#aspec discussions

[aroxbetchio]

yknow some ppl really need to stop pretending that they’re better than others because they can acknowledge nonsexual qualities abt someone. sexual attraction isn’t a bad thing. it doesn’t make you a bad person. like cmon dude.

#aroallo #purity culture #purity culture bs #fuck purity culture #elliot’s posts 🐍 #aromantic allosexual #aspec #aspec discourse #aspec discussions #aspec community #lgbtqia #aro #aromantic #i feel like some ppl are going to get mad at me for tagging this as lgbtq and aro but idc #aroallos are a very valid part of the community

[knifearo]

this year my challenge for everyone is to unlearn the association between love and morality. love is not something that is inherently morally good, and the absence of love is not something that is inherently bad. sex without love isn't morally bankrupt, it's just an action. people without love aren't less kind or less good, they're just people. when we can get past this false (and often unnoticed) dichotomy of good love/evil lovelessness then i think we are going to be able to take leaps and bounds in sex positivity, aro advocacy, certain discussions of mental health...

#and also. not the direct focus. but love doesn't make things good. you can be in love and do terrible terrible things. #people do bad things in the name of love and in despite of love all the time. #but!! imagine a world where people could exist as people and not be demonized. #sex positivity means being cool about All sex. reexamine your internal systems of moral judgement. #this goes for sex workers. for aroallo people. especially aroallo men. for aro people in general who might enjoy sex. #and frankly i think it can easily bleed into discussions about mental health disorders around 'not feeling' certain things #especially demonizing ppl who don't feel as much empathy. i think there's definitely a correlation between that and the emphasis on love. #our support needs to go out to Everybody and i think these things are all structured together in one way or another!! #it might not be immediately obvious but when i tell you it all leads back to amatonormativity..... little bit wild.... large bit wild.... #anyway. horror movie psychopath 'oh he can't feel emotions or love' damn alright. well. let's take a closer look at that. #silly that there's an association between lack of love and Murdering. feel like that might affect some stuff. #love is just an emotion/a feeling it doesn't mean anything about you one way or another #same with empathy. you can feel it all you want but it doesn't inherently change the actions you choose to take #anyway. thesis statement. there is a socially constructed link between love and morality. unlearn that. #kiss kiss (<— lovelessly) #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #talking #aroace #aspec #sex positivity

[meowzet]

i adore the aspec community and how normal they are about sex.

regardless of your own personal stance [whether youre sex repulsed, favourable, etc.], fellow aspecs have always been so sex positive. i cherish seeing that.

#had a conversation with an allo friend a while back #and we both came to the conclusion that asexuals are the most normal about sex #lol #i do want to include aromantics into this discussion #as i also see them being sex positive - and i want to show my appreciation of that!! #queer #asexual #ace #aroace #aromantic #aro #aspec #my meows

[aroaceleovaldez]

Something something Jason feeling like he doesn't quite fit as "Greek" or "Roman" as a metaphor for bisexuality, particularly the semi-canonical bi-coding in his half of experiences during the Cupid scene and how Favonius and Cupid speak to him in parallel to the scenes confirming Nico is gay.

Something something the camps as metaphors for traditionally acceptable forms of relationships and Nico living as a rogue outside of them, rejecting expectation (ergo in himself representing a metaphor of queer identity and living outside of boxes and defined/usually hetero-allonormative/binary ideas of what love/relationships should look like) versus Jason struggling with the expectation to conform to a label and even discussing with Nico both of them remaining at CHB together.

Something something the inverse of Jason shifting away from the camps after he breaks up with Piper, feeling lost and unable to find a place between the camps as he begins to explore his queer identity properly for the first time versus Nico only remaining at CHB because he has entered a relationship. In this essay I will-

