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grunge-mermaid · 10 months

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grunge rewatches midsomer murders pt 2

full disclosure: I'm mostly knitting and kind of watching bc I'm still rotted only season 1 of Little Mosque on the Prairie is available on prime & if I want to watch the rest I have to sign up for Disney+

but anyway, here's pt 2 of That Corpse Is Breathing Pretty Deeply Fellas You Sure She's Dead?

2x01 Death's Shadow

opening with a flashback. always a good omen. Gerald/Liam started with a flashback and that episode was fucking wild man

Judy Parfitt...Judy Parfitt...

I know I could look her up but I want to be surprised by how I know her

no Joyce don't fall victim to the wedding industrial complex

SISTER MONICA JOAN

OF COURSE IT'S SISTER MONICA JOAN

I FUCKING LOVE SISTER MONICA JOAN

ahh good old Badger's Drift

all the good murders happen in Badger's Drift

"the head bounced into the hall" yikes

I knew there was a beheading in Badger's Drift I just got the episodes mixed up

why are there so many abusive husbands in these villages

well that hymn definitely isn't shared with the UCC

and we're back in the One And Only Lawyer's Office Set

oh that's a good murder

so dramatic and intense

love it

that corpse definitely isn't breathing

no lungs left

side effect of being burned to a crisp

please tell me someone's going to get an arrow through the neck

Chekhov's quiver

fine I'll settle for an arrow in the back

a character called Fletcher getting killed by a bow & arrow. beautiful

*gets caught in bed with a 19yo man* "I am not a homosexual, it disgusts me" baby boy... let me introduce you to the concept of internalized homophobia

"we never meant to hurt him" YOU LYNCHED A CHILD

WHY WOULD YOU PUT A NOOSE AROUND A CHILD'S NECK AND MAKE HIM STAND ON A RICKETY CHAIR ON UNEVEN GROUND IF YOU NEVER MEANT TO HURT HIM

gotta love it when the corpses don't breathe. such a rarity on this show

2x02 Strangler's Wood

only rated 13+? that doesn't bode well

this is the episode that was on PBS the other day that made me want to rewatch the series

they censored the word "shit"

idk why you can't say "shit" after 9pm on American television

anyway...let the commentary commence

if I didn't know that was Phyllis Logan I wouldn't believe it

11yo boys in the woods before school is never good

grown ass man can't take care of himself

stop infantalizing your husbands challenge 1998

ahh there's some good old fashioned victim blaming

I do appreciate a good Obvious Red Herring

I think one of the writers has a choking fetish

that comment's gonna get me some bots isn't it

"help my son is gay" "get a life"

I know I only watched this the other day but I already forget if they address why Kate Merrill recognizes Troy's name

like obviously he's written to her agony column, at least that's how they're setting it up, but I don't remember if they actually address it

"she's being dying for about 6 years now. we're getting used to it"

hey it's a Jenny Lind bed! *proceeds to sing Heave Away on loop in my head*

Come get your duds in order cause we're bound to cross the water

Heave away me jollies heave away

Come get your duds in order cause we're bound to leave tomorrow

Heave away me jolly b'ys we're all bound away

it's just not the same without Connor Bedard

what is with the kids in these villages? is there something in the water that makes them all psychopaths?

the continuity in this show is *chef's kiss*

gotta reference every previous case always

...is this what straight men find attractive?

is that cigarette ad supposed to be sexy?

I love the Terrible American Accent that is specific to shows like this

got distracted by making a knitting pattern more complicated than it needs to be because intentionally stressing myself out over a lace wedding veil is more interesting than rewatching an episode I just saw like 2 days ago

I'll try to be more focused for the next ep but for now it's eurovision performances and then bed

2x03 Dead Man's Eleven

ah fuck it's cricket themed I'm gonna be completely out of my depth

full disclosure: it's nearly 40c (104f) and I don't have air conditioning so if my computer (or my brain) overheats, the commentary will be brief

like this

nearly 20mins in and I have no clue what's going on because my brain is soup

haunted museum? 350-year-old family feud? that's all I've got

something about smoked mackerel

good god the sound on my parents tv is fucking awful

the music and screaming are painfully loud but the dialogue is barely audible

I get that Sandra is traumatized and all but jesus everything she says is a piercing shriek

wait a minute

the episode description mentioned cricket

why is there no cricket yet?

I want to steal my cat's cooling mat

can I make it through the last 30 minutes before taking a nap?

why am I not intrigued by this episode? is it boring? is it the difficult-to-hear dialogue making the episode hard to follow even with captions? is it the heat making it impossible to focus? we may never know

hard to tell if the corpse is breathing when it's buried

good lord that was the longest 7 minutes of my life how is there still 23 minutes to go?

*makes impatient "wrap it up" gesture*

OH MARTYR WARREN. it's a place!

I thought they've been saying Marta since 1x01

I assumed they were talking about a person who lived in Midsomer

someone everyone knows, runs a cute little shop or something, pillar of the community, everyone's nan kind of person

one of those characters who's always referenced but never seen. like Villix'pran or Captain Boday on DS9

apparently this is actually 3x04 Beyond The Grave. the real 2x03 has a really great cast (Imelda Staunton, Annabelle Apsion, Robert Hardy, Toby Jones). can't tell you who any of these folks are though

3 minutes left...

of course they read daily mail

but at least they're critical of it

ok nap time. summer is the worst.

2x04 Blood Will Out

the heat broke and my parents have gone out so I get the good tv tonight. let's wrap up season 2

Martyr Warren. of course it's set in Martyr Warren

this ep is about Travellers, it's gonna be culturally insensitive isn't it?

who is this guy

he's Gibbs from Pirates of the Carribean

Hector Bridges reminds me of Dr Bombay

ok so far this isn't as bad as I expected

there's still an hour and a half to prove me wrong though

like yeah there are townspeople who are being dicks but so far the police have just said "please don't litter and please leave when you said you would"

"I'm not kinky"

no shit Troy

you're so repressed vanilla is too spicy for you

and that's coming from me

Barnaby gets points for the casual use of the singular they

please tell me those are not morris dancers in blackface

I do appreciate that the rich bigots are the baddies here and not the travellers like you would expect from a nearly 30 year old show

also appreciate the widow not grieving her abusive husband

"the killer did us a favour"

Wife Swap: version 2.0

ah there we go

Troy being the asshole we know and hate

love me some gossipy bitches gossiping about murder over a game of scrabble

this is some spec ops shit isn't it

nope not spec ops just a corrupt commander

Troy may be as kinky as a slice of wonder bread, but the writers of this show are definitely into some shit

or has AO3 just completely ruined me and I see kink where there is none?

"I made the classic mistake of not believing you had been abused" a cop making a good and sincere apology? I'm shocked

murdering someone with a shotgun while dressed in all white is a bold move girl

well that's season 2 over and done with I guess. see you back here for season 3.

#grunge rewatches midsomer murders

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harryhooksgazebos267 · 3 years

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Broken Trust~ Part 15

Paring: Bang Chan x reader; Mark Tuan x reader(arranged marriage)

Genre: Mafia au, angst, little bit of everything honestly

Warnings: Cursing, mafia life shizzle

MASTERLIST

It had been about a month since you decided to go with Mark. Ever since then, he had been attached to your hip, barely giving you time to breathe on your own. Was it annoying? Hell yes but you had no choice but to just suck it up and deal with it. JYP and Mark started to plan your wedding more seriously and they were constantly asking you questions about shit you didn’t care about. If you weren’t marrying the person you wanted, why did it matter what the wedding looked like. There was one thing you were looking forward to though.

Wedding dress shopping.

Even if you didn’t care what everything else looked like, you could still look rocking in your outfit. Plus, it would be one rare occasion where you could be away from Mark. Even though he was hesitant to let you go without him. But in the end, you were able to convince him to let you just go with some of the girls.

Best and worst idea ever.

You see the thing is, the people who came with you were Irene, Joy, Seulgi, Jihyo, Sana, Yeji, and Lia. So half of them were with JYP and half on Stray Kids side.

Yikes.

You were kind of glad that you didn’t blow twice’s and itzy’s cover to red velvet or else that would have been real awkward.

AnYwAyS, you currently were trying on some dresses, in fact you were on your 5th one but none of them hit in the way that you wanted them to. Sighing, Sana suggest trying on the big ball gown dress that she had picked out, which you agree to cause why not. Might as well, right? As you turn around to go back to the dressing room, Jihyo’s voice stops you.

“Hey y/n, do you want me to help you try it on? I bet that ones gonna be a little hard to get on,” Jihyo said with a wide smile.

You give her a confused look considering you had just been having the bridal stylist help you the entire time.

“Uh yeah sure.”

Once you make it to your dressing room, Jihyo asks the stylist to go pick out a couple more dresses while she helps you. Once you’re alone, her happy demeanor turns into a serious one.

“I’m sorry to have to do this here but there’s literally no time where you aren’t by Mark or his yes men.”

“What’s up?” You question her as you step out of the dress you had on and stepped into the big one.

“Listen y/n, I know that you wouldn’t have just chosen to marry Mark willingly so I just want to know what’s up. If you’re scared that he’ll harm you or something you shouldn’t be! You’re under Stray Kids, Blackpink, Twice, and ITZY’s protection. We aren’t going to let you get hurt.”

“It’s not me that I’m worried about,” You confess after a few moments.

“What do you mean?” She questions as she zips up the dress.

“Listen, is there anyway that we could meet to talk later on tonight? Like at 10? And if you’re able to can you ask Blackpink to come too? Even if it’s just one of them that’s fine. We could meet in the training room and then go somewhere secluded to sneak bp in or something I don’t know,” You ask her once she’s done zipping you.

“Of course, are you going to be able to sneak out without Mark noticing though?” She questions while fluffing up the dress a little.

“If I say I’m going to train with you I think he’ll let me. I still don’t understand why he’s making me share a room with him though,” You state with an eye roll.

“I can’t even take a shit without him freaking out,” You joke causing Jihyo to snort a little.

“I bet.”

“Jihyo one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“Stray Kids can’t know that this is happening though. Just because I’m willing to explain what happened to you guys doesn’t mean I want them to know.”

“Y/n,” She sighs.

“Please, I don’t want to make a bigger mess then I already have,” you plead.

“Fine but if they find out I putting the blame on you.”

Nodding your head, the two of you exit the room to show off the dress, which honestly wasn’t too bad but it still wasn’t what you wanted.

“Oh that dress is horrible,” Irene said absolutely disgusted.

“What? She looks stunning in it! Y/n, if you weren’t marrying Mark I totally would marry you,” Sana said with a wink.

Ah yes, your gay supportive queen.

Anyways, after about an hour more of dress shopping you finally were able to “say yes to the dress” which was nice. By the time everything was done, you were pretty exhausted and hungry.

“I’m starving,” Sana complained as you all pilled into the car.

“Sucks to suck I guess,” Joy said giving her a little shrug.

“Don’t be shy, stop and get us food,” You said causing Lia and Yeji to hum in agreement.

“Starve,” Irene said as she whipped out of the parking lot.

“Calm down speed demon,” Jihyo muttered.

The rest of the day went by as a blur. You didn’t really do much, you kind of just followed Mark around like a little puppy since, again, he very rarely let you leave his side. You were sitting in Marks office as he was looking over some documents. You were extremely bored so you kind of were just doodling on a piece of paper. Glancing up at the clock, you saw that it was 9:45.

“Hey Mark,” You call out softly.

“Yeah?” He responded, not looking up from the document he was reading.

“Is it okay if I go train with Jihyo for a little?”

This peaked his interest a little.

“Why?”

“Because if I have to sit in this stupid office one more second I think I’m going to die of boredom,” You whine.

“How long do you plan on training for?”

“I don’t know, probably a couple of hours.”

“Sure, go ahead, just be back by 12,” Mark sighs.

“Wait really?” You say with a wide smile.

“Yeah why not,” He answers matching your smile.

“Thanks Mark! I’ll see you later,” You say as you quickly stand up so you can change your clothes. Gotta make it more believable.

“Y/n wait,” Mark calls out, causing you to stop.

“I’m...I’m sorry for the lack of freedom you’ve had. I promise you that once we’re married things can go back to how they were before everything happened with him. I just want to make sure that nothing happens to you before then.”

You don’t really know what to say so you just nod your head slightly. Making sure he had nothing else to say, you exit his office making your way up to your room. You rip your clothes off quickly and throw on the first workout outfit you saw. You honestly hopped that all of Blackpink could come, it had only been a month yet you missed them so much. The thought of being able to see them again made you so excited. After looking at yourself in the mirror, you exited your room and made your way down to the training room. Entering, you were pleasantly surprised to find that the only person in the room was Jihyo. Usually the room was filled with people, usually young rookies, training.

“I just kicked everyone out,” Jihyo said nonchalantly, “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done it.”

“Smart move, smart move. So, are they coming?” You question, eager to know if she was able to message them.

“Yes ma’am, just waiting for the call letting me know that they’re here.”

“Gosh I’m so excited to see them, I’ve missed them so much.”

“They’ve missed you too. Everyday they ask about you, so does Stray Kids,” She informs you.

A bitter sweet smile forms on your face.

“It’s good to know they don’t hate me.”

“They’re more worried and confused honestly.”

You open your mouth to respond but are cut off by Jihyo’s phone going off. After a quick exchange, Jihyo opens the back door of the training room and glances both ways to make sure no one was outside, after a couple of seconds, you see Jisoo, Jennie, Rosé, and Lisa enter the room, all dressed in black.

“Y/n, make sure the front door is locked,” Jihyo calls out.

You jog over to the front door, lock it, and make sure the windows are covered, Jihyo doing the same for the back door.

“Y/n!” Lisa squeals as she rushes over to you and brings you into a hug, Rosé following after her lead.

“Gosh I’ve missed you guys,” You sigh as you pull away from Lisa and go to hug Rosé, a large smile planted on your face.

“We’ve missed you too! We’ve been worried sick about you,” Rosé says with a sad look on her face.

“It looks like you’ve lost weight, have you been eating?” Rosé asks as she takes in your appearance.

“Yes I’ve been eating mom,” You laugh off.

“Well, you know why we’re here so you might as well tell us everything,” Jennie comments coldly, Jisoo not saying anything.

Big yikes.

You nod your head while you signal for them all to take a seat on the floor.

“Before I start, I want to make it very clear that Chan and the rest of the boys are not allowed to know any of what I’m going to say. It’s just going to make things worse and I’m not changing my mind about the decision I made, am I clear?”

The girls all glance at each other before turning back to you and nodding.

With a satisfied head nod, you go into detail about what Mark had said and how if you chose to be with Stray Kids that he wouldn’t stop until he had killed everyone of them. You then explained how that he promised that if you were to marry him and pick him over Chan then he wouldn’t kill any of them.

“I know it sounds stupid but Mark is a man of his word. If he says he’s going to do something, he means it and I just, I couldn’t take the risk. I know I probably hurt you guys and I’m sorry but you have to understand that I’m doing this for your own safety,” you say, ending your long speech.

“That’s bullshit,” Jennie states while shaking her head.

“What?”

“I said that’s bullshit! You’re coming back with us now y/n. I don’t care what fake promises he has made you, it isn’t a good enough reason,” She fumes while standing up and grabbing your arm.

“Jennie you don’t understand! I want to go with you, I really do but I just...I can’t risk it.”

“Jihyo has been telling us how miserable you look and how controlling Mark has been, we’ll be damned if we let you stay here another minute,” Jisoo finally speaks up.

“But it’s not your decision to make,” You argue back.

“Y/n, listen to me. I know, you’re scared about what Mark can do but we aren’t little powerless kids. We can fight back against him but you have to trust in our abilities. Please, just come back home with us, don’t throw your life away for our sake” Jennie pleads.

You look over to Jihyo, hoping to get some type of support from her.

“Don’t look at me, I’m with them on this one. You marrying Mark isn’t going to solve anything. It’s just going to anger Chan more and it’s just going to add more fuel to his fire. It’s going to add fuel to all the boys fire. What do you expect is going happen once they get angry? They’re just going to attack JYP and that’s going to give a reason for Mark to kill them. His promise is one that I know he can’t keep and even if he does, he never promised you that he won’t hurt or lock them up. I feel like no matter what you do, you can’t stop Mark or the boys from trying to kill each other.”

Jihyo did have a good point....

“But if you guys could just convince them not to, then we could avoid all of that,” you suggest even though you know it was a dumb hope to have.

“And you think that’s going to work? Chan loves you y/n and as far as he knows, you still love him so he isn’t going to stop until he gets you back,” Rosé comments.

“Well maybe I could convince him that I don’t love him.”

“As if he would ever believe you,” Lisa said with a little eye roll.

