#sh . keeping you all to myself

[philsmeatylegss]

Today is like the last hot-ish day (not hot is wearing leggings without sweating) and good timing because girlie is having body issues more than normal

#I say more than normal because there has not been a moment that has passed since age 13 that I have not had body issues #it’s okay you can laugh it isn’t tragic when you think about it for too long because of the fact I was a child and so fucked up I was #was starving myself lololol #don’t even get me started on how I wanted to kms and was sh constantly when I was 14 and that truly just is devasting purely just tragic and #a waste of life lolololol #and it doesn’t matter how healthy I am now or how healthy I will get #I will never be normal #childhood trauma fucking rewired your brain in a way I cannot change ever lololol #no matter what restrictive ED’s don’t fully go away lololol #I want to have a healthy relationship and learn what love looks like and what healthy fights and proper communication looks like #but all I bring to the table is a shattered glass that I taped back together so like I can still hold water and I’m a whole glass but I will #always need this tape to keep me from breaking and I will always have cracks no matter what #wow this was a random rant😭😭 #rae’s rambles #delete later

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

#sterechats :) #09:58 pm - this is a bad idea but scheduling it anyway #what's the worst that can happen really? everyone leaves again? nobody talks to me again? #probably gonna delete this in the morning so. meh. not like it matters not like I matter :D #10:29 pm - wow it feels like my head is on fire #like my brain is actually burning and I can't do a damn thing about it #I should be happy right now! the devils are winning! my favorite guys are scoring! #but no! I'm barely keeping it together around my family and praying I don't wake up tomorrow <3 #11:00 pm - I need to get out of here #I need to get out of here out of here out of here I can't stay here any more this is killing me #everyone hates me and I need to chew my arms open maybe then everything will make sense #why am I even writing these tags what does it matter #I was so much more in control of myself when I was sh-ing #maybe I should get back to that maybe it'll help I don't know anymore #I just want my friends back but they hate me hahahaha #11:24 pm - wonder how many people are gonna block me after this one #how many people will finally be fed up and leave for good #everyone leaves and I should be used to this by now #here's a truck stop instead of saint peter's (yeah yeah yeah yeah) #11:41 pm - it's friday afternoon/there goes antigone to be buried alive #in the next world I want to be something useful/like a staple gun/or in love #I would fall off a cliff for you/a thousand times and call it a good day #maybe I'm just incapable of being human! maybe that's it! #maybe I'm not even human at all... but something worse instead... #1:22 am - moving the posting of this back from 3 to 6 am #not that that matters and not that I matter but I don't think I'll sleep #and I don't want this to post when I'm awake #I know I'm just going to get unfollowed and blocked and left behind as always #because happiness and good things and friendships just aren't things I get to have really #I just wish people would stop lying and telling me they're different and they'll stay when they're not different and won't stay

[galaxxies18]

「届きはしない思い」 「声にならめ声で」

「T R E A S U R E Y O U」

Please don't repost anywhere else!

Invidivual versions below the cut 👇

#i think about treasured a humanly normal amount #ALSO THE ANXIETY I GOT AS I WAS FINISHING THIS BECAUSE CSP ALMOST CRASHED BROOO IMMA CRYYYY #anyway this song is the bane of my existence #it gives me nightmares in my waking hours #i hate thing song i hate that it was sung by Team K I hate that Rindou's singer has a hand in composing the lyrics #and even in canon story rindou directed the play (at least for yoshino's side iirc?) #i hate this i hate this song haunts my every living breathing moment #i hate that rindou's singer also sings this as well for concerts #like YOU GUYS ALREADY HAVE MY WIG AND MY WALLET WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SNATCH EVEN MY SCALP #mr donuts i dont feel so good- #10/10 song i would put myself under therapy just to forget this song (just to fall in love with it again) #i mean- song is mid #yeah #defenly mid uhuh #no one better @ me for this @@@@ you two bitches specifically #<- crying in roughly 36 hours? of doing this? #idk I didn't keep track of the legitimate time but I know I did this over a span of 5 days #“is kei missing a necklace?” yeah he is its called tactical redesigning im done with this sh- #the amount of details I had to go thru for the jewelry even though you can barely see it makes me (shakes fist) #ALL THE SHITPOSTING ASIDE I'm really happy with how the end product ended up looking! #I tried to recreate the coloring style they do in the game...it's not bad LOL #also idk how to make clothes but I'll be damned if I don't give him a Treasured outfit #also Rindou deserves to have hairpins c'mon donuts its free real estate #; galaxxi's art. #blackstar: theater starless #blackstar theatre starless #blackstar theater starless #bsts rindou #bsts yoshino #adding salt to the wound these three are gonna be singing for christmas- so 🧍‍♀️

