#so know when it feels like nobody cares about them: i am there. and i am caring

[yatzstar]

In the wake of The Bad Batch finale, I have some critical thoughts. If you don't want to read criticism, then please move on. I have a lot of issues with the writing in this show, which I might reserve for a different post, but after the finale this one stands out to me.

The handling of Tech's death.

When Tech died I wasn't that saddened by it. Almost every character in this show didn't get a character arc sans Crosshair, and Tech unfortunately was one of them. They got really close to doing something good with his conversation with Omega after Echo departed, but he died not very long after that. However, his death could have been a very motivating factor for the rest of the cast.

Except it wasn't.

We don't see Crosshair's reaction to evidently being told by Omega. We don't see Omega struggling with it. We don't see Wrecker and Hunter struggling without him, or Echo's reaction. When he's mentioned they woefully look at the table for half a second then move on. Mayday got more of an emotional tribute than him, and while Mayday is integral to Crosshair's arc (though I posit it could have been much different had the writing been good and logical from season one) why do we not see them mourning for their brother?

I thought surely one of the clone operatives would be him, because if he was, then not lingering on the grief makes sense. Hemlock had the goggles that he handed over to taunt them, then these crazy brainwashed clones become a threat. We spend a lot of time with CX-2 specifically and his actions, with several parallels that mirror what Tech went through in previous seasons. Say what you will about subverting expectations, but I like it when parallels are set up then delivered upon.

But no, all the clone operatives are red herrings, nobodies, supposedly. Tech is really dead for the sake of...what, exactly? He saved them on Eriadu but we don't see them struggling with that at all. No one becomes better or changes because he dies. They hardly acknowledge him at all, and not only does that reflect poorly on Tech's sacrifice, it reflects poorly on the rest of the cast. It makes them look like a bunch of jerks who didn't care about their brother (which they kind of already were with Crosshair but that's a different rant). Why they set up the CX guy as such a parallel then didn't deliver is downright bad writing, and I am salty about it. Tech wasn't even my favorite, but he's retroactively becoming more endeared to me through What Could Have Been.

Anyway, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've read posts from @thecoffeelorian and @apocalyp-tech-a that sum up how I feel overall. This show had the potential to be so, so good and it ended up being mediocre at best. Only Crosshair really moved beyond the trope he embodied at the start, and Tech had the potential to, but they cut that short and not in a good or meaningful way.

I will be writing a fix-it after I finish my current "Tech is CX" fic because I'm that salty. I hope future Star Wars shows can manage to do something good and rise beyond the unfortunate writing choices.

P.S. Jimmi Simpson as Hemlock was a highlight. I will always stan Mary Lightly iykyk

#sw #the bad batch #tbb #the bad batch spoilers #crosshair #omega #tcw #tech #hunter #wrecker #echo #star wars #the bad batch critical #nala se #royce hemlock #emerie karr #cx 2 #tech lives

[canonkiller]

god I fuckign love ocs. my characters. my friend's characters. the characters of mutuals ive never spoken to. the characters of artists ive followed and maybe spoken to a little more. the characters of complete strangers I see in passing and think "aw that's cool". if you have ten fans I am one if you have one fan it is me etc etc. I love you

#please please please never give up on your original stories #because - and this is crucial - i. specifically me. want to see them #so know when it feels like nobody cares about them: i am there. and i am caring #felix saidtheblackhorse you are always on the mind i love yo. get worse #not art

[loveletterworm]

(homestuck specifically does not count here because its too popular and would break the intent of this question. I dont care if you read homestuck. Pretend it doesn't exist for the purposes of this question)

#God I genuinely hope nobody adds a longwinded list of recommendations to this post. I'm just trying to check if I'm insane #mypost #The intent of this question being trying to see if my thought that nobody reads these is justified at all. #Not meant disparagingly to the medium really. Its just that it kind of seems like everyone keeps trying to make one but nobody reads them. #Or maybe that's just my own personal problem and very limited amount of people i know. #Ive had like at least 2-3 major ''tried to make comic and failed'' incidents in the past (when i was like 15 you don't remember them.) #without having actually particularly read or cared about anyone else's. i feel like this may be strange to have done several times. #it is only a very recent development that i am even keeping up with a comic at all and its still just one... #and that was kind of because it was started by a person i was already following beforehand #so it kind of would have showed up in front of me either way.

