deep already.”

Pressing both her palms against the wooden desk, Trixie leaned forward. “Look, I’m not here for any of the weird sexual stuff you do in this place, okay? That’s your stupid business. I just wanna know who attacked my partner.”

“Oh, shit! The hot blond one?” Detox seemed to relax in her chair, her eyes softened.

Trixie nodded her head. “She was attacked in her apartment, and your car just happened to be casually parked outside of her building that night.”

“I’m telling you, it wasn’t me.”

“Then, who?” Trixie quickly asked, she was reaching the end of her patience. Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself down. She knew that was not the right approach with this girl. Katya had tried to tell her so, but Trixie was understanding it just now. “Look, she’s been unconscious for a week. They hurt her pretty bad. I just need to know if this is related to Manila’s arrest. I swear this has nothing to do with any of the other stuff that goes down in here. She… she’s my partner, Detox, my friend. And she’s been in that stupid hospital bed for days and there’s nothing I can do about it. At least help me catch whoever did this to her.”

There were a few beats of silence, Detox bit on her lower lip, processing the information. “Alright. Okay. But you have to promise me I have immunity. This hot body wouldn’t make it a day in jail.”

Trixie nodded. “I can’t make that deal myself, but if you cooperate, I promise you will remain as an anonymous source.”

That seemed to be good enough. “Kay. Well, my car technically wasn’t stolen. There’s this client, who’s been coming here forever, and the only one Madam Luzon was still taking care of herself. She came here one night and didn’t even end her session. She stormed out of the dungeon, all pissed, saying it wasn’t the same. Told me she wanted to drive around for a while and asked for my car, she never came back. Haven’t seen her or the car since then.”

“Why didn’t you report it?”

Detox shrugged one shoulder. “There was a lot of money transfered to me by PayPal that night. Figured it was some sort of payment for the car.”

Trixie shook her head, it was unbelievable how people used money to try and solve their issues just like that. “Where can I find this person?”

Long fingers hit the neon keys, as Detox kept her eyes on the screen. A card, with the intricate rose printed on the front, was taken from the holder to her right, and Detox scribbled something on the back of it. “Here, this is the billing address we have on file. You can probably find her there, or at least find more information.”

“And what’s her name?” Trixie asked taking the card, already pushing the chair back to stand up.

“Latrice, Latrice Royale.”

#rpdr fanfiction #trixya #katya zamolodchikova #trixie mattel #sasha velour #kim chi #shea coulee #pearl liaison #violet chachki #jasmine masters #lesbian au #laws of motion #dendenmonmon #submission #detox icunt

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taaroko · 6 years

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Post-IW MCU Rewatch: The Incredible Hulk

Okay, time for The Incredible Hulk. This is only my second time watching it. The first time was during my pre-Ultron marathon. I remember basically nothing.

I really like the way the origin story is covered in the intro montage. Universal figured out what Sony did not: if we’ve already had the origin story within the last decade or so, we don’t need it again. Plus the montage is just good visual storytelling, and I’m always on board for that.

He’s watching Sesame Street to improve his Portuguese!

Holy crap that dude can do really unsettling things with his stomach.

Part of me feels like I’m watching the story of what Oz was doing after he left Sunnydale to learn how to deal with his wolf side. This is great.

The intensity with which Bruce tries to make sure none of his blood gets anywhere is really interesting. This is all continuing to be very visual, which is awesome.

Hey, there, Mr. Blue. (I have no idea who Mr. Blue is.)

Loving all this science.

Aww, it was the Stan Lee cameo who got Bruce’s blood-spiked soda?

Oh hey, Tim Roth. Forgot he was in this.

Man, a city with this kind of layout really is perfect for parkour.

Ooh, nice use of shadows to conceal the full Hulk reveal as long as possible.

Is it...cold in this rainforest?

Hahaha, he’s deliberately finding the stretchiest possible pants.

Tim Roth’s character is scary.

Bruce is such a Ravenclaw, guys. None of the other houses are this quiet for this long.

Nice trick with the pizzas.

“Dr. Elizabeth Ross” is her username? That’s not a username. That’s a name.