[theinfinitedivides]

random thing to post over here especially since i've like. never mentioned it ever but why is it every time i see an rp that looks interesting enough to make me dust off my old skills and dip my toe back in the water after six? seven years? it's always some sh*t like 'discord exclusive' or '21+' or 'invite only' exactly what is going on in the community these days

#i used to roleplay on forums when i was twelve or thirteen. thereabouts. probably not the best idea but it was with a bunch of other #twelve to thirteen year olds so we made it #i cannot count the amount of OCs i have languishing that i want to do something with but all the good rps are just so so unaccessible #if i wanted you to have my discord i would have put it up on the internet!!!!! i haven't checked that sh*t in months!!!!!! #ik there is always the option of going indie but 1. ik f*ck all how to get into that and 2. i keep getting blocked by rp blogs even #tho i clearly put in my bio that i can only interact from this main and my in progress rp blog is a side one #trials and tribulations Lord. ykw maybe i should just keep my sh*t to myself maybe that would work. writing self-indulgent fics #for both OCs and fandom has never failed me

[deus-ex-mona]

“if you don’t have anything good to say, ✨don’t say anything✨” is my life’s motto, after all~

#my specialty is keeping my opinions to myself… all while silently judging you to your faces #it’s a skill i learned from my mother… though she’s also a hypocrite who judges you with the people she’s with. thanks for the life lesson 妈 #i’ll only give my opinions when asked… or cry about it in the tags of my own posts bc i really like my echo chamber ok #(…though it’s also bc i have actually contributed to misinformation in the past… [stares at my sh*n j*da* tl]) #i’d like nothing more for that nonsense to get buried under my old posts but the lyrics vid that used my tl has over 100k views now and— #[buries face in hands] i would like to sincerely apologise to everyone who has had the misfortune of seeing that horrible tl #i mean!!!! i literally forgot that the word ‘hoarse’ exists!! that’s why that weirdass ‘till our throats burn dry’ even exists s o b s #and i also forgot to even type in some entire words and aaaaaaaaaaaaa #the cringe is real. s o b s. i’m so sorry for the misinformation #what brought this on? well… i’m just having my daily ✨quarter life crisis✨ wherein i’m struck by the realisation that i’m bad at everything #then i thought about my tls，which led to me thinking about my greatest tl failure (aside from my daikirai tl)… #…which naturally led to the thought of ‘oh crap i spread misinformation :(’，which led to… this #i swear i’m bad at everything aside from running sideways in crowded train stations… maybe my true talent was crabwalking all along…? #inedible blubbering

[inprometheanfire]

@caracarnn​ sent: rand+elva / rand+milady

send me a ship and i’ll tell you...

elva

Who’s the cuddler? Both!! Though Elva’s a little more “clingy” because she’s still learning the concept of personal space. Who makes the bed? Elva. She does all of the cooking and cleaning. It’s literally her favorite things to do. She likes to make the bed in different ways to surprise Rand. Who wakes up first? Rand, always. He’s got a lot of work to do. Besides, Elva prefers to snooze her alarm until it’s like 2 in the afternoon. Who has the weird taste in music? Elva, probably. She listens to literally everything from Tupac to Gregorian chants and industrial metal. Who is more protective? Rand. Well, Elva is too. But I think that Rand is more protective and will really go out of his way to keep her safe, even though there’s nothing she won’t do for him as well. Who sings in the shower? Elva. She has a good singing voice, so it’s not exactly humorous. It’s the song choices that are... questionable. Who cries during movies? Elva. She’s quite sentimental and will openly express her emotions. And if Rand is there then she’ll ask him to talk about it with her so that she can better understand the human emotions she’s feeling. Who spends the most while out shopping? Elva, definitely. She spends without thinking, which is why it’s probably best to hand her just enough money to spend. Who kisses more roughly? Elva only because she’s got a lot to learn lmao Who is more dominant? Rand. Elva wouldn’t know where to begin. My rating of the ship from 1-10. 1,000,000/10

