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#sometimes people just need a break yknow
writhe · 4 months
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i want to be more open to anything and everything and i’m scared
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hollypies · 1 year
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I lied. Death time
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the-trans-dragon · 4 months
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Beloved mutuals reblogging [personal trigger of mine] is always stressful because I don't want to see that but also I do want to see the other 99% of their blog
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softshuji · 6 months
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y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.
#i was thinking abt it earlier#but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why#actually i do kinda know why.#i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me#earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject#too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i#was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often#especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d#everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just#cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even#consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural#but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other#peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something#something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they#move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less#sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can#always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response#and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone#it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything#not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i#feel like im not actually being heard or listened to#and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you'#or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore#god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it#for everyone else all the time#is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say#this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice#god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover#and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel#like they actually like me
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cosmik-homo · 1 year
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Starting to think a lot of my opinions on the second odctor interacting wm odern doctors is Two turning to Jamie and going "if i EVER start putting that much effort into things, please shoot me".
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hickoryhorneddevils · 6 months
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actually one of the best things i have ever done for myself is decide to learn how to sit in the fact that other people will do kind things for me even if it's burdensome or hard to unexpected and i don't have to 'earn' it or 'make up' for it
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saltinesinsoup · 1 year
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(guy who’s overthinking voice): what haha nooo i’m not overthinking
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rustytrident · 1 year
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the brothers in bed hcs (18+)
spoiler none of them are doms
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ch: lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor
cw: 18+ mdni!! mentions of praise, degradation, hard kinks, pet play, overstimulation, edging, toys, feminisation, pain, objectification, mirror sex, filming, pegging, sensory deprivation, mutual masturbation, punshiments, mind break, somnophilia
a/n: is this gonna be biased cause i like sub men? probably. am i still right? definitely.
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lucifer:
a sub. but like what were you expecting.
really likes praise, to the point where you can see his eyes shine whenever you praise him
one of the most obedient of the bunch, he just really likes being told he's being good for you :((
i can see him being into really hard kinks cause he just wants to plummet into sub space and forget he exists for a bit
can honestly be very teasing and sarcastic with you at times, but only when he has the energy for it.
likes: hard kinks, praise, restraints
dislikes: degradation, spit, quickies
mammon:
switch but mostly subs
he teases the fuck out of u as a dom. like will not give you what you want until you beg and beg and beg
wants to get absolutely destroyed when subbing though. like sometimes he'll just be mean to u so u can use him
puppyboy. i think he'd like a pretty collar but u didn't hear that from me
not too big on being degraded, but it can really turn him on if u mostly praise him and throw a bit of degrading in
likes: free use, pet play, overstimulation
dislikes: monotony, company, blindfolds
levi:
also a switch but the dom side comes out once in a blue moon
likes praise and degradation equally, but be careful not to favor one over the other
toys toys toys!! he has sooo many and loves to have them used on himself, especially likes ones that vibrate
really likes feminisation!! put him in little skirts and lacy underwear and he's already gone like :((((
not the biggest fan of pain (he hates it)
likes: humiliation, feminisation, toys
dislikes: pain, imbalance, mirrors
satan:
100% switch. likes to keep it fresh
the sweetest dom ever. he has read too much erotica to know exactly what to say
catboy!! cliche but come on. don't tell me that he secretly hasn't been crafting the perfect fursona design for centuries
hates being degraded the most. only be nice to him, he can't handle it
i can see him being into pain tbh, but only some times (he'll tell u dw)
likes: petplay, praise, dacryphilia
dislikes: restraints, degradation, objectification
asmo:
is he a switch? naturally. does he enjoy being a sub the most? absolutely.
has a thing about ruining your or his makeup. just. smear his lipstick, make him smudge his eyeliner, yknow how it is
mirrors!! and filming!! he's the biggest star he wants the world to see!!
very open to people joining, but mostly he enjoys the intimacy of being with you
edge him. i think it does things to him idk.
likes: being filmed, mirror sex, edging
dislikes: :/
beel:
subsubsubsubsubsubsub
he's just there to please. use him however u like, he really doesn't mind
auralism?? in this household?? more likely than u think.
wants to touch u at all times. so so soft in how he handles u god i need him :(((
likes being pegged. there's something about feeling full that does it for him yknow?
likes: pegging, slow sex, your voice
dislikes: hard kinks, sensory deprivation, mutual masturbation
belphie:
look me in the eyes and tell me. tell me what u think (he's a switch but who likes domming when u can just let. go.)
very much into mind break. like make him black out make him forget where what who and when
somno. predictable, yes, but like. he was made for this, no one can change my mind
pillow prince!! doesn't care what u call him, just make him feel all important and giddy
a brat.
likes: somno, edging and overstim, being bratty
dislikes: being on top, gentle doms, company (unless it's beel)
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42spideys · 1 year
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— RE2 Leon’s alphabet!
self indulgent thing for leon scott kennedy because he’s my wife and my girlfriend and i love him more than you know
warning: kinda angsty, m.reader (ftm), black coded reader, chubby reader, scars are mentioned, leon is emotionally constipated probably, he’s so unbelievably awkward
enjoy !! ૮꒰ ˊᗜˋ ꒱ა
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A = Affection
he’s not very physically affectionate, but my god he will shower you with praise and gifts!! he also would make little trinkets for you to keep, like charms for bracelets, phone cases, and key chains. he also LOVES buying you stuffed animals since he likes seeing them in your room when he comes over.
he isn’t very big on physical affection since he’s scared he’ll accidentally hurt you, but when he is ready and willing to, he will hold pinkies with you when you guys are out somewhere as a small gesture of trust.
B = Best friend
you guys would meet and become friends during the job, after all it WAS you and his first days and rookies so a spark naturally started. but he would be such an awkward friend, like people would think you’re holding him hostage type of awkward. he would always be kinda and considerate but again, he’s super fucking awkward and has TERRIBLE dad jokes.
C = Cuddles
he likes cuddling surprising, he finds it calming to have your body weight on top of him. even if you tell him you’re scared of crushing his ribcage, “if i die i don’t mind, it would be a fine death.” it makes you worry about what’s wrong with him, but he just needs you that close so that he can hopefully meld himself with you so you guys could be one!
D = Domestic
he would absolutely love to marry you bust he’s scared of losing you, he finds it better to being just a couple than marriage. he thinks it won’t hurt as much if you do end up leaving or dying early if you guys are just a couple.
but he already acts as if he’s your husband, cooking you delicious meals and cleaning up here and there. he always feels the need to move so him doing those small things for you makes him feel accomplished and happy, he’s just the cutest uouhfjdhd
E = Ending
if he were to end things with you (which i highly doubt but wtv) it would be as gentle as he possibly could muster. it would honestly be more nerve wracking for him since he’s scared of you hating him or cutting him off forever, again i don’t think he would ever want to break up with you but if he had to it would be gently.
F = Fiancé
leon definitely want to get married but he wants to wait for a very special moment and not in the middle of a fucking zombie apocalypse, yknow? he thinks that gross undead creatures and a giant creature chasing him isn’t the best proposal spot, he wants to propose on a pretty beach when he feels he’s mature enough.