“I just...I would rather him hate me and believe a lie then know the real reason. I know you guys think it’s a bad idea and that I should just leave but I, I can’t. If I marry Mark, I feel like it gives me more time to figure everything out. He isn’t going to do anything that could possibly mess up my image of him anymore then it already has been and if I do I might be able to gain his trust back. So I know for a fact he won’t kill any of you guys, not before our wedding at least. I just need you all to keep the boys under control in the mean time.”

“I understand what you’re saying Y/n but I just...if you go through with marrying Mark, I’m worried that you’ll be stuck with him forever and we won’t be able to figure a way to solve anything,” Jihyo says, voicing her concerns.

“Maybe, but I think right now that’s our best bet.”

You all sit in silence, the weight of the situation falling upon everyone’s shoulders.

“So, what do you want us to tell the boys when we get home? I’m sure they’re going to be asking questions,” Lisa spoke up, breaking the silence.

“Mix a lie with the truth. Tell them that you met with Jihyo and I and tell them that I explained that I wasn’t changing my mind and that I don’t regret my choice. Just say that I confessed to knowing about plan awaken and that I’m in love with Mark. I don’t know, just say something like that.”

“And if Chan or any of them want to come and talk to you?”

“Have them go through Jihyo, and maybe I could meet up with them in secret. It might hit them a little harder if I say it to them in person. I think having Chan come would be the best bet because if he thinks I’m telling the truth then so will the rest of Stray Kids.”

“And what about us? Are we allowed to come visit you?” Jennie asked.

“I don’t know...Jihyo, if I said I was training with you once a week, do you think Mark would get suspicious? He did apologize to me today about the lack of space he’s been giving me so maybe he’ll be more willing to let me come here, no questions asked.”

“I think if you catch him on a good day and ask him the right way he wouldn’t mind.”

“Then I guess we can meet once a week maybe...but what about Stray Kids? Wouldn’t they catch on?” You question.

“Well to be fair, we still are under YG so they don’t know all of our business. For all they know we could just be going on a mission,” Jisoo comments.

“That’s true...well I’m down for that. This way you’ll be able to update me on things and vise versa.”

You glance over to the clock on the wall and nearly shit bricks when you see it 12:30.

“Oh shit he’s gonna kill me! How in the fuck did it even get so late so quickly? I don’t even have time to get sweaty to make it seem like I was training,” You rant as you begin to freak out.

“Just tell him that originally we were going to train but then we ended up just catching up on life or something, I don’t know but you better get a move on it before he comes down here,” Jihyo comments as she rushes to open the back door and let the other girls out.

After saying a quick goodbye, you sprint back up to your room. Once you make it to your bedroom door, you slowly open it, praying that Mark was asleep.

“You’re late.”

“I know, I’m sor-”

You stopped mid sentence as you taken in Mark’s appearance. It seemed like he just got out of the shower as his hair was wet and he only had black sweatpants on and a black silk robe that was left untied and opened, leaving his chest exposed. You still were getting used to see Mark like this, so whenever you did see him with his chest out in the open it always threw you off.

“Close your mouth before flies go in it,” He mumbles while taking a seat at the edge of the bed and crossing his arms.

“Fuck off,” you say as you feel your cheeks getting hot.

“You know, you’re going to have to get used to me walking around like this. We are getting married in case you forgot.”

“How could I forget,” You answer bitterly as you go to grab your pajamas to change.

“Don’t sound so excited.”

“Mark, I don’t feel like getting into this now. I’m tired and I just want to jump in the shower and go to bed.”

Not hearing him say anything else, you take a quick shower before going through your nightly routine and laying down on your side of the bed.

“Y/n?”

“What?”

“Are you cold?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

“....”

“You know you might not be happy right now and you might feel like I’m ruining your life but I can promise you that one way or another I’m going to make you love me and I’m going to make you happy.”

“....”

“Goodnight Mark.”

“Goodnight.”

TAG LIST (feel free to send me an ask if you would like to be added to the tag list or if you would like me to send a private message every time I update <3): @elenaramos1 @yup-indecisive-girl-cece @ewok7attack @0leelina0 @letterstoskz @lilacyeonjun @leesalts @craftymoonchaos @pajerita19 @basebalgirl70 @imagining-constantly @exfolitae @sangiejoong

Part 16

MASTERLIST

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renee-writer · 3 years

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There For You Chapter 1 Runaway Bride

A/N inspired by pure 90's nostalgia. A time when I was a young adult and my babies were babies. A simpler time. Inspired by Friends, as you can tell by the mood board, lol. This places our Outlander family in the world of the Friends universe. Bet you can tell who is who. Let the fun begin.

AO3

They look up startled when she runs in. In a wedding dress, no less. “Jenny, thank God you are here.” Cried as she throws herself into her arms.

“Claire, Claire Beauchamp?”

“That’s me. I had to get away. I simply couldn’t do it. I couldn’t marry that stuffy Frank, I don’t care if he is a professor and will, ‘settle me down’ as my mum says.”

“Ah. Okay. Yah, ah. Claire meet my mates, Geillis, Ian, and John. You recall my brother, Jamie. Guys, Claire, she was a good mate of mine in upper school.”

Hello are exchanged. Ian is a tall man with sandy hair and an easy smile. John, a bit shorter with dark hair and a more proper manner. Geillis is a free spirit. From her chestnut curls to her laughing green eyes and her bohemian type dress. Jamie was the tallest. His red curls are cut close to his head and his eyes, as blue as the sky, look over her with frank curiosity. Jenny is still the tiny domino she recalls from upper school. The lass who got things done.

“So, we have a runaway bride. Shall I see if the trans Am is available and find an eighteen wheeler?” Ian jokes.

“What?” Claire looks at him blankly before turning back to Jenny. “Will you help me? I can’t go home. My dad spend five thousand pounds on this wedding.” A low whistle from the group. “then I run out on it. Will you help me become a independence woman like you are?”

“She can stay with you Jenny. You have the extra room.” Geillis says.

“Oh thank you! Thank you!” she throws her arms around her.

“Well I guess you are staying with me. Come, let’s get you out of that conspicuous wedding dress.” Jamie’s eyes get round at this but no one is looking at him. They exit the coffee shop together. “Ian and John live right across the hall. Jamie lives in the next book of flats over. We can see him from my window. Geillis lives a kilometer away.” She explains as she leads her out into the Glasgow street.

They all enter her flat. Huge by the standards of the city. “This is lovely Jenny.”

“Thank you. Let me show you to your room.”

“I wonder why she didn’t leave him before today.” John muses as they wait on the lasses to return.

“Maybe she wanted to humiliate him.” Ian offers.

“He could have done something she just found out about.” Geillis adds. She stretches across the couch.

“He cheated on me with my maid of honor. Honor my arse!” she falls into the couch beside Geillis.

“That bastard. Shall we go deal with him for you?”

She looks over at Jamie. Jenny’s lite brother has grown up. She smiles. “No but thank you Jamie. If I loved him, this would hurt. But it just made me mad. Leaving him at the alter is punishment enough. I believe.”

“Here here! Marriage is a custom that is long overdue to be abolished. Love should be more free. “ Geillis cheers.

“Marriage has its place. She just choose wrong.” Jamie argues.

“Like you did?” Ian replies.

“You are married?”

“Was. My wife preferred the company of other women. I couldn’t quite compete.”

“Yikes. I am sorry.”

“See,” Geillis interjects, “love shouldn’t be so rigidly characterized.”

“Look,” Jamie stands and starts pacing, “I have no problem with lesbians. Just wish she would have not married a man when she wanted a woman.”

“Can’t argue with that.” His sister agrees.

Claire’s cell phone rings. “My dad.” She tells them before answering. “Hello daddy. Yes I know how much it costs. Really, well he embarrassed me first. I will tell you how. No listen dad. I caught him with Sandy. Yes that Sandy, not that it should matter. Would you have me.. A mistake. No I don’t think so. No I am staying in town. With Jenny Fraser. Yes, I will get a job. I will too. Sorry tell mum I am too but I won’t be coming home. I am a woman now. Bye.”

“Wow. Good for you. Do you know what kind of job you want?” Jenny asks.

“I have no idea!” She bursts into tears

#my writing #outlander fanfic #inspired by Friends #there for you #runaway bride #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #outlander fandom #modern au #crossover

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loftec · 3 years

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YEESSS!!! Rachel Weisz 😍😍😍 I lovvvveeee, also, ❤️✨women✨❤️ in general are incredible!! :D

YES INDEED! Also, here’s a thought I had recently

Me: I don’t have crushes because crushes require that you have a desire to be with the person in some way, right? And I don’t?

Also me, a 34 year old emotionally constipated dumbass: I love Sarah Connor. If I were a character in T2 I would be the trusted friend she goes to for shelter at the low point of the movie. She trusts me because she knows I love her and would do anything for her, and because I’d never want anything from her that she can’t give. I believe her when she tells me the things she knows, but I don’t understand what it’s like to be her, I’m not driven by the same fears as she is. But she comes to me when she needs help and I do what she asks, because I know what it means for her to ask. I have a cat. Her son thinks of me as family and my home is the one place from his displaced childhood he thinks of as a home of his own. I die protecting them because I’m a secondary character and thus disposable, but important enough to cause the main characters pain and elicit sympathy from the audience. I am the gay best friend. I am the spinster aunt. I am the safe haven in the desert with a basement bunker filled with canned beans and illegal firearms.

Yikes! I think I need to learn that words can encompass all experiences, no matter how fucking fringe they may be, lol.

An incomplete list of characters I knew I had a crush on as a teenager (if I’d allowed myself a wider definition of the word ’crush’):

Sarah Connor

Trinity

Zoë Washburne

Porthos the Pirate

An incomplete list of characters I didn’t know I had a massive crush on until I recently rewatched the movies and had An Epiphany:

Morgan Adams (”Cutthroat Island is a really good movie actually!” Well. I would probably still argue this, but also allow that I was maybe a bit influenced by a very wet Geena Davis climbing out of near certain death and onto her ship to wreak havoc amongst the patriarchy.)

Sue Charlton (”Mick is the cool main character and the reason I love this movie!” Uh. Incorrect. It was Sue. Sue quietly humoring all the Men around her, Sue being a reporter and good at her job, taking care of herself but accepting help when she needs it. That gorram 80s bathing suit. Sue chucking her shoes so she can sprint through NYC to stop the person she loves from leaving.)

People whose film catalogue I would watch in their entirety as a clueless 15 year old and now i’m like OH:

Rachel Weisz AND Brendan Fraser

MICHELLE YEOH

Jet Li

Richard E Grant

Richard Ayoade

Sandra Bullock

People I follow on instagram as a clueless 34 year old and now i’m like OH:

Rahul Kohli

Pedro Pascal (preferably traveling with Rahul Kohli in a version of The Mandalorian season 3 that I’m trying to manifest into reality) (Where Rahul plays a Han Solo type of charming scumbag and Din Djarin hunts him, until they end up in a situation where they have to work together and start to respect each other and GASP like each other, and when Din is injured Rahul’s character takes him to the safest place he knows, the home of his best space friend – ME – who helps patch Din up and watches them interact as Din recovers. In a nice little scene where Rahul and I are doing something domestic like peeling space potatoes, I tell him he’s an idiot and never could see what was right in front of him, but I’m obviously not talking about me and him because it’s not like that at all. I am the gay best friend in space. I officiate the space wedding. I become Grogu’s spinster space aunt. I have a cat, in space.)

(This section of the list was perhaps mostly just a ruse to tell you about my Din/OMC headcanon)

And finally. A list of real people that I don’t actually know who I would happily pine after and give shelter when they find themselves on a quest to save the world:

Jenny Nicholson

That’s it, she’s the list.

There you go. I’m asked a question and a year later I come back with a very complicated answer. Seems right.

#you are correct my anon friend #when you say ❤️✨women✨❤️#sorry about this whole post #you unleashed something i've apparently been thinking about for a year #Anonymous #I've had this in my drafts for a couple of days and I don't know why #release the kraken!

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undeadqveen · 5 years

Text

✕ — isn’t that shiklah wandering the streets of new york? civilians know them as queen of the undead and see them as an anti-hero (or villain depending the day,,, yike). as far as i know, the one thousand+ year old stands with the legion of monsters & howling commandos and are rumoured to be pretty authoritative & cavalier. ( priyanka chopra /demi-girl / she/they )

{ trigger warnings : coma mention, war, sort-of-not-really-cannibalism (since u kno, demon, but still human eating), torture, medical/experiments }

everyone say hello to my monster!baby, shiklah! she is the literal light of my life and i can only hope i do her justice. sooo here we go.

I. : INTRODUCTORY INFORMATION: //

shiklah hasn’t been around in the comics for too long. and all her appearances in marvel are entirely comic based

so this rendition of her is going to be based on that, with my own head canons filling in the gaps along the way to make her a fully fleshed out character

II. BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION: //

age: old. really fucking old. she was alive before the first humans.

gender: demigirl. her war demon form is gender neutral. she wears female human skin, however.

height: 10’3” in true form, 5’8” in humanoid form

species: succubus, sorceress

occupation: succubus queen, queen of the undead, queen of the underworld, queen of monstropolis

place of birth: the arabian peninsula

citizenship: arabian

marital status: married (two polyamorous marriages)

orientation: pansexual, panromantic, and polyamorous

pre-coma family: mother and father, names unknown (deceased); amjad, brother (deceased); baqir, brother (deceased); jenny, cousin (alive and a fucking badass)

children: cathan, adopted son (species: demon who prefers a werewolf form, sorcerer)

pets: bug, her pet dragon, who flies and breathes fire. he’s a good boy.

affiliation: leader of the legion of monsters

base of operations: monster metropolis (otherwise known as monstropolis), morlock tunnels, manhattan, NY

moral alignment: lawful evil

III. HISTORICAL INFORMATION: //

before humans were even around, shiklah and her family ruled the monster world. but the vampires wanted to overthrow their family. cue a war that lasted centuries and saw the coming of man. aka a long ass fucking war. my poor baby.

during the war against the vampires, shiklah’s kingdom had fallen, and her and her father witnessed the deaths of shiklah’s two brothers.

her father, in a,,,,, stroke of,,,, genius? well. a stroke of something. decided to lock shiklah up in a sarcophagus for. however long it’d take until the war ended or until she was going to be wed. surprise surprise.

well. dracula decides to hire deadpool to go wake up shiklah. so they could be married and end this long ass war and finally have peace. things were going fine until deadpool gets into a fight with a minotaur and shiklah’s sarcophagus shatters, awakening her and bug.

IV. MODERN INFORMATION: //

in her short period of time being awake in the modern world, shiklah was nearly assassinated by blade, was captured by hydra, and captured by aim, both of which wanted to exploit her powers and experiment on her.

she also fell in love with wade who taught her how to acclimate to the modern world, about technology, and about popular culture

when humans brutally murdered a centuries-old monster who resided in monstropolis, an elder monster who was completely senile and not a threat to anyone, shiklah sort of. snapped. she tried to handle things with civility at first, going in front of the courts and asking for retribution for the cold blooded murder of her loyal friend.

when the courts laughed in her face and told shiklah that monsters aren’t protected under the criminal code, she realized humans really are horribly discriminatory, and declared war against them.

to stop shiklah from killing. everyone. wade went to get dracula, who came to find shiklah and proposed. the two were also married and shiklah took a temporary leave of her duties to pursue their relationship and learn how to rule as a fair ruler, not a forceful one. she realized she didnt like using her powers to rule her own citizens by force. proud of you, baby girl.