Whoops! Betty saw you! Sucks to be her current boyfriend. That is some intense emotion.

ARGH THEY DID THE RUN AND HUG THING!

What the heck is this serum? Is it anything like the one that made Steve Captain America?

The shots of them in their separate beds reminds me of this.

Wow I am not okay with those bone marrow sample sound effects.

Bruce has such soulful eyes.

Holy crap Tim Roth definitely got an upgrade.

Hahaha, nice place to store the data. Gross, though. And...wouldn’t his stomach acid ruin that drive?

Ooh, father/daughter confrontation, Tiananmen Square style.

Nooo, don’t break this school! It’s too pretty!

I definitely prefer the way the Hulk looks from Avengers onward.

After all the effort Bruce went through to acquire stretchy pants, these sure look like jeans.

Wow, Tim Roth is insane. (Yeah I’m probably never going to remember the character’s name.)

Ooh, sonic cannons?

Aww, Hulk’s gonna fight through it for his girl.

Blonsky. Emil Blonsky. Okay. And dang that was brutal.

HE ATTAC HE PROTEC

Hahaha, even the bland new boyfriend won’t help Betty’s dad.

*lightning strikes Hulk* Hey leave him alone, Thor. He’s had a bad day. You’re being a really bad friend.

I guess it’s a good thing that USB drive didn’t make it farther than his stomach.

I really like all these quiet soft moments between Bruce and Betty. Stupid heart rate.

Okay, Blonsky healed creepily fast, but at least now I don’t have to listen to the sound of his burned, broken fingers clenching.

Dang, SHIELD has creepy effective servers.

My least favorite thing about both Arwen and Betty Ross is Liv Tyler’s tendency towards being overly breathy when she talks. So it’s super refreshing when she shrieks at that horrific cabbie.

Tim Roth’s supersoldier body is really creepy and weird. Was that a mo-cap suit and CGI? I feel like they went for the wrong physique. His head’s too big compared to his torso. They should’ve gone more barrel-chested, I think. Also EW HIS SPINE.

ARGH THIS IS SO PAINFUL TO WATCH. I do not like this movie’s sound designers. They are far too good at their jobs and my ears are not enjoying it.

Kinda bitter that General Ross is the only one who got to be in another movie. He’s the worst.

I have some...anatomy questions about Abomination. I mean, I know steroids can make certain things shrink, but this stuff took it a step further and turned Blonsky into a sexless golem. They really should’ve just given him improbably stretchy pants too so I wouldn’t have to think about it.

Poor Harlem.

Oookay, they should not have let him talk. That makes it so much dumber.

Man that would’ve been a really horrible death for Bruce.

OWWWW. Sharp elbows!

Whoa! That was a cool way to douse the flames!

Wait since when does Hulk actually call himself that? I thought it was just those college guys who came up with the name. I feel like that needed to have been established better before he started using it as his own name.

Seriously, Betty? You’re telling him to stop? This would definitely be a case of justifiable homicide, and he’s the only one capable of doing it. What the heck are they going to do with a live Abomination?

Wow, is that a real location in British Colombia? It’s beautiful!

Okay, I like that ending. It helps tie in with “That’s my secret. I’m always angry.” He’s learning how to access the Hulk at will now, not just suppress him forever. But that doesn’t mean there won’t still be involuntary episodes.

“That supersoldier program was put on ice for a reason.” Rude, Tony.

I tend to dismiss The Incredible Hulk purely out of a bias in Mark Ruffalo’s favor (I saw Avengers first, so he’s Bruce for me). I’m not sure his Bruce is quite the same character as Norton’s. I can’t even imagine Norton’s Bruce chumming it up with Thor in Ragnarok, for instance, and I’m not sure I can imagine him being Science Bros with Tony either. But this is actually a pretty good movie, and I do like this Bruce. My only real issues are with Abomination being able to talk and Betty stopping Hulk from finishing him off. I like Bruce being carefully on the run, I like Betty helping him, I like the conflict between science and military. Science cannot surge forward unfettered because there are people who would use that to wage war. It’s almost like Bruce is both a nuclear bomb and the guy who first created them. He has to live with the consequences of his research trapped inside his skin, and he’s only barely beginning to come to terms with that.