#pjo #riordanverse #jason grace #nico di angelo #analysis #i know ive semi-rambled about this before here #but i was thinking about it on the discord the other day #for those in the discord forgive it being mostly copy/pasted from my rambling lol #i say ''semi-canonical bi-coding'' re: the Cupid Scene because. well. it's in the text! it's pretty overt! #which means it's pretty canon but nobody ever really discusses it and Rick has never acknowledged it #but also he never acknowledged Reyna's aspec-coding until a rare instance of him responding to q's on twitter #(that chain was also specifically sparked by me in that instance - due to him replying to my open letter about aspec coding in the series #- which i still find amusing cause it is SO obvious he didnt read it) #and he only like once acknowledged his mostly unintentional aspec-coding of the Hunt on goodreads #and very frequently goes ''death of the author - whatever i say outside the books is irrelevant and doesnt matter. read it how you want.'' #''if you can get it out of the text then there's your canon.'' which i respect. reject ''word of god'' canon embrace analysis

[lovelessrage]

Reminder that deconstructing the prioritization of romance doesn't mean creating new pedestals for friendship and other types of relationship! Levelling the playing field means levelling out all of it. I've reblogged posts about it and made my own before, but aros do have a major platonormativity problem, and it won't go away on its own. There needs to be an active effort in understanding platonormativity and how aro communities can play into it.

Aplatonic aros are here and we're not going away. Siding with platonormativity and openly agreeing with it doesn't make us go away. It just makes us feel unsafe around spaces we should be welcomed into, and devalues our aro experience.

#aromantic #apl aro #aplatonic #apl #aro #aplatonic aromantic #aspec #scowl corner #obligatory 'liking platonic love for yourself isn't bad. the way it's discussed is.' #the amount of things i've seen written by other aros that treats being alloplatonic like a cure for being aromantic #that it fixes you or makes up for your lack of love #it is staggering. it is upsetting.

[onesidedradiostatic]

I couldn't stop thinking about the amount of aspec headcanons the fandom has come up with, and it just. got me thinking. if Alastor is a sex-repulsed ace, Angel Dust is a sex-favorable ace, Husk is a sex-neutral ace, and the Vees are all aphobic aspec, that's like. more than half the main cast. and considering that Charlie and Vaggie haven't done anything anything sexual at all, Vaggie changed her name's pronunciation (possibly because she didn't like it's sexual context) and Charlie seems to be very uncomfortable with sexual subjects, they might be ace too. we just need sir pentious.

yeah I realise I've basically aspec hced like good chunk of the main cast LMAO. I wouldn't necessarily put the vaggie one as that though I don't think anyone would like to be called that regardless of sexuality 😭😭 hard to really get a read on chaggie since we only know how they met and how they are currently, not how their relationship developed and how they got together, but they definitely don't really seem like the pda type, maybe they're ace, maybe somewhere on the spectrum idk, maybe they have sex sometimes but not that often, neither of them seem to be particularly horny people

sir pentious... I have no idea, he shows interest in having sex with cherri bomb but could easily just be him thinking of it as something that leads to a romantic relationship rather than actual sexual attraction so he could be ace too, cherri I low-key like thinking as demiromantic allosexual. maybe cherrisnake can be the Good Side's aroallo x alloace relationship. husk can also be demiromantic asexual as a treat idk. there's um niffty too but it's very hard for me to get a read on her, I know she's canonically straight and likes bad boys but I have no idea if I have any sort of aspec hc for her.

#ask #osrs.txt #suggestive #idk. does just discussing sex count #aspec hcs and all that #chaggie #charlie morningstar #hazbin vaggie #hazbin hotel vaggie #vaggie #cherrisnake #holy shit me tagging non-villain ships this is crazy #sir pentious #cherri bomb #hazbin cherri bomb #hazbin husk #hazbin hotel husk #husk #husker #aromantic #asexual #aspec

[zazujoy]

I'm biromantic and asexual and both of these things matter to me but generally speaking, I feel like being bi is a bigger piece of my identity; it's the option I choose if I have to use just one term to describe my sexuality, etc. I'm curious about how that compares to other people who use the split attraction model, so!

I'd love it if people reblogged and I'd love it if people elaborated in the tags, but you are of course not obligated to do either!

#idk if this will gain any traction but it's worth a shot I'm curious #poll #aromantic #asexual #aspec #bi lesbian #<- these are ofc not the only groups who use the SAM and not everyone in those groups uses it but #they're the communities i see discussing it the most and i wanna reach my target audience #joy to the world

[entropy-sea-system]

Because not many people are talking about it, I'm making a post on what constitutes platonormativity!