V. ABILITIES INFORMATION: //

succubus physiology

enhanced strength, speed, dexterity

supernatural beauty

royal-level mystical abilities

pheromones (my personal head canon, it hasn’t been written in the comics yet but her cousin jenny has succubus pheromones and it’d make sense shiklah does, too, as part of her supernatural beauty)

shapeshifting

hellfire/soulfire manipulation

enslavement beams,,, yike

life-force absorption

necromancy

VI. ADDTIONAL INFORMATION: //

i wont bore you with all of my myriad historical head canons about shiklah’s life before her millennia long sleep, they’ll probably come up as flashbacks in her threads anyhow, plus theres so much time there to fill in that i’m sure shiklah will also tell me things as time goes on

what’s important to know about this though is that shiklah is, in many ways, very traditional. she loves donning a maid outfit and cleaning her entire palace. shes a forceful female ruler who’s still subjected at times to her thousands of years old preconceived notions of gender roles

she loves to party. she’s admitted to wade before that she throws parties with her monster friends all the time — one’s that are orgy ceremonies actually

she eats humans, particularly in her war form. it’s cool

she’s pretty naive to the ways of the modern world. wade fills her in on stuff, but it’s also wade, lmao. her perception of things in the modern era is very biased towards deadpools own views on things

she’s adorable sometimes? like. super scary evil murder demon baby who cracks jokes about the kardashians.

shes evil towards humans but she is a fair and just ruler to monsters. she doesn’t like asgardians because apparently her people were enslaved by them during a conflict thousands of years ago. this issue though was sort of resolved when her cousin jenny was tricked into starting a fight with jane foster, and the two ended up reconciling and becoming close

but she respects the inhumans and she respects mutants, especially ones whose powers altered their physical appearance

tbh she wants to mom every monster looking kid

she reads comics in the bath like a cutie

she also goes to conventions, especially comic conventions, where people think shes dressed in cosplay. their reaction to her answer, “no, this is just the human skin i’m wearing for the day,” is her favourite thing

she loves bug more than anything else

consequently she loves sex almost as much as bug

blood k!nk~~~

she will kiss you and drain some of your life force. she will. it’ll give you a rush of adrenaline like nothing else and it really gets her off.

personally i HC that she was actually taken by hydra for a while and she was actually taken by aim for a while. she was weaponized by the former and experimented upon by the latter.

actually i have a lot of angst head canons for shiklah that’ll probably come out more in her threads and flashbacks too

she knows the x-men and some of the avengers and the fantastic 4 because they were at her wedding with wade????????

similarly, i imagine she knows most of the people he was on teams with or worked with, tbh. she probably loves the kinneys actually

she has a son she adopted, a five year old little demon sorcerer who she named cathan (in honour of the elder god, c’thon). he’s a little monster baby who uses his shapeshifting demon powers to stay in a werewolf humanoid demon form — because he was raised by wolves before shiklah rescued him

as a ruler of one of the dimensions of the underworld i imagine she also knows the other hell leaders such as dormammu, the hellstroms, mephisto, etc. but also other hellfire users like ghost rider.

shes evil but she has a big heart for the people she cares about. she has a bad tendency of prioritizing her needs and wants over what the people she loves needs or wants but she’s actively working on that, too

shes full of juxtapositions? which is why i love her. shes cunning in some ways but naive in others. shes evil to some but a darling to others. shes a war demon but also a housemaid. shes so complicated and diverse and i can’t wait to write her with you all!!!

— i think that’s about it for now?! shiklah is my BABE honestly. so hmu for all the plots because im sO EXCITED for her ok thanks fam ily <3

#﹠⋅ 。♡ 𝖆𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖘. ⋮「 ── she’s born a leader ‚ no throne or crown needed. 」#「 archives. 」#73:intro #﹠⋅ 。♡ 𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖚𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖆𝖉. ⋮「 ── shiklah. 」

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soldierallen · 5 years

Text

Married 9

Summary: you're in love with Sebastian and you're one of his three best friends however he finds a women he loves and marries her.

Disclaimer: I have a Thanksgiving chapter that will be out a week after Thanksgiving YIKES I didn't time this right am sorry! Anyways heres the next chapter.

Warnings: none, probably some cursing, and arguing but that's usually what happens in this story, mentions of sex.

Part 8:

Three days, no phone call or text since the wedding from him Henry's been very supportive of the whole thing he said I look better and to be honest I feel better.. I wonder how sebastian's doing I think I should give him a call

"Stop I know what your thinking about" Henry said looking out the window eating food at my office this time, "what am I thinking about" she stabbed her food with a fork not really interested in eating lately, she did that often nothing filled the void nor food or sex nothing.

"You want to call him" he looked at his food and back at her and she stared at him from across the table "Henry" "no y/n! It's not your job!" He explained

"But if I want to pursue a relationship it should be-"

"Two sided?, well explain to me since the past three days has he called?" He threw a napkin onto the table waiting for her answer "no.."

"Texted?, a dm on Instagram? Maybe even a Facebook message?" She stayed silent "he never calls" he got up putting his hand on her shoulder "give up" he finally let the words out of his mouth, wanting to stay them for so long.

Give Up, give up the fight for a love that doesn't exist for a love that can't truly be fixed because it's one sided. She stood up "I know.." she had to stop feeling sorry for herself it's been years I think it's time to really give up for real this time, Henry was right and she knew he was it was just hard to actually stop everything and end it, a 14 year relationship down the drain..all because of a stupid wedding!

"I have to go, please don't call him"

She nodded her head knowing it was wrong knowing it needed to end once and for all.. he kissed her forehead "I'll see you tomorrow okay?" "Okay, uh text me when you get home so I know you're okay" he smiled with a small nod and went on his way, she saw Robert her boss about to knock on her door when she went to it opening it "Mr Downey how are you" she smiled, he gave her a nice smile back "hey were having a going away party for Martin, do you want to come? It's gonna be at my place" "I don't know I'm not feeling to well-" "y/n, please come" she felt bad to say no she just didn't feel like going she never felt like doing anything anymore.

She made an excuse, not really interested in going to a party she wasn't in the mood taking a nice wall home when she stumbled upon a bar... going in for a few drinks and a date possibly

She unlocked her door with the spare key that everybody used checking her mail taking the few pieces that she had in there, carrying them up the stairs she opened, reading some and finally getting to her door someone was laying by her apartment door she looked carefully

"sebastian?" He was asleep? Was he here all night?.. he slightly opened his eyes she unlocked her door "unfuckingbeilevable" she twisted the door knob letting herself in, he always has to fuck it up? I had one good night with some guy and he had to be at my house that morning?

"Y/n what time is it?" He said with a yawn stretching his body coming into her house "it's 6am on a Wednesday, what the hell are you doing here?" she slammed her door shut she had nothing to say to him, she started stripping off her clothes "I know your mad-"

"Mad? Oh mad is an understatement!, I'm fucking furious" her blouse on the floor, her heels off she was left in a bra and a skirt she went into her bedroom sebastian watched from her door

"I know I'm sorry for everything for messing up your life for everything it's my fault and I know I didn't know you wanted me" he lied, he tried so hard to not lie to her but it just slipped out

"Just because you had a bad childhood doesn't mean you could act like a prick whenever you want, you hurt people seb and for some odd reason you always choose me" She took off her skirt changing into sweatpants and a t shirt, she wasn't done with the argument that she felt erupting in her stomach

"I spent my whole life waiting for you, maybe one day he'll break up with Maggie and see I'm the one who truly cares for him, maybe one day he'll break up Ally and want me maybe one day he'll leave his cheating fiancé for me, Robbie amell had to stop the wedding and not the man who claimed he wanted me"

she left her bedroom facing him for the first time in a few minutes he was in her living room sitting on the couch his hands folded together his head down, once she walked into the room his head shot up

"If he didn't make his big fucking entrance I was doing it, I was going go take you by the hand and fucking leave y/n do you know how much it killed me?" He said pointing to himself "to see you leave with Henry that night when I knew I was suppose to leave with you that night I've never been so jealous of Henry in my whole life that he got to take you home"

"You should be jealous of Henry he's been there for me, and you aren't you never are and you know what -" he cut me off

"I love you I love you so fucking much that i spent years watching shit boyfriends break your heart and the next day I wanted to beat the shit out of them for breaking your heart, making you feel unimportant you've always meant the most to me don't you even think for a minute I stopped caring I never did and I never will you're a part of me y/n." His voice was loud at first and than became so soft, she loved him, however she couldn't take hurting anymore and take Henry's words 'Give up'

She folded her arms over each other on her chest looking across at him he was farther away he kept walking one step closer trying to reach her

"I love you, how many times am I going to say it I've never loved any other women the way I love you the connection is so core deep I feel it I feel the electricity running through my veins just hearing you speak, give me one more shot we need this one time" he grabbed her hand putting it on his heart "I want you"

"i think i should let us go for real this time, take these pictures down throw away the vase give you back your shit and take you out of my life, all you've ever done to me was make me feel I was never good enough like I never had a place in your life, yeah I never felt left out of your life but there was never a place for me in the beginning"

"I'm not leaving until we fix this I don't want to fight with you I want to resolve this" he said he was calmer than before, she let out a shaky breath not even knowing what to say what's gonna fix this? Absolutely nothing.

There was a knock on the door, she looked at sebastian and he nodded at her to open the door

"You never called me last night when I texted you I got worried" Henry said, his deamour turned as soon as he saw sebastian, he got a protective look on his face and a stare that meant what is he doing here, kinda like a "did you call?" And she nodded no

"I'll tell you everything later." She tried to calm down however she was getting more nervous having both men in the same room with each other when Henry was angry at sebastian for ghosting her

"No he needs to go" Henry walked Into the house "I came to apolgize what are you two fucking behind my back" sebastian said it startled the both of them

"guys please don't do this" she tried to be calm and then that's when the two started bickering she tried to make them both stop and they wouldn't what would throw them off?

"IM PREGNANT" both men stopped and looked at her with wide eyes "I'm not pregnant but you both need to fucking stop arguing I'm tired of arguing" she said

"We're gonna act like adults and settle this" she went into her kitchen and pulled out a quarter in her cookie jar, she never put cookies in it only change and buttons? Why did she have so many buttons.

"Alright heads or tails" she said

"Tails" sebastian said

"Yeah because you're a rat" Henry said

"Henry" she said in a voice that only a mother would use

"Okay" he backed off, she flipped the coin and it landed on heads

"Henry make your argument no interruptions." She sat down on her couch right next to sebastian ready to listen to Henry's argument.

"You've used us, played us, and haven't supported any of us in the things were doing." Henry said, he nodded

"You know y/n's getting really close to being chief executive?, you know Anthony's daugther is the best player on her team? did you know that Chris and jennie are planning to have kids soon? Not after the wedding but right now as we speak" Henry was trying to calm his self to actually say everything he's wanted to say since months

"You're not in our lives anymore and you expect everyone to forgive you because we "know" you? I can't do it anymore, sebastian I'm a 25 year old man that can't handle bullshit excuses anymore" he air quoted "know" because well we don't know him anymore, the person we knew left? He isn't himself he knows and hes trying to fix it sebastian let a breath to say something when Henry stopped him with a hand "I waited for months, for an apology from you for the shit you put me through the invitations and the writing speeches and and just everything.. I got a phone call that night from you asking if you should apologize to y/n" she knew, she knew everything Henry was going to say he was right.

"Didn't you know in your right God damn mind that she was the FIRST person you should've called to apolgize to, and you didn't you asked ME didn't apolgize to me but asked me if you should apologize?" Henry was getting angry "Henry" she put a warm comforting hand on his bicep

"I have so much to say and I'm just so in my head" he sat down on the couch opposite of them and y/n went over to him she put her head on his shoulder "it's okay" she rubbed his arm "say it with love in your voice and not anger, you love him I do to" she said in a low voice

"I know what I did I don't expect anyone to forgive me I'm trying" Sebastian tried to sympathize looking at the both of them "make your argument" y/n said, Henry was getting super stressed out laying back and looking towards sebastian "don't lie or make any shit excuses I'll know" Henry said he took his hand and rubbed his forehead ready to hear sebastian.

"You're an asshole did I lie there?" Sebastian said Henry threw a pillow at him forcefully "start talking dickhead" sebastian's reflexes moving fast enough for him not to get hit and he smiled, he sild the silver ring off his right hand holding it in their eye view "if you never gave me this ring I don't think I would of ever realized how much you all mean to me, Henry specifically without you I wouldn't of gotten through this year without all of you including Chris and Anthony who aren't here on a Wednesday at 7am in y/n's apartment" he shallowed thickly watching the two people he cared about stare at him in depth having all ears & eyes on him.

"Henry I'm sorry I am, i promise to be in everyone's lives again and fix all of our relationships it may take months maybe even years but I'll try my best, i'll really try for all four of you" he sild the ring back on his finger "I want you both to forgive it will take time I know I just need reassurance that you both will forgive me one day" here it was sebastian. Finally got to core of all of our problems

Apologizes.

I don't think anyone ever understands what it takes to apolgize to someone you love, time out of your day to apolgize to the people who love you & support you all the time it takes courage because you know you were the wrong one the one who started it the one who made these situations he knows and hes genuinely sorry I don't think the two could ask for more from him

"We'll think about it" Henry said as a joke still holding onto y/n's thigh, sebastian wasn't too fond of that he shallowed thickly joining in conversation with the two but he just couldn't keep his eyes off Henry's movements with her she was this person Henry had to touch and protect it felt so different for him because Henry was never this close with y/n before, it was a lot of flirting & playing around Henry always had girlfriends and this is the longest Henry's been single for a while....is he falling for her two? His brain starting a wildfire in his mind.

An hour passed of talking together, sebastian went home leaving Henry and y/n alone, sebastian didn't even know how to feel hes trying to mend his relationships with everyone but he thinks he's now losing his chance with y/n because of Henry he asked once and he didn't get an answer, he wasn't going to ask a second time, life was weighing on him once again maybe it's over for real this time he felt it he kind of knew it to.

"What am I gonna do" she looked at the television from across her home, Henry laid his head in her lap her hands mindlessly touching his hair, he loved the feeling "Thanksgiving is coming, is he the person you want to take?"

Her mind leaving her no choice but to not answer.

Tagged @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandomsohmy @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91 @gravedollie666 @inlovewith3 // if anyone wants to be untagged or tagged please leave a message ty♡ also I do not own any gifs or images of any kind.

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jennycalendar · 5 years

Text

2018 fic writing roundup

tagged by @catty-words !! thank u darling

i have this lingering suspicion that the 92k mess that is imperfections has a tendency of bumping up my word count, but also i’ve been writing particularly A Lot this year. so. yikes. this’ll be a mess

Total 2018 Word Count: 465,233 (so uh. yikes squared?) Total 2018 Hits: 16,798 Other 2018 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 1,592; Comment threads: 457; Bookmarks: 186; Subscriptions: 121.

Total 2017 Word Count: 171,640 Total 2017 Hits: 9,156 Other 2017 AO3 Stats: Kudos: 841; Comment threads: 172; Bookmarks: 126; Subscriptions: 40.

Links and Titles to 2018 Works (buckle up kids)

ten questions for new year’s eve (6,669 words) lonely s4 giles meets jenny on new year’s eve. basically fluff laced with some light angst, which i think set the tone for most of my writing this year

forever (4,738 words) some assorted femslash ficlets from tumblr that i immediately forgot about after february. it of course got buried under a deluge of jenny fic but there’s still some cute stuff there! i had a lot of fun in particular writing about bb willow and the beginnings of her attraction to girls

she’s your destiny (9,560 words) AHHHHHH I FORGOT I WROTE THIS. blessings of writing This Much. soulmate au with buffy/willow and giles/jenny where like. none of them are soulmates but they fall crazy in love anyway.

the happy-ending bouquet (3,851 words) set in 2018. giles and jenny have been married for something like 15 years and are still very happy and in love. basically just an endless deluge of fluff

personas (2,729 words) hhhhh i hesitate to count this as a 2018 fic, because i technically posted it in summer 2017 and then deleted it for reasons unknown (even to me). but there aren’t enough fics that explore jenny’s fractured sense of identity and her broken heart and i love my girl so much. so. wrote that.

something real (2,173 words) my valentine’s day fic!! a friend and i share the headcanon that jenny would have finally shoved her way back into giles’s heart if not for the love spell throwing her off, so. wrote a fic where that happened, albeit somewhat angstily.

direct, but not unwelcome (4,478 words) this fic always makes me cringe, a little; the office verse was written largely for faith and tara, and writing giles and jenny in it was a decision i don’t entirely like (mostly bc there really is no narrative place for either of them). but it has a few good lines ig?

putting a ring on it (2,370 words) giles and jenny proposal fic!! a little wobbly in places imo but still so fun to write. those two deserve all the fluff

the second choice soulmates (6,942 words) the inevitable faith/tara sequel to the soulmate au!! i had it planned from the second i started writing the first fic in that series, and i had a lot of fun with it. in which faith and tara have to deal with their soulmates being in love with each other, and end up falling in love themselves.

nightmares and the aftermath (1,205 words) the first fic i wrote in the ripper au! ripper has a nightmare; jenny talks him through it.

the inherent complexity of falling in love (3,519 words) more soulmate au nonsense!! this time with solely giles and jenny!!

let’s stay together (857 words) i say that this is “a series of vignettes in which ben, ann, and leslie are dating” but really it’s just one. i’ve kept it in bc i really wanna write more than one. ben/leslie/ann is such a blessed ship and there are no fics for it! which is ridiculous! because they really should all be dating!! leslie has two hands y’all

moments of connection in an uncertain world (3,351 words) the olivia/jenny fic that set that amazing ship on its course. set in asoue; jenny’s identity in the narrative is ambiguous bc jenny’s identity in every narrative is ambiguous. mystery bicon

amends (remixed) (2,988 words) i’m like 99 percent sure i spite-wrote this fic after watching amends bc that really seems like something i would do. in which ghost jenny makes sure buffy, angel, and giles all know that she doesn’t blame them for a single thing.

