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orionares · 3 years

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BTHB: Comatose

BTHB: Comatose

Law and Order: SVU

@badthingshappenbingo

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“Can I ask you something?”

He flinches at the small voice from across the room. Blue eyes similar to his eyes stare at him blankly beneath brown curly hair with the same tenacity and strength he'd worked side by side with for twelve years.

Elliot nods slowly, prompting the ten year old to slide out of his chair and cross the room to stop inches from the foot of his mother's bed. Noah Benson rests his hand on the foot of the bed and eyes Elliot cautiously. "Did you do something to my mom?"

Elliot chokes on his breath and pushes himself from the huddled position in his chair to face Noah. He stifles a need to burst into tears and instead answers in a cracked voice, “What do you mean?”

“If you were the one that got her hurt,” Noah muses, “you’d be in jail. But- but you aren’t arrested and you have a badge. So you're a cop. Right?”

Elliot can feel his heart shatter as the boy eyes his mother, lying unconscious in one of Sanai’s hospital beds, hooked up to a handful of wires. He himself can’t bring himself to look at her- no, not after what had happened. The guilt alone-

“Do you work with my mom?” Noah’s question comes as he steps closer to Elliot, causing the older man to flinch. “I’ve never seen or heard about you before.”

“You're inquisitive,” Elliot stammers. Noah cocks his head to right and mutters, “What’s itiquative?”

“Inquisitive,” Elliot corrects. He scratches the back of his neck and sighs, “It means you ask a lot of questions. You also like to ask the right questions. Like your mom.”

“That’s what Uncle Fin says.” His face falls as he turns towards the bed and sniffles, “Is she going to be ok?”

A knuckle raps on the door as Fin Tutola ducks his head into the door before stepping in. He pauses to stare at Olivia for a moment before shaking his head in disbelief. Even though he had dropped off Noah an hour earlier, he still finds himself shaken at seeing her in this state. “You ready to head out, Noah?”

Noah doesn’t peel his eyes from the bed. “Why hasn’t she woken up yet?” he answers softly. Behind him, Fin and Elliot exchange a worried look.

“Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?” Fin asks. He walks to the side of the bed opposite Elliot and Noah. He places a hand on Olivia’s forehead and sighs as one of his closest friends doesn’t react to his touch. Noah nods slowly and furrows his brow as he recalls the day prior’s conversation.

“She hit her head on the sidewalk when she and-” Noah quickly whips his head back to Elliot, “Detective Stabler was trying to leave the hospital. It’s a….it’s called a…”

“Cerebral edema,” Elliot finishes. “Brain swelling. They induced a coma to help the swelling go down. It’s going to take a few days for her to heal, buddy.” Using the word ‘buddy’ stings for Elliot- hell, he doesn’t deserve to use that term for the son of the woman whose heart he broke.

Noah shakes his head. “Oh, yeah. Can I stay a little longer? ‘Cause I want to be here when she wakes up.”

“Well, Elliot will be here-”

Noah’s eyes widen and he turns once more to Elliot. He mirrors his mother’s investigative scan at his badge and face. “My mom says your name in her sleep. A lot.”

Fin snorts unexpectedly at the boy’s comment. “Okay. Maybe this is a conversation for another time-”

Elliot finally pulls himself out of his daze and holds up a hand in defense. “No, I-I can head out and-”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Noah counters. “Can I talk to Elliot, Uncle Fin?”

Elliot glances up to Fin, who’s staring at Noah with contemplation. Even after ten years, Elliot can recognize the planning in the sergeant’s eyes. After a minute, Fin looks down to Olivia and whispers to her, “It’s your kid and you know I can’t say that to that face. He’s going to ask a million questions unless we nip it in the butt.”

“Fin-”

“Why don’t you take Noah down to the cafeteria?” Fin suggests, cutting Elliot off. He checks his cellphone to see 7:36 on the lock screen. “I think the cafeteria closes by 8 and he hasn’t had dinner yet.”

“Wait, maybe-”

Noah’s already moving towards the head of the bed where an empty chair sits close enough for him to climb onto the bed. He sits on his knees and begins chatting to his mother, “Mom, I’m going to be right back, ok?”

“She heard you,” Fin says. “I’ll keep an eye on her.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the cafeteria, Noah slides into one of the cafeteria’s booths with a plate of a hotdog and French fries. Elliot stands next to the table and watches the boy slide off his jacket and begin eating hungrily without a word. The detective hesitates before easing down into the booth and sliding across to sit directly across from him.

“How’s the food?” Elliot finally asks after a few minutes of silence.

“Good.”

“I’m glad.” Elliot rests his hands in his lap and asks, “So your question about if I did something to your mom….what made you think that?”

“I heard Auntie Amanda and Uncle Sonny talking about you when I stayed at Auntie Amanda’s apartment,” Noah answers. He takes a bite of his hot dog and continues, “They were talking about how her ex-partner came back and how someone….named Chief said that she should stay away from you. What’d you do?”

“I- '' Elliot inhales and exhales slowly, replaying the many ways he had predicted having a conversation with Olivia’s son. “I was her partner at work for twelve years. We were inseparable and then I left her….without saying goodbye.”

“Why?”

Elliot pauses to formulate his answer. “Adult reasons.”

Noah moves onto his French fries and mumbles, “Adults always say that. It’s dumb.”

“Touché. I was married until a couple of months ago when my wife died,” Elliot explains. Saying the words ‘my wife died’ still stings. “When your mom and I were partners, I…..um…”

“You loved my mom?” Noah’s eyes widen before he shrugs his shoulders at Elliot’s sudden look of disbelief. “What? It happens in the movies all the time.”

“You are too smart for your own good,” Elliot chuckles. “I did but I was married. That’s a complicated line even for adults.”

“Then….why’d you leave?”

“Because I was afraid. Things became complicated so I did what cowards do and ran, Noah.” He ignores the instinct to stop spilling his guts to a ten year old and pushes on. “ My family and I moved to Italy and I cut her out of my life.”

Noah suddenly stops eating, pushes the plate towards Elliot and scowls at the man. “That’s stupid.”

“What?”

“I don’t get why adults do stupid stuff like that. My friend Phillip’s parents hated each other but they stayed married. Philip said they should have gotten a divorce a long time ago but didn’t. He moved away last year with his grandparents, I think. It’s dumb that you left.”

Elliot settles back against the booth, speechless. The observations and opinions shared by everyone in Olivia’s life spilled out by her son in a ten minute conversation. “It was and will be one of the greatest regrets in my life.”

Noah takes another fry off of his plate. His next question comes in a timid voice. “Do you still love my mom?”

Elliot swallows hard and feels tears forming in his eyes. “Why do you ask?” he chokes out.

“Because you keep staying with her at the hospital. And you look like people do when people they love are hurt.”

Elliot nods and chuckles. “You should be a detective when you grow up.”

“I want to be a dancer. Do you?”

Elliot smiles for the first time in days at Noah. “More than anything. More than anything.”

Noah takes another fry before stifling a yawn. “You should tell her...if she...if she…”

“Hey,” Elliot quickly slides out of his side of the boot and moves to sit next to a suddenly tear eyed Noah. Elliot rests a hand on his shoulder and says softly, “Your mom is the absolute strongest woman I ‘ve ever met. She’s going to be ok. You can’t give up hope, okay?”

Noah buries his head against Elliot’s shoulder and whimpers, “Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"They're letting me stay the night," Elliot says softly as he settles back into his chair he had been sitting in for the past two days. After parting ways with Fin and Noah, he had returned to the hospital room to find a blanket , a pillow and a nurse giving a nod in approval. "I think they assume that we've..that we're…together, I guess."

Hw can't bring himself to look at her battered form in the bed. The moments of leaving the hospital after the Chief and IAB had dismissed Bell, Olivia and him to go home replays over and over every time his mind wanders.

"Elliot, I don't need protection!" Olivia growls as the three head towards the parking garage.

"Wheatley got to Angela in a hospital! I'm not going to let him get near you!" Elliot counters. Behind him, Bell's eyes are occupied on her phone, brow furrowed at the information she's just received from Jet.

“I know how to protect myself and my son. I’m a police captain,” she argues back. There’s an anger behind her statement that he can’t quite place but-

Bell suddenly holds up a hand and exclaims, “Hold up! Jet’s just sent me a-”

His sergeant doesn't finish as a concussive force slams into his body , propelling him and the two women across the pavement and into unconsciousness.

Elliot shakes off the memory and continues to talk. “I think it’s because I’ve spent a total of six hours away from you since the explosion. Liv, I can’t- ever since I’ve come back, I’ve put you in danger, caused you stress and….got Kathy killed.”

In the back of his head, he imagines the Olivia of ten years ago, sitting next to him with a cup of coffee and a comforting hand on his shoulder, saying, “El, you can’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control.”

