#rimu be quiet now

[dailydegurechaff]

I wanted to know how do you interpret Tanya's gender. After reading chapter 58 of the manga i got the impression that she is definitely trans coded, but maybe thats just me

Very good question.

To be honest, when I think too hard about Tanya’s gender (and sexuality, for that matter) it gives me brain worms. Fun brain worms, but brain worms nonetheless. I can’t explain it. Everything she’s got going on is complicated as shit there’s way too much to think about.

Like, she was a man, but now she's a girl. But at some points she says she still sees herself as a man internally so is this MtFtM? How does that work. And if she accepts she's a woman now, is that just MtF or do we add more letters. More importantly: Was Being X being Transphobic or being the Greatest Trans Ally of All Time with the free divinely issued sex change.

Ok ok, jokes aside. Confession: I actually do not keep up with the manga, so I had to go find the chapter and read it first. Having read it now though, I see what you mean.

The conversation she has with the Salaryman/herself in that chapter really does read as essentially saying “I’ve accepted who I am now.” It’s a far cry from a much earlier part of the manga I remember where she has a breakdown about being a man/people seeing her as a girl.

A friend of mine was actually showing me stuff from more recent chapters of the manga (don’t know which chapter tragically, but I know it’s not currently translated to English) and from what I gathered of it, Being X was showing Tanya a dream of being back in her past life and in response she basically demanded to go back to being Tanya immediately. It is definitely not just you, I 100% see the trans-coding you’re talking about.

As for my personal interpretation of her gender, I touched very briefly on it once before, but I honestly think she wouldn’t want to label herself as anything. At first, this is out of hesitance and not wanting to acknowledge that anything might be ““wrong”” or ““different”” about her. Later on it turns into character growth, more along the lines of, “I don’t need the label to define me, I just am what I am/like what I like. I don’t care about it any more than that.” Yes this is 100% projection on my part. No, I won’t apologize for it lmao.

Of course, that's entirely my own headcanon. I definitely am not saying it’s the only way to interpret her, it’s just my personal thoughts. Especially since my opinion is subject to change on a dime depending on what I’m reading/working on myself. The Tanya gender is, in fact, transient, shifting like water.

Like. A transfem Tanya fic that focuses on her adapting to life in her new world and coming to discover she doesn’t actually hate her new body? I’d totally read that. I’ve seen a few fics that include that as a part of the narrative and those scenes of acceptance were among my favorite parts.

I get the feeling this is the route that the manga is going as well. It’s a bit of a shame that we don't have those aforementioned scenes in the light novel (or at least, I don't remember them), but I don’t think that Carlo Zen really intended that to be the focus/narrative in the first place. And honestly, I also think that’s a good thing because it allows for so much more room for interpretation and headcanon around Tanya’s character.

Anyway, the other direction is also compelling to me. A transmasc Tanya fic where, after feeling uncomfortable and hating how feminine he looks for years and years, he finally goes ‘Fuck this, I’m gonna go back to being a man’? I would read the fuck out of that too.

Could also be paired with him finally choosing to defect, where they think about it like, ‘Well there’s nothing to hold me back now, right? I don’t have to maintain appearances anymore. Also, since I’m defecting this would be a great way to hide myself. They’d all be looking for the wrong person. Two birds with one stone, how efficient.’ …Now we’re getting to fic ideas I won’t ever get to so it’s time to move on I think.

Semi-related to the Trans Tanya Concept, this actually brings me to a bit of a lore/headcanon/idea/question I want to present to the public for opinions. In Norden, during the inciting battle of the war, Tanya uses magic to “dope up” so she could enhance her strength and reaction time and kill pain. I took this to mean she used a formula to synthesize the narcotics/adrenaline hormone/whatever else directly into herself, right?

Can you see where I’m going with this? As long as you know which hormones to make, how they’re made up, and what quantities you need… Well, don’t you think magic HRT is completely possible? Of course, as I'm not sure it makes sense for Salaryman to have known the detailed specifics about it from the modern world, it would require a lot of in-universe research/science advancement for someone to actually do that, but theoretically...

The magic system in this universe has so much potential to be explored, I’m fascinated by what you can theoretically do with it. Although, this is long and off-topic already I think this should be the end, lol.

I think I talked too much? I’m sorry, you were probably not expecting such an answer. I told you, Tanya gives me brain worms (mental illness).

I guess the TL;DR is this: that kid definitely ain’t cishet.