it’s a family affair (11 chapters) jenny, married to giles and mom to two daughters, loses her memory. i meant for this to be an exploration of jenny and giles’s relationship + jenny as a character, but with hindsight i feel like i kinda rushed it. maybe someday i’ll come back and expand this a little?

maybe i’m in love (24 chapters) CRIES. this fic was posted all in one day and got buried under the deluge of fic i wrote this year and i am still so sad that it remains forgotten. even by me. like i forgot it existed till now. but it is the treasure of my heart and i am still not sure what i can possibly do for calendiles day 2019 that will even come close to “slow burn giles/jenny series rewrite in script format.”

dragonslayers (8,048 words) i go back and forth between whether adding a sequel to a sappy-happy-ending fic was actually needed, but i had a lot of fun writing jenny and anya and tara being friends and adopting a dog. those girls deserve so much better.

tech support (1,315 words) jenny works at angel investigations, and giles meets her when he and buffy drive up to la to get a book. unabashed fluff.

family ties (2,294 words) giles introduces jenny to his dad and the aunts. i had giles call himself “rupert” for the entire fic and forgot to explain why i made the choice to do so (and there was a damn good reason!!!) so every time i see this fic....Regret™

i like you (992 words) the product of me realizing “wait, i never wrote a fic about my Very Specific Headcanon that giles and jenny had sex after school hard!!!” and then going ahead and writing that fic. not explicit; lots of giles and jenny being dumb and in love

take me now! (3,460 words) the sister fic to my other jenny/olivia fic! in this one, jenny’s a watcher and olivia’s the sweet librarian who has her all blushy.

the grieving process (9,771 words) this fic! was! such a trip to write! i wanted to write something where giles’s s6 issues were confronted. originally i wrote a jenny’s-alive fic where he goes to her place in la after leaving buffy in tabula rasa, but the mood of that fic was miserable and hostile, so i changed things ever so slightly. and then it became “giles goes to jenny after buffy dies,” and that transitioned into “giles actually finally gets to have an outlet for his emotions,” and then it became a very soft fic that i love very much.

unsolved mysteries (1,704 words) a modern jackaby au! where jenny cavanaugh has trauma-related anxiety and eats pretzels w jackaby in a hall closet! surprisingly soft.

the cleanup crew (2,968 words) post-ted; buffy calls jenny and giles in to help her with ted’s robot body. because that ep was a hot mess and too many things were tied up too fast.

princess charming (2,754 words) written thanks to a throwaway line from the grieving process! about jenny saving fred in pylea! @theforestlesbian mentioned in a review that this fic came off as “the adventures of jenny” and that was the best compliment ever.

untraditional, unconditional (4,223 words) ripper au! ripper and jenny get married! i don’t think i will ever write a better calendiles wedding than this one.

gettin’ bi (1,215 words) jenny and giles come out to each other. that’s really it.

intimacy (1,058 words) some root/shaw fluff. g o sh at some point i really should finish poi huh

the battle’s done (and we kind of won) (5,026 words) post-chosen; jenny inexplicably comes back from the dead, and giles works thru the messy aftermath of s7.

chaos, vengeance, love (1,412 words) giles’s exes talk over his grave. (and yes, i do mean jenny and ethan.)

buffy summers, muggle-born (6,075 words) buffy goes to hogwarts! this was meant to set the scene for a loosely connected string of fics, but i could never decide whether i wanted them to be chaptered fics or oneshots. i do have like 3 large chapters saved to my computer, tho :/

a eulogy (920 words) jenny calendar, as told by how she’s remembered.

survivors’ guilt (4,690 words) in which giles dies instead of jenny, and jenny and buffy deal with it poorly. my only problem w this fic is that i really wish i’d explored the messy aftermath of what might have happened if jenny had brought giles back. 2019 project y/y?

regarding honor and honesty in the workplace (43 chapters) CRIES IN JENNY/LILAH. given that i did not shut up about this fucking fic for a good 3 months, i don’t think it needs a summary.

maybe we could have a thing (3,184 words) giles and jenny’s first date!! canon told us they went out beforehand and it really did need to be ficced.

the most important words (2,753 words) passion fix-it! how many of these have i written dfshlsdhdf. anyway, by some lucky stroke, jenny doesn’t die, but she’s understandably kind of a mess. giles tries to help.

that brown-eyed technopagan (2,821 words) ripper au! willow has a HUGE crush on jenny calendar, who in this ‘verse is in her senior year at sunnydale high. lots of high school shenanigans.

seven new and very bad songs about jenny (8,597 words) another ripper au fic, this one about what it takes for ripper to finally give in and kiss the girl.

love of mine (282 words) one of the two fics i have written that involves giles grieving jenny. angst abounds.

the adjustment period (4024 words) i wanted to write about how weak vamp jenny is for her gf, so i returned to the grand romantic gestures ‘verse and explored that. femslash calendiles!!

love, scotch, and late-night parties (2,539 words) the aftermath of eyghon in the ripper au. jenny wants to be smothered in attention from ripper; ripper wants to give jenny the space he thinks she needs. basically the exact opposite of canon with the exact same inability to communicate.

father and son (3,761 words) in which ripper examines his relationship to his dad, and worries about treating his new son the same way. (spoiler alert: he obviously does not.)

imperfections (46 chapters) TECHNICALLY i added a few new chapters in 2018. i stg i’ll at least get closer to finishing it this year.

happily ever after (2,005 words) set after the dire king! jenny and jackaby being dumb and in love and experimenting with “the mechanics of ghost-human relations.”

cardboard robot (2,097 words) ripper au: halloween edition! ripper gets a pumpkin stuck on his head and sings about jenny, who Definitely Doesn’t Like Him What Are You Talking About Shut Up.

tea, with honey (3,295 words) a modern jackaby au, where jenny’s trauma really is trauma with no ghost metaphor. jackaby, darling of my heart, is still just as sympathetic.

very really married (6 chapters) THIS I WILL FINISH IN 2019. FOR REALS. i have too many unpublished chapters on my laptop to NOT finish it. set in s1; giles and jenny get drunk married in las vegas pre-canon. which, of course, adds a whole new level of complexity to both of giles’s new jobs.

coping (2,611 words) i really wanted to write about jenny and eyghon, bc there are like 0 fics that address the absolute mess that canon throws at that woman. so i did. very angsty with no clear happy ending, bc that’s what happens when you write canon compliant fic about jenny calendar.

yours (2,747 words) my first foray into writing phryne and jack! and, if the 4k-and-counting wip is anything to go by, definitely not my last. 2018 brought me a lot of things, but watching mfmm all the way through was definitely one of the best.

family ties (2,640 words) catch me crying about river and the ponds for the rest of my life, probably. centered around river’s graduation from luna university and her relationship with her parents.

decently clothed (1,516 words) lots of dumb calendiles fluff!! based on a paragraph from a btvs novel; jenny and giles go clothes shopping. it’s exactly as cute as it sounds.

making things right (1,060 words) passion fix-it that came to me when i thought “what if jenny survived, but didn’t even care that she’d almost died, bc what really mattered was that she’d fixed things with giles and buffy?? lmao how badly would that fuck giles up, knowing that she placed earning his trust over her own life???” and then i wrote it bc i love pain

bless her soul (6,294 words) s3. jenny comes back wrong. lots of explorations of the guilt that buffy, giles, and angel harbored for jenny’s death, with none of the pain of using jenny solely as a mouthpiece for evil. so like. amends done right.

dear friend (1 chapter, so far) a you’ve got mail calendiles au that i really do intend to work on some more in 2019.

haunted (15,622 words) WHAT a note to end 2018 on. a (mostly) non-supernatural au in which jenny, after an intense & awful trauma, leaves sunnydale and buys a ridiculously inexpensive mansion in england. why was it so cheap? because giles, the ghost who lives there, has been scaring off buyers. naturally, jenny is not easily rattled.

Favorite Fic: it’s hard to choose bc i wrote so many but for now i’ll pick bless her soul. writing the-first-as-jenny and playing up scooby guilt while still getting to bring jenny back for a happy ending??? that was just so much fun.

Hardest Fic: very really married. absolutely. i was in a v weird place while writing that fic, so that certainly didn’t help, but that fic has been giving me Trouble since i started writing it.

Do You Plan to Take Prompts in 2019? always!!

What was the best thing about 2018? friendsssss!!! i’m entering 2019 with a lot of solid friendships, which really wasn’t the case in 2018.

What was the worst thing about 2018? tbh the answer will always and forever be “my mom” until i am out of this house

Any last thoughts for 2018? how the FUCK did i WRITE more than half of the fics i have posted on ao3 in THIS YEAR ALONE. 55 FICS. i’m REELING.

Goals for 2019

finish the cheesy au g/j multichapters i started

maybe start work on a detective au sequel? i miss that ‘verse

more ripper au fic!!!!!

more jenny/olivia!!!

more jenny centric fic in general like It’s What She Deserves

SOMETHING about jenny and angel. i talk big talk about how much that dynamic fascinates me but i only ever touch on it in fic. it’s never the central focus.

finish the phryne/jack fic i’m working on, and maybe...tentatively...write more?

#fic #fic roundup #55 FICS WRITTEN i am. kinda in shock #i wanna tag people but i don't know who writes what so like #if u wanna do this consider urself tagged????

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patiencetaught · 5 years

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✨ literary tropes n' things.

repost with your muse’s results for the following quizzes.

HOMERIC EPITHET : BRIGHT-EYED.

You are bright-eyed Jenny. Homer also used this epithet to describe Athena, the goddess of things like wisdom, diplomacy, war, and arts and crafts. Athena was the patron of Odysseus and helped him out of some tough spots, except for those times she just didn’t feel like it for some reason or another.

FATAL FLAW : YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF A PERSON. .

You’ve got a crush, but the other person is simply incapable of living up to your expectations. You love the version of them that you’ve created in your mind, and not the person they really are. Yikes. You’re going to Gatsby this up so hard. You’re going to wind up dead in a pool. Two other people will also die. Everyone will be disillusioned with the American Dream. It’s a messy situation all around

GREEK MYTHOLOGY DEATH : I’M WEARING A WEDDING DRESS THAT IS ON FIRE.

See, here’s the thing—someone sent that wild boar. It might have been Artemis, because she was jealous of your skill with a bow and arrow; it might have been Ares, who hated you; or it might have been Apollo, because your girlfriend blinded his son. There’s really no telling. You made enemies. This is just what happens when you’re too beautiful to even exist. Either way, you got mauled by a pig and are now dead, but you died in Aphrodite’s arms as she wept, so at least you've got that going for you.

LITERARY SETTING I‘M JULIET‘S VERONA HOUSE

You got Juliet’s house in Verona! Not only is Verona one of the most beautiful places in Italy, it’s also the setting of one of the most iconic love stories of all time—perfect for a hopeless romantic like yourself. You can walk the old-fashioned cobblestone streets, eat your weight in deliciously photogenic gelato, and look out from your balcony at night, waiting for your lover to climb up the wooden trellis and profess their undying affection. Just don’t get caught up in any ancient grudges/new mutinies—for your sake, and for the sake of students in English classes for centuries to come.

✨ TAGGED BY: @dxspereaux ✨ TAGGING: this is so fun, so whoever who wants to, please tag me

#❝ suddenly she was a heroine ❞ ⟨ AESTHETIC ⟩#❝ she possessed that rare gift for being adored by every small child under her care ❞ ⟨ ABOUT ⟩

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dykedteach · 5 years

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okay here we go, episode 2 second watch

(I think this is my longest liveblog I’ve done, but then again I feel like this is the most emotional a tv episode has made me since I finished Black Sails so like?)

so uhhh they’re really gonna hide all the valuable people in the crypts huh, they’re really following through on that

“women and children first” to DIE??? I M EAN

i’ve been thinking about this non stop since i first watched the ep and my growing dread is nigh unstoppable, if i had any doubts that the winterfell dead might rise, their whole repeated thing of “everyone will be safe down there” shot them straight down

i’m lowkey annoyed we missed out on what would have been an incredibly awkward introduction scene between jaime and literally everyone, but i’m glad his “trial” didn’t drag out

i want sam’s opinion on dany’s bloodthirst vis a vis avenging her father BC LIKE????

“i’d do it all again” honey be QUIET

L O Y A L T Y

loyalty

l o yal t e a

lmao daenerys’ look of anger and disgust at brienne hopping to jaime’s defense alone makes me want her dead tbh

sansa being a better strategist, ruler, negotiator, and peacekeeper than both of her parents combined, is my weakness tbh

also He R aRmOuR drESs !!!!! what a LOOK!

d: “what does the warden of the north say about it?” j: [has dissociated solidly through the past six hours, is only now just realising it’s daylight and he’s in the great hall] uhhhhhhhhhhhh cool i guess?

tyrion finally breathing after daenerys lets jaime live is ridiculously endearing, i love the brothers’ relationship so much

baeworm death-glaring jaime is also ridiculously endearing tbh

i dig the gendarya love theme, i do i do i do

everyone keeps saying that the fact they had sex means one of them will die next ep but honestly? out of all the non jonerys pairings (missandei/greyworm, sam/gilly, jaime/brienne) i think they’re most likely to live through the battle, and the fact they have their own theme makes me doubt as well that they’ll end next episode

that poor guy who got in the way of arya and gendry’s dragonglass throwing foreplay, so close yikes

i can’t believe that out of everyone who bran has been weird to, jaime was the one to take his weird shit best

“how do you know there is an afterwards?” sd;kjlas

djkasljdak;lsd

asjd;lsakdla;sd

bran

bran stop

please be fuckin w us bran

this brotherly love scene is great and it hurts me to think it might be their last solo scene

although the way they keep talking about how sure they are they’ll die....idk? and with bronn on the way with his crossbow? to have both, or either, die at winterfell with the battle seems a waste. plus, one of them needs to be the valonqar so?

i’d be satisfied seeing a dead tyrion rip cersei apart though, i’ll admit that

JAIME GAZING AT BRIENNE INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO HIS BROTHER

pod has come so far in his fighting i love him so much i love brienne’s proud mama expression hes. he’s 100% going to die. for sure.

“we have never had a conversation that’s lasted this long without you insulting me, not once” KJASDKLASJDKALSJDALKSD

“i came to winterfell because...” Y OU LOVE HER DUMBASS

i still ship jorah with dany more than jon, fight me

i love the confirmation that all the bad blood between them is under the bridge, i love that he convinced her to make peace with tyrion and sansa, i love that he’s made peace with tyrion taking up his position, made peace with his house, with his relationship with his father...........

he’s absolutely toast and i hate it.

he’s going to die for dany with one last “khaleesi” and it’s going to break my heart

“we have other things in common” yeah you both have jon in your immediate family trees lmao

i’m confused by the “someone taller” comment, who’s she talking about? everyone else hurt her or betrayed her at some point. is it barristan? is it baeworm? it should be baeworm

ok so. i don’t need or want sansa to end up with anyone.

that said

if it had to be a man

my heart almost jumped out of my chest when she and theon hugged, i didn’t expect her to get this emotional at all, shit i didn’t expect MYSELF to get this emotional

HER TEARS

THEY BOTH NEED HUGS IM GLAD THEY GET HUGS

soup dad can’t die i forbid it

let’s talk about gilly for a second, how far she’s come, from a scared abused girl to a strong, caring, confident woman and mother, i’m so emotional please protect her

DAVOS ADOPTING CHILDREN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE

THE SHIREEN THEME PLAYING OVER THAT BIT IM ASJDKASDJ

i’m super surprised edd and beric survived the hearth, i thought there would be more of a fight there

LITTLE CROW

i know people crack ship them, but like, they’d almost be better suited than jon and daenerys

while i adore the idea of theon making amends for taking winterfell from bran by defending winterfell and protecting bran from the night king, i know in my heart that all it’s going to result in is a very dead theon (and probably a dead bran)

why do i feel like while well intentioned, having dragons near the godswood is.....a mistake

i’d love for bran and tyrion to both survive, i’d love to see them talk more as equals because they’re so similar intellectually (i know they had scenes when bran was a kid, but that doesn’t count)

missandei and greyworm are too good and pure for this earth, i want them to leave, i want them to go to naath and never come back, i want them to find a little house by the water and eat fruits and find missandei’s family and take in some stray children, some street cats to lay lazily on the stones of their porch, maybe missandei teaches the children of their village every morning under the rising sun, maybe greyworm becomes a tradesman, makes shoes or ale or binds books for the locals, they grow old and content together and the children they took into their home, now grown adults with their own children, bury them side by side underneath carved stones, i want them more than almost anyone to have a happy ever after because if anyone deserves it it’s those two

but there are dreams that cannot be

and greyworm is almost certain to die next episode

maybe missandei too, but i’m not sure

until then, i will live in my fantasy.