G = Gentle
leon treats you like you’re made of glass sometimes, he tries to prevent the most minor things from hurting you. sleeping in the bed with him? he’s putting a pillow to the side that has the floor. reaching for something? he’ll get it for you or pick you up to get it. he is absolutely overprotective towards you and it’s adorable.
H = Hugs
he is a really awkward hugger but he loves hugs, he just has trouble with hand placement. he doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable or seem like he doesn’t wanna hug up to you, he also refused to let you hug him after the raccoon city day without him taking a shower first.
I = I love you
he said it in front of the facility as soon as it exploded, he really hoped you didn’t hear him…but you did! he says it on the daily, sometimes you think he just says it to say it. you hand him his phone from a different room? i love you. you hold the door open for him? i love you. it’s his favorite phase for you!
J = Jealousy
he’s absolutely jealous, but not in the “super hot dude pinning you to a wall” type way but in a “pls look at me instead pleasepleaseplwaseplease” way. he is absolutely whiny when you give other men attention, he’ll awkwardly stand behind you and hold onto your pinky as you continue conversation. he tries to be intimidating but he looks to much like a puppy to any other person :(
K = Kisses
he loves kisses, he’s always kissing your hands or your head but he feels like he has to earn kissing you on the lips. if you have any scars he’ll love kissing those to! but if you were to give him a kiss, aim for the cheeks. cheeks kisses make him go completely red and make him all warm and fuzzy inside.
L = Little ones
he’s very strange around kids, he’ll give a little head nod or a wave to them if they’re staring at him. but other than that he would prefer to stay away from children, they scare him more than zombies do.
M = Mornings
he’s always bright and early doing something around the house, by the time you wake up he’s in the kitchen focusing far to hard on trying to flip the perfect pancake. anything to make sure you have a nice and well balanced breakfast, so it has to be perfect damnit!!!
N = Night
he likes to have you in his arms at night, he thinks feelings your heartbeat on any part of him is therapeutic. he sleeps after you fall asleep though, he wants to make sure you get a good nights rest and is willing to sacrifice his own sleep for that to happen.
O = Open
he started opening up a couple months after you guys got together, he’s very open about everything that it’s a little scary. again he’s awkward so it makes everything else like the execution a big strange, but he would rather die than lie to you for no reason.
P = Patience
he’s a semi patient person, he has his limits especially if you or him are in danger. aside from this he is very much a normal little guy!
Q = Quizzes
he knows EVERYTHING about you, it doesn’t matter if you told him or not. he reads up you files once and awhile just to see your younger pictures cause he thinks they’re cute and dorky, he thinks he’s being a creep but he just can’t help it!! he wants to know all about you!!
R = Remember
by far his favorite memory he remembers is when you kissed all over his face when you saw him again, you had thought he died and he definitely wasn’t expecting an ambush of kisses to the face. he couldn’t even look at you after that he was so red faced and embarrassed.
S = Security
leon is overprotective as hell, he has to remind himself that you can also do stuff without exploding or dying. he just can’t help it, you’re so important to him and he would feel horrible if you hurt yourself when he could’ve easily prevented it.
T = Try
he always tries to go all out for anniversary’s and holidays for you, he thinks you’re the most precious thing in the world to him so he wants to treat you like gold.
U = Ugly
he has a really bad habit of cutting you off or not listening to you all together, he doesn’t mean to but it happens more than he likes. it makes his heart hurts when you’re talking about something you love but suddenly go quiet when you realize he’s not paying attention, he apologizes profusely and gives u big smooches :((
V = Vanity
he isn’t concerned with his looks at all, he just makes sure he doesn’t smell bad when he’s around you and makes sure that his teeth are brushed before he kisses you.
W = Whole
you are literally the only thing he has left, he would kill for you if it was necessary. he feels as though he would just stop working as a human if you guys broke up or if you died, he needs you to be with him so he can feel whole.
X = Xtra
he really likes biting your cheeks while making a loud “ OMOMOMOMOMOMOM “ noise, it makes his heart flutter when he hears your laughs and he just likes how your skin feels in his mouth.
Y = Yuck
he hates smelly things, he would outright reject you if you smelled like wide open ass.
Z = Zzz
he whimpers in his sleep, it doesn’t matter if he’s having a bad dream or not he’ll just start whimpering and whining. when he does this just put your hand on his forehead and he’ll be okay.
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tastybluesprite · 1 month
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Too High Strung
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Wind Breaker!!!! Raaagghhhh I love this anime!!!! Sakura is literally adorable, he needs tickles. Hope you enjoy this lee!Sakura fic I made since there doesn’t seem to be many fics for Wind Breaker.
Summery: Sakura is too high strung
Warnings: Light swearing? Also this is a tickle fanfic so if that’s not your thing then feel free to keep scrolling.
Sakura yawned as he leaned his two toned head against the playground jungle gym.
“Damn it, why are we just sitting around? Shouldn’t we be protecting this town?” He protested with annoyance, glaring a bit.
Suo let out an amused huff. “Relax will you? We do protect people in this town, but it’s not like there’s always going to be a threat. Sometimes it’s okay to just wait around and relax.”
Sakura just frowned more at that. Wait around? Relax? That’s not his thing. He was starting to get really antsy and restless. He needed to punch someone. To fight someone.
“Oh come on is it really that bad Sakura?” Nirei sighed a bit with a smile as he bathed under the sun, kicking back against the jungle gym on the ground. “You should really learn to lighten up yknow.”
“Shut up!” Sakura snapped at him as a light blush appeared on his cheeks.
Suo smiled. “You really do need to lighten up Sakura. It’s not healthy to be so high strung.”
He gently nudged Sakuras sides playfully, hoping to inspire him to be more lighthearted. But what he got instead was a small squeak and a blush.
Oh?
Suo slowly smirked. “Something wrong Sakura?”
Sakuras eyes widened and then glared. He slowly stumbled back a bit. “N.. no! N-nothing! Just… don’t touch me!” Sakura protested, trying to glare more threateningly. However the effect was ruined by the red color creeping up his neck and face.
Nieri grinned, having picked up on what just happened. “Well, well, well… the tough, cold and aloof Sakura Haruka has a weakness after all…” he slowly approached the heterochromatic boy also.
Sakuras face burned brighter and hotter as he glared more. “Shut up! I do freakin’ not!”
“Well if that’s true then this shouslnt bother you then, hm?” Suo got close as well as Sakura tried to back away from the two.
“G-guys… wh-what are you doing? G-get away! Stop it!” He protested nervously. He wasn’t used to people being so close to him.
“Wait for what Sakura, hm? What’s got you so nervous and defensive all of the sudden?” Suo grinned more.
Suddenly, Nieri grabbed him from behind, hooking his arms under Sakuras armpits. This effectively pinned his arms back and left his entire torso completely vulnerable.
Sakuras eyes widened as he squirmed and writhed against Nieris hold violently. Suo however got right up in his face and began gently pinching up and down his sides.
