#so like... i dont want to look any weirder than i APPArently already do but... were it not for the socially constructed laws

[icewindandboringhorror]

ohbbb i just got some longer pointed ears in the mail and they’re also more sturdy than the other ones i have and ,, i just.... really want this to be my daily look.. curse,, society... let me wear elf ears outside as part of my daily clothing without obnoxiously mocking and taking photos of me on your iphones you fools

#yes it's nearly physically impossible for me to become a 6'5" supernatrual man with pointed ears and fangs and claws and hair #down to my knees but i can become a 5'6'' mostly human looking fool who obscures their more feminine form with very baggy #clothing and has kind of sort of long-ish hair and also NICE NEW POINTED EARS!!! #a good addition to my daily look... so i can be a bit closer to the Ideal lmao #also not saying i would definitely be mocked but I've worn WAAAAAAAY more toned down things than elf ears and #still groups of teenagers make fun of me and take photos of me #shit they do that now and I dont even look that weird like literally i've toned down my everyday dress SO MUCH #but because of my mental illness symptoms and things about wearing scarves and stuff and certain rules for how I have to dress #(and also body gender stuff meaning im wearing often multiple layers even in the summer to Obscure My Form) #and i have like..colored hair which is EXTREMELY POPULAR NOW!! and i live in 'that seems like something a white person with dreads #would do' faux-progressive centrist liberal haven Portland 'we all have green hair and own vegan restaurants but still #hate poc' Oregon but people STILL like.. take pictures of me on public transit and mock me and stuff #the only difference is now there's more like.. college kids with pink hair who compliment me #but old people and young teens and still plenty of people my age are like > : O #so like... i dont want to look any weirder than i APPArently already do but... were it not for the socially constructed laws #of this land I would wear these things every second of my life bhbhbhbhj #picking up some paper towels from walmart in totally regualr clothes except i have long pointed ears #AAAAAA!!!!!!! #i think its because i pattern mix and have other like weird quirks about my appearance and mannerisms and the rules my outfits have to #follow (NEWFLASH MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE SOMETIMES LOOK MENTALLY ILL!!! STOP FUCKING TAKING PICTURES OF #US!!!!if someone's fidgeting a lot or their outfit looks strange or dirty or etc. LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! GOD!!!) so like even though i feel #like i look fairly regular a lot of those things also draw the young teens and Hipstere's attention but like.. bhbbbbbbb #i just want to look nice in peace.. i feel automatically comfortable in these ears... Let Me Have This #I Am Never Taking Them Off This Is Whomst I Am Now

[ohheyitsokay]

Alright my sweet! I'm here with a soulmate request.

So I gotta go with Jack, because who doesn't love being soulmates with a secret agent man? As for the trope... There are so many to choose from and I love them all BUT let's go with "the first words you say to your soulmate are somewhere on their skin". I'm a sucker for that one.

Have fun darling!! 🥰🥰

helloo dear heart! have a fanfic about you n your man, you absolute ray of sunshine 💕

hope you enjoy!

warnings:fluff fluff fluff. enough fluff for a really nice waiting room chair.

<<

soulmate requests / follower celebration

>>

It was a weird day, but your dearest friend had insisted.

This will be a fun use of your day off, she promised. And...

If there was anywhere you were going to find your soulmate, it was here. Deep in the bowels of the distillery, there were secrets in each room, behind each lock, and sewn into every suit cuff as far as the eye could see.

Statesman Headquarters.

Sugar, that's supposed to be classified.

The words on your arm near tingled with each step you took, because you were being told with no uncertain terms, that everything you were seeing, hearing, and feeling was absolutely classified. Ginger rolled her eyes as her coworker chattered about privacy and the history of Statesman, smiling good-naturedly.

"I dont think I should be here," you murmured, tilting your head at your friend.

Her hands were stuffed in her lab coat pockets, and she shook her head. When the papers got signed and the tin on your hands was given a final suspicious look, she ushered off with you.

"Listen," she said, her strides long as she took you back through the labyrinth to her lab. "I'm allowed to bring my friend to my coworkers, so they can thank her properly for the best damn cookies they've ever eaten, just like anyone else."

You laughed, feeling lighter. The cookies had started out as an innocent gift for her to take to a holiday party, and according to her, became high demand. As often as time and ingredients allowed, she would beg you for enough to feed a small army, swearing up and down that they were like magic for her mysterious team.

She could be stubborn when she wanted to.

"You just want to show off your work to someone new."

And she winked. "Damn right I do."

After long moments entering passwords, she lead you through a heavy door, adding, "And it wouldnt hurt these guys to know that you're single."

You sputtered, wanting to protest that you were fine waiting for your soulmate, before deciding not to make a fool of yourself. Almost dropping your overfull tin was enough.

There was a handsome man sitting at what you could only assume was her main desk. And by ' a handsome man', you of course meant the most confidant, dreamy, gorgeous all-American gentleman you'd ever seen. When you snuck a glance at your friend, wondering if she was as rosey-eyed as you were, you were shocked to see a blend of annoyance and confusion instead. Any traces of teasing were gone, serious business overriding all of in a single second.

He stood, almost tripping as he looked at you, a little wide-eyed for his reputation. His mustache moved, and time slowed as you held eye contact before-

"No," Ginger's finger blocked your view. "Save the flirting, Whiskey." It was her best no-business tone, and both of you snapped back into reality. "What's going on? Why are you here?"

The man - Agent Whiskey - looked sheepish, hooking one hand in his belt and using the other to scratch the back of his neck.

"Stay here for just a moment?" Your friend looked apologetic and you nodded, nearly collapsing as they stepped away. Moments before, youd been given a brief tour of the government's most elaborate secret, but now, your knees felt weak.

What a weird day.

-

It got weirder.

You hovered nervously as lights blared and displays ran data faster than you could read and agents ran in and out.

Neck craning, searching for Ginger, you watched as she was pulled left and right, setting up a command center right in the conference room next door.

"I'm so sorry," she managed at one point, grabbing a cookie from your box, "You wont be able to leave until this mess gets cleaned up." And you nodded as she was whisked away again.

There was no one you knew in sight except... that Agent Whiskey. Jack someone called him. Hands on his hips he took control, steady and stern, neatly reigning in the chaos.

You told yourself you were watching him for guidance, comfort maybe. Not because he was handsome as a sunrise. Certainly not because his gaze kept meeting yours, no matter the crowds, and each time the clocks seemed to stall. Not because your whole body ached to be close to him and ... and you almost thought he looked like he wanted to be close to you, too.

When he caught you watching him, he'd smile, almost proud, fingers twitching at his side. He kept stepping your way, too, before a call of his name made him turn on his boot-heels, cursing under his breath.

You felt small.

A man they called Tequila kept tapping his hands on the table. You heard protests that the agents in the field needed backuo or at least guidance and headsets were tossed. He and Whiskey shared near-crazed grins and worried glances as the muttered urgently into their communication systems.

The tin of cookies near sang at your side, and you slipped forward, just placing it open between them.

You wanted to help.

And at their big bites and briefly closed eyes, and sagging shoulders, it was your turn to feel proud.

Then you retreated again, savoring a certain cowboy's nod of thanks, accompanied by a wink that warmed you to your toes.

Eventually, things seemed to calm.

There was no cheers, but deep sighs and clumps of people dispersing with claps of hands on backs and shoulders.

Headsets were hung to charge, and you walked back towards Gingers desk, hoping for your friend to reappear.

Instead, when you arrived, Jack was already standing in front of it, holding a box cleaned even of crumbs.

"I can give you the recipe," you offered, feeling suddenly shy. What they did here... it was so intense. All the little texts of thanks Ginger had sent you finally made sense - your cookies were extraordinarily normal, beautiful in their simplicity. Absolutely lifesavers in their chaotic world.

The man in fron of you shook his head, perfect brown hair ruffled slightly, the ends peaking out from beneath his head. Feeling like you already committed to the offer, you tried to reach around him for a wayward stack of sticky notes and a pen.

"It's just flour and butter and brown sugar and -"

"Sugar, that's supposed to be classified."

Oh.

Oh.

He smiled more confidently, the realization in your eyes apparently spurring him on.

"Next time, whaddya say you just show me how it's done?"

Dark eyes, crinkling with genuity and twinkling with mischief.

"Can I? I mean - would you - I mean," He stepped forward, right in front of you, and you squeaked. "Sure."

He was so close and... and you felt like you were missing something.

"...Now?"

Not taking his eyes from yours, his hand found your hand, gently guiding it to his arm, where he had at some point pushed up a single sleeve.

I can give you the recipe.

Your eyes found his again, the confirmation almost moot. He had been pulling you in since the moment you laid eyes on him, he was just... right, he was... you would have to leave a note for Ginger.