i love my nights watch boys, i love that they talk about grenn and pyp, i miss those lads

sam being the playful, banter-full, confident guy he is, i love him so much i’m so happy for him he better fucking survive (and maybe become lord of horn hill who knows? he has a wife and a son so ?

honestly the idea of tywin knowing jaime and tyrion are defending winterfell is so wonderful

ha ha h ah ah ah h a i love tyrion and jaime so much that i. i forget. temporarily. about tyrion’s first wife

brienne stopping pod from drinking and then tyrion just.......fuckin pouring a large one out for the lad

please, let him drink, it’ll be his last

davos is such an old man i love him

jaime looking between brienne and tormund with amusement is the best thing ever

davos’ concern over ten year old tormund hopping into bed with a giant is incredible. dad mode. always on dad mode.

hound’s not gonna die yet, not until cleganebowl, he’s safe next ep for sure. so he’s allowed to be a grumpy old git for a bit

beric is straight up gonna die tho

“might as well be at a bloody wedding” g o d i dont like that foreshadowing

beric is so cheery and amicable im gonna miss him

i’m so glad that they gave arya agency, and a sweet, un-sexploited, in-character sex scene, there’s so few really good sex scenes in this show and i’m glad she got one of them

(no matter how long i spent the first time around watching through my fingers and cringing, i KNOW she’s an adult and maisie is an adult but god she’s still such a kid in my eyes)

as soon as the gloves started coming off i screamed

he is a sweet sweet boy and i wouldn’t want my murdering badass fave to be with anyone else

i appreciate them showing her scars as part of it, i can’t quite put my finger on why but it was nice to see that

i feel like once i get over the weirdness of like, “hey that’s arya”, it’s probably one of the hotter sex scenes in the series? just for passion and use of consent and stuff

i can’t even begin to elaborate on how perfect brienne’s scene is

it’s immediately one of my favourite scenes in the whole show, i honestly don’t have the words

it’s better than any marriage vows that have been taken in the whole series, and to see brienne proud and happy is just...incredible.

the mormont scene i wanted!!!

this is such a touching scene between two of my faves, i want jorah and sam to be pals forever but i know its just....not happening

the fact that sam starts in the crypt but i know he ends up on the battlefield is....concerning to say the least

god. that song. that song is everything

im too in my feelings to care about jonerys, sorry

i can genuinely believe that jon loves her, and doesn’t care about the iron throne or any titles really for that matter. but the other way around? i’m not so sure.

ok so my survival list: dany, jon, sansa, tyrion

everyone else is at risk please pray for me

oh also i bought the download of Jenny and already cried to it three times this evening, so the credits are making it a round four

#laura watches game of thrones #this took me...two hours? to compile?

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technoturian · 6 years

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Okay so the JTV showrunner’s comments have made it pretty clear that Michael is back to completely destroy his relationship with Jane so that they can prop up Jafael for a wedding finale.

But like... how pathetic does Jennie Urman think her bae Rafael is if she thinks she has to move heaven and earth and rewrite history for Jafael to work? Does she honestly believe that Raf and Jane couldn’t possibly have their happy ending until Jane stops loving her dead husband so Raf won’t have to be jealous of her dead husband and will know for certain that he has 100% of her at all times and there is no part of her that is allowed to be attached to her past and not to him, because he’s that insecure and that threatened by her dead husband?? Does she know how bad that makes her super stud look? Yikes.

Y’know, if she wanted to use a big eraser on her character’s past to make the current relationship look better, she could’ve just taken the route Person of Interest did with Carter and had Michael’s ghost show up specifically to tell Jane that their relationship wasn’t special and gosh she and Raf should really go for it because they’re just meant to be. It would be just as annoying but it would only take one episode.

#Anti Rafael Solano #Anti Jafael #warning: stupid shipper crap #I'm just sayin'#if you think this retcon needed to be done for a Jafael endgame #then you wrote a pretty crappy endgame #that ain't a better look than Raf winning 'cause Michael died #either way Raf only wins because the story is bending over backwards to make sure she doesn't end up with the man she actually chose #when both of them were available on an even playing field

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skygirl5 · 6 years

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Zenith Redux

A Castle Pornado One-Shot

This is a reboot of a universe from a Castle fanfic prompt over a year ago. The original 2 parts can be read under this tag; however since this is a reboot, reading the originals aren’t necessary.

Setting: Caskett AU Circa Season 3

“Ah, c’mon Kate—one more dance!” Richard Castle encouraged the moment his partner turned away from him.

“No,” she laughed as she tried to pull away from him as he scrambled to grab her shoulder, then her elbow, and finally her hand as she pushed her way through the tight dancefloor crowd. “My feet need a break, Castle.”

“Party pooper.” He grumbled at her, but she merely rolled her eyes.

“I never said you had to stop dancing too.”

“But it’s no fun if you’re not out there with me. We’ll break for two songs and then we’ll go back.”

“I make no promises.”

A few steps later they had reached their table in the seating area of the hotel ballroom and Kate turned her chair so she could sit and also watch the celebration on the dancefloor. Once down, she crossed her legs so her left shin balanced atop her right knee and she could examine the big toe of her left foot. Upon seeing the red mark, she grimaced; well that was definitely why her foot hurt. She rubbed gingerly at the angry mark made by the cross-foot strap and winced again.

“Yikes, Beckett; that doesn’t look good.”

“No kidding.”

“And here I thought you could run for miles in heels…you’re ruining the illusion.”

She let out a noise of derision as she continued to examine her foot. “First, those are heeled boots, not sandals. Second, I’m really not sure what’s going on because I’ve worn these before and they haven’t bothered me.” Granted, that was probably almost a year earlier, but how much could her feet have possibly changed between the ages of thirty-one and thirty-two?

“Want me to get you some ice?”

She shook her head and patted his arm in appreciation. “No, no; I’ll be fine. You can go talk to Espo if you want.” Kate pointed towards their coworker who was hovering by the bar, sipping his drink, and watching the crowd. As they had learned earlier that evening, Esposito was not a fan of dancing at weddings; evidently he wanted to use his time to scope out a date so Kate figured he could use a wingman.

“Nah,” Castle replied. “I’m fine right here.”

Kate settled back in her chair and gazed out at the dance floor where she caught a glimpse of the bride and groom dancing, smiling, and laughing; it made Kate smile, too. She was so happy for Kevin and Jenny and was so glad she could be there to celebrate with them. Toe pain aside, the evening had been entirely wonderful starting with a beautiful ceremony and continuing on through dinner and great speeches at the reception. Kate knew that at least in part her evening was enjoyable because of her chosen date.

When Ryan’s invitations arrived three months earlier, Kate had declined her “plus one” without second thought. She wasn’t with anyone at that moment, and didn’t want to waste time trying to find a date that might not enjoy the event at all. There would be enough people there she knew that she wasn’t worried about going solo; she knew she would still have fun. Then, the following day, Castle had asked her about her invitation and as they were chatting said, “Well, if neither of us is taking anyone, maybe we should go together.”

She hesitated for a moment before agreeing with, “Sure, Castle; we can go as friends.”

Though she picked up a brief flash of disappointment in his eyes, he quickly promised her that they would have a great time—and they had. By all accounts Castle had been the best friend-date she could have asked for. In fact, they had such a good time that it made her—no. She wouldn’t dwell on such things for she was not able to change the way the world worked.

After just another minute or so of resting her feet, Kate and Castle’s seclusion was interrupted by two women approaching from the bar with drinks in their hands. Kate recognized them as Jenny’s friends, but did not know their names. They sat at the table next to where Kate sat and she would not have thought of them again were it not for the loud and inappropriate conversation they began having.

“Oh my god, I just don’t understand how they could do this,” the first girl said in a disgusted tone.

“Sarah!” the other chastised.

“I’m serious,” Sarah continued. “There’s no way I could marry someone who isn’t my soulmate.”

“So you’ll never get married then.”

“Better than committing to something that won’t work out.”

“You can’t know that!”

“Unless they know for sure both their soulmates are dead, that’s a very high possibility. I mean, why wouldn’t you want to keep searching? I know I will and if that means I won’t get married, so what? At least I won’t throw it all away like Jenny is.”

“I kind of think it’s nice.”

“It’s stupid,” Sarah concluded.

Feeling her face flush, Kate leaned over to her partner and said, “I’ll be back. I, ah, need some air.”

“Let me come with you.”

As she wanted to escape the ballroom as quickly as possible, Kate didn’t argue. She merely stood, grunted at the return of the pain in her toe, and moved as swiftly as she could through the tightly packed tables and chairs. Once she reached the hall, she wasn’t entirely sure which direction to go, until she recalled the small sitting area tucked into one of the halls she’d traversed on her way to the ballroom. She retraced her steps back towards the lobby until she found it; mercifully it was empty.

“Sorry,” she said to her companion as she sat down on one of the vacant loveseats. “I just couldn’t listen to those women anymore.”

Castle nodded as he sat beside her. “They were being very rude.”

Kate pressed her lips together and considered his statement. She very much doubted Sarah and her friend were being purposefully rude. That was: she doubted Sarah expected her statements to be overheard. At the same time, what she said was unkind, but Kate would have been lying if she said she hadn’t had similar thoughts herself.

When Ryan announced his engagement, Kate was of course happy for her friend. With the way he was grinning so wide it would have been impossible not to be. Yet, at the same time, she knew for certain that he and Jenny were not soulmates, which caused her to wonder why they were choosing to get married. She understood that they loved together and were choosing to start a life together and she could respect that, but for Jenny in particular it seemed like merely accepting a life of disappointment, and Kate wasn’t sure she could make the same choice.

Gazing over at the man beside her, one who had chosen similarly—twice—she was curious. Clearly as Castle had married two women that were not his soulmates, he did not agree with Sarah’s statements. But at the same time she doubted there was any man in the world who appreciated the true moments of magic in life more than Castle. By that thought process, surely he wanted to find his soulmate as much as anyone, which made her curious as to why he’d chosen to marry—especially the second time.

“Hey Castle?”

“It didn’t bother me.”

“What?”

He turned to face her with a small smile. “You were going to ask if it bothered me to marry someone who wasn’t my soulmate; it didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I loved Meredith and I wanted a family and when she got pregnant I figured…okay, this is how this is going to go.”

“And what about Gina?”

He cringed a little and turned away. “Well…that was different and not as thought out, if I’m entirely honest, but not because of anything that had to do with soulmates.”

Nibbling on her bottom lip she asked, “But…didn’t you wonder who she was? You of all people seem like you would.”

“Of course; I still do.” He assured her. “Someday I hope to experience that; I think we all do…right?”

“Right,” she echoed, though her tone was not even the least bit convincing. Naturally, her partner picked up on it.

“What does that tone mean?”

She huffed out a breath and leaned back against the sofa. “Soulmates…it’s just always seemed like a curse, somehow.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well it’s just like that girl said. Of course I would never call Jenny stupid. I actually admire her and Kevin for their choice, but I’m not sure I could ever make it. I…I already keep one foot out the door in relationships…”

“Because you want to find him?” Castle guessed.

Kate shrugged and nodded.

In her mind, the soulmate concept had always seemed exactly as she described: cruel. The fact that women could not climax sexually without their perfect worldly partner—their “soulmate”—seemed an immeasurably cruel fate that evolution should have fixed, but it did not. Humans would never know the exact reason, but the ‘ancient curse’ theory seemed about as reasonable as any of the others. Ultimately it didn’t matter how it had begun, because the fact could not be changed no matter how much they wanted it.

Every sexual experience Kate had since her first at the age of seventeen had been, on a basic level, disappointing. True, some had certainly been more fun than others, and she certainly didn’t hate sex, but as she’d yet to find her soulmate she had never fully enjoyed it either. That was why she shied away from long-term relationships. As much as the concept angered her and she wanted to maintain the, “I don’t need a man to complete me,” mantra she had through most of her life, she wanted that lifelong partner; she wanted happiness.

Some days, that want made her furious and she hated herself for it, which was why before Castle had showed up in her life she’d been a rather angry and bitter person. Really, it was a manifestation of jealousy. Only around one quarter of the population found their soulmates so her not finding hers actually put her in the majority, but that didn’t matter. Her parents had been soulmates as were her grandparents and her aunt and uncle. To her, being with a soulmate was a norm and damn it she wanted it too.

“It’s not wrong to want to find your soulmate, Kate.”

“I know that, but…it’s been thirty-two years.” She let out a rather bitter laugh. “It’s why I…it’s why I never bother starting things because I just know eventually they won’t last. There’s no point in getting too close.”

“But…if you don’t get close enough to find out if they’re your soulmate, you’ll never find him…”

She gave him a sideways look. “Emotionally close, Castle; I’ve vetted plenty in the soulmate category.”

“You haven’t vetted me.”

Kate’s heart stuttered in her chest and she gave him a sideways look. Had he really just said that? With her jaw slightly agape, she merely stared at him before he continued in a stunningly casual manner. “I mean, by the logic you just stated, we should have done it long ago.”

“I…well…” She stammered out for a moment, trying to make her brain work properly again. Finally, she shook her head slightly and cleared her throat. Turning away from him she said, “I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“You’re right; it’s not. I think—and forgive me if I’ve made the wrong assumption here—but I think you’re afraid of this thing for the same reason I am: what if we cross that bridge and we find out we’re not soulmates?”

As her heartrate sped, Kate felt the burning of tears in her eyes, for he had captured her exact thought process. She had thought about it so many times—so many times. If Castle had been any other man she would have dragged him into her bed to see if they were a match. Then, when she found out they weren’t, they would have both gone their separate ways. It had happened to her dozens of times and for each of those times she hadn’t cared. Except with him.

Because of his, well, Castle-ness she hadn’t wanted to drag him into bed for the first few months of their partnership; he was far too annoying for her to even remotely enjoy that experience. Then, things began to change. He became her partner, and then her friend, and then her confidant. She loved spending her days with him and didn’t want to give them up, for losing his partnership would be sadder than losing yet another chance to find her soulmate.

“That’s why it’s cruel.” She brushed a tear from her cheek before looking back to him. “We can either live here in the unknown forever…or have reality break our hearts.”

He moved his hand so it closed over one of hers. “You realize there’s a third option there.”

She breathed in a shuddered breath and he quirked his lips into a smile.

“I’m in if you are, Kate.”

“Oh god, I…” She sniffed as more tears fell from her eyes. Quickly using her fingertips to brush them away she admitted, “This is really not how I saw this evening going.”

His hand had fallen to her knee when she moved hers so he squeezed her there. “I know; me neither.”

“But I suppose it’s been a bit inevitable, hasn’t it?”

“For three years, actually,” he pointed out and they shared a quick laugh. Bringing up his other hand, he brushed a strand of hair back from her face. “So, ah, I should get us a room?”

She shook her head quickly. “No I’d rather be at home if it’s all the same to you.” That way when it didn’t work out, she didn’t have to move. She could just pull the covers over her head, cry, and mourn what could have been.

“Sure; I’ll call us a car.”

“So, ah, should we have a drink first?” Castle suggested once they had arrived at her apartment.

Kate shook her head as she took off her shoes and sighed with relief at the end of her toe pain. “Ah, no…no I think I’ve had enough tonight. You can have something if you want.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

They stared at each other for several seconds before Castle stepped forward and used his fingertips to gentle tilt her chin upwards. Then, he kissed her. The kiss was not their first as they had kissed the year before during an undercover assignment. As she had been mostly concerned about their safety at the time, she had not enjoyed the softness of his lips on hers as much as she wanted to. In that moment, however, she melted into him and wound her arms around his waist.

“Mm Kate.” He hummed before kissing her again and skimming his hands down her neck to the tops of her shoulders. From there, they roamed her back until his right stretched all the way down her spine and cupped the curve of her ass.

Kate gave a small yelp when her heartrate spiked. He asked her what was wrong, and she tried to brush it off, but she couldn’t; the reality of what they were about to do was settling into her gut too strongly and wreaking havoc with her insides. “Sorry I…Jesus I don’t think I was this nervous when I lost my virginity,” she confessed. Of course during that event she was certain the smoking grunge rocker she’d been casually seeing was not her soulmate, but she’d wanted to, as dumb as it sounded in hindsight, “get it over with.”

“Well that’s certainly not a good place to start. Do you want to just cuddle for a little bit?”

She nodded in acceptance of his offer and led the way to her bedroom. He shrugged off his suit jacket and let her hang it up in the closet while he untied his shoes. Then, they climbed onto her bed, both of them lying on their sides with him spooning his body against her back. He draped his arm over her waist and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck and she shut her eyes, enjoying the feeling of him beside her, even if it would be for the only time.