[echo-s-land]

It's insane how most of the time I don't get how ppl interact and I also Don't Fucking Care

#vent ig #i wish i could #but unfortunately i havent had the occasion of sharing one of my interest with you in the past three months and when i did it didnt go as i #wanted and now we're supposed to talk through smalltalks except i dont know how to do those so im awkward as hell and unconsciously cut the #short and now im being hated (?) even tho that wasnt my intent #but i guess no matter how trustful i am i just look like a liar #and i cant even bring myself to care bc how am i supposed to explain myself when youre convinced what i say is a lie #we werent even supposed to be this close so sorry if im stiff. i tried to get along but i just cant #the never ending circle between 'i want to have ppl to interact with being alone to experience this world is exhausting and dreadful' and #'im not even remotely interested by any of you' #its different on tumblr bc i can curate my own experience & nobody comes @ me when i dont interact with them for days or weeks (BC IVE GOT #NOTHING TO SAY) and its okay and its normal and we dont have to do the 'hi how are you wyd' script every single time (sure we can check up #on each other once in a while but it doesnt become a script. it feels genuine.) #anyway. im so normal. i can def care about ppl that have never been as insane as me about something we both love(d at some point) #am pretty sure i developed 'i perceived you saying/thinking One(1) bad thing about me and now i dont care at all about your existence' as #a child as a coping mechanism but goddammit i feel like an asshole everytime it happened #i hate feeling apathetic #and i hate lying too so i cant just say shit to reassure them when i dont mean them #cant tell them im sorry about how my behavior is perceived when im so damn tired and would rather they disappear of my life

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

this is a very venty post don't mind me :D

that nintendo direct was so horrible.

it was literally like 80 percent remakes and remasters.

never in my life have i seen an announcement video exist just to say "every game you've ever known since the 90s is being remade/remastered, sorry, we ran out of originality".

literally like all the video game market is anymore is remakes and the movie industry is just as bad.

the nso releases are fine because they're not like, remakes taking up full game slots. they're old games that are being made accessible and that's great... but there's no need to remake this many games when they can do that. remakes used to be rare. remember stuff like the wii u shop and stuff? with all the games they had on those things? now it's a tiny selection and everything else is a remake :/

also I feel like a lot of new rpgs are just like... lowkey fe knockoffs now instead of original rpgs.

i'm happy for like... two existing remakes, but one of them is mario rpg which people wanted waaaaAAAAAYYYY before the remake and remaster era, and the other is baten kaitos which im not actually happy about remaster-wise (the updated ui is trash, they took out very specific charms of the original ui), just happy that it will get more recognition/notice from people since it was never popular.

they also completely removed the english voice acting which like okay yeah it wasn't always that great but the voices fit perfectly and it wasn't as bad as fans meme on it for! it just sounded like they were talking through a tube and that was actually the worst part of it lol.

someone suggested to me that they may have just lost the data for it, but idk. i wish they'd just admit that somehow if it was the case, because it bugs me that the english audio is just completely gone when ultimately i really liked it. i wanted the game to be accessible to newer players, sure, but i also wanted the english audio there. ig that's because i grew up with it and i liked it, but it's still such a bummer for me!

paper mario being put on the nso and tyd getting a whole remaster does make me sad tho bc it feels like they're leaving the original in the dust when it was so good. if you're gonna do tyd, at least do them both.

good for innersloth though, i'm sure they never imagined being on a nintendo direct. they're the real winners here.