milady

Who’s the cuddler? Rand, though Milady’s not averse to it. She rather enjoys his gentleness... that is, for however long it may last. Who makes the bed? Neither because they have servants for this. Who wakes up first? Both wake up around the same time. Rand has a lot of important things to do and Milady likes to see him off before he goes. Who has the weird taste in music? Rand? He seems more openminded to a weirder taste in music. Who is more protective? Rand. He’s protective over here whereas Milady’s protective over herself. And over her assets, of course. Who sings in the shower? Rand. Milady thinks it’s hilarious. Who cries during movies? Milady, but it’s an act to convince him that she’s sensitive and emotional. Well, she is both of those things... but they’ve been suppressed for so long that she’s forgotten how to feel them. Who spends the most while out shopping? Milady loves her money. Who kisses more roughly? Milady, though Rand’s learned to match her. Who is more dominant? Milady, but she does enjoy how Rand isn’t a pushover. My rating of the ship from 1-10. 1,000,000/10

#sh . keeping you all to myself #elva & rand ; caracarnn #sh . be still my foolish heart #milady & rand ; caracarnn #caracarnn #answered meme

[caracarnn-archive]

elva & rand for the ship thing ofc

SHIPPING MEME - @inprometheanfire​

Who is a night owl: Rand

Who is a morning person: Elva but Rand is awake also

Are they cuddlers: they are ok lbr

Who is the big spoon: Rand is

Who is the little spoon: Elva because he just tucks her against him ok

What is their favourite sleeping position: see above

Who steals all the blankets: Elva does. and she made said blankets

What they wear to bed: Rand wears like idk plaid pants lol and a sweater because it’s COLD where they live and Elva probably wears just about the same or something although he usually takes off her sweater because he wants her nearer

Who likes seeing the other wearing their t-shirt: Rand does ok but she treats some of these gingerly because she made some of them

Who falls asleep mid-conversation: neither

Who wakes up in the middle of the night with nightmares: Rand does. Elva wakes up and goes to do her selkie singing

Who accidentally punched the other in their sleep: neither

Who can’t keep their hands to themself: neither tbh and Elva is always putting her hands on him

Who said “I love you” first: they both confessed to it to each other at the same time

Who would have the other’s picture as their phone background: Rand has her as his bg ok but it’s an aesthetic pic of her looking out over their sheep or something

Who leaves notes written in fog on the bathroom mirror: Elva does. she thinks that whatever surface can be written on should be

Who buys the other cheesy gifts: Elva does. but they’re not really cheesy, just weird

Who initiated the first kiss: Rand did

Who kisses the other awake in the morning: Elva does. sometimes she can come across as physically needy

Who starts tickle fights: elva does because she enjoys the fact that he reacts so weirdly

Who asks who if they can join the other in the shower: Rand does. he’s needy too lmao

Who surprises the other in the middle of the day at work with lunch: Elva does

Who was nervous and shy on the first date: they didn’t really date tbh

Who kills/takes out the spiders: neither because Elva thinks spiders are great probably

Who loudly proclaims their love when they’re drunk: Rand does. he doesn’t talk much about his emotions but if he’s drunk? he probably does.