“How do you have so much faith, Castle?”

“I guess I just do. I see the good in everything because it’s a better way to go through the world. If you were specifically asking about us: it’s because I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel like you do.”

She snuggled closer to him and shut her eyes. She understood that feeling as it was one she felt herself, but that didn’t make her any more confident that they were soulmates. She had seen the darker side of the world too often to have that level of faith. “How long have you felt that way—about me?”

“Awhile, but I knew for sure we were soulmates the moment we first kissed. How about you?”

“I haven’t…I never let myself think about it, because I was too afraid, but I…I finally acknowledged how I felt about you when I thought Jerry Tyson had hurt you.”

He hummed with his lips against her neck. “Yes it was thrilling to watch you burst into that hotel room.”

She let out a light laugh and turned her head so she could look at him. He was hovering over her, smiling, and her heart filled with more joy than she ever thought possible. She lifted her head enough to brush her lips over his, but that was the only indication he needed, because he immediately rearranged himself so he was laying half on top of her as they kissed. With absolutely no reason for hesitation or holding back, Kate parted her lips and took him in and—god—it was so much better than she imagined it would be.

As their kissing grew more heated, Castle’s hand skimmed down her body until he found the bottom hem of her dress. His fingertips delved beneath the fabric climbing higher and higher on her thigh until he stopped suddenly, pulled back, and moved his fingers back and forth on her leg. “What…what am I feeling? What’s happening?”

“What? Oh shit,” she cursed, a little embarrassed. “I’m wearing Spanx. Didn’t think anyone would be interested in my underwear tonight,” she added with a slight laugh.

He pulled his hand out of her dress. “For the record: I’m always interested in your underwear.”

“Perv,” she teasingly accused before rolling away from him and out of bed. “I’ll get ‘em off—hold on.”

“Let me.” He stood off the bed and joined her on her side so he could draw down the back zipper of her dress. She shimmied out of it and let it pool at her feet revealing her black bra and the black “tummy control” undergarment that went from just above her waist down to her mid-thigh.

“Sexy right?” she joked as she began to peel it down.

“You’re sexy no matter what.”

She gave him a small smile before turning her back so she could work the garment off. Fortunately, taking it off was easier than putting it on; stuffing herself into it was most assuredly an unsexy procedure, but off wasn’t as bad. It did, however, take away a bit of the mystery of the evening, as it left her completely nude except for her bra.

After tossing the Spanx into the hamper by her closet, she turned around to see her partner wearing an expression of awe. “You’re beautiful,” he told her. Then, he stood up, reached around her back and felt for her bra clasp. “And you no longer need this.”

She chuckled softly as he discarded her bra and once her arms were free she lifted her fingers to the buttons on his shirt. “I think we need to even this situation up a bit more.”

“Sounds fair enough to me.”

Once his shirt had joined her clothes on the floor they climbed back on the bed and lay side by side once again. While her hands roamed his bare chest, his began to map their way across her expanse of flesh, covering nearly every inch of surface space. As his kisses moved from her lips to her neck, he skimmed his right hand up her body and across her left arm until he found her hand. He linked their fingers together and held her hand down beside her head just as he found her pulse point. Kate let out a moan as she felt her body flush and her heart speed up again. God, he was amazing at that—just as she imagined he would be.

Castle’s kisses soon trailed down her sternum until he reached her breasts. He dragged his tongue over to her right nipple, swirled it around the tip, and then captured it between his lips. She gasped and arched her back, pressing herself against his mouth. He hummed and flicked his tongue over the stiff peak which had her rubbing her thighs together to reduce the tingling she felt there. God, it had been over a year since she’d had sex and she’d forgotten what it was like to be this turned on—to be this wet.

“Jesus…Castle…” She purred as he turned his attention to her left nipple, mirroring his actions on that side.

Her hands settled on the wings of his shoulder blades as he kissed the underside of her breasts and began trailing his lips southward. He glanced up briefly at her, winked, and he began to lavish her belly with kisses and soft nips of his teeth. Suddenly, Kate felt her chest tighten and tears come to her eyes as she had never felt such sensations before; it was truly incredible.

With nearly every encounter she had men had performed the same actions as Castle was—kissing her belly, paying attention to her nipples with their lips—but it had been so different. This was the man she had come to know over the years; the one she trusted above all else. He made her laugh; he made her feel safe. He was the one she trusted.

He was the one she wanted.

As though she’d surfaced from a long swim underwater, the notion poured over her like a breath of fresh air and for the first time Kate understood why a person might choose to be in a long-term relationship with someone not their soulmate. Sixty percent of adults still chose to get married even though less than half of them had found their mates and she knew why: because being deeply in love with someone changed everything. Everything.

“Castle,” she uttered out, her voice sounding more tearful than she had intended.

He quickly lifted his head and said, “Sorry—did I hurt you?”

“No, no I just…I wanted to say that I understand now—I understand.”

“Understand what?” he asked gently, brushing away one of her tears with his thumb.

She curled her fingertips around his shoulders and pulled his body closer to hers until their bellies touched. “I understand why Kev and Jenny got married. Why so many people do. I—I love you and it doesn’t matter how this ends because—because that won’t change; no matter what.”

A grin exploded across Castle’s face and he immediately covered her mouth with his. After a long kiss and two shorter ones, he pulled back. “I love you too, Kate. We deserve this.”

“I know.” She squeaked out.

As he trailed kisses down her body once more, Kate shut her eyes and quickly wiped away the tears staining her cheeks. She felt Castle’s hands against her legs and waited for the bed to shift while removed his remaining items of clothing, but it never did. Instead, his hands continued to caress her inner thighs and were soon joined by his lips. Her eyes popped open.

“What are you doing?”

He lifted his head and winked. “Trust me.” Then, he moved his lips back to her right thigh. Kate watched with no small amount of curiosity as he kissed his way out to the inside of her knee before switching legs and kissing his way back towards her centre. There, he settled down further against the mattress and, much to her surprise, he began to kiss her lower lips.

“Wha—“ she began, but her voice disappeared, mostly from pure shock as she had never had a man kiss her there before.

Soon, she felt Castle’s tongue sliding up and down her slit and, when it reached the top, she felt a small electric jolt that had her gasp, “Oh!” Again, Castle lifted his head and smirked, before returning to his dutiful work.

As his tongue worked her slit, she felt his thumb move up to the small bud at the crest of her pubic bone. She knew this bud was pleasurable to touch, but it always left her wanting more. In that moment, however, each time he touched it she felt a jolt that made her hips twitch and her belly tighten.

He caressed her with his tongue for several moments before moving his mouth to cover the area his thumb was touching. From that angle she could look in his eyes, but only for a moment, because as soon as he began flicking his tongue against her nub Kate was unable to stop her head from rolling back against the pillows. “God, Rick,” she moaned out. Jesus—if she’d known how amazing it would feel, she would have asked a man to do this to her ages ago!

She spread her legs even further as his tongue swirled and flicked—both of which felt incredible—but when he began to suck lightly, she cried out again and balled her fists against her pillow case. Her hips arched into his mouth and Kate felt a rush as though a wave was washing over her before a quick release of pressure left her crying out. Two tears slipped from her eyes as she lifted her head and gasped; she had no idea what the hell had just happened.

“Castle…” she managed, but he was already reacting, practically jumping on top of her and kissing all over her face.

“I knew it! I knew it! Kate, oh Kate.”

“Was that…? But, I…we—we weren’t even having sex!” She stammered out.

“Sure we were.” He grinned. “My buddy told me about that—his wife loves it.”

“I can see why,” she responded, still a bit in a daze. Then, she lifted her hand to stroke over his cheek. “Oh, Castle…”

He turned his head to kiss her palm. “I told you, Kate—we deserved this.”

Her chest filling with pure joy, Kate threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight hug. Only when she did this did she feel her legs brush up against his pants and realized he was still half dressed. Pushing his shoulders down, she flipped their positions so she was on top and grinned a bit wickedly at him. “Now, let’s celebrate, by doing it for real.”

Her brain still functioning with limited capacity, Kate kissed her way across Castle’s chest and down to his belly while simultaneously undoing his belt and unfastening his pants. When she slipped her fingers inside she could feel how rock hard he was, clearly straining the fabric of his boxers to the absolute limits. Smiling to herself, she dipped her fingers beneath the waistband of his boxers and when she slid her fingers around his length he moaned out, “Jesus, Kate.”

She gave him a few strokes despite the restricted space before removing her hand. She crawled down his body and grabbed both pants and boxers to remove them together. When his erection popped free she let out a small sound of astonishment; so all the jokes about him being well endowed were not jokes after all. For a brief moment she wondered what he would feel like inside her. This was something she often did when she revealed her latest partner’s manhood, but then she realized she no longer had to wonder; he was guaranteed to feel incredible.

After tossing Castle’s pants off the end of the bed, Kate swung her left leg over his shins so that she straddled him. She used both hands to stroke her length, but as she dipped her head he stopped her with, “No—not tonight; I just want to be inside you.”

“Okay.” she agreed with a soft smile. Then, she scooted up his body until her centre hovered over him. With her left hand balanced in the center of his chest, she used her right to guide him inside her. As she slowly sank down, she met his gaze, and their jaws dropped together as she descended. “Shit, Castle,” she breathed out, feeling fuller than she’d ever felt before; he was incredible.

“Ah, Kate.” Castle grunted out. “You feel amazing.”

Kate arched her body over his, stretching out to press a sloppy kiss to his lips before she rolled her hips once, then again, and a third time before she felt him hit a spot inside her that made her gasp. She pushed herself back into a more upright position and rolled her hips again, but she didn’t find the spot. She began moving at even intervals, trying to find it again, shifting ever so slightly right and left until—

“Oh, shit…” she breathed out when she found it again.

Castle’s hands landed on her thighs and he held her tight while she thrust her hips into him again and again. With barely any thought she moved her left hand to the small nub Castle had been sucking earlier and brushed her thumb against it while she rolled her hips and—god—it was incredible.

“Rick…fuck…”

“Don’t stop, Kate—I’m right—shit—with you,” Castle groaned out.

Now almost frantic, Kate thrust her hips again and again, feeling a miniature fire burst inside her every time he hit the right spot until finally her belly tightened and the next fire burst was an all-out explosion. She cried out as her entire body trembled. Thrusting her hips once more only intensified the feeling and she was vaguely aware of her partner crying out as well, but Kate could barely move or breathe; pleasure had completely overtaken her.

Though she remained rather frozen in place, Kate was vaguely aware of Castle sitting up, gathering her in his arms, and rolling them both onto their sides so they could lay down, still connected. He dusted his lips over her brow and her nose before asking softly, “Are you okay?”

“No.” She laughed. Then, she opened his eyes to see his adoring face. Stroking his cheek she said, “It’s so totally unfair you could always do that.”

“Well now you can too,” he rationalized. Then, giving her a quick kiss he said, “So you liked it?”

She felt as though her eyes practically bulged out of her head. “Are you kidding me? Let’s do that every day!”

He smiled and hugged her close, sighing out, “For the rest of our lives, Kate.”

Tucking her head into the crook of his neck, Kate cuddled up to him and shut her eyes thinking she had absolutely no problem with that whatsoever; it would be perfect.

Thank you for reading!

#castle #caskett #castle pornado #castle fanfiction #my fic: zenith

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morganbelarus · 5 years

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Source Calls Newly-Engaged Jennifer Lopez & Alex Rodriguez ‘Soulmates’ Amid Cheating Accusations! – Perez Hilton

Don’t let those cheating accusations fool you: Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are a match made in heaven!

On the heels of the couple’s engagement news, a source tells People that J.Lo is the “happiest she has ever been” with her newly-minted fiance. The source said:

“They are incredible together. Very much soulmates that bring out the best in each other and are so supportive of each other.”

Awww. Sounds too good to be true…

And, according to Jose Canseco… it is!

Video: J. Lo Reveals Anniversary Gift From A-Rod!

As we reported, the ex athlete accused A-Rod of cheating on Lopez with Canseco’s ex-wife Jessica, adding that he’d even take a polygraph test to prove he was telling the truth. Yikes.

The cheating claims come just one day after Rodriguez announced their engagement news on Saturday by posting a photo of Lopez’s massive diamond engagement ring.

The former Yankees star went on to share more behind-the-scenes clips of their getaway, later posting a video of their romantic AF vacation suite, complete with a rose-covered bed.

As seen (below).

How could she not say yes!? / (c) Alex Rodriguez/Instagram

Apparently, Jenny from the Block was not expecting her man to propose on their trip to the Bahamas — even though, according to the insider, “there were talks about an engagement from early on.”

The source explained:

“From the start, they moved very quickly. Their relationship was always very passionate. Jennifer quickly fell very hard for Alex. And she quickly started planning for the future.”

Ultimately, the 49-year-old songstress “realized that she wanted to live more in the moment… [and] enjoy what they have together with the kids,” according to the insider.

But now, the kids will enjoy being part of their parents’ wedding!

Photo: A-Rod Shares First Look At J.Lo Pole Dancing

A separate People source revealed that the couple’s children from their previous relationships will “definitely” play a huge role in their upcoming nuptials, explaining:

“For them both, they are still all about their family with the four kids. Their initial strong attraction for each other would have quickly faded if they had not been able to come together as a family.”

Lopez and ex-husband Marc Anthony have 11-year-old twins Maximilian “Max” David and Emme Maribel, while Rodriguez and ex-wife Cynthia Scurtis share daughters Ella, 10, and Natasha, 14.

Naturally, there was some Brady Bunch-ing to be done in the beginning. But the kids were more than alright, according to the insider:

“Their kids all accepted each other and got along from the beginning. It’s always tricky when you merge families, but Jennifer and Alex did a great job from the start. The kids are amazing together. And they have wanted Jennifer and Alex to get married for a long time. They will all definitely be a huge part of the wedding.”

Needless to say, it’s a very exciting time for the couple:

“Jennifer is ecstatic and so are their families and friends. Very few people knew Alex planned on proposing. It was very much a surprise for Jennifer. It was just how Alex wanted it.”

Sounds like a dream!

Let’s just hope those pesky affair allegations don’t turn this into a nightmare!

[Image via Regina Wagner/Future Image/WENN.]

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

Source Calls Newly-Engaged Jennifer Lopez & Alex Rodriguez ‘Soulmates’ Amid Cheating Accusations! – Perez Hilton was originally posted by MetNews

#MetNews

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narcisbolgor-blog · 6 years

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Jersey Shore Family Vacation Season 2 Premiere Recap Betches

After a boring summer without enough GTL, Jersey Shore Family Vacation is back! We’re excitedly waiting to see if Ronnie finally got the balls to stay single, if Mike’s going to prison, if Angelina is going to be a regular (God, please, no), if J-Woww found her personality, and what a preggo meatball Deena will be like. The season preview was literally just them screaming at each other.

We open up to Ronnie and Baby Mama Jen having a baby shower. Ronnie, you f*cking moron. If your woman is throwing you out of a moving car, if you’re trying to cheat every two seconds, just break tf up. Why must I tell you this? Ronnie is such a good dad, he went to London when Jen was about-to-burst pregnant and landed when she went into labor. And he literally complains that he had to fly back for the birth of his child. A dream parent, really. We’re 30 seconds in and I’m already mad at you, Ron.

Ugh, God, I hate babies. I mean, ooooh looook little guido baby. Cuuuuute. Let’s get on with the show, people.

Oh, here’s generic blonde Lauren and Mike, talking about their dream wedding abroad, ruined by Mike’s impending prison sentence. It’s so annoying when your crimes prevent you from your special day plans, amirite? Love that none of this is a red flag to Lauren, but hey, she let Mike break up with her several times to f*ck other women, and took him back again and again.

Now Pauly and Ronnie are playing with his tiny meatball baby. By “playing”, I of course mean “staring at it” because that thing is barely alive at this age. Oh my God, here we go with a hilarious montage of Ronnie and Jen’s totally abusive and nasty messages to each other with Ronnie screaming over it. Yikes. They’re really glossing over how problematic this is.

And now we’re somehow cutting to lunch with Snooks and Angelina being fake polite to each other. Oh good, Snooki bought her adult diapers. Oh good, they got their boobs done together. I have no interest in this.

Vinny is talking to his mom about how much happier he is without the Instagram Model in his life. Now he can save all the strippers he wants! Oooooh, I totally forgot this season is going to be in Vegas. Funny how for Jersey Shore there is no Jersey Shore in sight. Guess they’re still not allowed back then? TBH, I didn’t even know what the Jersey Shore was before this show, so maybe they should be thanking MTV.