It felt like you were the only two in the world that mattered right now. Jack could feel it too - you could see it, even as he smirked.

"Sounds like a mighty fine idea to me."

Now.

<<

taglist: @fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179 @mrsbentallmadge @pbeatriz @saradika @zinzinina

Whiskey taglist: @0celestialbitch0

#finding my groove again #i think #jen lords a leaping #sweet friends #soulmate requests #agent whiskey x reader #jack daniels x reader #maybe i dont know people

[punkscowardschampions]

Joe & Ronnie

Joe: Hey

Joe: my flatmate has some work I reckon your mate might be interested in

Joe: but it’ll sound a bit dodgy coming from me so you wanna pass it along?

Joe: moneys alright for no real work, depending on how you look at it

Ronnie: never done any work as a secretary myself

Ronnie: write your own fucking love notes

Joe: I see that

Joe: your accent down the 📞?

Joe: no cunt here’d understand you, never mind the demeanour

Joe: yeah, well, it’d really seem that way

Joe: but I actually need someone to take her off my hands

Ronnie: racism as foreplays playing to the wrong crowd hes more into homo bashing

Ronnie: errr dunno how you read his demeanor mckenna but he aint taken a her off anyones hands since before any of us had phones

Joe: i’ll keep that in mind

Joe: well homophobic of me to not tell him myself so he’s welcome for the freebie

Joe: not actual escorting

Joe: she does art, her life drawing class needs a model

Joe: I ain’t fucking doing that

Joe: tell me I ain’t 📖 him right on that one

Ronnie: fucks sake if youd said it was cash for cock wed be done talking already

Joe: I just did

Joe: sound, she’ll be made up, she’ll get off my case, and he’ll get £15 an hour, apparently 👌

Ronnie: sexist not to ask me

Ronnie: pass that on to your little gf

Joe: weren’t her idea to ask Charlie

Joe: you’ll have to take up that grievance with me as well

Joe: I’ll just point out it’d be even weirder if I’d have asked you

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: how much £ you offering me to bang you

Joe: if I did no point paying you to do it for her and her class and not me

Joe: that’s an interesting take on cucking though, loads that would go for it, I’m sure

Ronnie: ill write it down as youve made me go hunting for a pen in this shithole

Joe: cheers

Joe: take 20% commission or whatever

Joe: or take the IOU I owe him for doing this

Ronnie: you said it hed do this for fuck all ill take the lot and mary wont know it was a paid gig

Joe: if he can fend the flatmate off, undoubtedly a load of art gays he can have his pick of

Ronnie: that what youre telling yourself for why you dont want me to do it yeah

Joe: you wanna do it?

Ronnie: i want you to admit the reason you dont want me to is cause he scrubs up enough for horse girl and her course mates not to stage an intervention

Joe: not what it is so no

Joe: I know I don’t want to get my shit out in front of a load of middle class kids who know fuck all about fuck all, so I assumed as much for you

Ronnie: dont ever assume fuck all for or about me

Joe: why do you wanna do it so bad when like you said, you can pocket the cash and get him to?

Ronnie: i dont wanna fucking do it

Joe: well that’s grand ‘cos I reckon Sophie wants to see dick so

Joe: she’d be really let down

Ronnie: usually what gets you off

Ronnie: but im made up youre in love now like

Joe: please, she either don’t get it’s weird to ask me which means she’s some kind of special

Joe: or this is the start of her 50 shades fantasy and I have to be the let down to end all let downs and i’m already doing my best

Ronnie: rem is right to pay for it when she could just walk in on you taking a piss or having a shower

Joe: when you’re just a creep and not a predator 💔

Joe: not the girl my parents warned me about

Ronnie: if theyd be the type to go down the stables theyd have seen the other side of her

Joe: you’ve got your own daydreams, alright

Joe: put out the feelers, who isn’t a little gay these days, right

Ronnie: go ed and pass on ive got a bigger dick than him and she will have

Ronnie: i dont dream 💔

Joe: shame she isn’t equally inspiring for you

Joe: or anyone, really

Ronnie: cry about it with him when youre done pimping

Joe: what do you dream about then, when you’re awake

Ronnie: what you cant read me

Joe: clearly not

Joe: dashed your modelling dreams

Ronnie: blind and not able to read braille must be dead hard for you

Joe: is that sympathy?

Joe: or you offering me 🖐 to 👩🏼‍🦲 time

Ronnie: again you wish

Ronnie: 💭💉

Ronnie: cant make it any easier to understand soz

Joe: maybe I do

Joe: far as 💭s go

Ronnie: fuck maybe you do or you dont

Joe: well it ain’t why I don’t want to get my arms out for her

Joe: not tried it

Joe: but not a no

Ronnie: give a shit what you do or dont want to do for or to her

Joe: that is a no, tah

Ronnie: tell her not me baby

Joe: that’s not a big sister duty?

Joe: gutted

Ronnie: wouldnt know im the middle kid dorothy does that for us

Joe: i’ll ask him when i’m crying on him then

Joe: make a change for me

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: rack up the ious like a fat line hes gonna be made up

Joe: oi he’s like family ain’t he

Ronnie: &

Ronnie: you wanna fuck your mam

Ronnie: not oi ing you

Joe: well you get to think about me and him, you gave me her and you, not fair

Ronnie: life aint soft lad

Ronnie: and stopping at thinking about shit is the difference between me and you

Joe: I get it, you’ve gone there

Joe: purely here for the homophobia

Ronnie: your kinks match 💘

Ronnie: purely there so the lads dont kick off before hes got his kicks

Joe: see, you’ve got it in you 💘

Joe: the sisterly thing

Joe: my hate don’t get expressed by putting me in him though so I won’t run my mouth

Ronnie: not what ive got in me but im not giving you the talk just cause your ma didnt

Joe: you want a virgin to defile reckon Soph and her mates are prime, vampira

Ronnie: set it up with her ill show if i get no better offers

Joe: lucky girl

Joe: no more nights in doing doodles of cute girls that look like you

Ronnie: we dont look alike youll have to accept theyre of you

Joe: i fit less than you, by far

Ronnie: fuck off

Joe: sorry

Joe: it’s weird, say the least

Ronnie: i fit nowhere she made sure i dont

Joe: ditto

Joe: so buzzing i can write shit songs about it though

Ronnie: no

Ronnie: weve got fuck all in common

Joe: just the same mother

Joe: who put her shitty genetics and choices on us both at different times

Ronnie: i ain’t got a mother you cant cross out the un from wanted and act like its the same word

Joe: incubator then

Joe: she was 19 and still fucked, don’t think they had a five-year plan down

Joe: worse if she did, the state of

Ronnie: she made 1 choice for me shes still controlling you

Ronnie: were not the fucking same

Joe: you reckon

Ronnie: if you wanna claim it aint her fault youre this big of a pussy try it

Joe: you don’t think it’s my fault?

Joe: woah, just say you love me

Ronnie: i dont think about you when you aint trying to compare us

Joe: hot

Joe: I’ve thought about you plenty

Joe: uni ain’t that interesting

Ronnie: you came looking for me werent the other way round

Ronnie: you ain’t interesting to me mckenna

Joe: you reckon you’re fascinating, yeah?

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: if your flatmate knows anyone doing doc film making they can wank over me lying in the gutter when youre done

Joe: nah

Joe: you don’t want control of your narrative

Ronnie: i dont want a narrative

Joe: then i’ll be the only wanker

Ronnie: in your dreams

Joe: well you painted such a lovely visual

Ronnie: black screen would get you going can stay in your own fucked head with no interference then like

Joe: Static is my kink

Joe: you know me so well

Ronnie: your fucking kink is not shutting the hell up til i do

Joe: i’m a gentleman

Joe: and i’m taking that review

Ronnie: youll get a lengthy one from my big brother when you are

Joe: you don’t have to settle for hearing it and getting your kicks second-hand

Joe: I’ll have to be somewhere to be unavailable for this life drawing class

Joe: let’s do something

Ronnie: what you paying me to babysit

Joe: you can ask my mammy or you can see what you can get

Ronnie: if i was gonna talk to her it wouldnt be about you

Joe: thank god

Joe: so take the risk

Ronnie: of what

Ronnie: boring me is asking too much of you

Joe: that’s surely a given

Joe: risk anything but

Ronnie: if I need rescuing again ill call you thats the only given Joe: you’re worse than her

Joe: christian grey or superman, like

Joe: gonna be BFFs yous, I can tell

Ronnie: you dont like being compared to cunts youre nothing like either funny that

Joe: touche

Joe: come on, what would convince you

Ronnie: if youre gonna beg then beg and if youre gonna show me something do it

Joe: I know you’d like to hear me beg but I can’t tell what you’d wanna see

Ronnie: then the answers nothing

Joe: nah

Joe: the answers you want to wait or you wanna be disappointed

Ronnie: why the fuck would I want either of those things

Joe: that’s what I’ll give you then

Joe: the opposite of that

Ronnie: thats meant to convince me yeah

Joe: nah, I am

Ronnie: like fuck will you

Joe: see, you want to be disappointed

Ronnie: ill be disappointed want has fuck all to do with it

Joe: if you don’t come and see

Ronnie: come where

Joe: see me

Joe: i’m new in town, I don’t know where to go

Joe: fuck sightseeing

Ronnie: [somewhere she’d hang out]

Ronnie: go there

Joe: now?