“But I left you and that was in my control,” he answers the voice. He rubs a hand over his face in frustration. Another bit of memory- the briefest moment of consciousness after the explosion replays in his head.

He’ll never forget opening his eyes to her lying unconscious a foot away from him on the pavement with blood running from her ear onto the ground.

“I know I don’t deserve this but,” Elliot whispers, “but don’t leave me please. I didn’t deserve Kathy and I sure as hell don’t deserve you….but” he finally looks up to the bed and can’t stop the sob of guilt that comes. The tubes, cuts and her stillness break him. Elliot stands up and walks to her side, letting the tears fall. The tears don’t fall only for her, but for his wife, his kids, Noah and everyone he’s impacted since returning to New York.

“I love you,” Elliot whispers. He rests his forehead against hers and repeats the words he hopes he can say one day again. “I love you.”

#olivia benson #elliot stabler #law and order svu #bensler #bad things bingo #bad things happen bingo

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arkus-rhapsode · 5 years

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Fairy Tail 100 Years Quest Chapter 12 Review

Oh my god... What the heck is even going on?

So our cover page is Natsu and Lucy, and Natsu I hope you enjoy that brain freeze.

So we open on Jellal confronting Touka. We learn like how Avatar was devoted to black magic there was a group devoted to white magic. Now this is cool, but literally if you watch the anime recently, that arc was done in 5 episodes. So this feels really odd on how much effort is being put into it.

Like if there was like something tying into Tenrou or hell edolas, that make more sense, given all thee time on it.

So Jellal describes White magic as a philosophy of nothingness, which that doesn’t make sense. Fans of yugioh gx might compare this the darkness and light in that series and how darkness led to creation while light was subjugation. But Black magic is clearly about ending life or manipulating life. I guess you could dumb it down to all life, but literal Ankherseram black magic is portrayed as nothing but death. So wouldn’t white be about life? I guess nothingness as life without personality isn’t wrong, but this feels like a stretch.

Also, Mashima said anyone could learn any type of magic. So why is that an abnormality? Like if this was Black Clover where you are assigned a single affinity that be one thing.

Suddenly Laxus steps in, and want to make this clear. I don’t exactly hate the idea behind this. That Laxus wants to defend someonew ho is a part of his family, given his new found view on FT, and its using the family aspect of FT on its head. Someone bad could be using FT’s family mentality for personal benefit. Which is interesting.

Okay, well Jellal has a reason, she is suspect and as a guild master he has authority to take her in. However, Laxus you of all people know that people in your guild will still harm it.

On the one hand im torn, the shounen loving half of my brain wants to see this fight. But the logical half says that these two are mature adults with enough common sense to take this to the run knights. And confrontation is over after this page.

Yeah for a chapter named after the two, its got very little to do with theem. Instead.... The worst thing in the chapter happens. We cut to Diablos’ ship and we see this.

Yes you are seeing this right. For people who were saying I was to harsh, calling this a submissive Erza fetish that Mashima is putting out, I ask you read this chapter.

You know I can’t tell if Skullion means this is temporary as in terms of magic, or temporary as Kyria will grow bored, but I do know that this is nothing but sick and tastess. Also props to Madmorel for having some class to be disgusted by the perv in the group. Like that is becoming a rarity these days.

We are guided down to the lower deck where natsu and wendy are being held, the motion sickness keeping them in check.

I’ve been putting this off long enough, its time to rant. This is bull shit. People told me, i was too harsh on mashima, but at the least I thought this was some sort of temporary thing that was meant so Kyria could get a win in a fight, but this might be some permanent magic effect feels disgusting.

Now, people say that this happened cause people would rag on Erza, called Erza fights awful, and that now Mashima is going in the complete opposite dirction. You didn’t like strong erza, fine! Here’s weak Erza, you happy cynics?

But that’s not the case. People didn’t like Erza because she was “too strong” she was someoone who went from this amazing badass female character, to this static friendship speech spewing tool that never truly got any development. Its painful for people to see a character like Erza not grow after she had developed so much in ToH, but it just was never followed through. All the times she won just felt like a poor spectacle without any character behind it.

Now you could say an erza who needs to get her strength back could be character development. No. Cutting away a person’s strength with “magic” is not character development, its forced regression. Its the author literally creating an unrealistic situation bcause he has no idea what to do with her after ToH, hell he can’t even fully commit to a love story between her and jellal.

When Erza came onto the scene, she was cool, in control, yet could over react at times. To see her be pushed to her lowest by ToH and then recover and face midnight in OS, is peak Erza character shining through. That this is how erza’s development deserved to be treated. But Watching Erza crawl on the ground, be spanked, and cry for mercy like a hentai doll, all because of plot convince magic is so gross to me. Its ejecting the Erza that we all love and stripping her of all that personality just for this.

So if you blame this development on people who were too hard on Mashima about how he was writing Erza, I, a critic and very judgemental person, find this worse than any of the nakama power or skimpy armors.

Erza being trapped in Kyoka’s sex dungeon was bad, but you know what, EErza actievly resisted it. She didn’t want to be there aand tried to fight back. It wasn’t handled well, but that t least felt like whatt her character would do in this situation. But this was forced upon her and this is nothing more than an Erza made for this arc.

Also, lets step out of this and look at this from the meta perspective that this is also extremely lazy. In Eden’s zero there’s a villain who is all about subjugating women right now, and Mashima couldn’t be bothered to not let that bleeed into his other work. If that doesn’t scream creately lazy, than I don’t know what will. Also that frog thing in Eden’s zero is actuaally better giveen the fact he’s not mind bending away personality, he’s forcibly turning them in statues to do with what he pleases against their will.

Im not saying this cause im anti ecchi or that im anti mashima, im anti such a hack story writting device that weather you stuck it out as a fan of erza’s till the end of FT or liked her at first but than soured on her, I ask, would you tolerate this? I’m not claiming ownership of the character of Erza, but I am asking do you think that this is worth a character arc because our author couldn’t think of anything better to do with her. You know if you knew Erza was so strong,Ad that in actuality she would sweep away most threats, why did you bring her? I honestly would’ve preferred Jellal and Erza being out of the action cause they had a kid or something. Erza having to pick between biological family and her guild family seems like a better direction to take her character in than this.

To see Erza cry because someone’s magic made her into a slave is so lacking in power than say the sheer emotional weight of watching simon die. Like this is shit is just awful.

We cut to Luccy and here is where I get to credit thee art. Sure Lucy is in a bikini, but what matters in frame is the wounds on her legs. Which is a nice us of having aa skimpy dress and not sexualizing it.

We get a flashback of Lucy realizing Kyriaa took her friends and this is where I give Caramille a big fuck you. Oh sure, this did happen after they showed up, but Diabolos clearly was going to find the place eventually and more importantly, you did fuck all. Like, go screw cause you have contributed literally nothing.

We find out that there is another ship in the area and that Gray is okay because he was saved by you can guess who...

Okay on the one hand, this definitely seems like Brandish’s kind of entrance, but on the other. Fuck you, Hiro. Like she just passed by and saved Gray? Hw? The entire ocean was either freezing or evaporating, what is your range? Also, who is in charge of Alverez? Yajeel? Oi...

Post Chapter Follow up: Its easy to say why I don’t like this chapter. I feel so sick by the sheer amount of laziness and disgust in the slave Erza plot. Like, my god this is so wrong. Not because of the subject, human slavery makes sense in a series aimed at teenagers, but the sheer disrespect that Hiro treated this character, made my blood boil. At the very least in Alvarez, Erza still seemed like she was the same character from beginning of the series.

People who follow me weekly on this review series are probably going to ask when I will stop harping on this Erza thing. Well each week, it somehow get worse and more gross. First time it felt like a cheap win, second it was bad use of domination, now this is full blown fetish material.

As for the brandish thing, I know why she is here, Lucy is literally not strong enough to handle 3 DE’s by herself with a few exceeds, and I’d accept that Brandish reentering the series. But maybe leave out Gray? I guess you could say that this is a subversion of the Musica captured by Doryu, but this feels lazier. You could’ve just made this a big “step up Lucy plot,” but no, had to save Gray, even though Skullion should’ve notice when his magic didn’t actually ash up Gray. Plus think about, if they save save Natsu and Wendy this arc and beat these three dragon eaters, wouldn’t some added bit of tension to the quest be finding diablos’s hideout and saving Gray from the “dinner table?”And I was cool with the kidnapped gray thing, but no, we had to have kidnapped everyone else.Also if he was made small how did he survive the water? Like he’s the size of a pin, he’d drown.