I’m pretty okay with this being the only MCU Hulk movie. And not just because I have no interest in seeing where things might go with that scientist dude whose brain gets bigger because Bruce’s blood landed on him. That’s a step too far towards comic book silliness for me. The main reason I’m okay with it is that Bruce has managed to have a good character arc just being in ensemble films, and his personality type lends itself well to making the most progress in these group settings. He can’t just hole up on his own; that’s how he ended up stagnating for five years while he was in hiding. It’s a shame Betty Ross got benched, though. I do think Bruce/Natasha is cute, but he and Betty were really intense and sweet, and I prefer Bucky/Nat for her.

Anyway, I liked this enough that I might cave and actually buy the DVD to complete my set. It’s the only one I don’t currently own.

#the incredible hulk #mcu rewatch #infinity war spoilers #kinda #marvel

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askprinceakechi · 7 years

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OOC Anthy/Akechi comparison

Wooooooo boi, I’m sorry this took so long. I actually rewatched the entire Black Rose arc and end of series before I wrote this so I could have it fresh in my mind. If only I had an easier time seeing all the Akechi scenes too.

Thank you both for your intrest! Also I havn’t seen Evangelion in so long but please, Anon!!! I would love to hear their comparisons as well, please send them to me!!!! @reversalsun

I’m gonna preface this by saying this is not a “Akechi has done nothing wrong” post. Akechi has done many things wrong. Akechi has done some truly terrible shit. I do believe Akechi to be a tragic figure however and more so a product of a lot of shitty things. Despite this being, like, way too long this is only the bare bones of my analysis of both Akechi. Hahahaaaa, if you want more on Akechi and how I in particular view him and his bs lemme know. Though some will be coming out with asks on the blog depending what people ask. I’m so sorry I’m incredibly long winded, this is like, 5+ pages omg. Good luck reading all of this losers.

ALSO THIS IS LIKE ALL SPOILERS. YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN’T READ IT UNLESS YOU’VE COMPLETED AT LEAST SHIDO’S PALACE. BETTER YET THE TRUE ENDING TO THE GAME.

The major similarity between Anthy and Akechi however is their position of power. Or rather, their lack of power. Both have crumpled under a much more powerful thumb. Anthy, who accepts her role and who even fears life outside of it; while Akechi has turned a blind eye to it. He’s not dumb, Akechi knows he is being used but he seems to view himself from an underdog position. He thinks it’s all just a matter of time until he can flip the script and turn it around on Shido. Akechi only accepts this power being held over him as a temporary thing, hell even something as part of his plan. No matter how untrue it is. Anthy knows she is being used as well, but rather than take it as a temporary thing she has accepted this as her role in life. It is all she knows.

They both work through so many layers of masks. Neither Anthy or Akechi seem fond of revealing their true face. The only time Utena ever sees Anthy’s bare face are few and far between, most notably the time Anthy attempts to commit suicide and at the very end of the series after Utena tears open her coffin. Otherwise her true self is concealed behind a pleasant and demure face, only hints of herself showing through when she chooses or cracks a bit. Akechi is very much the same (hell he gets referred to as the “pleasant boy”). His mask is almost as unshakeable as Anthy’s, only she has had forever to perfect it while Akechi is only human. Akechi seems to have quite a few different faces. One of the public, one for ‘acquaintances’ and one for “””” friends””””, under that his true self very much like a matryoshka doll. They don’t like to say what they mean; their words are picked deliberately and often have double meanings that need to be dissected. Or, all they say is fluff. Soft pleasantries that are used for very little other than to pacify or distract from their true selves. Anthy and Akechi are both very manipulative especially when it comes to defending their true selves from any more hurt.

They’re both used to pain to their masks. This is pain they know well, it’s expected, familiar, a demon they know as well as a lover. It still hurts but something they know how to handle it, and so they guard their true selves viciously. The only way they could truly feel the pain again would be from an injury to their true self. Thus, no one gets to know who they are. To know their true self would be to open up their only weakness. To know their true self would be an ultimate show of trust. Anthy gets hers, Akechi, starts but ultimately does not.