Ronnie: whenever you dont know where to go

Joe: okay

Joe: and I’ll see you there when you don’t

Ronnie: when im not fucking either of our flatmates

Joe: when you’re done being disappointed

Ronnie: when you prove yourself as not

Joe: you’ll see

Joe: I can’t show you over the phone

Ronnie: you could

Ronnie: im going nowhere on a bullshit promise cause im not a meff teenager

Joe: and I ain’t young enough to think that’s a good idea either

Joe: pictures not doing no favours

Joe: if you’re there and i’m there

Ronnie: big if

Joe: I never know where to be

Ronnie: newborn i heard you

Joe: something like that

Joe: if you can’t leave soph alone I’ll do my best begging 🥺

Ronnie: she cant leave you alone id be doing you a favour

Joe: true

Joe: wouldn’t wanna be caught doing that though

Ronnie: let you do the clean up after ive killed and ate her id be caught well fast for that instead

Joe: you’d get caught for being three times your size

Joe: she’s a big girl

Joe: you should share, be sworn to secrecy

Ronnie: doing her a favour i shouldve said

Ronnie: fuck all going for her

Joe: way to get in shape

Joe: she’ll appreciate us using her blood for something artsy on the walls

Ronnie: ill ask the basic white bitch i live with to give me a clue

Joe: 🍆 will be appropriate for her

Ronnie: 🐎

Joe: they might reckon she did it with her dying breath

Joe: very artist of her, dying how she lived

Ronnie: hurry the fuck up with your confession song if you want credit

Joe: you wanna hear me confessing so bad

Joe: but I might be able to hand that in so

Joe: hold on

Ronnie: it aint me whos a choir boy

Joe: ugh, I wish

Ronnie: cant chat shit about us having the same fantasies ive been touched by a old bloke wearing a dress and i dont rate it

Ronnie: standard surrounded by homos night out

Joe: yeah, and the nuns are never the hot kind

Joe: if they didn’t self-flagellate they’d be entirely uninteresting

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: yeah, it’s tragic being this bored/boring, say it ‘fore you have to bother

Ronnie: didnt invite you to no pity party and if thats where youre trying to get me to turn up to dont bother is right

Joe: you mean you don’t wanna talk about your feelings?

Joe: like you said, like being left alone with my own fucked up ones too much to try and start a therapy session

Ronnie: what fucking feelings dead above & below the waist like

Joe: dangerously close to sharing there

Joe: you got your 💉 already then?

Ronnie: wouldnt be this chatty if i had

Ronnie: unlucky you

Joe: I’m the one that wants to see you

Joe: so I’ll cope

Ronnie: cant even spell martyrdom proper so youve fucked yourself looking for a pat on the back off me by matching the definition up

Joe: i’ll just ring mum up yeah

Ronnie: your da if not but it wont have the same satisfying end for you like

Joe: 💔

Joe: validations the last thing i need

Joe: had a whole lifetime

Ronnie: you crawling back to me with a boner for the accent your mummys losing is the last thing i need

Ronnie: get on the scouse samaritans

Joe: don’t reckon that’s a job you’ll get any time soon either

Joe: ‘less the purpose is to make sure people go through with it

Ronnie: couldve fooled me if it aint what else is talking a sad cunts ear off about their problems gonna do

Joe: attention seekers anonymous

Ronnie: no need to meet you there i earned all them badges as a kid 🧷🩸

Joe: wouldn’t be caught 💀 obvs

Joe: keeping it secret adds another level of masochism anyway

Ronnie: does it fuck

Ronnie: keeps you feeling like a smug bitch you can still pass

Ronnie: miss me with that pussy shit

Joe: nah, that’s that i’m in control shit

Joe: it’s not that

Joe: the only thing you might be smug about is how oblivious everyone chooses to be

Joe: if it weren’t also depressing as fuck

Ronnie: dont give em the choice

Joe: why?

Ronnie: why the fuck would you want to

Joe: don’t need to be my mother’s next cause celebre

Joe: she can force the therapy and concern on any of the others, I don’t wanna get better or have to fake like I’ll even try

Ronnie: then dont

Ronnie: cut off your umbilical cord and wipe up the blood trail

Ronnie: not like she tries very hard to herd back the black sheep

Joe: maybe they know and don’t give a fuck 🤞

Joe: I know I ain’t going back so whatever

Ronnie: & you reckon weve got anything in common

Joe: just 50% of our DNA

Joe: never said we were twinsies

Ronnie: if youd have said id have spat in your face 1st time we met get it collected and the tests run

Joe: I wish

Joe: has your face healed

Ronnie: wheres the fun in letting it do that

Joe: 😏

Joe: we can pretend that’s inherited if you need

Ronnie: not 5 i dont play pretend

Joe: if you keep digging, reckon the ink will be gone and it’ll be pure scar tissue

Ronnie: calm the fuck down i can hear how turned on you are about it from here

Joe: spoilsport

Joe: just thinking, scar that only vaguely looks like 🍒s might be well more rugged for my transformation from baby to independent real boy

Ronnie: laughing cos i like pain not cause youre funny

Ronnie: when you see or hear it from wherever youre lurking

Joe: you don’t leave room for me to get the wrong idea, you’re alright

Joe: all them fucked ones are mine alone and already there

Ronnie: get your girlfriend to draw you a pin up & dont tell her youve changed the lass horse head to look like your mas

Ronnie: masc for masc in your bio before you know it and 🦋 tramp stamp to follow

Joe: you know my dad already has a tattoo that looks like her, no bullshit

Joe: and another dead girl on the other arm but that’s a whole other boring story

Joe: playing dress up is off the cards too if I’m ever gonna be a big boy

Ronnie: where do you keep his severed arm when youre not using it to fist yourself and how old were you when you cut it off

Ronnie: if we re telling stories

Joe: 😂

Joe: where we keep the horse

Joe: that en-suite is massive

Ronnie: if he finds out it was a paid gig ill know where to crash

Joe: still gutted she don’t wanna see you naked

Ronnie: youre a liar if you dont wanna see her face seeing me

Joe: don’t know if anyone could be bothered to look at her when you’re about but yeah

Joe: the trauma would really fuel me and make her much more bearable to live with

Ronnie: youre welcome like

Joe: gotta stop being nice to me

Joe: you know stalkers, give ‘em an inch

Ronnie: telling me what to do is the fastest way 🖕

Ronnie: and i know you dont have an inch to give me making the best of this shitshow is what an optimist like me has gotta do

Joe: obviously you’re that type

Joe: not having it in common will have you back 👍

Joe: you’re inspiring, like

Ronnie: chop off my arms and legs and get a camera set up in the en-suite

Joe: you’d fit in my cello case then, could take you everywhere

Ronnie: course youve had a measuring tape out

Joe: hate to kill your optimism with 🍆

Joe: have a go at pushing it back in

Ronnie: how longs your tongue reckon that could kill any girls optimism

Joe: 💔 if it was only good for chatting your ear off

Ronnie: [send him a picture of your weird gross split tongue because obviously]

Joe: [how does that not make you lisp, or does it, I always think that]

Joe: that’s why you’ve not had an invite

Joe: 🚫🐍

Ronnie: gutted

Joe: you know you can show up and do whatever you wanna do whenever

Joe: I’ll take you back

Ronnie: this performance art is meant to what just scare her or teach you how to get her to back the fuck off as well as

Ronnie: im not a fucking tour guide mckenna & you can get yourself evicted without my help

Joe: you know I meant to Dublin

Joe: don’t think it’d take much to scare Sophie off, give it a month for us to both get comfortable and she’ll see what I ain’t

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: I said if you want

Ronnie: dont need your permission to do anything i want

Joe: don’t think any of ‘em are that lax with their socials

Joe: you’d need directions

Ronnie: ive had years to find em & we dont both hang about with horse girls from kent

Joe: can’t say it’s your loss

Ronnie: shut up about it then

Joe: 🤐

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: got a whole fist here, you can keep it

Ronnie: sizeist

Joe: told her yours is massive like you said, it’s fine

Ronnie: i said bigger than his not a horse shes in for a disappointment

Joe: gotta 🤞 she’s an optimist like you babe

Ronnie: unlike you shes gonna wait to see what i do with it before telling me to shove it

Joe: you just wanna blueball me for the pain

Joe: go on, for your lols

Ronnie: she wont want me at all unless youre gonna watch

Joe: and you need a witness so I get time too

Joe: I’ll do it, torturous as it’d be

Ronnie: the iou is gonna torture me too

Joe: if you’re lucky

Ronnie: not the dna half we share 💔

Joe: damnit

Joe: what’s good about being Scouse?

