#quite literally the most aesthetic movie my own two eyes have witnessed

[spicycreativity]

Fanfic Appreciation Week Day 7: A Place Where I Can Breathe

Yes, folks, I'm appreciating my own darn fanfic for the final day of Fanfic Appreciation Week because I worked really hard on it and it was a labor of love for/with one of my QPPs, my roommate, the man who got me into Sanders Sides: @\cadeorade-powercade (That's him in the aesthetic board)

Allow me to present the director's commentary for A Place Where I Can Breathe:

Content Warnings: All content warnings mentioned in the fic apply.

Chapter 1: I actually wrote this fairly late in the game. It's meant to serve as a prologue and orient the viewer in the universe, s opposed to staring on Chapter 2, which just throws the viewer in without context. I think it was a good choice, as it also allowed me to introduce the concept of the Sides having power focuses early on.

The Premise: Cade is a Virgil stan and he was getting frustrated looking for Virgil fic. He was finding a lot of stuff written without nuance by young authors, a sort of "by teenagers for teenagers" type deal. We are not teenagers, so we both have a hard time relating to that kind of teen angst fic, as we're not the target audience. So he asked me to write him a Virgil fic and we worked together to identify what plot he wanted, what the Mindscape looked like, and what quirks the Sides have. So a lot of this fic is quite gratuitous and self-indulgent

The Title: Lizzie McAlpine has a song called "Apple Pie" which includes the lyric "I've been running around trying to find a place where I can breathe." Apple Pie SCREAMS Moceit to me, and I had taken notice of the lyric and wanted to use it as the title for a Moceit fic. I didn't really have an idea beyond that, and when Cade asked me to write this fic, I realized it was actually perfect and summed up Virgil's inner struggle quite nicely. So cheers to "A Place Where I Can Breathe," the Moceit Fic That Wasn't

-Cade asked me specifically to include Virgil having a spider and I wrote nearly the whole fic without doing so, then had to go back and sprinkle some references in. I think I managed 2 total.

Chapter 2:

"Uh, how about I hold off on that until I actually see my room?" Virgil stared expectantly at Roman, who bounced on his toes. "Lead on, Macduff."

"That's not the line and you know it," Roman complained, but he turned to lead Virgil to his room. "It's ' lay on, Macduff,' and--"

-This fic was originally supposed to reach a climax with a confrontation between Remus and Roman, and "lay on, Macduff" would come back as a brick joke. Unfortunately, the original ending was a result of me getting tired and lazy, so I had to go back and fix it, and we lost the Roman-Remus confrontation.

It was hard for Virgil to not shudder at the sudden heat and weight on him. With his senses already open and taking in more information than his brain seemed to want to process, touch was an added stressor, more unwanted sensory input.

-Virgil being touch-averse is a direct shoutout to Cade, who is also touch-averse.

Roman had already transformed the living room: metallic streamers of purple and black stretched across the corners of the ceiling, and shiny balloons spelling out A-N-X-E-I-T-Y hovered above the TV.

-Upon first writing, Virgil had already given the upstairs crew his name, so the banner spelled out "VIRIGL" which is way funnier than "ANXEITY." But then his name reveal became a plot point so I had to go back and change it.

-Let! Virgil! Be! Mean!

-Virgil's line about hearing refrigerator noise when Roman talks is another shout-out to Cade, who has leveled that accusation at me

A small, cruel part of him protested at the idea that he would need special treatment and desperately wanted to throw it back in Patton's face. He wasn't a sweetheart, he wasn't a baby. He didn't need to crawl into a blanket fort with Dad just because he was a little stressed.

-Remus calls Janus "Janus Geminus" because I was tired and couldn't come up with a pun. "Geminus" is one of the Roman god Janus' epithets; another is "Pater" meaning "Father." That led to a conversation about Remus deliberately confusing Patton by calling Janus "Daddy," but I couldn't think of a clean way to fit the explanation into the narrative, so I stuck with "Geminus."

Chapter 3:

"There's nothing normal about that! " Roman stared in horror at the coffee massacre Virgil had orchestrated. What had once been a respectable (if not very tasty) cup of black coffee was now part of a 1:1 coffee to milk suspension, the liquid a tasteful shade of tan suitable for business casual trousers or a show-ready chihuahua.

-Cade is a certified Nightmare Man and came up with Virgil's horrifying coffee order after I asked him about it. Keep an eye out for Janus' equally horrifying coffee order later in the fic.

1) Shouts out the fact that Janus is canonically a Dostoevsky fan

Chapter 4:

Janus smiled at him. "Where reason fails, the Devil helps." He fussed with his gloves and straightened his capelet. "It's showtime."

-I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Look at me. Look at me. I fucking love Crime and Punishment. Janus' quoting Raskolnikov serves multiple purposes:

2) Lampshades the fact that Roman just conveniently happened to be alone in the living room, because I didn't want to waste time getting him there. That makes me, the author, the Devil

3) Foreshadows the impending disaster. When Raskolnikov says this line it is because he had planned to commit axe murder. The axe he was planning to steal had been moved, but he finds another, different axe to use. Raskolnikov messes up the murder and ends up killing an innocent witness in addition to his intended target. Janus messes up his manipulation attempt and ends up murdering Roman's self esteem

-I was going to include a reference to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (Remus' line "debauchery and vomit" was originally going to be "blood, love, and rhetoric") but I didn't because... Uh... Hm. Why didn't I do that. Maybe I just forgot about it???

-Roman is too stubborn to manipulate for long and that is a fact.

"I was pretty much done anyway," Remus said. "There's only so much debauchery and vomit you can fit into one story."

-Cade specifically ask me that nobody cry in this fic, but after I had Janus eviscerate Roman I knew he couldn't not cry a little. I kept it to a minimum because there's already a billion fucking fics about [literally any Side] crying on the shoulder of [literally any other Side] and it's really just not interesting to either of us.

-It didn't come up because it doesn't matter, but Thomas dreamed he was participating in the exact Dionysian orgy that took place in The Secret History because it's my fic and I said so.

Chapter 5:

He just sat back and watched and tugged at his hair while Janus spooned mound after mound of crisp white sugar into his mug and Virgil poured his customary eight fluid ounces of milk into his own mug.

-Cade strikes again. Virgil's coffee order is equal amounts milk to coffee; Janus' is equal parts sugar to coffee. He had asked me to include a scene where Roman catches Janus massacring his coffee and is appropriately horrified, but I uhh... Didn't write it. I still might include it as an omake someday.

-I imagine that Roman feels really strongly about dragons vs wyverns, and Remus just pretends to give a shit because he thinks it's funny to wind Roman up. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my sense of realism in writing, I can't relate because I adore my sister and we get along perfectly almost 100% of the time.

"You shut us down every chance you get!" Remus said, baring his teeth. "How would you like it if your pens never wrote, hm? What would you do with all those thoughts in your head?"

-I do wish I had developed the concept of power focuses a bit more, established rules and such. Basically, Patton is always on the prowl for wrongthink and actively represses it, which in turn breaks or sabotages the Dark Sides' power focus.

Chapter 6: This chapter really should have been Janus and Roman but I was really tired and didn't want to bother with it. Plus, you know, Moceit. This chapter was meant to demonstrate how the characters would get along without Virgil nannying them. There's friction, but everyone is making a conscious, deliberate effort to get along because they love Virgil, and love is a series of choices you make.

I chose "Leo" as the answer for the answer to the crossword clue instead of "Virgo," because my other QPP is a Leo. She'll never read this fic, but I did it anyway because I love her. (Trivia: My sign is Virgo, so it was really a choice between shouting her out and shouting me out, and the last chapter is self-indulgent enough, thank you).

Chapter 7: I was gonna write a fic where all the Sides watched Cats the Musical because I was going through a phase. Then Cade requested this so I combined the two ideas. By this point I was fucking exhausted, and that's the only thing that saved you and the rest of the world from me writing the Sides riffing on the movie scene-by-scene. I could come up with snarky commentary for almost every, if not every single song from the movie.

Most notably, I cut a Patton-Remus interaction where Remus declares his love for Grizabella and Patton gets all staryy-eyed about Remus connecting with the idea of rising above rejection and being loved and accepted only for Remus to shoot him down and explain that he just likes that she got to die in a tire fire.

Other cut scenes include Janus quietly pretending not to go feral over Mister Mistoffelees, Patton full-on fucking sobbing over Grizabella and the kittens, and Logan experiencing a deep, soulful kinship with Munkustrap during Of The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollices (and henceforth introducing the phrase "like herding cats" into his regular vocabulary

#spicypost #fanfic appreciation week

[thesilenceanswers]

WHAT I THINK ABOUT:

TV SERIES – SKAM remakes (WtFock)

I think I could define myself as a big Skam fan which is quite dumb as a definition because it’s impossible not to be a big Skam fan once you start watching it.

So, better to say, I’m a normal Skam fan (which means BIG Skam fan) who is truly completely and utterly in love with season 3.

Again, no surprise, I guess.

However, I recently watched WtFock season 3 (unfortunately I didn’t watch it on real-time) and at the beginning the thing that got me so emotional was the concept that another parallel universe was forming.

But afterwards I fell in love with the two characters, even more than in the original one, if possible.

Since the talk about multiverse theory has a special spot in my heart, I decided to analyse that specific clip in WtFock.

WOENSDAG 16:36

1. The settings: colours and music

In my view, music and colours have the power to enlighten the whole mood and to convey a wholeness to a clip. I personally loved the soft colours chosen for this moment: the beige tone and the brownish aesthetic of the setting gave me somehow a sense of warmth and calm. It’s so relaxing and pleasing for both the eyes and the soul.

However, not only the colour palette is perfectly made, but also the choice of music is brilliant.

Every time the intro of ocean eyes by Billie Eilish begins, my world just breaks in two: this song was composed for this moment, you can’t change my mind.

It’s just so so accurate: Sander and Robbe really can't stop staring at each other’s eyes.

2. Lovebird

The beginning of the clip is both intense and light-hearted.

I know it may seem a dichotomy but it's just like that: right in the middle of the cuddles and the kisses the two of them can be so playful with each other (Robbe throwing pillows at Sander, or Sander playing around with the chips)

These two are truly lovebirds and all of these small gestures actually show how comfortable they are with the presence of the other: it's such a tender and soft scene that it warms my heart every time I watch it.

However, the apotheosis of this first part of the clip is peaked when Sander shows Robbe his sketch for the mural. I won’t lie, my heart sinked the first time I witnessed this magic moment (actually it does every time I re-watch it, but that's another story): just imagine how Robbe must have feeling sad and alone for such a long time; but then, out of nowhere, the man of his life just shows him how much he already means to him. Sander is so in love with Robbe that he is already his muse.

But that's not enough: our camera boy wants to portray the man of his dreams also with his camera.