Platonormativity here refers to the idealisation of friendship and viewing friendship as essential and mandatory.

Im putting this under the cut as this is a long post

[If this personally offends you or you're an exclus or think I am not aware of how friendship is also deprioritised, etc. honestly this post is not really for you lol]

Things that can be platonormative:

-Assuming that everyone has friends, and viewing it as a red flag or a sign of mental illness if someone doesn't have friends, and/or expecting them to be actively looking for friends

-Claiming that one must be 'friends first' before a romantic or sexual or other relationship in order for it to work out

-Treating friendship as inherently more stable and long-lasting than other relationship types

-Using the term friend for people without considering whether they actually are okay with that term or whether they actually want to be your friend, or otherwise considering someone your friend when they are not explicitly okay with that

-Claiming that aros and aces must "at least have friends" or experience platonic love or platonic attraction because of their 'lack'

-Claiming that everyone should have friends

-Profiling people who don't seem to have friends as a "suicide liability"

-Being ableist towards people whose ability to make or keep friends or want friends or otherwise engage in social bonds is diminished by their (physical or mental) disability and/or neurodivergence

-Assuming that everyone is alloplatonic and friending and plato-favorable

-Assuming that no one is monogamous for friendship

-Considering it inherently "unhealthy" or "increasing risk of abuse" if someone has a partner(s) but not friends

-Forcing friendship as something mandatory even when people are toddlers or very young children

-Assuming a couple/other partners are solely "friends" due to them being polyamorous, queer, or other reasons

-Assuming that people who interact in certain ways must be friends

-Treating friendship as something inherently more "wholesome" or as something that can never be used for harm unless it was a pretence

-Blaming a lack of friendship rather than the harmful behaviour itself when it comes to 'pickup artists' and other people who act entitled to sex, romance, or other things

-Calling aplatonics with a connection to romance "amatonormative" for existing

-Treating the dismantling of amatonormativity, relationship anarchy, and aro activism as an excuse to enforce friendship as something that is mandatory

-Claiming that 'aro culture' is basically (insert alloplatonic and/or plato favorable experience)

-Assuming that ALL demiromantic and/or demisexual people must require friendship as the bond after which it is a possibility for them to experience attraction

-Assuming that every alloaro must want a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship

-Assuming that anything thats nonromantic and/or nonsexual has to be platonic(friendship)

-Reinforcing a platonic-romantic binary

-Claiming that friendship cannot involve sex or romance ever

-Assuming that queerplatonic relationships are friendship or always involve friendship

-Looking down on others for not giving priority to friendship or not engaging in friendship

-Media being saturated with friendship and not many media existing without having friendship in it

-Not understanding that people can be repulsed by friendship and/or platonicism

#platonormativity #platonormativity discussion #aplatonic #aspec #apl #aplspec #aplphobia #aplmisia #suicide mention #ableism #amatonormativity #aromantic #bc I discuss those things too under the cut #A bit

[leikeliscomet]

I can't believe in the lord's year of 2024 people genuinely think 'Ten didn't lead Martha on and Martha is to blame' is an unpopular opinion. Like I would love to see what alt timeline existed when the fandom collectively stood behind Martha over Ten and he became the least popular incarnation in the show. Everyone keeps posting the same 'both sides were wrong' takes in the discourse but the minute we actually unpack Ten's side in question suddenly it's 'attacking' 'demonising' 'cancelling'. Everyone loves to cry about nuance and grace and yet accusing Martha of being a predator, sexually manipulative and controlling is perfectly acceptable bc you lot are only willing to explore moral complexities with white characters. Nah it will always be incredibly gross to me that after a decade of racism towards her the minute the fandom actually starts to unpack the misogynoir and actually empathise with Martha for once and has the audacity to criticise anything Ten does, his stans paint the narrative that Martha is the aggressor and her stans hold the dominant position in the fandom and by perpetrating misogynoir they are fighting the good fight against the mainstream narrative when they've been the popular majority since 2006 I've had enoughhhh

EDIT: I've already made a post like this but ah well if we're gonna do up old discourse I'll bring up the old debunking arguments