Ronnie: now the beatles are dead youve got fuck all to live for

Ronnie: noted

Joe: only the good ones

Joe: I dunno, anything good about it never happened, left when I was a kid and we still lived in a shithole with shitheads

Ronnie: get in line she left me in a shithole with shitheads 1st

Joe: where were you

Joe: wonder how close it was

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: it makes her more/less shitty depending

Ronnie: it aint gonna change my opinion and I dont give a shit about yours

Joe: fair enough

Ronnie: get cosy with charlie hed take you down memory lane

Joe: not before he’s got it out for the art class tah

Ronnie: you didnt say when

Joe: [probably an evening class like tomorrow or the next day, then the same time a week later]

Ronnie: too fucking late the pen is in pieces

Joe: sure it isn’t the first time you’ve left him a note in blood

Ronnie: hes only gonna cry about it & take the shine off his modelling debut

Joe: awh

Joe: message him 🧓🏼

Ronnie: fuck off calling me old

Joe: 😏

Ronnie: ill write him a note blaming what a twat you are for what hes gonna walk in on

Joe: what mess have you made

Ronnie: havent killed myself yet

Joe: and you’ve not stopped talking so no OD’ing

Joe: possibilities are endless still

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: come out

Joe: we can get new ink to dig out

Joe: whatever

Ronnie: you gonna suck his dick this time

Joe: I’ll just pay the old-fashioned way

Ronnie: flashy cunt

Joe: what being a student is all about

Ronnie: and youre too special to poison your blood how the rest of em do

Joe: I’m not opposed but I can do it alone, I don’t need to go to a sweaty student bar that plays shit songs and has a load of sad Soph clones giving it 🥺

Ronnie: you can get another tattoo without me holding your hand

Joe: I could

Ronnie: go do it 🦋 baby

Joe: have mentioned its not about the tat, yeah?

Ronnie: nah not that ive heard

Joe: come on

Joe: i want to see you, i’ve said loads

Ronnie: youve said loads of shit yeah

Joe: shit i mean

Ronnie: why

Joe: why wouldn’t I

Ronnie: thats your answer then fuck it

Joe: you don’t need to ask ‘cos you know

Ronnie: i did ask and you said why the fuck not

Ronnie: like its nothing

Ronnie: like you didnt turn up uninvited into my life not long ago

Joe: then tell me to leave

Joe: like it’s that easy

Ronnie: i didnt tell you to fucking appear

Ronnie: just cause youre a kid dont make me the dead fish you won at the fair

Joe: I never had the choice

Joe: she told me about you, talked about you all the fucking time

Joe: you’ve always been in my life

Ronnie: and youve never been in mine

Ronnie: im not gonna carve out a place for you now cos you want it

Joe: Alright

Joe: do it then

Ronnie: dont tell me what to fucking do

Joe: I’m not going unless you say it

Ronnie: no shit this is fun for you

Joe: like fuck it is

Ronnie: im the car wreck youre craning your neck to keep looking at

Ronnie: thats all the fuck this is

Joe: lie better

Ronnie: you dont care about me or what this feels like

Joe: I can’t take it back, you know now

Ronnie: you dont wanna take it back

Joe: I can’t, what’s the point pretending

Joe: I never said I was a good person

Joe: being sorry won’t change anything for you

Ronnie: its all your christmases & birthdays im west as this course youre gonna keep on spinning me out

Joe: Piss off

Ronnie: lie better cunt

Joe: So you’re allowed pity parties, yeah?

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: calling you out on your bullshit is allowed if youre crying thats your problem

Joe: if all you want from me is for me to go away, consider it done

Joe: you can’t hack it, my apologies

Ronnie: tell me why if im so fucking wrong

Joe: I like you

Joe: I want you, to get to know you

Joe: I can’t just stop it, not for myself

Joe: So make me

Ronnie: stop telling me what to fucking do

Ronnie: fucks sake

Joe: you ain’t saying anything

Joe: what do you want

Ronnie: I dont want you to like me

Ronnie: fuck is that

Joe: yeah, it’s obvious you go to great lengths to be unlikeable

Joe: not going to tell no one am I

Ronnie: so hate me soft lad

Joe: I’ll give it a go

Ronnie: ill make you

Joe: give it a go then

Ronnie: where are you then

Joe: [give a location of somewhere near your flat ‘cos don’t need to actually set you on the flatmate rn and that’s likely where you were]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re just gonna show up however long that takes us without another word like !?]

Joe: [just so much eye contact ‘cos what you gonna say what you gonna do]

Ronnie: [definitely gonna take him somewhere sketchy as hell to the level that like Charlie doesn’t know we still go there/we’d never take him ever like you wanna get to know me okay bitch buckle up]

Joe: [can’t let you hook up or shoot up yet ‘cos chronological but go along with this obvs]

Ronnie: [it would make sense if you made out/almost hooked up though because the vibe for the next convo was very much oh fuck what are you doing here we didn’t mean to run each other like this but also v flirty]

Joe: [agreed, and allowed, it’s the obvious vibe but any untold drama can happen to stop you in whatever dodgy place so makes sense]

Ronnie: [literally and just because you can’t shoot up together yet does not mean either of you have to be in any way sober so]

Joe: [hundo, we’re not saying he’s never done a drug lol, he clearly abuses his prescription as is so like, there’s plenty to be done without going there]

Ronnie: [and if we wanted to we could say that you watch her do it here and now before you do it together anyway because you’d both get a weird kick out of that]

Joe: [tea, bet you did not see this coming for your uni experience lmao]

Ronnie: [meanwhile she’s old enough to have left, do you wanna grow up babe? No? okay]

Joe: [the way you’re rolling with this, we know you’re fucked boy but pop off]

Ronnie: [I can’t overstate how much she’d be doing the absolute most to try and scare him away like I dare you to go back on what you said]

Joe: [we know you’re not gonna, soz babe, is very rude how he’s just waltzed in but truly did not say we were a good person lol]

Ronnie: [we know she’s not either and also is here for it more than she will ever express until we’re literally years into this]

Joe: [hi your mother’s daughter, but no, you actually have a reason this is messed up but we’re into it from the off and not pretending, risky af strategy boy]

Ronnie: [is there anything we wanna say happens that has lasting-ish consequences other than the make out/ almost hook up ie a tattoo or a fight with injury potential or an arrest lol]

Joe: [hmm, the possibilities, maybe a fight to show you can, could be about anything, it’s that sort of place]

Ronnie: [that is such a mood I love it and yeah could literally be you’re a new face or could be her fault because of the aforementioned doing the most]

Joe: [totally, and that’ll be an easy way to separate you and not meet until the next convo]

Ronnie: [exactly dr phil]

[edge-lorde]

its valenTIME again, folks. just how did andre feel about lockhart tasking him with styling pink themed outfits?

not great but not as bad as i feared. pink is merely of personal distaste to andre rather than a huge universal fashion faux pas. we come to the conclusion that hes just gonna have to figure it out. as predicted, he does then also ask me to be his valentine, saying something to the effect of “hey, instead of just accepting free clothes from me whenever you have a date, why not just date ME?” very awkward considering that he always takes the time to style multiple outfits for me, i have already made up my mind & its not him, and i AM still going to take one of his outfits regardless. yikes! sorry andre, ill make up for causing your grandma to die before getting to see you play quidditch some other time.

next was merula i believe. her level was very tsundere from what i remember. lots of blustering. “its not like i LIKE you or anything but im the best valentine in hogwarts. why didnt you say you smelled ME in the love potion? i hate your guts.” teen me would have definitely found her pathetic. but during this level the painting of the knight guy tells us that the 6 of us are the only guests coming to lockharts party. suspicious.  

thats awkward but before then we have to have a level with talbott. his level is, hes outside, in the dark, searching for doves??? lockhart told him to get some doves so hes just aiming to catch them with his bare hands i guess. no magic spells just raw power. we have an animagus level where we transform into the natural predators of doves, hawks and cats, and use our keen senses to attempt to locate some doves hiding on the school campus. he doesnt seem like the dating type but he asks the mc out, admittedly they have some fun chemistry. the level ends with him giving me time to think about my answer by turning into a bird and flying off into the night. 

then we have a prepping the restaurant level where at the end madam restaurant owner tells me to follow my heart and i get to pick my valentine, i of course pick barnaby as i have said i would previously. 