#DCB Comments #the FE fandom is just as bad too. every single solitary direct that comes up they're like #OMG FE4 REMAKE. like ??? I used to be just annoyed but #now I'm just feeling the “shut the actual fuck up” mood bc it's ALL they care about for FE anymore #nobody wants new FE games. they're just obsessed with the idea of remakes #it's more annoying bc it's all the majority of the FE fandom talks abt anymore #also does anyone even know if games on the NSO ever get a remake or if originals of remakes go onto NSO? #wondering bc I don't think I've seen a game on NSO get a remake or vice versa #like I was always wondering if Mario RPG would be on the NSO but it never was and now it has a remake coming #since FE4 6 and 7 are on the NSO I can't see why they would be if remakes were coming #also if they're in the process of making a new console do y'all still think they'll release Gamecube on the NSO? #idk if they'd release PoR on it since they'd prob remaster that one (I don't want a remake for it but remaster might be nice if they #update the map graphics and stuff) since it would net them way more money to release the game as a standalone but if they #did put it on NSO I'd really love that. I get up I play PoR. I lay down I PoR. I go in the car I play PoR (I don't drive lol) #but anyway yeah I'm just tired of every single Direct having FE fans being annoying as fuck #also ppl were apparently legit like omg the new banner coming means fe4 remake will be on the direct #oh my goooooddddd stfu at this point I just don't want it remade bc i am 💅 p e t t y 💅 bc ppl are so annoying abt this #when a leak for a new game came out (engage) from a very reputable source ppl knocked it and called it ''obviously fake'' #(the joke is now not just ON them but IS them) but then when they got a ''leak'' abt an fe4 remake they ate it up #like wow lol. wow. they won't believe anything unless you say fe4 remake then suddenly they believe anything you say abt that alone #it's rly sad that my favorite game has become a cesspool of annoying fe fans #the thing is fe doesn't come out with a whole lot of remakes. it never has #it's just that when gaiden got a remake ppl have NOT shut the fuck up ever since #and I've seen ppl saying every game under the sun should be remade #frankly if they remake anything right now it should be poor fucking shadow dragon (yes. the remake.) #anyway most of y'all know how annoyed i get abt this lol like yeah maybe someday fe4 could get remade but #it's the fact that the modern day fans are SO fucking annoying about it now. back ten or so years ago fe4 fans were just happy TO play it #we were just happy to have it at all even in emulated form and it being an snes game #we loved it as it was and didn't bitch about it bc it wasn't uwu modern enough (and i've played casual mode since new mystery) #now ppl are just like oh i like it but i don't want to play it unless it's remade

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me #‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds #im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing #life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something #i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore #i finished. and i hate it #i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here #i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant #it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them #i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just #didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore #ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better #idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu #but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years #and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!! #i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad #i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped #like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this #drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me #not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess #yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well. #i dont like to say the words #simons spouting #vent :(

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

#like genuinely i have not been complimented on my looks for a majority of my life by peers #like ive had friends recently like say im slaying or looking good but like in the face kf yhings it doesnt like do anything i guess like #its what friends do #i had a person j used to be friends comlliment me once about me looking hot and sexy and i started feeling nauseus so i dont know what thats #all about so its like would i even want people tk ckmpliment on looking good? do j need that? how does it work why would i need it #when i dont really desire the types of relationships where being attractive matters #if im in my ideal state of mind i dont even register my body its seperate from me and im just my thoughts so i dktn have to think about #my ohysicality but when i have to register myself i just feel ugly but even more it all just feels wrong to have a body at all and thats #prob where the transness comes in tbh #like i dunno is it better for me to have avoided being told over and over that im worthy becuz im attractice as a woman or is that a symptom #kf me just being ugly that nobody ever commented on my body aside from adults daying how cute and ptetty i am and then my mom telling them #that im actually really smart to help me value my mind over my body becuz she grew up being ugly while also thinking shes stupid #like #like all of this to result in me being ugly no matter what way i cut it and i cant even bring myself to care much about it most of them time #even tho it feels mishapen in my mind as a feeling #its like bad and i look at myself in the mirror and i feel bad i look bad my face is wrong and its like the strongest feeling i feel some #days for those brief seconds i see myself and then j look away and it goes away and im back to having normal bland brain waves #its kinda fucked

[xbubblgm]

things from my 3 day vacation with my high school friends that scream marauders: 

- me and my bestie lying on a single bed and talking about her homoerotic friendship that ended 2 years ago which i know EVERY detail of. very marylene.

- we accidentally went too far in the sea and two guys came and checked if we were okay and if we knew how to swim. the sirius kinnie took it as a challenge and showed off her swimming skills while the remus kinnie was hanging with her pool noodle, very calm, saying shes 100% capable of swimming. she is not. and the peter kinnie got very scared of them.

- the james kinnie and sirius kinnie screamed every time a jellyfish touched them. peter played with the jellyfish. remus was just saying ew the whole time

- this can also be rosekiller - pandora - reg/dorcas

- the peter kinnie cried on day 3. and remus comforted them

- james kinnie and sirius kinnie argued over when to sleep bc james wanted to sleep early and wake up early while sirius wanted to sleep late. they both slept early tho peter and remus stayed up all night. 