And, again, I find it amazing how the two of them fit so well together: how Robbe giggles trying not to get

photographed and how Sander laughs saying "Allè posé".

But that’s not only by the gesture that we can feel they are so comfortable at the presence of the other, it’s also by how they interact.

I personally love how Robbe feels so at ease that he does not hesitate a moment before saying “Leonardo Di Caprio” when Sander asks him about his favourite actor.

He just simply says what he actually thinks and this really shows how much he already feels connected with Sander.

I know that "favourite actor" is a minor subject, but still I think that Robbe would have not be so relaxed in telling the Brores that he actually loved Romeo and Juliet; and that is because he is trying to hide his real self from his best friends. But that's not the case with Sander: Robbe feels free to be fully himself with him.

3. Sander’s shield and Robbe’s multiverse

However, in my opinion, the most outstanding moment of this clip is the conversation they have about life.

The first important aspect of this turning point event is Sander's behaviour.

At first, we are able to see only the shield he has put around himself for avoiding pain and suffering.

This defence mechanism (this shield) is visible when he says: '' Actually life is sometimes a bit like a movie, you have control over your own life. Choosing what your life is and what it will become".

This statement it's just so Sander-like: it shows the god-like character and the flawless golden boy he tries so hard to be.

But Sander's shield crashes down as soon as Robbe goes on by giving one of my favorite speeches of the show: " The theory (of multiverse) is based on the fact that time is also just a dimension and that besides this universe, there exists several other universes. When you make a decision, the universe splits itself. You can exist in every universe, but then always a little bit different. There could be Sander and Robbe lying in the same exact position as we are right now but, for example, there could be curtains with different colour".

I really find this speech a piece of art, pure poetry and pure genius: it made me shiver in the original one but this one got me mesmerized.

I realized why it is so important for me: I can relate to this view.

However, despite of the profound impact that these words had on me, what I love the most is Sander's reactions throughout the speech.

He is constantly but tenderly teasing Robbe by saying: "Like Spider-Man?" "Like in the flash?" and then the iconic "Yellow curtains" (I see the reference here).

I literally love these little remarks because I find them so genuine: Sander is actually listening to Robbe and he wants to interact with him for letting him know he does care about what he says.

However, I find Sander being so generous in giving those light-hearted comments: even though he really feels deeply what Robbe has told him, he is still trying to cheer Robbe up and to lighten the mood.

4. They never stop

(aka the most outstanding moment of the clip)

It’s just a moment but it changes everything.

Robbe looks directly in Sander's eyes and asks him if he has ever thought like that.

For me the whole world did stop for a moment when I first saw it.

In Robbe's stare I can feel his desire to understand Sander's real thoughts: he does care about him and that's why he wants to get to see Sander for who he truly is.

It's at Robbe's pure and tender care, that is the point when Sander's shield falls.

He stares at the ceiling thinking about what to say.

The music stops and the burden weighing on his shoulders is finally visible as he says 'I have".

With this small statement we get to see the real Sander: the fragile, insecure, lost boy who struggles with his life and who isn't so invincible like he appears to be.

Suddenly he finds himself helpless and falling in a black hole of dark feelings as he let himself go by saying: "Then I feel so lonely. Just don't you sometimes think: why is that I think what I'm thinking. Then you go back to your memories, step by step, and then how you went from one thought to the other. Then you think: why is like this? What if at that one thought I had thought something else, then I wasn't thinking what I am thinking right now. That keeps continuing, it goes on and on and it doesn't stop."

I shiver every time I hear this speech. It is so intense, so powerful and yet so dark.

The first time I heard it, I was affected by it at the point that I couldn't remember where my thoughts ended and where Sander's ones begin.

That was because I completely relate to those thoughts, and hearing them from him got me like his character even more because I could see how human he was.

He is just as complex as we are.

He is passionate, brave and full of life, yet he feels powerless towards the fact that he doesn’t feel the author of his own thoughts and consequently his own life.

#wtfock #What I think about

[lanamemories2]

clip clops in on horseback wearing a pointy little dunces hat n sipping frm a rly long crazy straw tht says ‘goblin’ w all of the swirls. Hlo. i’m nai n it’s rly nice to meet u all!!! 23 n she/ha pronouns. i’m one of the three admins here (cleo lazuli on the main) n i’m literally So Excited to get started i cld honestly beat my chest like caesar the ape over it. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here 👺🌚 

『KRISTINE FROSETH ❙ CIS-FEMALE』 ⟿ looks like LANA JAMESON is here for HER JUNIOR year as a DANCE student. SHE is 21 years old & known to be VIVACIOUS, ALLURING, CHILDISH & IMPULSIVE. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.

AESTHETICS: 

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out into a cold breeze in just spaghetti strapped silk, a red lightening stripe painted over your eye like a new take on the scarlet letter, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off the bruised cap, doodling penises in condensation instead of sitting still, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, playing where’s waldo with your lipstick in the crowd of a party and finding red on at least six people’s mouths, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open. 

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him. jst a leetle bit Fractured in its intentions.

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents including a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in and out of hospital twice nw n he’s currently dipped off the radar after starting to use. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her. she doesn’t talk abt this tho. when she feels the urge to cry she usually jst smiles

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Very Pretty

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) a mre recent point of history is her involvement w danny nielsen (an evil npc of mine who is possibly the antichrist??? pending investigation). he attended radcliffe n lived in a house w a group of guys near campus. it wsn’t a registered frat bt he essentially…ran it like one it ws kind of a weird set-up where he ws the King Of The Roost. essentially he found out tht lana n a guy called zeke slept together n he ended up beating him to near death in front of her bc his pride ws rly bruised since they were meant to be dating (if u can call it tht bc danny’s idea of dating is very Warped). ANYWAY he ws found guilty n sent to jail so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones 

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. 

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. 

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops. 

she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. 

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually ever been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. 

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? 

a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

a fake dating plot cld b fun honestly 

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh

umm a good influence too mayb? 

oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. 

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

#radintro #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #hospitalisation tw #violence tw #death tw #grief tw #ptsd tw #dissociation tw #drugs tw #ok this is literally insatiably beefy bt. feel free to jst skip right to personality n plots #anyway shrieks in glee n hits post

[hazelandglasz]

Prompting 'our students think we’re dating' + 'we leave each other notes on the blackboards' AUs, cause it makes A LOT of sense. Pretty please? (I love you, chérie.)

disneyklaine asked: hmm….. the blackboard notes one :)

anonymous asked:OUR STUDENTS THINK WE’RE DATING AU omg

anonymous asked:Okay, so those hs aus were amazing! maybe you could write “our students think we’re dating au” some time? (for Klaine) :) :) :)

Alright then ^^

AKA Five times a student tried to prove his teachers are dating and the one time the teachers are undeniably dating.

On AO3

Lucas knows that there is something going on.

He knows it, with every fiber of his being. And Ishrak can tell him that he’s delusional and that it’s not sane to ship real people as much as he wants to, Lucas will not be undeterred.

Professor Hummel and Professor Anderson are undeniably in a relationship, and he will prove it to his unromantic boyfriend if it is the last thing he does.

(Hopefully, it won’t come to that.)

They are fairly obvious, when you know how to look.

1. Hiding in plain sight

The way they always, always, come rain, snow or sun, always arrive separately exactly 7 minutes apart.

“That’s not exactly a proof, Lulu, it just means that they are punctual.”

“Exactly seven minutes apart, every morning! No, no no, it proves that they are coming together, and then Mr Hummel waits what he considers a sufficient amount of time for it to be inconspicuous and make his entrance.”

“That makes … eurgh, I hate you for making sense.”

“Ah!”

2. Three is a crowd

Lucas does not stalk his two favorite teachers.

(He does not.)

However.

It just so happens that their paths often cross on campus.

And whenever Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson happen to be hanging out, there is always, always, at least one other member of staff with them.

Sometimes it’s Ms. Jones, who appears to be very happy to link her arms with them as they walk and laugh.

Sometimes it’s Ms. Berry, who leads the way with a confidence inversely proportional to her size while Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson humor her.

Sometimes they can be spotted having a very animated conversation with Mr Evans--especially Mr Anderson, while Mr Hummel shakes his head and hides his mirth behind a large travel mug.

If Lucas was not intimately convinced of Mr Anderson’s commitment to Mr Hummel, his apparent bromance with Mr Evans could be another theory, but no.

Mr Evans’s constant googly eyes toward Ms Jones are legendary across the whole school.

And while Lucas is particularly invested in the Hummel-Anderson relationship, he can see how they would make a cute couple.

3. The Travel Mug

Speaking of the travel mug.

Both teachers are known for being coffee addicts of the first order.

But.

Lucas would bet his life on the fact that he has now seen the dark travel mug on both desks, on separate occasions.

From afar, it just looks like a black cup, but on closer inspection, it does bear a pattern that Ishrak kindly identified as a Darth Vader silhouette, which fits Mr Anderson’s discrete geeky chic. But, it could be misconstructed for a skull, which would fit Mr Hummel’s seldom gothic aesthetic.

Ergo, game, set and match.

“You do know that these mugs are sold by the thousand, every day, right?”

“Why would Mr Hummel, McQueen is a genius and Gautier is the last designer who understood the dramatic possibilities for movie costumes, Hummel, would have a Star Wars mug of all things?”

“Did he actually say that?”

“Yep. Made us watch the Fifth element to make his point.”

“So he does like sci-fi.”

“... Shit, you make a point!. But still, I’m sure it’s the same than Mr Anderson.”

“So maybe they both like Star Wars.”

“Yeah they do. And they Yub Nub all night long, if you get my drift.”

Ishrak rubs his face. “I will give you that one if you never, ever repeat Yub Nub in that context, you heathen.”

4. The Post Its

That is perhaps the more damning proof Lucas has at his disposal.

Both teachers hold office hours on the same, which is not his proof.

But on the two occasions Lucas had to go and ask them for some informations--Mr Hummel for a book reference Lucas didn’t catch and could apparently save his essay, Mr Anderson to ask for an extension on a paper due the following week because his anxiety hit hard--Lucas spotted something on their respective boards.

Oh, while both teachers mostly have pictures and articles on those boards, there are little notes written on Post-Its carefully pinned to the panels.

Lucas doesn’t pry too much into them to figure out what they say--though the hearts drawn on Mr Hummel’s leave little to the imagination--but.

But.

He recognizes the handwritings.

“You can’t read what they say but you ‘know’ they’re each other’s handwriting? Babe, no more C.S.I. for you.”

“I’m telling you, Ish, they write each other little notes--I’m sure they hide them in their lunchbox, the dorks.”

“Hm. That would be cute.”

“Right?!”

“...No! Luke, you will not get me to ship two of my most esteemed professors! No! Bad Lucas.”