“Come now. Did you really think we’d leave you alone after finding out that you’re ticklish?”
“I-I… m… n-not…!” Sakura managed through his clenched teeth, the blush intensifying on his face. He was trying very hard to force the laughter down. He refused to break like that. He did not need to give people more ammunition for teasing and making fun of him.
Suo grinned. “That so? Then you wouldn’t mind if I did this right?” Suo squeezed up and down his sides now, making it harder for Sakura to ignore the tingling of his nerves being lit up. He could only squirm around in place hoping to dislodge the fingers with his body. But he wa practically immobile.
Suddenly Suo found his ribs, squeezing there. Sakura let out a slight whine and arched his back.
“Oh? This a good spot then?” Suo teased with a smirk. He gently dug his nails into his ribs, and that’s when Sakura finally broke.
“N-nAHahahaha SUhUhuHoHoho dohoHohohont!!!” He cried out in protest, squirming around desperately under the offending fingers.
Suo just grin. “You have a nice laugh Sakura.”
Sakura was a furiously blushing mess at this point.
“Shuhuhut uhuhuhup!!!” Sakura cried as he kept twisting around his torso and kicked out his legs a bit. Nieri had quite a strong grip on his arms so Sakura couldn’t bring them down.
Suo decided to take full advantage of Sakuras helplessness.
He found Sakuras lowest ribs and drilled into them, in which Sakura let out the most adorable squeal known to mankind.
Soon Suo found his armpits, gently digging his fingers into them, and Sakura bursted into hysterical cackling.
“Oooo… someone’s super ticklish here…” Suo teased, honing in more on the spot.
“SUHUHOHOHO YOHOHU AHAHAHASS!!!” Sakura cried out as he violently writhed around in Nieris hold. They had never seen him this hysterical, and frankly it was quite amusing to the other two.
Soon Sakura managed to gather enough strength to kick back at Nieris legs which made Nieri stumble enough for him to be able to get loose.
Unfortunately Suo was faster and he tackled Sakura to the floor before he could really get away.
“You’re not getting away that easily.” Suo grinned down at him. He started attacking his tummy now and Sakura fell back into his fit of loud and hysterical laughter. He was weakly pawing at Suos hands but it was no use.
“Awe how adorable… look at that Nieri he can hardly fight back…” Suo grinned, finding this rather endearing.
Suo also couldn’t help noticing something rather odd. Not once during the entire thing did Sakura say “stop.”
Suo slowly grinned. “Tell me Sakura. You like being tickled, don’t you?”
Sakuras cheeks flared up even more red in his laughter as he struggled against the tickling.
It wasn’t until Suo found the deadly spot right around towards the back of his middle ribs. That spot seemed to be quite the killer, because as soon as Suos gently digging fingers trailed to those areas, Sakura exploaded with wheezy laughter.
“S-STOHOHOHOP STOHOHOP NOHOHOHOHAHAHA!!!”
No matter how much Sakura pushed and pawed at Suo, the eyepatched boy wouldn’t let up.
It was only until Sakuras laughter started to crack and go audibly in and out that Suo decided to finally stop.
When he did, Sakura was left panting breathlessly on his back.
Nieri frowned with some concern.
“You okay Sakura? I hope we didn’t go overboard…”
Sakura let out small giggly sounds. “Ihihill gehehet yohohohu bohohth fohor thihihis…”
However deep down Sakura couldn’t help the fluttery and light feeling in his stomach and chest. He felt… really good. God knows the last time he’s felt this carefree and happy.
He supposed that maybe a little break wasn’t such a bad thing afterall.
Thx for reading! ❤️
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rzyraffek · 9 months
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hey I hope this doesn’t sound like a weird request but could u like slashers (preferably Michael Myers, Jason, maybe Billy loomis or Stu?, and the Sinclair brothers) kidnapping “adopting” reader? Like them kind yknow unaliving (Child) readers family then like having to like care for reader???? Idk if it makes sense but it came to me in a dream about me being a kid and Michael myers becoming my dad 😭
ALSO ITS COMPLETELY PLATONIC OBVS ‼️‼️‼️
IM SORRY FOR 2WEEK BREAK I HAD TO!!
This request is such a cute idea!!! I made so much content about perent!slasher and kid!y/n cuz its way more entertaining for me to write!! Authors note at the end!
They/them, sfw, Request open
Slashers trying to be decent dad figures
Jason Voorhees
First of all, why on earth would your perent take you all the way here??? Your a smal baby and this is dangerous! Not only cuz jason is here, but wolfs? Boars? Huge forest AND lake???
So basically he didnt expect a child here
When he was in one of cabins he heard crying from bathroom, after few seconds of planing a murder he realised that is a child crying
His heart skipped a beat and he kinda begun to panic. HUH??? A CHILD? EEE eee oh god the whole backyard is covered in blood... oh no did I scare them?? Oh no
Dude gets more spooked than a child
After they got along he kinda makes them live in his cabin, he spends good portion of time just hanging around
Y/n gets used to their new mute friend and learns their own ways to understand him
Dude is that type of dad who will let y/n paint his nails and he will dress up in cute outfits just to make his kid happy
100% checks under their bed for monsters (and closet too!)
Wants to teach them all about nature! Which plants are good, how to find animals to eat, how to avoid humans
He dodges the topic of slaughtering y/n perents... where are they?? Ermmm idk didnt see them
Micheal Myers
Dude is pretty passive when it comes to kids
He exists, they exists, but as far as kids don't bother him, he won't bother them
But oh lourd..... your his little girl/boi/kid and he is going to do everything to keep it that way
He sees it differently than others, he helped you, took you away from those horrible people (no matter if y/n past perents were bad or good people) why would you want to leave? Or miss them?
But no matter how he feels, he is still Micheal, he won't be very cuddly or clingy. Then y/n needs comforting he will sit next to them, let them talk, tbh he is okay with them giving him some physical attention but he won't hug them back
Steals dolls, figurines, crayons for y/n
He never gets rid of his stalker nature, he is always there, watching, making sure there's noone in their way. Noone bothering or looking at y/n. He sometimes watches them sleep, just looking, he is the only monster in their closet
Huge fan of stickers btw
After good few months he takes off his mask when with y/n! He knows they accept him and love him! I mean his face is as emotionless as its owner but it still matters(at least now you know where he is staring at)
Billy and Stu
Dudes probably were like "eeeerr billy? That *instert y/n perents name* eee you didn't tell me they had a kid?" "the WHAT"
*stu giving y/n chocolates while billy panics in room next to it wondering wtf to do with y/n*
"We can't just keep it! Who is going to take care of it?"
They kept you btw, Billy will say that they did that only so you don't go and call police but they got really attached
Stu is the fun dad while Billy is the serious dad
"Hi baby we bought you happy meal" "child did you do your homework"
Billy rages over monopoli and stu cheats in uno
Sinclair brothers
"Lester who tf is in your truck?" "Eeee I found it?"