Now the stuff with Laxus and Jellal is actually fairly good Its an interesting take on FTs standards vs the consequences of their past when we are suppose to be rooting for Touka to be extracted. And involving two characters that really have been in the moral gray spectrum make them the most qualified for this subject matter. While i definitely didn’t like the Touka plot at first from how disconnected it was from everything (and it really is kinda shoed in on this point) it still is the more interesting plot. It has more intresting ideas than, “more dragons” and is involving the characters that come off as the most interesting.

Final Verdict: 3/10

There is clearly some interesting idea at work here

However, the way the plotline for the dragon portion of this arc has become a mess

I don’t use this phrase lightly, “Erza literally deserves better than this”

Plot convince playhouse at its finest

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randomnameless · 6 years

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Chapter 10 - Miletos to Chalphy!

Here we are!

Finally, after 20 years, Oifey returns home!

Oldvis reaps what Arvis sown, Julia’s still useless and spooky figures appear.

Palmarch can’t believe it, Oldvis really wants to save the children??

Quick Palmarch! Use a rewarp staff! How’s that you don’t have any??

hm : forgot to screencap a panel - But Oldvis gives something to Palmarch.

However, what does he mean by “you were a confidante to Sigurd”? Palmarch wasn’t a part of our group on Gen 1, was he? Or was he Siggy’s pal from before? Maybe he is the court archbishop of Chalphy?

OMG here it is

OMFG

This, this line holds so many things, i dreamt of it so many times you have no idea. Julia doesn’t care about what happened, rather, “what happened” doesn’t matter, she never hated her dad. Now, what is that “what happened”? Is it the stories about Siggy and how Oldvis murdered everyone? When all of her LA pals were saying they hated Arvis because he killed everyone? Even in her amnesiac state Julia didn’t hate him? Or she didn’t care about her LA pals?

“To me”, is it “imo you’re kind” or “you’ve always been kind to me”?

Aw, Oldvis calls himself a fool was he a fool just like Reptor

I still can’t believe the “powerless to do a thing” angle.

You’re still the Emperor, how is that “i have given the empire to julius”? He is a mere prince, you’re supposed to outrank him. And Arvis calls him the embodiment of Loptyr, does that mean that he thinks Julius had always been Loptyr?

DEEDEE NO :’(

OTOH, Oldvis still sees Deedee as a material possession, “he took the love of my life from me” no he killed her, he didn’t take your toy away... Deedee warped Julia away.

maybe you wouldn’t have been sent in a war without tomes nor staves?

OMG JUGDRAL AU : JUGDRAL’S BEST MOM FOUND JULIA

At this point, Julia still thinks that it was Julius who killed Deedee. Or maybe she thinks it was Julius, but when she sees him afterwards she realises he isn’t her bro anymore.

“you had too many lines, the plot commands you to stay useless”

MANFROY NO JULIUS ASKED YOU TO KILL HER NOT TO BRING HER TO VELTHOMER

So Julia is a bargaining chip!

Just kidding, everyone with half a brain would know that she’s dead when Manfroy finds her, which he did so even if Oldvis managed to kill Seliph, Julia’d still be dead :)

what if Arvis learnt that Julia was with the LA? Would he have thought she was an hostage?

Again, Jugdral AU : The empire knows Julia is with the LA, and the LA knows who Julia is.

What do you have with your “people belong to someone else”? Still, it echoes what Oldvis said, now, the Empire belongs to Julius. But before?

what is the pain beyond the ken of mortal men? Turned into a deadlord à la Reidric? He already lost his wife, his son, his bro and his daughter, i doubt you could break him even more.

he is so evulz! Hee hee hee

HELP ME DAMN IT YOU HAVE THE STATS TO DO SO

LIAR YOU HAVE YOUR HW WITH YOU AND BIG SHIELD AND A STUPID SWORD YOU COULD REKT MANFROY DAMN IT

BECAUSE IT SAVED HER? I DON’T THINK SO

“ssh i can’t tell you but it’s important if you manage to survive long enough to find the hidden vault in Velthomer”

“HE’S GOING TO KILL ME ASAP”

“don’t worry about that”

Hopefully Arvis read the plot in advance!

Julia cries because her dad abandoned her to a certain death.

“you’re leading us to a cliff you know that?”

“in a certain manga someone has been able to swim through the silessian channel, so you can do it too!”

“That’s why you have to swim!” Eyvel drifted from Conote to Fiana, so you can do the same!

“i have faith in the crusader of Vala! Wait...”

Meanwhile, a child is concerned about his liege.

Daw, Alty takes care of this child. It’s so cute.

“Do you want a dragon ride? I’m sorry but we can’t do that in this game.”

OMG Alty’s going to have a res stat in the double digits!

I’d like to learn more about those spells that endanger the caster. Maybe casting without staves is dangerous?

Alty acts as a reponsible adult. She doesn’t want the sweet kid to die to save her.

Daw!

Alty helped him? Maybe when she hanged out with Hannibal or something, I’d like to see a pre FE-4-5 thing regarding Alty’s life. She’s made friends, managed to help a kid, spent quality Father-daughter time, etc... Eons away from the bleak life another manga tried to paint (i think it was LI?)

:’)

It makes it all the more heartbreaking when Cairpre decides to abandon Thracia to inherit his dad’s ancestral seat, if his dad had any. But in this verse Cairpre is Alec’s kid, so...

Safety first !

This was more heartwarming than I thought.

Ready steay go?

i implore of you make it so she doesn’t die to the first mage in the next map!

Seliph finally reaches the old man running away.

all i can to survive and he heads off to a cliff --> yay of course

It makes me think, Seliph most likely never saw the Tyrfing before. Maybe OIfey told him stories about his dad being even more op with Tyrfing?

i smuggled it - nope wrong divine sword!

I”ll finally be useful! Take that Cousin Leif!

Seliph’s surprised at his HW while Palmarch begs of him to end this chapter.

first of all, it’s not a return, because, just like Seliph pointed it earlier, he’s never been in Chalphy before. Secondly, what do you mean by endure?

Wrong Seliph! Julius’ still laughing at your silly sword, despite what the game wanted to do.

But Seliph can rekt Arvis now! Well, rekt is a bit presomptuous but...

Oldvis had been waiting for Seliph to come.

Ohoh, look at that pre-battle quote. Somehow, it feels forced - you called him courageous first, and now you’re calling him a worm?

Of course Patty’s amazing. She will finally be able to promote in the next chapter!

Lene doesn’t like how this kid is surprised at seeing her here.

DASTARD

Meanwhile, after 20 turns of dodging, BS’ing and missing, Seliph finally kills his step-dad.

“Julia who?”

“lester if it is a prank i’m going to tyrfing you”

Seliph remembers someone he’s seen 17 years ago? Ameldha can’t say the same thing, in 20-ish years she forgot the face of her newborn :’(

“you know Shanan, Oifey and Aidean raised me”

“i don’t give a fig, bless F!Lewyn”

“you forgot Oifey and Shanan mom”

“of course i’m married to one of my friends! hey, praise me, i avenged dad and killed your second husband!”

? Seliph knows that Julius is his half-bro

“JULIA WHO”

“i forgot that you inherited sigurd’s dumbness - Julia doesn’t she look like me a bit? Has the same name as the imperial princess, my own daughter?”

“JULIA WHO”

Ohoh! Ghost!Siggy is here!

He isn’t the one to become arrogant, save for, maybe, killing Arvis. “i know, Shanan and Oifey and Aidean already made my education, you know?”

Arvis gave Palmarch the sword, Ghost!Siggy saw it from Ghost!Jugdral.

OMG Ghost!Siggy is a ghost of wisdom! “your truth is not the reality of all”, if only Siggy listened to this advice before turning into a ghost...

know the pain of the commons? You know, Seliph spent more time with the randoms than you did, Siggy, unless you’re talking about somehting else.

Note how Siggy asks Seliph to learn and to know about things, and how it is a contrast with what F!Lewyn has been doing to him since the beginning. Leif was allowed to learn and understand by August’s side, but when Seliph wanted to know and understand why the war in Thracia was crucial, F!Lewyn told him to return to Tirnanogue if he couldn’t continue to fight.

See you ghost!Deedee! Maybe you’ll appear to Julia one day - haha who am i kidding

stay humble my dad said

:’(

Chalphy has never been your home Seliph, and will never be. You’re supposed to go to Barhara! And I’ll smack you if you call this place your home when you were raised in Tirnanogue.

“ah yeah i nearly forgot my mom”

I HOPE YOU TURN INTO GOO JUST LIKE DUMA

kill that guy/dragon, seriously, Julia’s been missing for nearly one chapter, he was supposed to be her caretaker, but he treat her like the punchline of Seliph’s romantic partner joke.

Ignoring the fact that, yes, Seliph is already married in this verse.