#this is why i dont like going on the Martha tags sometimes bc there's 1000 things about her we could be discussing and yet #every 5 business days someone will post 'um you guys I think the 1st black companion wasn't that good' like they've reinvented the wheel #and don't get me started on the misapplied aspec theory that gets thrown in with Ten and Martha... read some *Black* aspec theory abeggg #martha jones #tenmartha #tenth doctor #fandom antiblackness #fandom racism #fandom misogynoir #fandom vent #doctor who fandom

[kingofanemptyworld]

(apparently) controversial opinion but I don’t think being into this:

makes you a Monsterfucker™️. maybe, maybe, Monsterfucker Lite™️ because there’s a chance of grimmjow trying to rip your intestines out with his teeth.

for me, personally, you gotta be into something more like this:

to really qualify.

#king’s court #bleach #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #grimmjow bleach #ichigo kurosaki #brought to you by someone once described as an honorary monsterfucker by a friend #because I have no desire to fuck the monsters myself but I can sure appreciate what other people are into. especially when applied #to fictional characters I like #aspec monsterfucker at your service lmao #no but really grimmjow is like the vampire of monsterfucking for the most part #looks mostly human. sharp teeth. claws. homicidal urges #vasto lorde ichigo is more where it’s at in my opinion #intelligent but clearly more relying on instinctual cues. barely considered human-like despite physical appearances #anyway #discuss?

[raavenb2619]

Does coming out lead to too much focus on labels?

(I don't really have a main thesis I'm trying to convince anyone of, I just had a thought and wondered what other people thought.)

When I had recently figured out I was ace/aro/nonbinary, I really cared about finding the right labels for me. And the aspec community in particular has so many unique perspectives and labels that you can apply to yourself. What kinds of attraction do you feel, how do you label your orientations and attractions, what model do you use to think about attraction, how do you think about relationships, how do you feel about sex/romance/relationships, etc. It was super eye opening to learn about lots of different terms, and different ways of thinking about things, and things I'd never even thought about or thought I even could think about, and I ended up applying lots of labels to myself.

But, it's been many years since then, and over time I've grown less interested in applying specific labels to myself. I'm still queer/ace/aro/trans/nonbinary/polyam, but I don't really use other labels. (And depending on the situation, I might end up omitting labels when vagaries work fine.) That's not to say that I don't have affinity with other labels, whether that's "I'm similar to what this label describes" or "this label provides an interesting perspective that I like", I just...don't use other labels to define my identity. If I'm comfortable enough talking about something that I could use a label for, I'll just describe my experiences directly, instead of saying "I'm [blank]".

And, I wonder if that shift from specificity to vagary has to do with coming out. For a young aroace like me, part of why coming out was so nerve-racking was that I felt like I had to prove that my identity was real, and having specific labels I could point to and say "look, this is real, I'm not making this up, other people are like this too" was super helpful. But, it's been many years since I've come out, and I'm more confident and know who I am, and that insecurity that I fought back with fistfuls of labels and well-rehearsed explanations is gone. (With the potential exception of QPR-related discussions, which feel kind of like coming out again; I might make a post about that some time if people are interested.)

Every time I've ever come out, or seen someone come out in real life or in media, it's always been "I'm [blank]", but I've never seen someone come out as "I'm not cis/straight". It's always a declaration that you are a specific thing, never a statement that you aren't something someone thought you were. I remember really wanting to make sure I knew exactly what I was and didn't come out as one thing and then change my labels later, because it would mean I'd have to come out again and it would be embarrassing that I got things wrong and maybe people would start to doubt me and not believe me when I said I was something in the future. But, people don't have to be a fixed, immutable set of labels forever; I'm comfortable with using vague labels for myself and letting myself be vague and nebulous and fluid without frantically trying to label every single part of myself. (And, in fact, I did technically get my labels slightly wrong the very first time I came out, and everything turned out okay in the end.)

So, maybe coming out puts an undue pressure on finding specific labels and making sure they're exactly right; maybe coming out should also be able to be "I'm not cis/straight". What do people think?