#marathehomosexual #ask #not a daily post #you could ask me a simple yes or no question and i would STILL find a way to make the answer multi-paragraph #i STILL have things to talk about. im just choosing to throw it in the tags now #LIKE. if synthesizing hormones is something completely possible in universe #is birth control possible as well? how about anti-depressants? #how far can we go with this? can you get addicted to these magic-synthetic chemicals/hormones/whatever? #say you need a little pick me up in the day. you give yourself a little boost in the happy-brain-chemicals (dopamine or whatever) #(im not a biologist or knowledgeable about most biology-related things honestly. please just go with it) #would a mages body start to rely on magic to produce it and stop creating it naturally anymore? #could this create a dependency? would you start to need to make more? #its insane. i feel insane #you ask me a simple question and i refuse to stop elaborating #rimu be quiet now

[veiliisms]

“ can i ask… what happened? ”   // for either of my main men

a meme i lost. / @batoushoujo

it isn't exactly that renji is uncomfortable talking about their arm. in fact, their therapist has encouraged them to let more of their friends in, only... renji was also accepting that not everyone wanted to be their friend.

then again, he knows tem well enough. if she doesn't care, she doesn't care. and honestly, he respects that of her. it's something he needs to begin doing. that being said, she didn't take pity, and he knew that if she didn't want to talk about it, well. she wouldn't.

he flexes the fingers of his mechanical arm, the digits giving soft, quiet whirring underneath, and he clears his throat.

"yeah, uh... private job. personal. no money, just... the woman who killed my parents baited me out. and, it sure as hell worked," he forces a laugh, raising his hand and unclenching his fist.

"primula and i went after her. knew i couldn't handle her on my own, not again. thank god i had rimu there, though." he swallows hard, and there's a chill up his spine. the cold - it was coming back. cold, jagged spires of ice racing towards him, the pain, the pain. it almost came back to him. but he was stronger - he'd face this head on.

"somewhere along the way, i slipped up. she had me, and rimu had to make a choice. she, uh... used her cryokinesis. shot... insane, like. stalagmites? stalactites? the ones that come up from the ground. whatever - so... she does. and she - almost saves me. and she kills yukimura.

but i was in the way. and... now, it's like this."

his other hand finally grabs at the metal, nickel and copper and steel come together in a way to help give their life back... at the price of some more nightmares. finally, he'll glance up at her.

"we were in a hospital in germany for a while. i didn't wake up for... i guess a couple of weeks. rimu lost part of her arm, too, so... at least we didn't suffer alone, y'know?"

a sad laugh. forced, really. he sighs, almost a scoff, and shakes his head. "hey, we're still here though. thank god for that. too much life to live, y'know? can't... let all that be for nothing. gotta keep moving forward, right?"

#batoushoujo #;ic ♊️ renji

[nikitachatfieldstudio]

EXPLORING MATERIALS

MOVING DIVIDER / CURTAIN

Beginning with the main features within the building - curved walls. I’ve been thinking how I can transform a space with transparent walls, to divide but not separate its surroundings. Do I keep them stationed as one hanging sheer curtain that opens and closes, or do I create a cardboard wall the moves in all sorts of directions. This feature is the biggest feature I want to focus on, and the material and textures I choose is going to be well thought out. 

Ive explored into artist with similar ideas, starting with Mimi Jung, on her ‘Sight Unseen’. She creates furniture and objects starting from powder coated steel frame, and using ethereal mohair weavings. This creates such a beautiful contrast in material, and the colors she uses seem to contrast its surroundings too. The soft weaves create comfort, and its shapes create movement.

I found that ethereal mohair is more insulation than wool, although it’s not a necessity in a library, but they have more sheen which makes fabric made from them more attractive. It also wears better than sheep's wool.

This image shows how delicate the fabric is, and it’s buildable, so some areas can be more dense than others. However, because this material is from Angora goats, its quite expensive, and most times the goats are slaughtered for this fibre.

I also looked into paper materials - the construction of a wall that can expand or shrinks. This example is made from artist STEPHANIE FORSYTHE, found on MOLO, a company who makes extremely clever furniture, room dividers, and lights. This sustainable design explores shape, texture, and flexibility within the space, which is an extremely interesting way to divide a space up. However, linking this into the library space wouldn't work for my design needs, and those needs are transparency. This space needs a complete open floor plan to avoid any curious or misleading circumstances in hidden spaces. I could explore this idea with transparent paper but I feel it isn't durable enough for the space. Having to consider children, accessibility, and 10 years of use.

https://www.architonic.com/en/microsite/molo/3101289 

Fabrics

My first idea was to use sheer fabrics for these spaces. Perhaps a linen curtain as some can be netted slightly stiff, but still flowy. But just like the Mohair, its still delicate and may not be durable enough for the space I'm using it in. Of course there is organza, which is light and silky, or even a tule. However, with any kind of fabric I feel it doesn't push the design enough.