the its back to andre. i loved the outfit i ended up with btw. andre styled a more princessy one and a more spunky one. i tried them both on and ended up really loving the princess one. i especially love the luxurious long pink hair it came with. i wore it with my sunglasses and blond facial hair, and even broke out the make-up it made me so excited. still had to turn andre down when i went to go get it though. he took it well “i dont want things to be weird between us.” he said, which is good because things are about to get a whole lot weirder. 

i go to the party. everyone is dressed to the nines and looks cute as hell. andre has given everyone wonderful pink stylings, even he is wearing an almost-pink purpley shirt. 

as forewarned however, we are the only guests there, and lockhart seems much more interested in us than he does in his own stories. it becomes apparent as the night goes on that this was all a ruse! we werent randomly selected at all! lockhart chose us to lure us into a room so he could steal our adventures, wipe our brains, and claim them for his own!!!!!!!!! egad!

certainly all of that is in character, but idk how that would work? like the cursed vaults have been covered by the newspaper with my name in them already. hows he going to steal that? also were all kids. like barnabys thing is that his parents were deatheaters and now theyre in jail, idk how lockhart could possibly fit himself into that role, given the timeline? in any case, mc figures it out and he does a group memory charm and poofs away. 

we are all left standing there like... what just happened.. is it valentines day...? who asked who out... i cant remember....

but then we do get one last level were we get a real valentines date. very cinematography much lighting. many leaves so green house. roses? yes. barnaby promised prof sprout hed study for class if she let him use the green house as a date location. he suprisingly knows a lot about romance for someone who is usually made out to always be the dumbest person in the room. its nice i guess but also completely unrelatable. nice shot of some lovebirds in a nest, then all of a sudden one is down on the table. no lovebird flying animation lol. i turn it into the lovenote from class. be my valentine it says. barnaby gives me a decorative valentine heart that gives 1 energy per day like the christmas car snowglobe. all new date animation kiss on cheek scene as well. very well done. 

there are some other general game notes but that will have to be for next time.

#hp #harry potter #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwats mystery #sirius business #rambling #Thoughts #barnaby lee #talbott winger #merula snyde #andre egwu #hphm #valentines day

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

the sun smashers are important y’all

so i was rewatching bahroo’s zane stream please dont judge me i just wanted to see how he screamed when he got set on fire

and i noticed something funky about the main quests

tl;dr: the main quest levels are really weird, we go from a level 1 quest, to 2, to 2 (no that’s not a mistake), to 4, to 10!!, to 14, to 13. I theorize that either there is a hidden mission somewhere, or the quests were oddly leveled for the demonstrations and should have been spread out like so: (1, 2, 4, 7, 10, 14) and give my reasoning for that. its still a pretty big jump from 4 to 7 and so on, but its more reasonable to think they wanted to fit in some side quests there

i then go talk about the Sun Smashers! and these guys are fun :)

y’all when we show up at the HBC, we’re already on a mission to “Find the Sun Smashers”. the first time we hear about them during the footage we’re shown is when Tyreen mentions them. The theory is that the sun smashers stole the vault key from the recruitment center (we offered them a place in our family = we recruited them) and they just wanted guns and cash (they betrayed the family = they stole our vault map) and Vaults are a source of both guns and cash

i think when we go fight Shiv, the room back there with monitors is going to give us information on who the sun smashers are and where the vault key is (the HBC) and lilith tells us we NEED to go get it. I don’t think there is any power stealing here and now. Probably later. but not now!

Tyreen also says in the hologram “Like i said, that vault map is super busted”. but she had never talked to us before in the footage we’re shown. I’m thinking there is a point where we do speak with the twins, or we “overhear” something and then they see us, etc, and that’s the reason they cut the footage.

so i think the timeline is: 

Get attacked by CoV, head to RC, save Clappy, meet Lilith, learn about Sun Smashers stealing key from RC, maaayybe some talk/introduction with the twins?? idk, head to the HBC, beat up Mouthpiece, get the Vault Map, Hologram time (hi again), Lilith gets her powers stolen and the Vault Map too, we get Sanctuary III (either we find the ship itself on pandora (my vote: we’re probably going to have to clear it of wildlife ew), or we take a shuttle up), head to Promethea to stop the twins cuz they got to teleport with lily’s powers and had time to set up that sweet alliance with maliwan because they have a grudge against atlas for experimenting on them while we’re fumbling on a sand planet looking for an escape

is that good? are we good?

i think we’re good.

so the first quest is level 1, that’s a given

second quest

level 2

also a given

the third quest???

also? level 2?

which is weird cuz im pretty sure the demo streamers were around level 4 for that quest, but the enemies were levels 6-7 so… i imagine the actual level for the quest is about 5?

the fourth quest is level 4, but it might actually be around level 7.

the reason i’m bumping the levels up is because when you get to the fifth quest in the game

the quests jump from level 4 requirement to level 10

and that’s one huge-ass leap to make all of a sudden

not to mention the jump from 10 to 14

slightly better than 4 to 10, but its still a big jump, especially since the characters are starting to level up more. I could believe there’s no gap between 5 and 6 because the streamers start the level at lvl 10, but then the enemies are scaled to level 10/11 so… what the heck. from the HBC footage it’s clear the enemies don’t scale directly to player level (as a lvl 4 amara was taking on level 6/7 enemies) so im wondering if they changed the levels to make it look earlier in the game than i actually is

it’s even weirder because the quest you get when you finish the demo is level 13

usually when you get mainline quests, they try to make it so that they’re in order level-wise. these two are… very much not in order. and i understand that Congratulations was put in solely for the demo players, but the fact that it’s actually a lower level than the quest preceding it is really bizarre. I think the quest log for Hostile Takeover was supposed to be scaled down to level 10/11/12 (take ur pick) for the demo and it wasn’t.

Same for Sanctuary. I think it was supposed to be scaled down as well. That would leave a smaller, less noticeable gap between quests 

So we’d have a level 1 quest, TWO level 2 quests, a level 4 quest, a level 8ish quest, then a level 11 quest. Not bad. There’s still the huge gap between quests 4 and 5 but it could be much worse. Could be the 6 level gap we had before.

I do think it could also be that the third and fourth quests were pulled forwards in level. Example being that the third quest isn’t supposed to be level 2, it should be level 4. Then the fourth quest would be around 6/7 and then we’d have 5 coming in at 10, which is just on the mark.

There’s still a lot of awkward leveling here and there but its borderlands? so it’s possible they wanted to fit in some side quests at this point to pad it out. I prefer the theory that there’s a quest that was taken out of the quest logs. 

so you’d have something like (and this is going by the original, demo-ordering of the quests):

level 1

level 2

level 2

level 4

level 7 (hidden quest)

level 10

level 14

i just don’t understand why from the ground up and cult following are apparently the same level. I suppose that’s where they’re making us believe Lilith gets her powers stolen so maybe its because we don’t get to do a lot of combat at the time so we’re still level 2 when we head over to the HBC? Which… is weird because when they get to the recruitment center, even though Cult Following is supposedly a level 2 quest, the player characters are level 4 while the enemies are ranging from 5-7

it’s possible they scaled this quest up since amara would later be playing with Zane (though she levels up to 5 almost immediately when entering), but i’m thinking of something else.

i want to propose something

I think the sun smashers stole the vault key from the recruitment center. the quest objectives for Cult Following are these:

“Find the Sun Smashers”

Tyreen talks about them a little bit when we first meet her in the hologram but we’ll get to that in a second

so obviously the sun smashers are those purple corpses we’ve been seeing all throughout the HBC. im uncertain if Mouthpiece is a part of their subsect of the cult or not (Tyreen didn’t kill him sooo), as the objective changes to “Kill Mouthpiece” once you enter the arena. I imagine if he is, maybe he’s their leader? Maybe he asked them to steal the Vault Map to prove themselves to the twins by opening a vault by themselves or some shit. I dunno if he is though. Maybe Tyreen left him alive to prove a point to us because she knew we were coming for the busted-ass Vault Map. Like she let him continue to protect it (even though it was broke) because she knew we’d come to get it and kill him on the way. I digress.