“Look at the notes next time you’re in their offices, and tell me I’m wrong.”

“If I do, will you stop with this obsession of yours and help me with my project?”

“What, getting Mr Evans and Ms Jones together?”

“Stop looking at me like that, it’s not shipping, it’s giving them a happy story.”

“Hm-hm.”

*Shush.”

“Hm-hm.”

“I hate you.”

“Sure you do.”

5. Too Single To Be Honest

The final point in Lucas’ case in proving that Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson are dating is the most damning, but also the most … well, convoluted, even he can see that.

Number 1: both men are handsome, if differently so, and in their prime.

Number 2: they always show up for the students shows and the balls and the mixers.

(Again, seven minutes apart, Lucas is going out of his mind with this gap.)

Number 3: they never bring a date that could be considered a date.

(“Mr Anderson’s brother does not count as a date, what the fuck?”)

Number 4: they never talk about a significant other. Never.

Number 5: But. They are both incurable romantics.

Conclusion: it is highly unlikely that both these men are still single and they are using the social events on campus to hide their relationships as a professional one instead of the romantic one that it is.

“That doesn’t make a shred of sense.”

“No, no, it does! Look: what better way to fly under the radar than making an appearance at the soirées? If they didn’t come--and I know what you’re thinking, why wouldn’t they take advantage of everybody being busy with the different events to have their own datenight on their own, right?”

“...Right.”

“Then, if they didn’t come, it would become quite obvious that both Mr Hummel and Mr Anderson are always missing on these; And then, it would be super easy to just connect the dots and figure out that the two are, um, closer than they would like us to think.”

“Shit, how do you make sense of the most convoluted and useless conspiracy theory!”

“It’s a talent.”

“Mr Anderson must love you in this creative writing class.”

“He does.”

“Why do you care so much about that? What does it matter if they are indeed dating?”

Lucas pulls Ishrak closer to him and rests his chin on top of his head. “I don’t know,” he says softly, “it would be cool to have an older couple to look up to. To see that gay relationships are not just a thing for us, but it exists for older people too.”

“They’re not that old,” Ishrak says as he snuggles up to his lanky boyfriend. “But I see what you mean.”

+1 The BlackBoard

Now, Ishrak would love to find a way to make Lucas drop the whole “Hummel Anderson” affair. 

It was endearing, at first, to see his boyfriend get all riled up, but it’s slowly becoming a Thing. Lucas even bought a corkboard to tie, literally tie with a red thread, all of his proofs.

Ishrak wishes he could find a way, really.

But what he just saw with his own two eyes is pretty damning evidence, fuck it all to the seven rings of Hell.

See, every week, Mr Anderson’s class precedes Mr Hummel’s.

Lucas and Ishrak are quite happy about that, it gives them a moment where they don’t have to rush across campus to get to their class (and some times to catch up on their making out, if they can).

Except today Lucas has a cold, so Ishrak had to leave the classroom and wait in front of it for Mr Hummel to arrive.

That’s how he witnesses it all, really.

Being the last to leave, he can see Mr Anderson scribbling something in a small corner of the blackboard. As he goes to leave, there is a small smile on his face that Ishrak can only describe as fond.

“Ah, waiting for your next class, Mr Rahman?”

“Y-yes sir.”

“Make sure to tell Mr Angos that I will send him the Powerpoint presentation later today, so he doesn’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s very kind of you, sir.”

Mr Anderson smiles at him before getting his messenger bag in place and walking down the hall.

Ishrak watches him go--he loves Lucas, but he still has eyes, okay--before looking back in the classroom.

He entirely blames his C.S.I. boyfriend on his first impulse to go back inside and read whatever Mr Anderson wrote.

He shakes his head and sits on the floor.

He tells himself that it is not his business, that for all he knows, Mr Anderson had a stroke of inspiration and wrote what went through his head to memorize it for later.

But, a voice that sounds like Lucas counters, why wouldn’t he write it down in his notebook? Or on his phone? Hell, on his hand would be more conductive to later work than the blackboard of a classroom he is not going to return to before the end of the week!

Ishrak sighs before getting to his feet.

But before he can step inside and snoop, Mr Hummel arrives, whistling.

That sounds like the Cantina song, but--

“Hello, Mr Rahman. Ah, deprived of your companion today, are you?”

“Hello, sir; Yeah, Lucas is under the weather.”

“Shame. He would have loved today’s class. Should I give you the sheet to give to him?”

“Sure, Sir.”

“Come on,” Mr Hummel says, opening the door, “I know the class starts in ten minutes, but even those wooden chairs are more comfortable than the floor.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

Ishrak approaches the desk under the pretense of getting the papers for Lucas.

And that’s how he manages to read what’s on the board.

Hi Sally. There you are. B.A.

It doesn’t make any sense, and yet.

And yet, Ishrak simply has to put the look on MR Anderson’s face when he wrote it next to the look on Mr Hummel’s face when he reads it to know, with absolute certainty, that the message bears a lot of weight for them.

Because they are, irrevocably and undeniably, a “them”.

Eurgh, Lucas is never going to let him hear the end of it, is he?

#Anonymous #disneyklaine #sometimes i write #klaine au #college teachers au #fluff #slightly cracky i'm afraid

[gotatext]

claws my way out of the dirt like the goblin i am ..... hello thots, its nora, once again bringing you a revamped version of a muse i played yonks ago n some of u may have even written against... here is her pinterest.....

this is margaret greta, she’s a whole can of trauma spaghetti plastered over with a toothy grin and a lot of dad jokes. the only reason she’s in gifford really is bcos shes been put there as part of a witness protection program cos lots of police r monitoring livingstone so its deemed relatively safe.... haha... anyway she changes major all the time. she started off doing fine art but since then she’s done modules in architecture, film, bio-chemistry and is now dabbling in medicine. 

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say GRETA O’DRISCOLL looks a lot like DIANA SILVERS? I think SHE is about 21, so it doesn’t really work. The MEDICINE major is a SOPHOMORE that is from DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA. They can be +CHARMING, but they can also be -EVASIVE. I think GEE might be SHEEP. They are living in YATES. ( nora. 23. gmt. she/her )

this bitch is the most restless creature u ever seen. before she came to livingstone, she’d lived in 8 different cities in 3 years. 

was adopted as an infant. had two foster moms and two older sisters so always surrounded by women. lived in a boarding house, very much like the one in 20th century women, with lodgers coming in and out all the time, mostly artsy young women because her gay moms were both high school teachers trying to set up their own arts collective. one of her moms left when she was 4, n she doesn’t really remember her.

while living with entirely women made her super into catlin moran and the guilty feminist, as a teenager she often let boys walk all over her bc she just craved male attention jst bcos she’d never really experienced it. saw it as something aspirational, like sitting in the back of chad’s second-hand truck while he drove you to macdonalds and offered you and his five friends with identical haircuts weed was the height of being cool to greta, she wanted to be their dream girl, even if it meant compromising her beliefs

bubbly bitch but also massive snake. metaphorically and literally, always shedding her skin. loyal to few, ruled by none, out for herself, babey!! every place she goes, she becomes a new character, someone who’s a figment of her imagination, as if each city is repertory theatre and she’s a character actress, so as a result som ppl think she’s called rita, some ppl know her as margot, she just flicks through identities like nobodies business.

goes through phases of being intensely feminist and tweeting “men are trash i don’t need them” before flipping into being lonely and needy n wanting male attention again. tends to gravitate towards men who are just pieces of shit tbh like her friends are always like hun.... pick a nice boy..... but no.... she’ll go for the boxer with several arrest records for gbh or the small-town drug dealer just trying to hook her onto pills for a little extra cash, or the reformed sinner who thinks he’s being protective by reading all her texts and always knowing where she is..... n she always finds a way to spin it so that they Just Care About Her and aren’t a p.o.s 

left school at 18 n didn’t go to uni, moved in w her boyfriend of the time instead, but soon got bored, n then went backpacking around the states making money in the casinos by being a shot girl (yeehaw) and trying to make it as a mysterious 1920s widow with a smoky voice, a dark secret n a heart of gold, looking for love in the big city. all she found was producers and acting agents who’d promise her stardom n actually just fuck her in a motel n then ignore her calls.

TW domestic violence, TW gun, her watershed moment came when she met luke in sioux falls while she was playing bass for a country n blues band. he was a few years older and had a car, and they kind of went from seeing each other to being that super intense couple who are just necking all the time. 

they got engaged like 3 months after they met n rented a flat together, much to her family’s annoyance but she was 19 so there wasn’t much they could do. their relationship was super super intense though, often really heightened and when they fought it could become quite violent, but she’d pass it off as just him being really passionate. 

one of their fights got really heated and greta threatened him with the gun he kept in the glove box of his vauxhall corsa, but the safety was off and she accidentally shot him. she pleaded self defence in the trial n cos of the amount of times she’d been hospitalised for various concussions n things like ‘fallling down the stairs’ the police were like yea... pretty watertight evidence that he was a bastard who [chicago voice] had it coming..... also this happened in 2017, he was mixed race and greta is white so naturally the police totally took her side. she’s now under witness protection, rehoused in livingstone as a sports-scholarship student, due to the amount of police involvement in the area, it would mean should one of luke’s family members try to track her down, she’d be relatively safe

 massive sports fanatic. plays tennis. on the cheer team. was a track superstar in her high school. honestly just that sporty bitch, you’ll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am lecture you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch

pretty easy to get along with (provided you don’t anger, provoke or question her too much) because she WANTS your character to be enthralled by her and will do whatever it takes to win them over. she wants everyone to love her

is That Girl who always knows where the parties are, and is always there, on the sofa, talking about institutionalised racism and trying to coerce you into a game of beer pong that she’ll definitely win. doesn’t really have one solid group of friends, just kind of on good terms with everyone and social butterflies about

has changed her major so many times. decision? who is she. currently studying medicine, but doesn’t rlly enjoy it. she’s very unmotivated and lazy and probably wouldn’t ahve bothered going to uni if she hadn’t been placed in one by a witness protection program. will probably change on to history or gender studies soon n just make up the extra credits by volunteering

 massive feminist. low key quite scared of powerful men bcos of her ex. wants to start a female only lesbian commune bc she misses her childhood in a south dakota boarding house and has endless support for women. honestly annoyed that she is attracted to men, would so be 100% gay if it was a choice. cuffs her jeans and can’t drive. is That bisexual. skateboards. wears backwards caps.  i hate her

plays bass guitar, has a teal green fender and it is her BABY. it’s covered in stickers about saving the planet and ending fracking and going vegan. she’s in an all-female punk band w agnes (n mayb jade i think) n they play gigs every now n then in grotty club basements full of druggy sweaty college kids

PERSONALITY: easy-going, sociable, observant, blunt, amiable, nihilistic, self-serving, laid back, independent, unmotivated, charming, lazy, impulsive, alluring. ESTP and a leo

LIKES: art, music, john wayne movies, black mirror, philosophy,  cowboy chic culture, DC comics, arcade games, candyfloss, deep red lipstick, marijuana, dogs, karaoke, Kate Moss, late-night strolls, zip-lining, chemistry, suspenders, cigarettes, herbal tea, gallows humour, cold coffee, long showers, brown eyes, tchaikovsky, dr. seuss, boiler house DJ sets, magnolias, decorative lamps, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.