(This is not to say that specific labels are bad, because they can often be very helpful! Specific labels were helpful for me when I used them, and their existence can spark conversations and lead to new perspectives and learning. Even as I'm finding vagueness and nebulousness to be better for me right now than specific detailed labels, other people can be finding that specific detailed labels give them a sense of belonging and community and identity. But, I still wonder if coming out placed an undue burden on younger me to find all the right labels when vagueness could have worked just as well.)

#i had a random thought and i decided that i should post it and see if people had thoughts #gonna try to do this more i think #since i randomly have queer thoughts that i'd be interested to discuss with others #my thoughts #queer #lgbtq #original #aspec #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #nonbinary #trans #enby #transgender

[knifearo]

reminder to everyone that trauma IS a valid reason to use aspec labels. "i don't know if i'm aspec or just traumatized—" protip!!! you can be both!!!! the thing about labels is that they're not immutable states of being that you're born as. they're literally just words that we use to describe our lived experiences, and if asexual or aromantic or any related label feel relevant to the way that you experience attraction, whether it's a result of trauma or not, they're there for you to use. having trauma as a cause does not invalidate the fact that someone is experiencing lesser or no attraction. that's still the aspec experience babey. use the label if you want it's there for you <3

#kissing every traumatized aspec person on the forehead. with permission of course #obviously the labels aren't gonna be right for everyone but like... #i see a lot of discussion around this topic and it's actually SO important to me to bring up every time #that labels are just little signs you put up to tell people something about yourself. #it's not an immutable unchangeable fact. it's a little sign. it's a label just like you make with a label maker. #its purpose is to be there and communicate something about your experience to the people around you. #so if you want to communicate that you don't experience attraction in an allo way! that's literally what it's there for! #really i feel like denying people access to those labels cause they weren't born that way is like. #first. an asshole move. why don't you shut the fuck up and let other people decide what they experience #second. perpetuating the idea that if you don't experience attraction you're broken? but just in a different way? #'you can experience limited/no attraction IF you're ace and born that way. otherwise you're ACTUALLY fucked up.' #'you're straight/gay/bi you're just broken right now.' actually maybe they're experiencing something that aligns with asexuality. #ever thought about that... #intent here is NOT to speak for anyone with that experience. however i meet like seven people a year who say that they're unsure #if they're aspec or just traumatized #and it's SO important to me to say that you can be both. you can use the label. your experiences are valid #whether they're internally or environmentally caused. #kiss kiss ily everybody (/aro) #<— tone indicator that indicates that i meant it aromantically #aspec #aromantic #aromanticism #aroace #arospec #aro positivity #asexual #ace pride #acespec #ace positivity #ace inclusion. turn the tables

[pickled-flowers]

Actually crying rn like Aro/Ace people are so amazing we deserve the world, we deserve to feel as confident as anyone else about ourselves, we deserve to take space and share our joy 😭😭

#and allos need to listen more! make space for us! #again im not really eloquent rn lol im so emotional about this #those who have followed me for a while know just how much this matters to me #i want to continue to help my community for years and years #i want so much better for my community #ive had the privilege of becoming an adult while surrounded by other aspec people #and while we rarely discussed about it they were still there #one of the queer mentor i had when i was 17 was ace aro and agender #miss her :( #but yea #my brain is very mushy rn i need to go eat smt jdhdjdb #anyways #a very very nice day to all of you

[styrofauxm]

This isn't my first post on this, and it probably won't be my last. But whatever. I have things I want to say.

Before we start, I want to be clear that this isn't meant to make anyone feel bad for shipping aspec characters. It's to provide another perspective for people (especially non-aspec people) to consider when engaging with aspec characters. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with shipping any characters, but I also think there's sometimes more to it than "it's fiction and I want to."

It's Just Fiction

And actually, that's the first thing I want to address. The idea that because it's just fiction, it is harmless. That simply isn't true. We know that implicit biases can be formed and supported by fiction. We also know that fiction can reveal a writer's implicit and explicit biases. Fanfiction isn't any exception.

If an allo person writes an aspec character in a romantic relationship, without properly understanding and/or conveying that character's identity, that inaccurate portrayal of our real-life experiences is what many readers will come away believing to some extent. If the writer shows any disdain towards aspec people, even entirely unintentionally, there will be readers who walk away with bias towards aspec people. That's simply the reality of the situation.