- sometimes they explain stuff to me, or i explain to them how i can or cant do certain stuff (my neurospicy ass) and they all know im the odd friend but they still love me and protect me bc i literally cannot survive on my own so its pretty pandora and the skittles for us. 

- remus applied to a project team at her uni while everybody was waiting to go swimming.

- we also planned each other’s timetables on the road so its pretty lily and rem for us 

- remus was talking about how she and ANOTHER girl she had a homoerotic friendship with had a song together, james said you don’t “have songs” with your totally normal friendships, pete said they do tho, and its true james and pete have a song and its “you’ve got a friend in me” from toy story <3

- the only stuff sirius thought about the whole trip was smoking, drinking energy drinks, makeup, looking pretty, and cute guys 

- james, pete and remus did duolingo everyday

#i will update this if i can think of more stuff #they dont use tumblr so im gonna post about this here #im the peter kinnie btw #and pandora <3 #i know nobody cares but im annoying i am actually a james kinnie?? but not when im with them?? if that makes sense #i used to think we were the marauders but after writing this i feel like we can also be the skittles #james being evan #sirius being barty #pete being dora and rem being cas #its actually better?? i dont like leaving reggie out tho

[bewby]

when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol

#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this #well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year #so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha #he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad #because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time #and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him #and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask #and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf #i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now #but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days #but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since #i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!! #i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them #haha . this really sucks alot #i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow #i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute #nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah #i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying #wow. okay i'll stop now #he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all

[ralexsol]

i love when i make plans with other people and im super on top of it and everyone agrees to the plan. and then lo and behold nobody else goes with the plan

#whatsupray? #i am. going feral right now #noooo i have to be understanding and nice about it? nooooo #dont make me further repress my emotions 😌 #im speaking about both a specific instance that is happening rn and one that has been happening for months #dont you just hate it when you cant get people in line yourself because you're not in charge?? #and the person in charge is an absolute pushover??? #like. i could solve this issue in a week YOU'VE BEEN LETTING THEM WALK OVER YOU FOR MONTHS AND MONTHS AND MONTHS... #like you're being so nice to them WHAT ABOUT ME?? YOU KNOW I CARE ABOUT THIS MORE THAN THEY EVER COULD... #this is not a ohhh nobody feels badly about this situation if i dont put my foot down #this is a every passing week i am not only getting even more done with the other people i am getting MAD AT YOU. #oh no! i stopped asking for updates! i stopped caring!! #i stopped caring because I TOLD YOU THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING TIME I TRY TO DO THINGS LIKE THIS #I CARE AND NOBODY ELSE DOES AND AFTER MONTHS I REALIZE IVE WASTED A YEAR OF MY LIFE

[thedreadvampy]

the desperate urge to compliment someone online I think is super gorgeous and absolute Butch Goals Vs the utter terror of coming across creepy or making them feel surveilled or voyeured about: FIGHT

#red said #this is why I'm so bad at flirting. bc before i initiate contact with ANYONE I have to go through a 6 month panic period #where i run through scripts in my head and worry about coming off as weird or creepy or parasocial #and the longer that goes on the more sure i am that if i speak to them they will immediately know that bc of this anxiety #i have spent thinking about them. not bc I'm obsessed with them but bc i am concerned about how weird it might make them feel #and then I'm also like WOW NARCISSISTIC OF YOU TO THINK THEY'LL EVEN NOTICE YOUR COMMENT #LET ALONE CARE #god you are truly the WORST what an AWFUL way to think why can't you just be NORMAL #and the whole time the 'creepy' thing i wanted to say in the first place was like #'you're really cool' or 'i love your jacket' or 'i hope you're ok' #it isn't just attraction stuff either. i have invited a friend from work out for a drink ONCE in my life. #and it took a year AND only happened bc she was upset after a conflict at work so i could tell she needed to vent #like I'm SO BAD at this bc large or small any kind of initiating contact is like #wow ok so YOU THINK. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO THEIR TIME. YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THEM ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT. #and it's so ANNOYING cause it's like. my dude. nobody thinks that about you. you have friends. most people like compliments. #and anyway when i do give compliments it's always in the most casual way possible bc of these anxieties #i don't ever want anyone to feel like. trapped by my regard. #but it's so dumb it's literally the tiniest smallest things #it's why I've always been bad at making friends online. i just silently follow people's blogs and like things. #i have also been known to do the IRL version of that. hovering near the edge of people's groups trying to like. mentally project regard. #which GUESS WHAT!!! comes off way creepier than just saying hey man you look amazing i love your whole vibe #AAAAAAAAAA #(davide this is also why i followed your blog so hard for like 500 years but got very afraid of ever acknowledging you might know who i am)