Mouthpiece says, when he dies: “I see it… The Great Vault” which I think is once again proving the theory that the twins are saying they’re going to lead the bandit clans to salvation through the Red Vault. Unsure if that’s the wicked Vault symbol we see in the trailers (you know, the biological looking one) or if that’s just a symbol for the first Vault on Promethea, or if they’re the same thing. I dunno, I can’t imagine we’d reach the so-called “Great Vault” by chapter 6/7/8 in the game, but its possible that Vault unleashes a wealth of alien horrors for us to defeat annnd, yeah, you know the drill. Twins either die or join our side to help us defeat whatever comes out of it. Or, the so-called “Great Vault” is a bust and it either can’t be opened yet and other Vaults need to be opened first, or some other inane shit to pad time. I am most curious as to why they’re going to the Vault on Promethea first, though. Randy says Tyreen wants to absorb the Vault Monsters’ powers so she can become the most powerful living being or whatever so going to a Vault that was (possibly) already opened by Atlas seems like a weird choice (still not sure if Atlas ever actually opened the Vault on Promethea or not. Never actually said if it was the Vault or just some Eridian ruins they found themselves that boosted their company up so high. We know Typhon found the actual Vault and Key, though!). Also going for the salvation bit ASAP when u kinda need ur cult to get the other Vaults is really weird.

anyway. I got kinda off topic here. … again.

i imagine our first interaction with the twins is in the recruitment center, but I don’t think they actually show up. More holograms, or an ECHO stream, or whatever. I’m gonna stand by what I said in that one lilith post (one of many ugh) that when we enter the room Shiv came out of, a broadcast is going to start.

I think maybe the twins (or mouthpiece) … (or both) will be broadcasting something detailing where the Vault Key went (stolen by the Sun Smashers) and where they’re all headed (the HBC). that would explain why Tyreen starts out with “did you come all this way just to see me?” and not some sorta greeting like “oh who the heck are you?” (also can I point out that she asks us to thank lilith for the Firehawk powers not during this scene, but during the Promethean scene. just another point in the “they steal lilith’s powers after we retrieve and fix the vault map” box). 

She goes on to show off her powers (yay for “we’ve never seen her use her powers before, not even on lilith”)

and then immediately goes on to say “so i offered the sun smashers a place in our family, but they just wanted guns and cash, they betrayed the family” then we get “Gods don’t negotiate” (hell yeah). She goes into this like we have context for who exactly the Sun Smashers are, which is where my theory comes into play. What was the betrayal? Well, we all know Vaults are (supposedly) a source of kick-ass loot. Of guns, and cash. They stole the Vault Map from the twins after they had let them into the “family”. That’s how we know who the sun smashers are before this demo. We have an objective to find the “sun smashers”. why do we need to find them? they took the vault key. lilith thought the vault key was in the recruitment center (where the sun smashers were being recruited!!!) but they had stolen it and brought it to the HBC. The twins show up to make a demonstration out of them and Ty rock-ifies all of them. She knows the Vault Hunters are coming to get the key, and that the crimson raiders were the ones with the vault key in the first place (from when Sanctuary had fallen… in theee upcoming dlc). she probably understands that we have a better idea of how to work it than she does. And I’m betting, the reason she decides to steal Lilith’s powers is because Lilith knows how to work it. So even if we do meet the twins in flesh-and-blood before the HBC? They wouldn’t have a reason to steal her powers then. It’s only after we fix the Vault Map that they decide to come get it back and get the key that will make it work (lilith’s powers. in case that part wasn’t clear lmao). 

oh and tyreen talking about the whole sun smashers thing in general is interesting:

Like, she hadn’t mentioned the sun smashers before so… I assume this was mentioned the first time we meet her (or at least during the climb up to the HBC). maybe we witness the twins in conversation (either in-person or through an ECHO stream/hologram/whatever) and they don’t realize (or don’t care) that we’re watching? and ty mentions something about being annoyed they have to get the Map back because it’s broken, anyway and then they’re like “oh! hello! we were waiting for you guys! that was quick!” but they totally knew we were watching because they WANTED us to get the Vault Key, its all part of their master plan

because Ty does say at the end: “go ahead and take it! I’ll swing by later to pick it up. you’re my most loyal follower, Vault Thief :) you just don’t know it yet :)”

i imagine she knows we’re a “vault thief” because we tell her we’re vault hunters and she’s all like “well… that sucks, those vaults are ours, they’re our birthright, you thief”

anyway

uh

i got a little into this lmao

ttyl

#borderlands #borderlands 3 #bl3 #fucking aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh #shock and agh #i fucking lvoe this game os mcuh fuck #fuuuuuck #fuck #the calypso twins #sun smashers #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[thelifetimechannel]

#tlcstuck #davesprite #walkaround 1 #karkat vantas

[beatconductor-blog]

Coco 👑Last Thursday at 11:44 PM

It's been a few hours since the whole Trickster thing wore off at this point you got to puke it all out and to take a nice long shower, something anyone would need after this bullshit. This leaves you awkwardly sitting on your bed with Dave, who apparently gained the privilege of entering the hideout during all the shit going down the past week or so. You are not going to complain about that at all but the silence right now after things are finally slowing down is unbearable. You just have to say something preferably something that will start a lighthearted and conversation and won't kickstart yet another emotional breakdown. "So...Uh...Tricksters huh? Sorry for uh...Going all psycho on your ass and shit.." Nailed it.

rootyLast Thursday at 11:47 PM

Ehhh dunno if you got that privilege just yet or if you even remember where that one backdoor tunnel goes, but you definitely stayed a night or two because you're just tired of everything. You just shrug. "I started it, should've just let you go ahead but I just had to come after you." Well, sure, Sock was really weird, but you kind of fucked up the whole happy trickster thing too, right? Else you might have been just as freaky.

Coco 👑Last Thursday at 11:58 PM

Probably not a permanent privilege just yet, but he's here right now, that's all that counts. "Yeah, guess it's all your fault." You say that in a total deadpan but you hope that Dave knows you well enough by now to realize it's supposed to be a joke, if not the best one. "Seriously though, I got really creepy on you and..I'm sorry dude. Even called you my boyfriend and shit..." 

rootyYesterday at 12:02 AM

Honestly, that doesn't even properly register in your brain. Like, come on, that wasn't the worst of it all. "It's alright, I probably would've done the same if I had an actual sugar rush. It just kinda all sucked."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 12:04 AM

"Thanks uh..thanks for not fingering my bullet wounds though. That would be one weird memory to have..." Not that you don't have enough of those as is. Ugh.

rootyYesterday at 12:07 AM

"Uh, you're welcome. I mean I wish I could say I've done weirder shit before, but.. nah, not really, that was really something. That's not like, an urge you got regularly, do you..."

Coco 👑Yesterday at 12:11 AM

"You've seen all my hole filling needs so far... I dunno where..that came from." You decide not to mention what you got up to ding with your holes without him. That's not gonna help. "Only thing I did that really made sense was..hm..." You are not sure if you should say that but then again, fuck it? Everything's shit already. "..calling you my boyfriend."

rootyYesterday at 12:12 AM

You.. don't even know how to react that. Can't really say that it totally catches you off-guard, I mean, look at how much you've been together already, but. Man, you suck at this and you know it. "Alright." Nailed it.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 12:22 AM

"I...Ugh dude I feel like such an idiot here. It's...What..What are we even doing? Are we boyfriends?" You have been hanging out for ho long now? When did you start having sex? How often did you actually tell each other 'I love you' so far? A lot, though never without the possibility of blaming being high on illegal substances or just sex. It's hard to look at anything but you hands but you do sneak a glance at his face to see his reaction.

rootyYesterday at 9:44 AM

You don't know how to answer this. Actually you do, it's more like you physically can't. You lean there, getting really nervous and blushing just a little and very much avoiding his eyes. "Huhhh..." Fuck you fucking idiot.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 2:00 PM

Well that doesn't really help. It only makes you feel like more of an idiot for bringing this up. Maybe you misunderstood everything you guys did in the past twoish years. Maybe you shouldn't have brought it up, ever. Maybe he actually secretly hates you and wants you dead- No stop this is getting stupid. Well you are stupidly anxious about this and it shows. It's hard to actually look at Dave anymore. "That's...That's not an answer dude...We can just...shit i dont know. Sorry for asking." Nice chickening out there chicken boy.

rootyYesterday at 2:43 PM

Oh no, Sock definitely didn't misunderstand. That's just what happens when you crush on personified denial. You look incredibly stressed and nervous, trying to find a satisfying solution to an impossible problem. The problem being you. "No, it's.." Well, great, now you feel bad cause your chickening out made him chicken out. Urgh. Just tabbing out and asking Aradia for help would be really rude, right? Something something sometimes it's worth the risk and all and hell. You like him. "I mean. I.. I guess." That sure was a complete and comprehensive conversation.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 7:38 PM

"You guess...? That uh..That we're..you know? Or that we can..drop it?" You hope for the first answer for sure but you also really don't want to get your hopes up. Stupid bird boy.

rootyYesterday at 7:46 PM

God, he's really making you say it, is he? Fucking hell. You sink back into the matress a little, wishing you were anywhere but here but what else is new. "The thing. The boy.. friend.. thing." Your voice is getting smaller with every word.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 7:59 PM

"Oh..." It actually takes you a moment to process that. Is that a yes? It sounds like a yes. Is he sure about the yes? Do you deserve a yes? What if he just feels like he has to say yes but secretly he hates you- No bad again. Wrong. Stop.  You take a deep breath before you gather all your courage and tackle the poor guy on the bed to kiss him. That's what you are supposed to do in a moment like this right? You pull away and look down at Dave and it feels like you are running the most nasty fever in the world. God you have to look like a god damn tomato. "Are...Are you sure? Is this okay?" It feels okay to you but... You are not so sure about Dave.  It's hard not to let your fears and insecurities take over.

rootyYesterday at 9:39 PM

Oh. Oh god. Yeah, making out still feels really good, though you're also totally caught offguard. And blushing much harder than Sock because you're a few degrees paler. You have a really hard time meeting his eyes. Please stop expecting so much, you're just a simple Dave... "Y.. yeah. It is......"

