#read carefully before you respond with exclusionist and aphobic statements

[demiromantic-official]

Musings on Reactions to Aro and Ace Headcanons By Allo (Non-Aspec) People

As someone who regularly consumes fictional media--mostly tv series and novels--I come across many headcanons about the romantic and sexual orientations of countless characters, all of which are valid.  Fiction comes to life at the interpretation of the audience, which is almost as important as the text itself and as the author’s intentions. I’m not writing to discuss about how people interpret fiction, though, but rather a pattern I have found when certain characters are headcanoned as ace, aro, or any form of arospec,; a pattern that follows a rhetoric that will sound familiar to almost all aspec people.  

Let’s give an example. Though I am not an avid headcanon-er or shipper, if I find a character that shows signs of being aspec, genderqueer, bisexual, gay/lesbian, or another form of LGBTQ+, I am prone to suspect that the character is that sexuality or gender, or at least that the character could be that sexuality or gender. I usually do not deal in absolutes since until something is shown in canon, any headcanon is valid. Even if canon seems to dispute a headcanon there is nothing wrong with headcanons of any sort. In a recent show I watched, a character struck me as possibly aromantic since he seemed opposed to romance, said that he’d never fall in love, and that he sort of expected to remain single and to prioritize his friends through playing D&D with them forever, and that his friends would prioritize each other and also remain single. Then I made the mistake of looking up the character/show on tumblr to see what other people think.  Many are under the impression that the character is a closeted gay boy who may be struggling with internalized homophobia due to being young and living in a time period when being gay was less accepted than it is today, which is a fair enough assessment. It is definitely a valid way to interpret the character and I can understand how they could see him that way, especially if they have not shared my experiences. For all I know, that could be the screenwriter’s intentions, that the character is gay. What bothered me, however, was how furious these people became at anyone who suggested that the character was aro or aspec.  Comments like (and i paraphrase)  “the character is clearly a closeted gay boy, not aro” “@ aroaces: don’t take one of the few gay reps just because you relate to him” “get your hands off the gay rep”.  These kinds of comments were not from just one person, but several.

Where have I heard this rhetoric before? Oh yeah, from the hundred of aphobic and exclusionist people on tumblr.  I am not saying that every person who has made such a comment is aphobic but the situation does parallel the aspec situation and hint at a deeper problem among the LGBTQ+ community and it’s treatment of aspec people.  How people tell us that talking about being aspec is damaging to the LGBTQ+ community because people who are confused and struggling with internalized homophobia may mislabel themselves as aspec and that aspecs are responsible for any trauma they experience as a result. How they say that us interacting with the LGBTQ+ community is somehow “stealing” resources from gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans people who (by this logic) are more deserving than aspec people of help (these groups of course deserve all the help and resources they need and want, but saying aspec people steal resources and therefore shouldn’t be allowed to be a part of community implies that aspec people do not deserve help at all).  These arguments over the headcanons from non-aspec people is just rehashing the old aphobic and exclusionist rhetoric but under a different context.

Aspec people are no more “stealing” representation from gay people by suggesting a character shows signs of being aspec than they are “stealing” resources from the rest of LGBTQ+ people. The idea that aspec people are “stealing” by finding community where they should be accepted and finding comfort in headcanoning a character as aspec, even if they may be projecting slightly on that character due to relating to them, is ludicrous.  Furthermore, someone headcanoning a character differently than you does not mean they are saying that you cannot have your headcanon and does not mean that the showriters would change their minds if your headcanon was “right”, so the idea that they can steal rep that hasn’t been verified in canon is ludicrous as well.  Fiction doesn’t belong to one person only, but to every individual who consumes it and each consumer is allowed to interpret it in their own way.  

These accusations about aspec people stealing representation of other sexualities is damaging to the community and alienates aspec people in the same way that aphobic people and exclusionists alienate aspec people.  The orientation of fictional characters is not the most important thing in the world, but the underlying problem in the fury of people who claim aspec headcanons steal representation and therefore should not be shared is important for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community to be aware of.  Not to just be aware, but also to oppose.  I am not implying that we should argue with every person who has made such a comment about aspec headcanons, or that we should argue with any of them for that matter.  What I am saying is that aphobic and exclusionist rhetoric has touched many aspects of society and the LGBTQ+ community, even in something as innocuous as headcanons and that it needs to change.  People need to change, and if they have made such comments about the headcanons but do not consider themselves aphobic, they should re-evaluate why they are so protective over their headcanons so as to be aggressive to people who have aspec headcanons. Attitudes toward aspec people needs to change, and by showing light to the little signs of aphobia I hope that people can be more aware of this need. I hope for a community where aspec people can be as accepted as those of other orientations and where everyone in the LGBTQ+ community can stand in solidarity, rather than disputing over their differences and alienating each other, like many cishet people have tried to alienate anyone who doesn’t fit into a square box.

#aspec discussions #aromantic discussions #asexual discussions #aromantic #asexual #aspec #aspec headcanons #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #lbgt+ #i may get flack for this but it needs to be said #read carefully before you respond with exclusionist and aphobic statements #arospec musings