[arthur-r]

same content warnings for not speaking well im not feeling well and i can’t speak well and im stressed out so in vent content warning but for same as im just continuing talking

and iodnt know anything abkut how people are supposed to work but i think when you’re and somebody is sitting on a bed together you’re supposed to be not talking about the freaking Peter mark roget talking about the thesaurus is not right and for being distracting. and nobody wants to be he wasn’t gonna be when i wasn’t feeling well but i feel bad for having ruined of where im as if i isn’t even don’t like him likenim not but im just not good for i do like him and i think he likes me and i just don’t want to be make everything weird make complicated im not good at being just being normal and somebody that anybody is able to like. i just want to be normal and be ATTRACTIVE but i am busy being sick and weird unloveable. i want for hanging out to be a good thing not where i feel sorry or where somebody had to be had been helping everything and i think i swear he likes me i swear and we were close together and i don’t think im just pretending but i think im gonna ruin it cause im not feeling well didnt being considerate i can’t when i can’t i get stuck distracted can’t think about anything im nkt feeling well but i just make everything turns into about me and it isn’t fair and I just want to be just have normal do anything right feel right have a conversation where i did it right and it didn’t turn around didn’t make all of it opposite where i just i don’t know how to do it im too much autistic and too much sick i can’t do it

came back from the end again im out of tags again im not going to keep doing this im sorry i just im not feeling well and im so frustrated from it’s not being sicks fault i don’t want to be sick because i don’t feel good being i don’t want to be ill because it hurts me. but it’s not sick’s fault for nobody can see me past it, it’s not somebody can still be important valuable im not trying to say i just i don’t want to live inside of nobody can see me anymore i want anybody to know for looking at me and seeing a real person

#im just im not i want to somebody think for who i am i dont want to be hiding but i want for who i am being different not so much hard #nobody can understand for too much complicated. j do t want to anybody doesn’t care all the way of all of it don’t want to know them but i #for me it’s harder to find somebody who does it’s harder for somebody cares about all of me cause all of me is too it’s not the right way #im just a cute little kid or a poor tragic im not a normal person im not i can’t just be an adult #i just want to be an adult make sense have people like me like a grownup not like im some little broken #i want to feel like i have autonomy!!!!! i want to show i do i want to show im a real person #and i can be more than just im not just #i feel like i take it away i take a way the special moment cause of being me #like i can only be a little kid or a martyr i can’t be special or beautiful i just have to be broken and oh poor baby #i just want to be a real person i just want to be a real person !!!!!! #and i just want to say sorry speak to somebody say hey i promise im a fucking i promise im a person i swear #and i feel so stupid saying any of it im right here sounding like for as if i don’t know anything like nothing is #i cant even grow up for complaining of growing up. i feel like i cant be a real person don’t count nobody is gonna think of me for #i dont know i need to call somebody but nobody my roommate is here i can’t #and i can’t i don’t want for somebody has to be has to help me has to save me for in order to love me #i dont want to be so broken anybody who wants to love me has to save me. it isn’t fair i don’t want to be sick iedint want to need help #i cant have help from somebody who doesn’t love me but i ruin the love if i made somebody help me it ruins it so i can’t have i have to pick #i cant have them both at the same time i have to pick and my body is picking for me im ruining everything i have because i can’t even walk #i cant even walk home i need help to walk me home how do you look at me and think im pretty when you’re helping me stay off the ground #i dont want to be fragile pretty either so pretty special needs saving i don’t want that #i want to be me i can’t be the perfect broken dainty it’s not like that. i just want to be me #i want somebody to care about me not be have to help me i just want to be me not a special i don’t want somebody to have to accommodate me #and it’s not i don’t think anybody should change their self i don’t think with other people i don’t think it’s i just i don’t believe #i don’t think somebody is going to look past it somebody who can walk easy talk easy verythjng is so easy and i just #if somebody doesn’t have it they don’t know they can’t look at me past anything else it’s k #im just the different parts i can’t be a person from i just it gets broken it’s not on purpose but i just i can’t i get broken into the same #i get turned into the same person i can’t be me and be sick everyone sees me and sees that im just sick and i wish that i hadn’t told #i wish that i didn’t say anything i just and i just i want to be normal i don’t want to be seen that way #and it’s okay to be sick it’s normal it doesn’t feel good but it doesn’t make me broken it doesn’t make me not be special valuable be myself #but nobody can see me anymore it takes away the rest of me because nobody cares to look i just want people to look