I really hope this changes in the remake

I WONDER WHY

“enough about julia, she’s starting to be important to the plot”

You feel Empty because vengeance sucks Seliph. Avenging Siggy isn’t the reason why set up on your quest, despite everything pointing in that direction. Seliph wanted to help the people, and wants to stop the child hunts.

The last map!

“I set up everything in advance for this big battle, crusaders vs crusaders. and julia is just a punchline lol”

The truth about dragons and crusaders or the truth about how i saved Jugdral’s messiah only to abandon her afterwards?

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babiewonho · 6 years

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can u write an essay on kihyun now please don't just saw beat root thanks QUEEN uwu

kihyun’s personality is so funny and contradictory to me lmao like he has such a big personality and um wow i just got distracted bc i put on drew barrymore by sza and it was playing at half speed bc i just played the COME GET YALL JUICE vine at half speed but anyways

first and foremost i think kihyun is very Capable like kihyun is like. so good at being an adult like he just knows how to do everything it’s so weird it’s like he was born just Knowin. like he’s just so confident and he’s good at speaking most of the time and like he said he would go to vocal lessons while working two jobs that weren’t even close to each other like he’d have to take the train and he’s so determined even going to school like he’s been doing while promoting as an idol like he just has a really type a personality and he wants to be good at everything and he has the drive to achieve that as much as any human can it’s very respectable and imo a very attractive quality like i feel like if i asked him how to do anything he’d know for some reason

he’s very charming and he knows it and sometimes it’s greasy LMAO like when they had to do the pick up lines in that video and mx were dying in the bg but it’s very effective i think that’s really good for networking etc and he’s so friendly to other ppl he acts like he already knows them but he isn’t like…overstepping boundaries which is imo the way to become friends with someone wh said one time that to get close with ppl you just have to act close i think and that’s what kihyun does he seems very sociable and friendly and easy to talk to like he makes an effort to keep the conversation going and get on the speaker’s level/help them understand the topic

tying in with him being rly capable he’s so good at cleaning n cooking like why is he so damn responsible lmao share some of those skills w/ me…wtf…but like wow that’s rly a whole adult i bet he even does his taxes on time but he takes his work so seriously and like he’s not even a dancer but he puts so much focus n energy into dance and it shows he’s so impressive…i…i hate it

so! i think what makes ppl misunderstand kihyun is he has this weird like…sharp outside/soft inside thing going on…coughs tsundere but by that i mean he’s not Genuinely mean but he plays along well with others esp 93 line they have a very cozy n roasty dynamic going on and he’s quick to tease others in a friendly way unfortunately ppl take that as ONE personality archetype the “savage” just like shakespeare invented and that ONE personality trait supercedes ALL OTHERS n suddenly kihyun hates everyone like false…hello he’s just bein a scorpio (he’s born n like the First day of saggitarius but he himself has said he’s a scorpio n the time he was born rly indicates that so im just going with scorpio these are the Facts) he ALSO…isn’t very comfortable with “mushy” stuff he’s fine giving compliments but when they get into genuine emotional things it’s not that he gets weirded out it’s more like it’s okay until He has to get mushy abt his own feelings at least from what i noticed

i was actually surprised bc kihyun is somewhat easily embarrassed and i didn’t expect him to be so nurturing on an emotional level like hugging changkyun when he cried, he sympathy cries w/ wonho lmao, comforting wonho when he cried during that one v live. i thought he’d be more of a supportive but awkward type in that situation but he actually empathizes really well. that’s why i think kihyun’s personality is so like contrary there’s all these traits that seem to be the opposite of each other but melt together just fine in his personality

but he actually has a very nourishing presence he just seems to have like a different rule for himself and he doesn’t like to get all deep or w/e that’s so scorpio of him…it embarrasses him lol he doesn’t like emotional vulnerability if he thinks it opens him up in a negative way but here he goes again with the contradictions- he’s emotionally open with children and pets. he’s amazing with children and animals n feels a lot of love n affection towards them as well as the members but honestly i’ve practically raised my little brother from infancy to like four years old and i have very high standards for child care but kihyun takes such pride in his work as always n he luvs the Babies so he is very mm meticulous abt it. i got stressed when the kid’s heads weren’t supports while getting sleepy in their chairs n then the moment i got stressed kihyun’s hand wld fly out to support their heads and he held them and esp the sick babie :(( even when he cried kihyun didn’t get panicked as many ppl too and hand him off to one of the more experienced ladies he comforted the babie n held it n also

during mxray season 2 when they met the kids again he got all worried abt i cant remember which kid it was…jongwon! i think he was worried shownu wld hurt him by accident in the bounce house thingie lmao which i was worried abt too so he was like be gentler and my heart…she soared he rly cares abt them :(( in a very genuine way n also! at the batting cages v live there were kitties and he, wonho, and ck were worried abt them getting hurt. he’s just a very caring n loving person and he does engage in a lot of skinship like they said on the psychology analysis part of mxray but i think rather than physical affection he shows love through actions like waking the members up and finding stuff for wonho etc ordering the other members around n leading them in the right direction he definitely has a BIG leadership quality n a desire to be in control but he doesn’t let himself like usurp shownu’s position lmao he just relishes the times when he gets power

i always say it’s more like shownu, minhyuk, and kihyun are three coleaders and i think they all compliment each other extremely well and kihyun is a rly good mc esp in things like mon happy radio he and minhyuk are rly entertaining and work together really well which is rly cool

he rly rly loves the members in a very fond way they make him smile a lot and what i think is so funny is i think kihyun originally has more of a tendency in situations like that there’s something historically in comedy called a “straight man” (i know) where someone else acts like an idiot and this person basically doesnt find it amusing n acts serious or upset kasjfsf and i thought kihyun wld be like that but i think mx just has such a goofy energy and kihyun often engages in the goofiness but that seems to me like something that probably changed when he met the boys i can’t seem him being like that arnd other ppl but i think he’s very fond of their dynamic and embraces it now like he laughs in this Specific way when the members all get Ridiculous like he’s in fond disbelief like when they kept singing the UFC song!!! in no exit like he’s lovingly saying “these idiots” in his head it’s really cute tbh he’s just very often Fondly Exasperated like when mh ate the whipped cream at the end of that one vid/when ck ate food of the plates from other ppl in mxray you can just tell he has so much love for his members

as for his relationship with 93 line that’s just pure love n friendship to the point of comfortably making fun of each other n i really hate when ppl act like it’s genuine hatred bc you can’t make jokes like that with people if you genuinely dislike them they’re just all three very comfortable with and fond of each others and build off each other very well comedically and the teams switch up as to who is making fun of who and like?? if they rly hated each other things like mon happy radio with mh and kh and the times when mh was absent and hw was the replacement would be possible. they get along fine for that and it’s like an HOUR long of just them together and they make jokes and they compliment each other like anyone with more than 2 brain cells knows they don’t actually hate each other but :) had 2 say that

CAPABILITY ASIDE kihyun has these moments of hilarious like…airheadedness as demonstrated in aleena’s amazing gifset of kihyun being dumb. he’s so smart but he just lapses on the most ridiculous things aksjfasf it’s so funny kihyun, staring at a seatbelt: does this go around my neck is this the Neck Belt Oh.. just youthful naivete which the other members bring up sometimes n his face when they got their first win :(( cld it be…kihyun is a soft babie!! it Cld !! :D

also vocal wise i’m not a Professional or anything but he’s rly one of the best vocals in kpop like breath support and not singing with strained notes and vocal agility he’s just so good he and shownu are actually different imo than a lot of kpop vocals who just sing n half of it’s like rhythmic yelling lmao like he and shownu can both sing BALLADS well and with CONTROL they’re so incredible and kihyun has a pretty wide range imo it’s very healthy singing with lots of support

anyways i wrote WAY more than i thought i was gonna be able to abt him there’s deadass like 1.7k words right here lmao like yall readin this? eyes emoji anyways i hope this makes some sense it’s 4 am…anyways i think kihyun’s personality is fascinating and i feel like i have quite a few personality traits in common with him but also i wanna arm wrestle him so damn bad im not even reading back through this and checking it’s too much LMAO

#asks #analysis

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kmp78 · 7 years

Text

This is what made me stop being a fan

“i feel like J will never do anything right in your eyes. like what would he have to do for you to say something positive about him? genuinely asking, not hating”

His life, he can do whatever he wants. But actions have consequences. So whatever he does, he has to be ready to deal with people not necessarily liking it. That’s life.