J-Woww is all, “Oh everyone thinks babies are so easy!”, like no b*tch, babies look like life-ruining nightmares, but okay. Her baby is two and doesn’t speak yet and has to go to therapy. I don’t know at what age babies usually speak at, but I’m assuming this is bad? While I do feel bad she’s worried about her kid, quiet kids seem way easier, soo…

The girls meet for drinks (food?) and apparently Angelina called Jenni a Jersey Whore which she finds really offensive. I’m disappointed in you, J-Woww, you used to be proud of being a Jersey whore. Deena announces that she’s not coming to Vegas due to her pregnancy, which like, good. Sorry D, you spent all last season falling on the ground and crying about your husband. I’m imagining pregnancy hormones are worse than alcohol, yes? I could do without it.

The guys arrive in a ridiculous suite at Planet Hollywood. It has a stripper pole in the shower.

Vinny: Ronnie’s gonna be single by like dinner.

He’s still with Jen after the violence and the weird little Instagram montage? Oh, Ron. Also Vin, Ron does not have to be single to f*ck strippers, which we’ve learned many times over. I remember when they had a little tiny (but really gigantic) beach shack above the T-shirt shop. Ah, memories. Pauly calls Ron out for posting two days prior on social media that he is single; now he’s saying he and Jen are good.

Mike: Ron’s acting like Puerto Rican Jesus. He says he’s working things out but how long will that last.

Mike, I think we remember the Bible differently.

Ronnie doesn’t want to go to a strip club. Also, can we discuss Mike’s shirt? Like, it’s not a bad shirt, but it just doesn’t look like him. He doesn’t look right next to the other guys.

Ronnie: I don’t want to go anywhere with Mike in that shirt.

Oh f*ck, if I’m agreeing with Ronnie, I need to rethink my entire life.

The girls arrive in Vegas!

Oh wait. I forgot. Sammi’s dead, Deena’s pregnant (which may as well be dead), and Angelina thankfully wasn’t invited yet because the producers are obviously going to surprise throw her on us later in the season. So the “girls” is literally just Snooks and J-Woww. And J-Woww still looks like a librarian, so she really doesn’t count. Snooki better step it up this season, that’s all I have to say.

We’re almost done with this episode and literally nothing has happened.

Snooks: Mom’s are here!

See? Having children makes everyone boring. Snooki has an updated pouf, where it’s like as big as her old pouf, but it’s segregated in three pieces like a spiked crown. Is she going to party or rule the seven seas?

F*CKING SNOOKI, she just announced that she invited Angelina to replace Deena on the trip. Why are you doing this to us? Angelina left the first season, 10 years ago. She is cancelled. Snooki has failed me so far. J-Woww is pissed but you can’t tell because her face does not move.

Out of nowhere, Mike announces that he and the “Missus” are “experimenting in the bedroom.” File that under things I don’t need to picture, thanks. Ronnie is bringing the baby and Jen to show everyone (why do people always insist on showing you their babies? They all look like shriveled potatoes for the first six months). J-Woww super sketchily cuts to her interview where she announces: I have a secret.

Apparently, she reached out to Jen after #SocialMediaGate. Now she’s worried Jen has told Ron that she once again inserted herself in the middle of his relationship. Like, why would she even talk to Jen? She doesn’t know her. Jen brings the shriveled potato up to their room. Snooks and J-Woww cry and say she looks just like Ron. They say this like it’s positive. Can you imagine Ron as a woman? That is going to be a hideous child if she doesn’t grow out of this. Don’t put that on her, guys. Vinny’s ovaries explode at seeing the baby. Oh my God, Snooki tries to smile at the baby and her face is so puffy and frozen it ends up like grimace. That is so scary and also so hilarious. Why do people do this to their face? Who is allowing her to have this much botox?

Mike to Jen: I don’t know what you did to this man, he’s a different person now.

Mike, Ronnie said no to the strip club. Once. One time. Two days ago he was announcing over social media that he was single. A little before that, he was engaging in totally abusive and violent arguing with Jen. But yeah, he’s a changed man. Mike is basically every woman ever.

J-Woww pulls Jen aside to talk and Jen says didn’t tell Ron anything about their conversations.

Jen: I told Ron I trust him 100%, and also if he f*cks up, I’ll find out. Also Jen:

First of all, you should not trust him, he has given you a million reasons not to. Secondly, what is there to find out if you trust him? Run, Jen, run. Collect that child support and go. I cannot believe there is a woman in this world that wants to be with someone like Ronnie so badly that she’s willing to put up with this kind of garbage.

We end Jersey Shore Family Vacation season 2 episode 1 with Ron sending Jen off. Let the sh*tshow begin, friends.

Oh wait, there are two episodes back to back.

Okay, I guess I have to do this all over again now. I mean, fine, but something actually interesting better happen.

The group is talking about Ron and Jen behind their backs. What else is new? I am sooooooo embarrassed for Jen. This man drove you to getting into a physical altercation in the car with your baby, throwing him out of the car in front of said baby, and then running him over with it. But yeah, I’m sure it’ll work out now, guys. Or you could just break up.

Oh sweet Jesus, Mike is getting tanner by the second. He looks like OG Snookie. As if on cue, Vin starts singing the Oompa Loompa song. Ronnie says he’s glad everyone got to meet the baby before Jen goes to Oklahoma. Why is she going to Oklahoma? Is she moving away or like, on vacation? Who vacations in Oklahoma?

Now we have a whole sequence of the boys playing with the sequins on pillows. Can you people be fun again, please?

WHAT is with Jenni’s severe bun in her interviews? She looks like one of the men from Mulan.

Jenni is crying because she wanted some kind of Mother’s Day video but her friends were supposed to be in it (?) and now she’s mad at them (?). Unclear. Also, I have trouble understanding people who talk without moving their mouths. This is why I have so many friends in LA. I just smile and nod because I don’t know what their Botox faces are saying. It makes me appear agreeable.

They all go to dinner.

Vinny: All I want is for someone to look at me the way Mike looks at a food menu.

Seriously, me too, dude. Mike orders half of the menu. Why is he insisting on being fat? He’s like “oh, whatever, it won’t matter because I’ll get ripped when I for sure go to prison”? Does anyone really do that? I’ve seen every episode of OITNB, and that was Piper’s goal too, but so far she’s lost some teeth and caused a lot of problems, but is def not ripped.

Jenni is now announcing that she’s mad at Snooki about the Mother’s Day video. I don’t get this? Why would any of these people be in her Mother’s Day video? These aren’t your kids. Even though you supervise Vinny’s haircuts. It’s weird and creepy. Jenni, you used to have real problems, like b*tches looking at you wrong at the club. Fun things. Then Jenni decides she really wants to cause problems over this stupid f*cking video, because although she made sure Baby Mama Jen didn’t tell Ron anything, she now announces that she’s been conspiring with her at the table to everyone. Why? Then she comes for Vin.

Jenni: If only you had cheated on Alicia (Insta model) like you cheated on your diet, you guys would still be together.

It took me a second to understand what the f*ck she meant, but I get it. Vin never cheats on his miserable and insane keto diet, but did cheat on his miserable and insane gf. Way harsh, Jenni.

Vin: I loved Jenni in The Mask, it was amazing.

Jenni: My face will go down in a day or two, but your ego and cheating ways will stay forever.

I mean. These statements are all true. But good to know that Jenni’s face is freshly shot up, maybe she’ll even make an expression by next week?

So Vinny and Pauly are both single but Ronnie isn’t, which means nothing to Ronnie, so basically they’re all single. Pauly is besties with everyone because they’re going to Drais, where he is the resident DJ. Pauly is so happy the “Smash Squad” is back. Didn’t they used to call it smushing?

Jenni is asleep in the club in the corner and she’s all giant scary lips. The guys say she looks like a mannequin and they are not wrong. Jenni, who are you? I don’t know this woman.

Ronnie is sitting in the corner. Like, you guys can still be fun even if you’re not cheating? Why are these the only options?

Jenni took Snooki with her in the cab. She is such a bore, I can’t take it.

Snooki: Did Bill Cosby drug you?

This. This is why we keep Snooki around. But also, too soon?

Back at the club, Vinny is educating us that all Canadian women are DTF because they’re basically men. Oooookay. Mike and his puffy orange face and indoor sunglasses pouts against the wall. Pauly and Vinny bring the slutty Canadians back and immediately put them in their beds. Like, fully dressed and with shoes on. What is this. Now there is a montage of Canada. Which is mostly hockey. I mean, this is definitely what I think all of Canada is, so fair. Pauly and Vinny send the girls away once they’re done with him. Just like old times!

Boring J-Woww wakes up at 8:30am, and all I want to know is how anyone can sleep in this severe bun. Does your head not hurt? She calls Roger to continue b*tching about Mother’s Day. Let it go, woman. This is like her entire personality, this Mother’s Day video. Everyone but Vin goes to breakfast. Mike orders chicken and waffles and french fries.

Mike: I do the keto diet with one cheat day. One cheat day, 3-5 times a week.

Weird, me too.

Ron calls Jen and apparently her flight was changed so she wants to come visit Ron. He’s like, f*ck no. And he basically explains that she’s really pure evil and he doesn’t want her around. Seems like this is going well.

They all go to a pool party and Pauly DJs. Mike is jealous he’s not getting enough attention, so he puts on this totally revolting giant panda head and dances around. So I guess Jen won, because Ron is spending the whole day moping that she’s coming out with them. Ron starts getting 400 texts from Jen yelling at him. Like, Ron, what did you do now? You haven’t even been here for 24 hours. Ron goes to the bathroom and gets in a little fight with some guy. Then security has to intervene. Like, can’t you just pee without causing a problem? He’s even doing aggressive clapping at the guy, which I didn’t know was still a thing. They are all forced to leave the party. Ron, you have a child, get your sh*t together!

Jenni: So since Jen is visiting, she likes tequila right? Ron: I don’t know, I don’t care, I’m over it. Jenni’s shocked face:

He’s literally throwing a tantrum that Jen is coming out with them. Like wtf? Just break up, you psycho. Being single is way more fun. Now Ronnie is crying because he doesn’t want to hang out with Jen. I’m exhausted from their relationship.

Mike: Relationships are tough, life is tough, it doesn’t get easier.

Mike, when you cheat on people and commit crimes that will send you to prison, you’re right. You’re not really the person to ask for advice here.

Ron is calling Jen repeatedly and muttering, “Where’s my daughter?” and crying. Unclear what’s going on here.

Ronnie admits to the group that Jen is basically holding the baby hostage from him based on his behavior. I mean, if you behave like a drunken psycho, I wouldn’t want you around my kid either. And my kid is a dog.

Jenni: Uh if you’re so scared of her taking your kid from you, why are you posting crazy sh*t all over Instagram and baiting her?

Seriously. She then tells Ron to leave Jen and get court-ordered custody so Jen can’t withhold the baby when she feels like it. He freaks the f*ck out and says it’s too hard. Like, he hates Jen anyway, what’s the problem here? Ron continues to play the victim and Jenni is like, “this is your fault for getting a crazy woman pregnant.” SERIOUSLY. Use protection, you idiot.

Oh I guess that’s it for this week. Let’s hope Single Ronnie comes out next week. And by Single Ronnie I mean Probably Still In A Relationship But Gives No F*cks Ronnie.

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

4.03 to kill some time

I’m so stressed *no surprise* and I’m very much over this semester even though there’s 6 more weeks lol but I’m going to do what I do best before I go to my last class: avoid my problems and responsibilities & watch call the midwife (4.03 won the episode roulette) and post my trash commentary™..

How many series has Fred been in charge of these volunteer whatever’s and I still don’t know the proper name/title??

LOL @ the shrieks but I feel, rats are nasty af. There’s so many in the train stations in nyc it’s gross

Phyllis !! back when I didn’t really like her omg I was a fool

Sister MJ so pure lol, she doesn’t wanna poison the rats

fuck that tho kill em all

Here comes Trixie 😍 my bby & her fabulous pyjamas. I want them 😭

Ivy from downton abbey out here, I forgot she was Mrs Amos

Imagine if someone actually relevant from downton guest starred on ctm? That’d be lit

Hey Pats

“Baby at the surgery?” LOL Phyllis was such a bitch to my bby Shelagh in the beginning tbh 😂😂 it’s fine all is forgiven, i love her now. BESIDES THEY HUGGED & SHELAGH CALLED HER A FRIEND & IT WAS SO SWEET

Angela is so precious w/ her ears that stick out lol

Dysentery yikes

Phyllis gets shit done though. I love it

Noted: Patsy says “garage” funny & Patrick says “recourses” funny. Idk if it’s just the accent and I’m a childish American or if they just say it weird?? prob the former

I hate watching this online because there are no subtitles 😭😭

like I know this random bitch in the clinic just said something rude about the Irish family but it’s not clear !

my bby shelagh so precious even explaining how to properly wash your hands

but I hope they burned that blue dress though. She’s too pretty to wear ugly clothes !! 😭😍

Shelagh’s so nice & patient 😂like if I was her I would’ve told Phyllis to keep it pushing and that I got it covered

Helen George slays every hair style, I freaking wish

Oh shit I forgot Tom & Trixie were engaged here haha

I’m slightly uncomfortable 😂

I forgot about this storyline, I feel so sad for the Mcavoys

Patsy’s outfit 😍 I love it

sister MJ out here trying to capture the rats to set them free 😂

I still don’t really get what the Rose Queen thing is/how it works

this poor Irish family can’t catch a break

Oh shit wait this is when Tony gets set up right, well it seemed like a set up.

damn though Tony was really about to get it with this guy in a public bathroom?? hm never mind

But it was so suspicious that the guy didn’t immediately break away & then didn’t even say anything, just blew that damn whistle?? no coñfio

I swear it was a set up but anyways

I knew you could be arrested for being gay at the time in the uk but it’s still wild to me when I watched this episode. Like how fucked up? To be deemed a criminal for wanting to be with someone of the same sex. I’m pretty sure it’s still like that in some countries too. Insane

But still fucked up of Tony, like you’re married. Can’t defend cheating

See Trixie agrees, we don’t like cheaters

“No dark secrets girls, not if you value your life”

Marie’s dad said “garage” the same way, maybe it’s the accent

Aw my bbys are back on screen

“Surely with nurse crane on the warpath, dysentery doesn’t stand a chance” hell yea, Phyllis👏🏼can👏🏼take👏🏼on👏🏼 anything

But I’m glad Shelagh solves the mystery because it was rather dull when she wasn’t doing much & she’s too good for that!

“I thought I might assist you in a manner of a Dr Watson” SHE’S SO CUTE 💖

yea okay lady you tell yourself it’s a decent street bc there’s no Irish

prejudice boils my blood

“..I’m always very careful, especially with an accent” lol um you all have accents ???

I forgot for a second that they prob don’t consider anyone to have accents because they live there lol, same way I swear I don’t have an accent until someone that’s not from nyc calls it out😭 But Shelagh’s accent is obviously different too ?? Besides I think the Irish family is easier to understand than some of the local people ?? Hmm. I’m not even going to bother figuring it out, whatever. The woman lied and you’re still perfect Shelagh

But I approve of the navy blue suit. Her lighter blue dress wasn’t a look

Babs was kind of irrelevant here tbh lol

Tom whispering “I’m in love with you” to Trixie like same, who isn’t. Beatrix is a dream

“Who knows what undesirable will be purged next?” *clenches fist* aghh, I wish it was the nasty stale cheeto running my country

Lol omg Fred’s small glasses

Aw sister Julienne, she hasn’t been in this episode much 😭

Jenny Agutter is so great and I’m still not over the fact that she loves rap & especially Eminem. Like I need a video of her singing “shake that ass for me”😂😂 I’d die.

poor Mr Amos 💔

More dinner table scenes in series 7, I love when the majority of the cast is together

Omg how awful/ sacrilegious of me is it to ask that someone make an edit of the the last supper with the Call the midwife cast 😭😭

Eh I’ve said/done worse, god forgive me lol *does the cross, en el nombre del padre, y del hijo y espiritu santo*

Agreed Babs, Mr Amos is so good looking 😭😉

“Don’t make that your criteria for men. My mother always said find a plain man, he’ll be eternally grateful and never stray” LMAOO PHYLLIS I LOVE YOU

my mother tells me “find a rich man because you’re high maintenance and can’t afford it” 😂😂 .. still working on that

“I always thought the essence of crime is that some harm is done to someone” right SIster MJ!?😭

Okay sister W, the Bible says it’s a sin but the Bible condemns a lot of things. Like the doesn’t the Bible even say don’t mix clothing fabrics lol

“Well quite frankly, I thought we fought a war of fascism. And that’s exactly what this is, telling people who they can and can not love” yes Trixie👏🏼 that’s my bby

Patsy sitting there so uncomfortable aww

I don’t think the show has touched on homosexuality since this episode?? are we thinking someone else with find out about Patsy and Delia in series 7?? so curious

Netflix cut this Turner scene, just like they cut most of their cute scenes like how dare they

“Patrick, you’ll think me naive..” she’s so innocent

“I supposed it’s how we made things..There isn’t much room for a different way”

SHELAGH’S REACTION WHEN PATRICK SAYS KINSYS REPORT STATES A “GOOD DEAL OF MEN HAVE HAD HOMOSEXUAL THOUGHTS” KILLS ME EVERY.TIME😂😂

Once again Laura Main proving she’s the queen of facial expressions

“We should live and let live” Patrick’s not here to judge & I’m glad

Do judges or whatever they’re called in the U.K. still wear those wigs?