#.answered meme #.asks #sh. keeping you all to myself ; inprometheanfire ; elva hess

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

#sh tw #(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday) #100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #im cursed with being a bit too self aware so #i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things #(for legal reasons i cannot say) #and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard) #its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER #BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM #back to my point. #guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat #[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over] #[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG] #so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it. #could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that. #i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition' #really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else . #it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat .. #.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before. #...... #i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me. #it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything #so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way. #anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend #so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice #i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row. #лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together #(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really) #(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently) #so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING

[bippityboppityouch]

when someone tells you that you can talk to them whenever so when you're having a particularly rough time you tell them that you feel like hurting yourself and they tell you 'no no don't say that' like they help you but....okay so apparently you don't want me to tell you when i feel like crap??? make up your mind please

#please be straightforward i am stupid and will not come to you asking for help if i think i'm bugging you -_- #literally at all #ever #i will just keep it to myself #probably end up relapsing #sh things

[izzymalec]

love going through my old data, was looking for screenshots from it's always sunny, found a bunch of pirated books instead

#txt #saskia talks #??? apparently somebody made me a collection of books in spanish as pdfs??? who was it thank you angel i don't remember #there's also downloaded sherlock fanfiction one of which i do remember VERY well. a core memory even. #and some english books. one of them? the iliad lmfao #which dates all of this around the time i was obsessed with the song of achilles #one of them even IS the song of achilles so i'm right i remember this slightly #never read the others tho sigh #gotta find an app i can read it with eventually #not sh #edit: not to incriminate myself further but why are there so many shows and movies on there #jongens???? i keep everything it's a problem but also not at all bc now i'm learning dutch so it can become helpful

[mirainawen]

me, So Sad inside: wow my anxiety is sure high and i find everyone and everything irritating, and i am quite certain everything is about to Implode. must be reaching burn out

my antidepressants: sure would be nice to leave this bottle now and again

#couldn’t tell you when the last time was i had one. #in all defense though this whole year has been disastrous and like. all the worst things in life that could happen right now have. #am i So Sad inside? yes. am i justifiably? yes. am i barely holding my sh*t together without factoring in people? yeah. #everyday i am barely keeping myself from quite literally disappearing

[eveningclouds]

i think i might start journaling agaun jnstead of meowing in fhe tags of various posts. you're welcome

ok edit i typed waymore tags than i thought i would so if you click see more hou will get a whole wall of text that isn't really worth reading but for reasons elaborated upon below (in the wall of text not worth reading) i'm still clicking post bc thisis the internet i can do what i want

#for one last hurrah: 1 i have realized it's so easy to make friends if you actually talk about your feelings i feel #like i made more friends last week than i did thru all of last semester (didn't make any new friends last semester) #2 i did end up breakinf my stupid sobriety challenge on 4/20 with half a white claw & a baby edible and #even tho i poured the ofher half down the drain what they don't tell you is that yr like...cravings? get worse #if you start again by even a little bit. (they literally do tell you this) #3. i think i am realizing that my anti carceral & restorative beliefs have to apply to myself as well #beyond love & beyond a supposed intrinsic value & even beyond forgiveness #4. i keep thinking about my therapist's visible anguish when she saw my sh scars & my roommate's worry wheb she saw me #asleep at the kitchen table bc i didn't wanna interrupt her call. & it hit me today like ohhhh. i get it #like ooohhhhhhh...people are connected to each other & i am a person #& my own repeated denial of my humanity denies/d other ppl of theirs as well...ohhhhh #5. i have been taking gorgeous walks and today i walked past the er on the way to the park and #realized i was retracing backwards the times i walked/crawled back home from there alone & afraid #& realized thst processing trauma Outside of the limited framework that ptsd offers is so so necessary #it's honestly way less humiliating typing all this out rather than writing it out physicaly #but maybe i'll transfer this to an actual journal and delete #it's weird bc i like to treat online like a journal but um getting flagged as a suicide risk has really made me aware #of i guess the value of privacy that isn't contingent upon anonymity #OK BYE 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽 #kidding doing 6 bc of reasons but i think that this is honestly the best way it could have ended up happening like #idk. *understanding*