Coco 👑Yesterday at 10:15 PM

Oh wow, you've never seen him blush this hard.  That actually reassures you and you give him your biggest dumbest grin. "Does that mean we can hold hands in public?"

rootyYesterday at 10:51 PM

*"Wow wow wow. Slow down there alright who the hell do you think I am." You almost sound upset, but there's the teeniest tiny awkward grin on your face. God. Fuck. Yeah, alright. You love him. Look at that idiot.

Coco 👑Yesterday at 11:03 PM

"I think you are Dave Strider." You kiss him again, longer this time. "The biggest gaylord on Derse and my fucking boyfriend." Saying that feels just a little weird still but it's easier packaged as a joke and...It might be weird but it's also really nice. The smile just doesn't leave your face.

rootyToday at 12:24 AM

"Shut up." God. Fuck. Fucking hell. For once, the giddy excitement just barely outweighs the absolute terror in your bone, and yet he just talks way too fucking much and you pull him in for another deep kiss.

Coco 👑Today at 1:05 AM

You easily let him shut you up with kisses. Hell yeah you will take that any day. Fuck, you'd really like that every day for real. Maybe you can pretend that this is going to be every day from now on for just a minute. You don't know how long you've been making out when you finally speak up again, grabbing his hand because well..You are gay. And you want to hold onto him. "Hey... I'm really happy." And you really are. For once, just for now, nothing else really matters. You can go back to worrying about everything tomorrow.

rootyToday at 1:09 AM

"Fuuck..." Hell, this is gay. He's so gay. You're so gay. And excited. And nervous. Like what, this isn't your first crush, not your first makeout, not even your first relationship. But it was... so much more than this. "Me too..." you answer somewhat shaky. You really mean it though.

Coco 👑Today at 1:30 AM

He looks so utterly vulnerable right now and it makes your heart beat just a little bit faster. You know how much he wants to come off as cool and collected even if he's just a big loser so just getting this close... It feels special. It makes you feel like you are special, in the good way for once in your life. "I love you." It slips out before you can even consider what you are saying but well...You do. You did for a while now. You even said it before but it feels so different to say it now.

rootyToday at 1:53 AM

You're not vulnerable, you're cool af. Okay, that's a lie, but one you gotta tell yourself to preserve what little is left of your self-esteem and composure. Except, that 'I love you' completely sweeps the rest of it away too and you start to tear up a little (to be fair, you're exhausted as fuck), which is probably a weird look with that awkward grin of you. You reply, though you mouth your answer mor than you actually speak it. Hopefully Sock can guess what you tried to say.

Coco 👑Today at 2:04 AM

Look at that big sap, does he actually have tears in his eyes? You'd tease him about it under different circumstances but right now? You're not going to ruin this. That reply is more than good enough for you, you honestly didn't expect one at all and that would have been okay too. You answer with some more kisses instead, too scared to ruin the moment if you keep on talking.

rootyToday at 2:10 AM

Kisses. Right, yes, that's a thing you can do. It's like a button got pushed, snapping you out of your deer-in-headlights kinda trance, and you kiss him in return on any spot you can find and reach.

Coco 👑Today at 2:21 AM

The sudden affection makes you chuckle a little. It's nice. You pull Dave as close as you can and carefully wrap your wings around him. This feels right, you can get used to this. The past days? Weeks? Years? Have been so exhausting but it's all worth it for this little moment. It's easy to fall asleep when you are with your boyfriend.

rootyToday at 2:25 AM

Yes. Yes, this is nice. And you don't stop the kisses for a few more moments. You probably won't ever get used to this, but even then, this isn't all that bad.

#ooc #late but #logs

[miss-icarus]

DataFields-It’s a weird day

The room was quiet. More quiet than usual. This was an asylum after all but it was not like these cliche horror movie asylums where patients were screaming in pain left and right. But usually there was always something going on. But not today. In fact, the only sound she could hear right now was the rain crashing against her window. It was a weird afternoon. It has been some weird months but today was particularly weird. Not even in a bad way. Just... weird. She looked out of the window into the grey sky. The dimmed light that coated the world in everlasting melancholia was strangely soothing to her. It reminded her of the rainy days at the coast. Wind in her hair, hands in the pockets of her big sweater as she stood at the beach with the little wodden house. The feeling of the ice cold water flowing around her ankles like a thousand needles poking her skin. She would always treasure this feeling, the feeling of being alive. And it pained her to know that the last time she got to experience it, it feeled different. Because it was not real. It was part of a simulation. It was part of her brain trying to make sense of the data fields that she spend almost her whole life in. But maybe she would in fact spend her whole life in here. Or maybe this room, this world was real after all. She didn't know. How was she supposed to know. Deep down in the depths of her brain was the aswer. But it was covered up by images of white masks, hanging corpses, the death cramps of her electricuted friends and all the sins she commited that led to her sitting in a white hospital room watching the raindrop's race on her window. She frowned. Today was one of these weird days where she felt to tired to try to kill herself in order to return to the real world, she did not want to ruin it by indulging herself in melancholic thoughts of wooden houses at the beach. Or maybe she was not tired after all. Maybe there was a small spark of hope in her heart that the images with the faces and the voices of her friends where real afterall and she was not trapped in a simulation made by her brain so that it woun't get fried by the sheer amount of information recieved by it through the data fields. But just as she thought she could forget about the crippling memories of stormy coasts, her past seemed to come back at her once more in the shape of a young man entering her room after a small knocking on her door. He was dressed in all black. Black jeans, black leather jacket with silver studs, black hoodie covering large parts of his face and a black face mask covering the other parts. But the silver sunglasses he would usually wear weren't there so she could see his eyes. It was undoubtedly him. But seeing him here was even weirder than anything she could have imagined. After all she never really met him. And still he was one of the closest friends she had. He knew things about her noone would ever know about her. "I could swear you look taller in the fields." Judging by the surprised expression on his face, he was definitely not expecting such a warm and heatfelt greeting. But then he started laughing and responded with: "Well, and I could swear your hair used to be blonder." She was looking at the mess on her head in her reflection in the window. "Well it definitely used to be cleaner..." After a small moment of silence, the two started laughing. It was definitely him. Weather this was the best imagination her brain could come up with or the real one. She did not care. Just for one moment she did not want to question him. Just for one moment she wanted to accept. He took seat in the small chair at the end of her bed and got rid of the face mask and the hood covering his face. His black hair was slicked back and his full lips where curved into a slight smile. "I'm glad to see you. I have to admit, I would have loved our first meeting to be under slightly less depressing circumstances but I figured we can not longer postpone it." "Depressing cicumstances?" He looked at her with a blank stare. "Oh yea, pardon me, that cut on your neck is a sign of pure happiness." She chuckled looking at the bandage around her throat in her reflection once again. She smiled at him: "I see what you mean." She continued smiling at him while he looked at her with an expression impossible for her to read. "It's not time for visitors right now. They don't know your here, do they?" He grinned at her so she could see his dimples. "You have been knowing me for a while now, do I seem like the type of guy to say hi at receptions?" The thought of him patiently sitting in a waiting room awaiting his name to be shouted by the overworked receptionist made her laugh out loud. "So you hacked yourself into the reception computer and found out about the time scedule and the room plans." His grin got even wider. "By the way, you dont have anyone checking up on you today anymore, apparently somebody already did that this morning." The silence returned as she looked out the window but it was more of a soothing silence rather than an akward one. "What now?" The question seemed a bit out of the blue but she immediately knew what he meant. "I don't know. If I would, I would probably not be here." He rose from his chair and started to inspect the window. "Don't bother. It's closed so people like me can not jump out of it in an attempt to fly. What are you trying to do anyway?" He turned around with a mischievous smile while taking a small leather case out of his pocket. "Please. You think so little of me?" He turned around and started to work on the small mechanism on the window that was supposed to prevent patients from opening it for more than a couple of centimeters. "We both know that you can not stay here for much longer. We need you. The fields got a litle bit...crazy over the last year." Her gaze followed his hands quickly changing between the small tools out of his leather case. "But what if I don't want to return? What if I just don't care?" With a small click he removed a small gear from the window. "Panther, I don't even know what's real anymore. Maybe I just want to pretend like nothing of all of this is concerning me. Everybody else is allowed to look away and pretend like everything is fine. Why am I not allowed to do that? Just because I'm not using Facebook? Just because I'm not selling my identity to every single social media and new world gadget out there? Just because I'm trying to be smarter than that? I'm not trying to change the world. I tried at some point. But I learned my lesson. We should not expect to much of our impact on this planet. We should all just not care. It would be better for us. The sweet ignorant bliss...I don't know who I am anymore, Panther. I don't know whats real or not. I don't know who to trust, hell, I don't even know who you are..." With a second click, Panther removed the second part of the mechanism and opened the window to let in a wave of cold and wet air. "You are right. You don't own them shit. Noone. You don't have to return to the fields. Over the years, I'm pretty sure you made enough money and collected enough blackmail material to disappear forever on a caribbean island and to never come back. And if I were you, I wouldn't think twice before leaving all of this behind and not giving a damn just like everybody else. But that's not your style. I've known you for a long time now and you are not the type of person to just run away like that. I would understand it, you have absolutely no duty to do any of this. Especially after being here. But you are to stubborn to take a break. The fields are a part of you. They are a part of me. Even if we would never enter them ever again, they would always stay this part of us that we can not deny. They would hunt us for the rest of our lives. This feeling of absolute control and no controll at all. This feeling of standing in the middle of absolute wisdom but not being able to catch even the slightest bit of it. We were the first to go that far, Sarah. We crossed the line. Our implants are just a sign of our addiction. Because that is just what it is. That is what we are. Junkies. Even if we could get away from it, our minds would always wander back to that place where humanity shows itself in it's absolute worst. And once seen, you can not forget about it and all of a sudden you find yourself standing in the middle of a crowd staring at it. Knowingly. And there is nothing bittersweeter than this kind of wisdom. And you know that." He climbed on the windowsill and for the first time in what felt like ages he turned aroud to face her. His black hair was now perfectly framing his angular features. His usual cool gaze was now completely honest and serious. She has only seen him like that once before. His eyes were piercing in an almost uncomfortable manner. "I don't care about all of this. If shit goes down, I'm long gone. And I'm also not here because of that. I care about you, that's why I'm here. When you were gone for so long, I knew something was up. And I was right, so here we are. And about me..." His gaze turned softer. "I'm the same as always. And even though that probably does not say a lot to most people, I know it does to you. And I want you to know that whatever you are planing on doing, no matter how you will decide, I will help you. If you decide to return to the fields, I will be by your side. If you decide to leave, I will personally be the one to carry your bags. I owe that to you. But before you decide anything, we should make you feel better first." He reached out for her hand in order to pull her onto the ledge. She looked at him confused. "You want me to climb out of the window of my hospitalroom into the rain to follow you, a person that I only know through the internet, to a place I don't know?" He laughed out loud and with a beaming smile he responded: "I never took you for the cautious type. I just want to take you on a small trip down memory lane, I swear this creepy dude from the internet here is not trying to get into your pants." The two chuckled a bit at his commentary but as he saw her still slightly unsure expression, he added: "Do you trust me Sarah?" For a moment she just looked at him and his hand and her mind began wandering. 'Today is a weird day' she thought to herself as she took his hand and was pulled out of the window into the cold rain.