Just like K, I too started as a fan. As a quite big fan actually. As someone who did everything they could to support the band. Buy merch, buy Vy tickets, go to shows, do M&Gs, spread the word on sm…And in the beginning I was happy to do that. I admired J because he seemed like a “go-getter” who worked hard, he seemed like he cares and is involved in what goes on around him in our society and around the world (His Oscar speech, anyone? And him speaking about Ukraine, supporting the LGBT community, concern for the environment, etc). He seemed passionate about his art, he obviously is very talented. He was great on stage. And he seemed like the “underdog” and like someone who fights for the underdog. You know, all his speeches about “be who you wanna be, love who you wanna love, be different, fight for your dreams” blah blah blah. And then of course his whole “struggling artist” act, the whole “no ones making any money here”. Yeah I fell for that. “Oh poor thing. He’s so great and so talented. But he’s not making any money. Yeah, we have to support him and his art and give from our very little salaries so that he can keep doing his art.” Yes, in that sense I was one of the “sheep”. I have to laugh at it now.

Just like K said too, I also didn’t have any specific moment that made me stop being a fan. Shit just kept piling up until it hit the fan. It was just a sum of a lot of different things having happened.

It started with the London Vy really. When they set the tickets at 10,000. It was insane. Now, nothing wrong in being ambitious and dreaming big and trying to do big things and trying to reach your goals…when YOU work for it. Not someone else. Had they promoted the shit out of it themselves and had done everything they can to get the tickets sold, fine. But it was like “Oh let’s put out 10,000 tickets to make a lot of money but let the fans do all the work any pay for it all.” It’s like DT saying “Let’s build a wall and make Mexico pay for it.” It’s ridicilous. Oh and “let’s sell tickets to an event that has no date so the people who buy live tickets won’t even know if they can watch it.” I mean, seriously? Real “geniuses” at work. Smh! And even though it was clear it will never work and people kept complaining and sending in suggestions, they just ignored it all. And then they did the VIP VV (that was supposed to be a treat for those who got their tickets early) unannounced, so that most of the people missed it. So from that point on I was like “Okay, let’s see them doing some work THEMSELVES to sell their events. I’m done. Unless there is some effort coming from YOUR way, I ain’t doing shit!”. I also stopped buying multiple tickets and I stopped buying VIP. If they don’t put in any effort, why should I? They’re the ones with a company trying to sell a product, not me. I don’t go to my workplace either expecting my clients to do MY work for me while paying ME. It’s ridicilous. And if you wanna improve your product, listen to your costumers. If they tell you something IS NOT WORKING, do something about it. Don’t ignore them, block them, black list them just because they told you their opinion about your product in the hopes of helping you improve it. And for god’s sake don’t be RUDE to them and tell them they should be grateful they got anything at all even though they PAID for the product and dont tell them to fuck off if they dont like it. Well, unless you wanna lose all your costumers. In that case, go ahead.

And then there was the whole Joker thing with the used condoms and dildos and all his Joker antics. his whole “method actor” bullshit while frolicking around with models, while going rock climbing, while sending pics of himself in Joker makeup to models only to have it leaked and almost ruining things for WB. His antics were disgusting and not funny and if you claim to be a method actor and those stupid antics were needed as a part of your “method acting” then BE a method actor and don’t fuck around with young models or go rock climbing. At least stick to your story then and act like it.

Which leads to the next problem. His words and actions not matching. Being fake. Lying during interviews. “Be who you wanna be, be different”. Well, why don’t you start with yourself and take your own advice, J? If barely legal underweight girls are your thing and you can’t even be friends with anyone who doesn’t look like a model or isn’t much younger than you are, then be that. If that’s who you are, fine. So be it. If vapid models with half a brain cell are the company you prefer and want around you, it’s okay. But in that case don’t try to speak about women’s rights and about having respect for strong women or any of women’s issues. Keep your mouth shut. And don’t try to hide it and act like that’s not who you are. People are not dumb. So don’t assume they are and treat them like they are. Just because everyone around you are stupid, doesn’t mean the rest of us are, thank you very much.

Then Gucci came into the picture. Gucci this, Gucci that. Gucci, Gucci, Gucci. I AM SICK OF GUCCI! We get that you are the face of Gucci and friends with AM. But can you not shove Gucci down our throats 24/7, thank you very much. And shut up about “no one’s making any money here” and quit the “struggling artist” act. Please. When youre wearing an outfit that costs more than my whole month’s salary. Go fuck yourself. And if you raise your prices, I expect a stellar product. I expect to get my money’s worth. If I pay thousands to go to Camp MARS, I expect MARS to put some effort into it. Have activities with fans, interact with them. You have the whole weekend. You’re literally booked for the whole weekend. It’s YOUR “festival”. So do the work. And if you sell your camp packages by promising to play new music, then do that and don’t do false advertising, if you’re not intending to play new songs. And can you please tear yourself away from your freeloaders for ONE weekend and concentrate on your work, thanks. Also, if you’re going to do a show and people paid thousands to see it, can you please rehearse so you actually know the lyrics to your own songs. I don’t come to shows to listen to the fans sing. I come to hear YOU sing. And play. That’s if the band even bothers to show up.

I could go on and on but what finally made me go “I have had it!” was him disappearing from sm and only coming on when he needs something from us. When he only remembered he has fans when he wanted our votes or our money or needed us to do PR for him. And him lying the whole time. Can you take things seriously for once and quit being immature and actually say what you mean for once. And do what you say. Don’t expect us to believe you and feel sorry for you if you say your back hurts soooo much, but instead of taking care of it, you’re flying around long distance to go to fashion shows and to unnecessarily go to some art gallery for a day and when you can go rock climbing with your kittens. Same thing goes for your knee.Don’t go on sm to whine about it to get attention and do ice baths in trash cans and come on stage wth a cane when you then after two songs take off your knee brace and jump around.

The last drop for me was the lies about the new album. the ten millionth “#soon. The "we’re 80% done” for 2 years straight. The “We’re finishing the album today” only to tell us two weeks later that he’s working on the lyrics on the first single. Only to tell us the album isn’t even done. At some point it stops being funny and becomes pathetic. Come tease us about a new album WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE AN ALBUM: And dont go around talking about how “exhausted” you are now that you finished ONE SONG. In FOUR years. Seriously, dude! Have you lost touch with reality completely?! Do you actually even know what HARD WORK and REALLY being exhausted from working is like? You need to get out in the real world more, dude. Stop hanging out with your freeloaders whose only job is to go from one vacation to another and lay around by the pool all day or who get dressed by other people and their only job is to look pretty in pictures. That’s not hard work. Neither is doing one song in four years. That’s just insulting. And if your staff can’t get even one lyric video right, it’s time to finally take a look at your staff and start hiring professionals. How hard is it to get a LYRIC video with two verses right? You write the lyrics down, the person doing the lyric video writes them on the video and reads it through. Another person looks at the LYRICS video when it’s done and compares the lyrics to proofread. Boom. Done. Don’t need to be a genius to do that.

I don’t know what happened to J. If the Oscar and the millions he got from the Joker role went to his head and his ego got too inflated and he got lazy, because why work when you can make money by doing nothing? Or if he completely lost touch with reality after hanging out too much with the type of people he does and since he’s dressed head to toe in Gucci and no doubt gets it all for free, he thinks everyone can afford to throw around thousands. Or he just was a shallow douchebag who is full of himself before too and he just played another Oscar worthy role…the “Oscar J” role…and people fell for that PR campaign. And now the real J is coming out again? I don’t know.

For me to be able to like J again, he needs a huge piece of humble pie. Tone done the attitude. You’re not above everyone else J. You’re not the center of everyone’s universe. You’re not THAT important and you definitely are NOT “different” than most in HW. In fact, you’re pretty much a cliche. So stop acting like you’re “all that”. You’re not. Tone down the Gucci. Seriously. We’re sick of it. Start hanging out with smart people. You’ll be surprised how inspiring smart people actually are. And yeah, most of them don’t look like models, but the good news is you don’t have to sleep with them. You can actually just be friends with people. That’s if you can bear to breathe the same air as someone who is normal weight or, god forbid, overweight. Get involved in your community. If you actually care for the environment or for animals so much, prove it. Letting your interns RT a tweet or two does not count as being “active”. And if you write a “protest song”, please do show with your ACTIONS that you care about things BEFORE writing said song and conveniently using a current unrest to sell it. Stop lying. Seriously. We’re not dumb. Be who you are, whatever it is. But ffs STOP LYING about who you are!!!!!! Put some effort into your work again. Focus. You once did. We want that J back.

***

Extremely well said, anon.

I found myself nodding and agreeing all the way through.

(Disclaimer and rules)

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bbyboyycal · 4 years

Text

i wrote a thing based on the song ‘heather’

It began and ended with Sully.

It was always going to be him.

And I realised this when I was lying upside down off the edge of his bed, the room basked in the golden hue of his desk light, the Xbox throwing out a continuous stream of various noises as he played on it, unaware of the ache in my heart. It filled the room with a purple melancholy that only I could see and that thought hurt more than anything, I think.

“Wilf mate, its no use you coming round to play Xbox if you don’t actually play it - I need backup.”