Their tragedies also both started at a young age. Anthy starting even before she sacrificed herself to the crowd to protect her brother. Akechi’s started from birth and came to a head when he lost his mother. Both were only children when their path of misfortune was laid out for them, and both took the terrible path with stride.

Anthy gave up her freedom, took on the mantel of rose bride and succumbs to the swords of human hatred in an ouroboros cycle as many times as Akio demands it of her. She is a puppet of Akio, a puppet of end of the world, a puppet of adolescence and a puppet of her own fear. She lets all of this own her.

Akechi gave up everything in hopes of revenge, respect, and a will to actually be wanted. Akechi has to be, what? 17 in the game? Assuming it was the first, and assuming the whole thing with Wakaba happened roughly two years ago Akechi’s final turn down his path of ruin truly started at 14-15. Still deep in his adolescence, still a child in just about every respect. Akechi hands over all authority he had as a person to a monster like Shido before he ever had the chance to really understand what that meant. He put the puppet strings on himself and gave them to Shido thinking it was all part of his own plan for revenge. He was a child betting in an adult’s game and rather than the adults protecting him they ensured his ruin. Once he had established what he was capable of and the world of the Metaverse to Shido he had sealed his fate. There is no way a man like Shido would ever willingly give up that sort of power. Akechi was trapped to doing his bidding or to die, and he knew that. However, his own pride his want to be acknowledged kept him from just killing Shido himself. It would be a hallow victory if Shido died without ever knowing his crimes and without ever knowing who it was who bested him.

Just as Anthy had ensured her own imprisonment to Akio. After all she was the only perceived way for him to regain the power he had as Dios. She was the only one willing and capable of being skewered by the swords of human hatred and letting Akio get off completely undamaged. She was the only way to get Dios back after she had sealed him away for his own protection. Akio wouldn’t willingly let her go. Not that it was something he ever had to worry about before the end of the series. Anthy wouldn’t leave him without her own revolution.

Both were keys to the power of those who were using them and both were unable or unwilling to leave their abusive situation.

A part in which he differs from Anthy but I still find it important to mention.

Akechi truly has been a puppet all along, of Shido and more importantly of Yaldabaoth. He, who, just like Akira had been had picked by a god to lead these lives is given the absolute worst draw. Because, unlike Akira, Akechi suffered all through it alone. Akira has the Phantom Thieves, he has his confidants and most importantly he has Morgana. Akira got a guide though the world of the Metaverse and someone to teach him the ins and outs of how the heart worked. What would possibly kill someone.

As far as we know Akechi got none of this. Akechi traversed the Metaverse alone and a bit of a head canon from myself it was a form of escapism for him. Suddenly Akechi was special. He had a power no one else ever could have, he had a world that he alone could enter and that he could control. After being such a lonely child, after losing everything and everyone and being an unwanted being from the beginning he could be special. Not to mention he get a persona with that, either Robin Hood or Loki or even both at once. Yes, they are a part of him, a reflection of who he is but in the same breath it was a voice that wasn’t his, and a mind that wasn’t truly his. He was no longer alone.

We are not told exactly what happened with Wakaba. We don’t know if Akechi knew that killing her shadow would kill her in real life as well. We don’t know if he was just trying to enact a change of heart just like the Phantom Thieves would later do. We just don’t know. As a personal head canon, I don’t think he knew. I think he was trying to prove he could affect her as a way of showing his power to Shido and he ended up killing her. Without searching out whoever the person whose shadow he killed he wouldn’t have a way of knowing beforehand that it actually killed them in the real world. Or, perhaps he never fought those types of shadows in the first place. Another thing left up to speculation.

“If it cannot break out of its shell, the chick will die without ever being born.” “We are the chick” “The world is our egg” “If we don’t crack the world’s shell, we will die without ever truly being born”

A line that refers to actually, everyone. Every person is a chick stuck in their shell and until they are ready to pass from adolescence to adult they are unable to break their shell. Seriously one of the only straight forward lines that exist in the series.