[sulliispeachy]

disappeared for a couple days but im back

heres the

New Plan

i bought a scale yesterday so i could weigh myself wo going through my mom first so this will make it easier for me to keep track of my weight

i must weigh myself EVERY morning after using the bathroom, with no clothes. if the weight has gone up i must fast for the next 24 hours

no calories for breakfast. only 0 cal drinks allowed. for lunch i can have a snack, idc what it is as long as its a SNACK, not a meal

for dinner i can eat whatever i want, this way i can avoid binging and satisfy my cravings while keeping my calories low

on my days off, i will work out for at least 30 minutes. idc what i do, dancing, walking, running, but i will spend 30 consecutive minutes burning calories

if i break any of these rules without approval for the next 30 days/before i reach my gw, i must either: sh (i dont want to do this anymore + ill be kicked out if i do so it helps me stick to my goals), be forced to leave my job (i love my job and i obviously dont want to quit) or no longer do any homework and slack on my schoolwork (dont want to fail my jr year of high school)

i also have rewards for all the lbs coming off. 130lbs: get my feet done. 125lbs: new perfume set. 120lbs: new jewelry and piercings. 115lbs: tattoo. 110lbs: new bikinis. <105lbs: $500 clothing shopping spree

to be approved to not follow one or more of these rules for the next 30 days, you must be approved by going through a checklist (see below). you must meet at least 1 of the requirements to be approved for a “cheat day”

by posting this to tumblr, i am electronically signing and agreeing to stick to this plan and all of the rules that come with it. if this contract is broken, i will have to pay $500 to anyone who likes this post (given that i have a way of paying)



cheat day checklist

🔳 weight has plateaued for 3 or more days

🔳 have an important exam or test tmrw (2 days)

🔳 need a break for your mental health

🔳 parents are forcing you to eat

note: this is just for me, please do not follow this, especially if you think it would be bad for your mental health. only posting here to hold myself accountable

block dont report

#3d diet #3dtumblr #4nerex1a #4nor3xia #ed relapse #tw 3d vent #tw ed but not sheeran #tw ed descussion #tw ed sheeran #tw thinspi #⭐️ ing motivation #⭐️vation goals #⭐️rving #⭐️ve #i will reach my ugw #i will be a skeleton #i will be small #i wanna be tiny #i wanna be perfect #i will lose weight #i wanna lose weight #ed but not ed sheeran #skinnyspø #skinnii #skinnnyy #skinnyyy #skinnygirl #ed ednotsheeran restriction #tw edtwt #ed diet tips

[straawberries]

I AM GOING TO BE KICKED OUT IN 6 MONTHS AND I AM NOT MAKING MONEY FAST ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO AVOID HOMELESSNESS

hey girls its me again. ill.. try to keep this brief? as brief as i can atleast.

if you havent seen my previous posts, hi, my name is delilah, im an autistic transgirl system with ptsd thats living in an abusive household where im barely fed and am constantly miserable, and to top it all off, the second my birthday hits on JUNE 1 2024, i am going to be kicked out. i want to make around $2000 dollars before then, but i only have about $350 right now. at my current rate, i wont be able to reach my goal, and i dont know how im going to get housing if i dont. to repeat in big text so people pay attention:

if i do not get about $1700 more in donations before june 1 2024, i am going to be homeless.

im trying.. really hard to not give up but its looking bleak. because i live in a small town in texas where everyone knows that im an autistic trans loser, ive been unable to get a job, and ive been forced to do this. i dont enjoy being forced to rely on other people's kindness, but its the best and atp really the only option i have.

C*SH*PP - @delilahswagga

P*YP*L - @delilahkill

i make pixel art too! dm me if youre interested, i do most things including furries/anthros, humans, chibi/dolls, backgrounds and scenes, and small animations

a lot of scams claiming things like this have been going around, so ill talk about myself some. click the readmore if you want to read that.

i have a really big love for performing, i fell in love with theatre years ago and performed the addams family musical as fester about a month ago as my biggest role on stage yet, and right now im in the process of getting ready for antigone as teiresius. i love music, and its one of my life goals to learn as many instruments as possible, and currently i own quite a few, though my favorites are my two ukuleles and my super cool electric guitar. i have 8 partners at the moment, and i have a very big desire to one day live with as many of them as i can. i pride myself on being the best partner i can be, and its been my goal to make all my partner's lives better (and i think ive been doing a good job at it :3)

i love cats an extreme amount, ive never had a cat myself (because my dad is insane and hates cats and tries to hit cats with his truck) but being around cats makes me super happy and always makes my anxieties go away, even when im having an anxiety attack or a panic attack. i really hope i can get a few cats one day, and i want to give them all silly food names :) my fursona is kind of a reflection of that, her name is bagel. some cat names ive thought of are mochi, chili, Supreme Pizza, or maybe french fry :)

im not sure if ill be able to achieve any of my goals if i dont get the financial support i need. ive been.. really close to giving up recently, but i dont want to have to do that, so im going to fight like this for as long as i can.