If you don't understand aspec experiences, you bear responsibility for people who read your work coming away with the wrong idea.

Mainstream writers are rightfully criticized for bias. You may only write fanfiction, but you are not free from criticism when that fanfiction has the potential to build up harmful mindsets.

"Aro people can still date" and "ace people can still have sex" are both true. So is "aromanticism/asexuality is a spectrum." But do you understand how being aromantic and/or asexual affects how we do those things? Do you understand the identity on the ace/aro spectrum that you claim to be writing the character as? Or are you just saying those things, then portraying the aspec experience inaccurately?

I guarantee there are plenty of aspec people who would be so happy if you asked them for their insight about their experiences. Who would be delighted to double-check your fan art or beta read your fanfic. Ask us. Please. (And if you are aspec, and trying to portray an aspec character with an experience/identity you don't have, also ask!)

Of course, that only goes for fanworks that, even poorly, incorporate an aspec character's identity. What about fanworks that completely, and deliberately erase it?

To that, I ask the most obvious question: "How would you feel if someone wrote this about a gay character or a lesbian character?" Because some people's answer is "that's fine," but many people's answer is "that's homophobia." It's a double standard. It's homophobia when it's gay and lesbian identities. But it's not aphobia when it's aspec identities.

Now, I don't fully agree with either of those. I don't think that the people doing that are certainly homophobes or aphobes. But I do think that it can be an indicator of homophobia or aphobia. Obviously, not everyone who ignores the identity of a fictional character is a bigot. But it's inaccurate to claim none of them are.

Representation

Running along those same lines, let's get into representation. Here's the wikipedia list of canon aromantic characters. There are 18 characters on it. That's right, in all media mainstream enough to have a wikipedia page (which is quite a lot of media), there are an entire 18 canon aromantic characters. The list of asexual characters is a bit longer, with 72 characters. But again, there is a crap ton of media big enough to be on wikipedia. 72 characters is a fraction of a fraction of a fraction.

What I'm getting at is that there is next to no aspec representation. And yet the first reaction to the confirmation of a character being aspec is one of hostility. It's justifications for shipping. It's saying that word-of-god isn't enough, or isn't clear enough, or is a lie. It's saying that only explicit confirmations count (even if it makes no sense within the setting).

Instead of what every other queer confirmation gets. Near-universal celebration of representation.

That aspec people aren't even afforded an minute to celebrate representation is awful. That the rest of the queer community would rather discourse than celebrate with us is awful.

And it begs the question: why do you find your ship more important than representation? And why is that only the case with aspec representation?

Aspec Experiences

Part of growing up aspec for many people is not even knowing that our experience is real. It's believing that there is something wrong with us and if we just do the right things then we can be normal.

The message that everyone wants to have sex and fall in love is pushed by everyone in our lives, and is supported by almost every piece of media we see.

Outside of the aspec community, our experiences are depicted as wrong.

In media, our experiences don't get shown. Or if they are shown, they are something that gets fixed by the end.

That is why we cling so hard to the slivers of representation we get. It shows our experiences as normal, as valid, as okay.

So when we see ships of those few characters, we see the invalidation of and derision towards our experiences. So yeah, a lot of us get uncomfortable.

And we shouldn't have to push that down or not talk about it simply because it might ruin some people's fun.

Aphobia in Fandom

It's not just discourse. It's dogpiling aspec people who talk about our representation. It's harassing and sending death threats to aspec people who share their opinions on shipping aspec characters. It's all of that, and more, without anyone else from the queer community stepping in and defending us.

The same happens when we rightfully point out and criticize amatonormativity and aphobia in media and fandom spaces.

The same happens when we just post a headcanon.

Aspec people can only participate in fandom on the terms of alloromantic and allosexual people. The moment we start bringing our experiences into how we interact with media is the moment we get pushed out.

Beyond the more overt stuff, there's also a ton of subtle stuff. Ranging from "friends don't do stuff like that" all the way to insisting that a character is evil because they don't feel love (whether or not that's canon).

And if a character is confirmed to be aspec? Everything gets turned onto the max setting. Ironically, canon representation has the effect of making us less safe in fandom spaces.