Anthy is stuck in her shell. She is doomed to die again and again because she refuses to break out. In the end, the world is an allusion to their passage from adolescence to adult. She refuses to grow up and rather is willing to stay in the school with Akio, and continue to be the rose bride for all eternity out of fear and love. She is scared of the outside world, and yet, no one can break the shell but her.

The same goes for Akechi. His own fear, his own wants, desires and hurt keep him from growing as a person. They keep him from breaking out of his own shell and rather he rots, he festers in his egg and is doomed to die. He’s stuck in his own adolescence and the mistakes he made as a child because he won’t crack his shell to breathe. He’s also scared of the world outside of his plans, out of what he knows. Another head canon of mine is that Akechi has no clue what he would do with his life if his plans succeeded. If he killed Shido, if he made him acknowledge Akechi as the one who bested him and as his son. He has very little will and drive outside of that, he’s lost another reason he has put off his plans for so long.

Anthy near the end of the series thanks Utena for letting someone like her. Someone hallow and empty with no heart have a taste of true friendship. Although, at this point she follows Akio still she is regretful about how this all has turned out, and is upset how she has hurt and betrayed Utena.

Akechi gets a small taste of this as well. Although the Phantom Thieves never trusted him fully he was still on the team. Akechi still got to feel what it was like to be on a team with his peers and even laments that “If he had only met (Akira) a few years earlier…”. He got a taste for friendship and comradery and what his life could have been had he just had friends.

Another point I bring up is Anthy stabbing Utena at the end of the series and Akechi shooting Akira.

The reason Anthy stabs Utena is up to speculation. If it was because this is what Akio told her to do, if she really is evil (She isn’t), but the theory I like best is Anthy does it out of fear. Hope is a scary thing to someone who has been in a position like Anthy’s. She sees Utena fighting Akio and finds hope in her. She sees a chance of Utena actually beating Akio and is frightened of her hope. If she does win then, what does that mean for Anthy? Would she get to leave? Would the Rose Bride no longer be needed? Would Akio die? Would Dios really come back? What about the swords of human hatred? Would they attack Utena instead of her? She has no way of knowing. No one has ever come as far, ever actually cared for her, or was her friend like Utena was. She stabs Utena out of fear of the unknown and misplaced kindness. Better one sword from a friend and some harsh words than taking on all the world’s hatred.

Akechi has wildly different reasons for shooting Akira. First being he was told to. This was part of the plan that Shido and himself had worked out. The second being that Akira was in his way. The Phantom Thieves were poised to be able to take out Shido before he ever could enact his full plan. He couldn’t let that happen because (head canon) everything he had done up until then, every murder, all the blood on his hands, would be for nothing if Shido didn’t know it was Akechi who killed him. Third (Also head canon) his own fear of the unknown, of the future has him wanting to protect Shido in an odd way. Shido is terrible and he hates him, he wants him dead. He however is also the only one blocking Akechi from the future.

I swear I’m almost to the end of this.

The adolescence of Utena, and Revolutionary girl Utena the titles are both huge points to the story itself. In the end Utena is a story about growing up. It’s a story about breaking the cycles of abuse. It’s a story about the how no one can save you but yourself but how someone else can spark that revolution inside of you. It’s a story about how revolution doesn’t have to be this huge world ending thing, but rather the revolution inside a single person. In the end Anthy realizes all of this. Utena doesn’t become the Prince because the Prince is dead. It’s an outdated and childish concept that is seeped deeply in toxic ideals of staying the way things have always been. The Prince is about staying in your adolescence and playing pretend that a magic castle would grant you power, would grant your ‘revolution’. Utena realizes this too.

Utena isn’t the one who pulls Anthy out of her coffin because just like the egg no one can pull you out of it but yourself. However, Utena showed Anthy the way out and she showed Anthy that the cover can be removed. Utena sparked the revolution in Anthy’s heart and in the end Anthy climbs out of her coffin by herself. Anthy breaks the shell of her own egg. She herself is the revolution so desperately coveted. She leaves the school, she leaves Akio, she leaves behind her chains of The Rose Bride and becomes her own person. She has grown up.