Vince lets y/n sleep in his bed when they have nightmares. He also really wants y/n to do arts like him😊
Lester just vibes, you like cars kid? Let's go on car trip! You like wildlife? I know where deers at!
Bo teaches y/n how to shoot while they are way too young to even hold a gun
Y/n will be extremely spoiled btw
None of them know how to cook full meal
Lester will call y/n buddy, pal, kiddo
Bo will call them child, goblin, spawn on satan, little princes(or a prince)
Vincent will see them as little creature and a baby
Vincent let's y/n play and decorate his hair, they also make wax figurines together and play with dog. He is more like older shy brother than a father figure but if you want you can work with this
Bo lets y/n sleep on him and draw on his arms, he also hopes y/n never grows up cuz they are tiny and cute. He also sometimes gives them his hat
Lester loves showing of his skull collection and driving around forest, just talking. He also enjoys lisening to y/n monologues while he is working
All of them get little heart attack when they hear y/n swear. All bets on Bo accidentally saying bad word next to y/n and them just repeating it
Bo and lester love to just put you on their shoulder! And vince just pickes y/n up like sack of potatos (but gently)
Tickle fights with Vince
Arm wrestling with Lester who pretends that y/n is too strong and lets them win
All x reader tags are here only to reach bigger audience! Im sorry if there's any misstypes or anything weird! I kinda wrote it in rush cuz I feel bad for making yall wait for requests so long! I should make this hc list longer but I am very tired. Goodnight
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bau-drabbles · 1 year
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a/n: creds to the prev people that did this! :)
your insta but you're dating aaron hotchner, part 3
okay i promise this is the last time 😭 i made this in such a rush, it's so ooc. pls forgive me and enjoy 🤍
part 1, 2, 4
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liked by itslukealvez, reid.gram and 500 others
y/n_xo: aaron and his dimples 😍🫶
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d.morgan: and then you have reid who's standing behind him like a skin walker
its.emilyp: he looks like a kid who's gone to tell his dad he ate all his food including the veg
itsjj: he looks like henry when he vomited at 2am and came into my room to announce it
penny.garcia: my sweet boy, he looks like he needs a big long hug!! 🥹🥹
d.morgan: he's fine sweetness, he's going to live 😐
its.emilyp: its okay derek, spencer loves you too
d.morgan: i already know, who wouldn't 😏
y/n_xo: this is not tinder pls, i just wanted to appreciate aaron's dimps 🥲
itsjj: aww father and his son 💗
a.hotch: one is enough, thanks
d.morgan: loool you heard the man, reid. no one likes you
a.hotch: you leave him alone right now 🤨
reid.gram: you heard the man, morgan. no one likes you 🥱
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liked by its.emilyp, penny.garcia and 490 others
y/n_xo: he's so cute 🤍🥹
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d.morgan: yknow sometimes i forget hotch is a whole father
reid.gram: same. he's so angry all the time. i can't fathom him showing any other emotions beside it
y/n_xo: he's so nice to jack, i can't remember last time i even got a kiss 🥲
itsjj: this morning when we walked by your office 🤨
penny.garcia: or last night when we were at the dinner 🤥
the.davidrossi: or literally anytime you both are together 😐
a.hotch: i literally kissed you just a minute ago. but okay
its.emilyp: ignore them all, baby. i'll give you all my kisses 👭
its.emilyp: has he been working out? 🤨
a.hotch: it's all natural, i assure you
d.morgan: he's lyin. he asked me to help him work out
a.hotch: have you never heard of privacy before??
itsjj: i was going to say, he's been looking.... a little bigger lately 🤔
y/n_xo: JJ 💀💀
itsjj: is that not what the kids are calling muscular?
penny.garcia: right?? recently he's been coming in sweaty like he's been running for miles
y/n_xo: sometimes he does ;)
itsjj: 👁👄👁
reid.gram: i am so close to blocking you from my phone
d.morgan: i really did not need that vision in my head 🤢
penny.garcia: i also did not need to see our boss in that light please
y/n_xo: shouldn't have asked 😌🫶
the.davidrossi: i think its time to slip into early retirement
y/n_xo: finally❤
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liked by a.hotch, itsjj and 578 others
y/n_xo: i love u my grumpy man
view all 309 comments
a.hotch: i love you more, my sweet ❤
its.emilyp: wake up and break up rn
reid.gram: the way i fell into a endless void of nothingness for all of eternity
itsjj: aww you guys are so cute😁🔫
penny.garcia: right, you guys are so adorable!! (i've had enough of living)
d.morgan: highway during rush hour looks mad comfy rn
a.hotch: please every single one of you seek professional help
its.emilyp: two bros holding hands 6 feet apart because they're not gay
y/n_xo: EMILY :(
itsjj: em you know he's just shy
its.emilyp: of what? me personally, i'd be flaunting y/n everywhere 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩
y/n_xo: (s)creaming 😻
a.hotch: Y/N! 😠
d.morgan: you do know... we can read these right?? 🤢
reid.gram: i think she likes feeding off our fear and horror
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y/n_xo: i'm abt to give strauss a quick call 🤨
view all 234 comments
the.davidrossi: please like erin would go for you 💆‍♂️
y/n_xo: i didn't think she'd go for a mean old pasta man yet here we are
penny.garcia: is that jealousy i smell? 🤔
its.emilyp: he's actually ecstatic that his secret is out #rotch4life😍
reid.gram: you mean *roach
a.hotch: is that how this team refers to me, as the chief supervisor? 🤨
its.emilyp: yep 🫂
d.morgan: she said it^^
its.emilyp: omgg conspiracy theory, hotch dated y/n so he could lust over rossi in private 😹
reid.gram: it's not a conspiracy if it really happened ☝
a.hotch: this most certainly did not happen!
its.emilyp: well you know what they say, guilty until proven innocent
the.davidrossi: nobody says that!
its.emilyp: okay and how do you know?? exactly you don't. case closed 🗣
d.morgan: honestly rossi... it feels like you're trying to cover up your tracks 😏
its.emilyp: the closet is glass, we know and it's okay ❤
itsjj: we all love youu 🥹🫶
the.davidrossi: all of you better sleep tonight with a lock. i'm coming after every single one
penny.garcia: if you kill me, could you try not to ruin my hair? the curls are no joke 😩
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mel-the-simp · 8 months
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Drunken fun
Billy Hargrove x chubby! Reader
Where you and billy are at a party, and he gets tired of you wanting to keep things a secret. With drinking comes courage
4,550 words
!!!!CW!!!! Underage alcohol use, grinding, oral (F! Receiving), sex (p in v), slight fatphobia (billy handles it), fluff, SMUT
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The party was in full swing, people dancing and drinking, grinding and singing. You were one of those people. You stood in the middle of the living room, classic red solo cup in hand with a mixture of sweet juice and pungent alcohol.
You were wearing a tight knitted halter top and a long flowery skirt, the thin fabric swaying with your chubby hips. You danced as KISS played on one of the boomboxes somewhere in the living room, singing along before taking a sip of the cocktail in your cup.