Conclusion

I will not ask you to put down the ship. If you want to ship aspec characters, so be it. But do so with awareness of it's actual impact.

Understand that the fanart/fanfic you make for a character can have a real impact on aspec people. Understand that you may be counteracting the positive effects that representation has on aspec people. Understand that you are making fandom spaces more uncomfortable, and even hostile for aspec people.

Final note: I will not engage with anyone who acts like a jerk. I will just block, and if necessary, report them. I will also assume that anyone posting vitriolic responses didn't read the whole post, or they would have seen this part.

#asexual #aromantic #lgbtq+ #aspec #hazbin hotel #i may regret that tag. we'll see #it's not the ONLY fandom I had in mind while writing but it is the one currently discussing this #aphobia #neon's void

[lippiethehoe]

Well hi tumblr queers again :D.

Okay so for starters CONTENT WARNING I'll be talking about sexuality sex and overall sexual stuff so if that's not something you wanna look at then don't read thanks :).

I kinda feel like starting a little conversation and also hopefully getting some answers from lgbts from tumblr which hmmm... idk if this is the best place for this, especially since I don't particularly have a big following, nor do I think I have the means to make this be more visible to randos on tumblr so hmm, if this amounts to nothing know I'll be embarassed about it but that's okay, but also I fucking hate reddit and all my google research efforts have resulted in either basically nothing or people asking similar questions to mine but having very deeply different prespectives of both gender in general and sexuality in general than me so google research didn't slay at all, and so I'll lend my trust to the tumblers ig.

Ok so hello, I'm lilly I'm a demiromantic trans woman and I've struggled for kind of a while with my sexuality, not because I don't know what it is, but because I'm actually a huge labels person. Having a word to describe the way i feel about things has always helped me feel as though I know myself better and can make others know me better aswell. Even if putting labels on complex human feelings and emotions is essentialy pointless, it's still something that means alot to me, and I hate that for the longest time I have been perfectly capable of knowing what my sexuality is, but can't simple it down to one word and use it on my day to day life and that makes me sad. It also makes me feel kinda alone in my feelings? cause I'm basically the only person i know with this prespective on my sexuality at least for now so I'm a bit confused, obviously I don't think I'm the only person like this cause that's basically impossible but it still feels that way ig?

Also I remembered this recently only because it's pride month, happy pride month btw :3, and I was doing a thing on discord where everyday I'd add a flag that I indetify with on my profile picture, problem is I've ran out of flags, because no sexual orientation feels right and from my knowledge of it there isn't a sexuality nor a flag for what I feel, and now not only does my discord pfp not look full of colors and pretty it also re-awakened a little identity crisis I've had for a while.

This is definetly gonna be a very long post but I won't feel like I explained myself correctly if it isn't a big post so bear with me, but let's start.

So I'm gonna start explaining how I personally view sexuality and gender so you, reader, can have all the means available to understand my prespective on this. Sexuality to me is kinda simple, simply means whatever a person is attracted to, what makes them sexually interested in someone, whatever other way you wanna put it, and gender is simply the way a person identifies themselves with, the eyes they navigate the world through, the way they percieve themselves and the way they want to be percieved as by others etcetera, I won't explain my prespective on romanticism cause that's essentially useless to my question, but yeah simple stuff right?

So here's where I don't believe I fit in with most sexualities, here's the question I've had for quite a while but never thought to express it in a place where more than just a few friends could hear, I am not sexuality attracted to genders, ok now is when someone screams at me and says pansexual, I don't agree, but moving on, I'm not sexually attracted to people much, I am sexually attracted to penis tho, and here's where someone screams heterosexual at me AND IF YOU DID I FUCKING HATE YOU FYI NOT CAUSE I HATE HETEROS BUT BECAUSE THAT AS AN ANSWER TO WHAT I SAID IS FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC, YEAH I SAID IT, BITCH!!!