Oh shit he was a constable I didn’t remember that

Trixie and Phyllis is the dynamic I am here™ for

right after Trixie & Shelagh but I’ll leave that be for now, you know my feelings

3 series of Phyllis’s barley sugar mentions & I still don’t know what the hell they are

And considering my phone is on me just about all the time you’d think I would’ve googled it by now ??

Poor Patrick trying to speak and being shut up

I don’t like his hair gelled down though. But he’s stopped that thankfully

remembering people really think you can “cure homosexuality” again, wild

omg ew what kind of bug was that *cringes*

Lol that baby does not look like a new born

they’re giving Tony estrogen wtf

Phyllis is right yikes that hostile belongs in the past

How is Patrick comfortable eating in there

Phyllis has been scolding Patrick on his eating habits since 1960😂

Phyllis and Trixie sharing a room and both have towels wrapped around their heads 😂😭 I love it

Omg Trixie is helping Phyllis with her Spanish I forgot

“I have a great desire to go to Spain one day..” LET PHYLLIS GO TO SPAIN 2k18/1963 !!

Phyllis calling out Trixie’s drinking..

She notices everything

Trixie taking the new rose queens glasses off lol, just like she lowkey wanted Shelagh to take her glasses off during the wedding

Who does this lady think she is banishing people from the community centre??

“Small mindedness has no place here” yes Pats

Ok Fred’s group is called the CDC, but what does that stand for

“A man can be too clean” wait why does she think there’s a correlation between cleanliness and being gay??

Poor Mrs Amos 😭 I feel bad for them both though

“Am I the only one who doesn’t despise them?” Aww Patsy

“Of course not, I just don’t think it’s our battle to fight” .. “who will then?” !!!!!! Thisssss. Still relevant today. Can’t stay silent

Trixie in another pair of fabulous pyjamas. I want them!

Ok but for real when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia ??

Sister J is so cute lol & her suggesting Phyllis to go with Patrick like hell yes

Another duo I’m here for 😂

I need Phyllis in my life, she’d set me straight and would give advice when I need it

Honestly I need her voice on a recording to play back whenever I make bad decisions 😂😂

Oh shit they graffitied The Amos’ door

Mr Amos is trying to take his life while his wife is bringing another life into the world ..

aw I’m tearing. Marie’s dad stopping Tony & telling him he has a daughter

“Best advice I ever received. When in the path of an unstoppable force it’s always best to surrender” PHYLLIS FU*KING CRANE LADIES & GENTLEMEN, A HERO AND ACTUAL GEM

And my bby Shelagh solving the mystery of the dysentery outbreak! She’s Also a gem 💕

“Elementary” “My dear Watson”😭😭😍❤️ bbys!

Patrick and Phyllis celebrating their victory omg so golden

“..And if anyone doesn’t like it then they can go home and stew in their own mean spiritedness..” yes Trixie that’s my bby!

Cue Vanessa “..We can protect all that we have”

Sister MJ yelling at the little boys aww 😭😂 “we are all gods creatures” ..“some are easier to love than others” ..“it’s the others that need us most!”

I just need Sister MJ protected at every cost, please!!

“But that place which we call home must be the place in which we are ourselves with no facade, no foundations weak, below us. Only then can we face outwards with our heads held high, claim the roles assigned to us, with open, honest hearts.. ”

Maybe I should google the rose queen too, is this a real thing?

Patsy holding Tony’s hand 😭

Everyone ended up clapping ugh my heart 😢

why does ctm always make me so emotional ? literally gold in television form. & it has ruined tv for me because there will never be a show greater than this

I want to watch another episode, but I have class in 10 mins ughh. ok bye guys. I dont have time to check my spelling and shit so bear with me and excuse it all

#my commentaries™#call the midwife #gets me through #everytime #you tired of me yet #??

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

Kicking off the hiatus with 5.04

A few people have requested that I continue my commentaries™ during the hiatus & after all the positive feedback, I couldn’t say no! But I expected to have an awful day & it actually went well so I thought I’d go ahead and do it now. You know since I’m going to avoid all my responsibilities anyway it might as well be for a good cause🙃

I watched a lot of shameless on Netflix today so it’s nice to watch something wholesome for a change of pace 😂

“The world was shifting on its axis in 1961, strides were being made, decisions taken, questions asked..” Vanessa’s narration is always on point like I wish I had the patience to post all her quotes 😭😂

Aw sister Mary Cynthia! I hope she’s in the Christmas special

My bby trixie looking flawless while riding a bike, goals

But who is this nun they’re having a service for lol ??

Like it’s kinda irrelevant oops, r i p & dios te bendiga but why do we care? at least I don’t

Isn’t this girl from something? She looks so familiar

i remember saying this before .. oh yea she’s from game of thrones I think. I don’t watch it though haha

“Angel? I could get used to that!” Aw my bby is so cute like yes trix ur an angel

yikes that cough lady, I have a stuffy nose rn and I’m hoping I don’t start coughing ��cause then I wanna be in a coma cause I hate being sick

Aw he'a so excited! He got into university👏🏼 that was legit me though 😂 I’m so irrational and literally only applied to one university (well I filled out many applications but didn’t submit any others because you gotta pay so I tried to wait and see if I got accepted to where I wanted first😂) I found out in English while on my phone instead of doing work & I screamed and just ran out the classroom 😂 I went to my guidance councilor and told everyone in the main office and then called my parents who *were nervous I wouldn’t get in* but also were literally going through security in the airport on their way to Dominican Republic .. ah, I was full of excitement and hope. Look at me now 3 semesters in &I’m over it 😂😂 it’s so stressful and mentally/emotionally draining and sometimes I’m just like how do I become a trophy wife asap?

BACK TO THE SHOW THOUGH

My bby SHELAGH! 😍 she is so precious in her suit aww, but lets be real the navy suit is the best™ one she owns. But I still like her best in uniform at the clinic though 💁🏼

she’s over here giving a talk on giving birth at home & Im just like holy shit SHE JUST HAD A BABY IN THEIR NEW HOME, I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT😭!!!!

Tom’s so excited for Ian it’s so cute and sweet

And Tom is so cute and attractive ugh, he could get it

oh damn wait Mrs Cottingham has the baby with no limbs

aw yea and she wanted a girl

I agree though little boys are gremlins 😂😂 from ages like 7-14, get them away from me 😂

Ian all hopeful for their future and then boom he’s a dad. That went from 0 to 💯 real quick

Phyllis!! & lol sister W giggling

But damn why they all acting like Sister J is too old and incapable 😂 she wants to go to St Cuthberts, let her

Sister Monica Joan upset aw😭 don’t worry sister you’re Help is needed

Pats and Deels look cute “tanning” outside

“You want to see Anita Ekberg in that fountain just as much as I do” Lmaoo 😂😂 for real though have u ever seen La Dolce Vita? Like Anita Ekberg was too hot to handle. I wish I looked that good damn

Trixie came to thirdwheel even though she isn’t unaware she is lol

But Trixie is serving summer looks™ I love it 😍

Damn though Patsy’s legs are pretty pasty 😂😂

Trixie wondering what the hell kinda magic bra Anita had on, literally same cause I want it. Always need good quality strapless bras for summer👍🏻

Patsy inviting Trixie and Delia gave the side eye omg 😂

Here comes Babs lmao

LOL DEELS IS SALTY OMG

ugh this is when Babs first got with Tom and they were annoying lmao, I got over it though

If I was Trixie I’d be lowkey mad too like that was her ex-fiancé but I’m glad they got over it and are friends despite that 💕 cause I know petty girls that would just cut the other off

WHY DO THEY PRONOUNCED SCHEDULE LIKE THAT? And honestly How?? Like I can’t even lol it’s hard. Oops is my American showing

Sister J out here

Ohh yea this matron is a bitch lmao, vete ya

What is the correlation between going to grammar school and getting pregnant ?? @ Ian’s mom

Lol Trixie’s just like pls don’t ask me

ugh get this nurse/matron or what ever tf she is off my screen before I smack her

I swear Jenny Agutter has such a relaxing voice, like she really can calm you down & tell you all will be well & you’ll just be like “yea you right”😭

Tom is so rational and sensible because if I walked in I’d immediately start screaming and all that like “calm tf down people"

Pats and Deels sneaking around in a convent lol it gives me anxiety always thinking “oh shit u think someone will walk in?”

LOL OKAY TOM YOU TELL YOURSELF TRIXIE IS MAD ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Damn Tom you just made Babs feel like a rebound™

“Who’s to say we won’t carry on” ya will be fine & get married next year chill out

So Babs is only 23, how old are the other nurses *well how old do you think*??

WHEN WILL WE SEE A NONNATUN BIRTHDAY?? *I preferably want to see Trixie or Shelagh have one* but I’d take anyone really, like these people literally celebrate every other damn holiday/event but no one has had a birthday?? Except for Jenny and Chummy but they’re both gone lol

yikes emphysema, one of my grandfathers died from that. 70 odd years of tobacco smoking 😬 he did someone love to be 85 yrs old though. Idk how, he couldn’t breathe for so long

I love Phyllis just saying again for the millionth time

Aw Trix 💔 you will be happy soon💕😭

See! She said w/o Sister J she’d be screaming! Her presence is calming

Emergency c-section aye dios

Turn up at the pub

Lol funny how the dad gave Tom orange juice bc he’s a vicar but he was drunk af the night before his wedding 😂 drunk enough to have little memory and to be hungover the next day

we’ve all been there tho I don’t judge

Is it really CtM if there’s not at least one mention of babycham a series?

c-sections are wild omg

also I’ve never been under anesthesia so I’d be scared af

LOL & also I’ve never had a kid so that’s scary too duh

“Oh God another one” ahh omg

Do you think that was a doll ??

Again this show makes everything look real af so I never know

Is the doctor here the Mr Kenely that I hate??

They really left that baby there to die like o m g

Sister J praying/blessing the baby 💔💔 my freaking heart omg

again this nurse is on my screen and I need her to go, preferably to carajoland

“may the lord bless you and keep you”!! 💔😭

the third deformed baby and they didn’t report it??

“I’m not drunk” I mean you’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom so I’d think you were too 😂

Lol remember.. *cringes* no wait lets not

Tom worked in a record shop that’s cute

damn Tom do you really think telling them to just settle is the best way to comfort him

Aw sister J needs a hug😭😢💕

and yes prayer you’re right sister MJ

Sister MJ, Sister MC & Sister J comforting each other is so pure, all the they have scenes together wash my sins away for a second

wait where tf is sister Winifred lmao, did she just scadaddle after compline? snuck out to see a heathen movie i bet jk jk I’m sure she only sneaks to quality films

but then I say dumb shit like that ^ or even worse/more inappropriate & the sins return😂😂

There’s my bby Shelagh! And in uniform, love it. 😭😍

Whenever Shelagh goes back to work next series I hope we see more of her being a nurse cause I love it

Wild that the hospital was just not saying anything about the deformed babies

Sister J coming to the best detective in Poplar, Dr Watson aka Shelagh Turner aka secret agent Shealgh Turnova™ 😂😂 *forever one of my fave lines of hers*

Lmao Tim helping out old ladies, being a good seed & too perfect of a teen

But damn boy comb your hair!

“I haven’t boiled any urine today, nice to have a change of pace” Lol Babs😂😂

oh no she’s bleeding 😢

I’m having flashbacks to Shelagh’s threatened miscarriage like lets not go down that painful memory lane

Sister J told Ruby it was a girl bc she knew she wanted a girl ughhh 😢

Ruby thinks it was a punishment 💔 ugh my heart & ugh again makes me think of when Shelagh thought she was being punished/greedy when they told her she couldn’t have a baby 💔

Stop the sadness I say, stop it now

“We haven’t got a fairy godmother between us” WHERE IS PHYLLIS WHEN SHE IS NEEDED?

And Poor what’s her name 💔💔

oh yea it’s Linda omg how could I forget that’s my Gram’s name

But Shelagh and Trixie are interacting!!

It’s about a patient but at least they’re speaking right .. LMAO BUT WAIT ILL NEVER BE OVER HORMONAL SHELGH YELLING AT TRIXIE ABOUT THE FAMILY PLANING CLINIC ENTRANCE

ALSO: I’LL KEEP SAYING IT TILL I DIE, ALL I WANT IS A TRIXIE & SHELAGH FRIENDSHIP! 😭😭💕💖💖 they’re my bbys and I’ve been asking nicely

shit ¡¡ @beatrix-franklin wrote a damn essay as to why we need/want it !!

PLS LET IT HAPPEN @ HEIDI & OTHER WRITERS😭💔

Shelagh’s grey cardigan is actually cute *she just doesn’t need anymore lol*

“What the poor pet really needs is a good cry, a bottle of aspirin and a hug in no particular order..but the hug is of prime importance” you see. We could’ve have a cute scene of Trixie visiting Shelagh in the hospital & a little parallel of when she visited her in the sanatorium

or Just give me Trixie hugging Shelagh and I’ll cry of joy 😭💕

omg wait

shit I forgot Ian put his head in the oven

Angela playing on the floor !! So precious 💖

“..Don’t think they’d thank you for that Patrick, they’re both younger than me” Lol I always laugh at that, it’s kinda cute. I like when Shelagh has funny lines , why didn’t Patrick say anything back 😂 there could’ve been cute playful banter. Even this series we could’ve heard him call her an elderly primigravida is a joking/playful banter context ..BUT at least we know now Shelagh is 36!

Yea man those bombs impacted multiple generations

“So World War II is history now is it?” I seriously love these little lines of Shelagh’s lol. Also funny how she prob sees her self as old, and she was what, like my age, when the war needed?? 18 or 19 depending on her birthday (We’d know but nonnatuns apparently don’t ever have birthdays)

Shit. Wait..I feel. Kinda strange and scary to think my future children will learn in school the events I’ve lived through so far ??

okay lets not think about that

what’s the sluice? I know he washes instruments but what exactly is the sluice? The room ? Idk

Aw Angela crying, one of the the only times we’ve heard her make a sound lol

WAIT HE COULD BE SUED FOR BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT WHAT??

“How long have we been broken off?” “A year. To be precise a year and ten days” I know they weren’t really a good match but aw 😭 it was nice while it lasted

Trixie Bby 💔💔 happiness is coming your way I promise

“I never know when I love you the most. But I sometimes think these are the times I love you best..”😭😭 BYE IM DEAD AGAIN & MY HEART EXPLODED AGAIN😭💔💕💕

thinking about it though, they’ve never actually said I love you properly, have they??

See Patrick’s little med school anecdote, can Shelagh share one anytime soon? About anything from her past, I’m just curious.

Was that just a piece of “in the mirror” or is it playing in my head? Honestly it happens quite often, I’ll swear I hear a song and it’s actually in my head

alright Ian so why were you marrying her? you switching it up kid

I’m calling him kid like he’s not probably older than me lmao

Phyllis in her robe I love it

Trixie serving yet another look™😍

I’m so glad Trixie gave Babs her “blessing” & became good friends. So pure, we don’t need any more women being put against each other

“Fuzzy felt apostles” WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THAT? It’s not even funny?

Now the service for a nun we never knew, filled with extra nuns we will never know or care about.

I love that the nurses are at the service lol, like they probably don’t have to be but still there for fam

& Shelagh there wearin a mantilla, so sweet😭💕

“God hugs you” aw sister MC 😭❤️

You gotta admit even if you aren’t religious this show does make you feel some type of faith

“We knew so little then, in a world that seems so filled of opening doors and bright horizons. We thought only of what was new and better because it was new and better. And it would take us to places we had never been before.” VANESSA😭 she never fails with the narration, never.

Trixie helping Babs fix her bracelet bc there’s no hard feelings and she’s happy for them aw

“..We couldn’t see what was coming or understand yet what had already come to pass, yet so much still to learn”

Oh shit that foreshadow was heavy, especially because it ends with a shot of baby cottinghams body in the box.

I don’t think I picked up on that the first time .. Anyway it’s 1:15am I should go to bed I have class in the morning 😭😂

The End.🙃

#my commentaries™#call the midwife #who lets me do these lol #sorry it's long #oops #ya know I'm so extra™

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