Last week I would have gone with a fabric and said job done, today I push myself to go further, and ask myself, how am I applying my design sense into this library, how can I utilize materials in a way that can be durable, lasting, clever, and give me the sense of art. This feature is the main concept so far for this library, so why not make it a piece of art - an art installation.

Some other materials I have thought about are:

Wood

I thought about constructing some areas that wood could divide the space with, thinking about texture, color, and depth. But this would have meant they would most likely be stationed on the ground, disregarding the idea of moving objects and fluidity in the space.

So I though perhaps creating a design that was similar to a beaded curtain could also work. This wood could be parts of recycled material from the local building sights, or fallen sticks from trees. The idea of exploring organic shapes and textures, as well as colours and type of timbers could be a fun and creative way to bring in some local context, even as well as Maori history through the spiritual stories of trees. 

This idea actually reminds me of Hella Jongerius work of the United Nations North Delegates’ Lounge, New York in 2013. And other designers Rem Koolhaas, Irma Boom, Gabriel Lester and Louise Schouwenberg.

This work made with knotted yarn and porcelain beads, creates an extremely fascinating feature for the space, although its not diving the space, it changes the view of the space through its light and shadows. Its large existence also makes it to be a big master piece installation, and truly transforms the room.

Another Artist that comes to mind is Petra Blaisse, who has been awarded for her exhibition and art installation within architecture. So much of her work is beautiful and well designed, but there is one called Maison à Bordeaux. She creates this home space entirely with curtains. She explores a range of material and colour, to make up the atmosphere of each room and space, creating a interesting, yet soft approach to architecture. Her work reminds me of my ‘Moving walls Experience’ project, where I explored the contrast of harsh structure, and soft walls.

Metal

An in between of durability and fluidity. A material that can be weaved, welded, recycled, and made sheer. I feel this material could be a great start to where I'm wanting to go. The exploration of metal being designed and made to divide a space, and a beautiful way to create movement in space.

This is something I've already made my mind up on, I think metal can be viewed in many ways through its colour and shape, and I feel its the best material I could use to make divided spaces for the individual quiet area. I would like to explore this material and use it within my design. It’s durability being the biggest reason, it is strong, hard to break, it isn't a fabric that will wear away or get stained. I could be creative through its design on the metal, perhaps a Maori symbol on it. It is sheer enough to see through, but dense enough to feel like a different space.

Ive also thought about what design this metal can be, I could make a custom made metal curtain, or perhaps use recycled material for this, and up-cycle it.

I did some appalling sick sketches to see what pattern could work to create a moving sheet of metal, then did some rough patten making on illustrator.

Glass

Semi reflective film - colored film

Other materials I have thought about but know now I will not use are:

Paper - Too light, too fragile for a curtain

Netting - Another durable material but not the look I am wanting in the space

Light - Light won't be a good enough diver of space, and this can interfere with reading placements 

Plants - Lovely feature and colour but again not durable for kids and can be ruined

COLOR PALETTE

For the colors within the space, I wanted to keep it fairly neutral and modern, but bring in some soft colors to make it playful, and create a calming, motivated atmosphere.

Textures -

BOOKSHELVES 

For the bookshelves, I want to make custom bookshelves that are still movable like the current ones. My first idea was to fit them into the walls so they were fixed, however, I thought it would be better to design some that can be moved if need be - that way I'm also preserving the building and not making any more permanent changes to the interior. The current bookshelves at the moment are metal, and characterless. To intertwine my stye for the library, I would like to make the bookshelves timber. This timber will be recycled timbers from construction sights in Grey Lynn, as well as from timber companies that have remains of timber planks. This will make the design of the library quite rustic looking, however, the recycled planks will be refurbished to maintain a cleaner, possibly 1920′s style. 

Using recycled timber planks supports my idea of creating a Kaupapa within the library, from the Grey Lynn area itself. Bringing together parts of the area, and timbers located from homes also creates a space that the public can appretiate, and it symbolizes coming together as a community, bringing together the Maori priciples.

The bookshelves measure at 1525mmH by 

FLOORING

Material - Quality, function, sound

For the flooring within the library area, I want to keep a durable carpet that works within the space. This is because of the sound elements within the building. Carpet will stop any echo, loud steps, or any movement within the quiet space. Sound is most important within a library, and it needs to maintain its quiet space for the public to use.