You felt eyes on you, not knowing if it was from disgust from the confidence you exuded or lust. You bit your cherry red bottom lip softly as you looked around, trying to catch the one, or several culprits. As you scoped out the room, you saw glacier blue eyes staring you down, making you shiver.
Billy Hargrove, the known back breaking man slut of the school. Or, well, he was until recently. No one knew why, but he suddenly stopped his sexual escapades about 2 months ago. Everyone thought he was just taking a break, but you knew why.
Those nights you would sneak out of your house, sometimes catching your brother Dustin doing the same, and only let him off the hook so he wouldn’t say anything to mom. Those nights consisted of you getting into Billy’s Chevrolet Camaro, driving to secret spots in Hawkins and just, enjoying each others company. No sex, no hot make out sessions, just, talking, basking in each others presence.
Not to say sex wasn’t involved, there were definitely nights where you both would be hot and sweaty, clutching each other in lustful desperation. The feeling not only filling your sexual desires, but filling the void of loneliness. The need for human connection and touch.
You and Billy have been doing this for two months, and even longer now that you thought about it. You were both in need of a genuine connection one way or another, and despite the obvious differences between you two, it just worked. The differences drew you together, and made it… pleasant. It warmed your heart just to think of him, and you could tell that he felt a similar way, in his own Billy way.
However, due to his status, you wanted to keep it out of public eye. Billy wasn’t one to care, but you knew the relentlessness of the people here, and knew he would constantly be thrown crude comments of “so the fat girl?”, and you didn’t want the relentlessness of the cock thirsty girls at school either. So, you two kept quiet about your rendezvous.
You looked away from his sharp gaze, cheeks turning cherry as you felt his eyes linger on you. You tipped your cup and chugged the rest of your drink, hoping it’ll turn your buzz into a full on intoxication. You caught his glance once more from the corner of your eye before sauntering over to the kitchen to refill your cup.
You were shoulder to shoulder with someone who was obviously shitfaced from the way he was swaying and clinging to the counter for support. You rolled your eyes, trying to not draw attention to yourself. You scooped the punch into your cup, grabbing the Bacardi and putting in an extra shot or so.
You heard shuffling next to you and saw the guy looking at you with a flirty smirk. “Yknow, usually i don’t notice you, but you’re really pretty right now~” his words slurred horrifically, and eyes bloodshot. You looked away, uncomfortably sipping at your drink. He went to go touch your shoulder, before someone grabbed his hand.
A rough, slightly drunken voice came from behind you. “Hey, you’ve been drinking a lot man, why don’t you go puke, maybe it’ll make you feel better.” You looked behind you, big doe eyes looking up at Billy’s steel gaze. He flashed you his classic smirk, making butterflies swirl in your stomach. You looked away, watching as the man stumbled out of the kitchen to most likely either piss or puke somewhere.
Billy grabbed you by the waist, big hand gripping at the fat of your side. Your face grew hot at the contact, making you try and squirm away from him. “Billy… not here, people-“ he brought you closer, making you gasp as you felt his half hard-on press into your ass. “I dont fuckin care, you’re the one who insists on being a secret. ‘M so sick of it baby”
He leaned down and pressed his nose to the exposed bit of your neck, inhaling deeply. You bit your bottom lip, looking around anxiously to see if anyone was looking. You half expected a couple girls to be frothing at the mouth in anger, but somehow… no one was even paying attention.
You felt yourself relax into his touch, leaning into his chest with a soft smile. “Ok… yea, this is good” you swayed with him to the rhythm of the music, letting your hands snake down and hold his that were on your hips. He kissed up your neck, groaning softly at the feeling of your plush ass pressing against his now almost full hard-on.
He nipped at your earlobe, squishing the fat of your hips now. “Baby, i fuckin’ need you” his voice was gravely, slightly slurred from the intoxication. With the fuzz in your mind from your own drinking, you ground your ass against him as Duran Duran played on the boombox now.
You felt your stomach swirl with excitement as he did the same, the close sway of your bodies making his mind go blank, the only thing he could possibly think of now was ruining that pretty little cunt of yours. You chugged the rest of your drink, feeling yourself slip into full intoxication, giving you the courage to turn around and face him.
He was smirking down at you, licking his top teeth like some predator about to eat its prey. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing your plush body to his completely. He leaned down and kissed you deeply, making you moan softly. All care about image, or peoples opinions was thrown out the window as you melted into the kiss, hands playing in his hair.
He reached down and cupped your ass, kneading at it like his life depended on it. It was then you decided you both needed to ditch this party. Like, now. You pulled away, giggling as he tried chasing your kiss swollen lips with his own. You put your index finger against his lips, smirking as you got on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear. “Baby, lets get out of here”
You felt his grip tighten as he looked down at you with want. He didn’t say a word and nodded, grabbing his keys from his pocket and had his arm wrapped around your waist as you both made your way to the front door. Jason Carver came in front of billy right as the two of you made it out of the door with a confused look on his face. “Big Bill, where are you going? Partys just getting started man” his speech was only slightly slurred, he obviously wasn’t very drunk.
Billy just rolled his eyes and leaned over, reaching into your bra and pulling out your pack of cigarettes he knew all too well that resided there. He grabbed one and offered one to you, which you accepted and grabbed his lighter from his front pocket, lighting his then yours. Billy looked back over at Jason and blew some into his face, looking unamused. “Going to go have fun, whats it look like”
Jason looked you up and down, scrunching up his nose a bit and chuckling. “Didn’t think you’d stoop this low Billy, must be desperate after not getting laid for months now huh?” Your heart tensed a bit at that, the aching feeling of embarrassment and self hate started to creep up on you. You slightly shifted away from billy, face hot as you looked down.
Billys eyebrows furrowed as he watched your actions before looking back at Jason, taking a deep puff of his cigarette as he pulled you back to be flush to his side. “Baby, why don’t you go to the car, I’ll be right there” you looked up, nodding as you saw the vein on his neck protruding slightly. He was pissed. You softly took his hand off your hip and kissed it before walking to his car. He smacked your ass as you walked away, making you yelp.
You sat in the passenger seat and puffed off your cigarette as you watched Billy get up close to Jason, saying something as they were almost pressed together. You saw Jason stiffen, and say something back. Billy paused, before pushing Jason off the porch, stepping off the steps himself and squatted next to Jason. You felt your heart beat rapidly at Billys actions, face heating up and panties getting wet. You knew he was the protective type, seeing him give men and women alike dirty looks when they even looked at you.
But that was different, now, he was actively showing someone you were his. His. Your heart skipped a beat at the thought. He was showing you were his, and nothing in that moment could make you wipe the shit eating grin on your face. Billy stood up from his squat and said one more thing before starting to walk to the car. He made eye contact with you, seeing your grin he grinned back, getting into the drivers seat.
His hand automatically found your thigh after he started his car. He put his car in reverse, before pulling out of the driveway. He looked over at you as you finished your cigarette and threw it out the window. You looked over at him and smiled, reaching down and putting your hand over his. His hands were bigger than yours, both in width and size, which was rare because of your chubby fingers. He groped at your thigh, making you blush as you looked over at him.