Just like Anthy, Akechi has a revolution sparked in his own heart as well. In the end, when the Phantom Thieves showed him kindness despite seeing who he truly is. Despite knowing all his crimes, they still show him mercy. They don’t abandon him and they don’t try to kill him when he has been defeated. He begins to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Had it not been for the Cognitive! Akechi showing up I truly believed Akechi would have had a revolution as well. In the end, Akechi had a chance to go back to his old ways. He could have just shot Akira like Shido and Cognitive! Akechi wanted him to. He could have given himself that second chance to keep going so that /he/ could be the one to kill Shido. Like he had always planned.

He doesn’t.

Rather he sacrifices himself to save the Phantom Thieves. This is his revolution no matter how small. This is his start at redemption even if it is cut short by death. Akechi climbed out of that coffin, he broke out of that shell, and though he was met with death he threw off his shackles with the help of the Phantom Thieves. Akechi finally had a taste of freedom.

*FINGER GUNS AWAY* I’m tired now

#OOC #Character study #mun talks #Goro Akechi #Utena parody #i mean kinda #dude holy shit please be gentle on me #I'm on so many painkillers #I just got out of surgery eariler today #I hope this actually makes sense #and isn't just a jumble of words cause i'm out of it #spoilers #p5 spoilers #persona 5 spoilers #utena spoilers

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sobdasha · 4 years

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library book haul

these are all many months out of date

Conservation of Shadows, Yoon Ha Lee This sci-fi and fantasy short story collection is Good Shit. Plus it includes my favorite short-story-collection thing, aka Author's Notes on the stories, which enhances the experience even more. So: I tried to read this in the previous batch with Lee's other work, but Lee's work requires your full attention and is not suitable for reading in the breakroom at work, where people come up, see you with a book, turn on the TV, and then proceed to ignore the TV the entire fucking time while they talk excessively loudly with the other people in the breakroom. I've been enjoying the fact that they put a real chair in the department so if I don't work the morning shift I can take my break in the department where the din from the customers is, in fact, quieter. And I don't have to walk to the literal opposite corner of the store, wasting time and chronic pain! Anyway. So I waited until I was on vacation, and had large stretches of quite time, to read this, and it was amazing. I did not do the write-up then because I am lazy. However, I am in the middle of rereading now, and I can tell you that these stories only get better the second time around. I was a little worried it'd be like Shakespeare--you have to read several Shakespeares before you finally get into the Shakespeare zone and can actually, like, read the Shakespeare. These stories, on the other hand, remained accessible and are enhanced by having half a clue where the story will go. I like them all, but some of my top favorites: Ghostweight--Lee says this was the second-hardest story to write because it took months to nail the intro/outro of the story. Well, it pays off. The Bones of Giants--Lee says the fantasy equivalent of mecha is to dig up some giant skeletons and apply necromancy. I'm bad at recognizing "zombie" when you don't use the word "zombie", so like the Abhorsen series I don't really consider this "zombie lit which I would hate." Mostly it's just a little soft and when I'm reading I picture big sweeping landscapes, like a Studio Ghibli film or Breath of the Wild. The Unstrung Zither--Lee just talks about the music stuff, but this one feels to me like Gundam Wing if I'd actually finished watching Gundam Wing because Gundam Wing had turned out to actually be anywhere near as interesting as the quantum versions of it I'd imagined. (Thanks to Lee's other stories, I'm now using "quantum" instead of "noodle incident".) Well, now I no longer feel any need to actually go back and watch Gundam Wing. Cool! It's occurring to me that Lee's works mostly fall into the category of: soft; this is the literal cost of genocide and occupation; and both at once. It's a hell of a lot better than ~the glory of war~. Anyway as I said it's all good.

Always Coming Home, Ursula K. Le Guin I actually quit reading this one pretty early on. Not exactly a quit, though. I wasn't in the right mindset; I just couldn't get through it and realized what I was in fact craving was Adventure. So I went on to reread The Prydain Chronicles instead and I'll pick this up again sometime later when I am in the mood for something quiet, reflective, domestic, and not big on plot.