I have thought about colour and quality of the material I want. Because of the color palette I am wanting within the space, which is neutrals, greens, and wooden elements, I don't want to go with an intense pattern design. I find in many libraries, the carpets can be quite tacky with the colors and pattern. Because I want to create a space thats more balanced, ever so slightly modern, I want other elements within the space, like my metal curtain and glass room, to have more focus. So I want to use a textured, durable, and neutral carpet.

I did think about placing a soundproofing underlay and then using a vinyl type material or timber, however I believe using carpet makes the space that ever more comfortable, as it is such a small space. It needs to reflect a comfortable, quiet atmosphere, and because of my layout it supports the intentions of the space.

Using this type of pattern and texture also brings together my design elements of movement, with circular or moving patterns.

The Hall Space

Within the hall space, I am keeping the Rimu flooring, however, I am wanting to lift the polish and refinish them, that way the beautiful Rimu can stay, but look more refreshed and cleaner. I also think the color of the orangy Rimu currently isn't quite the color I want in the space, so lifting and sanding the floors, and staining it a different color will help portray the atmosphere I'm wanting to create.

FURNITURE

Material - touch, sound, durability

For the furniture within the library space, I’ve brought in seats that are rounded, to continue the movement I'm creating within the space. The reason for this is because I don't want to have blocky, harsh furniture, which can make for more of a formal atmosphere. Using rounded, curved furniture will help create the space to be more fluid and softer.

LIGHTING

I was unable to attend most classes from week 8-11, however I did recognize a detail for lighting, and I wanted to do a quick analysis of mood lighting/ custom hanging light fixtures within the space. On top of this of course is windows, and flat ceiling lights

Because my space is all about comfort, and custom areas for the public, lighting is extremely important to create ambience and mood. Just like how color in a space can determine a feeling to a person, lighting can have that same effect. When visiting the library I found the lighting was a perfect amount for reading and working, yet relaxing. Because of the large arched windows in the space, these smaller lighting fixtures would be plenty enough to further create a comfortable, yet modern and professional atmosphere.

[woerended]

@veiliisms​​ said: ❝you don’t have to talk, we can just sit together.❞ h*ck it have this from rimu too

Honestly? He’s actually pretty grateful for that. It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to her, but it’s just...difficult to let people in. To talk about what’s bothering him. Because everything on his plate feels like something that could put somebody else at risk. 

That’s why he keeps quiet so often, forces a smile so often. But right now...? He doesn’t feel as though he’s either expected to speak or expected to put on a smile. She’s content with simply allowing him to be as he is, in this moment. She’s okay with that.

The sullen air hasn’t left his shoulders, but he still offers a small, melancholy smile.

“I...think I’d really like that...actually.”

#veiliisms #↻ asks . #↻ combat baby / MAIN VERSE .

[winniesomeness]

23 March 2018

Right now it’s 10.10pm, I can’t sleep, watching a movie that gives you such strong emotions can do this. In this movie she had a list of thing she wanted to do in her life, I’m not about to create a bucket list at this moment. I don’t really have anything I want to happen, I’m not going to force anything to, I just want moments when they’re ready. But this movie got me thinking about the little things I love, it reminded me of a list I made a few years ago, another night that I couldn’t sleep, and well I want to write them down somewhere else in case I lose them forever.

The little things in life I love:

The flicking sound of old light switches

The pitter patter of rain on the roof

Watching candle flames

The feeling of rose petals

The smell of rain on hot tarmac

The muffled sound of being underwater

The smell of wood shavings and clean laundry

Looking up to the sky as it rains

Watching baby rimu trees grow

Hugs I never want to end

The magic and quietness of snowfall

The feeling of having goosebumps

The smoothness of wood after its been sanded

The nature of Fantails

And as much as I hate these nights that I can’t sleep, I also love them. They put life into perspective even if it is only until I fall asleep. I am grateful to have these moments where I can simply reflect and think about the things I have and the things that someday, are going to happen.

[veiliisms]

xiii.

“it’s been four days. he still hasn’t woken up. i can’t leave.”

xenon’s arms are wrapped around afton’s shoulders, hearing him plead to give him more time at his cousin’s bedside. she was heartbroken to see him like this. he hardly ate. hardly slept. he’d push chairs together, sleeping on top of them just in case renji would wake up.