[kumashire]

I try to be Good and Strong and Independent Etc. and mind my business and stay in my lane and focus on improving myself and stay busy with my Independent hobbies but I don't think anyone likes to feel unloved and annoying all the time. I think that would start to wear on anyone a bit

#i fear that as i get older i will only get lonelier #that is just the inevitable fate of all adults regardless of how many friends they have or their relationship status #and i fear #i fear that people dont actually care to know me #that nobody cares to know anybody #we're all just afraid of being alone #and i think this whole time ever since i was old enough to realize i needed to give up on the idea of family ive still been holding on #like i thought maybe if i gave them some space for a while a decade or so theyd realize they missed me #and they want to know me #and theyd want to be my family for real this time #but my feeble attempts to be anything to them are only making me feel more and more pathetic each time #i am very tired and i wish always these days i did not crave human connection #i wish i didnt want it #i wonder if this ever goes away #maybe i will check in again about this when i am 35

[you-will-die-with-the-moon]

*lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling with a blank stare and a smile on my face* Micheal Romance

(Huge fucking string of tags, beware, blorbo analysis brain grabbed me in a chokehold)

#MCR #My Chemical Romance #I am so normal about this band #I am so normal about that concert they had last night #they really went 'oh you want nostalgia? here's your nostalgia. look at how old it is. let it rest.' #they KNEW nobody at the wwwy concert was there for current MCR #they KNEW that most people there just wanted to hear the hits they knew and nothing else #and they KNEW the whole show was just some corporate assholes cashing in on the millennial emo phase #so they came out as their Revenge Era selves. but old and withered #and Gerard did all of his old mannerisms which. now that we know what they're like when they're not wearing the 'mask'. just seem so off. #they played all of their top hits because they knew the crowd wouldn't know/care about anything else #none of what the people there wanted was them anymore. MCR as a band has changed and nobody there cares #I feel like it should be emphasized a bit more that they did not play Foundations of Decay #because a) aforementioned nobody there gave a shit #and b) it would only ring hollow because they AREN'T rising from the rubble here. they BROUGHT OUT THE CORPSES OF WHAT DIED IN THE RUBBLE. #also them playing all of their songs that mock the industry to some degree #(Vampire Money/Boy Division/Planetary GO!) #is a nice touch #unrelated but I could write an entire essay on Boy Division. Anyhoo #*rotates the band in my head like I'm microwaving them*

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

sorry but this is one of the dumbest things anyone has ever said to me

#ok so i was on my depressive shit today and i was talking abt how i saw a group of friends out today #and one of them hung back and took a picture of the others #and how i generally think those candid picture people post on instagram or whatever are bullshit but this was obviously real #like she was having a good time and she thought her friends looked cute and she wanted to immortalise the moment so she took a photo #and how i feel like because nobody ever does that for me my brain tells me that nobody likes me that much #and this person responded with this long message abt how lots of people don't want candid pictures because they might be unflattering #or because it's rude to take pictures or that they're lost in the moment and don't think abt taking pics (which is a fair point) #and then. this point??? which just??? #aside from completely ignoring the thing i was upset about it's just obviously bullshit #and actually specifically contradicts something i said about how my brain forgets that people care about me unless i have proof #(e.g. photos messages souvenirs from trips together) that i can actually hold in my hands when they're not there #to remind myself that i am loved? like that was something i specifically said and she just responds with this? #i know i'm overreacting and she was intending to make me feel better but it's actually annoyed me #also i replied and she left me on read #just ignore me i'm ranting and i know i'm insane and unreasonable #🧃