Ursula K. Le Guin: The Last Interviews, ed. David Streitfeld This was interesting! Although I always have mixed feelings when I'm reading about authors talking about the craft. IDK I think it's a me-thing. Like, I pick up this essay expecting the author to tell me what works for them, and then I get annoyed because I decided the author was telling me "this is the only way" when that's bs and now I want to rebel??? Or maybe because Le Guin talked about how even a novel ought to be poetry and as someone who understands the theory of meter but has been flunking everything related to meter or stress since grade school in the practical sense, I find that idea Highly Overrated. I honestly don't remember what else was in here, because I waited for many months to do this write-up. I didn't actually hate reading this though so.

The Prydain Chronicles, Lloyd Alexander These are Peak comfort food to me. All I want to say this time around is, I should write some fics as Alexander's penance for making Eilonwy Very Cool but mistakenly doing so by making her Not Like Other Girls. (Crying and having feelings is gender-neutral in these books; what's portrayed negatively about Eilonwy through Taran's view, despite the fact that she's objectively better than him lol, is her ~chattering~. Which is annoying because not only does Eilonwy internalize that into putting down non-sword-women for "clucking like hens", Fflewddur chatters at least as much as Eilonwy, if not more, and because he's a guy it's never phrased that way even though we're all aware he's super flighty. I really wish this had been done with more nuance, because Eilonwy also has internalized misogyny about things like dresses and washing your hair and sleeping in a comfortable bed, and Fflewddur again is always the first person to be like "um but I would like to be comfy tonight though.") Anyway I just think that after Taran is king, if he wants to go someplace and keep his hands busy to think, presumably the gardens and fields are enough out of the way that this would make your king difficult to find. So instead, I propose that he goes to the spinning and weaving rooms, because that's literally in the castle, easy to find, he knows how to do that shit, Dwyvach schooled his ass good about how work doesn't have a gender in book 4, and he did enjoy weaving, and as a bonus he can realize that "chattering" is not bad and gossip is a good way to learn things you, as a king, probably need to know about the working of your castle, and Eilonwy can join him for bonding and realize this is not so terrible after all, and we will all value these women who spend a lot of fucking time and effort making sure you can have some goddamn clothes to wear. THE END.

The Last Unicorn, Peter S. Beagle Everybody really loves The Last Unicorn, by which I think they mean the movie? And I thought that I did as well, even though I remembered exactly nothing from it save for the title when we watched it once in either kindergarten or first grade in place of recess for a week because it was, idk, cold?? raining nonstop??? Anyway I always thought that I loved it and then I finally rewatched it as an adult and it was. Not. Great. And then I forgot and watched it again a few years later and was like Nope, still Not For Me. And now, finally, I decided to get off my bum because for me books are almost always better than the movie, and lo and behold, it is. From what I can recall, the movie is the general plot structure of the book portrayed as an Adventure, stripped of the thoughtful, reflective narration and the deeper narrative themes. Which is 100% why that movie appears to me to be some kind of acid trip. I wish I had read this as an early teen, so that I could have absorbed some of Beagle's writing style, his turns of phrase in simile and metaphor. "His scimitar smile laid its cold edge along their throats," etc. He never really makes it seem like Too Much. (Side note, that's something I notice about Yoon Ha Lee too. Very lush and descriptive similes and metaphors, very much get the job done and are not things you have ever heard before. Although Lee's tend to make me stop and go "wait what???", and catch me off guard. I suspect it's a mix of innovation and cultural difference, whereas for Beagle everything sounds so exactly right and smooth and perfect probably because everyone else has been copying off him for years and I'm familiar with diluted versions. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, I got a bit away from that in my writing, but dang I am gonna have to up my game and purple my prose a little bit more because I really love what these guys are doing!)