“and rimu...” eyes squeeze shut, head now rests in his hands as his hair falls down and across his face. “she’s... still not saying anything. she just sits there... she hasn’t spoken a word, hardly even acknowledged any of us since we got them here and stable.”

five days since they arrived in freiburg. xenon and renee immediately made all the necessary preparations - alexander would help yuritzee to prepare, as well, but he was mainly there for emotional support. the moment she saw renji, there was a slight break in her will. it didn’t last long, though - she knew how serious this was. she and renee were still at work drawing up designs for possible prosthetics.

naoko kept busy, digging into funds, calling in favors, making plans. fahy took care of business back home - though she would fly in soon enough. vera jumped around as she could, though mostly stayed in the medical ward of xray’s black forest compound with afton.

afton...

“i am so sorry, my love,” xenon begins, trying to get him to budge. “but you are running yourself ragged. please... let us get you something to eat. go home for one night, please. you need proper rest.”

“i can’t!” he has to struggle to keep from yelling - he was frustrated. so frustrated. but it wasn’t her fault, wasn’t vera’s. he wants to shrug her off of him, he wants to push her out, he wants to deal with this alone. but that’s not how things are now.  now, they all have people to depend on. but that urge - it’s still there. the old habit is hard to break.

he looks up once more - at his cousin. the young man he’s always watched after. memories flood in his mind - visions race through at a million miles an hour, protecting him, helping him, patching him up, cooking for him. smiles, laughs, anger, arguments. all of it.

and it could all be gone, just like that.

he doesn’t feel it for a moment. he doesn’t understand. but a warm drip on his hand stops the memories from continuing. he looks down - a teardrop. more begin to fall. midnight gaze goes back up to his cousin, and he breaks.

he breaks. teeth grit together, hands clench into fists on his lap and shoulders begin to tremble. he can’t keep it in forever - eventually, choked sobs break out. hands reach out to the bed.

“renji... god dammit, renji. come back to us. please. please, renji... i-i can’t...”

xenon wraps her arms around him. tears spill from her own eyes, as well, but she keeps it quiet. his pain was more than hers, right now.

“renji, please... i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. fuck... fuck! i’m sorry, please, come back... god, please, don’t leave us...

i can’t do this without you. it’s always been you. you’ve - always been part of the glue that keeps us together. ren, please... please. come back to us.

i need you.”

...

no response. just the sound of his sobs, and a slow, steady beep of the cardiograph.

#;show time (muse interaction) #:)c

[veiliisms]

she hears the beep of the answering machine. she can’t leave a message. she can’t speak. her lungs collapse under the sob she held in as she chokes out two words. “i’m sorry.” there was a long silence. “i’ll make it right.” her words laced with quiet anger at herself & at her father. swallowing she wiped her eyes & hung up. staring across the table at klein, she reaches out for his hand. “if anyone asks tell them i’m gone.” guess they were right. she couldn’t be trusted. @renji & co.

*VERMILION & WEISS. / @mosaiqk (god damn u latte.)

fahy wanted to answer it. she so terribly wanted to answer it. she and rimu knew her heart was in the right place, that she only thought of renji. but now… it was just her. vera was… sort of coming around, but she still felt alone in this. and while they knew her family had nothing to do with the accident, how was weiss to know that? afton told her not to answer it. he was… frightening. so, she didn’t. she let it go to voicemail. and when her voice plays, her heart breaks.

“…c’mon. we gotta go. we don’t have time for this.” afton announces, and they all begin to file out the door. he stops fahy, who’s last to leave, and looks down at her. “… what she thinks don’t matter. ren an’ rimu need us, and that’s all that does. keep your head on them. not her. alright?” and with that, he turns to walk out.

fahy stands still in the doorway, hands clasped tightly together in front of her chest. she thought of weiss. how she must be feeling. how distraught she must be, being so far out of the loop on this, with only her to look out for the heiress. she fights back the tears. now’s not the time to cry. she swallows the lump in her throat, before nodding her head vigorously, and shutting the door behind her.

she began filing information she could, so she could share it with weiss. it was only fair, after all.