He bit his lip as he went back to looking at the road, excitement evident in his features. Billy may be drunk, but honestly he drove better drunk. “Billy” you said softly, just above a whisper. He looked over at you from the corner of his eye for a second before looking back at the road, nodding his head in acknowledgement. “… I think I really, really like you Billy”
He paused for a second. It was never really spoken on what you too were, but you both knew it was more than a random fling, more than a normal friendship. There was feelings, deep rooted feelings. He squeezed your thigh, nodding as he gave a small smile. “Yea, makes two of us then huh?”
You smiled and nodded, finally deciding. Tomorrow, when you two were sober, you were going to tell him you loved him. With Billy, you knew those three little words were hard, and not a common hearing for him in general. But you did, and you knew from what you saw just minutes ago so did he. “Oh, one more thing billy” he hummed, tilting his head at you as if to say go ahead.
You lifted his hand off of your thigh and lifted your hips. He now was at a stop sign, looking over at you in confusion. You pulled your panties off, biting your lip as you rode your skirt all the way up, now setting his hand on the inside of your thigh. He looked at you in slight surprise for a second. You were never the one to initiate, especially this boldly. “I am, so fucking horny baby~ seeing you get all mean and angry really got me going baby”
He slid his hand to your warmth, large grin plastered on his face as he felt how soaked you were. “Well Id fuckin say, damn baby” he spoke with a chuckle, cock twitching in the tight confines of his blue jeans. His fingers slowly worked on your clit as he sped to his destination. Soft moans left your mouth as you spread your legs slightly for him to be able to finger you comfortably. You tossed your head to the side, face on fire, maybe from the intoxication or the feeling of stimulation, but non of that mattered. All that mattered is you were both pulling up to one of your classic spots.
It was a lot behind an abandoned pharmacy at the edge of town, one of your usual spots where you would commit your sins together. He suddenly pulled his fingers away from your wet cunt, making you whine. He just smirked, and got out of the car. You watched in confusion as he walked around the front and opened your door. He reached down and grabbed the little bar under the chair, and pushed your seat all the way back. He then grabbed the little lever on the side and let the chair tilt back till it couldn’t.
It clicked in your head what was happening when he got on his knees on the car floor, face stuffed into your plush tummy. He closed the door as he just took in your warmth, groaning at the smell of your perfume. Your breath was quick when he looked up at you, eyes lidded and glossed over with lust. You gently played with his hair, biting your now smeared cherry lip in anticipation.
He slowly kissed down your tummy, making you lay all the way down. He got to your plush pussy, nipping at the flesh. You gasped and whined with every nibble and suck. It wasn’t long till he slowly teased your clit, just barely grazing the little bundle of nerves with his tongue. You whine, gripping his hair a little harder and tried to get him closer to your heat.
He grabbed your wrist and snatched your hand away from his hair, looking up and glaring at you with those beautiful blue eyes. You whimper, pouting in frustration. “Baby please, wanna feel good, please Billy~” you begged, looking down at him with teary eyes. You were desperate, so needy for him it was insane. He moaned lowly and dove down, sucking your clit straight into his mouth. You moaned loudly, arching your back slightly.
He sucked on your clit roughly, before pulling away and flattening his tongue onto you. He knew how you liked it, remembering the first time he ate you out. It was your first time in general of a man doing that, and your legs were shaking as tears fell from your crystal coated eyes. He wasn’t usually one to put the woman’s needs first, but seeing how feral you were become over his tongue that first time, he’s needed that feeling ever since.
He groaned out in satisfaction at the taste of you, eyes closing as he got to work. He held your thighs up, arms wrapping around them to keep your legs in place. He swirled his tongue around your clit, humming as he sucked it back into his mouth and shook his head tide to side slightly. You moaned loudly, breath getting short as electricity ran up your spine.
He moved one of his arm to go underneath him, teasing your entrance with a thick calloused finger. His hands were rough, but soft at the same time. They were perfect for hand holding, soft touches, but the best for fingering. Once he slowly inserted those two fingers into you, it was over. He curled his fingers to hit that gummy spot, all the while he was eating you like a starved man. The feeling of his cold ring at your entrance as he was knuckle deep into you had you shiver, head thrown back as you felt your stomach tighten.
Bully chuckled against your clit causing a vibration, making you gasp out and squeal, grabbing onto the hand that was wrapped around your thigh to ground yourself. “Billy-“ your whisper breathless. He knew you were close, he could feel it. He quickened his pace, fingers and tongue trying to get you to your peak. You whined out loudly, squirming slightly as the knot got tighter and tighter. “G-Gonna cum billy, please-“ you moan as your toes curl, right at the brink. He smirked and sucked on your clit again, shaking his head side to side just how you liked it.
Your vision went black as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, knot coming undone as you came all over his face. Your mouth was hung in a silent scream, legs shaking at the side of his head. He fingered you through your orgasm, licking a flat stripe up your clit. Once overstimulation started to kick in, you pushed his head, gasping for air. He pulled away, slowly taking his fingers out of your cunt, eyeing you as he licked them clean.
He stood up, hunched over as he unzipped his pants. He leaned over you as he positioned himself on the seat. He softly sat on his knees on the seat, putting your thighs over his. Your glistening pussy was centimeters away from his aching red cock. He leaned down and kissed you deeply, hungrily licking at your bottom lip. You timidly opened your mouth and his tongue slid in, swirling around yours passionately. He reached onto the floor of the backseat, not breaking the kiss as he grabbed the clean towel he always kept in here.
When getting fucked dumb, you tend to make quite the mess. How remembers when you first squirted. He was fucking you dumb behind the school, had you pressed against the rough brick as he ruined you from behind. He vividly remembers the surprise he felt when he saw you moaned louder than usual, squirting all over his cock. Sure his jeans were soaked and so were yours, but that had been one of the hottest things he had ever seen you do.
So now, he always kept a towel in the back of his car, always ready for your beautiful mess. He lifted the both of your legs one after another to set the towel down on the seat,looking you in the eyes as he did so, as if saying ‘you’re going to be ruined’
After setting everything up, he went back to leaning back, looking at your soft. Chubby pussy as he ran his cock head along your slit. He flicked his eyes back up at you, smirking and licking his teeth as he slowly pushed in. He watched your face scrunch up and morph into pleasure, shivering himself as he felt your damp walls clamp onto him. He slowly rocked his hips, assessing how sensitive you were. From your reactions, he could tell you were going to be a mumbling mess in no time.
He chuckled lowly at this, leaning in and kissing you deeply. Usually with hookups, before you, he would never show any kind of affection. He even went as far as quickly jacking off on someone’s stomach and just leaving as he buttoned up his pants to stay away from any idea of affection. But with you? He loved you, genuinely. It was strange. He went from getting any pussy he wanted, to going as far as begging to eat you out some nights. You had him wrapped around your finger as much as you were wrapped around his.