DISLIKES: bananas, coffee, Woody Allen, mental mathematics, children, Trump, institutionalised misogyny, the imaginary future, french literature, Wes Anderson films, spoken word poetry, the general mentality of cheerleading squads (despite being on one)

aesthetics:

a bubble of pink gum on chapped lips, mom jeans, a beaten up pair of adidas, denim jackets, strawberry laces, knee-highs, chapped lips, peeling sticky plasters, split knuckles, bruises you try to cover with concealer, stick and poke tattoos, hot coffee, sleep caught in your eyes on a lazy afternoon, kissing girls, cigarette smoke shrouding you like a veil, alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks, doc martens with fraying laces, the red string of a thong peaking out purposely from jeans, leonine arch of your back and that stellar smile that says ‘you have no idea who you’re dealing with’, a rucksack permanently packed for the move, a streak of red across your lips, roller blades, cut knees, not eating your greens, smiling with a mouthful of blood, and piercing your own ears with a safety pin when your mom wouldn’t take you, kate moss posters lining the walls of a teenage bedroom, his name scrawled in rage across the pages of a diary, thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves, a tennis racket you punched through in a fit of temper, feet pounding the earth until your soles bleed crimson, sleeping in a cherry lip balm and scrunchies to keep the wild locks from your eyes. 

wanted plots: since greta literally can’t differentiate between romantic and platonic love, she’s got off with so many of her mates, so i want awkward friendships where they nearly dated, or exes that have now just turned into weird friendships, and girls from the cheer team who she’s like, weirdly intimate with like the shower together but its not a Thing cos the other girls straight, and I want like, fellow medicine students who are like?? how is this bitch still passing?? i swear she goes out every night?? she works part time at a fast food restaurant, i want a mate that just goes and sits in there talking to her until her manager gets angry. ppl she did a few modules with before changing course and somehow sort of remaining in touch with, like she did a few art modules, a bit of film, n some architecture before switching to medicine, though she’ll probs switch course again soon. ppl who she runs track with. someone she’s trying to make a zine with. here’s a list of plots on her old blog if u want any of them w her.

would love plots of any type, throw them all at me please, i cnt wait to interact w all of u. like this if u want me to message you about connections / plots! xo

full biography if u can be bothered

trigger warnings: drugs, domestic abuse, gun.

you never meant for it to happen. you’d heard the stories, of girls who let their man walk all over them, and thought to yourself “i’ll never be one of those girls…” the kind that eat low-fat yoghurt and drink slim fast to shred a few extra pounds because he said she was getting round in the tummy, or the ones who spent their evenings tied to a kitchen sink drinking wine while him and the boys played poker, wishing god, if only I could get out of here. not you, not you raised by strong women, four bright shining beacons. single mother with her hard-as-nails attitude and her stony glares, elder sisters (twins) one ginger, one blonde, one doctor, one lawyer, both determined to take a bullet to the brain and a hammer to the patriarchy before they let a man touch them without asking. you were always so inferior, so insecure and small, like a bird (like a sparrow) with blonde plaits down your back sucking tropicana whilst your busom buds sucked dick, their lips permanently ripe with stories of their sexual exploits, fake tan and glittered nails whilst you sat in the unbroken egg of virginity wondering what it was like to be loved. one day you found out.

lily milligan’s parents gone and a free house for the night, bottles of ouzo and tequila swiped from your mother’s liquor cabinet thinking she wouldn’t know (she always knew) your legs, hardened from pep squad, slut dropping on a kitchen table because the boys thought it would be fun to get the quiet girl drunk. you’d never had a sip before that night. band t-shirts, denim shorts and the split soles of rotten converse that you refuse to let go of, you still clutched with both hands to your youth, but in a tube top now (borrowed from alice carmichael who had a sister in college) and a short tennis skirt, your feet not in trainers but in thigh-high boots. uncomfy as hell but lily said you needed to look sexy. you didn’t know if you wanted to be sexy. you didn’t know what kind of girl you were, if you were even a girl at all. but robbie looked at you like he knew exactly who you were, like he knew you better than you knew yourself, and his lips had the pink cupid’s bow of a movie star, and his hair was dark locks, curling like a mane. his hands were soft, and suddenly on your waist, and after three more shots his lips were on yours and his name was the only sound in your head and on your lips as you lost it in lily’s college sister’s bedroom beneath the glare of a T-Pain poster. you bled for what seemed like hours, his hand still in yours, kissing on the sofa as truth tellers and dare devils continued to spin a bottle of unprecedented youth. you thought it was love. robbie was the one. he loved you, you knew it, how else could someone be so soft? but soon he grew bored, scrunched up your paper heart and set it alight. then came the tears, the hatred, the ‘fuck robbie, in fact, fuck all boys.’ and that you did.

you were known for being easy. any boy could be yours for a night, as long as he promised to love you for those few short breaths and pants before you cried yourself to sleep. you felt poisoned, but poisonous as well, as if by ensnaring these young boys you were gaining power over them, and not the other way around. soon it started to work. they’d want more, but you’d deny them it, sick of sucking off silly schoolboys, they’d call you a tease, a vixen. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help but want older men. you got the history teacher first time, him bending you over his desk to sneak a hand up your tennis skirt as the after-school clubs carried on next door, unawares. love didn’t exist, not for you. it was nothing but a game for pretty young girls to play, bubble gum in their canines and a hand tugging at the hem of their cheer skirt.

there was so much anger inside of your small body, ‘beware of boys and their hook-like words’. hockey helped. there was something formidable about the feeling of a stick like a weapon in your hands and the thwack it made against thighs in the heat of a scrum - “slipped, sorry!” - you’d utter with a snakeskin smile, millicent quinn knowing that you’d hit her on purpose because she shagged robbie at that party last week. she couldn’t prove it, cobbled acne on her forehead turning green with disgust. ben came into your life like a car crash. two years your senior, with a baseball jacket and shoulders like a god. he became your personal hero. on the pitch, he was lethal. together, you could bring anyone to their ruin. each day after last period he’d be waiting in his car. you’d leap into his arms like a girl-half starved, love me, love me, love me, your heated kisses the envy of every junior girl. he was yours for three blissful years, utterly yours, and you were his, his star-spangled girl, and he was your knight - you were both the same, playing games, always difficult to predict. it was a shock to all when he proposed, high-school sweethearts find love in south dakota.

the engagement was a bittersweet affair; three months – you barely out of your gingham print skirts and into a graduation gown, him, a surly quarterback towering above your sisters, cigarette at his lips and a scowl like a fart in a lift. they hated him. so did you. but you were eighteen and in love, and he fitted the cookie cutter mould. everyone wanted him, and you had him. you had him and you were happy, happy, happy, and he loved you. he said he’d give you the world, anything you wanted hand-picked and given to you. instead, he gave you a jack russell terrier and a flat you couldn’t swing a cat in, wallpaper peeling like the rotten bits inside of you, the bits that only he knew. and you got tireder and tireder of the sad excuse of a life he’d picked out for you, him out doing god knows what to pay the bills, and you dancing on tables to pave your way to stardom, and this was love, this was real, until the shine wore off and your fresh-faced, dimple-cheeked cheerleader facade faded and the ugliness started to reveal itself, the whining, the petulance, the sharp-tempered cruelty, the mind games, the need to always win, win, win. he was dull, he was boring, he was nothing like the boy the girls had said he was and no chiselled six pack could hide his lack of anything remotely interesting, your patience wearing thin until it snapped like rubber, a rucksack on your back, running shoes on your feet and the joint bank account emptied into your eighth grade birthday wallet.

you built your small fortunes working the casinos of sioux falls, a crimson dress and an attitude to match. bookish archie with his little dipper freckles was fun for a month, before he became just as dull and dreary as the rest. a three hour bus and you were in minneapolis, bright eyed and bushy tailed, fresh meat ready for the pickings. a hostel here, a friendly co-worker’s sofa there as you made what you could by taking off your clothes and shaking your ass like you were back in pep squad, doing what you did best. you met your fair share of creeps, and soon it was back on the road to escape a wide-eyed stalker and a restless itch for more. milwaukee, chicago, you made the roads your own. log cabins and lodgings, and the occasional motel, a beaten up pick up truck purchased at a scrap merchants – you got a few miles out of it before it bit the dust, and when you finally set it alight after nights spent lounging across the driver’s seat, a parka tucked over you as a duvet, you were sad to see it go. you’re nomadic by fault, never attaching to place, people or things, creating a new personality in every place you go like a character actress; each town is a different repertory theatre, and you’re the star. a compulsive liar, you even fib about your own name, to some you’re ellen, nineteen, bookish, a law student who likes smoking and cosmos. to someone else you’re rita, you’re twenty five and look young for your age, like smoking, comics and fucking in public places.

in the bright lights of michigan, you found charlie, sweet charlie, too good for you, though you let him spoil you while he thought you were the small town girl of his dreams. next came abigail, who was fun until the jealously kicked in, and then luke, gorgeous luke, dangerous, exciting, who despite his temper, despite the fights, despite bruises down your spine and your teeth marks on his arms, loved you with the strength of a wild fire. there was destruction in your wishbones, a savageness from the field, from the pitch and now somehow in his arms, you were godly. he was cruel, he was careless, and he refused to fall at your feet like so many other boys had, which only you made you want him all the more. you were rage incarnate. you hated him so fiercely you thought you might kill him, so he played the only card you wouldn’t predict; proposed.

the house you shared was a backstreet flat in detroit, you making your name as a downtown singer while he footed the bill with pills. they had a drug for anything these days, to dull the senses, to pick them up, to drive you to insanity or pull you out of the madness hole. the two of you lived like criminals on the run (you never told him that you were, living out your days as the enigma he wanted you to be), you with your voice like caramel and fishnet legs. you were his and his alone until his hand was at your throat and the gun was in your hands screaming at him to stop, stop, stop, until a bullet stoppered his brain, crimson staining linoleum as you cast yourself out like lucifer. self defence was decreed the moment they saw your violet neck, black tears and headlight eyes and mind screaming red, red, red like the pom-poms you shook so willingly in school and the insides of his skull. you were gone, and “you” was born, renamed “greta”, boxed, shipped-out, and next-day delivered to livingstone where under witness protection you were a student, blank slate, fresh-faced in a place where no one knew your name, doing what you always did and starting again.