#mosaiqk #;ic ♋ lao #;ic ♉️ afton #;MAIN (↠main v)

[veiliisms]

she's in her usual place, curled into his side on the couch with her cheek against his shoulder-- quiet, contemplative, making a study of his features. it's shameless, really, the way she reaches to caress his cheek, head tilted and lips parted. after a moment, she shifts to face him better, partially in his lap. "you're entirely too pretty for your own good. especially with those glasses."

unprompted. / *RENJI & TAEYEON ( @stardrenched )

they had been a recommendation from his therapist. conversations led from one thing to another, revealing a slightly blurred vision that only got worse since the incident. perhaps it was the stress, perhaps it was just that time, but either way, it was official. his heterochromia was beginning to affect his eyesight.

nowhere even near rimu, he still needed correction; damned eyes seemed to always cause him trouble. mildly self conscious about them as is, though he can’t help the gasp when she suddenly shifts in her spot, now fully facing him. mismatched eyes behind lenses gaze into forest green, he eventually smiles, struggling not to shake his head at her words.

“... you keep saying things like that, and i’ll start to believe you,” he jests, his own hand coming up to caress her cheek as well. “... mm, if i’m pretty, then you’re beautiful. stunning. breathtaking. should i go on?”

#stardrenched

[veiliisms]

“are you okay, primula?”

renji takes a break from cleaning at their mother’s shrine, looking towards his younger sister. she had been... very quiet. this was her first time visiting their mother’s grave. she had been strong, but he just felt... that something was off.

she was still, back turned to him, shoulders shaking a bit. he instantly stands, walking over to her and kneeling at her side, hands on her shoulders as he holds her close.

“primula... shh, shh...” he calms his sister, letting her cry into his chest. he’s trying. he’s trying so hard to be strong for her. but her shaking frame in his hold is enough to slowly crack away at the armor he was holding for her.

“... she’d be so proud of you,” he whispers, smiling for her.

“... y-you think so?” she asks, voice a hoarse whine, pale lavender eyes finally opening up.

“i know so,” he assures her, nodding his head. “... mom was always able to see the good in people. to pick them up, tell them why they’re loved. she’d be so happy to see how far you’ve come.”

she finally calms some, sobs slowly turning into soft cries, before she’s finally able to stop the tears for a moment. “... your heart is racing,” she finally says, looking up at him.

his heart stops in his throat, and he looks down at her. her hand rests on his chest, and she tilts her head curiously.

“... you’ve been holding this in for so long... haven’t you?”

it feels as if a massive hole was punched through his heart - she was so easily able to see past his defenses, to knock down walls with a single sentence. tears flow freely from his eyes, and he has to gently place his fingers to his cheeks to make sure yes, he really was crying. “... rimu, i-”

“it’s okay, renji,” she looks towards him, smiling softly, a hand reaching to wipe the tears away. “... she’d be proud of you too, brother... i’m proud of you. i know... mom would be really proud of you for taking care of me the way that you have. for taking care of the others, too.”

tears are still falling from the elder aoki’s face, face starting to contort into that of sadness, of feelings forever pushed aside finally clearing their way, making themselves present. he finally has someone who could understand. someone to share the pain with.

“... i miss her, rimu,” he cries silently, now letting her take him in her embrace. “... i miss her so much. i miss mom. i-i... i miss her and dad so much.”

“... i know, renji.” she starts to run her hand down his back, letting her brother - the man that’s taken care of her for these past few months, the man that helped her adjust to normal life, to take care of her when she was down - to finally let out all the pain he felt.

his arms finally wrap around her, holding her tight, all the while, a soft, kind smile plays on her soft and delicate features.

“... let it out. i love you, renji. it’s going to be okay.”

#;show time (muse interaction)

[veiliisms]

‘ come lay down in my lap. ’ taki 4 afton :3c

@stardrenched

“i’m fine,”

lies, lies, lies spill from his mouth like venom, and he refuses to even look at her. renji and rimu were gone - vera had moved on ahead, the handlers keeping quiet, probably doing their own jobs. of course he was in his own head. he didn’t like not having control of these situations, so of course he’s going to tread down an anxious path.

he sits next to her, hunched over, arms resting over his thighs and fingers laced together in front of him. he’s staring a hole into the coffee table in front of them, and he tries really fucking hard to ignore the way she’s looking at him with worry.

“... s’just a lot going on right now,” he whispers, finally sitting back up. he breaks, he has to, just one little look - stealing a sideways glance, the way her eyes look into his, asking, pleading for just this one little act of kindness. he can’t resist. of course he can’t.

sighing, eyes fluttering shut, he nods his head. slowly, hesitantly, almost as if drawing it out to see if maybe she’ll take the offer back. but, of course, she doesn’t. his head slowly finds its way down, hair spilling across her lap as he slowly accepts this fate. his eyes are squeezed shut. they’re in pain. but no tears fall. no sadness washes over him. he was the one who kept them all together. he was the one who needed to be strong.

and now, for one more person, he needed to be strong.

#stardrenched