He lifted up your thigh and started pounding into you, making you squeal against his lips, grabbing at his empty hand. You laced your fingers with his, pulling away from the kiss and moaning out his name. God that fucking moan had him already getting close. And he wasn’t one to cum quick. He leaned down and sucked at your neck as he ground into you, slight curve of his cock hitting that spot in your walls that made you shake. You grabbed at his hair with your extra hand, moaning right into his ear. God he felt so fucking good.
His cock molded perfectly with your cunt, almost as if you were made for each other. You felt the knot in your stomach start to get tighter, and whined out his name, catching his attention. He sat back up, pressing his sweaty forehead with yours. He looked intensely into your eyes as you gasped out, not being able to form words. He took the hand you were holding and brought it down to your clit, rubbing in fast and rough circles. He watched intently as you now grabbed his bicep, eyes begging for permission.
He leaned back, getting the full view as he spoke breathlessly “Go ahead Princess, cum for me~”. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you came harshly, legs shaking as you squirted all over his cock and thighs. You shrieked out a moan when you caught your breath as he kept pounding into you. Your walls gripped onto him in such a lovely way when you were overstimulated. He bit his lip, huffing and grunting as he got close, staring down at where the two of you connected. His eyes shot back up to yours, glowing with such a sensual aura you almost came again. “Lemme cum inside baby, cmon it’ll feel- agh fuck,- feel so good princess”
You looked up at him with a love drunk look and nodded rapidly, orgasm building again but quicker. “G-gonna cum with you, please Daddy make me cum ag- fuck!- again!” His eyes rolled back for a second at those word. He fucked into you roughly, rubbing your clit quickly with his free hand as he came, moaning out your name as he filled you. You squealed loudly as you came again, curling up on yourself as you squirted all over his cock again.
He rocked his hips into you for a little while longer, riding out both of your orgasms before coming to a complete stop. He was huffing, matching his breath as he looked down at you. Your face was a beautiful flushed color, hair messy and sticking to your forehead, eyes glossed over with tears from overstimulation. “You’re so goddamn beautiful” he whispered, not realizing he had said it out loud. You locked eyes with him bashfully, before giving a lopsided smile and leaning up, kissing his deeply.
He kissed back just as sweetly, smiling slightly into the kiss. He may not have meant to say it, but every bit of it was true. When he pulled away, you reached up and cupped his face, now completely fucked sober. You could tell he was sober just from how he was looking at you. “I love you Billy Hargrove” he looked at you in shock, ears turning even more red. He licked his lips, suddenly noticing his mouth was dry.
He leaned down, forehead pressing against yours. “I…” he closed his eyes for a second, contemplating. He knew he loved you, deep down he knew you were the only one he’s ever felt like this with. He opened his eyes again and looked you straight in the eye. “I love you too, ___”
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He was now setting the car in reverse, pulling out of the deserted pharmacy. His hand was on your thigh, rubbing small circles on the soft flesh. You were now wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of shorts you kept in the trunk, looking down at the hand that was on your thigh. You reached down and laced your fingers together for what felt like the millionth time and smiled contently to yourself.
“What’s got you smilin’ like that princess?” You looked over at billy and saw he was taking quick glances at you from the corner of his eye ever now and then. You just shrugged, squeezing his hand softly as you looked at the road. “Just excited for my milkshake~” you joked, making him chuckle and shake his head. “Good thing we’re here then” he said as he pulled into the Burger King drive through. You smiled as he ordered your vanilla shake and his coke slushee. When he grabbed your drink, he took a small sip before handing it to you, smirking as he reached over to grab his. You rolled your eyes and laughed softly.
As he drove you home, you saw the look in his eyes. He didn’t wanna let go of you just yet. He rounded the corner, turning into the driveway slowly before coming to a stop and putting his car in park. He paused, sipping at his drink before setting it down in his cup holder. He looked over at you, just to see you already getting out of the car. He furrowed his brow, rolling his eyes as anger bubbled in his chest. Yea, sure, leave without a kiss. He was about to crank it into reverse when suddenly his door opened, and you bent down to look inside, smiling at him.
“Cmon, stay with me tonight baby” he stared at you surprised for a second before smiling, grabbing his drink and practically ripping the keys from the ignition as he got out. He closed the car door behind him, leaning down and catching your lips in a sweet, sugary kiss. He held your hand as you walked up your stairs, opening the front door. He closed the door after stepping in, looking up and locking eyes with a curly haired kid in the kitchen mid-step with a Twinkie in his mouth.
He watched as you went over and grabbed the box from his hands, putting it. On a shelf you could barely reach as you bickered at the kid. Dustin was too distracted gawking at the fact Billy Hargrove was in his house. He slowly looked over at you “____, why is Max’s older brother in our house”
Like he suddenly reminded you Billy was there, you rolled your eyes and closed the cabinet. You grabbed Billy’s slushee and put it in the freezer with your shake. You walked back over and grabbed Billy’s hand and started walking down the hall to your room “Tell mom i have my boyfriend over and I’ll hide your retainer again Dusty!” You yelled as you made your way into your room. He chuckled as he took his boots off as you closed the door. You threw the hoodie off and was only left in the shorts. Billy notified and looked you up and down, whistling. You giggled and rolled your eyes, lying down in the bed. He took his pants and shirt off as well, crawling into the bed in just boxers.
You quickly wrapped around him, snuggling your face into his neck. He wrapped an arm around your torso and held you close. This was what love felt like. Your chubby body pressed against his, your perfume and the smell of sex wafting to him. It was, relieving, comforting. He closed his eyes as you both just talked about anything that came to mind. Billy slept good that night, holding you close.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hope y’all liked it! If you want more Billy stuff, please request it! Im so obsessed with this man rn
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love is a kaleidoscope - e. williams
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Tags: Reader has no specified gender, angsty question mark, rocky relationship, some use of profanity (please take this lightly. like grain of salt lightly.), ellie is kind of ooc i think, set somewhat in the canon typical universe, mentions(?) of mental health struggles
A/N: I was trying to write another fic but I couldn’t do it. I suck at multitasking buuuuut, chappell roan inspired fic! Kaleidoscope is honestly a banger so everyone should stream when they read this! (I doubt anyone will do this but trust me! It’s for ambiance.)
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Ellie hadn’t been herself lately. Going out early and coming back late, quieter, moping around, anxious, paranoid. Usually you’d been able to get her out of her moods with some attention but it seemed as if she’d been dead set on staying in this one. It didn’t matter what you tried — nothing worked.
“Ellie, I just wanna help you.” You spoke softly as you approached her drawing desk. “You’re not yourself lately.” You felt sorry for her, but she seemed to hate that. Since the day of Joel’s death and the meeting in Santa Barbara with Abby, everything had changed; understandably so. But you wanted to be there for her.
She was scared to let people in. She didn’t know what to say or when it would ever be safe again. Seeing how much you cared, she had harbored some resentment towards your persistence. She never understood how someone could be so interested in bettering someone who’d obviously been going through something.
It was hard to say, but sometimes she wants silence. She doesn’t wanna be reminded of how she needs to get out more or how much you’d wanna make her feel better by doing things you’d done before the outbreak. Truthfully? To her, it could never be the same — not without Joel. She lost a part of herself. “Ellie. Ellie, please look at me.”