I sighed and picked up the controller, it looked smaller in his hands than mine, but he was a couple of inches taller than me so it would make sense. His eyes were focused on the screen and I couldn’t help but stare at them, the green flickering between sections of the digital map, his brain visibly working hard, I wondered if he knew I was looking at him - I doubt it, he didn’t notice anything.

Maybe that was what made it so easy to love him and to cope with him never loving me back, he just didn’t notice, he was so innocent to it all.

His knee brushed mine and he leant against me as he tried to veer his soldier to the right, I laughed gently at him, but the slight touch send shivers running up my back, his hands so close to mine that I could reach out and grab one, interlace our fingers and never let go - twined in an endless grip.

“You alright?” He questioned, pulling me out of my daydream.

I nodded, “Just a bit cold that’s all.”

Liar.

I was anything but cold, flustered with a rapid pulse was probably the best way to describe it.

“Oh I was meant to give you this ages ago, I never wear it n’ thought you might like it.” He explains as he passes me a navy blue jumper with red stitching on - it looked like a vintage-style college sweater, it was nice.

I thanked him, taking it and trying not to focus on the quick brush of our hands as he passed it to me. Pulling it over my head I inhaled deeply (and not too obviously), taking in his familiar smell, the comfort of him washing over me.

“It looks better on you than it does me mate, keep it.” He said, patting my shoulder and turning back to the screen.

My heart swelled, sitting swollen in the middle of my chest, my ears burning with a bright blush and my fingers tingled as I attempted to focus on the game at hand, rather than him.

Sleeping on the floor that night, surrounded by the scent of mint and Tom Ford, I snuggled deeper into the sweater, taking long breaths, swamped in thoughts of unrequited love and Sully.

School dragged itself into Monday, the halls filled with muffled laughter and distant chattering as I could only focus on one person. But it all changed that day.

“Well, she texted me that and then I had to reply-” I tuned out Sully’s response to some dumb question one of the other boys asked, I should of been listening to because whatever he said awarded him with a round of clap on the backs and daps, I frowned feeling out of the loop.

“Wait, bro, here she comes,” Arthur said, and I followed their eyes to where a caramel haired girl walked with her friends - she held her books to her chest, eyes bright and angelic, as she seemed to float over everyone else, unaware of the eyes on her while she spoke to her friends. The four of them deep in a conversation that wasn’t privy to the surrounding eyes. Her eyes, however, darted up to meet Sullys, dark chocolate meeting sea glass. She smiled coyly, almost shyly, her blush a peachy pink colour enveloping the freckles on her nose.

Sully elbowed me, “Back off Wilf, Heather’s mine.” He winked and took off in a jog down the hall to her, stopping outside her locker where she now stood, wide-eyed and staring up at him as he smiled down at her.

All I could do was stand on numb legs and watch it unfold.

At lunch he gave me his orange juice, I don’t know why he bought it when we all know he hates it, I thanked him but didn’t touch it, hoping with unfaithfulness that he would understand I was in a mood - he didn’t.

The conversations surrounding me were hollow, and I couldn’t focus my attention on one long enough to understand any of them. The room felt a mossy green, jealousy clinging to my very being, when Heather cut through it with her short skirt and glossy hair. The sun shining behind her, lighting her up in a halo of pure gold, the earth bending around her, fitting around her.

Sully’s face lit up and my heart dimmed as he pushed Dan out of the seat beside him, pulling her by the wrist to sit there, she giggled a melodic sound and I hated that it felt so naturally calming - her voice matching. She spoke about something Mr Nancy had said in her English Lit class and everyone listened, well, Sully listened, the rest of the boys nudged each other and spoke in low voices, rumblings across the table about how whipped Sullivan was over this girl, and defences of how she was peng so he had the right to be.

“She’s kinda got an angel vibe though, don’t you think. Like you could tell me she was an angel and I’d be like, yeah, adds up.”

I rolled my eyes and stood up from the table, leaving the orange juice and curious eyes behind.

Sully: r u good

Me: yh fine why

Sully: u just left @ lunch??

Me: I had to go talk to Miss Clain abt some dumb hw

Sully: aight, as long as ur good

Me: yh i’m good :)

Sully: sick one

Sully: do u like heather

Me: wdym

Sully: r u pissed im moving her

Me: no

Me: why would i be

Sully: dw

My heart jumped.

Did he know? Had he finally realised?

With pins and needles in my lips and a clenched feeling in my stomach I looked up when I heard footsteps on the pavement.

“I was worried you liked her and was annoyed I was chatting to her.” He panted.

I laughed, relief flooding my veins, only for a second though as I considered how much he appeared to like this girl.

He wasn’t usually like this with them, he usually just talked to them over a weekend and then aired them in school, she seemed different - this seemed different.

“No not at all, I told you I just had to talk about homework.”

He nodded, “I really like her, you know? She properly is so cool, I’m whipped.” He laughed at himself and I became numb to everything he said on the way back to his house, his constant stream of talk about her sticking into my heart, one shard at a time.

Friday night called for a party at Danny’s - allegedly head told his parents it was just meant to be the boys, but as soon as they left on their weekend away the house became a bustling mass of people.

She was here, wrapped up in his arms, hands around his neck, his own hands on her tiny waist, her pretty face close to his as they whispered to each other secrets that I would never know. That I couldn’t be trusted with.

My gnawing heart took a hold of me as I downed my second cup of - something - and moved out onto the patio to play beer pong with Jude and Thea’s group of friends.

The room span in a technicolour but all I could focus on was Sully and Heather.

All I could see was fingers intertwined, the ring on his index clashing with the rings on her fingers, her dainty little hands, that fit so perfectly into his.

I followed her fingers to her hand and then her wrist, everything about her small, everything about her longing to be folded up into the perfect space within Sully.

I frowned as her hand was covered by the long sleeve of the sweater she was wearing - that wasn’t hers. That belonged to the boy currently looking at me with his head resting on top of her head.

He smiled dopily at me, but not in a drunk way, not in the way I longed for him to - if he was drunk then it would be fine, he wouldn’t know what he was doing, he would be smiling freely and dopily like that and being drunk would explain it.

But he was driving tonight - he wasn’t drunk.

He smiled like he was in love.

The room span when I moved, but I continued towards them, willing my feet to move like a sober person’s would.

“Wilf,” Heather greeted me, pulling me into a hug and I willed every part of myself to like her, to be happy for Sully that he had found someone this kind and lovely, that he had found a girl who mirrored his dopey love smile, that was calming in a stormy hallway - but a bigger part of me hated her because she wasn’t me.

I wasn’t her.

“Hey, nice sweater, it looks familiar?” I asked as though I hadn’t seen the crimson coloured fabric on Sully most days of the week - it was his favourite, he rarely let me wear it, and on the occasions, he did he was so protective of it.

“Yeah you have mate, it’s mine, you know that, don’t be a dipshit.” He smirked at me and I punched his shoulder in a jokey manner, wanting to keep my hand there, wanting to just touch him in any way I could.

“Oh shit yeah! I thought I was your ‘hand-me-down collector’ though?” Hoping my voice wasn’t tinged with the jealousy that shrouded my every cell at that moment.

“But Heather just looks so pretty in it, don’t you think?” He asked, pulling her closer to him, making her little nose scrunch up as she curled into the specific place for her in his chest.

They fit so well together.

I shook my head while forcing a smile and excused myself to go to the garden, finding Nate (a boy I had gotten with before) and pulling him into the space between the shed and the back fence.

His kiss didn’t fuel anything within me, I just needed a place to put my emotions for the night, someone else to cling to before I was consumed by this neverending ache within me.

Hours later on the way home Sully wouldn’t shut up about her. Everything he said was about her and I started to wonder if this is what I sounded like talking about him to other people.

He was in awe of the celestial being that was Heather McGraw and I couldn’t escape the bombarding emotions wrecking my body and soul.

“Just stop!” I screamed, Sully’s head whipped round the smile on his face dropping and it shattered my heart to know I had had that effect on him.

“What? Are you okay?”

No response

“Wilf, mate, what’s wrong?”

We had stopped on the side of a road and I took it as an opportunity to escape his stare - swinging open the door I bolted from the car, feet slapping the pavement, a light summer drizzle beginning to set in.

“Wilf! Stop!”

I heard him running behind me but didn’t stop until I was halfway out of breath trying to figure out what I had to say to him.

All I could think of was, “You gave her your sweater.”

I said it bluntly and through my heavy breathing I heard the tinged pain that had been so evident for weeks now - a build up of negative energy and heartache and everything that made me jealous of her.

Sully looked at me, hand reached out to touch my shoulder, to tell me to stop, to calm down, to slow my breathing - but I shrugged him off, knowing if he touched me he would hug me. Hoping it would make him stop.