Trail of Lightning, Rebecca Roanhorse Okay so Ann Leckie recommended this book to me, both in a general sense and also in person. And I looked at the description and thought, "Well, it's not my genre but it probs can't hurt me to pick it up and try." And so I finally did. Reading this was an interesting progression (probably most especially for my roommate who gets my live-reading reactions while she's trying to DnD) of watching me go from: "It's not my genre but it's not like the writing sucks so it's not bad" to "Well it is engaging and I do like garbage loner protagonist is a woman instead; I'm not compelled to buy this but I will read the rest of the series as it comes out from the library" to "Oh snap I love it when the critical reviews of a book were actually recommendations for me to read it" to "*weeping* Kai is a soft good boy and I support Maggie and her Emotional Support Shotgun, I will buy ALL THE BOOKS" At one point there was a perfect place, in the midst of a discussion about how you can like flamethrowers and makeup at the same time, Maggie, just because you don't like makeup, etc, to insert a joke about "it's called flaming gay for a reason". BUT in Rebecca's defense the entire scene was great anyway. The whole book was great. It's great. Read it. Oh speaking of the critical reviews, one of them was like "the protagonist claims to be unable to cook and then a few paragraphs later makes a 5 star meal, so this book is garbage." Lol was the reviewer confused because the word "bread" was used, and believes that bread is an art form unable to be accomplished by mere mortals (which, I mean, is how I feel about the idea of babying a loaf of bread all day)? Because bread only has to be "I made a paste of flour and water" which this. Basically was. Fried in a pan. And then the side dish was a can of beans with a can of chiles thrown in for fancy. This is literally the definition of can't cook, because you can't exactly order takeout on the reservation after the apocalypse when you prefer to live in a trailer in the middle of nowhere. I'm just saying, this scene was perfect. Also this was the point in time where I started summarizing all apocalyptic books as "After the events of the year 2020" to my roommate. It. It continues to hold true. Every year for like the past five years we've been saying maybe next year will be better, but I'm gonna be honest, I'm terrified of what 2021 will bring. One final visual: me, unable to pronounce Navajo words to my roommate when reading select passages, and also not being able to spell them on account of not knowing the names of accents in English: "so it's c-h-apostrophe-i accent aigu cedilla-i cedilla-polish l with a line through it…" (not an actual word, I don't remember the actual words, I returned the book to the library long ago, this is for illustrative purposes of my ignorance only)

To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf I tried to read this because Le Guin praised it a lot in The Last Interviews, and it was on the Wizard's Library shelves and I thought maybe I should broaden my horizons. But I quit early on because I, a disaster of run-on sentences, could not parse half of these and I was not invested and if I don't have to read ~classics~ for literature class it probably won't ever happen. Honestly a lot of the contemporary literature I'm reading is better for me anyway.

Sunlight and Shadow, Cameron Dokey This was also on the Wizard's Library shelves and I like fairytale things in theory and despite reading the wiki summary on various occasions I really don't know anything about the plot of The Magic Flute, which is this a retelling of. This book queerbaited me. It's unfair of romances to always put more chemistry between the people who aren't getting together than who are. In this case, both girls and both boys, who were to pair off into het couples. There's literally an entire chapter of Gayna going from "You've ruined everything!" to "I wish I could hate you!" to "Oh no you're hot!" to "And that doesn't actually make me jealous oh shit!" to "Okay I'll help you" to "Oh no she smiled and my heart skipped a beat huhhh!" about Mina. The word gay is even in her name!!! What is the author doing with her choices??? Seriously what is the author doing with her choices, in the author's note at the end of the book I learned Statos (Monostatos) was originally "evil character just because he's a Moor" so Dokey Fixed It by making him just a guy who wanted Things like the rest of the characters want Things and he just happens to come off as bad because he's not aligned with them and also he's very, very white. Noooooo that's not how you do it, that's not how you fix racism, you redeem him while keeping him black. I also, as a rule, dislike first-person-narration-that-changes-each-chapter, especially when you're not skilled enough/don't care to write in such a way that the narrator can easily be identified, so basically for a long chapter and a half I assumed Lapin was a girl and when the Queen of the Night was like "fuck you, boy!" I assumed it was a sick burn and Lapin just ~wasn't pretty~ but it turns out he was, in fact, a boy. Also for a book that points out that you can be perfectly happy settling with a decent person and marrying your not-soul-mate (Lapin's parents and grandparents), it's awfully insistent that the main characters all be properly paired with soul mates. HM. Basically this is marketed as feminist but I think it fell pretty damn short on that mark.

#sobdasha booking

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