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you-cant-fuck-megaman · 1 year

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Thank you for this blog. I find old posts of Zero being cool and suave and having Sexual thoughts and actions when he likely literally does not know sex exists other than knowing organic life reproduces physically somehow. With how the x games ended up you could argue he has never met a human irl before other than Dr Cain. If the ambiguous consent argument is too much he might get scared and kill you (x9: WTF NEW MAVERICK VIRUS INFECTS HUMANS?)

if zero even knows what an intimate relationship is, i'll sit and fuck myself.

DID YOU KNOW, as far as i was able to dig, there is nothing anywhere ever that stated iris and zero were a couple? a lot of fandom perception is that iris is zero's girlfriend and they were in wuv, and that half the tragedy of X4 is that he was going against someone he loved. he killed someone he loved. so tragic. :(

thing is, that's kind of complete bupkis.

obviously Iris admired him a lot, and it's not like Zero hated her, but that's about as far as it went! it's one of those popular fanon things that cycles around, like samus being super-motherly to the baby the baby the baby metroid and wubbing her widdle babuu, or flandre scarlet being sealed in the basement to contain her massive power because she's crazy and could kill everyone with the drop of a frilly hat. but then you start digging for where it's from in the games and ????????????? where did it come from? where did it go?

the manuals?

that would be a nope.

the game script? you can look at both the japanese and english script for x4 at your leisure, and even go for the x5 japanese cutscenes, japanese bosses, and english script to look for mentions of Iris as well. iris' dialogue in Xtreme 2 is 95% the same between x and zero, too, but just for posterity's sake here's also the english and japanese script. either way, that would also be a nope.

what about encyclopedic material, like the X Official Complete Works or the Compendium of Rockman X?

兄のカーネルを失ったアイリスが、自らの姿を変身させてゼロと戦う。クリスタル状の本体とサイボーグ体に分離しているレプリロイド。/ Iris has lost her brother Colonel, and so transforms herself to fight Zero. She is a Reploid split into both a crystal body and a cyborg(?) body. (Most of the Japanese is difficult to make out, so apologies if this is inaccurate! I could swear that says "サイボーグ" / "cyborg", but that doesn't make sense...)

that would also be a nope.

the closest we get to this is that Zero Went On A Date, which is tucked away in the side of a Capcom Music Generation booklet for X1-X6

(Pieced together with commentary from the X Complete Works)

which is all fine and dandy, i guess, but a date can be anything. is it a hang-out date? a shopping date? a romantic date? a social date? a business date? a casual date? a competitive tournament-level date? it's difficult to argue the intent is supposed to be anything other than lovey-dovey romantic but i had to dig into page 5 of mini-booklet in a goddamn compilation album to find it and this is the only evidence they did anything other than vaguely acknowledge each other in the field.

it seems people just kind of hooked them together. and i can get that. i've got weirder ships. there's a couple reasons you could say why. you could be a sarcastic shit and say it's because they're a male and a female in a 90s anime and so get hooked by a red string of fate as soon as they look at each other because people had no idea how interacting with people work. or you could write better than capcom and say iris being emotionally tied to both zero and colonel, instead of just being related to colonel and hoping zero-senpai notices her new breastplate, is what forces her to get involved as an in-between rather than just jumping ship to be with repliforce from the getgo. or you could just say they're cute, in which case, yeah, that's cool

but the point that i am laboriously reaching around to make is that this is a consistent pattern with zero throughout the series. zero/iris is the most prominent of a companion bob capcom has pushed for him and he barely acknowledges she exists. you have to really dig for any indication that they're together. zero/layer comes next, but if you look over their interactions, she's just making anime girl blushing noises and zero has no clue what the fuck she's doing. is she overheating? zero/ferham? he wants to stab her. zero/leviathan? he also wants to stab her. zero/ciel? maybe if his preferred way of responding to a 12-year-old girl wasn't with "............" and i see you xzero shippers in the background, rubbing your hands and cackling and thinking you're getting off scot-free. zero's second favorite way of socializing with x is bailing on him. first favorite is attempting to stab him as well.

the dude is spaghettiman virgin prime, a buzzsaw with only two modes: "KILL" and "maybe don't kill". an intimate relationship? he's got a computer brain and he still doesn't even know what that means. a relationship is what you have when you fight someone, right? he's as smooth as a cactus rolling through a sandpaper factory. he's as suave as a can of worms used in spear-fishing. if you showed him a picture of sex, he'd think it was two humans attempting to strangle each other. the man installed titties on himself and he's still never touched a single one. and then he lost them in the future, so he's operating at a net titty-touching loss, which is honestly quite an impressive feat.

#megaman x #mega man x #rockman x #mmx #zero #renovationexperiment #ask #maybe one day i'll stop bullying zero #nah

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