But he didn’t, he strode forward a step and wrapped his arms around me. I hit his chest, crying, pleading with him to just let me go.

“Not until you let me what’s wrong.”

My voice broken apart by my crying, “You gave her your sweater, Sully. Your sweater.”

“I-My sweater?”

I nodded against his shoulder, waiting for his response.

“My sweater?” He asked again, it not connecting in his head, “It’s just a sweater, just simple polyester?”

I yanked myself out of his arms, hating that he wasn’t getting it, hating myself more.

“You like her though, right?” I shouted, rage covering up the pain, if I could channel anger, I wouldn’t have to think about the hurt.

If I could hate him, I could stop loving him.

“Of course I like her? Why are you being like this? What’s going on?”

“You like her more than me.” I said matter-of-factly, “You like her better.”

He shook his head, confusion written deep within his green eyes and sharp features.

“Wilf-”

He still wasn’t getting it. He still didn’t understand who I was. He still didn’t get how much I loved him.

Cutting him off I grabbed his face in my hands, pulling him into a kiss.

Trying to tell him everything.

He didn’t kiss me back.

I pulled away, face red with embarrassment.

Hanging my head, I whispered, “I’m sorry I’m not her. I wish I was her.”

Then leaving him there, in the dark, the rain turning to showers, streetlights basking the world in a tungsten glow, I sprinted - willing my legs to carry me away, willing them to make me forget how much I wish I were Heather.”

#my british ass really jumped out with some of the slang words tbf #'moving' just means chatting to

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no25 · 5 years

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redoing a survey i took 4 years a go!!1! :~)

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

ya because i have asthma so fuck dat // yes

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?

all of the above loooooool // taken uwu

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

i’d say thank you, you are too // same answer!!!!

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

probably // not that i know of

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?

nah // yes uwu

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

nothing. sleeping in on monday pretty much // nothing....

7: Do you want to be single?

i dont mind // not rn bc i am happy in my relationship atm!

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?

i went out and i had jollibee // i stayed in but i wish i went out...!

9: How late did you stay up last night?

til like 1 or 2 i think doing fuckin nothing lol // i dont remember but it was late!!

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?

junior year??? and RIGHT NOW ???????? LMAO!!! // yes (: rn!

11: Last three things you had to drink?

breakfast, lunch, and dinner: mocha cappucino, sprite, and water // water, strawberry lemonade, baja blast !

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

ya man i’m fake af lol // yes

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

ya man i’m fake af lol // not sure, but maybe...

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

my mom probably // my bf tony omg the answer difference

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

depends but not rly bc i’m fake af lol // idk wtf i was talkin bout but in terms of platonic relationships, it rly depends on my closeness with the person! and i’ve never been thru a breakup so i cant say anything...

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

ya what was that like august? been single since i was born tbh // no uwu

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

getting ready to shower // i was still in bed lol!!

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

trisha but she was only holding on to my pinky // tony!

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

no bc it is too late for me // same answer lol

20: What would you name your future daughter?

clara after the singer or adora after that prodigy // who the hell was i talkin about... okay just googled who adora svitak was (the prodigy i was talking about) and sis was born in 97... i too was born in 97....damn i was mute for like half my life and sis was in a TED TALK at 12 so thats cool... anyway i want to name my daughter after my mom!

21: Do you miss anyone?

not really. just one person // yes :(

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

yea but they were just quick pecks on the cheek // yes

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

no it took place while i was sitting down in a chair and it was from my pops on my forehead // i do not remember actually LOL

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

ya bc i’m fake af lol… just kidding my friends say i make shit hella obvious sometimes guess i’m not as good of an actress as i thought i was // hmm no but i wish i was... but i’m a PISCES i ABSORB EVERY EMOTION AND IT SHOWS

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

fffuuuuuuck yyyeeaaaa // yes :(

26: Who did you last see in person?

my parents? what you tryna ask here // i dont rly understand the contxt of this question, im just gona say my roommates bc theyre in the room with me

27: Are you listening to music right now?

yes chandelier by sia // no i’m listening to an asmr video!

28: What is something you currently want right now?

to finish my hw but that’s not happening anytime soon bc f society // i was sooo angsty back then omg lol but i want new makeup, clothes, and accessories!

29: What is the last thing you said out lot?

this question because i read it out loud bc of the typo // hmmm i don’t remember! i think it was... can u wash my fork

30: How is your heart lately?

heavy // empty (: damn i’ve been depressed my whOLE LIFE huh

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

yes because my head gets cold // sometimes!

32: Are you wearing socks?

yes and they’re grey / not rn

33: What do people call you?

chacha or princess sometimes but not really mostly just charlene // charlene, char! not rly chacha anymore! i miss being called chacha! but ppl who arent that close to me started calling me it so its weird! but it might b my fault for pushing the nickname... but i mean nicknames are only a given IF ur close with that person right... so idk why ppl thought itd b ok right away! like cmon ppl!

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

maybe~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~but if i do i’ll feel like i’m bothering him lol / maybe ! but it’s ok if we dont

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

you think this a joke ofc there are wtf!!!! // yes.. same answer LOL

36: Who did you last share a bed with?

my mommy // tony

37: Did you do something bad today?

procrastinate)))))): // same answer, add two shots of ~hate myself~ in there too

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

like two days ago? is that sad / today!

39: Do you get stressed out easily?

ya but it’s my own fault i’m hella dumb but in the end i’m just like oh well ALOT which is actually not healthy at all / yes! it fries my brain and i become numb to it lol

40: Will you sing today?

i sing everyday // i hope!

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

yes because i am so bad at talking / same answer!

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

kaithleen and i like talking to megs but when i do tell people stuff i feel like i am giving them more stuff to worry about so i usually end up not going to them at all lol / tony or my vocaloid sisters groupchat!

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?

no; thanks jesus / no

44: What are you listening to right now?

we could happen by aj rafael / same asmr video!

45: What is wrong with you right now?

a lot of things / i need to find new ways of unlearning the harmful coping mechanisms and negativity i’ve internalized, but i know it takes a lot of work for self improvement, so i think it’s easier to just be sad :(

46: What is on your wrists right now?

my sleeves and my veins / wtf angsty bitch lmao NOTHING is on my wrist lol chill

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

t’s a house find and it says tiburon and conference center lodge so ig uess it’s from there / it’s a free shirt from a programming company! or gaming i cant remember....

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

hot chocolate wtf is hot apple cider i never tried it / hot chocolate!

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

i used to / aww same answer, maybe i should start again! but i always lose track of time...

50: Are you a good artist?

fuck yeah. sike i’m a disgrace / no :(

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

ew / yes!!!!!!

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

who do you think i am do you think people like counting the months backwards? anyway idk i didn;t do shit in july / yes bc i would b at home with my cat!!!!!!!

53: Ever been on a golf cart?

no / not while it was moving!

54: Do you have trust issues?

ya bc i’m fake af lol / yes :(

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?

tony or kaithleen kinda but she always falls asleep / tony!

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?

yea think so from my middle school days but the only thing i can rly think of is this pikachu shirt / yes!!! that pikachu shirt, a goofy movie shirt, and a spirited away shirt!

57: Do you use chap stick?

i used to / not the brand chapstick but yes! i think my lips have become too dependent on it tho bc they dry out or sunburn easily if i dont use it for a while or if its a rly sunny hot day!!

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?

yes probably but on accident pretty sure i’d remember it clearly if it was on purpose / not that i know of!

59: Do you have a little sister?

no but if i consider my friends as little sisters i’d have like seven or soemthing / no!

60: Have you ever been to New York?

no but i would love to go / not yet!

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes and i love them too / same answer !!!!

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

ya and it was the opposite sex dude you asked about earlier / yes!

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?

talkin to the late night people you asked about earlier / on my laptop watching asmr videos lol!!

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

no / yes 😥

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

ya like 10 / i cant believe i counted... but yes!

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

no / yes, tony!

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

i actually don;t remember oops sorry mom give me up for adoption / yes, tony!

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

i am okay with both but i have to be close to you first to face you if we sleepin on the same bed lol / im fine with either !

69: Will next Friday be a good one?

i dont think so. everyday feels the same and i am bored all the time / im gona speak it into existence, YES!!!!

#personal #survey #enough about me has changed....#nostalgia is a LIAIR

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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4 Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don’t Step Forward

If you’re anything like me, a person who rarely pays attention to the ins and outs of Hollywood (beyond the Air Bud franchise), the sexual assault allegations against Harvey Weinstein barely registered in your brain. He is only one of the many, many, many high-powered men who have been accused of sexual harassment and/or assault in the last year. It’s almost impossible for a girl to keep all of those names straight in her head — HW is just a blip on the rapey radar.