#writing #story #short story #missIcarus #DataFields #original

[yaminerua]

so i was out tonight hanging with some people from yesterday’s class and a  bunch of others and it was a fun night! but as i was giving people my FB i saw, when i searched my name, a photo of myself pop up since my name was mentioned in that person’s post. It was a photo of me from primary 1, on the sports day where i forgot to bring a PE kit and had to do the sports day in my black school pinafore.

it is one of the most cursed images of myself i’ve ever seen. i’ve got such a short haircut because i had alopecia at the time so my hair kept falling out at the back. I’m wearing the aforementioned pinafore while everyone else is in their sports clothes. and my face just has a super cursed expression

it was kind of amusing.. i should have left it there though. i should have NOT looked in the comments... at what people i used to know where saying

i ended up crying  in the train station on the way home and feeling like trash because i’d really hoped that after all this time people would... idk.... have stopped making fun of every little thing about me and stopped thinking of me as that little weirdo that no-one liked.

but nah. they just tore into me in those comments because it’s not like they thought i was ever gonna see them (they probably still think i dont have a FB after all)

like tamer stuff is lame shit like making fun of the socks little 5 year old me was wearing (they were white with little frills at the top) and being like ‘lol bet she still wears those. soooo sexyyyyy lmfao’ and I know that’s not a big thing? but these were the kinds of people who would take pictures of the stupid embarrassing replacement shoes i had to wear one day because all my other ones were ruined and i needed to get new ones, and bluetoothed those pictures to everyone they could and made sure everyone knew that Lauren was wearing bright orange sandals with socks to school because she doesnt have any fucking normal shoes to wear lol. The kinds of people who would make fun of my face or anything i was wearing and the kinds of people whose words from back then to this day still make me feel ugly and weird no matter how i dress or look....

and then they were making fun of my hair too. and that was ANOTHER thing they used to do a lot back in school...... idk if they even remembered i had that thing with my hair falling out but honestly.. it’s not like it was a well-kept secret. Everyone knew I had an issue there. But pfffff why bother when you can make fun of how stupid the scrappy short hair cut Lauren has is right? Like the hair thing became a long-running way of making fun of me and people would stop referring to me by name and just call me by the stupid nickname they made up to make fun of my hair problem. Have none of them grown in all these years? Do they still HAVE to go back to the same old tired things they did way back then?

most of it was just picking at things like that and i know that doesnt sound like much but the weight behind it from how it was done in the past makes a Bad emotion swell up in my chest....... but the bit that actually made me cry was one girl was like “she’s hiding the rubbers under that dress” and it threw me right back to like.... primary 4 when a rumour got spread around about me saying i shoved erasers down my pants and it distressed me a lot at the time cos everyone spread this stupid rumour to try to make me look weirder than i apparently already did to them... and the fact that in this comment on fucking FB all these years later someone STILL thought it would be funny to bring it up, broadcasting and explaining that mean jokey rumour to people who know of me but who were not around for the primary school days when the rumour first circulated. wow. thanks. all having a wonderful laugh at my expense over a shitty rumour that made EVERYONE think i was some gross little weirdo who shoves rubbers into her underpants like oooo dont trust anything Lauren gives you she might’ve shoved it down her fuckin panties because lol that’s so funny lets make up shit to make her seem gross.

and one of the comments is from a dude i had thought had been ok back in high school. like i’d thought he was one of the nicer ones who didnt pick on me and there he is exaggerating and saying im the creepiest thing he’s ever seen and getting right in on the rubbers joke. like lol thanks dude.

and there’s more....... a whole bunch more that just....... really really upset me and just recalling it all now is making me upset so i dont want to go further into what else was said.... it’s just.... throwing me years back in time to when they all openly hated and avoided or made fun of me.... and how continuous and relentless it all was.....

the only comment not directly making fun of me was pointing out the bruises on my legs and saying i look like i’ve been ‘kicked the fuck out of’ :/

it’s so... strange seeing people i used to interact with talk about me in a space where they know (or think) i’ll never see it. like..... i think back on everyone i knew and i’ve always sort of wondered how they’re doing and what they’ve been up to in all these years and i’d hoped that some of them would think back and remember me and wonder if i’m doing ok or idk.... remember something good... like oh yeah Lauren, wonder how she’s doing these days, wonder if she actually got into animation like she wanted to etc etc...

but i guess i always was a joke to be made fun of to a lot of them. a little weirdo with dumb hair and stupid clothes who acted stupidly and got upset over things a lot and was an A+++ target to turn into a laughing stock.

i hope i never see any of them ever again.... i hope i never bump into any of them..... there’s always the possibility that they might think i’m out here making progress in life and doing something with it and instead here i am stagnating in depression and anxiety hell (some of which probably got an early start from the seeds their bullying planted...) and wishing i could erase my existence from this planet and everyone else’s minds and memories.

so yeah....... it had been a very bad decision to look at those comments.. Completely ruined what had been a very fun night out

.....

also..... man....... i knew they had unpleasant sides because i’d faced it back then but i guess i’d hoped they’d have grown up and grown out of it but wow......

in one other pic from primary school days one of them was using a racial slurs and othe terrible shit and I was kind of...... very very surprised tbh.... Like I didn’t expect that kind of shit in there too...

so i guess they’re just... horrible people in general

#personal shit