#livingintro #this is such a long boi....... waht the fuck.... u dont need to read the bio the summary notes are long enough fuking hell

[the-irish-mayhem]

I saw Captain Marvel.

Spoiler-free reaction:

Spoilery reaction under the cut.

+ things I liked +/- things I was mixed on - things I did not like

+ GOOSE!

+ SLJ in his prime, and we finally get solid Fury backstory.

+ The 90s aesthetic really worked for me.

+ “It’s loading.”

+ A really great job with the Skrull/Kree conflict, and actually made me care about the Skrulls they introduced us to.

+ MARIA RAMBEAU. She wasn’t just a background badass, they gave her a nice side arc. Loved the emotion she showed with the losing her best friend storyline.

+ Jude Law was an absolute snack in this movie. Holy bucknuggets.

+ Helped confirm some of my headcanons about Asgardian superiority in space travel because of the Bifrost, and confirmed some of my headcanons about the nature of wormhole travel in the MCU as well. (Traveling to “jump points” is... literally exactly how I’ve been rationalizing it all these years trying to write it. #vindication)

+ I liked the lost memory plot with Carol. That was probably the part of the plot I liked the most, and I wish they’d leaned on it even more and given Brie Larson more Emo moments when trying to figure out her past.

+ Carol is the original Avenger <3

+ Sets up for Carol to possibly be the next defacto “Leader” of the Avengers throughout the next phases. She’s in hot contention with T’Challa in my mind for that title.

+ Carol beating up the Old Lady Skrull on the train. I fucking LOVED IT.

+ I DON’T THINK I SAW A SINGLE GODDAMN WEDGE HEEL

+/- Brie Larson. I’m still not sold on her casting. For me, she comes across as an actor who is very grounded in reality. Realistic stories, realistic drama, etc. Room, The Glass Castle (the only stuff of hers I’m familiar with) all real world drama and I thought she was amazing in them. But for some reason I never quite fully bought her as Carol. The delivery of some of her humorous lines didn’t read as “Carol has snappy wit,” it read as “this actress memorized a line and delivered it with humor” I read a review that said something along the lines of her being overshadowed in her own movie, and I agree.

+/- The last part of her fight with Yon-Rogg, after she’s blasted him into a rock after he challenged her to fight him without her powers, where she just assuredly says, “I don’t need to prove myself to you” was an odd moment because it was so.... contrary to everything we’d seen up to that point? Throughout the movie, I never got the sense she was trying to prove herself to him. In fact, she didn’t seem to give a flying fart about what he thought of her. She knew her capabilities right off the bat, and winning his pride or approval never seemed to matter to her. To me, it came across something as they maybe had come up with in a late draft that they really liked and felt like they should put in even if the rest of the character arc wasn’t properly structured for it. Not that I think it was a bad moment AT ALL. I loved the subversion, but I think it could’ve felt more earned and landed a little harder if they built up to it.

+/- I am really not sure how I feel about the explanation for Fury losing his eye. I don’t know if I like them going the “humor” route, even if it’s not QUITE humorous, I don’t think I’m big on the idea of him not having a hella badass way he lost his eye. I just really don’t know. I think this bit kind of falls under “Marvel’s Funny Problem”

+/- I was hoping to be excited that Carol was going to be the “Big Gun” against Thanos, but I’m not, really. She kind of just feels like another addition to the team, her resumé submitted with an origin film.

- Jude Law giving us lazy exposition on the Supreme Intelligence. It was so freaking lazy. I know this is a Marvel movie and they love talking exposition but it was so bad.

- How self referential the entire movie felt. Half the thing felt like an unsubtle Easter Egg to the face with how desperately they were trying to push Carol into a history they clearly never planned.

- An addendum to that point, since I’ve been semi-distancing myself from Marvel (or at least, not being as deeply invested in story and theories and plot minutiae from all previous films) that half the time I had to take myself out of the story to remember exactly WHY I should care that Ronan (Ronin?) is important.

- I’ve completely lost track of the chain of custody of the Tesseract.

- I’m gonna be That Bitch and compare Captain Marvel to Wonder Woman. Not on a plot or quality basis or whatever, but in terms of my personal viewing experience becuase I am a woman and I’m going to relate more personally to female superheroes, and these two are THE solo ladies right now. So in Wonder Woman, I had several moments where I was near or in tears because of how good it felt to be there watching it. I felt empowered by the fact that I saw a badass female character on screen, with a great plot and production quality and cinematography and a score that STILL has me in tears. Honestly, I was kind of expecting and hoping for the same feeling during this movie, because Marvel is sort of my Main Squeeze and I’ve been looking forward(ish) to this movie for YEARS. But there was nothing. I enjoyed it much the same as I enjoy any other Marvel movie, in as much as I enjoyed Infinity War and Cap 3. But nothing really tugged deep in my soul like Wonder Woman did, and still does.

The NYT review by AO Scott kind of said it so succinctly: “you’ll shuffle out of the theater feeling both satisfied and empty.”

I may come away with more feelings and thoughts when I watch it again, but for now, I think this will suffice for a review.

#molly reviews #captain marvel #/// #//// #///// #i know i said i would post a fic chapter before i did this #but the brain wants what it wants

[coffee-for-himchan]

Unapproachable (Yongguk)

Word count: 3.3 k+

Summary: “Yongguk hyung will accept you if you approach him on your own.” - Yoo Youngjae

He seemed to be so far away, despite sitting in the same room as her.

Unapproachable is only one way to define him. Not that she had ever tried at least moderately hard to talk to him, but she was sure she would face failure if she tried anyways. He was present, yet seemed to be absent to anyone who didn’t meet his needs or interests. Talking, yet the sound escaping his lips was meant for only a few to hear.

He was there, yet she hesitated. She wanted to get to know him so bad, yet she feared to be turned down with mere words on first try more than anything, so she stayed silent and watched from the distance.

The first time something snapped was when she was standing in the parking lot, and he had come out of the studio building and urgently half-jogged over to his scooter.

Needless to say, she thought his choice of vehicle was rather odd. But she had seen his sneaky heartwarming smiles he sometimes gifted others with, and the way he cared for all but himself. Soft and squishy on the inside despite seeming like trouble on first glance, that’s how he was. And a scooter weirdly added to his mixed aesthetic.

“Oh no,” he kept muttering as the thing wouldn’t budge, and gave up after a few tries. Letting a hand run through his hair, he looked down at it as if his life depended on it.

“Hey, um.. Do you need a ride somewhere?”

He looked over to see her standing a few feet in front of him, her stare shyly directed at her shoelaces as she shifted from her tip toes to her heels.

“Mhmm.. If it doesn’t trouble you.”

“It really doesn’t,” their eyes met, and she found his to be surprisingly cold. But maybe it wasn’t because he thought she was someone he didn’t want to have ties with. Maybe it was because he seemed unapproachable. Or maybe it was because he needed time to let anyone at least a little near.

He carefully got into the passenger’s seat of her car, and waited as she got in herself and turned the key in the ignition.

“I figured you’re working here, but I can’t quite recall your name,” he said quietly, and she pretended not to be hurt by it. Of course. They had seen each other, but he didn’t remember, because she was just another meaningless face. And he didn’t know her name because she’d never had the chance to tell him.

“(Y/N),” she introduced, yet found no response from him whatsoever, until it was almost too late and inappropriate to comment.

“Nice to meet you,” he smiled a little, and she silently melted from the teeniest of his gestures. 

Nice. He thought it was nice to meet her.

The ride turned out to be silent, and she found the quietness burdening. He was looking out of the window and not helping her at all. She knew he was quiet, but this was a little too quiet even for him. Was there something wrong?

“Should I pick you up later as well?” she questioned, smiling at him charmingly and hoping to somehow acquire his number like this. But he simply got out, said “thanks” and smiled, stating he’d somehow get back on his own.

That was her first direct interaction with Bang Yongguk. And despite hearing rumors about him being the sweetest, he still seemed nothing but unapproachable to her.

They bumped into each other accidentally the next week, and as her papers went flying into the air at the impact with his frame, he seemed to not recall her.

“I-i’m sorry,” she muttered, feeling embarrassed, and knelt to gather the paperwork.

“No need for apologies. It was my fault,” his low voice calmly rang through her ears, and he knelt down as well, helping her to get a hold of the pages. She hoped it would turn out just like in the movies - she wanted their fingers to accidentally touch, and wanted him to stare at her longingly, clearing all her anxieties with one of his beautiful smiles and inviting her to go get coffee or something, feeling apologetic for causing inconvenience. Yet in reality, when all papers had been gathered and no hands had touched, he handed her the stack  and, with a half-smile, left.

It was when he was already out of sight when she remembered.

“Yongguk hyung!” she called politely, seeing as his frame stopped in motion and turned to face her while she ran up to him

“Here. This is for you.”

He inspected the page in his hands, and she didn’t know if she should stay around waiting for a “thanks” or if she should simply leave.

“I thought I told them I’d come and pick it up myself,” his tone wasn’t exactly harsh but she feared he’d hate her for being nosy about his own business.

“Y-yeah.. I h-had to get paperwork to needed places a-anyways. And figured you were busy, so I thought I-i’d help.”

And again, earning nothing but a smile and a “thanks”, she was left in the hallway to stand alone.

Why on Earth was he really being so unapproachable?

She figured that with no cameras on him, he had nothing to be nice about. Not that he wasn’t nice - he was simply rather emotionless to all who seemed miscellaneous to him. Her included.

That was her initial perception, until she started viewing him from another perspective. He had so much more than just an outer layer to himself, and she figured he might have troubles letting new people into his life. So she tried not to break her heart over it. It wasn’t the fact he hated her. He simply didn’t know a lot about her.

The universe seemed to have a love-hate relationship with her, as it kept bringing up possibilities for the two of them to meet. Her face became a regular daily thing in his life, yet every so often he’d ask.

“What was your name again?”

And she would smile at him, yet feel shattered into a million pieces on the inside, simply answering, “(Y/N)”

Unapproachable. Still so damn unapproachable it hurt.

Yet one day it literally hurt, and she had been staring at him not so subtly while walking down the stairs and had slipped up, tumbling down a dangerous amount of steps until her frame hit the floor with a loud thud, causing all stares to snap into her direction. Including his.

What had she done?

She winced in pain before doing anything else. Great. A hurting ankle was all she needed.

Some were nice enough to come up and ask her if she was fine, and even though she waved everyone away and told them it was nothing, her face displayed the opposite. She really was in pain.

A shadow cast in front of her, and grew larger as a frame she knew too well approached slowly. The little crowd that had gathered parted without signal, and he stood in front of her for a moment before kneeling down and looking her right in the eyes.