To my discredit, it wasn’t until beautiful, powerful women with bigger names than Weinstein’s stepped forward and told their stories that I started clicking on the headlines. In other words, I literally didn’t pay attention until Angelina Jolie — the prettiest, richest, most Hollywoody lady I can think of — said she was a victim, and even then, I didn’t faint with the vapors in shock. No one did. In fact, thanks to a hashtag originally created by activist Tarana Burke and a tweet by Alyssa Milano, we all learned at once that just about every woman each of us knows has been harassed or assaulted at one point in her life.

And by the way, #MeToo.

So here’s the big question: Why now? Why did it take the public exposure (gross) of a high-powered movie man for ordinary women to step forward and announce to friends, family, colleagues, and Becky H. from the seventh grade that they’ve been victimized?

For me, the answer is that announcing yourself as a sexual assault or harassment victim to the people you love, respect, and/or barely know in any capacity is awful. Not shameful; I’m more embarrassed that I didn’t click on some celebrities’ painful stories about Harvey Weinstein than I am about my own background. #MeToo asked women to just step forward and align themselves with fellow survivors, and even that simple act was tough. Here’s why …

Justice Is Vague, While The Promise Of More Pain Is Concrete

Imagine that a Bad Thing just happened to you. Not your mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, or an actress you like, but you. (I’m making this distinction because I believe that most of us actually care more about our loved ones than we care about ourselves. More on that in a minute.)

Now that you — an interesting, fun, smart, ambitious person who has a million things to accomplish — have been assaulted or harassed, you have a choice. You can tuck this Bad Thing away in your brain and keep living your life as normally as possible, or you can step into the second part of the nightmare of assault: the part where you describe the experience over and over again in front of people who may or may not believe you, who might actually be paid to tear you to shreds in public, and who can destroy every dream or ambition you’ve ever had for yourself. Oh, and if you choose to step forward, your name and your assailant’s name will be linked forever and ever, even after you die. When people think of you, they’ll also think of him. That’s what you’re signing up for when you come forward.

The best-case scenario is that everyone believes you, no one blames you for what happened, and no one thinks your pain is too insignificant for discussion if you weren’t raped. The worst-case scenario is that you end up on national television telling old men how your boss used to describe porn to you and once asked you “Who has put a pubic hair on my Coke?” before he was placed on the Supreme Court.

Whether we’re talking about persistent unwanted advances in the workplace or rape, it takes a Batman-level sense of justice and ovaries of steel to walk into the hellscape of naming names. A lot of women (and kids and men) coldly and carefully look at the path ahead of them, then say “Nope!” and just keep living their lives as best they can.

Until they realize that someone else might get hurt.

I’m not a therapist or an expert or a historian of sexual misconduct, but I suspect that the nebulous concept of “justice” is rarely what compels a victim to come forward. The harm is done and will never be repaired. I think victims come forward when the fear of this same assault or harassment happening to other people becomes so gripping that they can’t handle it anymore and they have to say something. It’s the love of other humans, future unknowable victims, which fuels a woman’s fight through rape kits and police interviews and HR hearings and the courtroom glares of their assailant’s loved ones. And only the bravest, most selfless heroes can do it.

Most Victims Don’t Have The Money Or Power To Say Anything

I’ve done the math. As of this writing, the average Weinstein accuser is 44 years old and is describing things that happened about 20 years ago. If it took a mini-army of famous, rich victims and the combined efforts of journalists working for The New York Times and The New Yorker to tease those stories out of them, how in the world can we expect women who are living paycheck-to-paycheck to do the same? We shouldn’t.

There are waitresses, housekeepers, retail workers, teachers, and housewives out there who can’t afford to tell their stories. They don’t have another job lined up, and most people can’t bank on the justice system or HR department to make sure everything turns out OK in the end. Especially not when history tells us it won’t. And what really sucks is that their harassers know it too.

Even kids can imagine the financial cost of confiding their abuse. A child who is in a dangerous situation at home may not worry about their career trajectory, but they know that telling grownups about molestation by a primary breadwinner might lead to a divorce, a separation, a move, a change in schools, or actual hunger and years of poverty. And that might be the best scenario — that’s if the child has someone whom they can trust will take action to protect them. Kids aren’t dumb. They know their teachers aren’t going to adopt them and make sure the lights stay on at home once the abuse is known. Some kids do the math and decide they’d rather just continue in pain than disrupt their world.

In fact, and I’m sorry I have to tell you this story, the #MeToo campaign was inspired by a little girl named Heaven who told a counselor that she was being sexually abused at home. The counselor couldn’t handle the little girl’s pain and sent her away with instructions to find someone who could “help her better.” The counselor was Tarana Burke, and it was her shame that drove what happened next:

“I watched her walk away from me as she tried to recapture her secrets and tuck them back into their hiding place. I watched her put her mask back on and go back into the world like she was all alone and I couldn’t even bring myself to whisper … me too.”

#MeToo started with a woman not helping another victim because the pain was too hard to handle. Survivors of assault and abuse know you might not believe them, and that you probably won’t know what to say or how to act even if you do believe them. They get it. So they just don’t tell you.

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Reprimand

For years, Corey Feldman has been screaming that Hollywood is full of child molesters who prey on young actors, that some of them targeted him and his friend Corey Haim, and that at least one of the predators is still working in Hollywood. Nobody has taken him seriously … ever. He even said he named names back in 1993. None of those names were Michael Jackson, so no one cared. Here’s a 2013 video of acclaimed journalist Barbara Walters looking at Feldman like he’s an idiot before cutting him off mid-sentence by exclaiming, “You’re damaging an entire industry!”

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Walters has not apologized yet. I predict she’ll say something in a few days. On a related note, here’s what acclaimed fashion designer Donna Karan said in the immediate aftermath of the Weinstein allegations:

“… how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?

In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your yoga pants and bare midriffs inviting assault? Maaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.)

Meanwhile, acclaimed former child star and current working actress Mayim Bialik wrote a New York Times op-ed about how she probably hasn’t been harassed or assaulted because she dresses modestly, doesn’t flirt in public, and never got plastic surgery. I kid you not. In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your perfect bodies, tiny noses, and charismatic attitudes inviting assault? Maaaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.) Neither Bialik or Karan are on my short list of people I’m turning to for opinions these days, but guess what? I’m on nobody’s list either, and here I am.

Do you know who is on my list of people I’m looking to for opinions? Acclaimed politician Hillary Freaking Clinton, but I don’t think she gives a flying flip about women who are harassed by their bosses. Sidebar: Does everybody know that Clinton called Monica Lewinksy a “narcissistic loony toon” in the wake of Lewinksy’s affair with President Bill? (Update: There isn’t one! Clinton has supported her husband through one rape allegation, one groping accusation, one harassment allegation, and multiple affairs in the decades they’ve been together. I voted for the woman in spite of her Bill-shaped blind spot.)

My point is that women aren’t always that great at caring about the suffering of other women. Sometimes we actively suck at it. Speaking of sucking …

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Weird Attempt At Empathy

As the Weinstein scandal unfolded, nonvictim and documented molester Ben Affleck stepped forward with a statement denouncing Weinstein’s actions. He also said, “We need to do better at protecting our sisters, friends, co-workers, and daughters,” which caused the world to make a collective record scratch before answering, “Wait, what now?” Apparently, nobody told homeboy that Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton also have daughters and have historically sucked in their relationships with women.

Obviously, no one should have to bring a female human into the world to grasp the seriousness of sexual assault. And protection shouldn’t be a part of this conversation. Women don’t want their dads and co-workers to act like bodyguards when other people’s dads and co-workers walk into the room; they want to not be raped. So, bad job at reading the room, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

That being said, I get it. The Blunder Twins were each putting their brains in the scariest spot in the world, imagining that someone out there could hurt your child. My list of all-time worst fears range from falling down a gentle hill to the general concept of fire, but number one is someone sexually assaulting one of my children. I’d rather fall down an elevator shaft and land on a pack of evil clowns (who are on fire) than imagine one of my kids being violated.

I’ll put it this way: I don’t know Rose McGowan or Ashley Judd or the more than 40 (!) other women who have so far stepped forward with accusations against Weinstein. I’ve read their stories, and I imagine that if Weinstein had asked me to watch him shower or give him a massage, I would have responded with the same disgust they did. But if someone told me that it was an adult version of my daughter or son in the same scenario, my emotions go into overdrive. If the victim is me, I’m grossed out. If the victim is my daughter, I’m Liam Neesing. When Trayvon Martin was killed, President Obama said “this could have been my son,” and that was the most intimate, empathetic thing he could say in that moment.

So yeah, men, if it takes picturing your child (or a friend or sister or mom or me, whatever) as a victim for you to get interested in the conversation, that’s fine. Just make it a mental exercise and don’t be weird about it.