But here's the thing, what is a gender, ok I wrote alot after i said that but deleted it all cause this could fall into a very long rabbit hole, but gender's a construct blah blah, can you tell I probably have some neurodivergencies going on in the head anyways continuing. Genuinely, I don't know what it feels like to be a sexuality that includes gender in it, not because I don't think it to be true obviously i know people are heterosexual bisexual homosexual lesbians any other sexual orientation that implies gender being a part of the equation. But to me I can't be sexually attracted to men because a man can be anything to me, I can't be sexually attracted to women because a woman can be anything to me, i can't be sexually attracted to enbys cause being non-binary can be anything to me and the list goes on. Nothing is set in gender because to me gender can look like, feel like, and be like anything, if I labeled myself heterosexual, sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender of me, what would I mean by it? cause think about it, there're big men small men skinny fat muscular men hairy shaved brown eyed dark skinned pussy having dick having blah blah blah and the list goes on again, and even in there I'm not specifically attracted to any of the traits on that list anyways, none of those traits sexually arouse me, men don't sexually arouse me, women don't sexually arouse me, but you know what does? penis. So therein lies the issue, cause surprise, there's a bunch of dicks in the world, what? that's crazy? Yeah penis is everywhere, there're men with penises women with penises nonbinaries with penises intersex people with penises dildos people with strap-ons and the list goes on and in that entire list, the only thing that sexualy arouses me personally, is penis, not who has it, not wether or not it was there from birth, not wether or not it's made of plastic or human skin, not wether or not I'm specifically sexually attracted to any other aspect of said person, but simply the thing that sexually arrouses me and makes me feel pleasure is the thing that sexually attracts me, which in my head is so fucking obvious? Like it's a conclusion so natural to me, but it seems I'm the only person in a 50 km radius that feels this way? It's also possible that I'm actually wrong and view the current existing sexualities in the wrong way and if that's what's up please tell me.

Also i feel the rising tension of someone saying stuff like "people can sexually stimulate others with fingers are u FiNgErSeXuAl?" and the truth is not really but I still find it sexually arousing when it happens, but the last thing I'm gonna do is look at fingers and blush I think. WOAH THAT JUST OPENED A NEW DOOR FUCKK OH NO THIS IS GONNA BE TOO LONG MAYBE I SHOULDN'T POST THIS IDK. I am also sexually attracted to certain actions, but at this point I feel I'm leaving sexuality and going into kink territory and that isn't really where I wanted to go. EITHER WAY my overall conclusion is I don't understand most sexualities and feel as though my view of my sexuality should have a label so I feel more comfortable, maybe I should be the catalyst who knows maybe someone's already been the catalyst and I'm simply unaware of that, either way I'd like a sexuality flag to add to my discord pfp so maybe I'll just make a flag up, who fucking knows, that's it tho. So yeah if anyone who sees this post experiences anything similar to this and wants to share about it please do I'd be really thankful.

Thank you so much if you sticked with me all the way to the end, and if you feel like you might have some insight on what I'm saying or simply wanna say something relevant to this topic please do, it's pride month and I'm incredibly proud of all queers and gender fuckers :3 happy pride month!

Ps: I just wanna say something, this isn't an invitation to flirt with me send me unsolicited dick pics or respond to things I clearly showed not to be questions, I want this topic to be taken in more of a discussion way than a sexual one, if that could be possible I'd be thankful, ok that's it bie bie.

#queer #pride month #questions #transgender #sexuality #discussion #demiromantic #lgbtq community #aspec #trans woman #sexualities #lgbtqia #lgbt pride #lgbtqia+ #pride #trans pride #feminism #queer rights #queer community #lgbt rights #trans #transfem

[krogerkryptid]

As an asexual aromantic person I ADORE John and Sherlock QPR truthing bc I want what they have but I also truly love the idea that John is actually in full gay love with Sherlock and Sherlock thinks he has a friend for life. Man is ready to risk it all to stay Watson’s friend bc he’s so excited to have someone who’s with him through it all and meanwhile John is actually shaking at the fact Sherlock wants to spend any time with him at all bc he’d kind of like to kiss him on the mouth maybe but only if Sherlock wanted to of course

#sherlock holmes #john watson #johnlock #sherlock fandom #asexual #aromantic #queer platonic relationship #aspec #in all seriousness this is what would happen to me #am I a projecting? maybe. #I won’t apologize my friend and I discuss this all the time