“You okay, (Y/N)?”

She gasped a little as she realized he’d finally memorized her name. And as a few more gasps could be heard, she looked around to find surprised stares.

Who was she, and why did he all of a sudden care so much? Even she didn’t know herself.

“K-kinda,” she stuttered, breaking away from his demanding, never ending intense stare. Her eyes found solitude in the wall clock that showed there was still half an hour of working day left. Half an hour before she could finally be home.

“Can you stand up?”

She wanted to shake her head “yes” as she looked back at him, yet when she moved her foot, another painful sensation shot through her leg, causing her to flinch and hold back a few tears.

“I d-doubt it.”

He shifted, and she thought - finally. He would go away, and she would be able to somehow stumble back to her car, and hopefully be able to drive home as well, forgetting this embarrassing encounter forever. Yet as his arms made their way around her and scooped her up from the ground, she looked no less shocked than many others who witnessed the sight.

“I think you should go home now,” he mumbled after he’d fully picked her up bridal-style, and started carrying her away from all the stares and the attention. She didn’t move. Hell, she didn’t even breathe. Her hand clung lightly onto his shirt as she realized he was carrying her out the building. Bang Yongguk, out of all the people, had thrown everything aside to help her when she needed it the most.

To her surprise, he seated her on his scooter, lifting her foot up to inspect the damage as she flinched in pain at the movement.

“Or maybe we should go to the hospital..” he questioned, and looked at her, hoping she’d voice her answer. But as all he was met with was a broken and frightened gaze, he softened up, letting his whole cold image drop as he put her leg down.

“Don’t worry. It’s going to be much better to go and check than to live in pain and in the blue.”

His opinions were always voiced in a fashion that made people agree and believe - this time not being an exception. And as she lightly shook her head in agreement, he helped her get into an appropriate position on the scooter, and even put his helmet on her with extra care.

“D-don’t you need this?” she shyly asked as his face was beyond close distance, his slim fingers closing up the helmet.

“I’d rather you have it on,” he answered, and without additional ceremonies, hopped onto the now working vehicle and started it up.

The ride through half-Seoul on his scooter was rather mesmerizing, despite the painfully hurting ankle. And as she finally had a proper excuse to hold onto him tightly, since that’s how riding a scooter together worked. She felt how pleasantly warm his whole body was. It was so inviting that she wanted to stay forever, yet the inevitable visit to the hospital followed in mere minutes, and he climbed off, carefully picking her up bridal-style again and walking through the entrance doors as if he was king.

She kept on blushing as he carried her this way up to the check-in desk, and calmly explained the situation while holding her tight and close. He only let her down when they were in the doctor’s office, and stayed there to listen to the doctor’s verdict, looking at her swollen ankle with no emotion whatsoever. No visible emotion, at least.

“Yep, a broken bone,” the doctor checked the x-rays and made her groan lightly in dissatisfaction. She’d never broken a bone prior to that. And she’d never felt like such a fool - breaking a bone from slipping up on the stairs. All because she was too mesmerized with the sight of him.

He disappeared only when they asked him to, and she stayed for an hour or two longer, getting a cast placed on her foot and instructions given to her, as well as a leave.

Three weeks. Three weeks of not working, and three weeks of not seeing his pretty face.

She had silently wished for him to be still around when she exited the room, standing up with the help of crutches now, but he had gone with the wind. Of course. He had already done beyond enough for her, and thinking he’d still be around was absurd.

She slowly made her way to the lobby, hoping to call one of her friends up to get dropped off at home. Yet before she could do anything, a nice-looking nurse approached.

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?” she answered, curious on what would follow.

“There’s a taxi waiting for you outside. I’ll show you, let’s go.”

And her heart fluttered with newfound affection as she realized he was gone, yet had even arranged her a way to get home. He cared somehow. Maybe it was just because he was good at heart, but she let her fantasies wander as she sat in the backseat of the taxi, heading home.

Maybe he in fact was a little approachable. And she had successfully done so.

Three weeks passed slowly. She was ashamed to admit she often dreamed of him, yet at home, in her own four wall environment, there was no one to judge her for her dreams and thoughts. So she let herself loose.

Oh god, she didn’t know where to start. He had suddenly become ten times more desirable after that incident, and with each passing day she thought she couldn’t fall for him even more. Yet she found herself sinking lower.

As week four came around the corner and she was still on crutches, yet feeling much better as she moved through the hallways of the studio building, not sure on how much she was capable of doing, but ready to catch up on all she had missed,she was so ready for another faithful encounter. A less painful one this time around though, preferably.

He showed up sometime mid-day, seemingly walking past accidentally.

“Hey, (Y/N).”

Well, at least he still remembered her name.

“Hey, Yongguk hyung.”

He chuckled, and she wondered about his reasons. Was it her use of “hyung”, or maybe the way she looked so taken aback by his greeting? Eitherways, he pointed at the stack of papers she held in her hand, and kindly offered his help.

And as they walked down the hallways, she looked at him with a puzzled expression, even creating herself the illusion that he looked like he’d missed her.

What if he actually did?

He started appearing out of nowhere at times - it wasn’t a desperate amount of stalkerish following her around, but she was certain all these meetings weren’t coincidence. And neither were the times he seemed to need a ride somewhere, just like the first time they talked.

“You must think I’m quite lame, right?” he chuckled a little once, looking out of the car window as they drove into a direction only he knew.

“Why would I think that way?”

“I mean, look at me. I drive a scooter that occasionally works and you have to take me places by car,” he tried to play it off as if he was joking around, yet she thought she heard concern in his voice. And it surprised her as she realized.

Maybe he even cared what she thought of him at that point.

“What’s wrong with a scooter?” he glanced at her as she said it, smiling lightly, “I think it suits you well-”

Crap. She took a note to herself to remove Yamazaki from her playlist later that evening, as when the addictive beat of the song started blasting through the car stereo speakers, she wanted to vanish on the spot. In utter shame, or maybe rather awkwardness.

Yet whe he didn’t say anything and she sneakily glanced over, she saw him smiling.

“N-nice song, r-right?”

“You like it?”

“I o-only have things I l-like on my playlist..”

And with every encounter, things seemed to lead into the right direction. Soon he greeted her every time he saw her around, and they managed to make small talk consisting of smiles and giggles daily. His phone number had made it’s way into her phone under the playful contact name “Bbang” somehow, and she wondered if he had somehow placed it there at some point. As days passed and his heart seemed less and less frozen towards her, she kept considering.

How unapproachable was he really?

“Yongguk hyung, take a look at this.”

“When are you going to stop it?”

He looked her straight in the eyes, and only his gummy smile gave away that he wasn’t annoyed by her, because his voice sure indicated it.

“The whole “hyung” thing. There’s another nice word there. Here, repeat,“ he leaned in a little, and for the first time in her life she got to see his infamous broken aegyo up close.

"Oppa.”

Giggles escaped her as he repeated it a few times, being generous and adding in an occasional “bbuing bbuing bbuing” as well, just for her entertainment.

“Yongguk oppa?” she questioned, and he seemed to like her new form of addressing him.

“I’m sorry to break the news to you, but your aegyo is a little off.”

“Didn’t seem like you had issues with it,” he quietly answered, and she smiled.

This was such a big step from half a year ago. And he suddenly was so approachable. Quite the opposite of how he used to seem to her.

And it all finally paid off when he once called her to come and pick him up from the studio.

“It’s 1 AM, Yongguk oppa. Can’t you call Himchan hyung or something?” she asked through never ending yawns as he had woken her up from slumber, but she stumbled around the house to get ready nonetheless. His deep voice displayed mischief, and as he spoke, she knew he, for some reason, was as happy as ever.

“I have some ice to break to you. And since I’m quite confident currently, it would be appreciated if you’d come.”

And she did, quietly opening the studio door to see him standing in the middle of the room, taking apart random paperwork.

“Hey..” she simply answered, putting her bag down and taking her coat off, curious on what would follow. Yet she had no time to wonder as he approached rather quickly, backing her off into the door.

“Yongguk op-”

“I don’t know how to talk to girls, so forgive me. And I’m a poet only when writing lyrics. But I like you. A lot. And I thought you should know.”

Despite surprise being written on her face, he still had his hopes high up, especially after she quietly muttered his name and he saw her whole world breaking apart in her eyes.

“But you’re so.. unapproachable.”

And he chuckled, knowing she was beyond right. Knowing he was the worst at making new friends and acquaintances, and being aware he probably had hurt her with a few forgotten things, meaningless stares and wrong actions along the way, but also knowing something more than that. 

He had weirdly found a liking in her, since that time she was nice enough to let all of her working plans for the day slip just to drive him to a meeting and get hardcore scolded the next day for being absent. Since that time she’d spilled her papers as he’s bumped into her accidentally, and came off too nervous of him to not come off as having a big crush as well. Since that time she started helping him in little, subtle ways, thinking he didn’t notice while in reality he simply didn’t tell her he noticed, or showed it in any other way.

Oh, and since that time she fell and broke her ankle because the was too caught up staring at him.

Yes, he knew it all. And he had finally gathered up enough courage to repay her for all her emotional issues, and her patience with him. Her patience of falling in love with someone as unapproachable as him.

“Am I really?” his hands found their way to her hips, and she found herself being pressed against the door. His smile was mischievous, a type of smile he shed only occasionally, and she wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible, preferably by kissing him. But he’d decided to take it in his own hands.

“Can I?”

“I don’t know it you can. But you’re allowed to,” she said, and watched his eyes close in joy at the given green light, his lips sinking into hers within a second.

Ahh, hell. And he tasted like heaven as well. All he had, plus this. What more could anyone want in a man?

“I might seem like it at first,” he told after another peck that had both of them close to the edge, “But I’m beyond approachable if you get to know me.”

She could only hum in response, the noise she made coming out shaky and making him chuckle at how weak he had already gotten her. And this was only the start.

“Yongguk oppa?”

“Hmm?” he asked, moving from his mouth to kiss down her jawline instead as she intended to speak.

“Could I get to know you more?”

And oh, he sure intended to let her at it. Without further explanation or consequence, but most of all - without worry.

Because for her, he was approachable. More than that, in fact.

#b.a.p #bap #baplibrary #yongguk #bang yongguk #yongguk scenario #yongguk scenarios #bang yongguk scenario #bang yongguk scenarios #bap yongguk scenarios #yongguk imagine #yongguk imagines #bang yongguk imagine #b.a.p yongguk imagine #bap yongguk imagines #b.a.p scenario #b.a.p scenarios #b.a.p imagine #b.a.p imagines #bap scenarios #bap scenario #bap imagine #bap imagines

[purplesurveys]

199

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? No I never got into both the book and film series. I wish I did read the books though...oh well, it’s never too late to start on them. When was the last time you ran into something? There’s so many things I could run into though haha. I guess the frog that I met while I was taking some trash out a couple of days ago? Do you enjoy dressing up? Sure. I love parties. Do you live in the city or a rural area? In the middle. I literally live right before the city and right before the more province-y part of town. Would you say you have a sense of style? Yeah, my friends have pointed it out occasionally. It’s never intentional and I never wanted to project a certain image, but whatever.