#trans #autistic #actually autistic #help needed #urgent #mutual aid #financial aid #commissions #pixel art #pixel gif

[inprometheanfire]

@caracarnn​ sent: ‘ship !’  - elva

send ‘ship !’ for the following

who throws things in a fight ? : Neither! Elva would never, especially not at him. who goes to their parent’s house for a weekend when things get bad ? : Generally speaking, when things get bad, Elva will sit by the shore and hang out with her seal family for some comfort. Things don’t get bad between them. who wants to have children ? who doesn’t ?  : Both want children. They’ve talked about it a little bit, but not enough to make any plans. who is more adverse to physical contact ? : Neither. Elva appreciates everything about him and respectfully touches him when he consents to it. She thinks it’s so important to ensure that he’s comfortable enough for physical contact. who hates/dislikes their neighbors the most ? : If they had neighbors, it’d be the neighbors who’d get annoyed with Elva. who hates/dislikes their significant other’s family ? : Neither! Wait, has Rand met her seal family?? who is most likely to leave when things get rough ? : Neither. Elva is basically bonded to him and would never willingly leave him.  who thinks their partner turned out a different person than they thought ? : Rand probably thought he was getting a cute little homemaker but he got a frazzled saddie who misses her seals and acts like a weirdo :))) who is more likely to cheat ? : Neither.  who is the more experienced ( sexually or otherwise ) ? : Rand, probably. Elva was a seal her whole life so... who hates/dislikes their significant other’s friends ? : Neither. Elva would find them interesting simply because they’re people. who wants to go to social gatherings the most ? : Elva because she’d be very curious to eat the food and walk in the rooms and socialize with everyone there. She’d probably get distracted by the serving spoons or something idk who is most likely to be dishonest ? : Neither tbqh who is more emotionally closed off ? how does this affect their partner ? : Rand, sometimes. It makes Elva sad because she doesn’t want him to feel like he has to suppress his emotions for her sake. who is the dessert person ? : Both. Elva really tries to make his favorite desserts, but she always forgets the measurements or certain ingredients and sometimes replaces one item with another. It turns out to be terrible. who is more conservative ? : Neither.  who hates/dislikes oral sex ? : Neither.

#sh . keeping you all to myself #elva & rand ; caracarnn #answered meme

[scarletcomet]

i am so normal and not mentally ill at all

#ok so im sorry to ppl who see this post before i delete it later but #i really want to sh and the only reason im like holding back is because scars #i have too many already and even if i tell myself i'll only do a little bit in an area that's easy to keep hidden i know that it's like #an addication and it's so hard to stop once you start and then the next thing you know you're out of space #the 2nd reason is because i don't want to break my 62 day streak on the calm harm app #i'm really out here having the same feelings about my days clean from sh as i do about my snapchat streaks or duolingo streaks huh #lmao #i'm really fucked up huh #i just need a few cuts but i know a few turns into 10 which turns into 50 and so on and then the same thing the next day #i know what relapses are like for me. 6 years of this shit now #maybe i should have thrown away all those blades back in september when i got clean again after a really bad relapse #i know exactly where they are hidden in the back of the drawer of my bedside table #i didn't throw them away because i wanted to have them 'just in case' #i guess having them there makes me feel idk safe? #anyways so sorry for posting this #im truly fine other than a little stressed and the overall self hatred #maybe i need to remember that i kinda freaked myself out several times the last relapse from like the severity of the wounds #i don't want to cut that deep though. at least rn. but i know once i start each cut just isn't 'bad' or deep enough so i keep going #ugh sorry for posting this idk what is wrong with me (other than the anxiety depression and adhd) #self harm tw