She spares a glance in your direction for a moment. “If you really wanna go, I’ll never make you stay. Seriously. I want what’s best for you— for us, this relationship. If you need to go your own way, so be it.”
The relationship you had with Ellie had always been somewhat rocky. After she initially left to find Abby, the revenge took over her mind and made for a new and ugly personality. It was the same thing. Revenge. Revenge. Revenge. It was like a curse. One that seems to linger no matter how many times you discourage it from coming back. Ellie seemed to have her mind set on killing that woman Abby. That’s probably what had done it for her.
“I’ll totally understand if we need to be apart. I truly do. It’ll just.. take some time before we could even be friends again or something.” You shrug. “But why? Why would it be weird to go back to the way we’d already been?” Ellie finally speaks, her voice raw and hoarse. “Dealing with this sorta thing is hard. I think I’d need some time before I decide we can be friends again. I’d still look at you and say, yknow, you’re my girlfriend; but in reality we’re.. exes.”
Ellie understands, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. In her eyes, love was beautiful and blissful yet still confusing. How it worked? We’ll never know. Nobody does. Once you fall into it, you fall hard, and it feels like a punch in the gut once you realize that this isn’t forever.
Even with all the beauties of love, being inlove and being loved, she was afraid to let it in. She was always kinda closed off-ish when it came to herself.
“Things like this are.. big, and wild and confusing, I know. Emotions are big. Love is a big one,” You began speaking, yet gently and slowly. “But sometimes, it’s necessary to just.. take some time away from it, you know?” Ellie nods along with what you were saying.
“Maybe we do need a little break from eachother. To think about if we can keep going with this. All I can think right now is how fucking tired I am, and how I want this to work, but I don’t know how.” Ellie sighs. “I’ve been trying to be better for you but it feels impossible. I don’t know what to even do anymore,” Her hands tangle in her short hair as she thinks about what she’d say next.
“I love you a lot. I really do. But we need to take some time away from eachother.” Ellie says, holding your hands. It stings, but you knew this was coming. It was like bracing yourself before a punch you knew was coming to you.
“Yeah. I think so too.” You mumble back. You look at Ellie, she looks at you. She stands up to embrace you and you just let the tears you kept bottled up out while she rubs your back.
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vampgut · 5 months
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Gaining 30 lbs in 2-3 ish months alone last summer was such a fucking experience, I’m genuinely still kind of reeling from it in retrospect. Like.. sometimes it just hits me how much I let myself go, yknow? I’m completely unrecognizable. Especially now that I’m finally breaking out the winter clothes and realizing everything is skintight and riding up my gut, even the “oversized” sweaters I was swimming in last year. The jeans are the worst part. None of them are comfortable to button anymore, so I’ve just been leaving them unbuttoned and praying my shirts cover it properly (they almost never do. People have let me know.)
Even just my skin is different, my gut is utterly covered in stretch marks now. I had maybe a small handful last January, but now there’s not an inch of my lower gut free from all the angry red marks. So now when my gut pokes out of my shirts, not only can everyone see how fat I got, but also how utterly quickly I did it. My double chin is completely prominent and noticeable too, I couldn’t hide it even if I wanted to. I’m constantly aware of it and it’s such a hot fucking feeling. I just need so much more. I slowed down for a bit to give my body a breather, but all I want now is to blow up even fatter 💕
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isa-ghost · 3 months
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happy early borth use me as a vessel to infodump about your qphil headcanons immediately that’s an order >:D
This too-broad I Just Wanna Hear You Be Abnormal About Your Guy prompting thing is gonna become an inside joke between us I s2g
I think rather than hcs I'm gonna go on a rant about this sTUPID MOTHERFUCKERS WACK ASS BRAIN. YOU ARE YOUR OWN BIGGEST EMOTIONAL DETRIMENT, YKNOW THAT qPHILLIP MINECRAFT? GOD.
This entire thing applies to AMFMN Phil btw
That son of a bitch is such a MESS. He's so deep in his own bullshit he doesn't even see the times he contradicts himself or acts like a hypocrite.
He has to care for everyone (he feels obligated to as the Usually Oldest And Wisest + being constantly put into the paternal/caretaker role) but god forbid anyone takes care of him, even when he needs it most. When people take care of him he feels like he's failed somehow and he gets this not-quite ashamed or embarrassed feeling, but still Distinctly Uncomfortable And Awkward nonetheless.
He's like thousands of years old and has had more life experience to handle stress 100x heavier than "just a scratch" or "feeling a bit sad." He's spent decades just fucking around risking his life in hardcore mode, which puts near-constant strain on a person. Which has definitely warped his perception of what's too much for himself. He has a HUGE problem with being too critical of when something is or isn't Enough to be "worth" letting himself be upset or down for the count for a while. (In AMFMN he's going to be told straight up he Should Have Literally Died with how bad of shape he'll be in and that's the only reason besides his body being in literal physical shambles that he's going to remain bedridden during the recovery arc).
It's so foreign to him between his habitual isolation (hc life), rarely actually being taken down long-term by any threat, and his own evasion of being the one depending on someone that he just. He doesn't know what to do here. It's like putting socks on a dog and watching them try to walk all weird, he's like What The FUCK Is This?? How Do I Navigate This Situation?? He hates it.
Also survivalist brain hates feeling vulnerable in any way in general obviously, so that's another factor. But FUCK MAN sometimes you NEED to, it's HEALTHY even!! You dumb ass motherfucker!! Like yeah he'll cry, but not in like a Go To His Room And Let Himself Break A Little way, in a "these extremely stressful circumstances are actively happening/ongoing and it's overwhelming me so badly that I couldn't hold this back if I tried" way. Case in point: Ender King's initial arrival and how the kids couldn't see anything, or his actual possession and telling Tallulah to flee.
Alternatively if something involves not him but his loved ones, THEN he'll cry. Assuming it's not something he can do anything about (bc then his default reaction is Pissed The Fuck Off and preparing to throw infinite hands). Case in point: the goodbye letters pre-Purgatory.
But generally speaking this idiot is SO BAD at emotional self-care and letting himself be the one looked after for a change, it feeds into a lot of his other flaws (ie: being strong all the time & how he pushes that on Chay). But like. It's not just done out of refusal due to stubbornness.
It's fucking tragic, honestly. He's spent So Long being this way, he just straight up genuinely doesn't know How to be in the reversed role. Like even if he Wanted to be, it's so beyond his comprehension now that he doesn't think he Can. And a shred of why he continues not to just Start is bc he knows deep down that there is SO MUCH shit he's bottled up and buried or ignored over time, esp ever since The Nightmare, that if he let himself stop being a brick wall he'd crumble for so long he doesn't know what he'd be like once he recovered, or if he would even bounce back properly. And he does NOT like the idea of being irreversibly fucked up by properly digesting the trauma and grief and stress he's been through over the last year.
He'd rather truck on and "keep it together for the kids." :)
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