What's your biggest fear? These surveys have made me realize that aside from cockroaches, I am also very terrified of fire. :-( Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Not bitten, although I got pecked by this huge bird in a mini-safari because it caught me taking a picture of it when I was 12. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m close with one. We’re quite older, and everyone else is much younger so I can’t really build the close and personal relationship that I would want to have with them. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope I wouldn’t want to do anything that will put me in that situation. Where did you last travel? I was in Vigan last September. Do you enjoy driving? I love the independence aspect of it–my mom can’t ever say no to my plans now because I’ll always have the capability to drive anyway. But that’s the only advantage, really. Driving is exciting for the first few months but then you realize Manila traffic takes out at least four hours of your day everyday just weaving in and out of traffic. It’s ultimately tiring. What song did you last listen to? Tell Me How by Paramore. If you have a job, how often do you work? No job. What time do you normally go to sleep at night? I can’t give you an exact time but it’s usually between 9 PM and 1 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to but I’ve temporarily lost my muse for it. Hopefully the upcoming awards season will rouse my interest again. Do you like Tom Petty? Never listened to his music. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean just because I’ve never seen it, snow. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nope. I only have one and it isn’t even mine, technically. It’s too hot to wear sweaters any time of the year, so why spend several hundred bucks on something I doubt I’ll be able to wear more than twice a year? Have you ever tried rock-climbing? Oh man I always wanted to but was always lazy when there’s an opportunity hahaha. Ever ridden in a police car? No. Favorite decade of music? I don’t have one. I have favorite genres and they encompass various decades instead. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? Yes. For longer than a decade, really. The only best friend I had who wasn’t able to hang on was Sofie, but even that had been longer than a year. Ever witnessed a murder? No. I’ve seen my loved ones getting murdered in my dreams, but never one in real life. Do you care what people think of you? My friends, yes. Anyone else, I don’t see why it should concern me. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, I find it too old-fashioned for my room. Would you consider yourself poised? I have my moods, and that’s all thanks to my Classic Hollywood phase hahaha. I learned all of my etiquette from Audrey Hepburn. Have you ever tried blogging? Yes. I made a bajillion Blogger accounts but only made one entry with each of them. I had a lot because I would forget my username and password as soon as I made my first post and proceeded to abandon them. Favorite television channel? I don’t watch TV. Have you ever lied under oath? No. I’ve never even been under oath. What are your religious views? I don’t have any other than I never agreed with anything that’s ever come out of Catholicism, and that’s coming from 17 years of experience. Are you a romantic person? I’m super sweet in private. Otherwise, in a public setting, I’m hesitant to be showy. Just because I know it would annoy me if I saw a couple who’s a little into their PDA. Would you consider yourself a flirt? No. I never had the opportunity to find out for myself. At what age do you plan to be married? 27-29 should be fine. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Hah.  When did you last go on vacation? September. Are you resilient? I can be. It will ultimately depend on the situation at hand. Have you ever failed a subject before? No. I’ve failed tests, but never a class. If so, what was the class? Do you wear more bright or dull colors? Dull. Wearing bright colors would be very out of character for me. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? Yes. What's your favorite quote? I give different answers to this question all the time. Right now it’s, “Next time you point a finger, I might have to bend it back or break it off / Next time you point a finger, I’ll point you to the mirror.” from Paramore’s Playing God. Would you consider yourself mature? Yeah, at least more mature than the wild party animals that are the business students in my school. How many clocks are in your house? Several. I can’t be bothered to visualize and start counting right now. Do you play any sports? Yes. I play table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? This isn’t my doing and it’s not really a regret, but I’ve always wanted to see the person I would have turned out to be if I wasn’t raised in the detrimental environment I was raised in. Like, who would I be if my mom didn’t put me down mentally and emotionally every single day? What kind of outlook would I have if I had parents who had jobs that allowed them to be constantly at home and thus would be able to actually build a connection with us? How happier would I have been if I didn’t have to spend every time wondering if my relatives would nearly attack each other to death, intoxicated? It’s really saddening and I apologize to myself every day for not being given something better, even though I don’t even know who to blame it on. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? No, I’ve been in veeeery minor ones. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I’d love to be in a museum right at this moment. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never did like highlights. Favorite fast food restaurant? Jollibee. In what country were you born? Born and raised in the Philippines. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? NOOOOPE. I’m scared of fire so when I do have to deal with it, I’m careful as all hell. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m way too sensitive. If someone takes even the slightest, most innocent dig at me, rest assured that it will stay with me and could change the way I look at myself. What do you think your best quality is? I’m fiercely protective of and loyal to my loved ones. I’d put them first before me any day. Some have noticed that I kind of sacrifice too much in order to benefit the other, but I’ve never seen that as a bad thing. My specialty, really, has always been being there for people. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? I don’t enjoy the fact that they have a problem. I do enjoy that they trust me enough to tell me all about what they are going through and went to me for either support or advice. Do you keep any plants in your house? Yup, we have several in the living room. What is your mother's occupation? I have no clue. Last time I bothered to ask, she was some kind of secretary in one of the departments of the hotel she works in. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I don’t have a distinct musical style, that belongs to my other friends who give more attention to the aesthetic they put out haha. But none of them enjoy my punk rock taste, definitely.  What are you most looking forward to? Our field trip for our art studies class next Saturday. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first-ever favorite was The Wild Thornberries and Hi-5 with the original cast. Then I moved on to Spongebob, Fairly OddParents, Drake and Josh, and The Suite Life as I got older. Are you afraid of insects? Completely. Are you cold-natured? I’m not sure what this wants to refer to. How old were you when you got your first pet? I may have been 5 when I got my first goldfish. Did you/do you enjoy high school? For the most part, yes. I went through a lot, but the reward from it is that I learned so much about myself in return. I gained a lot of friends, finally knew which types of people I want to build connections with, and I also grew a lot closer with my batch that I will never stop referring to as my sisters. I never viewed my academics as very important since I figured early on that it isn’t going to matter in the real world and in the long run, so I didn’t stress myself out on them as much as everyone else did. My only enemy was the Catholic vision of the school. What would you say was your favorite age? 16 was my happiest age. What annoys you most about social networking? I hate that homophobic, transphobic, and racist people are allowed to have accounts. Are you the center of attention most of the time? Definitely not. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything but after this I hope to start on my readings for history class that I’ve been putting off for ages hahaha. When did you last go to the library? I have no clue. April? Are you ill at the moment? Far from it. Do people tease you about anything? Nope. How late did you stay up last night and why? Around 10 PM. No reason. I wanted to sleep earlier but couldn’t, so I watched videos and read articles to make myself feel sleepy. Have you ever written poetry? Only when I had to for English.  Curtains or shades? I have shades, but prefer curtains. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Two. Do you tend to text a lot? Yes, but the only person I text is Gab hahaha since everyone else is reachable on Messenger. Still, I text a lot. Ever lost a great best friend? Yes. Losing Sofie was kind of sad, but I got over it quickly. I also lost Gabie for a while. What is your favorite kind of flower? Answered this before. I love all flowers except anthuriums. I’m not sure about other countries, but in the Philippines that’s the go-to flowers for cemeteries and I’ve since grown to hate how it looks. How tall are you? 5′1″ or 5′2″. Haven’t checked in a while so it could be either one. Do you own any guns? No. I don’t have a reason to own one. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I’m afraid a book hasn’t had that much of an impact on me yet. Do you think you're living a good life? No. What's your least favorite part of the day? The afternoon when the weather is at its most humid :( Plus everyone just seems to be a little more dead at that time of the day. Are you an over-achiever? Hahahaha, no. No matter how well I perform there’s always someone else that makes me achievements almost laughable in comparison. Have you ever won an award for a speech? No. I’ve gained recognition, but not an actual award. Do you tend to curse a lot? Yes. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. Always been fascinated with it. Do you sleepwalk? I don’t. Have you ever slept on the floor before? Yes, I’ve had to several times. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? Fan is a creepy way to put it. I don’t mind PDA, people are allowed to hold hands and hold each other by the waist and such. It becomes meh when it goes too far like excessive cuddling, but thankfully I rarely witness that. I do remember one couple openly making out in Universal Studios in Singapore though. In a line for a ride. Filled with families. I wanted to make gagging noises so bad ugh. When did you last attend a yard sale? Years ago. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting, of course. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? I want to get started on a homework for my major, and get more readings done. When is your birthday? April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Bad question. What was the best part of today? Eh, it’s been pretty slow today. Nothing so far, really. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? Ugh for fucking sure, yes. I know some people who are still obsessed with high school level drama. It’s fun to watch it from afar.

What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? Majority of the time. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. My mom wouldn’t let that pass. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story or Tangled. Have you ever been to the beach? Many times. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author at the time, so not really far off from my present aspirations to work in mass communication. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I actually want to gain a little so that I can fit (nicely) into clothes that I do want to wear. I’m naturally thin and something that people tend to skim over about being skinny is that very few articles of clothing can complement your figure. Do you drink a lot of water? Yes. Love water. I’m responsible for finishing up the pitchers in the fridge all the time. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood. Do you take naps daily? Most of the time I can’t, since I spend the whole day in school. Who were you named after? I was told that I was named after the Swedish singer also named Robyn, but my parents’ versions change EVERY TIME I bring the question up. I have no idea why they can’t give me a straight answer. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? Yes if my dad happens to be home at that time of the year. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? Ugh no. I stay away from that particular spotlight. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Exploring museums and other cultural sites :) I also love watching movies. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Twice at most. Ever been to a tanning bed before? No. I have no use for one and I don’t even know how to operate them, and I’ve seen the tanning bed part from Final Destination 3 enough times to know not to mess with them haha. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I’m alright with my parents’ financial stability. Who is your favorite actor/actress? Kristen Stewart. I also like Kate Winslet but she’s in my shit list for now because she defended Woody Allen.

Are your nails painted? They aren’t. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? When I was a kid, around 9, I used to tell my siblings all the time that I wish they were never born and that I were an only child instead, since I was always fighting with them for attention. I wasn’t raised a brat and I hate that I ever said that, and it’s really because of the environment I was raised in. I heard those words from my relatives and other people, and I just mimicked it because I thought it was an alright thing to say. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? Yeah I say sorry ALL THE TIME to inanimate objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream and any flavor with an unusual concept. I tried spicy chocolate ice cream before, best thing ever. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? I would prefer to kiss somone of the same gender. Do you receive any hate mail? No. I got hate stuff on my Ask.fm once and since I don’t tolerate negativity on any of my social media, I went ahead and deleted my profile altogether. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? That seems sweet, but no. What color are the pants you're wearing? My shorts are blue. Have you ever had a stalker? I haven’t. What is your life philosophy? People don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? My girlfriend. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? I have lots of black clothes; but as much as I love pastel pink, I have nothing of that color. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Of course. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks hahahahahahah.

#survey #surveys

[callmehawkeye]

Watched in 2019

Big Little Lies (Season 1): This is such a solid cast and story, albeit predictable. I loved it as a mini-series and do not understand why it needs a second season; but I’ll be watching regardless. 

Taylor Swift Reputation Stadium Tour (2018): IIIIIIIIIII don’t think this setting is the best for Taylor. I go back and forth on her as a person often, but dig over half her catalog. The big theatrical show doesn’t quite suit her particular stage presence. She is great when just talking to the crowd with her guitar or piano. Regardless, she was definitely having fun, it was entertaining enough, and it’s cool she put this up on Netflix so I don’t have to amputate a body part to afford a ticket.

If Beale Street Could Talk (2018): Without a doubt, this is perhaps the most genuine and fulfilling depiction of a (hetero) romantic love story put to film I’ve witnessed in recent memory. The actors and their chemistry were breathtaking. 

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018): Hands down the best Spider-Man movie to date. Soundtrack was perfection. Story was great. Characters were amazing. I want to protect Miles with my dying breath. Unique animation. Deservedly kicked Disney’s ass this award season.

Bumblebee (2018): Oddly endearing? Easily the best Transformers movie, and the only one I’ll recognize.

A Star is Born (2018): I’m sure I’d like this more if I weren’t a fan of the other 3. Lacked subtlety. Overhyped. It’s fine. The only best part was the rehab scene.

Fyre Fraud (2019): The Hulu documentary about the disastrous Fyre Festival. Superior of the two, in production and scope.

Abducted in Plain Sight (2017): WHAT. THE. FUCK. A must-see for true crime enthusiasts. 

Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes (2019): This is more or less the same thing if you have already spent a little more time on this case than the average person. Good content for first-timers.

Girlfriends Day (2017): A nice, fast watch to pass the time.

Fyre Festival (2019): The other Fyre Festival documentary. To me, the lesser because it is produced from people who were on the inside. Which you’d think, “Oh so then they’d know.” But their bias and attempts to scrub themselves from the narrative are obvious.

The Favourite (2018): This made my little queer heart so happy. Great characters. 

Everybody Knows (2019): A little on the nose in the mystery itself (just watch the actors in the background). But the performances were great. Loved the setting. Appropriate ending. Good job.

Isn’t It Romantic (2019): I loved this. I feel like I’ve written something exactly like this before. Very endearing and satisfying to watch.

How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019): It felt a little long, unsatisfying at some parts and rushed. But it’s a great bookend to a great series.

They Shall Not Grow Old (2019): Very impressive filmmaking and editing. I loved learning how they accomplished it in the featurette at the end of the screening.

Arctic (2019): Now THIS is how you make a survival movie. 90 minutes. No romance. Brutal reality without becoming melodramatic. Mads Mikkelsen cast in the lead...

Don’t Knock Twice (2016): Pleh. I hated the pacing and editing. Called out the “twist” immediately as a joke because I didn’t expect this movie to be that nuanced (magic done without permission, even with the intent to be good, is bad magic).

Captain Marvel (2019): My god this was so much fun and rejuvenated my interest in the MCU. I’m absolutely dreading Endgame and not for the reasons you think.

Greta (2019): Great performances, absolutely tense, very creepy and fun.

1922 (2017): What a great fucking motif.

Climax (2019): This was quite the sit. A literal 90 minute bad LSD trip from an up-close perspective. God I hated it.

Michael Che Matters (2016): I’ve never seen a standup special start so strong and progressively get weaker like this before...

Us (2019): As I said on Twitter --  it seems to me primarily casual or non-horror fans think Us is the greatest horror film of all time and is going to rejuvenate or “save” the genre. Then primarily veteran fans think it’s weak and vague. I think both viewpoints are shortsighted and formed from either category being stuck in their perspectives. For me, the movie was neither. (I loved it).

The Beach Bum (2019): Another movie I can’t believe I sat all the way through.

Leaving Neverland (2019): I stand with Wade and James.

Queer Eye (Season 3): Who needs antidepressants? Not me!

Homecoming: A Film By Beyoncé (2019): Beychella reigns once again!!

Dancing Queen (Season 1): This was very sweet. I never thought I could sit through anything with insufferable dance moms, but Justin/Alyssa makes it so engaging and watchable. Stupid to end on a cliffhanger, however.

Avengers: Endgame (2019): ..............B+ At least it was a million times better than Infinity War. And I had fun.

Booksmart (2019): This hit so close to home. Sure, the coming of age movie is nothing new. But there was something liberating about the characters in this one that were terribly stereotypical and much more relatable. To me, anyway.

Long Shot (2019): Great music, great relationship, great laughs. This was a fun, solid watch of a romcom.

Hail Satan? (2019): I want to inject this documentary directly into my veins.

Amazing Grace (2019): The live footage of Aretha Franklin recording her Amazing Grace album at the church in Watts.

Meeting Gorbachev (2019): I got to see this documentary at a theater where Wener Herzog himself was hosting a Q&A and introduced this film. Maybe it made me more biased to liking it. But I honestly felt like I learned a lot.

Missing Link (2019): First movie of the year I didn’t complete/walked out of. I let it have an hour. First time I’ve ever been disappointed in Laika. I can’t believe it. It was so dull and I kept waiting for something to happen.

Little (2019): This was sweet. Issa Rae is dipped in gold. BUT it felt like there was an outline, not a script. Lots of dropped threads. And a weirdly out of place, glaring, punching-down trans joke??!

Tolkien (2019): Wow. I really liked this. Great pacing, shifting between time frames. Even better performances and relationships. Made me think of my own fellowship a lot. This is how biopics should be done.

The Biggest Little Farm (2019): WONDERFUL documentary covering the years of building up a sustainable farm from less than scratch.

The Hustle (2019): God, this was a long, humorless sit. At least Anne looked stunning.

The Sun is Also a Star (2019): This isn’t more realistic than romantic comedies, or teen love films. But it’s more enjoyable than most. The leads are great and have electric chemistry. New York is framed beautifully.

John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019): I am blessed by this Keanu Reevessance.

Fleabag (Season 1): This is probably going to be the best thing I watch this year.

Fleabag (Season 2): Yup. Confirmed. Something very special would need to come along from June to December to change this mindset. I highly recommend this. Watch it. Go in blind. Watch it!!

Pavarotti (2019): I enjoy documentaries where I feel I really learn about the subject. Beautiful music, beautiful memories, beautiful life.

Rocketman (2019): I wish more biopics were like this. It was wonderful and such a grand time.

Lorena (2019): A deep dive into the Bobbitt case, including the woman herself. I have such empathy and love for Lorena. You should watch it and learn about the incident yourself.

The Last Man in San Francisco (2019): Go in blind. Don’t look it up. Just go. it’s the most beautiful film I’ve seen so far this year. I wish there were more male protagonists like this.

Toy Story 4 (2019): I was so skeptical. It more than exceeded my expectations. Just go in prepared to have your heart ripped in two.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019): They’re learning. Out of the newer films, this one has the less amount of people. Now make another film like this, only extend the monster fight scenes. Less. People.

Child’s Play (2019): This was fun. Not much more to say. More Aubrey in things!

Men in Black International (2019): Honestly, this was better than the second or third ones. I legitimately enjoyed myself. It was funny. The cast was charming. The otherworldly aliens were interesting. And I’m so proud of Les Twins.

Grace and Frankie (Season 5) :This is always a good time for me. I love watching this show when I want to take a break from more dedicated watches. I love these actresses with all my heart. June Diane Raphael is goals.

Midsommar (2019): This was such a fun aesthetic to watch. I was so uncomfortable throughout.

Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (2019): Ugh, my hearrrrrtt.

Maiden (2019): Documentary about the first all-female crew who competed in the 1985-86 Whitbread Round the World Race. The woman next to me in the theater was the same age as the women featured in old footage and modern day talking head interviews -- and she was just sobbing by the end. Solidarity.

Frankenstein’s Monster’s Monster, Frankenstein (2019): 30 minutes well spent. Fucking hilarious.

Stranger Things (Season 3): God, what a fun season. I am still Steve.

Queer Eye (Season 4): I need 54 more seasons, kthx.

Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019): My absolute favorite battle sequence in a Marvel movie. Such a good time.

Hobbs & Shaw (2019): My first and last Fast movie. Goddamn I was so bored.

Bring the Soul: The Movie (2019): Wow, this was brutal. I get it wasn’t all of the footage, but they seemed to mostly focus on members being sick and injured and miserable. I didn’t understand the love for this movie when all it did was highlight how exhausted the boys are. I suppose it was meant to be inspiring, but I only felt bad for them. I just ranted about them needing a break and thank god they finally have one -- apt timing!

Burn the Stage: The Movie (2018): I went back to the earlier film with the hopes of... Higher hopes. And they were fulfilled. Such cute and uplifting footage.

Blinded by the Light (2019): God I love Springsteen. This movie is a great homage to his music. It’s not a straight-up musical, and that’s lovingly the point. Some things never change.

It: Chapter Two (2019): This was a slog compared to the first part. Much like the miniseries. Much like the book.

Parasite (2019): I, a college student with very little free time -- let alone free time to go to the movies -- saw this in theaters twice. I tried to go a third time but then finals happened. Go see it. Go see it blind. I'm not really doing end-year lists anymore but this is without a doubt my favorite film from 2019.

BTS World Tour: Love Yourself (2019): Most fun I've had in a theater in some time. I feel like I curled up into the tiniest ball at some point out of pure joy that couldn't be contained.

Frozen II (2019): This was quite plot-heavy for a sequel. I loved how many songs they were. It's an acceptable sequel. A lot of weak themes and choices, however, if you think about it for more than a few minutes. Overall delightful. 

Jojo Rabbit (2019): Speaking of delightful. Taika Waititi continues to be my favorite living writer-director. This is such a solid portrayal of Nazism without glorifying it. Always go the Mel Brooks route and make it a comedy; they can't turn it around and make the imagery propaganda. I have high hopes for Roman Griffin Davis and his future career.

Knives Out (2019): This was quite fun. I love a good mystery with a large ensemble cast like this. It didn't blow my mind of anything -- I saw every turn coming -- but that's just because I credit it to being such a lonely kid who read so many mystery novels.

2018 | 2017 | 2016 | 2015 | 2014

#watch list